19 Years of Abuse, Betrayal, & Rebuilding Her Life | #ABtalks with The Wizard Liz | Chapter 259

0:05 Who helped Liz?

0:06 I built this whole empire by myself ''Nobody's coming to save

0:10 you'' That's what I used to always say You had bulimia,

0:13 anorexia severe depression Yes Now I had to deal

0:18 with 19 years of abuse When did it all change?

0:21 When I was four months pregnant,

0:22 I got cheated on Loyalty is more important than love I'm

0:25 gonna stop being a victim The more I'm listening to you,

0:28 the more I know how real it was You don't need to forgive everyone

0:33 and I don't believe everyone deserves

0:35 your forgiveness either When I say ''your childhood'',

0:38 What is the first emotion that comes to mind?

0:40 My oldest brother he was disabled because of the war You don't forgive him?

0:45 We used to pray that his plane would crash If he was to die,

0:49 then we were finally relieved of our suffering

0:52 And I'm sorry that I'm reminding you of these things

0:54 but I'm trying to paint a picture of Liz to the people also Yes So I knew

1:06 this was going to be The funny thing we is we believe in timing and we were

1:10 supposed to meet for the first time last year

1:12 but for timing reasons of our life or fate

1:16 It didn't happen and we finally met today and I was doing the research and I was

1:21 mind blown by what Liz has gone through

1:24 in her life and I knew I could not compromise

1:29 questions I can't remove I wanted to keep all of the questions in my head So I

1:33 had a lot and I wanted you to go with me through a journey to get to know,

1:39 Liz So I hope you enjoyed it, too Yes, I liked it a lot Five stars That's five?

1:45 That's ten I'll take ten so So if you

1:50 know Liz from before Because she said she doesn't

1:54 do a lot of long form I hope you

1:57 get to know her from different angles and her perspective

2:00 on a lot of things and if you don't

2:03 know her, get to know her I think you're going

2:05 to get to know three hours of proper insight and if

2:09 you like her, support her Support her love for women,

2:12 for being a mother and when she opens her brand so

2:18 I hope you enjoy it as much as I did Thank you,

2:21 and also support him Thank you Enjoy Let's go Hi

3:06 Liz Hi We finally meet Yes We never met in person,

3:12 funny No So we start with, how are you really doing?

3:19 I'm doing good Given the circumstances,

3:26 I think I'm doing pretty good Are you covering?

3:31 or are you actually good inside?

3:35 I don't know I feel like I'm like so numb at this point

3:39 in my life where I just don't know anymore how I'm really feeling I just...

3:46 I think so many things have happened in my life

3:48 where I just had to survive and not really

3:51 live so now again I have a situation happening

3:53 in my life that is so heartbreaking that I'm like, "Okay,

3:57 it's survival mode again and once I'm in survival mode I just don't

4:00 feel I just keep going because I have no other choice I guess

4:05 it's in your wiring and today for the audience I'm just telling you

4:10 from now "Enjoy the ride" because we have a whole journey to go through

4:15 your 27 years which is a very interesting and filled experience so I

4:23 wanted to go through it I really looked at the research and I didn't

4:26 go too deep because I want to listen to you but yes Everybody

4:35 knows you as The Wizard Liz but who is Liz when no one's around?

4:41 I think I'm really I'm a very positive person and I'm

4:48 very funny That's how my friends would describe me and my friends,

4:52 that's my sister because I don't really hang out with anyone else and so I

4:57 think my sister would describe me as someone

4:59 funny light-hearted I'm also very I feel like

5:05 a strong person and definitely a workaholic I love working And I feel like I'm

5:13 also always there for people You said you

5:19 don't have friends I don't really have friends,

5:22 no growing up like I wasn't allowed to have friends In school,

5:26 I had friends but I wasn't allowed

5:29 to hang out with them outside because my father

5:31 was super controlling super religious and basically me

5:34 and my sister we couldn't leave our house unless

5:38 it was school or work so I never

5:40 was allowed to develop friendships outside of the house

5:45 but I was very lucky that I had a sister who is literally my best friend Yes,

5:50 that was really good but other than that all of my friendships just

5:55 turned into online I never really hang out with people other than my sister

6:00 So it's just something you got used to that even when you moved

6:04 out and had your own life you still don't know how to make friends?

6:06 or you don't want to make new friends?

6:08 I think right now I'm at a point even with my career and everything that I've

6:14 been very betrayed even with people that used

6:17 to be my friends and I've been backstabbed

6:20 a lot that I'm very cautious now who I allow around me And even recently I

6:26 found something out about a guy that I used to be friends with and I'm like,

6:32 I don't understand how some people do what they do or why

6:36 they would do it but you know how they always say,

6:39 "Once you make it or once you become successful, your day ones,

6:42 you should never forget them" or all these things but I really feel like

6:46 once you change or once you reach a certain level of success a lot

6:51 of people reveal who they really are and that for me has been the most

6:56 heartbreaking process because I now understand why

6:59 people say that, the more successful you get,

7:01 the lonelier you get I get it and I hate that they say people tell

7:07 you you've changed when you stop being the way they want you to be Yes,

7:10 exactly Exactly, that's very true But you know how I look at it,

7:17 Liz when I go through similar things?

7:20 I'm like, "Thank God you showed me" Because I'd rather know than

7:25 be that stupid idiot that everybody knows except me I hate that idea

7:31 Everybody knows they're taking advantage or lying

7:33 to you they're cheating or whatever

7:36 and you're just that I don't want to be the naive girl

7:39 I want to know at least It would hurt but I know

7:43 and then I know where to put you either out or in another

7:45 box- I know- Yes I prefer that- I agree- It hurts but it's

7:51 better Very true but it's a hard lesson to learn I feel...

7:56 You've never had one best friend other than your sister?

7:59 I had one in school There was this Moroccan girl,

8:03 I'm still friends with her We always text her name is

8:07 Nasira and she never had friends either and then I was like,

8:12 "Let's be friends" She's a really nice girl I

8:17 appreciate her a lot What made your heart smile today?

8:21 I FaceTimed my baby I was very happy I'm happy that you're happy- Thank you-

8:29 That's good That's really sweet and important for your heart For two weeks I had

8:38 like no contact with my ex who has my child and I didn't know anything

8:42 about my child so I was like really I was really suffering because my sister,

8:47 she's trying to make me be strong and just like,

8:51 you know "He'll come around He'll give

8:54 you your child or whatever It will happen.

8:57 Just stay strong" And then two weeks go by, and nothing happens

9:01 And then I feel especially because I'm a mother I can't so I reached

9:07 out and we came to some sort of agreement that I at least

9:10 can FaceTime my child That made me very happy but I I just

9:18 don't understand the level of evil you have to be to take a child

9:23 from their mother If the mother genuinely wants to be in a child's

9:27 life and wants to be there especially cause it's an infant They

9:31 need their mother Especially for the brain

9:33 development and all these things Really,

9:38 this year I just learned that people are very evil

9:45 and I feel like growing up I don't know why because

9:48 my dad was very sadistic and he was very evil

9:51 but somehow I was very naive about people and maybe it's because

9:55 I was always isolated Because I wasn't allowed to hang

9:58 around other people really I wasn't allowed to date so I

10:00 didn't really know the extent of people So I just assumed

10:05 everyone has good in them and I was really walking around,

10:09 "La, la, la" Just delusional,

10:11 you know and I think just like especially meeting my ex

10:16 and going through all of that and that betrayal I realized like, "Wow,

10:20 There is actual real danger in this world" and people

10:25 will portray themselves as someone that they're completely not and they

10:30 just don't care if it hurts you They don't feel

10:33 empathy that it hurts you So then I was like, "Damn, I really need to watch out"

10:38 But that also made me wiser Because now I'm like...

10:43 So now I know at least So I think there

10:45 was a blessing in that It really woke me up Yes,

10:50 the idea of good and evil is a tricky one Liz,

10:54 because I think there's a lot of good but I think the evil sometimes

10:58 trumps the good It's like comments If you get 49 good comments and one

11:04 really bad one Your brain focuses on the bad and the sad thing is

11:09 let's take a building It takes you two years to build a building- Right?

11:13 Yes It takes you one moment to blow it up Yes,

11:16 true The evil is very strong and quick and it can destroy so much To build,

11:23 I could as friends I can build me and you,

11:26 our trust for the next two years and then I do one thing and you're like,

11:29 "Damn it" "I can't believe he did that" "He said

11:33 that behind my back or he did this" So it

11:37 breaks That's why I feel sad I feel sad about

11:42 the evil I don't know sometimes people are born with it,

11:45 maybe not maybe it's the the childhood I

11:48 think it can be nurture That's why I'm like,

11:50 Even if I say for example "My ex is evil" I think

11:55 it's more so he's also acting from a traumatized standpoint and what

11:59 he knows from his childhood Because I really believe like you attract

12:04 people on the same trauma that you have For example, you know?

12:08 No matter how much you try to heal them or whatever Your nervous system will be

12:13 comfortable with someone that has either been through

12:15 the same things or is on that same

12:18 vibration So if you look at my ex for example he was abandoned really like

12:23 a child What he's doing now is what his parents did with him Just like,

12:27 "I'm going to take the child" and whatever, all these things And in a way I was

12:32 also abandoned but it was like my parents did

12:35 stay together even though they were abusive My dad

12:37 was abusing my mom they stay together So for me,

12:41 I grew up not getting the love and nurture that I needed

12:44 from my parents but they stay together so there's a sense of loyalty that I

12:49 know which isn't even good because

12:52 oftentimes people that see their parents argue

12:54 or stay in abusive situations they go into relationships and then they think,

12:58 "Okay, so I should also stay cause my parents stayed

13:01 together" and that's what they see as "This is love,

13:04 you stay together no matter what" And then for example what he's doing is

13:08 like his parents were like dating other

13:10 people and throwing the child around using it

13:13 as a prop and now he's doing the same thing and he doesn't really

13:16 know any loyalty because he he didn't see that with his parents So it's like,

13:23 "Is this person really evil or are they acting from their childhood?" It

13:28 can still be evil even if they're acting out of their childhood I mean,

13:31 what he's doing is bad but I always look at why you

13:35 are doing that It doesn't mean that I have to accept it

13:38 It doesn't mean I have to justify your actions Correct But I

13:42 always try to understand where is this coming from If you understand,

13:47 Liz it makes you feel better That's why we want to understand That's true

13:52 That's why ghosting sucks because you don't

13:54 understand You go crazy But if you understand,

13:56 even if they're like" I'm just not interested" Even if it hurts,

14:00 you understand and you can close it off Correct Yes,

14:04 I think that's what I have Yes, they say "When people say that they're looking

14:12 for happiness in a relationship they're not really seeking

14:15 happiness they're seeking familiarity" And that's where you

14:19 attract what your nervous system is used to Chaos?

14:23 Chaos Abandonment?

14:24 Abandonment You know?

14:26 Unless you catch it and maybe work on it I don't know When I say your childhood,

14:33 what is the first emotion that comes to mind?

14:38 I just feel betrayed I feel like my childhood was taken from me I feel

14:49 like I never had one That's what I feel when I think of my childhood

14:56 And we're going to go more into it but I'll tell you a few things

14:59 that I read Is it true that your mom tried to escape on her wedding night?

15:05 Yes- Wow My mom was forced to marry

15:09 my dad which is crazy because she really didn't want

15:12 to marry him She didn't want to marry anyone

15:14 and my mom was She's still a very beautiful woman

15:18 but everyone knew her as a super beautiful woman

15:21 in the city And she was always like very

15:25 high class She didn't want to marry anyone and then

15:28 my dad was from a poor village Not attractive,

15:32 no one wanted him and he was already married

15:35 one time before and my mom used to always say,

15:38 "I will never marry someone that had kids

15:41 before or that was married before" She used

15:44 to always say that and then my dad came

15:47 around and everyone literally said he did black magic

15:50 on her No way that he got her This is

15:54 how much people couldn't believe it and even

15:57 on her wedding night there were other people

15:59 that were trying to marry her she was trying

16:02 to escape to go that way but my aunt caught her and she was forced to marry

16:07 my dad And yes the misery began once she

16:13 married him he turned immediately abusive and it was

16:17 crazy because he was stalking her obsessing over

16:20 her He wouldn't leave her alone until he married

16:23 her and then it was like a switch 25

16:26 years of hell How would you describe your childhood?

16:33 Other than the betrayal feeling?

16:35 If you had to draw it for me It's such

16:40 a blur because I have so much trauma that a lot

16:43 of things I do not remember I remember flashes Like visions

16:48 almost and they're not good I didn't have a childhood I

16:56 don't know what to tell you I don't know I

16:59 do know that I I was like a happy kid still

17:03 or try to be happy but it's not like that I

17:10 was given the love that I wanted Not from mom, too?

17:14 My mom was very like I feel like I was a mother to my mother So I

17:21 feel like I was her parent taking care

17:24 of her and protecting her You know what's actually crazy?

17:27 I do hypnotherapy and all these things for my PTSD

17:31 and I was recently in a session with my therapist and I

17:35 wanted to heal the relationship with my ex and why I

17:39 feel so r esponsible for this person even though they hurt me

17:43 and we literally went into hypnosis and I saw a vision

17:48 where I was a little girl and I don't remember what age

17:53 it was I think like around 8 years old or something

17:57 and I was sleeping and I remember at night I suddenly heard,

18:01 "Liz" My mom yelling for me So I woke up and I ran

18:06 to the living room and when I ran to the living room The lights were off

18:10 and my mom was sitting on the floor and my dad was sitting in front

18:14 of her and she had been hit in the face and I was like,

18:20 and I looked at them and my dad looked at me He's like,

18:24 "Go back to your room" "Go to sleep" and my mom

18:27 was scared and in that moment my mom told me,

18:32 This is making me emotional my mom told me,

18:34 "Don't go" because she was scared in that moment I decided,

18:41 I went to sit next to her even though I was scared myself but I realized

18:45 in that moment I took on the role of her protector and ever since that moment

18:54 it wasn't a childhood for me anymore it

18:56 was like I'm responsible for my mother and I'm

18:58 responsible for my siblings for my whole family

19:00 I need to protect them against my father

19:04 and my father really started to hate me from a young age and resent me because I

19:10 was always protecting my mom and for example

19:13 he would try these manipulation tactics on my siblings

19:16 "I'm going to buy donuts for you guys" or whatever so they would like him more

19:20 but it would never work on me because I could see through him and I was like,

19:23 "No I'm going to stick with my mom no matter

19:28 what" That was just my whole childhood giving her advice,

19:32 protecting her physically protecting her and then once

19:36 I became older my whole focus was I need

19:39 to provide and I need to make money to help my mom and to help my siblings,

19:43 that's my role So then I remember when I was 12 years old,

19:47 for example I went and I bought these waffles in supermarket and I was like,

19:52 "I have to decorate each waffle separately and then I was going to sell

19:56 them door to door to people so that I could make money" I was like,

20:01 "It's for a good cause" The good cause was me I was selling them and I

20:07 had made like a lot of money but I told my parents that I have

20:11 a nanny job or something I was doing that job and then once it was legal

20:18 for me to work which was like 15 turning 16 I did any job I could,

20:23 literally I was always working because I didn't want my mom to have

20:27 to provide for me because she was already working a lot and my dad wasn't

20:31 doing anything so I didn't want to put more pressure on her so also

20:36 my sister started working The women in the family were all working um and we

20:41 were providing for ourselves and then my dad would make us pay for groceries

20:46 and everything He was doing nothing It was a lot of responsibility at a young

20:52 age It makes sense that you didn't taste what childhood is supposed to be

21:01 And then also at some point you had to leave your homeland and emigrate, right?

21:09 Yes, that was actually I was 1 year old That was before So all of what you told

21:17 me was after the move Yes So you moved

21:19 very early so you don't remember your home No,

21:21 no My mom does remember the war My dad does,

21:26 my older brother does Are you ready for the journey?

21:31 Yes The first time I do it this way but There was so much to your story,

21:38 Liz that I usually don't even...

21:41 I'll use this just for five questions that I'll quote you and I'll see what

21:46 you have to say about your quote

21:47 or what somebody's saying But this time I can't,

21:50 I need to make sure we go to this journey correctly Yes,

21:55 okay I've lived many lives Okay,

21:58 so is it true that your mother was cleaning toilets for $10 a week?

22:03 And that was your family's only source of food?

22:07 Yes that was like when we had just immigrated

22:10 and we're at the immigration center refugee camp and there

22:14 you could do a job where you clean toilets

22:18 and she would make $10 a week for that Yes, that was the money that we had

22:25 Another thing happened which was even crazier because

22:28 my oldest brother he was disabled because of the war and because of that we got

22:35 government support that they gave to refugees

22:38 and it was around 10,000 to 15,000 dollars

22:43 That was a huge amount of money especially

22:45 back in the day Per month or per year?

22:48 No, you get that once Because you need

22:51 medical support and all these things And basically

22:54 my mom had found out that my dad had taken that money that was supposed to be

23:00 for my brother and he had sent it back home so his mom could build a house

23:05 for herself after the war destroyed her house so

23:09 she could build a house again So my mom said,

23:12 "That was the first time that I looked at that man and I genuinely hated

23:16 this person and I'm never going to forgive

23:19 him again" because we couldn't even afford

23:22 food or basic necessities and you have three children by that time and he just

23:28 didn't care He just sent it all so we didn't have money Why do you think..

23:35 You said you're five Why do you think your mom kept having children?

