Parks & Rec having the manliest men on TV | Parks and Recreation

0:00 Enemies of fairness and equality, hear my womanly roar.

0:05 Enemies of fairness and equality, hear my womanly roar.

0:16 Andy, come help me tamp this down.

0:17 For the last time, Ron, it's Princess Rainbow Sparkle.

0:21 Holy Moses.

0:22 Can we turn you into a princess?

0:24 No.

0:25 I think it would really make Diane happy.

0:28 Why would that matter?

0:30 Shut up.

0:32 Would you please come help me tamp this down?

0:33 It's a job that requires two men.

0:36 Or does it require two princesses?

0:39 Please.

0:40 Please.

0:41 Please.

0:42 Everything going good?

0:48 I came here to fix a pothole, not be mocked.

0:51 I'm sorry.

0:51 It's just your FACE IS RIDICULOUS.

0:56 THANK YOU FOR the lemonade.

0:57 The asphalt will bear weight in an hour.

0:59 Time to go, Andrew.

1:00 Wait, wait, we were going to MAKE A SPARKLE PALACE.

1:02 RON, YOU'RE WALKING ACROSS hot lava.

1:04 Oh, no.

1:05 So, treat yourself day is just a day where you go to the spa and then the mall?

1:12 I knew you wouldn't get it.

1:13 Well, I'm a relaxation novice.

1:15 I need some guidance.

1:17 Listen to me, Bento Box.

1:18 The point of this is to pamper yourself.

1:21 Just relax, man.

1:23 I can't.

1:24 There's something about the sound of harps that makes me nervous.

1:27 Ha, I'm feeling sweaty.

1:29 Do I look sweaty?

1:30 I feel s- You know what?

1:31 I think I need to use the bathroom one more time.

1:33 That's like five times in an hour.

1:35 Well, somebody's nervous about the ceremony.

1:37 I don't blame him.

1:38 He didn't exactly leave Partridge as the most popular guy in town.

1:42 And?

1:44 Oh my god.

1:46 Are you okay?

1:49 I think I'm giving birth.

1:51 Is that possible?

1:52 No, right?

1:53 Oh god.

1:54 I'll call an ambulance.

1:55 No, god, it's twins.

1:57 I'm having quints.

1:58 Oh, okay.

2:01 Hey, Ann.

2:02 What happened?

2:03 I just saw you a few hours ago and you were fine.

2:05 Not like damn, you're fine, but fine health-wise.

2:09 My body has no fat to protect itself from disease.

2:11 Things happen very quickly.

2:13 Listen to me.

2:14 It's very important that you replenish my body

2:16 with electrolytes after every involuntary loss of bodily fluids.

2:20 Oh, boy.

2:21 My body tends to lose a lot of fluids when it's sick.

2:25 My brain is on fire.

2:26 I'm dying.

2:26 Hm.

2:27 Well, you definitely have the flu.

2:30 Oh, my God.

2:32 The microchip has been compromised.

2:35 I vomited somewhere in this room.

2:39 I don't remember where, though.

2:41 Wait, you might want to check that drawer.

2:45 Stop pooping.

2:49 You have to get up off the floor now.

2:51 This floor is my friend.

2:53 Nothing like a complete physical breakdown to make a guy seem less intimidating.

2:58 I love the flu.

2:59 Velvet slippers, cashmere socks, velvet pants, cashmere turtle.

3:03 I'm a cashmere velvet candy cane.

3:06 Treat yourself.

3:08 Boys, I'm trying to teach you something about nature and self-reliance.

3:12 Nothing beats hard work and determination.

3:16 Is this the Pawnee Goddesses?

3:17 I've got the puppies you ordered.

3:18 Oh, the puppies for the puppy party

3:21 that we're having in our cabin, those puppies?

3:23 What?

3:24 No.

3:26 Woo.

3:30 Man, did you buy anything for yourself today?

3:32 Yeah, I got this pack of socks.

3:34 Plain white socks?

3:34 That's not a treat.

3:36 Donna, get me away from him.

