The Temu / Aliexpress Trash Xmas Special

0:06 Happy annual buying season.

0:08 Although, you can't help but notice that everything's crazy expensive now.

0:13 Often pointlessly, but I mean, it's worth it.

0:16 I mean, think of the upsides.

0:18 Six people who already had more money than

0:20 anyone could ever fathom now has more money.

0:23 I mean, these folks seem pretty smart.

0:25 They've said that we're the ones who have to tighten their belts.

0:27 It's up to us.

0:29 I I guess I have to agree.

0:31 All those cool things you were hoping to get this year.

0:34 No, you're not getting them.

0:35 Yeah, we're we're shopping on a team on AliExpress.

0:38 I've saved this for this gigantic special.

0:42 This is, I believe, the longest dank pods video yet.

0:45 Every time I handle stuff from these kind of places,

0:48 my hands just stink of like formaldahhide and I

0:50 like break out in a rash or something.

0:52 But wait, this whole year's been lamb waste,

0:54 so I think this really caps it off nicely.

0:56 I mean, I subscribe to to Crimis.

0:59 Got to celebrate that every year.

1:00 And that's the the spirit of receiving.

1:03 So, what do I want?

1:04 Huh?

1:05 That's what I want.

1:07 Bean sleeves.

1:08 The bean sleeves.

1:10 That's This is what I want.

1:12 What do you get for the man who has everything?

1:15 You get bean sleeves.

1:16 Just under six Aussie coins, which I think is 3 US cents.

1:21 Multiolor.

1:21 It's bean colored.

1:22 On your behoo, they're called arw.

1:24 No, they're bean sleeves.

1:26 Can't wait for these to give me a rash.

1:27 Is that Is that where your thumb goes or did they just stop stitching?

1:31 Oh, it is.

1:32 Oh, and it's done very roughly.

1:34 I'm so glad to be wearing arm warmers uh when it was 38 today.

1:37 Oh, and the other thing I want is just um stolen

1:40 artwork or AI generated artwork with, you know, Shrek on it.

1:43 Like this hideous doormat.

1:45 Like, it's so crap that I don't even want to wipe my shoes on it.

1:48 [music] Uh this stunning piece of tapestry.

1:51 Like, is it the DMV or is it like a in a prison institution or something?

1:55 I I I don't know.

1:56 It's gritty and it's real looking.

1:58 Uh this inspirational pillow case.

2:00 I really support that.

2:01 And of course, our new shower curtain here at the work site.

2:03 [music] And yeah, every time you got to use the dunny, you get to stare at that.

2:07 So, what the the doormat was 11 bucks.

2:09 That's pretty good.

2:10 Uh the tapestry swamp themed tapestry 14 bucks.

2:15 What a winner.

2:16 My live laugh Shrek swamp guy five bucks

2:19 is pretty good considering it doesn't leave fibers everywhere.

2:22 And yeah, the Nicholas Cage [laughter] 30 bucks, but it totally works.

2:28 I'm not against it.

2:29 So, you know, money will sp I've gotten everything I wanted, huh?

2:32 But I'm sorry.

2:32 What's that?

2:33 You want something?

2:35 You want something for Christmas?

2:37 A Nintendo Switch, mate.

2:39 You're out of your minds.

2:40 No, you're getting [laughter] that red and blue.

2:43 They knew what they were doing at the Q21 factory.

2:47 What?

2:48 THE REAL LOGO?

2:50 I I HAVEN'T seen that in a long time.

2:53 HD ready.

2:55 So So it's not HD.

2:57 And HD technically means 720.

2:59 Oh, but they're dazzling me with their USB capabilities.

3:02 Game joystick remote sensing game console.

3:06 I don't know what that means.

3:07 Do not disassemble this pro.

3:09 Okay.

3:09 Uh do not place in strong light or hum.

3:12 Okay.

3:12 Now, now we have to get this sticker off.

3:14 It's telling me something about indulging.

3:16 Oh, it's like the cashy stickers.

3:18 Do not indulge in the game for a long time.

3:21 Don't tell me what they're doing.

3:22 So sword rescue me.

3:26 We got AV out in mono.

3:29 [laughter] You can't give us stereo.

3:31 Wow.

3:31 This is hecking long.

3:32 Can't wait for the interference you're going to get trying to use it.

3:34 USBC.

3:36 That's high tech.

3:37 This is more high-tech than most iPhones out there.

3:40 Oh wow.

3:41 It's getting lighter and lighter.

3:44 H kind of looks like a like a battering of some sorts.

3:47 I like how the screen Oh, no.

3:48 No.

3:48 That's a screen protector.

3:49 [gasps] My brand new.

3:56 Wow.

3:57 Oh, no.

3:57 She's pristine.

3:58 I bet you that is soft.

4:00 That would dig in good.

4:01 Oh, you could plug an external controller.

4:03 So, right.

4:04 So, you could TV out and then sit away from it or something.

4:07 But then why is this 10 km long?

4:09 I could read that.

4:10 I just don't want to.

4:11 Okay, hang on.

4:12 Uh oh, there it is.

4:13 Is the TV TOMBMED ON?

4:14 [laughter] OH, IT'S A NOKIA BAT.

4:18 THAT IS AN OLD NOKIA BAT.

4:20 THAT'S HEAT FUNNY.

4:21 OW, my hand.

4:22 Yo, where's my bat stash?

4:24 It's even like the same capacity as a Nokia bat, huh?

4:28 Still very funny.

4:29 I enjoy it.

4:30 Oh, quality control pass.

4:31 I'd believe a sticker.

4:32 Oh, wow.

4:33 This was batch number 1 2 3 4 5 6.

4:36 The coincidence.

4:38 Wow.

4:38 Lucky us.

4:40 That's actually a speaker hole.

4:41 And that is nothing.

4:42 I'm just going to turn it on.

4:43 WHAT DO WE GET?

4:44 WA.

4:45 [screaming] SO, I GOT MY retro tink here and so I can like,

4:49 you know, capture video of ancient stuff.

4:52 And um I didn't think this was going to have video out.

4:54 So, um I guess we're retro tinking straight away.

4:56 Oh, it's the tiny jack.

4:58 Is it?

4:59 Oh, that's so snappable.

5:01 I enjoy that.

5:02 I'm in OBS.

5:02 Let's see.

5:03 Hang on.

5:03 H.

5:04 Look at this.

5:05 How good's my new desk?

5:06 I built it myself.

5:08 Can have both at once on.

5:11 Uh-oh.

5:15 Oh, hang.

5:16 Yeah.

5:17 Oh, my right ear loves this.

5:20 Um, we're going to pick English.

5:23 Angry bird.

5:24 What?

5:24 Just one.

5:28 [laughter] WHAT?

5:30 THIS IS LIKE ANGRY Birds for Game Boy Color.

5:33 Look at the ones in the corner.

5:35 Look how messed up they look.

5:36 Oh, wow.

5:37 That smooth scroll.

5:38 This is THIS IS GOOD.

5:40 OH, WHAT IS THIS, MAN?

5:41 [laughter] I freaking loved Angry Birds on the iPhone.

5:46 It was amazing.

5:47 Oh, WHAT A COP OUT.

5:48 And what?

5:49 Oh, you just hit the button and it goes.

5:53 That's so crappy.

5:56 OH, IT DID.

5:57 IT DOES HAVE PHYSICS.

5:58 I TAKE IT ALL BACK.

6:00 This is the greatest game ever made.

6:02 500 in one.

6:04 500.

6:06 There is.

6:06 I'm sorry.

6:07 Super Mario 6.

6:10 [laughter] What?

6:14 For the uninitiated, this is a game that doesn't exist.

6:18 Love this static hum we're getting.

6:20 LIKE OH MY GOODNESS.

6:24 WHAT IS THIS?

6:25 WHAT'S HAPPENED?

6:26 WAIT, WHO?

6:28 Who is this?

6:29 What?

6:30 This is Tiny Tunes.

6:31 Yeah, Super No, wait a minute.

6:34 It's Super Brother 6.

6:36 This is Tiny Tunes.

6:38 What the stink?

6:39 What?

6:40 Uh, but no, it is Mario.

6:42 But I'm still a duck in the avatar there.

6:46 This is This is great.

6:47 Why am I effing up all these people's lives?

6:49 What do they do to me?

6:50 A Dragon Ball.

6:53 I'm a duck now.

6:54 Oh, I'm sorry.

6:55 Super Mario 16.

6:58 [laughter] Mario [gasps] 16 96.

7:03 Man, this Who is that?

7:05 Um, what game is this stolen from?

7:09 What?

7:10 This is Okay, so I we we're just putting Mario into other people's games.