23:40 I think society and how all our culture is raised I think it's very normal

23:47 and it's like what her mother has done and they didn't know any better I mean,

23:52 she also never had an example of any woman that does anything outside

23:56 of the norm So you're just going to do what everyone else is doing You know,

24:01 you create a family The man tells you he wants

24:03 a child so you listen to the man He's abusing

24:05 you but you're still going to stay because that's all

24:07 you have ever seen And then it takes one person

24:11 to break that cycle for it to never repeat again

24:13 because now you have an example of how things can be

24:16 different Correct Is it true that your father would invite

24:22 friends over to humiliate your mother because she wanted a job?

24:26 Yes, he would So, the first years He wouldn't allow her to work

24:33 but we would get government support and he wouldn't give it to her either

24:37 or she had to beg for $5 to buy bread And he wouldn't

24:44 He basically liked the control that he had and then whenever she was like,

24:47 "Look I really need a job I need to provide

24:50 for my children" He would basically call his friends like,

24:53 "Look at this dumbass, she wants a job" He would just laugh at her It's

25:00 quite twisted You don't have money She wants to work

25:04 and he doesn't allow her to work I think he enjoyed

25:08 seeing her suffer I think there are a lot of men,

25:14 unfortunately that enjoy seeing women suffer It's not even

25:18 about anything other than that They like that you're

25:22 unhappy I think it's a very narcissistic trait

25:25 and an egoistic trait You want the other person to be...

25:29 Narcissists are masters at it Slowly, slowly they control you Or slowly,

25:34 slowly they make you insecure "I don't like,

25:37 you know blue jeans don't look good on you" And you're like,

25:40 "Oh really?" It actually looks good but now he wants you to be

25:43 insecure about it Because you're a good-looking

25:45 person or whatever And slowly "Oh, your ears" I'm talking about the subtle

25:52 narcissist there are more aggressive ones I wonder,because

25:55 I used to always think "Does my dad fit into the archetype?" But he was

26:01 way more sadistic than that I think narcissism is one way but then you have

26:08 actual sociopaths that don't feel any type

26:11 of empathy at all But at the flip side,

26:16 outside he was very loved and everyone, very charming man A religious man,

26:21 Everyone thought he was amazing so that does fit

26:25 in with a narcissist but I heard somewhere that sociopaths

26:29 can have narcissism too but not all narcissists are

26:34 sociopaths Could be I think narcissism is a spectrum

26:39 I think a lot of people have it especially

26:40 with selfies today I think selfies make you more

26:43 narcissist Especially somebody who like their last nine pictures

26:48 on Instagram are all them alone And I'm like,

26:51 I know some people would say, "Anas, no,

26:53 you're judging" I think if it's always just you

26:57 I think there's a level of narcissism there Now, is it normal narcissism?

27:02 Or unhealthy or healthy?

27:04 I think we can argue that from what I've

27:06 seen I think humans have a spectrum of narcissism

27:09 and at some point it becomes harmful to people

27:13 Before that, maybe somebody's just in love with themselves

27:16 or insecure I think that's a misconception about narcissism

27:19 I was just going to say that I don't

27:21 think they're in love with themselves I think they're

27:23 insecure That's a misconception Because people think like Oh,

27:27 people that are narcissistic are just in love with themselves

27:29 or things like that but actually like they're severely insecure individuals

27:34 And it is a mental illness they don't operate how normal

27:37 people operate They scheme and they plot things and for example,

27:42 how I've seen people diagnosed with narcissism

27:47 I've seen is they'll think like, "Okay,

27:50 today I'm going to act like a good partner" "Today,

27:54 I'm going to act like a good father" That's how they

27:57 think but everything is an act So nothing is really because

28:01 they want to do it and also how exhausting it is

28:04 to live like that You have to constantly just perform For example,

28:10 I had this instance with this person and their grandma came

28:14 to visit for example When she came to visit they were like,

28:20 It's like their grandma And then they're like,

28:24 "I want her to just take a hotel and not stay at my house" and I was like,

28:30 "Are you insane?" "Let her stay at your house;

28:32 that's your grandma" And they were like,

28:35 "No, because then I have to constantly wear a mask" And I was like,

28:40 "Damn, when can you ever be yourself?" "And when in your childhood did you

28:46 learn that you have to perform

28:47 for approval?" Because that's what they're really doing

28:50 they don't think that they're good enough

28:51 they don't think that their authentic version

28:54 will be accepted So they will do anything so that they are liked For example,

29:00 if we look at my ex The first year that we were together,

29:04 that person didn't exist He literally was everything

29:08 I wanted in a man He was taking care

29:11 of me He was emotionally there for me Anytime

29:14 he wanted to spend with me Really a love story,

29:19 beautiful But then I realized this person Because he was

29:24 a fan of my content before This person just studied

29:28 me and he mirrored every single thing that I was

29:32 So I fell in love with myself but that was

29:35 never him and so after that I realized when

29:38 I was four months pregnant I got cheated on I

29:41 was shocked Because this person was such a loyal person

29:45 and never wanted to leave my side and blah blah

29:48 So when I found that out I have never

29:51 been so shocked in my life about something It was

29:53 a wake up "Oh my God" And then I just

29:56 realized that this person that I thought that he was

30:01 never existed So it was a whole reality collapse

30:05 for me And then I have to deal with, "So who

30:09 is this person?" and I feel like when you go

30:12 through a relationship like that was the relationship ever consensual?

30:17 I don't think so Because I did not consent to get engaged to this person

30:21 Because I don't know them You just lied

30:26 You just played a whole character for someone

30:29 I think that's actually really insane For sure

30:33 I've never in my life been so shocked Because you are not like that it sounds

30:39 insane For anybody listening who's similar they're like,

30:42 "Maybe I don't" I'm literally doing that right now Look,

30:48 on the topic of narcissism I notice people who are very

30:54 egoistic obviously have a high higher level of narcissism I would say

30:58 I think they go hand in hand to a certain degree

31:02 and I notice they take everything personally They don't accept criticism No,

31:09 no And they don't take accountability That doesn't exist at all

31:13 And there's no "Let's agree to disagree"- It's their opinion- Yes So,

31:18 a person who is comfortable in their skin is one of the sexiest characteristics,

31:25 I think I think and they can be,

31:27 "That's a good looking person" "Good for them" There's no like envy "No,

31:34 but they seem stupid" You're like, "No, they're funny" It has nothing to do

31:39 with you But that's the issue They constantly

31:41 also compete with people in their head So

31:45 I really believe that's also the reason why

31:47 they struggle even more with themselves Because

31:49 how can you truly become successful or fall

31:53 in love with yourself if you're constantly looking

31:55 at other people In order to become successful,

31:59 You need to focus on yourself and you need to have "Okay, this is what;

32:02 I want to do this is what I want to achieve" Because

32:04 if you're going to sit there and you're going to constantly think,

32:07 "What is this person doing?" "What is that person doing?" then you are never

32:10 pouring energy into yourself you're just pouring

32:13 all of your energy into these other

32:15 people and you're making them bigger meanwhile you can pour all of that energy

32:18 back into yourself and you can just become who you want to be Yes,

32:22 but Liz do you think they even understand what you're saying?

32:25 Maybe one day, God willing Most,

32:27 I don't think so And some of them are very successful because I

32:31 think they're very successful on the outside not on the inside On the inside,

32:34 I don't know if they sleep well For me,

32:36 success is like that you really feel fulfilled inside I think

32:42 it's nice to know that you are the same person One

32:45 of the best compliments I ever get Ever I love this compliment

32:48 when somebody meets me in real life and they're like, "Oh,

32:51 you're the same" And I love that because then I'm aligned Yes

32:55 I like that I'm not like a character here But then if

32:58 you sit with me in a restaurant I'm always on my phone

33:00 I'm not listening and I'm not you were such an attentive listener

33:05 on the show" "But in real life you don't even give

33:08 a shit about what I'm saying" That's fake That's me playing a character

33:11 But sit with me in an Uber I'm curious "Oh really?"

33:15 and I want to know So when I get that compliment I'm like,

33:18 "Thank God, I'm one" Or as one as I could be-

33:23 That's very important- I think so I hope so Is it

33:29 true that when your mother got a new job she sold

33:33 her jewelry to take you all out to celebrate at McDonald's?

34:25 Yes, my mom used to Because she had gold from back home,

34:30 still And she used to I remember when

34:34 me and my sister there was carnival at school

34:37 where you dress up and whatever and me

34:39 and my sister we couldn't afford a costume,

34:42 obviously but my mom was so sad that we wouldn't be able to fit

34:46 in with the other children So that was the first time that she

34:49 sold her necklace or whatever so that we could have an outfit

34:54 for the carnival and I was a butterfly My sister was a frog Then,

35:00 after that, she finally She was constantly applying for jobs constantly

35:06 And then she would never get a job but then she

35:09 got one and it was at a factory where you pack

35:13 boxes It was a very heavy and logistical job Most men

35:16 do that job But then she got that job and she

35:19 was so happy so then She still had some gold left

35:22 She sold it and then we went to McDonald's and we

35:24 celebrated We were so happy That's sweet Your mom is around?

35:31 Yes- Thank God You have a relationship with her?

35:34 Oh, yes I'm obsessed with my mother Seems rightfully

35:38 so Yes When you were taking care of the house,

35:42 I read that you were mopping the floor because your mom

35:46 was busy You and your sister would do things in the house

35:49 take care of the house and you said I think that your father

35:54 would drop more water so you keep cleaning So, my father,

35:59 he was very weird He had these power things he would do to show that he's

36:08 in power and control Very sadistic So for example

36:12 my mom was always working at that point

36:15 so she wasn't really around for the abuse or anything so me and my sister

36:19 we were at home and we were just we had to mop and clean the floor,

36:23 whatever So we did that And my father,

36:25 he just comes in He looks at the floor and he

36:28 just puts the water again It's clean again for no reason

36:34 Or like another time where I was sitting in my living

36:38 room and I was sitting right here I was packing my stuff

36:43 for school He was sitting right here and he had the remote

36:46 in front of him and every single time he would call

36:49 us out of our room to hand him the remote even though

36:52 it was here but it was just to show "I'm powerful" Then,

36:56 one time I was sitting right there completely there next to a door that had

37:02 glass and my father was sitting here the remote is here and he goes like,

37:06 "Give me the remote", and I said,

37:08 "One second" Because I was packing something in my backpack

37:11 for school and because I said "One second"

37:14 he takes the remote and he throws it at my head but I ducked so because I ducked

37:20 it broke the glass of the door and so he beat me up because the glass door was

37:26 broken because it was supposed to be my head

37:29 and not the glass Did you notice you laugh?

37:35 I laugh when I get uncomfortable I know You know,

37:42 there was another thing that he used to always

37:45 do with me and my sister and it was like He would literally so he had a silver

37:55 suitcase and in our culture honor killings are very normal

37:59 for women Ever since I was young I heard

38:03 "We're going to kill you if you dishonor my reputation"

38:06 That was all I ever heard So basically my dad

38:11 had this silver suitcase and my sister and I,

38:14 I remember I was like 8 years old We were sitting in our room and he came inside

38:18 of the room with a silver suitcase he opens it

38:21 and there's all like butcher knives and he said to us,

38:24 "If you guys ever do something to dishonor me these are

38:29 the knives I will kill you guys with" and then we were like,

38:34 "Okay" So then, after that, a couple years later

38:40 he would start this ritual where my sister for example

38:45 pissed him off or did something and he would take

38:49 the silver suitcase and he would take out the knife

38:52 and he would basically it was in the living room

38:55 My sister was on the couch and he would push

38:57 the knife on my not with the sharp thing but like

39:01 the flat thing on her neck and basically be like,

39:04 "You're going to die" and I had to like for hours beg for her life

39:10 So I would sit there being like "Don't kill her" Literally I would cry

39:13 so much my eyes would be swollen and we were children So I would

39:18 like be begging for her life "Don't kill her" And then he would be like,

39:23 "You're going to die" My sister's screaming Then he would be like,

39:27 "Call your mom right now and say your last goodbyes

39:30 cause you're dying tonight" It was like torture psychological torture

39:35 for like hours on end and we believed that she was

39:38 going to die and I was the only one that could

39:41 save her out of that So and then it was crazy

39:45 because like we had a cat at the time That was

39:48 my first cat ever and he was such a sweet

39:50 cat Would never put nails on you Would never touch you,

39:54 nothing but my dad in the middle of doing his weird

39:58 ritual where he was trying to kill my sister He goes,

40:02 he stands up Because it was time for prayer He goes,

40:06 he stands up to pray My sister's still on the couch

40:09 and his praying mat is right here He goes He stands

40:13 up to pray and he goes like down like this And suddenly

40:15 at that moment when he goes down the cat runs up

40:20 and scratches his face and my cat had never touched anyone

40:25 or scratched anyone but I really believe that Cats are like

40:30 spiritual protectors and they're very They

40:34 energetically really protect you and so

40:36 when my cat did that to my dad He was like, "Okay, stand up and go to your room'

40:41 because even he understood then that what he was

40:44 doing was wrong It's good that you're not

40:54 laughing anymore It's not allowed If I don't laugh,

41:00 I'm going to cry so I rather laugh If you want to cry,

41:03 you cry you don't want to cry, don't cry but we don't need to cover it

41:06 with laughter I think that's why me and my sister we

41:13 have a bond where we're very like this We're always

41:18 protecting each other because it's a big We went through all

41:22 of that trauma together and me and my other siblings

41:25 as well and we're all very protective of our mom

41:29 Because we saw her go through all of that abuse

41:31 So even if my mom is late 5 minutes from work, my brothers Everyone's calling,

41:36 "Where are you?" "What's going on?" We get really stressed because

41:40 of what we had to witness as children How's your nervous system?

41:48 I don't know- Tired?

41:50 Yes I don't know I just, I don't know Stop We can sit here You can

42:27 sit It's okay to sit You're fine What are you feeling?

42:44 I don't know, uncomfortable Why?

42:52 I think I have a lot of memories of my childhood

42:55 but then I like when I actually speak about it

42:59 those emotions come back up and I feel like I'm

43:02 more comfortable running from them than confronting them I also believe,

43:11 Liz I don't know if you believe but I believe people come into our lives

43:19 at a certain time and a certain moment for a certain thing whether good

43:25 or bad But I think I am sitting here in front of you so that you

43:36 don't run away too much I think you need to start to stop not suddenly,

43:41 I don't think it's possible I think I'm here as a handbrake for you to...

43:49 You don't need to completely run away and not completely dive

43:53 into it Maybe that's too much for you at one time

43:57 but I'm your brake A little Just to go from fourth gear

44:03 to first So today we sit in it a bit It's okay,

44:07 be uncomfortable I'll ask you more This feels

44:11 like therapy I'm not a therapist I'm just

44:16 a guy that asks questions and is curious You

44:23 said that your father would spit in your face?

44:26 Yes You remember that?

44:28 Yes Why would he?

44:31 Because one time my mom asked me to take

44:34 $5 from his wallet Because I needed to buy

44:37 bread and so he found out that I did that so he beat me for it and the spit

44:47 in my face was actually because I spent

44:50 $2 extra on something that I needed to buy

44:54 for him so then he looked at the receipt and then he spit in my face You know,

44:59 when I was doing the research I was curious if you're

45:02 a liar It's a normal thing because it's a dramatic life You know,

45:07 some people do things to be popular negative attention, right?

45:11 Makes you popular But the more I'm listening to you I

45:16 didn't even come with that judgement by the way- I come- No,

45:19 it's okay- as neutral as I can- I get it I just

45:23 wanted to give you this credit The more I'm listening to you,

45:27 the more I know how real it was And how

45:33 raw So thank you for being raw with me You know..

45:40 I honestly wish it was a lie I oftentimes think

45:44 to myself I wish I could wake up and everything was just

45:48 a bad dream but it's not If you could go back

45:54 in time and change the family that you were born into would you?

45:58 No I wouldn't because who would protect my mom?

46:25 You know, it's like even with like the money thing

46:31 and me always wanting a lot of money or trying to make

46:34 money The only reason I ever wanted to do that was

46:38 to help my mom and my family Even when I started YouTube,

46:42 and that was the first big paycheck that I got from my YouTube

46:48 ad revenue I immediately sent everything to my mom Ever since then,

46:52 I started giving her a monthly allowance then I had like

46:57 a big brand deal with this sponsorship that I did and all

47:02 of that money I took and I immediately paid off her house

47:06 because otherwise she would have to for the next 15 years

47:09 work to pay it off and it was like such

47:12 a big stress on me that she would have to work constantly

47:15 to pay that and all these things I was so happy like

47:19 I could do that for her Because I always when I say,

47:24 "Oh, I love money so much" People think I'm materialistic

47:29 or whatever They always see the bad things But money

47:34 really changed my family's life and I really took away

47:38 a lot of their problems because of it So, for me,

47:41 money has been a really big blessing and like even helping other

47:46 people Like girls that message me that are in bad situations being able

47:52 to help them and stuff I don't understand that people demonize money so

47:57 much when I really think that if you are a good person without money,

48:02 you'll be a better person with money but if

48:04 you are a bad person without money you'll

48:06 be worse Because you'll abuse that power But, yes

48:10 I really it has been a blessing You know?

48:16 If you're born into a poor family or a simple family financially, unfortunately,

48:23 poor houses speak of money as an evil rich

48:27 houses speak of money as an asset or a resource

48:30 Yes They're more comfortable to talk about money

48:33 at lunch Or in the living room I wasn't

48:36 brought up to speak positively about money And then

48:39 that builds a negative relationship and a perception

48:42 to money Money is a tool Something that my mother

48:46 mentioned to us on her 60th birthday She said,

48:52 "Guys, don't buy me a gift, buy me a memory" So,

48:56 you know It's like you taking your mum

48:59 to Switzerland to enjoy the nature for a week

49:02 you just use money to buy a memory without that money If your mum is sick,

49:09 who will take her to the hospital?

