Change your life by changing how you speak

0:00 Hey everyone, in this lesson we're going to about word psychology,

0:03 and lots of times in life, we think we know what we want— I want

0:08 this, I'm going to do this, this is my plan,

0:10 this is our goal— and we think it's going to happen.

0:14 But our words say something different.

0:18 Our words tell a different story.

0:21 And, if we watch the words closely,

0:23 the words are not really so sure about the things we're going to do.

0:27 And we could say this is the difference between our conscious mind,

0:32 the things we know and we think we want,

0:36 and the part that we don't know and we don't access,

0:40 which has its own opinion on things and tells a different story sometimes.

0:44 So, we'll start with a common question that many

0:48 of you will have heard is "Do you speak English?" Now,

0:53 sometimes, a person who has generally quite good

0:57 English ability will answer this question like "A little.",

1:01 or "Sorry for my English, sorry.",

1:04 or "My English is terrible." when it isn't really,

1:08 but they- because they know a certain amount of English,

1:12 perhaps they feel like there's so much English out there for me to learn,

1:17 I already know a lot, I can have a conversation, but there's so much out there,

1:23 so that they don't feel confident in describing their English as good as it is,

1:29 whereas some people who have really bad English skills,

1:33 they feel fine about just saying "Yes, I speak English, my English good.

1:38 I speak English well, how are you?".

1:41 When really, if you compare the two people,

1:44 sometimes the one who says "My English is terrible" is much better.

1:50 Anyway, this was an introduction to say if we can use word psychology,

1:56 is even if this is how we really feel, we know some English already,

2:03 we don't feel it's the best English in the world,

2:07 but we can use word psychology to say-

2:10 to answer this question "Do you speak English?" "Yes,

2:14 I speak English." You don't have to say it's the best English,

2:19 you don't have to say "Oh, my English is fantastic!" You don't have to do

2:23 anything like that, but if we use word psychology,

2:27 which means to talk about ourselves in a positive sense,

2:31 in a way that helps us to have conversations

2:34 in a way that helps us to speak English more.

2:37 Because sometimes, if you say this to people,

2:41 "Do you speak English?" and you say "A little",

2:44 the other person will think "Oh, you barely speak English,

2:48 so we can't have a conversation, I'll just talk to this person over there." So,

2:52 if you reply that way, you can close a conversation.

2:56 If you say "Sorry for my English", or "my terrible English",

3:00 the other person might think oh, it's going to be too hard to speak to you,

3:04 so as much as you can, try to answer the question "Yes,

3:07 I speak English." And then you can continue the conversation after that.

3:13 Moving on to the things that we say to ourselves, so much of the time we say,

3:20 "You know what, I should do that, I

3:23 really should!" "I really should lose weight.

3:27 I should lose weight." We could say "I should study harder.

3:30 I didn't do well in that exam, I should study harder,

3:34 I should, I really should!" Or we could say, perhaps we're not happy in our job,

3:39 we could say "I should look for a new job, I should, I know I should." So,

3:43 when we say "I should" like this, this is a way that we

3:47 talk to ourselves in our heads and we tell ourselves what we should do,

3:52 that we should, we should, but the thing about using "should" is often,

3:57 it's not a very powerful statement.

4:01 It's not like we really mean it, we're just telling ourselves off,

4:05 we're just attacking ourselves in our own

4:08 mind and being disappointed with ourselves.

4:10 So, instead of saying "I should lose weight.",

4:14 we could use more active language,

4:16 such as "I am losing weight", I'm doing that now.

4:21 Or, more positive: "I will lose weight".

4:25 If I say, "I will lose weight", I'm more certain about it.

4:30 So, be aware of saying "should", "I really should, I really should",

4:35 because it doesn't have a lot of action in it and it is just

4:40 picking on ourselves and having a hard

4:42 time on ourselves when we say, "I should".

4:46 Let's look at "I have to".

4:49 When we use "have to", that's about obligation.

4:52 You have no choice, this thing, I must do it, I have no choice,

4:57 so when we say we have to, often we take the power outside of ourselves

5:04 and we take the power outside of ourselves because we have no option now,

5:12 so if I say "I have to work late.", where's the obligation to?

5:19 Is it your boss?

5:20 Is the obligation to your boss?

5:23 Is the obligation to yourself, maybe if you work for yourself, then it's true,

5:27 "I have to work late", but again, when we use this obligation,

5:31 we take the power from us, so we could- if we're using word psychology,

5:38 although it doesn't- it doesn't always make the most natural sentence,

5:43 it's a way to bring that power back

5:46 to ourselves and make the choice to work ours,

5:49 instead of "I have to work", it's not my choice,

5:53 I must, I must, I can't do it, I say "I am working late." It's my decision,

5:59 it's my choice, it's my power to do the action.

6:02 If I say, "I have to clean up." Who said?

6:06 Your Mom?

6:07 You're 35 years old now and you have to clean up?

6:11 So, we can take the action back and the power and we say,

6:15 "I will clean up, I WILL clean up!" It's my mission.

6:19 That's what I mean about it can sound unnatural,

6:22 but at least the power is your own if you say,

6:26 "I will clean up." And here's another one:

6:29 "I have to mow the lawn." Have to mow the lawn,

6:34 that grass is always growing, now we could say "You know what, it's Saturday,

6:39 I want to mow the lawn." It's not

6:42 a sentence that people probably say that often,

6:45 "I want to mow the lawn.", but why not?

6:48 Isn't it better to desire to do something rather than be

6:51 forced to and not have any choice and it all be obligation?

6:55 Let's look now at the intention strength.

7:00 An intention is the idea that you have that you

7:04 will do- it's like your plan in the future.