3:38 Maybe this is our version of treat yourself day and he needs to do his version.

3:41 What are you talking about?

3:43 Why, if you could blow up big money on one thing,

3:45 not sock money, what would it be?

3:49 I did.

3:54 Oh, my God, I'm god.

3:55 Oh my god.

3:55 This is a whole new level of nerd.

3:57 You're right.

3:58 This is ridiculous.

3:59 What am I doing?

4:00 Wait, no no no no no.

4:01 I mean that in a good way, Ben.

4:02 Listen to me.

4:03 You're part of the treat yourself team now, okay?

4:06 If that costume somehow makes you happy, you're going to buy it.

4:09 You're going to wear it out of the store, okay?

4:11 You're going to treat yourself.

4:13 Yeah, you know what?

4:14 I'm going to do that.

4:15 I'm going to I'm going to treat myself.

4:18 Thanks, you guys.

4:21 Thank you.

4:24 I really needed this.

4:28 I'm going to treat myself.

4:33 Uh-oh, Batman's crying.

4:35 Just relax and don't move.

4:39 This is the most stressed out I've ever been in my life.

4:44 Ben, listen, I'm going to talk to you about things

4:47 you like to take your mind off the needles, okay?

4:50 Accounting.

4:53 Trigonometry.

4:54 Stamps, probably.

4:55 More of a rare coins guy.

4:56 Help me.

4:57 Help me.

4:58 I am a goddess, a glorious female warrior.

5:02 I am a goddess, a glorious FEMALE WARRIOR.

5:07 Queen of all that I survey.

5:09 Queen of all that I survey.

5:12 Enemies of fairness and equality, hear my womanly roar.

5:17 Enemies of fairness and equality, hear my womanly roar.

5:23 YEAH!

5:25 YEAH!

5:28 CONGRATULATIONS, YOU ARE NOW GODDESSES.

5:32 NOW, HAVE YOURSELVES A PUPPY PARTY.

5:39 IS THE COAST CLEAR?

5:40 WHAT ARE YOU WEARING?

5:41 MY sneak around clothes.

5:42 Is he gone?

5:43 Yeah, he's gone.

5:44 Come in.

5:44 You got to see this.

5:45 Tom and I have been seeing each other for a few

5:47 weeks and I think I'm ready to say I love you.

5:51 This apartment, I love you so much.

5:57 Look at all these blankets.

5:58 One on the ottoman, one on the chair, one on the couch.

6:02 Here, feel.

6:03 Holy hell, that's soft.

6:05 Oh my god, is that Yep, a whole shelf of coconut water.

6:09 I think I'm going to cry.

6:10 This is like girl heaven.

6:11 Did he do all of this just for you?

6:13 No, he just lives like this.

6:14 He's deeply in debt, but you know what?

6:16 Who cares?

6:17 Cuz check it out.

6:18 Cheese plate and Adriatic figs.

6:20 Leslie, this is always here.

6:22 I don't know when he has time to make it.

6:24 Boutique eye cream, unisex cologne, lip exfoliator,

6:28 chocolate-covered almonds, and a Sudoku book.

6:31 Just amenities everywhere.

6:33 I love amenities.

6:34 I know.

6:34 Check this out.

6:35 This is the best part.

6:36 80° night and day.

6:39 Look at this one.

6:41 There's another soft one.

6:43 Oh.

6:47 Ann.

6:50 Hey.

6:51 You all right, man?

6:53 The toast that you gave to Ben and Leslie were so beautiful.

6:57 And I'm feeling very raw from my therapy.

7:00 I'm so happy.

7:03 So sad.

7:05 Like a perfect storm of emotions.

7:08 And so I'm hiding out here so I don't ruin this party

7:13 for my two amazing best friends who I love so much.

7:18 Oh.

7:19 There's no more tissue.

7:22 Everything ends.

7:23 No, no, no.

7:23 No, there's there's more tissue.

7:25 Everything goes away.

7:28 How's your pie?

7:30 I don't know.

7:31 I didn't make a pie.

7:33 Okay, how is your dessert calzone?

