I Tried Every Non-Alcoholic Beer

0:00 This doesn't have any booze in it.

0:01 You could have fooled me.

0:02 That'll be the intro.

0:03 That'll be the first shot.

0:06 Including me saying that'll be the intro.

0:07 Non-alcoholic beers.

0:09 Between Gen Z not drinking, Gen Alpha being too young,

0:12 and millennials not being able to shake off a hangover quite

0:15 the way they used to, NA beers now dominate your grocery store,

0:18 gas station, and [music] spin class juice bar.

0:21 But which ones are worth drinking?

0:22 And which ones are worth thinking twice about drinking?

0:25 This is the best with Babish.

0:28 First up, ODUS.

0:30 ODS has been odoing it since I was in short pants.

0:33 This guy was introduced in 1990 by Annheiser Bush, well before NA beer was cool.

0:40 It's described as a golden non-alcoholic brew.

0:43 [music] Contains less than 0.5% alcohol by volume.

0:46 That's what I found with most NA beers.

0:48 They actually have a little tiny bit in there.

0:50 So, [music] be aware of that if you know you need to be aware of that.

0:55 It pours golden as described.

0:57 [music] very thin pissy head, just sort of golden yellow color.

1:02 The bubbles look like almost like champagne bubbles.

1:04 They're big and well, it's not champagne bubbles.

1:06 They're huge bubbles.

1:07 They just look inordinately big.

1:09 Okay, let's get not messed up.

1:14 Tastes like a Christian frat house.

1:17 I'm going to assign an ideal archetype for each [music] beer.

1:19 Just what kind of person would drink this?

1:21 And this one, I think we've already established,

1:24 is drank by very Christian or Mormon frat [music] house.

1:27 very simple American beer done without alcohol, which for me personally doesn't

1:32 have [music] any appeal whatsoever, unfortunately.

1:34 I wish that I were more open-minded to this because

1:37 I kind of have a soft spot for shitty beer.

1:40 I'll give it a four.

1:41 That's that's [music] what I'll give it cuz it's like I

1:43 don't want to keep drinking this and without any booze in it,

1:46 I wonder why I would.

1:49 Next up, [snorts] probably the most prevalent NA beer on the market right now,

1:52 Athletic Brewing Company.

1:53 I've enjoyed these in the past and this is

1:56 apparently the most popular one, the Run Wild IPA.

1:59 Let's see how this one pisses out.

2:01 Smells great.

2:02 Smells like an IPA.

2:03 So, now instead of the simplicity and hillbilly elegance of a Budweiser,

2:09 [music] we have an IPA.

2:10 Something with bigger, fruier, hoppier flavors.

2:13 Let's see how that translate to the NA environment.

2:19 Hm.

2:19 I wonder if I would even know that that's NA.

2:22 like it just tastes like beer.

2:23 It's not my favorite beer flavor.

2:25 It's uh as far as IPAs go, it's a little bitter.

2:27 It's got some of those [music] not tanic qualities,

2:30 but just like the hops are really hopping, which you know, IPA, sure,

2:33 it's definitely not my favorite style of IPA, but like it's still good.

2:36 I would still crush this.

2:38 It's a nice enough color.

2:39 The head [music] is kind of sad.

2:41 Like, it was very thin and foamy, just like the ODS.

2:43 I wonder how [music] thick NA heads can get.

2:47 I know they can get quite thick if Guinness Zero is to be an indicator.

2:50 [music] And the kind of person that this beer

2:53 is best for, I'd say uh like nice suburbs, two kids, loves to [music] barbecue.

3:00 I actually have a specific friend of mine in mind when I say that.

3:03 His name is Steve.

3:04 [music] Steve, I love you.

3:05 And I think this kind of reminds me of of you if you were to choose an NA beer.

3:08 So kind of person that drinks this, Steve.

3:13 I'll give it a seven.

3:14 I'm going to give it a seven [music] cuz it's tasty.

3:17 Could be better, but I like it.

3:19 Next up, we have Athletics Upside Dawn Golden.

3:24 That's cute.

3:24 That's funny.

3:25 That's cute.

3:26 Looks like a thick creamy head.

3:28 Oh, maybe not.

3:29 Thick creamy head.

3:30 You could have fooled me.

3:31 [music] I'm bringing it back.

3:33 It's been gone for a while.

3:34 This is how you're supposed to pour beer, right?

3:36 This is what you're supposed to do.

3:37 Supposed to just like dribble it in there.

3:40 Like that.

3:41 Just drip drop it.

3:43 Maybe this is going to be an equivalent to your Budweisers,

3:46 your classic American style loggers.

3:49 Just from the smell of it, I'd say probably not.

3:52 Smells much more like a nice hazy [music] fruity IPA.

3:56 What I got from my Let's see what we got here.

4:01 Oh, that's nice.

4:02 It definitely has IPA characteristics.

4:04 [music] It's hoppy.

4:05 It's fruity.

4:06 It's It's on the lighter and and brighter side of things,

4:09 but without that bitterness.

4:11 Very easy [music] to drink beer.

4:12 You take away the alcohol aspect of beer and you

4:14 just want it to be an enjoyable [music] to drink beverage.