49:12 If your baby needs Pampers who's going to buy?

49:14 With what?

49:15 Very true With coupon?

49:16 What are you going to do?

49:17 We should stop attacking money It's not

49:20 even a person It's not even a personality

49:22 It doesn't even exist It's a resource Use it for good or bad like you said,

49:26 it matters who's the person who has that resource I saw a video of your sister

49:36 saying that she saw that your father was dragging you by the hair- Is that true?

49:43 Yes I don't know How many things am I

49:46 supposed to talk about Yes And I'm sorry that I'm

49:51 reminding you of these things but I'm trying to paint

49:53 a picture of this to the people also Yes,

49:57 he would do these things drag me by the hair, He would like, how do you say it?

50:03 Stomp me?

50:05 Stomp me in the face with his foot but he would abuse everyone my brothers,

50:11 too me too I always thought he was abused by his mother when he

50:19 was young His mom was very evil too He had a lot of scars

50:25 on his head because of how much she used to beat him and then

50:29 he took that and he basically when my mom used to tell him,

50:33 "Why are you beating your children?" "What

50:35 are you doing?" He used to say, "Well,

50:37 I got beat too" So he felt justified in what he did- Repeating- Yes I think

50:43 a lot of people that are unhealed

50:45 in their traumas they take their trauma and they felt,

50:49 "Something unfair was done to me" They

50:51 almost become jealous of their children so they

50:54 try to sabotage their childhood or they try

50:57 to, "You're going to experience what I had

50:59 to experience because why am I the only one who had to go through that So

51:03 then they traumatize their children but I feel

51:05 like you should look at it and be like,

51:07 you want to give your child the childhood you never had

51:10 Something beautiful You have a chance to even relive your own

51:14 childhood with your child True You're a very smart person

51:19 Thank you You probably know that I'm just telling you No,

51:22 thank you, I appreciate that No,

51:24 you are very sharp You see things from a certain angle What you just said,

51:29 it's the first time I heard it and it makes

51:32 a lot of sense how maybe a traumatized parent feels

51:37 jealous of the children of his children if they're safe

51:41 and not having as much trauma as them I've never thought

51:44 of it that way It makes a lot of sense

51:47 That's fucked up but it makes sense You said that seeing

51:54 your disabled brother getting abused by your father was one

51:57 of the most heartbreaking moments of your childhood What happened?

52:03 Man, these questions I'm going to take it and I'm going to rip them We can

52:07 burn it together later Let's burn it We

52:11 attack them today and then we can fucking

52:14 burn all of them Because now maybe they're

52:17 hidden somewhere here Let's attack them and we

52:20 talk about them and you release them and then we burn all of these Yes Yes So,

52:26 that was another instance where my older brother has He has polio He

52:32 can still walk on his own and all these things but like mentally,

52:37 he's very smart still but he's kind of childish I would

52:42 say he has autism very similar to autistic people He doesn't remember

52:50 things as sharp and all these things His brain isn't the best

52:55 but my dad basically went somewhere with my older brother and suddenly,

53:04 we were at home we were in the apartment and we hear someone

53:08 in the street screaming crying outside and we

53:13 all go to the window and we're like,

53:15 "What's happening?" People were looking outside and then I see

53:18 it's my brother My brother walking home crying then we

53:29 open the door and my brother his shirt was ripped

53:33 he has blood and all these things We were like

53:37 "What happened?" and basically My dad in the car asked

53:41 him to read Surah al Fatihah and he couldn't read

53:46 it well He doesn't remember and he was reading things

53:51 wrong so my dad beat him up for that and yes,

53:56 he just He was standing at the door Yes You remember this?

54:07 Yes And was he confused?

54:13 He was crying and it breaks my heart

54:15 because when he cries it's like he's, screaming,

54:19 crying I just really don't understand how you can do

54:33 that to someone and I'm very happy that I don't understand but like

54:40 the injustice that I saw with my siblings and with my mom

54:45 I didn't even care ever about myself what he was doing to me,

54:48 I didn't even care but seeing that that really made me very,

54:56 very angry and that's one of the reasons that I

54:59 will never speak to my dad again never Is he alive?

55:04 Yes, unfortunately You don't forgive him?

55:12 No You think they say that I don't have the answer

55:18 Do you think that if you don't forgive, you suffer?

55:21 No Do you believe that idea?

55:23 The idea that you need to forgive No,

55:25 honestly I feel like you don't need to forgive everyone You can just

55:30 leave them where they are and that's it I don't need to think,

55:37 "We're all good now and whatever" I can move on without ever If you die today,

55:44 that's a good day for me that's really how I feel Some people,

55:48 I don't believe there's rehabilitation for them I don't

55:52 believe that they can be fixed So and I

55:56 don't believe everyone deserves your forgiveness either I

55:59 think this is such a glamorized idea "We should

56:01 just forgive everyone" but I don't believe that's

56:05 justified and I believe like some people that are

56:09 a victim of that person it's almost like you're

56:12 pushing that on them "You should forgive' Oftentimes even people,

56:15 they tell me like, "Oh yes,

56:18 but he's your father" So he deserves to, "You have to forgive him"

56:23 "And he didn't know any better" but that's not an excuse because if

56:28 I today do the same thing to my child for example or if

56:32 I go and I just abuse people and stuff am I allowed forgiveness?

56:37 Should I expect that from people?

56:38 No, you know?

56:41 I agree I just think they glamorize it "Let's

56:45 just forgive and forget" It's easy to say this It's

56:47 very easy to say Let me see somebody rape

56:50 your child and let's be cool with that "Just forgive" No,

56:55 I think certain things It might sound harsh

56:57 I think certain types of humans are just

57:00 too evil and too broken that they're just

57:03 not good for this planet like a pedophile, am I supposed to be like...

57:08 "Put him back into society" I don't believe

57:11 you can rehabilitate those people This guy is molesting

57:14 or harassing or raping a child and destroying

57:17 a whole future and I'm supposed to be like,

57:20 "I should forgive that he just raped six kids in a fucking

57:24 nursery" That's crazy How am I supposed to be okay?

57:26 But I feel like it's also people

57:28 that haven't really experienced severe types of abuse,

57:32 that tell you you should forgive "But you

57:34 go through it first" "You go through it,

57:38 and you try" There's also this thing with Do you know Gypsy Rose Blanchard?

57:43 So, basically Gypsy Rose she was a victim

57:46 of Munchausen by proxy It's basically where your parents,

57:52 it was her mom in this case She would make

57:55 her ill So she would extract her teeth she would

58:00 do all of these things and constantly go to the hospital

58:02 with her she would shave her head and pretend

58:05 that she has chemo and this disease where they basically

58:10 keep you as a hostage and abuse you and make

58:13 you ill but she basically took away her whole

58:17 childhood That girl didn't have a childhood She always had

58:20 her hair shaved Her teeth were gone She was always

58:24 doing surgeries and always on this medication that she didn't

58:27 need She was a healthy child but her mom was

58:30 so mentally unwell that she did that to her and then

58:34 unfortunately she ended up making her boyfriend stab her mom

58:39 to death which is horrible horrible thing to do

58:43 but what people don't understand because people a lot of people

58:47 attack her for it and they're like, "You're a murderer.

58:50 How dare you do that?" But what people

58:52 don't understand when you live with an abusive

58:55 parent that is a danger to you That is not your parent So many times,

59:02 me and my brothers So,

59:03 my dad used to travel we used to pray that his plane would crash Because if he

59:09 was to die then we were finally relieved

59:11 of our suffering and there was no other way out

59:14 for us because we weren't allowed to call

59:16 the police We weren't allowed to do anything So

59:18 it was either this guy is one day going to kill us or he has to go Obviously,

59:25 you shouldn't go and murder people I don't agree with that But can I

59:30 understand in a way how she thought that that was her only way out?

59:35 Yes, I can understand her Do I think it's right?

59:38 No But from an abuse child's perspective

59:41 that has gone through that, do I get it?

59:46 I didn't know about the story I noticed in your videos you don't refer

59:56 to him as "dad" You refer to him as "My mother's husband" Did you notice that?

1:00:02 Yes Is it a conscious thing or you just say it like that?

1:00:06 No It's conscious I don't think he's a dad in order to be a father

1:00:13 it's not just because you had sex with someone now you have a child that doesn't

1:00:17 make you a father A father shows up

1:00:19 A father protects their children A father provides

1:00:22 for his family That's a real father He's not a father It's just a sperm cell,

1:00:27 to be honest A husband He couldn't even be a husband I read about a Mini

1:00:38 Cooper story Yes Tell me about that one

1:00:41 That was another thing where basically, I used to..

1:00:47 The last few years before I started my TikTok,

1:00:51 actually I worked in a restaurant I was really a hard worker I used

1:00:56 to go to school wake up 6:00 AM I go to school until 05:00 PM

1:01:02 then I change clothes into my bar outfit that I had at restaurant and then

1:01:06 I would drive to my work and I would work there to like 1:00 AM,

1:01:11 something like that and then every time I used

1:01:15 to come from work Because sometimes I was late

1:01:17 because I had to overwork my dad would beat

1:01:20 me up Because I was late home but the issue

1:01:23 was if I didn't want to stay late and I don't want to finish my job my boss

1:01:27 was going to fire me and I needed money So I was in between two So I was like,

1:01:33 "Okay, I'll accept the beating,

1:01:35 at least I can keep my job" But then it was like just at one

1:01:40 point where I was driving home again So many missed calls "Where are you?"

1:01:45 and I was driving home from work and he was standing at the crossroads

1:01:49 waiting for me to beat me up again so then he stepped into my car

1:01:56 and he starts yelling at me yelling all these things and it's a small

1:02:02 car Something just snapped in my head and I literally started seeing black

1:02:09 in front of my eyes and I just pressed on the gas pedal and I

1:02:14 was literally I'm going to crash into a tree Because I literally thought like,

1:02:21 "At least my siblings can be done with him" and like I'm

1:02:25 done with him But then he got really scared So he started yelling,

1:02:30 "Let me out!'' and I couldn't see straight anymore

1:02:33 but this is what people don't understand You push

1:02:36 people to their limits and then they do something

1:02:39 and everyone looks at that person and they're like,

1:02:41 "Why did they do that?" They don't see all the things you did to them

1:02:45 They don't look at that They only look at your reaction once you react So,

1:02:51 that's why with abused children,

1:02:54 it's very dangerous what these parents are doing Literally,

1:02:58 some of these abuse children become abusers themselves huge abusers,

1:03:02 you know and they do the same thing to generations onwards So,

1:03:05 it really needs to stop It's very very dangerous

1:03:09 And this is why I'm talking a lot about your childhood So,

1:03:13 I hope you pardon me on that because I'm sure people

1:03:18 watching this some of them are facing abuse or they've seen

1:03:21 it at least seen it and I do think parents are

1:03:25 creating monsters They are When you see genocide in the world,

1:03:29 when you see rape, when you see people

1:03:31 with crazy just killing people around the world You're like,

1:03:35 "Who kills children?' for example you know but you have to rewind and you

1:03:41 would probably find out they created

1:03:43 a monster somewhere in the childhood You created

1:03:46 a psycho and it all starts at that foundation and if like you said

1:03:50 nobody's talking about it nobody's bringing awareness

1:03:53 to it it's just going to keep

1:03:55 doing this I had a very respected guest on #ABtalks We have a series

1:04:03 called "Untold Stories" for not the famous people but normal people with great

1:04:07 stories or crazy stories and she talked

1:04:10 about being sexually harassed at nine years

1:04:13 old by this guy from their family and the way people attacked her Oh,

1:04:19 always She's shocked Of course,

1:04:22 there are a lot of girls that reached out to her and they're like,

1:04:25 "Thank you" I'm sure that you get that "Thank you for speaking out,

1:04:29 it made me strong, it made me feel hope" That side

1:04:32 is great Then there are the people that are like,

1:04:35 "Shame on you" "Why would you embarrass his family?" Then I'm like,

1:04:41 "Are you actually justifying?" "And shaming the person

1:04:45 who had so much courage to speak in front of a fucking camera about

1:04:50 something that can affect her, affect her family,

1:04:53 affect her reputation" It takes a lot You need

1:04:56 to respect and admire that because she didn't need to She

1:05:00 can stay quiet and I can't say anything but they

1:05:03 shamed her so much about it and I'm like,

1:05:06 "Come on, guys this is why abusers stay"

1:05:08 Of course Because you're protecting them I feel that especially

1:05:14 in my culture and in these type of cultures it's

1:05:18 like the shame is on you if you talk about

1:05:21 it because they have learned to shut up and don't

1:05:25 speak about their abuse and it's also so normalized

1:05:28 beating your children in our culture is so normalized

1:05:31 The fact that I even speak about this is "Yes,

1:05:33 but that's normal" Even men they're like,

1:05:36 "My dad beat me and that's normal" But why is this so normalized in our society?

1:05:42 Because, now we have people that become seriously mentally ill or like you said

1:05:48 they do the same thing to other people and then if we look back we

1:05:51 can always trace it back to something

1:05:53 that had happened in childhood because I don't

1:05:55 believe a child is born evil I do believe that some mental illnesses you have,

1:06:02 when you're born- Inherited- Probably,

1:06:04 yes But a lot of it is also nurture and how you raise the child- It's

1:06:08 a combo- And all these things I think

1:06:10 so Especially in in these type of cultures,

1:06:13 they need to change this mindset Your child is not your punching

1:06:17 bag and especially for the victims of this abuse for these children,

1:06:21 the shame is not with you the shame

1:06:23 is with your abuser but oftentimes even me myself, I told my friend I was like,

1:06:28 "I feel really ashamed" when I speak about these things because I'm almost too

1:06:34 vulnerable and I feel like people can attack me there But then she told me,

1:06:41 "You know, Liz even though you might feel ashamed,

1:06:44 you make a lot of other people in the same situation feel seen" True "And that's

1:06:50 what you should do it for" "Not

1:06:51 for those people who are going to use it against,

1:06:54 you manipulate you, whatever" So,

1:06:57 yes But I do put myself in a dangerous situation

1:07:01 where people that watch my content let's say a guy,

1:07:04 he watches my content He realizes,

1:07:06 "Oh, she's been abused by her father" and they want to manipulate

1:07:10 me It's very easy to play into that But you're getting smarter Yes,

1:07:17 now I am Life is teaching me You said,

1:07:24 so many "You said" One more you said "My life started

1:07:30 when my father cheated on my mother" Yes What did you mean?

1:07:36 So when I was 19 years old, my dad,

1:07:38 he was always cheating on my mom but he finally cheated really

1:07:42 good and he got another wife and my mom figured out he

1:07:47 had a second wife and he basically wanted to keep my mom

1:07:51 and have a second wife but at that point my mom was like,

1:07:53 "I'm done" "Leave" And finally when he left we were allowed to have freedom

1:08:00 So like that was the first time I was allowed to travel I was allowed

1:08:05 to date It was like my life opened up all of a sudden from no

1:08:09 freedom to now I have freedom So you left the house, all of you?

1:08:13 No, we didn't leave the house but I started to travel I started

1:08:17 dating people So he doesn't have control Or he's in the other house?

1:08:20 He went to live in another country with his wife

1:08:23 So he started a new family So it was like,

1:08:25 "Wow finally God heard our prayers This guy is gone" Even my brothers,

1:08:30 everyone was very, very happy How sad is

1:08:34 it that you're happy that a father disappears?

1:08:38 rather than the opposite Usually a father disappears,

1:08:41 or a mother disappears you're like,

1:08:42 "I miss them" "I hope they're back"- No- It's the opposite

1:08:44 That was the best thing for us It was very traumatizing

1:08:49 as well because like imagine you never really had freedom

1:08:53 and suddenly you get freedom Like a culture shock And you're like,

1:08:56 "Oh wow" "What do I do now?" My first thought was,

1:09:00 "Okay I can finally have a social media now I need to make

1:09:03 money" Because I wasn't allowed to have social media before so then

1:09:06 I immediately start social media and all these things and thank God

1:09:11 everything went very well for me That's how you started The Wizard Liz?

1:09:15 Yes Why did you start it?

1:09:17 I started it because I wanted to make money Honestly,

1:09:21 that was the reason Because my mom,

1:09:23 I needed to pay off her house I needed to help her with money So

1:09:27 I knew that you can make a lot of money with social media that's why I

1:09:30 started but I always also wanted to help people that has always been my goal I

1:09:35 want to help people I want to make

1:09:38 them believe in themselves more to motivate them,

1:09:40 all these things and especially women because I

1:09:44 saw my mom struggle so much and everyone in my culture Women are really seen

1:09:49 as not worthy at all honor killings Women are

1:09:53 not valued at all So I really wanted to awaken women to their power and who

1:09:59 they really are and I really feel like if you are secure in yourself as a man,

1:10:04 for example you will not be threatened by a woman

1:10:07 that is that wants to feel powerful or that wants

1:10:12 to awaken other women which is also I have

1:10:15 a lot of male followers that watch my content

1:10:17 and they really like it They always come up

1:10:19 to me "I love your content" But then you

1:10:22 have these other ones that obviously feel threatened because

1:10:24 if your only power comes from putting someone else down,

1:10:29 then you're not powerful True You're

1:10:33 probably an emotional dictator Yes You said,

1:10:38 "I wanted to help women" Yes Who helped Liz?

