The Ones with Rachel from Season 9 | Friends

0:00 I really owe you an apology

0:02 for what?

0:03 Well, when we first met, you know,

0:05 I thought you were pompous and arrogant and obnoxious.

0:09 This is your first apology.

0:12 No, I just mean that, you know, first impressions don't mean anything.

0:15 And I I I think you're a really good guy and I'm sorry that I misjudged you.

0:21 Morning.

0:23 Do you know what?

0:23 Hey, new day, new leaf.

0:26 I am just really, really happy.

0:31 I'm sorry.

0:32 Obviously, Heather's ass has something more important to say,

0:34 so I'll just wait till it's finished.

0:39 What?

0:38 I was giving you an apology and you were totally checking her out.

0:42 I wasn't checking her out.

0:43 I'm in fashion.

0:43 I was looking at her skirt.

0:46 Or was it pants?

0:47 I didn't really see what happened below the ass area.

0:51 Oh, wow.

0:51 You are really You're really a creep.

0:54 What?

0:54 Do you even care if I was looking at her?

0:56 Are you jealous?

0:58 Oh, yeah.

0:59 I'm jealous.

1:00 Oh, Gavin, please, please look at my ass.

1:04 Stop looking at my ass.

1:07 I mean, I just think you are totally inappropriate.

1:10 Okay, this is a work environment.

1:12 She's your subordinate.

1:13 But it was okay when you slept with your old assistant, Tag.

1:18 That is totally different for two reasons.

1:21 One, I didn't know that you knew that.

1:26 And two, I wasn't some creep staring at his ass.

1:29 We had a We had a deep, meaningful relationship.

1:35 Huh?

1:35 What was Tag's last name?

1:37 It was Oh my god.

1:43 He He did He he didn't have a last name.

1:46 Why does everything happen to me?

1:50 Rich, I promise first thing tomorrow we'll find another doctor.

1:53 But I got to get up early and I'm not feeling all that well.

1:55 What?

1:55 Why?

1:56 What?

1:56 What?

1:56 When you're not feeling well?

1:57 What do you have?

1:58 Is it Reubella?

1:58 Because don't go near Emma.

1:59 She has not had that shot.

2:02 You know, come to think of it, it it does feel reubellaike.

2:16 WEER, we weren

2:23 Rachel.

2:23 WAIT, now he's GOING TO KNOW IT WAS ME.

2:26 I can't believe I'm crying in front of you.

2:29 He must think I'm so pathetic.

2:32 No, no, no.

2:32 I admire a man who can cry.

2:37 Really?

2:36 Don't touch my coat.

2:39 Oh, sorry.

2:40 It's my phone.

2:43 Hello.

2:43 Hey.

2:43 Hey, Ra.

2:44 How's it going?

2:45 Oh my god, this is the worst date ever.

2:50 Oh, come on.

2:51 Look, you know what?

2:52 I'm sorry, but did you really think that this was going well?

2:58 What's up?

2:59 Hey, did you stop by here?

3:03 No.

3:02 Oh my god.

3:03 Then Oh, thank God.

3:07 Emma, THERE YOU ARE.

3:11 WHAT?

3:11 WHAT DO YOU WHAT do you mean?

3:12 There you are.

3:13 Where was she?

3:14 We were playing peekab-boo.

3:15 She just She loves it when I'm dramatic.

3:26 Hi.

3:27 Hi.

3:27 I just finished getting Phoebe all dressed to meet Mike's parents.

3:29 She's so nervous.

3:31 It's so sweet.

3:32 Guess what?

3:32 I made Emma laugh today.

3:35 You what?

3:36 And I missed it because I was giving a makeover to that stupid hippie.

3:42 Yeah.

3:42 And it was a it was like a a real little person laugh too.

3:46 It was it was like UM

3:55 only only not creepy.

3:58 Yeah.

3:58 Well, what did you do to make her laugh?

4:00 I um well I sang actually I wrapped um Baby Got Back.

4:11 You what?

4:13 You sang to our baby daughter a song about a guy

4:18 who likes to have sex with women with giant asses.

4:22 But you know what?

4:23 If you think about it, it actually promotes a healthy uh body image

4:29 because even big butts or uh juicy doubles are

4:39 Please don't take her away from me.

4:45 Okay.

