Alton Brown Cooks Food | Episode 12: Valentine's Day & TMI

0:00 Good evening, food fans.

0:02 Um since Valentine's Day is upon us again,

0:06 I thought that perhaps I would address

0:07 the male members of my audience on the matter.

0:10 Not because I wish to anyway, you know, alienate the ladies present,

0:14 but but because I too am a guy and you know,

0:18 when it comes to matters Valentinian,

0:21 I I think the tradition requires we fall back to our respective camps.

0:25 So, gentlemen, if I know anything about women,

0:32 and what I know is precious little,

0:34 it is that they are each and every one

0:36 of them a confounding enigma wrapped luxuriously in conundrumic contradiction.

0:42 And yet, so many of their interesting bits,

0:46 by which I of course mean all of their myriad bits,

0:50 connect directly to their stomachs.

0:53 With this in mind, should you wish to hear these words on Valentine's Day, hm?

0:58 [clears throat] "Oh, honey, that's so sweet.

1:00 I love you, too.

1:01 Don't forget Mother's coming at 4:00 to watch the kids so

1:04 we can beat the crowds to Cheesecake Factory." Then by all means,

1:09 present her with that drugstore chocolate sampler and those grocery store roses,

1:13 which you know darn well are going to go all droopy before they open.

1:18 [gasps]

1:17 If, however, you would rather hear something like "Daddy man,

1:21 you better get over here and climb on board because

1:24 my love engine's going to afterburner this entire zip code

1:26 and I don't care if we are in the front

1:28 seat of a green Subaru in the driveway in broad daylight.

1:30 Just give [laughter] me what I need and let the neighbors go blind." Then you

1:37 might just want to make her my French

1:39 Toast Croque Monsieur with orange thyme syrup,

1:43 a dish I myself prepare each and every Valentine's Day for my wife.

1:47 Although in my personal kitchen log,

1:49 I refer to the dish as um no morning meetings.

1:54 [music] Now, a day or two before Valentine's [music] Day,

2:02 you must procure the following: one cup of sugar,

2:05 you don't need 10 lbs, it's the only bag I had,

2:07 and one cup of water, which should be filtered if not bottled,

2:10 a few ounces of Grand Marnier, an orange liqueur made with cognac,

2:15 one sprig of [music] thyme, that's the whole way you buy it,

2:19 some orange bitters, a loaf of challah,

2:22 that's bread that looks like this, and unlike say a baguette,

2:25 contains [music] eggs, that's important.

2:28 One cup of half and half,

2:30 you'll also need three eggs from a chicken, 4 oz of Black Forest ham,

2:35 we're going to cut that into julienne, and [music] 4 oz of Gruyère cheese,

2:39 which we will grate on the big holes of a box grater.

2:43 Two tablespoons of good butter, like Kerrygold,

2:45 not a sponsor, but totally should be.

2:47 Two tablespoons [music] or nouns of honey, and a small box of cornflakes.

2:56 To begin with, we are going to make a syrup, and no, I don't mean like Mrs.

3:01 Butterworth or or even maple syrup.

3:04 Um this is what is called a a simple syrup,

3:07 although it is going to be a little on the rich side uh for a simple syrup,

3:10 and we are going to uh flavor this syrup with Grand Marnier,

3:15 uh the bitters, and the thyme.

3:18 But first, [music] we build it.

3:19 So, combine the equal portions, the one cup of sugar and one cup of water,

3:24 [music] into a small saucepan, bring that to a boil over medium-high heat.

3:29 Now, I usually just swirl it around a couple

3:31 of times during that, just so you know,

3:32 kind of make sure there's no sugar still hiding in there.

3:36 When it hits a full boil, reduce the heat to [music] maintain a steady simmer.

3:40 Keep it that way for 10 minutes.

3:45 All right, next, we're going to add two tablespoons of the Grand Marnier,

3:50 and simmer for another 5 minutes.

3:53 All right, add that sprig of thyme and three dashes of the orange [music]

4:00 bitters and just let this cool completely on the counter.

4:03 And uh yes, it is going to thicken quite a bit as it cools.

4:07 Uh but again, never to the the butter's worth, you know, um level of gooiness.

4:13 Oh, and I have to point out I love these uh old

4:15 vintage Dansk saucepans because the lid has a handle that's a trivet.

4:21 I love that.

4:23 This is now nice and cool,

4:25 so we can extract the thyme um as that has certainly given all of its goodness.

