GUESS THE CRIMINAL (ft. Behz and George Clarke)

0:00 Today, we are guessing a real criminal.

0:02 One of these people has committed a crime and gone to jail.

0:06 It is up to myself and my guests to figure out who it is through various rounds.

0:10 And I've brought along the closest thing I could find to a criminal, Bezinger.

0:14 With him, I have brought someone who's guilty of being too good-looking.

0:17 It's George Clarke.

0:18 Let's do this.

0:20 Bring out the criminals.

0:21 I reckon there's a hole in my head and he's touching himself as he's

0:25 [laughter]

0:27 All right.

0:29 Could you please hear your name and your crime, please?

0:33 We'll start with number one.

0:34 My name's Malik.

0:35 Possession with intent to supply.

0:39 Yeah, he googled that.

0:40 No.

0:41 No way.

0:42 No way.

0:43 with intent to supply.

0:44 I didn't know how to spell your name, so I'm going to call you Email.

0:47 Nah, you're good.

0:48 You're good.

0:51 [laughter]

0:49 I'm Pete and I am a underground street fighting kind of organizer and I

0:55 got done for running the biggest largest street fighting ring in the UK.

0:59 I hope that one's real.

1:00 that's really good.

1:02 [laughter] You're not criminal in my books.

1:03 I'm Gisela and I was also [music] possession with intent to supply.

1:08 Classic.

1:08 were going to say you ran a fight club as well.

1:10 Gisela also, Pete.

1:11 Gaz.

1:12 All right.

1:12 We're so I'm sorry for We're just doing our really important notes.

1:15 I've just written 1 2 3 4 5 6.

1:18 Chat GPT, what is a believable crime?

1:22 [laughter] Possession with intent to supply.

1:23 Once you hear it, trust me, you'll love it.

1:25 All right.

1:26 Okay, number four.

1:27 So, I'm Isaac and I imported psychedelics.

1:30 yeah.

1:31 Again, not criminal in my books.

1:37 [laughter] Right.

1:37 Should we be worried?

1:38 Which is No, cuz like there's I got none of them are criminal so far.

1:43 [laughter] They all sound fun.

1:43 Yeah, there's some that are really bad.

1:45 Okay.

1:46 Blowing people up, shooting [laughter] people,

1:48 killing people, stabbing people, touching children, children.

1:52 All really bad.

1:53 [laughter] Psychedelics, fight clubs.

1:55 Classically, that's good.

1:56 There hasn't been one criminal in my books here.

1:59 Well, let's hope it's on number six.

2:02 [laughter] I'm Celeste and my crime is petty larceny.

2:04 All the real city girls know.

2:06 Oh,

2:07 Petty larceny.

2:09 What is what

2:10 Did you set fire to your boyfriend's car or something?

2:12 Um little credit card fraud.

2:14 Okay, right.

2:14 Okay.

2:15 Okay.

2:15 Did you think Is it a petty larceny?

2:18 I don't know what that is.

2:19 Larceny.

2:19 Oh, yeah.

2:25 [laughter] I don't know what that means.

2:26 You've got me there.

2:27 Uh number six.

2:28 I'm Danny and my crime was post office savings books fraud.

2:35 Oh.

2:36 All right.

2:37 All right.

2:38 All right, mate.

2:40 [laughter] Okay.

2:41 Yeah, whatever you say, Danny.

2:42 Um such an older man's crime.

2:44 What was I've been I've been frauding the [laughter] post office.

2:49 NOT THE POST OFFICE, DANNY.

2:51 POST OFFICE, DANNY.

2:52 WELL, [laughter] we're meant to get rid of someone now,

2:54 but we're going to go into round two,

2:56 ask some questions and get rid of two people.

2:59 Ask some questions?

3:02 Ask some questions.

3:03 Yeah, wrong one.

3:04 Wrong one.

3:04 Okay, so let's hear about your crime.

3:07 Can you give us a bit of backstory?

3:09 So, when I was 15, um I went first love.

3:13 Huh?

3:14 No, don't worry about it.

3:15 So, when I was 15, um I got basically groomed,

3:18 um and I dropped out of school, um and started So, I got backstory.

3:24 So, I went um to school in Essex.

3:26 Come on.

3:27 Yeah, Essex.

3:28 Yeah, come on.

3:29 I got done for fighting, fought so much that I got excluded from the school.

3:33 So, then I started hanging around the block in Hackney.

3:36 What you call olders, um they started sort of saying, "Oh, I'll give you this.

3:40 I'll give you that." So, I got my first Moncler.

3:43 Yeah, come on.

3:44 From there, it sort of just He saw the bright lights of the Moncler.

3:49 Yeah, do you know what I mean?

3:50 I was trying to be flashy, but you know you know how it is.

3:53 Oh, yeah, I do.

3:54 I do.

3:55 So, did he get anything about the intent to supply there or is it [laughter]

3:58 Oh, is that what He groomed into the lifestyle, man.

4:00 Selling the stuff, bro, and getting the great order.

4:03 So, before you told that story, Yeah.

4:05 you said we were going to love that.

4:07 Once you hear it, trust me, you'll love it.

4:10 Of course.

4:11 Did you not like that?

4:13 I didn't love it.

4:14 I There were there were parts to [laughter]

4:16 Remember when he was doing that intent to supply bro?

4:20 I can't sit here and say that I love that.

4:22 I love it.

4:23 You Okay, cool.

4:25 Number two, the underground fight to love this, right?

4:30 [laughter] Bit of a twist, on my mind it's family business.

4:32 Oh.

4:33 My uncle Leo was the bare-knuckle boxing champion

4:36 through all of Birmingham in the '80s and '90s.

