michael scott was a genius and nobody saw his vision | The Office US

0:00 Sorry, my meeting ran late.

0:02 Really?

0:03 Yes, Jan.

0:05 Really?

0:05 With the rep from Hammermill.

0:07 They're exclusive with Staples.

0:08 Used to be.

0:09 They're going to call you in the morning to work out the details.

0:11 We can now sell Hammermill products.

0:14 Yes!

0:16 Well, Michael, I just I underestimated you.

0:20 Yeah, well, maybe next time you will estimate me.

0:26 Wow, look at that fine craftsmanship.

0:30 You really put a lot of work into that.

0:32 It's beautiful.

0:33 I'll take THE OVEN MITT.

0:38 [screaming] [laughter]

0:40 SEE, I WANTED SOMEBODY TO TAKE IT.

0:41 BOOM.

0:42 Reverse psychology.

0:43 Reverse psychology is an awesome tool.

0:46 I don't know if you guys know about it,

0:47 but basically you make someone think the opposite of what you believe,

0:53 and that tricks them into doing something stupid.

0:57 Works like a charm.

0:58 Why do you have to make the movie at all?

1:01 Because if I don't have this, what do I have?

1:02 I have nothing.

1:03 Really?

1:04 You can't think of anything else that you might have?

1:07 I have my book on business, Somehow I Manage.

1:10 I have my HBO comedy special, Here I Go Again {dot} {dot} {dot}

1:14 What about Shoe La La?

1:16 [sighs and gasps] It's not ready yet.

1:17 I have an idea for a fancy men's shoe store called Shoe La La.

1:23 And it's just men's shoes for the special occasions in a man's life.

1:28 Like the day that you get married,

1:30 or the day your wife has a baby, or for just lounging around the house.

1:36 We're designing a house.

1:37 Cool.

1:38 For who?

1:39 For us.

1:42 Wow.

1:46 I'm designing a chair.

1:50 It's part of your pants.

1:51 You sit down, you're supported.

1:53 I remember your chair pants idea.

1:58 [laughter]

1:57 I like that.

1:58 Put me down for a pair.

1:59 I'm a size 34 waist.

2:01 All right, fatty.

2:02 I will do it.

2:03 The Willy Wonka golden ticket promotional idea is

2:06 probably the best idea I have ever had.

2:09 It's probably the best idea anybody has ever had.

2:12 Three days ago I slipped five pieces of gold paper into random paper shipments.

2:17 This entitles the customer to 10% off of their total order.

2:21 It will be a day for them that is full

2:24 of whimsy and full of excitement and full of fantasy.

2:30 You embarrassed my friends in front of me,

2:32 and I'm going to need you to go back over to the table and apologize.

2:35 Then I am sorry that I didn't kick you out.

2:40 I'm here with my employees.

2:42 I am here on a date.

2:43 Hello?

2:44 Well, uh I'm the manager here, sir.

2:47 Well, it just so happens that I'm a manager, too.

2:49 And the way I manage people is that I touch their hearts and souls with humor,

2:54 with love, and maybe a dash of razzle-dazzle.

2:57 And I don't see that from you.

2:58 Is that how you do it?

3:00 Yes, it is.

3:01 I'm writing a book about it.

3:03 Really?

3:03 How much have you written?

3:04 I've written all of it.

3:08 In my head.

3:10 If you're really interested, it is called Somehow I Manage,

3:13 and there's going to be a picture of me

3:14 on the cover shrugging with my sleeves rolled up.

3:18 I'm creative, Ryan.

3:20 It's not part of your job.

3:21 It's like maybe you can cook.

3:23 But that doesn't mean you should start a restaurant.

3:25 Well, actually, I can't cook,

3:27 and I am starting a restaurant, Mike's Cereal Shack.

3:30 I'm thinking we'll have as many varieties as you can buy in the store.

3:34 Okay, I'm not really interested in that right now.

3:36 Unless you like her so much.

3:38 Don't give up.

3:42 She's engaged.

3:44 BFD.

3:44 Engaged ain't married.

3:46 And the last guy says, "No, hairy body." You know, I have heard it before.

3:52 Ah.

3:52 Well, it's still very good.

3:56 I bet I know someone who hasn't heard that joke.

3:58 Your honor, Emily.

4:00 How's she doing?

4:01 She's great.

4:02 Thanks for asking.

