How to OVERCOME SHYNESS & speak confidently in English

0:00 All right let's talk about shyness in English.

0:04 If you're a regular viewer of mmmEnglish,

0:07 you'll know that every video I create here is to help you

0:11 speak confidently in English.

0:14 But how can you speak confidently if you're too shy

0:18 or too nervous to even start?

0:20 Today I want to share three strategies with you

0:23 to help you overcome shyness

0:26 and to start speaking in English.

0:29 So if you want to stop feeling shy or nervous

0:32 when you speak in English,

0:34 make sure you stick around.

0:40 If you're a shy person, like me,

0:43 we think shyness is an inherent part of who we are

0:49 like we're born that way

0:51 but shyness is based on our perception

0:54 and our ideas of the world around us

0:58 and that can be changed.

1:00 Did you hear that?

1:02 It can change.

1:04 You can overcome shyness.

1:07 So speaking as a shy person who's been working on

1:12 overcoming shyness my entire life,

1:15 still working on it,

1:16 I know how shyness, how nervousness

1:20 and self-doubt stops me or even blocks me

1:25 from doing the things that I really want to do,

1:28 that I dream of doing.

1:30 I also know

1:32 that I have confidence within me.

1:35 We all have confidence within us.

1:38 And we can find more confidence within ourselves

1:43 but we need to look for it.

1:45 We need to coax it out.

1:48 We need to create the right environment to nurture

1:52 that confidence and allow it to grow.

1:55 It's ironic really that the confidence within us

1:58 is actually quite timid and shy.

2:01 Our confidence is the first thing that runs and hides.

2:06 The moment that we make a mistake,

2:08 the moment that we feel foolish,

2:10 the moment that we feel like we're being judged,

2:14 it's our confidence that bolts out the door.

2:17 So I've got three strategies to help you overcome shyness

2:22 and to speak English confidently.

2:25 The first and most important strategy to overcome shyness

2:30 and to speak more confidently in English

2:33 is to practise.

2:35 You might think I'm absolutely crazy but bear with me.

2:38 The thought of speaking to someone in English

2:42 can be scary, right?

2:45 Maybe for some of you it's paralysing.

2:48 Your instinct is telling you to avoid it.

2:51 Don't take the risk!

2:53 It's just your brain and your body trying to protect you.

2:57 But in order to overcome that shyness

3:01 and your fear of speaking in English,

3:04 you've got to prove to yourself

3:06 that it's not as scary as you think it is.

3:09 You need to start collecting evidence that helps you

3:12 to demonstrate

3:14 that you can speak to someone in English and that

3:19 it's quite simply

3:21 not as scary as you thought.

3:24 This is what you need to prove to yourself.

3:27 But in order to start collecting that evidence

3:31 you need to create the environment where you feel safe

3:35 and supported enough to speak.

3:37 If the only place that you speak English is at work

3:41 with your colleagues or your boss

3:44 then this could be terrifying for you,

3:47 it's not a safe or a supportive space

3:51 unless your boss is super patient and

3:54 willing to help you overcome your fear.

3:57 You need to create a different space,

4:00 a safe space where you can start to speak

4:04 and that could just be

4:06 a space with a friend

4:09 or with your English tutor

4:11 or an online speaking community

4:13 where you feel supported enough

4:16 to step out of your comfort zone.

4:18 Many of you have heard me talk about Hey Lady!

4:22 which is a speaking practice community for women only

4:26 especially women who are looking for a safe

4:29 and supportive space to practise their speaking skills.

4:33 But Hey Lady! also has a specific program for this,

4:37 the English Confidence Makeover.

4:39 It's a 45-day transformational speaking program

4:43 for women who need to overcome shyness

4:47 and start to speak English more confidently.

4:50 This is where we help women

4:52 to say goodbye to shy.

4:54 Enrolments are open right now

4:56 and classes start in two weeks.

4:59 Start in November and be speaking in December.

5:02 Ladies, this might be the moment that you change

5:05 your spoken English forever.

5:07 The link to find out more about the program is down

5:11 in the description. I recommend you check it out.

5:13 If you're a shy English speaker

5:16 then finding and creating

5:19 an environment in which you do feel safe

5:22 and you can practise speaking,

5:24 that is the most important step.

5:27 If you've got questions about how you can do that

5:30 ask me down in the comments below.

5:32 So the next strategy that I want to share with you

5:35 is a little more practical.