4:39 Started being a bit of a naughty boy and stepping

4:41 into some of the lines of these here, dealing drugs.

4:43 Came into police most wanted.

4:46 Got sent down.

4:47 50 years in total.

4:48 25 in Mexico, 25 in Russia.

4:50 hell.

4:51 Still serving now.

4:52 Look up uncle Leo.

4:53 And we kind of family business, my mom and uncle took over.

4:56 It was good.

4:57 It was going well.

4:58 It It was pushing, but they're old school.

5:00 We went into the social media age.

5:02 I come of age.

5:03 Bloody loved it.

5:03 What man doesn't seeing another man kick out of each other.

5:06 Facts.

5:07 Going to enjoy the family business,

5:08 started seeing the bigger opportunity like you boys.

5:11 Instagram, [music] TikTok, Facebook.

5:13 So, I pushed it through socials.

5:14 And then we just started running much much

5:16 bigger organized crime that way through mainly the Midlands.

5:20 We pushed up to Manchester a few times,

5:22 but anywhere there's a barn and a big field, Ah.

5:24 we're in, you know?

5:25 We're in.

5:26 It felt like he he dobbed in his uncle Leo, though.

5:28 Nah, I've actually He really an uncle Leo guy.

5:33 [laughter] You have?

5:33 I I have.

5:34 Uh you said uncle Leo's serving.

5:35 Is he Is he doing time?

5:37 Yeah, he did 25 years in Mexico.

5:39 And once I'd finished, got him at the gate.

5:41 Russia, 25 he's owed.

5:43 Free Free Leo.

5:44 So, still in there now.

5:45 Free Leo, yes.

5:46 Free Leo.

5:46 Free Leo, man.

5:49 Okay.

5:50 The guy I hate that he was done like that.

5:54 [laughter]

5:54 But what one thing I will say he said it's family business.

5:56 He did.

5:57 I don't want to get on his wrong side, but you could say he you up.

5:59 Cuz it was working great.

6:01 [laughter] But He's it up, really, isn't He did it on Instagram.

6:04 Big ambition, big dream.

6:06 hell.

6:07 It was an illegal thing.

6:08 Yes.

6:10 [laughter] BUT GET ON CAMERA.

6:12 IT WAS AN ILLEGAL THING THAT YOU went onto Instagram with.

6:15 It's not illegal if you market it and advertise it correctly.

6:19 Okay.

6:19 [laughter] Okay.

6:21 If you sell a specific product, What were you selling uh from the T-shirts.

6:26 Yeah.

6:27 Oh, just A t-shirt that says free fight.

6:30 Oh.

6:31 And then once you buy the t-shirt,

6:33 you kind of get the location, the time, and you turn up.

6:36 BRO.

6:38 COME ON.

6:38 COME ON.

6:40 ALSO, DID YOU EVER THINK that like the police would just buy the t-shirt?

6:44 [laughter]

6:44 And eventually they got me, but it took them a while, let's be honest.

6:49 [laughter] So, is that Is it like street beefs?

6:53 Yeah.

6:53 You seen street Yeah, like bum fights almost, but Bum fights.

6:56 It's proper.

6:57 Lots of blood, violence.

6:58 Have you seen street beefs?

7:00 No.

7:00 You guys seen street beefs?

7:02 No, I haven't.

7:02 They might get taken down Yeah.

7:05 I feel like if you're in the in the online world and you were setting up fights,

7:08 you'd know you'd know street beefs.

7:09 Oh, he's calling me a liar.

7:12 I ain't got no truth in it.

7:13 I have been in [laughter] prison, give me a break.

7:14 Come on.

7:15 Okay, that's fair.

7:16 Listen, I don't get on his bad side.

7:17 He's done his pen.

7:18 He has up.

7:20 Number three.

7:20 You're going to love this.

7:23 [laughter] Maybe a little.

7:24 Uh so, mine's kind of Well, simpler than all of that.

7:28 I just enjoyed using coke and then started dealing.

7:33 All right, next one.

7:37 [laughter]

7:36 Oh, come on.

7:37 Give us a question.

7:38 Uh What What do you like about coke?

7:44 [laughter] I enjoyed it.

7:44 It's a good exhilarating, fun drug.

7:48 You know, and this is obviously I should have

7:51 mentioned it was very much about a misspent youth.

7:53 I was a teenager.

7:55 So, you were selling somewhere.

7:57 Yes, rather a long time ago.

8:00 But only one of you is telling the truth.

8:04 [laughter]

8:02 I had the opportunity.

8:04 Good contacts in Rome.

8:06 Were they Albanian?

8:07 Rome.

8:08 They were Italian.

8:10 They were kind of mafiosi.

8:13 Mafioso.

8:13 Okay.

8:14 That's that Rome stuff.

8:15 That's [music] that good It's that Colosseum coke.

8:18 It [laughter] was.

8:19 It was very very good quality coke.

8:21 So much so [music] that Are you still selling?

8:25 [laughter]

8:25 No, this is not the same as pitch, I ASSURE YOU.

8:30 [laughter] BUT IF YOU WANT TO SEE me laugh, Buy the t-shirt, get a free bag.

8:35 [laughter] This is just a gang.

8:37 This is the family business.

8:38 Okay.

8:39 Uh number four.

8:39 So, you're going to love this.

8:41 Um [laughter] I was suffering with really bad headaches

8:45 and I was looking for something to fix it.

8:48 And I found that microdoses of psychedelic drugs really helped.

8:52 And then I thought, "Well, I can help some other people." So,

8:54 I set up a psychedelic assisted therapy website on the dark

8:57 net that was running for a good few years.

9:00 On the dark On the dark net.