7:15 And No, no, no.

7:16 This is Super Mario 16.

7:18 Man, look how far he moves when like you go left and right.

7:22 He like covers half a meter or something.

7:24 This music's way too happy for what's happening to Mario right now.

7:28 I can't jump high.

7:29 Why?

7:30 Oh no, I could throw axes though.

7:32 Man, these homemade games sure have like such wellthoughtout level design.

7:37 How it's just flat nothing and you just you just run.

7:40 Yeah, I'm I'm good.

7:41 I'll wait for 17.

7:43 That'll win.

7:43 They'll get all the bugs patched there.

7:45 Is that actually Dr.

7:46 Mario?

7:47 Is that See, I don't want to show too much actual game.

7:50 All these games are basically stolen, right?

7:52 And I don't condone it, right?

7:53 I don't want to upset Nintendi.

7:54 Is this actually Dr.

7:55 Mario?

7:56 Oh dear.

7:57 Do we actually have Mortal Kombat?

7:59 Cuz this is an 8bit NES in here, not a Super Nintendo.

8:03 WHAT?

8:03 [screaming] [laughter] UH, everyone looks the same.

8:08 Whoa.

8:09 Um, I like how they just come right out of the gates just jumping like an idiot.

8:13 This is This has got the same amount of gameplay as like a Tiger handheld.

8:17 This is meant to be handheld, too, by the way.

8:20 No way.

8:20 Is that Toy Story?

8:22 No way.

8:24 Oh.

8:25 Uh, wow.

8:26 Toy Story.

8:28 Um, do you remember when like Woody wore like like a cereal bowl

8:33 on his head and then just writhed around a world full of whoopy cushions?

8:38 Do you remember that?

8:40 I do cuz I've seen the pre-screening for Toy Story 5 and it's this.

8:46 I mean, remember this is a brand new device.

8:47 Like we just bought this.

8:50 So, um, maybe they had the pre-release, too,

8:52 cuz I remember red cereal bowl on his head and um, yeah, whoopy cushions.

8:56 This handles diabolically, by the way.

8:58 You just got to kind of just refund.

9:00 I'm just whailing on the fire button.

9:02 I want to ride into the denga zone.

9:04 [laughter] DANGER ZONE.

9:06 COPYRIGHT 04.

9:08 WHAT?

9:11 OH, I see.

9:13 Um.

9:14 Oh dear.

9:15 That that dang zone.

9:17 Where's my backup?

9:18 Why am I the only one defending this?

9:20 Why are they bombing me so specifically?

9:23 I'm the chief of the dang zone.

9:24 What is this?

9:24 A smiley package?

9:25 It got destroyed.

9:27 Uh, gloomy chess.

9:28 Is this my jung?

9:33 Um, I get it.

9:38 Mad Christmas.

9:39 I mean, we got it.

9:40 I mean, it's Christmas special.

9:42 Oh, this is going to be that stupid

9:43 game where presents come down from the the sky.

9:46 Yeah, that's it.

9:47 And you just get them.

9:49 Wow, look at his quick legs, man.

9:51 His legs sure can go.

9:53 Nuts.

9:53 Milk.

9:54 Nuts and milk.

9:55 Oh, okay.

9:56 I'm the I'm the pink one.

9:58 And Oh, and I'm dead.

10:00 OH, NUTS and milk sucked.

10:02 You ever wanted to play the new Rug Bird?

10:04 That's what it's called.

10:06 Rug.

10:07 This is just bootleg original Mario.

10:10 Who?

10:10 And Mario looks bad.

10:12 He's got them quick feet going and I do enjoy it.

10:16 OH MAN.

10:17 WOW.

10:17 HIS DEATH animation's horrible looking.

10:20 Zippy races in here twice.

10:22 That's such a copout.

10:24 Hey, are these just looping?

10:26 It's like there's a whole bunch of doubles in here.

10:28 Could you believe a company that just

10:29 steals ideas and IPs would have no integrity?

10:32 THERE'S DENZONE AGAIN.

10:34 OH, I THINK IT'S LIKE AUND and something ROMs in here and they're just looping.

10:38 There's a game called eggs.

10:39 Got to play eggs.

10:41 Uh, WHAT THE STINK?

10:44 WHAT AM I?

10:45 I LOOK like the death bringer 10 million.

10:47 That like elephant.

10:50 What?

10:51 I'm catching eggs in something that's meant to end all life on the planet.

10:56 And snail.

10:58 Everything comes from the same bird.

11:00 Butterfly.

11:01 What?

11:05 WHAT?

11:05 HOW DID THAT MISS, MAN?

11:06 This thing's frame perfect.

11:09 Urch.

11:09 That's a hedgehog.

11:10 You stupid.

11:12 That's not a goldfish [laughter] camera.

11:19 [laughter] [laughter] I'M LOSING MY MIND.

11:27 WHEN DOES THIS STOP?

11:28 FUNGUS.

11:29 THAT'S CORRECT.

11:30 BUT WHY IS IT AN EGG?

11:33 BLAM.

11:38 I HAVE TO KEEP PLAYING.

11:40 [laughter] I HAVE TO KNOW WHAT'S NEXT.

11:42 CANDY.

11:45 Did they run OUT OF ANIMALS IMMEDIATELY?

11:47 OH, an animal again.

11:49 I can't wait for knives and forks or a car

11:52 or something to appear cuz it doesn't care.

11:54 This game is a box.

11:57 [laughter] Go.

11:59 I have to catch it.

12:00 I'm As soon as a car appears, I'm done.

12:03 I'm seriously done.

12:04 Like, wow.

12:05 Wow.

12:06 Come on.

12:06 A [screaming] This is the most rewarding game I've PLAYED TODAY.

12:10 AN ENTIRE [screaming] HOUSE.

12:15 A MOUNTAIN.

12:16 [laughter] I'M JUST SCREAMING AT THIS THING.

12:22 [laughter] I WASN'T EXPECTING THIS.

12:23 AR LANTERN.

12:25 THAT'S A PUMPKIN.

12:26 YOU JERK.

12:27 THERE IS NO CONTINUITY.

12:29 THE THE WHOLE MOON FITS IN AN EGG.

12:32 The entire moon.

12:34 Damn it.

12:34 The Pentagon.

12:36 That's what the government wants you to think the Pentagon looks like.

12:40 This is the best game I've played in the last 10 minutes.

12:43 The the entire planet.

12:45 The whole planet was in AN EGG.

12:48 THE WHOLE SUN WAS IN AN EGG.

12:53 AND WE'VE LOOPED.

12:55 I'VE DONE IT.

12:56 I FINISHED THE GAME.

12:58 EGGS.

12:59 OH, BOY.

13:00 OH, hang on.

13:01 Oh, hang on.

13:02 Ah, crap.

13:03 OH, I'M SORRY.

13:04 A I'VE ALREADY SCRATCHED it somehow.

13:07 LOOK.

13:07 SEE HOW SOFT THIS CRAP IS?

13:09 [laughter] I have to quickly see it on its native screen.

13:12 PLAY EGGS ANYWHERE I WANT.

13:14 LOOK, THIS IS AMAZING.

13:16 DAMN IT.

13:17 I WANT THEM EGGS.

13:19 Got it.

13:20 You watch.

13:20 I'm going to be the speedrun champion

13:22 of 100%ing eggs when I discover that the sun,

13:25 moon, and stars were all laid by a boy.

13:29 So, how much would you pay for this bucket of magnificent 23 bucks Aussie coins?

13:37 Cheers.

13:39 I mean, kept me interested for like a good half

13:41 hour and you know that's that's about worth 30 bucks.

13:48 Oh, what's that?

13:49 You You want a new iPhone for Crombus?

13:52 You You want a new telephone to to like do social medias on?

13:56 You're not going to get one, mate.

13:58 Because you're getting this.

13:59 [laughter] Look at it.

14:03 It's a Nokia N95 bootleg CALLED THE N95.

14:08 WHAT?

14:08 THEY DON'T CARE.

14:10 I GUESS THIS design's like 20 something years old,

14:12 so it's just like up for grabs or something, which I'm sure it is not.

14:17 2-in display.

14:18 Oh, HD camera.

14:19 Oh, I bet it's not.

14:21 Bluetooth.

14:21 I'm not playing with that.

14:23 MP3 MP4.

14:24 I I mean, cool.

14:25 I mean, FM radio.

14:26 Sweet.

14:27 Dual SIM.

14:28 Yeah.

14:28 And then, yeah, it'll steal your WhatsApp, Facebook, and internet passwords.

14:33 That's very handy.

14:34 Usually crack.

