Cloud 9 Employees Doing Literally Anything Except Working | Superstore

0:00 One, two, three, four, five, and turn.

0:07 Go first.

0:07 First,

0:08 All right.

0:08 It says Gold Bond Medicated Foot Powder was first,

0:11 which means the winner is Cheyenne Sensidine Rapid Relief Lee.

0:14 Oh, yeah.

0:15 Senseo dime.

0:17 What is going on over here?

0:19 We're playing Scanner Duel.

0:21 Two people get a scanner and then Matteo loses.

0:23 That sounds like fun.

0:24 Can I play?

0:26 You want to play?

0:27 Yeah.

0:27 Guys, I'm not the boss anymore.

0:29 If you guys are having a little secret naughty fun time, I'm into it.

0:33 Unfortunate wording.

0:35 It's color wars.

0:40 All right.

0:40 Now, when you check out, they're going to ask you if you were helped

0:42 by someone on the red team or the [music] gold team.

0:45 This next part is very important.

0:47 I do not care.

0:48 No one's into the contest.

0:51 I don't think the promise of pizza has the same

0:54 effect it had on us when we were kids.

0:56 It's a pizza party.

0:58 Besides, that's not the only prize.

1:00 Everyone on the winning team gets a $100.

1:05 What?

1:05 All I [music] want to do is have fun with my loved ones.

1:07 Loved ones, relatives, and my cousins.

1:10 And I got them [music] by the dozens when they buzz on.

1:13 Quick to say your husband.

1:15 This is for my locked away.

1:16 Extra love for the ones who [music] ain't got no date.

1:19 But when we get checkmate with ice cube the great

1:21 soon as I get a word we cannot [music] [music] Attention Cloud9 shoppers.

1:34 We'd like to welcome the members

1:35 of our second chances program and the gold t-shirts.

1:38 If you'd prefer to work with someone who hasn't committed a violent crime,

1:42 our red shirted employees will be more than happy to help out.

1:46 Yes, the Cloud9 Second Chances program cuz knowledge is worth a hundred bucks.

2:00 Sandra got you.

2:03 Got you.

2:04 Oh, yeah.

2:05 I was waiting for you for hours.

2:09 Yeah.

2:10 Okay,

2:10 I get you.

2:11 That was fun.

2:12 Help you out.

2:12 Yeah.

2:12 Well, thank you.

2:16 I

2:17 Okay, thank you.

2:19 Oh, look.

2:20 I want to get her something really special.

2:23 They don't know if she'll make it through the surgery,

2:24 so this could be our last Mother's Day together.

2:26 And I got you.

2:29 DAMN IT.

2:31 THIS GAME.

2:32 There you go.

2:32 All right, Marcus.

2:33 Alioop me into the cooler.

2:34 Okay.

2:35 Now, COME BACK.

2:35 COME BACK.

2:37 OH, NO.

2:38 DAMN IT.

2:38 He's got the moves like your fault, Marcus.

2:40 Get your head in the game.

2:42 Matteo tattles me that you're playing a game instead of working.

2:46 Seriously, dude.

2:47 Yeah, you're misusing big goods and hurting people's cashmere.

2:50 So,

2:50 come on, man.

2:51 I'm sorry, but this game is over.

2:53 Okay, I'm throwing this away.

2:56 Oh, did you see that?

2:59 What?

2:58 Glenn, you just got a mannequin bumper.

3:01 Is that good?

3:02 I don't know.

3:03 Is the best you can do good?

3:05 Come on.

3:05 You had to play this before.

3:07 No, I swear.

3:08 I I mean, I'm on my church's whiffle ball team.

3:10 Well, I I get the emails.

3:12 Well, I don't know.

3:13 I mean, I'd say you're a natural.

3:14 I mean, that was incredible.

3:17 Mhm.

3:16 Glenn, they're obviously manipulating you.

3:19 You're just jealous because I got a manny bump on my first try.

