Alysa Liu Joins The Rolling Stone Interview: ‘If I Didn’t Hit Rock Bottom, I Could Not Have Gone Up’

0:00 I feel like watching you skate, it's like you're more,

0:03 you're more relaxed than I am like buying groceries.

0:06 It's, like, amazing.

0:08 How do you get there?

0:09 How do- You, I mean, trial and error.

0:11 I got there through trial and error.

0:13 Genuinely.

0:13 If I didn't hit like rock bottom so many times, I could not have gone up.

0:27 Hi, I am Alex Morris.

0:28 I'm a senior writer at Rolling Stone magazine.

0:31 Alyssa Liu, welcome to The Rolling Stone interview.

0:34 Thank you so much.

0:35 It's so nice to have you here.

0:37 Yes, I'm excited to be here.

0:38 So, a little over a week ago you became the first U.S.

0:43 women's figure skater to win a gold medal at the Olympics, right?

0:46 Yeah.

0:46 Since 2002, which was three years before you were born,

0:51 please tell me that you have had a chance to like truly go out and celebrate.

0:56 I mean, for me, the celebration was when I was out there on the ice,

1:00 right after I performed.

1:01 I was really happy I got to hug my coaches.

1:05 That was like my celebration.

1:07 That's all I need.

1:08 You, I mean, you seemed very happy.

1:09 Yeah.

1:10 But you didn't do any like, you didn't, that was it.

1:12 You go back to your room in Olympic Village and like

1:15 were you I didn't go back to my room at all.

1:18 Okay.

1:18 That night media, ton of media- All night long.

1:21 Yeah.

1:22 Okay.

1:22 Yeah.

1:22 That doesn't sound- Like a party.

1:24 No, it wasn't a party.

1:25 So I, yeah, I didn't really do anything.

1:28 But I did meet up with like other athletes the night

1:31 before closing ceremony and we celebrated together a little bit.

1:35 But that's- What'd you do.

1:38 How'd you celebrate?

1:39 We just, we just partied.

1:40 Yeah.

1:41 Nice.

1:42 And it's Europe.

1:43 Exactly.

1:44 When you finally did get back to your- Room- After winning the individual event,

1:49 were you, I mean, have you been able to sleep?

1:51 How long does the adrenaline just like- Yeah,

1:54 I mean I was up like the rest of, I didn't sleep until I got on my flight.

2:00 Like my last sleep really was the night of before the free skate event.

2:06 Oh my gosh.

2:07 And when did you come back?

2:09 I came back about a week ago and my sleep has been good.

2:12 Okay.

2:12 It's been good.

2:13 Yeah.

2:13 Yeah.

2:14 Good.

2:14 You're catching it.

2:15 Yes, I am.

2:16 I do wanna talk about the music.

2:17 'cause your musical choices were great.

2:18 Thank but I, I loved Zara Larson.

2:21 Have you seen, you've seen the TikTok

2:22 of her watching you skate to, but I heard about, oh, it's so I heard about it.

2:27 You have to watch it, I guess I do.

2:29 So she's like kind of, it's, it's adorable.

2:32 Okay.

2:32 Okay.

2:32 She's watching you skate and she's like kind

2:34 of, she's reached out to me, we've messaged.

2:36 Oh- Yay.

2:37 She's super sweet.

2:38 Yeah.

2:38 Yeah.

2:38 So how did it come about that you picked that song

2:40 or, or picks the other songs that you use in your programs?

2:44 I mean like, so I'll go to my short program Promise by Leve.

2:48 I've, I was listening to that song like since

2:51 she released it and it was one of my favorites.

2:53 And I really related to it on like a personal level.

2:55 And I was like, wow, this is like perfect for my figure skating story.

2:59 I was like, I have to skate to it.

3:01 Like it moves me and I can envision a program to it.

3:05 So, well I thought it was a perfect choice.

3:08 And then with my state side by Pink Panthers and Zara Larson gala number,

3:13 it's one of my favorite songs.

3:16 Pink Panthers.

3:17 I actually had, she has her like the OG is just on just her say side.

3:22 But then when Zara hopped on it, like it's a remix,

3:25 A lot of Zara's lyrics I related to a lot.

3:28 And I was like, wow, this would be so perfect for the Olympic gala.

3:32 And so that's kind of how it came about.

3:34 What's a lyric you related to a- Lot.

3:37 I mean, when, when she starts she says like,

3:39 all these years I put in for the American dream.

3:43 Is it worth all the worth?

3:45 All the work if you can be here with me?

3:47 Something like that.

3:48 But I really related to that line.

3:50 I was like, oh, this describes kind of like the whole Olympic experience

3:54 'cause it's so many people's dreams and like you put in years of work.

3:58 I don't know.

3:58 I thought it was pretty cool.

4:00 It's pretty perfect.

4:01 Yeah.

4:01 I mean the dance elements and the artistry were so impressive.

4:05 Yeah.

4:05 I- I've heard you refer to yourself as like an adrenaline junkie.

4:09 Junkie.

4:09 Yeah.

4:09 And that's the same way you have, you felt when you were skating and, and- Yeah.

4:14 At least when you enjoyed it that you

4:15 were getting these dopamine hits that it was,- Yeah.

4:19 What, what was it that you love about it?

4:20 Was it the feeling of going fast or the feeling

4:22 of doing a jump and like the sort of danger of it?

4:26 Yeah.

4:26 I love the danger of it.

4:28 I also love going fast and spinning is fun.

4:31 Jumping is really fun.

4:32 And it's just satisfying whenever I land it or when

4:35 I do it the way I wanna do it.

