Brooklyn 99 - Season 2 Episodes 12-17 | Mini Episodes

0:04 And that's just a start.

0:09 Peralta, I thought you already left.

0:11 Yeah, I closed a couple of cases and had to finish up the paperwork.

0:13 Also, I wanted to thank you again for giving us this half day.

0:16 I've always wanted to joshed around with my peers.

0:18 So, you've never joshed around with anyone?

0:21 Never.

0:22 You know how I'm always saying it ain't

0:23 a real party till your boss shows up unexpectedly?

0:27 Well, it's a party.

0:29 What are you talking about?

0:30 Hello, party people.

0:33 Hey, did everyone see Dave from downstairs this week?

0:35 He shaved his beard.

0:36 Oh my god, his whole face looks like a butt.

0:41 [laughter] I like David.

0:41 He's a good cop.

0:43 Can we please turn off the jets?

0:45 Yeah.

0:48 Wow, without the bubbles you can really see everything.

0:52 Eyes up here, Peralta.

0:54 Captain, I bet you used to smoke cigars on the job all the time, right?

0:57 No, but I had a partner did.

0:59 He wouldn't burn it all day long.

1:01 Dan Hammer.

1:02 That name is so cool it doesn't need a nickname.

1:04 Ah, but he had one.

1:06 Snake Eyes.

1:07 Oh, Snake Eyes is a great one.

1:09 He was the toughest son of a I ever met.

1:12 When he died, he stuck out his middle finger

1:14 so he'd be flipping everyone off at his funeral.

1:16 That rules.

1:18 Yeah.

1:19 Who killed him?

1:20 Don't say a white tiger on cocaine cuz I will lose it.

1:22 No, cancer of the mouth, tongue, lip, and cheek.

1:27 Hmm.

1:29 All right, I admit it.

1:30 It's weird having the captain here.

1:32 It straight up sucks.

1:33 Should we just go home?

1:34 What do you think, Terry?

1:36 I am not going anywhere.

1:39 I'm playing Crazy Cupcakes.

1:40 I'm hydrated as hell and I'm listening to Sheryl Crow.

1:44 I've got my own party going on.

1:46 Wait a minute.

1:47 Vacation Terry, you're a genius.

1:49 We'll have two parties.

1:51 A fun one down here with just us [music]

1:53 and then an awkward uncomfortable one in the living room with Holt.

1:56 He doesn't even have to know about it.

1:58 Now, the recorder is generally thought of as a training

2:00 instrument for children, but listen to it.

2:03 In the hands of an expert like Joram Leif Krum, the passion is breathtaking.

2:12 Woof!

2:13 First shift is done.

2:15 How was it?

2:16 I'm not going to lie, it was pretty brutal.

2:18 But on the plus side, I now hate a whole new genre of music.

2:21 Wait a minute.

2:21 Why is Scully up here?

2:23 Hey Captain.

2:24 How much does it cost to raise a sunken ship?

2:26 Answer, less than a casino makes in a year, hopefully.

2:30 Oh, what a funny riddle.

2:31 Hey Scully, there's this sandwich in the other room I want to show you.

2:34 Say no more.

2:35 Ah, that was easy.

2:36 What the hell, guys?

2:38 You can't just let Scully go wherever he wants.

2:40 We lost track of who was where.

2:42 Sorry.

2:42 Guys, if we're going to pull this off, we need to focus.

2:45 You want to play?

2:45 Yeah, I want to play.

2:46 It's quarters.

2:47 What am I, a monster?

2:47 Terry, tag me in.

2:48 You're on Holt party duty.

2:50 It seems to me all-wheel drive is four-wheel drive.

2:58 Who needs something?

2:59 Who needs something?

2:59 You know they say it's not good to have a TV in the bedroom,

3:03 which is WHY I DON'T.

3:08 [screaming] I AM THE KING OF QUARTERS!

3:12 [laughter] [screaming] SEE, I TOLD YOU GUYS WE STILL HAVE FUN THIS WEEKEND.

3:16 WAIT, TERRY, aren't you supposed to be upstairs?

3:18 Not now.

3:19 It's nap time.

3:21 Okay, Amy and Hitchcock are still upstairs.

3:23 I think we're still good.

3:24 Where is everyone?

3:26 You're having a party without me.

3:27 Captain,

3:28 No need to explain.

3:30 I feel awful.

3:31 My fanny is not deep enough to fix this.

3:34 Vacation Terry is dead.

3:39 is I'm going to talk to Captain Holt.

3:40 No, don't do that.

