Anil Kapoor on Being the OG Girl Dad and the Pressure to Provide

0:00 Hello, how are you?

0:04 so nice to meet you.

0:12 Mr.

0:12 Anil Kapoor, Punjabi is here!

0:14 I am very happy to meet you- Thank you and I don’t

0:18 always get a punjabi person to sit across me actually thats where I

0:21 want to start I was raised in a punjabi household I was raised

0:26 in Toronto Canada I want to know what your punjabi household was like,

0:29 paint me a picture What was it like growing up,

0:32 Anil Kapoor, in a Punjabi household?

0:33 I think the same, you know, food and, you know,

0:37 Mom, dad, a lot of respect, a lot of love.

0:42 We started in a small little home in Chembur, and then, of course,

0:48 we progressed from one room to three rooms

0:51 to two rooms and then three rooms and, same parathas,

0:56 pulav, gobi de pulav Rajma Chawal, Bharta, you know that kind of food.

1:04 Mom and dad would speak in Punjabi,

1:06 but because I was born in Mumbai, so it was very mixed.

1:10 It was Hindi, English, you know, and that kind of, more Bombayya.

1:15 That's why I could do those roles, you know.

1:18 Initial, my career, when I did those films, it came very naturally to me.

1:23 I know you're Punjabi because you answer

1:24 this question with food, first and foremost.

1:26 What was it like at home when you said Rajma Chawal, the very Punjabi thing?

1:30 Yeah, yeah.

1:31 I lived in a place which was very cosmopolitan, very diverse.

1:38 Matter of fact, it was, you know, there were Christians,

1:41 there were Muslims, there were Tamilians, there were Hindus, there were Parsis.

1:46 So I had a fantastic childhood.

1:48 That's the best part of my life, yeah, my childhood.

1:52 And a lot of fun.

1:53 Who all lived in the house?

1:56 So we were four of us, three sons and a daughter, my mom and dad.

2:01 And sometimes my grandparents would come and stay with us.

2:04 So it would be almost four to six, eight of us in one room.

2:08 And you're the youngest, eldest?

2:10 I was the middle son, yeah.

2:12 Tell me more about mom and dad.

2:13 What did they do?

2:14 What were they like?

2:15 Well, my dad was a very, he passed away,

2:18 my mom also passed away, both of them have passed away.

2:23 And my dad was a great guy.

2:26 He was very, very humble, very honest, very, with a lot of integrity.

2:31 He came to Mumbai, I think in the late 50s, 50s or 50s, I'm not sure.

2:37 And then he became an intern and an assistant with K.Asif.

2:41 And then he became a manager to an actor.

2:46 And wherever I went in this film fraternity, I think wherever I went, I said,

2:54 they would tell me that what a good man he was,

2:56 what a nice man he was, what an honest man he was.

3:00 Not that how successful he was, you know.

3:03 And first it was, they always spoke to me how phenomenal a human being he was.

3:09 So, that was my dad.

3:11 And mom was known to be the best cook in this film fraternity.

3:17 So, there's no filmmaker, there's no actor.

3:20 And it's like a folklore.

3:23 Food cooked by Mrs.

3:25 Surinder Kapoor or Anil's, first Mrs.

3:27 Surinder Kapoor, then Anil's mom.

3:30 And then Sonam's grandmother.

3:33 And so, it's legendary.

3:35 Her food was legendary.

3:37 So, we used to stay near, in Chembur, which is near RK Studios.

3:42 And no matter who was shooting, the food would go for my home.

3:46 You know, she was like, you know, like an elder statesman.

3:50 And whoever in this industry needed some kind of advice

3:53 for any marriage or children are born or, you know.

3:56 Like, she was really like a real mother to the entire people who were around us.

4:03 You know, family, friends and all.

4:05 So, yeah.

4:06 And I love what you said that your dad was described as a really good man.

4:09 And I like that you also said,

4:11 they said that before they talked about his success.

4:14 Which is very rare because usually when we think about men,

4:16 we usually do define people by their success.

4:18 Yeah, success, how much money or this and that.

4:21 Right.

4:22 And all the achievements.

4:23 But his biggest achievement, I feel, which is very important for everybody,

4:27 is, you know, that you're known more as a human being.

4:31 And more what you've, how much you've helped and been positive.

4:35 And, you know, so, that was my dad, yeah.

4:39 That's what other people said about your parents to you.

4:41 But how were they as parents to you?

4:44 How did they raise you?

4:46 Describe their parenting techniques.

4:47 Were they strict?

4:48 Were they liberal?

4:48 Were you scared of them?

4:49 No, they were very liberal.

4:52 And they let me do what I wanted to do and follow my dreams.

4:55 And that's what I've done with my children too.

4:56 My dad's dad wanted him to do something.

4:59 Like he wanted him to, you know, pursue a kind of a career which he wanted.

