You’re Not Stuck. You’re the Problem. | Tony Robbins Full Intervention

0:00 Is it a skill problem or a psychology problem?

0:02 Quick, on the surface, most of you would buy this theory.

0:04 She doesn't have working capital, but it's psychology.

0:07 See, you all think this is a business issue.

0:09 There is no such thing as a business issue.

0:11 It's always a personal issue.

0:13 The chokeold on the growth of this business

0:15 is what the psychology and skills of the leader.

0:18 Fear is the basis of all your lack of progress.

0:20 The real truth is she's scared.

0:22 And that's what's getting in the way of everything.

0:24 What are you scared of?

0:25 What's the truth?

0:27 I'm by myself.

0:28 What if I can't do it?

0:37 What's your name?

0:38 Where you from?

0:39 I'm Pixie.

0:40 Pixie.

0:40 What a cool name.

0:42 Thanks.

0:42 Pixie, where you from?

0:44 Charleston, South Carolina.

0:45 FROM SOUTH CAROLINA, LADIES and gentlemen.

0:49 Tell us, Pixie, what business you in.

0:51 How's business?

0:52 I'm in business development currently.

0:56 Uh focusing on distilleries.

1:01 Okay.

1:01 And how's business?

1:02 Business is good.

1:05 Mhm.

1:08 How many got that?

1:10 She said it with a affirmation.

1:11 Business is good.

1:12 That means it's not in trouble.

1:14 It's doing pretty good, right?

1:16 Pretty good.

1:17 And what's the choke hold on the growth to the next level?

1:20 Working capital.

1:22 Really?

1:23 So tell me about that.

1:24 Explain that to me

1:27 to open the markets that I'm in.

1:29 By the way, just to help you,

1:30 whenever somebody has a limiting belief from now on, if we hear it,

1:35 we'll be totally respectful because it's not about making somebody wrong.

1:38 Cuz how many of us have limiting beliefs you're not even aware of?

1:40 How many of you can think of something you used to believe 10 years

1:42 ago that you would have fought to defend

1:45 that today you think it's pretty absurd?

1:46 You even believe that[ __] Say, "I." I.

1:49 So, there's zero judgment.

1:50 You You follow me on this?

1:51 If you do this with judgment, it doesn't work.

1:53 I've had challenges bringing in capital.

1:56 I get offers.

1:58 They're just not offers that I'm happy with.

2:01 I see.

2:01 So, it's not working capital is the problem.

2:03 It's having working capital at the price points or valuations you want.

2:07 That recognizes my value.

2:09 And why are people not recognizing your value that you see?

2:14 Lots of people tell me different reasons.

2:16 They tell you different reasons.

2:17 What's the real reason?

2:20 What are the reasons they tell you?

2:22 I think my business I'm making it more complicated than it they can understand.

2:30 More compet than they can understand or more complicated than

2:32 allows a business to be able to grow exponentially and scale.

2:40 My background in financial services made me give so many

2:45 of the risks and try to make sure that people

2:47 were absolutely prepared that they could lose their money

2:52 that I think I'm continue to do the same thing.

2:57 So I can almost talk them out of investing in me because

3:01 I care for their risk even though I don't think I'm very risky.

3:08 So, is it a working capital problem?

3:09 Yes or no?

3:11 Yes or no?

3:13 No.

3:12 Is it a skill problem or a psychology problem?

3:14 Quick.

3:17 Psychology.

3:16 How many see this immediately?

3:18 But on the surface, most of you would buy this theory.

3:20 She doesn't have working capital because many of you say, "Me,

3:22 too." But your reason may be different than hers, but it's the same reason.

3:28 It's psychology.

3:29 Her psychology is I need to protect them at all costs.

3:33 But right now, she feels like she talks them out of it.

3:35 There's truth in that.

3:37 But she also gave us some insight that's even more true.

3:39 She's making the business too complex.

3:41 It is not a business if it is not duplicatable.

3:43 It's a[ __] job.

3:45 A job with a lot of risk.

3:48 Some of you do not have a business.

3:50 You're self-employed.

3:51 And by the way, I'm not being derogatory.

3:53 You must know if you're in this room, I[ __] die for you.

3:55 Well, no, I won't do that because I've almost done that recently.

3:57 __] that.

3:58 But I would give my all for you 20 hours a day.

4:01 No matter how I feel.

4:01 I'm here to serve you.

4:02 But to serve you, got to tell you the truth.

4:04 There's nothing wrong with being self-employed.

4:06 If you're self-employed, you get to call the shots.

4:08 You get to decide the time and energy, the money, all those things.

4:11 But you are always going to be an operator and you

4:13 will always be stressed and you will never have freedom because you

4:18 never even if you want to have the ability to sell

4:20 that business because it's too[ __] complex or it's too dependent upon you.

4:25 It is not a business.

4:27 McDonald's, do they make the best burger?

4:29 Yes or no?

4:31 No.

4:31 the most successful company of its type in the world

4:34 because they built a system that an idiot can join.

4:37 Anyone can be put in.

4:38 You can replace the people.

4:39 The system is solid.

4:40 A business is a system of adding value.

4:43 If you don't have a system that you can't walk away from, you cannot sell it.

4:47 If you cannot sell it, it is not a business.

4:49 Now, many of you in this room are

4:50 a psychology of I don't ever want to sell this.

4:53 And I understand that.

4:54 We'll explain this later on.

4:56 But it's a mistake.

4:57 It's not a mistake that you don't want to sell it.

4:58 It's a mistake not to run it as if you were

5:00 going to because if you run it as a business that's scalable,

5:03 you will be more profitable if you keep a business.

5:06 You'll have more choices and you'll have more freedom.

5:09 So right now this business is

5:10 dependent primarily upon whose decision-m capabilities.

5:14 So it's not about mine.

5:15 I'm asking whose is it?

5:17 Um okay a lot about mine but but I'm

5:21 saw that if you saw that first gut reaction.

5:24 No it's not.

5:24 Yes it Well, no, because so we're a familyrun business.

5:28 I have nine children.

5:30 Six of them are running the distilleries and they really

5:33 are all independent CEOs and they do make the decisions.

5:36 They run the operations.

5:38 I get to come out and do the rain makingaking.

5:40 We do build high visibility brands and negotiations

5:43 to try to move some of those brands.

5:45 It took time to build them up to the point where they can be sold.

5:48 John Paul Deory is a good friend of mine.

5:50 Good.

5:50 Mine too.

5:51 That's cool.

5:53 And and so I'm just that's where I'm I'm stuck.

5:57 Well, there do you know all the electricity in this room comes from where?

6:01 Anybody know?

6:03 Hoover Dam.

6:04 It's not far from here.

6:05 It's built in the 1920s, right?

6:07 During the depression and were employed people, they built this dam.

6:10 It's one of the largest dams in the world.

6:11 Hydro power.

6:13 When they were building it,

6:15 six people during the time of building fell in and they're still there.

6:19 They're stuck.

6:21 If you're not in Hoover Dam, you're not[ __] stuck.

6:24 But your psychology, your psychology is stuck.

6:27 How many follow this?

6:29 Right?

6:29 And when you think you're stuck mentally, you are.

6:33 There is no stuck.

6:33 This is pure psychology.

6:35 This has nothing to do with a business whatsoever.

6:37 The chokeold on the growth of this business is what?

6:40 The psychology and skills of the leader.

6:42 And it's more psychology than skills here.

6:44 At least 80%.

6:44 How many follow here?

6:45 Say I.

6:47 I.

6:47 So help me with what you're stuck with because I'm unclear.

6:53 I'm trying to get my valuations high enough so

6:59 that right now I don't have any debt or investors.

7:02 I built this by myself.

7:06 Okay.

7:05 And I'm doing about now.

7:09 By the way, I did the same thing for years and was equally proud.

7:12 Sometimes that's[ __] stupid.

7:14 Yes, it is because you're not able to scale.

7:16 You're limited to what you can physically do.

7:18 that makes you stay an operator.

7:21 So, it sounds good, but I don't know any truly

7:24 successful business that doesn't have any investors or any debt.

7:28 There's only very few.

7:31 So, it feels good to an individual.

7:33 She's trying to meet her needs.

7:35 She is not thinking like an owner.

7:37 She's thinking like an operator.

7:39 That is her problem.

7:40 Raise your hand if you follow it.

7:42 It's not a capital problem.

7:44 It's not a quality product problem.

7:46 It doesn't appear to be.

7:47 Seems like the business is growing.

7:48 if other people are interested in investing in it.

7:50 It's a psychology problem.

7:52 And that psychology she's getting in her own way.

7:54 And she's got all kinds of reasons.

7:56 I'm talking people out of it's one reason.

7:57 I'm not getting enough valuations.

7:59 Another reason.

7:59 I'm following you is another reason.

8:01 She's got every reason except the truth.

8:06 You're the only reason.

8:07 So what is it that's getting in the way?

8:09 And you.

8:12 One thing you've told me is you talk people out of the business.

8:14 Why you talk them out?

8:15 You say, "Cuz I don't want to have risk." Well,

8:17 if you believe in your business as much as you say you do,

8:19 then it wouldn't be much risk.

8:22 So, maybe you don't believe it as much as you think you do.

8:25 No, I do.

8:26 Or is it you think you should have no investors?

8:28 Cuz notice she was very proud of that.

8:29 How many noticed that?

8:30 Raise your hand.

8:30 No investors, no debt.

8:32 She's really proud of that.

8:33 Well, that can be a good thing, but not if you're trying to grow.

8:37 I I was saying that's where I am now.

8:39 My hallucination was that I had to figure out

8:41 to get the highest valuation so that I wouldn't

8:44 be arguing my value because it's it's a disruptive

8:48 platform and it was hard to explain it to people.

8:51 So I just said, "Oh, I'm just going to do it and show them." Great.

8:54 So now you've done that.

8:56 Yes.

8:56 And now I'm afraid.

8:58 Okay.

8:58 So now we got to the real piece.

