People Who Dream Big But Do Nothing (Psychology Explained)

0:00 You've already designed the life you

0:01 You've already designed the life you

0:01 You've already designed the life you want, down to the logo, the city, the

0:04 want, down to the logo, the city, the

0:04 want, down to the logo, the city, the aesthetic. You've probably rehearsed the

0:06 aesthetic. You've probably rehearsed the

0:06 aesthetic. You've probably rehearsed the interview where you explain how it all

0:07 interview where you explain how it all

0:07 interview where you explain how it all started, the turning point, the moment

0:09 started, the turning point, the moment

0:09 started, the turning point, the moment everything clicked. You can see it so

0:12 everything clicked. You can see it so

0:12 everything clicked. You can see it so clearly it almost feels like a memory,

0:14 clearly it almost feels like a memory,

0:14 clearly it almost feels like a memory, and you haven't even started, not a plan

0:17 and you haven't even started, not a plan

0:17 and you haven't even started, not a plan or a single step, not even a search,

0:19 or a single step, not even a search,

0:19 or a single step, not even a search, just the dream sitting there, specific

0:22 just the dream sitting there, specific

0:22 just the dream sitting there, specific yet completely untouched, feeling

0:24 yet completely untouched, feeling

0:24 yet completely untouched, feeling important, feeling like someday. And

0:27 important, feeling like someday. And

0:27 important, feeling like someday. And here's the part nobody actually tells

0:29 here's the part nobody actually tells

0:29 here's the part nobody actually tells you, not even the productivity gurus.

0:31 you, not even the productivity gurus.

0:31 you, not even the productivity gurus. It's usually not laziness. It's not that

0:34 It's usually not laziness. It's not that

0:34 It's usually not laziness. It's not that you don't care. If anything, you care so

0:36 you don't care. If anything, you care so

0:36 you don't care. If anything, you care so much that moving feels dangerous. You

0:39 much that moving feels dangerous. You

0:39 much that moving feels dangerous. You care too much to risk finding out what

0:41 care too much to risk finding out what

0:41 care too much to risk finding out what happens when you try. That's the whole

0:43 happens when you try. That's the whole

0:43 happens when you try. That's the whole problem. Most people who study

0:45 problem. Most people who study

0:45 problem. Most people who study motivation will tell you the gap between

0:47 motivation will tell you the gap between

0:47 motivation will tell you the gap between wanting something and doing it is about

0:49 wanting something and doing it is about

0:49 wanting something and doing it is about discipline or time management. And look,

0:52 discipline or time management. And look,

0:52 discipline or time management. And look, those things matter, but they're kind of

0:54 those things matter, but they're kind of

0:54 those things matter, but they're kind of missing the forest for the trees.

0:56 missing the forest for the trees.

0:56 missing the forest for the trees. Because what's happening in the mind of

0:57 Because what's happening in the mind of

0:57 Because what's happening in the mind of someone who dreams constantly and does

0:59 someone who dreams constantly and does

0:59 someone who dreams constantly and does consistently nothing is more than just

1:02 consistently nothing is more than just

1:02 consistently nothing is more than just get off your phone. Let's start with

1:04 get off your phone. Let's start with

1:04 get off your phone. Let's start with something counterintuitive. The more

1:06 something counterintuitive. The more

1:06 something counterintuitive. The more vividly you imagine your future success,

1:09 vividly you imagine your future success,

1:09 vividly you imagine your future success, the more detailed and emotional, the

1:11 the more detailed and emotional, the

1:11 the more detailed and emotional, the more real it feels, the less likely you

1:13 more real it feels, the less likely you

1:13 more real it feels, the less likely you are to actually pursue it. Psychologist

1:16 are to actually pursue it. Psychologist

1:16 are to actually pursue it. Psychologist Gabriele Oettingen found what challenges

1:18 Gabriele Oettingen found what challenges

1:18 Gabriele Oettingen found what challenges a lot of what the self-help industry

1:20 a lot of what the self-help industry

1:20 a lot of what the self-help industry promotes. Positive visualization, the

1:22 promotes. Positive visualization, the

1:22 promotes. Positive visualization, the kind where you close your eyes and feel