5:03 Which he felt was not, you know,

5:05 which was kind of detrimental for what he wanted to achieve.

5:08 And that really delayed a lot of things in his life.

5:11 So, when I said that I want to be an actor, he said, okay, go ahead.

5:14 I said, but I can't make a film for you.

5:16 You have to find work for yourself.

5:18 So, that's what was great because he let me do what I wanted to do and follow,

5:22 you know, pursue my dreams.

5:24 Are you close with your siblings?

5:25 Of course, I am.

5:26 I am very close to my siblings.

5:29 But I started pursuing my career very young, at a very young age.

5:36 Almost when I was 18 or 19, I think.

5:40 So, first I was in school, obviously,

5:43 when you are in school and then I just went into university.

5:47 And before I could really complete my studies, I, my dad was not well.

5:54 My dad had a heart attack.

5:56 And I just, and he was a film producer.

5:59 So, it was very difficult to get leading men in his films.

6:04 And actors and it was a tough thing.

6:07 So, I said, I have to become an actor.

6:09 I have to become a leading man.

6:11 So, you know, at that time, trying to pursue my career,

6:15 I really couldn't really give that kind of time.

6:20 Or show my feelings.

6:23 I was constantly more wanting to make a career and become an actor.

6:31 And get work, get a job.

6:32 So, I was always trying to find a job.

6:36 So, there was not really time.

6:39 So, among my siblings, all of them, they are very emotional.

6:45 They show a lot of, they meet each other and all.

6:47 I have always been like a little aloof.

6:55 So, they wonder sometimes, you know, that I am in a way,

6:59 you know, trying to pursue my dreams.

7:02 So, I am close, but not that typically close.

7:07 But I don't know if they think that, I don't know how they think about me.

7:11 I never ask them.

7:12 Should we bring them out?

7:13 Let's bring out the three siblings.

7:14 No, I am kidding.

7:16 So, I am, yeah, it's been, yeah, that's I think sometimes one of my regrets.

7:22 Have you ever asked your sister what it was like growing up with all brothers?

7:28 No.

7:29 What do you think it was like growing up with all brothers?

7:31 You tell me, what was, if you had to best put yourself in your sister's shoes,

7:35 what was that dynamic like?

7:38 You know, it's very, so nobody has ever asked me about my sister.

7:40 You are the first one to ask me about my sister.

7:42 So, your question is,

7:43 because I have gone into a kind of a nostalgia with my sister.

7:47 That's good.

7:48 My question was, first asked,

7:49 have you ever asked your sister what it was like growing up with three brothers?

7:53 And you said no.

7:53 No, I have not.

7:54 And so, my follow-up question was,

7:55 if you were to put yourself in your sister's shoes growing up,

7:59 what do you think that experience was like for her?

8:03 She was very much like my mom.

8:07 They cry at the drop of a hat.

8:11 You know, it takes them just a fraction of a second for them to start crying.

8:17 So, that's my visual of my mom and my sister.

8:20 They are happy, they start crying.

8:22 They are a little hurt, they are upset, they start crying.

8:25 So, I have, that's the, you know, visual and that's the feeling I have.

8:30 Very loving, very emotional.

8:32 And I think she, my dad loved her insanely and, insanely, and my mom.

8:38 And I think she ultimately, because my, we are four of us.

8:44 I think she, because the parents could not really reach

8:47 out to these boys as much and we couldn't really spend,

8:50 you know, one of those who would speak to them or, you know,

8:54 talk to them and all, or spend so much time.

8:57 So, I think she's the one who, even after marriage,

9:00 was the actual anchor for them emotionally, yeah.

9:06 When you said your dad was very supportive and liberal and said you

9:09 should do what you want and was right and let you be an actor,

9:11 was he like that with your sister as well?

9:13 No, I think she just wanted her to be happy and, you know, and wanted, I think,

9:19 as what it would be that she wanted to get

9:22 married and we all wanted her to get married.

9:25 And she got married at a very young age and she's very,

9:27 very happy and we were very surprised.

9:30 She's a fantastic mother, she's a fantastic wife and she's made a real success.

9:34 She's in a joint family and she's really made a good success of herself.

9:38 Why were you worried for her?

9:39 I don't know, because she would constantly be crying.

9:42 Because she was a crier?

9:44 Yeah.

9:45 She was soft, she was innocent, you know,

9:47 and very naive and not so much interested in studies.

9:52 Yeah, so.

9:53 But you saw your brother's cry?

9:54 Yeah, my brother's cry, yeah.

9:55 Did you ever see your dad cry?

9:58 Yeah.

9:59 Yeah?

10:00 Yeah.

10:00 Do you remember why you saw him cry?

10:02 Yes, I remember one film of his released and was

10:07 supposedly starring one of the biggest superstars, Rajesh Khanna.

