The Ones That Make You Cringe: Part 3 | Friends
Friends
0:01 Hey, wouldn't it be cool if our duck and our chick had a little baby?
0:04 We could call it chuck.
0:09 [laughter]
0:08 Or dick.
0:12 Hey.
0:12 Hey.
0:12 Hey.
0:13 Listen, I I need a favor.
0:15 Um I was in the shower and as I was cleansing myself,
0:21 I I I well, I felt something.
0:23 Was it like a sneeze only better?
0:27 No.
0:28 No, I mean I mean like a thing on my body.
0:31 Well, what was it?
0:32 Well, I I don't know.
0:33 It's It's kind of in a place that's not It's not visually accessible
0:38 to me and I was hoping maybe you guys could could help me out.
0:44 Why?
0:45 COME ON, YOU GUYS.
0:46 IT'S NO BIG DEAL.
0:46 JUST [laughter] HUH.
0:51 WELL, WHAT IS IT?
0:52 IS it a mole?
0:56 [laughter] No, it's too wrinkly to be a mole.
0:59 Ew, is it what?
0:59 A pimple?
1:04 [laughter]
1:04 No, it's fancier than a pimple.
1:08 Look, Ross, why don't you just go SEE A DOCTOR?
1:12 [laughter]
1:16 OKAY, WELL, IT'S DEFINITE.
1:17 TWO MORE WEEKS OF WINTER.
1:20 YEAH.
1:20 RIGHT.
1:22 [music]
1:21 I have a weird feeling about this place.
1:23 I mean, how do I know they're not going
1:24 to secretly videotape me and put it all over the internet?
1:30 [laughter] Because, honey, and I I mean this in the sweetest way possible,
1:34 nobody's going to want TO WATCH THAT.
1:38 [laughter] MR.
1:38 BING, here you are.
1:40 You'll go into that room and deposit your specimen into the container.
1:43 Deposit my specimen?
1:45 You know, I usually have to call a 900 number for that kind of talk.
1:49 [laughter]
1:53 Thanks.
1:53 Got it.
1:55 All right, honey, my tests are down the hall.
1:58 Are you sure you're going to be okay?
2:00 Yeah, I guess.
2:01 Look, I know this is embarrassing, but nobody cares.
2:04 No one here even knows you.
2:08 OH MY GOD!
2:14 [cheering] OH, COME ON.
2:22 [screaming]
2:25 HOW GREAT IS THIS?
2:28 YEAH, we're probably fertile.
2:29 LET'S GO HOME.
2:31 [laughter]
2:33 WHY ARE YOU HERE?
2:35 WELL, Sid and I are trying again,
2:36 and we had trouble last time because apparently we
2:38 I mean why?
2:40 Why is she here?
2:42 Oh, someone's a little cranky today cuz they have to do it in a cup.
2:47 Oh, they gave you the KIDDIE SIZE.
2:54 WHAT?
2:58 THIS WAS FUN, BUT I'VE GOT AN INVASIVE vaginal exam TO GET TO.
3:04 [laughter] I'D LOVE to stay, but I've uh got a hot date.
3:07 Please, go.
3:08 Just let me know if you need a hand.
3:14 [music]
3:16 Uh-huh.
3:15 Nowhere to run.
3:20 I don't like sitting up here.
3:22 I'm I'm going to go OVER THERE.
3:23 NO, RACHEL, THEY GOT HERE FIRST.
3:26 [laughter]
3:34 WHY IS ROSS DOING THAT?
3:37 DANGER!
3:36 OH MY GOD!
3:38 WHY IS HE jumping on those women?
3:43 [cheering] We should help them.
3:45 I I don't think they NEED ANY HELP.
3:48 [screaming]
3:57 SOMEONE IN THERE?
4:00 NO.
4:00 THIS IS JUST part of a daredevil game that I play
4:02 called wait until the last moment before I burst and die.
4:06 Geez, man.
4:07 Did you fall high?
4:10 [laughter] So, uh did you did did did you fall high?
4:14 Someone was in the ladies' room I couldn't wait.
4:16 I left the lid up for you though.
4:21 You know what uh go go ahead go go ahead I'm I'm
4:23 talking to uh This is the part where you'd say your name.
4:31 Ginger.
4:30 Ginger.
4:30 I'm talking to Ginger so
4:36 Don't you have to use the bathroom?
4:40 Nope.
4:39 Nope.
4:40 I just I'd rather talk to you and Yes, I do.
4:46 [laughter] Yes, I do have to go to the bathroom.
4:49 Someone in here.
4:55 Hi.
4:55 Hey.
4:57 Hey.
4:56 So, what's the final head count on my baby shower?
4:59 About 20.
5:00 Couple people from work had something else to do.
5:02 Also, both of your sisters called and neither can make it.
5:05 What?
5:05 You mean they're not coming to a social event where there's no men and no booze?
5:09 That's shocking.
5:12 [laughter]
5:12 Well, I don't care.
5:12 As long as my mom's here.
5:14 Oh my god, your mother.
5:16 What?
5:17 My mom's not going to be here?
5:18 Well, given that we forgot to invite her it
5:20 would be an awfully big coincidence if she was.
5:24 [laughter] My god.
5:25 Well, it it wasn't my fault.
5:26 Phoebe was in charge of the invitations.
5:28 Well, I don't I don't have a mother so often I forget that other people have
5:34 So, my mother is not coming to my baby shower?
5:39 No.
5:39 Neither is mine.
5:42 You know what?
5:43 Don't worry.
5:44 Okay, we'll take care of it.
5:45 We'll call her.
5:45 You just go home and get ready.
5:47 Please, make sure she comes.
5:48 It's really important to me.
5:49 I mean, that's my mom.
5:50 I know.
5:51 I know.
5:51 What's her number?
5:52 I don't know.
5:54 Go.
5:54 I have my book.
5:55 Go.
6:03 Wait a minute.
6:04 If you're in charge of the invitations, why am I the one who has to call her?
6:06 Hello, Mrs.
6:07 Green.
6:08 Hi.
6:09 It's Monica Geller.
6:10 Oh, hello, Monica.
6:11 Hi.
6:11 Um I know this is last minute,
6:13 but we we've decided to throw an impromptu uh baby shower for Rachel today.
6:18 I know.
6:19 My daughters told me about it when
6:20 they received their impromptu invitations a month ago.
6:25 Okay, I'm sorry.
6:25 I'm I'm so sorry.
6:27 For what, dear?
6:28 For not inviting me or for lying about it?
6:32 Oh my god, my ass is sweating.
6:36 Please, please.
6:38 Can you come?
6:39 It's It's today at 4:00.
6:41 Well, all right.
6:42 I'll see you at 4:00.
6:43 Thank you.
6:46 Isn't it at 3:00?
6:47 Son of a Hey, Joey, how'd the audition go?
6:52 Incredible.
