how to ACTUALLY be yourself (when you've forgotten who that is)

0:00 I want you to think about the last time

0:01 I want you to think about the last time

0:01 I want you to think about the last time someone asked you a question and you

0:03 someone asked you a question and you

0:04 someone asked you a question and you paused. And that pause wasn't because

0:05 paused. And that pause wasn't because

0:05 paused. And that pause wasn't because you didn't know the answer. That pause

0:07 you didn't know the answer. That pause

0:07 you didn't know the answer. That pause was because you were calculating, is

0:09 was because you were calculating, is

0:09 was because you were calculating, is this the right thing to say? Are they

0:10 this the right thing to say? Are they

0:10 this the right thing to say? Are they going to judge me? Is this too much? Is

0:12 going to judge me? Is this too much? Is

0:12 going to judge me? Is this too much? Is that weird? Would someone else say

0:13 that weird? Would someone else say

0:13 that weird? Would someone else say something better than that? That pause

0:15 something better than that? That pause

0:15 something better than that? That pause right there, that's inauthenticity. And

0:18 right there, that's inauthenticity. And

0:18 right there, that's inauthenticity. And I spent years of my life doing that,

0:20 I spent years of my life doing that,

0:20 I spent years of my life doing that, adjusting my opinions carefully

0:21 adjusting my opinions carefully

0:21 adjusting my opinions carefully depending on who was in the room,

0:23 depending on who was in the room,

0:23 depending on who was in the room, laughing at jokes I didn't even find

0:24 laughing at jokes I didn't even find

0:24 laughing at jokes I didn't even find funny, dating guys I wasn't even

0:26 funny, dating guys I wasn't even

0:26 funny, dating guys I wasn't even attracted to, but they liked me first.

0:28 attracted to, but they liked me first.

0:28 attracted to, but they liked me first. And it wasn't me trying to be fake. I

0:30 And it wasn't me trying to be fake. I

0:30 And it wasn't me trying to be fake. I just genuinely didn't know who I

0:33 just genuinely didn't know who I

0:33 just genuinely didn't know who I actually was underneath all of that

0:34 actually was underneath all of that

0:34 actually was underneath all of that performance. Because growing up, the

0:36 performance. Because growing up, the

0:36 performance. Because growing up, the priority becomes I need to feel liked

0:39 priority becomes I need to feel liked

0:39 priority becomes I need to feel liked and safe and popular and loved and not

0:41 and safe and popular and loved and not

0:41 and safe and popular and loved and not rejected by everyone. The scariest part

0:43 rejected by everyone. The scariest part

0:43 rejected by everyone. The scariest part about inauthenticity is that it's not

0:45 about inauthenticity is that it's not

0:45 about inauthenticity is that it's not about lying. It's about slowly

0:47 about lying. It's about slowly

0:47 about lying. It's about slowly forgetting who you are because you've

0:49 forgetting who you are because you've

0:49 forgetting who you are because you've spent more of your life choosing safety

0:52 spent more of your life choosing safety

0:52 spent more of your life choosing safety over your truth. To the point where now

0:53 over your truth. To the point where now

0:54 over your truth. To the point where now you've genuinely forgotten what you

0:55 you've genuinely forgotten what you

0:55 you've genuinely forgotten what you like, what you think, what you want, and

0:57 like, what you think, what you want, and

0:57 like, what you think, what you want, and what you actually believe. And it's so

0:59 what you actually believe. And it's so

0:59 what you actually believe. And it's so frustrating because everyone's always

1:00 frustrating because everyone's always

1:00 frustrating because everyone's always saying just be authentic. Just be

1:02 saying just be authentic. Just be

1:02 saying just be authentic. Just be yourself. But what if you don't even

1:04 yourself. But what if you don't even

1:04 yourself. But what if you don't even know who that is?

1:13 This video is the ultimate guide to

1:15 This video is the ultimate guide to

1:15 This video is the ultimate guide to reclaiming your truth and being

1:16 reclaiming your truth and being

1:16 reclaiming your truth and being authentic and in a way that nobody's

1:18 authentic and in a way that nobody's

1:18 authentic and in a way that nobody's ever said it before. because we all know

1:20 ever said it before. because we all know

1:20 ever said it before. because we all know the importance of it, but we don't

1:21 the importance of it, but we don't

1:21 the importance of it, but we don't actually know the mindset shifts and

1:23 actually know the mindset shifts and

1:23 actually know the mindset shifts and actionable steps that we can take to

1:25 actionable steps that we can take to

1:25 actionable steps that we can take to actually implement this into our life

1:26 actually implement this into our life

1:26 actually implement this into our life and make that transition quickly and

1:28 and make that transition quickly and

1:28 and make that transition quickly and efficiently. And the reason this is so

1:30 efficiently. And the reason this is so

1:30 efficiently. And the reason this is so important is did you know that when

1:32 important is did you know that when

1:32 important is did you know that when people are on their deathbeds, when they

1:33 people are on their deathbeds, when they

1:33 people are on their deathbeds, when they are about to pass and that at the end of

1:35 are about to pass and that at the end of

1:35 are about to pass and that at the end of their lives, do you know what the number

1:36 their lives, do you know what the number

1:36 their lives, do you know what the number one regret they say they have is?

1:38 one regret they say they have is?

1:38 one regret they say they have is? Majority of them have this in common,

1:39 Majority of them have this in common,

1:39 Majority of them have this in common, they all say, "I wish I had lived a life

1:42 they all say, "I wish I had lived a life

1:42 they all say, "I wish I had lived a life that was truer to myself and I didn't

1:44 that was truer to myself and I didn't

1:44 that was truer to myself and I didn't worry about what other people thought of

1:45 worry about what other people thought of

1:46 worry about what other people thought of me as much." And after learning that

1:47 me as much." And after learning that

1:47 me as much." And after learning that fact a few years ago, my biggest fear in

1:50 fact a few years ago, my biggest fear in

1:50 fact a few years ago, my biggest fear in life was letting decades of my life pass

1:51 life was letting decades of my life pass

1:52 life was letting decades of my life pass by, realizing that I was never truly

1:53 by, realizing that I was never truly

1:53 by, realizing that I was never truly myself. I never took the time to find

1:55 myself. I never took the time to find

1:55 myself. I never took the time to find out who that was and actually designed

1:56 out who that was and actually designed

1:56 out who that was and actually designed the woman I wanted to be to suit my

1:59 the woman I wanted to be to suit my

1:59 the woman I wanted to be to suit my standards in my dream life. And instead

2:01 standards in my dream life. And instead

2:01 standards in my dream life. And instead realized I wasted so much time caring

2:02 realized I wasted so much time caring

2:02 realized I wasted so much time caring about people that in the grand scheme of

2:04 about people that in the grand scheme of

2:04 about people that in the grand scheme of things was so so irrelevant. You get one

2:06 things was so so irrelevant. You get one

2:06 things was so so irrelevant. You get one life. You better [ __ ] live it to the

2:08 life. You better [ __ ] live it to the

2:08 life. You better [ __ ] live it to the fullest. Before we get into it, I just

2:09 fullest. Before we get into it, I just

2:10 fullest. Before we get into it, I just want to quickly mention my brand,

2:11 want to quickly mention my brand,

2:11 want to quickly mention my brand, Self-Bs Journal. I make journals that

2:12 Self-Bs Journal. I make journals that

2:12 Self-Bs Journal. I make journals that help you grow into the best version of

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2:13 help you grow into the best version of yourself, manifest your dreams, and they

2:15 yourself, manifest your dreams, and they

2:15 yourself, manifest your dreams, and they are so different to any other guided

2:16 are so different to any other guided

2:16 are so different to any other guided journal on the market. I can promise you

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2:21 all the information is on my website.

