lost footage from the office season 6 | The Office US | Comedy Bites

0:00 This is parkour internet sensation of 2004 and it was in one of the Bond films.

0:06 It's pretty impressive.

0:08 The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible.

0:11 So technically they are doing parkour as long as point

0:14 A is delusion and point B is the hospital.

0:18 Parkour.

0:21 [groaning] Parkour.

0:29 Yeah.

0:29 [screaming] Here we go.

0:32 Do me.

0:33 Yeah.

0:33 Okay.

0:34 Yeah.

0:34 [screaming]

0:35 Get off.

0:36 Get off.

0:37 Okay.

0:37 Got it.

0:38 Yeah.

0:38 Get me.

0:39 Get me.

0:39 Get me.

0:39 Here we go.

0:40 Here we go.

0:46 [screaming]

0:45 go upstairs.

1:03 Jump over the camera.

1:04 Jump over the camera.

1:09 Woo!

1:12 Ah,[ __] off.

1:17 [panting] [panting] Okay, break's over.

1:27 Let's go.

1:33 Parkour.

1:36 There is this phrase out of the loop and for the longest time I didn't know

1:41 what it meant and I do now and I kind of but I wish that I didn't.

1:49 Hey, can you make uh 20 copies of these?

1:52 You know you're not supposed to talk to me.

1:57 It's not like I had them dig a ditch or anything.

1:59 I simply had them go to the bank,

2:01 get out a couple hundred pennies, and search for old rare coins.

2:04 They found one worth almost $7.

2:07 So, it was definitely no worse than Dwight's note passing service.

2:11 It was an inter office messaging system.

2:13 It worked quite well for a while,

2:15 and ultimately it couldn't compete with computer imming,

2:17 which apparently has a strangle hold on the whole instant messaging market.

2:24 Ael Angoria needs to be on Desperate Housewives more.

2:26 I feel like they won't let her act because she's hot and it's just not fair.

2:29 God, I have to get a TV.

2:31 Kelly, shouldn't you be working?

2:33 I am working.

2:36 Fine, Michael.

2:36 Fine.

2:39 She's sweet.

2:41 Yeah, she's my best friend here.

2:43 Sometimes she's the only person who talks to me all day.

2:46 Oh, sweet.

2:49 Yeah,

2:48 good friends.

2:49 Too bad about her eating disorder.

2:51 Kelly has an eating disorder.

2:53 Yeah, she always eats my lunch.

2:54 Anorexia.

2:55 She's an She's an anorexic.

2:57 We should do something.

2:58 Nothing could be done.

2:59 Just have to tell everybody and hope for the best, I guess.

3:04 Does it say thank you for all your hard work this summer?

3:08 Yep.

3:07 Cool.

3:08 My mom will love it.

3:11 Great.

3:11 And you got the three candles.

3:14 [snorts] Oh.

3:15 Um um man, we spaced on the candles.

3:21 Really?

3:20 I gave you two things to do and you spaced on one of them.

3:25 What if I said to you,

3:26 "Duck because a wrecking ball is coming

3:28 towards your head and jump because a sword

3:31 was going to cut your feet off and you spaced on one of them."

3:34 Oh, hey, Pam.

3:35 Did you finish teaching the interns the wrecking ball low sword defense?

3:38 Yeah, sure did.

3:39 So, they wouldn't need anyone calling out a warning or

3:41 No, they'd know exactly what to do.

3:43 Great.

3:43 Thanks.

3:44 There's no defense for that.

3:46 Is there a defense for that?

3:48 We're sorry.

3:49 Sorry, sir.

3:50 Well, sorry is not good enough cuz you know what?

3:53 The cake was for you anyway, idiots.

3:55 So enjoy it without your candles.

3:56 [clears throat] Seriously, what is the defense for that?

4:10 Thanks for everything.

4:17 There must be 40 folds in this thing.

4:21 40folds.

4:24 Can't believe I wasted so much time and energy on these interns.

4:27 Their generation could never fight in a war.

4:30 I have never fought in a war, but I could.

4:32 Specifically, the Boore war on South Africa.

4:37 That feels like a war that would suit me just fine.

4:40 Iraq and Afghanistan.

4:42 Mm- too much hummus.

4:45 Bill Seidman from Buffalo.

4:46 Thank you.

4:47 Aeromedical supplies in West Saka.

4:49 Thanks.

4:50 And Angela is still waiting for you to approve new.

4:53 You know what?

4:54 If you're going to keep coming in here with work that I need to do,

4:57 I'm going to need a new monitor.

4:58 It's not working.

4:59 Hey, Michael.

5:00 Yes, I do want the Buffalo clients under new accounts or existing.

5:03 I've been doing some of both.

5:05 Everybody wants [snorts] a piece of me.

5:06 Corporate shut down the Buffalo branch,

5:08 which left us to absorb all of their clients.

5:12 I will tell you, there has been work every day.

5:16 had to come in on a Saturday to retrieve.

5:20 I left my cell phone here.

5:24 So, Michael, how are you handling the Buffalo transition on your end?

5:29 Great.

5:29 On my end.

5:31 How about your end?

5:34 Well, I think we're on the same end, Michael.

5:36 Then why did you say your end?

5:39 Let me be more specific.

5:40 How are you personally handling the increase in responsibility?

5:44 Well, I will tell you, David, I'm either doing the work or I'm not.

5:50 So, are you doing the work?

5:56 Marie didn't weep.

5:59 Michael, if you need us to help you with anything,

6:02 you just let me know.

6:03 Okay,

6:04 I'm good.

6:04 I have got a lot of balls in the air.

6:08 If I wanted to be in the business of giving people bad news,

6:11 I would have become a coroner or an anchor man.

6:13 But I got into this industry because I wanted to give people good news.

6:17 Like your paper is on its way.

6:21 Yes, we have that in stock.

6:24 It's lunchtime.

6:26 Hi, Phyllis.

6:28 Hi.

6:28 I haven't received your RSVP card for the wedding

6:31 and I was just I'm about to sneeze.

6:44 [laughter] [panting]

6:46 We invited everyone in the office to our wedding even though we

6:49 realized most people wouldn't be able to make the drive to Niagara Falls,

6:54 which is why we're having it in Niagara Falls.

6:58 Then Michael told everyone they could have Friday and Monday off if they came.

7:04 So now people have to decide if they want

7:06 to come to our wedding or have to work.

7:12 [sighs] Nothing.

7:13 It's going to be a doozy though.

7:18 Now I feel weird.

7:24 So, do you think you and Bob can make it to the wedding?

7:28 Would you wait a second?

7:30 Sure.

7:30 Do you need a Kleenex or something?

7:34 Hey, who here's going to Pam and Jim's wedding?

7:43 Um, for now, count me in.

7:47 Thanks, Phyllis.

7:49 I can always tell when somebody's lying.

7:52 I just need to know two things.

7:54 What the person is saying and what the truth is.

7:58 And if those things are different, that person's lying.

8:01 I know what Pam said.

8:04 Now, all I need to know is what the truth is.

8:09 Don't you find it interesting that the one place in the whole

8:12 warehouse that isn't covered by security cameras is the place where he fell.

8:20 It's where the threehole punch paper is.

8:24 Well, we did a little investigation and quite had a good point.

8:27 The ladder didn't reach the top shelf.

8:29 I don't know if I believe it, but I am a fan of the hard-boiled detective novel.

8:34 I'll punch you in the mush.

8:35 See?

8:40 Oh, for white.

8:41 Would you put down the binoculars?

8:43 They're really conspicuous.

8:44 They're camouflage.

8:45 No one can see them.

8:46 I can see them.

8:47 Well, you know where to look.

8:50 Just If a deer can't see these binoculars, then Daryl can't.

8:56 Okay.

8:57 The deer doesn't know what they are.

9:01 Hello world.

9:03 This is Pam Beasley and this is

9:05 the latest installment of my wedding video diary.

9:09 This afternoon, my fianceé Jim and I are going to Niagara

9:12 Falls to get married after a half day of work.

9:17 Woohoo!

9:18 I'm getting my marriage on.

9:20 Sorry, I'm just really excited.

9:22 Okay, so let's see.

9:25 Um, last time I talked about the difficulties of throwing a wedding on a budget,

9:28 specifically flower arrangements.

9:31 My solution, paper flowers.

9:35 I made these using a regular card stock that I found in the warehouse.

9:39 Can you believe they were going to just throw that away?

9:44 Hey, babe.

9:44 Hey, babe.

9:55 You got to let me know when you're doing that.

9:59 I know this place.

10:01 It was home base when I ran cigarettes over the border.

10:04 For who?

10:04 Mobsters?

10:05 I never knew.

10:06 The balloon went in, the balloon came out.

10:08 I didn't think to ask.

10:26 It was kind of crazy.

10:28 You know what I mean?

10:29 You should have seen her face.

10:30 Well, [laughter] that's true.

10:31 But you're in trouble.

10:33 Oh, just a little bit.

10:36 [laughter]

10:39 I just I wanted to tell you I You really spiked that toast.

10:46 What?

10:45 You really You That toast you spiked it.

10:47 Is that an is that an expression or

10:50 It's a volleyball term.

10:51 I study volleyball.

10:52 Sort of a fan.

10:54 Are you you're Pimp's boss, right?

10:56 One in the same.

10:57 [laughter]

11:01 Okay.

11:01 Um Percy, how are you?

11:04 Hey, look beautiful.

11:05 Thank you.

11:06 Good to see you and everything.

11:08 Um brisket for breakfast.

11:13 It's really on the brink of going rotten.

11:15 Got to wolf it down.

11:17 Man, doesn't it seem like Jim and Pam have been gone forever?

11:19 Who gives a crap?

11:21 Oh, I'm just saying it's great that she has so much time off.

11:24 It's unusual.

11:25 Are you trying to get her in trouble?

11:27 Not at all.

11:28 She totally deserves time off for her honeymoon

11:30 and then I guess for her maternity leave after that.

11:33 Teacher.

11:33 Teacher.

11:34 Pam hasn't been in class this week.

11:37 Backstabbing a pregnant woman.

11:39 No, I'm just making conversation.

11:40 We can talk about anything.

11:42 Meredith, I saw your son's tag on the bridge.

11:45 Wow, he's so great with a spray can.

11:48 Look, you're never going to be Pam.

11:50 We're always going to like her more.

11:52 Deal with it.

11:56 Listen, Aaron, it's probably best if people

11:59 don't ask about other people's vacation dates.

12:02 Oh gosh.

12:02 Is this because of what I said to Stanley and Meredith about Pam?

12:05 I know you've made your differences.

12:06 No, we haven't.

12:07 No, she barely talks to me.

12:08 Aaron, so we're clear.

12:13 Yeah, for some reason, everyone seems to think that I have a beef with Pam,

12:17 which couldn't be further from the truth.

12:19 I've never had a beef with anyone.

12:22 I've liked every single person I've ever met.

12:27 Hello, Pam.

12:26 It's Aaron.

12:27 How's your honeymoon, Aaron?

12:29 You are so awesome.

12:30 I resent you.

12:31 I didn't know I was going to say that, but maybe it's true.

12:33 It's just you have it so good,

12:35 and you knew this job so well, and I live in your shadow.

12:38 Aaron, anyway, you should just be flattered.

12:39 Aaron, please do not call me.

12:41 And please tell everyone else to do the same.

12:43 Okay.

12:43 I'd love to take you out to lunch when you

12:45 get back and maybe pick your brain about the job.

12:51 Fine.

12:50 Great.

12:50 It's a date.

12:58 There's something you don't know about me.

13:01 I hate the mafia.

13:04 What do you think?

13:05 I think you're right.

13:06 Definitely looks suspicious.

13:08 and his southern Italian heritage raises some flags.

13:12 It's not wrong to use all the facts at your disposal when assessing a situation.

13:17 If you're interviewing a suspect in a stabbing,

13:20 it's okay to ask them if they're right or left-handed.

13:23 And if they're left-handed, doesn't mean they're guilty.

13:26 Although left-handed people do stab people to a disproportionately high degree,

13:31 my guess is he's your man.

13:34 You shouldn't judge based on appearance.

13:36 If anything, people are usually the opposite of how they look.

13:39 Like cute, pretty people are usually horrible.

13:44 Really?

13:44 Well, I don't like this guy.

13:48 I think he's fishy.

13:49 Boy Scouts, please.

13:51 Their training is laughable.

13:53 And how stupid is it to have a badge

13:54 that tells the world what you know how to do,

13:56 tells me exactly what you can't do.

13:59 Now, a Navy Seal, one of them alone, could take out a whole fleet of Boy Scouts.

14:05 There's your merit badge.

14:07 You know, growing up, we had a Puerto Rican housekeeper and uh

14:11 she wrote this really pretty song about her family.

