Let Them Be Wrong

0:01 We’re often deeply concerned with whether others are right or wrong.

0:06 And let’s face it: when we hear

0:10 people spouting utter nonsense about subjects like history,

0:13 politics, or different cultures,

0:15 it can be difficult not to speak up and correct them.

0:19 For some reason, we want them to get it right;

0:23 we want them to know and understand how things actually are.

0:28 But as many of us have probably experienced,

0:30 people who are wrong often don’t want to be corrected.

0:34 And when we try, they seem uninterested

0:37 or even irritated by information that challenges their beliefs.

0:41 It’s as if they don’t want their minds

0:44 changed and couldn’t care less about what’s actually true.

0:48 It’s pretty frustrating.

0:50 Especially when they come in groups, all repeating the same misinformation,

0:55 hostile to anything that challenges their convictions,

0:58 as if they’re trapped in their own ideological version of Plato’s cave.

1:05 Why do people behave like this?

1:06 Why are they so infuriating?

1:08 And how do we deal with them without letting them get under our skin?

1:13 This video explores how to handle ignorance

1:16 wisely and prevent it from becoming our problem.

1:20 My name is Stefan.

1:22 If you enjoy my work, you can subscribe to my newsletter on Substack.

1:26 You can also support me on Patreon, and my books are available on Amazon.

1:31 Thank you, and I hope you’ll enjoy this video.

1:42 We humans are, by and large, eager for the truth.

1:46 We want to know why things are as they are.

1:50 We want to know why we’re here, why the people around us behave as they do,

1:54 or whether our loved ones are being honest with us.

1:57 We want to know what our elected officials are up to, whether

2:01 they’re secretly being paid or doing something fishy behind the scenes.

2:05 We want to know whether something is real or AI-generated,

2:10 whether someone is genuine or fake.

2:13 We are, on the whole, truth seekers,

2:16 always searching for answers to make sense of a world

2:20 that’s constantly changing and, at times, seems elusive.

2:23 Whether we can ever arrive at “the truth” is,

2:27 of course, a matter of philosophical debate.

2:29 But we can at least try to come as close as possible,

2:34 guided by things like empirical evidence,

2:36 careful observation, and sound reasoning.

2:38 And if we value truth,

2:40 the best we can do is adjust our beliefs in light of the available evidence.

2:46 Yet people don’t always seem particularly interested in doing that.

2:52 We encounter people who confidently make claims

2:55 with little evidence to back them up, dismiss data that contradicts their views,

3:01 or rely on sources and people who simply tell them

3:05 what they want to hear and confirm what they already believe.

3:09 They seem convinced that their version of reality is

3:13 the truth and that nobody can tell them otherwise.

3:17 We don’t see this only in political views but also in everyday life.

3:22 We see parents who outright deny

3:24 their mistakes and blame their children’s struggles

3:27 on things like genetics rather than admitting the part they may have played.

3:32 We see partners who refuse to admit that the relationship went downhill

3:37 because they wouldn’t communicate and instead blame it all on us being dramatic.

3:42 And whenever we challenge their versions of what happened,

3:46 they simply don’t seem willing to really listen.

3:50 Needless to say, this can be deeply frustrating.

3:53 It can also become a profound source of resentment.

3:57 So, why is it so difficult to tolerate

4:01 people who are clearly wrong and deny obvious facts?

4:05 I guess there are different reasons.

4:08 Maybe it’s because we dislike unfairness and injustice.

4:12 Maybe because we see them as threats,

4:15 not just to ourselves or people we care about, but to society as a whole.

4:21 Some false beliefs are dangerous;

4:23 they can pave the way for injustice and suffering.

4:27 Hence, when false beliefs lead people to support inhumane policies,

4:31 we’re dealing with more than just a difference of opinion.

4:35 We’re dealing with people accepting nonsense to legitimize cruelty.

4:41 And precisely because of that, we may also

4:44 suspect that people who willingly cling to certain beliefs

4:47 (such as the idea that some groups are inherently

4:51 inferior or deserve fewer rights) simply aren’t very good,

4:55 empathetic, or well-meaning people;

4:57 that their convictions reveal something about who they are.