10:17 Everybody expected it to become a big success, but it was a big failure.

10:23 And I remember how everybody changed within hours.

10:30 And he was travelling from Delhi,

10:31 because you see the films used to release in different states,

10:34 not on the same day.

10:36 So he went to Bangalore and there was

10:38 no one there to receive him at the airport.

10:40 And there was, you know, everybody absolutely kind of deserted him,

10:46 you know, disowned him and, you know, that was shocking.

10:51 And that's the first time I saw him and he was having,

10:54 you know, came back and he was very, not crying, crying, but I could see that he

11:00 was very vulnerable and quite, almost in tears.

11:04 So that visual is always there in my mind.

11:07 And that's one of the reasons also, looking at my dad,

11:10 I always wanted to become a hero, a living man.

11:17 An actor.

11:18 When you saw your dad cry, what went through your head as a kid?

11:23 I think he's been my basic motivation.

11:30 My, I just wanted to make him happy.

11:34 I want to be successful, I want to become the biggest star, most successful,

11:38 most respected, to make him happy, so that he's proud of me, always.

11:45 Okay.

11:46 I ask all these questions because I've met both of your daughters,

11:50 Rhea and Sonam, who are phenomenal.

11:52 And they are by far two of the most outspoken,

11:56 fearless, confident, badass women I've ever met in my life.

12:00 And you're their father.

12:01 And so I can't help that your parenting has played a role.

12:07 I'm not going to give you 100% credit,

12:09 but I think you've definitely played a role in how they've turned out.

12:12 And you are, in my opinion, the OG girl dad.

12:16 You know, before the term girl dad was even cool.

12:18 I feel like you figured out how to be a girl dad.

12:20 And so the reason I'm digging into your childhood is,

12:21 I'm trying to understand what you learned about being a dad from your dad

12:26 and from your parents that you maybe use or what you don't use.

12:30 I think subconsciously, I think it's my dad who was so liberal and so,

12:35 you know, wanted us to be very independent,

12:40 at least wanted me to be very independent.

12:43 And same is with my wife.

12:45 She's a very, a person who's been a self-made.

12:53 And I think giving me credit because I am more seen and people know me more.

13:02 My wife has been very, but I would say that it's,

13:07 if you see the way both the girls are,

13:10 I think it's, I think credit should go more to her and then me.

13:14 So it's a combination of both, both of us, but more she.

13:19 And the way they are and confident and all.

13:22 And of course the, the, the, the, the, the idealism,

13:26 the honesty, the, the, the, you know,

13:29 to be yourself and pursue whatever you want to do is obviously comes from me.

13:34 Yeah, definitely.

13:35 Yeah.

13:35 You know, being a girl dad, wasn't always the proud label it is now.

13:39 Now it's cool to be a girl dad, but you know, even when I was born,

13:42 I'm the second daughter in a family of mine, there's only two daughters.

13:46 And in a lot of cultures, they see culture as well.

13:49 Daughters sometimes like, oh, you didn't get a daughter.

13:51 You didn't have a son, you didn't have a son.

13:52 But you have two really, really strong daughters.

13:56 Was that difficult when you had two daughters?

13:58 Were there people that were disappointed in that?

14:00 Were you disappointed in having two daughters?

14:02 How did you navigate that?

14:06 Well, of course, you know, the first thing is obviously they're fit and healthy.

14:10 That's the first thing you think as a, as a, as a father and as a parent.

14:15 And, you know, and as kids, Rhea sometimes was not little, well, few times.

14:24 So that would worry me.

14:27 Otherwise, I was never, you know, like Sunita herself is from a family of two

14:34 girls and her mother was like a pillar.

14:38 So the whole atmosphere was more, always been in the house dominated by women.

14:46 You know, they are the, they would call the shots.

14:50 So they were the, I was the, in a way,

14:53 listen to them rather than they listening to me.

14:57 They were different.

14:59 And I would, that's the way they brought me up.

15:01 I cannot bring up my children the way they brought me up.

15:05 So things, these kind of things,

15:07 these kind of dynamics have completely changed professionally,

15:11 personally, emotionally, every decade of my life.

15:16 If they were here right now and I said,

15:18 describe your dad to me, what do you think they would say?

15:20 Give me the honest, what would they say?

15:21 What was it like being raised by Anil Kapoor?

15:24 I was hardly there.

15:26 I was hardly there.

15:29 You know, so they say it.

15:31 I'm, I'm very, you know,

15:32 I'm so happy that I've really brought up my children well,

15:35 that they speak so positively about me.

15:37 But as a father, definitely I could have been a much better father.

15:41 Yeah, I could have spent more time with them.

15:43 I think in some ways Sunita has been a single parent.

15:45 Yeah.

15:46 Really?

15:46 Yeah.