14:13 We just sang it like every day.

14:23 You don't speak any Spanish, do you?

14:24 No, I don't.

14:25 There's an egg on your head and the yolk is running down.

14:29 The yolk is running down.

14:31 There's a knife in your back and the blood is gushing down.

14:35 Sleeping with Pam's mom sometimes dinner.

14:39 Blood is gushing down.

14:41 The blood is gushing down.

14:44 You know, I really would have appreciated

14:46 a heads up that you were into dating mothers.

14:48 I would have introduced you to mine.

14:50 Come on, look at her hands.

14:54 I'd like to see Pam's mom crush her own applesauce.

15:02 Um, I'm not sure if people got my email or not cuz no one responded,

15:05 but there's some delicious cocoa leche up here courtesy of the Halberts.

15:16 Well, then more for me.

15:18 So, anyway, if you want some, it's here.

15:25 Aaron, you don't need to make announcements about the candy.

15:27 Just leave it on your desk and Kevin will leave it.

15:30 There will be no more announcements.

15:40 They're going fast.

15:46 I have a lot of experience with bullies.

15:49 Whenever I started a new school,

15:51 I would know who they all were by the end of the first day.

15:54 And make no mistake, Pam is a bully.

15:58 And she is the worst kind of bully.

16:01 A girl bully.

16:11 You need to talk to your wife.

16:13 Nope.

16:13 You need to either make her understand or you need to fire her.

16:16 I will not work under these conditions.

16:19 I'm Switzerland.

16:20 Well, I'm Michaelville.

16:23 I need you to side with me on this.

16:26 You're the boss.

16:27 Everybody here considers you to be the boss more than me.

16:30 Oh, that's crazy because you've been the boss way longer.

16:32 So, you've dealt with situations just like this dozens of times.

16:36 I think that you can solve this because I am not that smart.

16:42 Toilet guard, golden ticket, you're a creative mastermind.

16:45 You have a relationship with Pam.

16:48 You know her better than I do.

16:49 Michael, you know Pam way better than I do.

16:52 That's only partially true.

16:55 I am an idiot.

16:56 You're brilliant, man.

16:58 You You know what?

17:00 I wouldn't even know where to start.

17:01 Michael, you are an excellent moderator, boss, friend.

17:05 You are the greatest light of hand magician I've ever seen.

17:08 You're the man for the job.

17:10 That's why you were promoted.

17:11 I can't lie anymore.

17:12 You're a genius.

17:14 Well, okay.

17:15 All right.

17:17 Stupid wedding.

17:18 If I had known the outcome, I would have stopped at third base.

17:24 Between sleeping with one boss and having her mother service the other boss,

17:28 looks like somebody's poised for a promotion.

17:31 [snorts]

17:34 Well, we could just skip the restaurant.

17:36 Come right over.

17:37 I just scored a bottle of rum.

17:40 Mhm.

17:41 A little rum for my lady's tummy tum tum.

17:44 It's got a parrot on it.

17:47 No, I don't know what that means either.

17:50 No man is at their best when they're fighting against no one.

17:53 My great-grandfather was a boxer, but he was so light they had to create

17:58 a special weight class for him called balsa weight.

18:02 For 20 years, no one challenged him.

18:05 On the 21st year, he was challenged by a rooster,

18:09 but he no longer had the skills.

18:13 Some say he threw the fight.

18:15 Andy got us tacos.

18:17 The only problem is whenever I try to make a taco,

18:22 I get too excited and I crush it.

18:26 Pimero taco.

18:27 Thank you.

18:29 Hey, you still owe me.

18:32 Well, no one owes me anything.

18:33 This lunch was my pleasure.

18:35 Andy is ruining my plan.

18:37 Now, I knew it wasn't going to be easy to entirely remake my image

18:40 over the course of one morning with nothing but a tray of bagels,

18:42 but I never saw this coming.

18:44 A scrapbook of our first memories by Michael

18:48 Gary Scott for my girlfriend Helen on your birthday.

18:53 That's just an [laughter] arbitrary title.

18:56 Okay.

18:56 Ticket stubs, which a lot happens.

18:57 But I threw mine away.

18:59 Yeah, I threw mine away, too.

19:01 I went back yesterday and Dwight and I saw

19:04 it and I made him give me his ticket stub.

19:07 You did all that just to get the ticket stubs?

19:10 No, I wanted to see it again.

19:12 Dwight's my friend, he wanted to see it.

19:14 My mom used to call me every night crying about the divorce

19:17 and then she started dating Michael

19:20 and she stopped calling because she stopped crying.

19:26 That's what I should want for her.

19:31 Right.

19:30 There's another woman and her name is Italy and skydiving and bungee jumping.

19:36 Okay.

19:37 So,

19:37 and I want kids and you unfortunately have

19:41 already completed that part of your journey down there, Michael.

19:43 It's not my decision.

19:44 It's mother nature.

19:45 And mother has very strict rules about fertility.

19:58 Oh yeah, I got it.

20:00 It's like you don't buy a Mad Libs book with everything already written in it.

20:04 You are going to find somebody so quickly with your killer bod and your wisdom.

20:11 God.

20:12 Ow.

20:14 Somebody kicked.

20:15 Did you guys get kicked?

20:17 Nope.

20:17 I kicked you.

20:18 Stop.

20:19 I miss Jack.

20:20 Mom.

20:28 My dad.

20:48 Michael, you have some algae.

20:51 Okay, you know what, Aaron?

20:53 Enough.

20:54 Wait, just go like this.

20:57 Oh, god.

20:57 God, that's disgusting.

21:00 Okay.

21:01 Hey, Michael.

21:01 No.

21:01 No.

21:02 No more.

21:03 That is it.

21:04 Everybody in the conference room right now.

21:06 You are not a joke.

21:09 I am.

21:09 You are smart.

21:10 Jim is smart.

21:11 You are handsome.

21:12 Jim is more handsome.

21:14 No, Jim is ugly.

21:15 Please.

21:16 I mean, I'd give anything for his nose.

21:17 It's true.

21:18 The rest of him.

21:19 God, he looks like Popeye's wife.

21:24 Wilma.

21:23 See, that is funny.

21:24 That is a joke.

21:26 I know jokes.

21:27 And you are not a joke.

21:29 Her name's not Wilma.

21:32 Stop making me laugh.

21:35 Hey, you can't just give me a stack of receipts.

21:37 It's not my job to write up your expense report.

21:39 Just do it or I'll punch you like a football.

21:41 Oh, is that what you did with that al-Qaeda guy in bed?

21:44 He wasn't an al-Qaeda guy.

21:45 He just wanted Puerto Rico to become a state.

21:49 Oh, go God, there's fish.

22:12 There's fish in there.

22:23 You got to help me out.

22:24 You got to help.

22:35 I had to narrow it down to a combination

22:38 of who could fit and who wanted to come.

22:41 Lo styles of the rich and famous.

22:43 Of the rich and famous.

22:45 Uh driver, pull over.

22:46 This is my stop.

22:58 I wish the windows weren't tinted so people could see us in here.

23:02 I have arrived.

23:04 Actually, I will be arriving.

23:06 Driver, when do we arrive?

23:08 About 2 hours.

23:09 See, that's the thing about a limo.

23:11 You've actually arrived before you even arrive, right?

23:16 Michael, wake up.

23:17 We're here.

23:17 Wake up.

23:18 Yo, yo, yo.

23:20 Oh, come on.

23:20 Did you guys let me fall asleep in the limo?

23:24 You got fast food, guys.

23:27 It wasn't that good.

23:28 The Sundays were good.

23:29 You got Sundays?

23:31 Well,

23:31 we'll stop again on the way back.

23:32 I don't know.

23:33 Twice in one day.

23:34 What do I get?

23:35 Nothing.

23:36 Who cares?

23:36 This is your big day.

23:38 Come on.

23:38 Let's go.

23:41 This is it.

23:44 All right.

23:51 Oscar, think about it.

23:52 Don't you want to be able to tell your grandkids that you stood up for yourself?

23:57 Assuming you find a surrogate and then your son finds a surrogate.

24:02 That is exactly what our plan.

24:05 If you go, I'll go.

24:07 You know what?

24:09 Let's do it.

24:13 So, what I guess what my question is is how exactly

24:18 this mic isn't working.

24:20 Oh,

24:20 I'm sorry.

24:20 Why doesn't your line just uh join in with that line over there, please?

24:25 Wait, wait.

24:26 What?

24:26 That's fine.

24:26 Join in.

24:27 No, that is not how it works.

24:29 Wait, everybody.

24:29 Not okay.

24:30 Back of the line.

24:31 Alan.

24:31 Yo, help me out of here.

24:33 No, thank you.

24:34 It's much better.

24:36 But her mic is broken.

24:38 Or number waving at you.

24:40 Your turn, sir.

24:41 Yeah, that's my uncle Chanty.

24:43 Hi, Uncle Chanty.

24:46 He's hilarious.

24:47 Does an incredible Gerald Ford impression.

24:49 That's just great.

24:50 You know, you never mentioned that you had a relative on the board.

24:54 Yeah, I guess not.

24:56 You've been pushing me to risk my job and I'm guessing

24:59 there's no way in the world that you could ever get fired.

25:02 I could be fired.

25:04 It's just my dad would probably then fire Chanty's kid.

25:08 It would make Thanksgiving pretty weird.

25:11 What?

25:13 Yeah, I have an uncle on the board.

25:16 Big deal.

25:17 I also have a grandfather who's driving a Rolls-Royce around the world

25:20 and a cousin who's going to be the ninth commercial space tourist.

25:24 Not everything is relevant.

25:26 We have to get back downstairs.

25:28 Yes, we do.

25:28 So, let's do this thing.

25:30 Michael,

25:32 we're going to take it from here.

25:33 Okay.

25:34 Without you.

25:38 Okay.

25:38 All right.

25:39 I'll hold down the fort up here.

25:41 I think it would actually be better if you weren't here when we got back.

25:46 Okay.

25:50 All right.

25:50 All right.

25:51 I will be rocking the limo.

25:54 Uh, he can take the bus.

25:56 He's had his limo ride.

26:01 Um, I have a dentist appointment tomorrow morning.

26:04 It's been scheduled a while and I might be a few minutes late.

26:08 Okay.

26:08 Thanks for telling me.

26:09 It's just I think I have a cavity and I don't want it to get any worse.

26:13 There's no problem.

26:19 I'll just cancel it.

26:21 I I'll cancel it.

26:26 Michael offered me the day off with pay.

26:28 Said I deserved it for working so hard all these years.

26:33 I'm going to have me some nice

26:35 Cynthia.

26:35 If you don't come get these dogs from jumping on me,

26:38 I swear I'll go home to my wife.

26:40 Let's go in here for just a sec.

26:45 Ah, this is our creative think space.

26:47 Google has one of these.

26:48 What if we ran the whole thing backwards?

26:53 Total paradigm shift.

26:55 Look at that.

26:56 See what the little one's doing?

26:57 She's making some sweaters for the kittens.

26:59 Sometimes they get cold at night, so we try to help them out.

27:03 That's what's great about this place.

27:05 got something for everyone.

27:06 Whether you're into cutting edge thinking or pilgrim values.

27:10 Would you like a kitten?

27:12 He cannot have a kitten.

27:13 Give him a kitten.

27:14 There are plenty of kittens.

27:16 Angela dated Computronic a while back.

27:20 Uh, I'm allergic to kittens.

27:23 Lot of boxes of stuff.

27:26 Not the most exciting place down here, I guess.

27:32 Daryl.

27:35 What did I say about putting our best foot forward down?

27:39 This is a complete [clears throat] bust.

27:41 You need to give me more time.

27:43 Well, I told you he was going to be here.

27:45 I know, but I needed more time.

27:46 I wanted to put on the show.

27:48 You did?

27:49 Yeah.

27:49 Hot dog station.

27:51 Really?

27:51 Dancing girls.

27:53 Opera singing.

27:54 Bring you to tears.

27:55 Would have been so good.

27:57 I didn't have the time.

27:57 We could have sealed the deal.

27:58 Okay.

28:00 Looks good.

28:01 What looks good?

28:02 It all checks out.

28:03 Oh, okay.

28:04 All right.

28:04 See you, Darl.

28:05 Baylor full of dipping dots.

28:07 You're killing me, man.

28:08 Harlem Globe Trotters.

28:10 Oh god.

28:11 Hey, Michael.

28:12 Mhm.

28:12 We just landed the Forest Service account.

28:14 Selling it right back to the source.

28:16 Very good, sir.

28:18 Thank you.

28:19 My files say you have 3,000 ft, but this is only two.

28:23 Mhm.

28:23 Is the rest back there?

28:24 No, that is an absolute abyss.

28:27 Nothing.

28:28 Nothing back there.

28:32 Well, that's it.