4:17 Unless you're trying to really replace your favorite beer with an NA one.

4:21 This just tastes like some beverage that's nice to drink.

4:24 It tastes like beer.

4:25 Score-wise, it's a lateral move.

4:26 I'm going to give it a seven as well.

4:27 That's good.

4:28 Just a little easier to drink.

4:30 Next up, we have Athletics Athletica.

4:32 This is their Mexicanstyle copper.

4:35 I don't think I've ever heard of a copper beer before.

4:37 Like it makes sense in my mind,

4:40 but I don't know if I've ever heard one referred to as a copper.

4:44 Woah.

4:44 And copper it is.

4:45 It's dark.

4:46 This person [music] needs to drink some water.

4:48 Dark.

4:48 And it appears to maybe have some haze to it.

4:51 Like it doesn't look as horrifyingly clear as the previous entrance.

4:55 Yeah, that definitely has haze to it.

4:57 Kind of Mexican beers.

4:58 Dark and hazy like this.

5:00 Maybe I've just never poured out a Negro Modello.

5:02 Is this what Negro Medello looks like?

5:04 Have I never poured one into a glass?

5:05 Why would I?

5:06 I love the feeling of the foil on my lips.

5:08 That's the whole reason why you get it.

5:10 Torn foil feeling.

5:11 This doesn't have that.

5:12 So, kind of smells like an IPA.

5:15 It smells very fruity.

5:17 Oh, but it's not.

5:18 That's definitely like a Mexican style logger.

5:21 I don't know or what the difference is between that and a copper,

5:24 but like it's that vibe.

5:25 Yeah, it's pretty much indetectable that it doesn't have alcohol in it.

5:29 I'm not as crazy about this [music] one.

5:31 It has some aftertaste that I'm not able to identify.

5:34 Yeah, this one's not my favorite.

5:36 It's uh it does have a bitterness about it, which is normal for this style beer.

5:40 But it has this kind of strange almost musty aftertaste, which isn't that bad.

5:45 It's just probably even [music] present in the real style of this beer,

5:48 but it's just not for me personally.

5:50 So, I'm going to give it a six cuz it is an accurate representation.

5:53 I'm not a huge fan of it, but I would drink it.

5:56 Last up in the Athletic Pantheon, Athletic Light.

6:00 Just when you thought NA beer couldn't get any lighter.

6:03 25 calories, 5 g of carbs.

6:05 The color and the branding, it it reminds me of like a Miller Light.

6:09 This feels like it's Miller Lightite territory.

6:11 I imagine it's going to be in that vein.

6:13 I hope [snorts] it's not.

6:14 Oh, it is not only light in calories, it is light in color.

6:18 It is the color of a very well hydrated person.

6:20 Not well, very well hydrated.

6:22 Well hydrated enough.

6:23 I would have another glass of water before bed.

6:25 I stopped doing archetypes.

6:27 [laughter] We don't have to do them for everyone, I guess.

6:30 I don't know.

6:31 Okay.

6:31 What this is is the athletic beer of athletic beers.

6:35 Yeah.

6:35 Am I right?

6:36 Yeah, that was good.

6:37 I need like a pallet cleanser, but I can't tell what's happening.

6:44 I think this beer is automatically going to get

6:45 a tenant when I drink it with a pretzel.

6:48 This is a real pretzel kind of beer.

6:50 You know what I mean?

6:51 What's pretzel beer?

6:52 It doesn't say what style beer this is, but like it says classic and everyday.

6:57 So like this seems like it's American logger,

7:00 but Athletic can't help themselves.

7:02 There is a fruity element to it,

7:03 much more than you would get from a Miller or a Budweiser or anything like that.

7:08 Yeah, it is a better flavor.

7:10 There is a citrus almost pineappley element that is very subtle.

7:14 So it's not like you're drinking a fruit beer [music] or even a fruity beer.

7:18 It's just an American logger with more personality, which is pretty good.

7:22 And I like it.

7:22 [music] I don't think it's any better than the IPA or the um the Golden.

7:26 So, it's just another lateral move, different style of beer, just as enjoyable.

7:31 Give it a seven.

7:36 Next up, the Blue Moon.

7:39 Non-alcoholic Belgian white.

7:41 If they stick the landing on this, this is going to be okay.

7:45 Just like a Blue Moon, it's going to be like,

7:47 uh, we have to eat dinner at Applebees.

7:48 Okay, they got Blue Moon, so at least, you know, that's whatever.

7:51 I'm not going to drink one of those watered down [music] rockaras.

7:54 Remember those rockaritas?

7:56 Huge, but you're not getting drunk and and you're

7:58 still getting a hangover just cuz it's just sugar.

8:01 Oh, creamy head.

8:04 It sure looks like a blue moon.

8:05 It's just as hazy.

8:06 [music] It's just as opaque.

8:07 It has secrets that you can't see.

8:09 You don't get to see.

8:10 It sure smells like a blue moon.

8:12 It smells like a like a like I just peeled a a fake orange or a real orange.

8:17 It smells like orange.

8:17 It smells like an orange.

8:20 Oh.

8:22 Oh, no.

8:24 Why?

8:24 That really only tastes like orange.

8:26 And the orange [music] tastes like vitamins.