6:52 I met the director this time, and you will never believe who it was.
6:57 Ooh.
6:56 All right, I'll give you one hint.
6:59 Warren Beatty.
7:02 Wow.
7:02 Yeah, there's just one thing that might be kind of a problem.
7:05 See, I uh I had to kiss this guy because he was just so darn cute.
7:11 No, as part of the audition.
7:13 See, I'm up for the part of this guy who the main guy kisses.
7:16 Well, hey.
7:17 You're an actor.
7:17 I say you you just suck it up and you do it.
7:24 Or you just do it.
7:27 I did do it.
7:27 I'm a professional.
7:29 Then what's the problem?
7:30 See, after the scene, Mr.
7:31 Beatty comes up to me and he says, "Good actor.
7:34 Bad kisser." Can you believe that?
7:37 Me, not a good kisser.
7:39 That's like like Mother Teresa, not a good mother.
7:45 Yeah, come on.
7:45 Who cares what that guy thinks?
7:47 You know, what does Warren Beatty know about kissing?
7:52 Um
7:57 [music]
7:57 Hey, what'd your agent say?
7:59 Yep.
7:59 This kiss thing is definitely a problem.
8:01 Mr.
8:01 Beatty wants to see it again on Monday.
8:04 Man, I got to figure out what I'm doing wrong.
8:06 Oh, okay.
8:08 Uh one of you girls come over here and kiss me.
8:10 I got it.
8:11 Yeah, all right.
8:12 Hey, come on.
8:13 I need your help here.
8:14 All right, I'll do it.
8:15 I've kissed him before.
8:16 I can do it again.
8:18 See this?
8:19 Huh?
8:19 This is a friend.
8:21 Uh-huh, let's go.
8:22 Wait, I'm done.
8:26 Oh.
8:27 Okay.
8:35 Good.
8:36 Very good.
8:36 Firm, but tender.
8:38 I'd recommend you to a friend.
8:42 Then I don't know what it is.
8:42 What's the problem?
8:44 Jared, you know, maybe you're just not used to kissing men.
8:46 You know, maybe you just tensed up a little bit.
8:48 Maybe that's what you need to work on.
8:51 Yeah, that makes sense.
8:55 [laughter] Over my dead body.
9:01 [laughter]
9:03 And I'll be using his dead body as a shield.
9:07 All right.
9:08 I've been feeling incredibly guilty about this because
9:11 I want to be a good friend.
9:12 And Damon, I am a good friend.
9:13 So, just just shut up and close your eyes.
9:22 You are a good friend.
9:24 Of course, the audition was this morning and I didn't get it.
9:29 But that was a hell of a kiss.
9:31 Rachel is a very lucky girl.
9:33 I really owe you an apology.
9:35 For what?
9:36 Well, when we first met, you know,
9:38 I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious.
9:41 Is your first apology?
9:44 [laughter]
9:44 No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything.
9:48 And I I I think you're a really good guy, and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.
9:54 Morning.
9:56 Oh.
9:55 Do you know what?
9:56 Hey, new day, new leaf.
9:59 I am just really really happy.
10:04 [laughter]
10:04 I'm sorry.
10:04 Obviously, Heather's ass has something more important to say,
10:07 so I'll just wait till it's finished.
10:10 [laughter]
10:11 What?
10:11 I was giving you an apology, and you were totally checking her out.
10:14 I wasn't checking her out.
10:15 I'm in fashion.
10:16 I was looking at her skirt.
10:18 Oh.
10:19 [laughter]
10:18 Or was it pants?
10:20 I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.
10:24 [laughter] Oh, well, you are really you're really a creep.
10:27 Why do you even care if I was looking at her?
10:29 Are you jealous?
10:30 Oh, yeah.
10:31 I'm jealous.
10:32 Oh, Gavin, please please look at my ass.
10:37 Stop looking at my ass.
10:40 I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate, okay?
10:43 This is a work environment.
10:44 She's your subordinate.
10:46 But it was okay when you slept with your old assistant, Tag?
10:50 That is totally different for two reasons.
10:53 One, I didn't know that you knew that.
10:58 And two, I wasn't some creep staring at his ass.
11:02 We had a We had a deep meaningful relationship.
11:08 Huh.
11:08 What was Tag's last name?
11:10 It was [laughter] Oh my god.
11:16 He did He did He did He didn't have a last name.
11:18 It I'd like to toast Ross and Emily.
11:22 Of course, my big toast will be tomorrow at the wedding,
11:24 so this is kind of my little toast, or or Melba toast, if you will.
11:29 [laughter]
11:32 Okay.
11:33 [clears throat] I've known Ross for a long time.
11:34 In fact, I knew him when he was uh going out with his first girlfriend and I
11:38 thought things were really going to work out
11:39 for him until the day he over inflated her.
11:43 [laughter] Oh dear god.
11:49 I'm sure we're all very excited uh that Ross
11:52 and Emily are getting married at Montgomery Hall.
11:54 I mean, to think, my friend getting married in Monty Hall.
11:58 [laughter] Oh, come on.
11:58 Monty Hall, LET'S MAKE A DEAL.
12:00 COME ON, YOU PEOPLE.
12:03 ALL RIGHT, FORGET IT.
12:04 CONGRATULATIONS, ROSS AND EMILY.
12:08 [laughter] [applause]
12:12 HEY.
12:11 BEST MAN NUMBER TWO, JOEY TRIBBIANI.
12:14 NOW, I'm not good with the jokes like Chandler here, but
12:18 Why are we here?
12:19 Okay, okay, take a guess.
12:22 The hot chicks?
12:24 Okay, okay, I was uh typing names into the library computer earlier,
12:28 you know, you know, for fun.
12:31 [snorts] And I typed mine in and uh guess what came up?
12:33 My doctoral dissertation.
12:35 It's here.
12:36 Yeah, right, it's right down here in the biggest library in the university.
12:40 Oh, that's actually pretty cool.
12:41 Yeah.
12:42 Oh, um there's also a book here by a woman named Wendy Ballgina.
12:48 [laughter] What is that?
12:53 Sounds like two people are really enjoying the Dewey Decimal System.
12:58 [laughter] I'm so sorry.
13:04 You didn't bring me here to do that, did you?
13:09 Excuse me.
13:09 Hi, I'm a professor here.
13:12 Do you know the paleontology section, fifth floor, stack 437?
13:17 Well, yes.
13:18 It just give me 5 minutes.
13:20 I just have to find someone to cover my shift.
13:25 No, no, no.
13:29 Can speak to someone in charge, please?
13:35 [laughter]
13:35 How can I help you?
13:36 Hi, I was wondering,
13:37 is it possible to increase security in the paleontology section?
13:41 See, I I wrote a book that's up there and instead of reading it,
13:44 people are are Well, they're rolling around in front of it.
13:50 We are aware of the problem you're referring to.