9:02 dark net, yeah.

9:03 How'd you get that?

9:03 Was that just incognito?

9:05 Yeah.

9:06 At least he's got He He doesn't seem like a You know,

9:08 he doesn't seem like a bad man, does he?

9:10 You know what I mean?

9:10 He's just not a bad man.

9:12 You didn't say that about one and [music] two.

9:13 Looks can be deceiving, though.

9:15 No, they don't want to get on their bad side, too.

9:17 One just keeps dropping the ball.

9:18 just Number one Number one just isn't a criminal, by the way.

9:21 So, I've got no worries.

9:22 WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

9:25 [laughter] WHAT DOES THAT EVEN MEAN?

9:27 NUMBER FIVE.

9:28 You're going to hate this.

9:30 I may have been a victim, but um yeah, I used to date a big scammer.

9:34 I'm from New York.

9:35 Yeah, okay.

9:35 Um one of the biggest scammers in Brooklyn.

9:37 Ooh.

9:38 And um you know, he got me caught up.

9:40 Um this is going to sound like a stupid question.

9:43 Where his pieces always hitting?

9:45 Absolutely.

9:47 I was Oh, sorry.

9:49 I was I was going to say, "What is petty larceny?" [music]

9:52 So, basically anything under a thousand dollars.

9:55 Mm.

9:55 So, if it's over a thousand dollars, it's grand larceny.

9:58 I plead down to petty larceny.

10:00 What did you do with the money?

10:01 Were you stealing his money?

10:02 No, I wasn't stealing his money.

10:03 It was so basically I went to the store and got some electronics.

10:07 I always did the under thousand because I knew

10:10 I was facing more time but I plead down.

10:13 [music] But so if it's under a thousand, it's just a class A misdemeanor.

10:16 Like like small claims court and Huh?

10:19 So, it's larceny stealing?

10:20 It's credit card fraud, yes.

10:22 It's taking people's credit cards.

10:25 Sorry, we're dumb.

10:29 Are you are you still bigging up this scammer?

10:31 No, he's still in jail.

10:32 Okay.

10:33 Yeah, cuz he was a it was a larger operation like made the news.

10:38 It was it was a lot it was a big man.

10:39 Being a criminal sounds fun, you know.

10:46 [laughter] Not even American.

10:52 Ever been to Brooklyn?

10:55 [laughter] This is what I'm really really excited about.

10:56 Oh, yeah.

10:57 You had me at post stamps.

11:01 [laughter] Okay, tell us about the the fraud.

11:02 Yeah, well I [laughter] was in my late twenties and I just a few

11:10 a few years ago into a flat and I just learned

11:14 to drive and I was short of money and I was

11:17 looking for some way to make a bit of extra money.

11:20 And I remember somebody telling me about how

11:23 to actually create false entries into post office savings books.

11:28 So I did that.

11:32 So, I put in 500 pound as a an entry and then

11:39 I'd spend the next few months drawing it out 30 pound a week.

11:42 Oh, yeah.

11:43 How long did this go on for?

11:44 Well, it went on for three cycles before somehow one

11:54 of the post office clerks somehow twigged what was going on.

11:59 I don't know whether it was a pattern or what.

12:02 But So so I got caught.

12:04 So Am I am I am I miscount does that mean you made 1,500 pounds?

12:09 Still fraud, mate.

12:10 This was in 1993 so That's quite a lot of money, okay, yeah.

12:14 It's not that much but Let's see what the judge

12:17 was not happy because it was the people's bank as he put it.

12:21 It was wrong that somebody should be Oh.

12:24 Yeah.

12:24 What, mate?

12:25 Three and a half thousand You have done four grand's worth of a scam.

12:29 So, well done.

12:33 [laughter] No further questions, your honor.

12:35 Okay.

12:43 [laughter] Um we do have to get rid of two people.

12:48 Two?

12:48 Yeah, cuz we were meant to get rid of one before.

12:50 All right.

12:51 I I'm not really believing the post office scam.

12:55 Yeah.

12:56 But it's good content.

12:57 We need to keep them in.

12:57 Yeah, you agree.

13:00 [laughter] But at the same time I really don't believe Milly Monglaze.

13:03 Oh, yeah.

13:04 I am a Monglaze.

13:06 It's authentic, [laughter] man.

13:07 Allow me, bro.

13:08 Like Keep it under wraps.

13:11 Just calm.

13:16 [laughter] Is he just trying to hit buzzwords?

13:18 I'm just trying to hit calm.

13:19 Trust me, cuz man was [laughter] selling that still.

13:23 I was wearing a Monglaze [laughter] I was pissing up.

13:27 Well, I was moving the food.

13:28 Pissing all over the place, man.

13:30 I pissed my pants.

13:31 You want to hear the rest of the story?

13:33 Just trust me.

13:34 YOU HAD YOUR [laughter] CHANCE.

13:36 NO.

13:37 HE'S TRYING TO GET retention for himself.

13:40 I want to I want to keep two in for sure.

13:43 Two stay in.

13:44 Four seems believable.

13:46 Four's believable.

13:46 I like four.

13:48 I don't know who to get rid of.

13:49 The hokey cokey number three might might be false.

13:53 Yeah?

13:53 The hokey cokey.

13:55 For me Why are you looking at me with such like She's on it now.

13:57 [laughter] I don't know what.

14:01 I still really believe that number five

14:03 might not even be American at this point.

14:05 Which one do you want to say?

14:07 Star of Alburn?

14:08 Uh It was all a dream.

14:09 I used to read World Up magazines.

14:13 Like Wait, where are you from again?

14:15 Brooklyn.