4:37 I also love dancing.

4:39 And with figure skating you can kind of dance on the ice.

4:42 It's, it's way limited, but the little bit I can- Do on the ice is really fun.

4:49 You're an amazing dancer on the ice.

4:51 Nice.

4:51 Yeah.

4:51 So I mean, have you watched your, have you watched the- Performances?

4:55 Yes.

4:55 Okay.

4:55 Yeah, I, I watched it so that I can like analyze it.

4:58 Sure.

4:58 See what I- Like and what I don't.

5:00 You've had a really unique career trajectory.

5:03 Can you tell me about how you started skating?

5:07 Yeah, so I was five years old and my dad took me and my sister

5:10 Selena to the rink and we hopped on a public session and I really liked it.

5:15 I loved to fall, I loved to just go as fast as I could.

5:20 It was very much, it gave me a roller rollercoaster feeling.

5:24 Did you start out pushing one of those little things the kids push on the ice?

5:27 I did not.

5:28 Not you didn't.

5:29 I did not.

5:29 I kind of just jumped right into it.

5:30 I was falling inside a lot, but that's what I liked about it.

5:34 But you were able to just kind of get, get- Good.

5:37 Yeah, I kind of picked it up really fast.

5:38 So he put me in group lessons and then that turned

5:41 into private lessons and then I became competitive and yeah.

5:44 And you remember that day, you remember that first kind of time on the ice?

5:48 I'd like to think I do.

5:49 That could be false- Memories.

5:51 Sure.

5:52 Yeah.

5:52 But you got home and you liked it enough that you asked

5:56 for lessons or your saw something out there that he was like,

5:59 oh she's actually good.

6:00 Maybe we should,- Yeah, I have no idea.

6:01 Probably a mix of- Both.

6:03 And your dad was primarily a single dad?

6:07 Yeah.

6:08 You're the oldest of five kids all born through- I-V-F-I-V-F?

6:13 Yes.

6:13 Yeah.

6:13 Anonymous donors and surrogates.

6:15 Yeah.

6:15 Tell me a little bit about what it was

6:17 like growing up in a family with that structure.

6:20 Yeah, I mean we didn't know about it for a long time.

6:22 I actually figured it out 'cause I don't know,

6:24 I was like, 'cause our mom is full Chinese too.

6:27 I was kinda like, oh, I totally don't look full Chinese.

6:31 Like there's some up.

6:32 And then I was like, and my mom's really old.

6:34 Like there's no way she gave birth, gave birth to me.

6:38 But, so like I kind of put two and two together and yeah,

6:42 I mean it hasn't affected our family at all.

6:44 We're just kind of like, sure it is what it's- When you say your mom though,

6:49 this is your dad's ex wife?

6:50 Yeah.

6:51 Okay.

6:51 Yeah.

6:51 So you, so he was wasn't entirely a single dad, you- Yeah, no.

6:55 Like- She was around.

6:57 Yeah.

6:57 And my grandma was around to raise us

6:58 before she went back to China and my uncle.

7:01 So we've had a lot of support.

7:04 Your dad's background is really interesting.

7:06 Can you talk- About that a a little bit?

7:07 Yeah, no, I love my dad and his background is so interesting.

7:10 Yeah.

7:11 So he was a student protest protestor in China.

7:15 And so he had to, you know, he immigrated all the way here and built his life.

7:21 Like he left everything back in China to start like fresh.

7:25 So he's really brave and he breaks a lot of social norms and yeah.

7:33 And he raised us to be like independent.

7:37 Like we would take Bart as kids all the time.

7:39 Like he wasn't there a lot 'cause he would be at work to like, you know,

7:43 we have five kids like that's, that's a lot of kids to take care of.

7:47 So he had to really like work in the office

7:50 all day long to provide for us financially.

7:54 And figure skating is expensive.

7:56 So you were taking public transportation around like- Sometimes,

7:59 I mean he would drive us,

8:00 my uncle would drive me to, to the rink and stuff like that.

8:03 And then my dad would pick up, pick me up like after he's done working.

8:07 And then, you know, we had afterschool programs

8:10 too for like the triplets and my sister Selena.

8:13 So like we, we had it covered.

8:16 But yeah because so he was involved in arranging protests around

8:20 the time of like the tenement square squares,- Nan square stuff.

8:22 Yeah.

8:23 And then he literally had to flee.

8:25 He got sort of smug.

8:27 Smuggled.

8:27 Yeah.

8:27 He like got smuggled out.

8:29 Do you know that story?

8:30 Like I, he, he would tell us so much better.

8:33 I would do a dis I would do him a disservice but yeah,

8:38 no, he got smuggled outta China and yeah.

8:40 Brought to America.

8:42 Yeah.

8:43 It's pretty- Cool.

8:45 And so did y'all talk a lot when you were growing

8:48 up about sort of thinking for yourself and democracy and ideas around,

8:52 you know, the ideals that he had?

8:55 Yeah, I, I mean like because he's so into politics,

8:58 like kind of my whole family is as well.

9:00 It's like the ideology of like to fight for what's right

9:06 and like speak up and like basic human rights, stuff like that.

9:13 So that our family is pretty liberal and like, yeah,

9:17 I would say thanks to my father and we're just like proud of his story.

9:22 We're outspoken to just like he was, I would say,

9:25 I mean he was like really outspoken a whole nother level.

9:30 When did your life start to look really different from the average kid?

9:35 Because you know, presumably you start out and you're going to lessons

9:39 here and there and it's just kind of normal and- Yeah.