1:10:47 I don't know I feel like I helped myself a lot Are

1:10:51 you trying to be to women what you needed to be for you?

1:10:54 Yes I always think about this "If I was younger and I had The Wizard Liz,

1:11:01 how much that would have helped me!" I would have

1:11:04 been my biggest fan I would have watched every video,

1:11:08 everything Because seeing also someone talk about abuse and all

1:11:13 these things so openly I never saw that and especially I

1:11:16 feel like also in Muslim culture it's so demonized to talk

1:11:20 about these things because you have shame all these honor,

1:11:25 and all these things Seeing that, it would have broken a lot

1:11:30 of stereotypes for me and I feel like I would have been like,

1:11:33 "Oh, I can accomplish that too" The bigger question is that actually Islamic?

1:11:40 Or is it culture that is dressed with religion?

1:11:44 I do think religion influences culture so there is like

1:11:47 a little bit of both but I do think that for example,

1:11:51 if you look at Islam itself I think a lot

1:11:54 of things are very beautiful in the religion but I don't think

1:11:58 that any religion or anything I can fully ever agree

1:12:02 with And I think also if you are truly an intelligent person,

1:12:07 you can take criticism about anything like for example,

1:12:10 if you look at spirituality I don't agree with everything

1:12:13 there but I like it and I believe it,

1:12:16 I think it's a beautiful way of life But I think these people that for example,

1:12:20 they take a religion and they say, "I am this religion" and they are like very

1:12:25 religious person they make that their character or you

1:12:28 have someone that comes from a country they're a nationalist

1:12:31 and they make that their character But it's like,

1:12:33 "Who are you outside of those things?" Or people

1:12:36 that take their sexuality and they're like, "I'm this.

1:12:39 This is my character" But it's like,

1:12:41 "Who are you without those things?" And a lot

1:12:44 of these things you didn't even choose It's like somebody who's tall

1:12:48 who brags that they're tall "You were born tall It's

1:12:53 not like you earned it" Even I feel sometimes there is

1:12:56 a lot of although I don't talk about religion

1:12:58 in the show but I'm talking now on a general scheme I

1:13:02 do believe there is religious racism where every religion thinks they're

1:13:07 the chosen ones and everybody else is not And I'm like,

1:13:11 to each their own If whatever you pray to makes you

1:13:15 feel like a better person and you are a better person,

1:13:18 good for you I'm happy with mine I hope

1:13:20 you're happy with yours I don't need to start

1:13:23 to shame you "Oh you're a loser and I'm the winner" Why does it have to be?

1:13:27 I never understood that I think that's the biggest ego because I

1:13:30 feel like people a lot of people not all of them they become

1:13:34 religious and they're like they have bigger ego now but your ego

1:13:37 should get smaller the closer you are to God If you're truly spiritual,

1:13:43 you like humans you're a nice person you like animals,

1:13:46 you treat people well you have good manners

1:13:48 you don't look down on to people like,

1:13:50 "Oh, look at Liz" "She's always...' Why are you looking down?

1:13:55 Who gave you that authority to judge?

1:13:58 If we say only God can judge, now why are you judging?

1:14:01 But that is so funny because like a lot of religions use

1:14:04 that "Oh but I'm advising and I'm allowed to advise you" But it's like,

1:14:08 "No, you're judging" It's entitlement How can I advise you because look,

1:14:14 if we're going to talk about advising and judging,

1:14:17 to do that you automatically think "I'm better" If I

1:14:22 have to advise you on how to run a business,

1:14:23 I think I know your business better And you

1:14:26 didn't maybe even ask me But if you're like,

1:14:28 "Anas, I have an agency, how can I do an agency?" I'm like, "From my experience,

1:14:33 this worked, I don't know if it's going

1:14:34 to work for you but it worked" You're like,

1:14:36 "Oh thanks" But if I come to you with this high horse attitude

1:14:41 I already think I'm winning better than you and I'm a better human

1:14:44 than you so that is against spirituality

1:14:48 and religiousness because nobody has a guarantee

1:14:51 Nobody knows how do you seem to God Are you a good person?

1:14:55 Are you bad inside?

1:14:56 You look a good on the society but are you dirty in the inside?

1:15:00 And we know a lot of examples This, for me I

1:15:04 think My mother simplified it earlier in my life She said,

1:15:09 "Your religion s between you and your Creator

1:15:12 and it's a vertical line" It's this way,

1:15:16 the channel is this way Liz and up "Your manners are

1:15:20 like this" So I don't mind whatever you want to do It's

1:15:25 your choice There are people who pray to this There are

1:15:29 people who believe this It's your personal choice Why am I jumping?

1:15:33 "No, you don't go this way" It's your channel I care how you come here,

1:15:38 how you treat me, how you treat people, are you rude?

1:15:40 Are you nice to me?

1:15:42 Are you polite?

1:15:43 That's what I care about That's what affects me but people

1:15:48 don't They need to intrude At one point, you said,

1:15:57 that making money became an obsession for you

1:15:59 I think you explained it but there's something that I want to bring up because

1:16:03 it was extremely strong You said something about,

1:16:07 I don't want to say it I'd rather you

1:16:08 say it You said something about Band-Aids Do you remember?

1:16:14 I thought, yes I think I said that in a podcast Yes,

1:16:18 it was really nice I can repeat it You said,

1:16:22 "I couldn't heal my family but at least I could afford a band

1:16:27 aid over their wounds" That was so well said Do you remember that?

1:16:34 Why would you say that?

1:16:36 Well, I think that was my reasoning and I thought like money

1:16:43 is going to fix at least something here and it did It fixed

1:16:47 a lot It took away a lot of stress A lot of problems

1:16:51 Obviously money doesn't fix everything but at the end of the day,

1:16:56 it was a tool that I could use to help my family And yes,

1:17:02 I'm happy How's your mom's mental health now?

1:17:06 My mom is really good She's a very positive person So

1:17:11 she goes through life being very positive She's very much like me,

1:17:15 actually We're very much the same People used

1:17:18 to always call her "a fairy" But I do know

1:17:23 that a lot of things have affected her with the war

1:17:26 and then my dad and then everything she went

1:17:29 through I almost I had this thing where she

1:17:37 came to visit me in the United States and I

1:17:40 was making TikToks and I was making videos and I

1:17:45 saw my mom she was like standing in the corner

1:17:48 and she was looking at me and I I felt like a sadness from her but not like

1:17:55 as in she feels bad or whatever but it was

1:17:58 like a sadness of a life that she never got

1:18:02 to live because she lived for her reputation and what

1:18:06 she had to do and she had to be the wife and she never got out of that abusive

1:18:11 cycle and when I catch a glimpse of that later,

1:18:15 I really went to bed and I started crying because I thought

1:18:19 if there was a door I could walk out of, and they say,

1:18:24 "If you walk out of this door, you will not exist,

1:18:27 I will not exist but my mom gets to live the life that she

1:18:31 wants" I would walk out of that door immediately It really hurt me

1:18:37 to know that she never got to live the life that she wanted she

1:18:43 never got to have the freedom that she wanted and all because of what?

1:18:47 Trying to be a good woman?

1:18:49 trying to so that other people will view you as a good woman?

1:18:52 Or that you endure things?

1:18:55 What did you live for?

1:18:56 For culture or societal approval?

1:19:00 How many women are in situations right now that are living like this?

1:19:04 That are just staying and staying because they

1:19:07 are scared of what their family will say?

1:19:09 They're scared of what society will say about them But at the end of the day,

1:19:13 you're going to be old tomorrow and you have lived your life for other

1:19:18 people That's the saddest way to live your life seriously I come from a culture,

1:19:27 I told you this before where I'm not allowed

1:19:29 on social media It's very dangerous for my life

1:19:33 I get death threats all the time and literally

1:19:35 when I was starting out my family was telling me,

1:19:39 "Liz if you do this, you're going to put us

1:19:42 all in danger" "You'll have to stop" "You can't do social

1:19:47 media" "You have to stop" and I was doing my YouTube

1:19:49 already then and I literally told my siblings and my family,

1:19:55 "I would rather die than not live the life that I choose" and I

1:20:00 meant that I was willing to die for this and I still am Really,

1:20:06 this is for me not even about money anymore and all these things

1:20:11 I really feel like I have a purpose and I really want

1:20:16 to awaken people because I feel like so much fear is instilled

1:20:21 in people and so much of their own power is going away Meanwhile,

1:20:26 they're not living All of them are not living and they don't even care to see

1:20:30 what is really going on So I really want to awaken people to realize "You

1:20:37 can do this yourself" "You can change

1:20:39 your life once you believe in yourself once

1:20:42 you stop giving all of your power away to all of these other things" How many,

1:20:46 for example women do we have whose only goal in life is she has to get married?

1:20:51 and be a wife?

1:20:53 What a sad way to live!

1:20:54 Honestly, I think it's beautiful if that's what you want to do

1:20:58 but just to be a wife to someone Who are you as a woman?

1:21:03 You're so powerful You can accomplish anything you want and also

1:21:07 still be a wife if that's what you want to be

1:21:10 but I feel like so many cultures just appreciate you

1:21:14 as a woman or they put value on you when you

1:21:17 are a wife of someone or when you are a mother

1:21:21 of someone but you are literally a creator and I

1:21:26 don't even understand how in society we told women to submit

1:21:30 to the creation When does the creator submit to the creation?

1:21:36 That's not normal I think,

1:21:40 I'm really concerned with the way the world is and I think everything

1:21:45 is very backwards and I think it's not even good for men the way

1:21:49 that the world is right now Because for example we raise men without

1:21:55 any boundaries a lot of cultures raise men without any boundaries We say,

1:21:59 "The woman has the honor of the family

1:22:01 She needs to stay home She can't go outside

1:22:03 You can't date You can't do this You have

1:22:06 to protect the honor" So we raise these young

1:22:09 girls to become very mature from a very

1:22:12 young age What happens is they become like mothers

1:22:14 from a young age They become very self-disciplined

1:22:17 and very emotionally intelligent then you have these boys,

1:22:21 "You do whatever you want" They're not being raised so they don't

1:22:24 learn any skills They do they just have no boundaries They do whatever

1:22:27 they want Now you have women that are very mature at a young

1:22:32 age and you have men that are like children and they're supposed

1:22:36 to date and procreate Relationships don't work Because now you have a mother

1:22:41 and child dynamic where the woman is oftentimes again having to reteach

1:22:46 this boy still how to be a man and it's really because

1:22:51 of the parents because at the end of the day they always say,

1:22:53 "Oh, yes but he's a man he's a boy boys will be boys" It's like,

1:22:58 "No You didn't teach your son boundaries you didn't say 'No you can't just sleep

1:23:03 around with everyone" "You can't just go

1:23:05 wherever you want" "You also have a curfew,

1:23:07 go home" You don't teach them boundaries so they become older and they

1:23:13 just don't care about anything It's not good for them They don't

1:23:18 have skills It's really not good for these men That's why the suicide

1:23:22 rates for men are super high A lot of things you can see

1:23:26 they're not happy even themselves We come back to creating monsters You

1:23:33 create a monster the factory of a monster is the house Yes You

1:23:39 can have a toxic human that you leave on this planet and you

1:23:43 die or a good human There are a lot of double standards Yes,

1:23:51 it's funny because, look If you listen to a typical

1:23:55 conversation Me and you are in an event

1:23:57 and we're standing not next to each other

1:23:59 and we start to have conversations The man,

1:24:02 I'll get a question "What do you do?" "That's fantastic,

1:24:05 you do what you love?" Let's take you "What do you do?

1:24:12 Are you married?" And you're like,

1:24:14 "No" "Oh no" "I hope one day you get married" "Bye bye" Let's say you say,

1:24:20 "Yes, I'm married" I'm like, "Do you have children?" You're like "No", I'm like,

1:24:24 Suddenly your stock is going down in a most small talk event

1:24:31 And the set of questions that get asked to a man are very

1:24:35 different than the default set of questions that a woman gets asked

1:24:38 A man is judged on what position he does or what he does

1:24:41 for a living which is fine But then why are you tying

1:24:45 a woman's worth or value or success She could be the greatest athlete

1:24:50 She's in the Olympics As soon as she says she doesn't have

1:24:54 love or marriage stock goes down What if she never found somebody good?

1:24:57 What if she doesn't like it?

1:24:59 She doesn't like it Then okay, let's say she's married and then you say,

1:25:04 "But you don't have kids?" She's like, "No" and you're like...

1:25:07 Now, what if she doesn't feel ready to be a parent?

1:25:09 What if she doesn't like children?

1:25:11 She doesn't like She's one of those people that she's like,

1:25:13 "I don't want to have children" Why does everybody have to love to have kids?

1:25:17 And why should I be now judged and assessed on being a mother?

1:25:21 "I don't want to be a mother" "Do you

1:25:23 want me to be an abusive mother?" An absent mother?

1:25:25 Yes, exactly You said the world is backwards

1:25:31 I believe we're asking the wrong questions So,

1:25:34 I remember once I said the question to a lady named

1:25:38 Pia on this show years back and after the interview She's like,

1:25:43 "Thank you for asking it the way you asked" I didn't know I'm like,

1:25:47 "Which question?" She goes,

1:25:48 "You asked me would you like to have children?" For me,

1:25:51 it was natural I didn't think of it She's like,

1:25:55 "You didn't say "Do you have children?"

1:25:56 "Are you going to have children?" "You said,

1:25:58 "Would you like to have children?" And then I thought of my question I'm like,

1:26:02 "Oh, yes that's nicer" Because maybe somebody

1:26:04 doesn't want Exactly Why am I like...

1:26:07 She doesn't want Now I'm going to make you

1:26:10 feel like What if a woman can't have children?

1:26:12 Exactly Now I just reminded her, "You can't"

1:26:14 by the way and she doesn't need to tell me,

1:26:16 "I can't have children" It's very intrusive So it's the wrong question Let's say

1:26:23 again I'll shut up after this I want to hear We ask Sarah "Sarah,

1:26:30 are you married?" "Yes" Check and I move on The question is,

1:26:33 "Are you happy?" Yes What if?

1:26:36 Because I didn't ask the right question She just said,

1:26:38 "I'm married" I'm like, "Check" But what if she's in the worst marriage?

1:26:43 Yes That's the right question "Do you feel good in your job?" "Do

1:26:49 you enjoy it?" Not "What do you do for a living?" I stopped asking

1:26:53 sometimes I try "What is something fun you're working on?" Because if they don't

1:26:57 go to work maybe they don't like their job and I'm reminding them Yes,

1:27:00 so I'm like "What is something fun in your life?" "What are

1:27:03 you passionate about?" And if they say "work" thank God And if

1:27:07 they don't say "work" they don't want to talk about work So

1:27:10 if I talk about marriage "Are you married?" What if they don't want?

1:27:14 but if I'm, "You have someone in your life?"

1:27:17 I'm like "Okay" and if they say yes, I'm like,

1:27:19 "I hope you guys are having a healthier relationship" "Are

1:27:22 you happy?" "Does he make you a better person?" Those are

1:27:26 the questions that actually matter I agree I had

1:27:30 a beautiful guest who's a divorce lawyer and he said Oh,

1:27:34 I love him- I know that guy- He's great

1:27:35 You have to watch the episode And he goes,

1:27:38 "The question is Why do you want.." "I want to get married" Why?

1:27:42 Yes You ask girls today and guys but maybe

1:27:45 more girls "I would just want to find out" Why?

1:27:49 "Because I want to have kids" Wrong answer" I want

1:27:52 to get married to have kids" "So I don't care about

1:27:55 a good man or the healthiest compatible man I want a means

1:28:01 to a goal No Why do you want to get married?

1:28:04 "I want to settle down" "I don't want to spend so much

1:28:07 on my life" You'll have a rich guy but what if he's a liar?

1:28:10 Yes, true He's rich But he's giving you stress You can't sleep well Horrible

1:28:16 Wrong answers "I want to get married because I would love to share my life

1:28:21 and get better and level up" Now we're on to something "You're ready" I agree

1:28:27 It's like a hamster wheel I feel that because it's like humans love to control

1:28:34 so it's like they want you to act a certain way and you have

1:28:38 to act like they all act because

1:28:40 imagine that someone cannot be their authentic self

1:28:44 and they put themselves in a box and now they see you open that box

1:28:47 and you just go be whoever you are then I'm going to feel like,

1:28:51 "Wait a minute I spent 20 years in this box for you to just open yours?" "No,

1:28:55 get back in your box" "So I'm going to shame you for your choices

1:29:00 because they have to align with what I did" So you can crawl

1:29:02 back "So we suffer together" That's really how a lot of people think

1:29:08 I agree It wasn't over after your dad left I read you had bulimia,

1:29:20 anorexia severe depression This was after he left Yes Okay, how?