9:00 Raise your hand if you vote.

9:01 We've gone through this whole conversation to get to the truth.

9:03 The real truth is she's scared.

9:05 And that's what's getting in the way of everything.

9:07 What are you scared of?

9:10 What's the truth?

9:13 I'm

9:13 like, what if I

9:14 We're on your side.

9:14 You don't have to feel bad about this cuz once you know what it is,

9:17 you can fix it, honey.

9:18 What if I can't do it?

9:20 I'm by myself.

9:21 I know that.

9:22 We've heard that story four times.

9:24 You tell that story all the time.

9:27 And then you get tears like this and you feel sad

9:29 inside and you connect with yourself by telling that you're alone.

9:34 It's the way you feel sorry for yourself.

9:35 And by the way, I'm not judging you.

9:37 Please feel me.

9:37 I'm pouring love into you right now.

9:39 May not feel like love in the moment, but it really is.

9:41 Honey, you have a habit that is in the way.

9:46 Your habit is I'm on my own.

9:48 I've been on my own forever.

9:49 And there's some pride in that.

9:50 And there's sadness in that.

9:51 You're not on your own.

9:52 You have six children.

9:53 Is that what you said that are running these things?

9:54 Yeah.

9:54 Six running, but nine kids, five grandkids, and nine kids.

9:57 That's pretty awesome.

9:58 So, you got six kids, so you're not alone.

9:59 You don't have a man in your life, it sounds like.

10:01 Is that true?

10:03 True.

10:03 Or a woman.

10:04 Do you want a woman or a man?

10:06 Man.

10:06 Okay.

10:06 just I don't want to assume[ __] in the day and age we're in today, you know.

10:10 Okay.

10:10 So, you want a man, there's not a man in your life.

10:13 And how much of that affects you on a day-to-day basis?

10:18 A lot.

10:19 Yes.

10:20 See, you all think this is a business issue.

10:24 There is no such thing as a business issue.

10:25 It's always a personal issue.

10:28 It's always something in you that needs to shift to go to the next level.

10:32 Some things like this you don't see at first and then they become obvious.

10:34 Some things are almost never obvious unless you dig.

10:37 Fear is the basis of all your lack of progress.

10:40 And many of you are fearless type of people, so you don't relate to this at all.

10:44 But you're fearless while you're in your threshold of control.

10:48 If you get beyond your threshold of control,

10:50 you will discover that there's fear in there because it's in all

10:53 human beings because what we all have is a 2 million-y old brain.

10:55 And it's designed to look for what's wrong and fight it or flight from it,

10:59 run from it, or freeze and hope nobody notices.

11:02 And that's what people do in business

11:03 and they don't even know that's what's going on.

11:05 There is no saber-tooth tiger that's going to kill you anymore.

11:07 So now we worry about what people think, how much money we have.

11:10 And this woman is doing quite well.

11:12 Even if there's a struggle to have

11:14 this many kids all running different distilleries,

11:16 she's doing pretty freaking well.

11:18 And life in the business is good, right?

11:23 But she's afraid if I sell this business, what are you really afraid of?

11:32 If I get these investors, what are you really afraid of?

11:34 I'll lose control.

11:36 That's right.

11:36 And you have the illusion that you're in control.

11:38 Now, by the way, this need to control is why she's alone.

11:47 Feeling alone.

11:48 She isn't really alone, but she's feeling alone.

11:51 She's valuing this sense of certainty.

11:54 Are you following me on this now?

11:56 And significance.

11:58 Those are the driving forces right now and they are

12:00 trapping her because she's also connecting with herself through her pain.

12:06 Her pain is I don't have a man in my life.

12:07 I got to do the whole[ __] thing myself.

12:10 But she's focused on what she doesn't have instead of what she does have.

12:14 You can't build on failure.

12:16 So she's building and she she straps herself to it.

12:19 She makes herself grow.

12:20 She's a very[ __] strong woman.

12:22 But she gets tired of being[ __] strong.

12:24 Don't you?

12:27 Yes.

12:26 What's this really about?

12:29 Tell yourself the truth, Pixie.

12:32 Cool name.

12:33 I'm I'm really pissed off.

12:36 I'm really pissed off about what?

12:38 I have worked my ass off my whole life.

12:41 I supported a man.

12:42 I built him to big big big business.

12:44 I did all the work.

12:45 I had all the kids.

12:46 I took nothing.

12:47 I slaved.

12:48 I wanted nothing.

12:49 I got no significance, no recognition.

12:52 And then at the top of the game, he walked out the door.

12:57 Yes.

12:57 And then you took all that you built.

13:00 And now I don't know what to do.

13:01 I do know what to do.

13:02 I'm afraid to do.

13:03 Give her a hand for that.

13:04 She knows what to do.

13:04 She's afraid to do it.

13:05 Right.

13:10 So, forget the fear for a moment and tell me, what do you need to do?

13:14 __] the fear for a moment.

13:16 Just put it aside.

13:18 What do you need to do?

13:19 Cuz here's the deal.

13:21 You're living in the story of your past.

13:23 And here's the truth.

13:24 You did all those things because you chose to do them.

13:26 I'm not saying he was a good man.

13:27 I don't know.

13:28 Have you made a good man, terrible man?

13:29 Maybe lazy ass.

13:30 I don't know.

13:31 I'm not here to deal with him cuz he's not here.

13:34 I'll be happy to deal with him.

13:35 I'll[ __] him up for you.

13:36 We'll make things straight,[ __]

13:38 But in the meantime, that's not going to change your life.

13:40 The only going to change your life are your decisions.

13:42 And you made the choice to do all

13:43 those things truthfully because it fulfilled you at some level.

13:47 Yes.

13:47 So don't give me this[ __] about how you sacrifice.

13:49 This is what everybody does in postmortem.

13:52 Yes.

13:52 But you did at the time because it fulfilled you.

13:54 Now you're not fulfilled because it didn't end the way you wanted it to.

13:57 But you do have the business and you

13:59 do have your children which are pretty magnificent.

14:01 It sounds like cuz most people's children,

14:03 you know, they're off doing something else.

14:04 Your children are all in business with you.

14:06 Most of them.

14:07 So you have a family business that you love and it's grown and it's doing well.

14:12 But the story that I built all this and sacrificed and have nothing.

14:16 I'm stuck because what you really want is you don't

14:18 want to have to use your masculine all the time.

14:19 True.

14:21 Yes.

14:21 And you develop the masculine because you had to.

14:24 Yes.

14:23 How[ __] cool is that?

14:24 Means you have access to feminine and masculine.

14:27 But you can't be in control and in a relationship with a masculine man.

14:33 That's why you're alone.

14:35 Because it takes opposite energies to have an attraction that's that strong.

14:40 That's not to say she can't have a relationship,

14:42 but she can't have a dynamic, passionate relationship cuz she's the masculine.

14:46 So, who's she going to bring?

14:47 A feminine man.

14:48 And then she'll be in the beginning happy cuz she could control him.

14:52 That's why you like that guy.

14:54 But then you end up being angry because you can't trust someone

14:57 who you can control because that means some other woman could control him.

15:02 And so you lost respect for him.

15:04 You lost polarity with him.

15:06 True.

15:07 Yes.

15:07 So then you took over more and used more of your masculine.

15:10 And by the way, it's wonderful.

15:10 You can do anything you want.

15:11 Any woman can use her masculine or feminine.

15:13 Any man can have masculine.

15:14 Do we both?

15:15 Do we all have both?

15:16 Yes or no?

15:17 But we have a core.

15:18 And if your core is not respected, even if you succeed, you're unfulfilled.

15:22 Her core is feminine.

15:23 She's just been away from it forever.

15:26 And she thinks she has to be masculine to run her business, which is not true.

15:29 Feminine has more power if it's used properly.

15:32 If you think masculine has more power,

15:33 watch a feminine woman walk by with a bunch of masculine men.

15:36 They can't even[ __] control themselves.

15:38 Who's in charge?

15:39 She's in charge.

15:40 It isn't even looks.

15:42 It's freedom.

15:43 A woman that is h gentlemen,

15:44 how many think a woman who is truly happy messes you up?

15:47 How many gentlemen here think that's one of the sexiest things in the world?

15:50 Make some noise.

15:50 The ladies hear you.

15:53 Every man here who's visual, and most men are triggered to be visual.

15:56 It's the way we're wired.

15:58 Will respond visually a certain woman.

16:00 But every man here knows it's like to be around a super attractive woman

16:02 who's just horrible to be with, who's so full of herself, so whatever, right?

16:07 And I know you ladies know what it's like to be around a guy that's like that.

16:10 Same thing.

16:11 You It's really handsome, but holy[ __] being in relationship with him is hell.

16:14 All he cares about is himself, right?

16:16 So, we're not looking at that.

16:17 We're saying she can have what she really wants,

16:19 but she can't have it as long as she stays in this masculine mode.

16:23 Who's running the business?

16:25 She can't be that all the time if she wants to be fulfilled.

16:29 and she's angry that she's not fulfilled

16:31 and she's worried that she'll never have that fulfillment.

16:33 So, the business is clouded by what's going on with her personally.

16:38 Raise your hand if you follow this.

16:40 So, is she smart enough to figure this out?

16:41 Yes or no?

16:43 But what she doesn't want to do is be out of control because she thinks out

16:46 of control equals pain when the truth is

16:48 you aren't in control in the first place.

16:50 The most you have is influence.

16:53 And you know, if you get great at influence,

16:55 you'll have the illusion of control.

16:56 What you really have is influence.

16:58 You can't even control your kids even though you think you can.

17:00 They'll still do what the[ __] they

17:01 want even if you've conditioned them long enough.

17:03 Eventually, they'll do what any masculine man will do.

17:06 They'll break out.

17:08 You can't hold somebody in one place like that.

17:11 So, I want you to get here.

17:12 We talking about business.

17:14 This is what's really going on.

17:16 What's the chokeold?

17:17 Her psychology.