8:29 Why does that not work as an NA beer?

8:31 They must make it some other way.

8:33 I mean, they have to to not have alcohol in it,

8:35 but like expertly crafted with Valencia orange peel.

8:37 I'm sure they're using real oranges.

8:39 Just like this tastes like a weird orange soda

8:42 that needs alcohol that like needs the booze to be drinkable.

8:46 [music] I'm not a fan of that.

8:47 If I were taste testing this blind,

8:49 I would have wagered the US economy on that this was

8:52 just some kind of like weird orange malt beverage,

8:55 which it is, so I wouldn't be wrong and we'd be fine.

8:58 But that's really what it tastes like.

9:00 It doesn't taste like beer.

9:01 Maybe I hate Blue Moon now.

9:02 What's wrong with me?

9:03 Can I taste it?

9:04 I love a Blue Moon.

9:06 Yeah.

9:06 Yeah.

9:06 What the Yeah, that tastes like it's good for me.

9:09 Yeah.

9:09 Oh, man.

9:10 The aftertaste.

9:11 Yeah.

9:12 It's like cough syrupy.

9:13 Yeah.

9:13 It's like Yeah.

9:14 It's more cough syrup than vitamins.

9:15 It's like a orange flavored co like delum carbonated delim.

9:20 I'm going to give it a two.

9:21 I really dislike that.

9:22 I don't hate it and if I were dying question mark I

9:25 would drink it um if that would help but any other circumstance.

9:29 No.

9:29 Lagonus hazy IPNA.

9:34 [laughter] Hope you trademarked that.

9:36 We'll be right back.

9:39 [music] [music] Babish cookware.

10:04 Swear to me you'll only use it for good.

10:08 Anyway, oh, it smells kind of crazy right off the bat.

10:11 Smells like an IPA, but also like a cat toy or something like a Yeah,

10:16 I almost said cat litter, but it's not that bad.

10:18 So, I went with something that would

10:19 have the cat's essence snarfed into [music] it.

10:22 Including the litter, not excluding the litter.

10:25 Jesus, that smells crazy.

10:27 I would never smell that and be like, "That's beer.

10:28 That smells like fruit and tastes like fruit.

10:32 That's just a tropical fruit beverage.

10:34 That's not a beer." I was like certain that [music] everything was going

10:37 to taste exactly like a beer because that seems to be relatively easy to do.

10:41 But it doesn't taste like a beer at all.

10:43 This tastes like a carbonated fruit beverage.

10:46 Did it just get hazy in here?

10:48 This changes everything, [music] don't you think?

10:51 Not sure now, but something is deliciously different.

10:54 What was that?

10:55 Like a stream of consciousness somebody wrote when they were

10:58 pretending to be drunk because they were drinking NA beer.

11:00 Yeah, it's got like a memory of being a beer.

11:03 As off-put as I'm feeling right now, it is pretty delicious.

11:07 Like, it's really tasty.

11:08 [music] Would it scratch the beer itch?

11:11 No.

11:11 Would I just drink it just because?

11:13 Probably.

11:14 I would drink it on the rocks [laughter] just to piss people off.

11:17 I like it in [music] a weird way, which I think gets you a seven.

11:22 That beer went to the police academy and it was a cop for 2 years,

11:26 but then it was like, I can't do this.

11:27 And now it's a veterinarian.

11:29 So, veterinarians, that's who that that beer is best for.

11:32 I think every single one of these beers is for active outdoorsy types.

11:36 That's that's the vibe I get.

11:38 Except this one, which I think is

11:39 for people who have a problem because good god,

11:41 why would you drink Budweiser Zero?

11:44 Bud Zero.

11:44 This Buds for Zero.

11:46 This Buds for you and you and you.

11:50 I was obsessed with that song when it came out like like 2000.

11:53 Budweiser zero.

11:55 All the Budweiser.

11:56 None of the only reason to drink Budweiser.

12:01 Well, they nailed it.

12:02 They nailed it.

12:03 You'd never know.

12:04 Um, so it's not very good.

12:07 [laughter] Like I, you know, again, I have a soft spot for Bud,

12:10 PBR, all the just very simple uh American loggers.

12:14 Yeah, I can think of very little reason to drink this unless you know,

12:18 you love Budweiser, which I'm not going to judge you.

12:20 It's just I I don't understand you.

12:22 I don't have to understand you.

12:23 I I will still accept you.

12:25 I don't need to understand you.

12:26 But I will give this a [music] score that reflects

12:29 uh how I feel about it, which is a three.

12:32 Lucky it didn't get a zero.

12:34 All right.

12:35 Or unlucky that I didn't get a zero,

12:37 cuz that would have been thematically appropriate.

12:39 I can't lie.

12:39 I I I'm unable to lie when I'm sober, and I am sober.

12:42 Next up, we have Heineken 0.0,

12:45 which as far as I can tell is the most popular NA beer.

12:48 Like, this is the bestselling one, which makes me sad.

12:50 Hinekin's never done it for me.

12:52 I don't think any beer in a green bottle has ever done it for me.

12:55 Yeah.

12:56 See, it just it smells like acidic or like a car part or something.

13:00 Something about like early import beers.