2:21 all the information is on my website. And they are specifically designed with

2:22 And they are specifically designed with

2:22 And they are specifically designed with techniques that I use in my day-to-day

2:24 techniques that I use in my day-to-day

2:24 techniques that I use in my day-to-day life to help you become the best version

2:25 life to help you become the best version

2:26 life to help you become the best version of yourself, so you don't have to spend

2:27 of yourself, so you don't have to spend

2:27 of yourself, so you don't have to spend years of your life reading all the books

2:28 years of your life reading all the books

2:28 years of your life reading all the books trying to master self-rowth and

2:30 trying to master self-rowth and

2:30 trying to master self-rowth and manifestation, but instead just

2:32 manifestation, but instead just

2:32 manifestation, but instead just answering each prompt does all the work

2:33 answering each prompt does all the work

2:34 answering each prompt does all the work for you. This video has also been

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4:03 get you 10% off your first purchase of a

4:03 get you 10% off your first purchase of a website or a domain. Chapter number one,

4:05 website or a domain. Chapter number one,

4:05 website or a domain. Chapter number one, why you lost yourself in the first

4:07 why you lost yourself in the first

4:07 why you lost yourself in the first place. Before we get into how you can be

4:09 place. Before we get into how you can be

4:09 place. Before we get into how you can be authentic, first we need to figure out

4:10 authentic, first we need to figure out

4:10 authentic, first we need to figure out why you lost your authenticity in the

4:12 why you lost your authenticity in the

4:12 why you lost your authenticity in the first place. Because no one was born

4:14 first place. Because no one was born

4:14 first place. Because no one was born performing. And everybody can look back

4:15 performing. And everybody can look back

4:15 performing. And everybody can look back at that inner child and their younger

4:17 at that inner child and their younger

4:17 at that inner child and their younger years and see that they were so freely

4:20 years and see that they were so freely

4:20 years and see that they were so freely themselves without having so much as a

4:22 themselves without having so much as a

4:22 themselves without having so much as a second thought. Where did all of that

4:24 second thought. Where did all of that

4:24 second thought. Where did all of that go? You used to be so confident and

4:26 go? You used to be so confident and

4:26 go? You used to be so confident and unapologetically yourself until the

4:28 unapologetically yourself until the

4:28 unapologetically yourself until the world told you it wasn't safe for you to

4:29 world told you it wasn't safe for you to

4:30 world told you it wasn't safe for you to do so. Like, think about it. You said no

4:31 do so. Like, think about it. You said no

4:31 do so. Like, think about it. You said no when you didn't want to do something.

4:33 when you didn't want to do something.

4:33 when you didn't want to do something. You cried when you wanted to cry. Maybe

4:35 You cried when you wanted to cry. Maybe

4:35 You cried when you wanted to cry. Maybe you had absolutely no dance skill or

4:37 you had absolutely no dance skill or

4:37 you had absolutely no dance skill or experience, but you would still gather

4:39 experience, but you would still gather

4:39 experience, but you would still gather your closest friends or family members

4:40 your closest friends or family members

4:40 your closest friends or family members to put on a show for them because you

4:41 to put on a show for them because you

4:41 to put on a show for them because you didn't give an F about shame or being

4:43 didn't give an F about shame or being

4:43 didn't give an F about shame or being embarrassed or being judged for your

4:45 embarrassed or being judged for your

4:45 embarrassed or being judged for your behavior. But the thing is, slowly we

4:47 behavior. But the thing is, slowly we

4:47 behavior. But the thing is, slowly we get older and we start to develop the

4:49 get older and we start to develop the

4:49 get older and we start to develop the desire to want to fit in and to be loved

4:51 desire to want to fit in and to be loved

4:51 desire to want to fit in and to be loved by everyone and to be popular. And so

4:53 by everyone and to be popular. And so

4:53 by everyone and to be popular. And so one day you might express one of your

4:55 one day you might express one of your

4:55 one day you might express one of your most authentic realist opinions and

4:57 most authentic realist opinions and

4:57 most authentic realist opinions and maybe people look at you weird. Maybe

4:59 maybe people look at you weird. Maybe

4:59 maybe people look at you weird. Maybe they don't agree. Maybe you're rejected

5:01 they don't agree. Maybe you're rejected

5:01 they don't agree. Maybe you're rejected for it, judged for it, or even laughed

5:03 for it, judged for it, or even laughed

5:03 for it, judged for it, or even laughed at it. And for the first time in your

5:04 at it. And for the first time in your

5:04 at it. And for the first time in your life, you experience what it's like to

5:06 life, you experience what it's like to

5:06 life, you experience what it's like to be an outsider in your group. And the

5:08 be an outsider in your group. And the

5:08 be an outsider in your group. And the worst part of that feeling is that in

5:09 worst part of that feeling is that in

5:10 worst part of that feeling is that in that moment you were rejected, you were

5:11 that moment you were rejected, you were

5:11 that moment you were rejected, you were being fully genuinely yourself. So the

5:14 being fully genuinely yourself. So the

5:14 being fully genuinely yourself. So the safest thing to do in that situation is

5:16 safest thing to do in that situation is

5:16 safest thing to do in that situation is stop being myself. Stop performing.

5:18 stop being myself. Stop performing.

5:18 stop being myself. Stop performing. Because if I'm not myself and I get

5:20 Because if I'm not myself and I get

5:20 Because if I'm not myself and I get rejected, then it doesn't hurt as bad.

5:22 rejected, then it doesn't hurt as bad.

5:22 rejected, then it doesn't hurt as bad. And this is where inauthenticity is

5:24 And this is where inauthenticity is

5:24 And this is where inauthenticity is born. It's a trauma response. When you

5:26 born. It's a trauma response. When you

5:26 born. It's a trauma response. When you were punished for having a certain

5:27 were punished for having a certain

5:27 were punished for having a certain emotion or reaction by your family

5:29 emotion or reaction by your family

5:29 emotion or reaction by your family members, or you were laughed at for

5:30 members, or you were laughed at for

5:30 members, or you were laughed at for being too much or too weird by your

5:31 being too much or too weird by your

5:31 being too much or too weird by your classmates, your brain saw that as being

5:34 classmates, your brain saw that as being

5:34 classmates, your brain saw that as being myself equals danger equals sadness

5:37 myself equals danger equals sadness

5:37 myself equals danger equals sadness equals rejection equals really

5:39 equals rejection equals really

5:39 equals rejection equals really uncomfortable feelings that I need to

5:40 uncomfortable feelings that I need to

5:40 uncomfortable feelings that I need to avoid at any point possible. And so your

5:43 avoid at any point possible. And so your

5:43 avoid at any point possible. And so your body biologically is going to do what

5:44 body biologically is going to do what

5:44 body biologically is going to do what it's meant to do, which is your nervous

5:45 it's meant to do, which is your nervous

5:46 it's meant to do, which is your nervous system protecting you from that feeling.

5:47 system protecting you from that feeling.