9:42 When did it start to feel like, oh I'm not sort of living the nor the normal?

9:47 Right.

9:47 The life that a kid my age does.

9:49 Yeah.

9:49 I mean first sixth grade I went to OSA for like, not even three months I think.

9:55 What's OSA?

9:55 Oh it's like Oakland School of the Arts.

9:57 It was a school but then I became homeschooled after a couple months.

10:00 And so from sixth grade on through high school I was homeschooled.

10:03 Did you like that or did it feel- No, I hated that I-A-D-H-D too.

10:08 So I do not do well learning like that.

10:11 I can't do, I couldn't do independent study very well

10:14 and I would procrastinate a lot on my homework, stuff like that.

10:17 So it was a really big struggle.

10:20 Were you doing homeschool with a tutor or online or, I mean,

10:23 no, it was all, it was all like online.

10:25 All the teachers are online.

10:26 You don't really interact with them.

10:29 Most of your homework is like,

10:30 it grades automatically right after you submit it.

10:34 Yeah.

10:34 Your dad was also, I mean very invested once he saw that you had talent,

10:41 he made sure that you had every opportunity.

10:43 But did it feel overwhelming to have that pressure, you know,

10:48 and that expectation on you when you're 11, 12, 13?

10:53 I don't know.

10:53 I genuinely don't remember if I felt pressure or not when I was like that age.

10:58 So I could not tell you.

11:00 I've, I've read that he would show up with like

11:02 a radar gun to test the speed of your jumps, right?

11:06 You have no memory of that?

11:08 I guess he did.

11:09 Yeah.

11:09 Wow.

11:09 When you were 13 you won the women's US nationals,

11:13 you're the youngest person ever to win.

11:16 And I've heard you say that you don't

11:18 actually have a lot of memories from that time.

11:21 Yeah, I definitely, I blocked them out for sure.

11:25 It kind of feels like every time I see a clip of it,

11:27 it's like I'm watching a movie 'cause I it,

11:30 I know that's me but it's like I, I'm seeing what everyone else is seeing.

11:34 It feels like a completely different person.

11:36 Yeah.

11:36 Why do you think that is?

11:38 Probably like, 'cause it was so bad.

11:40 I just didn't wanna remember every day was the same for me.

11:45 And I practice was so serious.

11:47 Like I would cry after falling on every jump like it was,

11:51 the team I had around me was so strict.

11:53 So I was in fight or flight mode all the time.

11:58 Wow.

11:59 Yeah.

11:59 I've heard you talk before about figure skating being

12:04 a a negative sport about the toxicity of it.

12:07 Can you talk a little bit about some of the things

12:10 that were going on that looking back you're like,

12:14 that should have never happened.

12:16 That's, I mean there's a lot.

12:18 I think kids staying at the rink all day is crazy.

12:21 I mean, but like, you know, some parents,

12:23 they can't like pick up their kids in the day time or stuff like that.

12:27 Yeah, I don't know.

12:28 Training schedule's just tough.

12:29 Like I didn't enjoy being at the rink like 7:00 AM to 7:00 PM every day.

12:35 And I also skated every day co when COVID hit.

12:37 That was my first day off.

12:38 So I didn't realize I was so tired until I got that day off.

12:42 'cause I was scared that I would lose all my jumps

12:44 and lose my abilities and if I took a day off.

12:48 So definitely the skating every day don't do that, isn't it?

12:52 I mean, when you're an athlete, I thought you were supposed to take it- Out.

12:56 Yeah.

12:56 You're supposed to take recovery days.

12:57 But my team was kind of ignorant to all of this.

13:00 So you gotta have a good team around you.

13:02 Mm.

13:03 But you were literally told like you can't drink water,

13:05 you can't like everything was monitored.

13:07 Everything was controlled.

13:09 Yes.

13:09 Yeah, it was crazy 'cause like they were like,

13:11 well waterway you shouldn't drink water, you gargle it.

13:14 Yeah.

13:15 Crazy.

13:16 That is actually, it's insane.

13:18 Insane.

13:18 Yeah.

13:18 I know it's really banana as well.

13:21 Yeah.

13:21 You've also sort of talked about being like low key traumatized by this time.

13:26 Do you, do you feel like that's maybe why

13:29 you don't have some of the memories or, I mean,

13:31 do you feel like you've blocked it or do

13:33 you just feel like it all kind of blurred together?

13:36 I mean it's probably a mix.

13:37 I'm gonna be honest because every day was the same.

13:40 It's kind like I don't quite,

13:43 I can't recall like certain years or like stuff like that.

13:48 And I also would miss like birthdays and holidays and so I think

13:52 that also kind of makes the timeline a little bit sketchy for me.

13:58 Yeah, there's no like pinpoints.

14:01 Did you ever spend one of your birthdays alone?

14:04 Oh yeah.

14:05 Like I, I don't know which ones,

14:08 but definitely like when COVID hit all those birthdays

14:10 were alone and I didn't celebrate my siblings birthdays,

14:14 like no holidays 'cause I was living like elsewhere by myself.

14:17 What would- You- Do?

14:19 Nothing.

14:21 Yeah, that does sound really hard.

14:24 How much of a say do you feel you had when you were a kid in terms of skating?

14:31 I mean it, it sounds like you were very in, very into it early on.

14:35 Yeah.

14:35 When did it start feeling like it was sort of getting away from you?

14:39 Mm- You know what, it never felt like that until COVID hit.

14:42 But when I looked back at it I was like, wow.

14:45 I'd never made like a single decision.

14:47 I was just agreeing to what everyone else was around me was saying.

