RT Podcast Moments [100-269]

0:00 this is our first video podcast yes he may require

0:02 surgery oh really what happened he walked into his bed

0:05 he walked into his bed the bed was not

0:08 in the normal position wait wait wait so the bed

0:10 being not a position changes the story did you walk

0:11 into the bed I walked in there were no lights

0:14 one of the dumbest things that we ever did

0:16 as a company is start our company on April 1st so

0:18 I figured this out this weekend these two here thrive

0:22 on just like conflict you figured that out this weekend

0:26 like like oh God it makes sense wait a minute

0:30 probably the most like I'm probably the most laid-back easygoing

0:33 is take whatever comes person in this office you're

0:36 super laidback until you lose it X whatever X is

0:39 and then you're this guy you two both I don't

0:41 know what it is it's like I like sitting between you

0:43 I can feel the anger just like Building inside

0:45 of me you're fine I love you sweetie yeah I love

0:47 you too I'm so happy[ __] you guys see

0:50 this is what they do this is what they do I

0:51 was hoping he'd get me a hotel room tonight

0:54 he would say that[ __] all the time they're going

0:56 to cut my other leg off tomorrow so I I

0:57 need a comfy bed and the next day he still have

1:00 that[ __] leg he still he owes us that leg

1:04 Yeah that's terrible he's like I'm coming for the leg

1:06 office trophy we can put it up next to all

1:07 of our Machin Awards you know I just and I

1:11 would she'd be randing at like random people and I

1:12 would say leave you know leave them alone and then

1:14 she'd yell at me and I go told you yell at me I'm I'm as crazy as you are shut

1:17 the[ __] up I'd be yelling with this homeless lady

1:20 in the middle of the street it was fun it's

1:22 a real photo it wasn't her can I tell you

1:24 if you're jacking off is knowing it it's photoshopped is

1:26 it like a boner killer boner killer is it you're

1:28 like oh why I see the blend I don't know not I don't give a[ __] I I could be

1:34 looking at my[ __] front lawn Photoshop some boot Lawn

1:41 oh my God the sprinklers just came on team

1:45 you have to tag Ramsay's tagging out I didn't need

1:49 to talk about the fun thing that I want to talk

1:50 about with you did he explain the situation the situation

1:53 the situation we'll talk about no not that situation I

1:57 I have the opinion I don't think any animal I

1:58 can beat any animal like I'm talking even like

2:01 a shark I could beat a shark in the water shark's

2:03 tough because I'm in its environment lion tiger doesn't scare

2:06 me all yeah we also talked about the one where

2:08 the the guys are on the elephants and the Tigers

2:10 in the grass and you can't see it and it

2:12 just like leaps out it's like how does anything chance

2:15 against that's a little T anyway do you not like

2:19 snakes are you not you're not a fan of Sak

2:20 come on you know that yeah no I shut down really like if if I if I was in a room

2:24 with a rattlesnake right now I would seiz up

2:27 fall over and let it eat me cherries that have

2:29 been soaked in moonshine I think it's called Midnight Moon

2:32 I'm going eat one just[ __] down it I mean

2:36 is the secret just to like just to I'm shaving

2:41 it is it bad oh God should you just swallow

2:44 it should I just swall we're not that cool um what

2:49 do you think burning yeah no it hurts burs

2:53 this side of my tongue is numb weren't you supposed

2:57 to be there God you be okay Joel it was it's not bad I just had one oh did you

3:05 no we'll get we has we have more for him

3:07 later Bron just take your cherry Brandon Joel eat

3:10 your cherry[ __] you're not going to get dessert if

3:12 you don't eat your cherry the first live streaming podcast ever

3:16 in the history of the internet we are the first

3:18 ever live streaming podcast this is a much longer video

3:23 than I there he goes there get thereit [Laughter] like

3:32 what then head shot there you go his face manes

3:40 he's the most relaxed cat in the entire world you

3:43 know what would be a really good pickup line hey

3:45 baby you want me to scramble your legs you know

3:48 I my impression of Gavin is what what if your legs

3:54 didn't know that they were leg I don't know what

3:59 is il to eat what Eagle are you trying to say

4:02 eating eagle is not the eagle oh wow okay I'm

4:08 normally not like this but when I'm at a bar

4:10 I feel like I should be served first why

4:14 like I want my drink right now it's like when

4:16 someone farts in public and they try and hide it

4:20 by making another noise like with their mouth that sounds

4:22 similar to a fart have you ever done that no

4:25 me neither I should remember having a picture taken

4:29 with the giant hot dog you're in it as well

4:31 do you remember that no are you legitimately stuck no twist

4:37 it oh my god did it why would you

4:40 stick your all right people on Twitter stop telling me

4:42 that honey doesn't spoil I get it get it Jeff

4:45 was trying to figure out the other night if dicks dicks

4:48 dicks and more dicks was taken like I love

4:50 grapes I could eat like 50 grapes but gles yeah

4:57 your legs are uneven I think it's to do

4:59 with your teeth what uh vertebrae are the ones that are

5:04 in your neck and like the lumbar and the thoracic

5:07 ones I guess would be in the middleway park shut

5:11 you're like so quick witted in the worst way I'm

5:13 about to eat bow Appetit it's like get the[ __] out

5:16 bull vage vage what I don't understand about Reddit is

5:20 shut up all go ahead is you get the somebody

5:23 sends flowers to the office you steal the vase

5:25 and then suddenly the people have created the world's greatest I

5:30 love you I love that's really good it is Michael

5:33 things are not that simple I threaten his life we

5:36 threaten to punch him I sit here I feel

5:38 that The Fire Rises amongst the people on the I love

5:42 this vase I wish I wish I had a vase

5:44 somewhere within grabbing distance strike Me Down Jack but you

5:47 will never destroy my message something about get out

5:51 of my shop you are playing with fire sir I mean

5:55 like and him and I are going to be probably

5:56 fight over who loves it more cuz I know I[

5:58 __] love the[ __] you like I love it cuz

6:00 I love blowing[ __] up and it's like awesome I

6:01 love the gameplay like that you're like oh my God

6:04 the lore and that's true every single little data

6:11 piece he had the Dead Space Bible with him which

6:14 was like everything that had been and I didn't give

6:17 a[ __] what the hell was that what are you

6:20 doing but but like it's weird cuz I have a if

6:24 you had to choose your last words what would they

6:26 be God damn it but I was was I told myself I'm like godamn it heart you will not

6:33 give out because I swear to God if I die

6:36 every comment ever we be like oh he Rage Quit

6:40 life R quit so I said I had a moment I'm I love that your voice for Jack is

6:46 the same as your voice for the internet why I just

6:48 love that so much Jack's like oh what are you

6:50 doing and Jack's like I'm going to get this waffle

6:52 and someone's like I'm going to get this waffle

6:54 and everyone's like I'm going to get this waffle I'm get

6:55 this Waffle and I was like yeah I'm going

6:56 to get this and it was like a cheeseburger or something

6:58 with like an egg on and Jack was like you're

7:01 not going to get a waffle and I was like

7:03 no I want a waffle he's like it's called The Waffle

7:06 why don't you get a waffle called The Waffle yeah

7:09 but iff but I didn't pick the[ __] place you're

7:13 like this is where we're going and like he had

7:15 a fit that I was the only one there

7:16 that didn't get a waffle so because I'm an idiot I

7:19 was like I just kept playing it up and I was like oh my burger has an egg on it

7:23 can you believe it so I kept saying the Jordan

7:26 like when I got it [Applause] that sounds like me

7:43 playing the recorder I don't know million views there something

7:46 about that so funny hey Gavin we talked about Cara

7:48 seeing just podcast I was I was responsible how many

7:51 of you have this is but I want to point

7:54 out this is the new Achievement Hunter beanie that we

7:56 just got whoop there's more beer underneath it[ __] cozy

8:00 it's a beer cozy well you were really proud

8:02 of that stupid ass trick yeah that that was like trying

8:05 to work out the MTH this is the Halloween podcast so fart no did you I did I was

8:10 in that bathroom earlier before we were setting up yeah

8:12 and I destroyed it Brandon sometimes says this depressing thing

8:17 that when you hug someone you never really get close

8:19 to you never really touch them that it's just electrons

8:21 repelling each other really yeah you're[ __] sad as[ __]

8:26 that the most pathetic thing ever Jesus Christ 's the speed

8:29 of gravity what's that I don't understand there's no

8:32 speed of gravity it's acceleration it's a force it's half

8:35 the speed of push yeah how how quickly does it

8:38 move though he's like you but he's you're not the idiot

8:40 friend he actually said this he said that if he

8:43 fell out of a plane he would aim for a mountain

8:47 he'd aim for a a mountain to hit the angle

8:49 and he'd run the thing is that would probably

8:55 work yeah it would not work it would it would

8:58 work because you'd be where's Joe that happens and I

9:01 I'm almost crying I'm laughing so not funny like

9:07 a thousand times you don't like Angelina J I'm going

9:11 to get a lot of[ __] for this go ahead

9:12 Brad Pit really just somebody in the room just moaned

9:19 who was that that was me what P I'm not

9:22 into Brad P he's not my style she looks like

9:25 a painting that got rain that yeah she looks

9:28 a painting that got rain yeah I just kind of drooped

9:30 and sagged in weird places no I don't judge I

9:33 don't judge people like you just called Maggie Gyllenhaal a painting

9:36 that got rained on I don't judge anyone what

9:40 the[ __] no but I wouldn't that is literally the worst

9:43 said about another human being no but I wouldn't have

9:46 it's different though that's just like that's what she looks

9:50 like it's not my fault she's idot it's not

9:52 my fault she actually looks like that do you have

9:55 a racist penis what's that you only into white and somebody

9:59 T starts talking to you through the bathroom door what

10:02 was that somebody starts talking to you through the bathroom

10:04 door get your closer all right so he'll be hanging

10:06 out he seems like he loves it he's just chilling

10:09 God I love it it's like it's like a normal

10:12 cat you expect him to take off he just

10:13 comes right back do you get asked if you're gay

10:15 a lot no not at all you don't just by you

10:18 twice now where's the mouse where's the mouse came up

10:25 to me and said hey uh I got to talk to you I was like all right what's up he's

10:29 like um I'm the one who put the the water

10:32 in the tequila bottle but uh it wasn't my fault

10:35 I said what do you mean what do you they're

10:38 they're stuck on Me on the camera so I'm mouthing

10:40 your story I guess I'm trying to help you I

10:42 uh I[ __] myself when I was in kindergarten before

10:46 I cut my hair miles you look you look like

10:49 a nerdy kid that somebody made up for a movie

10:52 cuz they don't sell iPads they sell their controller Xbox

10:56 doesn't sell iPhones but you can still control your Xbox

10:58 from an iPhone yeah huh but they have but they

11:01 don't make a what what do you mean well

11:03 like what if you were being a bit cheeky oh

11:06 cheeky just have a pleasant conversation here's my issue what

11:10 the[ __] are you talking about when have you ever

11:12 had a pleasant conversation anybody ever who's the world's most

11:16 famous bowler you're talking about pety Weber there you go

11:19 P Weber Pete web I I can see I can I can see sad that I know that but it's true

11:24 I could you guys go go back and watch even

11:26 your 25 let's plays in at this point with Minecraft

11:30 26 okay I was way off Jack thanks uh so you can go back and listen to we look

11:34 at each other at like Monday meeting stuff I'm i i

11:40 people would not I mean the only thing that makes

11:44 somebody older true I've never been more in love than

11:47 the person that just made the pain go away

11:50 in about 5 seconds so you peed on her I I

11:52 peed on her earlier that was a that was

11:54 a different incidence do you watch porn yeah yeah hi Mom

11:57 and Dad she sends me the picture of herself

12:01 like that and I'm like oh Barbara's got fake blood

12:02 on obviously but then she sends a text right after

12:05 it where she just writes help me and that's it she

12:08 writ help me sounds good right uh yeah I

12:14 I think but the difference Brandon is I can't get

12:16 in here and start cleaning this or like moving[ __]

12:19 around or getting set up so that's a good point yes

12:22 it is that's why I me good Lord I'm going

12:26 to remember what this we're going to cut to a video

12:28 here in a second Brandon you piece[ __] uh

12:30 let me let me let me find you an actual

12:31 um that I can't be doing with just faffy nonsense

12:35 I just like to be like faffy is that your word

12:37 here's your punch nerd I would love to see show

12:40 up in an Xbox letter jacket calling people a nerd

12:42 yeah and the other is the uh oh and the other

12:46 is the uh the wife right just so relaxed[

12:49 __] solid game a good Contender I don't know if

12:52 both trials and their DLC should be on there yeah

12:54 like that's kind of double dipping despite the fact

12:56 the DLC was so worms 3 four five there's eight there's

13:00 eight how am i counting this wrong 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 eight jacket 1 2 3 4

13:05 5 6 I lost count one two three four five

13:09 six can I briefly just talk about jizz for one

13:11 second no no how about we don't how about we

13:14 don't then imediately started contemplating well I have to figure

13:16 out shut up best DLC of all time how many games do you play a month do you think

13:22 uh uh like all right okay how make thank you

13:33 it's something about watching people are it's like well I

13:35 will never be that good ever you know that pisses

13:37 you off yeah I played quite a bit of that you

13:39 know I am looking forward to some City talking

13:41 about like I don't give a[ __] about what you're

13:42 looking forward to I give a[ __] about best

13:44 games I scratch off the thing is about the stuff

13:48 that Jack likes is that he likes everything too much

13:50 like you jack talk about Revelations or Breaking Bad and he

13:54 just ejaculates all over himself no because there's some things

13:56 I'm passionate about he going like this the whole time

13:58 but you best TV show best TV show all right

14:02 just going to do one of these uh Walking Dead's

14:04 going to be on there just going to do one

14:05 of these for a bit uh what what else going

14:07 to be in there no no I'm asking you oh

14:10 I've got some[ __] on here my friend oh do

14:12 you shut up we're not we're not having a My Little

14:14 Pony discussion on this[ __] podcast thank you do

14:16 me a favor put My Little Pony on the list

14:18 and cross it off no I'm not okay I tried

14:21 I'm not going to like shooting or sniping like Ray

14:23 is but like when it comes to driving Vehicles like

14:25 I can do that all day and so it's like

14:27 I like Halo but I'm not good at shoot yeah

14:29 pretty much it's great when my mom wants to FaceTime

14:31 me I'm like shut up my mom had me when she was 30 did you have the beard I did