1:29:26 I really think that the thing that I had

1:29:29 with my eating disorders I was always very skinny growing up

1:29:32 I was actually bullied for looking anorexic and then I

1:29:37 tried to gain weight because I was bullied so much

1:29:40 but then like I gained weight I thought I looked

1:29:43 really good but then my mom said that I was

1:29:46 fat but I was never really fat but my mom said I was too big so then I was like,

1:29:51 "Oh, so now I should lose weight" So my whole life I was actually really

1:29:55 listening to other people and just doing what they want and how they want me

1:29:58 to be So then I'm going to be liked or then I'm going to fit

1:30:03 in but that specifically when I had bulimia

1:30:07 and my eating disorders after my dad left,

1:30:10 it was more so because I think I couldn't deal

1:30:13 with the emotions that came after realizing everything that had happened Because

1:30:19 now I had to deal with 19 years of abuse that had

1:30:23 happened and I wasn't ready to deal with that and I

1:30:27 think especially with the bulimia with the anorexia where like I

1:30:32 would go days without eating or sometimes I wouldn't even drink anything

1:30:35 either I thought like this is going to lead to suicide

1:30:40 and I wasn't trying to be skinny I was trying to die,

1:30:44 actually I even had days where my mom

1:30:47 would come into the room and she would check

1:30:49 if I was still breathing cause I hadn't left my room in like two days maybe Yes,

1:30:57 I remember sometimes my heart would start beating right

1:31:02 before I went to bed and I was like,

1:31:04 "Yes, tonight is the night" Because I felt like suicide would

1:31:08 be bad because it wasn't allowed in the religion so I thought

1:31:12 this is an alternative but I didn't die Now we don't

1:31:25 have to do that again What shook you when you first remembered?

1:31:32 Two minutes ago when you first said "I was waiting

1:31:37 to die" You shook Your body shook for a moment you remembered,

1:31:41 I think I think I just saw myself again

1:31:46 in my bed how that felt Do you recognize that Liz?

1:31:56 Yes Yes I feel very sad when I think about my younger

1:32:02 selves I also think that your inner children never leave you They stay

1:32:07 with you You said "children" not

1:32:09 "child"- Interesting- Different types Let's say you

1:32:13 have different types of traumas and you remember at different ages those are all

1:32:19 these children different personalities Because the more

1:32:23 you grow up You always are

1:32:25 a different person So Liz at 3 years old Liz at 6 years old

1:32:29 That's not the same person These are all different personalities I think they

1:32:33 never leave you I think that's why it's very important to talk to yourself,

1:32:38 talk to your inner children because I think

1:32:41 a lot of adults that are almost acting

1:32:44 crazy or people say they're possessed or something

1:32:46 is wrong with them I think it's their inner

1:32:49 children conflicting with each other I actually had

1:32:57 a story about this but I don't know

1:32:58 if I can tell it Tell it So I went on this spiritual journey- In Peru?

1:33:07 Yes, once And it was basically You went to Peru with the shamans Yes,

1:33:11 with the shamans and everything Basically,

1:33:14 my intention was to heal my trauma and suddenly I saw

1:33:20 a vision and it was my dad's and I heard a voice say,

1:33:26 "Mourn the loss of your father" "You never had a father, you had an abuser" So,

1:33:33 then I was like "Damn" And then I heard

1:33:35 another voice say "Mourn the loss of your childhood" Accept

1:33:39 that you'll never have a childhood again and then suddenly

1:33:43 what happened is I was like in third person almost like

1:33:48 my soul was here I saw my body and I

1:33:52 suddenly turned into my 3-year-old-self and it was so such

1:33:58 a crazy thing so my 3-year-old-self is in my body doesn't

1:34:02 speak English only speaks my homeland's language and I start crying,

1:34:08 bawling my eyes out and she's crying and she

1:34:13 keeps repeating in the language of her hometown,

1:34:19 "Liz never got love when she was younger so Liz doesn't need

1:34:24 love anymore" and she keeps repeating that and then I have my hands

1:34:30 and I'm not controlling this My hand is moving over my head

1:34:34 and someone is consoling her but it was so weird and they go like,

1:34:40 "You're safe now" "It's not happening anymore,

1:34:44 you're safe now" but it was my 3-year-old inner child that came

1:34:48 up and then after that there was a 17-year-old that came up She

1:34:53 had her own other issues She speaks different languages but then I

1:34:57 realized our inner children are really inside of us It's not like, "Oh,

1:35:03 it's a metaphor" I think these personalities stay stuck and once you don't deal

1:35:09 with them or you don't heal them you

1:35:12 start conflicting and you become like an adult

1:35:16 where you're lost with how you are

1:35:19 acting So it was a very interesting experience

1:35:22 for me It was even crazier because the next day So basically it was like

1:35:28 about my childhood and everything It was

1:35:30 a very beautiful experience but the next day

1:35:33 I went to this cafe and I was sitting there at the restaurant with my sister

1:35:38 and suddenly there's this lady in front of us and she starts live singing

1:35:43 she was singing The sun was setting behind her It was like a movie scene

1:35:48 and I was looking at her and she starts singing for Adele I don't know

1:35:54 the song but it's like "I knew this would be the last time the last

1:35:59 time" and then a mom and dad and this 12-year-old girl come and they start

1:36:06 dancing in front of us and she's singing "I knew this would be the last

1:36:11 time" and it was almost like a whole metaphor and sign of "Mourn the loss

1:36:17 of your childhood"- Close it- Yes And that's how I was like We get so

1:36:24 many signs every day when we live We just have to watch out for them

1:36:29 Even if like a person comes to you they say something to you and you're like,

1:36:33 "Oh damn, where did that come from?" Maybe he

1:36:36 was sent to you as a sign or you see

1:36:39 these things or you even hear something on the radio

1:36:42 "Oh wait a minute" Good story When did it all change?

1:36:54 You said "Blame gives your power away,

1:36:59 responsibility gives it back" So you just talked about this realisation

1:37:03 You need to close certain chapters you went through this bulimia anorexia,

1:37:07 depression, wanting to die When did that happen?

1:37:13 Is it slowly?

1:37:14 Is it like a sudden realization?

1:37:17 I was honestly this went on for quite a while until

1:37:21 I realized How about I'm going to stop being a victim?

1:37:26 That's really like what I had in my head "Snap out of it" because I was like,

1:37:31 "Why are you victimizing yourself?" "Why are you

1:37:34 feeling sorry for yourself?" then I was like,

1:37:37 "Maybe I do have control over my life" "Maybe I do have control over

1:37:40 my body" and from that moment on I just started slowly to "I'm going

1:37:47 to go on walks now and I'm going to try to talk to God

1:37:50 and have conversations with God He's my best friend" and then I was like,

1:37:55 "I'm going to try to start eating healthy again" Because

1:37:57 for me it was very important to break the cycle

1:38:00 of my food addiction and the anorexia and whatever I had

1:38:04 because if you can do that if you can break an addiction,

1:38:09 you can control anything It's very hard to win something over your mind If you

1:38:18 can control your mind like that you can do anything so I knew that once

1:38:22 I did that I was on the right track because also it takes a lot

1:38:26 of energy Addictions take a lot of energy

1:38:28 All of your energy goes there Meanwhile,

1:38:31 if you are a person with an addictive personality

1:38:34 if you put it into something that's beneficial for you

1:38:37 you can be extremely successful True It's just where you're

1:38:40 going to direct your energy to So then I decided,

1:38:44 "Let me direct it into social media Let me do things that I love more" and all

1:38:50 these things And that's when honestly everything started

1:38:52 to flourish When I decided I do not

1:38:55 want to be a victim until this day I don't want to be seen as a victim

1:39:01 because I feel like people are very comfortable

1:39:04 in a victim mindset because they feel like,

1:39:06 "Oh, everyone feels sorry for me" and even some people will create situations

1:39:11 where they are the victim because then everyone can feel sorry for them

1:39:14 and that's how they receive love or that's how they receive "Everything will

1:39:18 be fine" But at the end of the day Does that really accomplish anything?

1:39:22 No You're going to sit there You're going to find more and more

1:39:26 excuses as to why your life is bad and why you can't

1:39:29 accomplish anything And you won't accomplish anything but for a lot of people

1:39:33 that is comfortable and that is what they want but for me,

1:39:36 no because I knew that the more I am a victim,

1:39:39 the more I'm giving my power away If I for example say,

1:39:43 "I can't do this because my father abused me" then

1:39:46 that means that my father had all the power and he doesn't,

1:39:49 I have all the power until this day I

1:39:52 have all the power No matter what happens to me,

1:39:54 I know that I have all the power I can change the situation whenever I

1:39:58 want and I will change the situation whenever

1:40:00 I want Is that you talking to yourself?

1:40:06 Maybe but I also really believe it But sometimes we have to talk to ourselves We

1:40:12 need us to hear it So we say things we want somebody to say to us It

1:40:18 also with the situation that happened with my ex

1:40:21 and all these things it's funny cause when you were talking about how they ask

1:40:24 you about marriage and then they say "Oh no,

1:40:26 you failed if you didn't have a marriage" It's so crazy because with me it

1:40:31 was like I've been on social media for seven years now I've been doing YouTube,

1:40:34 I've been doing everything I built this whole empire by myself

1:40:39 and then this guy comes in, he cheats on me, that's it Everyone:

1:40:43 "She failed" Terrible "We shouldn't listen to her advice

1:40:46 look at her" "He cheated on her so

1:40:49 we should cancel her" It's so crazy that this one guy so irrelevant to be

1:40:55 honest to the whole thing comes

1:40:57 in and can just destroy that because people value

1:41:00 a relationship more than they look at the whole

1:41:04 person and everything But even in that situation,

1:41:08 everyone was like "You should have kept that private"

1:41:11 and I could have I could have never shared it

1:41:13 online that he cheated I could have never said anything

1:41:15 about that and people would till this day be like,

1:41:17 "Oh goals" "You guys are so beautiful" That's also what most

1:41:22 people do Most of these couples forgive each other they just

1:41:26 portray a nice image and I get it because if you're

1:41:29 truly honest on social media they're going to try to kill you

1:41:33 They don't want that People say they want authenticity they want

1:41:38 that, but they don't They want you to fit into the image

1:41:40 that they have created for you and you have to perform

1:41:44 like that almost like a monkey You do this I say,

1:41:47 "People ask you they tell you they love honesty,

1:41:50 until you're honest about them" Exactly They don't like it Then it's like,

1:41:55 "This is too far" My therapist said something and he

1:41:59 says that doesn't compliment so much but he said,

1:42:02 "You're one of my few people that really can take anything I

1:42:06 tell you" "You don't get offended" Because I don't, you can say "Anas,

1:42:12 that's stupid" I'm like,

1:42:12 "Oh really?" "Tell me why" because I respect him I don't get offended No,

1:42:18 I'm open to it So I can take it...

1:42:21 I think because I'm at peace with my ego I know I'm flawed You can tell me,

1:42:27 "Anas, that looked really bad" I'm like, okay Maybe it did It's okay,

1:42:31 it doesn't reduce my value Exactly I made

1:42:34 a mistake I think that's very important to be open

1:42:39 to receiving criticism all these things but a lot

1:42:42 of people are very stupid I have to say,

1:42:44 I think society in general a lot of people

1:42:47 are very stupid that is what I find very

1:42:50 annoying but also they're stupid because- Not stupid- It's

1:42:55 by design But also it's because I think a lack

1:42:58 of education lack of traveling and meeting new cultures

1:43:01 that also makes you whatever and also they have

1:43:06 a bubble and they don't leave the bubble

1:43:08 And they don't want you to leave the bubble Yes,

1:43:10 so it's like if you only surround yourself with a certain

1:43:13 type of people you're going to think this is

1:43:15 how life is that's why I always encourage people

1:43:19 to travel I just got such a stupid example What?

1:43:24 It's like a culture that now they all like matcha and we're like,

1:43:28 "I don't like matcha" "You don't like matcha?" "How dare

1:43:32 you?" It's like a zombie complex Now you're uncool I don't

1:43:36 like it It's funny because all of us have to like

1:43:39 it "You don't like this show?" "Oh my God" That's it,

1:43:42 you're done "I can't believe you don't like it" I don't like it

1:43:45 You have to be comfortable saying you're different It's not easy That's why

1:43:50 I really grew up wanting to always fit in and then at some

1:43:55 point I realized no one wants to take me I can't fit in anywhere,

1:44:00 so I thought like "You know what?

1:44:02 I don't care anymore" "I'm going to be

1:44:05 my own person and that's it" And you'll fit

1:44:08 with the right people then But even then

1:44:10 I don't fit in No one accepts me Really?

1:44:14 Often, even in the beginning of my career They

1:44:17 said that I'm a closeted lesbian So I thought,

1:44:20 "Oh, maybe I fit in here" I look at the comments,

1:44:24 they say, "We don't claim her" I'm like, "Why?" "Why don't you claim me?" Yes,

1:44:31 but I would see that some people would want to be your friend No,

1:44:36 I do think they want to be my friends but I don't feel like there is

1:44:41 any part that you can "She really belongs

1:44:45 here" Even with like when people ask me "Where

1:44:49 are you from?" I never really want

1:44:51 to even speak about it because it doesn't matter

1:44:55 I'm a person of the world I think

1:44:58 you belong nowhere and everywhere Something like that Yes,

1:45:02 exactly, that's so beautiful Do you hate your father?

1:45:13 No I don't hate him I just don't care about him I

1:45:19 think he's so irrelevant Do you understand why he did what he did?

1:45:25 No I don't get it I can see that you had this childhood,

1:45:32 etcetera all these things but especially after having my own child,

1:45:37 no The fact that you would hurt a child, that you would beat a child,

1:45:43 that you would beat disabled people No,

1:45:45 you're insane Did creating The Wizard Liz heal Liz?

1:45:59 I do think so, yes I think my younger

1:46:05 self would really think I'm cool- That's cool- Right?

1:46:09 Would your younger self think you're cool?

1:46:12 I think yes That's good I think you think I'm fucking cool Yes,

1:46:16 you are Yes And it's funny how you get shy when you compliment yourself Why?

1:46:23 I don't know, you tell me You're like,"...' and then I'm like,

1:46:26 Maybe I'm just a shy girl I think you are I think people

1:46:30 don't know that you are but if somebody compliments you in your face

1:46:33 I think you don't know what to do with yourself Yes I'm

1:46:37 better at giving to other people-

1:46:40 Giving compliments- Not receiving With receiving,

1:46:42 I'm a little awkward I could tell What is

1:46:47 one of the biggest misconceptions about The Wizard liz?

1:46:52 Honestly, It's like that I'm like The craziest thing I heard

1:46:57 is that I was a relationship coach and that I teach

1:47:02 women how to date rich men Crazy It just started when

1:47:08 I got cheated on All these people came online and they're like,

1:47:11 "She was a relationship coach and that's why she failed" And I was like,

1:47:14 "I was never a relationship coach like at all" I just

1:47:17 think like when people listen to me for example I say,

1:47:21 "Your man should provide" I'm not saying he should be a rich man like

1:47:25 if a man is an Uber driver but he's coming home and he's helping you

1:47:30 and the family that's a provider Correct If you have a rich man and he's

1:47:34 not giving any money or he doesn't care about you guys He's not rich to me,

1:47:37 he's a broke guy And he's not a provider

1:47:39 He's not a provider Rich but not a provider So,

1:47:43 that is not what I mean but people here think that a provider has to be rich,

1:47:48 no Not at all Even all the guys that I've dated I made more

1:47:52 money than them when I dated my ex before this one in the beginning,

1:47:57 I didn't have money So he was making

1:48:00 good money but then six months into our relationship

1:48:04 my YouTube started making way more than him

1:48:08 but then also the relationship started shifting I mean,

1:48:11 we were together for a long time,

1:48:12 still Some people don't want you to be better He wasn't

1:48:15 comfortable He told me that, as well He said like, "Look,

1:48:17 I don't like it" At least he's honest He

1:48:20 was honest I appreciate that Because for example Because

1:48:23 some people won't be honest about that they'll start

1:48:25 jabbing at you and bringing you down and you're like,

1:48:27 "Why are you upset with me??

1:48:29 and you don't really know why I feel like my next relationship was like

1:48:32 that It was like a constant competition

1:48:35 I've really found it difficult with dating men

1:48:38 after becoming successful because it's like either

1:48:41 they see you as their competition or they're

1:48:45 gold diggers I've never You know when they say that women are gold diggers?

1:48:49 No, it's really men Because they will because if a woman if

1:48:54 you take care of a woman for example, she will love you,

1:48:56 genuinely You take care of her She will be so happy She

1:49:00 will give you so much more But a man will fake his love,

1:49:03 everything just for money Genuinely You don't think a woman would do that?

1:49:08 I don't think so I think she would genuinely love

1:49:11 the guy I think it goes both ways You think so?

1:49:14 Some women also are very materialistic and some

1:49:17 men are very materialistic If a woman is materialistic,

1:49:20 don't you think she would still love him?

1:49:23 I don't know I think some women are in certain

1:49:27 marriages just because the guy is filthy rich- They're probably- Oh,

1:49:30 yes They're not even in love or they don't love the guy but then I also think,

1:49:34 look in those types of relationships Yes,

1:49:36 it's transactional Don't you think the man also doesn't care?

1:49:38 He knows, yes They're both cheating They're both the same

1:49:41 Probably They're both not looking for love That's true They're

1:49:45 looking for money One knows "I can provide and this makes

1:49:49 me feel powerful" and the other one feels stable Yes,

1:49:51 but I think every relationship is transactional even

1:49:54 the ones that are based on love- Even friendships-

1:49:57 Yes Everything is transactional And we should not

1:50:00 be shy to say that Everything and I think

1:50:03 we should be open about it You could say "This is my friend who I like to go

1:50:06 shopping with" "This is my friend who makes

1:50:08 me laugh when I'm feeling like shit" or like,

1:50:10 "You make me feel less lonely" "You make me feel like this" Everything is

1:50:14 like a transaction and I think a lot of people they just take "Oh,

1:50:19 it's just love and only love" Only love,

1:50:21 you will not survive You need loyalty You need respect

1:50:24 Love will never be enough I agree I really believe

1:50:28 that someone can love you and they can also cheat

1:50:31 on you I believe this Because there are people that are polygamous,

1:50:36 for example and they say, "But I really love the person but I also sleep

1:50:40 with other people" I do believe they love the person I don't

1:50:44 believe they're capable of being loyal Which for, me loyalty is

1:50:47 more important Loyalty is more important than love If I have someone,

1:50:52 of course love is a chemical It's very beautiful,

1:50:55 all these things but oftentimes love wears

1:50:59 out and it's not always You're not crazy

1:51:02 in love every day but I feel like if you have loyalty and "This person is

1:51:10 going to protect me "They're going to be

1:51:11 there for me and they're going to respect me" I feel like that is something

1:51:15 that can be consistent You know what's interesting?