7:35 It's ready.

7:37 Question is are they?

7:39 All right, our next contestant is candidate Ben Wyatt's wife, Leslie.

7:44 Let's see what Mrs.

7:45 Wyatt has baked up for us, shall we?

7:47 It's actually Ms.

7:48 Nope, and actually right now, it's Mr.

7:50 Wyatt.

7:51 Leslie has her own busy life, and I happen to be an excellent pie maker,

7:55 so we figured we'd switch it up a bit.

7:57 Now, pack your suitcases because we're going

8:01 to a little town called Annabelle Lee IN ITALY.

8:09 EXCUSE ME?

8:10 FREE ME FROM WHAT?

8:11 From the tyranny of women.

8:13 We are the male men.

8:15 We are a men's rights activist group, and we are fed up.

8:18 I'm sorry, what's happening now?

8:20 Behind every successful woman is a man she has oppressed.

8:25 First, Leslie Nope poaches her husband's campaign by making it all about her.

8:30 Now, she's forcing him to bake pies and enter a contest for her?

8:34 Oh, I excuse me.

8:35 I'm not forcing him to do anything.

8:36 He loves to cook.

8:38 Here, he has five personalized aprons.

8:40 Oh, so I guess he was asking for it because of the way he was dressed.

8:44 We are sick and tired of this feminized society.

8:49 Men have had a very rough go of it for just recently, and it ends now.

8:56 Male and proud.

8:58 MALE AND PROUD.

8:59 MALE AND PROUD.

9:03 HELLO.

9:04 I DON'T BELIEVE WE'VE MET.

9:05 I am Leslie Nope, deputy

9:08 think it would be necessary for you to speak again while I'm here.

9:13 Why do I only date brunettes?

9:16 You know, sometimes you eat chicken and you get food poisoning,

9:20 and then even the sight of chicken makes you sick.

9:23 Tammy One is my blonde chicken.

9:26 Good god, Ronald.

9:29 This is a much bigger mess than I imagined.

9:31 You'll take a week off from work.

9:33 We'll do a complete overhaul of your finances.

9:34 I'll need access to all your accounts and your home.

9:39 Is that necessary?

9:41 Oh, oh, we playing a game where everyone says something stupid.

9:46 You.

9:47 What is your name?

9:49 Tim.

9:50 Tim Buckanowski.

9:52 Really?

9:53 No.

9:54 Andy Dwyer.

9:55 Andy.

9:57 You're going to collect all of this and you're going to put it in my car.

10:00 Ms.

10:01 Knope.

10:01 Yes.

10:02 You're going to go to payroll

10:04 and get copies of Ronald's workplace expense reports.

10:07 Uh I I was wondering how long that's going to take

10:10 because Ron and I have a very important meeting together.

10:13 It's called the Battle Royale.

10:14 It's super fun.

10:15 We're all You and Ron have a big meeting.

10:18 Huh?

10:19 I'm sure Ron will remember the meeting fondly while he

10:22 makes toilet wine in a federal prison in Terre Haute.

10:28 I'll I'll head down to payroll.

10:31 Now.

10:32 You're not getting any younger.

10:34 Yes, ma'am.

10:40 Good morning, everyone.

10:42 sir.

10:42 How can I help you?

10:44 Ron, your mustache fell off.

10:48 Leslie, you goofball.

10:50 Tammy pointed out that my face looked better without any hair

10:53 on it and it did collect a lot of food crumbs, which is very unsanitary.

10:57 What?

10:58 Hey, Jer.

10:59 Hump day, am I right, buddy?

11:01 What?

11:03 What is going on?

11:04 Where's Tammy one?

11:05 She moved in with me.

11:06 She's really helping me out.

11:07 Yesterday, she converted my bank account into a joint bank account with her.

11:11 Oh, that's great.

11:13 And how is that going to help?

11:15 Not sure.

11:15 When she explains it, it makes total sense.

11:17 It is so nice having her around.

11:20 Here's something neat.

11:22 Tammy's got me taking baby aspirin to lower my risk of heart disease.