14:37 I came out came out with beard beard came out

14:39 first Jack beard wait a minute there's the chin apparently

14:44 there's there's a place on South lar that they actually

14:46 do like like beard trims and they actually will like

14:49 they specialize called barers shop I keep meaning to bring

14:52 this up so I'm going to bring it up right

14:53 now while I remember has nothing to do with your disgusting

14:55 beard thank you as a man with a beard

14:57 fetish don't shave it as a there you go Jack

15:00 that's a a tweet that just came in thank you

15:03 man us there's plenty of ladies out there that enjoy

15:06 the beard there are zero ladies there was a dude

15:07 with a beard fetish and he found you all

15:10 right that we were just exhausted after that I really

15:11 want to do that thing that they didn't me they

15:15 did in Role Models where on the table take

15:18 his pants off or anything your wife text me afterwards saying

15:20 that I had pretty hair so she also text you

15:23 calling you a[ __] yeah she be a[ __] yeah

15:25 Jesus or was it the same text message pretty hair[

15:29 __] or was it pretty[ __] hair who knows God

15:33 I got so pissed off during that video cuz

15:34 that were cool you[ __] calling playing Minecraft how do you

15:38 door yeah how do you door how do you door

15:41 I don't know yeah did you know they were talking about

15:43 a game or did no it has something to do

15:46 with after Christmas I don't know it's so funny

15:50 give their employees presents in likees Old boxes yeah

15:54 that they used yeah it was like like when I was

15:56 a kid you know I'd always see it on calendars

15:58 and I always imagine that's what it was that it

15:59 was about boxing that it was like get him going

16:04 what's my background oh nice Jo the cat don't give him

16:08 a complex so Merry Christmas to everybody except for Barbara

16:11 who here's what I've learned by the way Cara is

16:14 decorating the set for Hanukkah she's saying that Jewish people

16:17 like silver I think we should definitely look into that Miles

16:21 I want you to learn that R and I want you to perform it when you get back

16:24 from the holidays oh excellent your challenge has been accepted

16:27 marra I'm so[ __] tired of this my name's not grain

16:34 fee I did I got you a brand new

16:37 one from the godlet shoot why is he standing like

16:40 that he looks fabulous he's got a stand okay thanks

16:45 Brandon you're in the[ __] chair bar bro you had

16:49 one job I don't know what to do I'm so

16:53 confused now let's have you ever jacked off with your off

16:56 hand nope I switched go and that's all I

17:00 wait wait wait wait wait wait you now only use

17:02 your left hand yeah do you ever use both

17:04 at the same time uh for like for that not how

17:13 else am I going to answer that come onon

17:20 the oh my God I don't know I think you're too

17:23 modest about the size of your dick I'm just going

17:24 to say it I'm convinced that you have a huge

17:26 dick D I I I've heard this from several people

17:29 how was this talking about my dick no no no seriously

17:32 word on the street is you have an absolute Corker

17:36 we were trying to see you come with the biggest

17:37 splash and I found this big rock and I was like this is it this is like the nuke

17:41 of rocks I go hey Mom watch this I underhand it and I throw it up as hard as I

17:47 can and I waited and I was so happy

17:50 and that rock went straight up and came straight back down

17:53 and my ass went straight to the emergency room she

17:56 like watching you commit suicide yeah she couldn't just like

17:59 drop my infant brother and run to my rescue she's

18:01 holding it saying like no you idiot so what you're

18:06 saying is she picked favorit that day yeah not you

18:09 not me anyway so what the[ __] did you give

18:15 me Cara that was loud as hell e so I'm

18:18 sure oh God scared the hell out of me it never

18:21 get told I know I mean we get it more

18:23 frequently now actually I was like on Christmas Eve it

18:26 still scared me I saw you doing it it still[

18:29 __] scar he he tweeted something pathetic like I wonder

18:32 what it would take to get Lacy shabar to say hi to me and I follow to follow me

18:36 and I replied to I was like go home Jack

18:37 you're drunk and then she replied with hi and I was

18:40 like no it's funny everyone who has a Twitter who's

18:44 like not considered famous in any way shape or form

18:46 why do they bother having a Twitter like oh two

18:49 people follow me 10 people follow me that's a way

18:51 to communicate with your friends yeah but like what

18:53 if you friends you[ __] supermodel over here wow yeah

18:56 at that all the normal people do on Twitter you also

19:03 got engaged yes it was badass all around and uh we

19:09 nerded out you also ate Michael put this announcement

19:12 that they had gotten engaged and then I went to go

19:15 congratulate both of them I go over to Lindsay's

19:16 Twitter account Michael says hey we just got engaged Lindsay

19:19 says I just ate a MC rib me come

19:23 on it's the McRib it's back duck for a second Lindsay

19:26 yeah duck there you go all right all you can

19:29 come back up all right a probably like an eight

19:33 or nine-year-old fan I was like wow that's pretty cool

19:36 and the idea that people start you know you recognize

19:38 someone from the internet way to make it about you

19:40 jack really awesome no it's kind of the the podcasting

19:43 was interesting I think I'm the fourth or fifth most

19:47 attended on the podcast and it's funny because it's like

19:49 way to make it about you again jack no every

19:51 time we bring something up it's like this is Jack talking

19:54 about how it relates to me now the Gavin

19:56 is wherever the[ __] Gavin is right now I'm happy

19:58 to be back on the podcast he's in England stupid

20:01 England where Joe has any like concept of the passage

20:03 of time at all like one year to the next

20:05 or anything like that or does he even remember the weather

20:08 does he remember it being hot and now it's cold

20:10 yeah right does he expect it to get hot again

20:11 I mean no catch they should make alarm clocks

20:14 that make the animal about to throw up no that will

20:19 that will always I will jump out of bed

20:21 in a[ __] second like ready to go you know you

20:25 know many photos I have of people touching my beard

20:27 as gross as it is but I still have it

20:30 like people want to go and see a beard it's

20:33 I have a shirt Bas on guys and the worst

20:36 part about chickenpox for me 1 2 3 not Bernie

20:41 La is 2 hours later so I'll just hang out

20:43 here it's a good thing we were on Bernie shot

20:45 hey that hurt[ __] that one stung me a little

20:50 bit all right well let's let's WP a neat

20:52 little thing but now we got to stack them I

20:53 got to do something with it so frame them put

20:56 them up yeah do you collect anything no I think

20:58 collecting stupid I hate collecting I was going to pause

21:02 my I to turn off my iPod and as I

21:04 pressed pause all the lights went off and it took

21:06 me by such surprise cuz I thought I'd done it

21:09 and then I slipped on my[ __] I was right on my ass in front of the the shop

21:15 and looked at you and go and mouthed you have

21:17 a small dick and it turned around and just kept driving

21:21 and I just about died laughing in the back seat

21:26 what is the equivalent of doing to a woman like

21:29 the woman said you have a small penis tell

21:31 her you have a she has a huge vagina bucket vagina

21:34 or you have you have no boobs like this no

21:40 boobs because Dan is a[ __] idiot d d might

21:46 be one of the most like lovable buffoons he had

21:49 a very awkward exit from the green screen podcast he

21:53 just like stands off to the side you can see

21:55 his arm and he's oh I'll go back this way

21:56 and he tends to walk down stairs like like funny

21:59 he just stands up in the back he like I

22:01 still scream down say just leave then walk away out

22:05 of the shot whoever was C to him genius Brandon

22:09 that was amazing so funny Cara like literally comes running

22:12 in like a little sister like what do you guys do

22:16 I'm like I'm like no no careful I was

22:17 like I was like everything is laid out very specifically

22:20 she's like guys I'm not going to ruin it

22:22 and then she picks up a box and then like all

22:24 these bags of Mega boxes start falling out on the floor

22:27 I was like what the[ __] did I say

22:28 hey and then she just drops it and then starts

22:30 laughing and then runs around and then runs away this is

22:34 like living at home with my little sister all over

22:37 again I was like get out of my room okay

22:41 great thanks yeah you know well now don't try

22:44 to go don't act like an[ __] of me don't go

22:46 on Sunday either I'm helping you let me ask you

22:48 a question when you Akira didn't really care for it

22:52 but I mean it's whatever didn't really Ure for it

22:55 no yeah that you get the hell out you're you're

22:58 trying to to hard yeah I know that was

22:59 a stretch come on Babs I'm sorry there's too much

23:01 pressure on me to make puns now is there does

23:04 anyone put pressure on you to make them Barbara who

23:06 the[ __] sit here and like dude I hope Barbara

23:08 does it please please oh man it's been 35 seconds

23:12 since the lastet me every single day there's no other

23:16 sport where fighting is condoned like that and you get

23:18 in a fight and it's like go sit

23:20 in the timeout space for a minute you bad boy yeah

23:24 in soccer it's like did you sneeze on him get

23:26 the in soccer it's like don't do that again you do

23:28 it again like you're[ __] ejected for three games yeah

23:30 basketball it's just like an open net point point point

23:33 point there should be a dude like above the net

23:35 just like rejected if he had like some sort of let

23:39 me ask you a question please ask away would you

23:42 have sexual intercourse with a flashlight that was your face

23:46 with a with an open mouth sorry sure why

23:49 not if it was life-sized like they did a cast

23:51 of your hair why not you would be happy looking

23:53 down at yourself it doesn't make that noise it would

23:59 okay would it be my voice too that might be

24:01 a little much you to pre-recorded I would think you would

24:03 lie on your back and then uh pull your legs

24:06 over your head that would that that be the shittiest

24:08 way to die yeah that's so wait would you die

24:12 from a spinal injury or would you die from your spine

24:14 snapping and your dick falling into your throat you

24:16 choke yourself on your own it just buzzed off boo

24:24 it wasn't the honey pot he was hoping it would

24:26 be boo listen it when you're a woman and you

24:29 have boobs and you get to play with those boobs

24:31 whenever you want it's awesome see I knew it I

24:34 knew it have been Li you all these years no

24:38 not too much no like a a cup maybe if

24:42 I'm lucky not even so when you get general herpes

24:46 is it only on one side then why are you

24:48 asking me I don't know you seem to but two

24:58 two virgins going and it must be comedy to watch

25:02 you don't see the wave you don't see the W

25:03 invisible yeah you're invisible[ __] I just you got

25:08 the smackdown in the podcast cabin Serv did you hear

25:11 about the um the other Universe they may have found so

25:14 some some science but in real life so you you

25:17 are the reason that politicians blame video games for like

25:20 M shootings I remember we we found some tree porn

25:23 when I was a kid yeah it's not for the ladies

25:26 well yeah it would be for the ladies too

25:27 more let's be honest no lady likes that beard have

25:30 you no no no have you ever been complimented

25:31 on the smell of your beard by a lady no no

25:35 no lady likes that beard I'm making this case shut

25:37 up I I grew the beard for a lady so come on now so yeah so at least one lady

25:41 liked the beard like the smell of it you kept

25:43 the beard for you well no I've kept the beard

25:45 now cuz I have a freaking shirt like if if

25:47 I shave the beard then I'm like come on this sh

25:49 going to[ __] you had the beard and you

25:51 were maintaining it before the shirt existed I had

25:53 to do my hair anyway it just happens to smell nice

25:55 if I did cologne it looks like I've made

25:56 an effort to smell nice and I don't like I think

25:58 I hate that and I think I hate you now the thing is about soap say there's a bar

26:05 of soap there's a bar of soap you're an idiot

26:10 I've never seen you so flum hook thing we have no

26:18 warning we're live we are this is my delicious pancake

26:21 here's this one that came out this is a you

26:24 ready here nice look at that get some on this one

26:28 real Hye you ready all right we're go totally

26:30 high with this one one two three nice that Wass

26:35 good would you like to guess what the second question

26:37 she asked was what's that can I make a pancake

26:39 in the shape of a dick oh of course she

26:41 asked that like right off the bat we were

26:43 in a meeting yesterday and I feel totally comfortable talking about

26:46 this my I think my favorite one is someone wanted

26:49 to know if they were pregnant and had sex could

26:53 the baby could the baby get pregnant still worried about

26:59 knock knocking up their unborn kid yeah yeah like if

27:03 they're pregnant with a girl and they have sex could

27:05 then the baby get pregnant as well what like I

27:07 know what the Big Ben clock is but what's

27:08 the Twitter the Twitter account is just every hour goes bong

27:11 I do follow it's actually useful cuz Barbara stop it

27:16 it's not that funny yeah it is it's genius what

27:20 what I'm going to say I'm making a s'mores waffle

27:22 so this is uh pancake this pancake say waffle so

27:27 I'm making Brandon the more as waffles do you reckon

27:29 you could get pancake so that's for Brandon yeah Allan

27:33 you want a waffle a pancake we need we need

27:40 to counter on that when you get this pancake mix

27:42 it like swells up unless you you mean waffle mix

27:46 no I don't you actually had me there for a second

27:48 though in between takes as well he would like

27:50 cook me up these little nibbles and stuff like what'

27:52 you think of this one i' be like well that's

27:54 great I was just waffling down I didn't realize it

27:56 was flirting until it was too late look[ __] knows

27:58 what do you mean oh my God sorry that's you

28:04 know for those of you watching the audio podcast they

28:06 just superimposed Joe on the video much bigger triple size

28:09 he was before why he's got giant cat he's he's

28:13 catastrophic they were also pretty happy back there but you

28:16 can see Joel's Joe's I keep call him Joel Joe's

28:19 uh bling collar Joel some waffles all right hey Allan

28:22 how is that macadamia nut do you have to be

28:24 married to have an in-law yes yes yeah but have

28:28 to be married to be an outlaw oh what I

28:32 don't know I'm trying to say oh did someone send

28:33 the acknowledgements picture already that's so funny so Gavin

28:40 has up on the screen the acknowledgements from this guy's

28:42 cookbook and at the end it just says and Gavin

28:45 it's literally the last thing on the page who sent

28:47 this to us Gordon Ramsey on Hell's Kitchen in the UK

28:49 versus Hell's Kitchen in America I think I talked

28:52 about this before but the American audience I guess they

28:55 they have the attention span of a lemon or something[ __]

28:59 easy yeah a there are people watching you right now

29:02 lemon he called you a[ __] thean all right listen

29:07 lemens attention span of the US must I think I

29:12 like bikes you ride bikes I think in the span

29:15 of 5 Seconds in the span of about 5 seconds

29:21 I think I saw 30 Cuts okay I'm not going to be able to swallow it all where it

29:26 in all in don't choke you oh come on you got

29:35 a nibble on the end you remember how remember how

29:37 we said earlier that you can literally find a porner

29:40 fetish for anything there is some guy watching this right

29:42 now who's going I can't believe this has actually happened

29:46 what are the chances they would have pancakes and barberot

29:50 in the same day I wouldn't expect it before

29:52 that I suddenly don't like pancakes anymore no you're done

29:55 yeah the balloon popped and Gavin goes he was like he

29:57 was he talking he's like right what are you

29:59 on about this and that the other thing and then blue

30:01 PPS he goes[ __] a duck I didn't even know

30:05 that I didn't even know that was a British expression

30:08 somebody who didn't know that I was divorced who's Ashley

30:10 for people do Ashley's my girlfriend okay uh Barbara am

30:15 I overstepping my bounds by saying girlfriend is that appropriate

30:17 to say that she is absolutely your girlfriend I go

30:19 to Barbara all the time for like social etiquette

30:20 stuff so um but if a cup shows up in a porn video it's like get out just get

