Try Not To Laugh: Podcast Edition

0:00 Yo, what's up with your boy KSI?

0:01 Today, we're going to be looking at the funniest podcast moments.

0:05 Without further ado, let's begin.

0:07 Yeah, I think abuse is abuse.

0:11 Well, Well,

0:18 Okay, let me pose a question to you.

0:19 Mhm.

0:21 Let me pose pose a serious question to you.

0:23 And we're we're all against abuse.

0:25 Of Nobody should be hitting nobody.

0:27 Uh-huh.

0:28 Let me put it that way.

0:29 Okay.

0:30 Don't hit me or or you know, shove your I might hit you back.

0:34 You don't Just let's not put our hands on each other.

0:37 Let's have a talk.

0:38 That makes sense.

0:39 Okay?

0:41 While we're talking, I tell you to shut up.

0:46 Okay.

0:48 Do you think it's wise for you to keep talking?

0:51 Huh?

0:54 What What What is that Is that the excuse?

0:59 To be able to hit someone?

1:00 What What What the I want Netflix to stop dropping everything together, man.

1:03 Drop it in like I watched the whole thing

1:05 in one cuz I I started watching at 11:00 p.m.

1:08 I stayed up till 5:00.

1:09 I didn't realize.

1:10 Have you had a LinkedIn?

1:15 [laughter]

1:14 Bro was having a whole conversation and bro just switched it.

1:20 [laughter] How old are you?

1:20 29.

1:21 Oh, okay.

1:22 Why is it that women are allowed to ask how old a man is,

1:25 but it's taboo for a man to ask how old a woman is?

1:28 I think it depends on the context.

1:29 So, you can ask a woman how old she is.

1:31 Like, I wouldn't be offended if you asked me how old I am.

1:35 Did you pause waiting for me to ask?

1:37 I won't ask.

1:37 How much do you weigh?

1:42 Before I used to talk about transgenders or whatever,

1:44 but in actuality, I think it's brilliant what they've done.

1:48 How?

1:48 Meaning, for you to develop in your mind that you're

1:53 something that you're not and actually go through with it.

1:58 Mhm.

1:57 It's damn it powerful.

1:58 Mhm.

2:00 Mhm.

2:00 It's powerful to me cuz it tells me you could have been

2:04 anything you wanted to be if you put your mind to it.

2:10 [laughter] Okay.

2:12 Oh, wow.

2:12 College saved, man.

2:14 Where'd you go to college?

2:15 I didn't go to college, bro.

2:17 Um I turned it down.

2:18 Oh.

2:19 Yeah, I turned it down.

2:20 Turned it down?

2:21 I did this just to grind for the rap.

2:23 So, you you uh had an opportunity to do the driving thing?

2:26 and everything.

2:27 And they offered me like 15 some[ __] like 10 million or something like that.

2:32 What?

2:32 5 million or something like that.

2:33 College?

2:34 know what it was.

2:35 College?

2:36 Million dollars?

2:36 [laughter] I turned it down.

2:38 College?

2:39 It was a scholarship like I had to go to school for this decade.

2:43 But you would get 5 million?

2:45 Yeah, that what they What?

2:46 It was It was in the millions.

2:48 What?

2:48 College is this?

2:52 [laughter]

2:52 How you turning down college?

2:54 No.

2:55 Nah, show Someone direct me to this college

3:00 so I can go there for a couple minutes, get that quick advance, and then dip.

3:08 [laughter] If colleges or schools gave you 10 mil to show up for lessons,

3:12 bro, everybody's learning.

3:16 [laughter] Everyone's on that desk.

3:17 What's your favorite thing to do for volunteering?

3:20 Volunteering?

3:21 Mhm.

3:22 I don't volunteer[ __] You should do it.

3:24 What?

3:25 Give back.

3:27 Give back.

3:27 Give I give back shots.

3:29 Oh my god.

3:30 Your body count?

3:31 I don't have an exact number.

3:33 I have an idea.

3:33 Ran- Range is what?

3:34 Um probably somewhere between 50 to 60.

3:45 No, what do you mean?

3:49 50 to 60 people?

3:52 50 to 60 people.

3:55 [laughter]

3:57 No.

3:57 What the hell?

3:58 Never said something weird during sex and be like,

4:00 "What did I say?" Yes, I once called my[ __] rough.

4:03 Uh I was What?

4:06 [laughter] I think the craziest thing I've said during sex 6 7.

4:09 What is wrong with me, bro?

4:11 I need to grow up.

4:14 [laughter] No, man.

4:14 In all seriousness, uh I think one time during sex I started laughing.

4:20 Ruined the whole mood, man.

4:24 [laughter] I started laughing because she farted.

4:27 Farted took me out, man.

4:30 [laughter]

4:32 What's the age What's the age that you guys are looking to get married?

4:37 Whenever she wants me.

4:39 Whenever she likes me back.

4:40 When she replies to my text.

4:43 [laughter]

4:43 Shout me.

4:45 She shout me.

4:47 She don't talk to him anymore.

4:49 I'll talk to him by seeing him.

4:51 Yeah.