11:26 Science is a miracle.

11:28 Anyhow, back to the old grindstone.

11:31 These emails aren't going to send themselves.

11:34 Ron, what is this memo you sent to me?

11:37 You're not going to the Battle Royale?

11:39 I have decided not to attend this year.

11:41 Okay, first of all, it's disturbing that you wrote a memo at all,

11:44 but you love arguing against government spending.

11:47 Why do you not want to do it now?

11:48 Leslie, please.

11:50 The government knows what it's doing.

11:52 I'm confident that I'll outshine You and I are going to lunch.

11:57 We have to talk.

11:58 Let me just call Tammy first and get permission.

12:00 Oh, come on.

12:03 Tammy, I was wondering if I could go to lunch with Leslie.

12:08 Terrific.

12:09 Bye.

12:10 She says I can't go.

12:11 You're going to lunch with me.

12:13 I say you can go.

12:16 Oh, gosh.

12:18 I'm really in a pickle now.

12:20 god.

12:20 When Ron falls for Tammy, too,

12:22 he turns into a demonic sex maniac, but this neutered wimp?

12:26 This is worse.

12:27 Operation Golden Dove is in trouble.

12:30 Ron, there are some things I want to speak to you about,

12:32 but I'm not quite sure how to phrase them.

12:34 Just blurt them right out, Leslie.

12:36 Anything you say will stay between you and me.

12:39 Right, my love?

12:40 Stop fidgeting.

12:41 Sorry.

12:42 I was hoping to speak with Ron alone.

12:44 He wants me here.

12:45 He invited me.

12:47 Nah, nah, nah, nah, nah.

12:49 Don't worry, Leslie.

12:50 Tammy's totally cool.

12:52 Oh, okay.

12:53 Then I'll say it to her.

12:54 You're evil and you need to go.

12:57 Leslie, you are a panic.

13:00 Tammy, may I use the restroom?

13:02 Remember to wash your hands.

13:10 Chris, I'm dying.

13:13 I was dying earlier today and then I died.

13:18 Now I'm dead.

13:19 I had to cancel a date with Shauna Malwae-Tweep, and I really like her.

13:24 Do you think she's still like me now that I'm dead.

13:27 What is this?

13:28 It's food poisoning.

13:31 I have it, too.

13:32 I did not sleep for 1 second last night.

13:34 And I cracked the bottom of the toilet bowl.

13:37 don't say that.

13:38 Has anybody talked to Tom?

13:40 I can't even imagine what that tiny little man must be feeling like.

13:43 I have voided more than Tom's body weight in last 12 hours alone.

13:47 He might have just disappeared off the earth.

13:49 We need to call him.

13:50 We must reach out to him.

13:56 I can't do it.

14:07 Ben, extension 7820.

14:24 Oh!

14:26 Smells like some vomit took a dump in here.

14:28 What happened?

14:29 We got food poisoning, Tom.

14:31 Ooh.

14:31 How do you not have food poisoning?

14:33 Because he didn't eat anything.

14:35 He just took pictures and talked about the wow factor.

14:39 Not true.

14:39 I ate everything you did.

14:40 Are you sure?

14:41 Is there anything that you didn't eat?

14:43 Oh, yeah.

14:44 I didn't eat those stupid mini calzones.

14:46 Have a food rule number six.

14:48 Never eat anything with a sauce after I dip myself.

14:51 Drizzle it on for me.

14:52 I'm not your maid.

14:53 The calzones betrayed me.

14:57 Never again, guys.

14:58 As god is my witness, they're dead to me.

15:01 All right.

15:02 Well, Tommy feels great and I'm about to go eat some lasagna.

15:05 Peace.

15:09 Tom, I'm asking you as a man to stop this immediately.

15:20 Boo!

15:22 What the Hey Ron, were you trying to get a seven?

15:30 Because if you were, you did a great job.

15:33 I am very angry right now.

15:38 What?

15:40 My finger was in there.

15:42 Ron, cross my finger.

15:44 I think it might be broken.