14:35 Wow.

14:36 A lanyard.

14:37 A a nice manual.

14:39 [laughter] Look at this thing.

14:42 It seems smaller than a real one.

14:43 I swear they'll It might be my brain being confused, but Oh, it actually slides.

14:51 That's epic.

14:52 [laughter] It's heavy, but suspiciously heavy.

14:55 It can't be full of technology.

14:57 Camera looks hideous.

14:59 Oh, my brand new Nug.

15:04 That's going to get scratched immediately like the bootleg switch.

15:07 Oh, removal battery thing.

15:10 OH, WOW.

15:13 IS THAT THAT'S A FAKE NOKIA BATTERY.

15:16 THAT'S so funny.

15:17 They've just used a clone of it.

15:19 Can't wait for that to bulge in the night.

15:21 Boy, settle down.

15:22 Wow.

15:23 This is made so good.

15:24 I have no regrets.

15:25 I mean, USBC though and headphone jack.

15:29 Uh, well, let's just see if it does anything.

15:31 I mean, this is brand new.

15:32 We just got this.

15:34 Oh.

15:36 Oh.

15:38 A.

15:40 HOW MUCH OF THAT DID YOU catch it?

15:41 It went It just ENDED SO ABRUPTLY.

15:43 WA.

15:44 LOOK HOW LONG THAT BATTERY ICON IS IN THE CORNER.

15:47 [laughter] SEE, it's got a regular full battery at the moment,

15:50 but it could take more.

15:51 Um, wow.

15:52 This This is just a Symbian clone.

15:55 This is clearly trying to knock off a Nokia.

15:57 My files.

15:59 Oh, we got to put a card in it.

16:02 I got this from the supermarket or was it at the post office or something?

16:05 It's like the crappiest SD card you can get,

16:07 but it's 32 gigs, which might be too much for this ancient stuff.

16:11 Oh, good.

16:11 We can catch that wacky intro again.

16:17 Oh, and it's done.

16:19 Messages.

16:19 Yeah, I mean, of course, have nothing.

16:21 It's brand new.

16:21 But then again, who knows?

16:23 Oh, game snake.

16:26 All right, then.

16:27 I Oh, dear.

16:28 All right, that's a this is a very poorly version of Snake.

16:33 It's also making the Nokia Symbian oink noise whenever you do stuff with it.

16:39 Um, so yeah, they've clearly ripped that off.

16:41 And this is a bad version of Snake.

16:42 Yeah.

16:43 [laughter] Opera Mini.

16:44 Yeah, I bet.

16:45 STK.

16:46 What?

16:47 I'm not doing that.

16:48 No, no, no, no, no.

16:50 Oh, that's it.

16:50 It doesn't scroll anymore.

16:52 Okay, we got to try the video camera.

16:54 Where?

16:55 Oh, thought this one time, mate.

16:57 I I I figured out that like the best way to financial success

17:01 is to buy the cheapest crappiest thing over and over and over again.

17:05 Like it breaks every six months or you just buy it again and again and again

17:08 again rather than buy something good once and then

17:11 like keep it for 10 years or something.

17:13 Cuz I'm like I'm like down to like the 18th pair of shoes, mate.

17:16 They only last like three or four steps,

17:18 you know, and then like like they completely crumble, right?

17:20 I swear, mate.

17:21 Like I I really do love the these these shopping platforms.

17:25 Can I zoom in?

17:26 Can I Can I zoom in?

17:29 Let's duck in there.

17:31 It saves it as a 3GP.

17:34 That's so messy.

17:36 What a mess.

17:37 Like, does the keyboard even work?

17:42 And then, oh dear, too far.

17:47 Oh, hey.

17:48 Actually, the buttons in this thing actually feel pretty good.

17:53 They're surprisingly clicky.

17:54 As I say, hello.

17:58 How much was this thing?

17:59 35 bucks.

18:01 Nah, you know, I think you can get a phone locally for about that much,

18:05 which is just as crappy, but way less bootleggy and whatnot.

18:08 You get like the genuine version of a crappy bad phone.

18:12 So, taking my card back, though.

18:14 Want that baby.

18:14 Memory cards.

18:15 Love this.

18:16 I do love the slide element of it.

18:18 And I, you know, I do kind of long for the dumb phone,

18:20 but then it's got like a few social things to it,

18:22 but you know, but not dodgy and where I fear for my data.

18:26 I want to do this to save my data, not to just hand it off handily, you know.

18:31 Hey, did you know if you spend five bucks 29,

18:33 they'll send you a bag of bootleg Pokémons?

18:37 Love this ad listing.

18:38 Look at it.

18:38 Like random star, random style, RANDOM STAR.

18:40 LIKE, OH, DOG TRIO.

18:42 THAT'S A GET.

18:43 I like that's that's a good one.

18:44 That goes in here.

18:46 Who Who is that?

18:47 Who is that?

18:48 How do I avoid this guy?

18:50 I don't want to BE ANYWHERE NEAR HIM.

18:51 AH, THERE IT IS.

18:53 WOW.

18:53 I GOT A PHYSICAL EMBODIMENT OF THE SURPRISE PIKACHU.JPEG FACE.

18:58 I have it in actual bookage form.

19:00 That's so genuine.

19:02 You can't ask for this.

19:03 It has to just kind of happen.

19:04 You know, that goes in the stash, too.

19:06 That's too good.

19:07 Oh, you can't see his rat face from up.

19:09 You have to lay him down.

19:10 Yeah.

19:11 I love it.

19:11 Um, that's a that's a dingbat.

19:13 That one, I'm pretty sure.

19:15 Um, a Mulgosaur.

19:17 Yeah.

19:17 Um that's an abomination.

19:20 And um yeah, all these um can just go on the floor.

19:25 Apart from the itchy bean sleeves, something else I really really wanted.

19:28 Corn pants.

19:30 They're corn pants.

19:31 It's corn.

19:32 A big lump with nubs.

19:34 It has the juice.

19:35 Yeah, they're corn pants.

19:37 So, I can't wait to be itchy all over.

19:40 And these are made of such quality materials and just so carefully printed.

19:45 Um, very very good.

19:46 I mean, yeah, like 13 bucks and probably

19:49 guaranteed to not survive the washing machine.

19:52 Forget to dry a cycle.

19:53 I'm sorry.

19:53 What's that?

19:54 You want for Christmas?

19:55 Like a vlogging cam so you, you know,

19:57 you can track your holidays and like film your family,

19:59 you know, so you can enjoy for yourself

20:00 and not necessarily to put on the internet.

20:02 You've had an eye on on the Sony ones, have you?

20:04 Well, you're not getting that.

20:05 You're getting this digital video camera.

20:08 And you know what's going to be good when

20:09 they couldn't even be bothered ticking what COLOR IT IS.

20:13 [laughter] ISN'T THAT ENCHANTING?

20:16 YEAH.

20:17 OH, it's so good.

20:18 It's on there twice.

20:19 And no, three times.

20:21 That's too many actually.

20:22 1080p.

20:23 There's no way.

20:24 No way.

20:25 108030.

20:26 Huh.

20:26 I mean, I believe this one.

20:28 QVGA 320 by 240.

20:30 Oh, it runs on three.

20:32 Oh, no.

20:33 Supported OS's uh 98 ME 2000 XP and uh it finishes at Vista.

20:40 It It ends at Vista.

20:43 Have they been making these for nearly 20 years or is this old stock

20:47 of them from that long ago that they're still trying to get rid of?

20:51 I do have a theory about stuff like

20:52 this that they make a million of them, right?

20:55 They configure the factory to just spit out a million of them

20:57 and then they don't make them again and then to start

20:59 with they'll sell them for 30 bucks each and after 5

21:02 years a 20 bucks each and eventually I mean what was this?

21:05 Oh well guess hasn't come down that much.

21:08 1879.

21:10 So, um I mean another 5 years it will be 12 bucks.

21:14 Not with inflation though.

21:15 Oh, what a treasure.

21:19 What What is What is this beauty?

21:22 [laughter] Look how lovingly embossed that is.

21:26 DV.

21:27 [gasps] Oh, just like the Crimbus special.

21:29 This This is a Crimbus camera.

21:31 This fits really good.

21:32 And you ready for the big reveal?

21:34 Oh, yeah.

21:36 That's That's a reasonable size screen.

21:37 It's about as much bezel as I was expecting.

21:40 And usually what these actually are is like

21:42 an MP4 player with um just a lens on it.

21:45 A [laughter] white was the worst color for this.

21:51 [laughter] See, if you make this black, it really hides.

21:55 What a tiny lens that is.

21:56 Can I enhance on it?