3:42 I invited him up here.

3:43 I should go talk to him.

3:45 Okay.

3:46 What?

3:46 Really thought you were going to fight me on that.

3:48 Then we'd have a whole back and forth and eventually you'd go,

3:50 "Jake, I respect you, but I got to do this." No, it's uncomfortable.

3:54 I'd much rather you do it.

3:55 All right, fine.

3:57 Here I go.

4:01 You're walking in place.

4:02 All right.

4:07 I heard you were out here.

4:09 Really hate those jets, huh?

4:10 I'm not a child.

4:11 I don't need a bubble bath.

4:14 I want to say I'm sorry.

4:15 You're sorry?

4:16 I was so eager to make up for all the joshing around I'd missed,

4:19 I forgot this getaway is really for you detectives.

4:21 I mean, it's nothing against you as a person.

4:24 Normally, we get really drunk and act like crazy idiots

4:27 and play stupid games where we make fun of the boss.

4:29 Which is hard when the boss is present.

4:33 Yeah, but not impossible.

4:35 I think instead of us rising to your level,

4:38 it's maybe time for you to stoop down to ours.

4:47 And that's just a start.

4:51 I call the game Real Ray or Fake [music] Ray.

4:54 Any smile that lasts longer than a second and a half is a con man's ruse.

4:59 That's fake.

5:00 Fake.

5:00 That's fake.

5:01 I SAID IT.

5:02 AND [screaming] I MEANT IT!

5:05 YEAH!

5:07 JASON, WAIT YOUR TURN!

5:11 THIS STUPID MACHINE WON'T TAKE MY DOLLAR.

5:13 I have a dollar taped to a pizza coupon.

5:14 It's good for a cheesy bread worth $2.50.

5:17 You would have made money on this deal, machine.

5:20 Hey Sarge, can I borrow a dollar?

5:21 No.

5:22 No more loans.

5:23 You already owe me way too much.

5:25 The Bank of Terry is closed.

5:27 And how much could I possibly owe you?

5:28 50, 60 bucks?

5:30 $2,437.

5:32 Dollars?

5:33 I would appreciate it if you paid me back.

5:37 Well, that's the craziest thing anyone's ever said to me.

5:39 I'm going to pay you back because I know your secret.

5:42 You've had dentist appointments twice in the past 2 weeks.

5:45 No one goes to the dentist that much.

5:47 I haven't been in 7 years.

5:49 You should go to the dentist, Jake.

5:51 Probably.

5:52 My teeth hurt all the time.

5:53 I found this on your desk.

5:55 It's a list of names.

5:56 [music] Nathaniel Jeffords, Alexa Jeffords.

5:59 Those are my cousin's name.

6:00 You, Terry Jeffords, [music] are pregnant.

6:04 What are you talking about, man?

6:06 You are crazy.

6:08 Damn it!

6:09 Shh.

6:09 Does anybody else know?

6:10 No, just you and your wife and Crash.

6:13 That's what I think you should name the baby.

6:14 Works for a boy or a girl.

6:16 Listen up, Jake.

6:18 We just found out Sharon is pregnant and it's way too early to tell anyone.

6:22 This is a secret.

6:24 Do you understand me?

6:25 Do you?

6:27 DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?

6:28 YEAH, THIS GOT PHYSICAL VERY QUICKLY.

6:30 There you are, sergeant.

6:31 Installment one of TBD.

6:33 1,200 bucks.

6:34 It's everything I have.

6:35 You should also note it's all in singles because

6:37 it takes so many bills to fill up a briefcase.

6:40 Thanks, Peralta.

6:41 How would you feel about me being the godfather?

6:45 How about this?

6:47 You don't tell anyone about the pregnancy for 4

6:49 weeks and I'll think about you being the godfather.

6:51 Yes!

6:53 Oh, also I put a list of baby names in there.

6:55 My favorite, Nakatomi, after the tower in Die Hard.

6:58 Works for a boy or a girl.

6:59 What's going on?

7:01 How'd you get all that money?

7:02 By putting bad [snorts] guys behind bars.

7:04 I work for a living.

7:05 Geez.

7:06 I emptied out my checking account.

7:08 Wait, you've owed Terry for years and now

7:10 suddenly you give him every penny you have.

7:13 Why?

7:13 Why?

7:15 Oh, wait.

7:16 Because That is not an answer.

7:19 No.

7:19 Well, because you guys got in my head about owing Terry money

7:25 and it convinced me that it's important to pay back your friends.

7:28 Does that mean you're going to pay all of us back?