1:24 kind where you close your eyes and feel

1:24 kind where you close your eyes and feel yourself living the dream, it actually

1:26 yourself living the dream, it actually

1:26 yourself living the dream, it actually relaxes your nervous system. Research

1:29 relaxes your nervous system. Research

1:29 relaxes your nervous system. Research using physiological measures found that

1:31 using physiological measures found that

1:31 using physiological measures found that positive fantasies about a desired

1:33 positive fantasies about a desired

1:33 positive fantasies about a desired future lowered participants' systolic

1:35 future lowered participants' systolic

1:35 future lowered participants' systolic blood pressure and subjective energy

1:37 blood pressure and subjective energy

1:37 blood pressure and subjective energy levels compared to people who didn't

1:39 levels compared to people who didn't

1:39 levels compared to people who didn't visualize at all. Your brain, in a

1:41 visualize at all. Your brain, in a

1:41 visualize at all. Your brain, in a measurable sense, partially registers

1:43 measurable sense, partially registers

1:43 measurable sense, partially registers the reward before you've done a single

1:45 the reward before you've done a single

1:45 the reward before you've done a single thing to earn it. Energy drops,

1:48 thing to earn it. Energy drops,

1:48 thing to earn it. Energy drops, motivation follows. So, all those vision

1:51 motivation follows. So, all those vision

1:51 motivation follows. So, all those vision boards and manifestation journals, that

1:53 boards and manifestation journals, that

1:53 boards and manifestation journals, that time spent imagining the outcome, they

1:55 time spent imagining the outcome, they

1:55 time spent imagining the outcome, they might be doing the opposite of what you

1:57 might be doing the opposite of what you

1:57 might be doing the opposite of what you think. But what's weird is, and why this

2:00 think. But what's weird is, and why this

2:00 think. But what's weird is, and why this doesn't fully explain the people we're

2:01 doesn't fully explain the people we're

2:02 doesn't fully explain the people we're really talking about, because some

2:03 really talking about, because some

2:03 really talking about, because some people don't just visualize their

2:05 people don't just visualize their

2:05 people don't just visualize their dreams. They become their dreams, and

2:07 dreams. They become their dreams, and

2:07 dreams. They become their dreams, and that becomes their whole identity.

2:09 that becomes their whole identity.

2:09 that becomes their whole identity. Things tend to take a darker turn. Think

2:12 Things tend to take a darker turn. Think

2:12 Things tend to take a darker turn. Think about the person, maybe it's you, no

2:14 about the person, maybe it's you, no

2:14 about the person, maybe it's you, no judgement, who talks about the dream,

2:16 judgement, who talks about the dream,

2:16 judgement, who talks about the dream, the business, the book, the album, the

2:18 the business, the book, the album, the

2:18 the business, the book, the album, the move to another country. Everyone around

2:20 move to another country. Everyone around

2:20 move to another country. Everyone around them knows about it by now. They've been

2:22 them knows about it by now. They've been

2:22 them knows about it by now. They've been saying it for 2 years, maybe 5, and

2:25 saying it for 2 years, maybe 5, and

2:25 saying it for 2 years, maybe 5, and they're passionate when they talk about

2:26 they're passionate when they talk about

2:26 they're passionate when they talk about it. It doesn't feel performative, it

2:28 it. It doesn't feel performative, it

2:28 it. It doesn't feel performative, it feels completely real to them. Because

2:31 feels completely real to them. Because

2:31 feels completely real to them. Because it is real, but maybe not in the way

2:33 it is real, but maybe not in the way

2:33 it is real, but maybe not in the way they think. When a goal becomes

2:35 they think. When a goal becomes

2:35 they think. When a goal becomes identity, when I want to be a writer

2:37 identity, when I want to be a writer

2:37 identity, when I want to be a writer quietly shifts into I am a writer, I

2:39 quietly shifts into I am a writer, I

2:39 quietly shifts into I am a writer, I just haven't written anything yet, doing