5:48 system protecting you from that feeling. So then becoming a people pleaser and

5:49 So then becoming a people pleaser and

5:49 So then becoming a people pleaser and not being able to say no and never

5:51 not being able to say no and never

5:51 not being able to say no and never having any boundaries isn't you being a

5:52 having any boundaries isn't you being a

5:52 having any boundaries isn't you being a weak person. It's just how you were

5:55 weak person. It's just how you were

5:55 weak person. It's just how you were taught to survive and what you had to do

5:57 taught to survive and what you had to do

5:57 taught to survive and what you had to do to cope growing up. You are now a grown

6:00 to cope growing up. You are now a grown

6:00 to cope growing up. You are now a grown woman and you struggle to make

6:01 woman and you struggle to make

6:01 woman and you struggle to make decisions. You don't even know who you

6:02 decisions. You don't even know who you

6:02 decisions. You don't even know who you are. If you don't know who you are and

6:04 are. If you don't know who you are and

6:04 are. If you don't know who you are and you can't make decisions and you can't

6:05 you can't make decisions and you can't

6:05 you can't make decisions and you can't set boundaries, how are your friends in

6:07 set boundaries, how are your friends in

6:07 set boundaries, how are your friends in your life really your friends? How do

6:08 your life really your friends? How do

6:08 your life really your friends? How do you know if the person you're dating is

6:09 you know if the person you're dating is

6:09 you know if the person you're dating is really the person meant for you? It just

6:11 really the person meant for you? It just

6:11 really the person meant for you? It just opens up a huge world of problems. And

6:13 opens up a huge world of problems. And

6:13 opens up a huge world of problems. And for argument sake, let's say you don't

6:15 for argument sake, let's say you don't

6:15 for argument sake, let's say you don't relate to any of what I just said. you

6:16 relate to any of what I just said. you

6:16 relate to any of what I just said. you were absolutely fine as a kid. You

6:18 were absolutely fine as a kid. You

6:18 were absolutely fine as a kid. You enjoyed school. You were thriving as a

6:20 enjoyed school. You were thriving as a

6:20 enjoyed school. You were thriving as a teenager. But just because you've gotten

6:23 teenager. But just because you've gotten

6:23 teenager. But just because you've gotten to your mid20s and you've been fine so

6:25 to your mid20s and you've been fine so

6:25 to your mid20s and you've been fine so far, doesn't mean that the trap of

6:27 far, doesn't mean that the trap of

6:27 far, doesn't mean that the trap of inauthenticity isn't going to hit you.

6:29 inauthenticity isn't going to hit you.

6:29 inauthenticity isn't going to hit you. Because there are several different ways

6:31 Because there are several different ways

6:31 Because there are several different ways that women lose themselves and it can

6:33 that women lose themselves and it can

6:33 that women lose themselves and it can stay with you for years. Once you know

6:35 stay with you for years. Once you know

6:35 stay with you for years. Once you know what these ways are, then you can help

6:37 what these ways are, then you can help

6:37 what these ways are, then you can help yourself by avoiding them. The first

6:39 yourself by avoiding them. The first

6:39 yourself by avoiding them. The first cause of inauthenticity is

6:40 cause of inauthenticity is

6:40 cause of inauthenticity is relationships. Dating the wrong person

6:42 relationships. Dating the wrong person

6:42 relationships. Dating the wrong person before you're fully secure, before

6:44 before you're fully secure, before

6:44 before you're fully secure, before you've gone on your self- loveve journey

6:45 you've gone on your self- loveve journey

6:45 you've gone on your self- loveve journey can destroy your self-esteem and your

6:47 can destroy your self-esteem and your

6:48 can destroy your self-esteem and your sense of identity. If you don't have

6:49 sense of identity. If you don't have

6:49 sense of identity. If you don't have that strong sense of self and foundation

6:51 that strong sense of self and foundation

6:51 that strong sense of self and foundation first, before you start dating somebody,

6:54 first, before you start dating somebody,

6:54 first, before you start dating somebody, you are naturally going to start to

6:55 you are naturally going to start to

6:55 you are naturally going to start to mirror them. You are going to mold into

6:57 mirror them. You are going to mold into

6:57 mirror them. You are going to mold into the person you think they want you to

6:58 the person you think they want you to

6:58 the person you think they want you to be, you are going to shrink so that you

7:00 be, you are going to shrink so that you

7:00 be, you are going to shrink so that you are more digestible, so that you're the

7:01 are more digestible, so that you're the

7:01 are more digestible, so that you're the cool, easygoing girlfriend. And that's

7:03 cool, easygoing girlfriend. And that's

7:04 cool, easygoing girlfriend. And that's why you'll find when you go through the

7:05 why you'll find when you go through the

7:05 why you'll find when you go through the breakup and the relationship ends, you

7:07 breakup and the relationship ends, you

7:07 breakup and the relationship ends, you look at yourself and your life and the

7:08 look at yourself and your life and the

7:08 look at yourself and your life and the choices you've made and you don't even

7:10 choices you've made and you don't even

7:10 choices you've made and you don't even know who the f you are anymore. That has

7:12 know who the f you are anymore. That has

7:12 know who the f you are anymore. That has happened to me more times than I can

7:13 happened to me more times than I can

7:13 happened to me more times than I can count. I'll be honest. The second way is

7:15 count. I'll be honest. The second way is

7:15 count. I'll be honest. The second way is social media because you get so used to

7:17 social media because you get so used to

7:18 social media because you get so used to performing your life instead of living

7:19 performing your life instead of living

7:19 performing your life instead of living it and posting the most perfectly

7:21 it and posting the most perfectly

7:21 it and posting the most perfectly curated images and getting trapped into

7:23 curated images and getting trapped into

7:23 curated images and getting trapped into thinking you always need to look your

7:25 thinking you always need to look your

7:25 thinking you always need to look your best with the best lighting and the best

7:26 best with the best lighting and the best

7:26 best with the best lighting and the best angles and the best looks when that's

7:28 angles and the best looks when that's

7:28 angles and the best looks when that's not real life at all. You learn what's

7:30 not real life at all. You learn what's

7:30 not real life at all. You learn what's going to get you the best reactions

7:31 going to get you the best reactions

7:31 going to get you the best reactions online and the best engagement. And it

7:33 online and the best engagement. And it

7:33 online and the best engagement. And it tricks you into thinking that's who you

7:34 tricks you into thinking that's who you

7:34 tricks you into thinking that's who you have to be in every waking second of

7:36 have to be in every waking second of

7:36 have to be in every waking second of your life. When in actuality, every

7:38 your life. When in actuality, every

7:38 your life. When in actuality, every single person on social media, even the

7:39 single person on social media, even the

7:39 single person on social media, even the people with millions of followers, have

7:41 people with millions of followers, have

7:41 people with millions of followers, have negative emotions. They have their

7:42 negative emotions. They have their

7:42 negative emotions. They have their darkest moments. They react in not the

7:44 darkest moments. They react in not the

7:44 darkest moments. They react in not the prettiest of ways. They don't look their

7:46 prettiest of ways. They don't look their

7:46 prettiest of ways. They don't look their best 24/7. So, you're putting all this

7:48 best 24/7. So, you're putting all this

7:48 best 24/7. So, you're putting all this pressure on yourself for no reason. Then

7:49 pressure on yourself for no reason. Then

7:49 pressure on yourself for no reason. Then we have the fear of rejection combined

7:51 we have the fear of rejection combined

7:51 we have the fear of rejection combined with the need to be liked which we've

7:53 with the need to be liked which we've

7:53 with the need to be liked which we've already spoken about. But all I want to

7:55 already spoken about. But all I want to

7:55 already spoken about. But all I want to add to this is the most exhausting thing

7:57 add to this is the most exhausting thing

7:57 add to this is the most exhausting thing about the need to be liked is that you

7:59 about the need to be liked is that you

7:59 about the need to be liked is that you are always on and you are always so

8:00 are always on and you are always so

8:00 are always on and you are always so highly perceptive of what people might

8:02 highly perceptive of what people might

8:02 highly perceptive of what people might be making out of what you're doing and

8:05 be making out of what you're doing and

8:05 be making out of what you're doing and what you're saying and what your actions

8:06 what you're saying and what your actions

8:06 what you're saying and what your actions are. And the saddest part of that all is

8:08 are. And the saddest part of that all is

8:08 are. And the saddest part of that all is your closest friends and the closest

8:10 your closest friends and the closest

8:10 your closest friends and the closest people in your life. You're not even

8:11 people in your life. You're not even

8:11 people in your life. You're not even giving them a fair shot at bonding with

8:13 giving them a fair shot at bonding with

8:13 giving them a fair shot at bonding with you and making a deep connection with

8:15 you and making a deep connection with

8:15 you and making a deep connection with you because they are never going to know