14:53 But 14 is when I realized like I don't have a mind of my own.

14:57 And until then you really love skating you would say.

15:00 Or at 14 I, I hated skating.

15:02 I started to hate it 'cause I thought

15:04 that that's where all my issues stemmed from.

15:06 And so like at 16 I quit.

15:09 Yeah.

15:09 And then I didn't- Skate.

15:11 When you say all your issues, what are, what are you referring to?

15:14 I don't know.

15:15 I, well like, I was like kinda lonely.

15:17 I didn't see my friends well.

15:18 So it was COVID so we were all away

15:21 and I was training elsewhere and yeah, a lot.

15:26 A lot.

15:26 What do you mean a lot?

15:27 I don't know.

15:28 'cause like you're 14, you're not going to school,

15:31 you're not seeing your friends, you're training like working so hard for what?

15:35 And like I didn't even know what I was doing it for anymore.

15:39 So yeah, it was all really difficult and like I was

15:42 living alone too for a long time, for like 14 to 16.

15:45 So yeah, it, it's not ideal.

15:48 You're really close to your family and you

15:50 were not seeing them a lot of the time.

15:52 Yeah.

15:53 How did you pick where you were going?

15:54 Is it, were you following certain coaches or certain programs that were- Yeah.

16:00 Supposed to be sort of the best or- Yeah, no, I didn't pick where I was going.

16:03 They just sent me off to certain facilities where like they thought,

16:08 oh these coaches are great, this environment will be good for you,

16:11 it'll make you a better skater and stuff like that.

16:14 Yeah.

16:15 So I just, they just sent me,- I mean I presume your dad was involved.

16:19 Yeah, well 100%.

16:20 He was definitely involved in it and I don't know who else.

16:23 Probably like higher ups in the federation.

16:26 Dunno.

16:27 It doesn't seem like you felt the pressure yourself,

16:30 but it felt like other people were sort

16:31 of putting their hopes and expectations on you.

16:34 Right.

16:35 Does that sound right to you?

16:36 And how did that come out in a way that was not very healthy for you?

16:42 Yeah, I guess like, 'cause as a kid, you know you're being told like,

16:45 oh you're a fruit tree that I planted

16:48 and I'm watering you and you're supposed to bloom

16:51 into something beautiful but, and so you have to do this, you have to do it.

16:55 And so like you kind of feel like it's

16:57 your responsibility to, to bloom as a fruit tree.

17:00 I don't even know that's an an analogy I was told a lot as a kid.

17:04 And so, yeah, I don't know.

17:07 I didn't wanna let anybody down I guess.

17:10 But when COVID hit, I did not care anymore

17:13 and I was really just doing it for my younger

17:15 self 'cause I knew I wanted to go to the Olympics when I was like little kid.

17:18 So I was gonna hold out for her and then be done.

17:21 Like, I didn't care what anybody else thought at that point.

17:24 So you're doing school online, COVID hits,

17:27 you're going to practice and you're not seeing,

17:31 you're not that social group that you had.

17:33 Yeah.

17:34 You're not seeing those people.

17:35 I'm not seeing them anymore yet.

17:36 So you're pretty isolated.

17:37 I mean you're seeing your coaches.

17:39 No.

17:40 You didn't even see your coaches?

17:41 No.

17:42 How were, what, how did that work?

17:44 I was just like skating by myself and they were just at their houses, you know,

17:50 'cause it's COVID and I, I like went to another state and stuff like that.

17:55 When did you move to another state and where did you live?

17:58 I was in Delaware for like a lot of COVID and then I went to Enya.

18:05 It's this little like village in Italy.

18:08 I trained there for a long time.

18:09 And then Colorado, I lived there for a long time too.

18:13 And like imagine I, 'cause I lived in the Olympic

18:16 training center and then I trained at the Broadmoor facility.

18:19 I was just Ubering from the OTC to the rink.

18:22 Back and forth, back and forth every day.

18:25 That's it.

18:25 'cause I was there by myself.

18:27 And so like I, I couldn't go anywhere either.

18:29 'cause like I didn't have a car,

18:30 I didn't know how to get there and I didn't wanna

18:32 do stuff by myself 'cause I was like 15 years old.

18:34 So yeah, that was my life for a long- Time.

18:37 So you were just all like completely alone?

18:38 Pretty much, yeah.

18:38 And I didn't wanna do it.

18:39 So like that's where,- Yeah.

18:41 Yeah.

18:42 I mean I like figure skating.

18:44 It does seem like in some ways a, a solitary sport.

18:47 You're not on a team, but that sounds really hard actually.

18:51 Yeah,- Yeah- It was.

18:52 And how many hours a day were you skating at that point?

18:56 I mean, I would just stay at the rink all day.

18:58 'cause like there's no point to Uber all the way back and then Uber back.

19:01 Yeah.

19:01 So I would just eat lunch there and then continue training in the afternoon.

19:06 Wow.

19:07 Yeah.

19:07 And so you started realizing this is, this is terrible.

19:11 Yeah, that's when I, I,

19:12 I mean I hated it a year before but that made me hate it even

19:17 more I would say because I just wanted to be with my friends at home.

19:21 It was winning important to you.

19:23 I mean was there some goal in mind

19:27 where you felt this is what I'm working towards?

19:31 Yeah.

19:32 My goal was to just do amazing programs and the moment

19:36 I finished my free skate and also the gala program,

19:41 that's when I was like, yeah, my goal is complete.

19:45 This is your second Olympics.

19:46 The first Olympics was you, you were in Beijing, which was a COVID Olympics.