13:58 But as far as increasing security, I'm afraid the library is very understaffed.
14:02 I I can't help you.
14:05 Well, fine.
14:06 Fine.
14:07 If if I'm the only person with any
14:09 appreciation of the sanctity of the written word,
14:11 then I'll go up there and defend it myself.
14:14 And don't you follow me.
14:22 Yes?
14:22 Yes?
14:23 How can I help you?
14:25 We were We were just looking around.
14:26 Oh, oh, you're you're fellow scholars.
14:29 What exactly were you looking for, hm?
14:32 Perhaps Perhaps Dr.
14:34 Chester Stock's musings on the Smilodon Californicus?
14:40 [laughter]
14:42 Ah Get out of here.
14:44 [laughter]
14:52 Are you meeting someone?
14:54 Or are you just here to brush up on Merriam's views on evolution?
15:01 Um actually, I find Merriam's views far too progressionist.
15:10 I find Merriam's views far too progressionist.
15:13 I'm sorry.
15:15 Who are you?
15:16 I'm a professor here, Ross Geller.
15:19 Ross Geller?
15:20 Why do I know that name?
15:21 It's a Wait.
15:28 Did you write this?
15:32 Yes.
15:35 [laughter]
15:35 You're the person who checked out my book.
15:40 You know You look nothing like I would have thought.
15:44 You're You're so young.
15:48 [laughter]
15:48 Well, I uh I skipped fourth grade.
15:54 [laughter] [cheering]
15:59 I am very very sorry.
16:05 [laughter]
16:06 Oh.
16:06 Oh.
16:07 Ma'am, excuse me, ma'am.
16:10 Yes.
16:09 You can't put your cigarette out on a tree.
16:12 Yeah, I can.
16:12 It worked for a while.
16:14 No, but you shouldn't.
16:16 So, don't ever do that again.
16:18 I won't.
16:19 Till I have my next cigarette.
16:21 Hold it.
16:22 NYPD, freeze, punk.
16:27 What?
16:26 That's right.
16:27 You are so busted.
16:30 Uh book him.
16:33 Who are you talking to?
16:34 Save it, Red.
16:36 Unless you want to spend the night in the slammer, you apologize to the tree.
16:41 I am not going to apologize to a tree.
16:44 You apologize to the tree right now, or I am calling FOR BACKUP.
16:50 [laughter] BACKUP!
16:50 BACKUP!
16:52 I'M I'M SORRY.
16:52 SORRY.
16:53 OKAY, CANCEL BACKUP.
16:54 CANCEL BACKUP.
16:58 OH, I MISS you already.
17:01 Can you believe this happened?
17:04 No.
17:04 No.
17:06 And yet it did.
17:09 [laughter] Goodbye, Janice.
17:10 Kiss me.
17:14 Oh, Chandler, sorry.
17:17 Oh, Chandler, sorry.
17:21 Hey, Janice.
17:22 I'm Monica.
17:24 Okay, well, THIS WAS VERY SPECIAL.
17:28 RACHEL, GO AND SAY HELLO TO HER OUT HERE.
17:31 WHAT'S GOING ON?
17:32 OH MY GOD.
17:34 JANICE.
17:37 HI.
17:37 Janice is going to go away now.
17:40 [laughter] I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
17:43 OH.
17:44 JOEY, look who it is.
17:49 WOAH.
17:51 [laughter]
17:51 OH, GOOD.
17:51 JOEY'S HOME NOW.
17:53 This is so much fun.
17:55 This is like a reunion IN THE HALL.
18:00 [laughter] OH, HI ROSS.
18:01 YEAH, THERE'S SOMEONE I want you to SAY HI TO.
18:06 [laughter] WE JUST HAD THEM ALL.
18:07 HELLO, ROSS.
18:08 YES, that's right.
18:09 It's me.
18:10 How did you know?
18:12 Okay, now Joey, you know that since you
18:13 were turning all of this stuff after the audition,
18:15 you're going to have to wear underwear?
18:18 All right, well, you better show me some of that too, then.
18:23 [laughter]
18:23 Okay, it's missing something.
18:25 Oh, I know.
18:26 Um, okay.
18:33 [laughter]
18:33 Really?
18:33 A purse?
18:34 It's not a purse.
18:36 It's a shoulder bag.
18:38 Looks like a woman's purse.
18:40 No.
18:40 Joey, look.
18:41 Trust me.
18:41 I'm telling all the men are carrying them in the spring catalog.
18:44 Look.
18:45 See, look.
18:45 Men.
18:47 Carrying the bag.
18:49 See, look.
18:49 Women carrying the bag.
18:59 But, it is odd how a woman's purse looks so good on me, a man.
19:06 Exactly.
19:06 Unisex.
19:07 Maybe you need sex.
19:08 I had sex a couple days ago.
19:12 Oh, no, Joey.
19:14 You and I sexy.
19:18 Wow.
19:17 I ain't going to say no to that.
19:21 [laughter] [cheering] Hey.
19:27 Hey.
19:30 [laughter] Wow, you look just like your son, Mrs.
19:35 Tribbiani.
19:38 What?
19:39 Are you referring to my man's bag?
19:42 At first I thought it just looked good, but it's practical, too.
19:45 Check it out.
19:46 It's got compartments for all your stuff.
19:48 Your wallet, your keys, your address book, your makeup.
19:54 [laughter] Joey, what are you doing with the bag?
19:55 Your audition's not till tomorrow.
19:56 Yeah, but sandwich time is right now.
20:00 Joey, you know you get any mustard on that bag, you can't return it.
20:03 Why would I return this?
20:04 I love this bag.
20:06 All right, well then you owe me $350.
20:11 Fine.
20:09 Do you take Vasa or Moostercard?
20:14 [laughter]
20:15 Joey.
20:15 All right, relax.
20:16 Look, I'll pay you with the money from the acting
20:17 job I am definitely going to get, thanks to you.
20:20 What's the part, Auntie Mame?
20:23 Okay, don't listen to them.
20:24 I think it's sexy.
20:26 You and I sexy?
20:34 Hey, I'm off to my audition.
20:36 How do I look?
20:39 Uh.
20:39 I think you look great.
20:40 Joey, that bag is going to get you that part.
20:42 And a date with a man.
20:45 You know what?
20:46 Make fun all you want.
20:47 This is a great bag, okay?
20:50 And it's as handy as it is becoming.
20:53 Now, just because you don't understand something doesn't make it wrong.
20:57 [laughter] All right, so from now on you guys are going to have
20:59 to get used to the fact that Joey comes with a bag.
21:04 Ready, [cheering] Joey?
21:07 [clears throat] Well, you must be new here.
21:09 If we get a table, I'll buy you a drink.
21:11 I'm sorry, could you could you try it without the purse?
21:16 Yeah, sure.
21:19 [snorts] [clears throat]
21:21 Well, you must be new here.