30:25 eject immediately is it because of two girls on cup is

30:29 that no it's just any cup I mean just think

30:31 about any any [Laughter] cup get him enough listen to him

30:47 so you to say in real life oh it was

30:52 horrifying it's[ __] good movie I did anyone say it's

30:56 our good oh Jes I don't think so man

30:59 that oh Jesus Barbara trying wow she has her own soundboard

31:03 now for shitty jokes my phone is on silent so

31:06 it was hey internet want a pancake let's see what

31:09 Google autocompletes when I type in how many fingers

31:13 no put it up on no no we don't want

31:15 to put that online oh God all right what what

31:20 okay it says how many fingers what is so stupid I

31:25 Ted it out many good God what does it

31:29 Sayed how many fingers and it auto completed this is

31:32 the number one search for how many fingers how many

31:37 fingers does a person have fingers does a how many fingers

31:42 does a person wow God internet you are so dumb

31:49 how many figures can you fit and then that doesn't

31:51 say anything well there you go and how many how

31:54 many fingures do cats how many fingures do cats have

31:57 fingers can you fit if you put a space

31:59 at the end of it what does that a compl how

32:02 many fingers does a person have when you poop let

32:07 me read this let me read this you're obviously going

32:10 to derail us let me this going to be

32:12 a while so who owns the copyright symbol is that owned

32:19 by anyone oh God thank God they updated Java you

32:32 guys are what's up everyone someone had someone had our TV

32:40 on the wrong input we had no idea we're watching

32:42 Brandon go like this oh or you made a Twitter

32:47 account for Joe and she looked it up and like

32:49 don't don't no don't worry about don't and she

32:51 goes she goes no no no and so I said well it's rtor Joe the cat and so she said

32:55 Okay and she tweeted it and it was literally like

32:57 we're watching the ostrich I'm like don't look don't look

32:59 and turn up she looks and goes your cat has

33:03 15,000 and I was like yeah just can you can

33:10 you run it can you freeze cheese what is

33:19 this with the letter U yeah why would you can you

33:24 can you freeze cheese is more popular then can you

33:29 print from an iPad I just it was on the podcast

33:34 right so you're an[ __] I posted oop what did

33:42 you run out of mouth I fill it up someone

33:45 just suggested an episode of immersion where we get

33:48 a[ __] and let him jump on Gavin's back and Gavin

33:53 if someone's about to poke you in the head

33:55 and you just get just a few like centimeters away you

33:57 almost like feel that oh my God miles no one

33:59 has ever gotten closer than that ever you poked him

34:02 in the eye you Pok him in[ __] eye I'm

34:06 sorry was that you know yeah she is they're showing

34:10 it on the screen here for us of her falling

34:11 so she was accepting she seemed genuinely shocked that she

34:13 W I always was under the impression that when

34:15 a girl fools you shouldn't help her up you're an[ __]

34:20 because should her her fend for herself like a turtle

34:24 but when you draw attention to it you might embarrass

34:26 her K if you were in that position and wow

34:29 where are you jeez and you fell down would you

34:33 want help getting up no but what she did do

34:38 was after she fell she was like I'm just going

34:41 to hold the position she didn't get right back up

34:44 that is Rebel that is Adam's dog and he comes

34:48 to the office you you it's okay I don't like

34:50 when people on Twitter call my dog shitty I'm like

34:53 my dog is better than you my dog is awesome

34:56 you are a piece of[ __] how many follow does

34:58 your dog my dog doesn't have a Twitter account

35:00 stupid so there's a girl in public and you see

35:03 her and you think she likes you so you do

35:05 what do a video on her you point a giant[ __]

35:08 mechanism at her's azy[ __] notion ask her out ask

35:13 girl I'm not going to do that Gavin or Google

35:16 Joel is correct can you see oxygen is Gavin why

35:20 the[ __] would you ask that is that a serious

35:21 question so here is and this one is how

35:25 many buttons dot dot dot how many buttons [Music] I'm

35:33 gav one of them is how many buttons do you

35:35 have to button on a two button suit I have

35:37 no idea what you're saying how many buttons do you

35:39 have to button on a two button suit how many

35:41 buttons do you have to button on a two button

35:42 suit and then the the release that movie by like

35:46 a year jeez I didn't know that I'm trying

35:48 to look up who owns MGM like who owns the moon

35:52 you could have saved that one stupid[ __] Google do

35:56 this with your wife don't watch the podcast Esther clamp

35:58 your mouth over her nose and blow and she goes

36:03 so we so so explain this to me you half

36:05 an egg right I'm let's just say I there was

36:07 an egg that made you're 50% egg I'm 50% egg yes

36:11 I'm 50% egg and you're 50% jizz yeah that is

36:14 correct when you word it like that it's mental she

36:17 broke a line that goes back to the beginning time

36:20 true so how do you word it so it's not

36:21 I feel really depressed now how is that less interesting

36:24 than half egg half juice expl that to me another

36:27 way to word it is I didn't know how how

36:29 many liters were in a gallon 3.75 is that right

36:32 you knew that off the top of your head

36:33 yeah no it's like it's four no it's 3.75 l

36:36 no it's not 3.75 it's it's it's 3.75 L

36:40 to the gallon one gallon is 3.785 L I was off

36:43 by 300s of a[ __] lader you goddamn[ __]

36:47 no but there's there's difference in gallons isn't there there's

36:50 a metric and an imperial I'm going to[ __]

36:53 but a gallon is a gallon is a gallon a US gallon

36:55 the difference a UK gallon no a gallon is

36:57 a gallon you sure yes are you yes a gallon is

37:01 a gallon it's a[ __] suck my knob the US

37:06 the US liquid gallon is 3.785 L the imperial gallon

37:12 is 4.5 L what why do you all have

37:15 your own gallon suck my up is that true all right

37:19 Gavin wins wow no but if he's converting it

37:21 to American you have to use the American gallon to con

37:23 make that conversion oh yeah oh M's getting stuck now

37:28 what are you doing what happened he's he's for the whole

37:30 point of his story is to compare it to American

37:32 prices we don't use a[ __] imperial gallon or whatever

37:38 your stupid gallon is way the shot on your crotch

37:40 when he did that was unbelievable that should absolutely be

37:43 a gift Gavin how have you lived this long I

37:45 mean that is a mathematical anomaly that you're alive we

37:49 you need the Boy Scouts I was at the party

37:51 at Gus's house when you you got gone you got

37:53 gone have have you been have you hit that level

37:56 again since then what what's wrong with you sounds like

37:59 something made do you have a[ __] PhD no never

38:02 mind great guy look at Christ man so are you

38:07 excited about North Korea blowing up the world oh just

38:09 ignore them so I talked about was what was it

38:12 on the podcast two three weeks ago something like

38:14 that is it wrong that I'm not I'm not worried there's

38:17 so many people everywhere that I feel like I probably

38:19 won't die no it's totally fine not to worry you

38:22 already it's the radiation from that which I imagine moves

38:25 faster than I can get out of there like light

38:27 isn't it radiation anyway so look radiation might fall somewhere

38:34 between the speed of Gavin and that narrow window googler

38:40 Gavin which one said it let's find out hey

38:43 I'm feeling lucky okay that couldn't have gone better oh

38:54 my god oh so one is Gavin one is gole

38:59 Goodell I thought I thought was what do you define

39:01 as a zombie do you define as someone who died

39:03 but is still alive wow wait can we repeat that will

39:12 you please just repeat what you said cuz some people

39:15 may have missed that you can have someone you can

39:17 have someone who's died but they're still on no like

39:24 I was in my driveway just sitting there and a bird

39:25 with bump and hit it and was at the gym

39:28 the other day apparently birds are really dusty I

39:31 didn't know this yeah they hit the window and they

39:33 leave the print they leave a perfect bird print when

39:35 they hit the window bam how how is what's different

39:38 about this tell me apparently no wait wait wait Jack is

39:40 a North Korea analyst apparently please tell me what isi

39:44 what is different is what I'm[ __] asking you they

39:46 broke the contract they had with South Korea arm it's

39:50 happened before never has it happened 60 years they've had

39:52 it hasn't happened four times in the last decade

39:54 they've done that I don't think so and they cut

39:56 the phone line 10 years ago in 2003 no we'll[

39:58 __] that I got to give the signal I thought it

40:03 was upside down that your no no down down

40:05 the this is this is the signal which one said it

40:08 let's find out hey I'm feeling lucky okay so

40:15 this love how that exist I'm going to have to agree

40:17 with guys I'm I'm going opposite I'm saying the neck

40:20 is Google Barbara and that's wait wait that's exactly what

40:23 we said exactly so that's not opposite qualify qualified I'll

40:28 take so not who said it Gavin Google or Jack

40:32 really Gavin Gavin think about he's been playing search

40:34 and simulator you're saying if someone comes up to you

40:37 and Yanks on your ribs and then your air rushes

40:39 in that's not you breathing in too much that's a[ __]

40:42 yanking on your ribs it's like if somebody shoots

40:44 you in the head it's not the air that get

40:46 got in that killed you it's the person who shot

40:49 you in the head he eliminated not disqualified well what

40:53 my God not at all not not all the same[

40:56 __] thing yeah I my rules qualifi after Jack was

41:00 executed last week for going and how does a dog

41:03 know when it should stop growing how does a dog

41:10 know that it's supposed to like bones oh my God

41:17 that a really hard one that is a really hard

41:19 well every dog species ends up around a certain size

41:23 like if Adam's dog dog ended up that was really weird

41:31 if I ate a seed would The Roots come out

41:33 of my butt okay and if I ate myself would

41:37 I be twice as big or would I Disappear Completely

41:45 I'll do the opposite you guys are tied Barbara was

41:48 correct so you said a seed yeah so someone

41:51 on Google people that one actually was given to me

41:54 by an audience member they gave me that one that was

41:56 a Reddit like a machine gun if you like one

42:02 of those meaty ones from the movies from a chopper

42:04 it's like same thing I just is it okay it's

42:10 essentially the same like you guys flush smaller and in see

42:15 how long he lives my God see see if

42:18 he starves to death user was that or lights himself

42:20 on fire and the film like the the soundtrack hadn't

42:24 been completed yet so it was just a like K

42:27 was like all temp score so it was like music

42:29 from Batman and like guns and roses and ACDC

42:31 and like it was all like this really kickass music no

42:36 you think he talking I'm looking at pictures of saying

42:39 that Jack lost his camera privileges since he into the bathroom

42:42 okay I've Rage Quit in Minecraft more than anything

42:45 else I play right now like and then I get

42:47 so pissed off I'm like[ __] it I'm done

42:49 and I you do that all the time but what is

42:50 the purpose of our Let's Plays is it to win

42:53 or is it to make a decent video that entertains

42:55 people there was times where you would SU I used

42:57 I used to get really pissed off I definitely calm

42:59 down there's one Minecraft let's play we did where I

43:02 just didn't use Jack's video at all I didn't cut

43:04 to him once cuz he was just off on his own oh I remember that no cuz I cuz like

43:07 we started and I was like yeah it's going

43:09 to be fun and you immediately you guys were like[ __]

43:11 with me like well[ __] it I'm done and then

43:12 I was like ran off and did my own thing I was like all right you can give it out

43:15 Jack but you can't take it back so I don't

43:17 give it out this the thing I never give it

43:18 out I just I just receive constantly you're okay let's

43:22 be honest straight up talk babies look delicious if I

43:26 had I personal favor here if you just look right

43:30 here suck my knob see that did you get drunk

43:35 at PAX Prime a few years ago and you we

43:37 a bar and you handed out your phone to a bunch

43:39 of people and let them tweet from the rooster

43:40 teeth account that is true so when I know it

43:44 happens and I know it's true I just feel like

43:47 fell off a bridge I could land in a way that I you try it no cuz I know it

43:51 kills you I know it but it's like I have

43:53 trouble believing that I would die from that leg he

43:56 was like watching a video of a guy it you're

43:57 like that wouldn't happen I'm like after that event then

44:01 I went to go meet the the rushy teeth group

44:03 at dinner walked up and I go you're all drunk

44:07 and goes uh oh nice and so I stood up owner of the company I stood up I held

44:13 my glass up to everyone at the table everybody like

44:15 stops and looks at me and I go I am Catbug

44:21 I slam my and sat down Barbara said she laugh

44:24 for about 20 minutes after that and I would give

44:26 them a popcorn i' go hey here take this popcorn

44:29 you're too drunk you have to go now you have

44:31 to leave you have to leave and people were leaving

44:35 oh my God I was kicking people out the part

44:40 you're really pushing the limit so get away with did

44:43 you like grab one of the Scrolls and you're

44:44 like I do hereby decree that you are expelled

44:48 from my everybody's banished Exile yourself from the kingdom

44:53 in in my defense actually Ashley caught me really quickly

44:56 in the process I a lot of popcorn you only threw out

44:58 a few people oh because my hair's getting too long

45:02 look at this I'll tell you what like like I

45:05 totally respect where he tried to get a free sponsorship

45:07 by scamming me yeah I did that he did he

45:09 emailed me saying that uh he was really depressed cuz

45:12 his parents had just died and he wanted to know

45:13 if you pre sponsor my entire family was dead and also

45:16 it's my birthday I think I replied with[ __] off

45:20 kid get out of here you're the most distinct looking

45:23 I think does that mean I'm ugly yes that means

45:25 you're ugly I don't want to say that like

45:27 very are you a good judge of an attractive man

45:29 no not at all what would be his basis look at me this is the best I can do

45:35 do you think I know what good look good is no I I was going to say I can't think

45:38 of a a better group of people the to spend

45:41 10 years with but I probably can I probably can

45:44 some some some girls from The Claremont Lounge yeah we'll

45:46 figure out for make 20 but I've had a good time

45:49 Jack did you hear about that that Jack got really

45:52 pissed at me that I just mentioned that he was

45:54 going to austral in the podcast and he hadn't yet

45:56 he hadn announced it yet you're stealing his Thunder you got

45:58 to talk to his PR people and make sure

46:01 this stuff is uh is straightened out what so can I

46:04 just say one thing and then what do you do

46:06 the week after the cat gets thrown out but everyone

46:08 knows cuz you won't shut up about it I brewed

46:10 some beer there are literally tiny little flies everywhere now

46:14 in the studio cuz of your stupid beer project that's

46:16 not my fault yes it is no it's because because

46:20 Studio it's not the beer it's the insulation how does

46:22 insulation make flies they had the doors open oh you're

46:25 so[ __] am I the only one who heard that Google

46:28 was coming up with a grocery store in the future

46:31 and that's what I thought Google Fiber was when

46:32 I heard about it first I had no idea explain

46:35 this please explain this see that Google Fiber was what

46:37 a grocery store you thought Google Fiber was a grocery

46:41 store yes actor or actress who plays Catbug I refuse

46:44 to watch it cuz I don't want to ruin it

46:46 cuz if I see the person's face in in animation

46:49 it'll just it'll wreck it for me I bet I

46:51 bet at some point in your career you're going

46:53 to meet whoever does it and they're going to say I'm

46:55 a big fan I do cat bug and you're just going to be like noap the[ __] out of him