8:16 you because they are never going to know

8:16 you because they are never going to know the real you as far as you are concerned

8:19 the real you as far as you are concerned

8:19 the real you as far as you are concerned with being liked. And the biggest

8:21 with being liked. And the biggest

8:21 with being liked. And the biggest freedom you are ever going to experience

8:22 freedom you are ever going to experience

8:22 freedom you are ever going to experience as a woman is when you are open to being

8:25 as a woman is when you are open to being

8:25 as a woman is when you are open to being perceived as messy or ugly or big or

8:29 perceived as messy or ugly or big or

8:29 perceived as messy or ugly or big or emotional or sensitive. Yes, it means

8:32 emotional or sensitive. Yes, it means

8:32 emotional or sensitive. Yes, it means that a lot of people might fall away. It

8:34 that a lot of people might fall away. It

8:34 that a lot of people might fall away. It means that people might judge you

8:35 means that people might judge you

8:35 means that people might judge you easily, but guess what? Those were never

8:37 easily, but guess what? Those were never

8:37 easily, but guess what? Those were never your people. And the more open you are

8:39 your people. And the more open you are

8:39 your people. And the more open you are to being a vulnerable and being okay

8:41 to being a vulnerable and being okay

8:41 to being a vulnerable and being okay with the fact that some people might

8:42 with the fact that some people might

8:42 with the fact that some people might hate this. Some people might find me so

8:44 hate this. Some people might find me so

8:44 hate this. Some people might find me so polarizing, good, because it means the

8:47 polarizing, good, because it means the

8:47 polarizing, good, because it means the people I have truly are my ride or dies

8:49 people I have truly are my ride or dies

8:49 people I have truly are my ride or dies and really just like me for me. And

8:51 and really just like me for me. And

8:51 and really just like me for me. And finally, you can also lose your

8:53 finally, you can also lose your

8:53 finally, you can also lose your inauthenticity by always trying to

8:55 inauthenticity by always trying to

8:55 inauthenticity by always trying to control the outcome. And this is the

8:56 control the outcome. And this is the

8:56 control the outcome. And this is the most subtle one of them all. When you

8:58 most subtle one of them all. When you

8:58 most subtle one of them all. When you are trying to control how people might

9:00 are trying to control how people might

9:00 are trying to control how people might perceive you or what you're going to get

9:01 perceive you or what you're going to get

9:01 perceive you or what you're going to get out of a certain situation, again, you

9:03 out of a certain situation, again, you

9:03 out of a certain situation, again, you are just not fully being yourself. You

9:05 are just not fully being yourself. You

9:05 are just not fully being yourself. You have to hide away certain parts of

9:06 have to hide away certain parts of

9:06 have to hide away certain parts of yourself. You have to control your

9:07 yourself. You have to control your

9:07 yourself. You have to control your reactions. You have to control your

9:08 reactions. You have to control your

9:08 reactions. You have to control your responses to things. Every time you try

9:11 responses to things. Every time you try

9:11 responses to things. Every time you try to stay agreeable or try to show up as a

9:14 to stay agreeable or try to show up as a

9:14 to stay agreeable or try to show up as a certain role in a relationship with

9:15 certain role in a relationship with

9:15 certain role in a relationship with somebody, whether it be your coworker or

9:17 somebody, whether it be your coworker or

9:17 somebody, whether it be your coworker or your friend, so that you can control the

9:19 your friend, so that you can control the

9:19 your friend, so that you can control the outcome of how this person sees you, how

9:21 outcome of how this person sees you, how

9:21 outcome of how this person sees you, how they talk about you, how they respond to

9:22 they talk about you, how they respond to

9:22 they talk about you, how they respond to you, where they put you in their life,

9:25 you, where they put you in their life,

9:25 you, where they put you in their life, you are simply making the gap between

9:26 you are simply making the gap between

9:26 you are simply making the gap between you and those people or you and these

9:28 you and those people or you and these

9:28 you and those people or you and these certain situations even bigger. And the

9:31 certain situations even bigger. And the

9:31 certain situations even bigger. And the root of it is if I actually show up as

9:33 root of it is if I actually show up as

9:33 root of it is if I actually show up as myself, if I don't mentally prepare

9:35 myself, if I don't mentally prepare

9:35 myself, if I don't mentally prepare myself by rehearsing what I'm going to

9:36 myself by rehearsing what I'm going to

9:36 myself by rehearsing what I'm going to say and what I'm going to do, you might

9:38 say and what I'm going to do, you might

9:38 say and what I'm going to do, you might think less of me or you might not like

9:40 think less of me or you might not like

9:40 think less of me or you might not like me or this might not go in the way that

9:42 me or this might not go in the way that

9:42 me or this might not go in the way that I told myself it was going to go because

9:43 I told myself it was going to go because

9:43 I told myself it was going to go because that's what I prepared for. But you

9:45 that's what I prepared for. But you

9:45 that's what I prepared for. But you can't prepare for life and it's never

9:46 can't prepare for life and it's never

9:46 can't prepare for life and it's never going to be certain. Chapter two, what

9:48 going to be certain. Chapter two, what

9:48 going to be certain. Chapter two, what authenticity actually means. And trust

9:51 authenticity actually means. And trust

9:51 authenticity actually means. And trust me, it's not what you think. Can we all

9:52 me, it's not what you think. Can we all

9:52 me, it's not what you think. Can we all please just collectively agree to stop

9:55 please just collectively agree to stop

9:55 please just collectively agree to stop saying just be yourself because what

9:57 saying just be yourself because what

9:57 saying just be yourself because what does that even mean? And this is my tum

10:00 does that even mean? And this is my tum

10:00 does that even mean? And this is my tum core definition of authenticity. Okay,

10:02 core definition of authenticity. Okay,

10:02 core definition of authenticity. Okay, let me tell you what it's not first.

10:03 let me tell you what it's not first.

10:04 let me tell you what it's not first. It's not saying every single thought

10:05 It's not saying every single thought

10:05 It's not saying every single thought that crosses your mind. It's not

10:06 that crosses your mind. It's not

10:06 that crosses your mind. It's not oversharing. It's not being vulnerable

10:08 oversharing. It's not being vulnerable

10:08 oversharing. It's not being vulnerable with people that haven't deserved it. It

10:10 with people that haven't deserved it. It

10:10 with people that haven't deserved it. It is very simply the absence of the gap

10:13 is very simply the absence of the gap

10:13 is very simply the absence of the gap between who you really are and who

10:16 between who you really are and who

10:16 between who you really are and who you're pretending to be. But so many

10:18 you're pretending to be. But so many

10:18 you're pretending to be. But so many people get it twisted. They think if I

10:20 people get it twisted. They think if I

10:20 people get it twisted. They think if I overshare that I'm being my most

10:21 overshare that I'm being my most

10:21 overshare that I'm being my most authentic self by posting a crying

10:22 authentic self by posting a crying

10:22 authentic self by posting a crying selfie of myself on the internet. But

10:24 selfie of myself on the internet. But

10:24 selfie of myself on the internet. But even that can be performative. Even that

10:27 even that can be performative. Even that

10:27 even that can be performative. Even that can be scheduled content, trying to

10:29 can be scheduled content, trying to

10:29 can be scheduled content, trying to control a certain narrative or

10:31 control a certain narrative or

10:31 control a certain narrative or perception of you by your audience

10:32 perception of you by your audience

10:32 perception of you by your audience online. Again, oversharing, dumping all

10:35 online. Again, oversharing, dumping all

10:35 online. Again, oversharing, dumping all your emotions and all of your situations

10:36 your emotions and all of your situations

10:36 your emotions and all of your situations on someone is not authenticity. I would

10:38 on someone is not authenticity. I would

10:38 on someone is not authenticity. I would actually say it's quite bad energetic

10:41 actually say it's quite bad energetic

10:41 actually say it's quite bad energetic hygiene. Then there are the people that

