What Have You Done? with Tia Kofi

0:00 So, you wish to follow in the footsteps of Donald Trump and Katie Hopkins.

0:03 [music]

0:09 [music]

0:18 Hello and welcome to What Have You Done

0:20 with me T and my step cousin/ step researcher Lucas.

0:23 Right.

0:24 My parents left me a long list of things I should have done.

0:27 So, we're asking mildly successful celebrities things

0:30 they wish they'd done on a pedalo.

0:32 What would be on their list if they had one?

0:34 Basically what I just said.

0:36 Today we are joined by not one but two hot beverages.

0:39 Hot chocolate or Horlicks?

0:42 Nuts.

0:42 Tea or coffee?

0:44 Uh tea, please.

0:47 The guest today is tea or coffee.

0:50 Oh, yeah.

0:51 Now I get it.

0:51 Okay.

0:52 Well, can I have coffee then?

0:57 [music] [music]

1:08 Had a cement before this.

1:11 [clears throat] Hello tea or coffee.

1:14 Welcome to the pedalo.

1:16 Thank you for having me.

1:17 That's okay.

1:19 What do you prefer, tea or coffee?

1:20 Oh, gin and tonic.

1:22 Thank you for asking.

1:23 have been called Gin and Tonic.

1:25 Yeah, Gin and Tonic was on the cards for a Gin and Tonic.

1:27 Yeah, you can have that.

1:29 Apparently if you take the name of your first pet Um yeah.

1:33 and then um whatever you're allergic to.

1:36 Um So, it'd be No.

1:37 No.

1:37 No.

1:38 No?

1:39 I don't want to do that.

1:40 Why?

1:41 What's the name of your first pet?

1:43 Gary.

1:45 What are you allergic to?

1:47 Uh glitter.

1:50 Mine would be Brian Eggs.

1:53 So, it says here um that you're going to stand for election for the Green Party.

1:57 Yeah.

1:58 Is it No, please.

2:02 Is that Is that the question?

2:03 Is Is it Oh, is it?

2:05 It isn't actually to answer that question.

2:08 Um unfortunately I can't due to uh work commitments.

2:12 Oh.

2:12 I really wanted to be a counselor,

2:13 but turns out I can't be a counselor and also present the Doctor Who fan show.

2:20 Yeah.

2:21 Love Daddy Zach.

2:22 Okay.

2:23 Yeah, what are you Is he running for the Green Party?

2:25 He's like in charge.

2:27 Yeah.

2:27 Yeah.

2:28 You won Drag Race, but came seventh.

2:31 What does that mean?

2:32 Yeah, that's very confusing.

2:34 So, like I lost and then they do

2:36 like a second version for for losers, basically.

2:42 What's your favorite type of race?

2:45 Maybe like an egg and spoon race even though I'm intolerant.

2:48 What's yours?

2:49 Vietnamese.

2:50 Uh that's more of a nationality.

2:54 Next question.

2:58 Would you like to now tell us some

3:00 the first thing that you wish you'd have done?

3:02 Oh, when I was younger I wanted to be Davina McCall.

3:09 Name five songs.

3:11 Yeah, name five songs of hers.

3:12 By Davina McCall.

3:13 Yeah, if you know her well, name five songs.

3:15 I don't think she'd have released a song.

3:18 She's got fitness DVDs, but So, why did you want to be Davina McCall?

3:23 Um I just think she's quite iconic.

3:26 She hosted Big Brother which is a really important thing in my formative years.

3:31 Famously, you hosted the show Long Lost Family.

3:34 Mm.

3:35 Can you tell me where where his mom is?

3:38 Yeah, I don't know where she is.

3:40 That's No, that's Davina.

3:42 That was But if you were in the bar and you saw Davina and um she goes,

3:48 "I might go." What would you say to her?

3:51 I I'm going to be so thrilled.

3:53 I was busy adjusting my body position cuz

3:55 I feel really uncomfortable sitting on this pedalo,

3:57 so I didn't really hear all of the question, but I agree.

4:00 Does that work?

4:01 Yeah.

4:02 Okay.

4:02 I definitely agree as well.

4:04 Right, thank you.

4:06 It's quite a hard plastic.

4:08 on your thing.

4:08 I did ask you to bring um padding just

4:11 cuz I think I've got an appendicitis in my ass.

4:17 It really hurts.

4:19 Um Thanks, Davina.

4:22 She's actually in the room with us, honestly.

4:25 is.

4:25 Yeah.

4:25 What else is there that you would wanted to do that you haven't done yet?

4:29 Love to write more.

4:30 I feel like that would be fun.

4:34 [music] Do you not know how to write?

4:35 Yeah, I learned to write when I was 12.

4:37 Mm.

4:38 I love that.

4:39 Do you think if you were a writer you'd ever be pigeonholed?

4:43 I mean maybe.

4:45 I wanted to write a a lovely book about queer icons and they went,

4:48 "Mm, that sounds complicated.

4:50 Why don't you just do like a gifting book

4:52 about wigs?" Why didn't they like your original idea?

4:55 Uh probably too many words or something.

