every time steve carell was the first to break | The Office US | Comedy Bites

0:00 Excuse me.

0:06 Let me try that again.

0:08 I'll call you back.

0:09 No, it's about my work situation and my living situation and how they coales

0:13 into one another because I need a living situation in order to do my job.

0:17 What?

0:18 Please.

0:27 Please.

0:27 I'm going to get I'll make you proud.

0:38 You don't call[ __] people retards.

0:41 It's bad taste.

0:43 You call your friends retards.

0:47 That's it.

0:47 That's what I was looking for.

0:48 Over the gums and through the lips.

0:50 Look out stomach.

0:53 There we go.

0:58 Something like that.

0:58 What the hell is that?

1:07 Penis.

1:06 You make very compelling argument.

1:10 I'm sorry.

1:16 I locked it.

1:21 I have to pull a U-turn because we have been driving the wrong way.

1:27 God.

1:29 That's great.

1:30 We're leaving for the hospital at 1.

1:32 Freedom tree.

1:35 Sorry.

1:35 Let's just go through that part.

1:37 Okay.

1:37 We're leaving for the hospital at one.

1:38 Like a freedom tree.

1:39 I can take two speakers.

1:46 Damn.

1:47 We have two speakers.

1:49 What?

1:50 Honey.

1:51 Oh, Jesus.

1:52 This is terrible.

1:54 We'll never finish this episode.

1:56 Um, check this out.

1:58 Folds.

2:09 Sorry.

2:09 Oh my god.

2:10 If you don't deal with things right away, they only get worse.

2:13 It's called appeasement.

2:16 Oh god, that is so disgusting.

2:20 I haven't eaten cottage cheese in a long time.

2:24 Wow.

2:27 What are you doing?

2:28 Stop it.

2:29 Just I'm just Stop it.

2:31 Spin.

2:31 I'm trying to confuse your sense of direction,

2:42 Michael.

2:41 5K means 5 kilometers.

2:43 You put 5,000 miles on this flyer.

2:47 Come in.

2:49 Hey.

2:49 Oh my god.

2:50 What are you doing?

2:54 What?

2:53 No.

2:54 Michael,

2:56 stay.

2:55 You said come in.

2:57 Oh my god.

3:00 Hey,

3:00 get that one.

3:01 Is that sticky on the back?

3:03 That's what she said.

3:04 The tape, Pam.

3:08 It's not funny.

3:10 See,

3:10 don't humor him.

3:11 Wait, let me do another one for Pam.

3:13 Wait a second.

3:16 You You might want to trim it a little.

3:18 No, that's that that that applies to nothing.

3:23 I'm sorry.

3:26 I wasn't expecting that at all.

3:30 Udica Udica, buckle up, James.

3:34 Oh no, there goes

3:36 a camera fell.

3:37 Hey, camera.

3:39 Buckle up, JIM.

3:43 We need to amp up the rock and roll.

3:46 Okay.

3:46 Oh my god.

3:53 That's why people want to leave.

3:58 I said bow tie.

4:02 Did you hear him?

4:04 Paul just goes, I'm sorry.

4:08 I COULDN'T HELP IT.

4:14 Oh my god.

4:22 This will be almost impossible.

4:36 in the main office.

4:41 Yeah,

4:41 Michael, it's Ryan for you.

4:43 Good conniving little

4:48 What?

4:48 I knew that was going TO HAPPEN.

4:49 I TOTALLY KNEW THAT WAS going to happen.

4:51 I think we're going to have to start over.

4:53 You totally call back.

4:56 My sister's a[ __] High five.

5:07 When he's nervous, he sometimes talks like Borat.

5:14 I'm sorry.

5:17 Let's see.

5:17 Um, I can't hear you breathing over there.

5:29 Who do you think you are?

5:35 I don't even know if that's the one that I meant to give you because

5:39 I have so many in my car that I don't know which Oh my god.

5:55 My ideal dinner party would be Jim Pam the mayor Ryan

6:02 um Barack Obama Gandhi prehunger strike um Shiloh Jolie Pit because

6:12 at the end of the night Brad or Angelina would have

6:15 to come and pick him up and I get to meet him.

6:17 Um who else?

6:21 Shila Beef.

6:29 Shila beef.

6:36 Sorry.

6:36 Oh, damn.

6:38 So hard.

6:39 Way to come back.

6:41 Shila beef.