14:16 One of the reasons I brought Brooklyn big Bronx stand up Cardi B is on here.

14:21 [laughter]

14:24 What's up?

14:23 Arns arns arns going you arns My vote's three and six.

14:29 Three and six?

14:29 Oh, wow.

14:30 Okay.

14:30 Oh, you want to keep We have to get rid of two.

14:32 Okay.

14:32 Monglaze in.

14:33 He's he's going back in to get a bit more content.

14:37 He wants a pick.

14:38 You know what?

14:38 If you want to vote me out, vote me out.

14:40 I'll vote one and six.

14:43 [laughter] He's trying to be among us tactic.

14:44 You really done it now.

14:46 All right.

14:49 [laughter]

14:48 Who are you voting?

14:49 He he's sticking with one and He's told me to vote him out.

14:57 [laughter] Bro, don't tell him to do the among us strat.

15:02 [laughter] I don't want to play anymore anyway.

15:03 You'll regret this.

15:04 Vote me out.

15:05 Vote me out.

15:05 I'm putting it there.

15:06 If you want to look like an idiot, VOTE ME.

15:09 [laughter] WELL, I THINK ARE WE ALL AGREED SIX IS DEFINITELY just gone?

15:17 Danny, mate.

15:17 Enjoy the day off.

15:19 [laughter] Enjoy.

15:22 Oh, we're so bad at these though.

15:24 This could be Do you want me to go?

15:26 Sure.

15:27 One and six.

15:28 All right.

15:30 [laughter]

15:29 I THINK IT'S JUST I THOUGHT WE HAD YO, IT'S KIND OF

15:35 [laughter] ALL RIGHT.

15:36 YEAH, but Sorry, number one.

15:37 Sorry, number six.

15:38 You have been eliminated.

15:43 See you later.

15:44 Oh, but he was he was so much believable.

15:46 I think he actually might have been six, [clears throat] you know.

15:49 I just like the issue is I just want it to be two.

15:52 Yeah, I really want it to I really want it to My problem

15:54 is I still don't really understand what six did for a crime.

15:59 [laughter] He just started picking up post offices

16:01 and I I I really just [laughter] clicked off.

16:04 We have to get rid of another one after this round.

16:07 More questions.

16:08 For example, could you each tell us the [laughter] uh the time that you served.

16:14 Number two?

16:15 So, I did so I got sentenced to five years.

16:17 Some such a good convincing lovable person got 18

16:21 months and I was like Do you know what?

16:24 I reckon they saw that he was cool.

16:26 And they just man.

16:27 You shouldn't be here.

16:29 Invite us next time.

16:30 What did you even do wrong?

16:31 Sell t-shirts?

16:33 [laughter] Exactly.

16:33 Free t-shirts.

16:34 I was free t-shirts.

16:35 take any money over the net.

16:36 Yeah, so like I used to do No paper.

16:39 No no so no I used to partake in a FIFA coins for a scam, right?

16:43 I well No very early days.

16:46 So, on eBay you would have to buy a pen.

16:49 It was like pen and free X whatever

16:52 but like he just did it the other way around.

16:53 Yeah, he was t-shirt.

16:55 Yeah, but it was a common and in the description [music]

16:57 he'd say that you would get this pen in like 3010.

17:00 Obviously, I'm never getting a pen.

17:01 I would die.

17:02 Well, they eventually did get pens.

17:06 Nice.

17:08 Uh number three?

17:09 I got sentenced to two years and I served one.

17:12 [music] Just over actually.

17:14 One year and eight days.

17:16 One year and eight days.

17:18 A little extra details.

17:19 It's embellishing.

17:20 It's yeah.

17:22 Don't like embellishers.

17:23 Some of those eight days weren't a holiday, I assure you.

17:27 It is [music] hell.

17:28 Number four?

17:29 So, when I walked into sentencing, I was looking at 12 to 16 years.

17:34 hell.

17:34 But then cuz it's importation of class A psychedelics,

17:37 I ended up with 12 but I got 25% for mitigation, 25% off for pleading guilty.

17:43 So, then I got a six do three.

17:45 So, I actually ended up only serving I only had served 18 months in the end.

17:48 Basically didn't go.

17:51 [laughter] How did you get all these percentages off?

17:54 Is that Is it like exam time?

17:57 [laughter] You put discount code in.

17:58 Well, I actually got this coupon.

17:59 Must drink 25.

18:00 [laughter] JOKES ON YOU.

18:03 YOU'RE ON I PLAYED MONOPOLY the other day.

18:06 [laughter] Get out of jail free.

18:08 Number five?

18:09 I was facing three to five and I plead down to one year.

18:13 So, I did nine months.

18:14 Good behavior.

18:15 I'll tell you what.

18:16 I'm just [music] thinking about the justice system here now and I'm thinking

18:20 [laughter]

18:20 I've never understood it but going going from 12 to 18 months is wild.

18:24 He smashed it out.

18:25 This genius is what it is.

18:27 It's called they do time served.

18:28 So, while you're waiting trial, you also get that time added on.

18:32 I would not I'm not criminal.

18:33 Oh, well.

18:36 [laughter] That's still unnecessary.

18:38 stupid criminal system.

18:41 So, do you believe that he went to jail?

18:43 Uh I mean, the 12 to 18 months is a little far-fetched

18:47 but this is I don't know what the the rules are here so Okay.

18:51 If you're doing 12 in in America,

18:53 you're at least doing like eight to nine years at least.

18:55 But it might be different here.

18:58 Do either of you believe that he went to jail?

19:00 Yeah.

19:01 No.

19:03 He wouldn't last five minutes in jail with the lads I WAS IN WITH.