10:43 hygiene. Then there are the people that

10:43 hygiene. Then there are the people that love to say, "You've changed. You're not

10:45 love to say, "You've changed. You're not

10:45 love to say, "You've changed. You're not the same anymore. You know, I've always

10:46 the same anymore. You know, I've always

10:46 the same anymore. You know, I've always been the real me. I'm who I've always

10:48 been the real me. I'm who I've always

10:48 been the real me. I'm who I've always been. Therefore, I'm authentic." I

10:50 been. Therefore, I'm authentic." I

10:50 been. Therefore, I'm authentic." I disagree. I think the most authentic

10:52 disagree. I think the most authentic

10:52 disagree. I think the most authentic people are the people who aren't afraid

10:53 people are the people who aren't afraid

10:53 people are the people who aren't afraid to take up space in their evolution and

10:55 to take up space in their evolution and

10:55 to take up space in their evolution and in their self-growth. At the end of the

10:57 in their self-growth. At the end of the

10:57 in their self-growth. At the end of the day, if you always feel a pressure to go

10:58 day, if you always feel a pressure to go

10:58 day, if you always feel a pressure to go back to who you used to be and to shrink

11:00 back to who you used to be and to shrink

11:00 back to who you used to be and to shrink to that version and always stay the same

11:01 to that version and always stay the same

11:01 to that version and always stay the same to make other people comfortable, again,

11:04 to make other people comfortable, again,

11:04 to make other people comfortable, again, you're just conforming and performing

11:06 you're just conforming and performing

11:06 you're just conforming and performing for the comfort of other people rather

11:08 for the comfort of other people rather

11:08 for the comfort of other people rather than staying true to yourself and the

11:10 than staying true to yourself and the

11:10 than staying true to yourself and the journey that you're meant to go on in

11:11 journey that you're meant to go on in

11:11 journey that you're meant to go on in this life. So, back to my definition.

11:14 this life. So, back to my definition.

11:14 this life. So, back to my definition. When it comes to this definition, you

11:15 When it comes to this definition, you

11:15 When it comes to this definition, you need to remember there are two parts of

11:17 need to remember there are two parts of

11:17 need to remember there are two parts of yourself. Your core self and your

11:19 yourself. Your core self and your

11:19 yourself. Your core self and your adaptive self. Your core self are your

11:21 adaptive self. Your core self are your

11:22 adaptive self. Your core self are your values, your instincts, your real

11:24 values, your instincts, your real

11:24 values, your instincts, your real genuine reactions, and your actual

11:26 genuine reactions, and your actual

11:26 genuine reactions, and your actual desires. Basically, all the things that

11:28 desires. Basically, all the things that

11:28 desires. Basically, all the things that have always been a part of you for as

11:30 have always been a part of you for as

11:30 have always been a part of you for as long as you can remember, literally ever

11:31 long as you can remember, literally ever

11:31 long as you can remember, literally ever since you were a child, the things that

11:33 since you were a child, the things that

11:33 since you were a child, the things that nobody else has had an influence over.

11:36 nobody else has had an influence over.

11:36 nobody else has had an influence over. On the other hand, your adaptive self is

11:38 On the other hand, your adaptive self is

11:38 On the other hand, your adaptive self is the one that you build and design to get

11:41 the one that you build and design to get

11:41 the one that you build and design to get by in day-to-day life. Whether it be to

11:43 by in day-to-day life. Whether it be to

11:43 by in day-to-day life. Whether it be to be liked and approved of in a work

11:45 be liked and approved of in a work

11:45 be liked and approved of in a work scenario or an interview or to feel safe

11:47 scenario or an interview or to feel safe

11:47 scenario or an interview or to feel safe in a certain situation. Both are real

11:49 in a certain situation. Both are real

11:49 in a certain situation. Both are real and both are you and both serve a really

11:51 and both are you and both serve a really

11:51 and both are you and both serve a really important purpose in your life. But the

11:53 important purpose in your life. But the

11:53 important purpose in your life. But the problem is that most people are running

11:54 problem is that most people are running

11:54 problem is that most people are running on their adaptive self 90% of the time

11:57 on their adaptive self 90% of the time

11:57 on their adaptive self 90% of the time and just lose the thread back to their

11:59 and just lose the thread back to their

11:59 and just lose the thread back to their core selves. That's why you feel like

12:01 core selves. That's why you feel like

12:01 core selves. That's why you feel like you're always on, you're always drained.

12:03 you're always on, you're always drained.

12:03 you're always on, you're always drained. Whereas, if you start practicing being

12:05 Whereas, if you start practicing being

12:05 Whereas, if you start practicing being your core self more, being more honest

12:06 your core self more, being more honest

12:06 your core self more, being more honest about who you are, not needing to

12:08 about who you are, not needing to

12:08 about who you are, not needing to perform, then you're finally serving

12:10 perform, then you're finally serving

12:10 perform, then you're finally serving your future self and your life rather

12:12 your future self and your life rather

12:12 your future self and your life rather than trying to control it. At the end of

12:14 than trying to control it. At the end of

12:14 than trying to control it. At the end of the day, even if you are your true

12:16 the day, even if you are your true

12:16 the day, even if you are your true unhinged real self, and that makes other

12:18 unhinged real self, and that makes other

12:18 unhinged real self, and that makes other people uncomfortable. Good, because you

12:20 people uncomfortable. Good, because you

12:20 people uncomfortable. Good, because you are a person, not a museum exhibit to be

12:22 are a person, not a museum exhibit to be

12:22 are a person, not a museum exhibit to be admired, stared at, judged, watched. You

12:24 admired, stared at, judged, watched. You

12:24 admired, stared at, judged, watched. You are allowed to change. You are allowed

12:26 are allowed to change. You are allowed

12:26 are allowed to change. You are allowed to be a completely different person than

12:27 to be a completely different person than

12:27 to be a completely different person than who you were 2 years ago. you are

12:29 who you were 2 years ago. you are

12:29 who you were 2 years ago. you are allowed to outdo people's perception or

12:32 allowed to outdo people's perception or

12:32 allowed to outdo people's perception or idea or expectations of you. And now to

12:35 idea or expectations of you. And now to

12:35 idea or expectations of you. And now to really help you step into this authentic

12:37 really help you step into this authentic

12:37 really help you step into this authentic core self mindset, we got to bring in

12:39 core self mindset, we got to bring in

12:39 core self mindset, we got to bring in our girls, Lola and Athena, to

12:42 our girls, Lola and Athena, to

12:42 our girls, Lola and Athena, to illustrate my point. Now Lola, she's

12:44 illustrate my point. Now Lola, she's

12:44 illustrate my point. Now Lola, she's been performing for a long time. She has

12:45 been performing for a long time. She has

12:45 been performing for a long time. She has no idea who she is. She has no idea how

12:46 no idea who she is. She has no idea how

12:46 no idea who she is. She has no idea how to get back there. And so this is how

12:48 to get back there. And so this is how

12:48 to get back there. And so this is how she responds in difficult situations

12:50 she responds in difficult situations

12:50 she responds in difficult situations where she's always being adaptive and

12:52 where she's always being adaptive and

12:52 where she's always being adaptive and she's always prioritizing other people.

12:54 she's always prioritizing other people.

