The Lewis Black Invitational Golf Tournament | Lewis Black's Rantcast #264

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1:05 Hello there and welcome to the 263rd edition

1:08 of Lewis Black's Randcast entitled uh the Lewis Black Invitational

1:14 Golf Tournament which benefits the Love You Project which

1:19 I'm sure sends chills through everyone when they heard it.

1:24 Really?

1:24 There's a golf tournament named after you?

1:26 Yes, there is.

1:28 And uh it was this week uh out

1:32 in uh Dove Mountain and uh the Ritz Carlton there.

1:38 It was a fundraiser two days and it was quite exciting to be there.

1:42 Uh quite exciting to have a golf tournament named after me.

1:45 I finagled that.

1:46 It allows me a way to kind of do something

1:49 uh really nice uh for people in a very selfish way.

1:53 And isn't that what life is all about?

1:55 especially uh when we have a president who's taken and redefined selfishness.

2:00 of the kind of selfishness that I might be showing even though it is

2:05 uh you know a benefit and even though I am helping in whatever small

2:10 way that I can to help raise funds for an extraordinary organization uh I

2:16 still managed to put them in the position of having a golf tournament named

2:20 after me and uh giving myself uh uh a portion of each year

2:25 the time to meet up with my friends uh friends I've known for quite some

2:29 time uh many of them and uh uh and some very close to me

2:34 uh and uh it's it's quite exciting to to be able to do this.

2:39 It started uh years ago um with my involvement with the cystic

2:45 fibrosis foundation and uh that uh I worked with them and I

2:49 kind of hosted in uh really without the it being called that it

2:55 was called the ultimate golf experience and especially with someone like myself.

2:59 Uh, you know, it was uh truly the ultimate

3:04 golf experience to to watch someone like myself play

3:08 and uh it was uh but it was a long uh time that I worked with uh um what was

3:15 an extraordinary uh group and uh and that was

3:20 truly lucky that once again I had the opportunity uh

3:24 to be able to do something uh that was

3:27 really really uh you know kind of beneficial to them

3:32 but uh also uh uh bit selfish on my part but I worked my ass off and um as I

3:40 did this past week but not nearly as much

3:43 as I've kind of realized I can't do what I

3:46 was doing before I was doing literally pretty much

3:50 I was on stage uh most every evening and playing

3:53 golf every day and uh and and and shitty golf

3:56 and we were doing it for I believe three days.

4:00 We we've cut it to two now.

4:02 Uh so I can survive.

4:04 And um but uh it was there that I met uh

4:09 many of the people who who now come and and join

4:13 uh uh join us at the love you project uh

4:16 at the Louiswis Black I have to say it again uh uh invitation.

4:22 Louis Black invitational.

4:25 And uh it was there that I met

4:27 Rich Mattingley who began uh the Love You Project.

4:30 Go to the love project.org.

4:32 It can do a much better job of explaining really uh what

4:36 the focus is of this organization and its history is quite astonishing.

4:41 I mean that um and well worth the time

4:43 and the energy to read because what he did,

4:46 what Rich did with an extraordinary tragedy.

4:50 uh and uh this happens uh we see uh time and again throughout the country.

4:56 Something horrific happens and uh and it has

5:01 turned uh that that moment has then turned

5:03 into something that really works for the good

5:07 of everyone and Rich certainly has has done that.

5:11 Um it took him a while to recover from uh

5:15 what was an unreal trauma and uh put together

5:19 an organization that really its focus is um the um

5:24 and I think it will expand uh as it moves

5:27 along because Rich has a tendency to connect things

5:30 as he moves along um is mental health in the workplace

5:37 and uh because that's where as Rich says we spent

5:40 where people spend most of their time during the day.

5:44 And uh it began by um and I should have probably started with this uh

5:50 a uh he approached the National Press Club in Washington said, "You know what?

