How identity is shaped | Varshika Sajeev | TEDxASF Youth

0:03 Let me begin with something uncomfortable.

0:07 Most of us assume that we know who we are

0:10 until one day the certainty begins to melt away silently.

0:16 Not because we failed, not because our values have disappeared,

0:20 but because the versions of ourselves that we relied

0:23 on no longer fits into the world we're standing in.

0:27 This moment is deeply unsettling and we're

0:31 rarely ever thought on how to interpret it.

0:34 We're thought of identity as something fragile,

0:38 something delicate that needs to be protected from disruption.

0:43 That consistency equates authenticity and that change signals loss.

0:50 I want to challenge this assumption.

0:52 I stand before you here today to argue that identity is

0:57 not preserved through stability but rather

1:00 shaped through sustained exposure to change.

1:05 I know this because my own sense of self was never built

1:09 in one place under one system or even within a certain set of expectations.

1:17 I began in an environment where identity was largely inherited.

1:23 There were clear boundaries around behaviors, beliefs, and expression.

1:29 This taught me discipline.

1:32 It taught me restraint and gave me a strong internal framework.

1:37 But it also taught me something else.

1:40 that belonging could deepen conformity and that the sense

1:45 of self could sometimes be softened,

1:49 muted, or even withheld just in order to fit in.

1:55 This was when I was young, before the notion of identity ever occurred

2:00 to me as something that I had control over.

2:03 I was young in a world where everything had its own standards for how you spoke,

2:09 for how you behaved, even for how you belonged.

2:14 There were guidelines.

2:16 I obeyed not from fear necessarily, but from the rhythm.

2:21 This was the only one I knew.

2:25 The more I adapted, the more transformation were involved.

2:29 I temper my view so as not to rock the boat.

2:34 Unbeknownst to me at that time, this was the very beginning of me

2:38 understanding the correlation between belonging and visibility.

2:43 And yet within that space,

2:46 something was emerging, a kind of internal scaffolding.

2:51 I was learning structure.

2:52 I was learning discipline.

2:54 But I was also coming to understand that identity

2:58 when inherited without a question can become a mere performance.

3:03 This was when I started to wonder what it might mean to write my own lines.

3:09 At first I resisted not openly but internally.

3:15 I began to equate careful silence with strength.

3:19 In this context, however,

3:21 silence felt less like composure and more like absence.

3:26 This tension forced a raccooning.

3:30 In my infancy, I was brought up

3:33 in a very traditional and culture oriented institution

3:36 where tradition and culture went hand in hand

3:39 as the strongest pillars in shapings one's morals,

3:43 one's values and in turn who they were.

3:47 I was later, however,

3:48 lifted to a space where all of this hardly mattered at all.

3:53 For the very first time, identity felt unstable.

3:58 And for a while, I interpreted instability as loss.

4:04 But as time passed on, I realized

4:08 that what felt like losing was actually being clarified.

4:12 I wasn't losing who I was.

4:14 I was losing the strategies I had used to protect it.

4:18 Overthinking the need to be perfect.

4:22 So I made a conscious choice.

4:25 If something had to be shed, I wanted agency over what it was.

4:30 I did not let it erode my values.

4:32 I allowed it to erode my fears.

4:36 I did not let it take away my sense of self.

4:39 I let it take away my hesitations, my defensiveness, my need to control.

4:46 The biggest shift came when I moved from India to Mexico in 11th grade.

4:52 This wasn't just a change of geography.

4:55 It was a change of language, of tempo,

4:58 of the very mannerism in which people related to each other.

5:03 Even today I recall sitting in a classroom where someone once made a joke.

5:12 Laughter rang through the room but the punchline of the joke eluded me.

5:19 At that moment I did not feel invisible.

5:23 I felt misplaced.

5:25 It was as if I was observing a world unfolding behind

5:29 a window I couldn't get through no matter how hard I tried.

5:35 I developed a stutter.

5:37 Words felt foreign in my mouth.

5:40 Even my passions, my love for public speaking, debating,

5:45 model United Nations felt out of reach to me.

5:49 To start, I thought I was losing.

