Jon Stewart on the WHCD Shooting & Josh Johnson on Comey's Seashell Indictment | The Daily Show

0:04 the White House correspondents dinner.

0:07 It's supposed to be an evening of fun and marrynt until,

0:11 like most things in America, it was interrupted by gunfire.

0:17 This is why we can't have nice things.

0:22 And to be perfectly frank, it's not EVEN A NICE THING.

0:26 NOBODY WANTED THIS[ __] dinner in the f

0:31 Nobody needed We're so in this country right now.

0:37 We can't even pull off a dinner that shouldn't have existed in the first place.

0:44 Hey, let's [clears throat] celebrate the First Amendment with an administration

0:47 that's doing everything it can do to destroy it.

0:51 Sounds great.

0:53 Should we hold the dinner in a secure location?

0:57 Well, we could [laughter] or you know what?

1:02 Why not just the Hilton?

1:06 Let's just You know what?

1:07 Let's not hold it in a secure location.

1:10 Let's go to the Hilton.

1:12 You know the Hilton slogan, more hard to defend entry points than rooms.

1:23 [laughter] Why are you doing it?

1:24 And now, fortunately, and amazingly, no fatalities.

1:28 Nobody was really hurt.

1:29 But make no mistake,

1:31 in crisis situations like this, people tend to show you who they really are.

1:36 And who the elite of Washington DC are is [laughter] like this influencer whose

1:47 caption says SHOOTER AT THE WHITE HOUSE

1:50 CORRESPONDENT dinner but whose duck face says Coachella.

2:01 [applause] [applause] We're all going to die.

2:11 GUCCI [laughter] ARE THESE HARD-NOSED WASHINGTON

2:16 INSIDERS WHO made sure in a life

2:19 or death situation to grab the things most dear to them, the bottle service.

2:27 What?

2:28 [applause] If only if only I had more time.

2:34 I I could have saved the rosé.

2:42 And then of course there was this guy.

2:44 Check this video out.

2:45 The left side of your screen.

2:46 This man, creative artist, agent,

2:48 super agent Michael Glance has gone viral for eating food casually as people

2:54 are crouched down after this shooting at the White House correspondents dinner.

2:58 [applause] [cheering] Excuse me.

3:06 Excuse me.

3:07 Waiter.

3:09 When you're done incapacitating the assassin, uh,

3:15 I would love some more ranch dressing.

3:20 It'd be a doll.

3:21 If you could, a refill.

3:22 Some lady took my wine.

3:26 if you could [applause] [laughter] there there have been times when I

3:38 have been very worried about artificial

3:40 intelligence and whether or not it's going

3:43 to replace us a and then there are other times uh where I

3:47 think hey AI can you start Monday I But I got to tell you,

3:56 nobody revealed their true colors more than the Trump administration.

3:59 From JD Vance's Dancing with the Stars Quickstep

4:03 exit to Pete Hegsth dropping a smoldering blue steel.

4:08 Hello.

4:08 [laughter] To RFK Jr.

4:11 being whisked away by a Secret Service hive who apparently

4:16 couldn't spare one worker bee for, I don't know, HIS WIFE.

4:22 [cheering] Just do do you see it?

4:25 Do you see right there?

4:26 There's a group of men carrying another man out of the room.

4:31 And then there's a woman [laughter] a woman who appears to be I'm

4:36 NOT A OBVIOUSLY DESPERATELY REACHING out for someone to care to help her.

4:50 THAT'S THE WOMAN REACHING up in agony and fear.

4:56 That's RFK Jr.'s wife, BOBBY.

4:59 [screaming] [laughter] [screaming] [applause] AND BY THE WAY, BY the way,

5:13 [applause] IF THERE'S ONE GUY IN THAT ENTIRE ROOM

5:16 who seems like they would be impervious to physical damage,

5:22 RFK Jr., look at this guy.

5:26 He literally LOOKS LIKE A GUY WHO IS

5:28 TRAPPED between being Bruce Banner and the Hulk.

5:35 He's in the HE'S IN THE MIDDLE.

5:38 He can't go either [cheering] way.

5:42 It's like It's like the gamma radiation

5:44 JUST STABILIZED IN THE MIDDLE OF the transformation.

5:51 Now I'm just uncomfortable.

5:56 Howed up is that scene?

5:59 Howed up is that scene?

6:00 May I show you the tape again?

6:02 I want to show you something.

6:03 Pay attention to the foreground.

6:04 Something's about to happen.

6:05 I want to show it to you.

6:06 Hold on.

6:06 It's not there.

6:07 They're whisking RFK out.

6:08 His wife.

6:08 FREEZE.

6:08 FREEZE.

6:09 FREEZE.

6:09 FREEZE.