5:53 We'd like to do is um hand out what would be kind of the Puliter

5:58 Prize of um uh writing about uh mental health and uh be it in the workplace

6:07 or not." and um but mental health in general and uh they said well I don't

6:13 know if it'll work and he said well you know will you give me a chance

6:16 and uh they put their bit of their eeges behind it and lo and behold they

6:23 an astonishing amount of entries were sent

6:26 in and it has become uh well respected um

6:32 uh kind of an honor to uh for the piece to be uh for the the piece

6:37 to be selected And it gives and it and it focuses folks on writing about it.

6:42 Uh and um and then many of them turn to others

6:46 to help them uh and give them ideas about writing about it.

6:50 And it's a it's just an extraordinary group.

6:54 uh he's already working with um John's Hopkins University,

6:58 their school of public health, and hopefully soon working with the University

7:03 of North Carolina's uh school of public health,

7:06 establishing a a portion of the school that would

7:09 devote itself to uh mental health in the workplace.

7:14 Uh it is my uh a joy to be able to work with them.

7:18 is uh I'm very lucky to be able to do what little

7:22 that I do for them just by if it really helps at all.

7:26 Yep.

7:26 It's mental health in the workplace.

7:29 Uh and that's why I'm work by myself so that I

7:32 am the only one bothering myself and and you now.

7:36 Um so that's uh that really uh uh you know makes up in many ways

7:44 for the what was uh is been uh one hell week after another after another.

7:50 And um and it reminds you know reminds me really of the fact

7:54 that we we deal with this insanity day after day after day.

7:58 And I can't imagine being in a position in uh uh a job somewhere where

8:06 uh you are kind of in in part having to deal with mental health issues uh

8:12 and then you put on top of it uh dealing with someone who is obviously

8:18 uh out of their minds or I mean well would you really say he's mentally ill?

8:24 I don't know.

8:24 All I know is is that um he he shows up this week with his picture.

8:30 Uh he uh you know they they kind of did a uh it was him as Jesus.

8:36 Uh he said he presented as a doctor.

8:40 It was Jesus tending to someone.

8:43 Donald Trump tending.

8:46 I mean come on.

8:47 I can't even I literally my my brain,

8:51 my tongue, everything just gets completely tied up.

8:55 You You know what I'm talking about.

8:57 If you don't track it down, just Donald Trump is Jesus.

9:00 Google.

9:01 Boom.

9:02 There it'll be.

9:03 And it came out the uh uh on Greek Easter.

9:08 And uh and apparently it upset people.

9:11 It upset Christians.

9:13 Wow.

9:13 his his supporters who who actually have compared him many

9:18 of them to Christ uh and a lot I mean

9:22 which is beyond my comprehension uh you know then now

9:27 see this and are disturbed really that's all it took

9:31 was a kind of that cartoon version of him uh

9:36 it's not really you know whatever picture they came up

9:39 with there coming out of the white house coming out

9:42 of the white house coming out of the White House.

9:45 Then of course he's also in the midst of this is shown

9:49 what his arc to triumph would look like because it's the 250th anniversary.

9:54 He also said that down the street from me is

9:57 renaming he wants the uh either the Madison Square Garden

10:01 but I believe it's uh Penn Station the train station

10:05 named after him and apparently they're going to do that.

10:07 This has got to stop.

10:08 This is really beyond anything.

10:10 you know, while he does that.

10:12 And meanwhile, he said we uh he had opened the the straits

10:17 of Hormuse and him then the then it was closed.

10:21 It was literally was open yesterday and now it's closed again today.

10:24 This is not working out the way he had expected.

10:27 It's okay though because um we're going to rain

10:30 down all kind of economic economic fury on them.

10:33 Just fury.

10:34 Uh the uh in my brain I go fury.

10:38 There was a a horse that was named Fury that was on uh in the mornings

10:43 there was a TV show for kids and and that's maybe what it is.

10:48 It's economic fury the the new first name of the horse.

10:51 I just Is anybody home anywhere?

10:55 Okay.

10:55 Anybody in Congress to just kind of go here's the line.

11:00 Stop it.

11:00 Okay.

11:01 You've you've crossed it too many times.

11:03 We don't know whether you've gone back or forth or forth or back.

11:06 we don't know what you're doing and you

11:08 obviously don't know what you're doing and yet they

11:10 continue to think it's perfectly all right for him

11:13 to do whatever he wants and it's not anymore.