21:57 Can I get up in it?

21:59 Magical.

21:59 It's like a the little eyeball on a rat or something.

22:02 I'm guessing that's the microphone.

22:04 And that's some poorly finished chrome trim.

22:07 Oh, SD card in the bottom.

22:08 WOW.

22:08 YOU CAN ACTUALLY PUT IT ON a tripod.

22:11 Epic.

22:11 Oh, and yep, that's the triple screams.

22:14 I really wanted to make this special and use some new poke cells,

22:17 but I've only got Jura smells.

22:19 So, you know, Christmas is all about disappointment in a way.

22:22 It's all that expectation.

22:24 Expectation's the gateway to disappointment after all.

22:27 Oh, we're going to need a card adapter.

22:29 I haven't even seen if this thing even turns on yet.

22:31 I'm just that confident in it.

22:33 Man, wow.

22:34 Look how worn out the printing is on this.

22:36 I mean, not printing,

22:37 kind of like how it's embossed into this very hardened plastic.

22:41 I'm sure it was rubber at some point.

22:43 Ah, video ad.

22:44 Oh, mini USB.

22:46 This really is ancient crap.

22:48 See, all like the new garbage that Nokia had USBC, let alone like micro USB.

22:53 Mini USB.

22:54 Of course, I would get more mini USB crap.

22:59 YEAH.

22:59 [screaming] WELCOME.

23:00 WOW, IT'S STRAIGHT IN.

23:01 HEY, the frame rate almost seems reasonable.

23:04 I wish this could swivel and then it'd be

23:06 really fun to get up and it's even got zoom.

23:10 That's epic.

23:11 [laughter] This tiny little lens.

23:13 It actually gets a bit of distance on it.

23:15 Crazy.

23:16 Now I realize this is touting 1080p.

23:18 If this was made 20 years ago, nothing was 1080p.

23:22 It's got firmware updates or something.

23:24 Let me make some videos with this.

23:28 Good day, mates.

23:28 How you going?

23:29 Look, you're getting a crimous tour of the desk, right?

23:31 with the stinking DV camera.

23:34 Oh, GV, I wish you were my son.

23:38 And yeah, look, we can go rumaging.

23:40 Look at this.

23:40 We're getting right up in it.

23:42 Toledo Sword hanging out with the new bootleg.

23:45 Pikachu looking good.

23:47 Look at him compare.

23:48 Oh my P cell.

23:50 Let's get that.

23:51 Doug Cherry looking good.

23:52 Hot dog sausages.

23:54 Oh, there was a micro SD card here the whole time.

23:56 Can we zoom in on that?

23:57 We certainly can.

23:58 uh that Batman's uh button that scammed the MP3 player.

24:03 And there's the duck.

24:04 The duck looking good next to the grid.

24:07 And now Oh, we're wandering off the table.

24:10 It's my USB desk that makes everything happen.

24:13 Wow.

24:14 And then look, it's the iMac.

24:16 But then we had up real camera.

24:18 And then look, actual actual computer.

24:20 Wow.

24:21 I built that.

24:22 Look at it.

24:23 Ain't it beautiful?

24:24 It's got captured cards and everything.

24:26 You know, actually, let's let's go.

24:28 Hang on.

24:28 Let's It's It's It's It's dark in this section.

24:31 We're We're running through the warehouse.

24:33 We are running through the warehouse with the DV camera.

24:36 We're going into Look, now we're in the the drum section area.

24:40 It's all being rebuilt.

24:41 I swear that channel's coming back.

24:43 I got to put me Shrocks on.

24:45 Hang on, folks.

24:46 I'm putting me shros on.

24:47 Yeah, it's dark in here.

24:48 There's drum stuff.

24:49 Look, we're going into the warehouse.

24:52 Oh my goodness.

24:53 It's garbage time now.

24:55 We're fixing a car.

24:56 no one's has seen before.

24:58 Wow.

24:59 The beloved donkey.

25:00 Just freaking donkey.

25:03 Idiot.

25:04 Garbage.

25:05 Crap.

25:05 Yeah, that's that's how this building building works.

25:08 And so we we're going to be walking walking back.

25:11 And look, see, look.

25:12 We We're grabbing grabbing this.

25:15 We're back in here.

25:16 We got to take our shoes off.

25:18 And we're running We're running on through the thing.

25:21 We're running through the thing.

25:22 We're We're turning the corner.

25:24 We're turning the corner here.

25:25 Hang on, hang on, hang on.

25:28 Yeah, and we're back in it.

25:30 Okay, I unironically love this thing.

25:32 That's such a vibe.

25:34 That is so funny.

25:35 It reminds me of a video camera that would come free by buying three boxes

25:40 of cereal and sending the the codes off or something and they'd send you this.

25:45 [laughter] It's so earnest.

25:46 It reads a 32 gig code.

25:48 I can probably record for years, but I mean,

25:51 it depends how long your triple screams last for, which is very, very funny.

25:54 I love this.

25:56 It's terrible.

25:56 It's crap.

25:57 But as as a vibe maker, which is what I'm all about, I'm actual stoked.

26:02 That goes with the corn pants.

26:05 Look at these.

26:05 You see you see these, right?

26:07 They're crab gloves, but but no, no, no.

26:09 According to this, they're cute crab gloves.

26:12 I mean, crab gloves, yes.

26:14 But cute crab gloves also.

26:17 Yes.

26:18 I mean, 12 bucks 50 and like I'm actually

26:20 getting a whiff of them currently and it's not good.

26:22 Hang on.

26:25 [snorts] OH.

26:25 [groaning] OH, THAT STINK.

26:27 HEY, NO, HANG ON.

26:27 I I got to get a good whiff.

26:29 I got to open her up.

26:31 [snorts] [laughter] God.

26:35 Um, it smells like 10,000 medical gloves melting into one glove.

26:40 It's a Oh, my book sale.

26:42 I've already got gloves on, which is probably for the best, ACTUALLY.

26:45 LET'S LET'S OH.

26:47 OH, MAN.

26:47 THESE ARE WAY MORE tactical than I thought.

26:50 [laughter] Can I get the bootleg Pikachu and the ends are all soft and floppy.

26:57 Boy, settle down.

26:58 Like it's ah it's like it's like using chopsticks that are bendy.

27:03 It's like this is Come on.

27:05 Come on.

27:05 Lucky they're adorable, huh?

27:07 Lucky they're just so cute.

27:09 Oh, you want PS5?

27:12 You want PS5 in this economy?

27:15 Well, you're not getting PS5.

27:17 You're getting PS5.

27:19 Wait, if you want to know more about this thing,

27:21 James has done a like an excellent video all about this thing, right?

27:24 And he pulled it all apart.

27:26 And just like all the others, it's an NES clone.

27:29 It's an a blob on the board and it's

27:31 just an 8bit NES just like all of them, mate.

27:35 The effort gone into THIS BOX.

27:36 LIKE, WOW.

27:37 LOOK, [laughter] the crappy GS bootleg thing, mate.

27:42 Look at all the things you get.

27:43 That's so good.

27:44 Well, you get these STUNNING CONTROLLERS.

27:47 OH, WHAT KIND OF POWER IS THIS?

27:50 LIKE WE ORDERED this direct like they should.

27:53 This is brand new.

27:54 Lucky it's just USB power.

27:57 Oh, we got the cable.

27:58 And [laughter] what a what a thing.

28:02 It's just funny to have a miniature version of this to be honest.

28:06 Um I I'm I still don't know how I feel about the the look of the PS5.

28:09 It just it just doesn't matter anymore now.

28:11 I guess it's just Yeah.

28:13 What a what a shape.

28:14 All the PS5 had to do was be better than the Xbox.

28:16 And that's not difficult.

28:17 Ah, again, mono only.

28:20 In other words, like one of our ears is going to be dazzled by the sounds.

28:23 Hang on.

28:24 Let's Let's get the retro tank up.

28:26 There it is.

28:27 We got to do this the correct way.

28:29 We got to turn it on first and then jam it in there.

28:32 It's on.

28:34 Oh.

28:35 Oh, yeah.

28:37 Wait.

28:38 Oh dear.

28:39 Hang.

28:39 Is this the same music?

28:41 [laughter] Oh dear.

28:43 Look how washed [music] out it is.

28:44 Is it impro?

28:45 It's getting better.

28:46 Um, it starts washed out and then it gets better.

28:50 I It stays It's It's warmed up.

28:53 Oh, but I get a real controller now.

28:55 The real thing.

28:56 These buttons here actually almost feel okay.

28:58 Well, these guys are much more reasonable.

29:00 There's only 200.

29:02 Uh, Harry Potter.

