New Rule: The Disclosure Moment | Real Time with Bill Maher (HBO)

0:00 And finally, New Rule,

0:02 given the increasing number in recent years of sightings by serious

0:06 military personnel of unknown aircraft operating outside our current abilities,

0:11 if at this point you don't believe aliens are here and observing us,

0:15 maybe you're the conspiracy theorist.

0:17 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -Now...

0:21 (CLEARS THROAT) -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) In the past, when it came to alien life,

0:27 I was like a liberal college girl whose roommate is a lesbian.

0:31 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Not sold on it, but open to the possibility.

0:36 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Well, look, my opinion changes when the information changes.

0:43 Yes, there was a time when the only actual contact we heard

0:46 from about aliens was rural people who'd been abducted and anally probed.

0:51 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) But you don't hear about that anymore.

0:56 Why?

0:56 My guess is the aliens gathered all the information they

1:00 needed about us that they could get through our ass.

1:04 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(LAUGHS) (SCOFFS) It's where I'd look.

1:11 But now they seem to be on to another phase.

1:13 They seem to want to be spotted.

1:15 Why else this constant playing peekaboo with our military?

1:19 And it's serious people now, not hippies or hillbillies,

1:23 serious people, people with Mike Pence's haircut.

1:26 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING,

1:28 APPLAUDING) -(LAURA COATES LAUGHS) Who are saying that they keep seeing

1:35 things move through air and ocean in ways that defy our physics.

1:41 Military pilots who say, "Yeah, I saw something doing Mach 10,

1:45 and then it stopped on a dime and disappeared." That's not a drone.

1:50 That's not something from another country.

1:52 Even Elon is like, "Not me." -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -(CHUCKLES) Now...

2:00 (CLEARS THROAT) The government's official public line is,

2:05 "We don't know what these things are," but in private,

2:07 what they say is, "No, seriously, we don't know what the fuck

2:10 these things are." (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -BILL MAHER: But...

2:14 (CHUCKLES) -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) But they didn't leak from a lab in China.

2:20 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -That's why in 2022, Congress had historic,

2:25 first-of-its-kind hearings on what the Defense Department

2:28 calls "unidentified aerial phenomena," formerly called UFOs,

2:32 but don't dead-name them.

2:34 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) And again,

2:36 it's not weirdos and beardos saying this, it's the guys

2:40 with buzz cuts and security clearances who are spilling the tea,

2:44 and politicians, who you don't think are crazy people,

2:48 like Chuck Schumer, Harry Reid, Marco Rubio, Kirsten Gillibrand.

2:54 They're not disputing it.

2:55 Jimmy Carter said he saw a UFO.

2:58 George W.

2:58 Bush said, "Yeah, there are secrets about aliens, and no,

3:02 I won't tell you." (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Barack Obama recently

3:07 made headlines when he said aliens, quote, "are real,

3:11 but I haven't seen them." Former Director of National Intelligence,

3:15 General James Clapper is on board,

3:17 and our current Director of National Intelligence has indicated

3:20 that she believes in the possibility of alien life.

3:24 Also that it illegally voted for Joe Biden in Georgia.

3:28 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) BILL: But...

3:36 If you don't believe me now,

3:38 you will in June when Steven Spielberg's movie called Disclosure Day comes out.

3:44 This on the heels of the documentary from last year called Age of Disclosure.

3:49 You get it?

3:51 "Disclosure." We're at the disclosure moment in human history.

3:55 So can we cut the crap?

3:56 They're here, they came in a sphere, get used to it.

3:59 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -So...

4:03 (CHUCKLES) -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING) So if I may,

4:08 I would now like to address the aliens directly...

4:11 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) ...in my capacity

4:15 as the most rational person on Earth, which...

4:18 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, CHEERING) ...I'm sure they know.

4:21 -(AUDIENCE APPLAUDING, CHEERING) -I'm...

4:25 I'm sure they know everything about me.