1:51:18 There was a fan account that made a compilation video recently

1:51:22 of me asking different females on the show "What does love mean

1:51:27 to you?" It's a question I like to ask and I think

1:51:30 there was maybe eight women in the video I think six said,

1:51:34 "Aman" which means safety Yes- Interesting, right?

1:51:37 Exactly Six out of eight women said that love is safety

1:51:42 I want to feel safe Her nervous system feels safe She feels

1:51:45 safe He's reliable He's a backbone He provides You know I

1:51:52 think that's very sexy when a man can provide like you said,

1:51:56 at any level he's reliable He makes you feel like he has your back I think women

1:52:03 love that It makes your nervous system I

1:52:08 said the something in both languages before I said,

1:52:14 "When a woman is truly in love,

1:52:17 she feels like a little girl like a princess" No matter how masculine

1:52:22 of an energy she has outside At home she's a little girl and the same

1:52:26 goes for a man A man who feels truly in love He feels

1:52:30 like a little naughty boy at home He's pranking you or laughing with you,

1:52:35 silly Women should understand that that's

1:52:38 him really loving you He's so comfortable

1:52:40 and vice versa if a woman feels like she's spoiled next to you

1:52:44 and she's cuddly You should know that she feels good around you- I

1:52:49 think that's safety- But if she's stern tough with you and she's trying

1:52:52 to bash heads with you there's something off you don't make her feel

1:52:56 safe or she doesn't know how to She's in the wrong dynamic probably

1:53:00 Exactly I think especially in my position where people try to cancel you

1:53:08 and your reputation all these things the people around you should be very

1:53:12 loyal because they have to protect you and I feel like

1:53:17 in a previous relationship that I had it was like my address gets leaked

1:53:21 where I live and this person they do it on accident All

1:53:26 my privacy suddenly can't see being online

1:53:29 you're allowing these people to attack me

1:53:33 and come closer to me on a personal level and I feel like

1:53:36 if you truly love me or you care about me you would protect

1:53:40 my privacy That was the one thing that I really looked for and it

1:53:46 was like I just want to feel safe Who are you attracting, Liz?

1:53:50 I know, horrible- No,

1:53:51 horrible- You need to work on that I need to stop If you learn you evolve if you

1:53:57 don't learn Like these people that keep repeating patterns

1:53:59 that's the problem I know I think it's okay

1:54:01 to go through an affair and then learn You

1:54:04 got cheated on you learn you got through emotional

1:54:06 abuse you learn but if you keep going

1:54:08 to it then you're not learning No, I feel like...

1:54:11 I only had like two really serious relationships My last

1:54:15 one really opened my eyes and I feel like after

1:54:19 that now I'm going to but also I hate the fact

1:54:23 that You constantly have to watch out for signs "Oh,

1:54:27 he says this, oh okay" "I need to do this" It's like,

1:54:30 "Calm down, When can we ever enjoy?" all these things,

1:54:35 because now it's turning into all these mind games

1:54:38 that you have to play and who has time for that?

1:54:40 I don't want to do that I definitely don't

1:54:42 I can't stand games I already know that I'm

1:54:45 in the wrong place if there are games Me

1:54:48 too I already have enough stress in my life Yes,

1:54:51 me too I even hate it when it's like, "Oh,

1:54:54 don't text too fast" Just be straightforward I don't have time for this If I

1:55:00 find this meme I'll send it to you about Who has time for waiting to text?

1:55:04 Yes, exactly That's when too much ego is involved Because even

1:55:10 after my previous relationship I still don't want to do all

1:55:13 of that I have to play mind games now I have

1:55:17 to be careful of this and that At the end of the day,

1:55:20 if a person wants to cheat,

1:55:21 they're going to do it anyways You can't control that No The only thing you can

1:55:27 control is your reaction will you deal with it or will you not deal with it?

1:55:30 That's it So I don't want to control anyone Do

1:55:33 what you want to do On the polygamy point I think

1:55:37 it was an interesting point and I do think sometimes both

1:55:42 genders could be biologically polygamous Because they're based on desire So

1:55:49 I just maybe I'll make a weird comparison but I'll

1:55:53 make it It's kind of like your stomach when it's hungry

1:55:58 It can eat anything It can be junk food It can

1:56:01 eat chocolate It can eat salmon It can eat healthy Technically,

1:56:06 you can eat anything because you desire

1:56:08 food You're hungry Should you eat everything?

1:56:12 Yes, exactly and I think women are a bit of course they have a different

1:56:15 wiring than men Men are probably more simplistic

1:56:18 in this But do you jump on everything?

1:56:22 Or you say "I love this woman" "She's good to me" "She loves

1:56:28 my presence" She's been with me in thick

1:56:30 and thin Does my desire want everything?

1:56:34 Probably A creature in the end Yes But do you go to it?

1:56:38 That's the discipline and that's the boundary you put you don't go

1:56:42 replying and messaging every girl and you're committed to someone so that's

1:56:46 where I think people are not talking about the discipline of a relationship

1:56:50 I agree Because if he's just going to go over your feelings,

1:56:52 when he upsets you you're going to go

1:56:54 message your ex Exactly Should you do that?

1:56:56 No Because there is respect It's like I'm thinking in Arabic

1:57:02 You should never How do you say it in English?

1:57:07 Say it in Arabic "You don't have the heart to do it"

1:57:10 You're so dear to me that I would not accept it on you

1:57:13 even if I'm pissed off at you You're too dear for me

1:57:17 to hurt you behind your back You're too dear and if your girl

1:57:21 is your lover and your best friend or your close friend

1:57:24 and your partner I think it makes it very hard to break that heart

1:57:27 but if it's just the mother of my kids or my wife I

1:57:30 think the relationship is too thin You need a strong bond But see?

1:57:36 That's where loyalty comes in Because I am like,

1:57:39 when I'm in love, I'm like "That's it,

1:57:41 I'm going to die with you" I'm literally that kind

1:57:44 of person I could see that- I love very hard-

1:57:48 Ride or die that's why when these things happen I'm

1:57:52 very hurt because I would not do that to you

1:57:55 You You wouldn't Not everybody's you That's true That's

1:58:00 what a therapist told me "You need to stop thinking

1:58:03 that" Because we judge things with our glasses how we

1:58:08 see the world So when somebody does something we wouldn't,

1:58:11 we're like "I can't believe it" If somebody doesn't

1:58:14 hug or love dogs and you love dogs You're like,

1:58:17 "I can't believe it" It's because you're looking at it from but that's

1:58:21 only one perspective That's true Do you practice everything you preach?

1:58:31 Well, I've talked about a lot of things so I

1:58:35 don't know if One thing with my previous relationship after

1:58:42 he cheated on me I immediately broke off our relationship

1:58:46 but then when I was pregnant I thought to myself,

1:58:49 "But my child still needs his father" and I

1:58:52 would never take away a parent from their child,

1:58:55 ever unless he's abusive or whatever So I thought in that moment,

1:59:01 so he cheated on me Some men cheat on women

1:59:06 but they're good with the children They're good fathers,

1:59:08 still So I thought "You know what?

1:59:10 He really wanted to be a father" He was begging me "Let

1:59:13 me please be a father" "Let me prove myself" So I was like,

1:59:17 "Okay fine" So then I was thinking,

1:59:20 so my cats were in the United States everything was already there I was like,

1:59:25 "Okay, where do I move to?

1:59:27 because if I move back to Dubai it's an 18-hour flight for him He will

1:59:31 not be able to be present for his child So I was like, You know what?

1:59:35 "Let me just move to the United States my stuff is there

1:59:38 anyways I'm going to move there We can co-parent for our child

1:59:43 but when I moved to the United States I walked into a trap

1:59:47 and he just completely trapped me there and he was like...

1:59:53 I stayed so long there for my child and I

1:59:59 completely abandoned myself and everything I believed in for my child

2:00:03 and that's something I always used to think I

2:00:05 would never do but once you become a mother there

2:00:09 is nothing you wouldn't do for your child So I

2:00:11 was in a situation where I was paying for everything

2:00:15 This guy is just living in my house I'm scared

2:00:18 to kick him out because anytime I would say like,

2:00:21 He would do anything He would basically say,

2:00:24 "I'm going to call ICE on you or I'm going to get

2:00:26 you deported" so I was scared if I get deported I

2:00:29 can't be with my child so I was just sticking around

2:00:33 someone mentally abusive Abusive in every way and I was literally like,

2:00:37 "Oh my God" "I'm literally repeating what my mother has done"

2:00:42 "I'm in the same situation right now" and I was like,

2:00:46 "What do I do?" and I literally came to a point

2:00:49 where I could see everything but it was like

2:00:53 I couldn't move My body couldn't move anymore So it's

2:00:56 like my soul watching everything that's happening but my body

2:00:59 is just not cooperating anymore and I was done

2:01:03 also I like gave birth I'm postpartum I'm working

2:01:05 my ass off I'm taking care of my child It

2:01:07 was just too much for me and I remember Actually, you know I used to always say,

2:01:13 "Nobody's coming to save you" That's what I used to always say Because I felt

2:01:18 like no one had ever saved me I had to save myself But my sister she

2:01:24 actually came all the way from Belgium She

2:01:27 flew to the United States Because my mom

2:01:29 had came to visit and she saw the state that I was in and she said,

2:01:34 "Sabina you have to go" "Your sister's actually in trouble"

2:01:38 And my sister came and I remember that's the first time where

2:01:42 I realized that somebody came to save me and it was

2:01:46 my sister Because she looked at me and she told me,

2:01:49 "Liz, you're going to pack your stuff and you're

2:01:52 going to leave" "I don't care what you leave behind,

2:01:56 but you're not going to live like this" And I told her, "You don't understand,

2:01:59 You're not a mother You don't feel what I feel You don't get it" And she said,

2:02:04 "Liz, our mom has already gone through this, I will be

2:02:08 damned if you go through this as well" And that was like,

2:02:18 everything just switched for me in that moment I was like,

2:02:22 "I have to leave" If I stay any longer,

2:02:24 I don't think I will survive" I was even developing

2:02:28 rashes all over my body from the immense stress I

2:02:32 was in every day But then obviously when I left

2:02:36 the country then my visa got denied I thought I

2:02:38 was going to go back in I had my own house by then So we could do 50/50 custody

2:02:45 but my visa got denied so then he had been keeping

2:02:48 the child from me because he thought If I abandon him,

2:02:53 I'm abandoning my child So it's like a package deal if I want my child,

2:02:57 I have to take him but I don't want So...

2:03:05 but now I'm working with lawyers I'm assuming there are

2:03:10 a lot of rights in America for you to I mean,

2:03:13 yes It should be really good Let's see I already spent

2:03:20 $50,000 on lawyers I didn't get anything out of it so I

2:03:24 hate the fact of just throwing money in the garbage You can

2:03:28 donate that money You can help people Why would I do this?

2:03:32 But now like there's another way that I could try which obviously I'm

2:03:37 going to do I really love my child so I want to be

2:03:42 with my child but I do believe if a man is blackmailing you

2:03:46 with your child You shouldn't even fight for it I really believe that How?

2:03:51 What do you mean?

2:03:52 For example, He is constantly blackmailing me, right?

2:03:58 When I show Don't fall it Don't fall for any blackmail If someone tells you,

2:04:04 "If you don't listen to me I'm going to leak

2:04:06 your nudes" "I'm going to do this" Do it Because the only

2:04:10 power these people have over you is that you are scared

2:04:13 That's it and that's the same thing with my dad We were

2:04:17 scared of him That's the only power he had Once

2:04:20 my brother even started growing up And my brother does Thai box

2:04:25 and he started going head to head with my dad and trying

2:04:28 to fight him He started getting scared He told my mom,

2:04:33 "Yes, I got a second wife because the children don't respect me anymore No,

2:04:38 the children are not scared of you anymore And that's why it wasn't interesting

2:04:42 for him anymore to even be there He

2:04:45 combines fear with respect Yes And that's two

2:04:48 different things Respect is when you leave

2:04:51 the house how we talk about you That's

2:04:54 respect Yes I'm afraid of you as soon as you come I'm a good boy Leave,

2:04:59 I have a party- Exactly- That's not respect Respect

2:05:02 is even on the weekend in high school I could have a house party but I'm like I

2:05:06 wouldn't want to disappoint my family Not out of fear,

2:05:10 out of love and respect I don't want

2:05:13 to disappoint my family I would not do that Yes,

2:05:18 to your question I feel like deciding to still

2:05:22 go to the United States after he cheated on me

2:05:25 was me not following my advice but at the same

2:05:29 time because I never had a father and that was

2:05:32 so damaging for me I didn't want to do

2:05:35 that to my child But yes The biggest price

2:05:41 I ever paid was falling in love with someone

2:05:45 I've never paid a price this big You paid it, it's over You had a souvenir,

2:05:51 though True But I want to get my souvenir

2:05:54 I think you would You know what's crazy?

2:05:56 This is another thing Women go through childbirth Women go

2:06:00 through everything And this man can just keep the child I

2:06:04 don't understand how they can have equal rights in that I

2:06:09 don't get it because they don't go through anything I

2:06:11 really believe if men could get pregnant and if men could

2:06:15 literally have children they would be walking around on this planet

2:06:19 acting like they're gods I really believe that we would

2:06:23 have to give offerings at their feet I swear to God,

2:06:26 they would act like they're gods Men have really a lot of standards

2:06:30 for women Some of them without

2:06:32 this skin they're already acting like God Exactly,

2:06:35 already without that They're literally like portraying themselves as God Look,

2:06:40 I'm not saying this to appeal to females I truly believe this There's

2:06:46 no more powerful creature on this planet than a good woman I really

2:06:53 believe that, too No more I truly believe a woman makes the house

2:06:58 right or wrong A house with no good woman has no soul Yes, very true Everybody,

2:07:04 the father can be there We're all there Let the woman leave,

2:07:08 no soul That beautiful glue that keeps us together is

2:07:12 the woman And she makes the next generation Not the father

2:07:17 I do believe we're important but not as important How

2:07:20 many great personalities have come out of great single women?

2:07:25 Versus how many came from a single dad?

2:07:27 I think, I would bet I don't have the statistic but I

2:07:30 would bet on a single mom they would come out more successful

2:07:35 usually I'm a father of two I'm divorced but I do think

2:07:41 I'm important at a later stage more than at an early stage Now,

2:07:45 they're my buddies We play football It's different

2:07:50 But can I undermine how important my ex-wife is?

2:07:54 Never They're great boys mainly because

2:07:57 of her 100% I was present but my presence

2:08:01 has nothing to do with the woman Same as my mother Without her...

2:08:07 I think that's so important If you have men

2:08:10 that acknowledge that and don't feel intimidated by it Yes,

2:08:17 that's a big issue I also feel like

2:08:18 mothers are not appreciated in society because they

2:08:21 don't appreciate themselves They just go through childbirth

2:08:24 Oh my God My childbirth was traumatizing Really?

2:08:27 I almost lost my life The doctor literally told me

2:08:31 because I had an emergency C-section and he was like, "Do you have a will?" Yes,

2:08:35 he was like and I was like,

2:08:37 "Whoa wait a minute' I didn't know you could die I thought

2:08:40 this was all like rainbow and sunshine and then I was like,

2:08:45 "Damn" I need to quickly give my sister The PIN code to my bank

2:08:48 account because I might not come out of the room So every woman that has

2:08:54 given birth you stand between death and life and they act like I ate breakfast

2:08:59 It's the same thing as eating breakfast but if a man was doing that Oh,

2:09:04 dear Lord you would have parades every week for these men

2:09:12 Why do you think so many women connect to you?

2:09:17 I honestly think it's because probably they went

2:09:20 through the same things and also I think

2:09:24 it's just refreshing to see someone bring up

2:09:27 things that they might feel still ashamed about

2:09:31 That's why I would love to see myself when I was younger I'm so ashamed

2:09:35 to talk about this but she can do it and she dares to say it For example,

2:09:41 I had this speech at Oxford University I don't

2:09:45 think they're ever going to release it anyways I did

2:09:48 this speech about female empowerment and after I was done

2:09:53 all of these women came to me and they said,

2:09:56 "You finally said what I never dared to say"

2:09:59 "What I just think but I never dared to say

2:10:02 it" And I think that resonates with a lot

2:10:05 of women Because also people think I'm just a man-hater No,

2:10:10 I'm not a man-hater I don't care at all

2:10:12 about men I don't care about women Honestly,

2:10:14 I realized I hate everyone I just don't discriminate

2:10:18 in my hate I think both genders have flaws whatever,

2:10:23 but I I'll just correct something and I might

2:10:27 be wrong I don't think you hate I think

2:10:30 you're disappointed I am disappointed but you know it's

2:10:33 just everyone thinks like If you're standing up for women,

2:10:38 that means you like all women but that's also not true because a lot

2:10:42 of women are the reason for a lot of women's misery A lot of women

2:10:46 get bullied by other women or they lose their lives because of another woman

2:10:49 and they need to be held accountable

2:10:52 the same way you hold accountable a toxic man,

2:10:55 for example So yes, I just think that's just society After my situation,

2:11:05 with the whole cheating and stuff I started to, because

2:11:09 before I was like "All women are good" and that's

2:11:13 it but then I started to realize "Damn" There are

2:11:18 flaws in both genders Marina Abramovic, do you know her?