6:09 OKAY.

6:10 The guy right there shielding the pregnant woman from danger.

6:16 That's Stephen Miller and his wife.

6:20 Stephen Miller carefully protecting his wife.

6:31 [laughter]

6:29 See, RFK turned out that's an option.

6:34 You can protect your wife instead of, I don't know,

6:38 beating her to the escape pod.

6:43 And the guy who outshined you is Stevening Miller.

6:49 THAT'S WHO OUTSHINED YOU.

6:51 That's who was more chivalous.

6:54 [applause] Steven [cheering] Miller,

6:57 a guy who probably jerks off to the new FACES OF DEATH MOVIE.

7:02 THAT'S And now for the rest of your w the rest of your life,

7:06 your wife is going to ask you a question no one's ever asked before, ever.

7:10 Why can't you be more [clears throat] like Stephen Miller?

7:14 Why?

7:14 Why can't you be more?

7:18 BUT NO, THERE GOES RFK JUST LEAVING IT.

7:22 LOOKS like we got a new addition to the Kennedy

7:25 family abandoning women to their fate Wikipedia page.

7:29 Oh, [screaming] I'm sorry.

7:32 I'm sorry.

7:33 Too soon or or too many?

7:38 [cheering] You know what?

7:40 And here's the other thing.

7:41 [applause] I don't want any MORE OF YOUR PUNCH THE MONKEY NONSENSE EITHER.

7:49 [cheering] I have had it.

7:53 [laughter] SERIOUSLY, I'M NOT WRONG.

7:58 Look it up.

8:04 [laughter] Now, obviously, not everybody left their lady behind.

8:07 Some went to look for their lady and still got bad news.

8:10 The New York Times writes, "The FBI director, Cash Patel,

8:14 came tearing across the hallway with two men in tow.

8:16 His girlfriend was hiding in a room with another man who was holding her hand.

8:24 [cheering] [laughter] Did you have to add that?

8:33 Was that a necessary detail to add to the story?

8:37 Uh, Cash Patel's girlfriend, I I was in a room,

8:40 uh, a man gently caressing her arm.

8:43 THE MAN'S MUSCULAR CHEST TEETHING WITH ANTICIPATION AS HE BELLOWED,

8:49 "I'LL PROTECT YOU, CASH PATEL'S GIRLFRIEND." [laughter] You know,

8:58 the person I felt the most sorry for honestly the whole night,

9:00 probably the featured performer of the evening.

9:02 Mentalist O Pearlman.

9:04 He was a mentalist.

9:05 He was going to he was going to perform.

9:07 is probably the biggest opportunity for visibility

9:09 that the mentalist community [laughter] has ever had.

9:14 And then in THE MIDDLE OF IT, POW POW POW, THE WHOLE THING GOES.

9:17 CAROLINE LEVIT, the press secretary, said challenged me.

9:19 He said, "I'm having a baby next week." And she goes,

9:22 "Can you guess what I'm naming my daughter?" And I was

9:25 guessing letter by letter how many letters were in the name.

9:30 Is there anything more compelling than a mentalist

9:35 or magician just describing to you verbally a a trick that he would have done

9:42 that if you had been there would have been cool.

9:47 I I'm sorry I I I interrupted.

9:49 And then I right at the moment where you see it happen,

9:52 I wrote down the name and I said,

9:54 "How did I do?" And I turn it around and that's

9:56 when you see the the first lady go Yeah, that's right.

9:59 That's when the shooting happened.

10:03 That gasp wasn't he nailed it.

10:06 IT WAS THAT WAS GUNFIRE.

10:09 AND BY THE WAY, UH, the shooting happened just

10:12 as the mentalist was revealing the name of Carolyn Levit's unborn child,

10:16 which as amazing as that might have been,

10:19 one would have thought that a more timely revelation

10:25 would have been to write something on the card like,

10:28 "Everybody run." [applause] There's Hold on.

10:37 I'm gonna [applause] Okay, I'm gonna show you something.

10:42 Uh, it's going to blow your mind.

10:44 Everybody run.

10:46 [laughter] But perhaps nobody's character was

10:50 revealed as much as our brave president, Donald Jassifer Trump,

10:53 who sat down with Norah O'Donnell the next day to explain

10:57 that fear was definitely not the emotion he was feeling.

11:00 I wasn't worried.

11:01 I could see what was going on at the door.

11:04 I also saw a lot of very strong uh physically strong,

11:10 really attractive law enforcement people come through those doors.

11:16 [laughter] Does Does that matter?

11:27 Is that part how attract?

11:28 Look, I don't want my life saved by a six.

11:37 I don't want some pig face walking.

11:40 We got to go, Mr.

11:41 President.