29:03 Oh.

29:04 Oh, this music's horrible.

29:08 WHAT?

29:08 WOW.

29:09 THIS MUSIC is beyond terrible.

29:11 Hey, do you remember in Harry Potter we was going through a poorly scrolling

29:15 desert shooting at bats and um I

29:18 don't know what those wiggling [music] things are.

29:20 Let's just enjoy this music a little bit.

29:26 Mad X must look the same games are in here.

29:29 It is.

29:29 It's the exact same one.

29:31 [laughter] Sonic.

29:33 This is a bootleg NES and there's Sonic on it.

29:37 This can only be good.

29:40 [laughter] Wow, this is so crappy.

29:44 Wait, they made Sonic for the Master System and the Game Gear.

29:48 So, there are 8bit versions of Sonic, but not for Nintendo and not like this.

29:53 Man, his head's all messed up.

29:56 Uh oh.

29:58 And now I have That WAS A MAN'S HEAD.

30:00 WHAT?

30:01 I needed Look at this.

30:03 It's someone like drowning in quicksand and they're inching to No, hang on.

30:09 IT'S A SNAIL WITH A PERSON'S HEAD ON IT.

30:13 I don't I don't like this.

30:15 Sonic.

30:17 Whoa.

30:18 The egg.

30:19 Can I The egg killed me.

30:22 Angry Birds 3.

30:24 NOW WE'RE TALKING.

30:26 OH, it's the same crap, but way way more audio feedback.

30:31 It's just the same damn game.

30:33 All right.

30:33 Well, then what's Angry Birds one?

30:34 Yeah, Angry Birds one.

30:36 What is it?

30:37 Ah, this looks better.

30:39 Was I playing three this whole time?

30:44 Oh, this is the real Angry Birds.

30:50 I see.

30:51 This whole time, this is how it was meant to be.

30:54 It became the um slingshot at Pigs game later.

30:58 Angry Birds 2.

31:00 Yeah.

31:01 Look how conf Wow.

31:03 It's like Mega Man music or something.

31:05 I like how confused they are cuz that's how I'm feeling.

31:08 Look, it got legs this time.

31:10 And there's What is this a reskin of?

31:14 I mean, but clearly you can see.

31:16 Look at the upgrades they made in number two.

31:18 Angry Birds 2, man.

31:19 They got the foot animation.

31:21 It was by the third one.

31:22 They went with the slingshot idea.

31:24 [laughter] Dark man.

31:25 It just reminds me of like Day Man, Night Man, Always Sunny.

31:29 Last one.

31:30 IQ champion.

31:32 I'm an IQ [music] champion.

31:33 2003.

31:35 Yeah.

31:35 Let's go.

31:36 I'm ready.

31:36 I'm ready.

31:37 I'm ready for the test.

31:38 Yep.

31:39 Um, so this is an a high IQ thing to do.

31:43 When you see bees and wasps swarming above you, do nothing.

31:47 Just just stand stand amongst them.

31:50 Move left and right without moving your legs.

31:52 You don't have to.

31:53 You use your mind.

31:54 You got heaps IQ now.

31:56 Um Oh, and and then fidget horribly and shoot Hot Wheels cars out of your head.

32:05 I hate this game.

32:07 No, no, no.

32:07 I'm I'm good.

32:08 I'm I'm good.

32:09 I'm good.

32:09 Wow.

32:10 GS5 sure is something.

32:12 I'm going to prove it to you that this thing is just a silicon blob.

32:15 Hey, what?

32:15 Watch this.

32:16 Hang on.

32:17 What?

32:17 Watch this thing.

32:21 There you go.

32:22 That's it.

32:22 Basically, everything is under that blob.

32:26 That's all it takes.

32:27 All fits on that tiny blob.

32:28 That's what we've gotten an NES down to.

32:31 And that's it.

32:32 The rest of this is just a BS facade with a daughterboard

32:35 to add the controllers and a stupid power switch and yeah, and power in and out.

32:40 That's it.

32:41 That's your whole guy there.

32:42 So worth it.

32:45 Oh, I've thrown out the receipt.

32:46 I thought I showed you guys.

32:48 It was 35 bucks.

32:50 It was a 35 buck GS5.

32:52 So this might look like a like a fake banana

32:56 in a plastic bag and and that's what it is.

32:59 I mean, what do you want for three bucks 9?

33:01 Huh?

33:01 And um it's just a it's a squishy banana.

33:04 So all this tech stuff is absolutely terrible, right?

33:07 But what's always been terrible is children's toys.

33:10 So are they the same or have they managed to get even worse?

33:14 I was actually pretty pumped for this.

33:15 Like clearly it's like a voice changer thing.

33:17 I love stuff like this as someone who does silly voices and whatnot.

33:20 Uh but I'm going to start using him and you tell me if you know an issue.

33:23 Good day mates.

33:24 I'm a robot.

33:25 Wow.

33:26 Robot noise.

33:27 Actually kind of neat.

33:28 And then I'm going to change it.

33:30 Hey, it's something different.

33:32 Hey, my voice sounds different.

33:35 What about this one?

33:37 Oh, it's like lots of reverb.

33:39 That's fun.

33:40 So, do you notice the issue straight away is

33:42 that my voice is the same volume as the output.

33:45 So, you hear both voices at the same time.

33:47 This only works if you come in talking

33:50 volume and exit at almost shouting volume.

33:52 That way you can't hear my original voice.

33:56 But it's got cool voices in it in a completely useless format.

34:00 It's right next to where the sound's going to be coming out,

34:04 rendering it pointless.

34:05 I wonder what kind of bat is using the Toledo sword.

34:08 There's no other way.

34:09 It's actually working.

34:10 Oh, there's a real bat in there.

34:12 Oh, it's a weird tiny one.

34:14 That's so annoying.

34:15 That's the most no-name battery I've ever seen.

34:17 It just says alkaline.

34:19 Alkaline battery.

34:21 Yep.

34:21 That be as if there was bread for sale.

34:23 Called bread.

34:25 It's a It's bread.

34:26 The bread.

34:27 This is alkaline.

34:28 The alkaline battery.

34:30 We'll put it in here so when it does leak

34:31 and that's a big when it can destroy this and nothing else.

34:34 That's such a dumb battery size.

34:36 You could make this slightly longer to just take a triple scream.

34:39 Really?

34:39 This poorly thought out thing was 8 bucks 19.

34:43 But this thing like talking kids toys.

34:46 It's just a thingama.

34:48 All right.

34:48 I am not the target market for this.

34:50 Oh heck.

34:51 It's a hecking Beyblader.

34:53 Oh, actually this sounds cool.

34:55 So you you hook it up and then you go and then it works.

35:00 Oh, it's magnetic.

35:02 Freaking not understanding.

35:03 Oh, there's like Oh, I thought it actually had circuitry in it.

35:07 It doesn't.

35:07 I'm I'm really am trying to follow it.

35:09 Number one, have it at the top where it doesn't want to stay.

35:12 Am I Am I Am I DINGLING CORRECTLY?

35:14 WA!

35:15 HANG ON.

35:15 DID IT START LIGHTING UP?

35:17 Does it generate electric?

35:18 It's got an LED in there.

35:20 Hang on.

35:23 WOW.

35:23 [screaming] [laughter] [gasps] THAT'S WILD.

35:28 THAT'S HE'S FUNNY.

35:29 SO, you start you get dingling.

35:32 You get the timing right.

35:33 You can really get this thing going.

35:34 Oh, no.

35:35 I I like this.

35:37 I actually like this.

35:39 It's cuz it's the magnets.

35:40 It's strangely satisfying.

35:41 And and then I can see that the the idea is that then you cast it and then

35:45 it will spin and like be a top

35:47 and you know make Caesar inducing lights out of it.

35:50 Is there a battery in it or is it literally gathering a charge?

35:52 I actually like it and I'm going to keep it cuz

35:54 that's going to be fun to play with in my office.

35:57 And it WAS FIVE BUCKS.

35:59 WHAT A WIN, HUH?

36:00 AND YEAH, IT'S LIKE magic food groups.

36:04 And you know it's good because straight away you see half a slab

36:08 of just seafood pizza and I'm pretty sure that's a whole wheel of cheese.

36:12 The only downside to like kids toys like this in general.

36:15 Oh man, it's so noisy.

36:17 Oh lemon.

36:18 Oh my goodness, there's so much in here.

36:20 Oh man, there's so much.

36:22 Something to just kind of be wary of is that not all plastics are equal.

36:24 And usually the way that you make really crazy

36:27 cheap plastics is you make it out of poisonous plastics.

36:30 It's the easiest stuff to make, you know.