21:23 Maybe we sit
21:25 I'm sorry, can I ask you something?
21:27 Sure.
21:27 What?
21:28 Well, first, it's not a purse.
21:32 Okay.
21:32 [laughter] Anytime.
21:34 I mean, if if you're thinking it's a woman's bag, it's not.
21:37 It's a man's bag.
21:40 Okay.
21:41 And go.
21:44 I let me show you the catalog.
21:47 See?
21:49 Huh?
21:49 It's the latest thing.
21:50 Everyone's got one.
21:51 Men, women, children, everyone's carrying them.
21:54 Um do you sell these bags?
21:58 [laughter]
21:57 Oh, no, no, no, no, no.
21:58 These babies sell themselves.
22:02 Okay.
22:02 Thank [clears throat] you.
22:03 That was great.
22:04 You haven't even read anything.
22:06 I think we've seen enough.
22:10 Okay.
22:10 All right.
22:10 That's it.
22:12 We got [snorts] it.
22:12 We got it.
22:14 Hey, did Rachel find you?
22:16 No, why?
22:18 Oh, she was looking for you.
22:20 Oh, well, I guess I'll catch up with her later.
22:24 Well, she really wanted to talk to you now.
22:26 Yeah, it uh seemed pretty important.
22:31 [laughter] Oh, no.
22:36 What?
22:35 I think I might know what this is about.
22:41 Really?
22:41 Yeah, uh uh we promised we weren't going to tell anybody
22:45 this, but uh about a month ago uh Rachel and I slept together.
22:54 And?
22:55 [laughter]
22:58 Well, I thought you'd be a little more shocked.
23:00 Uh Oh, I'm sorry.
23:02 And?
23:08 Well, we we said we'd just do it that one time,
23:11 but but now I I think she may want to start things up again.
23:16 Yeah, I don't think that's what it is.
23:25 [whistles] Oh, Rachel, we're running low on resumes over here.
23:34 Do you really want a job with Popular Mechanics?
23:36 Well, if you're going to work for mechanics, those are the ones to work for.
23:41 [laughter]
23:41 Hey, look you guys, I'm going for anything here, okay?
23:43 I cannot be a waitress anymore.
23:45 I mean it.
23:46 I'm sick of the lousy tips, sick of being called "Excuse me."
23:52 [laughter]
23:51 Rachel, did you proofread these?
23:54 Uh yeah, why?
23:56 Uh nothing.
23:57 I'm sure they'll be impressed with your excellent computer skills.
24:02 Oh my god!
24:04 Oh, do you think it's on ALL OF THEM?
24:07 [screaming] OH, NO, I'M SURE THE XEROX machine cut a few.
24:15 So, Joey, um you look familiar.
24:16 Are Are you on TV or something?
24:19 Well, Joey doesn't like to talk about it,
24:21 but he's one of the stars of Days of Our Lives.
24:26 [laughter] That's right.
24:27 That's right.
24:27 Don't you play a woman?
24:33 A woman in a man's body.
24:36 Much better.
24:40 [laughter]
24:39 So, you know, Ross, it's funny cuz you look familiar to me, too.
24:43 Have you ever been married?
24:45 [laughter]
24:47 Why, yes, yes, I have.
24:48 In fact, um just the other day Chris and I were
24:51 talking about how I've been married and how I have a son.
24:55 Yeah, little Eric.
24:56 That's right.
24:58 Wait, no, Ben.
25:02 [laughter]
25:02 So, you've just been married the one time, then?
25:06 [laughter]
25:08 Well, um
25:09 You've been married twice?
25:13 Yes.
25:13 And another time after that.
25:18 [laughter]
25:20 Boy, I'm getting hungry.
25:23 Uh hey, Joey.
25:25 Have you ever been so hungry on a date that when the girl goes to the bathroom,
25:28 you ate some of her food?
25:32 [laughter]
25:34 You said the waiter ate my crab cake.
25:39 [laughter]
25:39 Yeah.
25:39 So, uh Ross, what that Now, why did that first marriage break up?
25:43 Hm?
25:44 Was it because the woman was straight or because she was a lesbian?
25:51 Do you two know each other?
25:53 No.
25:54 It just seems like we're on Ross is the kind of guy who would marry a woman
25:57 on the verge of being a lesbian and then push her over the edge.
26:03 That's the ninth millionth ring store we've been
26:04 to and I can't find the perfect ring.
26:07 Ugly ring, ugly ring, ugly ring.
26:13 [laughter] It's a beautiful selection.
26:17 Okay, so maybe you don't get her a ring.
26:19 Maybe you Maybe you do something different, you know,
26:21 maybe you get her an engagement bracelet, you know, or an engagement tiara.
26:26 Oh, [laughter] an engagement revolutionary war musket.
26:31 You know, I'm so glad I picked you to help me with this.
26:35 Can't you just imagine getting down on one
26:36 knee and handing her this gorgeous piece of weaponry?
26:41 Yeah, I'm going to stick with the ring.
26:44 [laughter]
26:44 You You've been quiet all morning.
26:46 Is everything okay?
26:49 Mhm.
26:50 Oops.
26:50 You sure you're right?
26:53 Yep.
26:55 Okay.
26:55 Um well, I'm going to go grab us some breakfast.
26:58 F Y I
26:59 There it is.
27:02 In the future, when a girl asks for some ill-advised sympathy sex, just do it.
27:11 [laughter] Wait, wait.
27:10 You're uh you're mad at me about last night?
27:14 I was just trying to do the right thing.
27:16 Really?
27:17 Well, it seems to me if you had done the right thing,
27:19 I would not have woken up today feeling stupid and embarrassed.
27:22 I would have woken up feeling comforted and satisfied.
27:27 [laughter]
27:29 Well
27:28 Oh, stop that.
27:31 I can't believe this.
27:32 What do you I I was just being a good guy.
27:34 I treated you with with respect and understanding.
27:36 Oh, that is so hot.
27:39 Hey, [laughter] I was looking out for you.
27:41 Oh, really?
27:42 Well, Ross, you know what?
27:42 I am a big girl.
27:44 I don't need someone telling me what is best for me.
27:47 I got to say, I've not had sex a lot of times before.
27:50 This is the worst ever.
27:53 Oh, really?
27:53 Really?
27:54 Well, it wasn't very good for me either.
27:56 Oh, okay.
27:56 You know Hey, hey, you know what?
27:58 You know what?
27:58 To avoid this little thing in the future,
28:00 let's just say you and me never having sex again.
28:05 What?
28:04 That's right.
28:04 Sex is off the table.
28:06 I am never having sex with you again.
28:12 [laughter] Dr.
28:16 Green, are you feeling better?
28:17 Ross, listen.
28:18 Now, you want anything to drink cuz I'm heading up there.
28:20 Uh yeah, I'll take a coffee.
28:22 Thanks, man.
28:23 Sure.
28:23 Coffee?
