What I learned living alone in the countryside for a year.

0:03 Hello guys.

0:04 I am here to do something very different, something I've never done before.

0:08 This has been a very transformative year of my life,

0:12 and I want to capture the emotional resonance

0:15 of that, the emotional journey that I've been on.

0:22 If I just sit and tell you, okay, I learned this, that, and the other,

0:25 I don't feel like I'm capturing the emotional resonance, you know?

0:30 It's been a really hard year, okay?

0:34 There's just no way around that, but also also incredibly beautiful.

0:44 And I think that in our world, our very fastm moving,

0:48 increasingly high techch world, things are becoming so polished now.

1:02 And I don't know, I thought I'd try to do

1:03 something that feels really human and raw and that requires vulnerability.

1:10 And so this, you know, this definitely makes me uncomfortable because

1:13 I'm going to make mistakes for sure.

1:17 So bear with me as I rewind the clock a little bit.

1:22 A year and a half ago,

1:23 I left Paris and I had lived there for I think four or four and 1/2 years.

1:29 It was an incredibly rich experience.

1:32 I [snorts] got so much out of it.

1:34 But I don't know, there was something inside

1:35 of me that was calling for something different.

1:40 I felt very drawn to the countryside.

1:42 I, you know, it's a life mission of mine,

1:45 to live with my intuition, to let that guide me.

1:51 And so, I don't know, it was, it was screaming to me to make a change.

1:55 And so, [music] I left the countryside and I chronicled that journey.

1:59 Some of you may have already seen that.

2:01 Um, and I met some interesting characters along the way.

2:06 And then I found this place.

2:08 really was just enchanted by the insane amount of charm that this place has.

2:13 And uh I bought it, [music] which is a huge privilege.

2:19 I moved here in October of last year, so a year ago, the day after my birthday.

2:26 And that's when, [music] you know, that's when reality began to hit.

2:31 I think I came out here with a fantasy.

2:33 I had this idea about life out here um about life in the countryside.

2:39 The reality was that I quickly found myself as [music] winter was arriving

2:44 in this big echoey [music] dirty dark house with all kinds of surprises.

2:52 I've shared I've also chronicled the surprises

2:57 and uh I felt so[ __] overwhelmed.

2:59 I I don't know how else to put it.

3:02 It was probably the most overwhelming experience of my life.

3:05 So, I was incredibly scared and I spent a super challenging winter.

3:12 I was just [music] questioning everything I had done, questioning my decisions.

3:16 And the truth is that I wanted to run away.

3:18 I was scared out of my wits.

3:22 It didn't match my my fantasy.

3:26 And then with like I said all the surprises

3:28 showing up the cost of this was insane.

3:34 So obviously my [music] friends have been

3:36 hearing a lot about this over the course

3:38 of this year and uh I was describing how this was a new kind of challenge

3:45 for me because in the past I've done

3:46 hard things but I'm passionate about what I'm

3:49 doing like building this channel like that was

3:52 something that I was [music] so passionate about.

3:55 So all the work and the pain and the suffering is like so worth it.

3:59 And this turned into kind of something [music] different.

4:02 I kind of realized like, oh,

4:03 I'm not actually that passionate about DIY [music] work.

4:06 I'm not a handy guy.

4:10 And uh I don't know if I love what I'm doing out here.

4:15 So on top of it being a very difficult [music] experience,

4:21 it was doubly or five times or 10 times

4:24 as hard because I am not working with passion.

4:29 And he told me something interesting.

4:30 He said, this is a specific [music] friend of mine.

4:34 He said, "Oh wow, somebody who has

4:37 to do something difficult that they don't want [music]

4:39 to do that sounds like the plot of a lot of good stories." And I was like,

4:44 "Wow, good point." And maybe it's particularly specifically

4:52 in that kind of [music] situation that interesting[ __] happens.

5:01 It's like we have to have our backs against

5:03 the wall to really look for something new deep inside.

5:13 [music] Maybe that's when real transformation happens.

5:16 I don't know.

5:17 That's what I think.

5:18 And that's what I'm beginning to really believe after this year.

5:24 Either [music] you close your eyes.

5:36 You turn away.

5:41 [music] You shout it down.

5:50 Either [music] you close it off.

6:02 You back away.

6:09 You turn it off.

6:12 [music] I feel like I've painted the picture

6:19 of me kind of steaming into this new situation into a project that is an order

6:25 of magnitude bigger than anything I've ever done.

6:28 This is bigger than any one person.

6:30 I realized I had to to ask for help.

6:36 And I want to talk a little bit more about that in a second.

6:40 But first, I want to talk about the sponsor of this video, which is Headspace.

6:44 And I don't think there's a more perfect match for this video than Headspace,

6:48 whose whole mission is about sharing the power of meditation,

6:53 [music] which has been one of the most incredibly

6:56 valuable and important tools for me [music] this year

7:00 as I have had to look inwards to stay grounded and to not spiral in my thoughts.