4:32 As for the uh the syrup, as you can see, it is um well, it's syrupy.

4:37 But again, it's not butter's worth.

4:39 That's fine by me.

4:43 Move [snorts] the syrup to a glass containment and stash in the fridge.

4:47 There.

4:48 Syrup, done.

4:58 And now we to the custard.

5:00 Um all you need from a hardware standpoint is

5:03 just a mixing bowl and of course your favorite whisk.

5:07 Step one, microwave that 2 Tbsp of honey for about

5:11 15 seconds just to loosen it up a little.

5:15 Next, um we're going to whisk the half and half

5:19 and the eggs together along with a mere quarter teaspoon,

5:24 fat pinch, of kosher salt.

5:26 And yes, it's important.

5:27 It's also important to very thoroughly whisk

5:30 the eggs and dairy together as we're

5:32 really counting on their interaction um chemically

5:36 uh to make a nice velvety custard.

5:39 There.

5:39 Now, as you notice, I'm doing this uh the night before.

5:43 We're making breakfast.

5:44 Did I not mention that?

5:45 Sorry, this is breakfast.

5:47 I only serve my French toast uh Croque Monsieur with thyme and orange syrup

5:52 to my wife in the morning while she's still in bed because you know,

5:56 she complains about the calories.

5:58 We can just work those nasty things off right then [music] and there.

6:05 I do this part the night before because I

6:08 want this mixture to be [music] nice and cold.

6:10 I want any bubbles in there to work their way out.

6:13 Now, I personally believe that custards [music] that are

6:15 allowed to age a bit before cooking and you know,

6:17 that's what this is, a custard.

6:19 They tend to be [music] smoother.

6:21 Research also suggests that refrigerating overnight allows for partial hydration

6:26 of the egg proteins following the partial denaturing that comes from whisking.

6:30 [music] Furthermore,

6:31 experimentation has led me to believe that a long rest improves

6:34 emulsification between the milk fats and the less than and the yolks.

6:38 Besides, it's one less thing to do in the morning.

6:41 Oh, one last thing we have to do.

6:51 Last step of the evening, slice the bread into four 3/4 inch thick slices.

6:57 Then just move those to a rack on a pan

7:00 and cover with a clean tea towel overnight.

7:03 Do not skip this step as staling is a legitimate

7:07 culinary step as the starch crystals inside the bread will

7:11 have time to realign themselves into a tight matrix thus

7:14 reinforcing the bread enabling it to handle the custard to come.

7:18 Think of it kind of like a suspension bridge.

7:21 The gluten of the bread, that's the drive across parts, right?

7:25 The verticals are the [music] egg proteins that also support

7:28 the structure and then these, what would be the wires,

7:31 those are the starch crystals.

7:33 Together, they're strong and they are resilient

7:36 and I realize this is not the high

7:39 quality culinary science prop you've come to expect

7:42 from me on shows like Good Eats, but we're on a very tight budget here.

7:46 Should you wish to aid us in the in the effort,

7:50 perhaps consider purchasing a ticket to an evening of Alton

7:53 Brown coming to a theater near you, maybe, possibly.

7:56 Drop by altonbrownlive.com and find [music] out.

8:00 Thank you.

8:01 See you all tomorrow.

8:08 Morning, sunshine.

8:09 Happy V-Day.

8:11 Mhm.

8:12 Did you remember to brush your teeth?

8:14 Good.

8:15 She ain't going to want that thing on her smelling like a sewer pipe.

8:18 Um okay.

8:19 Um here we go, right?

8:21 Um now, first thing is you're going to position an oven rack in the second

8:24 uh position from the top and set your oven to broil, if you please.

8:29 And if you've got an option between a high broil and a low broil,

8:32 go with the high broil.

8:34 All right.

8:35 Now, as you can see,

8:36 I've got um one uh pie dish actually that I've placed three cups of cornflakes.

8:42 Now, I want those to be uh roughly broken up.

8:45 So, I'm just going to take my other pie

8:46 pan and just kind of squish it around in there.

8:51 Kind of satisfying.

8:53 There are.

8:54 Um now, this is uh really necessary uh because

8:57 croque monsieur literally translates from the French as Mr.

9:02 Crunchy, and this is going to guarantee the crunch.

9:05 There we go.

9:06 Um here in the next uh pan, that is where uh custard goes.

9:11 Just going to go ahead and place that in.