19:51 Yeah.

19:51 How was it different this time?

19:53 Oh my god, it, it's so different.

19:55 I mean there's an audience this time I don't

19:57 remember ever really interacting with the other athletes in Beijing.

20:00 And so I got to meet speed skaters,

20:03 the hockey players and it was, it was really cool.

20:06 And we did like watch parties in the team USA building like

20:09 for the other sports and just to see the competition and it was really fun.

20:13 And I got more pins this time, you know, the whole thing.

20:16 But last time you were with other figure skaters?

20:18 Yes.

20:19 It wasn't completely,

20:20 you know,- Yeah there were other figure skaters but you know, we had mask on.

20:24 We couldn't really talk to each other and social distancing,

20:26 you know, everyone was taking these precautions.

20:28 Especially 'cause it's such a big event.

20:30 If you get COVID, you're out.

20:31 So everyone was super serious.

20:33 That- Makes sense.

20:35 Yeah.

20:35 Because eventually you, you retire Yeah.

20:37 At age 16.

20:38 So COVID happened and that's when you did get some days off.

20:42 Yeah.

20:42 Tell me what you were thinking the first day you wake up in however many years,

20:47 you're not going to the ring.

20:49 Yeah, I mean it was great.

20:51 It was so great.

20:52 Like the world is my oyster type thing and there

20:55 was just so much possibility out there for me.

20:58 Exactly.

20:58 Immediately you felt that?

20:59 Yeah, immediately.

21:00 And I just, yeah, I got right to it.

21:04 So you started feeling that when COVID hit when you were 13,

21:08 14, then things open back up again.

21:12 You go back into the sport.

21:13 What was it that led you to finally say,

21:15 no, I'm ready to, I'm really ready to retire.

21:17 I'm done with this?

21:19 Yeah, like when COVID hit, like when I got my day off, I was like, I'm done.

21:22 But, 'cause I was still training and stuff like that and Oh yeah,

21:25 I was training like during COVID too,

21:27 they opened up a rink just for like, some of the top athletes to train at.

21:31 So we didn't really have too much time in the quarantine.

21:36 We were quarantined in the rink basically.

21:39 I, I had my plan like I'm just gonna go to Olympics and then quit.

21:44 And that's what I did.

21:45 But I did do worlds.

21:45 I did worlds.

21:46 'cause my friend Young was there and I

21:48 wanted to just do one more competition with her.

21:51 But yeah, after Olympics I was like, I'm done.

21:53 Your goal had been to get to the Olympics?

21:55 Yeah.

21:55 Or like when I was young, I'm pretty sure my goal was something else.

21:58 Like it was probably like, I don't wanna win the Olympics or something.

22:01 But at that point I was like, I don't, I don't care.

22:05 I just want to do it and get it over with.

22:08 How did you broach that subject with your dad and your coaches?

22:12 I didn't tell anybody because I knew that I was gonna get some pushback so I

22:17 kept a secret and then I posted about

22:19 it and then that's how everybody found out.

22:21 That way I could just cut it off clean.

22:24 You- Posted on Instagram?

22:26 Yes.

22:26 Yeah, I've, I've seen that post it's,

22:29 I mean it's a lovely sort of send off to, you know, but did people freak out?

22:35 Yeah, everybody was freaking out and a lot

22:36 of people were getting mad at me like,

22:38 you didn't even tell anybody and stuff like that.

22:40 I was like, yeah, that's the point.

22:42 'cause like I knew people would try to keep me in the sport.

22:45 How did or bribe me in some way.

22:47 Right.

22:47 How, how did your dad and your coaches respond when you posted that message?

22:51 I mean I, I think my coaches knew like they seen it coming.

22:56 My dad, I forget.

22:57 I just know he was mad.

22:59 But you've held strong, you were like, this is Oh yeah.

23:02 I mean I posted.

23:03 It's official.

23:04 I can't, you know, yeah.

23:06 I can't take it back- Official.

23:08 Right.

23:08 Yeah, sorry.

23:09 Right.

23:10 You were retired for two years.

23:13 What'd you do?

23:13 I did a lot.

23:14 You know, two years is such little time.

23:17 Like I got my driver's license so I was more free.

23:19 I could do like, go wherever I wanted,

23:22 hang out with my friends whenever, take my siblings out.

23:25 So that, that helped me feel like my own person.

23:28 I went on vacation for the first time,

23:30 family vacation with my best friend's family.

23:33 And we were just at the beach for a week.

23:35 I was swimming a ton.

23:37 My best friend's mom used to like live in Nepal

23:41 and so she has connections with a ton of the Sherpas.

23:44 She knows them.

23:45 And so the Sherpa took us to trek in the Himalayas for like a couple weeks.

23:50 That was really fun.

23:51 I went skiing for the first time.

23:53 You went to Everest Space camp, you made it?

23:55 Yeah, we trek to the Everest space camp.

23:57 That's very cool.

23:58 And then we trekked back down and it was, it was really cool.

24:00 And then, yeah, like shout out Pemba, shout out s those are Sherpas.

24:06 I went to school.

24:07 I started U-C-L-A-I did my first year and then I started my second.

24:11 By the time I started my second I was already like coming back to skating.

24:14 But I did take a ga, I took a whole gap year off after I quit.

24:18 So I didn't do school for a year.

24:19 I just hung out with my friends.

24:20 That's all I did.

24:21 Because you'd graduated high school at 15.

24:23 At 15, yeah.

24:24 'cause they wanted you to have almost a full year to prep for the Olympics.

24:27 Exactly,- Yeah.