11:16 It really is not.

11:17 It is obvious he does know what he's doing

11:19 and Pete Hexith has uh ended up, you know,

11:23 basically quoting uh the prayer that he says

11:26 that they do uh before they go into battle.

11:29 And it's uh and but he did it as if it was from the Bible,

11:34 but then there'll be an argument about that, I'm sure, with people, right?

11:37 Well, no, he didn't really do that.

11:39 He he uh it's he quoted the uh the version of scripture that Quentyn

11:45 Tarantino came up with in Pulp Fiction about raining down hell on people.

11:49 And I'd read it, but I don't look it up, okay?

11:52 Because it's really it piles up.

11:54 It just stacks up and every day.

11:57 And oh boy, he's gone after the pope too in the midst of all this.

12:00 And JD Vance said that he didn't think that the pope

12:03 was really new as theology or should stay away from theology.

12:08 Uh let me I'm going to look it up because I forgot.

12:11 I mean it's too much every week.

12:13 JD Vance telling the pope to tread carefully discussing theology.

12:19 He told the pope to tread carefully discussing theology.

12:24 the pop came out and basically said that you know

12:28 that it was important for the peacemakers uh to step forward now.

12:32 Okay.

12:33 Said we should really try to be peaceful because he's the pope.

12:37 Okay.

12:39 and and for JD Vance who is a Catholic

12:42 to criticize the what the Pope had to say about uh

12:48 what was going on in the world and that we're

12:50 bombing the hell out of them and that uh he's he's

12:54 trying he's he's I well the bra I my brain

12:59 is frying my brain is frying and that's what we

13:04 got okay that is what we have and Uh

13:09 the and the world hates us in the midst of all this.

13:11 That's right.

13:13 There's three countries for starters.

13:14 Germany 86%.

13:17 Look at us unfavorably.

13:19 Uh Italy 80% and the French 78%.

13:24 See, not not all the French hate us.

13:28 They lower than the others.

13:29 It's just amazing.

13:31 Uh and when the rest of the world looks at you, and I've said it time and again,

13:35 and they don't like you, something's[ __] wrong.

13:38 Something is[ __] wrong whether you want to believe that or not.

13:41 But it's not some things that No,

13:43 it's not worth whatever the you think the exchange is.

13:47 Okay.

13:48 Not even close.

13:50 So that's what I got.

13:53 Wow.

13:54 I'm I'm just going to read this cuz it's

13:56 he's our health secretary in his in his new biography.

14:01 Robert County Jr.

14:03 uh who revealed that he was snorting a blow

14:07 off of a toilet in a public restroom.

14:11 Uh revealed that that the current health secretary um

14:17 while driving down the highway with his wife and kids

14:20 in 2001 pulled over his minivan so he could

14:23 slice off the genitals of a roadkilled uh raccoon.

14:27 "My kids waited patiently in the car," Kennedy wrote in his diary.

14:32 How did this guy, how's he even admitted that he

14:37 slic what purpose is he slicing off to study them?

14:42 Do research?

14:43 He would do research.

14:45 A reporter recently asked that, you're not going to believe this.

14:48 Gene Piro, US attorney for the District of Columbia,

14:51 whether she would prosecute President Trump if

14:55 he were to shoot someone on Pennsylvania Avenue.

14:58 After thinking for a moment, Piro consulted with her media advisor and replied,

15:05 "I'm not going to say it uh if he doesn't want me to.

15:15 She's an attorney.

15:18 Um he's uh does a president?" Not, it doesn't matter.

15:24 Um she's not going to comment.

15:28 on whether the president has the right

15:30 to shoot somebody on Pennsylvania Avenue is seriously

15:36 at that point you go we have to take you in cuz you're out of your[ __] mind.

15:41 Okay, you have lost your mind because the person that you look up to and will

15:46 not uh say anything I and you not only that you have to have

15:52 your publicist tell you whether you can say something about the person that is

15:58 is already I who's a lunatic and uh is insane and you're you're might say,

16:10 "Well, you know, if he shot somebody,

16:12 I'd probably have to let him off cuz he would if he

16:15 if he did that, he would really be showing he was insane.