19:08 [screaming] I THINK [music] WE ALL WENT TO JAIL.

19:10 WELL, that's that's why I asked this, right?

19:11 Cuz they all they all know there's only one.

19:13 Yeah.

19:14 So, why would they believe someone else went to jail?

19:16 They're like so we are all innocent though.

19:19 [music] Everyone inside is innocent.

19:19 Anyone who's ever done prison time classes themselves as guilty.

19:23 Right.

19:25 I raise you.

19:26 [laughter] So I I I stab him.

19:32 [laughter] And go to jail.

19:32 Am I innocent?

19:33 If you say you are, yeah.

19:36 [laughter]

19:38 I'm [snorts] not going into a job interview tomorrow going oh yeah, I'm a felon.

19:42 No, I'm innocent.

19:43 Oh, this is the best.

19:43 I'm a good boy.

19:44 I mean, they won't believe it looking at me but Can

19:46 we go down the line because you you've all done time,

19:48 been there, done that.

19:50 Some I've the t-shirt.

19:53 [laughter] Can each describe a part of your prison cell?

19:55 Oh, yeah.

19:56 You want me to describe it?

19:57 It's a square cell with two beds, bunk beds.

20:01 My roommate What was your roommate's name?

20:03 Tim.

20:03 Tim.

20:04 Tim the roommate.

20:06 [laughter] Tim the roommate.

20:06 Tim the roommate.

20:07 post office fraud Tim did time.

20:11 Okay.

20:12 Tim did assault as well.

20:13 Never managed to coax him into one of my fights, though.

20:15 Okay.

20:16 All right.

20:16 Oh, well.

20:17 Holloway was really different from I only spent

20:21 8 days in and 8 nights in Holloway.

20:23 Okay.

20:24 And that was a single cell, just really, really bleak.

20:28 But most all my sentence, my year, was Askham Grange,

20:32 which was a lovely manor house in York.

20:35 It was really nice, but Sort of manor house.

20:39 Yeah.

20:39 I don't I don't It was an open prison.

20:42 I am sorry.

20:43 Can we bring one back?

20:46 [laughter] I am sorry.

20:47 I just don't believe it.

20:49 It's just ping words of like manor houses Yeah.

20:52 I've Googled two places, just to Yeah.

20:54 What cool prisons UK?

20:56 Okay.

20:56 It was an open prison and it was What do you mean you could just leave?

21:00 What does open mean?

21:02 [laughter] No, it means you have a lot less restrictions.

21:05 So, we had a dormitory.

21:07 So, my prison cell was actually 11 other beds.

21:11 There was 12 of us in a bed in a room.

21:14 There were separate rooms for mothers with children.

21:17 There was a lot of interaction.

21:18 We had loads of social time, loads of association.

21:21 It just sounds like a school trip.

21:23 It does.

21:23 When I was first sentenced, I was sent to a remand prison.

21:26 So, I was in Roman.

21:27 I was in Wormwood Scrubs, it's called HMP Wormwood Scrubs,

21:31 and they put me in a single cell in the dungeons on D wing.

21:35 They called it the dungeons.

21:36 So many trigger words.

21:39 The D wing, single cell.

21:41 It was a Yeah, it was a horrible place.

21:43 Um, but yeah, it's just a cell, I guess.

21:45 What was in your cell?

21:46 Describe it to me.

21:47 So, you get I've got a bed on one side and then a desk on the other side.

21:52 Oh.

21:52 A toilet.

21:54 And that's literally it.

21:55 Which side was the bed on?

21:56 As you walk in, on the right-hand side.

21:58 Oh my god, I'm so here.

21:59 Yeah.

21:59 You're in?

22:00 How you in prison?

22:01 How comfy was the bed?

22:03 It was really uncomfortable, but um sometimes you could get a second mattress.

22:07 Oh.

22:08 If you get a second mattress, then Did you have to be a good boy for that?

22:11 You Yeah, you had to know some people.

22:13 Did you get a pillow?

22:14 Yeah, but it's not It's not like a normal pillow.

22:16 It's like It's made of like foam.

22:18 Foam.

22:19 It's like blue.

22:20 Number five is side eyeing you.

22:23 [groaning and screaming] The second mattress is like, COME ON NOW.

22:27 SO, DID YOU go to Yes, I was I was at Rikers Island.

22:31 Ooh.

22:32 Rikers?

22:33 Yeah, they're actually closing it down because it's getting overcrowded.

22:37 It is a terrible Is it for the really naughty people that?

22:40 No, so Rikers Island is right before you go to prison.

22:43 Just the regular naughty ones.

22:44 more of like if you get a year and less

22:47 or for people who are waiting to be transferred to prison prison.

22:51 So, you get all types of people in there.

22:53 Not a good place to be.

22:54 They're actually closing it down.

22:55 Do you get tall people there?

22:56 Tall.

22:56 You get everybody there.

22:58 Sounds like you do get everyone there.

22:59 Yeah, you get everybody there.

23:00 You get the best and the worst of people.

23:02 What was your celly's name?

23:03 Big Keisha.

23:04 Big Keisha.

23:06 Oh, sounds like lunch.

23:08 [laughter] Uh growing up, if I see Keisha on the I'd get fuming.

23:15 That's awful.

23:18 [laughter] A, Keisha.

23:23 [laughter] eliminate someone now.

23:26 Yeah, okay.

23:27 And uh I'm happy to start the voting.

23:29 All right.

23:30 Three.

23:31 Okay.

23:31 [laughter] Um I think three has come in contact with criminals through her job.

23:37 Maybe it's like some sort of reform officer.

23:40 Yeah.

23:40 Okay.

23:40 But I don't think you've actually been in yourself.