12:54 she's always prioritizing other people. Not very self-loving. Whereas Athena on

12:56 Not very self-loving. Whereas Athena on

12:56 Not very self-loving. Whereas Athena on the other hand, she has worked back to

12:59 the other hand, she has worked back to

12:59 the other hand, she has worked back to find her core self, to serve herself and

13:01 find her core self, to serve herself and

13:01 find her core self, to serve herself and her life and her needs and stop letting

13:03 her life and her needs and stop letting

13:03 her life and her needs and stop letting other people be the priority in a life

13:04 other people be the priority in a life

13:04 other people be the priority in a life that she is supposed to be living. So

13:06 that she is supposed to be living. So

13:06 that she is supposed to be living. So this is what Lola and Athena would

13:08 this is what Lola and Athena would

13:08 this is what Lola and Athena would respond to if somebody was asking their

13:10 respond to if somebody was asking their

13:10 respond to if somebody was asking their opinion on some plans that they had

13:11 opinion on some plans that they had

13:12 opinion on some plans that they had made. Oh. Oh no. Oh my god. No, it's so

13:14 made. Oh. Oh no. Oh my god. No, it's so

13:14 made. Oh. Oh no. Oh my god. No, it's so good. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I know.

13:17 good. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I know.

13:17 good. Yeah, I love that. Yeah, I know. I've never done that, but that's so

13:19 I've never done that, but that's so

13:19 I've never done that, but that's so cool. I I need to try that. Yeah. Oh,

13:21 cool. I I need to try that. Yeah. Oh,

13:21 cool. I I need to try that. Yeah. Oh, nice. No, it's not really my thing, but

13:24 nice. No, it's not really my thing, but

13:24 nice. No, it's not really my thing, but I can see why you'd love it. Yeah. I

13:25 I can see why you'd love it. Yeah. I

13:25 I can see why you'd love it. Yeah. I hope you have fun. You see the

13:26 hope you have fun. You see the

13:26 hope you have fun. You see the difference? Both girls, it wasn't really

13:28 difference? Both girls, it wasn't really

13:28 difference? Both girls, it wasn't really their thing. It didn't really align with

13:29 their thing. It didn't really align with

13:29 their thing. It didn't really align with their values, but Lola feels the need to

13:31 their values, but Lola feels the need to

13:31 their values, but Lola feels the need to act up and find common ground with

13:32 act up and find common ground with

13:32 act up and find common ground with somebody that she literally doesn't even

13:34 somebody that she literally doesn't even

13:34 somebody that she literally doesn't even have common ground with. Make it make

13:35 have common ground with. Make it make

13:35 have common ground with. Make it make sense. Scenario two, when someone

13:37 sense. Scenario two, when someone

13:38 sense. Scenario two, when someone cancels on you last minute. Oh, you're

13:40 cancels on you last minute. Oh, you're

13:40 cancels on you last minute. Oh, you're cancelling? No, honestly, don't even

13:41 cancelling? No, honestly, don't even

13:42 cancelling? No, honestly, don't even worry. Yeah. No, it's so fine. Yeah, no

13:45 worry. Yeah. No, it's so fine. Yeah, no

13:45 worry. Yeah. No, it's so fine. Yeah, no big deal. I wasn't even bothered. Like,

13:46 big deal. I wasn't even bothered. Like,

13:46 big deal. I wasn't even bothered. Like, it doesn't even affect my day. Yeah. No,

13:48 it doesn't even affect my day. Yeah. No,

13:48 it doesn't even affect my day. Yeah. No, don't worry. Okay. See you. Oh, really?

13:50 don't worry. Okay. See you. Oh, really?

13:50 don't worry. Okay. See you. Oh, really? You're cancelling? I mean, yeah, I was

13:52 You're cancelling? I mean, yeah, I was

13:52 You're cancelling? I mean, yeah, I was looking forward to it. Um, but yeah, no,

13:55 looking forward to it. Um, but yeah, no,

13:55 looking forward to it. Um, but yeah, no, it's okay. We'll rearrange. I get it.

13:57 it's okay. We'll rearrange. I get it.

13:58 it's okay. We'll rearrange. I get it. Again, Lola doesn't know how to truly

13:59 Again, Lola doesn't know how to truly

14:00 Again, Lola doesn't know how to truly express her feelings and the fact that

14:01 express her feelings and the fact that

14:01 express her feelings and the fact that that put a hole in her plans and her

14:03 that put a hole in her plans and her

14:03 that put a hole in her plans and her schedule, but she wasn't able to express

14:06 schedule, but she wasn't able to express

14:06 schedule, but she wasn't able to express her true feelings and disappointment.

14:07 her true feelings and disappointment.

14:07 her true feelings and disappointment. It's never about being rude. It's just

14:09 It's never about being rude. It's just

14:09 It's never about being rude. It's just about being truthful in your experience.

14:11 about being truthful in your experience.

14:11 about being truthful in your experience. And lastly, this is how they'd react if

14:13 And lastly, this is how they'd react if

14:13 And lastly, this is how they'd react if someone was asking where they wanted to

14:15 someone was asking where they wanted to

14:15 someone was asking where they wanted to go out to eat. Oh, I don't mind. No, I'm

14:16 go out to eat. Oh, I don't mind. No, I'm

14:16 go out to eat. Oh, I don't mind. No, I'm so easy. No, I love both of those

14:18 so easy. No, I love both of those

14:18 so easy. No, I love both of those options. Yeah, we can go wherever you

14:20 options. Yeah, we can go wherever you

14:20 options. Yeah, we can go wherever you want. No, honestly, I don't even mind.

14:23 want. No, honestly, I don't even mind.

14:23 want. No, honestly, I don't even mind. Of course she minds. Everyone minds.

14:25 Of course she minds. Everyone minds.

14:25 Of course she minds. Everyone minds. Everyone has a favorite of where they

14:27 Everyone has a favorite of where they

14:27 Everyone has a favorite of where they would prefer to go. Um, honestly, I'm

14:29 would prefer to go. Um, honestly, I'm

14:29 would prefer to go. Um, honestly, I'm really in the mood for sushi. Are you

14:30 really in the mood for sushi. Are you

14:30 really in the mood for sushi. Are you down? Yeah, cool. Let's go. And just

14:32 down? Yeah, cool. Let's go. And just

14:32 down? Yeah, cool. Let's go. And just like that, Athena was a respectful, kind

14:34 like that, Athena was a respectful, kind

14:34 like that, Athena was a respectful, kind queen who was definitely open to what

14:36 queen who was definitely open to what

14:36 queen who was definitely open to what the other person was going to say, but

14:37 the other person was going to say, but

14:37 the other person was going to say, but in the end got to go to her favorite

14:38 in the end got to go to her favorite

14:38 in the end got to go to her favorite restaurant. Therefore, ended up having

14:40 restaurant. Therefore, ended up having

14:40 restaurant. Therefore, ended up having an amazing experience. And that's the

14:42 an amazing experience. And that's the

14:42 an amazing experience. And that's the thing, nobody teaches you that whether

14:44 thing, nobody teaches you that whether

14:44 thing, nobody teaches you that whether you are inauthentic or authentic, it

14:45 you are inauthentic or authentic, it

14:45 you are inauthentic or authentic, it always lives in the tiny moments, the

14:47 always lives in the tiny moments, the

14:47 always lives in the tiny moments, the day-to-day questions, the tiny little

14:49 day-to-day questions, the tiny little

14:49 day-to-day questions, the tiny little scenarios that no one really thinks that

14:50 scenarios that no one really thinks that

14:50 scenarios that no one really thinks that deeply into. But the way that you

14:52 deeply into. But the way that you

14:52 deeply into. But the way that you respond, the way you choose to act, the

14:54 respond, the way you choose to act, the

14:54 respond, the way you choose to act, the way that you choose to be honest or try

14:56 way that you choose to be honest or try

14:56 way that you choose to be honest or try to play up to somebody else's

14:58 to play up to somebody else's

14:58 to play up to somebody else's preferences really determines whether

14:59 preferences really determines whether

14:59 preferences really determines whether you are mastering authenticity. It's not

15:01 you are mastering authenticity. It's not

15:01 you are mastering authenticity. It's not being fake or pretending to be someone

15:02 being fake or pretending to be someone

15:02 being fake or pretending to be someone you're not or telling these big lies.

15:04 you're not or telling these big lies.