2:42 just haven't written anything yet, doing

2:42 just haven't written anything yet, doing the actual work becomes genuinely

2:44 the actual work becomes genuinely

2:44 the actual work becomes genuinely threatening, not metaphorically, but

2:46 threatening, not metaphorically, but

2:46 threatening, not metaphorically, but psychologically so. Because if you try

2:48 psychologically so. Because if you try

2:48 psychologically so. Because if you try and it doesn't go well, it's not only a

2:51 and it doesn't go well, it's not only a

2:51 and it doesn't go well, it's not only a failed attempt, it's evidence about who

2:53 failed attempt, it's evidence about who

2:53 failed attempt, it's evidence about who you are, and the mind treats that kind

2:55 you are, and the mind treats that kind

2:55 you are, and the mind treats that kind of threat the same way it treats any

2:57 of threat the same way it treats any

2:57 of threat the same way it treats any other. It tends to avoid it. There's

3:00 other. It tends to avoid it. There's

3:00 other. It tends to avoid it. There's actually research behind this.

3:02 actually research behind this.

3:02 actually research behind this. Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer found that

3:04 Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer found that

3:04 Psychologist Peter Gollwitzer found that when people publicly announce

3:05 when people publicly announce

3:05 when people publicly announce identity-related goals, when other

3:07 identity-related goals, when other

3:07 identity-related goals, when other people know about your dream, it can

3:09 people know about your dream, it can

3:09 people know about your dream, it can give you a premature sense of success.

3:11 give you a premature sense of success.

3:12 give you a premature sense of success. The aspiration gets socially confirmed,

3:14 The aspiration gets socially confirmed,

3:14 The aspiration gets socially confirmed, and something in the brain relaxes its

3:16 and something in the brain relaxes its

3:16 and something in the brain relaxes its grip on actually chasing it. You told

3:18 grip on actually chasing it. You told

3:18 grip on actually chasing it. You told everyone you're becoming a lawyer,

3:20 everyone you're becoming a lawyer,

3:20 everyone you're becoming a lawyer, people nodded, somewhere in you that

3:22 people nodded, somewhere in you that

3:22 people nodded, somewhere in you that registered as progress. This is also

3:25 registered as progress. This is also

3:25 registered as progress. This is also connected to what researchers call

3:26 connected to what researchers call

3:26 connected to what researchers call self-handicapping, the strategy where

3:29 self-handicapping, the strategy where

3:29 self-handicapping, the strategy where people unconsciously create conditions

3:31 people unconsciously create conditions

3:31 people unconsciously create conditions that make failure explainable. Jones and

3:33 that make failure explainable. Jones and

3:33 that make failure explainable. Jones and Berglas first identified this in 1978,

3:36 Berglas first identified this in 1978,

3:36 Berglas first identified this in 1978, and the core of it is simple. I haven't

3:39 and the core of it is simple. I haven't

3:39 and the core of it is simple. I haven't really started yet, so I can't really

3:41 really started yet, so I can't really

3:41 really started yet, so I can't really fail yet. The dream stays clean, the

3:43 fail yet. The dream stays clean, the

3:43 fail yet. The dream stays clean, the dreamer stays protected. And the

3:45 dreamer stays protected. And the

3:45 dreamer stays protected. And the cruelest part, it works. As a short-term

3:48 cruelest part, it works. As a short-term

3:48 cruelest part, it works. As a short-term emotional strategy, it absolutely works.

3:51 emotional strategy, it absolutely works.

3:51 emotional strategy, it absolutely works. You preserve the identity, you dodge the

3:53 You preserve the identity, you dodge the

3:53 You preserve the identity, you dodge the discomfort, and the dream stays

3:55 discomfort, and the dream stays

3:55 discomfort, and the dream stays beautiful and intact and entirely

3:57 beautiful and intact and entirely

3:57 beautiful and intact and entirely hypothetical. There's an even more

3:59 hypothetical. There's an even more

4:00 hypothetical. There's an even more subtle version, though. Some people

4:01 subtle version, though. Some people

4:01 subtle version, though. Some people don't avoid failure by doing nothing,

4:03 don't avoid failure by doing nothing,

4:04 don't avoid failure by doing nothing, but by staying busy with everything

4:05 but by staying busy with everything

4:05 but by staying busy with everything except the real thing. Endless research,