17:18 It isn't even skill.

17:19 It's just pure psychology because she wants to be in control.

17:23 By the way, some of you can't relate to this.

17:24 You go, "Oh, that I'm not like that.

17:25 I have a great relationship." But you're equally committed to control,

17:28 which is why you're a[ __] operator.

17:31 That's why you're still stressed.

17:33 Because the only way you're going to be able to grow businesses dynamically,

17:36 any business, is not be in control.

17:38 Cuz once you're in control, you're going to make all the decisions.

17:40 Somebody makes a mistake and you go crazy

17:42 and then you start doing it yourself again.

17:44 The only way I was able to grow is to go through the pain of it's like children.

17:48 They're going to make their own choices and some

17:49 aren't going to be great and they affect you,

17:52 but that's the only way they're going to learn.

17:54 You can teach them, you can share with them,

17:56 but you got to get through those stages.

17:58 And you got better at picking partners or business associates.

18:00 In your case, maybe partners as well.

18:03 By the way, who'd you stick with?

18:04 Everybody she has the sense of control of.

18:06 For kids, but there's no man there cuz

18:11 no man wants to be controlled is masculine.

18:12 A little feminine guy will.

18:14 And it doesn't have to be gay to be feminine.

18:16 Some guys have been nurtured to be feminine.

18:19 They've been taught by their mothers to please everybody.

18:21 How many of you ladies in the room can't

18:22 stand a man who's always trying to please you?

18:24 Drives you[ __] crazy.

18:25 Make some noise if it's true.

18:28 Men are confused by this.

18:29 But if I don't please her, she's pissed.

18:33 What the[ __] There's a difference, gentlemen,

18:36 between pleasing a woman and being a pleaser, isn't there, ladies?

18:40 Right?

18:40 But she's picked pleasers in the past and then she ends up resenting them.

18:44 She's picked people she could control.

18:47 Your only way out of this is to give up the illusion of control because

18:50 you're not you're not in control of where you're going to live or die tomorrow.

18:52 A truck could hit you.

18:54 Something could happen to you.

18:55 Something happened to your business.

18:57 You have very little control.

18:58 You have influence.

19:01 And you can have influence with these new investors.

19:03 You can influence with new people.

19:04 If you increase your skills and you

19:06 shift your psychology from control to influence,

19:09 by the way, that's a little more collaborative, but that's how you grow things.

19:13 I'm a partnership model.

19:15 Yes, I I hear that.

19:16 But then there's partnership model.

19:17 Then there's reality what's going inside you.

19:20 Because the truth is you'd have some partners

19:22 right now if you thought you could control them.

19:26 And one of the reasons she wants to cover all their risk

19:28 is she doesn't want the risk of someone she can't control.

19:33 And she talks them out because she

19:34 doesn't really want somebody there she can't control.

19:36 And she's bringing somebody new in outside the family.

19:40 Raise your hand if you follow this.

19:43 So the person running this business shouldn't be the person

19:46 running this business if you want to grow it.

19:48 So what do you want to do?

19:48 Do you want to keep growing the business within the family?

19:51 Do you want to sell?

19:52 Why do you want to sell the business or some part of it?

19:54 You want additional capital to grow?

19:56 I want to be huge.

19:58 And so I want to bring I want to be huge.

20:03 Huge.

20:04 Huge.

20:05 Feel like I'm talking to Donald Trump.

20:06 What the hell is this?

20:08 Yes.

20:08 I want to be huge.

20:10 I want to be huge.

20:11 Why do you want to be huge?

20:12 What need is driving that quick?

20:15 Nothing wrong with that, but it's good to know what it is.

20:17 She wants certainty and significance together.

20:21 They don't go together.

20:24 Only in the mind.

20:26 In reality, to do something huge,

20:28 you got to let go of your certainty and take some significant what?

20:32 Risks.

20:32 And they all work out.

20:33 But if your certainty is it doesn't matter.

20:35 If it doesn't work out, I'll do something else.

20:36 I'll find another way.

20:38 then you can have enough certainty

20:39 to take those risks to do something significant.

20:42 But she's trying to keep one foot on first base while she gets to third.

20:47 You can't do that.

20:47 You got to let go of first base to get to third,

20:49 much less make it home and score.

20:52 Mixed metaphor, but you get the idea.

20:55 Mixed metaphor for her, right?

20:59 So the question is, what needs to happen here?

21:06 How many of you know what needs to happen here?

21:07 Raise your hand.

21:08 If you think you know what needs to happen here, raise your hand.

21:11 Oh gosh, more of you know than that.

21:12 You should trust yourself.

21:14 What needs to happen here?

21:16 What do you really want?

21:20 You want to be huge.

21:21 So, what will happen when you're huge?

21:23 When you're huge, what will happen?

21:24 I will feel validated enough to share my message with the world,

21:29 which is what I've been trying to do.

21:32 I see.

21:32 No, you won't.

21:34 Because the same doubts you have now will happen when you're huge.

21:39 Because you have a habit of thinking that keeps showing up.

21:43 And that habit is, "I'm alone." Then you'll be huge and alone.

21:46 Aren't you huge now compared to what you used to be?

21:50 Think about where you started.

21:51 Tell me where you started.

21:54 Yeah.

21:55 Yeah.

21:55 What?

21:55 I started at like $10,000 a year in sales.

21:58 Yes.

21:58 And what are they now?

22:00 Over three million.

22:01 Give her a hand, ladies and gentlemen.

22:02 That's amazing.

22:06 And 3 million puts her in the top 5% of all businesses on the face of the earth.

22:10 Plus, she's doing it with her family that she loves.

22:13 But it's not enough.

22:14 Don't get me wrong.

22:15 I I like doing things huge, too.

22:20 But the difference is I'm doing it cuz I want to have a huge impact,

22:24 not cuz I want to be huge.

22:26 I'm already[ __] huge.

22:27 Look at me.

22:29 Right.

22:30 So, I didn't need to work on that one, I guess.

22:33 The difference is you're doing it for significance,

22:36 but significance when you get there, it's never enough.

22:38 How many found no matter how much you get, you want more.

22:41 Let me see your hands.

22:43 So the reason you want more is because we're meant to grow.

22:47 If you were got satisfied, you'd stop growing.

22:50 And when you grow, you have something more to give.

22:52 And what makes your life meaningful is giving beyond yourself.

22:55 There's only so much joy you can hold in yourself from food

22:58 or alcohol or drugs or sex or success or business or growing.

23:03 There's only so much you can feel by yourself.

23:05 If you want to trust this, if you want to know like people say you're,

23:08 you know, I'm selfish.

23:09 You're selfish.

23:10 I've been selfish.

23:11 You've been selfish.

23:12 But that's not our nature.

23:13 I'll prove it to you.

23:14 When you have a great experience that really lights you up,

23:16 what's the first thing you want to do?

23:19 With who?

23:20 People you love.

23:21 Why?

23:22 Because our nature is to grow and give because as we

23:25 grow and give it makes it bigger for us too.

23:27 We feel more alive.

23:29 So if she's being huge so there's more to give and grow.

23:31 That's different.

23:31 But she's doing it to be validated.

23:34 She wants to be significant cuz she doesn't

23:36 feel significant because the man left her life.

23:38 She's thinking she can prove to herself in the world

23:41 that she's significant and people listen to her.

23:42 No one's going to listen to you unless you got something worth saying.

23:47 It doesn't matter how huge you are or how small you are in between you are.

23:50 You are huge already to compare to most businesses.

23:53 Certainly not compared to Google or Facebook, but that's not what this is.

23:58 And maybe not to Annheiser Bush,

23:59 but they've been around a little longer than you.

24:05 So, I do have a message to share.

24:07 What is it?

24:09 We're here.

24:10 Tell us.

24:12 That through love and possibility, everything is possible.

24:16 and that partnerships are more important than anything.

24:20 I see.

24:20 But you're not doing that.

24:22 I always thought I was.

24:24 And my model is a cause marketing model

24:26 in one of the most lucrative industries on the planet.

24:30 I'm an ordained minister running distilleries and I don't drink.

24:39 That's interesting.

24:41 So now you it gets hard to explain to him.

24:44 But why?

24:44 But why?

24:45 Come back to your message.

24:46 So, you're not really doing partnerships and that's your message.

24:49 So, no one's listening not because of the size of your business,

24:51 but because you aren't doing that and you're

24:53 not doing that because you want to be in not in control, but my not in control.

24:59 No, no, I No, that's not why I'm not Yes.

25:03 No, my model is partnership.

25:05 So, every brand that I launch is a partnership model and we bring in lots

25:08 of people on a particular brand that's all run as like a mini little business.

25:13 That's a partnership model.

25:15 So now it's the umbrella that I'm trying to figure out how

25:19 to leverage the value of that whether it's franchising or selling off brands.

25:26 You you can make a decision.

25:27 Try any of those.

25:27 What is getting in the way?

25:30 I'm afraid of what?

25:33 Failing or not.

25:34 I'm afraid of failing.

25:34 Let's see.

25:35 Show hands here.

25:36 Okay.

25:36 So that's we all have that in common, but we're not all stuck.

25:41 What's the difference?

25:50 cuz it isn't just fear of failure.

25:52 She's afraid she'll fail if she doesn't have control.

25:55 Raise your hand if you see this.

25:57 And she sees it but doesn't want to see

25:59 it because she doesn't like the way it sounds.

26:01 I don't want to let anyone down.

26:03 I feel responsible.

26:04 You don't want to You don't want to fail.

26:05 And you don't want to be let down by anyone as well

26:08 because you feel let down by your former partner.

26:11 Yes.

26:11 Your former husband.

26:12 Yes.

26:13 But honey, he had different values than you did.

26:16 That's for sure.

26:17 I learned that at UPW.

26:19 That's good.

26:20 Well, now you know.

26:21 So, he had different values than you.

26:22 It isn't even that he didn't love you.

26:24 It's you had different values.

26:25 You have different values.