2:11:25 She does art She makes art and she's very special I

2:11:30 like her a lot People think she's a witch and they hate

2:11:33 her and whatever but she also came from an abused childhood So

2:11:37 I understand her art but maybe she's also a witch Who cares?

2:11:41 Anyways- Exactly It's her hobby She's flying on a boat

2:11:47 That's what she does in her free time I don't care She had this art piece It's

2:11:52 on YouTube She was standing and she basically had roses,

2:11:56 knife You could take anything and she said,

2:11:59 "You can do anything to me as you choose" to the public

2:12:04 and there were men in the public and women So people started...

2:12:08 They started drawing on her body They started giving

2:12:11 her roses giving her chocolate and then as time

2:12:15 progressed they started getting more aggressive and aggressive people

2:12:18 start cutting her clothes Men start touching her breast whatever,

2:12:21 all these things She wouldn't move and then

2:12:25 they started getting really aggressive Someone cut

2:12:28 her in the neck really bad all these things but afterwards she said, ''You know?

2:12:33 I realized one thing The men, they would come up and they would do whatever

2:12:39 they wanted to me as time progressed" But she said,

2:12:42 "But the women were as bad but they were hypocrite about

2:12:46 it" Because they were in the men's ears and they would

2:12:49 tell them what they should do to her but they wouldn't

2:12:52 go themselves they would let the men do it And I think,

2:12:57 honestly We live in a society where a lot of women are ruling I

2:13:02 even believe we can even say it could be a matriarchy because a lot

2:13:08 of these men are in power but you will also have women in their ears

2:13:13 and that's what people are not looking at and in a lot of even

2:13:17 families The woman is ruling the household but the man is just the one

2:13:22 acting out So I think you have to be careful of both genders especially

2:13:28 if you are a successful woman You have to be very careful because they're

2:13:32 going to hit you at both angles

2:13:35 This is an interesting conversation overall This one,

2:13:44 we talked about How did it feel?

2:13:48 being 4 months pregnant with the love of your life

2:13:51 as you thought then you find out he's cheating?

2:13:56 Honestly, my whole world collapsed But you know what's crazy?

2:14:01 Yes, I read that you said that it was too

2:14:07 good to be true that there was always something in you

2:14:10 feeling Exactly I was going to say that My intuition

2:14:14 since the beginning was screaming at me I always was like,

2:14:20 "He's a cheater" And I don't know why I just had

2:14:23 intuitively that feeling and I used to always tell my sister

2:14:26 because she was also always around us And I used

2:14:28 to always tell her, "I think he's a cheater" but she's like,

2:14:31 "Are you insane?" "He's always with you" "Even

2:14:33 if I told him go to the United States, go be with your family,

2:14:36 leave me alone" because he was annoying

2:14:37 a little bit too much but he wouldn't leave,

2:14:41 he would not go So my sister was like,

2:14:43 "If he was cheating he would want to go because he

2:14:46 wants to do whatever Good point and then I was like,

2:14:49 "Yes, you're right" and she was like,

2:14:50 "Liz, you're self-sabotaging because of trauma" And I was like, "Yes,

2:14:54 you're probably right" "He's not" But it wouldn't leave this nudge

2:14:59 that I had and I remember I kept telling him throughout our relationship,

2:15:03 ''I would rather have you leave me than betray me'' I said,

2:15:07 "If you ever have the feeling that you want to cheat, or betray me,

2:15:10 just leave me" "Don't do that to me" but he heard that and he said,

2:15:15 "That's exactly what I'm going to do to you" So he basically went Oh,

2:15:23 before that I remember I was in Dubai and he went to Dallas for one

2:15:30 week or so after we had spent three months together in Switzerland I was

2:15:34 in Dubai to collect some last of my stuff and I remember I was sleeping

2:15:38 and suddenly I have a dream and my dreams are very vivid If I dream something,

2:15:43 it happens So I had a dream and in that dream he

2:15:47 was with another girl He was cheating on me and I told him,

2:15:52 "What are you doing?" and I told the girl,

2:15:54 "What are you guys doing?" The girl looked at me

2:15:57 She was confused "Why are you upset?" And then

2:16:00 he was manipulating me in the dream to think

2:16:03 that this was normal and then I was like,

2:16:06 "What is going on?" and then I remember I texted him and I FaceTimed him

2:16:10 "Are you cheating on me?" "I had this dream" "It's very weird" And he's like,

2:16:16 "You're crazy" I was like, "Yes,

2:16:18 I don't know" Then what happened is that for my birthday

2:16:22 we went to London so we met up in London and suddenly,

2:16:25 I'm sleeping next to him I get the exact same dream but this time I wake up

2:16:33 from the dream with heartbreak My heart felt broken

2:16:36 like it had actually happened So I wake him up,

2:16:41 I said, This was the second time I dreamt this I said, "Are you cheating on me?

2:16:45 I have the exact same dream" and he's like, "No You're crazy.

2:16:48 Are you insane?" And then my sister was also

2:16:52 there My sister is always there So he's like,

2:16:56 "Sabina, Your sister is insane your sister is crazy,

2:16:59 look what she's saying again" And I said to her, "I had this dream

2:17:02 twice now I woke up with heartbreak" there's no way" And she said,

2:17:07 "Liz, don't, don't" We went to walk and I was in a park with my sister I said,

2:17:14 "Sabina, it doesn't feel right" She said, "Liz, okay listen,

2:17:18 let's pray to God let's pray together and we're going to ask God

2:17:22 now to reveal the truth" I said "Okay" So we prayed together We said,

2:17:27 "God, please reveal the truth about these dreams" We said,

2:17:31 "Don't just give us dreams,

2:17:32 give us exact evidence" So then what happened three days later

2:17:39 I leave to go to Belgium I had to wait there before

2:17:43 I went to the United States I go to Belgium I'm

2:17:47 sitting and this girl had messaged my friend and she basically said,

2:17:51 "I have some evidence about your fiance" She

2:17:54 had found my friend who has no followers so

2:17:57 she could reach me and then I told Sabina But do you know what was even crazier?

2:18:03 I was going to bed a day before and I

2:18:08 was researching for my Oxford speech all these things about

2:18:14 feminism and suddenly whilst I'm going to bed this place

2:18:18 really started hurting which is like your third eye you know,

2:18:21 intuition started really hurting and I was thinking like,

2:18:24 "This is a sign, this is weird Why is this hurting?

2:18:26 What am I going to find out?" and then I went to sleep I wake up from it

2:18:32 and a mosquito had bit me right here again on my third eye and I was like,

2:18:38 "Something is about to happen" Something is very weird

2:18:42 then what happens I wake up the next day,

2:18:46 I get those message My friend gets those messages I told

2:18:49 her, "Ask her what it is" and I told Sabina Sabina said, "It's probably nothing,

2:18:54 probably from something before" Because even then we couldn't believe it because

2:18:58 this guy I swear he needs to go to Hollywood Give him an Oscar

2:19:03 right now The way he played himself Insane I've never seen something like

2:19:08 this So then we're sitting in the car and it was time change,

2:19:12 whatever and the girl,

2:19:13 she wakes up She sends the messages that he sent and he's saying,

2:19:21 "Are you in Dallas?" He's trying to meet up

2:19:24 with her and he's telling her that this was

2:19:27 just like an internet long-distance relationship Internet long-distance

2:19:31 but I'm pregnant I was not aware Basically, literally when I found that out no,

2:19:42 my heart dropped into my stomach I was shocked

2:19:45 I started crying immediately I was shocked I literally thought

2:19:50 I was going to miscarry my child because the two

2:19:53 days after I couldn't sleep, I didn't eat Yes,

2:19:56 I was shocked and then I just confronted him and he was like,

2:20:03 "I'm so sorry" then afterwards he told me he had been cheating

2:20:07 on me since December We got engaged in September How is that even possible?

2:20:17 It's possible But honestly that made me I needed that I really

2:20:30 needed that hurt because that just awakened something in me the fire,

2:20:35 the passion that I had it awakened and also I started

2:20:40 caring less about everything because I cared like too much and I

2:20:44 was starting to get too shy even to speak or to do

2:20:47 whatever and he just awakened me and actually I'm very,

2:20:53 very happy this happened- I needed this- Really?

2:20:56 I genuinely am, I needed this You needed more hurt in your life?

2:21:01 No, I just needed this because it woke me up

2:21:05 It did something inside of me where I was like,

2:21:07 "Oh wow" Do you still believe in love?

2:21:20 Yes, I do Yes It's a good start But you know I think I'm too delusional No,

2:21:29 I know I know people who I could be very skeptical because I see a lot of trash

2:21:36 relationships and miserable relationships Not necessarily toxic,

2:21:39 just not good ones but I know some

2:21:42 people with good marriages Few but they're good,

2:21:46 Liz So do I say it's impossible?

2:21:49 No Do I say it's rare?

2:21:51 Yes Because I don't want to say

2:21:54 roommate-kind-of marriages I don't want to say boring,

2:21:57 miserable because there are too many of those I mean healthy like

2:22:00 they laugh a lot They like each other That's nice and I like

2:22:04 to talk about the word "like" more than "love" because I think like

2:22:09 is more important than love and I'll explain why If I love you,

2:22:14 I love you, true it's a big emotion

2:22:17 and I'm devoted to you but it's very conditional

2:22:21 on our relationship If we stop I will stop loving

2:22:25 you and I'll move on but if I like you,

2:22:28 I like you as a human I like you whether you're with me or not I like you,

2:22:33 I'm a fan I'm like, "She's fucking cool" "Well,

2:22:36 good for her "She started a business,

2:22:38 good" "She has kids" I'm so happy because I like you So

2:22:42 I think we undermine how important it is to like the person you're

2:22:46 with- That's right- Not just love them but they don't like them

2:22:49 I feel like you should be like best friends In today's modern age,

2:22:54 I don't think it works otherwise But that is also

2:22:58 the most fun because you support each other You grow

2:23:02 together That's really nice I think it's good that you

2:23:06 still have hope Yes What does love mean to you today?

2:23:11 After all that you've learned Honestly,

2:23:14 love just means having fun together I really think like now

2:23:19 in a relationship I'm looking just to have fun and just

2:23:23 enjoy life It's almost like I came so far I accomplished

2:23:28 so much I just want to enjoy life now I don't

2:23:31 want to keep going through lessons I just want to really

2:23:35 start enjoying my life and I feel like having a partner

2:23:37 to do that with is a lot of fun So I

2:23:42 think that's what love is Has becoming a mother changed you?

2:23:49 Yes, a lot I think it made me way more confident Really?

2:23:56 Also very more fierce Because The instinct The instinct

2:24:04 and the thing you feel over your child it's like,

2:24:07 "Don't play with me now" I may look nice

2:24:12 but I'm not that nice I still have my father's DNA

2:24:15 in me when it comes to my child If you

2:24:24 were to see your son tomorrow What would you do?

2:24:29 Oh my God, I would be so happy I would first close

2:24:33 my doors get security guards so no one steals him again Oh my God,

2:24:39 stop, I would eat him I love him so much When

2:24:45 was the last time you saw him in front of you?

2:24:48 I think the 26th of April So it's been almost three

2:24:53 months now It's also not good for his brain For me,

2:25:00 this is so selfish to do Because you and me don't work out,

2:25:05 he shouldn't suffer I'm his mother He needs his mother,

2:25:10 it's an infant At the end of the day I was thinking

2:25:14 about it Imagine that I was not in his life anymore Okay,

2:25:18 I say when he's 12 years old he can decide for himself where he wants

2:25:22 to live I was thinking when I was

2:25:24 younger I was always thinking to myself I hope...

2:25:28 This is so crazy but I was always thinking I hope

2:25:32 I'm adopted somewhere and these adoptive parents are rich Are rich?

2:25:39 And I was thinking like they're going to ask

2:25:42 for me back At any moment So I'm thinking like If

2:25:49 I were to never see him until he's tall he's

2:25:52 going to grow up financially struggling but then he would realize,

2:25:57 "I have a rich mother" So he's living my dream

2:26:02 That's strange a lot of shit repeats in your life Yes,

2:26:06 actually But anyways I will get him, no way No way I can keep it till 12

2:26:18 What's the biggest lie you were ever told as a child?

2:26:22 That's a good question the biggest lie I was told a lot of lies The biggest

2:26:35 lie that I was told was if I was to live the way that I wanted

2:26:40 and freedom that I was going to get

2:26:42 killed That was what everyone told me "You're going

2:26:46 to die" That's a big lie But yes "Damn" That's a big one for a child No,

2:26:56 but that was always the case You know what I realized?

2:26:59 Once you break a boundary, that other people were afraid to break because

2:27:03 they think you're going to die then you realize,

2:27:06 "Oh wait, it wasn't that scary" And then these people

2:27:09 also move there That's why it's so important people,

2:27:12 they think like "If I want to make an impact I need to make a big

2:27:16 impact" "I need to do worldwide" But you don't need to You as a woman,

2:27:20 for example if you are living your best life,

2:27:22 you just choose yourself you don't accept abuse,

2:27:25 whatever you are inspiring your little niece you are inspiring even your little

2:27:29 cousin All these people are looking at you they're inspired by you

2:27:33 just living your best life So I feel like what you create

2:27:38 or whatever people only think it's valuable when it's worldwide but it's

2:27:42 always valuable even if it's in your own family even if it's

2:27:45 something so small even if it's something that just makes you happy

2:27:48 it's valuable That's true If you just wake up and you're happy

2:27:53 to live your life I think that's a good life whatever you do,

2:27:57 if you are happy overall, not every day but overall you're like, "You know,

2:28:02 my life is good" "I'm happy I have this life" It's a good life That's

2:28:06 right If you could meet your mother when she was young what would you tell her?

2:28:17 I would tell her to never get married But then

2:28:21 you wouldn't exist I would still say that You said

2:28:26 you would even give your life for her to have

2:28:28 a chance Do you act confident or are you confident?

2:28:34 I honestly am confident but look it looks insecure even saying that No,

2:28:40 it doesn't have to It's weird to say, "Yes,

2:28:43 I am confident" I think I'm confident but I think confidence also

2:28:48 has departments I could be confident on a bicycle but if you

2:28:51 put me on a skateboard I'm not so confident so I think

2:28:54 confidence is like that I could be a good public speaker but maybe

2:28:57 bad in something else I think my confidence was built through my own

2:29:02 skills through accomplishing things for myself So I think because of that, I'm

2:29:09 very confident in what I have done and in who I have

2:29:13 came out to be I'm very proud of myself and I think,

2:29:18 yes in that way I am confident but if

2:29:21 you tell me tomorrow to drive a rocket ship,

2:29:24 I don't know how to do that I wouldn't be on that rocket ship

2:29:28 for sure You would be right next to me What is an unforgivable action?

2:29:36 An unforgivable action For you I honestly think

2:29:42 betrayal I felt you're going to say betrayal

2:29:44 It's one of your childhood wounds Maybe even

2:29:48 a past life wound I don't know This betrayal,

2:29:51 since I was young didn't like it How's your relationship with money today?

2:29:57 Good, I love money It's healthy?

2:29:59 Yes, and money loves me I hope so We love each other and just honestly,

2:30:05 look I did come to a point where I started going live

2:30:10 with my sister and we have these lives where we basically say

2:30:14 what men say but the female version now this is very controversial

2:30:18 for social media and I've had a lot of brands that are like,

2:30:22 "We don't want to like work with you or we're

2:30:25 going to have to put the brand deals on hold

2:30:27 which is like my main source of income But you

2:30:30 know I was sitting and I was thinking like,

2:30:32 I don't care I don't even care about the money

2:30:35 anymore because if I want to truly make an impact

2:30:38 and if I truly want things to change then I have

2:30:42 to focus more on that than I focus on money Because

2:30:44 at the end of the day I'm good I'm stable

2:30:47 I have whatever I need but I really believe opportunities will

2:30:52 anyways come because if it's written for you it will come

2:30:56 no matter what you do If you're meant to have it,

2:30:58 you will have it there is no need to stress but I just feel like money

2:31:03 shouldn't be your only driving force if you're

2:31:06 trying to create change in the world because

2:31:09 change is controversial and you're going to be

2:31:13 scrutinized and brands want to just protect

2:31:15 their brands They don't care for your change

2:31:20 And your relationship with food today how was it?

2:31:24 I healed that already years ago- A foodie?

2:31:27 No I love food, no actually I'm gaining weight I've been

2:31:32 like eating more so I gained weight but healthy, I hope Yes,

2:31:36 it's very healthy Ever since I diverted One

2:31:39 cheeseburger per week is no problem Every day,

2:31:42 I eat cheeseburgers now I'm actually trying

2:31:46 to gain weight seriously So I was like..