13:02 I think they're gross.

13:03 I don't like them.

13:04 It looks just like a Heineken.

13:06 At the end of the day, I could enjoy any beer in a given situation.

13:10 If I'm mudding, if I'm yucking it up mud or on a river or out on the sandbar,

13:15 I I you'd give me any beer on Earth and I will drink it.

13:19 But even Heinek and I might have a hard time.

13:21 I'm not a big green beer, green bottle guy.

13:24 I've always thought Heineken has this almost wintry like minty quality to it.

13:29 It's got this medicinal kind of abrasive aspect to it.

13:32 Again, just like Budweiser, they nailed it.

13:34 They knocked it out of the park.

13:35 That tastes exactly like a Heineken.

13:37 That tastes 100% like a Heineken, which I don't like uh at all.

13:41 So, I'm going to give it a one.

13:44 Sorry, Heineken fans.

13:46 If we went to the Heineken factory in Amsterdam or Holland or whatever,

13:49 I'd probably have a good time.

13:51 Anywhere outside of that, going to give it a one.

13:54 Next up, just when you thought Michelob couldn't get any more ultra,

13:58 they have Michelob Ultra Zero.

14:01 0% alcohol by volume, 29 calories.

14:04 Just about as ultra as Michelob can get.

14:07 I imagine this is primarily drunk

14:09 by those attending professional conferences, like, you know,

14:13 a conference on tanning booths, you know,

14:16 or like uh doorork knobs, just trade conferences.

14:20 This is probably not going to be very good.

14:23 That's fine.

14:23 I forgot.

14:24 Michelob is like a really just basic kind of clean tasting light beer.

14:28 [music] It's definitely still just American logger.

14:30 Just like very boilerplate,

14:32 but it's a lot more drinkable I think than Aninekin or even Budweiser.

14:36 It's a little acidic.

14:37 It's a little more acidic than those beers.

14:38 It's got this tang to it.

14:40 It's not a fruity tang.

14:41 It's literally just an acid presence.

14:43 It's but I I don't like it.

14:45 I don't want it.

14:46 I'll give it a four.

14:46 As far as any beers go, it's a beer.

14:48 So that's four.

14:49 That's a four in my mind.

14:51 Next up, becks.

14:53 The other white hinekin.

14:54 Am I right people?

14:55 Or is this German?

14:56 It's [music] a product of Germany, not Holland.

14:58 So, I still put them in this exact same category.

15:01 I don't remember the last time I've had a Beex, though.

15:03 I don't think I've ever sought out [music] Beex ever.

15:07 Okay.

15:08 It's not as bad as Heineken, but it's not very good.

15:10 I would say [music] it's it's very Michelob like light like

15:14 not light just naturally light just comes out of your mouth.

15:18 It does have a tang to it.

15:19 It has some mild acidity,

15:20 but it's a very very very very very very [music] very norm, right?

15:28 It's just a very basic like imported beer.

15:31 That's what this tastes like and that's what it is.

15:34 And that's what I'm going to score it as, which I'm

15:35 going to give it uh similarly a four for inoffensive drinkability.

15:39 It would get a five if it had some booze in it.

15:41 What kind of uh people drink NAEX?

15:44 Um like three [music] people in Germany.

15:46 Like probably three if I had to guess.

15:48 Peroni, the Italian beer.

15:53 I enjoy Peroni on a on a on a hot day.

15:56 It's always a hot day with me, isn't it?

15:58 It's a It's going to be a hot day in hell when um something something happens.

16:03 Uh Peroni is generally an offensive light Italian thing.

16:09 And that's exactly what it tastes like.

16:10 Up until like 2005, the only question you were asked,

16:14 "What kind of beer do you want?" was uh imported or domestic.

16:17 [music] That's it.

16:17 that that was all that mattered and that this beer

16:19 these beers in the green bottles are from that era.

16:22 These are imports and [music] they have

16:24 more personality to them than a Budweiser

16:27 mostly in the form of acid and this kind of hollow metallic flavor.

16:33 And uh yeah, you know what?

16:34 Uh I guess hey it's going to net you the same score.

16:38 I think Peroni Zero is going to get you a four.

16:40 And what kind of person drinks a Peroni Zero?

16:42 I can hear you asking me through the screen.

16:44 This is from Puerto Rico.

16:48 Hm.

16:49 Italian [music] maze.

16:50 That's got to be the only time that phrase is ever used.

16:53 Is corn maze in Italian?

16:55 What kind of person drinks this?

16:56 An American who constantly identifies themsself as Italian.

17:00 I'm Italian.

17:02 Like, okay, I know.

17:03 I know.

17:04 But come on.

17:06 Next up, Stella Arto 0.0 alcohol-free.

17:09 So, this is the one where you scrape off the big foamy head.

17:12 Can I Oh sh Give me a butter knife or something.

17:17 Come on.

17:18 Damn it.

17:23 That's not big.

17:24 It's a millimeter below the rich.

17:27 Am I really having the authentic stellar art experience?

17:30 Tap [music] the just like like frat yourself.

17:34 H.

17:34 You can only do that with a bottle, I think.

17:35 But I'll I'll try.

17:37 Imagine if I just shattered both of these.

