Eating Nuggets Off Your Chest | BT Kingsley | Comedy In Color | LOL! Stand-Up

0:05 Oh[ __] While we in a giving it up, give it up for me, you guys.

0:11 I just lost 18 lbs.

0:13 18 lbs.

0:13 Look at your boy.

0:15 Look at him.

0:16 One more rotation.

0:18 Here it comes.

0:19 You better live that[ __] up.

0:23 __] Last time LOL put me on TV, I was like,

0:26 "Who the[ __] is that fat ass dude?"[ __] was terrible.

0:30 18 lbs.

0:31 Now, here's the problem.

0:32 I'm losing weight, but people are starting to compliment me and the compliments

0:36 feel like they talking[ __] And I don't like how it feels.

0:40 They keep coming up to me.

0:42 Hey man, look at you.

0:44 You looking good.

0:46 You got your chin back.

0:49 __] you mean I got Where did my chin go, you[ __] Look at you.

0:55 You doing your thing.

0:56 We didn't think we Man, I was like,

0:59 how bad was this[ __] We didn't think you was gonna make it.

1:03 Y[ __] let me die.

1:05 It's hard losing weight, man.

1:06 I'm trying to get in shape.

1:07 This[ __] is difficult.

1:08 You know why I do stupid[ __] I'm a Monday der.

1:11 Anybody a Monday der?

1:13 Just me?

1:13 Just three of us.

1:15 All right.

1:15 I'm a Monday der.

1:17 I'm the only person you be like, "This Monday, I'm getting in shape." No,

1:20 this Monday I'm serious about this[ __] I'm going

1:23 I know I'm going to lose this goddamn weight.

1:25 I'm going to lo this Monday.

1:27 I'm starting my diet.

1:29 I'm only going to eat kale and arugula.

1:31 I'mma have one raisin for dinner.

1:34 Lemonade with hot sauce in it.

1:37 I'm going to lose this weight.

1:40 Cocaine, whatever it takes.

1:41 I'm going to lose this weight.

1:43 Monday comes around, you do good.

1:45 You done started your diet.

1:46 Look at you slimming up.

1:47 You proud of yourself.

1:49 Tuesday, you in the gym doing cardio.

1:51 Look at you.

1:52 Wednesday, you didn't watch What the Health.

1:55 You a vegan now.

1:56 You start telling people how to eat.

1:58 Yeah.

1:59 You know the the processed meat, that's where you're[ __] up at.

2:02 Thursday come around, you didn't got cocky.

2:04 You start telling people how to lose weight.

2:06 Yeah.

2:06 You know the bread, that's where you're[ __] up at.

2:10 Friday come around, it's somebody birthday at work.

2:13 They come in with the cupcakes.

2:15 You don't even see the cupcakes.

2:17 You smell them first.

2:19 You The[ __] is that?

2:21 He's like, "No, your your best friend at work.

2:23 Don't do it." Well, don't do what?

2:25 Don't eat the cupcakes.

2:26 __] that.

2:27 I'm going to have seven cupcakes.

2:28 But what about your diet?

2:30 __] that diet.

2:31 I'm going to have nine cupcakes.

2:34 I thought you said seven.

2:36 I'm going to have a dozen cupcakes and the shit's going to be delicious.

2:41 Never going to lose this weight, man.

2:43 I'll be doing stupid.

2:44 You ever eat off your own chest?

2:45 You ain't never been on your way home.

2:47 You did good on your diet all day.

2:49 You passed a drive-thru.

2:50 You didn't know was open.

2:51 You're like, "Well, if it's open, the Lord wants me to have that." You go home,

2:55 you lay in your bed, you prop your head up with your pillows,

3:00 you put 40 nuggets on your chest, and then you put the sauces on your stomach,

3:05 and you get to dip in the nuggets off your own body.

3:08 I'm the only person to do this[ __] You go barbecue buffalo honey mustard.

3:12 M.

3:13 That's pretty good right there.

3:15 Honey mustard, Polynesian ranch.

3:17 Oh my god.

3:18 What are y'all?

3:19 HP sauce.

3:20 M yummy.