4:27 If they figured out intergalactic travel, I'm guessing they have cable.

4:31 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) BILL: And so...

4:36 as the representative of all humans...

4:39 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CLEARS THROAT) ...the first thing

4:43 I'd like to say to you is, hi.

4:46 Please don't kill us, even though you could.

4:48 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) Probably just by pushing a button,

4:57 and I'm guessing you think about it every time you see Jake Paul's podcast.

5:01 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) Look,

5:06 we've seen you go from zero to "what the fuck was that?" in half a second.

5:11 We get it, there's no sense trying to fight you.

5:14 Two years ago, one of our drones

5:16 launched a Hellfire missile at a high-speed orb,

5:19 and it hit it and just bounced off.

5:21 (AUDIENCE EXCLAIMING) First of all, I'd just like to offer an apology...

5:25 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) ...for that on behalf of all humans,

5:30 that was our bad, that was dumb.

5:33 And yes, we do have a lot of dumb people here,

5:35 assholes, hotheads, shitheads, manosphere morons,

5:40 meatheads, and that's just the conservatives.

5:42 Don't get me started on the woke.

5:43 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) So it certainly would be understandable

5:52 if you decided we were just too stupid to live.

5:55 It must be maddening studying us because we

5:58 are obviously capable of advancements that aren't completely embarrassing,

6:03 like gene editing and cloud computing, but we're also idiots.

6:07 We're the species that created the internet,

6:10 but also the one that once broke it with this chick's ass.

6:13 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) So...

6:20 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) -(CHUCKLES) So I don't know what we can offer you.

6:30 The stuff that we think makes living here great,

6:33 I'm guessing you're way beyond sex and good food -and getting fucked up.

6:38 I...

6:38 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING) I doubt if you care about that stuff.

6:42 Minerals, we got them.

6:44 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) I don't know if that still interests you,

6:47 you may be beyond them or maybe ours are obsolete,

6:50 although have you heard about clean coal?

6:52 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING, APPLAUDING) -BILL: Okay.

6:57 I kid.

6:59 But yeah, I don't know what we have here for you.

7:02 Climate, we think ours is pretty uniquely pleasant in the universe,

7:05 but who knows what you have.

7:07 But just so you know, ours has trillions of viruses in it,

7:11 and that's what killed the aliens in War of the Worlds.

7:14 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Just pointing that out as a friend.

7:19 (AUDIENCE LAUGHING) Because I'd like to think we are friends.

7:23 After all, if you wanted us dead, we'd be dead already.

7:27 Truth is, you may be here to save us, not kill us.

7:31 In 1967, an Air Force captain and nuclear

7:35 crew commander who were there revealed an incident when

7:39 something unidentifiable hovered over Malmstrom Air Base in Montana

7:43 and then miraculously ten nuclear weapons suddenly became disabled.

7:48 Was something about to go terribly wrong and you stepped in?

7:52 Whatever it is, please do more shit like that.

7:54 (AUDIENCE CHEERING, APPLAUDING) Please,

8:02 feel free to beat our swords into plowshares

8:06 because plainly we're not going to do it.

8:08 Get us off oil.

8:10 Get us off our phones.

8:12 And AI?

8:12 The father of AI said there was a ten

8:15 to 20 percent chance of it being an extinction event,

8:19 and yet we keep hurtling forward with it,

8:22 as we do with global warming and the factory farming that causes pandemics.

8:27 Look, it would be great if

8:29 we could stop ourselves from self-destructive behavior,

8:31 but the truth is you should think of the human race as Britney Spears.

8:37 (AUDIENCE APPLAUDING,

8:39 LAUGHING) It would be nice if we didn't need a conservatorship,

8:44 -but in reality we really do.

8:46 -(AUDIENCE LAUGHING)♪ ("REAL TIME WITH BILL

8:48 MAHER" THEME MUSIC PLAYING)♪♪ (MUSIC CONCLUDES)♪