7:29 I'm going to pay everyone.

7:31 Man, I really hoped to say this to a drug dealer who killed my whole family,

7:34 but [music] it's payback time.

7:37 All right, how much do I owe the rest of you?

7:39 $4,009.

7:41 What?

7:41 How is that even possible?

7:43 June 3rd, 2008, paid for your lunch, $8.45.

7:46 June 3rd, 2008, bought you a soda, $1.05.

7:49 June 3rd, 2008, lent you $4,000 for an entertainment system.

7:53 Ah, there it is.

7:53 Stopped keeping track after that.

7:55 Sure, sure.

7:55 Okay, how about the rest of you?

7:57 Uh, $710.

8:00 $856.32.

8:03 Okay, very specific.

8:04 I'm sorry, you guys, but I can't pay that.

8:05 It's too much money.

8:06 How about this?

8:08 I'll work off my debt to each of you.

8:09 How's that sound?

8:10 I'll do anything you want.

8:12 Anything?

8:14 Am I the only one that was super creeped out by that?

8:16 No, that was definitely creepy.

8:17 Yeah, he wants you to do something real weird.

8:20 How's working your debt off going?

8:22 Horrible.

8:23 Rosa's making me clean her motorcycle.

8:25 Payback's a Gosh, so many great payback lines wasted on this.

8:30 Damn, this bike's muddy.

8:31 And this isn't even the worst thing I had to do.

8:33 Gina made me call people and tell them she was dead to see how they'd react.

8:37 Is she crying?

8:38 Is she crying?

8:39 A little.

8:40 You should be wailing, you stone-cold Now, call my other grandma.

8:47 And then there was Scully.

8:49 Lower.

8:51 [music] Lower.

8:52 I'm at your butt.

8:53 Lower.

8:53 Apparently, he carries his stress in the butt cheeks.

8:56 Oh god.

8:57 What are you hens clucking about?

8:59 What?

9:00 Nothing.

9:01 What do you want, Boyle?

9:01 Want you to wash my dogs.

9:03 Hmm, why would I ask that given that I know you hate my dogs?

9:06 They hump everything.

9:07 Not now.

9:08 Down.

9:10 JASON, WAIT YOUR TURN!

9:12 SEE HERE, HURRICANE.

9:15 Hurricane Jeffords.

9:18 Works for a boy or a girl.

9:19 Oh my god!

9:21 Terry's pregnant?

9:22 What?

9:23 How do you know that?

9:24 We all know.

9:24 You hit reply all on the email, Grandma Peralta.

9:28 Oh no.

9:29 Sergeant Jeffords, Sharon.

9:31 The captain's back.

9:31 When did he get back?

9:32 TURN ME AROUND.

9:33 I'M NOT feeling well.

9:33 I have an appointment at the restroom,

9:35 but I gather congratulations are in order.

9:37 For what?

9:38 Oh, Peralta sent everyone in the office

9:39 an email about what to name your new baby.

9:41 For what it's worth, I really like the name Todd.

9:45 Terrence, what is he talking about?

9:47 Yeah, Peralta, what is he talking about?

9:53 [music] Hey.

9:54 SCULLY, NOW!

9:56 OH NO, HE'S HAVING A HEART ATTACK!

9:59 This is a man's life, you callous bastard.

10:02 Hello.

10:04 And [music] that's cocaine.

10:08 I don't want Sophia to know that I'm waiting for her, so

10:10 [music] should we pretend to have a heated argument that I win?

10:13 Did you do something dumb?

10:14 That's a really good question, but actually no, I don't think so.

10:17 Hey, what are you guys doing here?

10:19 Oh, just arguing about America.

10:21 Did you know that the Sarge doesn't think

10:22 we should have given women the right to vote?

10:24 That is not true.

10:25 What are you doing tonight?

10:26 Want to hang out?

10:27 Oh, I can't.

10:27 I have that event for the Association of the Brooklyn Public Defenders,

10:30 but I have a minute right now.

10:31 You want to go take a walk in the park?

10:33 A walk in the park, how romantic.

10:35 And I know where all the murder spots are.

10:36 Huh?

10:36 Do you want to see them or avoid them?

10:38 The choice is yours, my lady.

10:40 Terry, don't wait up.

10:42 So, my boss hasn't been assigning me any of the good cases,

10:45 and I found out it's because I'm dating a cop.

10:47 What?

10:48 Jake, I really like you, but my job's really important to me, too.

10:53 Can we press pause on this?

10:55 Press pause?

10:56 Just until I figure out what to do with my boss.