4:03 Great memory, huh?

4:05 She could be like 11 this winter.

4:07 Wow.

4:08 They grow up so fast.

4:10 I have a few of my own that I want someday.

4:13 So, when we get to the Radisson, I'd like to uh it to Chili's.

4:18 Excuse me?

4:19 Radisson just gives out this vibe.

4:22 It's like, "Oh, I'm doing business at the Radisson." It's kind of snooty.

4:26 So.

4:26 You had no right to do that, Michael.

4:28 Here's the thing.

4:28 Chili's is the new golf course.

4:32 It's where business happens.

4:34 Small Business Man magazine.

4:36 It said that?

4:38 It will.

4:38 I sent it in.

4:39 Letter to the editor.

4:40 The first guy says, "Well, I'm an astronaut,

4:43 so I drive a Saturn." And the second guy says, "Well,

4:46 I am a pimp, so I drive a cheap escort." And the third guy says,

4:51 "I got you both beat.

4:52 I'm a proctologist, so I drive A BROWN PROBE." [laughter]

5:00 OH MY GOD, THAT'S FUNNY.

5:04 [laughter] ALMOST HAD OSCAR BLAST COMING OUT OF MY NOSE.

5:08 Can I get you a vodka tonic, please?

5:11 That was delicious.

5:13 [laughter] I love it.

5:14 We would probably be upset with ourselves if

5:17 we went this whole night without talking business.

5:20 So, Dunder Mifflin can provide a level of personal service

5:24 to the county that the warehouse chains just can't match.

5:28 Well, we are out to save money.

5:30 What's the bottom line?

5:34 That's why I wanted a signal between us,

5:38 so I wouldn't have to just shout nonsense words.

5:41 That's her fault.

5:42 Did somebody say baby back ribs?

5:47 Hm?

5:49 Hm?

5:49 I don't think Christian has time for that.

5:52 I have time.

5:54 I want my baby back baby back baby back.

5:56 I want my baby back baby back baby back.

5:58 I want my baby back I want my baby back ribs.

6:08 Right down the street?

6:11 Mhm.

6:10 Kenneth Road, born and raised.

6:12 Spent my whole life right here in Lackawanna County,

6:15 and I do not intend on moving.

6:18 I know this place.

6:19 I know how many hospitals we have, I know the schools we have.

6:23 It's home, you know?

6:25 I know the challenges county's up against.

6:28 Here's the thing about those discount suppliers.

6:30 They don't care.

6:31 They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business,

6:36 and then, once we're all gone, they jack up the prices.

6:39 I know.

6:40 It's bad.

6:40 It's terrible.

6:41 It is.

6:41 You know what?

6:42 It really is.

6:43 Um I don't know.

6:47 I guess I could give you guys our business,

6:48 but you have to meet me halfway, okay?

6:51 Because they're expecting me to make cuts.

6:54 Well, Corp is going to go ballistic, but you think we could, Jan?

7:02 NO!

7:04 OH MY GOD.

7:08 OH, NO.

7:09 That is so awful.

7:10 That is the worst news.

7:12 I have to go.

7:12 I have to do a presentation.

7:14 I'll talk to you.

7:16 Ah.

7:17 This is going to be hard for me to speak

7:19 today because I just learned that my father has died.

7:23 No, he didn't.

7:25 He is alive.

7:26 And this isn't even a cell phone.

7:27 This is a calculator.

7:29 But you bought it.

7:31 AND NOW YOU CAN'T RETURN IT.

7:33 Or can you?

7:34 No, you can't.

7:36 Yes.

7:37 Karen, do you need to go pump?

7:40 Not going to have to do that till after I have the baby.

7:42 No, I'm wondering what are you talking about?

7:45 I am talking about how you all need to sell an experience.

7:49 Like I sold you on the idea that my father had died.

7:53 But now we think you're a liar.

7:55 Would a liar bring mini mounds bars?

8:00 I am a theatrical person.

8:02 Growing up, I always thought I would become an actor

8:04 because I have these memorization tricks that I use.

8:09 Um for instance I learned the Pledge of Allegiance

8:14 by setting it to the tune of Old MacDonald.

8:20 I pledge allegiance to the flag of the United States of America,

8:26 and to the republic for which it stands,

8:29 one nation under God, with a woof woof here and a woof woof there,

8:34 here a woof, there a woof, everywhere a woof woof.