24:29 Wow.

24:29 So you really were able to just kind of,- Yeah, just live,

24:33 I, I was so fortunate to have that year to myself,

24:36 but also I only had that year because I did school,

24:39 high school in three years instead of four.

24:41 So I had no summers so it was like hard work.

24:43 But I did get a full year to just do whatever I wanted.

24:47 I guess I could have taken a gap

24:49 year even without like condensing my high school experience.

24:52 Not that it really was an experience.

24:54 It was all on the computer anyways.

24:56 Yeah, no I was really happy that I got to do a year of nothing.

25:00 It sounds awesome.

25:01 Yeah.

25:02 Eventually you're, you go skiing with a friend and tell me about that trip.

25:08 Yeah, it was in 20, 24 January I went skiing I think in Heavenly or something.

25:14 It might've been.

25:15 And you'd never been skiing?

25:16 Yeah, I'd never been skiing.

25:18 Funny because like when you're a figure skater

25:20 they say don't do it 'cause you'll be injured.

25:22 So that was my first time trying it and I loved it so much.

25:25 It's so similar.

25:26 You know, you're cold, you're gliding and like you're going fast and yeah,

25:31 the adrenaline rush I felt was unlike anything else.

25:33 Like since I had quit.

25:35 Yeah.

25:35 I was like, oh my god, I'm on do this more often.

25:37 But the mountains are kind of far like it.

25:39 It's a day trip to get there in Tahoe and I was like,

25:42 but I need to, I need to feel,

25:44 I like got addicted to the feeling and the ice rink is right there.

25:48 And so that week I went to the ice rink with my best friend

25:52 and I just stepped on for like an hour and it was a lot of fun.

25:56 And then like a couple weeks later I went on again for an hour and I was like,

26:00 oh this is even more fun.

26:01 And then another week passes and I was just trying to go,

26:05 like my goal was to go once a week,

26:07 but sometimes it would be once every two weeks 'cause I was still in school.

26:10 And then once summer hit, that's when I was like,

26:12 I'm gonna skate like a couple times a week.

26:15 And you just felt at that point,

26:16 like you were kind of scratching an itch you're- Yes.

26:18 Psychic.

26:19 You were able to enjoy it again and you're like,

26:20 oh, I'm gonna go do something enjoyable.

26:22 Exactly.

26:22 Have you ever been skiing or like- Yeah,- Ski.

26:25 It's so fun.

26:25 Right?

26:26 Love ski.

26:26 Yeah,- Like if you could go a lot, you totally would.

26:29 And so that's like me with skating.

26:31 Yeah.

26:32 So literally that first week you went skiing,

26:34 you immediately sort of got back on the ice.

26:38 Yeah, because I was like, there's no other way I need to like find a way

26:42 to kind of satisfy this like urge to go fast kind of.

26:49 And I thought like the rink is right there.

26:51 It'd be so convenient if I did end up liking it.

26:55 But you know, it was like really traumatizing to kind of go back to the rink.

26:58 I had to go to my best friend, otherwise I would've never tried it again.

27:01 And so I'm so glad that she came with me and it was, it was fun.

27:06 But yeah, it was really scary to go back.

27:09 I heard or read somewhere that you had when you were retired,

27:12 avoided even like driving near the street.

27:16 Yeah,- I that it was on.

27:17 Yeah.

27:18 That's wild.

27:19 I know- The best friend who went with you,

27:21 is it someone who also was a is or was a skater?

27:25 Yeah.

27:25 Yeah.

27:26 And I've known her since I was six years old.

27:28 Okay.

27:28 Yeah.

27:29 It wasn't some sort of random friend and you're like, let's go skating.

27:32 No.

27:33 Yeah, she knows everything.

27:34 So she knew how important it was and how much of a big deal it was for me.

27:38 It wasn't like you get to the rink and you're

27:39 doing your thing and she's like, oh my God.

27:41 Like- Yeah,- She knew that you were gonna be really good.

27:44 I, well I have no idea what she thought, but I had no idea either.

27:49 I thought I was gonna be way worse than I was.

27:52 So it came back- Pretty quickly.

27:54 The muscle- Memory.

27:55 Yeah.

27:56 Muscle memory is a crazy thing.

27:57 Yeah.

27:58 How long did it take you to start to feel like you

28:01 were kind of back at the level you'd been at before you retired?

28:07 Oh, prob like definitely months.

28:09 Probably not until like I, for real started training like in June.

28:13 I already knew I was better in some ways.

28:15 Like my artistry, I already knew it was better 'cause I

28:18 was more in my body jump wise and stuff like that.

28:21 Took a bit.

28:22 But I would say like after a year le less than a year I was kind of back.

28:29 Well, less than a year after you were back you won the world championship.

28:33 Yeah.

28:34 Crazy.

28:34 So I would say you were definitely bad.

28:36 Yeah.

28:36 Yeah.

28:36 By that point I, I knew I- Was for sure.

28:40 At what point were you though?

28:42 Were you like, okay, I actually wanna compete again?

28:45 Summertime, like I knew for sure, for sure.

28:48 I had some talks with my coaches beforehand that want to come back because I,

28:52 I love programs and I wanted to get programs done

28:55 and then competition is kind of a reason to go to practice.

28:59 And like if I, I, and I love working out,

29:04 I love pushing my body and like it didn't make sense that I

29:08 would do that and then get like kind of nothing out of it.

29:12 So I felt like competition's the perfect excuse

29:14 to just train like whenever I want work super hard.

29:20 Yeah.

29:21 And tell me about calling your coach up

29:24 and telling him that you wanted to come back.