17:40 Oh, you did it.

17:41 You did it.

17:41 Oh, you're right.

17:42 You're right.

17:43 Oh, I'm so glad you were in a frat for like a month.

17:46 Right.

17:46 [laughter] Right.

17:48 Oh, that felt great.

17:49 Honestly, very smooth, very clean, very crisp.

17:53 I'm sure tastes just like a real Stella.

17:55 Not that this isn't real.

17:56 This exists.

17:57 I'm holding it.

17:58 Brewed in the USA under the strict [music] supervision

18:01 of the brew masters from Belgium for uncompromising [music] quality.

18:05 So, I just picturing them just like, yeah, just no.

18:10 No, that's just not how we do.

18:12 I don't know what Belgium accent is.

18:14 No, nine.

18:16 I assume it's the first beer with a head that has [music] endured.

18:21 So, it is true to Stella Artois in that way.

18:25 Uh, I [music] poured it pretty hard and it did not overflow.

18:28 So, it's all it's definitely less heady [music] than the real stuff,

18:31 but like it's it's tasty enough,

18:34 but it's just like this is calling into question

18:35 how much I like [music] really basic beer.

18:38 Cuz I like this.

18:39 It's very clean tasting.

18:41 There's not a hint of bitterness to it.

18:42 The acidity is lower than the Peroni and the other imports.

18:46 [music] The definitely it's more approachable.

18:49 It's easier to drink.

18:51 I I like it.

18:52 And the and the the the nice the nice creamy head is is nice.

18:55 I like it when the head is creamy.

18:57 This has a nice creamy head.

18:59 Can I make it do more?

19:00 Is that a one when I'M DONE?

19:03 I love that.

19:04 I love seeing it happen in there.

19:06 It's like, oh, but look at that creamy head.

19:11 Look how creamy the head is.

19:14 M.

19:15 You can stick your finger in it.

19:17 That's pleasurable to me.

19:18 And it's going to get it a five instead of a four.

19:22 Way to go, Stella.

19:24 Corona non-alcoholic.

19:26 It's the opposite of Corona extra.

19:27 It's Corona lacking.

19:28 No, I I really enjoy a Corona and lime on the beach.

19:33 It's got a big head.

19:40 God, that is just not as good.

19:41 [laughter] It's It's all cont.

19:43 Beer is all context more than most other things.

19:46 [music] It's context.

19:47 You drink one of these with a lime in it on the beach.

19:50 It's a peak human experience.

19:51 Here, I'd rather take a piss right now.

19:55 I'd rather [music] just go to the bathroom.

19:57 It doesn't fit here.

19:58 So, what do I do with that?

20:03 No, it's only from the top.

20:04 And it only works when you do it from the top.

20:08 Isn't [music] that fascinating?

20:09 It tastes just like a Corona.

20:11 So on the beach, this gets a seven here today.

20:14 Now it's getting a um four.

20:17 I I actually like it less than the Stella.

20:19 Like your Medela, your Corona.

20:21 There's a little bit of bitterness,

20:22 which [music] again I like, but not like this.

20:26 [snorts] Not here.

20:26 Not now.

20:28 What we have here is the Loganas Hoppy Refresher.

20:30 It is sparkling [music] hop water and as such has zero calories,

20:35 carbs, gluten or alcohol.

20:36 So this is basically just a hop flavored seltzer [music] which I've had before.

20:41 I've had hop water and I've enjoyed it like it is one

20:44 of the hop water kind of tastes just like an IPA, like a weak IPA.

20:49 So let's see what happens here.

20:50 Oh.

20:51 Oh, that's unsettling.

20:52 You should really keep it in the can.

20:54 Oh, that shouldn't smell like that when it's as clear as Sprite.

21:01 [sighs] beer.

21:09 We're back in fruit, water, soda territory.

21:13 What [music] fruit does that tastes like?

21:14 It's so familiar.

21:16 It doesn't taste like a real fruit.

21:17 It tastes like an imitation like a fruit candy or something.

21:20 Fruit flavored thing.

21:21 [music] Honestly, if I tasted that blind,

21:24 I would have guessed that was a mango selzer.

21:26 It doesn't taste at all like hops.

21:28 Like barely.

21:28 It has a little bit of there,

21:30 but like I've had selzers [music] that kind of taste like actual beer.

21:33 This does not.

21:34 It is pretty good.

21:35 It tastes like a really good mango [music]

21:37 seltzer with something else going on in there.

21:39 Something weird.

21:40 Tastes fake though.

21:41 It does taste like mango flavor, not mango.

21:43 And there are some mango seltzers that taste

21:45 like and some that taste like actual mango.

21:47 This is a [music] halfway.

21:48 Halfway.

21:49 Cuz it tastes fake, but it's still enjoyable.

21:51 I'm going to give it a five.

21:52 It's It's not bad at all.

21:53 I would I might No.

21:57 Yeah.

21:57 I'm going to drink this.

21:59 Sierra, Nevada.

22:00 For me, the first kind of like craft beer that I started to buy.

22:04 This was like, you know, oh wow,

22:06 this place doesn't card and they they don't only have Old English.

22:10 Yeah.