36:32 But these Oh man, hang on.

36:34 These are made of nothing.

36:36 This is like half a gram's worth of plastic in this whole bag.

36:40 Yeah.

36:41 Okay.

36:41 They are so thin.

36:43 They're made of nothing.

36:45 Yeah.

36:46 Pieces are going to There you go.

36:47 Right on.

36:48 And now these pieces are hecking sharp and they're chokable now.

36:53 So yeah.

36:55 Why are these so cheap?

36:56 Why doesn't everywhere else sell stuff like this?

36:58 So I mean fun idea.

37:00 Probably stolen of something else where you know you you match up.

37:03 That's a pumpkin.

37:04 That's a hecking big peanut.

37:06 And um you know what?

37:08 That's the one I want to keep.

37:09 I'm keeping the peanut.

37:10 Uh I don't like the fish.

37:11 Can I explode it?

37:14 [laughter] OW.

37:19 IT CUT ME.

37:20 STUPID PIZZAS.

37:22 Stupid cucumber.

37:24 Why are these so cheap?

37:25 Huh?

37:26 Why Why are other brands so much more expensive?

37:28 What a ripoff.

37:30 Get Get out of here, garbage.

37:32 Well, um, that crap was eight bucks 25 and a set of random indeed.

37:37 So, uh, yeah, big avoid.

37:39 Those weren't even good representations of fruits and vegetables.

37:42 I mean, you know, how are kids going to actually learn?

37:44 They got to see the real thing.

37:46 Yeah, this is the real thing.

37:48 Oh, I love how damaged all this stuff arrives.

37:50 Yeah, it's not vegetables.

37:51 It's just vegetables.

37:54 It's corn and um it's a torch that you shine

37:59 light into fruit flavored looking little film wheels or something.

38:03 I'm not taking that screw out.

38:05 Yeah, we're in.

38:06 Knew it.

38:07 Two double screams.

38:08 That's a lot of power.

38:09 Yeah, we're on.

38:10 Oh, it's got like a lens in it.

38:12 Interesting.

38:12 All right, lights off.

38:14 Oh, wait.

38:14 Hang on.

38:14 I got to leave one light on so I can figure out Okay.

38:17 All right.

38:17 It goes in like that.

38:21 Um, I got to stand far away.

38:25 Peanut.

38:25 Peanuts have faces, you know.

38:27 Um, man, I can't focus this THING AT ALL.

38:30 OH, YOU CAN FOCUS IT.

38:32 WOW.

38:32 ONION.

38:34 UH, CELERY.

38:35 Looking good.

38:37 A scallion.

38:39 Cauliflower.

38:40 Freaking me out.

38:42 Garlic.

38:42 You You can never have too little, right?

38:45 Okay.

38:45 Next one.

38:46 Corn again.

38:47 ASPARAGUS.

38:49 THAT'S NOT A [screaming] CARROT.

38:52 WHAT A LIE.

38:54 Ginger looking good.

38:55 Broccoli, sweet potato, chili.

39:00 Man, the fact that it literally was wrong.

39:04 My lights back on again.

39:05 Uh, so the answer is everything's more terrible, honestly.

39:08 Like, yeah, our stuff's worse, the children's stuff worse.

39:13 the fact that you know the pieces will cut them and they can

39:15 choke on them and this will literally tell them that a radish is

39:19 what a carrot that was five bucks 45 look in the workshop

39:23 for garbage time it would be really handy to have like an intercom thing

39:27 which got and just talk to each other sometimes I'm like dug away

39:30 editing and like James would do right and and make like why not

39:34 use something like this look walkies into phone wait a minute what's

39:39 this dude doing what's what's happening here did He tell you not to speak.

39:44 OH NO, YOU'RE YOU'RE LETTING THIS HAPPEN.

39:47 WAIT A MINUTE.

39:49 THERE'S A CREEPER WATCHING around the corner.

39:51 But 11 buck 49 intercom system.

39:54 I mean saving money.

39:55 James, stop doing actual important work

39:57 and help with this actual important work.

40:07 Dinosaur interphone.

40:08 Yeah, it's sick.

40:10 Yeah.

40:10 Wow.

40:10 It doesn't feel as crappy as I feared.

40:11 Oh, everything's got a screw in it.

40:13 I think we've got to put I think we

40:15 got to put double A's in three double screams each.

40:18 Like this is this taking up the whole statch.

40:25 OH, WE GOT BOOK SALES.

40:27 [laughter] SICK.

40:28 Says outdoor communication.

40:29 Are the police going to know about this?

40:33 Already makes that noise all the time.

40:38 Huh?

40:38 Yeah.

40:38 There's no volume control.

40:40 It's just on off.

40:41 Dingus to James.

40:42 Dingus to James.

40:43 Can you hear me, mate?

40:45 Oh, I can hear noises and that's what say that again.

40:49 I couldn't understand you.

40:52 Uh, yes.

40:52 I could not understand you either.

40:55 Wait, so you you I could only hear what you said because

40:58 I can hear what you said cuz we're in the same building.

41:00 This is also how I can understand what you're saying yet.

41:05 James, I'm going to go INTO ANOTHER ROOM SO I CAN'T ACTUALLY hear you talking.

41:09 That will be a lot better to not understand you with.

41:12 Oh no.

41:12 Will it work through a metal door?

41:18 James, mate.

41:18 James, mate, James, mate, can you repeat again?

41:25 All right.

41:25 So, they they clearly need line of sight.

41:28 So, if you talk now, Yeah.

41:30 Can you hear me now?

41:31 Yeah, I can hear you now because I can hear you.

41:34 That's the only time these actually work is when I'm

41:36 speaking at you and I can literally see your face.

41:40 Yeah, I can hear that there's something coming out.

41:43 WHOA, IT WENT EVERYWHERE.

41:45 ALL RIGHT, LOOK, I get it.

41:46 Like the Switch, the PS5, mate.

41:49 You know, that's not for you.

41:50 You You're above that, huh?

41:51 You look down on people use consoles.

41:54 You're You're part of the PC group, right?

41:56 You mate, you you want that 5090, huh?

41:59 You want that RTX 5090.

42:02 Well, you're not going to get one.

42:04 And in fact, when I looked at Teimu, I was just browsing along, right?

42:07 And I was being really ambiguous.

42:08 I was just searching graphics card, and the number one thing that was put up,

42:12 the very first item, it even said, "Great find for 408 bucks.

42:18 It was a GTX 1650." Like, I I'm actually in awe.

42:23 I have to just quickly explain, right,

42:24 they're up to the 50 series at the moment.

42:26 The previous one was the 40, 30, 20.

42:29 You know, like anything before like the 10 series is just ancient now.

42:33 It's like 10 year old stuff.

42:34 And then the last two numbers for each graphics card is how stinky it is.

42:38 You know, like the lower tier cards end with 50

42:41 and the higher tier ones are 80 and 90.

42:43 And yet, so 1650, this came out in between the 10

42:46 and the 20 series and was always meant to be an ultra budget card.

42:52 1650 discreet.

42:54 GO 1650.

42:56 OH NO, the Vulcan shade is Oh, this actually might take 40 minutes.

43:23 GOSH.

43:23 [laughter] AH, YES.

43:26 THANK YOU for installing Oblivion.

43:28 But, but sorry, your system does not meet the minimum requirement.

43:31 But it also says okay.

43:33 So, okay.

43:36 Oh, let's get some lights off.

43:38 Oh, we we're getting 62 frames at the black screen.

43:42 Oh, we've lost the mouse.

43:44 NO, NO, WE GOT IT BACK AGAIN.

43:45 YES.

43:45 [screaming] 1650.

43:49 I'm pressing any button.

43:51 Oh gosh, it's frozen already.

43:53 Hang on.

43:53 We We got to go on the options.

43:54 We got to What do we got?

43:56 Oh, I think 1080 is being greedy.

43:58 We're going to go 720.

43:59 Oh, it's already been set to low.

44:01 We're going to hit new.

44:03 New.

44:04 Yep.

44:04 Oh, no.

44:05 The subtitles only just kicked in.

44:08 [laughter] Audio was about 10 years ahead of the video at this point.

44:11 Uh-oh.

44:13 Music's ended, but we're still um still playing this out.

44:17 17.

44:19 [laughter] You know the dumb thing about this is that Oblivion

44:22 is an ancient game and I should just run the original.

44:25 Like Skyrim runs perfect on this computer and Oblivion is older than Skyrim.

44:31 Yeah, this this is terrible.

44:32 It looks bad and runs bad.

44:36 Oh yeah.

44:37 In straight away.

44:38 High ultra ultra.