2:31:49 but look, for example when I had the eating disorders and my energy was going

2:31:53 there I wasn't accomplishing anything but now

2:31:57 when I diverted the energy into my business

2:32:00 that's blooming and I don't even care about the food or whatever calories I

2:32:04 never look at it anymore but everyone was also telling me after the pregnancy,

2:32:09 "How are you so amazing?" "How are you so beautiful?" You see,

2:32:15 here you go again when you compliment yourself,

2:32:19 You don't know how to sit in one place I have ADHD No,

2:32:25 you just don't accept compliments No, it's because they were like,

2:32:29 "What's your workout routine?" Just be with a crazy baby daddy you

2:32:35 will not gain weight If you could delete one memory from your mind,

2:32:44 what would you delete?

2:32:47 I think it would probably be about

2:32:51 my disabled brother coming home That was hard when

2:32:55 I asked you it was hard on you

2:32:57 Although the other stories also were difficult You know,

2:33:00 I just really always felt very protective about oppressed

2:33:03 people and I always used to look at my brother

2:33:07 because his foot is sideways a little bit and when he walks How do you say that?

2:33:15 He has a limp Limp How can you hurt someone like that?

2:33:21 If you hurt children If you hurt disabled

2:33:24 people or people that are oppressed That's so sad,

2:33:28 you're evil and to see that is very evil It's not something anyone

2:33:35 wants to see No If women could only learn one thing from you,

2:33:43 what would you teach them?

2:33:45 I would tell them "Focus on your career and work and money"

2:33:49 "Focus on that" because I genuinely a lot of women think,

2:33:56 "I just going to go into a relationship with a man

2:33:58 where he has money he's going to provide for me"

2:34:00 but a lot of women are stuck in relationships like

2:34:03 that where they get abused and they have no financial

2:34:05 freedom if you are a woman in the world today

2:34:09 you need money and anyone needs money No one should

2:34:12 rely on anyone even a man You shouldn't rely

2:34:15 on a woman either If you look at my ex for example,

2:34:19 he went back to the old lifestyle he had after I just

2:34:22 left because I was done with this but imagine that your lifestyle

2:34:26 relies on someone else or their emotions You're completely controlled by them

2:34:31 so instead of like pouring all of this energy into again,

2:34:35 I need to be a wife I need to be

2:34:37 a mother Make sure you're stable first Make sure that if

2:34:41 anyone leaves your life you still have yourself and you still

2:34:44 have your resources that's the most important thing I keep telling,

2:34:48 if I didn't have money today, I would be my situation would be so bad so bad

2:34:52 The reason I'm still laughing is because I have money Truly,

2:34:55 because a lot of women they get their children taken

2:34:58 and can't even go to court Can't afford it so they have

2:35:02 to give up their child Now they don't have a place

2:35:05 to live The world will treat you unfairly You need stability

2:35:10 Stability is the most important thing Money also gives you

2:35:13 a lot of freedom so they should focus on their careers focus

2:35:17 on your money It's very important It's not everything but have

2:35:21 your stability What is the biggest mistake women make after a heartbreak?

2:35:29 Honestly, I feel like they just make it too

2:35:33 much about the other person "He hurt me there's something

2:35:37 wrong with me because he doesn't want me" but you

2:35:40 have to ask yourself Do you even want him?

2:35:42 Do you want a cheater?

2:35:43 Do you want an abuser?

2:35:45 No, you don't Realistically,

2:35:46 you don't but your ego is hurt right now because you think even this type

2:35:51 of man doesn't want me That's what you think but it's like you should realize

2:35:56 it was never about him or you Even if women get cheated on they think

2:36:01 "I was not good enough I should change myself then he would want me" No,

2:36:05 a cheater will cheat on anyone It doesn't matter who you are so I think they

2:36:11 should instead of focusing on that focus on yourself

2:36:14 How do you want to love yourself more?

2:36:17 How do you want to pour into yourself?

2:36:20 How do you want to rebuild yourself?

2:36:22 And once you pour the energy into yourself,

2:36:25 you will become a person that doesn't

2:36:27 even care about this person anymore you will forget them "Who is this?" And it's

2:36:31 also so beautiful because people always think "Oh,

2:36:34 you went through heartbreak you failed" "You got cheated on, you failed" But no,

2:36:38 you just evolved You went through struggle You learned a lesson

2:36:42 from it So you take the lesson Some don't learn Okay,

2:36:45 but you should learn You take the lesson and then you move

2:36:49 on and now you are in a different reality where that person

2:36:53 doesn't even exist anymore I'm in your domain now Because I

2:37:03 know you talk about manifestation What

2:37:05 is something people misunderstand about manifestation?

2:37:08 Well, they think it's like woo woo magic and all these things but it's not,

2:37:12 it's very simple I feel like manifestation is

2:37:16 manipulation of energy Wherever you direct your energy,

2:37:20 is what will come into your life We could even say,

2:37:23 I was so scared of betrayal my whole life

2:37:25 that you attracted it I might have attracted it

2:37:27 Or you attracted somebody who does it Because How

2:37:32 powerful do you become if you face your fears?

2:37:35 So if my biggest fear was getting betrayed and now I had

2:37:39 to face them I became more powerful now I care even less

2:37:43 I feel more confident after that happened So I feel like

2:37:48 with manifestation they think like it's

2:37:50 writing the thousand times someone's name No,

2:37:53 that's crazy You can also do that, maybe that also works I don't know

2:37:56 but I feel like it's more how you position your mind what you think about

2:38:00 on a daily basis what you engage with who you allow around you because

2:38:05 a lot of people allow all these people that don't have good intentions with them

2:38:09 or they belittle them They make them feel smaller That's who you are going

2:38:13 to be Because that's what they're pouring

2:38:16 into you and you're accepting it You can

2:38:19 say Just not what I deserve I deserve better and then your reality changes What

2:38:27 would you tell a woman who knows she should leave but she still loves him?

2:38:32 Well, sometimes people give the advice of "Stay until you hate the person"

2:38:37 I think this works if he's not abusive because some women can lose

2:38:42 their life over this So if you want to stay until you absolutely

2:38:47 hate the person that's on you But if he's genuinely abusive I would say,

2:38:52 Ask yourself is this truly love?

2:38:55 or have you deprived yourself of love so much

2:38:58 that you will accept breadcrumbs Social media clips They'll fly

2:39:11 This is an interesting question Would you rather lose

2:39:15 all your memories or the ability to make new ones?

2:39:24 I would maybe rather lose all my memories How many

2:39:35 people do you think would be happy with your death?

2:39:39 When I die?

2:39:41 I think a small amount I think a lot

2:39:44 of people would be sad but honestly I don't think anyone

2:39:48 should be sad because I don't think earth is our home

2:39:52 I think we have a body we rent this body,

2:39:55 but we have a soul and I think our soul goes back home and I think it's

2:40:01 beautiful there It doesn't mean that you should go

2:40:05 I'm not encouraging that but I think when it's

2:40:07 your time to come I think it's so beautiful

2:40:11 And I really think like death is going back

2:40:15 home Give me the #ABtalks card game We'll do

2:40:21 one from the card game Thanks- How's your energy?

2:40:27 Good Okay, good Mix please You're going to read tarot for me now No I'll give

2:40:34 you this the later You're going to enjoy this a lot It's a nice game So

2:40:40 I'll ask you one Then you throw this and this is how to answer So choose

2:40:46 first which one should I ask you Tell me which one This one Wait, this one?

2:40:58 I'll ask, you throw Who do you miss right this minute?

2:41:02 Okay Be open My sister Really?

2:41:09 Yes, I miss her so much She's in Dallas She's with my baby So she has a visa?

2:41:15 Yes, she can go in How come you don't have a visa?

2:41:20 Because it's like I was once sent away at the LAX airport

2:41:25 and normally you get an ESTA You can go in and out and because

2:41:28 I was sent away once Ever since I couldn't get the ESTA anymore

2:41:32 and now if I want to apply for the ESTA or the B2 visa,

2:41:36 then they need to show that I don't

2:41:38 have immigration intent but because I have a child

2:41:40 obviously they will not give it to me So Okay Tell me, Liz Are you scared?

2:41:56 No I used to be very scared when I was younger very scared

2:42:03 I grew up with so much fear inside of me and then I

2:42:07 remember one time my mom brought me to this psychic guy and he

2:42:11 was doing tarot readings and I was very young and he told me,

2:42:15 "You know?" He said, "If you let go of the fear that you have,

2:42:19 you will become extremely successful" And he said,

2:42:23 "I don't even want to say how successful

2:42:25 because I want to be realistic" "But will be

2:42:28 extremely successful" And I never understood what he meant

2:42:31 Until now I get it How old were you?

2:42:40 13 I didn't even know what he meant I thought I didn't have

2:42:45 fears but I was so scared of everything So you're not scared now?

2:42:52 No I feel like it's getting better and better and better

2:43:02 Your father is outside this door when we're done Oh,

2:43:06 no I'm so scared What would you tell him?

2:43:11 To leave me alone You're still scared of him?

2:43:15 I wouldn't want to see him I think he's frightening

2:43:18 Even if I show you a picture you'll say that's

2:43:21 a scary person You can tell there's something wrong

2:43:25 with him in the energy So you wouldn't tell him anything?

2:43:32 No Just leave me alone Leave me alone That's all

2:43:38 I have Did he try to get in touch with you?

2:43:41 Yes, he always threatened to kill me when I

2:43:44 did my social media he was going to kill

2:43:47 me his friends were sending me death threats

2:43:55 What's the best memory of your life so far?

2:43:58 The best memory was when I gave birth to my child Oh, was it a good one?

2:44:03 Oh yes Honestly, I was shocked I couldn't believe it Because you know how

2:44:08 they say like when you are a father You realize like "Oh my God,

2:44:13 there's a child"- You're shocked- Yes But I had that, I was like "What?"

2:44:17 "How did this just come out of my stomach?" "What was this?" I was shocked,

2:44:22 it was like an alien But then I was like,

2:44:25 "Oh my God" It was so hard but at the same

2:44:28 time you just see one smile Oh my God That's it,

2:44:30 I'm done This is worth it Anything you want,

2:44:34 you get My sister was like She was showing me on FaceTime he was like

2:44:40 doing something with his toys and he was

2:44:43 like drumming sound and I was like, "Okay,

2:44:45 done" "We're investing in a drumming career" "Whatever you want" You go girly

2:44:54 when you think of your child Yes I love my child so much Yes

2:45:05 If God forbid you didn't live long you didn't get to live long What

2:45:15 would be so important for you that your son would remember about his mother?

2:45:25 It would be that I was a powerful woman

2:45:32 and that I was a fighter because I think it would

2:45:36 inspire him and remind him of his strength Yes

2:45:44 And that he would understand that women are powerful You know,

2:45:48 even the reason that I left when I did was because I didn't

2:45:52 want my son to grow up and think it's okay to treat women like

2:45:56 this or I didn't want him to grow up and think that women will stay

2:46:00 if you treat them like this because a lot of parents what they do is

2:46:04 they stay together for the children They're

2:46:06 abusing each other but then the children

2:46:08 grow up to stay together for the children you're creating cycles of abuse True

2:46:15 So you have to set an example that this is not how you treat

2:46:19 women and a woman will leave if you do this Is he a good-looking boy?

2:46:28 He's so handsome I will show you pictures He's so

2:46:31 handsome- That's good- God bless very handsome Looks like me,

2:46:35 of course Well I hope at least your ex is a good father

2:46:40 you said so I just feel like it's a child raising a child

2:46:47 I feel like it's immaturity I think a truly good father like he

2:46:52 claims to be knows that the child belongs with his mother Yes You have

2:46:57 to be responsible so but other than that, yes If I could take

2:47:05 Liz's heart with everything you told me today with the good and the bad

2:47:11 and the trauma and the scared girl before who is better now and I

2:47:17 take the heart and I place it outside What would your heart tell you?

2:47:26 Probably that I'm tired I think my heart is also so tired "Give me

2:47:33 a break" Yes I think when you constantly have to be strong and you

2:47:41 constantly have to go through things and then it gets better then another

2:47:45 thing It's exhausting Do you think you're addicted to the chaos and the drama?

2:47:51 No, but I do think that I thrive in it I think I thrive best in survival

2:47:58 mode because that's all I've known so once

2:48:01 a situation repeats where again I have to survive,

2:48:04 I'm the best at it That's why you said, I thank him for that Yes,

2:48:09 because it awakened me again Then does that mean

2:48:13 if I bring Liz and she finds love and she settles down or without love you just

2:48:17 settle down and you're calm and there's no drama,

2:48:20 no intensity Would you need that again to revive you?

2:48:24 I don't think so I think I just want a fun relationship I just want to have fun,

2:48:30 I want to laugh and stuff That's also good

2:48:32 for me I don't need to have drama all these things

2:48:36 Because you know some people say what they want but they

2:48:38 don't really want it Subconsciously They keep attracting Yes No,

2:48:43 no Because you know my relationship before was very calm Very,

2:48:48 very calm and it lasted a long time but then it ended horrible Why?

2:48:52 How did it end?

2:48:54 I don't want to say You said everything already This one,

2:48:57 I cannot say It was not good From your side or from his side?

2:49:02 No, his side but let's just say we fought Elbow?

2:49:11 Very bad Have you been in touch after?

2:49:16 He reached out but, no It's also when you change when you

2:49:23 like move on from someone you just never see them again because

2:49:27 he used to live 5 minutes from me I never saw him

2:49:30 again It's like they don't exist in your reality anymore In the simulation,

2:49:40 they don't exist anymore They get removed Last

2:49:49 question before I say a few things Liz,

2:49:52 in one word I think strong Strong You believe this?

2:50:04 Yes Yes I think you are So what I

2:50:10 wanted to say is at the beginning of the interview,

2:50:15 you said "I'm numb" I think you're the opposite

2:50:21 of numb I think you're so sensitive that it freaks

2:50:26 you out Yes But you like to say that you're

2:50:30 numb because it's like a bandage or a cover, right?

2:50:35 and I want to say that Don't be afraid to feel

2:50:46 It's a beautiful thing about you You have feelings You can

2:50:51 still feel life You can still feel pain You can still

2:50:54 laugh You can still feel joy It's quite a blessing that you

2:50:57 can still feel Yes So don't say that you're numb

2:51:02 Not allowed anymore Okay That makes a lot of sense actually

2:51:09 And the other thing I was thinking about One thing I was

2:51:16 thinking about is that I think you will see your son Yes?

2:51:20 Psychic prediction?

2:51:21 I don't know, I'm not a psychic It's just a feeling I think

2:51:24 you're a very determined woman and I think you could be a really

2:51:29 good mom Yes I literally want to be the reason I only had

2:51:34 the child at the time that I did was because I was like,

2:51:38 "I have savings, I have everything and stability,

2:51:41 now I want my child" Like I told you,

2:51:44 I was like a mother to my mother The mother role perfect

2:51:48 for me- It's familiar- Yes People just think that to be a mother,

2:51:54 you only have to be a mother No,

2:51:56 like they're still their own person I still want to work,

2:51:59 I want to have a relationship I want to be happy as well but I am also a mother

2:52:04 and I want to take care of my child That makes me very happy but he said to me,

2:52:12 that if I come to Canada so I'm actually might go to Canada that if

2:52:20 I come to Canada I can see my son there for a week then I

2:52:24 have to prove there that I'm a good mother Yes and he said then he

2:52:29 will think about it if it makes sense for him to move to Dubai I think,

2:52:35 look any man also, especially if you're still I don't want

2:52:41 to call him immature I don't know him but a man

2:52:44 who is still maybe growing and leveling up or maturing

2:52:48 it is a burden to take care of a baby Yes,

2:52:51 no he is a burden He'll feel it and then the moment he knows

2:52:55 "She can relieve me of this duty and I can be a part-time father" Naturally,

2:53:00 if there's no ego attached he should want you

2:53:02 to take care of the child because his son

2:53:04 will be healthier Yes Especially if you're a great

2:53:08 mom and he gets to see him part time which is convenient for somebody who's not

2:53:12 ready to be a full-time father I offered him

2:53:14 I had even offered him $300,000 I said I'm

2:53:17 going to buy my child give him He said,

2:53:20 "I will give him for one year and then I will take him again" I said,

2:53:25 "No deal So then I offered him two days ago I said 150,

2:53:29 give him for one year I just want him for one year He said,

2:53:32 "No" So I don't know what he wants because he wants child support

2:53:37 from me so you want money but then when I offer you money,

2:53:41 you also say no so you just want to make

2:53:43 me miserable- You think so- Yes He just wants

2:53:46 to make me miserable Even though he needs money

2:53:50 This is the situation he needs money I hope you figure

2:53:57 it out Now it's going to go just through courts

2:54:02 and the last thing that's on my mind before I

2:54:05 let you run away I'm already going is You're tired

2:54:17 I can see how tired you are It's okay too,

2:54:23 not tired face No, thank you so much No,

2:54:26 I don't mean your face I know cause women get offended if

2:54:29 I say you look tired I don't say you look tired Yes,

2:54:32 I know I think you're Especially when you first came,

2:54:39 I could tell how you're in fight mode technically and I

2:54:46 think it's okay to know that with certain people maybe less

2:54:50 than five in your life You should let go a bit

2:54:54 because some people will protect you and they will defend you

2:54:57 and they'll fight for you Thank you It's okay to be

2:55:04 tired You're still strong tired I'm a warrior while tired Warriors get

2:55:10 tired too Thank you for today Thank you so much for having

2:55:15 me I appreciate it I appreciate you Before you run away,

2:55:20 I need you for a few minutes It's been eight years on the show

2:55:24 and we're working on something very cool with the team but we need your help,

2:55:27 your opinion We need to get to know you

2:55:29 better to do this really cool thing The link

2:55:31 is in the description I hope you take

2:55:33 your time Answer it and I will see you soon