10:58 Is that okay?

11:00 So, this is just about your boss.

11:03 Okay.

11:03 Yes, let's press pause.

11:05 Let's pause the hell out of this.

11:06 Let's pause this like I paused Jamie Lee Curtis in Trading Places.

11:09 I haven't seen that movie, but I'm assuming she's naked.

11:13 Mhm.

11:12 All of our worst enemies are here.

11:15 Brown hair guy, ponytail lady, Asian Don Cheadle.

11:18 I refuse to learn their names because it humanizes them.

11:21 But you'll never forget their smug lawyer faces.

11:24 Each one brings back a specific horrible memory.

11:27 Like courtroom PTSD.

11:35 I could have choked on that mint.

11:37 Even the nice ones are psychopaths.

11:39 All right, let's get fired up.

11:40 Pound on my shoulders.

11:41 That's my stuff.

11:42 WAIT, WAIT, NO, DON'T HURT ME.

11:43 AH, THAT WAS A BAD IDEA.

11:44 I'LL bang my own shoulders.

11:44 Let's go.

11:46 Hey, girlfriend.

11:49 That came out saucier than I was expecting.

11:51 Yeah.

11:52 Hey, Jake, what are you doing here?

11:54 I thought we agreed to press pause.

11:56 We did.

11:57 I'm not here to see you.

11:58 I'm here to see your boss, Jeffrey Weitzman.

12:00 We're going to bond.

12:00 Oh, god.

12:01 Oh, good indeed.

12:02 You misheard me on purpose.

12:04 Possibly.

12:04 Look, I'm going to charm him.

12:05 He's going to start giving you the good cases again.

12:07 This is going to work.

12:08 Hey.

12:09 Bet you five bucks you can't guess three of the hors d'oeuvres they're serving.

12:15 I'll take that action.

12:17 Chicken satay, tuna tartare, shot glasses of gazpacho.

12:22 Satay, tartare, no spatch.

12:26 Where's the spatch, Weitzman?

12:29 Yes!

12:30 Spatch!

12:31 No!

12:31 60 bucks says you can't remove one glass without knocking the whole thing over.

12:36 You didn't say I couldn't grab the top one.

12:46 Hello, Jeffrey.

12:47 Hello.

12:49 And that's [music] cocaine.

12:53 Hey.

12:54 So, I blew the deal, but I arrested your boss and I never should have come here.

12:58 Well, I read that wrong.

12:59 Turns out I was accidentally doing some cocaine.

13:01 Not on accident.

13:02 You put it in your nose on purpose.

13:04 I don't even think I have a nose, Peralta.

13:06 I certainly cannot feel it.

13:08 You think she's going to still love you after this?

13:10 She'll see you are now.

13:11 Hey, you don't know anything about me and Sophia.

13:13 What?

13:14 I'm talking to myself about my wife.

13:16 She's not going to like this.

13:17 Oh, hey, Sophia.

13:19 Thank god you're here.

13:20 I was just going to find you so we could talk.

13:21 Jake, I'm not here to talk to you.

13:23 I'm here as Jeffrey's attorney.

13:24 Oh, but I can do it myself.

13:25 Watch this.

13:26 Objection, OBJECTION, OBJECTION, OBJECTION, FIVE OBJECTIONS.

13:29 MAYBE this cocaine isn't so bad after all.

13:32 Okay, Jeffrey, I'm going to have to advise you

13:34 to stop talking {slash} confessing in front of the detective.

13:36 Okay, look, I know that you're mad,

13:38 but I talked to the DA and he agreed to drop the charges.

13:41 Jeffrey just has to do a little bit of community

13:42 service and nothing will even go on his record.

13:44 Not good enough.

13:44 You have no evidence.

13:46 Sophia, there's cocaine on his collar right now.

13:48 Oh, not anymore.

13:50 Woo!

13:50 Ooh!

13:51 You're really not reading the vibe right at all.

13:53 Tell you what, that's the cocaine I'm usually very tuned in.

13:56 I had to arrest him.

13:57 I had no choice.

13:58 Really?

13:59 Cuz I could think of 50 other ways you could have handled this scenario.

14:02 Oh my god, you are such a lawyer.

14:03 You are such a cop.

14:05 I tell you I need some space to figure things out and you

14:07 come kicking down the door with the first plan that pops into your head.

14:10 How's it my fault that your jerk boss put

14:11 his jerk nose in a pile of jerk cocaine?

14:13 You followed him into a bathroom at a party you weren't even invited to.