4:58 I think they just wanted me to be like Fearless Hunter TV.

5:01 Yeah.

5:02 Do you think they want you to write a gay A to Z?

5:04 Yep.

5:04 Yeah.

5:05 Is that like A is for anal,

5:06 B is for bear Daddy sit on my face, C is for dumpster?

5:10 D is for Davina McCall.

5:12 E is for erupted.

5:14 Sure.

5:16 Erupted?

5:17 Yeah.

5:17 Uh E is G is for um G is for G is hold on.

5:23 Okay.

5:24 Um J is for Justine Littlewood, Tracy Beaker, queer icon.

5:31 Engelbert Humperdinck.

5:33 That's a good one.

5:34 Oh.

5:34 A B C D E F G H I J K L.

5:36 L is for Lululemon.

5:39 Oh.

5:40 O is for Oh my god.

5:43 Or old man inside of me and it hurts.

5:47 That's a bit much again from me.

5:50 That's the end of the alphabet.

5:56 Excuse me.

5:57 What's the next thing you wish you'd done?

5:59 Um I wish I'd gone to the gym.

6:04 Do they make you do exercises on the the RuPaul's Drag Race UK race?

6:08 No, there's no real racing.

6:09 It's mostly sort of standing, occasional walking in straight lines.

6:14 Mm.

6:14 Yeah.

6:14 What did you spend your um 50 hundred

6:17 thousand pounds um prize that Ru gave you on?

6:20 Honestly, spent it on my tax bill, to be honest.

6:24 But you have to pay to have the money.

6:28 Yeah.

6:30 Why?

6:32 Taxes.

6:35 taxes.

6:37 I agree.

6:39 Kind of.

6:41 Ever done a marathon?

6:42 Yeah.

6:43 Have you?

6:45 How was that?

6:45 Terrible.

6:46 How far did you run?

6:48 I did the whole thing.

6:49 Took me over eight hours.

6:50 I had two cigarettes and I was beaten

6:52 by the actress who plays Myra McQueen in Hollyoaks.

6:54 Um did you bring the cigarettes with you or did you collect them on the route?

6:57 Um I just had them with me.

6:58 I did it in a pair of slip-on Vans as well.

7:00 I wasn't really equipped to do the marathon if I'm honest with you,

7:02 but it was for charity.

7:03 Paula Radcliffe, of course, pooed herself.

7:05 Yeah.

7:05 Do you understand why she did that or are

7:07 you thinking she'll just she'll she'll just Well, yeah.

7:10 I think sort of just like you had enough time to go before.

7:15 It's not that.

7:16 Also, how important is it just go to the toilet, you know?

7:20 I think it's probably quite important to Like

7:22 I think it's her whole like job, right?

7:25 What else do you wish that you'd done?

7:28 Wish that I'd applied for The Apprentice.

7:33 What's your business idea for The Apprentice?

7:35 Good question.

7:36 I feel like I would probably go with like something creative arts related,

7:40 maybe like spaces for like performance, something like that.

7:45 Like a like a room.

7:47 Yeah, I know.

7:47 Yeah.

7:48 idea is rooms.

7:49 Big rooms.

7:50 Big rooms.

7:52 I feel like someone else has done that.

7:54 It has been done before.

7:55 Yeah, I imagine it has.

7:58 So, you wish to follow in the footsteps of Donald Trump and Katie Hopkins.

8:01 So, who would you rather um go for dinner with, Donald Trump or Katie Hopkins?

8:07 Um Probably Katie Hopkins if I had to.

8:18 Yeah.

8:19 Where have you had jobs?

8:21 Um I mean it wasn't a paid job, but I did volunteer at a charity shop.

8:25 That was the first.

8:26 Do they still make you pay tax if you work at the charity shop?

8:29 You can't pay there.

8:30 Do you get out of paying tax if you work at the charity shop?

8:33 I feel like I'm having a panic attack.

8:35 This is so [laughter] fun.

8:39 Um No, you don't.

8:40 You don't.

8:41 You don't.

8:41 I think I actually like it.

8:43 No, I'm not.

8:43 I'm fine.

8:44 This is fine.

8:44 Are you okay?

8:45 Yeah.

8:46 Sure you don't want water?

8:47 No, I'm not even sure the water's real.

8:48 I'm stressed.

8:49 So, we're hoping and planning to take pedalo global.

8:52 Like um Jay Leno and or Ellen DeGeneres and or um Amelia Dylan Dylan Dollenberg.

9:02 Oh.

9:04 This is very much that.

9:04 This could be the next Ellen show.

9:07 So, T, how have you found the pedalo experience today?

9:11 Um I would I would say it's been it's been unique.

9:15 Once in a lifetime.

9:17 So, that's come to the end of the pedalo.

9:20 Let's conclude this now.

9:26 Thanks, T.

9:29 Thank you for having me.

9:34 Well, I speak for herself when I say that she absolutely loved it.

9:37 Yeah, I mean you're more than welcome

9:39 to come back again and enjoy another experience.

9:42 And what's your favorite part of that?

9:43 Probably the part when we thought that her name sounded like tea or coffee.