47:01 slap the[ __] out of some kid hey I'm feeling

47:06 lucky damn every time is it bad if you can't see 3D and then is it bad is it bad

47:18 if your semen is clear you would say the same

47:22 thing the 3D is Gavin you would both be correct

47:24 you eat you can't laugh at the[ __] answer you

47:28 the SE one you re was that an actual question

47:33 do homeless people understand knock knock [Laughter] jokes do animals

47:43 know which animal they are I had a problem where

47:50 there was a squirrel where every time it saw me

47:52 it would throw stuff at me really yeah it's like

47:56 warning the following show contains adult situations and brief nudity

47:59 and I'm like damn how brief is the nudity is

48:02 that the beginning of the movie maybe maybe your idea

48:05 of brief Isn't My Idea brief an hour later I'm

48:09 missing class and I'm sitting there watching this[ __] movie

48:12 Waiting for the new my knob you the knob

48:15 and the I don't want to admit how I do it

48:17 because nobody taught me how to do it and I

48:19 don't know if I'm doing it you got to tell

48:21 us but you're saying you squat over a bin

48:24 it must be going everywhere yeah that's disgusting you are

48:26 an I don't you don't squat so that it does

48:30 go everywhere I don't what so you stand B up right

48:38 just going all over the place you got a squat

48:41 how how tall is the bin it's it's this is

48:46 a perfectly normal process I have a body CH

48:52 that catches all that I have to empty that thing out

48:53 so it is like a lawn mower KL all

48:55 right that was Gavin that was Gavin that seemed late

49:01 that was Gavin it's on camera that was laughing uh

49:06 all right what it's time to wrap up all right so

49:10 uh sh perfect I just want to point out that I was off screen I said I said can I

49:16 can I get like to get a drink he gave

49:19 me a 12pack of beer no that makes that makes

49:22 sense I would have I would I know I know

49:24 who he is yeah dude I think I think you're

49:27 right I was only halfway paying attention I think Gus

49:29 is was only halfway paying attention think Gus is right

49:32 we somebody sent us today no no no don't don't

49:36 don't oh everyone's saying no no I don't know I

49:38 don't know what you're talking about some don't I don't

49:41 I will cut your mic off okay okay why cuz we will just get more of it we got

49:45 a package that was weird it was it was gorilla poop

49:48 I just have to say it I'm sorry it was

49:50 they sent us gorilla feces it's disgusting he was right

49:55 we should not have talked about this uh now we're

49:57 get more[ __] gorilla[ __] poop so what what's baby

50:00 corn the little what's that the little sweet corn what

50:02 they do is they take a real corn and then

50:04 they shave it down to that little size you're lying

50:06 of course I am what the[ __] do you think it is I'm asking you what it is it's

50:09 a little corn so that's that's real yes I honestly feel

50:12 sorry for any woman who ever had to deal

50:14 with any part of me I yeah I don't understand

50:16 it how much of that honey did you drink what

50:19 is you didn't drink I drink honey and I'm not

50:22 the only one who was using it if there was

50:23 no honey and I had to go like to another

50:26 the building to get honey I just wouldn't have honey

50:29 like who needs honey that much what do you put honey

50:32 in tea oh tea and I think I didn't know how to re cuz you know when you make

50:37 the wrong code you have to press a button to do

50:39 it again and I didn't know that bit so I

50:41 was like it's pretty awful it's pretty awful he should

50:43 either start yeah there's a picture of it it's pretty

50:47 awful it's like he should either start wearing a a hat

50:50 now or just get it buz ready to go he should just get it shaved off but you

50:55 know what he looks like a for a three character

50:58 I would just burst out laughing like in the middle

51:00 of like a serious conversation I I just couldn't look

51:02 at him he looks ridiculous so then we went

51:06 to uh to a Starbucks to get some coffee how muchay

51:08 this person literally we walk in and the barista's like

51:11 oh my God you're G Roo her teeth she's like how

51:13 much did you pay that guy did you plan

51:15 this I was like no no no this is totally just

51:17 happening she's like it was like literally within 5 minutes

51:20 of me telling her someone uh recognized but seriously how

51:22 much did you pay that guy it was like 100

51:24 bucks no it was like weird your guests from rooster

51:29 too teeth roster to roster to those ones from the movies

51:34 they're fictional right you don't ever really have a dilder

51:36 that's like why not but you do you have

51:39 those I don't I up my ass you want some SC

51:45 why didn't you try it why didn't you I don't

51:48 need to cuz I don't want anything in my bum

51:52 [Music] W like a week after I planted it

51:56 I walked out and there was a[ __] squirrel he

51:59 had ripped it out of the ground he had bit

52:02 off the stem bit off the root and just ate

52:04 the nut that was like the seed I was like

52:07 you[ __][ __] like I walked out in the morning

52:09 to come to work and like he stopped with it

52:11 in his mouth and like turned to look at me and I looked at him I was like what

52:14 the[ __] off running I was like God damn did you

52:18 give Chase yeah I chased him then he like ran

52:21 up the tree immediately I I didn't think you would actually

52:25 I was so[ __] you actually the squirrel oh

52:29 wow they are amazing oh look at that nice zoom

52:33 camera work they're uh I'm Feeling Lucky Blue Chris has

52:39 yet to say anything on the podcast yet he's made

52:42 me laugh the hardest Chris you did the same thing

52:46 to us right before the podcast what did he say

52:47 that made us laugh so hard no it Baker dozen

52:51 of Baker's Dozen was 11 it's you made a nucleus

52:55 we made it like go Adam I think of my Adam was chlorine it it was like we had

52:59 to make a model of it you didn't do that no

53:01 I made a[ __] Adam cuz I'm a God Bernie

53:05 Burns Adam Smasher grabs some protons and some neutrons

53:09 and I've created life see someone said please read this guys

53:13 we read it all right there I don't read

53:15 his name at all just[ __] my stomach's kind of broken

53:18 you got the craziest stomach you've got like like

53:20 pregnancy stomach it's the weirdest thing ever let's not show

53:23 I meant I meant I get sick I've got stomach

53:25 problems not that I'm fat like the way the way

53:27 your stomach goes down like because we've seen shorts where

53:30 you don't have a shirt on it goes down it's

53:31 like you have like a flat chest flat like flat

53:34 abs and then the stomach like how that going for you

53:38 fit for RT Jack just laid into it but no

53:40 no I was saying it's crazy I'm just ignore I

53:43 heard recently a character is alive when they should be

53:46 dead by this point in the show and it's like

53:48 yeah I haven't haven't gotten far enough to know like

53:49 I'm still behind in the books from the TV show

53:52 and I know there there's supposed to be something

53:53 this season people are freaking out waiting for like something about

53:55 a pit no no don't even say you say

53:59 that what the[ __] is wrong with you Jack that means

54:03 nothing that means nothing we going to get tweeted now

54:06 yeah you got to hide the Twitter twit off I

54:09 just killed it also now it's like that's such

54:11 a[ __] dick move what is that something about a pit

54:14 like oh thanks that's that's probably wrong now every single

54:17 hole I see in the show I'm going be like oh it's going to be a tiny PUD be like

54:21 that's the pit or you to see a vagina like

54:23 there it is there it is C guys I don't

54:26 you know some watch about the video did he just

54:29 put his hand down his ass and put it in yeah

54:31 no he farted on his hand and the for love

54:33 of God why are we on this video so long why do we have to cut to[ __] video

54:38 for forever it's this isn't the the the YouTube recap

54:45 show oh my God I reckon biggest dick in achievement

54:48 I know this guy no not at all well are

54:52 we talking about big jerk to people or yeah not

54:54 penis size not at all who why why am I the biggest dick at Achi Hunter gaving up

55:01 on a and achiev Hunter videos all the time I stop

55:03 doing that no I actually I stopped doing that I've been

55:05 much nicer to him how about this I never started

55:08 boom oh like you'll Crush my bag of chips when

55:11 you I'm glad I'm not the only one I felt

55:13 really bad after I did it to you the other

55:14 day did that to me remember you said you ask

55:17 about MakerBot and if it runs on on chips and I

55:19 said yeah micr chips and I squished the bag

55:21 of chips you were eating are you sure that was me

55:23 yeah it was you and you had the most sad

55:25 look on your face certain someone was watching a[ __]

55:28 recently who was watching a[ __] who was watching

55:30 a[ __] no you you have to them who was watching

55:33 a blow there's no way I'm out in that person

55:35 no there's no way was it here at was it

55:37 here at the office no but the point is no

55:39 no no no no the point is Hunter office if

55:42 you're it wasn't in the achievement I'm not doing it

55:45 I'm that's clearly a yes I have no idea it's

55:48 her face and you see them on women all

55:50 the time every woman you look at you see her face

55:52 but you don't see them with the dick in their mouth

55:54 yeah but that doesn't that doesn't it's not attractive

55:56 to me this doesn't it's not a turn on so

55:58 a woman with a knob in a Gob that the first

56:05 one's just about Nos and going fast and you had

56:07 to choose a movie to describe your sex life what

56:09 would it be fast and furious[ __] talking about movies

56:13 so I can make the goddamn segue to the second

56:16 goddamn sponsor bro I thre you hell are you

56:19 doing this to me Jesus Christ so Iron Man Esther

56:23 when she's drunk is one of my favorite people not

56:27 when she's sober I I mean when how often do I see Esther sober do you think 90%

56:36 of the time no you're crazy are you saying my wife's

56:39 a drunk I'm saying I'm drunk when I see

56:45 her oh that's my favorite shot we've ever done you want

56:48 to go yeah let's go jersey style um no no

56:54 you called her drun now you're saying it's when your you're

56:56 drunk I'm saying we only see each other at Social

56:59 occasions where there's booze I never just go and hang

57:02 out with her at a coffee shop or something

57:03 do I he let's get coffee Esther that's never going

57:05 to happen yeah cuz you don't drive that's true and she

57:09 doesn't either it'll never happen hey G can you drive

57:13 me an down the street top three I'll save it

57:17 for later you look it up on imbb as well

57:19 I'm going to wow let's pull them all out

57:21 of the pth[ __] going at him you laid into Gus

57:24 in by stomach yeah you called me fat[ __] pot

57:27 call the k f did you say calling the pot kle fat fat K you looking big these I'm

57:39 feeling lucky all right so let's play Gavin or Google

57:46 this is the game where we discovered why does

57:48 the moon always make me tired have you ever seen someone

57:55 with tan eyes I don't know I've never seen someone

57:57 who stares into the Sun for a long time touche Gavin

58:03 but you didn't have anything to do with Austin

58:05 I live in Austin it's yeah but you haven't done

58:07 you haven't made Austin talk like why why are

58:09 you so proud I made my little little[ __] out

58:12 of a vagina in a place now I'm so proud

58:14 of it yeah you must have moned off at least

58:16 once to the fact that you're from Austin when you

58:18 were told that you're a fifth generation I bet you went

58:20 to your room and you were quiet for a while

58:24 I bet it wasn't quiet oh are you allowed jack

58:29 off sorry you are you allow Jack very quiet is

58:32 anybody I asse that everyone here is pretty quiet when

58:36 they're dinking right go on I mean aside from communication

58:42 like communication is like shut up get on your back

58:47 and get wet now we know the rub there we

58:54 go all right didn't it get left behind somewhere I thought

58:58 we had the story behind that didn't you have

58:59 it in California at one point for some reason it

59:02 disappeared oh we just had that Barbara punan rtaa which

59:08 actually at least that was decent in animated Adventure form

59:11 those were all really funny that was a really good

59:13 animated I have to admit we don't script any dialogue

59:15 we do any achievement on our video so it's pretty

59:17 much just like Riff on whatever way that's not scripted talk

59:22 about drawing the curtain backjack holy[ __] had no idea

59:27 well we we actually did a behind the scenes video

59:29 scared the[ __] out of me right there go the big

59:31 thing is you step on the part of the tread

59:32 that doesn't move like you just like drift when you're

59:34 going left and you step on the of the TR

59:36 and you stumble stumbling a Tre and you like

59:38 and there's been times where I've gone down and like

59:40 shot off the back I've done that thing where like

59:41 a headphone came out of my ear plus with plan

59:43 starting as low $8 a month for software and hosting

59:46 Squarespace is a real value Squarespace is exceptionally welld

59:49 designed it has awardwinning design teams who regularly add smart

59:51 new features and amazing design templates for example They just

59:54 added a new calendar feature called the events collection

59:57 that allows you to share schedule updates you hit that bit

59:59 on the front of my knee that makes your leg

1:00:01 kick forward it's that reflex bit that made a really

1:00:04 satisfying noise it did I want to whip you some

1:00:06 more with that I was like you're trying to read

1:00:09 it you're like[ __] God damn now you have

1:00:12 to love me forever and the baby oh there you go

1:00:15 is that there's Emma yeah that's Emma so cute she's

1:00:18 freaking awesome how old's your dog wait till plays there he

1:00:20 goes play there's a cat drinking from his sink

1:00:22 the cat has no idea how to drink so it decides

1:00:25 to drink by like pushing its head into the F

1:00:27 it has to drink the liquid that runs down its

1:00:29 head and then yeah drinking the runoff stupid stupidest

1:00:34 cat I've ever seen in my life Yow I knew

1:00:38 a dude forever who pronounced he knew the word sule

1:00:42 but when he read it he read he readed a stle

1:00:46 and that's how he always read it he's electric it

1:00:49 doesn't count when his electricity on don't click on that you[

1:00:52 __] that's right no no the queso now has

1:00:56 like the green chilies are mixed in with the queso

1:00:58 before it was like they had them separate and mix

1:01:00 it in delicious wow wait everybody stop Jack let's work

1:01:04 through this okay so you're upset that they have

1:01:08 a bowl of queso with green chilies in it and they

1:01:11 mixed in the green chilies into the queso instead

1:01:13 of putting them on top I have a question why did

1:01:15 you ruin my life by mixing in the green chili

1:01:19 but no but I mean like people like with it

1:01:21 yeah I always compare things to video games like

1:01:23 that's that's your unit of measurement like when you went

1:01:24 to Sweden everything was like measured by sandwiches cuz the sandwich

1:01:27 was the first thing I bought in the airp well

1:01:30 a sandwich is 40 currency so uh this hotel is

1:01:34 like 18 sandwiches know I I I worked at GameStop

1:01:37 for a long time and I I'm going to try

1:01:39 to talk while this is really weird to hear yourself

1:01:43 it's only on 19 millisecond delay but I can

1:01:46 barely talk he's like slowing down new piece of technology

1:01:50 to is that something you can talk about yeah we

1:01:52 got a fan camp that's mental it sounds like I'm being

1:01:58 drunk in my own air yeah it does exactly

1:02:00 you want to tell yourself to shut the[ __] up

1:02:01 so you can talk think someone's mad at me because

1:02:05 I have six beers here and there's five different kinds

1:02:09 of beers I've got and the one of them is

1:02:11 me humping the cabinets and Gavin Gavin's like no M

1:02:16 no open it he opens the cabinet and he just

1:02:20 goes yeah baby it's just like turn Austin that a I

1:02:27 find that clip and I I don't want to go

1:02:29 under you go too bad you're going under it's like

1:02:32 a decision that I've pre-made it's like I'm Sor there's

1:02:34 nothing you can do about it eventually you will be

1:02:36 done Happ usually what happens is Gavin wrestles with me

1:02:38 for about 5 minutes and I just drown him underwater

1:02:41 so then he goes and wrestles with Barbara cuz he's

1:02:43 bigger than her all right well I guess I got

1:02:45 to uh unclog this toilet so I uh rolled

1:02:48 up my sleeve oh God and I just like basically

1:02:51 crushed anything in the bowl oh my God until

1:02:54 I could Flex it and I just washed my hands

1:02:56 in the sink have you ever punched your[ __] nope

1:03:01 punch punch punch done washed my hands back to work

1:03:05 Monty tried on it oh yeah I did oh Jesus

1:03:09 Christ I'm curious about people's experience with it oh Gus what

1:03:12 the[ __] man took it went to bed wasn't sure if I woke up still not sure I had