4:51 What kind of podcast is this?

4:53 you he see me.

4:56 I don't even know them.

4:57 I just thought that sound cool.

5:01 [laughter] But Jesus was 33.

5:02 33.

5:02 I'm glad I'm 33.

5:03 Look at you.

5:05 You and your Jesus year.

5:06 Jesus year.

5:09 But you you you didn't know he died at 33.

5:11 You don't But god damn it, Charlamagne.

5:13 What's the best way to introduce my Filipino boyfriend to my family?

5:18 My family's not racist, but still just like a different culture.

5:21 Oh, yeah.

5:22 I know what you mean, honey.

5:23 No, it's just day a little bit of daytime racism.

5:26 We do a [laughter]

5:28 ethnicity reveal where you put him in a box or put him behind a tree.

5:32 And then you let your family guess what ethnicity he's going to be.

5:36 Mhm.

5:37 Get one of those smoke things and maybe

5:39 it makes I don't want to say yellow smoke.

5:42 I mean, that's You can't do that.

5:43 That's racist.

5:45 [laughter]

5:46 Um Just Oh, you know what?

5:47 Don't do the smoke thing.

5:48 Have him come out from behind the tree.

5:53 [laughter] Go free for walker.

5:56 What's it going to be?

5:58 Oh, he's from Africa.

6:02 [laughter]

6:02 Instantly the following is like, oh, discard, discard.

6:07 [laughter] And if you could choose to be born in your own body but with the mind

6:10 of Stephen Hawking or be born in the body

6:12 of Stephen Hawking but with your own mind, what would you choose?

6:20 All of a sudden [snorts] I'd be trying to prove

6:22 that I'm not crazy when I knew I wasn't crazy.

6:25 Um I hope the girl comes out and says,

6:31 my guitar tried to message me, tried to move to me.

6:33 Yeah, well, I had to.

6:34 I was hungry at the time.

6:37 [laughter]

6:40 He's got the maddest way of describing things.

6:43 [laughter] No, I'm not talking about the ones to generate

6:44 I'm talking about the wind turbines for global warming.

6:47 What?

6:48 I thought that's what they were for, no?

6:50 Yeah, it is for global warming because they're trying to stop

6:54 down the the earth.

6:55 Oh my god.

6:58 Yo, thank you guys for watching.

6:59 This has been your boy.

7:00 I think I remember this clip.

7:02 This [laughter] Is that what he thought?

7:05 You thought it was like a fan basically?

7:07 A fan?

7:07 [laughter] Bro, just wait.

7:09 Wait, wait, hold on.

7:10 Blow the global warming away.

7:12 A fan, bro.

7:13 It's not a fan.

7:13 Yeah.

7:14 And if it's running fast, I bet you'll be cold.

7:18 [laughter] What do you have to put on like free?

7:21 How would it be justifiable for a man to hit a female?

7:23 Is it justifiable for a man to hit a woman?

7:26 I can't speak for men, but I can speak for myself.

7:29 You disrespect me, Lord Jesus, look out.

7:31 Look out.

7:32 How many first cousins do you have?

7:34 A thousand.

7:34 Mom's one of 10 kids.

7:36 I have 28 first cousins.

7:37 a million.

7:38 28.

7:39 You a dog?

7:41 [laughter] What did you just say?

7:43 Did you just say are you a dog?

7:45 You are what you eat.

7:46 [laughter] My mom died 2 days ago.

7:53 She's the biggest Bad Friends fan.

7:56 Was.

8:00 I just Are there alley cats in the Philippines, Jules?

8:03 Got to be.

8:04 Yeah.

8:05 What do you mean?

8:05 Where?

8:05 They eat people all the time.

8:07 Where?

8:08 I see them in the zoo.

8:14 [laughter] You're going to go to college?

8:16 Is your family here in Los Angeles?

8:17 Oh, no.

8:18 They're They're literally all dead.

8:20 Um [snorts] but except my brother.

8:22 I remember when my grandmother died, I I saw my dad and I go, um "Hey,

8:26 Dad." And he goes, "Gundam died." [clears

8:30 throat] And then he [laughter] just walked away.

8:31 If I If I say right now, "Hey, Siri,

8:33 call Dad." Is it somebody in your phone going to get called?

8:35 I want Okay, call your father or call my father.

8:37 Let's see who pick up first.

8:39 Call your dad or call my dad.

8:40 Who dad picking up first?

8:43 Well, if I tried doing this, I'm getting no reply.

8:47 My dad look at me like, "What Why is he calling me?

8:50 What the fuck?" You should know this one.

8:53 What country is Eiffel Tower in?

8:55 Paris.

8:57 Country.

8:58 Paris.

8:59 Oh, my god.

9:00 What do you mean?

9:02 What do you mean what do I mean?

9:03 Paris.

9:04 I said country.

9:05 Paris is a country.

9:07 God bless your soul.

9:10 Dude, I'm your dad I'm your son.

9:12 Okay.

9:12 Hey, Dad.

9:14 Mhm, Bobby.

9:15 No, no, you're not my [laughter]

9:17 Do it the Sorry, just do it like me.