28:25 No.
28:25 Coffee cuz I'm going up there.
28:26 Uh no, thank you.
28:29 [laughter]
28:29 You guys need anything cuz I'm heading up there.
28:32 I'd love ice water.
28:33 You got it.
28:37 [laughter]
28:36 Joey, what are you doing?
28:38 Just being friendly.
28:42 [laughter] Joey, I don't think you're supposed to go back there.
28:44 No, no, it's okay, right, Gunther?
28:48 Don't wink at me.
28:51 Put on your apron.
28:53 [laughter] Okay.
28:56 I'll see you asking any other paying customers to put on aprons.
29:01 [laughter]
29:01 Joey, do you work here?
29:03 No.
29:05 Waiter.
29:05 Yeah.
29:12 Joey, what's going on?
29:13 Why didn't you tell us you work here?
29:15 I uh It's kind of embarrassing, you know?
29:20 I mean, I was an actor, now I'm a waiter.
29:23 Supposed to go in the other direction.
29:26 Show us your apron.
29:26 You're wearing it like a cape.
29:30 [laughter]
29:30 I mean, the job's easy and the money's good, you know?
29:32 And I guess I'm going to be hanging out here anyway,
29:35 I might as well get paid for it, right?
29:37 Just feel kind of weird serving you guys, you know?
29:41 Joey, come on.
29:43 I didn't It was fine.
29:45 Why would it be weird?
29:46 Hey, Joey, uh can I get some coffee?
29:51 Okay, I guess it doesn't seem that weird.
29:53 Seriously, I I asked you before, you still haven't gotten it.
29:57 And now it's weird again.
30:00 I think it's great that you work here.
30:02 You're going to make a lot of money and here is your first tip.
30:05 Don't eat yellow snow.
30:08 [laughter]
30:10 2:15 coffee house.
30:17 Hi.
30:17 Uh I'm I'm Ross.
30:18 I don't I don't believe we met.
30:19 I'm Monica's older brother.
30:21 Oh, hi.
30:22 I'm I'm Mona from her restaurant.
30:26 Oh.
30:25 Hello, uh Mona from her restaurant.
30:29 [snorts] [laughter] Mona, what a what a what a beautiful name.
30:36 You think so?
30:37 I always kind of hated it.
30:38 Oh, come on.
30:39 Mona Lisa?
30:41 Uh-huh.
30:40 Huh?
30:41 Mona um Quack quackin.
30:46 the famous botanist.
30:48 Huh?
30:49 Oh, no, she's, uh, well, she's dead now, but No,
30:53 [laughter] supposedly, she was once quite the hottie of the plant world.
30:59 Really?
31:00 Huh.
30:59 Well, see, I never knew about her.
31:01 Linda Klecklaken.
31:04 [laughter] So, what, uh, what what table are you at?
31:11 Oh, me, too.
31:15 Good.
31:15 Now, there'll be someone there who likes my name.
31:17 Yes, there will.
31:25 Oh, guess what, Molly Gilbert?
31:27 You've just been bumped up to table one.
31:31 And if it's all right with you,
31:32 I'm going to take your place at table six, Martin Klecklaken.
31:42 Thank you.
31:43 Thank you very much.
31:43 Now, if everyone would please take your seats, dinner [applause] will be served.
31:56 [laughter]
31:58 Hey.
31:58 Uh, I thought I thought you were at table six.
32:02 Uh, no, nine.
32:06 Oh, see, before you, uh, when you showed it to me,
32:09 you you held it that way, which, uh, which was misleading.
32:17 [laughter] Well, I [laughter] Hello.
32:31 It was the chair again, okay?
32:34 I'm not doing it.
32:36 It was Look, I don't You know what?
32:38 Hey, Joey.
32:39 What's up?
32:40 Bad news.
32:41 I watched the tape and passed along to my bosses and they weren't interested.
32:47 Oh.
32:47 Sorry, man.
32:51 But uh you watched the tape?
32:53 Yeah, I I I I liked it.
32:56 But uh my bosses didn't go for it.
32:59 STUPID SONS OF [laughter]
33:06 YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE TAPE.
33:09 WHAT?
33:09 OF course I did.
33:10 Look, it's one thing not to cast me, but to lie to me?
33:14 I'm not lying to you.
33:15 I watched it.
33:16 Well, you lied again.
33:17 I watched it.
33:18 Keep going, PINOCCHIO.
33:22 I DID.
33:22 NO, YOU DIDN'T.
33:24 I'M TELLING YOU I WATCHED THE TAPE.
33:28 DID YOU WATCH THE TAPE?
33:30 NO.
33:35 [music]
33:35 Can't believe Joey.
33:36 I hate being called a liar.
33:38 But you are a liar.
33:41 What did I JUST SAY?
33:44 [laughter]
33:45 YOU STILL HERE?
33:46 YES, AND I HAVE to say I am not just hurt, I am insulted.
33:49 When I tell somebody I did something
33:51 Okay, hold on.
33:51 Let me just stop you right there, okay?
33:52 First, you lied, right?
33:55 Then, you lied about lying, okay?
33:58 Then, you lied about lying about lying, okay?
34:01 So, before you lie about lying about lying about lying about lying.
34:09 [laughter]
34:08 I don't know.
34:08 JUST STOP LYING.
34:10 WHY ARE YOU SO SURE I DIDN'T WATCH this tape?
34:13 You want to know why?
34:13 You want to know why?
34:15 Oh, this is going well.
34:19 Here's how I know you didn't watch the tape, okay?
34:21 If you had seen what was on this tape, believe me, you would have some comments.
34:26 All right.
34:26 Now, remember, I got paid a lot of money for this and it only aired in Japan.
34:32 Ichiban.
34:36 [music] Ichiban, lipstick for men.
34:45 [music]
34:51 Ichiban, lipstick for [music] men.
34:53 Saiko.
34:55 [laughter]
34:57 And that's how I KNOW YOU DIDN'T WATCH THE TAPE.
35:03 [laughter]
35:02 He really is a chameleon.
35:04 I'm not saying it was a bad movie.
35:05 I'm just saying, you know, it was a little hard to follow.
35:10 I told you there were going to be subtitles.
35:12 I know.
35:15 I just didn't want to wear my glasses on our first date.
35:19 Oh.
35:29 Monica.
35:30 [laughter]
35:31 It would really help when I'm kissing if you didn't shout out my sister's name.
35:36 [laughter]
35:36 Yeah, just checking.
35:38 Oh.
35:40 Monica.
35:40 Mon.
35:41 Monica.
35:43 Mon.
35:43 Monica.
36:06 [laughter]
36:13 What?
36:14 [laughter]
36:15 What?
36:14 I'm sorry.
36:15 Oh god, I'm sorry.
36:16 It's just that when you moved your hands down to my butt,
36:19 it was like, "Whoa, Ross's hands are on my butt."