26:26 And so, your values have been rewarded up until now.

26:28 But the same level of thinking, as I said earlier,

26:30 that got you where you are is not going to get you where you want to go.

26:33 That's why you're stuck.

26:34 You're trying to use the same level of thinking.

26:36 You're trying to let your wounds drive you instead of the opportunity drive you.

26:40 If the opportunity was driving you, you'd join.

26:42 You'd find those partnerships.

26:43 You negotiate those deals.

26:44 You'd have certainty.

26:45 You make it happen.

26:46 You know how you have to let go of what the[ __] happened with this man.

26:51 It's over.

26:51 It's been over for a while.

26:53 You got to stop the story and feeling sorry for yourself about doing this alone.

26:56 You chose all this[ __] You chose him.

26:59 True.

27:00 True.

27:00 And you chose him because you could control him.

27:02 You thought No, actually, he was controlling me.

27:06 You say that now.

27:07 But you've done everything truly that you wanted to do.

27:10 You said you did it for him.

27:12 Yes.

27:12 You did it because you wanted love.

27:14 Yes.

27:14 You thought if you succeeded enough, he would love you more.

27:18 Yes.

27:17 And you succeeded more and he didn't love you more.

27:21 Yes.

27:20 Cuz in order to succeed,

27:21 you became masculine and he didn't have polarity with you.

27:26 He wanted control.

27:28 He wanted control.

27:29 So you guys fought over control and that's what your relationship became about.

27:31 And now he's gone cuz he probably found somebody that he

27:34 could control or that made him feel like he was in control.

27:37 you don't.

27:39 So now you're trying to partners in with the same mentality.

27:41 I don't want to go any longer in this because

27:42 I'm only going long enough that everyone get value.

27:44 How many are getting value for this for you at this stage and you

27:47 can see some relationship even though it

27:48 may not be about an intimate relationship.

27:50 How many of you overvalue control right

27:52 now in your business and it's a chokeold?

27:54 Let me see a show of hands.

27:55 So it's been worthwhile to have this discussion up until now.

27:57 I don't want to go much longer because it's starting

27:58 to get circular unless you want to make a shift.

28:00 Let me help all of you to show you what's missing for her right now.

28:03 If you're going to have a transformation,

28:06 there's a chemistry I've learned in a transformation.

28:09 There's a few elements.

28:10 Jot them down right now because if you're not there yet,

28:13 you're missing one of these.

28:14 So, here's what I'm looking for.

28:15 The first thing that starts to create the chemistry of a real huge breakthrough,

28:19 of a huge transformation is satiation.

28:22 Satiation means that it's not that things wrong, right, David?

28:27 It's that things are going really well,

28:30 but they've been going well for a while in a similar way.

28:33 And so now, even though it's good, it's you're kind of satiated.

28:37 It doesn't reward you at the same level.

28:39 There's still rewards, but not at the same level.

28:42 It's like if your favorite meal was steak and lobster and you had it every day,

28:46 three times a day for three months, you know,

28:48 it's still a great meal, but you're going to get satiated.

28:51 You're going to go, "Fuck, this is good[ __] I'm having.

28:54 Why am I not enjoying it?" Because you're satiated.

28:56 And the reason you get satiated is life, the universe,

28:59 God, whichever you prefer, is calling you to grow.

29:03 That's the whole purpose.

29:04 Business is a spiritual game.

29:06 I hope you get this.

29:07 It's designed to make you grow.

29:09 There is no better game that I know

29:11 of to make you have to grow because there's immediate feedback.

29:14 Lots of people say, "I'm going to grow spiritually." And they go to a cave

29:16 and they meditate and[ __] Any idiot

29:19 can make yourself feel good meditating by yourself.

29:22 Try getting a relationship with humans on a consistent level.

29:26 and keep growing and be in a great place.

29:28 That takes a lot more spiritual development

29:30 than sitting by your[ __] self and praying.

29:32 Nothing wrong with sitting and praying.

29:33 I think it's a beautiful thing.

29:34 I do it, too.

29:35 But in business, you can't fake it out.

29:38 Think about it.

29:38 One of the things people get pissed off about if you talk about bodies

29:42 and money are two things people get

29:43 pissed off about because they're[ __] measurable.

29:46 If I say I'm spiritual, you go, "No,

29:48 you're not." I go, "Look, you're not spiritual.

29:49 You don't even feel how spiritual I am.

29:52 I get to make up what spiritual is in my mind.

29:54 You can't ever measure it.

29:55 And if you judge me, you're not being spiritual.

29:57 So, I don't have to grow[ __] I just have to tell myself

30:00 I'm spiritual to feel good and I don't have to DO[ __] BUT INSIDE,

30:02 I know I'm not growing.

30:04 How many follow?

30:06 So, nobody likes talking about things that are measurable.

30:08 Money is measurable.

30:09 Business is measurable.

30:10 Your body's measurable.

30:11 I can see your foolshitting me if you're massively overweight.

30:15 So, she's wanting to do things that aren't quite so measurable where

30:19 she can stay in control and do things that are measurable and win.

30:22 But satiation is the first step.

30:24 But you know what?

30:25 Satiation makes you start to look for a new way because you need to grow.

30:30 But most people will not grow with satiation.

30:32 And she is satiated with this.

30:34 She's satiated doing your business the same way.

30:36 That's why she wants to change.

30:38 Tell me if I'm right or wrong.

30:41 Absolutely.

30:40 So, but and so she's interested, but she's not executing.

30:44 Is she capable of executing, making progress massively?

30:47 Yes or no?

30:48 Could she go out the next week and make a deal if she was committed to it?

30:50 Yes or no?

30:51 And maybe she doesn't get the valuation she wants,

30:53 but life doesn't give a[ __] what you want.

30:56 There's a value in the marketplace and you can

30:58 make up what you think it is all day long.

31:00 But she could then have a partner and grow that with them to a much

31:04 higher valuation and make more than she

31:06 does by herself and maybe become an owner,

31:08 but she's not doing because all she is is satiate.

31:11 So if you get satiated long enough,

31:13 it will lead to the second piece of chemistry

31:15 I look for to help someone transform, dissatisfaction.

31:18 Now it's not just that you're doing something that's

31:21 good and you're not feeling as good about it.

31:23 You're doing the same[ __] and it doesn't feel good anymore.

31:26 Now it actually is a little painful and now you're dissatisfied.

31:30 This is not enough.

31:32 And now would the drive be more or less than just satiation?

31:35 Which one?

31:37 It would be increased.

31:38 Now you're going to have an increased say I got to solve this.

31:41 Right?

31:41 Maybe maybe I'll go to Tony Robbins seminar and then blame him,

31:45 you know, cuz I'm I'm dissatisfied.

31:47 He must be the[ __] reason, right?

31:49 There's got to be something not me.

31:51 I don't want to deal with me.

31:52 Let me deal with something else.

31:54 But in business, reason I say it's a spiritual game.

31:57 I love business cuz I know it's a spiritual game.

31:59 It's the most exciting game of all.

32:01 What's the game of business?

32:02 Do more for others than

32:04 anyone else in your industry.

32:05 Add more what?

32:08 Treat your client.

32:08 Love your client like thyself.

32:11 Does that sound similar?

32:13 It's like what do you do?

32:14 It's the ability to take what you think about and create

32:16 it in real life by adding value to other people.

32:19 To me, I don't think if there's anything

32:20 more spiritual and the more spiritually developed you are,

32:23 the faster you can do that.

32:24 It doesn't hurt.

32:24 It's just my hand.

32:25 It's okay.

32:26 The faster you can do that, you can do it

32:28 with such intensity cuz your mind and your heart are aligned.

32:32 But when you're not aligned, when you're in this, you know,

32:34 satiated, dissatisfied, you're kind of looking, you're kind of like dabbling.

32:38 You're not in a mastery.

32:40 She wants mastery, but she's not doing what it takes.

32:43 And if you don't solve it and you keep being dissatisfied,

32:46 it will lead to a threshold experience.

32:48 Step three is a threshold.

32:49 Emotional threshold.

32:51 Emotional threshold is if you ever been in a relationship way too long.

32:56 Who's been in a relationship way too long?

32:58 Here say I.

32:59 I.

33:00 You were satiated.

33:01 You were dissatisfied.

33:03 YOU KEPT SAYING, "I GOT TO DO SOMETHING about it." But then you go,

33:05 "It'll get better in the future.

33:06 It was good in the past.

33:08 I think this will work out." And you rationalize.

33:10 Who's done this[ __] before?

33:11 Raise your hand.

33:11 Say I.

33:13 If you don't raise your hand, you lie about this[ __] too.

33:14 Don't you raise your hand.

33:15 Say I if you've ever done this.

33:17 Okay.

33:17 So, you get to a point where one day you go,

33:20 IT'S BEEN PAINFUL IN THE PAST,

33:21 IT'S PAINFUL IN THE PRESENT, IT'S BEEN PAINFUL IN THE FUTURE.

33:24 __] THIS.

33:24 I'M OUT OF HERE.

33:25 AND YOU FINALLY MAKE A MOVE.

33:26 Who's ever done this before in some area of life?

33:28 Say, I So, the emotional threshold is there's now it's more than satiation.

33:33 It's more than dissatisfaction.

33:35 Now, you feel like I got to do something now.

33:39 Are you there?

33:40 I am urgently there.

33:42 Yes, I feel like you're there.

33:44 But here's what's missing.

33:46 When you get that emotional threshold where change becomes not a should,

33:48 but an absolute what?

33:51 Must.

33:51 When that happens, you'll get an insight.

33:54 That's the next step.

33:55 It's a moment of insight.

33:57 And the insight might be,[ __] it's not my ex-husband, it's me.

34:03 It's not my clients, it's me.

34:05 It's not my salespeople, it's me.

34:08 It's not a lack of cash flow.

34:10 It's me.

34:10 It's not enough capital.

34:12 It's me.

34:12 It's something I'm[ __] doing.