15:04 you're not or telling these big lies. It's the saying you don't mind when you

15:05 It's the saying you don't mind when you

15:05 It's the saying you don't mind when you kind of do. And finally, chapter number

15:07 kind of do. And finally, chapter number

15:07 kind of do. And finally, chapter number three, the homework, aka all of the

15:09 three, the homework, aka all of the

15:09 three, the homework, aka all of the actionable steps that you can start

15:11 actionable steps that you can start

15:11 actionable steps that you can start implementing today to be a truer, more

15:13 implementing today to be a truer, more

15:13 implementing today to be a truer, more authentic version of yourself. Homework

15:15 authentic version of yourself. Homework

15:15 authentic version of yourself. Homework task number one is coming back home to

15:17 task number one is coming back home to

15:17 task number one is coming back home to your true authentic opinions so that

15:19 your true authentic opinions so that

15:19 your true authentic opinions so that that can be your new normal again. So

15:21 that can be your new normal again. So

15:21 that can be your new normal again. So for the next 48 hours, I want you to

15:23 for the next 48 hours, I want you to

15:23 for the next 48 hours, I want you to make note of every single time somebody

15:24 make note of every single time somebody

15:24 make note of every single time somebody asks you a question or asks your

15:26 asks you a question or asks your

15:26 asks you a question or asks your opinion. Say whatever you feels right.

15:29 opinion. Say whatever you feels right.

15:29 opinion. Say whatever you feels right. And then either at the end of the day, I

15:30 And then either at the end of the day, I

15:30 And then either at the end of the day, I want you to journal about this or just

15:32 want you to journal about this or just

15:32 want you to journal about this or just make a note of it in your mind. What

15:34 make a note of it in your mind. What

15:34 make a note of it in your mind. What would you have rather actually said in

15:36 would you have rather actually said in

15:36 would you have rather actually said in that situation? For example, if

15:38 that situation? For example, if

15:38 that situation? For example, if someone's asked you to do a favor for

15:39 someone's asked you to do a favor for

15:39 someone's asked you to do a favor for them or to come to a place that you

15:40 them or to come to a place that you

15:40 them or to come to a place that you don't really want to come to, but you

15:42 don't really want to come to, but you

15:42 don't really want to come to, but you felt too pressured, too scared to set a

15:44 felt too pressured, too scared to set a

15:44 felt too pressured, too scared to set a boundary and say no, so you just acted

15:46 boundary and say no, so you just acted

15:46 boundary and say no, so you just acted really nice and you people pleased your

15:48 really nice and you people pleased your

15:48 really nice and you people pleased your way through it, even though that wasn't

15:49 way through it, even though that wasn't

15:49 way through it, even though that wasn't authentic to you. That's okay. It's a

15:52 authentic to you. That's okay. It's a

15:52 authentic to you. That's okay. It's a process. But at the end of the day,

15:53 process. But at the end of the day,

15:53 process. But at the end of the day, journal about what you wished you'd said

15:55 journal about what you wished you'd said

15:55 journal about what you wished you'd said and maybe what stopped you from saying

15:57 and maybe what stopped you from saying

15:57 and maybe what stopped you from saying it in the moment. What was the worst

15:59 it in the moment. What was the worst

15:59 it in the moment. What was the worst case scenario? How would you have been

16:00 case scenario? How would you have been

16:00 case scenario? How would you have been better off if you actually just said

16:02 better off if you actually just said

16:02 better off if you actually just said your authentic opinion? This first comic

16:04 your authentic opinion? This first comic

16:04 your authentic opinion? This first comic task isn't about being perfect and

16:06 task isn't about being perfect and

16:06 task isn't about being perfect and making that transformation overnight

16:07 making that transformation overnight

16:07 making that transformation overnight because that's not realistic. It's

16:10 because that's not realistic. It's

16:10 because that's not realistic. It's simply about reconnecting with the fact

16:11 simply about reconnecting with the fact

16:11 simply about reconnecting with the fact that you have an opinion that you're not

16:14 that you have an opinion that you're not

16:14 that you have an opinion that you're not constantly automatically adapting to

16:17 constantly automatically adapting to

16:17 constantly automatically adapting to what other people want and forgetting

16:18 what other people want and forgetting

16:18 what other people want and forgetting your voice. After doing this a few

16:20 your voice. After doing this a few

16:20 your voice. After doing this a few times, your brain will start clocking

16:22 times, your brain will start clocking

16:22 times, your brain will start clocking how many times you erase your voice and

16:25 how many times you erase your voice and

16:25 how many times you erase your voice and erase who you are when somebody asks

16:27 erase who you are when somebody asks

16:27 erase who you are when somebody asks your opinion. and the more that you

16:29 your opinion. and the more that you

16:29 your opinion. and the more that you click onto it and the more you notice

16:30 click onto it and the more you notice

16:30 click onto it and the more you notice the more that you can actually start

16:32 the more that you can actually start

16:32 the more that you can actually start responding in a way that serves you.

16:33 responding in a way that serves you.

16:34 responding in a way that serves you. Task number two is the social media

16:35 Task number two is the social media

16:35 Task number two is the social media audit. Basically, I want you to go

16:37 audit. Basically, I want you to go

16:37 audit. Basically, I want you to go through your social media pages and your

16:38 through your social media pages and your

16:38 through your social media pages and your platforms. Look through maybe just your

16:41 platforms. Look through maybe just your

16:41 platforms. Look through maybe just your last 10 posts on each platform and ask

16:42 last 10 posts on each platform and ask

16:42 last 10 posts on each platform and ask yourself really why did I post this? Did

16:45 yourself really why did I post this? Did

16:45 yourself really why did I post this? Did I post this because I loved it or did I

16:47 I post this because I loved it or did I

16:47 I post this because I loved it or did I post it because I thought other people

16:48 post it because I thought other people

16:48 post it because I thought other people would like me for it or I thought it

16:50 would like me for it or I thought it

16:50 would like me for it or I thought it would gain me a certain perception that

16:51 would gain me a certain perception that

16:51 would gain me a certain perception that I want to create from other people. Ask

16:53 I want to create from other people. Ask

16:53 I want to create from other people. Ask yourself, did I overly edit this because

16:55 yourself, did I overly edit this because

16:55 yourself, did I overly edit this because I felt like the natural version of it

16:57 I felt like the natural version of it

16:57 I felt like the natural version of it wasn't good enough? This task is simply

16:59 wasn't good enough? This task is simply

16:59 wasn't good enough? This task is simply all about recognizing the pattern of how

17:02 all about recognizing the pattern of how

17:02 all about recognizing the pattern of how you're showing up online, why you're

17:03 you're showing up online, why you're

17:03 you're showing up online, why you're showing up in that way, and what's

17:05 showing up in that way, and what's

17:05 showing up in that way, and what's causing you in your life to decide to

17:07 causing you in your life to decide to

17:07 causing you in your life to decide to perform. Where is that coming from? It's

17:09 perform. Where is that coming from? It's

17:09 perform. Where is that coming from? It's about figuring out what are you trying

17:11 about figuring out what are you trying

17:11 about figuring out what are you trying to make public and what are you trying

17:13 to make public and what are you trying

17:14 to make public and what are you trying to put out there versus what are the

17:16 to put out there versus what are the

17:16 to put out there versus what are the actual real authentic moments of your

17:17 actual real authentic moments of your

17:17 actual real authentic moments of your life that you really want to keep off

17:19 life that you really want to keep off

17:19 life that you really want to keep off the record. It doesn't mean you need to

17:20 the record. It doesn't mean you need to

17:20 the record. It doesn't mean you need to post those moments, but it's just really

17:22 post those moments, but it's just really

17:22 post those moments, but it's just really useful to understand why do I want to

17:24 useful to understand why do I want to

17:24 useful to understand why do I want to hide these things and why do I really