23:44 Ooh.

23:45 Hang on.

23:45 [laughter] I don't think so.

23:46 I don't think you've been gone to prison.

23:50 [laughter] Okay.

23:51 So, you're going for three, then?

23:52 I think so.

23:53 Okay.

23:54 Oh.

23:54 All right.

23:55 Which means number three, I'm sorry, you are eliminated.

23:57 Okay.

23:58 Oh, I hope we've not done a silly.

24:00 No.

24:01 What if it was Danny?

24:02 No, we're going to It weren't Danny.

24:04 What if it was Danny?

24:06 No, no.

24:07 No, but that is a wild one to make up that you just like out with post stamps.

24:11 I'm convinced that we are smashing this out of the park tonight.

24:14 I think you've got a gang post office in there.

24:18 [laughter] Sorry, Danny.

24:20 This round is the interrogation.

24:23 Oh, We will bring them up one by one and we will get to interrogate them.

24:27 Okay.

24:27 [laughter] Oh, Pete.

24:30 Hello.

24:31 Oh my god.

24:34 Pete, he's already committed the crime, though.

24:38 [laughter]

24:36 This doesn't make sense.

24:39 Hello.

24:40 Hello.

24:44 Worried, are we, number five?

24:47 [laughter] Not at all.

24:48 Not at all.

24:48 I just got big feet.

24:49 You and Tom.

24:51 Tim.

24:52 Tim.

24:52 Smart.

24:53 Yeah, you And that was a Simon play.

24:55 That was.

24:55 That was.

24:56 You have been doing bad things.

24:58 Yeah.

24:59 WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?

25:02 [laughter]

25:01 I MEAN, I'M INTERROGATING YOU GUYS.

25:04 WHAT DID YOU DO?

25:05 UH no comment.

25:07 he's smart.

25:08 No, but we already know what he did.

25:09 I know.

25:09 All right, this is a good Back off.

25:11 So, these t-shirts that you were selling, Mhm.

25:12 how much do they cost?

25:14 They weren't a free.

25:15 No, how much did they cost you?

25:16 Oh, they're not real.

25:18 They're made up.

25:19 It's like a t-shirt here.

25:21 Like his pen.

25:22 He'd never ship here.

25:23 You'd never even get the t-shirt.

25:24 have a paper trail, nothing.

25:25 We'd never have a sale.

25:27 I never I never got the pen, mate, but I did get my FIFA points.

25:29 years, you'll get it.

25:30 Yeah.

25:30 I I would want to wear the t-shirt to the event.

25:32 That would be weird.

25:33 No, cuz then Which part of men with free t-shirt were you getting on the train?

25:37 That's weird, man.

25:38 Oh, fight club.

25:38 What fight club is that, mate?

25:40 Why wouldn't I say fight club?

25:41 Yeah, yeah.

25:42 WHY AM I BEING INTERROGATED?

25:44 HE'S [laughter] GOT ON THE POST TOO.

25:49 OOH, DIFFERENT APPROACH.

25:51 HELLO, HANDSOME.

25:55 HE'S SMOKING A PEN.

25:58 [laughter] I'VE LOST ALL composure now, actually.

26:01 I don't really know what to [laughter] No further questions.

26:08 [laughter] Your Uncle Leo.

26:08 Uncle Leo?

26:09 Yeah.

26:09 He is [music] currently locked away.

26:11 He was the Birmingham underground boxing champion,

26:14 but he digressed into drugs and became Interpol's most wanted.

26:18 What did you forge?

26:20 Um I didn't.

26:21 No.

26:22 I I imported it all.

26:24 I did import it.

26:24 Yeah, What abouts did you do your time?

26:27 Rikers Island.

26:28 When?

26:30 When?

26:30 2018.

26:31 [laughter] 2018.

26:33 Okay.

26:34 Yeah.

26:34 Came out Came out to COVID, then?

26:36 No.

26:36 So, 2018, I went in October, came out in August, right before my birthday.

26:41 Okay.

26:42 Happy birthday.

26:43 Thank you.

26:45 Spell Interpol.

26:47 I N T R P O L.

26:48 Checks out.

26:49 Boo ya.

26:50 Right, you've got him.

26:51 You've got him on the ropes.

26:52 Well, what was your favorite import?

26:54 Is he on a date?

26:56 [laughter] So, you went October till August.

27:00 [music] October 2018 to August 2019.

27:04 That's 11 months.

27:05 11 months.

27:06 That's the real crime.

27:07 She can't count.

27:08 That's not 11 months.

27:10 I was told you did 18.

27:12 It's 10 months.

27:13 Nine months.

27:14 January, February, March, April, May, June, July, August.

27:17 I thought you said You said you did nine months.

27:19 You said you did nine.

27:20 Yeah, I remember cuz I thought that's enough to make a baby.

27:22 I I went in the end of October.

27:25 I got out right before my birthday.

27:26 My birthday is August 9th.

27:28 So, the beginning Happy birthday.

27:29 Uh thank you.

27:32 [laughter] So, Let's just cut to the chase.

27:34 We know what you was importing.

27:38 [laughter] What was he What were you importing?

27:40 Was it mushrooms?

27:41 Mushrooms, LSD, [music] DMT.

27:44 AYAHUASCA.

27:46 I WENT IN OCTOBER 28TH.

27:48 [music] I got out August 1st.

27:49 So, Mm.

27:51 Okay.

27:51 That's not completely That's not completely 10 months.

27:53 You should count in the whole month, but it weren't really a whole month.

27:56 Who wants to say they went to jail for more time?

27:58 Who wants to be like, "Yeah, I went for 10 months." No.

28:00 I would.