5:37 It's for that moment when you're preparing to speak.

5:41 So perhaps you're just about to join your class

5:44 or you need to call someone on the phone.

5:47 If you're shy and you're worried about speaking

5:50 you might be experiencing

5:53 a racing heart or shallow breathing

5:59 or a tight chest or sweaty hands

6:02 or all of those things!

6:04 I really hate those feelings

6:07 like you're already feeling anxious.

6:10 And all of those things are just

6:12 physical evidence of the fact

6:14 that you are anxious and that you're worried.

6:17 So in those moments, you've got to try and regain control

6:21 over your body.

6:23 To create more confidence

6:24 within you, you need to reduce some of those

6:27 physical symptoms.

6:29 So give yourself three to five minutes

6:32 before you need to speak to focus on your breath.

6:36 So find somewhere where you can sit still,

6:39 close your eyes

6:41 and focus on drawing your breath

6:44 deeper down inside you.

6:48 When we're nervous we're usually breathing up here.

6:54 So we're taking short shallow breaths.

6:58 If you can start to regulate your breathing and your heart rate

7:02 by taking your breath from here

7:05 down to here,

7:07 this is going to help you to feel calmer

7:11 and to take control over your breathing.

7:14 If you put your thumb

7:16 here just below your rib cage

7:19 and you practise breathing in deeply,

7:23 you should get to the point where you can feel

7:26 your diaphragm, that's this area here

7:29 pushing out against your thumb.

7:37 So allow it to expand as much as possible,

7:40 as much as you can.

7:42 Imagine that each deep breath

7:45 is creating more space for confidence

7:48 and it's inviting that confidence in

7:51 and while you're doing this

7:53 I want you to think of some positive affirmations,

7:57 some positive thoughts.

8:00 I'm looking forward to this conversation.

8:03 I'm creating new opportunities to learn and grow.

8:08 I will contribute to this conversation

8:11 and enjoy meeting someone new.

8:13 All of this is going to be helping you

8:17 to stay calm, to reduce those bodily symptoms

8:21 of fear and anxiety

8:23 and to bring more calm and more confidence into you.

8:27 Okay so this last strategy is going to help you to overcome

8:31 shyness while you're speaking.

8:33 During your conversation

8:36 I want you to try and shift the focus away from yourself

8:40 and focus on the people or the person

8:43 that you're speaking with.

8:45 Us shy folk are usually

8:48 focusing inward.

8:50 We're focusing on our racing heart

8:53 and the things that we said wrong or

8:55 that we can't seem to say right

8:57 we're too focused on ourselves.

9:00 So a strategy that always works well

9:03 is to focus your energy away from yourself and onto them.

9:07 Be as curious as you can be.

9:10 Ask questions,

9:12 show interest,

9:14 find out more about this person.

9:16 This encourages them to keep talking

9:20 which means you do less talking.

9:23 And it helps them to feel interesting and special

9:28 so their ego is going to be flattered.

9:31 We're going to be stroking their ego.

9:33 Plus it gives you the chance to capitalise on one of

9:37 your best assets,

9:38 your listening skills.

9:40 As shy people we tend to spend a lot of time listening

9:44 and thinking. This is one of our strengths.

9:46 So as that other person is talking,

9:49 focus on the words they're saying,

9:52 don't be worried about what you're going to say next,

9:55 focus on their words.

9:57 Listen for interesting ideas

10:00 that you can ask for more information about.

10:03 Listen for similarities

10:05 or things that you might have in common.

10:08 If you spend your time focused on them,

10:11 not on yourself,

10:13 you will feel less anxious and less stressed.

10:17 So if you are a shy or nervous English speaker

10:21 I hope you feel inspired to start speaking now.

10:25 More than anything, creating the space where you feel safe

10:29 and supported enough to start speaking,

10:32 that is the most important thing.

10:35 In order to overcome your fears and shyness,

10:39 you must start to speak.

10:42 Don't forget to check out the Hey Lady!

10:44 English Confidence Makeover,

10:47 a 45-day speaking program for women

10:50 who want to overcome shyness and speak English confidently.

10:55 The link is down in the description.

10:57 Ladies, this could be this space

11:00 where you start to speak.

11:03 And what happens after you start?

11:06 That will astound you.

11:09 Sending love and lots of confidence to all of you my friends,

11:14 you can be sure

11:15 that I will always be here at cheering you on.