Trump Visits with King Charles, Wants Us to Pay for Ballroom & Did He Joke About His Own Death!?

0:00 I'm Jimmy.

0:00 I'm the host of the show.

0:03 Thank you for watching.

0:04 We're coming to you from Los Angeles.

0:06 Thanks for joining us here on another weird day.

0:09 There is so much nonsense,

0:10 and I mean that in a like a very literal sense of the word nonsense happening.

0:16 At the same time, there are also so many

0:18 awful and scary and flatout unbelievable things going on.

0:21 The world has been turned upside down, mostly for no good reason.

0:25 And so today we got a visitor uh one of the very few people

0:29 who might actually be able to tip things even slightly in a positive direction.

0:34 The king of England is in the United States.

0:37 King Charles and Queen Camila are here to visit President Beef on Wellington.

0:45 And also um they have quite an itinerary.

0:49 They're going to New York.

0:50 Uh they're making a stop at the Wisconsin Dells.

0:53 They're going to a screening of The Devil Wears Prada 2 at the Burbank AMC

0:58 and I guess they're wrapping it up with a fish concert in Vegas at the Sphere.

1:03 Trump has a particular affinity for the royal family and so in Washington

1:07 they pulled out all the stops to welcome the king and queen.

1:10 The Department of Transportation lined the streets

1:12 with what they thought was the Union Jack,

1:14 the British flag turned out to be the Australian flag.

1:19 So they had to take them all down and swap them out.

1:22 Somehow they they managed to screw everything up.

1:25 It was a literal false flag operation going on there.

1:30 Yesterday the Royals joined the Trumps for afternoon tea.

1:33 And boy would I love to be

1:34 a fly on the cucumber sandwiches for that conversation.

1:38 No way Trump was drinking tea, right?

1:41 I bet they they boiled some diet coke and put it in a cup for him.

1:45 King Charles delivered a speech today before a joint session of Congress.

1:49 His goal in this trip is to try to calm transatlantic tensions.

1:54 Trump heard this.

1:55 He said, "The Atlantic is trans now, too." But Charles um gave a a good speech.

2:04 He uh paid tribute to his mother, the late Queen Elizabeth.

2:08 The monarchy is a strange thing.

2:09 Imagine getting promoted because your mom died.

2:12 That's right.

2:13 You know, there's a story today.

2:15 suggested that Trump and the King may be distant cousins.

2:17 They might be related, which Trump saw and posted, "Wow, that's nice.

2:21 I've always wanted to live in Buckingham Palace.

2:24 I'll talk to the king and queen about this in a few minutes." Okay,

2:27 I'm sure they'll be thrilled to have such a formidable roommate in their home.

2:34 You know, this idea that Trump might be the king's

2:36 distant cousin is exactly the plot of the movie King.

2:43 And look it up.

2:44 It's spot on.

2:47 Trump was very excited about hosting the king and a lot of it

2:50 is because Trump's mom was a great fan of the royal family.

2:54 My wonderful mother, Mary McCloud.

2:57 She came to America at 19, met my incredible father.

3:03 We loved him so much.

3:05 We all loved him.

3:05 We loved her.

3:06 We loved him.

3:08 Fred.

3:09 and they were married for 63 years.

3:15 And uh excuse me if you don't mind.

3:18 That's a record we won't be able to match, darling.

3:20 I'm sorry.

3:21 Just not going to work out that way.

3:24 Wait a minute.

3:26 Did he just make a joke about his death?

3:32 My god.

3:35 You should BE FIRED FOR THAT.

3:38 ONLY DONALD TRUMP WOULD DEMAND I BE FIRED FOR MAKING A JOKE ABOUT HIS OLD age

3:43 and then A DAY LATER GO OUT AND MAKE A JOKE ABOUT his own old age.

3:50 You think just when you think they've hit peak

3:54 ridiculous making a big thing out of this joke?

3:56 They then top themselves and charge criminally charge former FBI director Jim

4:02 Comey who Trump doesn't like because he did his job and investigated him.

4:06 And they charged Comey once with obstruction

4:08 and with making a false statement which went nowhere.

4:11 It got thrown out of court.

4:13 So now they're charging him again.

4:14 This time with threatening the president's life for this.

4:17 This is not a joke.

4:18 They're charging with threatening the president's life

4:21 for this photo of seashells that spell out 8647.

4:26 86 is an old restaurant term.

4:28 It means get rid of.

4:29 And Trump is the 47th president.

4:31 Trump's pets in the DOJ are claiming this is

4:34 some kind of threat or call to violence,

4:36 which even he should be embarrassed by this.

4:39 Put that back up.