15:47 And there, but not there the way parents are and fathers are,

15:52 parents are, mothers are today, in today's time.

15:54 I can see the kind of time they spend with their children.

15:57 I was hardly there.

15:58 I didn't know which class they were in sometimes.

16:02 My wife would remind me, it's, you know,

16:04 Sonam's birthday is coming or Riya's birthday.

16:06 Tell me, when is their birthday?

16:08 I'd go blank.

16:09 I would remember the birthdays, you know.

16:11 When is Sonam's birthday?

16:12 I don't know.

16:17 She's going to kill me.

16:19 I think sometime in June, I think.

16:21 June 9th.

16:22 General month.

16:23 General month is good.

16:25 Someone on my team, please Google when Sonam's birthday is.

16:28 Because if it's not June, that's going to be hilarious.

16:30 If it's not June, you're donating $10,000.

16:32 You're not having fun right now.

16:33 I'll tell you that right now.

16:34 Please, please, yeah.

16:35 Is it June?

16:36 June 9th.

16:37 Wow.

16:38 June 9th, yeah.

16:39 Father of the year.

16:40 Father of the year.

16:41 Thank God, yeah.

16:42 She would have killed me.

16:45 So you're admitting that you weren't really there for a while.

16:47 No, I wasn't there.

16:48 That's a really honest, I appreciate you being so honest about that.

16:50 Yeah, yeah, I wasn't there.

16:51 I wasn't there.

16:52 And do you regret that?

16:55 No, they're happy.

16:55 They're very happy.

16:56 They're very brought up.

16:57 And yeah, I don't have any, you know,

17:00 I don't have any regrets to be honest with you.

17:05 Because I'm the kind of person who just, you know, doesn't ponder over anything.

17:10 I just move on.

17:14 And because I have to be strong and because I am sensitive,

17:21 but, you know, so with that, I have to, you know,

17:25 if I start thinking or regret and all those kind of things,

17:28 you know, it will not be good for the family.

17:33 What do you mean it won't be good for the family?

17:34 In what way?

17:35 You know, I just feel that God has given me everything, you know, in a way.

17:40 So why regret small things?

17:43 I think because, you know,

17:46 they're doing so well for themselves and all of them individually.

17:55 And they're healthy, they're fit, they're happy,

17:58 they're married, you know, so it's great.

18:01 And they've done beautifully in their career.

18:04 They're still doing very well.

18:05 They're all passionately obsessed with their work also,

18:08 as much as they're obsessed with the family.

18:12 So it's a 360 degree life.

18:15 And that's what I believe in.

18:16 So life has to be 360 degrees.

18:18 It's not only professionally, but personally, health, fitness, positiveness.

18:27 So all these things,

18:29 I think they've tried to, I try to inculcate these things into them.

18:32 Yeah.

18:33 So no regrets.

18:34 On the note of improvement, do you recall any, do you ever feel like, oh,

18:40 when I first had kids or even in the last 15,

18:42 17 years, we were like, this is a mistake I made.

18:45 I need to improve this about myself as a father.

18:48 We all make mistakes as parents, especially.

18:50 I think we're all trying to figure it out and we're all trying to do our best.

18:53 But you think of any time where you're like, this was a mistake that I made?

18:58 I think I should have, more than my girls,

18:59 I think I should have spent more time with my son.

19:02 Say more.

19:02 Why do you say that?

19:05 You know, girls, you know,

19:06 because I feel the son sometimes needs the father more than the mother.

19:12 And the girls are there,

19:14 but the mother is there and there is a certain kind of connection they have.

19:20 But the son needs more, the father.

19:22 But I was not there.

19:24 What do you think the impact of you not

19:26 being there was on your, your son is harsh, right?

19:29 Harsh, yeah.

19:29 What do you think the impact was on harsh of you not being there?

19:31 I don't know.

19:34 How do I know?

19:36 I'm still learning.

19:37 I'm still exploring.

19:38 I'm trying to, you know, be a, you know,

19:40 but the best thing is that we're friends.

19:43 And sometimes I feel, was it right for me to just be friends?

19:46 But always been a friend.

19:48 From the time I, you know, I, he came into his senses and I was in his senses.

19:51 I've never really tried to be a father, father to anybody, any of my kids.

19:55 So sometimes I feel, was that the mistake?

19:59 That I was never harsh.

20:01 I was never strict.

20:03 I was never like a real father, the typical father, father.

20:06 I was always a friend to everybody.

20:10 And Sunita always tells me, I say,

20:12 why are you constantly trying to be, you know, a friend, you know?

20:18 And so, I've just been a friend.

20:22 I connect with everybody as a friend, not as a father.

20:25 Yes, of course.

20:27 There are times when these streaks do come out sometimes.

20:29 There is a time when I feel emotionally disturbed and vulnerable and angry.