16:18 I I I don't even Words just start to escape me, okay?

16:23 The tongue just slaps around in my mouth and I

16:27 I don't know how to get this out of my head, this stuff." Um, and finally, uh,

16:34 former Florida Congressman Matt Gates claimed to have

16:38 been told by I won't even read it.

16:40 We'll read it next week.

16:42 You can stay tuned for that.

16:44 And, uh, something else from the CDC and, uh,

16:49 that because we've already talked about Robert Kennedy,

16:52 we've already talked about enough.

16:54 What we really have to remember is is

16:56 that there groups like the Love You Project.

16:59 Okay?

17:00 Go to the Love Project.org.

17:01 work.

17:02 Take a look at it.

17:03 It'll lift your spirits, I think, and at least see that what we can do when we

17:09 put our minds to it and give a[ __] about each other.

17:13 And wrapping up, I'd like to leave you

17:15 with these words from the Love You Project.

17:20 The mission of the Love You Project is

17:22 to turn an unacceptable tragedy into a quantifiable

17:27 agenda and responsible actions that advance the understanding

17:31 of and treatments for mental health issues.

17:37 Well, certainly now more than ever and certainly apply to most

17:42 of the quotes I usually read at the at the end of the rantcast.

17:47 And so, uh, I really want to thank all the folks who, uh,

17:52 joined us out there at Dub Mountain and to let

17:54 those of you who might be interested and I realize it is,

17:58 uh, it's it it's pricey.

18:00 And so uh but I for those of you who might be able

18:04 to do it and wish to contribute to a project like this um it's next

18:10 year's April 12th through the 15th uh we will be at the uh Ritz

18:16 Carlton at uh the Reynolds Plantation Ritz

18:19 Carlton uh on Lake Okenon at Lake Okenon.

18:24 Um and uh we have a uh a comedy show um on the closing night.

18:31 And uh this year I was lucky enough to have uh the very

18:37 fiercely funny Eisenberg who's quite wonderful and uh well worth your time.

18:44 and the uh extraordinary can Canadian comic Mike

18:48 Wmont who Jeff Stilson also and uh I

18:53 did a little something but it it really is uh I would say um what's truly

19:01 uh really generous is the comedians don't work

19:06 for anything other than uh to hang out

19:08 and enjoy enjoy themselves and uh be treated

19:13 as if they really know what they're doing.

19:15 Um, and uh, it's really quite generous on their parts.

19:20 So, and and and also thanks to the generosity

19:23 of those of you who continue to write rants.

19:26 I appreciate that and it's a joy to share them with you.

19:29 It's a privilege and a pleasure.

19:31 I hope you have a uh a terrific week and ignore

19:34 the madness if you can because uh it's just going to get

19:39 crazier and uh I don't I don't see an end

19:43 of that coming that I not at least for a a bit.

19:48 Maybe summer will help.

19:50 Maybe a couple of barbecues while Well,

19:53 you're listening to the coals burn and uh

19:57 you're smelling that barbecue in the air.

19:59 me.

20:01 Maybe there'll be that moment when you realize this too shall pass.

20:06 Take care.

20:07 This week's episode is brought to you by Factor.

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21:42 So head to www.factormeals.com/lis50 factormeals.com/leis50 off and use

21:48 code lewis50 off to get 50% off and a free daily greens per box with new

21:56 subscription only and while supplies last until September 2026.

22:03 See website for more details.

22:06 This comes from Howard Stern who I that may be his name.

22:12 I I I don't know.

22:14 I know that Howard Stern is didn't come to the show.

22:22 And Howard starts by saying, "When going to a show,

22:25 you should be required to submit your height." So,

22:28 the person sitting behind you who spends half his mortgage

22:33 payment to see the show should not have an obstructed view.

22:46 Thank you, Howard.

22:49 John B.

22:51 Hi, Lewis.

22:51 Welcome to Arizona.

22:53 And thank you.