4:08 except the real thing. Endless research,

4:08 except the real thing. Endless research, courses, podcasts, reorganizing their

4:11 courses, podcasts, reorganizing their

4:11 courses, podcasts, reorganizing their workspace, reading books about people

4:13 workspace, reading books about people

4:13 workspace, reading books about people who did the thing. They're genuinely

4:15 who did the thing. They're genuinely

4:15 who did the thing. They're genuinely busy, and they can point to all of it as

4:17 busy, and they can point to all of it as

4:17 busy, and they can point to all of it as evidence that they're working towards

4:18 evidence that they're working towards

4:18 evidence that they're working towards something. This is preparation that

4:20 something. This is preparation that

4:20 something. This is preparation that functions as avoidance, and it's hard to

4:23 functions as avoidance, and it's hard to

4:23 functions as avoidance, and it's hard to call out because it looks so

4:24 call out because it looks so

4:24 call out because it looks so responsible. The intention-behavior gap,

4:27 responsible. The intention-behavior gap,

4:27 responsible. The intention-behavior gap, the psychological term for the space

4:29 the psychological term for the space

4:29 the psychological term for the space between meaning to do something and

4:31 between meaning to do something and

4:31 between meaning to do something and actually doing it, is well documented.

4:33 actually doing it, is well documented.

4:34 actually doing it, is well documented. Paschal Sheeran's meta-analysis of this

4:35 Paschal Sheeran's meta-analysis of this

4:35 Paschal Sheeran's meta-analysis of this phenomenon found that even a large

4:37 phenomenon found that even a large

4:37 phenomenon found that even a large change in someone's intention produces

4:40 change in someone's intention produces

4:40 change in someone's intention produces only a small to medium change in actual

4:42 only a small to medium change in actual

4:42 only a small to medium change in actual behavior. And for big dreamers

4:44 behavior. And for big dreamers

4:44 behavior. And for big dreamers specifically, it's not that they can't

4:46 specifically, it's not that they can't

4:46 specifically, it's not that they can't be bothered, it's that the stakes feel

4:48 be bothered, it's that the stakes feel

4:48 be bothered, it's that the stakes feel so high that starting feels like

4:50 so high that starting feels like

4:50 so high that starting feels like gambling everything. So, they don't

4:53 gambling everything. So, they don't

4:53 gambling everything. So, they don't start. And then the story starts to

4:55 start. And then the story starts to

4:55 start. And then the story starts to shift, subtly. I'll start when things

4:58 shift, subtly. I'll start when things

4:58 shift, subtly. I'll start when things calm down becomes I'm just not in the

5:00 calm down becomes I'm just not in the

5:00 calm down becomes I'm just not in the right headspace becomes honestly I'm not

5:03 right headspace becomes honestly I'm not

5:03 right headspace becomes honestly I'm not sure that path is even right for me

5:05 sure that path is even right for me

5:05 sure that path is even right for me anymore becomes years later a kind of

5:07 anymore becomes years later a kind of

5:07 anymore becomes years later a kind of grief they can't quite name, because

5:09 grief they can't quite name, because

5:10 grief they can't quite name, because they can't point to a specific moment

5:11 they can't point to a specific moment

5:11 they can't point to a specific moment they gave up. They never did, they just

5:14 they gave up. They never did, they just

5:14 they gave up. They never did, they just kept not starting. That grief is not to

5:17 kept not starting. That grief is not to

5:17 kept not starting. That grief is not to be downplayed. It's not dramatic, but

5:19 be downplayed. It's not dramatic, but

5:19 be downplayed. It's not dramatic, but it's real. There's a low-grade sadness

5:21 it's real. There's a low-grade sadness

5:21 it's real. There's a low-grade sadness that comes from carrying an unlived

5:23 that comes from carrying an unlived

5:23 that comes from carrying an unlived version of yourself around for long

5:25 version of yourself around for long

5:25 version of yourself around for long enough. It doesn't hit you all at once,

5:28 enough. It doesn't hit you all at once,

5:28 enough. It doesn't hit you all at once, it accumulates. So, what actually helps?