9:21 [laughter]

9:20 You don't have to have an egg.

9:23 When you say classic[ __] a lot of people are saying

9:30 [screaming]

9:32 That's got to be racist.

9:33 There's no [laughter] way I would just keep it real.

9:35 There's no way that Listen, I'm a I'm a Hey,

9:40 I'm a ugly ass[ __] I'm not Let me finish.

9:43 Shut the[ __] up.

9:48 [laughter] Yes, with this sus ass[ __] Bro is complimenting him.

9:53 [laughter] You know what's so crazy, man?

9:57 It's like it breaks my heart.

10:00 Mhm.

10:02 Nah, it really breaks my heart.

10:04 Nah, tell them, TJ.

10:05 There's people out there that don't believe in us.

10:08 Speedy, they don't believe in us.

10:11 Man,[ __] That[ __] breaks my

10:18 [laughter]

10:18 Shame on them.

10:19 How could they?

10:22 [laughter] So, do you ever see yourself with just one woman?

10:24 I'm with one woman right now.

10:29 [laughter]

10:33 Uh just me being around older cats, and they would just call me Future.

10:36 Like, "Oh, you're the Future.

10:36 You're the Future." I was the youngest.

10:38 Did you ever have any other kind of name?

10:40 Before it we Did you settle on Future?

10:43 Um no, you know I grew up as Meat.

10:44 Like, everybody from my neighborhood called me Meat.

10:47 Spell it.

10:47 Meat, m e a t.

10:48 Oh, damn.

10:50 m e a t I'm not going to even ask that.

10:53 [laughter]

10:52 If somebody else asks that, I'd be like, No, no, it was Wait, wait, what?

10:58 [laughter]

10:58 Oh, yeah, you're the Future, said the Avatar.

11:02 And then after he's called Future, they're they're like, "Yo, you know what?

11:05 You lit.

11:05 You lit." He's like, "Yeah, I'mma take that, too.

11:07 I'm now lit."

11:10 [laughter]

11:10 He just takes what people call him.

11:11 What's the worst thing a woman has done on the first date?

11:15 She left the table to go for a piss.

11:17 I thought, "Yeah, I'll have one,

11:18 too." Only to [clears throat] end up standing at the urinal next to her.

11:23 [laughter] Uh it would have been awkward after, surely.

11:29 Did you continue the date?

11:31 Bro said, "Hey, don't mind, man.

11:34 So fine.

11:36 Hey yo, let's play Star Wars." I'm sorry, guys.

11:44 I've lost my head.

11:46 And Elon Musk will ever go to Elon Musk?

11:49 Elon Musk needs to chill with me for 1 day.

11:51 I will teach him how to get 50,000 chicks before he dies.

11:55 always about cheating, bro?

11:56 Bro, he's got a billion pound, bro.

11:57 He can get anything he wants.

11:59 Not anything, but Is that all that you think about, though?

12:01 Yes.

12:03 [laughter]

12:02 On your mind, just[ __] The bunda, yeah.

12:05 Like, imagine all that money and you just you don't even have a lingus.

12:09 What?

12:10 I don't know, man.

12:11 What's the bread, bro?

12:12 It's like a big bean can, bro.

12:13 He's needs to go open it up and see the world.

12:16 If I had that much money, bro, I'll have a army of chicks, bro.

12:19 How many?

12:20 I'll have a whole army.

12:21 You know, you just got you just got gold diggers all day.

12:23 So, I don't care.

12:25 I'm I'm digging as well.

12:26 They're digging and I'm digging.

12:28 [laughter]

12:28 What's a country you might visit, man, if you ever could visit somewhere?

12:32 I would say Germany.

12:33 Okay.

12:34 Would you ever go back to your homeland, your family's homeland, you think?

12:39 Um yeah, I'm here.

12:44 [laughter]

12:47 Well, feel one clip, man.

12:48 It's like everybody know a pedophile in this room right now.

12:52 If we really turned on a There's somebody in this room.

12:54 It's probably three[ __] that's[ __] children.

12:57 Nah, we ain't doing that.

13:00 [laughter] Hopefully They ain't doing that.

13:01 I mean, I've seen that clip,

13:02 but it's Every time I see [laughter] it, it just kills me, man.

13:09 Yeah, we ain't doing that.

13:11 I will stop you right there, buddy.

13:15 [laughter]

13:15 I know that ain't me, and I know that ain't him, so what are you saying?

13:20 [laughter] I could cheat on, bro.

13:20 This year, that's my goal.

13:21 That's my goal for 2019.

13:23 16 years.

13:23 How long you been faithful?

13:27 [laughter] [laughter] Body compulsion.

13:33 No, I never had somebody like a different race call me them words to my face.

13:38 Never?

13:38 Never.

13:38 I think I'm like one of the lucky ones.

13:40 We'll see you ready.

13:41 [laughter and clears throat] All right.

13:47 Well, you know what?

13:48 That was a pretty good patch.

13:49 I enjoyed that.

13:50 Thank you for watching.

13:51 Don't subscribe.

13:52 I'll see you all in a bit.

13:53 Take care and peace.