22:54 John B is literally the only person I sent

22:57 out a couple of things uh on social media.

23:01 What a treat.

23:02 And um which is why I don't believe it works.

23:05 And basically saying I was going to be here.

23:08 If you had something to get off your chest, send it in.

23:11 Uh, whatever you wanted to talk about.

23:13 John B is the only one who did.

23:15 And the rest of you[ __] nothing.

23:19 Hi, Lewis.

23:20 Welcome to Arizona.

23:22 You could have come when it was beautiful out here anytime in the winter.

23:26 But you chose right after it started getting hot as hell.

23:30 Well done.

23:30 Tell your booking agents.

23:32 No notes.

23:36 Speaking of hot as hell, Arizona,

23:38 why isn't every parking lot completely covered with solar

23:41 panels out here and the rest OF YOU?

23:47 NO.

23:48 __] THAT.

23:52 __] that solar panel[ __] Son of a[ __]

23:57 We get 300 plus days of unmitigated sunshine out here.

24:02 They pay for themselves in under 10 years.

24:05 Every grocery store, ballpark, shopping center, etc.

24:09 should be completely plastered with covered parking

24:12 and then throw solar panels up there.

24:18 Anyone who's ever parked here will will attest

24:21 to how quickly they shove over as many

24:24 old ladies as it takes to get the one shady spot in the parking lot.

24:29 If you're a grocery store, imagine all your refrigerators, freezers,

24:33 and air conditioning all running for free at the hottest moments of the day.

24:38 And also, your customers are happy because their cars

24:42 haven't been set to 350 degrees while they shop.

24:47 Don't act like these[ __] can't afford it either.

24:51 We all saw how badly the prices all

24:54 went up during COVID and haven't come back down.

24:57 remember buying a 12-pack of Coke for $2.50?

25:01 Now they're $12.

25:03 And anyone who's ever worked for a grocery store would tell you

25:06 there's a big[ __] sign on the refrigerator in the back that says,

25:11 "Keep the store closed and you could save the company one to$2 million a year.

25:16 God forbid you help your customers while helping yourselves save money.

25:21 __] clown shoe shoe bastards.

25:27 Sorry, I[ __] up.

25:28 That was really good and I[ __] it up.

25:34 Wow.

25:35 That's That's the sound of your desert.

25:46 I thought this was spectacular because I got these two backto back.

25:53 This is from Rachel Vines.

25:56 The first one is my mom Susan came here

25:59 because her brother-in-law Robert passed away a few months ago.

26:04 Hold on.

26:06 I treated her to the show in his memory because he loved you.

26:12 Very sweet.

26:13 And then Rachel said, "Please make fun of the name Susan at the April

26:19 11th show and that she's a whack job.

26:25 Please.

26:29 Yeah.

26:30 Don't I don't want to know you, Rachel.

26:33 That's those back to back.

26:35 It was very good.

26:38 I don't I I don't need to know that.

26:43 That's from Dustin Bortzfield.

26:48 I've I've never heard anybody complain about this.

26:51 I[ __] hate hot air balloons.

26:56 Everyone else out is out there like, "Oh, wow.

26:59 Look how peaceful." Peaceful.

27:02 That's a grown adult standing in a wicker[ __] basket lighting a goddamn

27:08 flamethrower under a giant nylon bag and just hoping for the best.

27:23 That's not peaceful.

27:24 That's a floating bad decision.

27:28 Who the[ __] looked at a picnic basket and said,

27:31 "You know what would make this better?

27:34 Fire and zero steering.

27:41 That's the whole concept.

27:43 No steering, no brakes, no plan.

27:45 Just uh we'll land wherever the wind

27:48 feels like dropping our dumb asses." Oh, cool.

27:52 So, your hobby is just randomly[ __] landing on people's property.

27:58 And then there's always that one poor[ __] in a pickup truck

28:01 chasing the balloon with a trailer like he's trying to repossess the sky.

28:07 That guy isn't a support crew crew.

28:09 That's a hostage with a job title.