44:40 [laughter] Uh yeah.

44:41 Okay.

44:41 Uh 140 148.

44:46 Oh no.

44:47 The shade is okay.

44:48 No.

44:48 No.

44:49 This is going much quicker.

44:50 Okay, good.

45:28 Heat.

45:28 Heat.

45:58 [laughter] Wow.

46:00 Oh, that took so long.

46:02 Uh, we're we're going to crank.

46:04 No, no, no.

46:05 Set 7 720, please.

46:08 Oh, it's already set everything to low.

46:10 Wow.

46:13 Uh-oh.

46:15 Uh, can't load the game and the video at the same time.

46:18 YEAH.

46:20 YEAH, WE'RE DOING IT.

46:21 WOW.

46:22 IT'S amazing how good crappy graphics are nowadays.

46:26 But 25 fps, like this is a movie.

46:29 This is the same frame rate as movies.

46:31 This is playable.

46:32 We're playing Space Marine 2.

46:36 So cool.

46:37 I mean, we're barely hanging on at the start of the game,

46:40 which means later on in the game, it's just going to get Yeah.

46:43 real chuggy.

46:44 I have a confession.

46:45 I couldn't stand giving 400 bucks to what's clearly just a stinking scam.

46:51 That was a 1650 you're looking at, but it's my 1650.

46:56 I've owned that for about 6 years.

46:58 I bought it brand new.

47:00 Didn't have a lot of money.

47:01 needed a graphics adapter and they were throwing these away back then.

47:04 I paid like 200 bucks Australian coins six years ago.

47:08 400 bucks for one of these.

47:10 And mine's an MSI.

47:11 This is a proper one.

47:13 THIS IS A GOOD ONE.

47:14 THAT'S WHY IT STILL WORKS.

47:15 AND FUNNY ENOUGH, this old Dell from 10 years ago

47:18 is more powerful than the computer that I built this with.

47:21 And um I reckon team is trying to charge that much

47:24 cuz if you look at the Steam survey, this is in fifth.

47:27 And quad cores, they're still in third place.

47:29 And most people are still driving these because honestly,

47:32 it's better than nothing and it's better than the integrated graphics.

47:36 But that's the thing.

47:36 You're all disappointed that I didn't get one of those Teimu ones, right?

47:39 That I didn't reach out and be like,

47:41 "What happens if I did?" I think you're going to be really excited for this.

47:45 Ladies and nuggets, I present to you the GTO.

47:50 [laughter] THE GTO.

47:53 WHAT A NAME.

47:55 AMAZING UNIVERSAL GRAPHICS CARD.

47:57 Just I don't know.

47:59 But that's a lie.

48:00 It tells you what it is right there.

48:02 You know how I said that anything before

48:04 the 10 series is just ancient and just like, you know, dinosaur basically.

48:08 This is a GT 610.

48:12 This is not only an ancient graphics card from 2012.

48:16 It's a crappy graphics card from 2012.

48:19 This is so nugget.

48:21 Oh, wow.

48:22 It's brand new.

48:23 [laughter] Half height adapter.

48:26 You need that.

48:27 Ah, and there it is.

48:29 OOH, IT'S GOT VGA.

48:31 Forget DVI.

48:32 My goodness.

48:33 This is manky stuff.

48:35 And now this is the most generic graphics card that you can graphic.

48:38 You know, all they do is change what that sticker is.

48:40 And they've put on a wonky G for GLTO.

48:43 [laughter] And yeah, these still go for like 40 bucks.

48:47 What a ripoff.

48:48 All that's left to do is, you know,

48:50 let's let's get the Dell out and let's see what the GLO's got.

48:53 So, we actually got to install the Gordo and to see

48:56 like does Basilite just recognize it and fire it up.

48:59 Stick your GLO in like like that.

49:02 Yeah.

49:03 And clack it in.

49:05 [laughter] It's so much smaller.

49:07 Oh, no.

49:08 Display port.

49:09 Boo.

49:10 Has to be hood me or VGA.

49:12 That's the GLTO way.

49:14 Stupid GLO.

49:16 What?

49:16 Why not?

49:17 I'm more interested in what Linux is going to do than anything else.

49:20 Like is it going to recognize the GLO

49:22 and find the drivers and make it work perfectly?

49:32 OH NO, GORDO.

49:34 [screaming] NO, [laughter] [gasps] my precious Gordo, what are you doing?

49:43 [laughter] Uh, this looks beyond a driver issue.

49:49 This looks LIKE A CHRONIC BORAGE ISSUE.

49:51 Don't tell me Gordo is an unreputable brand.

49:54 If we get a picture that I can see through.

49:56 Look, I can see the little thing.

49:57 Dinken, if if we're able to see a picture, I'm going to power through this.

50:02 I mean it.

50:02 Why aren't we booting into Linux?

50:05 Don't tell me this is failing at like the like the Dell level.

50:09 Um, normally it would have booted by now.

50:11 Yeah.

50:12 Hang on.

50:12 It's It's wigging me out.

50:13 I don't I don't like this.

50:15 Stop.

50:15 Stop.

50:16 Stop.

50:17 Gosh, I hate it.

50:18 Unplug the power.

50:21 Oh no.

50:23 Oh no.

50:29 Come on.

50:30 BOOT UP.

50:31 BOOT UP IN ANALYTICS.

50:32 GOD, IT'S HURTING my head.

50:33 Okay.

50:33 I know that says basite something something.

50:36 Yes.

50:36 Okay.

50:37 Yeah.

50:38 Come on.

50:38 You can do it.

50:39 I'm going to play the Gordo.

50:41 Let me play the Gauo.

50:42 I don't know if it's better, but it's different.

50:47 Uh, nothing does anything.

50:49 Uh, it's amazing that it doesn't boot at all.

50:53 Like, it's not like it's not continuing.

50:55 Like, I thought we'd be in Linux and it just be garbled and hard to see,

50:59 but no, I don't think we're even booting.

51:02 I think this has corrupted the computer.

51:04 Just stop.

51:06 Just stop.

51:07 So, all right, let's unplug the GLO, but let's leave it plugged in.

51:10 Right, we're going to take our display port.

51:12 And this processor has its own graphics.

51:16 It can run the entire show.

51:17 Not every CPU can do that, but this one can.

51:20 And so, okay, this is without the GLO, but the GLO is still plugged in.

51:25 Yo, uh, unsupported video configuration.

51:29 What action is required.

51:31 Has an addin graphics card,

51:33 but the monitor cable is plugged into the integrator.

51:36 I know.

51:36 It's the only reason why we're reading this.

51:38 It doesn't want me to boot cuz it's like, no, you got a graphics card.

51:41 What are you using this CPU for?

51:43 But I can't tell this thing that we're rocking a GLO.

51:45 I'm just going to do a hard reset.

51:47 Is it like it's just going to tell me once and then like let me in.

51:51 Oh wow.

51:51 It's not talking at all anymore.

51:54 It's just like No, we already told you.

51:57 Don't Don't do it this way.

51:58 Wow, this is worse.

51:59 I thought at least we're going to get that warning again.

52:02 [laughter] Absolute corruption.

52:04 Oh my goodness.

52:05 I haven't been braining properly.

52:07 What if the magic is in there?

52:10 What if the VGA works?

52:13 I'll take anything from the GLTO.

52:16 Mates, we are getting so real.

52:18 We are getting so legit.

52:20 We are We're giving this thing the best shot it's got.

52:24 Oh, if I can't power this at the end of it.

52:27 Glor, how could you do this to me?

52:29 Unless you run perfect out of that, then this would

52:31 be the like the greatest [music] graphics card of all time.

52:33 Oh, okay.

52:35 Oh, please work.

52:36 Come on.

52:37 Show me a desktop.

52:38 Give me that GLTO flavor.

52:41 Don't be a scam.

52:43 [snorts] Don't be a way of dumping corrupted silicon on people.

52:47 I believe in you, Gordo.

52:50 Come on.

52:51 OH [screaming] MAN, this thing's cooked at its core,

52:56 [laughter] [laughter and gasps] man.

53:02 This thing's gone.

53:07 [laughter] The actual guts of this thing are just kapow.

53:11 This is what a dead GPU looks like.

53:13 This is finished.

53:14 This is e-waste and was brand new.

53:17 [laughter] The GLO is such a good doink on why

53:20 I didn't want to spend 400 bucks on a 1650.

53:23 I wanted to experience the 1650 like half a decade later.

53:28 Does it still hang out on Linux by the way?

53:30 Real genuine card still working beautifully.

53:34 Brand new GLTO.

53:35 It ain't GL no more.