17:25 hide these things and why do I really

17:25 hide these things and why do I really want to show these things? Task number

17:27 want to show these things? Task number

17:27 want to show these things? Task number three is my favorite, and this is all

17:28 three is my favorite, and this is all

17:28 three is my favorite, and this is all about hobbies. Now, I've heard so many

17:30 about hobbies. Now, I've heard so many

17:30 about hobbies. Now, I've heard so many people say this before that like one of

17:31 people say this before that like one of

17:31 people say this before that like one of the best things you can do for yourself

17:32 the best things you can do for yourself

17:32 the best things you can do for yourself in your early 20s and in your adulthood

17:34 in your early 20s and in your adulthood

17:34 in your early 20s and in your adulthood is to get back to the things that you

17:36 is to get back to the things that you

17:36 is to get back to the things that you used to love to do as a child. All of

17:39 used to love to do as a child. All of

17:39 used to love to do as a child. All of those things are such amazing core parts

17:41 those things are such amazing core parts

17:41 those things are such amazing core parts of you because you took up those hobbies

17:43 of you because you took up those hobbies

17:43 of you because you took up those hobbies and you did those activities without

17:45 and you did those activities without

17:45 and you did those activities without thinking. they were just truly such an

17:47 thinking. they were just truly such an

17:47 thinking. they were just truly such an authentic part of yourself because it

17:48 authentic part of yourself because it

17:48 authentic part of yourself because it didn't take any decision-making to do.

17:50 didn't take any decision-making to do.

17:50 didn't take any decision-making to do. So, an example of how I've done this for

17:52 So, an example of how I've done this for

17:52 So, an example of how I've done this for myself, actually, I went back to this in

17:54 myself, actually, I went back to this in

17:54 myself, actually, I went back to this in 2020. This is 6 years ago now, but

17:55 2020. This is 6 years ago now, but

17:55 2020. This is 6 years ago now, but basically, I grew up doing a lot of art,

17:57 basically, I grew up doing a lot of art,

17:57 basically, I grew up doing a lot of art, doing a lot of painting and drawing. I

17:59 doing a lot of painting and drawing. I

17:59 doing a lot of painting and drawing. I was always a really artistic kid and I

18:01 was always a really artistic kid and I

18:02 was always a really artistic kid and I stepped away from that because people

18:04 stepped away from that because people

18:04 stepped away from that because people told me art couldn't be a career and it

18:06 told me art couldn't be a career and it

18:06 told me art couldn't be a career and it wasn't realistic and it was a waste of

18:08 wasn't realistic and it was a waste of

18:08 wasn't realistic and it was a waste of time because you got to grind and you

18:09 time because you got to grind and you

18:09 time because you got to grind and you got to hustle instead. And don't get me

18:11 got to hustle instead. And don't get me

18:11 got to hustle instead. And don't get me wrong, I do focus on my businesses and

18:13 wrong, I do focus on my businesses and

18:13 wrong, I do focus on my businesses and work, but drawing where I come in my

18:15 work, but drawing where I come in my

18:15 work, but drawing where I come in my free time was really, really reconnected

18:17 free time was really, really reconnected

18:17 free time was really, really reconnected me to my inner child and who I was back

18:20 me to my inner child and who I was back

18:20 me to my inner child and who I was back then. And again, it's not about

18:21 then. And again, it's not about

18:22 then. And again, it's not about shrinking yourself or going back in time

18:23 shrinking yourself or going back in time

18:23 shrinking yourself or going back in time or trying to be your younger self again.

18:25 or trying to be your younger self again.

18:25 or trying to be your younger self again. It's about discovering why did I love

18:27 It's about discovering why did I love

18:27 It's about discovering why did I love this in the first place and really

18:29 this in the first place and really

18:29 this in the first place and really exploring that core part of yourself

18:30 exploring that core part of yourself

18:30 exploring that core part of yourself again that you let go and you've

18:31 again that you let go and you've

18:31 again that you let go and you've forgotten about. The next homework task

18:33 forgotten about. The next homework task

18:33 forgotten about. The next homework task is a little bit of a hard one and you

18:34 is a little bit of a hard one and you

18:34 is a little bit of a hard one and you might have to work your way up to this,

18:36 might have to work your way up to this,

18:36 might have to work your way up to this, but I have to say this because this is

18:37 but I have to say this because this is

18:37 but I have to say this because this is one of my personal favorites to

18:39 one of my personal favorites to

18:39 one of my personal favorites to experiment with and it's basically the

18:41 experiment with and it's basically the

18:41 experiment with and it's basically the rejection therapy homework task which is

18:43 rejection therapy homework task which is

18:43 rejection therapy homework task which is first recognizing where am I at my most

18:46 first recognizing where am I at my most

18:46 first recognizing where am I at my most inauthentic. For example, is it at the

18:47 inauthentic. For example, is it at the

18:47 inauthentic. For example, is it at the workplace and the fact that in a meeting

18:49 workplace and the fact that in a meeting

18:49 workplace and the fact that in a meeting I have to wait until somebody else

18:51 I have to wait until somebody else

18:51 I have to wait until somebody else speaks first before then volunteering my

18:54 speaks first before then volunteering my

18:54 speaks first before then volunteering my idea or is it the fact that when a

18:56 idea or is it the fact that when a

18:56 idea or is it the fact that when a colleague asks me something I'm always

18:57 colleague asks me something I'm always

18:57 colleague asks me something I'm always adapting to their opinion. let's say we

18:59 adapting to their opinion. let's say we

19:00 adapting to their opinion. let's say we realize that's where we're at most

19:01 realize that's where we're at most

19:01 realize that's where we're at most inauthentic is then challenging yourself

19:03 inauthentic is then challenging yourself

19:03 inauthentic is then challenging yourself over the next few days to take baby

19:05 over the next few days to take baby

19:05 over the next few days to take baby steps in starting to say no in starting

19:07 steps in starting to say no in starting

19:07 steps in starting to say no in starting to be a little bit more unhinged and in

19:09 to be a little bit more unhinged and in

19:09 to be a little bit more unhinged and in starting to say your authentic opinion.

19:11 starting to say your authentic opinion.

19:11 starting to say your authentic opinion. So if you're at school maybe it's the

19:13 So if you're at school maybe it's the

19:13 So if you're at school maybe it's the fact that you're going to sit at the

19:14 fact that you're going to sit at the

19:14 fact that you're going to sit at the front of the classroom first and you are

19:15 front of the classroom first and you are

19:15 front of the classroom first and you are going to be the first kid to raise your

19:17 going to be the first kid to raise your

19:17 going to be the first kid to raise your hand to say an answer that day. Whether

19:19 hand to say an answer that day. Whether

19:19 hand to say an answer that day. Whether you get the answer right or wrong does

19:21 you get the answer right or wrong does

19:21 you get the answer right or wrong does not matter. But the fact that you took

19:22 not matter. But the fact that you took

19:22 not matter. But the fact that you took that action is one step forward to a

19:25 that action is one step forward to a

19:25 that action is one step forward to a more authentic identity than the one

19:26 more authentic identity than the one

19:26 more authentic identity than the one that you had yesterday. And that is a

19:28 that you had yesterday. And that is a

19:28 that you had yesterday. And that is a win. And the very last thing I want to

19:30 win. And the very last thing I want to

19:30 win. And the very last thing I want to say for this video is that the most

19:32 say for this video is that the most

19:32 say for this video is that the most authentic version of you, she exists.

19:35 authentic version of you, she exists.

19:35 authentic version of you, she exists. She's real. She's already within you

19:37 She's real. She's already within you

19:37 She's real. She's already within you right now. All she's doing is waiting

19:39 right now. All she's doing is waiting

19:39 right now. All she's doing is waiting for you to stop hiding her and to stop

19:41 for you to stop hiding her and to stop

19:41 for you to stop hiding her and to stop apologizing for her.