In My Opinion... Don't Say This If You Don't Mean It with Hasan Minhaj | IMO

0:00 In my opinion, yes.

0:01 Unless it's your mother.

0:02 When someone tells you, call me anytime, they don't mean it.

0:08 Oh, uh, probably right.

0:10 It's 100% right.

0:11 Everybody you meet, Craig, will be like,

0:14 hey, man, and maybe this is a byproduct.

0:16 And Mrs.

0:17 Obama, I'd love your opinion on this.

0:18 This may be a byproduct of being a heterosexual man.

0:20 And a lot of guys will be like, hey, man, call me anytime.

0:24 Yeah.

0:24 Uh, and I know for a fact if I call you, you will not pick up.

0:31 And that is the.

0:32 That is the real male loneliness epidemic.

0:34 It's the existential knowing.

0:36 See, and maybe if I were to call.

0:38 Yeah, Boy, I don't know if I.

0:42 Unless it's your mother.

0:43 I have, like three people that I know for sure,

0:46 for sure that when they see my number come, they're gonna pick up.

0:50 And we also live during unprecedented times.

0:52 This is one of the only times in history that someone,

0:56 you can send someone a text and you

0:59 will have confirmation that they got it right.

1:02 I know.

1:03 That's.

1:04 That's dastardly, right?

1:05 Dastardly is the Right.

1:07 Yeah.

1:08 How could they?

1:09 I mean, the level, it's like, yeah, I think about that.

1:13 It's like, why do that?

1:14 You know?

1:14 So then I just don't open stuff until I'm ready to respond.

1:18 But I do think the male.

1:20 The gender distinction is true because either I don't say it,

1:25 and I work hard to be clear before I say it, I think about it.

1:29 If I'm going to tell somebody, you know, come call me, I'm here.

1:33 Right.

1:33 I do think about it, and it's like, do I really mean it?

1:36 Right?

1:36 Do you really mean, are you there?

1:37 Yeah.

1:37 And when I say it, I do mean it because especially if I tell somebody, you know,

1:42 and I also know a lot of people won't because they don't think I mean it.

1:47 Yeah.

1:48 But I, you know, if I tell somebody, call me now,

1:51 that doesn't mean that if I see your number, I'm picking up right away.

1:54 That may mean, oh, they need something, you know, I'll call them tomorrow.

1:59 I'll call them in a week.

2:00 I'll check.

2:01 It's good.

2:01 I'm going to get back to them because I, I said that.

2:04 And I think that's the parent in me.

2:06 How do I reconcile this tragedy that everyone's screen time.

2:09 Just go to settings and see your screen time.

2:11 You're on your screen for 7 hours and 22 minutes a day.

2:13 So you did see my call in text.

2:16 Yeah, yeah.

2:16 No, you believe.

2:17 I've had friends tell me.

2:18 They're like, I saw it.

2:19 I saw.

2:20 I was like, what if I was dying?

2:22 Well, people will.

2:24 I just.

2:24 You would have left a message that you were dying.

2:28 So let's just play that out to the Ronnie.

2:33 I am dying.

2:34 Well, if you're texting.

2:35 That's what I'm saying.

2:36 Da, da, da, uh, da.

2:37 You can say, I'm dying.

2:38 I'm dying.

2:39 I'm dying.

2:40 Say it.

2:40 Just say, I'm dying.

2:41 And I text right back.

2:42 You might.

2:43 Wait, I text you right back.

2:46 Text you.

2:50 I think I'm funny too.

2:52 You are funny.

2:52 No, I, uh, yeah.

2:53 What do we.

2:54 How do we.

2:54 So I can reconcile this.

2:56 So I, I think I'm closer to Mish because I wouldn't

3:01 say call me anytime unless I wanted somebody to call me anytime.

3:05 I wouldn't say it.

3:08 Do you say it a lot?

3:09 It's pretty.

3:10 I don't say it a lot, but I've been told it a lot.

3:13 Yeah, man, call me anytime.

3:14 But see, you're a person that people would say

3:17 it to, because if you call them, they pick up.

3:19 You'll be surprised how many not pickups I get.

3:22 I have some great phone numbers in my contacts.

3:24 And you'd be.

3:25 Oh, we'll see.

3:26 You'd be.

3:27 Then maybe it's.

3:28 It would be.

3:28 You'd be humbling to find out how many airballs I'm getting.

