Michelle Obama has advice for girl's battling self-doubt

0:00 I wanted to ask you, Mrs.

0:01 Obama, you know, so many women struggle with self-doubt, do you?

0:07 And if you do.

0:08 How do you push past it?

0:11 Mm hmm.

0:12 I talk about this all the time, especially with the young girls I meet,

0:16 because they look at people like us in these positions.

0:19 And they think, well, you must have been born into that place,

0:24 which is the 11 of the reasons why when I meet with young girls,

0:27 I don't care where in the world it is.

0:28 I don't want them to know.

0:29 Michelle Obama, the former first lady.

0:32 I want them to know.

0:32 Michelle Obama, that girl from the Southside of Chicago.

0:36 I want to break down that that wall of impossibility

0:39 to let them know that I am them and they are me.

0:43 And yes, every other moment I feel self-doubt because when

0:48 you and Sissi he intentionally does that to women and girls,

0:52 it starts at a very early age.

0:54 We are.

0:56 We question our value, our worth.

0:58 We question how we look how we talk, where we're from.

1:03 They are people with power who want us to stay small.

1:06 They want us to stay doubtful.

1:08 And so our cultures reinforce that.

1:11 So the one thing I want young girls

1:13 to understand is that those feelings are real.

1:16 They are not crazy.

1:17 They are they they are indoctrinated in us all.

1:22 And we carry them around with us our entire lives.

1:26 And I don't care how far you go,

1:28 whether you go to the White House, you are constantly batting away.

1:33 Those negative messages are being not enough.

1:36 And yes, I deal with that to and I don't want young women,

1:41 young girls to get ahead of themselves to think that they have

1:44 to fix it all now in order to break the cycles of negativity,

1:50 you got to get up every day and do the work right before you.

1:54 That means getting your education when the opportunity presents itself.

1:59 And then focusing on that, doing the work,

2:02 doing your homework, getting to the next stage in life.

2:05 Because if you take those small steps over time,

2:09 you build up a lifetime of another story for yourself.

2:12 No one can do that for you.

2:14 You have to look over your life.

2:16 And we as women sometimes feel like we have to have done everything

2:20 right before we can take credit for the things that we have done.

2:24 But there is power and what we do every day.

2:27 And I have to remind myself of that every single moment.

2:31 But now that I'm older, I can now look back and say, yeah, I am worthy.

2:37 I have value, but is not because I'm sitting here.

2:42 I had that value when I was three,

2:44 when I was five, when I was seven, when I was 12.

2:47 And for the young girls out there,

2:48 you have it now you just have to take the time

2:51 to realize it and be patient with yourself as you do it.

2:54 Because the process takes a lifetime takes a lifetime.

3:02 I am trippin right now that you just

3:04 said that you deal with self-doubt all the time,

3:06 like somehow that didn't seem to right in the back.

3:09 Write back there.

3:10 Me too.

3:11 Right back there I was like, Don't trip, don't follow me.

3:15 Don't I?

3:16 The same the same things Amal and I were like, What are you wearing?

3:20 Is this color right?

3:21 Well, this be stupid to be doing this work with you and also,

3:25 what are you wearing?

3:27 So what do you do, Amal, when self-doubt attacks you?

3:31 Because that's what it feels like, right?

3:32 It kind of feels like an attack.

3:34 I don't know.

3:35 I mean, I think I get super charged by the people I

3:39 love and just having an amazing family and friendships and, you know,

3:44 now two kids who are kind of looking up

3:46 at you expecting you to have all the answers.

3:48 And if it's put a fine point on why we're doing all of this, you know,

3:53 and I think it's I imagine them kind of and they're only five,

3:59 so they're not quite on top of current events.

4:01 Yeah.

4:02 And if you don't believe that, I bet you they know more than most people.

4:07 Well, actually, my son drew a picture the other day of a prison,

4:10 and he was like, Putin should be in here.

4:12 And I was like, oh, my goodness.

4:15 Maybe I went a little I didn't know anyone.

4:17 I don't know what he overheard, but I am working on Ukraine now.

4:22 I you know, but I do think about

4:24 in a few years when maybe five or more when they

4:28 sort of start to learn about some of these issues

4:30 that we're talking about and what's happening in the world.

4:32 And, you know, when they ask us, what did you do about this?

4:36 What did you say about that?

4:38 You know, what will my answer be?

4:40 And I, I hope it will be a good one.

4:42 I think it's important to tell all girls

4:44 that you can be whatever you want to be.

4:46 You can be a mom and a working mom or a working woman

4:50 and not a mom or mom and stay home like all of these choices are.

4:55 Okay.

