The one principal that all highly successful people share | Mark Manson

0:00 My name is Mark Manson.

0:01 I am the author of The Subtle Art of Not Giving a[ __],

0:04 as well as some other works.

0:06 I'm a YouTuber, podcaster,

0:07 and my work focuses primarily on the importance of values.

0:14 Achieving the right kind of success.

0:18 Today, we live in a success obsessed culture.

0:21 People feel like if they can just make enough money,

0:25 if they can just have the right car or buy the right house,

0:29 if they can find the right partner,

0:31 then everything's going to be fixed and fine.

0:35 And what's tricky is that I think we tend

0:38 to be kind of bad at defining success for ourselves.

0:40 We don't think very hard about how are we measuring success?

0:43 What is the what is the metric by which

0:46 we determine if whether we're making progress or not?

0:49 And a lot of this comes back to understanding our own motivations, right?

0:53 Like a lot of people maybe they want to have a really fancy car or a really

0:58 nice house or live in a certain part

1:00 of town and they think that's actually what they want,

1:02 but really what they want is respect or approval or attention.

1:07 not realizing that there are way easier

1:11 ways to go about getting respect, approval,

1:13 and attention in your life than having to go spend

1:16 a million dollars in a house on the other side of town.

1:20 If we don't question how we're measuring success,

1:22 then we're going to be unclear on what we're willing to give up to get there.

1:26 And if we're not willing to give anything up to get there,

1:29 then we're basically guaranteeing that we're never

1:31 going to be successful in the first place.

1:34 And these days people are particularly obsessed with extraordinary

1:38 success like massive outlier success multi multi-billionaire type success

1:44 and people want to replicate that but I don't

1:47 think people are paying attention to the right thing.

1:50 I don't think they realize what is actually involved

1:53 because if you want to achieve massive extraordinary amounts

1:56 of success you have to do three things well

1:59 and people tend to ignore or overlook two of them.

2:02 The first one is is that you have to have a contrarian take.

2:06 This is just basic logic.

2:08 If you want to capitalize on an opportunity

2:12 that is greater than 99.9% of other opportunities,

2:16 then you have to be willing to look somewhere

2:18 that 99.9% of other people are not willing to look.

2:22 You have to find an idea that 99.9% of people think is a stupid idea.

2:27 You have to be willing to consider it.

2:30 And the irony is that this willingness to be contrarian,

2:33 this willingness to look at ideas that other people think are

2:36 ridiculous usually goes completely against why

2:38 people want to be extraordinarily successful.

2:41 People imagine that if they're extraordinarily successful,

2:43 they're going to be celebrated and everybody's going to love them.

2:46 Everybody's going to want to hang out with them and be friends with them.

2:49 And it's like, no.

2:50 Actually, the thing that's going to make you

2:52 that successful is going to make you a pariah.

2:55 It's going to make you look ridiculous.

2:58 You're going to sound stupid.

2:59 people are going to be like, "That guy is crazy.

3:03 What is he on about?" Step number two is

3:06 you have to be right about that contrarian idea.

3:09 Most contrarian ideas are contrarian

3:11 for a reason because they're horrible ideas.

3:14 They're ridiculous.

3:15 They're wrong.

3:16 They're stupid.

3:17 So, you have to find that rare contrarian idea

3:21 that everybody else is overlooked and everybody else is wrong about.

3:25 And then step number three is you have to have

3:29 enough conviction on that idea to execute on it massively.

3:33 And this is where everybody gets tripped up because they look

3:37 at somebody like Steve Jobs or Bill Gates or Warren Buffett, whoever.

3:43 Name your famous super successful person and they look at like,

3:47 okay, what was their morning routine?

3:49 How many hours a day were they working?

3:51 What did they do with their weekends?

3:54 completely missing the fact that this person took an idea that everybody else

3:59 thought was ridiculous and then completely rearranged

4:02 their life to optimize for that idea.

4:06 The optimization itself is completely secondary.

4:09 Whether you wake up at 4:00 a.m.

4:11 or 6:00 a.m.

4:12 or work 13 hours a day or 12 hours a day, like it doesn't matter.

4:16 It really doesn't matter.

4:18 What matters is is you found the right contrarian idea.