11:42 Not with you, friend.

11:46 [cheering and applause] Not happening.

11:49 [laughter] But how did it feel?

11:51 You surrounded by really attractive law enforcement.

11:54 And frankly, it made me feel very safe.

11:59 Yeah.

11:59 I'm not sure safe was the emotion.

12:03 [laughter] Yeah, I saw them come in and I and I felt myself get safe as a rock.

12:11 They were so attractive.

12:12 I [laughter] safe as a rock.

12:14 I [clears throat] It's why I didn't stand up to run.

12:18 [laughter] Took a moment to think about baseball.

12:29 [laughter]

12:29 But Trump wasn't only impressed with the officers good looks or their asses

12:32 being so taught that any shooter's bullets

12:33 would have just bounced right off them.

12:35 [laughter] He was also impressed with their skill.

12:38 They drew those guns so fast.

12:40 Looked like they look like Matt Dylan.

12:43 [laughter] Now I I know what I know what you're thinking.

12:54 Um, uh, Matt Matt Dylan, is Donald Trump so old he's confusing the guy

13:04 from Something About Mary with Matt Damon from the Born movies?

13:10 But it's not true.

13:11 Uh, Trump is actually so old he's not confused at all.

13:15 He's referencing Marshall Matt Dylan from the Gunsmoke TV show.

13:21 [cheering] A show that I'm too young to have watched.

13:28 YEAH, THIS.

13:30 LOOK AT THIS.

13:31 Are you seeing this?

13:32 I'M [cheering] TOO YOUNG to know that show.

13:35 [applause] Now, by [cheering] the way, you may have noticed Trump's demeanor

13:39 very consiliatory and pleasant towards the reporter.

13:42 Perhaps this is the new Trump.

13:43 I don't know if I could ever be as rough as I was going to be tonight.

13:47 I was going to really rip it last night.

13:49 I was talking about everybody and then they said,

13:52 "Well, my speech is going to be much different.

13:54 It'll be a speech of love."

13:58 Love, his perspective has completely changed until see if you can spot

14:07 the moment in the Norah O'Donnell interview where Trump decides, "Nah, that

14:14 the so-called manifesto is a stunning thing to read, Mr.

14:17 President.

14:18 He appears to reference a motive in it.

14:21 He writes this quote.

14:22 Administration officials, they are targets.

14:25 And he also wrote this.

14:27 I am no longer willing to permit a pedophile,

14:30 rapist, and traitor to coat my hands with his crimes.

14:38 Did you catch it?

14:41 He does one of those Jim from the office camera takes.

14:52 [applause]

14:54 God, I'm not.

14:55 Yeah, that's Yeah.

14:57 [applause and cheering] Remember that nice thing?

15:01 Yeah.

15:02 No.

15:03 Now, TO BE FAIR TO TRUMP,

15:04 WHY WOULD YOU READ out loud the wouldbe assassins political take?

15:09 I think once you go vigilante, you forfeit the platform.

15:12 I'm sorry, but she got the sound bite she was looking for.

15:16 Well, I was waiting for you to read that because

15:18 I knew you would because you're you're horrible people.

15:22 Horrible people.

15:23 Yeah, he did write that.

15:24 Uh I'm I'm not a rapist.

15:26 I didn't rape anybody.

15:28 Uh oh, you think he was referring to you?

15:32 [cheering]

15:38 [applause] [applause] Oh Lord.

15:47 I mean, I was just reading you the assassin manifesto.

15:50 I had I had no idea.

15:52 You would think he was referring to you.

15:55 Lord have mercy.

15:59 But you know what?

16:01 Maybe this is a moment where Trump will rise up.

16:03 These events clearly point out that we have a problem in this country

16:06 at the nexus of mental health and the availability of powerful weapons.

16:09 And maybe, just maybe,

16:11 this sobering night will spur a movement for some solutions.

16:15 We looked at all of the conditions that took place tonight.

16:19 And uh I didn't want to say this.

16:23 I know what he's going to say.

16:23 We need to put a[ __] ton of money

16:25 towards mental health and getting illegal weapons off the streets.

16:28 That's what he's going to say.

16:29 Or I'm no mentalist.

16:31 Did you have Did you Did you have something else in mind?

16:35 It's actually a larger room and it's a much more secure.

16:39 It's got It's drone proof.

16:41 It's bulletproof glass.

16:42 We need the ballroom.

16:44 [laughter] Yeah, that's a great solution uh to gun violence um for you.

16:52 What about the unbalmed rest of us?

16:56 Malls, churches, schools, synagogue, wherever.

17:01 Not every town can have a ballroom.

17:03 Didn't you even see Foot Loose?

17:06 [laughter] A ballroom.

17:10 That's the solution.