7:07 It's learning to observe yourself, learning [music] to observe your thoughts,

7:10 to slow down, to create distance, to be a witness.

7:14 Because if you just follow and believe everything that happens in your mind,

7:19 you [music] can go crazy.

7:20 And meditation is about creating that space.

7:22 Headspace does it so beautifully with their app.

7:25 They have an expanding library.

7:27 You can use it to help you fall asleep at night.

7:29 You can use [music] it to help you manage your anxiety.

7:32 I mean, there's a million different applications.

7:34 If you're interested in checking out Headspace,

7:37 you can use the link in the description or scan the QR

7:41 code on the screen right now to get a 60-day free trial.

7:46 Thank you Headspace for sponsoring this video.

7:48 So, as I was saying, this entire experience has been really kind of incredible.

7:52 I mean, it's obviously very beautiful out here.

7:55 It's there is a kind of magic to it.

7:57 Uh, and there's space, there's quiet.

8:00 I don't know if you can hear it right now.

8:02 The church bells are ringing as I speak.

8:05 Do you hear that?

8:07 That's amazing.

8:08 But like there's been this very challenging reality of having

8:13 to work with contractors and the and the insane

8:16 costs of fixing up a very old house like

8:20 this and confronting myself being out here alone a lot.

8:25 Like I said, there's been something very valuable about having to ask for help.

8:33 on two levels.

8:37 I've had to ask for help from the people in my life and so many showed up.

8:43 It's actually stunning.

8:46 If you watched the last two videos on this channel,

8:50 you've seen a lot of people have kind of flowed through this house

8:56 as I [music] was working on the yard and then the studio behind me.

9:01 people can be so generous.

9:03 It's [music] incredible and I was moved by that.

9:07 You know, there there are a lot of incredible people in my life.

9:10 I feel so blessed.

9:13 And then in dark moments, I think, but also light,

9:22 I've had to just sort of ask for help from life,

9:27 from God, from, you know, from somewhere from from the universe.

9:32 Just help me navigate this experience as best as I can.

9:36 I am doing so many things I don't know how to do.

9:40 I'm doing so many things that are outside of my comfort zone,

9:46 outside of my wheelhouse.

9:49 Help, you know, I I I feel like I've asked for help on many, many occasions.

9:53 I guess I'm describing prayer.

9:56 I've discovered on a whole new level the power of prayer.

10:00 I'm not a religious person.

10:04 I'm not Christian, [music] you know,

10:08 but there's something just super beautiful about the kind

10:18 of position you [music] have to go to internally,

10:23 the humility to [music] say, I don't have a[ __] clue.

10:29 I don't know what I'm doing.

10:31 So you combine [snorts] this back against the wall,

10:36 have to look for new ways to do things because I,

10:40 you know, [snorts] for so much of my life, I've bulldozed.

10:43 [music] I've had this huge energy, this huge ability to just make[ __] happen.

10:51 It's how I built this channel.

10:52 It's how I've moved abroad.

10:53 It's how I've done so many things.

10:57 And I think that that sort of contributed to a little bit of a a little

11:02 bit of a I mean an arrogance like I can I can do it.

11:08 And [music] I think I needed life to I needed

11:12 to run into a brick wall which was this experience.

11:17 And uh I needed life to kind of sand me down sand down some of the hard edges.

11:23 [music] And you sort of com combine

11:25 that with discovering the power of asking for help,

11:31 [music] the humility that's required to do that.

11:35 And that's what's shaped a lot of this year for me, the whole year.

11:40 [music] Either [music] you close your eyes, you turn away.

11:59 [music] You shout it down.

12:07 [music] Or maybe [singing] It's when you drown.

12:20 [music] It's when you fall apart.

12:26 [music] That's when it really starts.

12:32 [music] Maybe [music] maybe that's it.

12:46 [music] Maybe this is just how it goes.

12:53 [music] Maybe you eat[ __] sometimes.

13:01 Yeah, I don't think that needs to rhyme.

13:04 [laughter] I was trying to get whatever.

13:07 On so many occasions, I wanted to run and run away from this whole experience.

13:12 It did not match the image that I had in my mind,

13:15 but it also ended up becoming basically

13:20 everything I could have possibly hoped for.

13:24 So, I think that's enough reflection for today.

13:28 Thank you so much for watching.

13:29 Please let me know if you like this format.

13:31 I want to work on becoming a better

13:32 guitarist and combining more of this kind of reflection,

13:37 storytelling, and music.

13:39 If you want to see more, consider [music] subscribing.

13:41 Consider liking this video because that definitely helps with the algorithms.

13:46 And I also have a substack in my description down below.

13:51 Have a beautiful day and I'll see you soon.

13:55 [snorts]