4:22 you're correct about it where most other people

4:25 are incorrect and then you invested massively into it.

4:28 Like one of the things Warren Buffett said himself is that over

4:32 the course of a career that has spanned nearly 80 years,

4:36 the vast majority of his success could be

4:40 boiled down to roughly a dozen correct bets.

4:43 And the truth is is that almost nobody will

4:46 do this because A, they're probably not going to have

4:49 a contrarian idea to begin with because they're too dependent

4:52 on the people around them to dictate what they think.

4:56 B, even if they have a contrarian idea,

4:59 they're probably not going to be right about it.

5:01 And then C, even if they're right about it,

5:04 they're probably going to be too scared to drop

5:06 everything else they're doing and go all in on it.

5:09 And even if you do get to the other side of it,

5:12 even if you do get all the money and the accolades and the fame,

5:16 now you're in a situation where everybody who comes to you,

5:20 you don't know why they're there.

5:22 Are they there to get something from you?

5:25 Are they there because they want something from you?

5:28 Are they trying to take advantage of you in some way?

5:31 And you start asking yourself, where were these people before I was famous?

5:35 What you realize is that that extraordinary success,

5:38 it creates conditions for people to be attracted to you.

5:42 That undermines the benefits of having them in your life.

5:46 That it complicates your relationships.

5:48 It complicates your lifestyle.

5:50 It makes you consider all sorts of of repercussions

5:53 and motivations that you never had to consider before.

5:56 I see this misalignment all the time with people who come to me with questions.

6:01 Uh, obviously I hear from a lot of aspiring

6:04 writers and authors who come to me for advice.

6:06 And it's funny because so many people come and they're

6:08 like,"I want to I want to be a writer.

6:10 I want to do what you do.

6:12 I've got all these great ideas.

6:14 How do I get there?" And my answer to them is always,

6:17 "Go publish 50 articles and then come back and ask

6:20 me again." And I say this for two reasons.

6:23 One is it determines who's willing to actually do

6:26 the work from the ones who just want to fantasize.

6:30 But the other reason is that by actually writing

6:33 50 pieces and publishing them and getting feedback on them,

6:37 that in and of itself is probably going to solve 90% of the person's questions.

6:43 They're going to learn everything that they would have asked me,

6:45 they're going to find out anyway.

6:46 And it's funny because I've been giving

6:49 this answer to people for almost two decades.

6:52 I've probably told multiple hundreds of people to do

6:55 this at this point and only two people ever did it.

6:59 And what that tells me is that people want the result,

7:03 they don't want the process.

7:05 People want the benefits, they don't want the cost.

7:08 And if you don't want the cost of something,

7:11 then I would argue you don't actually want the thing.

7:14 I went through this myself when I was younger.

7:17 Before I was a writer,

7:19 I attended music school and I wanted to be a professional musician.

7:23 And it's funny because, you know,

7:25 when I was in high school, I was the music guy.

7:27 I'd bring my guitar to parties and I'd sing and play songs

7:31 and it was kind of a social identity and I loved it.

7:34 It kind of defined my whole adolescence.

7:36 But when I got to music school

7:38 and I actually tried to be a professional musician, I realized something,

7:42 which is that the experience of playing music for people and hearing

7:47 applause and being seen as this really talented guy on stage,

7:52 that's like less than 1% of what the experience of being a musician is.

7:58 99% of the experience is practicing and rehearsing

8:02 by yourself alone in a room being celebrated by nobody.

8:06 And I hated that experience.

8:09 I didn't enjoy any aspect of it.

8:11 And it took me about 2 years in music school to finally

8:15 accept to myself that I don't actually like being a musician.

8:18 that because I'm not willing to sit in a room

8:21 by myself for five hours a day practicing songs,

8:23 I'm also not willing to do what it takes to be the guy on stage.

8:28 So, I think people need to stop separating the process from the outcome.

8:32 They need to realize that being a successful best-selling

8:36 author is posting hundreds and hundreds of articles online.

8:40 It's having your writing ridiculed.

8:42 It's having people trash you in the comments.

8:46 It's it's having people misunderstand you constantly.

8:48 That is what the process is.

8:51 That is what the reality is.

8:53 The benefits are just 1% of it.