36:23 [laughter]
36:23 I'm sorry.
36:24 And that's that's funny why?
36:28 [laughter]
36:28 Well, it's not.
36:29 I mean, I'm sorry.
36:30 I guess I'm just nervous.
36:32 I mean, it's you.
36:34 You know, it's us.
36:36 I mean, we're crossing that line.
36:38 It's sort of a big thing.
36:39 I I know it's big.
36:40 I just didn't know it was uh ha ha big.
36:45 Okay.
36:56 [laughter] Okay, my hands were nowhere near your butt.
36:59 No, I know, I KNOW, I KNOW.
37:00 I JUST thinking about when they were there the last time.
37:02 I'M SORRY.
37:04 I'M SORRY.
37:04 I'm sorry.
37:05 Okay, okay, look.
37:05 Whoa.
37:06 I promise.
37:06 I'm good.
37:07 I'm not going to laugh anymore.
37:08 I I I'm Okay, put your hands back back.
37:10 No, see now now I can't because uh I'm feeling too self-conscious.
37:15 Just one cheek.
37:17 No, [laughter] the moment's gone.
37:19 All right, well, just put your hands out and I'll back up into it.
37:21 That's romantic.
37:22 [laughter] Come on, touch it.
37:23 No.
37:23 Oh, come on, squeeze it.
37:25 No.
37:25 Grab it?
37:26 Oh, no.
37:26 Oh, come on, would you just GRAB MY ASS?
37:29 WORST to happen on anniversary ever.
37:31 I'm good.
37:31 All right, you decided to tell me about the Richard thing.
37:38 [laughter]
37:38 What What Richard thinks?
37:40 Oh, no.
37:43 What Richard thinks?
37:44 Simmons.
37:45 Go with Simmons.
37:51 Okay, I um I ran into Richard yesterday and he asked
37:56 me if I wanted to go for a bite and I did.
37:59 And the only reason why I didn't tell you is because I
38:01 I knew you'd get mad and I didn't want to spoil our anniversary.
38:05 All right, man.
38:10 Really?
38:10 Oh, yeah.
38:11 Yeah, so you you you bumped into Richard.
38:12 You grabbed a bite.
38:15 [laughter]
38:17 No big deal.
38:23 Great.
38:27 [laughter]
38:27 Okay, London one.
38:28 This is just for room 226.
38:32 You okay, Sletter?
38:33 Oh, yeah.
38:33 I'm fine.
38:34 I'm fine.
38:37 [snorts] [laughter] What is with you tonight?
38:50 Nothing.
38:51 Nothing.
38:51 Nothing.
38:52 Nothing.
38:54 Okay, thank you.
38:58 It's the Italian hand licker, isn't it?
39:02 No.
39:02 It's the one he's licking.
39:05 She's supposed to be with you.
39:07 They're good.
39:10 Oh, Ross, listen to me.
39:10 I have sold a hundred million copies of my books, and you know why?
39:15 The girl [snorts] on the cover with her nipples showing?
39:20 No, because I know how to write men that women fall in love with.
39:25 Believe me, I cannot sell a Paulo.
39:27 People will not turn 325 pages for a Paulo.
39:30 Come on, the guy's a secondary character.
39:32 He's just a you know, a complication you eventually kill off.
39:40 When?
39:42 He's not a hero.
39:45 You know who our hero is?
39:47 The guy on the cover with his nipples showing?
39:50 No, it's you.
39:53 Please.
39:53 No, really.
39:53 Come on, you're smart, you're sexy.
39:58 Right.
39:58 Get up.
39:59 You're going to be fine, believe me.
40:08 Uh-oh.
40:08 [laughter] I'll just pee in the street.
40:25 Hey.
40:25 What's the matter?
40:26 Somebody on the subway licked my neck.
40:28 Licked my neck.
40:30 Oh, Willie's still alive.
40:33 What are you guys doing?
40:34 Oh, my mom called.
40:35 They're going to run our engagement announcement in the local paper,
40:37 so we're looking for a good picture of us.
40:39 Ooh, I'm afraid that does not exist.
40:43 [laughter] That's not true.
40:43 There's great pictures of us.
40:45 No, there's great pictures of you standing next to a guy who's going like this.
40:50 OH MY GOD, THAT'S the creep that you're with at the Statue of Liberty.
40:56 I don't know what it is.
40:57 I just can't take a good picture.
40:59 Oh, here's a great one.
41:01 Yeah, I'm not in that.
41:03 No, but look at me all tan.
41:06 [laughter]
41:05 Hey, why don't you guys go get portraits done by a professional photographer?
41:09 It's a great idea.
41:10 I bet they have one of those wind machines, you know, like
41:15 [laughter]
41:15 Well, that's great.
41:16 Next to that, Chandler won't look so stupid.
41:20 Chandler, what do you say?
41:21 All right, but I should warn you, I'm not going.
41:24 I am going.
41:31 Great.
41:32 That's great, Monica.
41:33 Great.
41:35 Now, Chandler, you want to give us a smile?
41:39 Okay.
41:43 I'm sorry, is the seat uncomfortable?
41:45 No, I am.
41:47 Chandler, listen to me.
41:47 I know you can do this, okay?
41:49 You have a beautiful smile.
41:50 I do?
41:52 Yeah.
41:54 All right, maybe you don't have to smile.
41:56 Let's try something else.
41:57 Let's try um try looking sexy.
42:01 Okay.
42:08 Or not.
42:13 I know.
42:14 Let's try a look a far-off wonderment.
42:19 Okay, we'll we'll gaze into our future and we'll
42:21 think about our marriage and the days to come.
42:27 [laughter] Chandler, what is the matter with your face?
42:33 [laughter]
42:33 Like, doesn't the picture supposed to say Geller and Bing to be married,
42:36 not local woman saves drowning
42:41 [laughter]
42:41 Like, don't laugh at him.
42:42 He's my drowning THAT'S IT.
42:46 THAT'S IT.
42:47 TAKE IT.
42:47 TAKE IT.
42:55 [music] I LIKE THIS ONE.
42:55 It seems to say I love you and that's why I have to kill you.
43:02 [laughter]
43:02 They can't all be bad.
43:04 Find the one where you make your bedroom eyes.
43:07 Oh, there it is.
43:08 Oh my god, those are my bedroom eyes?
43:12 Why did you ever sleep with me?
43:16 Do you really want to pull at that thread?
43:22 Sweet.
43:21 That's a great smile.
43:22 Easy, natural.
43:24 Now, pretend I have a camera.
43:28 [laughter]
43:28 You changing it.
43:30 help it.
43:31 All right.
43:31 All right.
43:32 All right.
43:32 All right.
43:32 All right.
43:32 You want to know what I do when I take resume shots?
43:35 Borrow money from me?
43:38 Yeah.
43:39 Okay.
43:40 First First of all, you want to make it look spontaneous, right?