7:09 Let's look at these examples, which are all about smoking.

7:13 "I'm trying to give up smoking." Well you know what?

7:17 A lot of the time, when we try things, we fail.

7:20 More people fail when they try something new than succeed.

7:25 So, if you ever see "trying to", usually "trying to" is going to fail.

7:34 A person saying, "I'm trying to", they don't

7:37 really believe in their ability to do that thing.

7:41 So, when I say "I'm trying to give up smoking",

7:45 hmm it's probably not going to happen,

7:47 so you wouldn't say that if you really meant it.

7:51 Next: "I hope I can quit." I hope, I'm too weak, I couldn't possibly do it,

7:58 but I hope one day, if God helps me, I might be able to!

8:02 So, if you say "hope", it's almost impossible.

8:06 You don't believe in your ability to do it.

8:10 Same with "wish", very similar meaning, "I wish I could stop smoking,

8:14 it's just too hard!" It's just such a dream,

8:18 like winning the lottery or going to the Maldives on a desert island holiday,

8:25 it's such a dream, I wish I could!

8:29 So that person as well doesn't really believe in themselves.

8:32 "I'm going to quit soon." "Going to" always means- this is present continuous,

8:41 but it means not right now.

8:45 Going to is always slightly further off in the future.

8:49 "I'm going to quit", and then also+ soon, soon's not now.

8:54 So, if someone's delaying it, they don't really believe it themselves.

9:01 If you are going to quit cigarettes, you'd quit it today rather than, you know,

9:05 just two more days, just three more hours,

9:08 you'd quit now if you really meant it.

9:12 And another one, "I might quit soon", hmm, I might, it's an idea,

9:18 I've considered it, I've thought about it, I might quit soon.

9:21 Yes, you might, but you might not equally, and you probably won't.

9:25 So, the more active language to use

9:28 in these situations is to say something like "I've quit",

9:32 even if you've just smoked a cigarette and put it out on the floor just then,

9:37 from that moment, and it was ten seconds ago, say "I quit!",

9:42 or "I've quit." Or you could say "I used

9:45 to smoke." And there goes your last cigarette on the floor.

9:49 More examples coming up.

9:51 Before, I was talking to you about the negative things that you want to stop,

9:56 but we can also use word psychology when there are things

10:00 that we want in life and to go towards our goals.

10:03 But our words sometimes show that we don't

10:07 really seriously mean those things that we desire.

10:11 So, let's look at things that never happen.

10:16 You like painting, and you say to me,

10:19 "I want to start painting again." I really want to start painting again.

10:26 That means eventually.

10:28 I want to, but because I'm not starting it now, it's still a desire,

10:34 it hasn't happened yet, I'm not really feeling it 100% yet.

10:38 So, if you said that to me,

10:41 I know that you're still not certain to do it, because you haven't started yet.

10:47 You haven't called up, you haven't found the class.

10:50 Your desire is there and maybe your desire is growing,

10:54 but it hasn't become your action yet.

10:57 Let's look at "I'm starting tennis

11:00 lessons again." I'm starting tennis lessons again.

11:05 You've already played tennis before, you quit,

11:09 and now you get back to playing tennis,

11:14 "I am starting again", you're certain, I am, I am is happening, is happening,

11:22 but because you're starting it again, again is- in the meaning of this sentence,

11:30 it's not tomorrow or it's not today,

11:33 "again" has the meaning of soonish, soonish.

11:37 Maybe next week, maybe a few weeks, we don't know.

11:40 So, it is- it's more likely to happen than the first example,

11:45 but it's still that first- that first time you're going, it hasn't happened yet.

11:50 Next is "I'm thinking of starting rowing again." I'm thinking of something,

11:56 I'm thinking of it, I'm considering it, it's a good idea, I did it before,

12:02 I could do it again, I'm thinking of it, I like that idea but I like thinking

12:07 about it more than actually doing it, you know?

12:10 Because rowing's kind of hard, hard work, so it's more fun just to think about

12:16 it and consider the idea than actually take action.

12:20 Next is "I might start yoga again." We

12:23 looked at that before with the smoking example.

12:26 I might, yeah, I could,

12:27 I could do that, or otherwise I'd just like to talk about all the hobbies

12:31 that I might do one day because it's

12:34 something to talk about rather than actually getting started.

12:38 Next is "I'd really like to start singing

12:42 lessons again." I'd really like- strong desire- I'd really,

12:47 really, really like, but it hasn't happened yet.

12:52 Maybe there's something in your life like you don't have the time,

12:56 or you can't afford the lessons, whatever it is,

13:00 something is blocking your desire now because although you really like it,

13:05 you haven't made the arrangement or the plan to do it.

13:10 And then last example here is "Maybe I'll start learning

13:15 French again." We know whenever we see that word "maybe",

13:20 whenever see the word "might",

13:22 it's probably not going to happen or at least not happen right away.

13:27 So, when I say, "I might", "I might start French again,

13:31 I quit it before because I got bored, but you know, I might start again,

13:36 it's still just a possibility." So,

13:39 how we turn these thoughts and things we might do,

13:44 how we use word psychology here is to change the language by using "I am".

13:51 When we use "I am", it's going to happen.

13:55 "I am starting French lessons again." Or "I

13:59 am starting French lessons again tomorrow" or next week,

14:03 that's the way we make our little ideas and the things

14:06 we say we're going to do but don't really mean, when we use word psychology,

14:11 we're giving more power to ourselves to make those things actually happen.

14:17 So, thanks for watching, everyone!

14:18 I have a quiz on this lesson which you can

14:20 go and do now( www.engvid.com) and I'll see you again soon.

14:23 Bye!