8:38 Ah, you get it.

8:39 I don't know you, but I need to know you in order to sell to you.

8:43 That is why I have asked you to go around and tell me your names.

8:46 I have an amazing mnemonic device by which

8:48 I have now memorized all of your names.

8:53 Shorty.

8:54 Mole.

8:55 Lazy eye.

8:56 Mexico.

8:57 Baldy.

8:58 Sugar boobs.

8:59 Black woman.

9:00 I have taken a unique part of who you are,

9:04 and I have used that to memorize your name.

9:08 Baldy.

9:09 Your head is bald.

9:10 It is hairless.

9:11 It is shiny.

9:13 It is reflective like a mirror.

9:16 M, your name is Mark.

9:18 Yes.

9:19 Got it.

9:20 It works.

9:21 Uh it's very insulting.

9:23 But it works.

9:24 I would like you all to give this a shot.

9:27 What do you say?

9:28 But we already know each other's names.

9:30 Well, then it will be easier for you.

9:33 But I I still think it's worthwhile to give it a give it a try.

9:35 Okay.

9:36 All right, everyone.

9:37 Meeting's over.

9:37 But I still have more.

9:39 Can I please see you in my office, please?

9:42 She is pregnant.

9:43 She is knocked up.

9:44 K, Karen.

9:45 Pam, let's go.

9:46 Okay, so you're not going to reveal in any way that we're broke.

9:50 Of course not.

9:51 we're having any problems at all.

9:53 Right.

9:53 Just to reiterate, none of us is going

9:56 to say anything that might indicate we are going broke.

9:59 Right.

9:59 Right.

9:59 There is no way in hell that I am going to say that we're broke.

10:06 Oh, I'm really worried I'm going to say it.

10:09 No, Michael.

10:10 No, man.

10:11 You're You're fine.

10:12 We have to come from a position of strength.

10:14 good.

10:15 Just put it out of your mind.

10:16 It is.

10:17 I'm good.

10:17 Michael, in order to expedite these negotiations,

10:22 we are prepared to make you a very generous offer.

10:24 And we are prepared to reject that offer.

10:27 Michael, you haven't even heard it.

10:29 Never accept their first offer.

10:30 What is your second offer?

10:32 $12,000.

10:35 Are you kidding me?

10:36 That is insultingly low.

10:38 I don't even want to hear what your first offer was.

10:41 What do you hear?

10:45 Here's the situation.

10:47 Your company is 4 weeks old.

10:48 I know this business.

10:49 I know what the suppliers are charging.

10:51 I know you can't be making very much money.

10:53 I don't know how your prices are so low, but I know it can't keep up that way.

10:58 I'm sure you're scared.

10:59 Probably in debt.

11:01 It's the best offer you're going to get.

11:03 I'll see your situation and I'll raise you a situation.

11:06 Your company is losing clients left and right.

11:10 You have a stock holder meeting coming up and you are going

11:12 to have to explain to them why your most profitable branch is bleeding.

11:18 So, they may be looking for a little change in the CFO.

11:21 So, I don't think I need to wait out Dunder Mifflin.

11:23 I think I just have to wait out you.

11:28 Okay.

11:29 Now, I don't know that I can get this.

11:31 I do have to go to the board for approval.

11:35 How's about $60,000?

11:41 Hm?

11:43 60,000?

11:45 Michael, um what what are we at?

11:49 What are we at the Dongs?

11:50 What?

11:50 We're going to have to talk about this later.

11:53 Okay.

11:53 Now, please take the room.

11:55 We are outside.

11:57 Take your time.

12:03 Oh my god.

12:04 Oh my god.

12:05 60,000

12:06 We are so rich.

12:08 So, you've thought it over, yes?

12:10 And you accept our offer.

12:12 We can finally put this whole thing behind us.

12:16 Hm?

12:17 No.

12:20 Michael How could you do this to me, Michael?

12:22 You just cost me $60,000.

12:24 You told me you'd get the whole thing.

12:26 It's a lot of money, okay?

12:27 But we need money coming in every week.

12:29 We need jobs.

12:31 Wouldn't you rather have a fishing pole than a fish?

12:35 I would rather have $60,000, honestly.

12:38 No, Michael's right.

12:39 Jobs are safer.

12:42 Agreed.

12:44 Agreed.