34:15 And you get the truth.

34:16 And the truth has the opportunity to set you free.

34:19 But for the truth to set you free, there's one final piece.

34:22 When you get the insight, which by the way, have we given her the insight?

34:25 Has she seen what's true during this discussion?

34:27 Yes or no?

34:28 Yes or no?

34:30 She's seen it.

34:31 But when that insight happens, there's an opening.

34:34 And that opening is a little scary because

34:36 you don't know what's on the other side.

34:38 But it's an opening.

34:39 It's a chance for a breakthrough.

34:41 And what must you do while you're in this state?

34:44 You got to jump through that opening.

34:46 Even though you're not sure what's on the other side,

34:48 and that's what she's not doing.

34:50 She's come all the way to the insight.

34:52 She knows the truth.

34:53 But what's happening now?

34:54 The opening there.

34:55 We claim her true identity is there, but she wants to stay in what?

35:00 Control.

35:00 There's no control to jump through an empty

35:02 opening that's not on the other side.

35:04 She's afraid of what's on the other side.

35:06 So, she stays here.

35:06 And here's what happens.

35:08 Watch.

35:08 She just demonstrated it for you if you watched.

35:11 She waited too long.

35:12 And now the opening is closing.

35:15 And once the opening closes,

35:17 you have to start the whole[ __] process all over again,

35:20 which can take years of dissatisfaction.

35:23 That's hit first satiation, dissatisfaction.

35:26 Hit another emotional threshold, get another truth.

35:28 But if you let fear dominate you, you don't jump through the hole.

35:30 Now, you know what I used to do with people like her?

35:32 I used to kick people through this hole.

35:35 I just pick them up and throw them through it.

35:36 Whatever it took.

35:37 And some people around 10 years ago or 20 years ago

35:40 tell you they saw me do this[ __] and it worked.

35:43 But then I'd see them a year or two

35:44 or three years later and it worked for 6 months,

35:46 9 months, 12 months cuz I did it.

35:49 They didn't own it.

35:50 And so afterwards they'd come up with some story like, well,

35:53 you know, Tony didn't con you he didn't program me properly.

35:57 You didn't condition me enough.

35:58 It's a conditioning process to go through this.

36:00 You have to make yourself do it enough times until you won't hesitate anymore.

36:04 You'll just do it.

36:05 And some of you are already there in your business.

36:06 You've done it multiple times.

36:08 So, we got to figure out what's the next one for you

36:10 that's in the way because there's always something in the way.

36:12 If you're not at the level you want to be

36:13 and most people when you get to level you want to be,

36:15 there'll be a new level because we want to grow and want to give.

36:17 That's what makes life meaningful.

36:19 So, the question is there's a big opening here.

36:22 But she's wanting absolute what, my friends?

36:25 Certainty about what's on the other side before she jumps.

36:29 And that's why she's what she calls stuck.

36:32 She's not stuck.

36:33 She's actually on a treadmill going in circles, big ass circles.

36:38 And then she's mad cuz she thinks it should

36:41 be different because she thinks someone else should help her.

36:43 If she had found the man who had been her partner and done everything

36:46 the way she wants and busted ass

36:48 and they had this incredible business that was huge.

36:51 How big is huge, by the way?

36:52 So I know because you're doing three million.

36:54 What's huge?

36:55 100 million.

36:56 100 million.

36:57 And when you get to 100 million, what will huge be?

37:01 I might be satisfied.

37:03 Yeah, total[ __] How many think it's total[ __] Let me see your hands.

37:07 Right now, she'd be satisfied 3 million to 100 million.

37:09 But then she'll get to 100 million and she'll get satiated.

37:12 She'll get dissatisfied.

37:14 She'll be looking at or Bush or somebody's doing multi-billions and she go,

37:17 "We're[ __] nothing." And she'll go, "No one's listening to me because I'm not

37:20 big enough." She thinks if she gets big enough, people listen to you.

37:22 No, they'll listen to you when you[ __] own and live what you're talking about.

37:27 But you're not doing it.

37:28 I'm not being critical, but you're not.

37:30 You can tell me you are because you

37:31 got these business partnerships when you start something.

37:34 That is not the message.

37:35 You said with partnership and love, anything is possible.

37:39 That's not what you're doing.

37:40 You're really saying with partnership I can control and love,

37:43 anything's possible.

37:44 And control and love don't go together.

37:46 By the way, who here wants to be controlled by someone you love?

37:49 Let's see.

37:49 Show hands.

37:50 Okay.

37:51 Maybe in moments, sir, I understand.

37:52 Right.

37:54 But not all the[ __] time.

37:56 They don't go together.

37:58 Your message is confused because it's not real.

38:00 So, I've taken you all the way to the opening

38:02 and I'm not going to kick you through.

38:04 That's your job.

38:05 I'd be happy to.

38:06 I used to do it all the time.

38:07 Makes me look good.

38:08 I don't want to look good.

38:09 I want you to have what you deserve.

38:10 You will not get it if I build the muscle in me.

38:14 You have to build the muscle in you.

38:15 My If I do all the calisthenics here, I get stronger.

38:18 And you get to admire me.

38:19 I'm not here to be admired.

38:20 I'm here to have you admire yourself because you've earned it.

38:23 And you can't earn it because you not push yourself through the hard parts.

38:26 You're too busy telling yourself the story of what

38:28 didn't happen the way you thought it should.

38:30 If the man in her life had done all

38:31 that[ __] she wouldn't be as powerful as she is.

38:35 True or false?

38:36 If she had the man she thought she wanted back then,

38:39 she wouldn't be as strong as she is.

38:42 Now, if she can get herself back together to find her center,

38:44 let her feminine flow as well and trust her feminine.

38:48 I think she has to be masculine every moment to be successful.

38:50 if she could tap into her real source.

38:53 See, the feminine has to trust.

38:56 I mean, ladies, I have so much respect for you.

38:58 If you've ever gone on a date, it's insane.

39:01 Cuz the statistics show the most dangerous thing you

39:03 can do is be around a male by yourself.

39:06 They're dangerous[ __] to be around.

39:08 And you guys have the courage to go

39:10 out with this crazy[ __] you don't even know.

39:13 That's crazy[ __] But not her.

39:16 She's not doing that.

39:18 She's keeping it safe, keeping it close,

39:21 and telling herself she's courageous because she's doing on her own.

39:24 She's created a badge of courage for something

39:26 that isn't something to be a badge for.

39:28 It was back then, honey, but that's an old story now.

39:32 You've gone beyond it.

39:34 Except you keep using it.

39:35 You're using it for significance.

39:37 You're using it to explain why you're not where you want to be.

39:40 And you're using it to make yourself feel

39:42 sorry for yourself because you work so hard.

39:44 You don't really connect with yourself very much unless you're in enough pain.

39:49 And so now you're creating pain when you don't need it.

39:51 How long ago would you divorce this man?

39:54 In our state, you have to be separated for a full year before they approve it.

39:59 So it's been about nine months since he left.

40:02 Okay.

40:02 How long are you going to mourn this yet before you move on?

40:07 I'm at 86% of myself and that took nine months.

40:11 So, I was hoping at UPW I was going to come out 100, but I went from 70 to 86.

40:16 Yeah.

40:17 I'm glad you're so precise about it.

40:18 So, what does it take for the other 14% to be connected here?

40:23 Are you a[ __] accountant?

40:24 What the[ __] is this?

40:25 I am a CPA as well.

40:26 Yeah.

40:26 Oh, you're a CPA?

40:27 It sounds like it.

40:29 Okay.

40:29 Well, I understand where some of the control comes from now.

40:33 So, if you're 86%, what needs to happen for the 14% to happen now?

40:37 When would now be a good time?

40:38 And what would it take?

40:40 I'll tell you honestly.

40:42 No, lie to me.

40:43 That's what I love to hear.

40:47 Yes.

40:48 Honestly, I want to do something bigger and better on my own

40:52 than what I even dreamed of of doing with husband.

40:57 So, what is that?

40:58 Tell me what that is.

41:01 But do you understand why she's not making progress?

41:03 One part of her wants to do it bigger and better on my own.

41:05 The other part's pissed I'm doing it by myself.

41:09 So, she's being pulled in multiple directions.

41:12 So, she's not able to marshall all her resources cuz

41:15 she's not sure who should be in charge of this business.

41:17 Now, the woman I just spoke to a moment ago,

41:19 I think that woman could actually run the business.

41:20 Did you mo notice the woman I was talking to a moment ago here?

41:23 The woman who was lit up like a Christmas tree,

41:26 but are you doing that so you can prove to him you didn't need his ass?

41:30 Or are you doing it What are you doing that for?

41:32 I just think that would get me to 100%.

41:34 I don't think that would be about him.

41:36 I think that would be about me.

41:39 So, you know, it's interesting because we

41:41 talk about all the time being attacked.

41:42 Well, I thought you did this all yourself anyway and he was a lazy[ __]

41:46 I didn't say that.

41:47 I said I worked my ass off.

41:50 You said you sacrificed everything for him.

41:52 I did.

41:52 I did.

41:54 You did?

41:55 I carried the weight.

41:57 And you have the business and your children in it.

42:00 Yes.

42:00 And he does not.

42:02 Correct.

42:02 So, you did this for you and your family?

42:07 Yes.

42:08 Why is it so painful to see?

42:10 Yes.

42:11 No, I mean I'm a nurturer, right?

42:13 I'm a mom, so I protected my kids for sure.

42:16 But honey, you did all this for love and he

42:18 was the wrong person because you have different values.

42:20 You didn't do this for him.

42:21 You did it for love.

42:22 You hoped if you did all this, he would love you.

42:24 Just like you hope if you're big enough,

42:25 you'll have love from people and they'll all respond to your voice and message.

42:28 But they won't because they all have their own lives.

42:31 Before I found out I was driven by love and significance.

42:34 After UPW, I came.

42:35 Certainty and significance.

42:36 Love is what you want.