4:45 Uh please laugh for mommy.

4:48 Please, please laugh for mommy.

4:55 Not funny, huh?

4:57 Well, so is it only offensive novelty rap or maybe just,

5:04 you know, rap in general?

5:05 Cuz mommy can rap.

5:09 My name is Mommy and I'm here to say that all the babies are Oh, I can't rap.

5:18 All right, sweetheart.

5:20 This is only because I love you so much

5:23 and I know that you're not going to tell anybody.

5:35 I like big butts.

5:39 And I cannot lie.

5:43 You other brothers can't deny

5:46 when a girl walks in with an itty bitty waist and a round thing in your face.

5:51 Yes.

5:51 Yes.

5:52 Yes.

5:52 Yes.

5:55 I like big BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.

5:58 YOU BROTHERS CAN'T DENY.

6:00 OH, EMMA, YOU'RE LAUGHING.

6:02 OH, you are.

6:03 You really do like big butts, don't you?

6:08 Oh, you beautiful little weirdo.

6:13 Oh, you missed it.

6:15 She was laughing.

6:16 Oh, it was amazing.

6:18 It was amazing.

6:19 It was the most beautiful, beautiful sound.

6:22 Oh, I know.

6:23 Isn't it?

6:24 Oh, what'd you do to get her to laugh?

6:28 Oh, you know, I just couple little things I tried different.

6:31 Just saying a little itsybitsy spider.

6:35 You sang Baby Got Back, didn't you?

6:38 Nothing else worked.

6:39 That girl is all about the ass.

6:44 See?

6:44 Sweat.

6:45 Wet.

6:46 Got it going like a turbo vet.

6:48 So, fellas.

6:49 Yeah, fellas.

6:51 Yeah.

6:51 Has your girlfriend GOT THE BUTT?

6:53 SO, SHAKE IT.

6:54 Shake it.

6:54 Shake it.

6:55 Shake it.

6:55 Shake that nasty butt.

6:57 Baby got back.

6:59 One more time from the top.

7:01 I like BIG BUTTS AND I CANNOT LIE.

7:04 You are the

7:08 Rachel, please.

7:09 That is so inappropriate.

7:13 You're not going to believe this.

7:14 I was just saying good night to Emma and she said her first words.

7:19 What did she say?

7:20 She said Gibba.

7:27 Make me rich.

7:30 Isn't that amazing?

7:31 Yeah.

7:31 No, no, no.

7:32 That's That's great.

7:33 Why Why aren't you more excited?

7:36 Uh rabba is not a word.

7:40 Well, of course it is.

7:42 Okay.

7:42 Uh, what does it mean?

7:44 Well, I don't know all the words.

7:48 I'm just I'm just glad I didn't miss my daughter's first word.

7:51 Well, yes, you did.

7:52 Gibba is a word.

7:54 Okay.

7:54 Use it in a sentence.

7:56 Okay.

7:56 Uh, Emma just said Gleba.

8:02 It's not a word.

8:04 Okay.

8:04 Okay.

8:05 Okay.

8:05 Fine.

8:05 I'm going to look it up.

8:07 Oh.

8:07 Oh, okay.

8:08 Great.

8:08 You know what?

8:08 While you're at it, she said another word the other day.

8:11 Why don't you uh why don't you look up?

8:18 All right.

8:18 Okay.

8:19 Okay.

8:19 Gleba.

8:20 Gleba.

8:21 Gibba.

8:22 Gibba.

8:23 Here it is.

8:23 The fleshy sporebearing inner mass of a certain fungi.

8:33 She's going to be a scientist.

8:36 Wow.

8:38 Wow, you you look uh I mean it's just that that that dress.

8:45 Uh well, I hope the ends of these sentences are good.

8:50 Oh, they're they're good.

8:51 It's just been a while since I've seen you like this.

8:53 You you clean up good.

8:56 A Well, thank you.

9:02 Okay, stop.

9:03 Stop looking at me like that.

9:04 Last time that happened, that happened.

9:06 Oh, right.

9:07 Right.

9:13 So, are you h you excited about your your first night away from Emma?

9:17 Yeah.

9:17 Yeah.

9:18 Phoebe and I are going to have so much fun.

9:20 And thank you for watching the baby, by the way.

9:22 Oh, it's fine.

9:23 Actually, I I invited Mike over.