14:16 Hey, you know what?

14:18 We're done.

14:18 All right, fine.

14:19 I'll talk to the DA.

14:20 I'll see if I can cut the community service in half.

14:21 How's that?

14:22 No, Jake, not with the case.

14:24 You and I are done.

14:26 We can make this work.

14:27 We're Romeo and Juliet.

14:29 It didn't work for Romeo and Juliet.

14:30 That play ends in a tragic double suicide.

14:33 That's how it ends?

14:34 Why do people like it so much?

14:35 Look, Jake, you're fun, okay?

14:37 And we've only been dating for 3 months.

14:38 It's just not that serious.

14:40 Well, it's kind of serious to me.

14:42 I've accidentally said I love you like four times already.

14:44 I know.

14:45 I I just don't think I accidentally love you back.

14:48 Look, it's just it's just so much work.

14:51 That's work I'm willing to do.

14:54 I'm not.

14:57 I'm sorry.

15:03 Double suicide.

15:06 I got John McClaned.

15:10 All right, squad.

15:11 Every year, the Department of Homeland

15:13 Security runs a multi-agency counterterrorism drill.

15:17 The team from the DOD had to drop out at the last minute,

15:20 thanks to our stellar scores at last year's Tactical Village.

15:24 99!

15:27 They want us to fill in.

15:28 We are the only non-federal agency ever invited to this event.

15:33 This is a huge opportunity and we are going TO NAIL IT.

15:37 99!

15:38 YEAH!

15:40 THIS YEAR'S SCENARIO.

15:41 TERRORISTS HAVE STORMED THE Capital Trust Bank building and have taken hostages.

15:47 Nice.

15:47 Oh, cool trick.

15:48 I don't have a ton of free time to practice high-fiving.

15:51 You just made fun of us for that.

15:53 For practicing.

15:53 That's the first time we've ever tried.

15:55 Here are your assignments.

15:56 You will be our hostages.

15:58 What?

15:59 So, you just want us to lie on the ground and do nothing like a bunch of losers?

16:02 Yes, precisely.

16:03 No!

16:04 Jackpot.

16:07 [music]

16:07 Okay, Charles, our hands are tied, so we're going to have to use our mouths.

16:10 Smart.

16:10 Wet the tape down with my saliva and we could slip right out.

16:13 No, bite it.

16:14 Obviously bite it.

16:15 I'm staying tied up.

16:16 I don't care how much of a jerk Kendrick is.

16:18 I want it to be clear I had no part in this.

16:20 No offense, but you are a huge waste of muscles.

16:23 Help!

16:24 I need help!

16:25 I'm sick!

16:27 What the hell?

16:30 We're fighting back, you terrorist crap sack.

16:32 Also, [music] thank you for including us IN THIS EVENT.

16:36 OW!

16:37 SHH!

16:38 You're dead.

16:38 See you later, LOSERS.

16:40 HIYA!

16:40 [screaming] STOP!

16:41 DOOR KICK.

16:42 WHAT'S UP, DUDE?

16:43 IS IT LUNCHTIME?

16:44 Is the drill over?

16:44 We're freeing you guys.

16:45 Jake, can you hear me?

16:47 Is it lunchtime?

16:48 No, it's not lunchtime.

16:49 It's 10:30 in the morning.

16:51 No wonder I'm starving.

16:52 Highest body count wins.

16:53 Done.

16:54 I'm going to vape you like my e-cig.

16:56 Okay, you basically just lost.

17:00 2-1 Diaz.

17:02 [music] 4-2 Santiago.

17:10 Jake, this is great.

17:11 I shot a guy in the face.

17:12 He is so mad at me.

17:13 Nice.

17:14 All right, this hallway's clear.

17:15 I think we killed them all.

17:17 [music] It's a regular paint bath.

17:18 Like bubble bath.

17:19 No, like blood bath.

17:20 Yeah.

17:20 All right, meet in the basement.

17:21 Here we go.

17:23 Yeah.

17:24 DROP YOUR WEAPONS.

17:25 EVERYBODY DROP THEM right now.

17:26 It's over.

17:27 You lost.

17:29 Drop them now or this Man, you're dead, crap sack.

17:32 All right, Sarge.

17:34 You decided to be cool.

17:35 I'm always cool.

17:37 I also couldn't spend another second listening to those ATF wads and moan.

17:41 Peralta, what are you doing?

17:42 You're NYPD.

17:43 You're supposed to be hostages.

17:45 Supposed to be, but we rose up and took down the terrorists.

17:48 That's right.