5:31 it accumulates. So, what actually helps?

5:31 it accumulates. So, what actually helps? Oettingen's research points to something

5:33 Oettingen's research points to something

5:33 Oettingen's research points to something she calls mental contrasting, which is

5:35 she calls mental contrasting, which is

5:35 she calls mental contrasting, which is not positive visualization and not

5:38 not positive visualization and not

5:38 not positive visualization and not pessimism. It's holding the desired

5:40 pessimism. It's holding the desired

5:40 pessimism. It's holding the desired outcome clearly in mind while

5:42 outcome clearly in mind while

5:42 outcome clearly in mind while simultaneously confronting the actual

5:44 simultaneously confronting the actual

5:44 simultaneously confronting the actual obstacles in front of you, concretely

5:46 obstacles in front of you, concretely

5:46 obstacles in front of you, concretely and honestly, not as a thought

5:48 and honestly, not as a thought

5:48 and honestly, not as a thought experiment, as a real reckoning. What

5:51 experiment, as a real reckoning. What

5:51 experiment, as a real reckoning. What specifically is getting in the way? What

5:53 specifically is getting in the way? What

5:53 specifically is getting in the way? What has been getting in the way for months?

5:55 has been getting in the way for months?

5:55 has been getting in the way for months? When people do this genuinely, the

5:57 When people do this genuinely, the

5:57 When people do this genuinely, the energy shifts. It's no longer borrowed

5:59 energy shifts. It's no longer borrowed

5:59 energy shifts. It's no longer borrowed from an imagined future, it has to come

6:02 from an imagined future, it has to come

6:02 from an imagined future, it has to come from the present, and that creates a

6:04 from the present, and that creates a

6:04 from the present, and that creates a different kind of motivation, one that's

6:06 different kind of motivation, one that's

6:06 different kind of motivation, one that's less exciting to feel, but actually

6:08 less exciting to feel, but actually

6:08 less exciting to feel, but actually moves. The other thing is that telling

6:10 moves. The other thing is that telling

6:10 moves. The other thing is that telling everyone about the dream might be the

6:12 everyone about the dream might be the

6:12 everyone about the dream might be the first thing worth stopping. Of course,

6:14 first thing worth stopping. Of course,

6:14 first thing worth stopping. Of course, sharing goals isn't always bad, but when

6:17 sharing goals isn't always bad, but when

6:17 sharing goals isn't always bad, but when the people around you already think of

6:18 the people around you already think of

6:18 the people around you already think of you as the person who's going to do that

6:20 you as the person who's going to do that

6:20 you as the person who's going to do that thing, a quiet part of your brain files

6:22 thing, a quiet part of your brain files

6:22 thing, a quiet part of your brain files it under done. Keep it closer to

6:24 it under done. Keep it closer to

6:25 it under done. Keep it closer to yourself for a while, let the work be

6:27 yourself for a while, let the work be

6:27 yourself for a while, let the work be the announcement. And the dream probably

6:29 the announcement. And the dream probably

6:29 the announcement. And the dream probably needs to get smaller before it can get

6:31 needs to get smaller before it can get

6:31 needs to get smaller before it can get real. When the dream feels that big, no

6:34 real. When the dream feels that big, no

6:34 real. When the dream feels that big, no single action ever feels like enough, so

6:36 single action ever feels like enough, so

6:36 single action ever feels like enough, so you never take one. But a genuine,

6:39 you never take one. But a genuine,

6:39 you never take one. But a genuine, uncomfortable hour spent on the one task

6:41 uncomfortable hour spent on the one task

6:41 uncomfortable hour spent on the one task you've been avoiding for 3 weeks, that's

6:43 you've been avoiding for 3 weeks, that's

6:43 you've been avoiding for 3 weeks, that's a gap you can actually cross. It doesn't

6:46 a gap you can actually cross. It doesn't

6:46 a gap you can actually cross. It doesn't make for a great story at a dinner

6:47 make for a great story at a dinner

6:48 make for a great story at a dinner party, but it's the version that has a

6:49 party, but it's the version that has a

6:49 party, but it's the version that has a chance of actually happening. Now, if