4:40 That is not a threat.

4:41 That is a piece of art your aunt with a beach house would buy on Etsy.

4:48 But he's being charged with a crime.

4:52 And acting attorney general Todd Blanch said the crime

4:54 carries a maximum sentence of 10 years in prison.

4:58 And I'm guessing it's not the five-star

5:00 Beerram yoga prison he transferred Gelain Maxwell to.

5:03 He He also said this wasn't politically motivated.

5:07 Yeah, they just You know what?

5:08 They just don't like people named Jim is what I've learned.

5:11 So last night, America's mayor Rudy Giuliani rose from the grave

5:16 to weigh in on the ongoing drama involving me.

5:19 Dad, I want you, if you don't have it,

5:21 I want you to dig out uh the the one from from uh uh

5:28 maybe maybe one of the most distasteful

5:30 human beings in this country, Jimmy Kimmel.

5:34 What was that sounding?

5:35 You just Wow.

5:38 I have to say it hurts to be called distasteful by a man

5:42 who farted his own pants off in front of Borat's daughter.

5:46 But but excuse me.

5:48 You know what?

5:48 I'm being rude.

5:49 I interrupted the mayor.

5:50 Please go ahead with the broadcast.

5:52 Kimmel was making believe that he

5:55 was hosting the White House correspondence dinner, which I think he did once.

6:00 I don't know.

6:01 Probably only once and about four people, right?

6:04 Probably watched it.

6:05 I mean, bomb as usual.

6:08 This is supposed to be a comedian.

6:15 Am I Is there something funny?

6:18 Could you play it one more time, Ted?

6:25 He He went through the He went through the uh

6:28 uh uh bother of putting up like a little stage and Right.

6:33 He's also like an incompetent jackass.

6:37 I have to say, it's confusing to be called an incompetent jackass

6:40 by a man who accidentally held a press

6:43 conference outside a dildo store who doesn't

6:48 seem to have any understanding of when videos are running and when they aren't

6:54 and has a gallon of squid ink dribbling off the top of his head.

6:58 But do you think does this man have

7:00 any family members who can come get him already?

7:04 Team Trump has been using the uh attempt at attack at the White

7:08 House uh correspondents dinner to get out of paying for the ballroom.

7:12 He said would be paid for by private donors

7:15 as a gift to America, paid partly by him.

7:19 But now, and this is a classic Trump move,

7:21 he wants us to pay for it to the tune of $400 million.

7:25 But keep in mind that um even though we would have to pay for it,

7:29 once the ballroom is finished,

7:30 none of us will ever be allowed to set foot in it.

7:33 And while it may seem crazy to be talking

7:35 about a ballroom with a war going on, it is.

7:39 It is insane to do this again.

7:42 Anybody who suggests that we have an event like this in the times

7:46 in which we live in a facility like Hilton, that's crazy.

7:52 We're going to have to accommodate the times in which we live.

7:55 And Eric, you nailed it.

7:57 You did.

7:58 There are people out there that are nuts.

8:01 And that is why they have no choice

8:03 but to barricade themselves inside a solid gold drone proof ballroom.

8:08 And by the way, I love that Trump put Lindsay in charge of the ballroom push.

8:14 We're going to introduce legislation that would authorize $400 million

8:20 to be spent to secure the pre to build the presidential ballroom.

8:25 Underneath there will be a lot of military stuff.

8:28 The estimate is 332 million.

8:31 We're going to do 400 million because I think it's probably going to take more.

8:34 Private donations can be used,

8:36 but I think they should be used for buying China and stuff like that.

8:42 China and stuff like that.

8:43 You're going to spend $300 million on China and stuff like that.

8:46 The only thing Lindsey Graham loves more than war is dinner wear.

8:50 He just Send in the gravy boats.

8:54 Lindsey Graham.

8:56 Man, does this guy have a finger on the pulse of the average American.

9:00 All he wants is to cha cha pass the president's

9:03 bedroom with a limo porcelain teacup in his hand.

9:07 But his fellow Republicans are split.

9:09 A funding bill would likely require 60 votes in the Senate,

9:12 which is unlikely to happen.

9:14 Lindsey Graham can't just wave his Little Mermaid bubble wand and make it so.

9:19 And if he could, he wouldn't be constantly begging for money.

9:22 I need your help.

9:23 I hate to say this, but I've been outraised twice by Democrats.

9:27 Please go to lindseygram.com and help me if you can.

9:29 I've been with President Trump at every step.

9:32 The Democrats have money.

9:33 I don't know where they're getting all this money, but I need your help.

9:36 Lindsey Graham.com.