17:49 We are the bad guys now.

17:50 What are your demands?

17:51 A guarantee that this drill doesn't end until one of us is dead.

17:54 Also, one large pizza with fennel sausage, brick oven,

17:58 otherwise it's soggy city, and Scully needs some Gas-X, extra strength.

18:02 Doable.

18:03 Okay, so a fight to the death, pizza, and Gas-X.

18:07 Doable.

18:09 You have 30 minutes to meet our demands.

18:13 Fennel sausage, Jake, they did it!

18:15 We're still tied, 8-8.

18:19 What the hell?

18:19 9-8.

18:20 POWER BOOT.

18:25 I'M DEAD, TOO.

18:26 OKAY, OKAY.

18:27 I'm out of ammo.

18:28 Be cool.

18:29 Well, well, well.

18:30 You don't actually have to shoot me.

18:31 We can just say that you won.

18:32 But I want to shoot you.

18:34 No way.

18:34 This is brick oven.

18:36 They were playing us, Jake.

18:38 Just don't shoot me in the face.

18:39 I got a date tonight and I don't want to puff up.

18:41 I'm already 10 lbs heavier than the picture she saw.

18:43 Those are your last words because I'm about TO SHOOT YOU.

18:47 WHAT?

18:48 NO!

18:51 GUN TAPED TO THE BACK.

18:53 I got John McClaned.

18:56 That is so much worse than any paintball.

18:59 Get out of my house.

19:02 Uh, get into your car?

19:05 I'll go.

19:07 Holt's been in a bad mood all week.

19:09 Did somebody do something to set him off?

19:10 Jake, are you seriously asking why Captain Holt is mad?

19:14 What do you mean?

19:14 The Wednesday incident?

19:16 Hey, hey, just closed my 10th felony

19:18 of the month and I thought we could [music] celebrate.

19:20 Might I remind you that this is a police precinct and it's 10:00 in the morning.

19:24 Uh-oh.

19:26 Well, remember about a week ago when I

19:28 came in here with a bottle of sparkling cider?

19:30 The point is, that was all just regular cop stuff.

19:34 There's no way that can be the reason you've been in such a bad mood.

19:36 But for reals, what non-me thing is bothering you?

19:40 Is there trouble at home?

19:41 Peralta, I'm not going to discuss my home life with you.

19:44 We're not friends.

19:45 We're not family.

19:46 You're not my husband.

19:48 That's hurtful.

19:49 I thought we had a special bond.

19:51 I was your secret Santa last year.

19:52 And I already thanked you for the whoopee farting baseball cap.

19:55 But you never wear it.

19:57 Hey Kevin.

19:58 Gina, good to see you.

19:59 Jake's here, too.

20:02 [music] Yo.

20:05 Okay, here's what I learned.

20:06 The chief's assistant Ryan was only pretending to have mono.

20:10 Gina, about Holt.

20:12 Fine.

20:13 Apparently, he was supposed to meet Deputy

20:15 Chief Ash near his fencing club at 9:30,

20:19 but he canceled at the very last minute with no explanation.

20:23 Peralta does it again.

20:25 Okay, so something happened between fencing and coffee.

20:27 We just have to figure out what.

20:28 Totes.

20:28 And bingo.

20:31 A door.

20:32 It's a Narnia situation.

20:34 No, but I love that.

20:36 It's a security camera.

20:37 Something happened to Holt [music] when he walked past here,

20:39 we'll be able to see it.

20:40 Is the captain home?

20:41 No.

20:41 Good.

20:42 I figured out what happened to him.

20:43 He was mugged.

20:45 What?

20:45 After he left fencing, three shady guys followed him into an alley.

20:48 One of them had a knife.

20:50 That's why he's been in such a bad mood.

20:51 He's a police captain that got mugged.

20:52 He's embarrassed.

20:54 Oh my goodness.

20:55 Peralta.

20:55 There he is.

20:56 What are you doing in my house?

20:57 Raymond.

20:58 You were mugged?

20:59 I wasn't mugged.

21:00 Three men tried to mug me, but I fought them off, injuring two of them.

21:06 [groaning]

21:07 Wait, so you heroically fought off three guys and that put you in a bad mood?

21:11 If I did that, I would literally write a song about myself.

21:14 It'd be like, Jake the hero, abs of steel, sha la la la.

21:19 Why would you lie about going to fencing?

21:21 Because he's injured.

21:22 I wasn't injured.

21:23 I was lightly stabbed.

21:24 I'm sorry.

21:25 You were stabbed?