15:46 Are you a female bird?

15:48 an accident.

15:49 Oh my god, it's already swollen.

15:51 Come, my god.

15:52 Do you have any pride at all?

15:54 This is on purpose.

15:55 You're jealous of my gift.

15:57 Okay, come on Tweety bird.

15:58 Let's get you some ice.

15:59 Come on.

16:01 Here you go, lane eight.

16:03 No, lane 22, the one at the very end.

16:13 Son of a Hey, perfect game.

16:30 What's your name?

16:31 Put it up on the wall.

16:32 I was never here.

16:34 And you will never speak of this again.

16:36 Precious Raikou's on, I think.

16:38 Oh, you remember staying home sick from school?

16:43 Watching the Precious Raikou.

16:46 Oh god.

16:50 All right, I call this wonderful spot.

16:54 You didn't bring a tent?

16:56 I don't really go camping ever, Jerry.

16:58 So, I'm not going to spend $150 on a tent.

17:01 Just going to sleep on the floor.

17:02 It's called the ground when it's outside.

17:05 Whatever.

17:05 Why, do you guys do this a lot?

17:06 Camping?

17:07 I've never been before, but I think I'm going to love it.

17:10 Why am I going to love it?

17:11 SkyMall.

17:13 Come check out my tent.

17:15 I ordered a bunch of crap off SkyMall.

17:17 I got my TV, my Xbox, DVD, awesome bed right there.

17:21 DJ Roomba's in the mix.

17:24 It's like I'm not even camping.

17:25 This is actually a dog couch, but it's super comfortable.

17:42 Hey Tom.

17:43 One second, I'm just in the middle of a head massage.

17:47 That's a good stopping point.

17:49 What's up?

17:50 Uh You want to bounce some ideas off each other?

17:53 Here's a better idea.

17:54 How about I bounce my way over to my dog

17:55 couch and watch a little season 6 of Top Chef?

17:57 All right.

17:58 I know Leslie seems upset,

17:59 but the truth is she's better than us at this stuff by a thousand miles.

18:03 So, there's really no point.

18:04 Care for some fondue?

18:07 Yeah.

18:08 Hey.

18:09 How do you afford all this stuff?

18:10 I just return it the next day and claim it was defective.

18:13 The key is crying a lot.

18:14 No one likes to see a girl man cry.

18:16 And then my hand accidentally went in the panini press.

18:20 If Leslie had a boyfriend and he broke his legs, I would do the same for her.

18:25 I'd probably bring fewer stuffed animals, though.

18:31 Oh, good lord.

18:34 I call the bed.

18:38 Awesome.

18:39 I hate this place.

18:40 This place is the exact opposite of SkyMall.

18:42 Oh, listen to this.

18:44 Dear Quiet Corn, thank you for your beautiful inn.

18:47 My wife and I spent three nights of ecstasy in this room.

18:51 OH, YES.

18:59 HELLO, TAMMY.

19:00 RONALD.

19:03 That's enough small talk.

19:04 What do you want?

19:05 You remember what I do for a living, I trust.

19:08 Yes, you ruin people's lives.

19:13 You're being audited, Ronald.

19:16 I don't care.

19:17 And why is your mustache trembling?

19:20 I'm here as a friend.

19:22 Call it nostalgia.

19:23 Or perhaps guilt for all the times I tried to smother you in your sleep.

19:28 I don't need your help.

19:29 Wrong.

19:30 You do.

19:31 As you're so fond of saying, it's a free country.

19:34 Good luck.

19:36 I hope you don't go to jail.

19:40 Please open up.

19:40 WE HAVE A WARRANT.

19:41 JUST KIDDING, IT'S US.

19:42 HA, WE GOT YOU.

19:42 ANDY AND APRIL.

19:44 We have someone who wants to see you.

19:46 Champion!

19:47 Come here.

19:48 Champion, you are such a brave, good dog.

19:51 So much spirit.

19:52 You've overcome so much.

19:54 You are the most wonderful dog in the whole world.

19:58 And I am so happy for you.