3:21 This is so delicious.

3:22 Ranch.

3:23 Ranch.

3:23 Ranch.

3:24 M.

3:24 Ranch.

3:24 Ranch.

3:25 Ranch.

3:25 Again.

3:25 Ranch.

3:26 Ranch.

3:26 Ranch is always[ __] delicious.

3:29 That[ __] is real, man.

3:31 I And people will look at me like, "Oh, that[ __] ain't that bad." This what?

3:34 This is the worst shape to be in.

3:36 You hear me?

3:36 If you skinny ain't[ __] you can do about it.

3:38 Everybody got somebody skinny in your life.

3:40 Your cousin Bony Tony Slim Jim come over your house, eat more than everybody.

3:45 Two, three plates be drinking grease and shots of gravy to the face.

3:50 He won't gain no weight.

3:51 If you big, you get all the cool big people[ __] You can fight.

3:55 It's always a job for security waiting on your ass.

3:58 Every big dude I know can fight, seeing cook or play the drums.

4:01 All of them.

4:02 Never met a big dude couldn't play the drums.

4:05 This This is Call of Duty body.

4:07 That's what this is for.

4:08 Call of Duty video games.

4:10 Madden.

4:10 That's what this is good for.

4:11 30 months of focus.

4:12 I'd be[ __] there.

4:14 You know what I want?

4:15 I want this[ __] right here.

4:17 Yeah, lady.

4:17 Yeah, I You see what I'm saying?

4:19 Don't look away.

4:20 Look at me, ma'am.

4:20 This is what I'm talking about.

4:22 Yeah.

4:22 The little crotch cleavage.

4:23 That's what I want.

4:24 The little magic mic.

4:25 That's what I The little How does it feel?

4:27 The little magic mic[ __] I don't want two.

4:30 I want one of them shits.

4:32 If I get one of them, cutting all the pockets out my jeans.

4:37 No more[ __] pockets.

4:39 I want to get in shape, man.

4:40 Man, I only get in shape so I can do sexy[ __] I

4:43 want to be able to take off my shirt with my thumbs and elbows.

4:46 Y'all got to start[ __] paying attention.

4:48 You guys, all my friends are in good shape.

4:51 We be hanging out.

4:52 Be like, "Hey, man.

4:53 Can you pass the ball?" You know what?

4:54 You right.

4:55 Let me take off my shirt first.

4:56 See that?

4:56 When you in good shape, this how you take off your shirt.

4:59 Look at my thumbs.

5:00 Look at my elbows.

5:01 See, you go abs first.

5:02 Look at that.

5:03 Bow.

5:04 If you real sexy, you cross your[ __] like this.

5:07 You squirm about the shirt.

5:09 You salamander out of the shirt.

5:11 You Shakira Shakira.

5:13 Hips don't lie.

5:14 Out of the shirt.

5:15 When your body is the[ __] When you built like me,

5:20 you put a shirt over your back.

5:23 You cover your face first.

5:28 Get in shape, man.

5:28 You can't talk to nobody.

5:29 Dudes don't know how to get in shape.

5:31 They'll have you taking all the pills in GNC.

5:33 Take this, man.

5:34 Then you get your abs.

5:35 I'm like, "Yeah, but my heart,[ __][ __] will change right under your nose, man.

5:42 Weed's almost legal.

5:43 That shit's interesting as hell.

5:45 Yeah, weed smokers.

5:46 I like joints and but the vape is really my[ __] The only

5:50 thing about the vape is if you ain't never seen it before,

5:53 the shit's awkward cuz it's a lot of smoke.

5:55 When you hit a little joint, it's a little bit of smoke.

5:57 When you hit a vape, it's a billow.

5:59 People turn into full dragons when they hit that[ __] Somebody hit it behind me,

6:03 the smoke starts circling around me.

6:05 I'm like, is somebody casting a spell on me?

6:09 __] is all this smoke coming from?

6:10 It was so much smoke.

6:12 I was like, is the Undertaker coming to the ring?

6:16 Lol.

6:16 You guys are beautiful.

6:19 Follow me on everything BT Kangsley.