5:02 And that’s why they anger us,

5:05 and why we feel compelled to push back against them.

5:09 And so, we go online and try to school these people in comment sections,

5:13 teach them a lesson, prove them wrong,

5:16 ridicule their views, or debunk their claims.

5:19 But for some reason, they just cannot be convinced.

5:23 We may even end up antagonizing and alienating them.

5:27 Our pushback can sometimes even strengthen their beliefs,

5:30 because they interpret our anger as proof

5:33 that their supposed “truth” is triggering the enemy,

5:37 and therefore that they must be onto something.

5:40 Fighting, therefore, seems useless.

5:42 Convincing someone they’re wrong and getting them to update their beliefs

5:48 in light of reason and evidence only works if they’re receptive.

5:54 Unfortunately, many of these folks just couldn’t care less.

5:59 Why is that?

6:00 Well, philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer had an interesting explanation for this.

6:05 He observed that people who engage in arguments often aren’t very

6:10 interested in finding out what’s true… because something else is driving them.

6:20 A long, long time ago,

6:21 I was having a fierce discussion with a friend while having a few beers,

6:26 sitting outside at a bar.

6:28 The subject of this discussion happened to be religion,

6:32 a topic I was fairly knowledgeable about,

6:35 partly because of my academic background.

6:37 After tens of minutes into the discussion,

6:40 something rather annoying began to happen.

6:43 My friend was so set on winning the argument

6:47 that he started using lies and made up facts.

6:52 I, pretty intoxicated at that moment,

6:54 got so angry because of the unfairness in his speech that I made a scene.

7:00 When I look back on it, my friend wasn’t really interested in the truth

7:04 or in getting closer to it through dialogue.

7:07 He just wanted to win.

7:10 He wanted to be right.

7:12 And to be fair, winning the argument was also my goal, though in my case,

7:18 it was because I truly believed he was wrong and wanted to set him straight.

7:24 Schopenhauer observed something about people arguing with each other.

7:28 Often, their goal isn’t to arrive at the truth but simply to be right.

7:34 And once winning becomes the goal,

7:36 they may resort to all kinds of dishonest tricks to defend their position.

7:41 He discovered, though,

7:42 that these tricks and dodges people use are usually the same over and over,

7:48 and easy to recognize.

7:50 So, he compiled a highly sarcastic treatise of notes on what he

7:56 called “eristic dialectic,” now commonly published as The Art of Being Right,

8:01 containing thirty-eight methods for defeating one’s opponent in a debate,

8:06 from ad hominem attacks and interruptions to diversions and deliberately

8:10 making the opponent angry (in the latter my friend clearly succeeded).

8:16 Now, we could ask ourselves:

8:18 what’s the use of arguing with people who just want to win the argument?

8:23 What’s the point of wrestling with a pig?

8:26 Answer: there’s none.

8:27 Or as Schopenhauer put it: “Never combat any man’s opinion;

8:33 for though you reached the age of Methuselah,

8:35 you would never have done setting him right upon

8:38 all the absurd things that he believes.” End quote.

8:43 And yet, many of us just can’t stop themselves from trying,

8:47 by feeding the trolls in the comments online or being

8:50 rage-baited by that uncle at a children’s birthday party who,

8:54 for some reason, thought it would be the right place for political discourse.

8:59 And before we know it, we’ve wasted hours of our precious time on Earth.

9:04 I think that one reason we let ourselves be seduced by all the proverbial pigs

9:09 is that we tend to forget something

9:12 very important about the limits of our power.

9:14 Let’s take a look at it.

9:19 As much as we want other people to understand that they see things wrong,

9:24 that their arguments are flawed,

9:26 and their beliefs mistaken… whether someone changes their mind

9:29 about something is ultimately not up to us.

9:33 I don’t want to repeat the Stoic

9:36 dichotomy of control ad nauseam, but once again,

9:39 it proves to be a useful piece of wisdom

9:42 for reflecting on what we’re actually trying to do.