42:38 Yes.

42:38 If you were doing my love and significance,

42:40 you'd have another confusing experience.

42:42 But really, certainty and significance.

42:44 How many follow what we're talking about here?

42:45 Raise your hand if you follow.

42:46 And by the way, certainty and significance are the one.

42:49 You know, there's nothing wrong with certainty and significance.

42:51 We all need them.

42:52 But the sequence makes a difference.

42:54 If you know the right numbers to reach somebody

42:56 on the phone and you dial the wrong sequence, you don't reach them.

42:59 If you have a vault with all the treasures which she has

43:02 inside of herself and you try to reach it with the wrong sequence,

43:05 even though it's the right thoughts, it's not going to happen.

43:09 You got the wrong sequence.

43:11 So, I was running on that program and what I will know what

43:14 I came to realize is what really drives me is growing and giving.

43:18 Meaning that's what would make you more fulfilled.

43:21 That's what will make me feel.

43:21 But if that was true, if that was driving you right now,

43:24 I'm not talking about what you want.

43:25 I'm talking about what's make how are you operating?

43:28 It's not hard to say you're operating

43:29 because you're operating based on certainty and significance.

43:31 You want total control, certainty,

43:33 and you want to be the one who's huge, which is significance.

43:36 There's nothing wrong with either one of those.

43:37 It's just that they will never fulfill you.

43:41 Agreed.

43:41 In that level, but growth and contribution would,

43:44 but in order to grow, you still want to have control.

43:48 So my you wanted your way is that if I got

43:52 big enough then when I talk to people about my true

43:57 mission and my mission statements and my vision

44:01 and sharing the gospel that they'll listen to me because

44:06 and what happens if they listen to you?

44:07 First of all, it's not true cuz when you get really big,

44:10 how many people have grown really big and then found people

44:13 resent you who you loved and you had you think they're great,

44:16 but they resent your success

44:17 or your financial fre who's experienced this already.

44:20 In fact, the more successful you become,

44:22 are your chances of being rejected increased

44:24 or decreased as you become more successful?

44:26 Which one?

44:27 In the world we're in today, massively increased.

44:31 Today, powerlessness is the power.

44:34 Victimhood is the power in our culture.

44:36 Unfortunately, it's true.

44:38 So, no, it won't.

44:40 Then people will resent you.

44:41 They won't listen to you.

44:42 The people who listen to you are going

44:44 to listen to you because they connect with you.

44:45 It's not going to be because you're huge.

44:48 Your platform is not going to increase by doing $100 million.

44:52 It's a delusion.

44:53 I said hallucination.

44:54 Yeah.

44:54 Yeah.

44:54 Delusion is a better word.

44:57 Okay.

44:59 And we're taking a lot of time on this.

45:00 And again, I'm hesitant.

45:01 I want to shift gears,

45:02 but I also at the same time there's an opportunity that she could step through.

45:06 This is your last 190 seconds.

45:10 That's a little more than 3 minutes.

45:12 What do you need to do now?

45:14 What's the truth that could set you free?

45:15 What have you been not acknowledging?

45:18 What's the illusion, delusion you need to let go of so you can move forward?

45:21 Tell me the truth.

45:22 Tell us the truth.

45:23 Tell yourself the truth.

45:24 We don't matter.

45:25 Except it'd be inspiring to see you have

45:28 the freedom you deserve if you wanted it.

45:31 But you can't have freedom by hanging on to what you've been hanging on to.

45:34 How many follow?

45:38 I would like to say

45:38 what's the delusion you have to let go of?

45:42 What's the illusion?

45:43 You told it multiple times to us and you

45:45 know if you have any intelligence it's not true.

45:47 But you've told yourself the story so long

45:49 you keep telling it that somehow when you get

45:53 huge enough you can tell people the gospel

45:55 of what you believe and they will now listen.

45:59 Yes.

45:58 And if that happens what would you get?

46:02 I would feel like I was living my purpose.

46:05 And so you're not living your purpose now.

46:06 Living with your family, growing a business, expanding it.

46:09 That's not your purpose.

46:10 Your purpose is to have $100 million business where you

46:12 tell people what you believe and they listen and comply.

46:19 I picked this woman randomly.

46:20 Some of you go, "This is bizarre.

46:22 Way do you get to the next person?" Your mind will be blown when we get

46:28 to the truth because the truth is so far

46:30 from what most of you are telling your limitations are.

46:32 It's crazy.

46:32 And some of you don't even think it's a waste of my time.

46:34 My business is[ __] crushing it.

46:36 And it is until it's not.

46:39 Seasons change.

46:42 So, it might be good to figure it out now so

46:44 you can grow without having to have the little glitch in between.

46:47 So, you last 120 seconds and you're on your own after this, which means

46:51 you're probably gonna have the clothes and you're gonna have to start all the

46:55 I don't want to be on my own.

46:57 That's the thing.

46:58 I don't want to be on my own.

47:00 What do you want?

47:02 I don't want to be on my own, but I want to be in control.

47:06 And you know it's true.

47:06 It's why you laughed.

47:09 So, you don't want to be by yourself

47:10 in your intimate relationship or in your business?

47:14 Both.

47:14 Which one's the one that's more important to you?

47:17 Well, I feel if I was intimately connected,

47:20 I'd feel supported and then I could do anything.

47:23 So, the truth is we just need to get you laid

47:25 on a regular basis and all this[ __] would go away.

47:30 So, maybe this whole thing is you should be focusing not on your business,

47:34 but on finding someone to share your life with and then

47:38 you wouldn't have all these trapped energies going on.

47:43 But here's the problem.

47:45 You can't even have an orgasm and be in control.

47:50 Ladies, true or false?

47:52 If a woman's trying to be in control, she won't have an orgasm.

47:56 Now, a man Yeah, you can get that guy to do anything.

48:03 Women need a reason to make love.

48:04 Men just need a[ __] place.

48:09 But a woman, if she is trying to be in control,

48:12 she will not be able to have an orgasm because orgasm is letting go completely.

48:17 That's female physiology.

48:19 It's not my perception.

48:21 I'm actually good in that department.

48:22 Nine kids for a reason.

48:24 That's encouraging.

48:24 What What's your room number?

48:25 People might be interested.

48:30 See, by the way, look how look HOW

48:31 BIG SHE SMILES WHEN WE talk about this subject.

48:33 There's a different woman here.

48:34 Give her a hand.

48:34 Look at this face over here.

48:35 LOOK AT THIS.

48:41 SO, WE'RE out of time.

48:42 So, I'm going to offer you to tell me the three

48:45 things you need to do to change it all now.

48:49 And they're not the things you want to tell me.

48:51 They're the things that are true.

48:54 So, if what you want is to not be alone anymore,

48:56 that's kind of a hard thing because you're focused

48:58 on what you don't want instead of what you do want.

49:01 And the more you focus on what you don't want, wherever focus goes, energy what?

49:07 So, what do you want?

49:08 You keep telling us what you don't want.

49:12 I want to invite people to be my partners.

49:17 No, no, no.

49:17 Stop going to the business.

49:18 Why'd you go to the business?

49:20 Why do most people spend more time

49:21 in their business than in their intimate relationship?

49:24 Cuz they feel more in in the business.

49:27 In an intimate relationship with someone who's of the opposite sex

49:30 or same sex but opposite energy because that's what attracts you.

49:35 They're like another species.

49:39 So, you're not in control there.

49:40 You can do it.

49:40 Guys, how many ever done things you thought you

49:42 did everything right and SHE'S PISSED AND YOU'VE DONE NOTHING.

49:44 GENTLEMEN, MAKE SOME NOISE IF YOU'VE EVER HAD THIS EXPERIENCE.

49:47 GO.

49:51 You don't have to do anything.

49:51 She can get pissed.

49:52 And then, by the way, she gets happy you did nothing, but you forget that.

49:55 You think it's all you.

49:55 I made her[ __] happy it was me.

50:02 So instead of going for what you control, let's talk about for two minutes.

50:06 That's all we got left.

50:11 This is it.

50:14 No more time distortion.

50:17 Tell me what you want in your intimate

50:19 relationship because that's what's[ __] it up.

50:25 You're good at orgasm, I hear.

50:28 Yes.

50:28 Awesome.

50:28 You're on your way.

50:30 I want to trust somebody.

50:34 Ah, there you go.

50:35 Pretty hard to have a partner with no trust.

50:37 In order to trust someone, what do you have to do to be able to trust someone?

50:39 This is a pretty important question for all of you.

50:41 Answer to trust someone.

50:42 By the way, in business, you need two things.

50:45 Trust and respect.

50:46 Jot them down.

50:47 If they're not there, the business is hurting.

50:49 If you look at your organization and it's not growing,

50:51 you want there are people in the organization that don't

50:54 trust each other or they don't respect each other or both.

50:56 When trust and respect are there, something interesting happens.

51:00 Energy goes outward to serve customers.

51:03 When there isn't trust and respect, the energy used internally amongst people

51:07 being pissed or frustrated or positioning.

51:09 There's only so much E.

51:11 The ultimate E in business is energy.

51:13 It's either going for external marketing to support

51:16 clients or it's going to internal marketing

51:18 to resolve all the influxes of problems where

51:21 people don't respect and don't trust each other.

51:24 If your business is not growing, I don't care what you think.

51:27 I can promise you there's a lack of trust and respect.

51:30 So, if you want to be able to trust someone, someone tell me.

51:33 You tell me.

51:33 What has to happen for you to be able to trust somebody?

51:37 Anyone tell me what do you got to do to trust someone?

51:40 Raise your hand.

51:40 Tell me.

51:41 What do you got to do to be able Yes, sir.

51:43 You got to respect them.

51:44 What do you got to do to be able to respect them?

51:49 That's just his model.

51:50 It's not actually accurate.

51:52 Could you trust an enemy?

51:56 Is there a situation which you could actually trust someone who's an enemy?

52:01 Yes.

52:01 I don't believe in enemies, but if you think of them, yes.