17:11 That is the dumbesting idea I have ever heard.

17:15 No one is going to go along with that.

17:17 The ballroom will be a solution for this.

17:20 I think we got to build that ballroom as soon as possible.

17:22 The ballroom makes makes total sense.

17:25 A ballroom is imperative for a lot of reasons.

17:28 The president needs the ballroom.

17:33 Let's build a ballroom and JUST ALL DANCE like no one's shooting.

17:41 [applause] But that was my jazz hands, by the way.

17:46 That was that's that's as far as my hands.

17:48 Go Jazz.

17:50 But back to the dinner itself.

17:52 The incident happened in a room full of journalists,

17:53 and there was one fact the media could report on with certainty.

17:58 They're heroes.

17:59 You really saw the best of the entire DC press corps on display.

18:04 Journalists who immediately sprung into action to cover this historic moment.

18:08 Credit to the journalists by the way who continue to do their jobs in that room.

18:11 Thank goodness for all of us trying to do our jobs.

18:14 The journalistic heroes of the evening.

18:19 [laughter]

18:20 You know, we should have an awards dinner just for us.

18:23 [laughter] You know what's a great place to do it?

18:25 The Hilton.

18:29 But

18:31 as always, one hero rose above them all.

18:35 Can we just give Wolf Blitzer some praise and some credit?

18:38 And of course, you, Wolf, saw it closer up than anybody else.

18:41 And and we're so glad you're okay and you

18:43 did the extraordinary journalism that you're known for.

18:45 Thanks, Wolf.

18:46 You are an international treasure.

18:47 Wolf, you were the first to tell the world what actually happened.

18:50 I have to say we are lucky that we

18:52 have a reporter like you who happen to bear witness.

18:55 You have uh some people who are legends for a reason.

18:58 Uh Wolf Blitz Blitzer is one of those people.

19:06 Did Wolf Blitzer die on Saturday?

19:10 [laughter]

19:14 Yes.

19:14 Undoubtedly, the MVP of the news turbation

19:17 that was this weekend was CNN's Wolf Blitzer.

19:19 All right, Wolf, walk us through the attack.

19:22 We had just finished the first course which was a delicious salad the president

19:25 was uh but uh uh after the first chorus which was a good salad.

19:30 We had just finished appetizers.

19:33 [laughter]

19:38 Oh, this is dangerously blurring the line between reporter and old man at event.

19:46 [laughter] Uh we were the salad was delicious.

19:51 I'm sorry.

19:51 What were you asking?

19:53 I'm sorry.

19:57 Let's we'll try and stay away from the food stuff.

20:00 Let's get back to the more salient details.

20:03 And I walked away to go out to the men's room.

20:06 I was going to go to the men's room, which you had to go up one level of stairs.

20:09 The men's room was outside the ballroom.

20:11 You had to go up uh one flight of stairs to get there.

20:15 It's a good men's room.

20:17 It's a [laughter] It's a spacious men's room.

20:21 The urinals are fine.

20:22 Could use a grab bar if we're being honest.

20:25 I I like the men's room where each sink has its own soap dispenser.

20:30 Instead, you get the ONE WHERE EVERYBODY has to go as they're leaving.

20:35 It's a bottleneck.

20:37 It creates a COME ON, BLITZER.

20:41 WHAT HAPPENED?

20:42 AS I'm leaving the men's room to come back to the ballroom,

20:45 all of a sudden to my left, uh, I hear gunshots.

20:49 Boom.

20:49 Boom.

20:50 The next thing I knew, a police officer pushed me to the ground.

20:55 There we go.

20:55 That's what I'm Now we're in the[ __] That's what I'm talking about.

20:59 All right, what happened next?

21:00 One of my shoes came off and it took me a while to find that shoe later.

21:04 One of my shoes fell off and now I have that shoe back.

21:07 I was walking around for a while without a shoe.

21:09 Oh my gosh.

21:10 It was just a sock.

21:11 But you got it back.

21:12 You were doing Were you doing live shots with just one shoe?

21:14 I was doing live shots with one shoe.

21:17 Wow.

21:17 NO.

21:17 [screaming] FOCUS.

21:20 DON'T GO.

21:20 FIGHT IT, OLD MAN.

21:24 Fight it.

21:25 As we all know, there was an attempted

21:27 assassination at the White House correspondence dinner this weekend,

21:30 which first of all, terrible week for light-skinned dudes.

21:35 [laughter] You got this guy going for the president and chewing carpet.

21:40 Klay Thompson cheating on Megan the Stallion.

21:45 No pressure, but Drake, [laughter]

21:50 this album's got to be fire.

21:51 It's all on you.

21:54 But that was just my takeaway.

21:55 Republicans had another somehow dumber takeaway.