28:01 I would.

28:01 Yeah, I'd If I went in for a day, I'd say I did Yeah,

28:04 if I went in for a day, I'm telling people that was a month.

28:06 [laughter] But think about it,

28:08 would you want to date a girl who said she did time?

28:10 Sorry.

28:10 I'm here.

28:10 Thank you.

28:12 [laughter] You're importing them.

28:15 Yeah.

28:16 Where did you get them from, pal?

28:17 From Peru.

28:17 Ooh, I don't mind that.

28:18 That's a great answer.

28:20 And also, I think Peru have the frogs

28:22 that you squeeze to get the The ones you lick.

28:25 Yeah, it's called It's called 5-MeO-DMT.

28:29 See, we've we've gone back and forth about this whole jail thing.

28:34 I don't care about jail.

28:36 I want to know your crime.

28:39 What the is larceny?

28:43 [laughter] So, basically, it's Okay.

28:44 Grand larceny is if you steal anything over a thousand dollars, right?

28:48 So, no matter what kind of theft you did,

28:50 if it's over a thousand dollars, it's grand larceny.

28:53 Okay.

28:53 Petty larceny is anything under a thousand.

28:56 And how did you go about getting that money?

28:57 Mhm?

28:58 I went to the store.

29:00 Swipey swipe.

29:01 Swipey swipe.

29:02 What did you buy?

29:03 What did you spend your money on?

29:05 Electronics.

29:05 I went to the Apple store.

29:06 Ooh.

29:07 So, nothing in the Apple store is under a thousand.

29:09 Uh yes, it is.

29:10 iPads, AirPods, different This is 2018, darling.

29:14 2018, darling.

29:15 Come on, get with it.

29:16 we used to do is we used to go into the stores,

29:18 you buy stuff, you sell them for half off.

29:20 Ah.

29:21 Sell them for half off.

29:22 So, these people knew they were buying stolen goods.

29:24 Sorry, stolen bats.

29:27 [laughter] Nothing good about what you're doing.

29:28 So, I was dating [music] the guy who was like a big time scammer.

29:31 So, at first, he didn't want me to get into it, but you know.

29:34 When you went down, so did he.

29:35 I'm not talking about you together.

29:36 I mean, in terms of Everybody Everybody went Well,

29:40 [clears throat] In terms of naughty boy In terms [laughter]

29:45 That's not what I meant.

29:47 In terms of jail time.

29:50 Everybody went it was like a big thing a lot of people went down.

29:53 [music] And then did the sorry a cop did a cop come around to your prayer.

29:59 They came to our house and arrested us.

30:00 A lot of people got arrested.

30:02 So what they do a lot of times in New York is they do big sweeps.

30:04 Yeah they do big they do big sweeps.

30:07 [music] So they'll go to like multiple houses at one time and get everybody up.

30:13 So it was 46 of us in total.

30:16 If I was to want to become a fighter

30:20 [laughter] how would I how would I become one?

30:22 GO TO THE GYM.

30:25 [laughter] [laughter]

30:35 OKAY WE NOW HAVE TO REMOVE ONE more person.

30:39 Okay who do you guys they've they're all answering very well.

30:45 Yep I'm going to vote out number five.

30:56 [laughter] But I I don't know if [music] I believe two.

31:02 The three t-shirts when you vote.

31:04 You don't get the t-shirt.

31:05 Don't listen to him.

31:07 Don't exist.

31:09 12 years down to 18 months is is mental.

31:12 12 to 16 down to 18 months.

31:15 I'm tempted to get him gone and then if we're wrong then

31:18 it's just more of a statement on the judicial system at this point.

31:22 So you're going for [music] I think so.

31:24 So it's up to you.

31:26 Two is in the final.

31:27 You're fine.

31:28 Two's safe.

31:30 [laughter] No it doesn't matter.

31:31 You're going to see him taking his number off.

31:33 You can all come watch.

31:34 [laughter] yeah.

31:39 All right we're going to play rock paper scissors.

31:40 Oh my god.

31:42 Rock paper scissors shoot.

31:44 all right one more go.

31:45 Rock paper scissors shoot.

31:47 you beat me.

31:48 So what does that mean?

31:49 You beat one lost lost the one.

31:50 I beat five so I win.

31:52 Yeah.

31:53 Sorry.

31:56 [laughter] Sorry number five.

31:57 Right man.

31:58 I really hope we've got it right.

31:59 I'm just going to tell myself we got it right.

32:01 How about that?

32:04 [laughter] Okay so final round we each get to ask one question

32:07 to both people and then we have to decide who is criminal.

32:12 All right I will start this off with the question

32:14 what was your favorite meal while you were in pen.

32:22 We'll start with number four.

32:23 I know I literally I've never said the word pen so many times.

32:27 [laughter] So I I didn't actually eat the prison food that much.

32:28 So I used to make my own porridge and I'd put

32:30 like nuts and seeds and like all those kind of things.

32:37 So when you're in prison you you get like a canteen sheet.

32:40 So every week you can buy like a certain

32:42 amount of things from a from [music] the shop yeah.

32:44 Okay.

32:45 It's like that's so inside.

32:48 My god.

32:49 Mine was a McDonald's double cheeseburger.

32:52 We used to get them flown in by drones once a week from the outside

32:55 of Winston Green and they'd drop them in if you knew the right people.

32:59 Double cheeseburger cannot beat it.

33:02 100%.

33:04 McDonald's double cheese yeah.

33:05 But like who flew them in on drones?

33:08 I didn't ask.

33:09 People on the outside you pay a fee.

33:11 You can get anything you want.

33:18 Yeah.

33:19 Yeah.