28:34 Thanks so much for coming,

28:35 Michael.

28:35 I have Global Investments on the line for you.

28:39 Wow.

28:39 Global Investments.

28:40 That's big time.

28:42 I've never heard of them.

28:44 Major investment bank.

28:45 They had a huge part of the financial collapse.

28:48 Very well respected though.

28:49 Patch them through.

28:51 Patching complete.

28:53 Hello.

28:54 Hi, Smitty.

28:55 You working hard or hardly working?

28:58 No.

28:58 Really?

28:59 The appraisal went that well.

29:01 Oh, that's good news for us.

29:05 Smitty's my inside guy over at Global Investments.

29:08 They want to make a huge offer for Dunder Mifflin.

29:11 So, I highly recommend if you want to make an offer,

29:13 you better pull the trigger now.

29:16 I don't have the power to pull the trigger.

29:17 I just need to talk to your HR guy.

29:19 You have to make a decision right now.

29:20 We're going to sell to your arch trial.

29:23 I can't even say no.

29:25 Okay.

29:25 You know what?

29:26 It's not even a huge offer.

29:27 So, if you just came in with anything, I think you'd be fine.

29:30 Computron, where is the HR guy?

29:33 I cannot answer that question.

29:35 But there is nothing Computron can't answer.

29:37 But I cannot answer.

29:38 But there is nothing Computron cannot answer, but I cannot answer.

29:41 But there is nothing Computer to tell Dwight to back off right now.

29:48 So, I just want to let you know the guy who you were talking to is an idiot.

29:52 He is a liar.

29:54 He is divorced.

29:55 I'm divorced.

29:57 Um, well, so am I.

30:01 So, that makes three of us.

30:03 And then we should all hit the singles bars.

30:11 I shouldn't have lied like that.

30:13 I I feel like sometimes I'm getting different answers from you two.

30:17 Are you both on the same page?

30:19 From us?

30:20 Really?

30:22 I don't think we're being clear.

30:24 I think we're Yeah, we're always on the same page.

30:27 It's hard to get us off the same page, right?

30:31 Yeah, we complete each other's sentences

30:36 or thoughts.

30:37 I was thinking thoughts, but you were.

30:40 So, could we talk about the physical building?

30:43 Yes, thank you.

30:44 Uh, I've actually had concerns for many years now about radon gas.

30:48 I'm glad you asked.

30:48 The building is fine.

30:50 There's something very special about this building, wouldn't you say?

30:53 Bernards are not allowed to talk like babies, even when we're babies.

30:56 So, naturally, college, my first time away from home, I went nuts.

31:00 It was all Andy, we quibby and and want Milky from Booby.

31:07 But, uh, after all my roommates transferred, I reigned it in.

31:12 Sometimes I can't help myself.

31:14 Well, I mean, it was our idea cuz you were like,

31:16 "We should do an employee of the month." And I was like, "Genius." You said that

31:19 and then you were like, "Go talk to Jim about it." And I was like, "I'm on it."

31:23 No, I think you pretty much came up

31:24 with the whole idea yourself from top to bottom.

31:26 And you know what else?

31:27 I think you're a shoe in to win it.

31:29 And I think that Ms.

31:31 Aaron will be mightily impressed when you are crowned employee of the month.

31:37 Really?

31:38 Was Jessica Simpson impressed with Dne Cook

31:41 in the motion picture employee of the month?

31:45 I don't know.

31:45 I didn't see it.

31:46 Was she?

31:46 I didn't see it either, but one has to assume.

31:49 Yeah, I guess.

31:51 [screaming] Hey, Pam, do you have a sec to check over this itinerary?

31:57 I love having Pam around.

31:58 I don't know what I'd do without her.

32:02 Sure.

32:03 Whenever Aaron shows me her work, I just say, "Looks great.

32:07 Looks great.

32:08 Looks great.

32:10 Looks great." That usually does the trick.

32:15 How did you first come up with the idea for Scott's Tots?

32:18 Okay.

32:18 Wow.

32:19 Coming right at me.

32:20 Um, well, it is no secret that my last name

32:23 is Scott and you were all totss at the time.

32:27 No, I mean, what made you choose us?

32:29 Okay.

32:30 Wow.

32:30 Followup.

32:31 Um, well, Michaela, this this is your answer.

32:36 I saw you all there.

32:37 I thought you were great and I wanted to instill some hope

32:41 into your lives and I never intended any bad to come of any of it.

32:46 And it's very important that you understand that.

32:50 I just wanted to do something nice.

32:52 Do something nice.

32:53 What you did was a miracle.

32:55 I wrote my college essay on you.

32:58 No.

32:59 Yes.

33:01 Okay.

33:00 Now, are there any other students whose college tuition you're paying for?

33:04 Oh, God.

33:04 I don't I don't think so.

33:09 Dr.

33:09 Mifflin, this is Ryan.

33:11 Sure thing, David.

33:12 I will tr Sure thing, Mr.

33:14 Wallace.

33:14 I will transfer you.

33:17 Lately, there have been serious rumors that our company's going bankrupt.

33:20 So, David Wallace asked me to keep morale high.

33:22 So, I asked around about what people wanted with Christmas,

33:25 and I told them to get creative.

33:27 And they didn't really get creative.

33:30 Exactly.

33:31 Uh, secret Santa, karaoke, food,

33:35 kind of the usual thing that we do here, which is great.

33:38 And people usually argue about food,

33:40 so I told everybody to bring their favorites.

33:42 I made an organized signup sheet for karaoke

33:45 so that there was no fighting and no crying.

33:49 I'm doing a good job, I think, because this year I care.

33:56 It's weird.

33:58 I know.

34:00 My Christmas card is hilarious.

34:04 I kidnapped Rudolph and I'm going to kill him

34:07 unless I get peace on earth by Christmas Day.

34:10 Get off.

34:11 Get off.

34:11 Get off.

34:13 Oh god.

34:15 I didn't even get to tell you what I wanted.

34:17 Okay, you know what you get?

34:18 You get a thousand helium balloons attached to you

34:21 so Santa doesn't have to go through this again.

34:24 Oh, awesome.

34:25 Put to sleep.

34:26 Oh god, my whole leg.

34:30 Oh god.

34:32 Oh god.

34:41 All right, that's better.

34:42 Who's next?

34:43 Excuse me.

34:44 Whoever has been sending me the parts to this gun,

34:46 I think you sent me a gear instead of a trigger.

34:49 How do you know it's a gun?

34:51 What else does it look like?

34:54 Not a gun.

34:56 Well, I don't have all the pieces yet.

34:58 Well, unless the missing pieces is a gun, you don't have a gun.

35:04 Not a gun.

35:09 Speculum.

35:14 Nope.

35:17 Hello workers, salt of the earth, listen to what I am saying unto you.

35:25 I am Jesus.

35:29 Okay, I need everybody to stop what you're doing and watch this.

35:35 Thank you, Daryl.

35:36 Thank you, my son.

35:38 Everyone, I have heard your cries for rest.

35:41 And I am inviting you up to our Christmas

35:44 party where you can eat and drink and have fun.

35:48 Hell yeah.

35:49 Let's go, y'all.

35:51 Thanks, Mike.

35:55 [screaming] Everyone, everyone, please welcome our friends from the warehouse.

36:04 I command thee to mingle and make merrynt libations and food.

36:10 Please enjoy.

36:12 Enjoy.

36:15 That was very nice of you.

36:16 Yes, actually nicer than Santa.

36:18 Jesus doesn't judge.

36:19 The only problem is we only have food for us.

36:21 So, would have loved a heads up on this.

36:23 Well, would have loved to have been the central giftgiving figure,

36:26 but I guess neither of us is getting what we want, right?

36:31 Look, I can barely pretend to like the people up here.

36:34 What am I supposed to say to Arty?

36:37 Are either of you guys friends with or ever hang out with any cleaning ladies?

36:43 Um, I have to find a new one cuz mine died.

36:46 First training session is free.

36:47 I'll show you the ropes and get you on track with the nutrition side.

36:51 My goal is to look like you, like a big white you.

36:56 How do I feel about the warehouse guys showing up at our Christmas party?

37:01 Well, I could tell you or I could show you.

37:06 This is how I feel.

37:09 So guys, this is more like finger food.

37:12 Uh-oh, a lasagna.

37:13 Look out, Garfield.

37:15 Uh-oh.

37:16 What does that mean?

37:16 Oh, they call me Garfield.

37:18 I've never seen a lasagna not eaten the whole pan.

37:21 Oh, I wish you wouldn't.

37:22 Oh, well, I can't help myself.

37:24 Can you imagine what it's like for me that it has that power over me?

37:28 I got to have some.

37:29 Sorry, guys.

37:30 Everybody get some.

37:32 I got mine.

37:34 Okay.

37:34 All right.

37:35 I just got out of the restroom and it stinks.

37:37 The warehouse needs to go.

37:39 Okay.

37:39 Wait.

37:39 How do you know it's someone from the warehouse who stunk up the bathroom?

37:42 They stink up the bathroom with their smelly poos because

37:44 they don't eat as quality food as us cuz they're poor.

37:47 It's science.

37:48 That is so offensive and thought out.

37:52 Maybe if we just took some time to try

37:54 to get to know them rather than constantly complaining.

37:57 Garfield.

38:02 That woman is a beast.

38:03 Garfield.

38:04 Garfield.

38:05 Garfield.

38:06 Garfield.

38:10 I am so very glad that you joined us here on this festive occasion.

38:15 You look like Gandalf.

38:17 No, I'm Jesus and we're celebrating my birthday.

38:20 Seriously though, Mike, you should take that off, man.

38:21 It's offensive even to me.

38:31 Merry Christmas, Creed.

38:32 Thanks, Santa.

38:33 I love it.

38:35 And he doesn't even know what it is.

38:37 It's probably terrible.

38:38 So, save the receipt.

38:39 Got the receipt.

38:40 Creed.

38:42 I actually saved myself once.

38:43 I performed the Heimlick on myself.

38:47 I had a a frozen banana stuck in my gullet and I popped

38:52 it out and there was a crowd of people around and they were impressed.

39:08 Oh my god, your fingers are really tiny.

39:11 Thank you.

39:14 Gabe seems tall.

39:15 Hope we get along.

39:17 Had a very good thing going with David Wallace.

39:19 He was a good guy.

39:20 He was somebody I could trust.

39:22 Here he is right there.

39:24 It's us.

39:25 Actually, another picture.

39:29 There we go.

39:31 That's us also.

39:32 Technically, it is just a closeup of the same picture,

39:37 but this one you can really see that he is okay taking a picture with me,

39:42 even though I was there for disciplinary reasons.

39:47 Saber is all about professional growth.

39:49 So if somebody here wants to learn a new skill or take initiative,

39:52 we will all agree to help that person.

39:55 Right,

39:57 Gabe?

39:58 Yeah, I would like some more responsibility.

39:59 I feel as though I am underutilized.

40:02 That is exactly what we're looking for.

40:04 Okay.

40:05 Yeah.

40:06 I suggest you have a 30-se secondond conversation with each

40:09 one of us before you decide what's appropriate for this brand.

40:12 Hold on.

40:12 Okay.

40:13 You know what?

40:13 Gave us plenty of time to decide who is

40:15 slow and who thinks she's better than everybody else.

40:18 But I think the idea of supporting each other is a good one.

40:21 At Saber, we really encourage honest communication.

40:25 You should always feel free to express your thoughts.

40:28 Talk about vacation days.

40:30 We have a policy here at Saber where we are uh allowed to take two weeks.

40:35 I actually save days from last year because I want to go to Jamaica.

40:38 How Meredith got her groove back.

40:42 Oh, you guys had a banking policy.

40:43 No, no, no, no, no, no.

40:44 Um, all right.

40:46 How do I describe this?

40:47 Uh, imagine that you have a cell phone.

40:50 No, imagine that you have a bank account and the the money that you have

40:53 in the bank account rolls over to the next year like cell phone minutes, right?

40:59 That's what we have here.

41:00 Okay.

41:00 Well, actually, Saber, our policy is to not allow vacation days to carry over.

41:06 What?

41:08 What?

41:07 That's okay.

41:08 I have six weeks banked.

41:10 So, yeah, I I already booked a Great Lakes cruise.

41:13 Never mind that.

41:14 What if you have saved up for a trip in the future?

41:17 For example, a 40-day family safari.

41:21 Well, I'm sorry, but uh maybe you could

41:23 look into like a twoe safari for your family.

41:25 Just that's not going to work.

41:26 There's no way I'm going to be able to take 12 kids on a twoe safari.

41:30 You can't if they're imaginary.

41:32 I need those vacation days.

41:34 I have two women.

41:36 One likes to ski, one likes the tropics.

41:40 It is very difficult.

