Prep School - SNL

0:03 -I wonder what the new teacher is gonna be like.

0:05 -Probably just like all the other instructors

0:07 here at Sherwood Academy— another boring, humdrum stiff.

0:16 -Discipline.

0:18 Memorization.

0:20 Conformity.

0:21 All these things have one thing in common.

0:25 They're not welcome in my classroom.

0:29 -But, sir, the Academy creed is "the learned boy shall conform." -Phooey, boys!

0:37 Throw your pencils on the floor.

0:39 -But the floor is where the dirt is.

0:42 -Oh, do it anyway.

0:45 -Okay.

0:46 -This is crazy.

0:49 What we're doing is crazy.

0:54 -Let me tell you something.

0:56 You won't find anything in a textbook you can't find in your heart.

1:03 Applause] -Hey, man,

1:06 I see what you're doing with the whole free-spirited teaching thing.

1:10 And that might work in like a poetry class.

1:12 -Yes.

1:13 Now you're getting it.

1:14 -Yeah, but this is math.

1:18 -Right.

1:19 "Math." You've probably all been taught that 5 times 5 is 25.

1:25 But what if it wasn't?

1:29 -It is though.

1:30 It's 25.

1:31 -But it doesn't have to be.

1:34 Boy Red...

1:38 Make up a number, a number no one's even heard of before.

1:42 -Um, beleventy?

1:45 -Oh!

1:47 Excellent.

1:47 How did that feel?

1:50 -I mean, it felt weird coming out.

1:54 -And it should.

1:55 Oh!

1:56 You, a number.

1:57 -Um, um, christophthree?

2:01 -Wonderful!

2:03 Now, what do we get when we add christophthree plus beleventy?

2:07 What should it be?

2:09 -Um, maybe, uh, maybe flu— uh, fludeetwo?

2:14 Yes.

2:14 Maybe it's fludeetwo.

2:16 -Chills!

2:17 I have chills.

2:18 Fludeetwo.

2:19 Yes.

2:20 Now, that's math without conformity.

2:23 -Okay.

2:23 Yeah, but math needs to conform in order to solve, like, real-world problems.

2:28 -Oh!

2:29 We can solve problems.

2:31 Like 30.

2:33 Why do you think we haven't solved 30 yet?

2:38 -Because 30 is not a problem.

2:39 It's a number.

2:41 -And what if all the numbers had a color?

2:44 Like, what if I hold up this many and say it

2:49 was orange and this many was one of the other colors.

2:54 -Lilac.

2:54 That many could be lilac.

2:56 -Yes.

2:57 Now you've made up a color too.

2:59 Ha!

3:00 Oh!

3:01 Let's try calculus.

3:03 -Hey, man, I don't want to see you do calculus.

3:04 You were just counting on your fingers.

3:07 I mean, we're trying to get into college.

3:08 -Why?

3:09 So you can go off into the world and get some kind of "job"?

3:14 -Yes.

3:16 -Or so you can invent a machine.

3:18 -It was the first thing.

3:20 It was the first thing that you said.

3:23 -There you go.

3:25 Student teaching the teacher.

3:27 I love it.

3:29 Let's all go around.

3:30 Everyone do a lesson.

3:32 -Um, uh, why does Spanish math have cuatro but not English?

3:37 -I don't know.

3:38 Let's put that in.

3:40 -Um, what if a one and two were married and three was their baby,

3:46 and then four was their neighbor?

3:48 -And what would five be?

3:50 Could five be like their friend?

3:52 -Uh, uh, I don't know, I don't know, I don't know.

3:56 That was everything I had.

3:58 I'm sorry.

3:59 -Well, five would be the dog.

4:05 Genius.

4:06 You're a genius!

4:08 Custodian, join us.

4:10 Put that down.

4:11 -Oh, okay.

4:14 Somebody buy that man a beer after class.

4:17 -We're 14!

4:19 -Wait, I got one.

4:21 Um, when counting, what if you could count every number in one breath?

4:25 One-two-three-four-five!

4:28 One-two-three!

4:28 Oh!

4:29 Never mind.

4:30 You can't.

4:31 -Oh, why can you divide two numbers but not unite two numbers?

4:37 -Oh!

4:37 -You can!

4:38 It's addition!

4:42 -This might get me in trouble, but I think I'm attracted to eight.

4:46 It's got that itty bitty waist but that thang down below.

4:51 -Yes!

4:53 Academically speaking, eight...

4:57 ...is slim thick.

4:59 -No, no, no, no!

5:01 This is all nonsense!

5:03 I mean, we're just making crap up.

5:05 Why don't we call this my mom?

5:07 Oh, hello, Mommy.

5:09 [Chuckles] What?

5:11 And look, Mother, oh, this is a door, and I'm a butterfly, and I can fly!

5:17 Thud] -This did not happen.

5:25 I was not here.

5:28 He's the teacher.

5:29 Good day.

5:31 -Okey-dokey, students.

5:33 Why don't we open our textbooks to page fludeetwo?

5:38 And today we talkin' eight.