33:20 It's it's mental to come out with some bollocks like that if you're lying.

33:23 I know but that's like if the whole thing was a lie that is a mental thing.

33:28 Oh I bet you're telling the truth then because

33:29 of that and he's like why the did you believe that [laughter]

33:31 I was thought I ran fight club.

33:34 I ate McDonald's in prison all day.

33:36 I mean you're surrounded by criminals we will do illegal things.

33:39 Who was your favorite fighter and did they have like a fun name?

33:43 There's one called Jerry.

33:44 Jerry.

33:44 Yeah.

33:45 Oh that strikes fear into the name of his enemies.

33:47 I was just saying that his funny name.

33:48 Jerry Jerry Malone.

33:50 Jerry Malone.

33:51 We called him the crook cuz his nose was smashed to bits.

33:54 Look a bit like Squidward with muscles.

33:55 [music] Jerry Malone Irish fellow.

33:57 Fantastic boxer.

33:59 The amount of info coming out of him bro.

34:01 He's the best.

34:03 Four did you do DMT and was it a sick trip bro?

34:07 No comment.

34:08 no you he's fine now bro.

34:10 Yeah.

34:10 Yeah.

34:12 [laughter] I know that's all it took.

34:14 Come on bro.

34:15 Don't tell me you don't like the like four dimension universe and Yeah I've I've

34:18 heard people say that they see like have you seen Alice in Wonderland in 3D?

34:23 Yeah.

34:23 If you go and see it in 3D it's like that.

34:25 He said he's heard people say that as opposed to that's what happened to him.

34:28 That's true.

34:29 He's staying true on like the no comment vibes

34:31 you know but what's the worst crime you've witnessed?

34:37 I'm going to well answer someone died.

34:39 Yeah.

34:40 That wasn't part of my conviction because

34:43 I would have gone down for manslaughter.

34:45 And I didn't I went down for so was the death seemingly

34:49 an accident or No I was in the middle of a fight.

34:51 It was somewhat intentional.

34:53 Trying to kill each other to an extent I guess.

34:55 Yeah yeah yeah.

34:59 So I had to completely alone so I haven't really witnessed

35:03 any other crimes apart from maybe some small things in prison.

35:07 We have to vote.

35:08 Yeah.

35:09 And number four just seems like he's having that he's having a good time.

35:12 Yeah and I believe him.

35:14 He's such a cool guy.

35:15 I want to believe you too and I I hope you step forward.

35:19 But I'm going to vote for number four.

35:20 All right well I'm voting two.

35:21 Okay.

35:24 [laughter]

35:24 I assumed you would.

35:26 I reckon two's like a police officer

35:28 and he's just describing a something that THE POLICE.

35:34 COMING STRAIGHT FROM THE UNDERGROUND.

35:35 HE'S GOT his arms crossed it doesn't count.

35:38 You choose then.

35:41 I think it's Danny.

35:42 You think it is?

35:44 [laughter] He's gone.

35:44 Danny's gone.

35:46 I THINK IT'S FOUR.

35:49 OKAY.

35:51 COULD WE BRING EVERYONE BACK IN PLEASE?

35:56 COME ON IN YOU FILTHY ANIMALS YOU SCOUNDRELS.

35:59 Oh my god.

36:00 It was one he is.

36:02 We have voted number four and could the real criminal please step forward.

36:15 No you know YOU GOT BACK.

36:18 [laughter] IS DANNY GOING IN?

36:28 [screaming] OH MY GOD I'M so relaxed.

36:36 You guys got it right and you made friends.

36:42 [laughter] Two was lying.

36:42 Yeah.

36:43 Not not all of it was a lie.

36:45 The McDonald's had to be a lie.

36:48 That's right.

36:51 Okay so number four everything you said was good.

36:53 Yeah it was true yeah.

36:55 That's gone.

36:56 12 to 18 months.

36:58 Yeah.

36:58 Yeah.

36:59 That's crazy.

37:00 I did I did 12 months in closed conditions

37:02 and then I was transferred to open conditions for good behavior.

37:04 I think they just saw how chill you were.

37:06 So I did yeah so I did I only did a year really a year in closed yeah.

37:11 And I I got off tag five days ago.

37:14 Yeah.

37:17 I was going to start looking and seeing if we could see that.

37:21 Wow.

37:24 [applause] Ah sick.

37:27 Where did your story come from?

37:29 I can't lie nothing.

37:31 Just just chatting bare chatting.

37:35 [laughter] Number two.

37:36 There is a level of truth Uncle Leo was a very very bad man and still is.

37:39 The rest of it is just made up.

37:40 I just thought it was exciting.

37:41 You should tell that story man.

37:43 You're the best bro.

37:44 That's a movie right there number three.

37:46 What's the Yeah I did do a coke.

37:51 [laughter] She done coke or didn't?

37:55 She done time ago didn't get caught.

38:02 YEAH.

38:04 OF COURSE.

38:05 NUMBER FIVE GIVE ME THE Stoke accent.

38:06 [music] No it I'm really from New York.

38:09 I'm [laughter] really from New York.

38:11 I just dated a LOT OF CRIMINALS.

38:16 AND DANNY.

38:16 My mother used to date a very bad man and one of the things

38:20 he showed me how to do was to forge entries in post office savings book.

38:26 I never did it myself but he showed me how to do it.

38:30 He was he was a very bad man.

38:32 Police told her stop seeing him as soon as you can cuz he was [snorts]

38:38 quite a violent criminal apparently.

38:40 Well you're not Danny and that's why we love you.

38:44 Well that's it for today.

38:44 Thank you guys watching and thanks to all

38:47 the contestants all the judges and bye.

38:51 yeah.