41:43 I actually owe the company days because of my singing tour.

41:46 I went to Atlanta and Boston and Cincinnati to audition for American Idol.

41:50 The problem is is that I had to audition with a lot of the screw-ups.

41:53 I did not advance.

41:55 I signed up to build an Adobe Pueblo in Guatemala.

41:58 Now there are 27 orphans who aren't going to have a computer center this winter.

42:02 So here I have typed in my httpan animals who arefriends.com.

42:07 But instead of getting a cute video of a panda

42:09 bear being best friends with a cat, I get that.

42:14 Still pretty cute.

42:16 But I think I am missing out on some unlikely animal friendships.

42:19 This is the site blocker we were talking about.

42:23 So it blocks adorable sites.

42:25 Just any time wasters.

42:27 Okay, you know what?

42:27 It is blocking all of my sites.

42:29 It is blocking penguins and party hats.

42:33 It is blocking mustaches on penguins.

42:36 It is blocking penguin follys.

42:56 Oh my god.

43:03 I don't want to appear ungrateful for everything Sabre's doing for us.

43:06 Oh, I don't get that sense at all from you.

43:08 So, well, you should have a little.

43:10 But it's great that you don't because I

43:12 am trying to embrace all of these changes,

43:16 but I'm I'll be honest.

43:18 I'm having trouble wrapping my head around a couple of them.

43:21 Which ones?

43:22 [sighs] All of them.

43:24 Well, I wish that I could do something, but it's kind of policy,

43:27 you know, above my pay grade, [laughter] you know.

43:31 So, maybe we should call We should call someone.

43:33 I could help.

43:34 I'm good with bosses.

43:36 Call one of the higherups.

43:37 You know what?

43:39 Let me see what I can do.

43:41 Really?

43:40 We can't have you this upset on day one, can we?

43:43 No, we can't.

43:44 No, we can't.

43:44 I'm going to go call her right now.

43:46 Okay.

43:47 You are a gentleman and a caller.

43:49 [laughter] All right.

43:53 I just think that it's a bad policy if it upsets people.

43:58 No, it has been less than 30 days since I received the package.

44:00 Okay.

44:01 I'm not responsible for the time it took to ship to me.

44:05 Okay.

44:06 Well, I I I already called the post office and they said to call you.

44:13 Hey, how'd the call of your boss go?

44:16 Um, I'm afraid I have some bad news.

44:18 Oh, no.

44:19 Yeah, I fought real hard.

44:21 Liar.

44:22 Wow.

44:22 I heard you.

44:24 I heard you.

44:26 Well, okay.

44:27 But if you knew that I didn't really call my boss,

44:28 then you were sort of setting me up when you asked me how it went.

44:31 Oh, yeah.

44:31 Okay.

44:31 So, it's my fault.

44:32 It's my fault.

44:33 You need to call her.

44:35 No.

44:35 Please don't make me call her.

44:37 She needs to think that I can do my job.

44:43 The debit column is really tall.

44:47 It's the column by the wall.

44:50 Except when your chair is turned around.

44:55 Then nearer Oscar it be found.

44:59 Except in times when Oscar sick.

45:03 Then remember clever trick.

45:24 Hi.

45:29 Hi, sir.

45:30 Are you Todd?

45:32 Yes.

45:33 Hi, my name is Kevin Malone.

45:36 I'm an accountant at Dunder Mifflin.

45:39 Oh.

45:39 Oh, you must know Phyllis.

45:40 She's great.

45:44 Yeah.

45:44 Yeah.

45:44 Phyllis is fantastic.

45:46 Todd, but I did not come all of this way down the hall to talk about Phyllis.

45:53 God, let you stay for dinner.

45:55 No, no, no, no.

45:57 No, no, no.

45:58 Your family time is precious.

46:00 Come on.

46:01 We can't eat an entire turkey by ourselves.

46:04 Oh, that sounds great.

46:04 But I don't eat turkey anymore.

46:06 I don't I kind of don't eat solid foods anymore.

46:08 I'm just sort of uh into the juice.

46:11 I got a juicer, so I'm I'm good.

46:13 Lost four pounds.

46:15 Well, that's great.

46:15 A little woozy, but it's working for me.

46:17 So,

46:18 well, hey, hey, hey.

46:19 Great to see you.

46:20 Great to see you.

46:21 Great to see you.

46:21 All right.

46:22 Come.

46:25 Yep.

46:25 Good luck.

46:26 Bye.

46:27 Welcome.

46:27 That's okay.

46:28 No, I can.

46:28 All right.

46:29 All right.

46:29 Here we go.

46:34 My favorite sport is one involving men with brooms and they broom the ice

46:41 in front of these cylindrical discs that float

46:45 gently across the ice and they smack

46:48 into one another and no one really

46:50 explains the rules but it's mesmerizing and there

46:53 are no winners and no losers only poetry and it is called cur hurtling.

47:01 Why is it called take a good look?

47:03 I was 26 years old working at Kodak.

47:06 It's my first job after Vanderbilt.

47:09 It's very exciting.

47:10 I took it very seriously.

47:11 But I wasn't afforded the same amount

47:13 of respect that the rest of the board enjoyed.

47:16 One day I'd head it up to here and I stroed

47:19 into the boardroom wearing nothing but a pair of spike heels,

47:23 a lace push-up bra, and matching lace panties.

47:27 Nice.

47:27 And I took my seat and I looked around at all of them and I said,

47:30 "Gentlemen, if this is all you see, then take a good look."

47:37 As a male manager, I would have never done that to you.

47:39 I I am nothing if not not sexist.

47:44 That's setting the bar a little low, isn't it?

47:47 The only time I set the bar low is for limbo.

47:49 I don't know the first thing about printers.

47:52 I get it, gorgeous.

47:54 I mean, I barely know my own Cadillac.

47:56 And you know, sometimes I go in reverse when I want to go forwards.

47:59 I nearly killed a bunch of preschoolers.

48:02 [laughter]

48:03 That's why Gabe is here.

48:04 I'll be holding a meeting with the salesman

48:06 to get you acquainted with the printers.

48:08 Why is the Atlantic Ocean the best ocean?

48:10 That is simple.

48:12 According to Oprah, the Pacific Ocean is pretty much just garbage.

48:17 The Indian Ocean is full of pirates.

48:20 The Arctic Ocean is too cold.

48:22 Thank you very much.

48:24 And the southern ocean is just the bottom of all the other oceans.

48:28 Atlantic Ocean has all the history.

48:31 That is where the amiebas crawled from the murky depths and became man.

48:40 So it's pretty cool.

48:42 No, no, no.

48:43 That's not doesn't have anyone's name on it.

48:45 That is not acceptable.

48:46 But it's just treats.

48:47 That's not It's not just treats.

48:49 Oscar, do you know how long it took me to freeze those?

48:53 That's because you kept opening the freezer door to check if they were frozen.

48:55 Yeah, but then I left it closed and now they're all gone.

48:58 And Oh, are you Come on.

49:00 That is so not cool.

49:02 You know what?

49:03 Those were my homemade orange juice popsicles.

49:05 What you going to do about it?

49:06 You can't fire us anymore.

49:10 I feel terrible.

49:11 Here.

49:12 I don't That's No.

49:14 Money can buy happiness, but can it buy things?

49:18 things like a private office or a nose that can't smell.

49:22 Answer is no As a manager, I felt I couldn't do that.

49:51 Um, please don't make it a habit.

49:54 I'm afraid I'm going to.

49:59 We had a parade on Saturday.

50:01 Organizers say that this parade is the third largest parade in the country.

50:05 I think it's the largest.

50:09 It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.

50:17 Oscar,

50:18 you're not Irish.

50:19 It's St.

50:19 Patrick's Day.

50:21 What if I wore a sombrero on Cinco de Mayo?

50:24 That would be wonderful, Kevin.

50:26 Gross.

50:27 I'd be offended.

50:28 I myself am halfIrish and half Scottish.

50:32 So I guess you could say that I enjoy a nice glass

50:36 of Guinness beer as well as being part Scottish as I said before.

50:46 Kilts.

50:47 Angela, I love that sweater.

50:50 Phyllis, green is definitely your color.

50:54 Mr.

50:54 Bratton, you look well rested.

50:56 Didn't sleep a wink.

50:57 Oh.

50:57 Excuse me, Joe.

50:59 This is that Japanese pistol I was telling you about.

51:01 You didn't do it justice, Dwight.

51:04 That is a fine piece of steel.

51:06 Oh, she is, isn't she?

51:08 I'm going to be dreaming about her tonight.

51:10 Oh, you and me both.

51:13 Oh, Joe just invited me into her inner circle.

51:17 And I guess pretty meaningful, I think.

51:22 Um, what it means is that she wants me to eat with her.

51:28 She wants me to swim in her pool.

51:31 She wants me to use her bathtub.

51:33 She wants me to watch her sleep.

51:36 She's grooming me.

51:42 [sighs and gasps] Here's me.

51:46 You're going to Tallahassee?

51:47 I am.

51:48 Joe invited me to stay at her house.

51:50 Wow.

51:50 So, I am booking early to make sure that I can get the middle seat.

51:55 Twice as many people to talk to.

51:58 I didn't know you guys were that close.

52:00 You know, we just sort of hit it off.

52:04 Mhm.

52:03 And she actually she told me that I am funnier than

52:07 a chimp in a bingo parlor and that she loved my tie.

52:11 You know, Michael Joe has a way of talking that's really friendly.

52:15 I know.

52:16 She's the best, right?

52:18 But maybe she doesn't always mean those nice things she says.

52:22 How How can you go through life like that?

52:26 Why if it isn't the two most handsome men this side of the Mississippi?

52:30 Thank you.

52:33 I don't think that is just being nice.

52:34 That's precisely.

52:35 Joe, would you care to join me for lunch?

52:38 Oh, thank you, darling.

52:40 But I got a lot of work to do in here.

52:43 I don't know how y'all stay so skinny.

52:45 God.

52:49 [laughter] When you work for Saber, only one thing matters.

52:52 And I don't care if you're a loser or you practice beastiality.

52:57 If Joe likes you, you are in.

52:59 And I am in.

53:02 So much so, I could go kiss a horse.

53:05 Oh, and uh one more thing.

53:06 It's a date actually.

53:07 So, if you could just make sure we're in your ugliest waiters section,

53:13 that would be great.

53:15 Well, I mean, what?

53:17 I'm like a five, so the waiter should be like a three or four.

53:24 You know what I mean?

53:27 Just do it.

53:30 Oh, okay.

53:31 How are you?

53:32 [laughter] Is there anything I can help you with?

53:36 Nope.

53:36 I just want to talk to Joe.

53:37 Well, uh, the strong sense that I got from Joe is that she

53:39 wanted to see you in your office working for the rest of the day.

53:42 Okay.

53:43 Well, if it's all the same to you, I would like to get my own sense.

53:45 I'm very sensual.

53:47 So, Michael, I've known Joe a long time.

53:50 You would be wise to not disturb her right now.

53:52 Okay.

53:52 I wouldn't be disturbing her.

53:53 I wouldn't even ask her to get up.

53:55 No, Michael.

53:56 No.

53:57 Okay.

53:57 Okay.

53:58 Fine.

53:58 Fine.

54:01 All right.

54:01 Okay.

54:02 You know what?

54:03 Okay.

54:05 Here's the thing.

54:06 Joe and I hit it off.

54:08 We had a very nice report.

54:10 She practically invited me to be her roommate.

54:12 And then everything changed and she backed off and I don't

54:16 know what happened and I would like to talk to her.

54:19 Okay, Michael, leave Joe alone and everything will be fine.

54:25 Don't do that again before.

54:27 I wasn't going to do anything.

54:30 Okay, I'll be honest.

54:33 I really don't understand what Gabe is getting at.

54:36 He says that there is a problem and that the solution is less of me.

54:44 A child arrived just the other day.

54:47 It came into the world in the usual way.

54:50 [laughter] I hate that song.

54:56 So, since we couldn't go out to dinner, I thought I would bring dinner to you.

55:00 A St.

55:00 Patrick's Day feast.

55:01 Chicken soup.

55:02 Jewish penicellin.

55:04 I'm allergic to penicellin.

55:05 That's okay.

55:06 I think it'll work anyway.

55:07 And you're supposed to drink lots of fluids when you're sick.

55:11 Hey, look at me.

55:13 I'm Michael Phelps.

55:17 Michael, could you come in here for a minute?

55:23 Mhm.

55:23 I didn't even know my phone could do that.

55:31 So, what have we here?

55:33 I don't know what that is.

55:35 Mhm.

55:35 Hey, would you mind grabbing me a donut?

55:37 Yes, I would mind.

55:38 But not because I am afraid of your obviously fake trapoor.

55:42 It's not fake.

55:43 So you admit it was yours.