52:03 Yes.

52:03 If your needs are aligned, you can trust someone.

52:09 But you made a poor choice in the past.

52:11 You blamed him.

52:11 You picked somebody whose needs were not aligned with your own.

52:15 That's part of life.

52:16 That's not something bad.

52:17 It's just that's how you learn.

52:18 But then you froze because you don't ever want to experience that again.

52:22 But instead of learning, see, I've done business with people.

52:26 I remember I did business with somebody nobody on my team trusted.

52:29 And I said, "Guys, here's why you can trust him.

52:31 We're going to set the agreement up this way.

52:32 When we win, when he when we win, he wins huge.

52:35 When we lose, he gets massive pain." And guess what?

52:38 We had a great five-year relationship built things

52:41 like crazy because all of our values and needs,

52:44 all of our interests were aligned.

52:46 Raise your hand if you follow.

52:47 That structure has to be either in a business partnership or an intimate one.

52:52 And then how do you know you can respect somebody?

52:54 You only respect somebody if they bring something to the table you don't have.

52:58 If they bring the same thing to your table as you,

53:00 you might like them, but that doesn't make you respect them.

53:02 You respect somebody because they bring something to the table.

53:05 That is right on point for me.

53:07 I know.

53:09 Thank you for confirming what I already know.

53:12 But here's the problem.

53:14 You aren't operating from the very beginning.

53:16 You're not willing to trust even the beginning of the process.

53:20 You're wanting it to all be the way you want it upfront.

53:22 And trust and respect are earned.

53:25 You got to be able to trust enough to open.

53:27 But the kind of trust you're calling absolute trust,

53:30 you get through time with someone,

53:33 but you aren't even giving it enough time cuz you're busy trying

53:35 to become huge over here because you think you have control of that.

53:40 Clearly, you don't because you're not fulfilled on the side.

53:42 See, this is the part that makes it messy.

53:43 I know this is not probably what you wanted

53:45 today cuz I'd love to give you some[ __] strategies, which we're going to do.

53:48 Don't worry.

53:48 They're going to blow your mind.

53:49 You go, "Holy[ __] I could[ __] up and grow

53:51 my business 100%." We're going to give you those.

53:53 But without solving this, and not this because you're

53:56 different than her, but whatever those internal conflicts are,

53:59 it won't get implemented or it'll start

54:01 to get implemented and then you'll pull back.

54:03 Who knows what I'm talking about here?

54:04 Say, "I."

54:09 So, you want a relationship with someone who I can trust and respect.

54:14 And who would that be?

54:18 Let's call it a man for starters.

54:21 You said you want a man.

54:23 Yes.

54:23 You could trust and respect.

54:26 Yes.

54:25 How do you know?

54:29 Well, I definitely would go through making sure our values were aligned.

54:33 That's great.

54:38 And I think I would see the signs now.

54:40 Okay.

54:40 Yes.

54:41 Because you have more experience.

54:43 Yeah.

54:42 Yeah.

54:42 Just like business, you have more experience, you make better decisions, right?

54:45 Yeah.

54:46 But right now, how much are you working on this plan to find

54:49 a man you trust and respect and can deepen a relationship with?

54:52 How much time do you give that?

54:54 I just gave up a year to come here.

54:57 What do you mean you gave up a year?

54:58 I literally said, I'm going to commit this year to

55:01 No, but I want you to see her model the world.

55:03 I'm sorry.

55:03 I want to move on, but this is too helpful.

55:08 Everything in her model is I gave up.

55:10 What kind of[ __][ __] is this?

55:13 This is martyr[ __] This is why she's alone.

55:18 I gave You didn't give anything up.

55:20 I'm committing.

55:21 I'm I'm investing in myself.

55:22 I'm investing in you.

55:24 I'm investing in this room.

55:25 No, you're not investing in room.

55:26 You're not investing in me.

55:27 You're investing in you.

55:28 This is[ __] You're investing you only if you believe it's worthwhile.

55:31 And you're investing in part university.

55:34 I'm willing.

55:34 I'm willing.

55:35 So, you're going to three programs in a year or two years.

55:38 That's not giving up your year.

55:41 Poor choice of words.

55:42 No, no, no.

55:43 You always choose those words in the interactions I've had with you so far.

55:47 Everything is what you give up.

55:50 That's why you're alone.

55:51 That's the most selfish way to look at life.

55:54 I'm not saying you're a selfish person because I don't believe you are.

55:57 I believe you're a really giving person.

55:58 But you've come up with this story so you could feel in control.

56:01 And the best way to control is I'm giving everything.

56:04 I'm the one.

56:05 That's significance.

56:07 That's not love.

56:08 Raise your hand if you follow this.

56:10 So you're giving up.

56:10 And no one wants to be around somebody

56:12 who's constantly being told how much you gave up.

56:14 __] you.

56:14 I don't need you to be here.

56:15 Go.

56:15 I'll give you your money back right now.

56:16 I don't need a penny from you.

56:17 If you think you're investing in me, you're[ __] mistaken.

56:21 I'm here cuz I choose to serve.

56:23 I don't need to do a[ __] thing the rest of my life for money.

56:26 But this is what lights me up is to see people have a breakthrough.

56:28 That's why I'm still talking to you after all

56:30 this time cuz I really want you to have it.

56:32 But I'm not going to force it.

56:34 That's the difference.

56:35 That's the only difference here.

56:36 Can you see the pattern?

56:37 How many can see the pattern of everything is I've given something up.

56:42 How can you possibly be happy in your life when everything's a sacrifice?

56:45 You won't be happy, but you'll feel validated and significant.

56:52 This is[ __] You've done what you want to do.

56:54 You came here because you want this for you.

56:55 You didn't want it for the people in this room.

56:57 You don't even[ __] know them.

56:58 You're not invested in this room and you don't even know me.

57:02 You believe I can help you.

57:04 And you were right, but you have to do the work.

57:07 I won't do the work for you because it won't last.

57:11 I'd love to.

57:11 Part of me just love to.

57:13 I love being a hero.

57:14 Don't you guys?

57:16 But rather than be a hero, I'd like to see you actually have long-term success.

57:21 That's the sweetest way I can put that.

57:27 Do you see the pattern?

57:31 Yes.

57:29 What do you see?

57:30 Tell me what you see.

57:36 I see um I see sufferings some Yes.

57:42 feel victimized or murdered.

57:43 Yes, you feel victimized.

57:45 Suffering.

57:45 But who's doing the victimization?

57:47 No, no, I don't.

57:47 I'm saying I don't believe I'm a victim.

57:49 I'm too But I talk that way.

57:51 I feel I'm suffering.

57:53 Suffering comes from focusing on who?

57:57 When someone says, "Oh, no.

57:58 I'm suffering because my kids aren't doing well

58:00 in school or they're on drugs or something.

58:02 I'm suffering because I'm worried about them." No.

58:04 The reason you're suffering is you think you have failed your kids.

58:07 Otherwise, you'd just be focused on the solution.

58:10 The suffering is you think, "I[ __] up.

58:12 I didn't do it." It's about me.

58:14 The only time you suffer is when you focus on you.

58:16 What you're not getting,

58:17 what you're not receiving, what you're not experiencing.

58:19 Which is why I love business because business makes you, if you're successful,

58:22 have to focus on those you're serving if you're going to be successful.

58:25 And when you're serving others, you're not thinking about yourself.

58:28 and you're lit up and spirit is coming through you instead of the[ __] mind

58:32 that's always trying to figure out how do I make myself get what I want look

58:35 good feel good in the moment that's not business is how do I make you

58:39 get what you deserve and then you're not selfish and so you're free of your own[

58:44 __] mind and your heart and spirit is what's running you and that's why business

58:47 is a spiritual game for those that are

58:49 successful those that failure business is a[ __]

58:52 pain and that's why I don't want you

58:54 to stay operators my friends because to stay

58:56 an operator you got focus on yourself

58:59 because you're worried about your sense of control.

59:01 If you can get used to that just even

59:03 for a little bit and focus on serving the client,

59:05 focus on serving your internal associates and partners

59:08 and your employees and get juiced about

59:11 that, you won't be thinking about you and all of a sudden[ __] will flow.

59:14 Good stuff will flow.

59:16 You'll see a transformation.

59:18 You'll build a culture because that's what you need.

59:20 You need a culture.

59:21 A culture does well when you're not there.

59:24 People don't say in the early days

59:25 in my business everybody said what does Tony think

59:27 what would Tony say what would people don't

59:29 ask anymore they go what is right because

59:31 they we know what we know what I value and what the company values is what's

59:35 right I want people to do what's right make your own[ __] choices you don't need

59:38 to come to Tony and all of a sudden I got businesses growing and I began

59:42 to have more reach and more impact because

59:45 I gave up control I still have influence

59:48 and I choose where to put that influence

59:50 where I can have the most impact but then

59:52 I look for people that are better than me in some area who can also influence.

59:56 And now you have a real business instead of a job you call a business.

1:00:01 You're no longer just self-employed.

1:00:03 You really are an owner.

1:00:05 Owners could leave for a month.

1:00:06 The company you are part of to pay part of this seminar is Robin's Research.

1:00:11 That's one of my 54 companies.

1:00:12 I've been there twice in the last year.

1:00:15 I've probably been there six times in the last three years.

1:00:17 And the company has grown 20% compounded per year for 10 straight years.

1:00:23 Woo.

1:00:23 How is that happening?

1:00:24 Cuz I built a great team.

1:00:26 We have a great culture.

1:00:27 And that doesn't mean we don't make mistakes or mess up.

1:00:29 But we catch them.

1:00:30 We solve it.

1:00:30 We go for the next level.

1:00:31 We keep on growing.

1:00:33 And I'm going to show you precisely how I've done that.

1:00:35 Next few days.

1:00:36 I'm going to show you how to do with your business with precision.

1:00:38 But none of that[ __] will work till we get through this[ __]

1:00:41 And you have your own version if you're not if you're honest with yourself.