43:43 Okay, so here's what I do.
43:44 I look down.
43:46 Look down.
43:46 Keep looking down.
43:47 Then I look up.
43:53 [laughter] See?
43:52 All right.
43:52 Now, you try.
43:53 Look down.
43:55 You looking down.
43:56 Keep looking down.
43:57 Why is there jelly on your shoe?
44:00 I had a donut.
44:07 [music] Hey, there you are.
44:07 There I am.
44:09 You okay?
44:10 Yeah, Joey said I I needed to relax, so he gave me an antihistamine.
44:16 [laughter]
44:16 Yeah, and then I fell asleep on the subway and went all the way to Brooklyn.
44:19 Brooklyn is far.
44:23 [laughter]
44:23 Chandler, what were you thinking?
44:24 No, no, but don't worry.
44:25 Don't worry because I know how to take a picture now.
44:29 Okay, see?
44:30 Look down.
44:32 Look down.
44:35 Look down.
44:44 Chandler?
44:44 Yeah.
44:48 Guys, check it out.
44:49 My mom sent me the paper.
44:51 Oh, let's see it.
44:54 Okay.
44:54 Oh, yeah, that looks good.
44:56 And you guys make a very attractive couple.
45:01 [laughter] Yeah, we look great together.
45:04 We really do.
45:07 Okay.
45:07 Wow, imagine what our kids would look like.
45:10 You know, we don't have to imagine.
45:13 I'm marrying her.
45:15 We'll just see.
45:22 We can't go now.
45:23 It looks like Rachel's going to put on a skit.
45:27 [laughter] Oh my god.
45:29 Have you lost your mind?
45:31 No, no, [laughter] no, no, no, no.
45:32 I'm finally thinking clearly.
45:36 My lucky dress wasn't working out too well for me,
45:38 but for 4 years, this baby never [music] missed.
45:42 Rachel, wait, wait, wait.
45:42 I cannot I can't let
45:45 Actually, I kind of want to see what happens.
45:48 [laughter]
45:50 Hey.
45:51 Hey.
45:51 Nice uh costume.
45:53 Oh, yeah.
45:55 Well, I wanted to give Emily a big American goodbye cheer.
45:59 So, okay.
46:01 Woo!
46:05 Ready?
46:06 Okay.
46:07 Give me an E.
46:09 E!
46:09 GIVE ME AN M.
46:11 M!
46:11 GIVE ME AN
46:12 I!
46:12 GIVE ME AN
46:14 L!
46:14 GIVE ME AN
46:16 Y!
46:16 WHAT DO YOU GET?
46:18 EMILY!
46:21 EMILY!
46:25 OKAY.
46:26 LET'S GIVE IT UP FOR CHARLIE AND OUR TIME.
46:31 OKAY.
46:31 I'M FINE.
46:31 I'm fine.
46:31 I'm just losing a tooth.
46:32 No big deal.
46:33 I have a dentist.
46:33 You know.
46:34 We'll put some ice on it.
46:35 Excuse me.
46:39 What do we do now?
46:40 What do we do now?
46:41 I think you're done.
46:45 [laughter]
46:44 Okay, time to take off bra.
46:49 Uh that was really uh great.
46:53 But I got to take off, actually.
46:55 Take bra off.
46:59 [laughter]
47:02 All right, come on.
47:02 Let's go get your coat.
47:04 Okay.
47:07 Rachel is my girlfriend.
47:12 Oh god, okay.
47:19 SURPRISE!
47:23 [cheering] [laughter] WHAT THE HELL ARE YOU DOING?
47:29 YOU SCARED ME.
47:30 FRANK BATTLEMAN.
47:33 WAS THAT THE CAKE?
47:34 YEAH.
47:34 YEAH.
47:35 I got a lemon smoosh.
47:38 Come on, she'll be here any minute.
47:41 Hope it's okay.
47:47 Happy birthday, Pee-hee.
47:50 [laughter]
47:50 Well, maybe we can make a a a bee out of one of those roses.
47:53 Yeah, we'll just use our special cake tools.
47:57 PEE-HEE, WHAT'S GOING ON?
47:58 WE JUST WE JUST
48:01 [cheering]
48:03 ALL RIGHT, THIS
48:05 UH ERIC, what kind of photography uh do you do?
48:08 Uh mostly fashion.
48:09 So, there may be models here from time to time.
48:12 I hope that's cool.
48:15 Yes, it is cool.
48:19 [laughter]
48:17 Uh because I have models here, you know.
48:21 Never.
48:23 What else?
48:24 Ooh, yeah.
48:24 During the summer, I spend most weekends at my sister's beach house,
48:28 which you are welcome to use, by the way.
48:30 Although, I should probably tell you she's a porn star.
48:36 [laughter]
48:36 Well, listen, I uh still have one more person to uh meet,
48:39 but unless it turns out to be your sister, I think your chances are pretty good.
48:46 All right.
48:48 [laughter] Who are you?
48:54 Hi, I'm Eric.
48:54 I'm going to be Chandler's new roommate.
48:56 I'm Chandler's new roommate.
48:59 I don't think so.
49:00 I could be Chandler's new roommate.
49:03 But he told me over the phone.
49:04 He told me in person.
49:07 That's weird.
49:08 Well, I'm going to uh going to my new apartment now.
49:15 Huh?
49:20 [laughter] Bah!
49:30 [laughter] Excuse me.
49:33 Um is there a woman waiting at the bar?
49:38 Um someone average height, dark hair, or perhaps doing a puzzle?
49:43 Uh there's a drunk Chinese guy.
49:47 Well, if I'm still here in an hour, buy him a drink on me.
49:51 Yeah, can I get you another glass of wine?
49:54 I I don't know if I should.
49:55 I don't want to be drunk when I go home alone.
50:00 You got stood up, huh?
50:03 Uh, it's no big deal.
50:03 It's just a blind date.
50:05 Are you worried your date came, saw you, and left?
50:08 [laughter]
50:11 No!
50:16 Hi.
50:16 Hi.
50:20 [laughter]
50:20 So, which one of you lucky boys is Chandler?
50:22 Uh, that that's me.
50:26 [laughter] That's me.
50:28 Joey Tribbiani.
50:29 Big fan.
50:32 So, is that a bedroom?
50:34 Yeah.
50:34 Yeah, right over there.
50:35 All right, whenever you're ready.
50:40 [laughter] That was weird.
50:42 But why won't she go in the bedroom?
50:43 I'm waiting.
50:46 [laughter]
50:55 So, she's a Yep, that's one naked hooker.
50:59 So, tonight's tonight is big bachelor party?
51:02 Yeah.
51:02 Hey, thanks for giving me that girl's number.
51:04 No problem.
51:05 So, who's the party for?
51:06 For my husband.
51:07 You hired your husband a hooker?
51:10 She's a stripper.
51:11 No, she's a hooker.