55:45 Damn it, __] Yeah.

55:48 Jim Halpert, who can't cut through his own hair correctly,

55:52 is going to cut through carpet, conduit,

55:54 plumbing, and 6 in of rebar enforced concrete.

55:59 Please.

56:00 I've only been able to make it as far as the conduit.

56:03 Oh no, I'm falling.

56:05 [screaming] I'm falling.

56:10 [laughter] It's not real.

56:13 Oh, touche, Jim.

56:17 It's actually a lever connected to a ceiling tile.

56:23 When you pull it, something will fall.

56:25 And [snorts] I'm falling asleep because of how lame this trap is.

56:31 What are you doing?

56:37 I thought, you know, he'd be looking up and I'd have time to Oh, I am rusty.

56:43 And a pie.

56:45 Come on.

56:46 I'm better than that.

56:48 It's probably, you know,

56:49 with all the kids stuff getting ready for the No, there's no excuse.

56:58 Man, this used to come so easy.

57:00 The secret to my mac and cheese is actually the macaroni.

57:08 Most people focus on the cheese, but no,

57:11 a good starchy macaroni actually elevates the cheese.

57:17 Huh?

57:17 Kevin, you're such a gourmand.

57:18 I remember.

57:19 Is it a boy or a girl?

57:21 Um, I recall deciding not to find out.

57:25 Aren't you special?

57:26 Well, if it's a boy, I met this guy at paintball who is a circumcision artist.

57:32 He does all of Joe Biden's grandkids.

57:34 If you say my name, I get 25 bucks.

57:37 I'll give you five.

57:39 H Yeah.

57:40 Um, we already have a paintball circumcision guy.

57:44 Is he going to give you five bucks?

57:47 What's a circumcision?

57:50 It is baby time.

57:51 Shall I scrub up?

57:52 No.

57:52 Nope.

57:52 No one's going to scrub up cuz it's not baby time.

57:55 It is however baby Ruth time.

57:57 Pregnant co-workers, let's all drop everything.

58:01 Pam may be about to give birth.

58:04 And if I understand anything about the cycle of life,

58:06 and I do, that means somebody dies.

58:09 I think we all know whose number is up.

58:12 Time to get my affairs in order.

58:14 So, wish me luck, my friends, as I go gently into that good night.

58:18 We are waiting until midnight.

58:20 Ooh, spooky.

58:21 But why?

58:22 Because the insurance company only covers two nights.

58:24 Yeah.

58:24 So, if we wait till midnight, we get an extra day.

58:26 What's another day going to get you?

58:28 Knowledge, Oscar.

58:29 Let's say they're sent home before they learn,

58:31 I don't know, proper spanking technique.

58:33 Speed, power, aim, noise, knuckles, spank,

58:38 noise.

58:37 Just go to the hospital, okay?

58:39 Nobody wants to smell your stupid baby being born.

58:41 I don't want to smell it.

58:42 I don't want to see it.

58:43 I don't want anything that reminds me of child birth.

58:46 Look up the word aziottomy.

58:49 Okay.

58:49 My role in the birth of this baby is out of the boss.

58:51 Within that there is none of the pain as associated with the mother's role.

58:56 There is none of the responsibility which is associated with the father's role.

59:01 And actually in many cultures the boss

59:04 does not play a significant role in childbirth.

59:11 The purpose for this meeting is to take Pam's

59:14 mind off of what's going on inside of her body.

59:17 We want her to remain calm.

59:19 We want this time to pass by very quickly and effortlessly.

59:23 So, let's help her, shall we?

59:24 Yeah.

59:24 So, all we have to do is be really entertaining.

59:26 That's it.

59:27 And literally anything goes.

59:28 No Tijana sex shows, please.

59:30 Creed.

59:31 We're talking music or balloon creations, puppets, that sort of thing.

59:41 I want you to have this

59:44 Creed.

59:45 This is mine.

59:46 It is.

59:47 Where I'm going, I won't be needing it.

59:49 I could have you arrested.

59:50 Can't arrest a ghost.

59:53 What else do you have?

59:54 Uh, who hasn't gone?

59:55 Ryan.

59:56 Well, if art counts as entertainment, I could read a poem I wrote.

1:00:00 Hell yeah.

1:00:01 Everybody shut up.

1:00:04 Any [snorts] uh similarities to real persons or events are very intentional.

1:00:12 Plastic love.

1:00:15 You let me in your bed, but now I sleep alone,

1:00:19 trapped with the forgotten in my detritus home.

1:00:23 I hope you're happy now.

1:00:24 I hope it every day.

1:00:26 In case you didn't figure it out yet, I'm the doll you threw away.

1:00:33 Oh [laughter] my gosh.

1:00:37 I'm sorry.

1:00:38 That is so awful.

1:00:39 It's awesome.

1:00:40 [laughter] I know, right?

1:00:42 It's I just found it.

1:00:43 I thought it was so funny.

1:00:44 You're so awesome.

1:00:44 So, uh,

1:00:46 yeah.

1:00:46 Well, you just said you wrote it.

1:00:48 I never said I wrote it.

1:00:50 Yeah,

1:00:50 you did say that.

1:00:50 I never said Why would I have said I wrote it?

1:00:52 I check the tape.

1:00:53 I never said I wrote it.

1:00:55 I I never said that.

1:00:58 God, this guy's annoying.

1:00:59 I write, "Who's this?" And then he writes,

1:01:00 "Who's this?" And then I write, "Shut up." And then he writes, "Shut up."

1:01:04 Jesus, Michael, you're texting yourself.

1:01:06 Okay, great.

1:01:07 Thanks.

1:01:07 Oh, by the way, somebody's going to be coming through the door right behind us.

1:01:10 Can you just tell them thanks for us?

1:01:12 Sure.

1:01:12 Great.

1:01:12 Thanks.

1:01:12 It's just right through here.

1:01:13 Yep.

1:01:15 Okay.

1:01:14 I guess we didn't get our full two days.

1:01:16 Yeah.

1:01:16 Well, we missed it.

1:01:18 I love you.

1:01:19 I love you, too.

1:01:27 Hi.

1:01:27 Okay.

1:01:27 All right.

1:01:27 Halpert, am I too late?

1:01:29 Oh, sorry.

1:01:30 They just checked in.

1:01:31 The man wanted me to tell you.

1:01:32 They said thanks.

1:01:36 Okay.

1:01:36 And you can tell him that I know he would have

1:01:38 done the same thing if Pam had been pregnant with my baby.

1:01:42 Okay.

1:01:44 Okay.

1:01:44 Oh, I drove him in.

1:01:57 [sighs] Delivery wasn't so bad, right?

1:02:03 You Wow.

1:02:03 Well, no, I just mean a wonderful ending.

1:02:05 Kind of rough getting here.

1:02:06 We did not handle that well.

1:02:08 I think you have to admit you flipped out a little bit.

1:02:11 I think you should stop talking now.

1:02:14 Okay.

1:02:14 Uhoh.

1:02:15 Someone's still a little sore.

1:02:17 You sitting on your donut, hun.

1:02:20 Okay.

1:02:24 Can you take a picture of us?

1:02:28 Sure.

1:02:27 Oh, my pocket.

1:02:29 [sighs] Okay.

1:02:35 Oh, boy.

1:02:44 Oh, you are so beautiful.

1:02:48 Pam and her baby, and I'm still alive.

1:02:51 I have a new lease on life.

1:02:53 If death can't stop me from dating, then neither can my mother.

1:02:58 Hi.

1:02:59 Oh, good.

1:02:59 Hi.

1:03:00 Um, she's out of her swaddle again.

1:03:02 So, everything's okay then?

1:03:03 No, [crying] no, no.

1:03:04 The swaddle thing I mentioned.

1:03:06 Oh, okay.

1:03:09 Now, do we have to swaddle?

1:03:11 Like, we just put like a bigger diaper

1:03:13 on the diaper cuz I'm much better at diapering.

1:03:16 Oh,

1:03:17 I could probably do it actually.

1:03:18 You don't have to swaddle, but it's what we do in the hospital.

1:03:21 So, we should

1:03:22 um It's what we do here.

1:03:24 So, yes, swaddle.

1:03:26 Again, it's your decision.

1:03:27 It's It's just what we do in the hospital.

1:03:29 Did you swaddle your children?

1:03:31 Oh, I don't have children.

1:03:32 Okay, but you did.

1:03:34 Um I might try it both ways.

1:03:35 See what works best.

1:03:37 Okay.

1:03:37 So, we should try it both ways and then see what works best.

1:03:39 Yeah.

1:03:39 What's the other way?

1:03:41 Well, swaddling is what we do in the hospital.

1:03:43 So, Okay.

1:03:44 Okay.

1:03:44 Thank you.

1:03:47 Okay.

1:03:48 Uh, still want the baby to sleep in here?

1:03:49 Yes.

1:03:50 No.

1:03:50 Yes.

1:03:51 Yes.

1:03:51 Yes.

1:03:51 Yes.

1:03:52 Okay.

1:03:52 The swaddling thing's done now, so we're okay.

1:03:55 Okay.

1:03:54 By the way, she hasn't passed any mercunium in a while, so

1:03:59 monium.

1:03:58 Yeah, exactly.

1:04:00 There's swaddle.

1:04:01 There's swaddle.

1:04:02 Why are you unwrapping her?

1:04:04 Sorry, I just

1:04:07 [crying]

1:04:07 There we go.

1:04:08 Okay,

1:04:08 there's one.

1:04:10 Put [screaming] your arm down.

1:04:11 Like most couples, Pam and I have that one person

1:04:13 that we're allowed to hook up with if the opportunity ever arises.

1:04:16 Uh mine is Cameron Diaz, and hers,

1:04:19 coincidentally enough, was Clark from the hospital.

1:04:22 So, how's it feel when I do that?

1:04:25 It feels good.

1:04:26 Well, that's my queue.

1:04:30 I'm so sorry if I gave you the impression I'm into Kevin, but I'm not.

1:04:33 I like Andy.

1:04:34 No, you don't.

1:04:35 You like Kevin.

1:04:37 I can see it.

1:04:38 I can see it every day.

1:04:39 There all sorts of signs.

1:04:41 You cannot tell me that there's nothing between you two.

1:04:44 There's a spark.

1:04:47 Think about it.

1:04:48 The girl is whack.

1:04:51 Okay.

1:04:51 Kevin goes by reception like 15 times a day.

1:04:55 There's no other explanation.

1:05:03 And I have to constantly refill the bowl, which is getting a little pricey.

1:05:06 And that's why I asked for a Costco card.

1:05:08 Why do you refill the bowl?

1:05:10 So people can, you know, he's coming back.

1:05:13 You know he's going to be there as soon as you refill the bowl.

1:05:16 You keep putting it in the bowl.

1:05:20 That's my fault.

1:05:24 You're late, Ralph.

1:05:30 Ralph dates so far out of his league it's not even funny.

1:05:32 He's the single greatest ladies man I've ever known.

1:05:36 And I knew Amos Obshide.

1:05:51 I know that Kevin has that dangerous heart condition and I

1:05:54 think he's a really nice guy and he's obviously so cool,

1:05:58 but I guess I I just don't want to date Kevin.

1:06:01 Okay.

1:06:01 Okay.

1:06:02 You know what?

1:06:03 This is not Babu Daboo.

1:06:05 In this country, a woman can make the choice as to who she wants to date.

1:06:10 Thank you.

1:06:10 You owe me huge.

1:06:16 Someday I am going to ask you a favor and that day may never come.

1:06:22 But when I ask this favor of you.

1:06:28 All right,

1:06:30 I'll write it up and shoot you an email.

1:06:31 Thanks, Bill.

1:06:32 Please, no phone calls during my meetings.

1:06:35 Yeah, cha-ing.

1:06:37 Cha- ching.

1:06:38 Okay.

1:06:39 Item two.

1:06:40 Congratulations, Phyllis.

1:06:41 Way to go.

1:06:42 Item three.

1:06:42 The good ladies of bikini weathergirls.com

1:06:45 are predicting freezing rain next week,

1:06:46 so please tell your clients that deliveries may be delayed.

1:06:49 Mr.

1:06:49 Daryl all over that.

1:06:52 What you want me to do about it?

1:06:54 Um, call the clients and let them know that deliveries will be delayed.

1:06:58 Mike said, "Let your clients know." They're your clients.

1:07:01 Let them know.

1:07:02 You're in charge of shipping, right?

1:07:03 They're your clients, right?

1:07:04 I don't think salesmen are supposed to be doing stuff like that anymore.

1:07:07 Saber wants us just to be selling all the time.

1:07:10 Michael, I got calls to make.

1:07:11 Okay.

1:07:11 Rules are rules.

1:07:12 I love these new rules.

1:07:14 I no longer have to deal with paperwork.