21:58 A group of Senate Republicans is pushing to fund

22:00 the construction of President Trump's 90,000 foot ballroom using taxpayer money.

22:05 We're going to introduce legislation that would authorize $400 million

22:11 to be spent to secure the pre to build the presidential ballroom.

22:17 $400 million.

22:24 That's our money.

22:25 Why do we have to pay for this?

22:26 WE DIDN'T TRY TO SHOOT THE PRESIDENT.

22:29 Make this guy PAY FOR THE BALLROOM.

22:33 This is the administration that is obsessed with government waste.

22:36 I I can't believe they dissolved Doge

22:39 right before Trump demanded a $400 million ballroom.

22:43 It's like how the Michael Jackson movie ended right before he starts molesting.

22:50 You just went ahead and skipped all the important stuff, huh?

22:54 We live in such a crazy time now that events

22:56 don't even need to be connected to each other.

22:58 Someone tried to kill the president.

23:00 So now we're gonna build a ballroom,

23:02 [laughter] but I feel like someone completely trustworthy

23:07 told us we wouldn't have to pay for anything.

23:09 We're putting up our own money with the the government is paying for nothing.

23:13 We did this at no charge to the taxpayer whatsoever.

23:17 All private money.

23:18 Not one penny is being used from the federal government.

23:22 And and to his word, it isn't one penny.

23:25 It's 40 billion pennies.

23:28 Honestly, as soon as I heard about the ballroom,

23:31 I knew we would end up paying for it.

23:33 Like, Trump is the type of dude to whine

23:35 and dine you and then forget his wallet.

23:38 [laughter] He'll just be sitting with you like,

23:40 "I hope you had a great time." Uh, I just [laughter] Uh-oh.

23:47 Uh, I I hate to do this, but uh we're still going to have sex, right?

23:51 Like, [laughter] don't get me wrong,

23:56 with so many seniors getting scammed in America,

23:59 I'm glad one of them is turning the tables.

24:02 I just don't want it to be on us, you know?

24:05 And 400 million is way too much.

24:07 Why is this ballroom so expensive?

24:09 Is the roof going to be made of Coachella tickets?

24:13 What could possibly make this thing cost so much?

24:15 Like, be specific.

24:17 Underneath there will be a lot of military stuff.

24:20 Military stuff.

24:24 What military stuff?

24:25 Name 10 military stuffs.

24:27 I'll wait.

24:35 Lindsey Graham sounds like me in fifth grade trying

24:38 to convince my Bob [laughter] to get me an Xbox.

24:41 Like, you you know they make educational games, too.

24:46 Here's [laughter] what I don't get.

24:50 The president travels with tons of security everywhere he goes.

24:53 So, what problem are we trying to solve?

24:55 Exactly.

24:56 The ballroom itself will avoid the dilemma

24:59 of having to leave the White House grounds.

25:01 He literally could have left his bedroom,

25:06 walked out the back of the White House and been at the ballroom.

25:10 [laughter] Hey, wait.

25:14 The president needs to walk out of his bedroom into the ballroom.

25:20 This feels like it's Lindsay's dream.

25:27 [cheering] I can see Lindsay like I must rise

25:30 from my silk sheets and directly into the catilion.

25:38 Oh, it's a it's a mass catilion where where I can be my truest self.

25:45 [laughter] This is not what a president is supposed to be focused on.

25:47 Unless that president is 7 years old.

25:49 You know, they're writing a list like I'm going to have

25:51 a slide that goes right from my bed to the pool.

25:55 [laughter] And I want a soup made out of candy

25:59 so whenever I get hungry I can just eat my shirt.

26:05 [laughter] But still, as good as the White House is,

26:10 Trump is going to have to leave sometimes.

26:13 It really does put President Trump at risk to go around Washington DC like this.

26:18 The president should not have to leave the White House,

26:20 to go to the Kennedy Center, to go to the Hilton and and venture out.

26:24 People should come to him.

26:26 Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

26:28 The president shouldn't have to leave his house.

26:31 You don't want the leader of the free world to visit anything.

26:36 Hold on.

26:37 Is is the president depressed?

26:42 [laughter] I know people keep trying to shoot him, but still.

26:52 Come to think of it, did he just get McDonald's Door Dash to the house?

26:57 [applause] That sounds like a man who's given up on life.

27:00 You know, wait till he finds out about Snuggies.

27:06 [laughter] There have to be arguments for this ballroom that don't

27:08 just make the president sound like an indoor cat.

27:10 I never understood the opposition to the ballroom.

27:13 I mean, all women love ballrooms.

27:16 [laughter] All women love ballrooms.

27:20 [laughter] That argument is so sexist.

27:23 It's one step away from being super woke.