22:10 When I was 18, I would find like a gas

22:12 station that doesn't card and they and they're like,

22:14 oh, they don't only have 40s.

22:16 That's great.

22:16 Oh, they have Sierra Nevada.

22:18 I'm going to be the most sophisticated [music] kid in school.

22:20 That's how I feel about Sierra Nevada.

22:22 And now, especially that it's called Trail Pass, it kind of annoys me.

22:26 That's very outdoorsy.

22:27 That's very Subaru [music] yellow lab.

22:30 That's fine.

22:31 What's wrong with those things?

22:32 Nothing's wrong with those things.

22:34 Forget [music] I said that.

22:35 Just is what it is.

22:36 Yeah.

22:37 Just is what it is.

22:38 Some reason it gets under my skin.

22:43 Oh.

22:44 Oh.

22:44 Farts.

22:46 The first thing that hit me.

22:47 Tastes like beer.

22:48 Now on first sip that tasted like farts.

22:50 How do I know what farts taste like?

22:52 Don't ask so many questions.

22:53 Just accept that I do.

22:55 Apart from that first initial hit, it tastes just like a real IPA.

23:00 It has a very subtle bitterness on the back end.

23:02 It has a nice present [music] but not cloying uh

23:06 fruiness and and and a and a decent haze to it.

23:09 Yeah, there's a weird scent or something

23:11 that it just hits you for a millisecond,

23:13 but it's enough to make your brain go then it's fine after that.

23:17 [laughter] So, that alone I'm going to give it a four.

23:20 Otherwise, it would be a really serviceable [music] zero gravity IPA.

23:25 That's a shame.

23:27 Clauser.

23:28 Clauser non-alcoholic brewing.

23:30 The German pioneer of NA brews.

23:33 Okay, so this is a dedicated NA brewing company.

23:37 It's vegan.

23:38 That's a bummer.

23:39 Like, you know, the beer drinking crowd.

23:41 There's vegans, of course, but just uh that just turned me off a little bit.

23:44 [laughter] That just made me feel a little less ready and rear

23:48 and a little bit less uh excited about my trail run.

23:53 It's not a creamy head, but it is thick and it is enduring.

23:56 So, that's cool.

23:58 Yeah.

23:58 Very foamy head.

24:02 There's a wet dog in there.

24:03 There's a wet dog in that beer.

24:05 [snorts] Yeah.

24:06 Some off flavor.

24:08 [music] It could be skunked.

24:09 I don't know.

24:10 It is in a green bottle.

24:12 That's usually usually the easiest one to skunk I think is in green bottles.

24:16 That might be a myth.

24:16 Please feel free to yell that at me in the comments if that's true.

24:19 Uh it's really gross.

24:20 Let me give it a one.

24:22 Sorry, Claus Tyler.

24:23 Oh, it's not German experts.

24:24 German [music] pioneer.

24:26 So, you can be the first, but you can also be the worst.

24:29 Next up, we have one that I've never heard of before.

24:32 Safety glasses non-alcoholic brew.

24:34 Uh they say always think safety first.

24:37 Industrial Arts Brewing Company.

24:39 80 calories, 17 g of carbs.

24:41 This is This is a full fat non-alcoholic beer, even though there's no fat in it.

24:46 But, you know, honestly, I love the branding of their box way more than the can.

24:50 I don't like this honeycomb pattern.

24:52 It's confusing to me, but that's not what we're judging today, is it?

24:58 Farts.

24:59 The farts are back.

25:00 Something about it reads fecal to me.

25:02 Tastes [music] all right.

25:04 The smell of it smells farty to me.

25:05 It smells a little farty.

25:07 Little little farty for Marty.

25:08 You've heard of 80 for Brady.

25:10 There's farty [music] for Marty.

25:11 and it stars Martin Lawrence and it's just about four

25:14 farty [music] dudes who want to have sex with Martin Lawrence.

25:18 It's a direct to video so they it never hit theaters, you know.

25:22 Tastes great.

25:23 Really offputting smell.

25:24 I don't like the smell of that.

25:26 I'm going to give it a three because [music]

25:27 um it tastes great as soon as if you just hold your nose while you drink.

25:31 You got yourself six.

25:32 That's unfortunately not a thing people do.

25:36 Next up, we've got Best Day Brewing West Coast IPA.

25:40 Born in Northern California, brewed for doers,

25:42 surfers, climbers, early risers, free divers, chefs,

25:46 gardeners, dancers, oyster farmers, dreamers, painters, builders,

25:50 mothers, fathers, runners, hikers, walkers, makers, ranchers,

25:53 nurses, woodworkers, teachers, skiers, bikers, doctors,

25:55 hot air, ballooners, entrepreneurs, clowns, bers, tree hers,

25:57 people hunters, photographers, pit masters, neighbors, snowshoeers,

25:59 fishermen, fish or women, forgers, fans, musicians, lifeguards.

26:02 Am I none of these things?

26:03 Ah, dreamers.

26:04 They got me.

26:06 And doers.

26:06 I do stuff.

26:07 Look at what I'm doing now.

26:08 Judging non-alcoholic beers.

26:09 And you might not know this about me, but I am a hot air ballooner big time.

26:13 Ow.