1:07:16 And because of this new pay structure,

1:07:18 there is literally no limit to the amount of money I can make.

1:07:21 It is possible I can make over $100,000 this year.

1:07:26 Finally be able to put in that pool Mos

1:07:27 and I have been dreaming of to drown pigs humanely.

1:07:32 And cross trainin.

1:07:34 Here is your expense report which you signed but you did not fill out.

1:07:38 I was busy.

1:07:38 That's the reason we're all busy.

1:07:41 Hey an do you mind if I handle this?

1:07:44 If a company does not move forward, it will die like a shark.

1:07:49 If it stays still, it gets no oxygen.

1:07:52 If we stay still, we get no sales, and the money is our oxygen.

1:07:57 So, it's really a pretty good metaphor if you think about it.

1:08:01 For God's sakes.

1:08:02 No, seriously.

1:08:03 You're trying to hover like a bird,

1:08:05 and birds can't do that unless you're a hummingbird.

1:08:08 Yeah.

1:08:08 Saber doesn't want sales to be stuck doing clerical work.

1:08:11 Clerical work?

1:08:12 I don't do clerical work.

1:08:13 I'm the head accountant.

1:08:15 Aaron does clerical work.

1:08:17 Work it out, Angela.

1:08:18 You're the one with a degree in accounting.

1:08:29 To our sales heroes.

1:08:31 Our cup runth over with gratitude.

1:08:35 Nice.

1:08:34 Executive leather accented coffee mug.

1:08:37 Fancy, right?

1:08:38 That is a handsome mug.

1:08:40 Uh, I already have a mug I like.

1:08:42 I could use a new mug.

1:08:44 Maybe I could put some flowers in it.

1:08:46 I've been here a long time.

1:08:48 31 years.

1:08:49 And for the first time, I feel like things are being done right.

1:08:52 In all that time,

1:08:54 I just think our new bosses realize what I've been saying all along.

1:08:57 The sales business is the whole business.

1:09:00 It's the whole thing.

1:09:03 Before Saberbucked under Mifflin, everyone here was equal.

1:09:06 sales, accounting, manager, black, what have you.

1:09:13 But now sales is king.

1:09:16 They are very important now.

1:09:17 They're all that matters and everybody else is fed up.

1:09:20 And I'm not saying that it is like Braveheart cuz it isn't.

1:09:25 But it is sort of like the patriot.

1:09:30 This is ridiculous.

1:09:31 We are entitled to those leads.

1:09:33 Do you understand entitled How you doing, buddy?

1:09:51 Hi, Creed.

1:09:52 Come in.

1:09:55 Welcome.

1:09:57 Man, can you believe what some people are doing trying to get these?

1:10:00 I want $10,000 or 15 million L.

1:10:02 Your choice.

1:10:03 Listen, Creed.

1:10:04 I'll give you something worth 10 times that.

1:10:06 30 1-hour voice or tap lessons plus

1:10:09 a two-day intensive workshop in stage combat.

1:10:12 $500.

1:10:13 No way.

1:10:16 Can I resell the tap lessons?

1:10:21 Yeah.

1:10:21 Deal?

1:10:25 Yes.

1:10:23 You can see yourself out.

1:10:28 Are we here to learn or are we here to sell?

1:10:34 Hola.

1:10:37 What?

1:10:36 You got any more of those awesome leads?

1:10:39 Did somebody close all their deals?

1:10:42 Yeah, actually a lot of those guys did.

1:10:44 My leads are still thinking about it, though.

1:10:47 [sighs and gasps]

1:10:49 I mean, I think we should hold our ground.

1:10:50 The company's changed and if they don't like it, they can leave.

1:10:53 I mean, a lot of their work can be done from India.

1:10:56 Is that really what you want,

1:10:58 Jim?

1:10:58 Why do you always have to be that person?

1:11:00 the one who sees things from everybody else's perspective,

1:11:03 walking in other people's shoes.

1:11:06 Yeah, Tuna, come on.

1:11:08 Wear your own shoes.

1:11:09 Well, my massive personality flaws aside, can we at least all agree that this is

1:11:14 uncomfortable and maybe heading for something bad?

1:11:18 All those who agree, say I.

1:11:19 I.

1:11:21 I.

1:11:20 All those opposed, I don't think we need oppose.

1:11:22 Well, the eyes have it.

1:11:23 Okay.

1:11:24 Well, by that rationale, I think we need to do something.

1:11:26 And that's all I'm saying.

1:11:28 He has a point.

1:11:29 I always fought with my wife.

1:11:31 Never banned, I'd say.

1:11:33 And then one day, I started tasting something coppery in my dinner.

1:11:37 Wait, are you saying that your wife poisoned you?

1:11:40 I won't say all that, but once I started being sweet,

1:11:44 that coppery taste went away.

1:11:46 I can't prove it, but I think someone's taking some rose out of my knitting.

1:11:49 I should have been done with that scarf by now.

1:11:53 Yeah, we got to do something.

1:11:54 This just got real.

1:11:56 It is.

1:11:56 You should be done with that scarf.

1:11:58 I know.

1:12:01 [cheering and applause]

1:12:05 Are you okay?

1:12:06 Very nice.

1:12:06 [applause and cheering]

1:12:07 Are you okay, Staley?

1:12:11 Excuse me.

1:12:13 [laughter] Wow.

1:12:18 [applause] So, anybody going talking to anybody?

1:12:41 Anybody at the office?

1:12:43 I am all business, very professional.

1:12:46 But sometimes at night, I like to go out and let my hair down.

1:12:50 Not literally, of course.

1:12:52 But Stanley.

1:12:56 Meredith.

1:12:56 Hi.

1:12:59 Hey.

1:12:58 Hey, Meredith.

1:12:59 You look great.

1:13:00 Thank you, Stanley.

1:13:02 You look great, too.

1:13:03 Thank you.

1:13:04 What the hell, Jim?

1:13:06 I am so excited about this beer.

1:13:08 Do you even drink beer?

1:13:10 Oh, man.

1:13:11 I don't.

1:13:11 Do I?

1:13:13 I have been looking forward to that for months.

1:13:15 You know what?

1:13:15 We'll get you one to hold.

1:13:19 Okay.

1:13:17 Happy hour.

1:13:18 Oh, anything can happen.

1:13:22 Who thought of this, Oscar?

1:13:24 No, really.

1:13:26 Yeah.

1:13:26 Why?

1:13:28 Well, well, because you're antisocial, Oscar.

1:13:29 You're kind of a snob.

1:13:33 When I asked Oscar to discuss with me the latest Malcolm Gladwell book,

1:13:37 he said he didn't feel like talking about it.

1:13:40 But later, I saw him on a message board, and he was talking all about it.

1:13:48 I'm not a snob.

1:13:50 I hate the opera.

1:13:52 Well, the Philadelphia opera.

1:13:56 Yikes.

1:13:58 Good evening.

1:13:59 Hey, you're fine.

1:14:00 No, I have my ID here somewhere.

1:14:02 Oh, no.

1:14:03 You're You're fine.

1:14:04 No, you need it.

1:14:06 That's the rule.

1:14:08 Do with it.

1:14:10 You know, you always know where it is and then when you need it, you don't.

1:14:13 You know that happens.

1:14:15 Um.

1:14:18 Oh, coupon.

1:14:25 Hey guys, guys.

1:14:26 Guys, use a boy.

1:14:27 Watch this.

1:14:28 Ready?

1:14:32 What are you doing?

1:14:33 I'm trying to not understand with my chalk.

1:14:35 Michael, you have to do this.

1:14:41 Wow.

1:14:42 Oh, wow.

1:14:42 That was close.

1:14:43 I would say I kind of have an unfair advantage

1:14:46 because I watch reality dating shows like Hawk and I learn.

1:14:50 I absorb information from the strategies of the winners and the losers.

1:14:54 Actually, I probably learn more from the losers.

1:14:57 No, it was going well before.

1:14:59 Going well doesn't seal the deal.

1:15:01 Yes, it does.

1:15:02 No, just let Date Mike handle this.

1:15:04 He's got it.

1:15:05 He's all over it.

1:15:05 Hey, out of curiosity, do you have any other characters?

1:15:08 I have a black guy.

1:15:09 Nope.

1:15:09 I have Michael Club.

1:15:11 Boom.

1:15:12 Boom.

1:15:12 I'm Frank.

1:15:13 You don't have a suit.

1:15:14 Oh, I'm working on a new one.

1:15:15 It's Grant Strangler.

1:15:17 I will strangle you, but I won't kill you.

1:15:21 All right, let's stick with date Mike.

1:15:25 I have been dating for over 30 years and I think I know what I am doing.

1:15:30 Big with Chase.

1:15:31 Chase crutch in box two weeks.

1:15:37 Hey, good looking.

1:15:37 Buy a guy a drink.

1:15:41 Hey, good looking.

1:15:42 Buy a guy a drink.

1:15:54 Yeah.

1:15:54 Yeah.

1:15:55 Speed demon.

1:15:56 Come on.

1:15:57 Let's go.

1:15:57 Come on.

1:15:57 Come on, baby.

1:15:58 Here it goes.

1:16:00 There we go.

1:16:01 Another high.

1:16:06 Oh, yeah.

1:16:08 Uhoh.

1:16:12 Pay up, suckers.

1:16:25 Sort of did okay with a a new young lady.

1:16:27 Actually, you didn't.

1:16:28 Not at all.

1:16:29 I think I did, but I can't take all the credit.

1:16:31 Some of the credit is due, in fact, to my good friend, Date Mike.

1:16:36 Nice to meet you.

1:16:42 I worry about him.

1:16:43 I don't look at that guy.

1:16:47 Damn it, Michael.

1:16:48 I'm all right.

1:16:49 I'm all right.

1:16:54 I was actually cast in the Chinese language version of Sesame Street.

1:16:57 Turned it down.

1:16:58 Worst decision of my life.

1:17:00 I'd like to believe that you used your maternity leave wisely,

1:17:03 nursing your infant, exposing it to the natural world,

1:17:06 but I suspect you squandered it on your hobby of watercolor painting.

1:17:09 I did do some painting.

1:17:11 Yes.

1:17:11 Oh, there's so much beauty in this fence.

1:17:14 Oh, what can this window sill tell me about life?

1:17:18 Oh, garbage.

1:17:20 I think you should only be able to paint

1:17:21 the president or in a perfect world, the Kaiser.

1:17:26 Oh, who left cupcakes on my desk for 6 weeks?

1:17:30 There's fruit flies everywhere.

1:17:32 Look at those tenacious bastards.

1:17:35 Okay.

1:17:35 Oh, my desk is filled with maggots.

1:17:37 Those are mine.

1:17:38 I was breeding them for personal use,

1:17:40 but I had nothing to do with the fruit flies.

1:17:42 Okay.

1:17:44 Oh, what?

1:17:46 Oh, you have one baby and it's so beautiful,

1:17:49 but a fly is a thousand maggot babies and it's disgusting.

1:17:52 Mhm.

1:17:55 Is there anything else, living or dead, for me to find on my desk?

1:18:00 I have been looking forward to one-on-one time with Michael so much.

1:18:03 I can't think of anyone that I admire as much as him.

1:18:08 He's even better than Sully Sullenberger because Michael would have told

1:18:11 us funny jokes as he was landing the plane in that river.

1:18:15 Be careful as you exit the plane.

1:18:17 Swim to the left or you'll end up in New Jersey.

1:18:21 Well, I can't do it as good as Michael.

1:18:23 Hey, kiddo.

1:18:25 How you holding up?

1:18:27 Not great, Ryan.

1:18:28 Not great.

1:18:30 You know what's great about you?

1:18:31 A lot of girls would have just run out when they heard that news and hooked

1:18:35 up in some cheap bar with the first random guy who bought him a drink.

1:18:38 I'm not going to do that.

1:18:39 Cuz where's the tenderness in some hookup with some

1:18:42 random dude you're never going to see again?

1:18:44 Look, Kelly is your best friend.

1:18:46 Kelly is my girlfriend.

1:18:48 I think I speak for both of us when I say we both want you to be happy.

1:18:53 You guys are such good friends.

1:18:55 The odds are always best for a three-way if

1:18:57 one of the parties is extremely emotional or impulsive.

1:19:00 You look so good right now.

1:19:04 What?

1:19:03 Oh, Aaron, I am so sorry.

1:19:06 Yeah.

1:19:06 Hey, girl.

1:19:08 We're here for you.

1:19:09 Okay.

1:19:12 Yeah,

1:19:12 that is crazy.

1:19:13 I know.

1:19:14 All I did was clap.

1:19:16 Sounds like he's trying to prove something.

1:19:18 Something.

1:19:18 Yeah, that's a bummer.

1:19:20 Yeah, it's like that guy who was mean to me at the car wash, you know?

