Trying EVERY Fast Food Burger!

0:00 How well do we know fast food?

0:02 I would say I'm a professional.

0:03 Yeah, I don't eat to live.

0:04 I live to eat.

0:06 Well, I've never seen someone eat so fast.

0:08 I'm telling you, I need to do food competitions.

0:10 My stomach lacks the organ that tells me it's full.

0:12 I can transform into a Big Chungus like that.

0:16 What does he sound like?

0:17 Big Chungus?

0:18 Yeah.

0:22 We're going to put our fast food tooth toothbrush Dude,

0:26 okay, we can't be saying toothbrush.

0:27 You ruined that.

0:28 He haunts me.

0:29 We're going to put our fast food taste

0:30 buds to the test by blindly trying five burgers.

0:34 Five burger.

0:35 I think you might win.

0:36 You're the burger guy.

0:37 Oh, it's love [groaning] burgers.

0:39 I'm more of a pizza guy.

0:41 When you eat the burger, the grease will land on your chest.

0:45 I have three.

0:46 Yeah, you got like none in there, dude.

0:48 We got a McDonald's Big Mac, which came out to $15.

0:51 Thanks, Trump.

0:52 You said you were going to BRING IT DOWN.

0:54 BURGER KING WHOPPER, $15.

0:56 I don't think I've ever had a Whopper or a Big Mac.

0:58 I usually go to dollar burger.

1:00 It's [snorts] so cute.

1:01 Last thing I [clears throat] had was the Big Arch, and it almost killed me.

1:04 And you don't even know how to arch it.

1:05 Oh, I know how to arch it.

1:07 __] shame.

1:07 I know Okay, well, arch it.

1:12 Come on.

1:12 I like to look when I hit it.

1:14 Huh?

1:15 Okay, Nick, you're making it weird.

1:16 now.

1:17 Okay, well, that's because I am a man, you know?

1:20 If you were a man, you would eat

1:21 these burgers and not those god damn chicken tenders.

1:24 I'm going to put all this meat in my mouth, don't worry.

1:26 Wendy's Dave's Double, $15.

1:28 I don't know why they're all $15.

1:29 Do you think they all came together in a meeting and were like,

1:31 "We should all make the burgers $15." Yeah, we got to make it fair.

1:34 I've never even heard of the Wendy's Dave's Double.

1:37 What the

1:37 Have you heard Wendy's nuts?

1:41 __] child.

1:43 Jack in the Box Ultimate Cheeseburger, $12.

1:46 Hey, Jack in the Box.

1:47 It's cuz it's shittier.

1:48 Uh, dude, I actually root for Jack in the Box.

1:50 They have the best ranch, they have good curly fries,

1:53 and Jack in the Box the mascot, he's pretty handsome.

1:55 Jack in the Box tastes like the Chum Bucket.

1:57 don't like your attitude.

1:58 You You I love fast food.

1:59 I don't know why you got to hate on Jack in the Box, man.

2:01 Maybe one day you'll change, but for now you're just You don't get it like me.

2:06 I don't like it.

2:06 like a deep-fried gooch.

2:08 Don't make me hungry.

2:09 I also got the Morton's Steakhouse Wagyu burger, which was $30 each.

2:14 Holy smokes.

2:15 Twice the price, but is it going to be better than a regular fast food items?

2:19 This is science.

2:20 We're doing this for you.

2:23 Let's blindfold up.

2:25 Did you make these?

2:27 Yeah, how did you know?

2:28 Uh because I don't think they sell these.

2:31 I CAN'T SEE[ __] MY EYES.

2:35 I genuinely don't Is this Is this my burger?

2:39 Is this mine?

2:40 Is this your burger or my burger?

2:41 Where Okay, this

2:42 Well, my burger's in my hand, so I would assume yours is in yours.

2:45 allowed to feel this?

2:46 Yeah.

2:46 Okay.

2:47 You can do anything, bro.

2:48 Stick your dick in it.

2:49 it's juicing on me.

2:50 Cheers.