53:36 So, uh can you believe that the uh the GLTO is a scam?

53:40 [laughter] A brand new GLTO 610

53:44 and its internals have completely imploded on itself.

53:47 And and there's no saving that.

53:49 This thing is completely gone.

53:51 And even if it worked, it was not going to work good anyway.

53:55 We would have been lucky to play Skyrim at best.

53:58 I'm still keeping the box though with the GLTO

54:01 in it because it's called the GLTO.

54:03 I mean to go with your hecking gaming rig, you know, like computer mice,

54:06 like they're not to be underestimated, you know, like a really bad mouse.

54:09 It will actually feel like a cheap display.

54:11 First one.

54:12 Oh gosh, I hope this works.

54:14 Look at this turtle one.

54:16 I mean, number one, great color.

54:17 Blends in good.

54:18 And look, it's vomiting.

54:19 The USB cable.

54:21 Isn't that wonderful?

54:23 It actually kind of feels okay.

54:25 I'm I'm not against it.

54:26 And I love that it's cabled cuz I mean,

54:28 at least it's going to make a decent backup mouse.

54:31 This is a 1080p monitor, but it's 240 Hz, so it's so smooth.

54:35 Oh, this monitor is just so silky smooth.

54:38 [laughter] It's not going to come across in YouTube, but mate, that's amazing.

54:41 Hang on, we're going to quickly try our turtle man.

54:44 Turtle man.

54:46 That's it.

54:46 THAT'S OUR TURTLE MAN.

54:48 OH, WOW.

54:48 It's noticeably less.

54:50 [laughter] Oh, wow.

54:52 That is noticeably worse.

54:56 WOW.

54:57 IT HONESTLY makes this behave like a a crappier monitor.

55:02 Wow.

55:02 It's um it's pretty crappy.

55:05 [laughter] I'm still going to keep it as a backup cuz

55:07 it's just so fun looking even though it's already dirty somehow.

55:11 Wow.

55:11 Uh second one up.

55:12 I got no faith in it.

55:13 Look at this car mouse.

55:15 Isn't that Isn't this nice?

55:16 Don't you want to sit in a car that looks like this?

55:18 And these wheels technically roll even though the rims don't.

55:22 Which means it feels okay like this, but it feels terrible like this.

55:26 It's like it's scraping against the iPad.

55:29 I hate this already.

55:30 I do have a Bluetooth dongle in this thing.

55:33 All right.

55:34 You know, it's recognized.

55:36 This all mate don't want to talk.

55:37 And u I don't care.

55:39 Honestly, like, you know, I I couldn't get this to work at all.

55:41 I I tried different batteries.

55:43 I tried different everything.

55:44 It just it just doesn't want to.

55:46 And I figured as much considering it feels the worst.

55:49 Last one.

55:50 O, look.

55:51 It's a ladybug.

55:52 Ain't that nice?

55:53 I was going to say it needs little antennas, but that's where your fingers go.

55:56 And it's not very comfortable at all.

55:58 It's It's actually quite small, but it kind of looks okay.

56:01 Like, yeah, I don't hate it.

56:02 And look, it's it's easy to understand.

56:05 Huh.

56:05 Poke cell.

56:06 Oh.

56:07 Oh, IT'S GOT THE USB.

56:09 PERFECT.

56:09 This should be easy.

56:10 Fresh poke cell going in.

56:13 Shun.

56:15 Shakon.

56:16 Hey, th this is good.

56:21 WOW.

56:22 THAT'S ACTUAL UP THERE.

56:24 I mean, the Logitech's just got it, which you know, okay, but that's all right.

56:29 God, I got to feel the turtle man again.

56:31 Ocean man, [laughter] you can really feel the difference between all three.

56:38 But honestly, the Ladybug ain't bad.

56:40 Shame.

56:40 It feels terrible and it's tiny and it's dumb.

56:43 But as a backup mouse, it's in the fleet.

56:47 Congratulations, Ladybug mouse.

56:48 You did it.

56:49 Gosh, it gets out shown by the Ladybug.

56:51 But this one does still work.

56:53 So that's that's in the fleet now as well.

56:54 And I'm going to whail this one on the floor as hard as I can.

56:59 [screaming] That's all that's left.

57:02 [laughter] What a pile of rubbish.

57:06 The car one was five bucks 72.

57:08 Yeah.

57:09 Wow.

57:09 The ladybug was 6 bucks 444.

57:12 And what a massive step up this one is over that one, you know.

57:15 And basically the same money for the turtle one, even though it's worse.

57:18 But it's a turtle that pukes at the USB cable.

57:21 And so, um, yeah, you know what?

57:23 I'm happy with these.

57:24 I like these two.

57:25 What a massive journey this has been.

57:27 And we're down to one last one.

57:28 You You want to like a really nice gift, right?

57:31 You really want to make an impression.

57:32 You want to get them a Rolex Daytona or something.

57:35 And you know, look, let's just be real.

57:37 You're not spending 20 grand on a watch.

57:39 Well, let you spend 31 bucks 35 brand new men big time.

57:44 9 cents shipping.

57:45 What a ripoff.

57:46 That's infinitely times more than if it was free.

57:49 [laughter] Gosh, it's just trying to look so

57:53 decadent that it flips around and looks embarrassing.

57:57 I mean, as like a costume piece,

57:59 like cuz I got silly costumes for like the drum thing I'm working on.

58:03 This is going to do well.

58:04 This is going to blend in hilarious.

58:07 But my goodness, if you've walked around

58:08 with this on, you people are just going to know immediately.

58:11 Uh cuz anyone who's got a Rolex Daytona with this many diamonds in it,

58:15 you're not going to catch them walking to the food land.

58:17 You know, they're going to have people doing that for them.

58:19 And u my favorite detail is it's already broken.

58:23 Uh I I can't see a way to actually put a battery in it.

58:25 It's like completely sealed off looking.

58:27 And uh and yet it's it's gone.

58:29 And there's there's no actual winding or anything.

58:32 You can make the hands move.

58:34 That's pretty cool.

58:36 And that's it.

58:37 So this really sums up the Teimu experience.

58:39 It's like it's garbage.

58:42 Don't do it.

58:43 That from the kids toys to the tech to to the anything.

58:47 And anything that's actually real and legit is

58:49 like three billions more than it should be.

58:52 Like this is a $2 FAKE ROLEX.

58:55 WELL, I MEAN, HEY, there's some good stuff in there.

58:57 I mean, I got my turtle mouse and my ladybug mouse.

59:00 Got my incredible HD camera.

59:03 Felt cute.

59:04 Might wear again later.

59:05 My itchy bean sleeves and my corn pants.

59:08 My magnetic top.

59:09 Who's its what's its?

59:11 WA!

59:12 [screaming] I DID IT.

59:14 I DID IT.

59:14 THAT WAS AWESOME.

59:15 OH, YOU GOT TO HAVE YOUR N95 Pro.

59:18 That wasn't terrible.

59:19 Dangerous shards of fake food.

59:20 That GS5 sure was tolerable.

59:23 Guts can go in there.

59:24 Oh, the the champion fake switch.

59:27 Piles of fake Pokémons.

59:29 Thanks for another year.

59:30 I can't believe I'm on lap seven of this thing.

59:32 And yeah, it's all thanks to you for hanging around.

59:34 And so, merry chumpas.

59:36 Happy New Year's.

59:37 And you know, give Frank a wrap for me or something.

59:40 Actually, no, don't.

59:40 She's already had one.

59:41 She'll overeat.

59:42 And that's it.

59:43 Thank you so much for watching.

59:44 Look, huge thanks to these stinky names right here.

59:46 They're my $10 patrons.

59:47 Thank you so much.

59:48 You know, there's no sponsors here.

59:50 I wasted all my money on this, right?

59:52 Teamu won't stop emailing me about doing a collab.

59:54 And I I don't do that.

59:56 I don't.

59:56 I'd rather buy it and feel the disappointment myself.

59:59 And so, yeah, thanks to people who jump in.

1:00:01 That's where my extra content is.

1:00:03 That's, you know, I'm trying snacks.

1:00:04 There's some Frank stuff.

1:00:05 There's my car stuff and all that.

1:00:07 And you know what, mates?

1:00:08 I'll see us all next time.

1:00:14 Here we have a happy Frank.

1:00:16 She got that stinky rat.

1:00:19 Literally, as I was getting the rat ready, she struck the wood here.

1:00:23 The rat was down there.

1:00:25 She was that keen.

1:00:26 Look at that face.

1:00:28 That's a big happy Frankie.

1:00:29 Look, you can see some of her little tiny tea face.

1:00:33 She's just going to squeeze it for two hours.