27:25 Like, all women love ballrooms.

27:28 Why can't the president feel like a pretty girl?

27:38 [laughter]

27:42 I mean, I don't even know how big of a deal this is because sure,

27:44 all the Republicans are on board,

27:46 but there's no way there's even one Democrat that's going to support this.

27:50 So far, only one Democrat, Senator John Federman of Pennsylvania,

27:53 has come out in favor of this project.

27:56 This dude is a ballroom guy.

28:01 He's never worn a blazer that wasn't loaned to him by the mayor D.

28:07 The one time I've seen him wearing a jacket and tie,

28:10 he was wearing them with a hoodie.

28:14 [laughter] He looks like he robbed somebody who was wearing a tie.

28:21 It's like they told him he couldn't come in without

28:23 one and then he saw a guy wearing one.

28:25 He was like, "Get over here.

28:30 [laughter] WHAT DOES HE WANT a ballroom for?

28:31 I bet Republicans say if he voted for it, they'd add a bell tower just for him.

28:38 [applause] Look, I know Republicans had Project 2025,

28:50 but I'm starting to think they never wrote Project

28:52 2026 [laughter] because they're on day four of arguing

28:57 that the president needs a ballroom to dance

28:59 in while we're at war during an affordability crisis.

29:03 But if we ask the government for housing or health care or daycare,

29:07 this is what we get.

29:08 The United States can't take care of daycare.

29:11 We can't take care of daycare.

29:12 We're a big country.

29:13 We have 50 states.

29:14 We have all these other people.

29:15 We're fighting wars.

29:16 It's not possible for us to take care of daycare,

29:20 [snorts] Medicaid, Medicare, all these individual things.

29:23 We have to take care of one thing.

29:25 Military protection and and a ballroom.

29:31 [cheering] Let's start with King Charles, the world's oldest Nepo baby.

29:36 He's visiting the United States this week because

29:39 even though our country is falling apart right now,

29:41 it's also our 250th birthday.

29:44 So no matter how sad the party is going to be,

29:46 our friends are still coming over.

29:48 Okay.

29:48 [laughter] Then on the ride home, they'll be like,

29:51 "She is a rough 250." So yesterday,

29:57 King Charles dropped by and he brought some jokes to cheer us up.

30:00 This is a city which symbolizes a period in our shared history

30:05 or what Charles Dickens might have called a tale of two Georgees.

30:16 Wow.

30:17 He he really commands the sta I'm sorry.

30:20 [laughter] He really colonizes the stage.

30:24 What's annoying about this as a comedian is that he is actually killing.

30:28 I mean, look at him feeling himself in the laughs.

30:31 A tale of two Georgees.

30:37 He's even got like a signature move with his hands.

30:41 And Charles did not stop there.

30:43 250 years ago or as we say in the United Kingdom just the other day.

30:55 [applause] Dare I say that if it wasn't for us, you'd be speaking French.

31:03 [laughter] You know, I've always wondered what white Dev Jab would be like.

31:08 I kind of want him to keep going.

31:10 Like, do you ever notice that white people drive

31:13 like this and uh black people steal your son?

31:18 [laughter] [cheering] [laughter] But yeah, Charles is crushing.

31:28 Hit us with another one.

31:30 Magna Carta is cited in at least 160 Supreme Court cases since 1789,

31:39 not least as the foundation of the principle

31:42 that executive power is subject to checks and balances.

31:48 [applause] [cheering] Oh, he got us too good.

31:55 No.

31:56 No.

31:56 It's funny cuz you see cuz we don't have checks and balances

31:59 anymore because because the foundations

32:01 of our democracy are slowly being eroded away.

32:04 Like are you crazy, Chuck?

32:06 You crazy.

32:08 Oh.

32:10 Oh.

32:10 The best part of that joke is that right

32:12 after Charles warned us about a leader with unchecked power,

32:15 Trump was like, "That's a good idea." Breaking news.

32:18 Former FBI Director James Comey,

32:20 one of President Trump's biggest political adversaries,

32:23 has been indicted for a second time.

32:25 Now that's timing.

32:27 Just to get you up to speed, a year ago,

32:30 James Comey did the most retired old man thing ever.

32:33 He walked on a beach and took a picture of seashells

32:36 and even posted on social media like we wanted to see it, too.

32:41 This since deleted Instagram post from Comey showing the numbers

32:45 8647 written in seashells on the beach with the caption,

32:50 "Cool shell formation on my beachwalk." Trump supporters condemning that post,

32:55 claiming it was a call to 86 or kill the 47th president.

33:01 This the seashells, that's the threat.

33:05 Are you sure he was acting alone?

33:07 Because as long as we're indicting I heard

33:08 about a woman who sells seashells by the seashore.

