Jim is LUCKY to have a friend like Kevin - The Office US

0:00 I bet Roy heard about you liking Pam.

0:03 I bet he'll try to beat you up.

0:06 Thanks for the heads up, Jim.

0:08 I got your back if he does.

0:13 I'd try to stay out of it.

0:16 Halpert.

0:17 Hey, uh I uh you know, heard there's a rumor going around about you know,

0:21 you used to have a crush on Pam and Oh, no, no, no.

0:23 No, no, no.

0:24 It's It's cool cuz I know you're a good guy

0:25 and I know that that crush ended a long time ago.

0:28 So, you know, we're cool, right?

0:32 Yeah.

0:32 No, yeah, definitely.

0:33 You know, I'm It's great with me cuz that way glad she

0:36 has a friend at work she can get through the day with.

0:40 You know, when she gets home.

0:41 Yeah, I like talking to her, too.

0:43 So, uh we're cool, right?

0:45 Yes.

0:46 Yeah.

0:47 All right.

0:49 Yep.

0:48 Cool, man.

0:48 Sweet.

0:57 Hey, guys, has anybody seen the baby?

0:59 Well, here's her carrier, but no Cece.

1:01 Uh Jim Jim, uh I want to give a toast.

1:04 Where's the little girl about to I don't know.

1:06 I don't know.

1:06 Don't mean to bug, but do you know when those subs are doing a port?

1:08 I got a hungry bunch of McFerrins over there.

1:10 I don't know.

1:10 Hey, have you seen my baby?

1:12 I think maybe some blonde lady had her.

1:14 A small blonde woman?

1:15 Smaller than me.

1:16 Uh everyone everyone, can I just have your attention?

1:18 Has anyone seen A SMALL STOP THAT TINY BLONDE WOMAN!

1:21 SHE STOLE MY BABY!

1:24 WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

1:25 GIVE ME THE BABY!

1:27 WHAT?

1:27 KEVIN!

1:28 HI, HONEY.

1:29 I just uh was changing the baby.

1:33 Hi.

1:33 Hi.

1:34 All right.

1:35 Travel safe, Angela.

1:36 Did you think I stole your baby?

1:38 What's that?

1:40 Oh, yeah, back then I did.

1:42 Just now.

1:43 So, don't because I've got my eye on you.

1:47 Look at these scones, Jim.

1:50 Thousands of them.

1:51 What kind of a person steals scones from a baby?

1:56 Someone put them in my bag.

1:58 Hey, Kev.

1:59 Hey, man.

2:01 doing?

2:01 Good.

2:01 Listen.

2:03 My M&M's are under the desk if you want any.

2:09 Okay.

2:09 Hidden from them.

2:15 Smart.

2:15 Good.

2:17 Hey, Angela.

2:19 You need a haircut.

2:21 Bye, Angela.

2:21 All right, Kev.

2:22 See you later, Jim.

2:23 See you later.

2:26 It's his first day back.

2:28 His hair's flipping out on the sides.

2:32 I like it.

2:33 Oh, my lord.

2:35 All right, who's next?

2:36 Who's next?

2:36 Who's next?

2:37 Dude, Jim.

2:38 You're next.

2:39 Who would you do?

2:43 Um Kevin, hands down.

2:45 Yeah.

2:46 I mean, he's really got that teddy bear thing

2:47 going on and afterwards we could just watch bowling.

2:52 So, Jim.

2:54 Who do you think is hotter, Pam or Karen?

2:57 Yeah, I'm not going to talk about this now.

2:59 Pam is taller.

3:00 You sure?

3:04 Yes.

3:03 She has bigger breasts, too.

3:07 Wow.

3:06 But I think Karen has a prettier face.

3:09 Mhm.

3:10 Mhm.

3:12 What else?

3:15 Well, I mean, Pam's face is really pretty, too.

3:18 It's a very tough call.

3:20 Mhm.

3:20 Really tough call.

3:23 Yeah.

3:23 You know what?

3:23 Why don't you take the rest of the day figuring

3:25 out and then come back and tell me what you got.

3:30 Will do.

3:31 All right.

3:36 Yes.

3:35 Okay, let's give it UP FOR MISS HOLLY FLAX.

3:41 [applause]

3:41 HEY, MICHAEL.

3:43 TODAY, WE'RE GOING TO HAVE A BUSINESS ethics seminar because recently,

3:46 without mentioning any names,

3:47 there's been some misconduct at corporate

3:50 and we have a very strict ethics policy, and that employee has been fired.

3:54 Oh, come on.

3:56 He's right there.

3:57 He was hired.

3:59 Ooh, check it out.

4:00 Hired guy.

4:05 Kevin, Jim dropped out of my seminar, and I'm just I was wondering if you

4:07 could replace him as my charming warm-up guy.

4:10 Andy, I'm no Jim.

4:12 The only way that I'm Jim is in the movie version when

4:16 Jim sees what his future would be like if he never met Pam.