12:45 But that's all, okay?

12:47 Yeah, discuss these things, please.

12:50 Hello.

12:51 I want my old job back.

12:52 I want my old parking space back.

12:54 I want a Sebring.

12:56 make them anymore.

12:58 And I want Charles gone.

13:00 I'm not firing Charles.

13:01 He's very valuable.

13:02 That's very kind of you to say, David.

13:04 I need him gone.

13:06 No.

13:06 Okay, then I want Pam back.

13:08 Uh you already have a new receptionist.

13:12 Sales.

13:11 Thank you.

13:12 Pam's not a salesperson.

13:14 Yes, she is.

13:15 At the Michael Scott Paper Company in its heyday.

13:18 That's right.

13:19 Okay.

13:21 Please continue.

13:22 And Ryan.

13:23 Ryan cost Dunder Mifflin hundreds of thousands of dollars, Michael.

13:27 Ryan David, I don't care if Ryan murdered his entire family.

13:31 He is like a son to me.

13:32 Do you realize what you're asking for here?

13:34 You're talking about salary plus health benefits and dental this time.

13:38 Insurance, taxes, social security for three people.

13:41 This is a heck of a lot more than 60 grand.

13:42 You're talking about a multi-million dollar buyout.

13:44 These are our demands.

13:46 Your company cannot be worth that much.

13:48 Our company is worth nothing.

13:51 That's the difference between you and I.

13:53 Business isn't about money to me, David.

13:56 If tomorrow my company goes under,

13:58 I will just start another paper company

14:00 and then another and another and another.

14:02 I have no shortage of company names.

14:06 Michael That's one of them.

14:06 Yes.

14:07 These are our demands.

14:09 This is what we want.

14:12 Our balls are in your court.

14:22 Okay.

14:24 Deal.

14:24 Mr.

14:24 Wallace, regarding Michael Scott, was he a contender to replace Jan Levinson?

14:28 David Wallace, yes.

14:30 David I was number one contender.

14:34 I was being groomed.

14:35 Council, was he your first choice?

14:37 David Wallace, Michael Scott is a fine employee.

14:40 He who has been with the company many years.

14:42 Council, was he in the top five of contenders?

14:45 David Wallace, what do you want me to say?

14:47 Come on, he's a nice guy.

14:49 There were many people that I considered.

14:51 Council, was he being seriously considered for the corporate job?

14:55 David Wallace, no.

15:02 I have one more question, Mr.

15:03 Scott.

15:05 Wouldn't you agree with Ms.

15:06 Levinson that the company exhibits a pattern of disrespect toward its employees?

15:17 Absolutely not.

15:21 [clears throat] Michael I am very sorry.

15:29 Oh, hey.

15:29 No biggie.

15:30 Just No.

15:31 No.

15:31 No.

15:31 No.

15:31 No.

15:31 No.

15:32 This was rough.

15:33 We never meant for you to get caught in the middle of this.

15:35 I'm very sorry.

15:47 Hey, David.

15:49 I think you're a nice guy, too.

15:52 Thanks, Michael.

15:54 Why did I do it?

15:55 I don't know.

15:56 Jan said that it was because of the photo that she revealed the diary.

16:02 But she already brought the diary with her to New York.

16:06 So you expect to get screwed by your company,

16:10 but you never expect to get screwed by your girlfriend.

16:14 Let's face it.

16:14 Moving to a new job can be very stressful.

16:17 So, I have made an orientation video especially for you newcomers.

16:23 But it's not like any orientation video that any of you have ever seen.

16:29 It's funny.

16:31 It's got a little bit of a zing to it and I hope that it gives you

16:36 a flavor of what we're all about here at Dunder

16:39 Mifflin and what we're all about here in Scranton.

16:43 So, let's just all laugh together and watch Lazy Scranton.

16:49 Sitting in my office with A PLATE OF GRILLED BACON.

16:51 CALL ME IN PRACTICE JUST TO SEE WHAT WE'RE SHAKING.

16:53 YO, MIKE.

16:54 OUR TOWN IS DOPE AND PRETTY.

16:56 SO, CHECK OUT how we live.

16:57 IN THE ELECTRIC CITY.

16:59 THEY CALL IT SCRANTON.

17:00 WHAT?

17:00 THE ELECTRIC CITY.

17:02 SCRANTON.

17:02 WHAT?