9:45 Suppose we’re trying to debunk an anonymous user

9:48 in the comment section of a political video.

9:51 In such an attempt, we usually try two things.

9:55 First, we aim to craft the best

9:58 possible counterargument to refute this person’s claims.

10:02 Second, we try to convince this invisible stranger that they’re wrong;

10:07 we hope that our argument will make them see their mistake and, preferably,

10:12 admit it and adjust their thinking.

10:15 Now, from a Stoic perspective, the first thing is largely within our control.

10:21 The second thing, however, is not.

10:24 We can create the best, strongest, most complete argument ever written

10:29 in human history about that particular topic,

10:32 but that still doesn’t guarantee that the people

10:35 we’re trying to convince will change their minds.

10:39 There’s no problem if we’re okay with that.

10:41 But many people aren’t.

10:43 They don’t just want to present a good argument;

10:46 they also want to change the other person’s mind,

10:50 and they’re emotionally invested in doing so.

10:53 They seem to believe that, if they wrestle with the pig long enough,

10:59 it might eventually turn into a beautiful Arabian horse,

11:03 only to end up frustrated, disappointed, and defeated when it doesn’t.

11:08 When we care too much about people’s faulty beliefs and opinions,

11:14 whether they’re our friends, parents, spouses, or nameless people online,

11:18 we put ourselves in a position where they can easily affect us.

11:23 And because they affect us, we may feel hurt,

11:26 feel compelled to do something about it,

11:28 or even become angry, especially when we realize we can’t change them.

11:33 In doing so, we give these people enormous power over us:

11:38 over our feelings, our thoughts, and the actions that follow.

11:42 We become susceptible to rage bait.

11:44 People who enjoy provoking others can easily get a rise out of us,

11:49 because they know we’re bothered by what they think and say,

11:53 and they simply enjoy seeing us upset.

11:55 Others lure us into discussions with the sole intention

11:59 of defeating us in an argument and getting an ego boost.

12:03 In other cases, we may be bothered by the beliefs of people close to us.

12:08 But what can we actually do?

12:11 People will think what they think and say what they say.

12:15 According to the Stoics, we’re better off letting go of what isn’t

12:19 in our control and focusing our attention on what is.

12:26 I’m not saying we should never correct someone.

12:28 Speaking up for what’s right can be a good thing.

12:32 From a Stoic perspective, depending on our role and responsibilities,

12:36 it may even be our duty to speak up and defend what is just.

12:42 When something important is genuinely at stake,

12:45 it’s better not to remain silent.

12:48 However, if we’re honest with ourselves, in many cases,

12:51 trying to change the minds of people who

12:54 don’t want to change just isn’t worth our time.

12:58 According to Schopenhauer,

13:00 it’s also better to avoid correcting people’s mistakes in conversation;

13:04 “for it is easy to offend people, and difficult,

13:08 if not impossible, to mend them.” And so,

13:11 whenever we hear one of our parents twisting the past again,

13:14 or that uncle blurting out his absurd political views,

13:17 or we see that simpleton in the comment section barking up the wrong tree,

13:23 we can also just leave them be.

13:26 Just let them be wrong.

13:28 Don’t correct them.

13:29 Let them be ignorant.

13:31 Let them talk nonsense.

13:33 Or, as Schopenhauer said: “If you feel irritated by the absurd remarks

13:38 of two people whose conversation you happen to overhear,

13:41 you should imagine that you are listening to a dialogue

13:45 of two fools in a comedy.” End quote.

13:49 There have always been fools,

13:51 and there will be no shortage of them in the future.

13:54 Having a brain is clearly no guarantee that we know how to use it.

14:00 Ignorance knows no bounds, and there has never been a point in history when

14:05 our species was free of its seemingly infinite capacity for idiocy.

14:09 In that sense, stupidity is as natural to us as having arms and legs.

14:15 We can fight it, but we’ll never eradicate it.

14:20 So, quite ironically, in many cases,

14:23 accepting that ignorance is part of human nature and simply

14:27 letting it be may actually be the wiser choice.

14:34 Thank you for watching.