9:25 Phoe's Mike?

9:27 Yeah.

9:26 I didn't know that you guys hung out.

9:28 Oh, we don't, but I thought it'd be nice to get to know him.

9:30 You know, maybe have a little dinner, drinks, conversation.

9:34 A, that's so cute.

9:35 Ross and Mike's first date.

9:37 I've just been working on this big presentation for tomorrow.

9:39 Well, I should be involved in that.

9:40 So, why don't you get me up to speed?

9:42 That's going to take weeks.

9:43 Why don't you just let me take care of the presentation?

9:45 Oh, no, no, no, no.

9:46 I see what you're doing here.

9:47 All right.

9:47 Listen, this is my job, buddy.

9:49 Okay.

9:50 I've had it for 5 years and I know how it works.

9:52 So, why don't you just catch me up?

9:57 Fine.

9:56 Oh god, I totally messed with the back support on my chair.

10:00 How do you fix this?

10:01 Hey, you've been here 5 years.

10:02 You figure it out.

10:03 Fine, I will.

10:13 All right, fill me in.

10:15 What is your situation?

10:17 Oh, well, it's complicated.

10:18 I don't actually have a boyfriend, but um

10:20 and can I have your number?

10:24 I'm sorry.

10:24 No.

10:28 Okay.

10:27 Oh, sure.

10:31 Oh my god.

10:32 You're giving your real number.

10:36 Okay.

10:36 Thanks.

10:37 I'll give you a call later tonight.

10:41 Bye.

10:44 Bye.

10:43 Wow.

10:44 So, that's great.

10:46 You, Bill, Ross, and Emma are going to be so happy together.

10:50 What were you thinking?

10:51 I don't know.

10:52 He was cute and he liked me.

10:54 It was an impulse.

10:55 But what about Ross?

10:56 What about your moment?

10:57 Don't you want to talk to Ross about it?

10:59 No.

10:59 No.

11:00 Oh, cuz I know exactly how the conversation's going to go.

11:03 Hey, Ross.

11:04 You know, I think we had a moment before.

11:06 Yeah, me too.

11:09 Well, but I'm not sure I really want to do anything about it.

11:13 Yeah, me neither.

11:16 Well, should we just continue to live together

11:18 and not really tell each other how we're really feeling?

11:21 Yeah, that works for me.

11:30 Joey.

11:33 Oh my god.

11:38 Okay.

11:49 So, uh, guess we should make it official, huh?

11:56 Uh, look.

11:58 Ra.

11:59 HEY, ROSS IS HERE.

12:01 HEY, LOOK.

12:02 It's my good friend Ross.

12:04 Hey, Ross.

12:05 Hey, Joey.

12:08 Hey, you.

12:09 Oh, look.

12:10 And he brought flowers.

12:11 Oh, thanks, Ross.

12:13 I'm really more of a candy kind of guy.

12:17 You're weird today.

12:21 Listen, I uh

12:22 I wanted to talk to you about something.

12:24 Yeah, actually.

12:25 Um, I kind of need to talk to you, too.

12:28 Uh, Joey, can you give us a minute?

12:31 No.

12:33 What?

12:34 I'm sorry.

12:34 I meant no.

12:37 Okay.

12:36 Well, the super's not home.

12:38 But hey, you know what?

12:39 My mother's going to be here in a minute and she has the key.

12:41 I can't I can't wait that long.

12:42 You have to do something.

12:42 Knock that door down.

12:44 I would, but I bruise like a peach.

12:49 Besides, you know, everything's going to be fine.

12:51 The baby's sleeping.

12:53 What if she jumped out of the bassinet?

12:55 Can't hold her own head up, but yeah, jumped.

12:58 Oh my god, I left the water running.

13:00 Rach, you did not leave the water running.

13:02 Please, just just pull yourself together.

13:04 Okay, wait, did I leave the stove on?

13:05 You haven't cooked since 1996.

13:09 Is the window open?

13:10 Because if the window's open, a bird could fly in there.

13:12 And Oh my god.

13:13 You know what?

13:14 I think you're right.

13:14 I think you know Wait, listen.

13:16 Listen.

13:16 A a pigeon.

13:18 No, no, wait.

13:19 No, no.

13:20 An eagle flew in.

13:22 landed on the stove and caught fire.