1:19:23 It's just like what?

1:19:25 We just need to find out if Gabe can suspend us or not.

1:19:29 Oh, here comes HR.

1:19:31 Why else would we be here?

1:19:35 Um, yeah, I'll I'll look into it.

1:19:39 And you'd like me to do it this can I just finish my bit?

1:19:42 Never mind.

1:19:51 I'll I'll call you with the I apologize.

1:20:07 Great.

1:20:07 I kneel before you

1:20:10 guys.

1:20:10 I would even take a contrite look as an apology.

1:20:12 humbly taking your hand upon which I kissed to show my contrition.

1:20:18 Okay, forgive me.

1:20:19 That was amazing.

1:20:20 And I can't do that.

1:20:21 Me either.

1:20:22 Sorry.

1:20:22 Um, not for the thing, but you know, for not saying sorry,

1:20:25 but you said it, so that is a good start.

1:20:27 Guys,

1:20:29 I can look sheepish, too, if you need.

1:20:31 No, you're fine.

1:20:31 Am I absolved?

1:20:32 Can I go back to work?

1:20:33 Yeah, I'm not.

1:20:35 Okay.

1:20:40 Conference room 5 minutes.

1:20:42 That's what she said.

1:20:44 Tuna.

1:20:57 Oh, hi Creed.

1:20:58 Oh, have I shown you pictures of my new cats?

1:21:01 I think impressions are dumb and I don't like them.

1:21:05 It is not my job to add up those columns.

1:21:08 Oh, [snorts] your feet.

1:21:11 That color makes you look horish.

1:21:13 Could you be anymore?

1:21:15 No, that's Chandler.

1:21:16 I'm very sad to tell you this, but I have flatulence.

1:21:24 I have a gas problem.

1:21:30 She farts a lot.

1:21:32 Do I have to go to the meeting?

1:21:37 Mhm.

1:21:40 Michael, you're an idiot.

1:21:42 Hey, boss.

1:21:43 What's the problem here?

1:21:45 Is it the severed foot I keep in my desk?

1:21:47 H right next to my mung beans.

1:21:50 When I was in a prison in Cambodia,

1:21:52 I did an impression of Elvis Presley that brought the house down.

1:21:56 Do you still hear it, Clarice?

1:21:58 The screaming of the spring lambs.

1:22:01 I'm Joe Bennett.

1:22:02 I don't feel comfortable doing that.

1:22:04 Actually,

1:22:05 the thing about impressions are they're never good enough.

1:22:09 Michael, question.

1:22:10 Michael, come in here right now.

1:22:12 Damn it, Jim.

1:22:14 Idiot.

1:22:21 Buenos.

1:22:21 Buenos.

1:22:21 Miguel.

1:22:26 Hello.

1:22:24 No, no, no, no.

1:22:37 Michael's relationship with the English language has always

1:22:39 been at best tenuous and at worst abusive.

1:22:43 So, it's nice to see him with a language that makes him happy and brief.

1:22:53 It's not a good idea to force it if the shapes don't match up.

1:22:56 The shapes don't matter, Ryan.

1:22:58 As long as there's a connection, the stuff can pass through it.

1:23:02 Why don't you just do what you're doing?

1:23:03 Okay.

1:23:06 There's this woman I met a few weeks ago.

1:23:08 Her name is Donna.

1:23:10 Manager of the Sid and Dexters.

1:23:12 And right now we're in the midst of a passionate love affair.

1:23:17 Um, no.

1:23:18 But she is coming by today maybe to buy some printers.

1:23:21 So, do I realize Donna is an attractive person?

1:23:25 Yes.

1:23:26 Am I attracted to her?

1:23:27 Yes.

1:23:28 Does that mean that I am more excited to sell her printers than to someone else?

1:23:33 Some ugly client?

1:23:35 Yes.

1:23:35 I don't know.

1:23:36 I just don't see what the big deal is.

1:23:37 So, I tried to kiss somebody.

1:23:39 So, we're in a business setting.

1:23:40 So, what?

1:23:41 So what is that so inappropriate?

1:23:44 Yes, maybe it wouldn't have been 50 years ago.

1:23:49 Mad men.

1:23:55 Let's go.

1:23:59 Reading people's faces is an art form.

1:24:03 A blind person can do it just by touch.

1:24:07 A deaf person can do it by sight.

1:24:12 A hearing and cited person can do it like me by sight.

1:24:19 So if you do a lot of faxing or want to print double-sided menus,

1:24:22 I can guarantee you a dependable machine and appropriate support.

1:24:26 I'm I'm not sure we want to invest that much.

1:24:28 I mean, our printers usually get stolen by bus boys after a couple months.

1:24:33 Aha, I solved it.

1:24:34 It was the bus boy.

1:24:37 Oh my god.

1:24:38 I thought you were from England just then.

1:24:40 Do that again.

1:24:41 I'm English Mike.

1:24:43 Yeah.

1:24:44 Vivy.

1:24:44 Yeah.

1:24:45 Oh my god.

1:24:48 Donna and I are very similar.

1:24:50 We are tough from the streets.

1:24:52 Never took a hand out.

1:24:54 Always had to pull ourselves up from the boobstraps.

1:24:58 I I constantly see myself in her.

1:25:02 How do I find out if a girl's interested?

1:25:04 Great question.

1:25:06 I usually just assume that they're not.

1:25:10 It's easier than it used to be.

1:25:11 If a lady is interested, she'll send me a wink and then I'll send back an e-l.

1:25:17 And if it doesn't work out, I block her.

1:25:20 She's way out of his league.

1:25:22 It'd be like me going for Sean Hannity.

1:25:25 She just laughed.

1:25:27 I think that's a good sign.

1:25:28 Maybe he just told a funny joke.

1:25:30 I think it's a good sign.

1:25:31 He's been in there for 20 minutes.

1:25:32 He hasn't even gotten a third base.

1:25:34 There's a third base.

1:25:37 Baseball?

1:25:37 Really?

1:25:39 I always thought it was based on orchestra chairs.

1:25:43 And you're now you're telling me there's a third base in the orchestra.

1:25:45 No, that's a bass heavy orchestra.

1:25:48 There she is.

1:25:53 Why you don't let me just go in and monitor?

1:25:55 I'll be fine.

1:25:57 I'll be fine.

1:25:57 I can control myself.

1:25:58 You can't.

1:25:59 Actually,

1:25:59 I can.

1:26:00 I need to find out or else I'll never know.

1:26:02 You don't need to know.

1:26:03 Yes, I do.

1:26:05 Okay, so Kelly Capor is applying to the minority training program.

1:26:11 Yep.

1:26:10 Strong choice.

1:26:11 She is as smart as she is talented.

1:26:14 Yeah, I never really thought of Kelly as executive material.

1:26:18 Oh, nor should you.

1:26:19 I mean, she's Indian.

1:26:20 I bet you can't name a single Indian CEO.

1:26:23 Vicram Padep, Surya Mahabatra, Desh Palawal, Andrew Nui.

1:26:28 But that's so interesting that you couldn't name a single Indian woman.

1:26:32 India is a woman.

1:26:33 She's the head of Pepsi.

1:26:35 Soft drinking paper.

1:26:36 Gabe, now name one significant paper company CEO that's Indian.

1:26:41 Just one and I'm out of your hair.

1:26:43 Nisha D.

1:26:44 Name two.

1:26:44 Just two of them.

1:26:46 What I'm offering is a ticket on a bullet train straight to middle management.

1:26:50 Dwight, I know these programs.

1:26:52 Every color is important because together we make a rainbow.

1:26:57 Yes.

1:26:57 I'll slap you in the face with a rainbow.

1:27:01 Speaking of rainbows, Oscar, you are kind of a double minority.

1:27:06 Okay.

1:27:07 So, we at Saber could really benefit from your perspective.

1:27:11 Dwight, we know Kelly applied.

1:27:14 We're not going to cross her no matter how good the program is.

1:27:17 I could protect you from Kelly.

1:27:20 Will you get out of here?

1:27:21 Seriously,

1:27:22 are we scared of Kelly?

1:27:23 [laughter] That's ridiculous, right?

1:27:27 It's just a matter of respect, that's all.

1:27:30 I'm not scared.

1:27:34 Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:27:36 This is Hideoshi Hagawa.

1:27:38 He would like to apply for the Saber Minority Executive Training Program,

1:27:41 Print in All Colors initiative.

1:27:43 Wait, what are you doing?

1:27:44 Helping heal America in a dramatic fashion in the 11th hour.

1:27:47 No, I wouldn't say he was my first choice.

1:27:49 My first choice was Oscar, then Stanley, then Calvin, Danny, Alfonso, Hassan,

1:27:54 Tad, Diego, Greg P, Greg M, Demetrius, and Hank the security guard.

1:28:00 I don't know.

1:28:01 They're playing Frisbee.

1:28:02 That's okay.

1:28:03 Seems we didn't know.

1:28:05 Hey, Ry Guy, congratulations.

1:28:06 Thank you for what this time.

1:28:08 Your girlfriend's going to be an Ivy League.

1:28:11 Yes.

1:28:11 You know, I kind of wish it was Harvard,

1:28:12 though, cuz then it would be exactly like Legally Blonde.

1:28:15 What's Sele's mascot anyway?

1:28:16 A bulldog named Handsome Dan.

1:28:19 a bulldog.

1:28:20 Oh, there is no way in hell I'm wearing a sweatshirt with an ugly old bulldog.

1:28:23 Okay.

1:28:23 Oh, that's okay.

1:28:24 People don't actually wear the clothes from their school.

1:28:26 Uh, hello.

1:28:27 Guess again.

1:28:33 Okay.

1:28:34 Boom.

1:28:35 And wait for it.

1:28:38 Boom.

1:28:41 I gave myself a front wedgie.

1:28:44 Will you make sure to come and visit me?

1:28:45 I can't make it.

1:28:46 What do you mean you can't make it?

1:28:47 I haven't told you the dates.

1:28:49 I'm sorry.

1:28:50 What are the dates?

1:28:51 No, you just said you couldn't make it

1:28:52 and I didn't even tell you what the dates are.

1:28:53 N still Tinder.

1:28:54 I'm sorry.

1:28:55 Andy, we're trying to have a private conversation.

1:28:56 Can we please?

1:28:59 Sorry.

1:28:59 I'm not a liar.

1:29:00 Yes, you are.

1:29:01 No, I'm not.

1:29:01 It's I don't always know the truth until I'm in it.

1:29:05 Are you sure?

1:29:09 No.

1:29:10 Does she keep her phone locked around you, Michael?

1:29:12 Does she watch how much she drinks around you, Michael?

1:29:14 Does she leave the room when she takes phone calls?

1:29:16 Does she keep perfume in her purse?

1:29:17 Does she shower before sex?

1:29:19 Does she shower after sex?

1:29:20 Does she only pay cash when you go out because she

1:29:22 doesn't want it to show up on a credit card bill?

1:29:23 Does she email you from a secondary account?

1:29:25 Do you want me to keep going?

1:29:27 Does she erase your texts when they show up on her phone?

1:29:29 Does she have a second cell phone for use with you?

1:29:31 Does she Yeah, she does all that.

1:29:33 Sorry, dude.

1:29:34 Michael, do not let your imagination run a muck.

1:29:36 Run what?

1:29:37 A muk.

1:29:38 It means don't let your imagination run out of control.

1:29:40 Why didn't you just say that, Pam?

1:29:42 Michael, do not let your imagination run out of control.

1:29:44 Well, that's easy for you to say.

1:29:45 You have a bad imagination.

1:29:47 It's stupid.

1:29:47 I live in a fantasy world.

1:29:49 I used your card guy.

1:29:50 Wait, is he sold at the mall?

1:29:51 Yeah, he doesn't have a kiosk anymore.

1:29:52 He just operates out of the food court.

1:29:56 Okay.

1:29:57 Hey, stranger.

1:29:58 Oh, hi.

1:29:59 You work for Michael?

1:30:00 I work with Michael, right?

1:30:03 White.

1:30:03 Donna.

1:30:03 Hi.

1:30:04 How are you, Donna?

1:30:05 Good.

1:30:05 How are you?

1:30:07 Good.

1:30:07 Ah, it's beautiful, isn't it?

1:30:10 What?

1:30:10 A cloud.

1:30:11 What?

1:30:11 Which cloud?

1:30:13 It's

1:30:13 a cloud of gnats.

1:30:16 I could follow a cloud of gnats around for hours.

1:30:21 Well, I'm actually headed in for a workout, but it was great to bump into you.

1:30:25 Nice running into you.

1:30:26 I'll walk you in.

1:30:28 How do you like this place?

1:30:29 I'm actually looking for a new gym.

1:30:31 My last gym was a forest and a dull axe, which is now a log cabin.