5:51 That somehow someway I was losing myself.

5:57 But then I began to see things differently.

6:00 I wasn't losing my identity.

6:03 I was shedding the layers I had used to cocoon it.

6:06 Overthinking the need to be perfect, the fear of being misunderstood.

6:12 So I made a decision.

6:15 I stopped waiting to feel fluent before I joined conversations.

6:19 I let myself stumble.

6:21 I let myself be seen in progress.

6:24 And in doing so, I didn't lose my voice.

6:27 I found it again.

6:30 A few months into Mexico, something shifted.

6:34 I stopped searching in every nook and cranny for pieces of home.

6:38 I stopped comparing every flavor, every face, every phrase to what I knew.

6:45 Instead, I began focusing on the differences.

6:49 The burning sensation caused by Mexican spices

6:53 was familiar yet somehow new to me.

6:56 Spanish rhythms, earlier, hardly more than a blur,

7:00 now sounded like music I could actually hum that tune to.

7:05 And then one day I stood on stage holding an excellence in Spanish award.

7:12 It felt ironic because I was once

7:16 someone who felt invisible in that very language.

7:21 But it helped me realize that I had

7:24 the power to turn my weaknesses into my strengths.

7:30 This helped me truly understand that identity doesn't weaken under change.

7:35 It sharpens.

7:36 It expands.

7:38 It becomes more intentional.

7:41 And in a world that's always shifting, that kind of identity,

7:46 the kind you shape, not just inherit, is the one that truly lasts.

7:53 This experience aligns with what research tells us.

7:57 Developmental psychology tells us that identity formation is not a fixed

8:02 milestone but rather a continuous

8:04 process particularly during periods of transition.

8:10 Studies demonstrates that individuals who have been exposed

8:14 to multiple institutional and cultural

8:16 framework develop higher cognitive flexibility,

8:20 a trait that's closely associated with decision making,

8:25 leadership, and resilience.

8:28 These prove as test statements to the fact

8:31 that identity doesn't diminish under change, it differentiates.

8:36 Yet society, we still frame change as something

8:40 to endure rather than to engage with.

8:43 We encourage people to hold on to who they are

8:46 as if identity were a static object and not an evolving structure.

8:51 This proves to be especially problematic

8:54 in a world that's defined by acceleration.

8:57 According to World Economic Forum,

9:00 65%age of children today will enter careers that do not yet exist.

9:07 Roles will change.

9:08 Systems will shift.

9:11 Cultural boundaries will continue to blur.

9:14 If identity is rigid, it becomes brittle.

9:17 If it's durable, it becomes adaptive.

9:20 But adaptability requires intention.

9:25 There's a difference between being shaped

9:27 by change and being swept along its tights.

9:30 The distinction lies in one small practical shift.

9:35 Instead of asking yourself, how do I preserve who I am?

9:39 Ask what is this moment asking me to refine.

9:43 When expectations change, identify what skill is being demanded.

9:48 When environments shift, notice what perspective is being stretched.

9:54 Finally, when identity feels unstable,

9:57 resist the urge to retreat and examine it instead.

10:06 This extends beyond individuals.

10:10 Organizations with cognitively diverse teams outperform

10:14 homogeneous ones by at least 35 percentage.

10:18 Society will improve when all its members

10:21 can change without losing who they are.

10:24 The strongest identities aren't ones that are stable,

10:28 but the ones that are grounded enough,

10:31 identities that are capable enough of learning.

10:36 This shift changed how I related to uncertainty.

10:39 I stopped interpreting discomfort to failure.

10:42 I stopped equating to consistency to authenticity.

10:46 I began to understand that coherence does not stem from likelihood.

10:51 It emerges from integration.

10:54 So this is what I want to leave you with.

10:57 Identity is not something that you lose when circumstances change.

11:02 It's something that you shape selectively, intentionally, and continuously.

11:08 Choose what you release.

11:10 Choose what you retain.

11:12 Allow change to refine you, not reduce you.

11:16 Because the strongest identities aren't ones that remain unchanged.

11:21 The strongest identities are the ones that are capable enough to evolve.

11:27 Thank you.

11:32 [applause]