28:20 Meanwhile, Captain[ __] is floating around at 500 ft sipping

28:25 champagne like he's in a[ __] romcom while the rest

28:29 of us are down here dealing with actual life

28:32 and trying not to get taken out by airborne idiots.

28:36 Then comes the landing, or as I like to call it,

28:40 what the[ __] are we about to hit?

28:44 Power lines, but[ __] it.

28:46 Highway, absolutely.

28:48 radio tower.

28:50 Why the[ __] not?

28:52 Now I'm driving to work and suddenly there's a goddamn

28:55 balloon blocking the road like it just spawned there.

28:59 Now I don't Now I don't Now I don't have to only dodge Subarus.

29:05 I'm dodging some[ __] in a wicker basket.

29:09 And then the news is like firefighters rescue

29:12 hot air balloon passenger stuck in radio tower.

29:16 Rescue.

29:17 No, that's not a rescue.

29:20 That's a[ __] around and find out extraction.

29:29 Thank you.

29:30 Thank you, Dustin.

29:32 From Striker Nelson.

29:34 In Phoenix, we have only one natural disaster type of event.

29:38 They're called snowbirds.

29:46 These[ __] can't stand the cold where they live and they come here.

29:51 They leave as soon as the temperature hits 90 or higher.

29:54 I wish they could afford to just go to California,

29:57 but unfortunately that state turned to[ __] years ago.

30:05 Thank you, Striker.

30:06 And then uh Jared Sandela.

30:15 Yeah, I know.

30:21 I worked for a large corporation and the work I did was all contractbased.

30:27 Well, the[ __] top execs forgot to go out and get a new business,

30:31 so there was no project for me to join after the project I was on ended.

30:36 They taught me to go find work on an internal

30:39 internal marketplace and if I didn't they would lay me off.

30:43 In March they laid me off and then two days later I got a bonus with a note

30:48 saying how valuable I am to the corporation

30:52 and how they couldn't accomplish their goals without me.

30:56 Like what the actual[ __] from Amanda Halt.

31:08 My husband res responds to every single text with not okay, not words,

31:17 just I could say I love you or the house is on fire and get

31:28 at what point is this emotional neglect

31:31 or do I just concede it's undiagnosed autism?

31:46 That's from Amanda.

31:47 Thank you.

31:47 This is from Jay Fuller.

31:50 Why the[ __] is your audience made up of all

31:52 these old[ __] Smells like an old folks home in here.

31:59 What the[ __] And the only reason I read that is SP who sent in heavy cologne.

32:07 Why Jay?

32:12 Here's a tip just to remember.

32:16 You're going to be old and I don't care how young you are.

32:20 You're going to wake up one DAY AND GO,

32:22 "FUCK, I'M OLD." There's no way around it, Jay.

32:28 So, and[ __] you.

32:30 __] you for calling this audience that it smells like an old folks home.

32:36 Maybe you smell like an old folks home.

32:45 You just don't do that.

32:48 Now they're going to find you, Jay.

32:51 And if if they don't, my mother will.

32:57 This one I got from someone someone sent this in and I

33:00 just thought it was I read it a couple

33:04 of days ago and just thought it's perfect and I wanted

33:06 to to read it aloud to you because I think it's terrific.

33:11 This is from BJ Terry.

33:14 Mr.

33:14 Black, I pre previously ranted about a few of the issues I've had

33:18 with the new[ __] products these companies

33:21 now manufacture or their full of[ __] marketing.

33:24 But I have found another thing that has moved the gauge from you

33:28 have to be[ __][ __] me to holy[ __] unbelievable ever[ __] hell.

33:36 I was at the grocery store and I was looking

33:38 for an olive oil spray for my air fryer foods and right there

33:43 on the shelf is and I had to do a[ __] double take

33:46 to make sure I wasn't hallucinating or having a stroke of some kind.

33:51 their cans of triple filtered all naturatural bacon grease for cooking.

34:01 Where did this unholy Satan[ __] hell apocalypse bringing[

34:06 __] manure brain idea of a product come from?

34:11 First off, how are they getting this[ __] to triple filter in the first place?

34:17 The last[ __] time I saw bacon grease cooked

34:20 with was around 1978 at my grandmother's house for breakfast.