17:03 THE ELECTRIC CITY.

17:04 Call poison control if you're BIT BY A SPIDER.

17:07 BUT CHECK THAT IT'S COVERED BY YOUR HEALTH CHECK COVERED

17:09 BY YOUR YOU LIKE THE COAL MINES AND YOU WANT to see them?

17:12 Well, check it out, yo.

17:13 THE ANTHRACITE MUSEUM.

17:15 PLENTY of space in the parking lot.

17:17 But the little cars GO IN THE COMPACT SPOT.

17:20 SPOT.

17:21 SPOT.

17:21 SPOT.

17:22 SPOT.

17:24 This is ridiculous.

17:25 Do you have any idea what time we'll get out of here?

17:27 Nobody likes to work late.

17:30 Least of all me.

17:33 Do you have plans tonight?

17:34 Nope, I don't.

17:35 Remember you told us not to make plans cuz we were working?

17:38 Yes, I remember.

17:41 This is BS.

17:42 This is BS.

17:43 Why are we here?

17:44 I am going to call corporate.

17:46 Enough is enough.

17:47 I'm Scott.

17:48 I'm so mad.

17:50 This is Michael Scott, Scranton.

17:52 Well, we don't want to work.

17:54 No, we don't.

17:55 It's not fair to these people.

17:58 These people ARE MY FRIENDS AND I CARE ABOUT THEM.

18:01 WE'RE NOT GOING TO DO IT.

18:05 EVERYBODY, I just got off the horn with corporate and uh

18:08 basically I told them where they could stick their little overtime assignment.

18:13 Go enjoy your Friday.

18:13 Thank you, Michael.

18:14 All right.

18:16 All right.

18:16 Happy Friday.

18:17 Well, I think we dodged a bullet there.

18:18 I think you did.

18:19 I think we should celebrate.

18:20 How about you, Pam, me, Oscar, little dinner, dancing, drinks?

18:24 I said you didn't have plans.

18:28 That's what you said.

18:30 Michael has asked Pam and me to dinner at least nine

18:34 times and every time we've been able to get out of it.

18:37 But I got to give him credit.

18:40 He got me.

18:41 Because I'm starting to suspect that there was no assignment from corporate.

18:46 Little girl in a field holding a flower.

18:50 We zoom back to find that she's in the desert.

18:55 And the field is an oasis.

18:57 Zoom back further.

18:59 The desert is a sandbox in the world's largest resort hotel.

19:04 Zoom back further.

19:05 The hotel is actually the playground of the world's largest prison.

19:12 But we zoom back further.

19:14 I can tell that your time is valuable.

19:15 Actually I don't get paid by the hour anymore.

19:18 But thank you.

19:19 I get paid by the year.

19:21 So That all sounds really, really ambitious.

19:23 Yeah, I know.

19:24 Why don't we show you what we did with the Nashua branch?

19:29 Okay.

20:01 That's what natural came up with?

20:03 That sucks.

20:06 [laughter]

20:06 That's what we came up with.

20:07 Well, we can do better than that.

20:09 Well, the main part of the ad has to stay the same, actually.

20:11 Yeah, it's the last 5 seconds where we have some leeway.

20:16 The waving?

20:18 Well, no, no.

20:18 You don't do waving.

20:19 That was just what they did.

20:20 You guys can be clapping, and we're sitting, standing outside, inside, whatever.

20:25 I mean, this is where you really get to be creative.

20:28 Welcome, one and all, to the world premiere of Corporate Crap Fest.

20:52 Hey, seemed like a big hit.

20:54 No, people are stupid.

20:55 People like waving.

20:57 Waving sells, not art.

21:00 Yet, we made our ad, the real one,

21:04 was full of humor and full of depth, and full of heart, and it was real.

21:11 Hey.

21:11 Can you do me a favor?

21:12 Could you put that in the DVD player?

21:15 Hey, everybody.

21:15 Just want to welcome you all

21:17 to the premiere of the real Dunder Mifflin commercial.

21:21 Michael Scott director's cut.

21:23 Hope you like it.

21:27 It all starts with an idea.

21:31 But you can never tell where an idea will end up.

21:39 Because ideas spread.

21:41 They change, grow.

21:44 They connect us with the world.

21:52 And in a fast-moving world, where good news moves at the speed of time,

22:04 and bad news isn't always [music] what it seems.