26:15 That's a beautiful color.

26:17 Smells much more pleasurable than the last one.

26:20 Tastes like an IPA.

26:21 Very um cereally, very grain [music] forward.

26:25 Has a hint of bitterness on the back end.

26:27 Not a bad bitterness, just an amount of bitterness as you might get with an IPA.

26:31 I would never know that that didn't have booze in it.

26:33 It's pretty good.

26:34 It's inoffensive, easy to drink, smells nice, looks nice, looks great.

26:37 Uh, I'm gonna give it a six.

26:39 I like this.

26:42 Next up, we have Beo, as in zero, but with the only the one E.

26:47 It's like Barrow.

26:48 Maybe it's Barrow.

26:49 Supposed to be Barrow.

26:50 Best served cold and with friends.

26:51 Beer is a premium non-alcoholic beer created by Tom Holland.

26:56 Spider-Man.

26:57 Spider-Man's own beer.

26:58 Kingston Golden Pills.

27:00 Is he a tea toteller?

27:01 He's sober.

27:02 So, I mean, you know, he looks like you can't get a six or 12pack

27:06 like he has with if you if you're drinking 12-packs.

27:09 Am I right?

27:10 Whoa.

27:10 Hey, did you shake this?

27:12 Did you shake it?

27:14 Mm- All right, then.

27:14 I'm have to, you know, I'm going to have to pass that angst on to Tom.

27:17 He's going to have to answer for that.

27:20 It's the foamiest one.

27:22 You're the foamiest one.

27:24 Foamy Tom.

27:25 They should call it foamy toms.

27:27 Foamy Tom.

27:30 That tastes like your average kind of just golden ale.

27:33 What was this?

27:34 Golden pills.

27:35 I can't remember off the top of my head what a pills tastes like,

27:37 but I Yes, that seems correct.

27:39 The head is [music] fluffy.

27:41 It's not creamy and it's not foamy.

27:43 It is fluffy.

27:44 It's keeping its shape and it's fluffy.

27:45 That's all I have to say about it.

27:46 That is an inoffensive, clean tasting, handsome beer, just like Tom Holland.

27:50 Oh, how do I feel about it though?

27:52 What do I want?

27:52 That's nice.

27:53 That's That's a step up from a normal Pzner

27:55 or a um like a Stella is a Pzner, right?

27:58 So, that's a step up from a Stella, I would say.

28:00 That's nice.

28:01 And as such, I'm going to give it a six.

28:03 It's better than the than the Stella.

28:04 Probably a similarish brew.

28:06 And um I really enjoy it.

28:08 So, six.

28:09 Good job, Tom.

28:10 Brooklyn's Own.

28:12 Aptly named Brooklyn Breweries.

28:14 Special Effects IPA is packed with all the bright citrusy notes

28:17 of a classic IPA that just so happens to be non-alcoholic.

28:19 Crisp grapefruit bright are the tasting notes.

28:22 Under 100 calories.

28:25 I wonder how incorrectly I'm pouring these beers.

28:27 It's not It can't be doing that bad because I'm not overflowing.

28:30 Let me pour in the whole can in here.

28:31 Okay, let's see if my neighbor does it does it [music] good.

28:37 Oo, that's really nice.

28:41 That tastes like a very good beer.

28:43 That tastes like like an IPA that is really well balanced.

28:46 It has the bitter characteristics of an IPA, but they're very low-key.

28:50 [music] Uh nice and balanced.

28:52 It's fruity, but not too fruity.

28:54 The grapefruit citrus definitely there and [music] tastes precisely like an IPA.

28:59 Like a real full gravity IPA.

29:01 I'm not just doing this because they're around the corner.

29:03 I don't want them to come break my my kneecaps,

29:05 but I think this is going to garner my first eight of the day.

29:08 I really enjoy this.

29:09 I just wish it had alcohol in it, you know.

29:12 Um Okay.

29:13 What the hell is this?

29:14 [laughter] It's um Brew XGO Brewing X Non.

29:18 Is this a try three-way collab?

29:20 This is a Managa collab.

29:22 What are these people?

29:24 Brew x go brewing x non naan n o n [laughter] the go.

29:32 This is the go's sunbeam pills.

29:35 I really don't like the name go.

29:36 [music] It doesn't make sense as a beer.

29:38 It's hard to say.

29:39 I'm trying to say it in the possessive form.

29:41 [music] Go.

29:42 Apostrophe s goes.

29:43 What?

29:44 What?

29:44 All right.

29:44 So, this is a Sunbeam pills with German malt and hops.

29:48 So, this is going to be just your typical uh European uh pills.

29:54 And it [music] is has a hint of fruiness to it.

29:56 Almost like a like a watermelon

29:58 flavor and not watermelon like actual watermelon,

30:00 but like watermelon [music] candy.

30:02 I'm getting just a little soup of that.

30:06 Nothing special.

30:08 Definitely nice and drinkable.

30:09 Easy.

30:10 I give it a five.

30:11 I like it.

30:12 Well, no.

30:13 If I like it, it's a six, right?

30:14 So, no.

30:15 It's boring.

30:16 It's boring.

30:16 I'm going to give it a five.

30:17 That was my gut reaction.