13:27 The baby, seeing this, jumps across the apartment to the mighty bird's aid.

13:33 The eagle, however, misconrs this as an act

13:36 of aggression and grabs the baby in its talent.

13:38 Meanwhile, the faucet fills the apartment with water.

13:42 Baby and Bird, still ablaze, are locked in a death grip,

13:45 swirling around the whirlpool THAT FILLS THE APARTMENT.

13:52 BOY, ARE YOU GOING TO be sorry if that's true.

13:55 Can you stop at the coffee house and get me a muffin?

13:57 Oh, sure.

13:57 What kind?

13:58 Um, let me think.

14:00 What do I want?

14:03 What do I want?

14:06 Please take your time.

14:07 It's an important decision.

14:08 Not like say, I don't know, deciding to marry someone.

14:11 This is about a muffin.

14:19 Blueberry.

14:18 Blueberry it is.

14:19 Thank you.

14:22 Wow, he's really not letting this go, is he?

14:24 Oh god.

14:24 How long do you think that's going to last?

14:26 Well, I don't know.

14:27 He got over the we were on a break thing really quickly.

14:33 Hello.

14:34 Yeah, it's time for your massage.

14:39 Yeah.

14:40 Put Put your face in the hole.

14:43 Oh, a Swedish massage from a real Swedish person.

14:48 Okay, then I'm Swedish.

14:53 So, what's your name?

14:55 It's a normal Swedish name.

14:58 IKEA.

15:02 Wow, what an interesting name.

15:04 Yeah, you know, I

15:06 Time for your scalp massage.

15:11 Wow, I really love your Is something wrong?

15:17 No, it's just um just feels so good.

15:21 IKEA.

15:24 Oh, hey, say, you'll know this.

15:26 What's the capital of Sweden?

15:28 Um, Stockholm.

15:32 Damn, I wish I knew if that was right.

15:34 I love your breasts the way they are.

15:39 Fascist.

15:41 Well, my breasts are going to get bigger whether you like it or not.

15:44 And And you know what?

15:44 It's not just my breasts.

15:46 My ass is gonna get bigger, too.

15:48 Your ass?

15:50 Yeah.

15:50 And don't be surprised if her hands and her feet get bigger, too.

15:56 They do that.

15:57 It's kind of a package deal.

16:01 God, why?

16:01 Why would you want to do that to yourself?

16:04 I thought it was something that we both wanted.

16:07 All right.

16:07 Look, if it means that much to you,

16:09 I may be able to get on board with the big boobs,

16:10 but the giant ass and the big clown feet.

16:15 Oh my god, Chandler.

16:17 If you can't handle this, what are you going to be like in the hospital

16:20 with the blood and the screaming

16:22 and the little person that's shooting out of her?

16:30 What?

16:30 Be yourself.

16:31 They live on the Upper East Side on Park Avenue.

16:34 Oh, yeah.

16:34 She can't be herself.

16:36 Okay.

16:37 So, all right.

16:38 Which dress?

16:44 You can say neither.

16:45 Oh, god.

16:46 Neither.

16:48 Neither.

16:48 I'm sorry, honey.

16:49 We're going to take you shopping.

16:50 It's going to be fine.

16:51 Yeah, totally.

16:52 You are in such good hands.

16:53 And I am so good with meeting parents with the father.

16:56 You know, you want to flirt a little bit, but not in a gross way.

16:58 Just kind of like, "Oh, Mr.

17:00 Pinser.

17:00 I can see where Wallace gets his good looks." You went out with Wallace Pinsir.

17:05 Oh, he took the SATs for me.

17:08 I knew you didn't get a 1400.

17:11 Well, duh.

17:14 So now, what about with Mike's mom?

17:16 Oh, well, with the mother, just just constantly tell her how amazing her son is.

17:20 Take it from me.

17:21 Moms love me.

17:22 Ross's mom one time actually said, "I am like the daughter that she never had."

17:30 She said what?

17:32 that she's like the daughter she never had.

17:36 Sing happy birthday to you now.

17:37 Yeah, sure.

17:38 Oh, all right.

17:40 Happy birthday.

17:42 See you later.

17:45 Hey, Ra.

17:46 Somebody got your shoes.

17:47 Oh, GIVE ME OH, THESE are my rat babies.