1:00:44 We all do.

1:00:44 And even if you're highly sophisticated in your business going great,

1:00:47 the next level is going to take a different level of thinking.

1:00:49 So it's might might be less gross uh distinction.

1:00:52 It might be a more simple, refined distinction,

1:00:54 but that little 10 degree shift you make,

1:00:57 take it out a month from now, 6 months from now, a year from now.

1:01:00 It's a different destination.

1:01:01 It's a different destiny.

1:01:02 It's a different level of success or failure.

1:01:04 How many follow?

1:01:04 Say, "I." It's the level of thinking.

1:01:09 So, what you want is a relationship with a man you can trust and respect.

1:01:12 We're out of time.

1:01:12 How you going to do that?

1:01:13 How much time do you spend on that now?

1:01:16 That was my question before you told me you

1:01:18 invested in everybody in this room and you invested

1:01:19 in me and you sacrificed the whole year

1:01:21 of your[ __] life and all this[ __][ __] stories.

1:01:24 I'm investing the time because I'm surrounding myself with great people.

1:01:27 Hey, then you didn't sacrifice anything.

1:01:28 You haven't sacrificed a year.

1:01:29 No, I you're right.

1:01:30 I committed invested.

1:01:31 I said, well, why do you keep using that term?

1:01:33 Because you've used it around him, you business,

1:01:35 you use around your kids around me.

1:01:38 It's just training in the words.

1:01:39 But I did have a distinction just now.

1:01:41 Tell me.

1:01:42 And this is perfectly ironically suited because I'm in the business

1:01:46 of disruptive spirits where all I do is serve people.

1:01:50 And what you just said is we need to disrupt our spirit and learn to serve.

1:01:54 And I'm like, wait a minute.

1:01:56 I'm in disruptive spirits and all day long I serve.

1:02:00 So let's bring it back to you instead of what's fun out there.

1:02:05 How much time are you spending on finding this man that's so important to you?

1:02:10 How many hours a day, a week, a month?

1:02:16 Just tell me the truth.

1:02:17 I I am spending time.

1:02:19 Really?

1:02:20 Tell me how much time.

1:02:22 Um, every I go to the dating sites.

1:02:25 I hired a personal finder.

1:02:29 Whatever you call those.

1:02:30 Personal finder.

1:02:32 Matchmakers.

1:02:32 Matchmaker.

1:02:32 Uhhuh.

1:02:33 Yes.

1:02:33 And you go on a lot of dates.

1:02:35 How many dates you been on in the last nine months?

1:02:39 Oh, I go on a lot of dates.

1:02:40 How many you have gone in the last nine months?

1:02:42 No, like breakfast, lunch, dinner.

1:02:44 How many?

1:02:45 Four times a week?

1:02:46 No, I'm doing that work.

1:02:48 Four times a week.

1:02:50 Yes.

1:02:50 And you're going to people that people have pointed you in the direction of

1:02:53 Yeah.

1:02:53 people bring people.

1:02:54 And what happens when you get to these dates?

1:02:56 Watch this.

1:02:59 I haven't.

1:03:00 Four times a week, you're going on dates.

1:03:01 And what happens?

1:03:03 I have a great time.

1:03:04 I love people.

1:03:06 Okay.

1:03:06 And I feel like I haven't met anybody that's um

1:03:12 at my could have an understanding of what I'm doing.

1:03:17 How could they have an understanding what you're doing when

1:03:18 they've not been around you long enough to know that?

1:03:22 I'm just saying that the people that so far I've met

1:03:26 haven't I like intolerate entrepreneurs and like that was a bad match.

1:03:30 That kind of thing.

1:03:32 I see.

1:03:34 Yeah.

1:03:33 So, what needs to change?

1:03:35 I need a better dating pool for sure.

1:03:43 No.

1:03:43 What if I were to tell you that you're busy

1:03:46 judging other people because you're so afraid to lose control?

1:03:49 That it's impossible to get to a point

1:03:51 of any intimacy because you're making judgments before you

1:03:53 can get there because you don't want to be

1:03:55 vulnerable because you're afraid that vulnerability leads to pain.

1:03:58 And so then you take you say, "I'm doing it because you're trying,

1:04:02 but you don't really give your all because you're still keeping in reserve."

1:04:05 And then you go to work on the business because you're more comfortable there.

1:04:08 But then you're frustrated there because to grow that piece,

1:04:10 you got to be in partners with people

1:04:11 that don't agree with everything you're saying.

1:04:13 And so you're not in control there.

1:04:14 So now you call it stuck.

1:04:16 And that's the whole[ __] story in one minute.

1:04:22 for heaven.

1:04:27 So, I'm I'm going to be done here until

1:04:30 you are willing to tell yourself the truth that I'm

1:04:33 not in control and I need to open up

1:04:35 and be[ __] scared as[ __] and be vulnerable as hell.

1:04:38 There will be no progress in your personal

1:04:40 life and very little in your business life.

1:04:42 I'm there.

1:04:42 And when you get to $100 million, assuming you got there,

1:04:45 you will still have the same[ __] problems,

1:04:47 but you won't get to 100 million trying to control everything.

1:04:50 So, what will you do now on the business side?

1:04:52 Tell me three things and we're done.

1:04:54 What are you going to do?

1:04:54 So, this conversation led to something productive.

1:04:57 Yes.

1:04:57 I am going to um tighten up my plan and my ask.

1:05:03 Okay.

1:05:02 I'm going to meet with a lot of investors.

1:05:05 Yes.

1:05:05 I'm going to sing my story.

1:05:08 What's the multiple you're looking for?

1:05:10 At least 10.

1:05:11 Oh.

1:05:12 for your investors.

1:05:13 Well, you're selling them some part of your business for a multiple, I assume.

1:05:16 Is that right?

1:05:18 Yes.

1:05:17 What's the multiple?

1:05:19 Probably 10 times.

1:05:21 Okay.

1:05:21 Is that aggressive for the size of business you're in?

1:05:23 What's the tempo of growth you have?

1:05:25 How much have you grown the last 10 years per year annualized?

1:05:29 The last two and a half years I've been

1:05:30 three almost three years been exactly at the same.

1:05:33 But it's because I can't open up additional markets.

1:05:35 You will never get a 10 times multiple unless somebody's stupid.

1:05:39 Cuz what is a multiple based on ladies and gentlemen?

1:05:41 For those who know that if you're going to sell a business,

1:05:42 you sell a multiple of your earnings or your gross.

1:05:44 Depends on the industry.

1:05:46 It's the industry.

1:05:46 If it's a highly scalable business, if it's software,

1:05:48 you might be able to get a multiple of your gross.

1:05:50 I remember when Mark Beni off, you know, his business was doing 100 million,

1:05:53 mine was doing 200 and he was getting valuations like beyond

1:05:56 anything I ever dreamed of because mine was based on earnings.

1:05:58 It was based on revenues.

1:06:00 Raise your hand if you follow.

1:06:01 And what determines is the pace of growth in the industry.

1:06:03 So scalable business like that, you might be able to do it in revenues.

1:06:06 most businesses on earnings, but a small business with $3 million of gross

1:06:11 that's been at the same numbers for multiple years,

1:06:13 they don't give a[ __] what your story is.

1:06:14 You aren't going to get it.

1:06:16 It It's It is the industry.

1:06:17 I promise.

1:06:19 It's about sustainability and managing a a

1:06:22 I understand, but you're not getting it for a reason.

1:06:25 That's why I was just biting the time by myself.

1:06:27 It's a timing issue in my industry.

1:06:35 Okay.

1:06:35 You're not meeting the needs of investors.

1:06:37 If you're meeting the needs of investors, you'd have their money.

1:06:39 Raise your hand if you follow this.

1:06:41 You are not meeting their needs.

1:06:42 You're trying to meet your needs, not theirs.

1:06:44 What if you could get someone who would give you six and a half times multiple,

1:06:47 but you believe they really were intelligent and brought things

1:06:50 to the business you didn't see and could help you grow it?

1:06:52 Abs.

1:06:53 I would go two times multiple for a strategic partner.

1:06:56 Great.

1:06:56 Then that's what you should do.

1:06:57 Stop this 10 times discussion.

1:06:58 It doesn't make any[ __] sense for where you are.

1:07:00 or you're gonna have to wait years until you can show an actual growth

1:07:03 pattern that's dynamic and that means you're going to be alone for more years.

1:07:07 Is that what you want?

1:07:08 No.

1:07:09 What is

1:07:09 for you to have a better a better multiple for the investors that fulfills

1:07:12 their needs and make sure it's an investor that can give you more

1:07:15 value so that you grow the business to a higher multiple at some point

1:07:19 where you could sell part of it then and have it a bigger return.

1:07:21 You're wanting everything now without doing the work.

1:07:23 You've done the work to set it up and not the work that meets their needs.

1:07:26 Same thing is true with the men you're meeting.

1:07:30 You're focused on your needs.

1:07:33 You didn't tell me anything about their needs.

1:07:34 When I asked you the questions, you never said it.

1:07:36 You told me about what they weren't doing for you.

1:07:39 They don't understand me.

1:07:40 You don't understand what I mean.

1:07:41 How would they?

1:07:41 There's not enough time.

1:07:43 You didn't say anything about what their needs

1:07:45 were and whether you could meet them or not.

1:07:46 Your mistake, and I'm done, is you're focused on you.

1:07:49 And you're not a selfish person.

1:07:50 I know you're a good human being,

1:07:52 but you are operating from a place that is so selfish because using

1:07:54 significance and certainty and those things

1:07:56 make you selfish when they're the top.

1:08:00 That is your only reason for failing.

1:08:02 And you are failing right now.

1:08:03 Failing to meet your desires, your deepest desires, which is love and growth.

1:08:10 And you're not going to have either one of those if you hang on to this.

1:08:14 I'm done with the conversation.

1:08:15 Thank you for your time.

1:08:15 Give a hand.