1:03:20 a message from and I said that to Gus like

1:03:23 oh Gus is another human who lives in normal society he's

1:03:27 probably had this problem before I got look like I

1:03:29 got deodor on my shirt I hate when I do that I go do you hate when you do

1:03:32 that and Gus goes no I never do that because I'm not[

1:03:35 __] 12 I was like oh I just like went back to work at my desk it was the angry

1:03:42 I've ever seen anybody get about nothing at all cuz

1:03:45 I grew up with the Sims I was at school

1:03:46 and you can literally make a kid study and you

1:03:49 watch them get smarter and do better at school

1:03:51 and it's like I'm getting worse at school because I

1:03:54 this is awful that little green bar that fills up like

1:03:56 that thermometer to their next level I'm thinking what does

1:03:59 my green bar look like I talked about I looked

1:04:01 at the sun one time and I had there's

1:04:03 a blue dot you know when you look at the sun

1:04:04 you have the blue dot in Your Vision after

1:04:06 that so I had the Blue Dot and my[ __] older

1:04:08 brother told me the blue dot will lead you

1:04:10 to treasure so I would once you stopped looking I would

1:04:16 stare at the[ __] sun and then look at the Blue

1:04:18 Dot and I really had an opinion in my mind

1:04:20 that when the blue dot would disappear and I

1:04:21 didn't found the treasure yet that I wasn't good enough

1:04:23 at it so I'd stare at the sun longer

1:04:25 my[ __][ __] mom comes out the window in the front

1:04:29 yard[ __] half blind like staggering after nothing this imaginary

1:04:34 Blue Dot that only I can see and I'm like

1:04:36 walking through the front yard going wait wait wait wait

1:04:39 so my[ __] brother again strikes again with[ __] let's

1:04:42 find out hey I'm feeling lucky hey what do I

1:04:49 do if my pet wants to have sex with me

1:04:56 and uh I've never seen a cat in heat before

1:04:58 cuz I've only had a Ned cat but uh they

1:05:00 kind of Crouch their head down and arch their back

1:05:02 up and do like a little vagina dance in front

1:05:05 of you don't don't don't you wish it was

1:05:08 that easy you like you to tell if a girl

1:05:10 was into you she like bends down and does

1:05:12 a vagina dance in front of you yeah you basically just

1:05:16 described American High School prom too what if a person

1:05:20 is born without a personality what if if a person

1:05:27 got possessed by [Laughter] Jesus he's illogical he thinks

1:05:38 this is going to continue to live in the studio somewhere

1:05:41 no yeah yeah he's like we'll just put it where

1:05:43 the animators are there's no[ __] room in our[ __]

1:05:46 office for a[ __] 20 foot wooden[ __] Cube[ __][

1:05:49 __][ __] I no[ __] room for that and it

1:05:53 breaks[ __] fire code and then I told state

1:05:56 of Texas told us they said if you hire an intern

1:06:00 they have to have a[ __] desk we're out

1:06:03 of[ __] room we love you we're just we have some

1:06:06 things to say we're going to say them you going

1:06:08 to say what you want to say the tower is

1:06:09 going back to the studio yeah like yeah maybe not

1:06:13 though what in the[ __] is wrong with you what

1:06:16 it's awesome you guys it's awesome right you guys like

1:06:19 it[ __] sorry are you going to put[ __] be on his side what in the[ __] is wrong

1:06:25 with we talked about this before he showed up is is

1:06:30 this when you at an intervention you don't start

1:06:32 cheering for the heroin addicts it's it's a[ __] it's

1:06:37 a monuments to what to the Tower of PS what

1:06:40 the[ __] do you think it is but why does it

1:06:42 have to live in the studio where else would it

1:06:45 live at your house anywhere El wait wait a Pander[

1:06:49 __] I'll let you sign the tower if I can

1:06:51 sign your car with a key deal you are comparing

1:06:57 my car yep to the[ __] wood thing that you[

1:07:02 __] yes yeah I think they're both compensation for small

1:07:04 penises so yeah I think so yeah 512 348 got it get your[ __] F 9988 all right go

1:07:19 ahead continue was that his number did you just call

1:07:22 it the power of T pimps ah power pimps was

1:07:28 that actually your number I uh I uh I don't

1:07:33 know what you're talking about all right no drama we're

1:07:39 at an intervention we're all your friends we're all here

1:07:44 for you jack technically you still have the number just

1:07:48 so does everybody that number[ __] dead yeah I have

1:07:52 that number now 4,000 people have that number and all

1:07:54 the people yeah God[ __] are you kidding me hey

1:08:02 okay so everyone in the audience get ready 1 310

1:08:07 no oh my God I would never do that cuz

1:08:11 I'm not an[ __][ __] got real I'm going to buy

1:08:18 I'm going to buy you a new phone number I'm

1:08:21 going to later in like a year or two after

1:08:26 everyone has gotten a chance to say what they feel

1:08:28 like they need to say that's that's so kind of you

1:08:30 Joel aren't phone numbers free how do you guys handle

1:08:33 like being I guess celebrity status for just a couple

1:08:37 of days out of every year cuz I know you're

1:08:39 hunted down and then and then you're just a piece

1:08:41 of[ __] lightning round lightning round lightning means fast

1:08:46 do over this is a question with Joel you need

1:08:47 to sign the tower pimps that's not a question question

1:08:51 Kevin I'm moving in the UK from Texas next year any

1:08:53 advice we're sorry you're going back can you say Suck

1:08:57 it Tyler from suck Tyler from Cooper also[ __] you

1:09:00 with a bigger Studio would you produce a game like

1:09:02 Penny Arcade bigger Studio sounds expensive no Gavin do you

1:09:05 prefer Achievement Hunter or rooster Che podcast just the same

1:09:08 how does it feel corrupting the you youth's mind

1:09:10 of today feels tingly do you even lift any of you no yeah we do Joel and I do no

1:09:17 uh will Iran shake up the gold market will raning

1:09:29 at the gold market lightning round Joel lightning round um

1:09:36 uh Brazil Bernie would you ever consider having a ladies

1:09:41 or lashes what yes go ahead up what um you

1:09:54 know it's all on the game so the table

1:09:57 collapses I'm actually worried about that this guy builds like

1:10:02 fulls siiz leg statues and each one took him like

1:10:04 a 100 hours to build just walked up to him

1:10:07 in the thing and I was like hey it's me

1:10:11 and I was like let's take a picture real quick

1:10:13 so I went into his Booth I take off my creeper

1:10:15 hat and I hit one of the statues with it

1:10:19 the head comes off and just goes and like smashed

1:10:23 into a thousand pieces and I'm just looking at it

1:10:25 and everyone's turned to look at me and I've got

1:10:27 my hat off and I just look at the ground

1:10:29 I look at him I look at his mom I look at everyone I'm just like so I just take

1:10:34 the creeper hat and put it on the Lego Statue

1:10:36 where the head used to be did you really and he

1:10:38 just ran no and I just took a picture with him and I took it and I was like I'm

1:10:43 really sorry I slept I felt awful I still feel

1:10:46 bad uh yeah that is you should you should feel

1:10:48 bad that's bad I do and I'm really sorry

1:10:50 that I broke your Lego head cauldron aren't you do you

1:10:55 think crawfish are swimming when they're in boiling water

1:10:58 that this like a good time we're so happy they have

1:11:01 a little diving board and they all go up one

1:11:02 at a time with shellfish like with a shrimp all

1:11:04 you have to do is pull the anus out don't

1:11:06 you that's like the only preparation you yeah but the pull

1:11:08 the anus out you got the poop problem goes deeper

1:11:11 than the anus do you know what an anus is

1:11:15 I mean it's like butthole and I got Barbara

1:11:18 a separate like sheet cake to get her for her birthday

1:11:21 something edible that people could eat cuz I always

1:11:22 talk to Barbara in nonsense and I write it down

1:11:25 and I wrote Happy herpy Harpy blarb day fnar

1:11:30 and and I handed that to the lady I know where

1:11:33 this is going um have you got revenge on Joel

1:11:36 yet I have not gotten revenge on Joel yet there

1:11:38 will be retribution though and it will be Swift

1:11:40 in I like how you always describe it as retribution why

1:11:44 why not Revenge not I'm going to get back

1:11:45 at him literally every time you talk about this you use

1:11:48 the word retribution a very specific word you use why

1:11:52 do you use that word over sounds like something like

1:11:54 a movie it sounds biblical like there you go

1:11:57 you're going to to play you're going to throw frogs

1:11:59 at it it my my revenge will be biblical so

1:12:01 it'll work out nice but why the word biblical you're you're

1:12:04 put weird words it's just to describe an adjective frogs

1:12:07 there we go that's what I said don't[ __] steal

1:12:09 my joke that's literally exactly what I said like 2

1:12:13 seconds before you did everyone heard it Jesus I'm never

1:12:19 going to catch this[ __] thing it's definitely impossible they

1:12:26 say that they got it you're lying you oh my God

1:12:29 come on you're going to be[ __] dead to me

1:12:34 where the[ __] I don't even know where it went

1:12:37 you[ __] you[ __] piece of[ __] you[ __] oh[

1:12:42 __] yes yes yes no[ __] God damn it it's

1:12:51 gross so sometimes I get like loose skin on my foot

1:12:53 right yeah it's gross like peel it off uh

1:12:56 and my dog likes to eat it so I just why is it gross you feed it to your you

1:13:01 did that on a plane one time I think it

1:13:04 was me and Gavin or someone we were sitting like

1:13:07 diagonally from you so we could see you and you

1:13:09 were asleep and your cheeks were flopping cuz you were

1:13:12 snoring and then you went and then you just like

1:13:15 shook yourself awake and you're just like H and me

1:13:18 and Gavin get off at the same floor because we're

1:13:20 staying like in rooms that are adjacent to each other

1:13:24 and he he's like stumbling behind me and trying

1:13:27 to like trip me as we're walking and I'm like come

1:13:28 on Gavin let's put you to bed you need

1:13:32 to sleep and at one point I don't hear anything behind

1:13:35 me and I turn around and Gavin is lying face

1:13:38 down on the floor oh my god do we have

1:13:41 a picture of this that's close enough that looks fake

1:13:45 what's next to him his bag we got goodie bags

1:13:47 at the party okay so he just laid there

1:13:51 for I like think your first instinct instead of helping him

1:13:53 up was to take a photo you might be

1:13:54 a little drunk too that photo is not like level

1:13:58 that photo is totally crooked as well I drank a little

1:14:00 bit too I cracked my clipboard right here and I

1:14:02 run my finger underneath the clip and they go

1:14:05 where and they feel it and I just go snap

1:14:07 on their finger and people always go[ __] oh I

1:14:13 just realized I'm a mean person I didn't know you just

1:14:15 realized that I didn't know that I you just realized

1:14:18 that I I learned that 15 years ago because you

1:14:23 like Pulp in yours pulp for life except the bottom

1:14:25 and then it gets kind of like it's like you're

1:14:27 drinking sludge someone should write a story about this and call

1:14:29 it Pulp Fiction just shut the[ __] up did

1:14:34 you know what I'll always throw you off though

1:14:35 with the orange juice Tobit is it pulp or no pulp

1:14:38 does it matter I don't know why I had done

1:14:40 this but like the day before I went to get

1:14:42 my driver's license I decided to cut to shave

1:14:44 my facial hair all[ __] up so I kept like all

1:14:46 the beard up to here and just shaved this and I

1:14:48 shaved my mustache so I'm just missing the facial

1:14:50 hair right here front of my face and I went

1:14:52 I took my driver's license photo with it you what

1:14:55 you did it for a joke or you just no I for I like I just did that and then

1:14:58 I went and I forgot I had cut my facial

1:14:59 hair all[ __] up see somebody completely sh you just

1:15:05 got back from how' you get that how the[ __]

1:15:09 did they have wow Gus you look like you just

1:15:13 you just got back from like a civil war Ral

1:15:17 I mean I want to make fun of everybody's kid

1:15:18 but he's he's a famous yeah the first picture

1:15:20 he looks[ __] worried yeah this one yeah just click

1:15:24 on any it's literally any picture now look click on any

1:15:29 of the other ones he's like he's like oh[ __]

1:15:31 I'm still worried look up the VMA the reaction R

1:15:35 Smith family reaction I guarantee it'll be that exact same

1:15:38 face did you guys find the Jaden or the Smith

1:15:40 family reaction yeah it's the the same face it is

1:15:45 the same face he makes in every single photo look

1:15:49 oh hell no hey are we are we live right now hey it's uh Roy p hey Bernie's doing

1:16:01 the voice of Joe but you can't hear it cuz he's

1:16:02 not got mic on he's saying chicky all right let's

1:16:07 see if Joe let's see if Joe will hang out

1:16:08 with us today I know that Michael's seeing your knob

1:16:11 how that happened Michael has yeah how that happened just

1:16:14 tell me all about it what it was in Boston

1:16:16 or something apparently like you had it out oh that's

1:16:18 true that's true I forgot about that no I was

1:16:22 I'm insane no no I I I totally forgot about

1:16:24 that but I was I was taking a piss somewhere

1:16:26 in Boston oh well that's and Michael walked in it

1:16:29 makes sense to put the Apple TV Hardware into a television

1:16:32 it makes sense no it makes total sense I

1:16:33 just don't think jeez oh my God what just happened

1:16:37 I just I was going to give you a kiss with the cat I was going to give you