33:13 That's suspicious as hell.

33:17 [laughter] Seriously, how do you get from this post,

33:19 James Comey wants to murder the president?

33:23 James Comey is a very intelligent man.

33:25 I would assume he knows what the term 86 means.

33:27 I was a waiter for some time.

33:29 When you 86 an order, you kill the order.

33:32 When you 8645, that is tantamount to saying

33:36 killing the president of the United States.

33:38 He should have known that.

33:40 When you 86 an order, you get rid of the order, right?

33:44 But you're not actually I mean you're not killing the food.

33:50 [applause and cheering] Yeah, exactly.

33:58 That would be weird, wouldn't it?

34:00 Like uh Joey Joey, this uh it's ravioli.

34:03 It's a little mushy.

34:04 So take it out back and blow its brains out.

34:06 Capich?

34:08 Just so you're aware, this is probably not going to work in court.

34:11 Cuz I know it's scary to be indicted,

34:13 but this is definitely [clears throat] going to get 86 by a judge.

34:16 [laughter] And in fact,

34:17 if I could talk to the Department of Justice for just a second,

34:20 I don't even think you believe you.

34:22 Because if you're saying that those menacing

34:24 seashells were a threat to the president,

34:27 then why did it take you nearly a year to come after Comey?

34:30 I thought the Secret Service on Saturday night was slow.

34:33 I owe them an apology.

34:35 [cheering] Just so we're all clear,

34:38 86 means getting rid of something off a menu or kicking someone out of a place.

34:42 It's been understood to mean those things since the 1930s.

34:46 It's actually one of the last good slang terms that white people invented.

34:52 [laughter] Since then,

34:53 it's been nothing but bazinga and amazeballs and and a few new slurs.

35:00 Mostly the slurs.

35:02 So, I'm not worried that James Comey is actually going to prison.

35:05 But what's buming me out is

35:07 the fact that our president feels totally unencumbered

35:09 to use the power of the Justice Department to go after people he doesn't like.

35:14 [cheering] [applause] This whole thing is so depressing.

35:24 I could use a pickme up.

35:26 As Oscar Wild said, we have really

35:30 everything in common uh with America nowadays, except of course language.

35:37 [laughter] Oh, damn.

35:39 Get them, Chuck.

35:40 Get them.

35:42 I honestly don't even know what that means.

35:44 But let's start with the latest update on the war in Iran,

35:47 which is that there is no update.

35:50 It's still happening.

35:51 You know, I'm starting to get worried about my river

35:54 cruise this summer up the straight of her moves.

35:58 [laughter] Man, I booked a balcony room, too.

36:02 But don't worry, because Donald Trump is doing everything he can to wrap it up.

36:06 We're having talks with him now.

36:07 And we're not flying anymore with 18-hour flights every

36:10 time we want to see a piece of paper.

36:12 We're doing it telephonically.

36:15 And it's very nice.

36:19 [laughter] Telephonically.

36:24 Damn, that's an impressive word.

36:26 Yo, makes anyone with a phone sound like a wizard.

36:30 I order large meat lovers telephonically.

36:36 Now, to be clear, that is a word, but he didn't know that.

36:42 He talks the way I play Scrabble, you know, just like, "Oh, wow.

36:46 Uh, I was just throwing letters together.

36:48 How How many points is that?

36:49 [laughter] That was from yesterday during an event Trump

36:53 did with the Aremis astronauts and the chief of NASA.

36:56 And we all know Trump loves space,

36:58 so he has the utmost respect for these professionals.

37:01 Sorry.

37:01 Are you considering relocating NASA's headquarters out of DC once

37:06 the lease is up to states like Texas, Ohio, and Florida?

37:09 Well, the best man to tell you that is a man standing right over here.

37:12 You heard that question?

37:13 With those beautiful ears of yours?

37:16 He's he's got great hearing, you know.

37:17 Super He's got superhero.

37:19 the trick to the train.

37:22 [cheering] Wow.

37:28 He's just standing there like, "Good one,

37:31 sir." Uh, haven't heard that since grade school.

37:35 And, uh, I didn't think I'd hear it again,

37:38 but I did in my 40s from the president.

37:45 Trump just can't resist being a bully.

37:47 [laughter] He's sitting there like, "Hey,

37:49 they say in space no one can hear you scream except for this guy, right?

37:53 He can definitely hear it.

37:54 Am I right?

37:55 Am I right?" [cheering] And by the way,

37:58 these astronauts do not look happy to be there.

38:01 They're like, "This is the most uncomfortable

38:03 I've ever felt." And two weeks ago, I was pooping in zero gravity.

38:07 [laughter] But let's move on because while Trump was earshaming astronauts,

38:11 the Supreme Court was busy at work.