6:45 Sorry.

6:45 That was my fault.

6:46 I'm sorry.

6:47 I'm sorry.

6:48 So sorry.

6:48 I'm so sorry.

6:50 Oh my.

6:51 Almost got it.

6:52 I have some good news.

6:54 WE GET TO GO HOME.

7:16 Oh my god.

7:19 I am not a bad guy.

7:20 I am a good guy who runs over women with his car.

7:28 Sorry, that was so good.

7:29 Damn it.

7:30 I'm not a bad guy.

7:31 I'm a good guy who runs over women with his car.

7:37 I am not a bad guy.

7:38 I am a good guy who runs over women with his car.

7:41 Why am I having such a hard time getting my message across?

7:48 I promise to give authority back to you when this crisis is over.

7:52 Do it.

7:54 Say it.

7:55 Hey, turn your head over.

8:01 Sorry.

8:04 Hey, do it.

8:14 Do it.

8:15 Hey, Michael.

8:18 Uh, I know I used to be a temp here and now

8:20 I'm your boss and I understand how that must be weird for you,

8:25 but you I'm really sorry I broke that.

8:30 It's too good.

8:34 Well, I'd do the scene, but BJ's not here.

8:39 and resetting.

8:46 When I roll, PJ go.

8:48 Toby, you know,

8:49 could you write down the name of that rehabilitation clinic you mentioned?

8:54 Wow.

8:59 Impress.

9:00 That's great.

9:02 What does that even say?

9:13 Well, it was someone's fault.

9:15 Well, no, it's it's not it's not anybody's fault.

9:19 You know what?

9:20 Let's just look at the lines and then we'll do the scene again.

9:27 Phyllis, did I or did I not say fruit?

9:30 You did say fruit.

9:31 And what is that?

9:34 Cake.

9:34 And what did I say?

9:36 fruit.

9:38 Sorry.

9:41 Is this Is this Is this Is this funny to you, Phyllis?

9:47 She's nervous.

9:49 Yeah.

9:49 Well, she should be nervous because I'm about to kick her ass.

9:53 I'm going to walk in again.

9:56 Now, we all think you're liar.

9:57 But would a liar bring Minnie Mouse bars?

10:06 We're going to need a signal to bolt

10:07 out of there at the slightest sign of danger.

10:11 Okay.

10:09 Okay.

10:10 And that signal is lit your lips.

10:12 Let me see.

10:15 No, no, no.

10:15 Like this.

10:21 OH, NO.

10:22 OH, DUDE.

10:23 I'M SO SORRY.

10:24 OH.

10:26 OH, I'm so sorry, dude.

10:28 Okay.

10:30 This is DJ, right?

10:40 Oh, I think I'm going to need some uh new pants.

11:02 HEY.

11:03 OH, YOU BROKE IT.

11:06 You broke it.

11:07 Oh.

11:17 Oh man.

11:18 This bit will never work.

11:21 Wow.

11:22 And this copier is working fine.

11:40 That's the original.

11:43 WELL, could not have made a better noise.

11:55 We are having an earthquake.

11:57 Get it on the DVD.

11:59 Rolling on the earthquake.

12:00 Roll on the earthquake.

12:03 I'm so glad I you all.

12:06 The trains going through Scrantoner.

12:07 You know what?

12:08 Things uh things I guess aren't aren't so bad after all.

12:16 Okay.

12:26 You Phyllis, we gave you one hell of a wedding shower.

12:32 It was a golden shower, Phyllis.

12:35 We all gave you a golden We all came in this room for your wedding

12:41 and gave you a We all came in here and gave you a golden shower.

12:47 Well, where's my golden?

12:52 Ooh, Vicram.

12:54 Best salesman I ever met in my life.

12:56 What's his last name?

12:58 I want to say Shishi Poo.

13:01 I know that's not it.

13:01 He He worked at a tail marketing place.

13:06 Shu Shunu Laala.

13:07 I It's not it, but he worked at that shea dupu.

13:13 I know that's not it, but he worked at that.

13:16 Can't really explain what I'm feeling, but I like it.

13:22 I'm I'm good.

13:23 You guys good?

13:26 Yeah.

13:25 Could that have been a more dance appropriate sort of

13:32 Hey, out of curiosity, do you have any other characters?

13:34 Oh, I'm working on Scrant and Strangler.

13:40 What do you think?