3:22 Please, anyone can hit that stupid mannequin.

3:26 Really?

3:25 Prove it.

3:30 OH, NICE, MATT.

3:32 I did it.

3:33 Yeah, you did.

3:34 I'm an athlete.

3:35 [laughter] An athlete.

3:36 I did it.

3:37 I'M SIMONE BILES.

3:39 I'M SIMONE BILES.

3:41 YES, Simone Biles.

3:43 Olympic gymnast.

3:45 Yeah.

3:45 [music] Hold on.

3:47 Hold up.

3:49 Hold up.

3:50 We [music] them boys.

3:53 Hold up.

3:54 We them boys.

3:56 Hold up.

3:57 We making noise.

4:01 We them boys.

4:03 Hold up.

4:03 Hold up.

4:10 [music] Go ahead, man.

4:12 Shoot.

4:13 You got nothing, bro.

4:14 Take a shot.

4:14 I dare you.

4:15 Take it.

4:16 Easy.

4:16 Jeez.

4:17 Oh, yeah.

4:18 What are you going to do about it?

4:19 Call your girlfriend Amy.

4:21 What?

4:22 No.

4:22 That's why we're Boom.

4:24 I'm the muffin man now, Excuse me.

4:29 Where are the paper towels?

4:31 I'm sorry.

4:31 I don't know.

4:32 We sell THOSE HERE.

4:36 I GOT IT.

4:36 I'm going for it.

4:38 I'm going for it.

4:42 Oh my god, Glenn.

4:43 Oh my.

4:44 Oh my god.

4:44 Are you okay?

4:49 I can see the whole store from up here.

4:52 Oh no.

4:54 He's going to be fine.

4:57 You okay?

4:59 No, I'm I'm fine.

5:00 and I just want to relax here on the beach for a while.

5:05 And since Brett's knee is still injured from his MMA fight,

5:08 Jonah will be taking his place in the final shootout.

5:12 [cheering]

5:13 His opponent will be decided by a simple I'll do it.

5:17 Okay, I wasn't finished talking,

5:18 but uh I guess this game has made monsters out of all of us.

5:21 All right, this is it.

5:23 Got it.

5:24 Winner gets Amy.

5:25 You You can't win a person by throwing a taped up muffin at a bucket.

5:29 Oh yeah.

5:30 And what's this?

5:35 USA.

5:36 USA.

5:37 USA.

5:38 USA.

5:39 We all live here.

5:41 It's awful.

5:41 I've been telling everyone that Dena's the one who made the schedule,

5:44 and she says that she's fine with it, but I feel weird.

5:47 What are you looking at?

5:48 Nothing.

5:48 I'm listening.

5:49 Keep going.

5:50 It just feels like I'm asking her to take the blame for something I did.

5:53 Although, you know, it's not my fault corporate decided to cut the payroll.

5:57 Jonah, what are you doing?

5:58 M just hugging you.

6:00 Hugging you tightly.

6:01 Okay.

6:01 Well, thank you.

6:02 Thanks.

6:03 I feel better now.

6:03 You can stop.

6:05 Oh, you know what?

6:05 Have you seen the new soda stream display?

6:08 Oh, they're great.

6:08 You don't want to miss them.

6:09 Walk.

6:10 Jonah, put me down.

6:11 Customer safari.

6:13 It's a $10 entrance fee.

6:14 And as you can see, I got 35 categories on the board.

6:17 Why is blowing nose and towels worth more than jugalo?

6:20 Cuz jugos aren't as rare.

6:22 ICP just played St.

6:23 Louis.

6:24 It was fun.

6:25 It's a real community.

6:26 Only one winner per category.

6:28 You see something, snap a pic.

6:29 Submit it to me for verification.

6:35 Aggressively patriotic [music] t-shirt.

6:37 Oh yeah.

6:38 Love this land or I'll bury you in it.