4:21 Jim's gone on his honeymoon, so I started borrowing his office to fart in.

4:26 Then one day, I came in, and I just stayed cuz this place is awesome.

4:32 It feels like home now, even better than my home.

4:36 My home sucks.

4:41 Hey Kev.

4:42 How was your weekend?

4:43 Good.

4:44 I watched TV for 14 hours.

4:48 More napkins, please.

4:52 Hi Kevin.

4:53 Hey Lynn.

4:55 Lynn?

4:57 Yeah.

4:56 She she's cool.

5:00 Did you get my message?

5:03 Um yeah, I've been really busy.

5:08 Oh.

5:08 It's okay.

5:10 Yeah, I'm probably going to be busy for the next 20 days or so.

5:17 So, yeah.

5:21 Bye.

5:25 You're going to be busy for the next 20 days or so.

5:29 I thought you liked Lynn.

5:30 I do like Lynn.

5:31 That's what Andy told me to say.

5:33 Andy offered to help me, and I said, yes, absolutely.

5:38 Because other than getting laid, I don't know that much about women.

5:43 You guys are throwing a lot at me.

5:45 All I'm saying is it's the first date, so just keep a respectful distance.

5:50 Right.

5:50 I don't think Jim means to say that you shouldn't touch her.

5:52 No, that is what I mean.

5:53 Shush, Kevin.

5:54 A playful touch on the arm or on the back,

5:56 it can show your interest and it's really romantic.

6:01 That?

6:01 No, stop it.

6:03 Some girls like a guy who takes charge and if

6:06 it just depends on what kind of girl she is.

6:08 I'm sorry, but if you don't agree with me on my advice to Kevin,

6:10 then we can no longer date.

6:13 That's what I'm talking about.

6:14 That's hot.

6:15 That's hot.

6:16 I'm dead serious.

6:18 It's me or Kevin.

6:21 How long do I have to decide?

6:23 Looks like you already did.

6:31 Can I like So you have to work for coffee or something?

6:35 I don't know.

6:39 Please.

6:40 I just got some stuff I got to say to you.

6:51 Jim.

6:51 It Roy, look out.

6:55 Thanks, Kev.

6:56 Um, good though.

6:58 Hey, so this isn't matching up with this and I'm not sure which one's right.

7:03 Can you just hunt down the original for me?

7:06 Yes.

7:06 Me too.

7:06 All right.

7:13 Hey Kev, what were you saying before about the paperwork?

7:16 Me do now.

7:17 Go.

7:18 Stop worry.

7:20 Kevin, do you feel okay?

7:22 Me feel good.

7:23 Body strong.

7:24 Sleep big last night.

7:26 Yeah, I think we should get him to the hospital.

7:27 Yeah, all right, Kev.

7:27 Why don't you come with us?

7:29 No.

7:29 No, he's he's fine.

7:30 He's always been like that.

7:31 No, he hasn't.

7:32 I mean, he's gotten worse over the years.

7:35 He's making a statement.

7:36 It's an ironic comment on our expectations of him.

7:39 A funhouse image of our model of Kevin.

7:43 You keep think that.

7:44 Me mechanic not speak English,

7:47 but he know what me mean when me say car no go, and we best friend.

7:52 So, me think why waste time say lot word when few word do trick.

7:58 Kevin, I appreciate what you're trying to do.

8:03 Thank.

8:02 Here we have a word code.

8:05 The same way we have a dress code.

8:06 And what we're talking about is basically

8:10 the speech equivalent to just wearing underpants.

8:15 Sometimes words you know need use.

8:20 But need need for talk talk.

8:23 But save time, more success.

8:26 Does it save time though?

8:27 Cuz we've been here for about an hour.

8:29 No me fault.

8:32 Kevin, at most you're saving a microscopic amount of time.

8:36 Many small time make big time.

8:39 What are you going to do with all this time?

8:41 Sea World.

8:43 Kevin, you can't possibly save enough time to see the world.

8:46 Kevin, are you saying Sea World or Sea World?

8:49 Sea World, oceans, fish, jump.

8:54 Okay.

8:55 China.

8:54 No, see, right there,

8:56 that's the problem with your method cuz I still

8:58 don't know if you're saying Sea World or Sea World,

9:01 and it's taking a lot of time to explain it.

9:04 Fine.

9:04 Fine, I'll talk normally.

9:07 When me president they see.

9:12 They see.

9:14 Hey Jimmy, what do you think about that purse girl, huh?

9:18 Cute, sure, yeah.

9:19 Why don't you get on that?

9:21 She's not really my type.

9:23 What, are you gay?

9:26 Mhm.

9:26 I don't think so, no.

9:27 What is your type?

9:33 Moms, primarily.

9:33 Yep, soccer moms, single moms, NASCAR moms, any type of mom, really.

9:38 This is disgusting.

9:39 Stay away from my mom.

9:41 Too late, Kev.

9:49 Dunder Mifflin.

9:50 Uh hey.