6:52 chance of actually happening. Now, if

6:52 chance of actually happening. Now, if that last part landed and you're sitting

6:54 that last part landed and you're sitting

6:54 that last part landed and you're sitting there thinking, okay, but I genuinely

6:56 there thinking, okay, but I genuinely

6:56 there thinking, okay, but I genuinely don't know how to actually structure

6:57 don't know how to actually structure

6:57 don't know how to actually structure this day to day, I've linked something

6:59 this day to day, I've linked something

6:59 this day to day, I've linked something in the description that I think will

7:01 in the description that I think will

7:01 in the description that I think will help. It's a 7-day reset bundle I put

7:03 help. It's a 7-day reset bundle I put

7:03 help. It's a 7-day reset bundle I put together specifically for people who are

7:05 together specifically for people who are

7:05 together specifically for people who are stuck in this exact pattern.

7:07 stuck in this exact pattern.

7:07 stuck in this exact pattern. Overthinking, emotional blocks, building

7:10 Overthinking, emotional blocks, building

7:10 Overthinking, emotional blocks, building actual follow-through, broken down into

7:12 actual follow-through, broken down into

7:12 actual follow-through, broken down into something you can work through daily

7:13 something you can work through daily

7:13 something you can work through daily without it feeling like another thing

7:15 without it feeling like another thing

7:15 without it feeling like another thing you started and abandoned. Check the

7:17 you started and abandoned. Check the

7:17 you started and abandoned. Check the link in description or pinned comment if

7:19 link in description or pinned comment if

7:19 link in description or pinned comment if that sounds like where you are right

7:20 that sounds like where you are right

7:20 that sounds like where you are right now.

7:21 now.

7:21 now. Underneath all of this, the

7:23 Underneath all of this, the

7:23 Underneath all of this, the self-handicapping, the identity fusion,

7:25 self-handicapping, the identity fusion,

7:25 self-handicapping, the identity fusion, the comfortable paralysis of endless

7:27 the comfortable paralysis of endless

7:27 the comfortable paralysis of endless preparation, there's usually just fear.

7:30 preparation, there's usually just fear.

7:30 preparation, there's usually just fear. A very old, very human fear of being

7:32 A very old, very human fear of being

7:32 A very old, very human fear of being seen trying and coming up short, of

7:34 seen trying and coming up short, of

7:34 seen trying and coming up short, of finding out that the gap between who you

7:36 finding out that the gap between who you

7:36 finding out that the gap between who you believe you are and what you're capable

7:38 believe you are and what you're capable

7:38 believe you are and what you're capable of is uncomfortable to look at directly.

7:41 of is uncomfortable to look at directly.

7:41 of is uncomfortable to look at directly. And I think most people know this about

7:43 And I think most people know this about

7:43 And I think most people know this about themselves, they feel it. They just

7:45 themselves, they feel it. They just

7:45 themselves, they feel it. They just don't say it because it's easier to

7:47 don't say it because it's easier to

7:47 don't say it because it's easier to explain an action as circumstance than

7:49 explain an action as circumstance than

7:49 explain an action as circumstance than to sit with what it actually is. The

7:52 to sit with what it actually is. The

7:52 to sit with what it actually is. The dream hasn't gone anywhere. The problem

7:54 dream hasn't gone anywhere. The problem

7:54 dream hasn't gone anywhere. The problem is that somewhere along the way, the

7:56 is that somewhere along the way, the

7:56 is that somewhere along the way, the dream stopped being a direction and

7:58 dream stopped being a direction and

7:58 dream stopped being a direction and became a destination you never bought a

8:00 became a destination you never bought a

8:00 became a destination you never bought a ticket for. You already know what the

8:02 ticket for. You already know what the

8:02 ticket for. You already know what the thing is. You probably thought of it in

8:04 thing is. You probably thought of it in

8:04 thing is. You probably thought of it in the first 30 seconds of this video. The

8:07 the first 30 seconds of this video. The

8:07 the first 30 seconds of this video. The question is whether you're going to keep

8:08 question is whether you're going to keep

8:08 question is whether you're going to keep thinking about it or actually start.