18:00 Yeah, we have rat babies now.

18:06 Oh, you brought rats to my birthday party.

18:09 So, this is what a stroke feels like.

18:12 I had to bring them.

18:14 We killed their mother.

18:15 They're our responsibility now.

18:17 You know, they require constant care.

18:19 You should know that, Rachel.

18:20 You're a mother.

18:23 Are you comparing my daughter to a rat?

18:26 No.

18:27 Seven rats.

18:30 I think we should take them home.

18:31 We need to feed them.

18:32 Why?

18:32 You're going to leave my party to take care of a box of rats.

18:35 Well, I'm sorry, Rachel, but I'm not like you.

18:37 Okay.

18:38 Not everyone can afford help.

18:42 Hey, I just wanted to let you know I've changed my mind.

18:46 I'm going to do it.

18:46 I'm going to kiss Joey.

18:48 No, you can't.

18:49 Friends, hooking up is a bad idea.

18:52 Please.

18:52 What about you and Chandler?

18:54 That's different.

18:55 I was drunk and stupid.

18:57 Well, hello.

19:00 What about all the guys that you got the phone numbers from?

19:03 What Why don't you just kiss one of them?

19:05 I could.

19:06 I could, but I don't want to.

19:07 I want to kiss Joey.

19:11 All right.

19:12 I think it's a big mistake, but it's it's your decision.

19:20 I'm going to do it and I can't stop you.

19:24 No.

19:26 Maybe he could prove to her.

19:37 Hey Rich, have you seen Charlie anywhere?

19:46 I'm smarter than him.

19:48 Hi guys.

19:50 Hey.

19:50 Oh, what's in the bag?

19:51 Oh.

19:52 Uh, well, you know how Emma started crawling?

19:54 I realized that this place is very unsafe for a baby.

19:58 So, I went to the store and I got some stuff to baby proof the apartment.

20:02 Oh god.

20:03 Baby proofing.

20:04 Why is this such a big deal now?

20:06 You know, when I was a kid, it was like, "Whoops,

20:08 Joey fell down the stairs." Or, uh, "Whoops, Joey electrocuted himself again."

20:16 Anyway, um, are you going to get a handyman to install this stuff?

20:20 No, I was just going to do it myself.

20:26 You're going to do it?

20:28 Yeah.

20:28 Why?

20:29 You don't think a woman can do this?

20:31 Well, women can't.

20:32 You can't.

20:35 Monica, will you please tell Joey that he is a pig?

20:39 You're a pig and you can't do this.

20:43 What?

20:43 What?

20:44 Come on.

20:44 I found the hardware store all by myself.

20:47 The hardware store is right down the street.

20:49 There is a hardware store right down the street.

20:54 Hey, Joey said no autographs.

20:56 But if she's getting one, I want one, too.

20:58 To Monica.

20:59 And none of this best wishes crap.

21:01 I want love.

21:04 Okay.

21:04 Actually, uh, man Matthew was was giving me his phone number.

21:08 Oh, man.

21:09 If I had known I was coming to this party, I never would have gotten married.

21:14 It's nice to meet you, Rachel.

21:15 Nice to meet you.

21:16 Call me.

21:18 Okay, we will.

21:20 Look at you with all the guys.

21:23 Guess you've forgotten all about Joey.

21:25 Yeah.

21:25 Well, I guess I guess I have forgotten about Joey.

21:28 And clearly you've forgotten about Chandler.

21:31 Please.

21:32 Chandler's the love of my life.

21:33 Oh, leather pants.

21:34 Have mercy.

21:50 Look at you.

21:51 All sweet and innocent,

21:52 sleeping like an angel with Emma's chubby little hands wrapped around you.

22:00 It's okay, Emma.

22:01 You stay asleep.

22:05 Step away from THE CRIB.

22:06 I'M 11.

22:08 IT'S OKAY.

22:08 IT'S OKAY, RA.

22:09 It's me.

22:09 Put down the scrunchie.

22:12 What are you doing?

22:13 Well, I heard Emma stirring, so so I came in to make sure she could reach Hugsy.

22:19 Oh.

22:20 Oh, thanks.

22:21 All right.

22:22 Well, now that I'm up, I'm going to go to the bathroom.

22:24 Okay.

22:24 There you go, sweetie.

22:28 This isn't over.