2:53 Where is your mouth?

2:53 Where Okay.

2:54 Did you eat it?

2:56 Not yet.

2:56 Oh, well, cheers.

2:57 Cheers.

3:06 That's pretty good.

3:07 Really didn't taste like a gooch.

3:08 Okay, well, that's what made me think it's Jack in the Box.

3:11 [laughter] Wait, this is really good.

3:12 Bro, it barely tastes like a burger.

3:13 What?

3:14 This is good.

3:14 I'll eat the whole damn thing.

3:15 It tastes like[ __] poopy.

3:17 Oh, that's poopy butt in Spanish.

3:18 I mean [laughter]

3:19 I mean German.

3:20 That's poopy butt in German.

3:21 Poopy what?

3:22 __] poopy.

3:22 __] poopy.

3:24 __] poopy.

3:24 Poopy butt in German.

3:27 __] poopy.

3:27 All right.

3:29 All right.

3:29 All right.

3:29 I'm saying it's Jack in the Box.

3:31 I I think it's Jack in the Box as well

3:32 because I could just tell by that patty, I think.

3:34 When you get to the sauce, it's good.

3:36 The only one I would say it tastes somewhat like is Burger King.

3:39 I think it tastes a little similar meat-wise.

3:41 Don't you ever say that again.

3:43 But Burger King You know what Burger King means to me?

3:45 Burger King, bro, what the[ __] redneck are you saying?

3:48 There was no soul to this.

3:50 I agree, but I still enjoyed it.

3:51 Like I I would still like eat this again.

3:54 They put no[ __] heart in it.

3:55 Really?

3:55 CUZ I THOUGHT NO SOUL.

3:57 I want my burgers to have blood, sweat, tears.

4:02 What?

4:02 NO WAY.

4:04 WENDY'S.

4:07 [laughter] I FORGOT THAT WAS AN OPTION.

4:08 I cannot believe that.

4:10 Bro, we are so bad.

4:11 I actually I never thought Wendy's nuts.

4:13 Dude, I never thought you would mess up this.

4:15 I really didn't.

4:16 I didn't think I would either.

4:17 But, you know what this makes me realize?

4:18 Wendy's is trash.

4:20 No, dude.

4:21 Wendy's is good.

4:21 That was good.

4:23 Ready?

4:23 Uh yeah.

4:24 Can we sniff them?

4:25 No, no.

4:25 [clears throat] Let's just go and bite them.

4:26 Are we We don't We don't touch them, right?

4:28 Really?

4:29 Like, we try not to touch them.

4:31 Unless you want to get down there.

4:33 I just feel like I'll be able to tell from touching.

4:35 Cheers.

4:36 Oh.

4:44 That's got to be a Big Mac.

4:45 You're like, obviously.

4:46 I don't know about that Mac sauce, though.

4:48 Mhm.

4:48 It's sour.

4:49 Not as charming as I remember.

4:51 No.

4:51 I think honestly Wendy's might be tied with it.

4:53 No, it's better.

4:54 It's better.

4:55 The sour is kind of aggressive.

4:56 Yeah.

4:56 You have to specifically want it.

4:59 Yeah.

4:58 It's not just like a you go get a burger and enjoy it.

5:00 You will be hearing from my lawyers.

5:02 That's Burger King, 1 million percent.

5:03 That ass.

5:04 No.

5:04 You can say something different if you like, but I love Burger King.

5:07 That would ruin my reputation.

5:09 This is Burger King, 1 million trillion percent.

5:11 McDonald's.

5:12 NO.

5:13 FINAL ANSWER.

5:14 OH MY[ __] MCDONALD'S.

5:16 God damn it.

5:17 [sighs and gasps] I thought that

5:18 I thought McDonald's is way better.

5:20 Yeah, that makes sense.

5:21 Now I can see that it's McDonald's.

5:22 Like, I understand why it is McDonald's.

5:25 Re-Manoeuvre.

5:25 I don't know why I'm scared.

5:27 Don't be scared.

5:27 Nothing wrong will happen.