29:27 Around what month did that happen?

29:30 It was, it was actually February 21st in 2024.

29:34 I called him and I was like, 'cause by that point I had already like landed up

29:39 through Triple Lutz and I was really feeling skating again.

29:43 Like I felt like, oh, skating is so natural again.

29:47 And I was like, I just want lessons.

29:49 Like,- Yeah,- Let's see where this takes us.

29:51 And his response was,- I mean he said no

29:55 and then I had to like convince him why,

29:57 but like, you know, he knew how hard it was for me before.

30:00 And so he was kind of going through all the reasons like what about this?

30:03 You know, like what about this?

30:05 So I had some, like I, in order to come back,

30:07 like I wanna pick my own music 'cause I had music ideas,

30:10 I had dress ideas already that I wanted to put out into the world.

30:14 Did you have to fire your- Dad?

30:16 Like when you came back, did he wanna get, I mean I didn't have to fire him.

30:20 He was never there.

30:21 Okay.

30:21 So he was not on the team, so it was fine.

30:25 What was his response when you decided to come back?

30:28 I don't know.

30:29 I have no idea.

30:30 I mean, he was happy but like, that didn't matter to me.

30:34 I didn't care that he was happy.

30:35 I was almost mad that he was happy 'cause I was like, how dare you?

30:39 What do you mean?

30:40 Well I was just kind of like, you don't deserve to be happy over this decision.

30:44 Kind of, this is my, because you were mad when I quit.

30:46 So I was kind of like, he doesn't,

30:48 he shouldn't have an opinion on it at all, if that makes sense.

30:50 Like I didn't want him to be mad that I was coming back.

30:53 I just didn't, I didn't want him to care like, at all.

30:55 'cause it doesn't really,

30:57 it shouldn't affect him as much as it did like the last time- Around.

31:01 In some ways though, like he must have understood that you wanted,

31:04 that you were gonna be someone who would carve your own path.

31:07 'cause that's, you raised me that way.

31:10 Exactly.

31:10 You've talked some about how having

31:14 control of your career making those decisions

31:16 has been really important to your enjoyment of coming back to the sport.

31:22 Is some of that just getting older though?

31:24 You know, like a 6-year-old isn't gonna Yeah.

31:26 Be picking those things.

31:27 I mean, would that have sort of happened naturally or not?

31:31 Or would you know, are there 22 year olds

31:33 who are still just kind of doing what they're told?

31:35 Yeah, I mean I have no idea.

31:38 For me that's not the case.

31:40 And like, yeah, it is part of getting older too.

31:43 I think.

31:43 Like as a kid I didn't even know what I wanted.

31:45 That's the thing I didn't know.

31:47 And so at 14 that's when I was like, what am I doing this for?

31:50 I don't even know what I want.

31:52 So it's kind, it kind of goes both ways.

31:55 I've also heard you talk about competition

31:58 and say that it just seems sort of meaningless.

32:04 I know now, you know, you've said it doesn't really matter.

32:07 I'm not doing this to win, I'm doing this to give people an- Experience.

32:11 Yeah.

32:12 But that sounds different from what you said before.

32:15 You had no emotional attachment to competing.

32:19 Mm, well I mean when I was like my last getting career,

32:22 all the programs I didn't like, like they weren't my ideas.

32:26 You know, I was put in dresses that like also I wasn't super comfortable in.

32:31 And like hair and makeup I wasn't comfortable in, you know, it wasn't me.

32:34 I didn't know who I was at that point either, to be fair.

32:37 But yeah, I didn't like to perform 'cause I was like kind of embarrassed.

32:42 I didn't wanna show my programs.

32:43 I didn't want people to see the dress I was in and stuff like that.

32:46 Now that I have control, like I wanna show it, I am more confident.

32:50 I think that's the plus in getting creative control.

32:55 What embarrassed- You?

32:57 Just that it didn't feel like you or were there?

32:59 Or were you actually thinking, is this really cringe or?

33:03 Yeah, literally I was like, oh, like this, these colors do not look good on me.

33:07 Like this ponytail's not it and stuff like that.

33:11 Or like, oh this makeup is like, doesn't,

33:13 it makes me look like a whole new person.

33:16 And you know, like parts of the choreography too.

33:18 I'm like, what am I doing?

33:20 Yeah.

33:21 I mean it wasn't me.

33:23 So, and you know as a kid you're

33:25 like more inclined to be embarrassed over stuff, especially if it's not yours.

33:30 Yeah, for- Sure.

33:32 Going back to politics for a second with these Olympics,

33:36 there was definitely some tension around the political moment we're in,- Right?

33:41 Yeah.

33:42 Is this political moment something you thought about in terms

33:46 of representing the US or are you more like,

33:49 I'm going in, I'm doing my thing, you know, this this is, yeah.

33:52 Something that's sort of outside of- Politics?

33:55 Yeah, I think, no, I think what us athletes can do to provide,

33:57 I guess like, 'cause we, we are Americans and I think the fact

34:02 that all of us have such unique stories and backgrounds,

34:05 that is kind of what it's all about.

34:08 And we get what we get to share stories on the big stage,

34:11 it's, I don't know, we had a super diverse team and like I,

34:14 I was proud that I could represent who I was on the big

34:18 stage on behalf of like the Americans that could relate to me.

34:22 I don't know, I think it's all about just sharing stories

34:25 and having people feel for you and like more empathy needs to happen.

34:33 For sure.

34:34 What are some things that you've done

34:36 or some ways you've participated in American democracy?

34:39 Yeah, I mean like also protests.