20:35 Mostly I'm a friend.

20:37 Why do you think that is?

20:39 I don't know.

20:40 I said the kind of person I am.

20:42 It's not, I'm not, it's the kind of person I am.

20:46 Even with girls, you know, I have more girlfriends than I've had boyfriends.

20:51 Really?

20:51 Yeah.

20:53 Do you enjoy the company of women more than men?

20:56 Who doesn't?

20:57 I mean, facts.

21:00 Facts.

21:02 So, right now, even right now,

21:03 you would say your friends are mostly, you get along mostly with them?

21:06 Yeah, I get along.

21:07 I have few friends, but more, I've,

21:10 from my school and in university and I, but obviously then, Sunita is my friend.

21:16 She's my best friend.

21:18 She's my best friend since 50 years.

21:21 I want to ask you about a word.

21:23 Some people think it's a scary word.

21:25 I don't think it's a scary word, but I'm curious on your take.

21:28 What does the word feminism mean to you?

21:30 For me, always in my life,

21:32 I think I have felt the girls are stronger, better than boys and men.

21:38 So, they said, you know, people say they're equal.

21:40 No.

21:40 For me, they've always been better.

21:43 That's why I think I'm more friendly.

21:45 I've always been friendly.

21:47 I feel they're the best thing to happen on this planet.

21:51 The feminism, the vulnerability, the being a mother, being a daughter,

21:58 being a friend and or not getting married, living on her own, being opinionated.

22:06 Fine.

22:08 That's the way she is.

22:09 What makes her happy, makes her happy.

22:10 That makes that she's the way,

22:13 the kind of person you said that, you know, you're not married and you're happy.

22:19 And I can see that's the reason you look so beautiful.

22:23 Yeah, I agree.

22:25 I think, you know, and you've done so well for yourself.

22:28 I always say to me, feminism means choice.

22:31 It means a woman has a choice.

22:33 So, let them have a choice.

22:35 For me, I don't focus so much on what I see them as a whole and everything.

22:39 It doesn't, I really don't get into these things.

22:46 I think you do get into these things.

22:47 I think through your work and through everything you're saying,

22:49 you do get into these things, but I know the words can be scary.

22:53 I think you do get into these things,

22:55 but you mentioned you're a learner and you love learning and you love improving.

23:00 What is the greatest lesson that your daughters have taught you?

23:03 They're teaching me every day.

23:06 Both of them.

23:08 And my wife, all three of them.

23:10 They're correcting me.

23:11 You know, something positive I learn from all of them,

23:13 all three of them, every day.

23:14 Including myself.

23:16 They've been wonderful, absolutely fantastic.

23:18 There is something which is, I'm so blessed,

23:21 I'm so fortunate to have them around me.

23:24 What have your daughters corrected you on?

23:26 Give me an example.

23:27 Any of your roles, any of your choices?

23:29 Yeah, choices, films sometimes, and sometimes what I wear,

23:33 what I eat, how I behave.

23:37 And, you know, what should I say,

23:40 what should I speak, how should I, in every aspect.

23:44 My parents never took me out for a vacation.

23:48 I don't know what a vacation is.

23:50 You know, I never knew how to take a break,

23:52 how to relax, how to chill, how to rest.

23:55 They've taught me how to chill, how to relax.

23:56 My son has taught me, my daughters have taught me,

23:59 you know, that how taking a break is important and rejuvenates me.

24:03 I do take breaks.

24:05 I sometimes, so, you know, these are the things I've learned from them.

24:10 It's not necessary that you have to constantly

24:12 keep on moving and constantly keep on working.

24:14 It's okay.

24:17 I'll give you one example of my dad.

24:19 My dad's a Punjabi guy as well.

24:20 Punjabi guy can be stuck in his way sometimes.

24:23 But when I was growing up, a bunch of my friends would always come over.

24:27 We'd mix girls, guys, we'd all come over.

24:29 And we were in university, 20-something-year-old.

24:31 And my dad would always do this thing where he

24:33 would go to all the boys and he would go, do you want a drink?

24:37 Do you want to drink something?

24:38 Drink something?

24:39 Then he'd skip the girls and just go to the other guy.

24:41 Do you want a drink?

24:42 And I had to sit him down one day and be like,

24:45 Dad, you have to ask everyone if they want a drink.

24:48 Like, these 20-something-year-old girls do drink.

24:52 Offer it.

24:52 And I was so impressed.

24:53 From that day, the next days moving forward, he would always ask all the girls.

24:57 Those small, small things.

24:59 Small adjustments that he's made.

25:01 I'm sure they've done that to me also.

25:04 100%.

25:04 Not about drinking, but a lot of other things, yeah.

25:07 Very good.

25:07 Very good.

25:09 You know, your daughters make a lot of really great films.