5:28 You're safe with me.

5:29 Cheers.

5:33 You put it in your mouth?

5:35 Mhm.

5:37 I know it.

5:38 Bro, that is a cafeteria burger.

5:40 Yeah, that's the worst one, but I still Oh, hell no.

5:43 I still like it, but that's the worst one, I know it.

5:46 No.

5:46 No.

5:48 Oh, yeah.

5:49 Yeah, that's the worst one.

5:52 That's the worst one, for sure.

5:53 You know, like whenever you freeze something then unfreezes and freezes again?

5:56 Mhm.

5:56 Yeah, that's what they did.

5:57 I 100% know what this is.

5:59 Jack in the Box.

6:00 Yeah, it's Jack in the Box.

6:01 1 million percent this is Jack in the Box.

6:03 Yep, it is.

6:04 Well, that burger does not look pretty, either.

6:06 It is not.

6:07 Not at all.

6:08 Sorry, Jack.

6:08 What if the Jack in the Box ice cream man comes over to your house,

6:11 robs you, then beats your grandma up?

6:13 Yeah, that's fine.

6:14 It's not my problem.

6:14 He's a good guy.

6:15 I'll let it slide.

6:16 What the hell even is he?

6:17 He's a Is he Is he a man?

6:19 Jack.

6:19 He's a Jack in the Box.

6:20 Oh my god, I'm dumb as hell.

6:22 Dumbass.

6:22 He's a dumbass.

6:23 He's a Jack in the Box.

6:24 His name is Jack.

6:25 He's in a box.

6:26 Oh, I am dumb as[ __] You got him.

6:31 Burger King.

6:32 Shit's heavy.

6:33 Burger King.

6:34 Cheers.

6:35 Yeah, got it.

6:36 It It does feel different.

6:38 This is huge.

6:38 I think that I think this might be the expensive one.

6:44 Woah.

6:45 Okay.

6:48 I don't know if I like it that much.

6:50 What?

6:51 You like it?

6:52 This is amazing.

6:53 What?

6:54 This is amazing.

6:55 Amazing.

6:56 I'm going to try more.

6:57 I'm so down on a bitch's ass.

6:58 To me, that's not a burger.

7:00 That's too advanced.

7:02 Hey, it's Wagyu.

7:03 Yeah.

7:03 They don't taste the same.

7:04 You know what that is?

7:05 A steak or something.

7:06 Japanese cows.

7:08 Oh.

7:09 A Japanese cow.

7:10 It's the most expensive meat you can get.

7:12 Really?

7:13 They obviously never met me.

7:14 All right.

7:15 I'm saying this is Morton's.

7:16 Yeah, it's obviously This isn't Morton's.

7:17 There's no way it's anything else.

7:19 It's like an explosion of flavor.

7:20 Honestly, it has that steakhouse taste.

7:22 Put the Jack in the Box in front of me, I'd rather have that.

7:25 You are a bottom feeder.

7:27 You're a bottom.

7:28 I said bottom feeder.

7:29 I know what you said.

7:31 All right, let's try it.

7:32 Oh my god, that is so different looking.

7:34 That is I mean, it's the best looking.

7:36 Look at that meat.

7:38 That is crazy.

7:39 That's like an experience.

7:40 Jack in the Box is better.

7:42 I guess we don't need these.

7:43 Oh, yeah, we don't really need these.

7:45 The only thing left is Burger King.

7:47 You want to see if it's as good as the It's put together better than some.

7:55 [clears throat] [snorts] [clears throat]

8:04 Lot of onion though.

8:06 Yeah.

8:06 Why did I go all that onion?

8:14 Don't listen to him.

8:14 He's lying.

8:15 It's not that good.

8:16 It's maybe like above McDonald's.

8:19 It's my favorite.

8:20 Really?

8:21 Burger King?

8:22 Burger King over the Wagyu?

8:23 No, the Wagyu was the best.

8:24 The Wagyu is my number one.

8:26 I think Wendy's might be the worst.