8:56 The other problem of focusing so much on the outcome

8:59 instead of the process is that it can paralyze you.

9:03 It it seems too big.

9:04 It seems impossible like this gigantic mountain

9:07 that you have to climb and surmount.

9:09 And so I think people just lose motivation and they become too afraid to start.

9:14 You know, one of the most important life lessons I

9:16 ever learned was actually from my high school math teacher.

9:19 His name was Mr.

9:20 Pacwood.

9:20 And I remember we were sitting in class.

9:23 We were taking an exam.

9:25 And I guess most of us were having trouble with it

9:28 because we were just sitting there staring at the page, not writing anything.

9:32 And I remember he stopped the class and he said,

9:35 "Can I say something really quick?" He said,

9:37 "Let me give you a piece of advice." He said, "If you're stuck on a problem,

9:42 just rewrite the problem and try to find the first step." He said,

9:47 "Don't worry about solving the entire problem.

9:50 Just rewrite it and find step one because there's

9:53 something magical in the process of just writing step one.

9:56 That steps 2, 3, 4, and five will start

10:00 to reveal themselves." And sure enough, it was crazy.

10:03 I remember sitting there writing out the problem,

10:05 writing out like the most basic step.

10:07 And then suddenly seeing the problem differently and realizing what steps 2,

10:11 three, and four were.

10:12 And as I got to university and adulthood,

10:14 I realized that this applied to so many things in life.

10:17 Like if I had a term paper and I didn't know how to start it,

10:21 I'd pull back and I'd say, you know what, let's just write two sentences.

10:25 Let's just write one sentence.

10:26 And sure enough, in the process of writing that one sentence,

10:29 I could see the whole first paragraph.

10:31 And then in the process of writing that paragraph,

10:33 I would see the whole introduction.

10:35 I saw this in my social life.

10:37 You know, I'd go to a party, I'd see a cute girl,

10:40 I didn't know what to say to her, just walk up and say hi.

10:44 And in the process of saying hi, I'd find the next thing to say.

10:48 And then in the process of saying that, I'd find the next thing to say.

10:52 And next thing you know, you're in a 20-minute conversation.

10:54 Eventually, when I started writing,

10:55 I codified this and I called it the do something principle,

10:59 which is basically when you want something and you're stuck,

11:02 just do something like anything.

11:04 Find the minimum viable action.

11:06 Find the action that feels doable in this moment and just go do it.

11:12 Because in the process of doing it,

11:14 you will generate the motivation and inspiration to keep going.

11:17 And I think this is actually one of the most

11:20 profound realizations that I've had in my life,

11:22 which is that inspiration is not the cause of action.

11:25 It's the effect of action.

11:27 The action comes first and then once you've done the action,

11:31 you get the inspiration to keep going.

11:34 You don't magically feel motivated one day on the couch

11:37 and then go get up and go to the gym.

11:39 You get up and go to the gym and the fact

11:42 that you're there motivates you to actually do something.

11:45 And so when you're stuck in life, look for that minimum viable action.

11:48 Look for the simplest thing you can do

11:51 in this moment because just in the act of doing it,

11:54 you will generate the motivation to keep going.

11:57 The other reason people don't take action

11:59 is a simple fear of failure and rejection.

12:02 They don't want to embarrass themselves.

12:04 They don't want to make a fool of themselves.

12:06 And it's funny because if you zoom out

12:09 and you think about this a little objectively,

12:12 this is very irrational because what is rejection?

12:15 Rejection is you signaling to the world, this is what I'm about.

12:21 This is what I care about.

12:23 And it is a certain percentage of the world

12:25 looking at that and being like, no, not for me.

12:28 And that's great because now you don't have to deal

12:30 with a bunch of people who weren't going to make you happy anyway.

12:33 This is something that is very true I think in dating

12:36 that applies to everything which is that rejection is secretly a good thing

12:40 because it is it is the sorting mechanism of the universe for removing

12:44 all of the things that are not going to make you happy.

12:47 The other way failure and rejection benefits

12:50 you is that it it's information, right?

12:53 It shows you what you're good at, what you're not good at.

12:57 It shows you how you can do things better.

12:59 It's it's part of the learning process.