3:31 Then maybe it's the tier you're just.

3:33 You have.

3:33 Maybe you're punching above your weight.

3:35 You got too many.

3:36 You got too many pros.

3:38 Dude, it's not even pros in your, in your phone book, Craig.

3:42 I'm talking about friends that I've known since, uh, preschool.

3:44 No way.

3:45 Yeah.

3:45 You invite him to the show.

3:46 Where do I park?

3:47 I mean, this is.

3:48 We're talking about basic executive function.

3:50 Oh, that's too bad.

3:51 Yeah.

3:52 Yeah.

3:52 How many you can count on.

3:55 I'm talking about.

3:57 Yeah, I, I, I have over.

3:59 And you got.

4:00 They're not blood related.

4:02 I have a good group of friends who, if I texted them or if they texted me,

4:07 I would call them as soon as I could.

4:11 Soon as I.

4:12 Soon as I could.

4:13 Or I would text them and say, hey, look, I'm really busy.

4:15 Is this important?

4:16 Hey, I'm doing a Rivan ad read right now.

4:18 Is this really important?

4:19 Yes.

4:19 Yes.

4:20 Okay.

4:20 That is exactly what I would do.

4:22 Okay.

4:22 But.

4:22 Well, what?

4:23 You said you had another one.

4:24 Yeah, you said a couple, in my opinion.

4:28 Mhm.

4:29 People really hate traveling on airplanes.

4:33 I think they're objectively amazing.

4:36 And the worse the airline, the better you just air travel.

4:41 Just period.

4:42 Spirit Airlines.

4:43 I'm talking about a completely packed Southwest flight.

4:46 Middle seat.

4:46 You're happy in that experience.

4:50 Um, Explain yourself.

4:52 Look, I understand that the air conditioning dries

4:55 your skin out and gives you permanent eczema.

4:56 I understand that people are crashing out on planes

4:59 and, and stewardesses have to duct tape passengers into chairs.

5:03 I think the chaos is kitschy.

5:07 I also think in this crazy world where

5:11 we are Internet and screen addicted, uh, flight,

5:16 uh, gives you the perfect social excuse, uh,

5:20 to not pick up if your friend calls you.

5:23 You get to be like, sorry, was on a flight.

5:26 Yeah.

5:27 Uh, the first lady may call.

5:29 And you're just like, I just can't.

5:31 I was on an airplane.

5:33 You have the perfect out.

5:34 You have the perfect out.

5:36 But does that.

5:37 Okay, so that's true.

5:38 But I wanted to also.

5:39 Let me just give the other,

5:40 the other addendum because I think I can win you over here.

5:42 Because I can, I can sense the, I can sense the counter coming.

5:45 Hence my, this is my basketball anticipation.

5:47 I see the passing, but there's so many

5:51 things that we have wanted to get ahead on.

5:53 Um, as adults, I'm always like, I'm going to read that book.

5:56 I'm going to watch that show.

5:58 Mhm.

5:59 I'm going to finally journal.

6:00 This is your opportunity.

6:02 And as someone who's a PhD, this is the thing you think is going to win me over.

6:08 Uh, when I am on a plane and all of us can't fly on Air Force One.

6:13 When I am on a plane, okay.

6:15 And I'm saying the worst, the airlines, I'm like,

6:18 I got to do something to get me out of this.

6:21 I'm going to read the coming.

6:22 You're going to focus.

6:22 I'm going to lock in and read a book.

6:24 I am going to read.

6:25 I'm going to read a great novel.

6:28 I'm going to read, you know,

6:29 and the amount of books that I've been able to read,

6:31 the things that I've been putting off to just go,

6:33 you know what, Let me open up just this Mead notebook.

6:37 Yeah.

6:37 And I'm going to bang out the script.

6:41 Or it also gives you a really great.

6:44 It's a timed interval.

6:45 It's like between here and St.

6:46 Louis.

6:47 It's a two and a half hour flight.

6:48 Okay.

6:49 You can do this in two hours.

6:50 So you feel this way regardless.

6:53 Middle seat, kid crying.

6:54 The worst the better.

6:55 Really?

6:56 The worse the better.

6:57 Okay.

6:57 Because uh, then you're like, I need to do Something that will block that out.

7:02 Here.

7:03 Uh, Put your legs back.

7:04 Put my legs back.

7:05 All the way back.