9:13 And then uh here we have pan with the resting bread.

9:17 We'll be coming back to this uh several times uh before it goes into the pan.

9:22 Um I've got a 12-in sauté pan.

9:24 This is nitrided steel, um which is well, it's made to be nonstick.

9:29 It It doesn't have a surface or a coating like Teflon.

9:32 And I've got that on my induction hob, but a standard cooktop would be fine too.

9:38 Um I have uh got two pats of butter.

9:41 Actually I've got three.

9:42 I need two, but you never know when you might need a little extra.

9:45 I've got my uh my cheese and ham uh combo of shredded and it creates

9:51 little crags on top which will hold the syrup which I also uh have standing by.

9:56 I think the gravy boat is an elegant touch.

9:59 Okay.

10:00 Here we go.

10:01 Now, first thing [music] is that we have got

10:03 to soak our uh pieces of uh dried challah.

10:08 Um and this is really really important.

10:10 Each piece must receive 30 seconds per side.

10:15 Not 20, not 40.

10:16 Dude, it's 30 seconds per side.

10:18 Yes, you're going to use a timer some type uh to make sure that you hit that.

10:23 All right?

10:25 Oh, and by the way, um croque monsieur, of course,

10:27 a French bistro classic born by most estimates

10:31 in the early days of the 20th century.

10:33 Typically a grilled sandwich, cheese,

10:36 ham topped with a béchamel sauce and parked under a broiler.

10:39 We're bringing custard to the party, right?

10:41 So we can eschew the béchamel, I believe,

10:43 and also bring uh some sweetness to the dance.

10:48 Now, you could just make French toast for her.

10:50 Sure, you know, and and done properly you probably make her happy.

10:55 [snorts] But it probably won't drive her to the edge of madness.

10:58 And I'm looking for the edge of madness.

10:59 [music] And now each of the pieces uh comes out of the bath,

11:04 you're going to park them back on the uh rack

11:07 [music] and make sure they rest there at least 2 minutes.

11:11 Then we will tiptoe lightly through the cornflakes

11:14 and return to the rack for another minute.

11:19 All right.

11:19 Uh the bread all soaked uh 30 seconds a side uh have now rested uh 2 minutes.

11:25 You'll notice there is some leftover custard.

11:28 I'd rather have a little too much than not

11:31 enough and I'll figure out something to do with that.

11:34 I'll make a little bitty quiche later.

11:35 That's another show.

11:36 All right.

11:36 Now, as far as the dredging,

11:38 this is just really a light uh like I said, we're we're just going to tiptoe.

11:42 So, I'm just going to [music] kind of put it in, give it a shake,

11:46 and press it down a little bit, flip,

11:49 give it a shake, paint a little bit on, pat it on.

11:52 There, that that's it.

11:53 That that's all we need.

11:54 We're going to go back and let that kind of hydrate.

11:56 Giving it a little rest time will make it stick better.

11:59 If you don't like cornflakes, I mean, you could skip this.

12:03 Or you could use Frosted Flakes.

12:05 You could use a lot of different cereals.

12:07 You could use Captain Crunch.

12:10 That would be if she's kind of into pain now, right?

12:12 Because the way that scrapes the roof of your mouth.

12:16 [snorts] Okay.

12:15 Um there we go.

12:22 Dogs don't eat this.

12:23 All right, the bread is prepped.

12:24 Um the pan um is over uh medium heat for a minute and a half or so.

12:29 Um they're going to melt in 2 Tbsp of the butter and just kind of swirl around,

12:33 or you could use a basting brush and kind of paint it around if you want,

12:38 but I'm not going to.

12:39 There, that's what you want the bubbles to look like uh before the uh

12:42 the bread goes in, and everything goes in at one time or as close as possible.

12:54 It will fit.

12:57 There we go.

12:57 Just kind of gently mash down into the pan

13:01 to make sure you've got a full full coverage.

13:04 There we go.

13:06 And I'm going to let that cook for I'm going to let that cook for 2 minutes,

13:10 and then I'm going to check for uh brownness underneath.

13:16 Oh, you know what?

13:17 Now would be a really good time to get the uh the champagne out.

13:20 Go ahead and open that.

13:21 I always think that um morning champagne,

13:23 you should take a little bit of the fizz out because let's face it,

13:25 nobody wants bed burps.

13:28 Just going to take a peek.

13:31 That looks good.

13:32 Gently flip.

13:33 You may need tongs to do this as well.