38:13 This morning, the Supreme Court delivering a major

38:16 blow to the landmark Voting Rights Act.

38:18 The court's conservative majority ruling 6 to3 that Louisiana's

38:22 current congressional map with two

38:24 majority African-American districts is unconstitutional,

38:28 saying lawmakers allowed race to play a part in government decision-making.

38:32 Democrats blasting the ruling,

38:34 arguing that other majority black districts are now vulnerable to being erased.

38:40 That's right.

38:40 The Supreme Court saw that Louisiana had

38:43 two whole black congressmen and they were like, "Whoa, what is this?

38:47 Showtime at the Apollo.

38:50 Let's dial this back." But now, thanks to the Supreme Court,

38:54 black districts are going to get erased all across the South,

38:57 which is horrible for civil rights, but pretty great for all the new civil

39:01 rights movies we're going to be making, you know?

39:03 So, this is fantastic from like a Denzel only perspective.

39:07 [laughter] And obviously the Supreme Court didn't come

39:10 right out and say that states can be racist.

39:13 Justice Palpatine isn't that dumb.

39:15 All right, he played it much smoother.

39:18 Justice Samuel Leo writing,

39:20 "Race can only be taken into account when there's evidence that a state

39:23 intentionally drew its districts to afford minority

39:26 voters less opportunity because of their race." That's crazy.

39:30 All right.

39:31 So, just to be clear for Alto,

39:33 the map is not racist unless the guy drawing it finishes it and goes, "Man,

39:39 I'm racist." [laughter] Now,

39:44 if you're watching this whole thing unfold and you're thinking to yourself,

39:47 "This seems pretty racist." Republicans have great news for you.

39:51 I think after 160 years of after the Civil War,

39:55 it's time that we didn't have a race-based reason for doing things.

39:59 In 2026 in the United States,

40:02 the reasons to use race for line drawing deliberately that occurred to remedy

40:06 discrimination in the South 50 years ago no longer exist in America.

40:11 The court said you have to have modern

40:12 examples of how voters have been racially discriminated against.

40:15 And fortunately, America has come a long way since the 1960s.

40:19 It has.

40:19 Unfortunately, it's the end of pretending that this is a racist country.

40:27 Racism's over.

40:29 [laughter] Oh boy, I can finally use my real voice.

40:39 What's up, dog?

40:42 [cheering] I just thought when racism would be over,

40:46 we'd hear about it from like a civil rights leader or something.

40:48 not a not a guy who looks like a racist version of the dad from Modern Family.

40:54 It almost feels like we're going in reverse because the people

40:57 from the 60s in black and white TV were like,

41:00 "Wow, this country is being pretty racist.

41:03 We should pass some legislation." And the people

41:05 crippling that legislation are from now in 4K.

41:09 Just so we're all aware,

41:10 newscasters who would do reports like that Jackie Robinson is the best colored

41:15 player in the Negro League believed

41:17 in voting rights more than our representatives now.

41:20 What these people don't get is

41:22 that to the extent that there's less discrimination now,

41:25 it's partly because we had the VRA.

41:27 So, this is like my uncle who threw away

41:29 his medication because he said his heart wasn't bothering him anymore.

41:33 [laughter] And to be fair, he did stop having heart problems because he's dead.

41:41 [laughter] And one of the most brainbreaking things about this ruling

41:45 is it's literally taking power from black people in the South.

41:49 And it was voted for by a black guy from the South.

41:54 Supreme Court Justice Clarence Thomas is black.

41:57 He might not know it, but he is black.

42:02 How could you of all people vote for this Clarence?

42:06 You were like an uncle to all of us.

42:09 Uncle Clarence Thomas.

42:11 Uncle Thomas for short.

42:14 [laughter] Uncle Tom for shorter.

42:18 [applause and cheering] [applause] But look, we don't have to pretend here.

42:28 At the end of the day,

42:29 we all know that this decision was not about moving on from race.

42:33 This is the Supreme Court majority handing a win to Republicans.

42:37 I know that.

42:38 You know that.

42:39 And the Republicans definitely know that because their leader said it out loud.

42:43 Mr.

42:44 President, I want to go back to the Supreme

42:45 Court ruling on their Voting Rights Act.

42:46 I know you said you haven't seen it.

42:47 When did it come out?

42:48 Just now.

42:49 Um, no.

42:49 It came out this morning.

42:50 Uh, but basically very much narrows the Voting Rights Act.

42:53 Was it considered a win for win for Republicans?

42:55 I love it.

42:59 You could always count on Trump to get right to the point.

43:02 Like, it's a win for Republicans.

43:04 Did you guys hear that?

43:05 I know this guy did.