51:13 Is that Is that what they call strippers sometimes?
51:16 When they're hookers.
51:19 [laughter] Oh my god, Stu.
51:19 I I I can't believe you did this.
51:21 Now, are you absolutely sure she's a hooker?
51:23 She's the baddest.
51:23 She's just the best, most expensive date I ever had.
51:29 All right.
51:29 All right.
51:29 Maybe maybe you should just ask her to leave.
51:31 Why me?
51:32 Hey, it's your bachelor party.
51:34 Which is why you should do it.
51:36 I don't want to.
51:37 You do it.
51:37 You do it.
51:38 You do it.
51:39 All right, rock, paper, scissors for us to tell the to leave.
51:43 [laughter]
51:48 What?
51:48 I miss this.
51:49 I don't think we've actually done this before.
51:53 No, I I miss hanging out with you.
51:56 Well, we we still hang out.
51:58 Not like we used to.
51:59 Remember, you and me used to be inseparable.
52:02 Now, it's like things are different.
52:08 Well, you know, things are different.
52:11 I'm married now.
52:12 Yeah, sure.
52:12 And hey, don't get me wrong.
52:13 I am so happy for you guys.
52:15 But I just I miss hanging out, just just us, you know?
52:22 Yeah, I miss that, too.
52:24 I'll tell you what.
52:25 From now on, we'll make time to hang out with each other.
52:27 You got it.
52:29 Come here.
52:33 Oh, god.
52:34 Listen, I am this close to robbing you guys.
52:41 [laughter]
52:39 SHE'S A HOOKER.
52:40 SHE'S A HOOKER.
52:41 SHE'S A
52:44 HI.
52:45 We spoke on the phone.
52:49 Get out of here, YOU STUPID ASS.
52:55 [laughter] SMELLY CAT.
53:02 OH, LOOK AT ME.
53:04 SMELLY CAT, smelly cat.
53:10 Smelly cat, smelly cat.
53:14 It's [singing] not your fault.
53:21 Smelly, smelly, smelly, really bad smelling smelly cat.
53:25 [music]
53:24 It's not your fault.
53:26 Smelly cat, smelly cat.
53:29 Oh my god.
53:30 I know.
53:31 I sound amazing.
53:36 They'll take you to the vet.
53:38 [music] You're obviously not the favorite pet.
53:41 Smelly cat, oh smelly cat, It's it's not your fault.
53:48 [screaming]
53:49 I I I've never heard myself sing before.
53:52 I mean, except in my own head.
53:55 This is so cool.
53:56 Now I can hear what you hear.
54:00 Pretty uh pretty different, huh?
54:03 I am sorry, but I'm incredibly talented.
54:07 Smelly cat, oh smelly cat, it's not your fault.
54:14 All right, there's a nuclear holocaust.
54:17 I'm the last man on Earth.
54:20 Would you go out with me?
54:28 [laughter]
54:27 I've got canned goods.
54:32 [laughter] Hey guys, take a look at this.
54:33 Check this baby out.
54:35 Dug me a hole.
54:39 [laughter]
54:39 Excellent hole, Joey.
54:42 Oh no, NO, MY HOLE.
54:45 OH MY OW.
54:47 WHAT IS IT?
54:47 WHAT IS IT?
54:49 JELLY FISH STING.
54:50 NOW IT HURTS.
54:51 It hurts.
54:51 It hurts.
54:52 Joey, can we help you?
54:53 Or should WE TAKE YOU BACK to the house?
54:54 Oh, they're too wild.
54:56 Yeah, and I'm a little tired from digging the hole.
54:59 OH, DAMN THE JELLYFISH.
55:02 Damn all the jellyfish.
55:04 We got to do something.
55:06 Well, there's really only one thing YOU CAN DO.
55:08 WHAT?
55:08 What is it?
55:09 You're going to have to pee ON IT.
55:12 [laughter] WHAT?
55:13 ROSS!
55:14 DON'T BLAME ME.
55:15 I saw it on the Discovery Channel.
55:16 You know what?
55:17 He's right.
55:17 There's something like ammonia in that that kills the pain.
55:22 Well, forget it.
55:24 IT DOESN'T HURT THAT [laughter] IF YOU WANT SOME PRIVACY, YOU CAN USE MY HOLE.
55:31 PASS the cheese, please.
55:38 My god, you can't even look at me, can you?
55:42 Nope.
55:44 Hey, it's Phoebe.
55:45 WE CAN TALK TO PHOEBE.
55:49 [laughter] NO, I'M I'm too depressed to talk.
55:51 I'll give you a thousand dollars to talk to us.
55:55 [laughter]
55:55 Hey, you guys, what do you What do you
55:56 think about making that beach trip an annual thing?
56:00 No.
56:00 All right, that's it, you guys.
56:01 What happened out there?
56:03 What?
56:04 We took a walk.
56:05 Nothing happened.
56:07 I came back with nothing all over me.
56:10 Come on, what happened, Joey?
56:13 All right.
56:14 No.
56:15 Joey, we swore we'd never tell.
56:17 They'll never understand.
56:20 [laughter]
56:22 We have to say something.
56:24 We have to get it out.
56:25 It's eating me alive.
56:29 [laughter] Monica got stung by a jellyfish.
56:31 All right.
56:36 All right.
56:39 [laughter] I got stung.
56:43 Stung bad.
56:47 [laughter] I couldn't stand.
56:48 I I couldn't walk.
56:51 We're two miles from the house.
56:55 [laughter] We're scared and alone.
56:58 We didn't think we could make it.
57:05 [laughter] I was in too much pain.
57:06 And I was tired from digging THE HUGE HOLE.
57:10 [laughter] AND THEN JOEY REMEMBERED SOMETHING.
57:15 [laughter] I'd seen this thing on the Discovery Channel.
57:17 Wait a minute.
57:18 I saw that on the Discovery Channel.
57:21 Yeah, about jellyfish and how if you [laughter] You peed on yourself?
57:33 Ew!
57:32 You can't say that.
57:33 You you don't know.
57:36 I I thought I was going to pass out from the pain.
57:39 Anyway, I I I tried I but I I couldn't bend that way.
57:46 So?
57:48 [laughter] That's right.
57:54 I STEPPED UP.
57:59 SHE'S MY friend and she needed help.
58:02 If I had to, I'd pee on any one of you.
58:08 [applause] Only uh I couldn't.
58:14 [laughter] I got the stage fright.
58:20 I wanted to help, but there was just too much pressure.
58:21 So so I uh I turned THE CHANNEL.
58:29 JOR JICK SCREAMING AT ME, "DO IT NOW!
58:31 DO IT!
58:32 DO IT!
58:32 DO IT NOW!" [laughter] SOMETIMES LATE AT NIGHT, I CAN STILL hear the screaming.
58:41 [laughter] That's cuz sometimes I just do it through my wall to freak you out.
58:49 [music]