30:18 I'm gonna give it five because it's it's it's good.

30:20 It's serviceable, but it's boring.

30:22 Next up, we have perhaps the most confusing beer of the lot.

30:25 Patagonia Provisions.

30:27 What kind of person drinks this?

30:28 I think seuite kind of guy c CFO who you think doesn't drink because he's

30:33 an Uber man and he does the uh you know Iron Man runs and all that stuff,

30:38 but he actually killed a guy in his car in 1989.

30:43 It's an organic golden bright and crisp brewed with kernza.

30:47 Radically responsible.

30:49 [laughter] It's the least cool thing I've ever seen.

30:52 Sounds like a like an afterchool special warning kind

30:54 of thing with kids skateboarding like be radically responsible.

30:57 This refreshing non-alcoholic brew is a beverage

30:59 you can feel good about drinking anywhere, anytime.

31:02 [music] church.

31:04 We brew it with regenerative organic certified rye, organic hops,

31:08 barley, and kernza, a soils saving, carbon capturing perennial grain.

31:12 Well, isn't that nice?

31:13 I love that this is made by a brewery called Dashes.

31:17 And that's all this is all they get.

31:18 They get this little bit of mention right here.

31:21 Other than that, this is Patagonia.

31:23 [music] Smells like a pills.

31:27 I kind of hate [music] that.

31:28 I like that.

31:29 It's almost halfway between a pills and a aftertaste.

31:31 There's like IPA tendencies.

31:33 There's a bit of fruiness.

31:34 There's a bit of of extra hoppiness on first sip.

31:37 It's just a whatever beer, but then it develops.

31:39 [music] I [snorts] like that.

31:41 Damned if I don't like that.

31:43 I'm not super crazy about it, but it's good.

31:45 And I'm going to give it a six as annoyed as I am with myself.

31:50 Next up, another beer from Go Brewing.

31:53 This one has an eagle.

31:55 Uh did you see the talons?

31:56 an eagle skateboarding on an American flag themed skateboard,

32:01 which uh is pretty radically responsible if you ask me.

32:04 45 calories.

32:05 That's pretty low for just a straight up NA beer.

32:07 Freedom West Coast Pale crafted without gluten, so it's gluten-free as well.

32:12 Wonder what beer isn't vegan.

32:13 What would you put in beer that would make it not vegan?

32:18 Little funky on the nose.

32:19 Not too bad, but it's almost farty, but it's not.

32:24 It tastes watered down.

32:25 None of these have tasted watered down except for the especially

32:27 watery beers like your [music] bud and and stuff.

32:30 Uh but this t it genuinely tastes like not

32:33 flavorful enough and it does have a funky smell.

32:37 I'm not crazy about that smell.

32:38 It tastes good.

32:39 It's just it tastes weak and it's got a weird smell.

32:41 I'm going to give it a three.

32:42 Not crazy about that drinking [music] it or smelling it.

32:47 We saved I think the best for last.

32:49 Guinness zero.

32:51 One of the most enjoyable NA beers I've ever had

32:55 the pleasure to drink because almost

32:58 indistinguishable [music] from a real Guinness.

33:00 Plus, you get that cool nitrous tablet thingy.

33:03 Oh, and it comes out looking like chocolate milk,

33:04 but then it stays [music] looking like like CocaCola.

33:08 It is a pint.

33:09 So, not going to be Oh, it's doing the thing.

33:11 Look at the It's Look at it do the thing.

33:13 Look at that thing.

33:14 I love it when it does the thing.

33:17 It has the [music] exact same head as a real Guinness.

33:20 And it has the same foam pattern where it

33:22 just sort of cascades down as the bubbles go up.

33:26 The head endures.

33:27 It does not go anywhere anytime fast.

33:31 It's as creamy as whipped cream.

33:33 It does taste a little different without alcohol.

33:35 Just like a tiny bit,

33:36 but [music] for the most part, this tastes like a Guinness.

33:38 This tastes like a Guinness.

33:40 It looks like a Guinness.

33:42 It quacks like a Guinness.

33:43 It's a Guinness.

33:45 Got to love Guinness.

33:47 Isn't a good Guinness just one of the best things in the world?

33:50 This gets a nine.

33:52 I love it.

33:54 That's a nice way to end things.

33:56 Thank you for saving that for last cuz that is a joy to drink.

33:59 And I'm just going to leave it here cuz it's our top score.

34:01 We don't even need to get the other ones.

34:03 This is the only nine of the day.

34:05 But there were other high scores.

34:06 Athletic Brewing Company showed up in a big way with three sevens and a six.

34:09 And Brooklyn [music] Brewery got an eight with a very convincing IPA.

34:13 So, if you don't want to drink any alcohol,

34:15 but you still want the beer experience,

34:16 there are some amazing options out [music]

34:18 there for you and more arriving every day.

34:20 By the time this episode comes out, there will be three new VC funded NA

34:24 breweries that hit the shelves near [music] you.

34:27 I hope you saw some new NA beers

34:28 to try andor confirmation of your existing biases.

34:31 Thank you so much for watching.

34:32 Please comment below what do you want to see me rank next on this show.

34:36 And as always, keep a hat on your head if if it's uh cold out.