13:36 I can usually manage with just fingers.

13:38 Now, go ahead and load up each of the toasts with the cheese and ham mixture.

13:47 And don't worry too much about keeping it all nice and neat.

13:50 You're You're not going to.

13:52 You may have to redistribute just a little bit.

13:54 That's okay.

13:56 And now we're going straight under the broiler

13:58 to finish another 2 minutes of cooking.

14:06 And there we have it.

14:09 Now, sometimes I cut these I cut these into kind

14:14 of strips so that she can eat them with her fingers.

14:18 But I think today we'll just go full-on slabs.

14:22 As for the syrup, you know, I'm I'm of two minds on this.

14:26 I'm saving one of these for later.

14:29 This is for me.

14:31 Cuz I might I might need more nourishment after this.

14:37 [clears throat] So, uh putting the syrup on now um would be fine,

14:40 uh but I really think that that's something that she should get to do.

14:42 Besides, it's kind of a very sensuous thing to drizzle.

14:47 And you notice I'm going to take the entire amount because I want

14:51 her to be able to drizzle it on whatever it is she feels like drizzling.

14:56 There.

14:56 Um so, um Valentine's morning is ready.

14:59 There's my There's my French toast croque monsieur.

15:02 I've got my syrup standing by.

15:06 Um all I need now [laughter] I almost forgot.

15:12 The big spatula.

15:14 And um cable ties.

15:19 Happy Valentine's.

15:28 So, if you're not a fan of Valentine's Day, you have this guy to thank.

15:33 Roman Emperor Claudius II, who ruled from 268 to 270 AD, I think.

15:40 Claudius was a big military leader and he was into order and discipline.

15:44 And he was troubled by this priest named of Valentinus, Valentine,

15:50 who kept performing marriages for soldiers,

15:52 a habit that was apparently frowned upon enough that [laughter]

15:55 the emperor here decided to take his [clears throat] head off or had it done.

16:00 Supposedly, on February 14th, 270 AD,

16:04 the very same year Claudius died of the plague.

16:07 Karma.

16:07 Then, in 496, Pope Gelasius I made Valentine a saint

16:13 and made February 14th a feast day in his honor.

16:17 Now, this date just so happened to align with a pagan holiday called Lupercalia,

16:23 an ancient fertility festival that involved things like priests running around

16:28 in furry loincloths whipping women with strips of freshly sacrificed goat skins,

16:33 which apparently the women were okay with because

16:35 they thought it would enhance their fertility.

16:38 Now, the Pope hoped to replace that unseemly

16:42 high jinks with a nice calm martyr feast, right?

16:46 Okay.

16:46 Now, love really didn't get into this picture too heavily Oh,

16:50 until 1382, when Geoffrey Chaucer, Canterbury Tales guy,

16:57 wrote a poem about watching birds copulating on February 14th,

17:04 which is way too early for birds to be doing that in England.

17:08 But, the really big break through, 1415.

17:11 Okay, Charles, the Duke of Orleans,

17:14 gets locked in the Tower of London after the Battle of Agincourt, okay?

17:18 For the rest of his life.

17:19 And while he's there, he writes his wife,

17:22 the former [music] Bonnie of Armagnac, love poems.

17:25 Over 500 of the gosh darn things, right?

17:29 And in many of these poems, he refers to Bonnie,

17:32 and I quote as my very gentle Valentine.

17:36 It's the first reference we have to anyone calling anyone else their Valentine.

17:41 Well, it caught on with the uh nobility.

17:44 Uh they started giving each other little handmade cards that said,

17:47 "Dost thou beeth mine?" and that kind of thing.

17:50 Flash forward to the Victorians, who just went crazy with Valentines.

17:54 Why?

17:54 Because of this thing.

17:55 This is the British Uniform Penny Postal Act [music] of 1840.

18:00 A postal reform that introduced a flat rate of 1 penny to send

18:05 any letter up to half an ounce in weight anywhere in the United Kingdom.

18:08 So, boom, Valentine cards everywhere.

18:11 And frankly, some of them are just well, just unsettling to look at.

18:18 Um here in the uh United States, the boom happened in 1847,

18:23 when Esther Howland of Worcester, Massachusetts,

18:26 started mass-manufacturing lacy Valentine's Day cards.

18:32 And by 1857, the American Postal Service was moving

18:36 hundreds of thousands of Valentine's Day cards a day.

18:40 And here we are inflection.