6:40 Wow.

6:41 50 points.

6:45 [music] Disturbingly long nails.

6:49 15 points.

6:53 Ride it.

6:55 Come on.

6:55 Ride it.

6:56 tease.

6:58 [music] I only asked for one tuxedo, kid, man.

7:01 15 points is all I can give you.

7:06 Is this even a category?

7:08 It's got to be, right?

7:11 No, no, no, no, no.

7:12 I said adult baby.

7:13 This is an adult with a baby.

7:15 Hey, do you guys know why there's no one working checkouts?

7:18 Uh, well, I heard something about a I don't know, big spill.

7:23 Yeah.

7:22 All hands on deck situation.

7:24 Guys, come on.

7:24 I know what it's like when the manager's away.

7:27 Yeah.

7:27 You take a little longer break, eat a hot dog,

7:30 turn all the screens in electronics to MTV.

7:34 I guess you got us.

7:35 We're just a bunch of rebels.

7:36 Ah, come on.

7:37 So, tell me what's going on.

7:42 Oh, okay.

7:44 Well, then Sandra, you'd better confess because I already

7:48 asked Garrett and he sold you down the river

7:50 when we've been together the entire time.

7:52 Mhm.

7:52 Yeah.

7:53 Glenn, if you want to play us against each other, you have to separate us first.

7:58 Sander, could I see you outside for a minute?

8:01 I don't think so, Glenn.

8:04 Garrett, could I see?

8:05 Come on, man.

8:10 Ki, what the hell?

8:11 I told you to make sure no one took a pick of you before I did.

8:14 Okay, he's hella sneaky.

8:16 I did not see him.

8:17 Wait, you're Ki?

8:19 Oh my god, you're cheating.

8:21 You totally tried to stage close the same shade of skin.

8:24 Yes, but only because I like wanted to win.

8:26 I feel like if Garrett knew about this, he

8:28 would totally kick you out of the game.

8:30 But I'm your friend, so I'm just going to extort you.

8:33 Fine.

8:33 50 bucks if I win.

8:36 Deal.

8:36 I'm Matteo, by the way.

8:37 I'm sure you've heard of me.

8:39 Uh, I I've heard of Brett.

8:46 Do you have a receipt?

8:47 [screaming]

8:50 Oh.

8:50 Oh, are you okay?

8:53 Something bit me.

8:54 Something bit me.

8:56 What?

8:56 What is What?

8:57 Get off.

8:58 I don't see it.

8:58 I don't see it.

8:58 Get it off.

8:59 You have to get the suckers out.

9:01 I don't see any suckers.

9:03 That's cuz you're the suckers.

9:06 Beep beep.

9:06 You dead fools.

9:08 Oh, how do you like me now?

9:10 Team yogurt wins.

9:11 No, no, no, no, no, no.

9:12 Come on, guys.

9:13 That is not fair.

9:14 That's what losers always say.

9:16 No, no, no.

9:16 Glenn, Glenn, they got us fair and square.

9:19 Okay.

9:19 Or or did you get yourselves?

9:24 What?

9:24 Well, it's just that if you look at your scanner,

9:25 you'll see that I replaced my price tag with blueberry yogurt, which is you.

9:29 So, it looks like you're the suckers.

9:33 It's a switcheroo.

9:34 No, no, no, no switcheroo.

9:36 That's just cheating.

9:37 We never said we couldn't switch tags.

9:38 Yeah, whatever, dude.

9:39 We won.

9:39 Team yogurt for life.

9:41 Mhm.

9:42 Mhm.

9:43 Mhm.

9:43 Yogurt.

9:43 Is it yogurt?

9:44 No, no, not yogurt.

9:45 No, soup.

9:47 Yogurt.

9:47 Yogurt.

9:49 Yogurt.

9:48 Yogurt.

9:49 Yogurt.

9:49 Yum.

9:52 Yogurt.

9:55 Yum.