34:26 She collected this[ __] in an old shot full

34:29 of nuts coffee can on her stove that still

34:33 had[ __] bits of bacon in it because that was the way she did it in the 1930s

34:38 and 40s when you saved every godforsaken thing

34:42 because during the depression you didn't think you had

34:44 a choice and they carried it on during

34:48 any weather warning like a hurricane or a snowstorm.

34:51 She brought she brought she bought till she died scrapple.

34:56 And I don't know who[ __] eats that[ __] now.

35:01 Uh they do in they do in Pennsylvania and Maryland.

35:09 And I and I enjoy it myself.

35:12 So why the[ __] is it a good idea to buy bacon fat for cooking[ __] grease?

35:18 If I was to buy this[ __] I would have to hide

35:20 it like a heroin stash and use it in the pitch black[ __]

35:25 room with shades drawn so none of my neighbors would know what

35:28 a worthless piece of whale feces I was to use such a thing.

35:33 Holy[ __] God bring the rapture to save us from our[ __] selves.

35:40 Have a great week, Mr.

35:41 Black, and thank you for letting me spout this without the $200 counselor's fee.

35:49 These two I'm going to end with.

35:51 And uh I want to thank you all for coming out this evening.

35:55 You were just great.

36:02 I really am only doing like one show a month

36:06 and uh if somebody asks and they they asked

36:10 here and it's been a pleasure and being here

36:12 and it's been a real pleasure spending time with you.

36:15 I'm uh I'm not[ __] It was cuz I don't it's cuz you kind

36:27 of get that I'm doing this on the fly and it doesn't seem to bother you.

36:30 And that's that's the kind of crazy I like.

36:37 This comes from Micah.

36:39 Micah Dumai.

36:40 I'm I'm not uh if I got that wrong, it's your fault.

36:46 Love used to mean something.

36:48 Now it means I saw you on an app.

36:51 We matched and now we're both pretending we're

36:53 not talking to six other people named Josh.

36:57 And what is talking, by the way?

37:00 We're talking about what?

37:02 You've been talking for three months and all you've said

37:05 is LOL and sent each other pictures of your dog.

37:09 That's not a relationship.

37:11 That's a hostage negotiation with emojis.

37:16 And people say, "Follow your heart." No, the heart is an idiot.

37:21 The heart is like, "Go back to them." The brain is like,

37:25 "They keyed your car." And the heart goes, "Yeah,

37:30 but it was kind of romantic." Love doesn't make sense.

37:34 That's why we like it.

37:35 Because if it did, half of you wouldn't be here tonight.

37:38 You'd be home happily single,

37:40 not arguing over where to eat for the rest of your lives.

37:46 And then and then we end this from Lavender Williams, which is just spectacular.

37:55 I moved to Maricopa, Arizona because I met my husband online and he

38:02 promised me he'd always keep the heat in the relationship.

38:06 Little did I know the heat meant living in a place

38:09 that the sun rays are magnified by a[ __] angry kid.

38:14 I have zero melanin for protection.

38:17 And yeah, he's kept me hot with constant boob sweat and sweaty ass thighs.

38:26 __] a sunshining day.

38:28 Whoever decided this was a great place to live

38:31 can shove it sh sideways up their ass.

38:41 And Lavender Williams likes to say to all of us as she ends by saying,

38:46 "Have a great[ __] day.

38:49 Good night.

38:50 Take care." Thanks to all of you for listening to my rant cast.

38:59 If you have a rant you want to get off your chest,

39:01 send it into me at leisblack.com/live.

39:07 You can think of it as therapy or whatever you want to think of it as.

39:11 Just let it rip.

39:13 And I want to thank the true stars of our show,

39:16 the ranters, and the splendid rants they gave us.

39:20 Lewis Black's Rant Cast was created and hosted by me.

39:24 Aha, Louis Black.

39:25 Our live rant audio was produced by James Sultan.

39:30 Our theme song by Chris Lane.

39:32 Executive producer Ben Ru.

39:35 Executive producers Matt Klein Schmidt and Robert