22:20 Because when push comes to shove, we all deserve a second chance to score.

22:44 Dunder Mifflin, limitless paper in a paperless world.

22:57 Here's the deal, guys.

22:57 There is no new information as of yet, so I suggest we all just keep working.

23:01 Sure, I'm a little nervous, but doing our work will make us feel better.

23:05 I only slack off when things are good.

23:08 Customers have to use the coupon code from the website.

23:11 And as of now, there is no differentiation between the letter O and the zero,

23:15 but we are working on that.

23:17 Stay tuned for that.

23:18 He needs me.

23:19 Seat saving kitty.

23:20 Okay, great.

23:21 Also, What?

23:26 Oh my god.

23:27 What is it?

23:28 What happened?

23:29 Is there news?

23:30 There has been a murder.

23:31 What?

23:33 What?

23:34 There's been a murder in Savannah.

23:41 Games have the power to distract people from stressful situations.

23:46 Battleship got me through my parents' divorce.

23:49 Operation got me through my vasectomy, i.e., my operation.

23:53 I don't think I would have been able to endure

23:55 my breakup with Holly had it not been for Toss Across.

23:59 Bells, Bourbon, and Bullets, a murder mystery dinner party game.

24:02 It is so much fun.

24:04 Everybody plays a character.

24:05 We go around the room.

24:07 We try to figure out who did it.

24:09 Hey, I'm wondering if this is a um terrible idea.

24:12 This is my call, Jim.

24:13 Big picture stuff.

24:14 It's about murder.

24:15 I thought we agreed that we wouldn't do things like this.

24:18 Tube City, you owe me one.

24:21 My name is Deborah U Thant.

24:23 Deb, for short.

24:25 That's clever.

24:27 Deb U Thant.

24:29 Bill Bourbon was my uncle.

24:31 I would have never hurt him any more than I'd hurt a June bug.

24:36 Nice accent.

24:37 You sound like Forrest Gump.

24:38 I do not.

24:39 Well, you do, actually.

24:41 You've got this kind of like Florida panhandle thing going,

24:45 whereas what you really want is more of a Savannah accent,

24:48 which is more like molasses just sort of spilling out of your mouth.

24:52 Ooh, now do the sweetest chef.

24:54 Um not familiar.

24:55 What province is he from?

24:56 He lives on Sesame Street, dumbass.

24:59 You know, I think I'm supposed to say something to Pam, I mean Deb, okay?

25:04 Um I overheard you asking the butler where the pistol was kept.

25:10 Wait a minute.

25:10 Wait a minute.

25:12 I'm the butler.

25:13 What, you were listening in on that?

25:14 Oh, you rich people.

25:15 You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class.

25:18 Don't turn this into a political thing.

25:19 I'll poison your food.

25:21 I reckon I got something to say to Miss Beatrice Bourbon, IF'N SHE DON'T MIND.

25:27 DOGGY, WE GOT A PARTY NOW.

25:29 I DO believe that the game is a big hit.

25:32 People are really diving into their characters.

25:35 Y'all.

25:37 Okay, I'm just going to skip right past the what and go with why.

25:40 Because this is a recreation of a crime scene.

25:44 I'm the dead body, and these are my brain chunks.

25:46 Hey, shut up.

25:46 You're dead.

25:47 Michael, can I talk to you in your office?

25:49 Here.

25:49 My Caleb.

25:57 Today, OF ALL DAYS.

25:59 SHUT UP.

26:00 THEY NEED THIS GAME, JIM.

26:02 Let us have THIS STUPID LITTLE GAME, ALL RIGHT?

26:06 HEY, DAVID.

26:08 HEY.

26:08 Sorry to be getting back to you guys so late.

26:11 Things are still a bit unclear.

26:12 We didn't officially decide anything yet.

26:14 Oh, okay.

26:16 But, if I can be candid with you here, Jim, it's not good.

26:19 We fully expect to be out of money by the end of the year, insolvent.

26:25 So, wait, well, you know what?

26:27 I'm [clears throat] sorry.

26:27 I have to run.

26:29 But we will talk soon, okay?

26:30 Sure.

26:31 Yeah.

26:31 Oh, you know while I have you,

26:32 today I was working on this pitch for a supermarket chain,

26:35 and it would actually be a big account, and I wanted to You know what?