25:12 I'm a big fan of a lot of films that your daughters make.

25:15 They always have really great messages.

25:17 And they're different.

25:17 They're risky.

25:18 Risky in the sense meaning that it's not conventional.

25:21 It's not the traditional messaging.

25:22 They really are stepping outside of the box.

25:25 Do you ever get scared for them?

25:28 And do you ever get told you're raising them to be too modern?

25:31 Do you ever get any of that type of feedback?

25:35 No.

25:36 I get that feedback, but I don't listen to them.

25:38 What kind of feedback do you get?

25:42 These girls' films don't do that much business.

25:44 They don't do that much of business.

25:45 It would be difficult to sell the film.

25:49 You know, how can you, or what can you do as a father?

25:53 Being a good father or being a good, you know,

25:56 supporter of if anybody wants to pursue them, you encourage them.

25:59 I encourage them.

26:01 I say, if they're saying that, then definitely make it.

26:06 And they're the only, and of course, I can probably say that you know,

26:11 the real syndrome of red carpet and the dressing up

26:14 was obviously introduced by Rhea and Sonam to this, you know,

26:19 this, in a way, I'm sure it must be there earlier,

26:22 but really came out in the open with Sonam and Rhea of dressing up.

26:27 And we said, and anybody would say, fashion, fashion, fashion.

26:30 I said, it's an art.

26:31 Even fashion is an art.

26:34 You know, it's the most thriving and the biggest business in the world.

26:37 Why are you looking down on fashion?

26:40 Now things have changed.

26:41 I said, go on front foot.

26:42 Be aggressive about it.

26:43 Be aggressive about it.

26:45 So when Rhea writes a film or Sonam is part of a film and you know,

26:48 it's pushing boundaries a little bit, like, thank you for coming, for example.

26:53 Are you ever concerned if this is going too far?

26:55 Yeah, yeah, of course.

26:56 Thank you for coming, I was.

26:58 Does she listen to your feedback?

26:59 Does she say, no, dad, I don't need your opinion about this?

27:01 Do you ask her to make adjustments or?

27:03 No, I said, she believes in it.

27:05 I said, go ahead and do it.

27:06 I said, it might become a huge success.

27:08 It was chosen for the Toronto Film Festival.

27:10 It was one of the main, we had a premiere over here.

27:12 We got a lot of respect.

27:12 She's very happy with the film.

27:15 And as a father, there's no feeling when people are saying things.

27:17 I know, I love Thank You For Coming.

27:18 I watch this movie.

27:19 I've sat with the whole cast almost here and they said, yeah,

27:21 there were some opinions of people that were, didn't like the film.

27:26 They said it was, why do you have

27:27 to make a movie like this about this subject matter?

27:29 So as a father.

27:30 Female orgasm.

27:31 Yes.

27:31 What would be your response to those people as a father?

27:34 I'll tell you why.

27:34 So I also recently had a sex comedy come out of my own that I'm the lead.

27:39 I read about it.

27:40 When I posted about it,

27:41 especially because people ask, what did your parents think?

27:43 What did your parents think?

27:44 A very interesting thing happened that I want your opinion on.

27:47 A lot of comments said, it's one thing to show your mom the movie,

27:53 but it's bad for you to show your dad the movie.

27:55 People could not understand a daughter having these conversations with her dad.

27:59 You're asking the wrong person these questions.

28:02 No, I'm asking the absolute right person these questions.

28:05 I swear, I just, for me, when I watch something,

28:09 who has put a heart and soul into it, if the storytelling is right,

28:13 and no matter what the subject is, how it is handled,

28:15 how sensitive it is handled, how the people react to it.

28:18 And sometimes there are times when critics expand

28:20 the film and still it becomes a success.

28:23 And sometimes it becomes a success, critics expand the film.

28:27 So be it, you know.

28:28 Just enjoy the process.

28:30 Have fun.

28:31 Don't think too much about it, what the mothers feel and the fathers feel.

28:34 You can't think about audience when you're doing something.

28:37 You have to think, you have to think about,

28:39 of course you have to think, but it's more, how are you feeling?

28:42 Did you enjoy doing the film?

28:44 How's your process?

28:45 Amazing.

28:45 Amazing.

28:46 Thank you for coming.

28:47 Karan's mother saw the film, obviously she was taken aback.

28:50 She didn't speak to Karan for about 10 days.

28:52 She couldn't handle it.

28:54 You know.

28:55 But there were a lot of other girls, and you know, girls loved the film.

28:59 And a lot of people loved the film.

29:01 But unfortunately people have not seen the film.

29:04 Because it just, you know, it just came and went, you know.

29:08 But I'm sure it'll stand the test of time in future when people see the film.

29:13 I mean, female sexuality is still so taboo,

29:15 obviously in a lot of cultures, especially in Indian culture.