13:02 It's those failures that generate the information and feedback

13:05 that allow you to become great at it.

13:08 Nobody became great the first time they did anything.

13:11 So once you start seeing failure as part of the process,

13:14 you see rejection as part of the natural filtration of your life,

13:18 not only do you stop being afraid of it, but you actually start leaning into it.

13:23 So, it's funny.

13:24 In my own career, I quit my job in finance in 2009

13:29 to start blogging and everybody around me thought I was insane.

13:33 But I just I had this conviction, you know what,

13:36 content on the internet, it's going to be a thing.

13:39 This is really going to go somewhere.

13:41 Um, there's going to be opportunities.

13:43 And so, I was publishing every single day.

13:46 I was writing articles all week, every week.

13:49 I was working around the clock.

13:51 And for a few years, I was struggling to get by.

13:54 But what I didn't realize at that time is that I was market testing my ideas.

13:59 I was finding different perspectives that worked with people,

14:02 that connected with people,

14:04 and I was getting reps that most other writers in the world weren't getting.

14:09 Most other writers at that time, they would publish once a month or once a week

14:14 or once every other year if they were writing a book.

14:18 So, they didn't get that market feedback from the reader.

14:20 they didn't have that immediate relationship.

14:22 And so because I got all those reps

14:24 and because I wrote all of those bad articles

14:27 and because I got to see what all my good ideas were and all my bad ideas were,

14:32 when I did get my first book deal,

14:34 I had a much clearer sense of what I wanted to say and what I

14:39 thought was going to resonate and what

14:41 people connected with when I talked about it.

14:43 And all three of my books were massive, smash hits.

14:46 And it's funny because by that point I

14:49 had spent seven years being on this island,

14:52 you know, going home at at Christmas having everybody

14:55 in my family look at me and be like,

14:57 "What do you do for work again?" And me trying to explain to them like what

15:01 a blog was and and why like no it's thousands of people read this, I promise.

15:07 And them just kind of shaking their head and being like,

15:11 "Who like how do you make money?" and then

15:13 suddenly being this huge number one New York Times bestseller,

15:16 my book is it's in every airport,

15:18 it's in every bookstore, it's on TV, it's on the radio,

15:23 and seeing the way people's disposition changed and seeing how

15:28 suddenly different people started taking a different attitude towards me,

15:33 different aspects of my life started changing.

15:36 And don't get me wrong, success is great.

15:39 Money is great.

15:40 Like, I wouldn't take it back,

15:43 but it does complicate things and it doesn't play out

15:47 as cleanly or smoothly as it does in your fantasies.

15:51 And what really surprised me is that after my books took

15:55 off and I found myself with with all of this publishing success,

15:59 I went through a bit of a period of depression

16:03 because I didn't know what to hope for anymore.

16:08 I didn't have dreams anymore.

16:10 Like basically everything I had dreamed of since

16:14 I was 20 years old had come true.

16:17 And while that was amazing, it was amazing for, you know,

16:21 a few months, maybe a year.

16:23 But then after that, I woke up, I was the same guy, had the same problems,

16:29 dealt with the same[ __] and I had nothing to look forward to.

16:35 It was like, "Oh, wow.

16:36 Everything, the best things I could have imagined for myself are in my past.

16:42 So, what do I have to look forward to?

16:47 why do anything?

16:49 And it was a surprisingly hard period to work through,

16:53 especially because nobody wants to shed

16:55 any tears for for a depressed multi-millionaire.

16:59 Nobody wants to nobody sympathizes with the guy

17:04 whose book is number one everywhere.

17:06 It is like, I'm sad.

17:08 I don't know what to do with my life.

17:11 And so you find yourself in this like very odd lonely position that really

17:16 the only people that relate or understand are

17:19 other people who have experienced sudden astronomical success.

17:24 It's it it is it's it taught me a lot about it taught

17:30 me a lot about what is actually meaningful and important in in our lives.

17:35 And I'm extremely proud of the books and I'm extremely proud of the success.

17:41 But it showed me the importance of of a having

17:46 having things to look forward to outside of my work,

17:52 having dreams that exist outside of uh my own achievements and and B um always

18:01 maybe maybe caring about something that that can't

18:06 be achieved that isn't worldly or material.

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