13:46 Oh, I'm working on a new one.

13:47 It's Grant Strangler.

13:49 I'm going to kill you.

13:52 Oh, I'm working on the Scrant and Strangler.

13:56 Don't start laughing.

13:58 I'm working I'm working on a new one.

14:00 Scrant and Strangler.

14:02 I'm kidding.

14:03 Now you Now you with the laughing.

14:06 Just let him flirt with her.

14:08 People meet each other all sorts of way.

14:09 Who are we to stand in the way?

14:10 Bam.

14:10 You know he's not going to get anywhere.

14:12 And you know he's going to blow our sail.

14:13 Who cares?

14:14 It's not that huge a sale.

14:16 The schwab.

14:20 Bam.

14:20 You know he's not going to get anywhere and you know he's gonna blow our sale.

14:23 Who cares?

14:23 It's not that huge a sale.

14:25 The Schwab guy does.

14:28 This here is a radon test kit.

14:30 Okay.

14:31 I'll be putting them everywhere.

14:32 And please don't throw these out.

14:36 This is a radon test kit.

14:40 Please don't throw these out.

14:42 See them all over the office.

14:53 Who is it?

14:55 Who is it?

14:56 Michael.

14:59 Hi.

15:02 You say hi.

15:06 He did.

15:06 He said hi.

15:12 Okay.

15:12 Well, you clearly don't care, so why don't you just leave?

15:15 I would like to stay.

15:16 this pertains to me.

15:17 I would like you to leave.

15:18 Why don't you go outside and take a shot of insulin and have a nap?

15:22 Okay.

15:23 Why do you always assume I have diabetes?

15:25 You have a glass of apple juice and tell me that you don't have diabetes.

15:28 Okay.

15:30 All right.

15:30 See, just the noise you made when you stood up.

15:32 I could do.

15:48 This guy doesn't just want to win, you know?

15:50 He wants to bury you.

15:52 He wants to humiliate you and he wants to prove to the world.

15:56 Wait, how long is this going to take?

15:57 I'm like a quarter of the way through.

16:03 his face.

16:06 Oh, okay.

16:08 You don't really toss the dough.

16:11 Try to destroy the old ways, Gabe.

16:13 I will not let you do it.

16:24 Brian, return to sender.

16:26 Clean up on aisle five.

16:36 Sorry.

16:36 Sorry.

16:40 Sorry.

16:43 Sorry.

16:43 Totally fine.

16:45 No.

16:45 No.

16:46 It's great.

16:46 I love working at Dunder Mifflin Taliban branch.

16:55 Bloop.

16:54 Just happened.

16:57 No, it's great.

16:58 Oh.

16:59 Uhoh.

17:00 No, it's great.

17:00 I love organ for Denman bread.

17:04 We have three sex or or heavy petting closets.

17:09 One masturbation closet.

17:11 Does anyone have a problem with that?

17:14 Yes.

17:14 Gay closet.

17:15 Five.

17:15 That wasn't my favorite.

17:16 FIVE CLOSETS.

17:17 NO, THAT'S THAT THAT WASN'T THE PROBLEM.

17:18 Three heavy petting closets, one masturbation closet, and one gay closet.

17:22 I don't absolutely no problem.

17:25 Everybody happy with a glory hole.

17:27 What?

17:27 What?

17:28 Well, I just I heard about it somewhere.

17:32 Holy.

17:30 Fifth closet will have a glory hole.

17:35 I heard about it.

17:46 What is happening?

17:52 Do you smell like a weird warm cheese?

17:59 What is happening?

18:01 Do you smell like a weird warm cheese?

18:07 Okay.

18:08 Oh man, what is happening?

18:11 Do you smell like Oh man.

18:16 I throw a corpse dressed like me off of the roof.

18:19 It hits the ground.

18:22 Yep.

18:21 The head pops off.

18:22 This leads to me saying the line, "I lost my head when I fell in love with you."

18:27 That's a guarantee.

18:28 Paula Poundstone.

18:30 What about her?

18:30 How would that work?

18:33 I throw Paula Poundstone up the roof.

18:36 All right, we got to get that.

18:40 What was Jen's butt like?

18:41 That was nice.

18:42 It was good.

18:43 What was her butthole like?

18:49 Jesus.

18:52 I was wondering where that was going to end up.

18:56 What was Jen's butt like?

18:57 That was cute.

19:00 What was her butthole like?