29:18 But it doesn't seem to make you uncomfortable.

29:21 I'm...

29:22 Can I tell you my theory?

29:24 It could be wrong.

29:25 And I'm younger, so you know,

29:27 you have every right, especially in Indian culture,

29:30 to be like, you don't know what you're talking about,

29:31 but here's my theory, okay?

29:33 So you started by saying that you really wanted to be an actor,

29:36 but your main thing was you wanted to make your dad proud.

29:39 And then you said you missed out on being a father

29:41 for a lot of your life because you wanted to provide.

29:45 You wanted to make sure that you were there working hard,

29:47 providing for your whole family.

29:49 Everybody.

29:50 Exactly.

29:51 So your father, your family, everybody.

29:54 And then you also said, I said, do you cry in front of your daughter?

29:57 You said, no.

29:57 And I said, why?

29:58 You said, because that wouldn't be good.

30:00 That wouldn't be good for the family.

30:01 Then I'd get too sensitive, I'd get too in my feelings,

30:04 and that wouldn't be good for the family.

30:06 So you've named every single person you do things for except yourself.

30:12 You've not named yourself once throughout this entire conversation.

30:16 I did this for me.

30:17 And you know what the impression people have about me?

30:20 That I am only for myself.

30:23 That's the image I have.

30:24 I don't think that at all.

30:25 I don't think you've done anything for yourself, actually.

30:28 I think, because I've done so much work in this space, I think,

30:32 and I say this with a complete love and respect,

30:35 I think you are trapped in the mentality of being a provider.

30:39 That's what I think.

30:41 So is it good or bad?

30:43 I think it can be good, and I think it can be bad.

30:47 I think nothing is good or, no, there's no binary, I think.

30:49 Oh, that's better.

30:51 So do I become, you know, do I pursue this or just,

30:56 or do I continue being like this or should I change?

30:58 I'm asking you.

30:59 I will listen to youngsters.

31:01 Maybe.

31:01 Here's what I think.

31:02 I think that you feel a lot of pressure to do

31:07 things for other people and provide for other people all the time,

31:09 and I think it's beautiful to provide for other people.

31:11 I think we all have an instinct to provide for people,

31:13 but I do think it's really important in life to also

31:17 be vulnerable and open up and talk about what you want.

31:20 I feel like not once in this conversation have you

31:22 said what you wanted or what was right for you.

31:25 It was always about other people, you know,

31:28 and so I feel like to love other people fully,

31:32 you have to first fully love yourself and provide for yourself.

31:34 That's just what I've taken from this conversation.

31:37 I think the same interview 30 years back would be different or 20 years,

31:41 or 40 years back would be different.

31:42 How so?

31:42 Yeah.

31:43 Things have changed.

31:45 You know, I've changed as a person.

31:46 I have grown as a person.

31:49 What is the biggest way you think you've grown from 30 years ago till now?

31:53 It's not about me now.

31:55 If you didn't owe anyone else in your life anything,

31:58 you didn't owe your family, your dad, your community, me, nobody.

32:03 I want you to answer this question without naming a single other person.

32:07 That is the only rule.

32:08 You're not allowed to name anyone else.

32:10 What do you actually want?

32:13 What makes you happy?

32:17 Seeing everybody happy.

32:18 No.

32:19 No.

32:20 That was the one rule.

32:21 That was the one rule.

32:23 You're not allowed to mention other people.

32:25 I, as your new friend here, I'm telling you...

32:29 At the moment?

32:30 Right now.

32:31 We're friends now.

32:32 You cannot name...

32:33 Don't tie it to anyone.

32:33 A good coffee makes me happy.

32:36 A good meal makes me happy.

32:38 A good smile makes me happy.

32:41 Meeting a person who knows more than me

32:44 and I learn from that person makes me happy.

32:47 A good role makes me happy.

32:49 Wife being nice to me.

32:51 My wife, Sunita, being nice to me.

32:53 And, you know, and the way when I come back from work or I...

32:59 or from a meeting, I say, how was the meeting?

33:01 I see her happy.

33:02 Makes me happy.

33:03 My son is happy.

33:05 It makes me happy.

33:06 My friend is happy.

33:08 You're naming even more people now.

33:09 Yeah.

33:10 My director, if I give a good shot, but if I,

33:14 you know, the film turns out well and he says, I'm really happy.

33:17 This is my best film.

33:18 My best film of my career.

33:20 This is really my best work.

33:22 It makes me happy.

33:24 There's no right or wrong.

33:25 So that's completely fine.

33:26 But ask me the question.

33:28 Ask what?

33:29 Ask the same question back to me.

33:31 Why should I?

33:31 I want you.

33:32 I don't want to.

33:33 I'm going to answer anyway.

33:34 Yeah.

33:35 I'm going to answer it.