9:51 Oh my god.

9:54 Hi.

9:56 Hi.

9:55 Sorry, I forgot Kevin's extension.

9:57 It's a fantasy football thing.

10:00 Oh.

9:59 Current romantic life?

10:02 I uh I'm single now and looking.

10:06 [clears throat]

10:06 So, if you know anybody.

10:09 Jim and I went to dinner a few times when he got back from New York.

10:12 I talked him through his breakup.

10:15 It's really nice to be good friends again.

10:18 Are you kidding me?

10:20 Pam and Jim are totally hooking up.

10:23 All they do is smile.

10:25 They're just keeping it a secret.

10:27 Right?

10:28 I don't know.

10:29 There is no evidence of intimacy.

10:31 They've been in remarkably good moods.

10:34 Could be other things.

10:35 Are you kidding me?

10:37 And Sunday, I'm thinking of going to that flea market at the drive-in.

10:41 Oh, that sounds fun.

10:42 I'm mountain biking on Sunday and uh Montage Mountain.

10:46 Cool.

10:48 Yeah.

10:47 Well, have fun with that.

10:54 Hello.

10:53 Hello, Mr.

10:54 Halpert.

10:54 I'm calling from the identity theft department of Capital One.

10:57 We've detected some unusual activity on your credit card.

11:01 Oh, man.

11:01 Do you think it was stolen?

11:03 Sir, would you mind verifying your home address?

11:06 Um yes.

11:08 Um 383 Linden Ave, Scranton, PA.

11:14 And may I have the last four digits of your social security?

11:19 6650.

11:19 Well, Mr.

11:19 Halpert, you're obviously not in San Juan, Puerto Rico.

11:23 Wait a minute.

11:23 Yes, I am.

11:24 ahead and put a hold on your card.

11:26 No.

11:27 That I I think that we should let the criminal use the card a little longer.

11:34 Very funny, sir.

11:35 We'll get a new card out to you right away.

11:38 Nope.

11:37 Have a nice day and thank you.

11:44 Shoot.

11:50 You going to answer that call?

11:53 All right, thanks.

11:57 Dunder Mifflin, this is Kevin.

11:59 Please hold while I transfer you.

12:02 Oscar, your mom.

12:06 Charles is having Kevin cover the phones for a while.

12:09 How do I say this diplomatically?

12:12 I think Kevin is doing exactly as well as anyone might

12:15 have expected someone like him to perform in a position like that.

12:20 Please hold.

12:22 Andy, phone call.

12:24 Nope, stay there.

12:25 Kev, I thought we nailed the whole transfer thing earlier.

12:28 Yeah, I wrote it on my hand, but then I washed it.

12:31 It is transfer, extension, then transfer again.

12:35 Okay.

12:35 Andy, get ready.

12:37 Transfer.

12:37 Here we go.

12:39 Extension.

12:38 Transfer.

12:41 Oh, man.

12:42 It is 134.

12:44 Kevin.

12:44 Kevin, come on.

12:46 Hustle.

12:45 You are murdering the Nard Dog.

12:48 This is Kevin.

12:48 Please hold and I will transfer you.

12:52 You're bad at this, too.

12:54 Don't answer that call.

12:55 Just transfer the damn call.

12:57 Your call is very important to us.

12:59 PLEASE HEY.

13:04 [cheering]

13:05 OKAY.

13:05 ANDY BERNARD.

13:07 MY MAID DIED.

13:13 WOW.

13:13 I don't know how you're going to decide.

13:14 They are all extremely good.

13:16 I think I should hire them all.

13:17 Do you like Lollapalooza?

13:19 Yes.

13:19 Three stages.

13:20 Yeah.

13:20 Your mom would love that.

13:23 [laughter]

13:22 She would.

13:24 Uh, this band is it's Scrantonicity.

13:26 Let's take a look.

13:30 Nice.

13:30 Oh, wait.

13:31 That's Kevin.

13:33 On the drums.

13:34 What?

13:34 On the drums.

13:34 On the drums.

13:35 god, that's Kevin.

13:38 [laughter] Great song, Kev.

13:41 Oh my god, he's the drummer and the singer.

13:44 We really don't do a lot of weddings.

13:47 We actually don't play in public very often.

13:50 We are all really hoping that Pam's wedding works out.

13:55 This could be a turning point for the band.

13:59 Wow.

14:00 Oh.

14:00 Oh my Yeah, you haven't seen that since 1983.

14:02 [laughter] That is amazing.

14:06 Okay, we have to sign him.

14:07 I'm going to call the label.

14:08 We're going No.

14:09 No.

14:09 Stop it.

14:09 We're going to lose HIM TO ANOTHER WEDDING.

14:12 KEV.

14:20 OH, WELL.

14:21 If they aren't together now, then they probably never will be.

14:27 I thought they'd be good together.

14:29 Like PB&J.

14:32 Pam Beesly and Jim.

14:37 What a waste.

14:39 What a waste.