7:06 Sure.

7:06 Feel my hand.

7:07 Love it.

7:08 That's the front seat.

7:09 That's me.

7:10 I'm not sitting like that for two hours.

7:12 So you don't think that.

7:13 You don't think that regulates your body a little bit?

7:15 Does it feel like it is torture?

7:17 I've been tortured.

7:18 All I've been waiting for is touches.

7:20 Touches, my love language.

7:21 No.

7:22 Touches, my love language.

7:23 No.

7:24 Um, the seat in front of you.

7:26 You is.

7:26 Is on your knees.

7:28 Stranger.

7:28 On my shoulder.

7:29 Yeah.

7:29 While I'm reading.

7:30 James by Percival Everett.

7:32 And.

7:32 And if you're on the.

7:33 Couldn't be happier.

7:33 You can't take either armrest.

7:35 You got to sit.

7:37 No armrest.

7:39 Love it.

7:39 Still enjoy.

7:40 I'm talking about.

7:41 I'm on the plane, middle seat.

7:43 The person goes, I don't buy it.

7:44 Hey, are you him?

7:45 I go, nah.

7:46 Uh, and then full iPad.

7:47 But, hey, have you watched your Friends and neighbors on Apple tv?

7:50 Let's watch it together.

7:51 I love it.

7:52 No way.

7:53 I love this.

7:54 Hey, nice try.

7:55 Hey, you guys are trying to talk about civic engagement and civic duty.

7:59 This is civics.

8:00 This is America.

8:02 Uh, you are special.

8:04 You are.

8:05 You are special.

8:07 Thank you, Mrs.

8:08 Obama.

8:08 I'll see you.

8:10 I love that.

8:11 I'll see you at the airport.

8:13 Yeah, you'll see me at the airport.

8:14 You won't see her, and I'll be salty until I land.

8:18 Sure, sure.

8:19 Look, if we're on United, I'll get you the tapas.

8:22 I'll pay it.

8:23 It's on me.

8:24 It's on me.

8:25 You deserve it, King.

8:26 I think that's what we have to do.

8:28 Craig and Hassan on the flight.

8:30 And then.

8:31 And then I can't even get my table down.

8:33 My legs are so long, so I can't even eat my tapas.

8:36 I gotta save it till I land.

8:39 Oh, uh, man, that's.

8:40 That is.

8:41 I do empathize.

8:41 Yeah, that's rough.

8:42 That's rough.

8:44 If I want to watch my iPad, I have to watch it like this.

8:47 I can't even put it on the table and have my arms relaxed.

8:49 No, no, just do the stand.

8:50 It's got the little standing, little 45 degree angle, but I put it.

8:54 And put the stand where?

8:56 On your lap or your neighbor's lap?

8:58 Oh, you guys want to watch like this?

9:00 You think this is a bad thing?

9:03 This is.

9:03 It's not for me.

9:04 Okay.

9:05 Not for me.

9:06 All right.

9:06 This could be your greatest breakthrough.

9:08 I might fly commercial just to watch you fly.

9:10 That would be.

9:11 Remember, like, they used to do this thing on, like,

9:13 James Corden where he's like, I'm going to do something that normal people do.

9:16 I'm on the bus, you know, or whatever.

9:18 That would be a great thing we could do.

9:21 I could walk through the whole airport with you, Hassan and Michelle Obama.

9:25 Go to the mall or something.

9:26 Tell me, uh, sit here, enjoy this.

9:29 I take you to a Foot Locker.

9:30 Be like, hey, let's try on shoes.

9:31 You could walk.

9:31 This could be a.

9:32 Ah.

9:32 There's all these things.

9:33 I think there's wonder and beauty and amazement and cool stuff in it.

9:37 And then again.

9:39 And this is the seller, folks.

9:41 You don't have to be distracted.

9:43 You have a social excuse to finally not be distracted.

9:46 You don't have your aura wing won't work in the sky.

9:49 That I buy.

9:49 I buy that.

9:50 That's really beautiful.

9:51 I buy that.

9:52 That is beautiful.

9:53 Yeah, it just.

9:54 I don't know.

9:54 I just want a little more leg room.

9:56 Okay.

9:56 It could just be my opinion.

9:59 Thank you.

10:00 Thank you.

10:01 It's great to have you here.

10:02 It was wonderful to be.

10:03 Yeah.