1:16:39 a little kiss it's okay Jo these glasses totally ruin

1:16:43 my peripheral vision that was a huge shock it sounds

1:16:46 really cool how do you grease a pig it's like

1:16:48 preparing it to be cooked before it's dyed you know

1:16:51 most pigs come preg greased oh yeah is what I do

1:16:54 they learned it would be really sick if they used

1:16:56 bacon grease terrible somebody said that to a normal siiz

1:17:02 pool and there's like eight of us in there

1:17:03 and somebody goes I guess I just peed in the pool

1:17:06 everybody be like ah man but if you got out

1:17:09 of the pool and stood on the side of the pool

1:17:12 and those people would never speak to you again they

1:17:16 would never it's the same net effect but those people

1:17:19 would be like you're the most disgusting person that ever[

1:17:23 __] lived Z's genitals I just want to see

1:17:27 like Zach put it to use like he can sway

1:17:29 back and forth and hyp hypnotize girls like a cobra

1:17:33 or people are trying to Chom his nuts all

1:17:36 the time with a I mean it's impressive it's an impressive

1:17:42 ball set I going it's a nut chaming nothing about

1:17:44 that is impressive that's totally impressive yeah we both say Whole

1:17:48 Foods whole food like you enunciate on the whole I

1:17:52 don't know what to say right now say IM locked

1:17:58 going shopping it just be like hey I just say

1:18:02 it as a sentence I went to whole whole food

1:18:08 he's in his own head look at him how do

1:18:11 you do that whole he's lost his mind Whole Foods

1:18:16 it's like your deer caught the headlights so you

1:18:18 and on the whole food whenever I was a little kid

1:18:21 like part of learning bathroom stuff was like my dad

1:18:26 was like all right so you go to the bathroom

1:18:27 and you know you kind of like shake it you

1:18:29 go doot doot like shake it to like you know

1:18:32 get the he shakes is okay that it's masturbting

1:18:34 did he use the sound effect though yeah he used

1:18:36 the sound effect and so like I would always no

1:18:39 so every time I went to the bathroom I'd feed i'

1:18:42 go do D until I get a little too old

1:18:47 to the point where it's like my dad was like

1:18:49 you know Christopher you don't have to go do doot

1:18:52 I'm like really cuz like cuz vocals can sometimes I

1:18:57 don't know have you been in urinals before and like

1:19:00 done the do do in I I don't know exactly

1:19:03 how old I had gotten to the point but my dad

1:19:04 at a certain point was like just you don't

1:19:07 have to go do doot it probably when you

1:19:09 were a teenager and you in your closed bedroom going

1:19:15 it's just like dude and tonight we learned the rhythm

1:19:21 of everyone's masturbation Gavin seemed a little more climatic trying

1:19:29 to get me all excited about it I'm saying good

1:19:30 you're on cloud saves good for you yeah I I

1:19:32 didn't do[ __] I just you brought up and you

1:19:34 said you Cloud safe thing and you drew me into it

1:19:37 I drew you in by saying I'm playing GTA

1:19:38 5 yeah and you said all my cloud say aren

1:19:41 you so proud of me that's what you said

1:19:43 you want to be the first person to use it

1:19:46 but with your anus oh what like instead of a thumb

1:19:49 print it would be his anus print well it's

1:19:52 better than somebody else's well someone someone posted I saw

1:19:56 someone wrote that they trained the 5S to detect their nipple

1:20:00 print go ahead everywh let's take the the question

1:20:03 a step further so you obviously have pubs in England

1:20:05 yeah are there bars in England holy[ __] how long

1:20:13 in dead air was that are you serious this wasn't

1:20:17 this wasn't a question to stump you I was just

1:20:19 genuinely curious okay my biggest regret is the Twitter comment

1:20:23 oh oh that's that's a good one yeah oh wait

1:20:26 to bring that up again yeah what a[ __] Dennis looks

1:20:32 at my tee he's like do you floss I was like nope I he was like what do you do

1:20:37 I was like I just brush my teeth twice

1:20:38 a day he's like you have the most healthy looking teeth

1:20:40 I've ever seen in my life I was like that's

1:20:41 the worst thing you could have told me dude I

1:20:43 will see you in 10 years I'm out of here

1:20:45 was it you or Jeff who went to the doctor

1:20:46 and they said like oh your liver's awesome it's like

1:20:48 like the liver of like a 12-year-old boy that was

1:20:50 me was and I went on a[ __] Bender like

1:20:53 they did like a Sonic Grandma my liver and my kid

1:20:56 challeng accept they were like do you drink I

1:20:58 was like yeah a lot they're like wow your liver

1:21:01 looks like you've never had a drop of alcohol

1:21:02 in your life I I don't remember anything for a week

1:21:04 after that what is up with your body yeah

1:21:07 my f I think my first post ever on ro.com

1:21:10 or r.com whatever it was was uh Hey really like

1:21:13 the episodes uh all my family's dead my parents are dead

1:21:16 brother and sister are dead and it's my birthday can

1:21:19 I have can I have free sponsorship[ __] to you

1:21:23 it was pretty Tong I can see right through that I

1:21:26 KN right away I[ __] called him out on it

1:21:28 I didn't write it to be serious it was kind

1:21:29 of just like a tongue and cheek thing but uh

1:21:31 that that was my first ever post it wasn't

1:21:34 High smiley face on my profile no that was just

1:21:37 for you me being in bed with me must be

1:21:40 the worst thing ever I ladies you heard it here

1:21:45 first de free being in bed with me must be

1:21:48 the worst thing ever I'm absolutely correct there yeah I don't

1:21:51 doubt that um I'll look at photos and I'll see

1:21:53 one eye is lower than the other but it's like

1:21:55 just a natural little subtle T like tilt to your head

1:21:58 or to my head I know like it's weird and uh whenever we would have to cut to go

1:22:03 to a break he would open the bottom drawer

1:22:04 on his desk and just pull out this giant bottle

1:22:06 of vodka and then just slam it until they're like all

1:22:08 right we're back in five four and just like put

1:22:10 it back in the desk and close the door that's

1:22:14 the life man I was like holy[ __] yeah why not is all of it none of it was good

1:22:20 also didn't really uh discover America yeah I think it

1:22:23 was in the Indies right that's where [Laughter] he Canada

1:22:31 I did that for Canada yeah thank you we appreciate

1:22:33 it as a country maybe wow a lot of great

1:22:37 commitments here are you going to do a guess

1:22:41 no what the hell you make us look like[ __]

1:22:45 would you ever do dvda dvda yeah what's that double

1:22:50 double double double anal no would you ever do do

1:22:55 you think there's more billionaires or more dvda veterans I

1:22:59 just wanted I was just wondering if Bob would do

1:23:00 it no really why do you want to know so

1:23:03 bad why are you surprised I feel I feel like

1:23:07 the common answer is no would you do that with another

1:23:11 guy with three other guys with three other guys

1:23:15 well that's what it is can you not count oh

1:23:18 yeah no you right porn porn math is hard two

1:23:23 and two yeah roll your eyes at least I can

1:23:26 identify poisonous spiders how is that a thing how is

1:23:30 that how do you know the difference what's a non-poisonous

1:23:33 spider uh name him you see I can't name him I can tell you if I look at it

1:23:37 Longs aren't poison why is it important to be able

1:23:40 to identify poisonous spiders so you know if you have

1:23:42 to be careful or not I think it's cooler if it's

1:23:44 just like an idea like[ __] Batman what do reminds

1:23:48 me of like Batman's a person you think Batman's a movement

1:23:51 it is yeah but he's still like more than

1:23:53 a man he's like an idea or a concept the whole

1:23:56 point is like you don't know who he's actually is

1:23:58 he's not called Bat concept you don't know who Banksy

1:23:59 is either he is real don't know there's no like

1:24:03 identity behind him concept it's super idea come to save

1:24:09 the day just a giant light bulb that turned

1:24:13 on oh my God you guys are funny you made

1:24:19 the worst point in the world yeah I thought about

1:24:21 that and I was like oh am I going to save

1:24:23 this one are you are you saying that anyone

1:24:25 can be Batman if you dress up with a bunch

1:24:27 of 2x4s around you with that you're like I'm Lumberjack[

1:24:33 __] God car in the other room and uh the guy's

1:24:36 like you sound really familiar do I know you I

1:24:39 was like no no no not at all he goes God I can almost place it your voice is so

1:24:45 familiar and then we go to get in my car in the game and he looks at my license

1:24:49 plate and goes ass man you're Gus from rooster te

1:24:54 I got outed by my ass liing he looks you

1:24:59 up in the registry so you can you can flu

1:25:02 with them supposed to flirt with strippers in GTA 5

1:25:05 using the microphone oh really yeah and it like increases

1:25:08 their like likeness meter all I do is I just

1:25:10 get my headset and bang it on the couch cuz all

1:25:13 all requires is that you're making noise it's like robing

1:25:15 the store yeah it's like yelling the cashier so it's

1:25:17 like whenever it ask you to do I take

1:25:19 my headset and I just[ __] banging on the couch like

1:25:21 someone recorded this video cuz someone he was playing GTA

1:25:23 online with was talking to the stripper all creepy like

1:25:28 oh yeah I like the way you feel and the guy's

1:25:31 just filming his screen laughing at him he's like

1:25:34 oh like that did the dude ever notice him no

1:25:38 and they were like trying to get him to stop

1:25:39 but the guy they said the video's like 4 minutes

1:25:41 long but I guess the guy did it for like

1:25:43 15 minutes straight well you know sometimes if you

1:25:46 if you want to monk it you kind of watch

1:25:48 a little bit of porn just to get yourself going

1:25:49 and then you go and take a shower or something

1:25:52 I've never done that in my life no me neither

1:25:56 you supposed to say go on there's a there's seeing

1:26:00 G with his dog is something that's like oh

1:26:03 my gosh this is something that no fan has like ever

1:26:06 seen in any show show them the the lunch signal

1:26:09 when they cut to you bar bro the what signal

1:26:10 the lunch signal what do I do oh he goes

1:26:12 like this he comes in the office and goes like

1:26:17 that and then everyone stands up we go doesn't

1:26:19 say anything does not do anything we all just look

1:26:22 at the door G does the signal we get up

1:26:23 and full on[ __] and balls full on[ __] and balls

1:26:27 oh all right kind of like I normally don't do

1:26:31 mostly kids interesting let's get a bit Saucy tonight then

1:26:37 just texted what the[ __] are you guys oh dude

1:26:44 nice it's like it's like handle balls look at the cheeky

1:26:48 bellend that was good that was very like that was

1:26:51 quick you know what I like I like one it was good he thought about it but he had

1:26:55 to think cuz if it was like oh give me

1:26:57 a[ __] ball like turn side profile g g you

1:27:00 better watch out dud chop that dick right off boys

1:27:04 the entertainment has arrived oh yeah yeah let me let

1:27:11 me pop I can't get to the microphone it's Out

1:27:15 Of Reach now you understand the struggle Gus this is

1:27:19 literally as get to itas like this is real time

1:27:23 yeah it's real time oh someone's going to put one

1:27:26 of my God it's a snail basically it's a snail

1:27:30 someone's going to put salt on their[ __] and have

1:27:32 one of those lick it all off AR they oh my God why' you go to that video never

1:27:41 thought of that a dozen times I've seen this video

1:27:44 the first thing you go that would feel good OCC

1:27:47 to me he goes someone someone's gonna think of that occurred

1:27:51 to me the third YouTube comment on that video

1:27:53 is oh man this video I'm high as[ __] post

1:27:59 weding appearance by Jack congratulations I'm super married now super

1:28:03 I'm like look I'm I'm like ringing everything I don't

1:28:05 think there are different levels of being married I think

1:28:07 it's you either married or not no super married you either

1:28:10 gave up half of your stuff or you didn't you

1:28:12 look exactly the same yeah I know I was like

1:28:14 where'd you go and I said I went to you

1:28:16 know Universal Orlando and I saw like The Simpsons area

1:28:18 that they built out there and Brandon was like wow

1:28:20 did you bring me anything and I was like yeah

1:28:22 I did Brandon I brought you a gift and he

1:28:24 went really I like no what the[ __] is wrong

1:28:27 with you of course I didn't bring you a[ __]

1:28:29 gift and he just looks so crushed and very diso

1:28:34 I love crushing Brandon's hopes it's my favorite thing he

1:28:36 was like crushed like it was like a physical weight

1:28:39 you been put on his shoulders and you just like

1:28:41 there's something really fun about disappointing him just to make

1:28:43 him go a it's really fun to do you should

1:28:46 try it and apparently can't suck Against Gravity 10 m more

1:28:52 up what so okay so I like how you

1:28:56 confused yourself mid sentence you've never no I don't want

1:29:00 to see it that big do you have an Apple

1:29:02 TV yeah liar I do have an liar I guarantee you've

1:29:06 done it you've done it liar I was just thinking

1:29:09 day I haven't done it you do it I'm very

1:29:11 open about stuff I have not done it well like

1:29:13 how often you m yourself off yes Jesus all right

1:29:17 but you have no I've never done that you know

1:29:19 why not I wouldn't dare you you liar I'm not

1:29:25 I've told about this before I'm not really into porn

1:29:26 oh that's right have you ever uh air played porn

1:29:30 your television and I don't think you can create

1:29:31 a perfect vacuum with your mouth you don't know me very

1:29:34 well I still I still love to try it though

1:29:36 that'd be fun a shot we we'll have an office

1:29:38 suck off right that's the worst name for it D's

1:29:43 going to be at the center of the office socker

1:29:46 men and women welcome and we'll see who can suck

1:29:49 the highest in the rist teeth office I think it's

1:29:51 a it's going to be a good video we can

1:29:52 make an R life oh that right all right you

1:29:55 can be the ring leader for the RT suck off

1:29:58 the RO Ashley our accountant would do really well because

1:30:02 she's an a no cuz she's an athlete so

1:30:04 she has like good breathing techniques I'm going to leave

1:30:08 that alone right there y you all are going down

1:30:11 an HR[ __] slippery slope my friends I have not said

1:30:15 a goddamn thing for the record I said nothing

1:30:19 said good for one you can tell he's anything about

1:30:22 the rooster teeth suck off fast been joking about the name

1:30:25 that's it I'm not[ __] naming calling employees out peeing

1:30:28 in the shower and apparently that's fine that's

1:30:30 a normal thing to do totally really yeah you pee

1:30:33 in the shower yeah all the time yeah i' I've

1:30:35 heard that recently too I'm like piss down their own legs

1:30:37 in the shower yeah I guess so that's a thing

1:30:40 two types of people in the world those who pee

1:30:42 in the shower and those who are[ __] Liars inre

1:30:46 is not true that is incor all Li B listen

1:30:49 to the[ __] I admitted to before yeah and the[ __]