1:30:37 I don't love it, but it's close to me.

1:30:39 Uh-huh.

1:30:39 Well, obviously something's working.

1:30:43 A lot of buff guys coming out of there.

1:30:45 [laughter]

1:30:46 What's that medicine ball situation?

1:30:48 You have to check them out.

1:30:49 All cases are solved with logic.

1:30:51 The only logical way to find out if Donna is

1:30:53 a cheater is to seduce her, bring her to orgasm,

1:30:56 then call Michael and tell him the sad news.

1:31:02 Hey, see you leave, but love to watch you go cuz you're butt.

1:31:08 Yeah, that's right.

1:31:11 I didn't torpedo it.

1:31:13 I didn't torpedo it.

1:31:14 We're still dating.

1:31:14 You were wrong.

1:31:15 You were wrong.

1:31:16 Good.

1:31:17 Good.

1:31:17 Well, now you don't have to hide under reception.

1:31:19 That's right.

1:31:20 I don't.

1:31:20 She totally forgives me.

1:31:22 She understands.

1:31:23 She sounds like a very understanding woman.

1:31:25 She's taking me to Vero Beach for being such an awesome boyfriend.

1:31:30 Really?

1:31:29 Surf sex sand castles.

1:31:36 Wow.

1:31:37 How did I get that one wrong?

1:31:41 Hey, everything okay?

1:31:46 Yes.

1:31:47 I have this enormous weight on my shoulders that I'd like to get off my chest.

1:31:54 Okay.

1:31:53 Remember last night I told you that my favorite movie was Frost Nixon.

1:31:57 Well, I lied.

1:31:58 It's ants.

1:32:00 Oh, so I lied to you about that.

1:32:03 And that feels good to get that off my chest.

1:32:05 You should try that.

1:32:06 Is there something you would like to get off your chest?

1:32:09 Yeah, there is.

1:32:13 Okay.

1:32:12 Remember when we were playing battleship and you got up to get more fla?

1:32:19 I peeked.

1:32:23 Okay.

1:32:24 Okay.

1:32:25 Okay.

1:32:25 You're a cheater.

1:32:26 You're a cheater.

1:32:27 You couldn't help it.

1:32:28 No, you couldn't.

1:32:29 You're so bad.

1:32:30 I'm bad.

1:32:32 You're so bad.

1:32:33 You're evil.

1:32:35 There's another one.

1:32:37 Okay.

1:32:39 I don't want you to walk me to my car.

1:32:48 Okay.

1:32:52 Hey, Kelly, have you been getting any calls about the Saber GH400 printers?

1:32:56 Yeah, people hate them.

1:32:57 Really?

1:32:58 Has anyone said that they like blow up or anything?

1:33:00 I

1:33:01 can't remember.

1:33:02 Can you check where in your records?

1:33:06 Okay.

1:33:06 I don't keep records, per se.

1:33:08 Well, like in your files, whatever.

1:33:11 This would be I cue my stuffed animals in there.

1:33:14 Great.

1:33:15 Can I just um Okay, these are You're not going to find what you're looking for.

1:33:20 Yeah, that's a spreadsheet of shoe prices.

1:33:21 So, uh maybe there's some way that you keep track of the calls that come in.

1:33:28 You know, I keep everything up here.

1:33:30 Well, can you check in there?

1:33:35 I can't.

1:33:36 I can't.

1:33:37 How do you do what you do?

1:33:38 How are you useful to anyone?

1:33:53 Aaron, I've uncovered something pretty big.

1:34:01 If anything happens to me, I want you to read this letter.

1:34:07 This has every feeling I've ever felt, everything I've ever wanted to say,

1:34:10 but haven't had the courage to say to you.

1:34:13 It's all in this letter.

1:34:19 But, and I can't emphasize this enough,

1:34:24 if nothing happens to me, then don't don't read it.

1:34:31 Are you in some kind of trouble?

1:34:33 I think I am.

1:34:34 Yeah.

1:34:35 It's some heavy It's some heavy stuff.

1:34:39 So, the entire thing was covered in butter.

1:34:50 Turns out Donna's married.

1:34:53 Did not see that coming.

1:34:58 What you going to do?

1:34:59 Life's full of surprises.

1:35:03 I'm always cold and I tell people to

1:35:06 How do I know you're not a member of her family?

1:35:08 Uh because I thought you said you picked me out of a yellow pages.

1:35:11 Yeah, her yellow pages.

1:35:12 I wanted a randomly selected yellow pages from a public phone booth.

1:35:16 Apparently, they don't exist anymore.

1:35:18 Rise of the cell phone.

1:35:21 H Okay.

1:35:22 Um shall we start?

1:35:25 How does he feel about it?

1:35:26 Yeah, I can see you really thought this through, Mike.

1:35:28 I used to be a cheater till I saw Love Actually,

1:35:32 that scene where Emma Thompson plays that Jonie

1:35:34 Mitchell song made me never cheat again.

1:35:39 Of course, haven't been in relationship since then.

1:35:42 I think that movie screw with my expectations about romance.

1:35:44 You know, I don't follow this exactly.

1:35:47 Uh, the descendants of any replicants from this union shall have joint custody.

1:35:53 Are we talking about your grandchildren?

1:35:56 No.

1:35:56 That's why we've specified descendants versus replicants.

1:36:01 Mhm.

1:36:01 So, you're talking about a clone of your child?

1:36:03 No.

1:36:04 Clone has a porative connotation.

1:36:06 That's why we've agreed to use the word replicants.

1:36:08 As I understand the technology,

1:36:10 you don't understand the technology,

1:36:11 which is why this whole contract should be null and void.

1:36:14 Pearls before swine.

1:36:18 Okay.

1:36:18 Uh let's move on to the next clause.

1:36:20 The child shall be schooled in the art of the raper.

1:36:23 Ah, that's rapier, not raper.

1:36:26 It's a kind of a sword.

1:36:27 That's a misspelling.

1:36:28 This contract is null and void.

1:36:29 Just throw out that clause.

1:36:30 I never should have agreed to it anyway because guns are better.

1:36:34 It's not about killing.

1:36:34 It's about the art of the killing.

1:36:36 Maybe it should be about the art of spelling.

1:36:38 Look, if we can't agree on guns versus swords,

1:36:40 how are we going to bring a child into this world?

1:36:42 Our child can use guns and swords.

1:36:44 Okay, just add an eye to the raper.

1:36:47 Done.

1:36:48 So, check this.

1:36:49 I told you about my landlord's knockers, right?

1:36:52 Whoa, whoa, whoa.

1:36:52 Another comment's coming up.

1:36:55 Don't you hang up.

1:36:58 I lost 25 lbs using this one ancient trick.

1:37:01 Oh, well, congratulations on losing all the weight.

1:37:05 You will never believe who this is.

1:37:10 Dr.

1:37:10 Mifflin, this is Aaron.

1:37:11 Please hold.

1:37:14 Hi, thanks for holding.

1:37:16 Oh, I'm sorry.

1:37:16 Let me transfer you, Dr.

1:37:19 Melton, this is Aaron.

1:37:20 Hi, Aaron.

1:37:20 It's Kevin.

1:37:21 Listen, we need some more chewy sweethearts.

1:37:24 Kevin, there's so many in there.

1:37:25 I'm sorry.

1:37:26 I'm just really busy right now.

1:37:27 Right.

1:37:27 Listen, there's not many purple and red ones, and they're the best.

1:37:31 The yellow ones are disgusting.

1:37:33 They just Well, they're pretty good, but the purple ones are much fruier.

1:37:39 See that painting right there?

1:37:41 Yeah.

1:37:41 There used to be a beautiful painting that hung

1:37:43 on that wall that came with this furniture.

1:37:45 And I think that Yonkers came in and switched

1:37:49 out that painting for this crappy Monae.

1:37:52 Are you sure that happened?

1:37:56 Oscar saw him do it.

1:37:57 You know what else Yonkers did?

1:37:58 They repainted the accounting area in the middle of the night.

1:38:01 They stole Kevin's farting machine.

1:38:03 And uh they were the reason I was unable to come to work on Monday.

1:38:07 Yonkers.

1:38:12 Who did this?

1:38:14 Someone tell me who did this.

1:38:16 Sorry, none of us are snitches.

1:38:18 You guys think I've never been hazed before?

1:38:20 Check out Bernard versus Sigmakai.

1:38:23 Turns out an atomic wedgie is felony assault.

1:38:27 By the way, great job picking a word that's super easy to nardify.

1:38:35 Are you a logic?

1:38:36 And I said, "No, but you get that thing off my plate.

1:38:40 I like what I like and I order what I order." Michael.

1:38:47 Well, yes.

1:38:49 You ever heard of that Blue Corn Cafe?

1:38:52 Yes.

1:38:52 Really good.

1:38:55 as well.

1:39:07 What's the opportunity?

1:39:08 I'll make you some chili.

1:39:15 I hate it when I know that I am 100% right

1:39:20 about something and it turns out that I am totally wrong.

1:39:22 Like when I was sure that there was this X-Man character named Bonehead

1:39:28 and I thought I was played by Dan Manuans and then I lost $100.

1:39:35 At least this I'm not losing any money.

1:39:38 Daryl's probably still going to get fired, but I don't know.

1:39:51 So, [snorts] am I in trouble?

1:39:53 Not if you can tell me what 500 pictures

1:39:55 of your own behind are doing on your computer.

1:39:59 Yeah.

1:39:59 Well, but you're going to think that I'm weird.

1:40:03 That is a danger.

1:40:04 I have always had an awesome butt.

1:40:07 The ladies, they love it.

1:40:09 So, I will do whatever it takes to keep it.

1:40:12 So, every day, I take a picture of my own butt to make

1:40:16 sure that it doesn't go the way of the rest of me.

1:40:21 It's crazy.

1:40:22 One day I just looked in the mirror at the rest of me and I was like,

1:40:27 "Well, how did this happen?

1:40:30 He shouldn't have to go through this.

1:40:32 Nobody should." Well, someone should picture this.

1:40:37 Kid goes to print out his very first report card.

1:40:40 Goes to show his parents report cards on fire.

1:40:43 Everyone's on fire.

1:40:44 Everyone dies.

1:40:46 And the report card, it was all A's.

1:40:49 You ever play shuffleboard, Michael?

1:40:52 You know what?

1:40:53 I keep trying, but Nana and her friends, it's such a click.

1:40:59 It's a very interesting sport because you you can't just get ahead, right?

1:41:04 You got to knock other people off, too, right?

1:41:06 You take other people down.

1:41:08 That's the game.

1:41:12 And to make an analogy, it's like business.

1:41:14 Shuffle board is like business because

1:41:16 in business you have to shuffle stuff around so you don't get bored.

1:41:24 Right.

1:41:26 I have come to the conclusion

1:41:27 the Saber Corporation may be overlooking certain things.

1:41:31 That's a singing salesman.

1:41:32 What is his name?

1:41:36 Toby.

1:41:35 No, that ain't Toby.

1:41:38 It's I cannot wait to can this guy.

1:41:44 Wait, wait, wait.

1:41:45 Okay.

1:41:47 If you fire Andy, I quit.

1:41:48 Oh, don't, Michael.

1:41:49 Don't make me take you up on that.

1:41:51 We've been through a lot.

1:41:53 The last time you visited today on the plane, that's got to count for something.

1:41:57 Michael, here's how it has to go down.

1:41:58 No, no, no, no.

1:41:59 Stop.

1:41:59 Stop.

1:42:00 Here's how it has to go down.

1:42:01 I'm the boss.

1:42:02 I'm not a secretary.

1:42:04 I'm not a receptionist.

1:42:05 I'm not in sales anymore.

1:42:06 I am not a warehouse guy.

1:42:08 I am the boss.

1:42:09 And I set the tone.

1:42:11 I do.

1:42:12 I'm the one who has to decide what is important and who is important.

1:42:16 And I think Andy is important.

1:42:18 You love this guy.

1:42:19 I'm keeping him.

1:42:22 And you need to stop blaming everybody else for the fact

1:42:26 that you went out and bought some cheap Chinese crap.

1:42:31 And you need to renegotiate some good Chinese crap.

1:42:37 Korean.

1:42:36 No, Chinese.

1:42:37 It's very different.

1:42:41 You need to fire the exploding printers.

1:42:49 Get in the car.

1:42:51 Are you going to fire him?

1:42:53 Shut up.

1:42:55 You're not.

1:42:56 You're not going to fire him.

1:42:58 Is the company admitting full liability?

1:43:00 No comment.

1:43:01 How can you not have a comment?

1:43:02 There are no comments at this juncture.

1:43:05 Doesn't answer any of our questions.

1:43:06 No comment.

1:43:07 How can you not have a comment?

1:43:09 No questions at this time.

1:43:11 Anything else?