33:35 Because you said you like to learn from younger people.

33:37 I'm not right or wrong.

33:38 So what makes you happy?

33:40 Here's something that I'm going to share with you

33:42 and you can take it or you can forget it.

33:43 It's up to you.

33:45 It is okay to do things just for yourself.

33:48 I know that a lot of parents, my dad as well,

33:51 anytime I ask my dad what makes you happy,

33:53 he answers just like that about other people.

33:55 My daughter is like this.

33:56 There's food on the table.

33:57 We're old school.

33:58 I get it.

33:59 Sure.

34:00 But sometimes it makes me happy.

34:01 What makes me happy is that I get to grow.

34:06 That I get to make mistakes and learn from my mistakes and grow.

34:08 What makes me happy is when my values and my actions are aligned.

34:13 Because that is a privilege as well.

34:15 What makes me happy is feeling seen by people.

34:18 Where I don't have to pretend to be a certain way but people

34:20 just see me for who I am and I feel really really seen.

34:23 And what makes me happy is turning off when I don't have to be on all the time.

34:27 You know when I'm sad, I'm on, providing for this person,

34:29 doing this person, here for my team, here for this person.

34:31 When I can just be off and taken care

34:34 of and not have to take care of other people,

34:36 that makes me really happy as well.

34:38 You're different from me.

34:40 We are different.

34:41 Okay, we're going to do a game now.

34:42 We are going to do a game now.

34:43 It's going to be a very quick game.

34:48 So you can answer all the questions.

34:49 If some makes you uncomfortable, you can just donate to the charity.

34:52 Or you can just give me your watch.

34:53 Okay.

34:55 Did you give your daughters the sex talk?

34:59 No.

35:00 Who did?

35:01 I'm sure my wife.

35:05 If they ever asked you a question about it today,

35:06 would you talk to them about it?

35:08 Of course.

35:09 Because you don't feel uncomfortable with being sexually...

35:11 I love that.

35:12 Okay, good.

35:13 And fathers in general shouldn't.

35:14 It's a natural part of life.

35:15 I feel like fathers shouldn't feel uncomfortable with it.

35:17 If they ask me, definitely, of course I will.

35:20 Okay, good.

35:21 Did you ever buy your daughters tampons,

35:23 sanitary napkins, anything for their periods?

35:25 No.

35:26 If they asked you to do that, would you?

35:27 Yeah.

35:29 Okay.

35:30 Have you ever given breakup advice to your daughters?

35:33 Always.

35:34 Really?

35:34 Yeah.

35:35 What's been your breakup advice?

35:36 Are you good at mending a broken heart?

35:38 Yeah.

35:39 Something better is going to happen.

35:41 Have you ever stopped them from wearing

35:42 a revealing outfit and then regretted it?

35:44 No.

35:46 You don't care what they wear?

35:47 I don't care.

35:48 Do you ever secretly use their skin care?

35:52 I?

35:52 Of course I do.

35:53 I used it last night because I was coming for your, you know,

35:56 I want to look, you know, look my best.

36:00 And you do.

36:00 And you look.

36:00 Your skin is glowing.

36:01 Glowing?

36:01 Absolutely glowing, yes.

36:03 When was the last time your daughter said to you,

36:06 when was the last time Sonam said to you, Dad, that's problematic?

36:08 You can't say that.

36:11 She always said that.

36:12 Yeah, some time or the other, yeah.

36:13 I don't remember exactly, but she does.

36:15 You can't say that.

36:17 Do you listen?

36:19 Yeah, yeah.

36:20 But I still forget.

36:22 Okay.

36:23 Last one.

36:24 If your daughters ever wrote a book titled Growing Up with Anil Kapoor,

36:28 what's the chapter title you're most scared of?

36:32 None.

36:34 None?

36:34 None.

36:36 Everything can be on the open?

36:38 Absolutely.

36:43 Well, thank you.

36:44 I hope you had a good time talking with me.

36:45 I hope I didn't bother you too much.

36:47 I hope I didn't pick your brain too much.

36:48 I actually do hope I picked your brain a lot.

36:50 No, I just enjoyed it.

36:52 I'm just warming up.

36:53 You're just warming up?

36:53 I swear.

36:54 Okay, so we should start recording now?

36:55 Yeah.

36:55 This was a practice.

36:56 Yeah, I'm just warming up.

36:57 Seriously.

36:58 Honestly.

36:58 Well, thank you so much for taking the time.

37:00 I know you're very busy.

37:00 I appreciate it.

37:01 Pictures!

37:02 And someone give me my phone!

37:06 I am here with Anil Kapoor.

37:07 And he wants you to like right?

37:09 and comment and subscribe to this channel.

37:14 And if not, he's going to give you this face.

37:16 de-shoom!

37:16 If you don't subscribe, right?

37:18 Absolutely.