8:28 I think Wendy's was better than Jack in the Box.

8:30 You got a little something white there.

8:32 That was already there.

8:33 Oh.

8:33 Jake, you won.

8:35 I think we're in the same unofficial ranking.

8:37 Okay.

8:37 Wendy's, Jack in the Box, McDonald's, Burger King, Mhm.

8:41 Morton's.

8:42 Jack in the Box, which I was rooting for, still a good burger-ish,

8:46 McDonald's, Wendy's.

8:51 Are you serious?

8:51 I thought I don't like my answer actually.

8:53 I want to redo it.

8:54 I want to redo it.

8:55 Don't let that change your mind.

8:56 No, I wanted to redo it because I got

8:57 to the end and I realized that's not what I wanted.

8:59 Jack in the Box, uh McDonald's, uh Burger King, What's the other one?

9:10 Wendy's.

9:11 Oh, no, I'm not putting Wendy's up there.

9:13 I'll get one.

9:14 Think about your answers.

9:14 You're just saying[ __] This is so hard.

9:18 Come on.

9:18 Okay, okay, okay, okay.

9:19 Jack in the Box, Wendy's, McDonald's, Steakhouse, then Burger King.

9:24 Because of price.

9:26 This is by flavor.

9:27 talking about flavor.

9:28 This is by flavor, not price.

9:32 No, Jack in the Box number one.

9:34 Wait, have have Jack in the Box and Wendy's back and forth.

9:43 I didn't do this.

9:44 Yeah.

9:45 Wendy's?

9:49 Their drive-thru smells.

9:52 Jack in the Box is better.

9:53 It is way better.

9:53 McDonald's, okay.

9:55 Brain power.

9:56 Burger King.

9:59 Oh my god, Burger King is so good.

10:00 Let me hit Morton's one more time.

10:03 I like Burger King more.

10:04 This is a good genuine burger,

10:06 but at the end of the day I'm a sloppy[ __] I know you are.

10:08 Mine is Wendy's, Jack in the Box, McDonald's, Morton's, Burger King.

10:13 I think mine, this is going to be crazy,

10:14 but Wendy's, Burger King, Morton's, Jack in the Box, and McDonald's.

10:20 I don't know.

10:20 I like McDonald's is your favorite now?

10:22 Yeah, cuz I tried it,

10:23 it tastes better and like but Jack in the Box actually went to number like two,

10:26 which is crazy, but I think it's just like it's so gooey, so much cheese.

10:29 Morton's tastes too fancy for me, dude.

10:31 When you grow up on stuff like pizza rolls, it really warps those taste buds.

10:34 I just love Burger King because it has like this grill taste to it.

10:37 And they're never shy with the sesame seeds.

10:39 Let me see the Jack in the Box.

10:42 Mhm.

10:42 My god.

10:43 [clears throat] I hate when people hate on Burger King.

10:45 It tastes so much better when you got a[ __] in your ear telling you it's bad.

10:47 I like Burger King.

10:48 I like some of the Burger King sandwiches.

10:50 Did this change your opinion on anything?

10:51 Not too Well, the only thing that really surprised me is how bad Wendy's got.

10:55 Like Dude, THAT'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

10:56 I LIKE a lot of Wendy's stuff, but I didn't The burgers just If anything

11:00 comes out of this, it's to avoid Wendy's.

11:02 Wait, aren't Wendy's burgers supposed to be square?

11:05 Yeah.

11:06 This is round.

11:08 No, my body square, is it not?

11:09 Dude, I think you're looking at the wrong one.

11:10 Oh, that's Jack in the Box.

11:11 Yeah, square.

11:13 Fun fact, I'm glad we did this.

11:14 Yeah, this was good.

11:16 This was good.

11:16 This is a good thing.

11:17 We deserved it.

11:18 There you have it for the burger Olympics.

11:19 Sub to Johnny, sub to me, shop the merch, jakemerch.com.

11:22 Love y'all.

11:23 And please, sir, stream our music.

11:25 It's all we could ask.

11:27 Thank you.