34:42 I mean, I was no student protest organizer or nothing,

34:45 but like, like yeah, me and my family, we'd go to protests and my best friend,

34:49 their family is also really involved with politics.

34:53 Sometimes we'll call like our policy makers, we'd write like little letters.

34:58 I remember when we were kids we would do this a lot.

35:00 But yeah, mostly protest donations to like little stuff here and there.

35:04 What are things that you've protested or what

35:07 are things you've called your congress person about?

35:09 Yeah.

35:10 What are issues that you, A lot of climate stuff, but mostly like,

35:15 like election things, black Lives Matter,

35:18 like stop Asian, hate ice protests and yeah.

35:22 A ton of, a ton of that stuff.

35:25 You're at UCLA, you're majoring in psychology still.

35:28 Yeah, right.

35:28 I mean right now I'm taking a break from school, so.

35:31 Right.

35:32 Not majoring anything, but yeah, psychology.

35:34 You picked that because you, you thought that the experience that you'd

35:38 had in figure skating had sort of given

35:40 you a lot of empathy and that that would be a good thing to study.

35:43 Yeah, I mean I was always into psychology kind of.

35:46 I took a few classes in high school, but I was mostly interested in like,

35:52 like why do I think the way I do and how can I become like a better person?

35:58 And I don't know, like how can I change my mindset and be

36:02 more positive about things and how do I make my life positive in general?

36:07 And so I, I wanted not even positive, like,

36:10 'cause honestly in life I, I also love sadness, I love anger.

36:16 Like I love to feel all of that.

36:17 I don't think the pinnacle of like life's goals, happiness, actually.

36:24 I guess just more peaceful thinking maybe.

36:29 But yeah, that's why I chose psychology.

36:31 You have also talked a lot about

36:34 mental health and seeing someone who really advocates

36:36 for that in a way that I find inspiring like a lot of people do.

36:41 Have you ever seen a sports psychologist and a Yeah.

36:45 Like what were, was that a helpful experience?

36:48 Yeah, no it definitely was.

36:49 I have a sports psychologist, her name is Caroline.

36:51 She's great.

36:52 Like she's incredible and I love, I learn a lot from her.

36:57 And because I'm a psych major, you know, I ask her a ton of questions about

37:00 psychology and she teaches me a lot of things.

37:02 I feel like watching you skate,

37:04 it's like you're more, you're more relaxed than I am.

37:07 Like buying groceries, it's like amazing.

37:10 How do you get there?

37:12 How do you, I mean, trial and error.

37:14 I got there through trial and error.

37:16 Genuinely.

37:16 If I didn't hit like rock bottom so many times I could not have gone up.

37:20 So that's why I say like, I wouldn't tell my younger self a thing.

37:23 Like I want her to go through all

37:25 that because that's the only reason why I'm- Here.

37:29 I wouldn't change a thing about my past.

37:29 What else in pop culture is interesting to you right now?

37:32 Like what are you listening to?

37:33 What are you reading?

37:33 What are you watching- This week?

37:36 A lot of Pink Panthers, of course.

37:39 Molly Santana, leve.

37:40 Yeah.

37:41 A lot of Leve this week.

37:43 Oh, Dawn Toliver.

37:44 He had a new album.

37:46 So I've been listening to that quite a bit.

37:49 What's next?

37:49 What do the next few months hold for you?

37:52 Oh, so well we, I have worlds.

37:55 Yeah, I really wanna do worlds 'cause I wanna see the skaters again.

37:58 And it's a big competition so it'll be fun.

38:00 And a lot of them are gonna be retiring,

38:01 so I wanna see them one last time, you know, last hurrah.

38:04 And then we have show tours like immediately after for months from like,

38:10 we have Japan tours starting in April.

38:13 And then we have US tours starting like later af like weeks after.

38:18 And it goes until like beginning of June.

38:21 I love this Blade Angels dynamic.

38:24 Me too.

38:25 With you and Amberly and Isabelle Lido,

38:27 will they also be doing these tours with you as a kid?

38:30 Are you gonna be reunited?

38:31 Yeah,- We will be.

38:32 And I'll hopefully see them at Worlds too.

38:34 But yeah, we're gonna be on tour together for months and I'm really excited.

38:39 Is that what, what's that vibe like to be,

38:41 I mean like you're competing against each other,

38:43 but you're also really good friends.

38:45 Tell me a little bit about how you- Navigate- That.

38:48 Yeah, I mean, we're all independent artists

38:50 and athletes and we're just showing the people

38:52 what we're capable of and what we have to offer on the same ice together.

38:57 And it's, it's really beautiful to me and I really get along with them,

39:03 like on and off the ice.

39:05 We just have really great chemistry, so that helps.

39:07 Do you have text chains going all the time?

39:09 Yeah, we do.

39:09 We do.

39:10 Have they- Texted you this- Morning?

39:11 Oh yeah, I think we've text like there's been texts in that group chat today.

39:16 That's awesome.

39:16 Yeah.

39:16 Well, y'all were all amazing.

39:17 Alyssa, thank you so much for being here today.

39:20 It's, it is truly a delight to see someone who delights in what they do.

39:25 So much do it.

39:26 And I think, you know, I'll speak for myself that it's also,

39:30 it's great to have something that happened that made

39:34 me really excited to be an American again.

39:36 Good.

39:36 But thank you so much for being here.

39:40 Thank you for sharing this time with us.

39:43 And again, congratulations.

39:44 Yay.

39:44 Thank you so much.

39:45 Thanks for having me.

39:46 Letting me talk.