26:39 I I can't really get my head around

26:40 anything like that right now, but that's great.

26:42 Keep after it, but I got to run.

26:44 Okay.

26:45 Thanks, Jim.

26:45 See you.

26:57 What's the news?

26:58 Nothing yet.

27:04 Well, I guess that's not Well, there is some bad news.

27:10 There has been another murder.

27:15 A murder, you say?

27:18 I do declare.

27:20 I think today was a good day to have two managers,

27:23 cuz if you're a family stuck on a lifeboat in the middle of the ocean,

27:26 one parent might want to just keep rowing.

27:29 But if the other parent wants to play a game, it's not because they're crazy.

27:34 It's because they're doing it for the kids.

27:36 And I get that now.

27:38 There has been a lot of murder and a lot of intrigue.

27:43 My little heart can barely take it no more.

27:49 Today is the hardest I have worked in a long, long time.

27:54 Stanley, may I talk to you for a second?

28:03 Stanley Hudson, you are fired.

28:13 Are you serious?

28:15 I am serious.

28:17 We are all serious.

28:19 You're fired like a heart attack.

28:21 You're firing me over three words.

28:25 Have you lost your mind?

28:27 Do you think I'm going to let you do this to me?

28:30 Mm.

28:30 I've watched you screw up this office for 10 years, and I'm filing a lawsuit,

28:34 and I'm going to tell them about every

28:35 stupid thing you've ever done up in this office.

28:38 All right.

28:38 Okay.

28:39 You know what?

28:40 Now you know how I feel.

28:43 This was a fake firing.

28:46 Lesson learned.

28:46 Good work, everybody.

28:48 Very nice.

28:49 So, I'm not fired?

28:51 That's it.

28:53 And uh do you have anything to say to me?

28:56 Ooh, yes, I do.

28:59 You are out of your damn little pea-sized mind.

29:03 What is wrong with you?

29:04 Do you have any sense at all?

29:07 Okay.

29:07 Do you have any idea how to run an office?

29:10 Every day you do something stupider than you did the day before,

29:14 and I think there's no possible way he can top that.

29:17 BUT WHAT DO YOU DO?

29:18 YOU FIND A WAY, DAMMIT, TO TOP IT.

29:20 YOU ARE PROFESSIONAL IDIOT.

29:22 HEY, SHUT UP.

29:25 OKAY, EVERYBODY OUT.

29:26 WHO?

29:27 YEAH, EVERYBODY, except Stanley.

29:37 Let's go.

29:38 I can't find my glasses.

29:39 Okay, you know what?

29:40 Why don't you take my hand, and leave them, and let's get out of here.

29:43 Okay.

29:43 Okay.

29:46 I don't to why you keep picking me.

29:48 Oh, for the love of God.

29:50 You just do I don't know why.

29:53 So, please help me understand.

29:56 Fine.

29:56 Here it is.

29:58 You are a person I do not respect.

30:01 The things you say, your actions, your methods and style,

30:05 everything you would do I would do it the opposite way.

30:12 Well, Stanley, maybe you are feeling that you don't

30:16 respect me because you don't know me very well.

30:19 Michael, I've known you a very long time.

30:22 And the more I've gotten to know you, the less I've come to respect you.

30:27 Any other theories?

30:35 All right, you don't respect me.

30:38 I accept that.

30:41 But listen to me.

30:43 You can't talk to me that way in this office.

30:46 You just can't.

30:47 I am your boss.

30:50 Can't allow it.

30:52 Fair enough.

30:54 Did you know that in China there are 56 cities with over a million people?

30:58 You know how many we have here?

31:00 Nine.

31:00 Actually, that's not true.

31:02 I know the figure you're referring to and it's

31:04 a projection of 15 years from now.

31:06 Thank God.

31:07 No, no, that is right now.

31:08 Michael, China is agrarian.

31:10 Urbanizing fast, you betcha.

31:12 But still agrarian.

31:13 Most in terms of land, not population.

31:15 Come on, Michael.

31:16 No, no, you're wrong about this.

31:19 [snorts]

31:19 Where are you getting this information?

31:20 I got it from nytimes.com.

31:22 Uh-oh, getting nervous, Oscar?

31:25 Okay, someone look it up.

31:26 I'm on it, Jim.

31:27 I'm on it.

31:27 Guys, it's not worth it, really.

31:29 Guys, this is not worth our time.