1:30:52 I do I do not p there's a toilet

1:30:54 right next to the shower I was pee in the toilet

1:30:57 pee in the toilet from the shower I can

1:31:00 just open the shower curtain and be like we

1:31:02 go no point there we go yeah if I put

1:31:06 on the floor It Go on my foot you're standing

1:31:08 in a cleaning machine not full of urine and I don't want

1:31:11 to shower to smell like piss you go right down

1:31:13 the drain no clearly don't shower with with or clearly

1:31:18 don't share a shower with women cuz it gets

1:31:20 clogged up in the water then carries and just fills

1:31:22 in it's like a little bathtub should know I am

1:31:26 a woman so what if someone peed on your leg

1:31:29 would that would you be okay with that cuz that's

1:31:30 basically the same thing in the shower sure yeah so are

1:31:34 you saying that if I got into the shower

1:31:36 with you and started pissing on you while you're having

1:31:38 a shower if we were like dating yeah oh all

1:31:42 right then Gus can we end this please my God I

1:31:45 didn't give a[ __] please just get out of here

1:31:47 well I want to based on scanning the cat's brain

1:31:49 at that time my God real he doesn't look unhappy

1:31:52 does he not real ey you can basically see what they're

1:31:55 seeing but what they what when you scan it

1:31:57 like what is going in the C like when you see like a get an MRI in your head

1:31:59 or a CAT scan ladies and gentlemen Bernie Burns thanks everybody

1:32:06 try the so happy right now you're going to spill

1:32:10 it everywhere oh my God what are you doing I'm

1:32:12 fir at him fire hurry you're going to have

1:32:16 to keep the conversation going cuz this should take a while

1:32:18 so I'm watching Gavin he apparently cannot get the fork

1:32:22 it's teasing out it's teasing there it goes we got

1:32:24 like a c clearance I feel like my prom date

1:32:26 right now come on hurry up oh it's coming out

1:32:31 I see it it's going oh I've done this before

1:32:34 Jesus Christ dude you're killing me you're killing all

1:32:37 of us you're killing the[ __] audio podcast oh you

1:32:42 miss you went way over him you overshot him that's int

1:32:48 my life this is yours drink it no Kevin well

1:32:51 I've got to hold that no gevin and but everybody

1:32:53 has a same reaction they're like are you talking

1:32:55 to me he's like no no no I'm on the phone

1:32:56 they're like oh okay just wow we're having like

1:32:58 the same conversation he like no yeah no no no I'm

1:33:00 talking to talking to my friend my favorite part is

1:33:02 when they're like all right love you and he's like

1:33:04 all right love you too okay bye that's great everyone's

1:33:08 this week I'm talking about the week before Christmas we

1:33:09 hav't sh vines in like four weeks oh it's been

1:33:11 you mostly I'm going to call you out I can't

1:33:13 believe you all aren't calling out I'm here every day

1:33:15 75% of the time it's you shut up you're complaining

1:33:19 that you can't shoot Vines cuz you're never in the office

1:33:21 you don't know me do we always do we always

1:33:23 have those yeah there's always been there no I mean

1:33:25 like the last week do we have that too yeah

1:33:26 we've had the Christmas lights there forever all right forever

1:33:28 I know you just put them up there today Cara

1:33:30 I was[ __] with him uh wow she just put

1:33:35 it up there this is my Angry podcast oh yeah

1:33:38 I'm really excited Gavin Jack and me and Gus featuring

1:33:44 Gus I'm generally pretty a pretty nice person but when

1:33:47 I I used to work at HB a grocery store

1:33:49 here in Texas today and she had a phone up

1:33:51 and she goes and kept talking like she put

1:33:53 her her up and kept talking and I was like all

1:33:55 right I'm going to break everything you have and so

1:33:57 she had eggs bread and she wasn't paying attention

1:33:59 to me so like I took her eggs and like

1:34:00 I just crushed all the bottom of the eggs and I

1:34:03 flattened her bread right in front of her just

1:34:05 right in front of her she I mean she was

1:34:07 just so distracted by her phone and was just like

1:34:09 all right fine if you're not going to pay attention

1:34:10 to me I'm just going to wreck all your[ __]

1:34:12 like egg yeah it's like all you got to do

1:34:14 is hold it from the bottom is push in you

1:34:16 can break all the bottom of the eggs brought to you

1:34:18 by HB dude I think um a lot for a lot of guys taking a dump is more sexy

1:34:25 than having a piss okay here we go cuz

1:34:27 of like you can bash the prostate on the way down

1:34:30 that happens to some guys what guys Gavin is there

1:34:34 something you want to tell us here no some guys

1:34:37 some guys all the guys I talked to about how

1:34:39 they feel get turned on by taking a dump no I'm

1:34:42 getting nose here I'm getting all nose that's the point

1:34:45 though how many times in your life before just

1:34:47 now have you asked other people how they feel

1:34:49 as they take a[ __] just taking a[ __] turn you

1:34:51 on I've never I've never had to ask that so

1:34:53 all the guys that Gavin's talked to in his life

1:34:55 about how exactly they feel while they take a[ __]

1:34:59 a significant portion of those people have said I feel good

1:35:02 cuz my prostate gets bashed it was uncomfortable because he

1:35:05 got a boner and then it hit the toilet seat

1:35:07 who is this guy you don't know the guy who

1:35:10 is this F guy in England we're all just going

1:35:13 to assume it's Dan every every of us never encountered

1:35:17 that problem never had a boner on the toilet I've

1:35:19 never gotten a boner from[ __] pushing a[ __] out

1:35:22 that hits the toilet receipt did it lift him up

1:35:24 a little it was just like an eject toy yeah

1:35:29 knew he was in a field yeah with no phone

1:35:32 I'm never going to get to a host red ad

1:35:34 this podcast I'm it's never going not going to get

1:35:37 far enough away from that I was reading I was

1:35:39 reading this weekend about you having a baby and I

1:35:42 was like why am I reading like it was like

1:35:44 uh you know first when you read something on the Internet

1:35:46 you're like this[ __] idiot then you read three

1:35:48 people you're like these[ __] idiot friends then you read

1:35:50 like 40 people and you're like all right I got

1:35:52 to look into this now gav F and before everyone

1:35:55 goes absolutely mental nobody's pregnant and also my balls are

1:35:59 smashed up anyway there's no way I could have done

1:36:00 it next and I've kind of gotten away from that I

1:36:03 do auu every week but I want to do

1:36:04 something narrative do you do you count a as like

1:36:07 directing a live action production kind of yeah we should

1:36:09 I mean we shoot live action video and I cut

1:36:11 it together every week so uh Jack sir shave more

1:36:18 okay mine would be to break routine more break

1:36:23 routine I feel like you just you got married that's

1:36:25 a[ __] break from a routine it's a pretty good

1:36:26 routine I just feel like you just do the same stuff

1:36:28 just do different stuff he was one of those Afghan

1:36:30 dogs long hair so always look like a girl Alex

1:36:33 and Bernie and Gus and Gavin and Gus but especially

1:36:37 lots of Gus uh so here we are for our podcast

1:36:41 our weekly ritual how does a Heyman work oh you

1:36:44 are a[ __][ __] we got done in with a bunch

1:36:48 of tweets it's like oh you don't know what

1:36:49 the how the Hyman Works how does the Hyman

1:36:51 work do you think it works why don't you look

1:36:53 it up I Google Hyman I don't want to see

1:36:56 that you've Googled way worse things cuz I specifically got

1:36:59 you out of that conversation yesterday last week I I

1:37:03 saw where you were headed with your dumb[ __] comment

1:37:05 we all disappointed I steered you away from it I

1:37:07 steered you away from it and we still stepped

1:37:10 in it as a result of you stting the conversation start

1:37:14 the convers first thing we do get the podcast

1:37:16 this week he[ __] brings it up we're all very disappointed

1:37:18 you guys you're a[ __] you're just a jackass I

1:37:21 wasn't here last week so I appreciate him bringing it

1:37:23 and you let people run did you see my new

1:37:24 uh my new decoration for my office no I I

1:37:28 baret I gave myself an autograph photo of me God

1:37:31 damn really on the wall by I wrote to my biggest

1:37:36 fan where is that picture from that was a great

1:37:42 Zoom John John Risinger saw that photo on my desk

1:37:45 I guess someone had sent it to me and John

1:37:47 was like you should put this on the wall

1:37:48 behind you I was like absolutely and I got

1:37:51 a silver Sharpie and I autographed it and put it

1:37:52 on the wall some people JJ Clos the doors after

1:37:55 they use the bathroom so you have to check them that's

1:37:58 the worst I checked both of them and they were

1:38:00 locked like okay there's people in there and I realized

1:38:02 I can hear a 3DS uh and I'm like no

1:38:05 I'm going to sit here I'm going to wait and see

1:38:07 who's in there playing 3DS I you made a tweet

1:38:09 about it you should show the follow-up tweet made

1:38:13 by your so then um yeah Barber called it a three

1:38:16 deess 3 deess so he walks up to the handle

1:38:20 and like kind of slightly turns it except it makes

1:38:22 a really loud noise so we both run away CU

1:38:24 we both get scared are you pigeons uh so then

1:38:28 finally after 45 minutes the door finally opens Ashley was

1:38:31 putting her makeup on to film news it's like it

1:38:35 was like all this build up like who's it going

1:38:36 to be what's going to happen and it was like

1:38:38 oh well it's a totally logical she using 3DS well

1:38:42 she probably when she first got in she might

1:38:43 have still been using it and then like closed it

1:38:44 and put it down cuz I only heard it

1:38:45 at the beginning oh I think I was eight I had

1:38:48 a stapler in my hand and I thought I wonder

1:38:51 what paper feels like when you staple it so put

1:38:53 my thumb in the stapler and stapled it[ __] dumbass

1:38:56 I know and I was like and as soon as I

1:38:57 did it I thought paper can't feel anything like

1:39:04 you said you have it in there and I pulled

1:39:05 it out and it's just like these two little dots

1:39:07 of blood they just like bead up it's like yeah

1:39:09 but does rocks float on lava what about Guin do

1:39:12 no he said does does rocks float on lava Springs

1:39:16 of lava does wow make that where's that shirt Jesus

1:39:21 Christ those rocks on people like grapes does rocks float

1:39:25 on lava John where are you start working on that does

1:39:28 Rock I'm going to throw up hey hand me

1:39:30 the hand me the the opener my heart yeah I

1:39:35 was going to die I want though if you read

1:39:40 the article it says that the valve pierced his buttcks

1:39:44 and inflated him how does that happen I said first

1:39:47 of all you got to it's like that old sidef

1:39:50 episode he fell he fell on it which is like anytime

1:39:55 somebody comes into the emergency room and says oh I

1:39:57 fell on something nine times it's up their butt look

1:40:01 at this face episode it's a one in a million

1:40:04 shot doc it was a one in a million shot

1:40:06 oh my god um what is the center of Jupiter

1:40:08 what is it then metallic hydrogen then a core

1:40:11 of rock metals and hydrogen comp okay first of all

1:40:14 rock is too generic a term for science we can't use

1:40:17 the term Rock anymore what is rock it's just it's

1:40:19 right it's just stuff why say stuff hard stuff I

1:40:22 wonder what you is made of what's made out

1:40:24 of rock you know if that was written down it's actually

1:40:26 a bunch of H[ __] well that's what I'm saying

1:40:29 rock is we accept Rock like it's a normal term

1:40:31 because we have Rock here and rock is hard

1:40:33 and they have it there doubt it's the same[ __] rock

1:40:35 I'd be I'd be[ __] flabbergast if I got

1:40:38 to Jupiter I was like oh these rocks look just

1:40:39 like our rocks yeah they found a picture of what

1:40:43 was at the core of Jupiter this is the surface

1:40:47 of Jupiter is in fact made of Dwayne Johnson everyone

1:40:52 you're fired just get out get out did you know

1:40:56 there is a men's cologne that smells like woman's vagina

1:41:01 why would that be something that a guy would want

1:41:04 to wear is that a preferable thing I have no

1:41:05 idea it's called Volva uhhuh but I I have more

1:41:08 experience with vaginas than you do like my multiple vaginas

1:41:12 yes I have a I have a wider spread of vaginas

1:41:14 that I've had experience with did you not drink

1:41:16 from the furry cup ones no you didn't I'm going

1:41:20 to suspend my story go ahead go ahead no I

1:41:23 have never drank from the furry cup gav Gavin and Barbara

1:41:26 you have the floor go ahead no that's like would

1:41:29 you wear a fragrance called dick cheese absolutely I'm not

1:41:35 oh what is that looks this looks like a guy

1:41:40 holding in vomit he just gaged what so six-year-old Gavin

1:41:45 never had chocolate milk no I wasn't allowed it why

1:41:47 not had to have real milk regular milk from a cow

1:41:51 I mean nothing shits out chocolate milk so shits

1:41:55 nothing shits out pancake either nothing shits out milk period

1:41:59 nothing happened ex except for maybe someone who drank

1:42:02 a lot of mil they might God damn man I'm normally

1:42:10 not queasy about that stuff but Chinese food milk

1:42:15 and this is really good by the way is it it's

1:42:18 saw that time last week where Jack said RTX was

1:42:20 2 months away and you almost cacked your pants man

1:42:23 yeah I I you I know I know it's not

1:42:25 true but you saying that right now like it made

1:42:28 my lower half go like just now like all

1:42:32 my bits down here did you release the cologne God bless

1:42:36 you Gavin Free high five high five you got it

1:42:39 right there did you release the cologne call qu I

1:42:45 just know that basically from science fiction but is

1:42:47 that the name of the sun is Sal Goodman is that where

1:42:50 the French word sole comes from woo or the Spanish

1:42:55 Soul uh I need a plate for or the Italian

1:43:01 you know it no you don't know any Italian

1:43:05 CIA very good Gavin so this is G hey Shea

1:43:08 here's your pancake you you broke Barbara from the bar

1:43:16 there you go if you get bit by a snake

1:43:18 you have to keep the snake what what it's like

1:43:23 why do you why do you have that pet snake

1:43:25 oh it's a funny story bit me about five years

1:43:28 ago so funny like it owes you a life debt

1:43:31 no why do you think that would be the case

1:43:33 keep his s I'm just imagining forever like you like

1:43:37 80s like what why do you have a pet snake it's like it bit me when I was 12 you

1:43:41 think a caveman never laughed did a caveman ever laugh

1:43:47 this may be like the most deep philosophical question ever

1:43:49 asked like all all of humanity has converged right now

1:43:52 to question the laughter of a caveman like caveman Dave

1:43:55 sees caveman Steve fall down a hill funny is it

1:44:00 it's funny we'll never know we won't ever know do

1:44:03 do animals laugh I don't I don't think animals laugh

1:44:08 what the people say or by the Creator the people

1:44:11 gif if you if you're going to call it

1:44:13 a gif you're going to start calling me Javin I'll wake

1:44:16 up Saturday morning and flip through the channel what time

1:44:18 do you wake up on Saturday morning at like 10:

1:44:21 I mean it's granted it's not like crack a don anything

1:44:23 but still I expect some carto I used to watch X-Men

1:44:25 that's what I was saying X-Men came on like a 10

1:44:27 the Ninja Turtles man UK youtubeers have been I don't know accused

1:44:32 of sexual assault and like you're a UK YouTuber you're

1:44:34 a UK YouTuber I haven't done it like having SE having sex

1:44:39 with their fans and like underage fans and stuff UK YouTubers having

1:44:42 sex with their fans how is Dan how is he he been out

1:44:47 of the country for a couple fine St Patrick I had

1:44:50 an absolute nightmare today oh no the uh I told that story

1:44:54 about Dan and the cross girl and how she couldn't see

1:44:57 in 3d and stuff and uh she messaged me today on Facebook

1:45:00 and said hey I just started watching Rooster Teeth love these animated

1:45:04 adventures and then like she totally Brandon you and I have

1:45:09 never been on a video podcast together we have you just

1:45:11 forgot that's okay wait we were yes which one I don't know

1:45:15 but now my feelings are hurt cuz I didn't think it

1:45:18 was real and I thought you might know because you're a Jew

1:45:22 wow that escalated quickly why is that why I get laugh

1:45:24 she's Jewish the way you say delivered it you're a Jew I

1:45:29 heard about this couple it was like a pre-arranged uh Jew

1:45:32 wedding I was told that to get divorced in Jewish you have

1:45:38 to do it you have to do it backwards what does

1:45:41 that me you have to do what they got they did the wedding

1:45:43 again 5 years later but backwards I've never heard

1:45:46 that in my life what do you mean like they started up

1:45:48 by the the the rabbi they kissed and then like separated

1:45:52 and that the thing they did the whole thing backwards and then they were

1:45:55 divorced I've never heard that in my life someone messing with me

1:45:59 probably that guy just wanted the ring back so maybe it

1:46:02 is a very specific what is this what you find a requisite

1:46:06 divorce ceremony a sort of backwards wedding undo a backward wedding

1:46:10 all right oh it's a play Oh and I was like

1:46:16 watching the school bus and I had this feeling that I hadn't

1:46:19 had in years of thinking like oh that's a school bus

1:46:22 uh and thought I I thought hey I don't have to go

1:46:24 to school I'm an adult I don't have to go and I

1:46:27 in my car I flipped off of school what why I'm

1:46:32 an adult and I just thought[ __] you school bus I'm not

1:46:38 going to school any kids see you like guy me the windows

1:46:42 were all T I didn't think about you ever have one

1:46:45 of friends and the guy that I know like this is Jack

1:46:48 where he's like really good at air hockey and always wants

1:46:50 you to[ __] play Air hock a hoey he's good at disc

1:46:53 golfball horseshoe game thing throwing any bar related game doesn't everybody

1:46:58 have that friend who's really good at air hockey and they like

1:47:00 oh[ __] come on right now play me air hocke play

1:47:02 me I'm not going to play Jack you're way too way too

1:47:06 excited about the same guy yeah but I would Jack's not

1:47:09 a friend he's your thumbs remix look he's got a little thumb

1:47:15 oh wow what is that his[ __] thumb Bernie your body's

1:47:21 aw what is that I like being I like being asymmetrical one

1:47:25 thumb didn't hit thank God it's not your space bar thumb

1:47:29 no I I got to go around okay thumb go ahead

1:47:33 the senses School us all right well okay temperature right feeling sense

1:47:39 no it's the sense of temperature that's one temperature sense like spatial

1:47:44 awareness spatial awareness okay if your eyes are closed you know

1:47:47 where your nose is two yeah temperature and spal awareness sense

1:47:51 if like if you wouldn't have it you'd be like oh

1:47:53 wait I missed okay temperature always knowing where you are in relation

1:47:57 to your nose uh what these are real senses yeah we are

1:48:03 we're counting them two you said it's way more than five six

1:48:08 sense came out gav's like why they skip all the other ones

1:48:11 would you special awareness that doesn't make any sense oh my God

1:48:15 the entire time Bruce Wills was a thermometer so what sense

1:48:23 is temperature then if it's not S brown shoes with a white

1:48:33 soulle it's the exact shoes I wear every day just like

1:48:36 you see parts of your body you can also feel parts

1:48:38 of your body I can't feel the temperature of my hot

1:48:41 right now but you can feel your when you get a fever

1:48:43 you can feel that you feel that you're hotter maybe I found

1:48:48 somebody who doesn't have a sense of temperature very cool you brought

1:48:51 in your own piss yeah it wasn't in my class but they

1:48:53 did a they did a urine test to uh to in like

1:48:55 the upper level science for so we finished all the tests

1:48:58 and everything and I was like cool I put my leftover

1:49:00 piss in my like drawer with my supplies and locked it

1:49:03 and then went on spring break then like was out of the I

1:49:06 was out of school for the whole week came back

1:49:08 that next Monday after the break opened up my drawer and it

1:49:11 was the most foul cup of old piss and so I

1:49:16 went to go throw it out and I opened it why why

1:49:19 why did you do that cuz I was going to just

1:49:21 dump it out in the sink I should not have opened it

1:49:25 like instantly people started running out of the classroom Fu it

1:49:31 was in your classroom it God I hate these stories when you

1:49:40 guys tell them the bucket of pig and Trail sat

1:49:45 in a fridge that then powered down and cool down and like turned

1:49:48 into like a hot box I feel sorry for whoever opened

1:49:51 that and they opened it and said it was the most disgusting

1:49:53 thing ever but because they were so low on money they couldn't

1:49:57 like throw him away they had to use him in the scene

1:50:00 and the extras are [Applause] like a bunch of zombies going

1:50:10 they would go like they' be like C they go that's uh

1:50:21 32 o 32 same thing what what what kind of beer

1:50:24 is it true Texas sh you got the hilling one dude no

1:50:30 how big is that 50 this is the 64 does does

1:50:34 have like three x's on the side of it oh my God

1:50:37 it's start a Dr band how are you going to drive

1:50:38 home you're going to drive hey everyone welcome to the moving moving

1:50:43 day edition of the Rooster Teeth podcast do you feel bad

1:50:46 when you mess up the second word of the podcast second[ __]

1:50:48 word of the podcast it's already screwed up it's cuz we're

1:50:51 on the move if Rock the van the whole shake to us

1:50:57 jumping around the back of here's the illusion ruined wanted oh

1:51:05 there a flip was itarian I I don't think that's a planarian

1:51:09 though with the thing they're showing us it looks like a hammerhead

1:51:11 worm the diagrams it does look like a hammerhead worm planarian

1:51:14 can plenaria can be cut into pieces and each piece can

1:51:17 regenerate into a complete organism W they cut off your arm

1:51:20 and like then you have another Gus you'd have to go find

1:51:22 and kill it absolutely I would burn that[ __] arm not coming

1:51:26 back why why don't those worms just eat themselves in half

1:51:29 a lot why don't they eat themselves why if they can if

1:51:33 they can be five worms why don't they just cut the crap

1:51:36 out of themselves if you if you could I'm just going

1:51:38 to cut my leg off eat favorite part of that question

1:51:40 is a lot eat yourself a half a lot a lot all

1:51:43 the time I just one just well I eat myself a half

1:51:46 for lunch but it's dinner so I'll eat myself in half

1:51:49 again I don't want to have the same thing again

1:51:50 for dinner I'm asking you a question I'm not letting you out

1:51:54 of this if you could eat yourself in half I you said

1:51:57 it do I'm not an animal trying to make you're the one

1:51:59 who said it insects outnumber us like CRA a crazy number

1:52:02 but we're the perfect size how are we the we are the perect

1:52:06 size for us no in relation to water go on well

1:52:10 if we were really small a a cup of water would be

1:52:13 like just one drip and you could just be like it

1:52:16 would just be like this big wouldn't it but if we were

1:52:20 a whale yeah water would be smaller [Music] go on so

1:52:31 what advantage do we have being the correct proportionate size to water

1:52:35 as opposed to a whale now listen everybody everybody who watches

1:52:39 the podcast says Gavin always has brilliant ideas you just can't explain

1:52:42 them well I want to know what that's specifically me that's

1:52:45 why that's why I'm pursuing what a shuttle yeah stupid how's it

1:52:48 glider it Glides it doesn't uh it doesn't actually have any

1:52:51 propulsion what if it need to it can't what if there's

1:52:55 a go around or something there is no go can you jump

1:52:57 30 ft in the air but what if you need to yeah[

1:53:02 __] the holy[ __] there are situations there are situations

1:53:06 with a really fast moving vehicle where you need to go faster

1:53:10 to avoid an accident like there was one that was seriously it

1:53:13 was we'll see you at the Yellow Rose at the Yellow Rose

1:53:15 and then the thirdy goes I'll see you at the Yellow

1:53:17 Rose and the two guys go who was that that's the end

1:53:20 of the commercial the it's like a cliff anger for the next

1:53:24 commercial they're using the RvB formula tune in next time if

1:53:29 you like take off your glasses for example and you really

1:53:31 need to see something if you just make a little pin hole

1:53:34 and cover your eye like that you can see no matter how

1:53:37 blurry your vision is is it like the aperture of a lens

1:53:40 no why cuz I'm not stupid I'm not going to get

1:53:42 tricked into doing this for some reason this is totally grade school[

1:53:46 __] if your hands bigger than your face you've got cancer

1:53:49 really man my mouth tastes really bad did I brush my teeth

1:53:52 yeah I brush my teth last night uh you know went

1:53:54 throughout the whole day didn't realize what was going on uh

1:53:58 by I told his M mil times let me let me tell

1:54:02 you how he phrased this by the way oh yeah I go

1:54:05 you're telling me you've had you have a hole in your mouth

1:54:08 that's been draining snot into your stomach all night he

1:54:11 goes he goes yeah been eating boogies in my sleep so

1:54:14 it's like trickling down yeah oh my God I had a mouthful

1:54:19 of beer when you said that so yeah like like imagine

1:54:23 from like the back behind your molder just like dripping down yeah

1:54:28 I could like taste it for [Laughter] like for like like I'm

1:54:36 laughing it feel awful at the same time I'm so glad you

1:54:39 chugged your but the reason I brought this up more than

1:54:41 anything else is cuz every time I tell this story mouse tries

1:54:44 to run away so but he's trapped now I ha so

1:54:49 much there's no running away it's it's I could like smell it

1:54:53 too like I knew dav's entered this happy place the solution

1:54:58 I went in I was like hey uh so you know[ __]

1:55:01 you camer it tastes[ __] terrible imagine a like you know

1:55:04 how like pudding gets a skin on it yeah how do you

1:55:07 like it you[ __] ass an Ethiopian kid yeah can they

1:55:12 cringe what do you what like I've never heard it use like

1:55:16 that before like it sounds like a dance movie it feels

1:55:18 like a more do the cringe no it's like this like going

1:55:25 to cover your eyes it feels like a I really like

1:55:28 that song you're doing the cringe it was great run the roof

1:55:33 of your mouth collapsed goop fell in it just like a I

1:55:36 had like M I had like a like a pool of like

1:55:39 boogers oh why in my stomach why you think we're going

1:55:43 to get that uh the the Tower of pimps from RTX

1:55:46 in here I mean we have space now that's a good point

1:55:48 there's been talk of getting it and putting it outside I think

1:55:50 Jack still has it kind of in its collapse form Al lands

1:55:53 exist he's gotten really far he's got like 10% of the way

1:55:55 yeah but how long has that Taken 3 years yeah is

1:55:59 he still going to be doing that in 30 years dude

1:56:01 he's making money on it if he doesn't make it he

1:56:04 should just make a post that's like exact quote from forest scump

1:56:08 like I'm pretty tired think I'm going to go home turn

1:56:16 back a modern day mine cart I have no patience for OCD

1:56:22 I live with my shoe he probably do it's my shoe

1:56:25 if it's untied that's up to me this is Amer you tell

1:56:30 Will now it's pissed me off so I am going to tie

1:56:32 it but only tie the shoe if I want to and I

1:56:36 happen to want to right now now this is my choice

1:56:41 I've eaten at a three Michelin star restaurant in Chicago what

1:56:43 was it it's called l2o it's the most expensive meal I've

1:56:48 ever had in my life it was[ __] ridiculous but it's like

1:56:52 it was like a 20 course meal every course is really

1:56:56 small I was to say yeah how do you fit all

1:56:57 that uh one of the courses was a uh a lobster

1:57:01 a lobster roll that was about the size of this bottle cap it's

1:57:05 like maybe the size of a half dollar it's like they

1:57:08 baked a tiny little roll of bread Jesus and got a tiny

1:57:12 little bit of Lobster on it and like made the perfect

1:57:15 little lobster roll I looked at I was like this is[ __]

1:57:16 ridiculous I don't even like lobster this is the best thing

1:57:19 I've ever eaten in my life oh my God what the[ __]

1:57:22 am I eating it was it was absolutely ridiculous it was it

1:57:26 the they had a dress code I did not own the proper

1:57:28 attire to go to this restaurant I had to buy clothes

1:57:31 just to go eat this place I bu you have to reserve

1:57:34 like 3 months in advance and so you planned it 3

1:57:37 months in advance wow that's cool when did you do that uh

1:57:39 I did it for my 5ifth anniversary what's going on on side

1:57:42 so bad the bad thing is the bathroom are so far

1:57:48 far not going to make it should in the bom yeah

1:57:53 do you think maybe when he chug the[ __] thing Ron Ronnie

1:57:56 like he's got a plunder up his ass okay where I

1:58:01 could imagine get to the bathrooms and both occupied it's going

1:58:05 to sound uh insulting to you but I feel like now

1:58:09 that Gus is gone from from my office space within five feet I

1:58:13 feel like a pet died you know because there was like

1:58:18 youa fish you know when when you're at home and you got

1:58:21 your cat or your dog go out of my office I

1:58:23 would turn like literally six Ines turn to my right and there

1:58:28 you are and you'd just be like hey man let's talk

1:58:33 did you see that what does DNA stand for man deox no

1:58:39 asking you God just push the[ __] buttons don't talk is it

1:58:44 so hard this is for mat you know in in a career

1:58:50 and Rush teeth has had a lot of success um there

1:58:53 are lots of little things that can happen that can make

1:58:57 or break a career and often times those things are things

1:58:59 that make a career and you don't see them uh until you have

1:59:01 a little bit of distance on them and I was thinking

1:59:03 about some people that I hadn't kept up with and one

1:59:05 of the people uh that I wanted to get in contact

1:59:07 with was a guy by the name of Graham lean if you've seen

1:59:11 the DVDs and watched our credits extensively you might have seen

1:59:14 his name uh mentioned a couple times in there he was the film

1:59:18 director of the uh Film Society at the Lincoln Center in New

1:59:21 York he is the person who decided to program the premiere

1:59:25 of season 2 at the very prestigious Lincoln Center in the heart

1:59:30 of Manhattan in New York when I looked him up I

1:59:32 found out that he had passed away two years ago

1:59:34 and that was a hard thing to realize of someone who had been

1:59:36 so influential to us even with a small decision like

1:59:39 that but Graham um you were a pillar to us uh Graham legot

1:59:45 was 51 yeah big big thanks to Graham he was a big

1:59:50 influence big help to us early on thank you Graham [Music]