4:56 And guess what?

4:56 You can also get it wrong with your kids.

4:58 So same thing.

4:59 My kids my daughter was five my oldest,

5:01 and she told her doll to lay down because it

5:04 had HIV aids and she needed to take care of it.

5:06 And I thought, oh, my God, I've gone way too far on my work.

5:10 No, prison drawings?

5:11 No.

5:13 I have one question that I'd like you all

5:15 to answer because I thought this is a brilliant idea.

5:18 So the Girls Opportunity Alliance asked girls

5:21 to write to their 25 year old self.

5:24 And since we are so young, I'm going to ask you to reverse that.

5:29 What would you and I'll start here with you, Melinda,

5:32 what would you tell your 25 year old self now that you've lived

5:39 a life I would say life is even more beautiful ahead than you realize.

5:46 And I would say to my 25 year old self,

5:48 you knew in high school who you were and you

5:52 let go of some of that for lots of reasons.

5:55 People, situations, college people around you,

5:59 you knew who you were and once you learn to re be the girl you

6:03 were in high school is when you grew into the full woman that you could be.

6:08 Boom Mrs.

6:10 Obama, that part just simply what I would tell myself, you are good enough,

6:19 you are valued, you are worthy, your story matters, your voice matters.

6:24 You will do the great things that you know you can do.

6:27 There was something that struck a chord.

6:29 It's like we all knew who we were when we were little.

6:33 We knew our power.

6:35 Then it was just second guessed.

6:37 So I would tell myself to follow that instinct that pay attention

6:43 to that flame in you because it is real and keep it fueled.

6:48 And don't let anybody try to blow it out because you're going to need it.

6:53 Once you in.

6:55 It's so inspiring to hear Mrs.

6:57 Obama and Melinda Gates share about what they

7:01 would tell themselves in their 25 years old.

7:03 I think the best thing I would say is if there's nothing,

7:07 if there's something good that someone can be put to invest on and has

7:13 the best interest in this world is

7:16 knowledge and let's keep on encouraging our girls.

7:21 Keep on doin it.

7:23 Keep on believe in yourself.

7:25 Keep on.

7:26 You'll get in there.

7:27 Keep on Let's get her there.

7:33 No interest among them, what they said.

7:37 I know it's hard being last on this one.

7:40 You know, I would say define failure as not trying because

7:46 actually going for things and falling flat on your face is fine.

7:50 It's a learning experience.

7:51 It makes you stronger.

7:52 But if you don't try and if you don't actually follow

7:56 your dreams or even admit what they are and go for it,

8:00 something that will stay with you.

8:01 So the idea is go for it.

8:04 Get there and get others there because you do work all around the world.

8:08 Where in the world are you most concerned about?

8:11 What is happening to girls and women right now?

8:16 Everywhere?

8:17 It's unfortunately I mean, you know,

8:21 at the moment I'm working on with our foundation

8:24 gathering evidence of crimes being committed against women and girls,

8:27 among others in Ukraine.

8:29 You know, I've spent seven years working on cases where I represent

8:34 women who were victims of enslavement and sexual violence committed by ISIS.

8:39 And that's women from Syria and Iraq.

8:42 We know one in three girls in the world

8:44 has suffered sexual or gender based violence.

8:47 That's a huge number.

8:48 And the problem is it's going to keep happening if we don't have accountability.

8:52 So at our foundation, we call what we do waging justice, because,

8:56 you know, we cannot assume that justice is just going to happen.

9:00 You have to actually fight for it.

9:02 You have to make it happen.

9:03 And, you know, you can't even assume that things

9:07 are going to move in the right direction.

9:08 We are think backsliding.

9:10 You know, ask a girl in Afghanistan where the clocks have turned back.

9:13 20 years on her rights set against that.

9:16 I do also see through my work the bravest people in the world

9:21 being women and young girls who sometimes have suffered the worst crimes,

9:26 you know, genocide and sexual enslavement.

9:29 And they are the ones fighting back, fighting for justice.

9:32 And I have to say you know, today,

9:34 watching on our screens what's happening in Iran with girls who've suffered,

9:39 you know, the worst brutality, but a protest movement and you know,

9:44 being led by girls in school uniform who are facing off

9:48 against a regime that is using force to torture and kill.

9:52 And they're still determined because if they're not the ones on the front lines,

9:56 they they can't rely on others for change.

9:59 And I think that's incredible.

10:00 And I think it also gives us perspective If

10:03 girls like that can risk everything to, you know,

10:06 just be free to show their hair and have just basic freedoms,

10:10 then we can all do more, you know, from where we're sitting.

10:14 And so I, I find that really inspiring.