31:31 Are you watching this?

31:32 Seriously?

31:34 Well, are you?

31:35 I'm sitting right here.

31:37 Got it.

31:38 China has 56 cities with a population of over 1 million.

31:41 The US has nine.

31:45 Suck it, Oscar.

31:47 Well, on the plus side,

31:48 all this worrying about China has made you smarter than Oscar, Michael.

31:51 Great.

31:51 I was wrong.

31:52 I'm wrong.

31:53 Is everyone happy?

31:57 Whoa, there's a lot of brainpower in this room.

31:59 We got Michael and Oscar, the two smartest guys in the office.

32:02 Also, in that order.

32:04 Funny, Jim, that is funny.

32:05 Very comedically humorous, Jim.

32:07 I have a computer question.

32:08 Hey, Oscar.

32:09 What is it?

32:10 Can you move aside so that I can ask Michael?

32:12 All right.

32:12 All right, I get it.

32:13 Michael, how do I create a new tab?

32:15 Try control P.

32:17 That's print.

32:18 Not if the printer isn't hooked up.

32:20 You are making some very dangerous assumptions, Oscar.

32:23 Oscar, it must be killing you now that Michael is smarter than you.

32:25 He's He's not smarter than me.

32:28 He was just right about one thing.

32:29 Yeah, but it was a really smart thing to be right about, actually.

32:33 Actually, it was.

32:35 Michael, the reason I asked you down here for this chat is

32:38 I've been thinking that your fears about China are a bit exaggerated.

32:42 Did you know that China has a new missile that can

32:45 sink a US naval carrier 900 miles off the coast?

32:48 We have missiles, too.

32:49 Did you also know that China has secretly been expanding its nuclear arsenal?

32:54 But what do I know?

32:54 I mean, that's just according to the Pentagon.

32:56 Our Pentagon.

33:01 China has been loaning us billions upon billions of dollars.

33:05 We are going to be owing them for the rest

33:07 of our lives and they will control us.

33:09 Actually, we're in a mild recession right now.

33:13 I'll give you that.

33:14 But people use China as the bogeyman for all their problems.

33:17 In the 1980s, it was Japan.

33:18 How then do you explain that in the past year manufacturing in China

33:23 has risen by 17% and in the US it is only risen by 8%?

33:28 really think that manufacturing is a relevant indicator

33:31 of where the world economy is heading in 2011?

33:34 Do you know the comparative expansion of, say, the information sector?

33:37 I say that's far more relevant, wouldn't you?

33:42 Don't.

33:48 I Hello.

33:56 Hello.

33:57 You're breaking the law.

33:58 Impossible.

33:58 I love the law.

33:59 Read article 19.

34:01 There are certain standards that you have to maintain

34:03 the building at and that includes

34:04 comfortable temperatures and adequate lighting.

34:07 It also means no more cutting the tampons

34:08 in two and no more tampering with the toilet paper.

34:13 I see I've underestimated you.

34:15 And I didn't think that was possible.

34:17 Nate, re-ply the paper.

34:21 I I don't think it goes that way.

34:23 RE-PLY IT.

34:26 DON'T WORRY ABOUT THE COFFEE, it's on me.

34:28 Yeah, I figured that.

34:29 Michael, I am so happy that we were able to have this little chat.

34:36 Wait.

34:38 You're forgetting something.

34:40 What?

34:40 This chat.

34:42 Two men, one white, one Latina.

34:45 A boss and a money cruncher.

34:47 I could fire you.

34:48 Fire him.

34:49 No, show mercy.

34:50 But here we are.

34:52 What's your point?

34:52 My point is that as long as people like you and me don't stop talking,

35:02 nobody can stop the USA.

35:04 Yeah.

35:05 But that's not I am talking about freedom, about choice.

35:11 America, I don't think you need to worry

35:14 because if you want to beat China, you will.

35:17 If you don't, that's fine.

35:20 That, my friend, is your victory.

35:23 You know, a lot of people say that if you dig long enough and hard enough,

35:28 you will get to China and that may be true.

35:31 But what they don't tell you is that if

35:33 you dig long enough and hard enough in a conversation, you get to a friend.

35:41 So, here is to conversation.

35:44 That's not Raise your cups on high.

35:48 Case closed.

35:51 [applause] That wasn't what we were discus- that wasn't the whole