9:37 Please help me if you can.

9:39 Please help me if you can.

9:41 Lindsey Graham.com.

9:42 A hostage video.

9:43 It would be less embarrassing if he was selling pictures of his feet.

9:49 If you need money, start an only fans.

9:52 So, this foiled shooting at the Hilton

9:54 on Saturday night has created a lot of waves.

9:56 One of them was it took the focus off of FBI Director Cash Patel,

10:01 who was weathering a storm of stories about drinking on the job,

10:05 which is something he absolutely positively would never ever do.

10:10 We will analyze all evidence immediately

10:13 to make sure that we safeguard this country.

10:15 Mr.

10:15 President, Mr.

10:16 Vice President, thank you for your leadership.

10:17 Attorney General, Homeland Secretary Mullen,

10:19 thank you for your partnership in law enforcement.

10:21 Well, get that man a roadie cup for God's sake.

10:24 And of course, all of this self-inflicted

10:28 stupidity is it's a distraction from inflation

10:30 and the price of gas and the grifting

10:33 and the Trump Epstein files they claim don't exist.

10:38 And the fact that we are still fighting a war

10:41 that the president declared we won on the first day.

10:44 We're now on week nine of the war.

10:47 Trump is said to be dissatisfied with the latest

10:50 proposal from Iran to reopen the strait,

10:52 but a spokesperson for the White House told the New York

10:54 Times that the United States will not negotiate through the press.

10:58 That's right.

10:58 The United States negotiates exclusively through unhinged social media posts

11:03 from the president's toilet in the middle of the night.

11:07 But most people, sadly, I guess, aren't paying attention to any of this.

11:12 Most people are more interested in the movie

11:15 about Michael Jackson than the war in Iran.

11:17 You know, Michael Michael made $97 million over the weekend.

11:20 It's the biggest opening ever for a biopic,

11:23 even though it leaves out a lot of stuff.

11:27 It starts with him in the Jackson 5.

11:30 It goes all the way to him becoming a superstar,

11:32 but it ends before he becomes an old white lady who lives

11:36 in an abandoned amusement park with a monkey and a leather jacket.

11:42 It's not a complete story.

11:44 Janet Jackson doesn't even exist in the movie.

11:47 His only sister in the movie is Latoya.

11:49 And they don't go into any of the many allegations,

11:52 which is odd for a movie about someone's life.

11:55 But also, would you go to a movie about child molesting?

11:58 I don't know.

11:58 Seems like it might take some of the attention away from the moonwalking.

12:01 But controversy aside, whenever a major blockbuster drops,

12:05 we send our in-house film critic, Yaya, to review it.

12:08 And here he is once again talking about the movie Michael action.

12:16 HI, it's me Aya.

12:18 I talk ABOUT THE NEW MOVIE MICHAEL JACKSON.

12:22 Rest in peace and he's the top.

12:25 I watch him and he do Jackson 5.

12:29 I meet him.

12:30 He's super nice guy.

12:32 He said to me, "Yeah, yeah, I like you.

12:35 Can I take picture of you?

12:37 Can I take PICTURE OF YOU?

12:38 SAY YES PLEASE.

12:40 And I take selfie by my hand and I kiss him in his head.

12:44 He have oil too.

12:45 T too much oil.

12:46 And I meet his two three brother Fredo Jamar and Peter.

12:52 And I meet his sister Ltoria Jackson.

12:55 And I got a lot of famous music people.

12:59 Alton John, Angel Bird, Humbering, Tom Jones.

13:03 I saw Frank Sinatra.

13:05 I asked him in Atlantic City don't he tell me not right now next time and he

13:10 die what can I do Michael one day he do cormission for beepsa and he have too

13:16 much oil in his hair he walk next to the fire and his hair got fired I

13:23 swear everything I said true you have monkey

13:26 stay with him in the house his name Pablo

13:30 Michael Jackson also he go to courts a lot

13:34 people Say Michael do bad sexy the jaj

13:37 is say he's INNOCENT INNOCENT INNOCENT YOU UNDERSTAND

13:43 ANOTHER guy you have problem with sex Kevin spaces

13:47 book daddy you have a lot of baby oil also the guy he do the corion and he's

13:52 so fat for subway Jesse and he's in the jail and I don't know what the problem

14:01 go watch the movie GOOD MOVIE MICHAEL YOU MOON DANCE.

14:15 Maya is okay.

14:20 Beat it.

14:20 Yeah.

14:21 We had a fun show for you tonight from Subway Takes.

14:23 Kareem Rama is here.

14:24 We have music from Kevin Morby.

14:26 And we'll be right back with Kiki Palmer.