21:26 Lightly stabbed.

21:27 You are my husband.

21:29 I want you to tell me everything.

21:30 Raymond, you are unbelievable.

21:36 Hey, Captain.

21:38 You look so tall.

21:39 What you have done is beyond unprofessional.

21:42 You cannot muck around in people's private lives.

21:45 Get out of my house.

21:48 Uh get into your car?

21:51 I'll go.

21:57 Sir, Detective?

22:00 So, how was your night of work?

22:03 I'm not asking about your personal life.

22:04 I don't care about you personally.

22:06 I mean, I'm neutral.

22:07 I mean, who are you?

22:08 Floundering is worse than silence.

22:11 Oh, cool.

22:11 Cool.

22:12 Cool.

22:12 Cool.

22:12 Cool.

22:12 Cool.

22:12 Cool.

22:13 Cool.

22:13 No doubt.

22:14 No doubt.

22:14 No doubt.

22:17 Man, this elevator's slow, huh?

22:18 That's because you haven't pressed the button.

22:23 That's why you're the captain.

22:25 So smart.

22:26 I'm going to just zoop.

22:30 I know what to do here.

22:40 Eek!

22:40 Blast of cold air coming out of that box.

22:43 Name of Amy's sex tape.

22:44 Hey, man.

22:45 Come on.

22:46 Not cool.

22:47 I'm going through something.

22:48 Just let me have this one.

22:51 All right, Detective.

22:52 What's this all about?

22:53 You have 70 seconds.

22:54 All right, so I pulled a still from the security footage

22:56 of your attempted mugging and sent it to the nearby precincts.

22:59 We ID'd one of the mopes and that's his apartment.

23:02 I thought maybe you would want to do the honors.

23:04 And you think this will make everything you did better?

23:06 You want to know why I was so angry all week?

23:08 When those men came at me, I acted like I was a 20-year-old.

23:11 I took a stupid risk and I got myself stabbed.

23:14 What I'm trying to say is, you were right all along.

23:17 I wasn't mad at you.

23:18 I was mad at myself and I took it out on the squad.

23:23 Kevin.

23:23 I am unable and unwilling to discuss personal matters with you.

23:27 I'm aware of that, yes.

23:28 In any case, thank you for your help.

23:30 I brought you both gifts.

23:31 Original Raymond Holts.

23:34 I will treasure this painting of a rock for all times.

23:37 A rock 59 and 367.

23:40 Those are good rocks.

23:41 367 paintings of one rock?

23:44 This guy parties!

23:46 Will you, Jacob Peralta,

23:47 accept this ring and bring it with me to our weird friend's parents' wedding?

23:50 Yes.

23:51 A thousand times yes.

23:54 My mom is marrying shudder Charles's dad toilet emoji.

23:59 We are going to be brother and sister.

24:01 To think this started with us just going to town on each other's sexy parts.

24:07 Charles, promise me that is not in your toast.

24:11 It's not.

24:11 Come on, man.

24:12 Rosa, how are the flowers?

24:14 I don't know.

24:16 Yellow.

24:17 Terry Bear?

24:17 I had my tuxedo altered to make it tighter, like you wanted.

24:20 Delicious.

24:22 Jake, have you checked in with the jeweler?

24:24 Yes, they said the ring will be ready at 2:00 on the wedding day.

24:27 I'm going to pick it up on my way to the ceremony.

24:28 This is very important, Jake.

24:30 Are you sure you can handle it?

24:32 Uh well, let's see.

24:33 Easy, last minute, and crucial as hell.

24:35 Meets all the Peralta criteria.

24:37 Good.

24:37 Dismissed.

24:38 Uh I'm not done with my briefing yet.

24:40 I said dismissed!

24:41 Nervous?

24:42 Oh, not at all.

24:43 I love Darlene Linetti with all my parts.

24:46 Wow.

24:47 Can't ever imagine being with someone and not having any doubts.

24:50 I have little doubts.

24:52 Tiny little doubts.

24:54 You think that's a problem?

24:55 I mean, not if you're sure she's the one.

24:56 Yes, of course.

24:57 But I mean, I was sure about my five other weddings, too.

25:00 Back-to-back catfish situations.

25:04 Just took you a while to get it right.

25:05 Yeah, or maybe I'm just doing the same thing over and over again.

25:09 Lynn Boyle rushes headlong into another mistake.

25:12 This is a disaster.

25:14 All right, I'm I'm going to go get Charles.

25:17 Hey.

25:18 Hey, Dad.

25:18 It's your son under here.

25:20 Charles Boyle.

25:21 Rosa said you had a personal question.

25:23 Just second-guessing every decision I ever made.

25:26 Dad, listen.

25:26 Let's just sit down and Screw a 2,000-year-old tradition.

25:31 I'm taking [clears throat] the BAG OFF.

25:35 OKAY, DAD, LISTEN.

25:37 [snorts] Everyone gets nervous.

25:37 Everyone gets cold feet.

25:39 I was nervous before I married Eleanor.

25:41 She ended up cheating on you with a guy from the mattress commercial.

25:44 Sleepy Stu?

25:45 Don't bring up Sleepy Stu.

25:46 Rosa thinks I should call off the wedding.

25:48 That is not what I said.

25:49 This is why I don't talk to people.

25:50 I just asked him if he was feeling nervous.

25:52 Rosa, you know how suggestible Boyle men are.

25:55 I saw one Samuel L.

25:56 Jackson movie and I wore a Kangol hat for 3 years.

25:59 Uh there has been a mix-up and the caterer has cooked one of the doves.

26:03 So, I need some good news.

26:06 How is that speech going?

26:07 Do you want to hear it?

26:08 Yes.

26:09 Darlene and Lynn, I want you to remember the words of Luther Vandross.

26:14 A thousand kisses from you a thousand kisses from you Terry,

26:23 I'm sorry, but you're fired.

26:25 Captain, the speech is yours.

26:27 Don't worry.

26:27 I am good at emotion.

26:30 I must have dropped the ring somewhere around here during the takedown.

26:33 I'm so stupid.

26:34 No, it's my fault.

26:35 I made us go after Minsk.

26:36 Please [music] don't climb in here.

26:37 I don't want you smelling like garbage

26:38 for your slow dance with Jenny Gildenhorn.

26:40 Oh, don't worry.

26:41 The only thing I'm going to smell like is

26:42 the Jason Priestley cologne I wore in middle school.

26:44 It's just called Brandon and it is overpowering.

26:47 Oh, Jake.

26:49 Look.

26:49 Oh my god, you found it!

26:51 And you're on one knee.

26:52 Are you proposing?

26:53 Yes.

26:54 Will you, Jacob Peralta,

26:56 accept this ring and bring it with me to our weird friend's parents' wedding?

26:59 Yes.

27:00 A thousand times yes.

27:04 [gasps] Tight.

27:05 Yeah, so tight, dog.

27:07 No, I mean the ring is actually tight.

27:10 Amy, it's stuck.

27:11 The ring is stuck.

27:12 No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

27:13 What are you doing?

27:14 We had a deal.

27:15 I said if you hurt my mother, I will cut off your son's testicles.

27:18 You're right.

27:19 Cut them off.

27:20 No!

27:21 I'm worried.

27:22 I'm just rushing into this.

27:24 I barely know your mom.

27:25 I don't even know her favorite kind of soup.

27:28 Is it tomato?

27:29 Nobody likes soup, Lynn.

27:31 You're a family of soup haters.

27:34 What have I done?

27:34 My mom loves you.

27:35 You love her.

27:37 Now, follow your big, weird heart.

27:39 Oh, you're right.

27:41 It's time for a wedding.

27:44 Pants, Dad.

27:45 Pants.

27:46 Wedding with pants?

27:47 Yeah.

27:47 Hey.

27:48 So, we have good news and we have great news.

27:50 The good news is, we found the ring.

27:52 The great news is, we'll never lose it again.

27:53 What are you trying to say?

27:55 The ring is stuck on his finger.

27:56 I told him not to be cute about it.

27:57 I'm cute about everything.

27:59 Okay.

27:59 Okay.

28:00 What do we do?

28:01 I could pull the ring off, but it might hurt your little fingers.

28:03 That's fine.

28:04 I just won't look, so I don't know when you're going to do it.

28:06 Marriage is a contract.

28:11 But it's so much more than that.

28:13 Marriage is love.

28:15 It's commitment.

28:17 It's joy.

28:18 It's understanding.

28:19 It's patience.

28:21 It's [music] anger.

28:23 It's reconciliation.

28:25 It's everything.

28:26 It's like oatmeal.

28:28 It sustains you.

28:31 Darlene, [music] do you take Lynn to be your lawfully wedded husband?

28:35 I do.

28:35 Lynn, do you take Darlene to be your lawfully wedded wife?

28:38 I do.

28:39 [music] I now pronounce you husband and wife.

28:41 You may kiss the bride.

28:45 [cheering] [applause] [music]