John Mulaney on Complimenting Colbert, Shopping at H Mart & Being First Comic to Play Wrigley Field

0:00 Our first guest tonight is an exceptionally funny man, a four-time Emmy winner,

0:04 and a two-time dad with a big show here in LA on Friday night.

0:08 The Mr.

0:08 Whatever Tour visits the Hollywood Bowl as part

0:11 of the Netflix Is a Joke Festival.

0:13 Please welcome John Mulaney.

0:18 [cheering] [applause and music] [music and applause] [music] [applause] John.

0:34 What's up?

0:35 How are you?

0:36 What are What are

0:37 good.

0:37 Nice to see you, Jimmy.

0:39 strangely cold greeting that was.

0:40 I went in for a hug and you kept me at arm's length.

0:43 Well, we have a lot We need to build.

0:45 The relationship is going to have unfold on TV.

0:48 And the And the fact that we text like maybe 25 or 30 times a day

0:52 doesn't factor into the And then I haven't

0:55 seen you for like 8 months or something.

0:57 No, that's that's See, that's like that's the tension we know.

1:00 I see.

1:01 When I walk out, we know that we've been talking all day

1:03 over text in a far more interesting way than we will on air.

1:08 They don't know that.

1:09 So, they're like, "What the hell's going on between these two guys?

1:12 I have to watch this." And they lean in.

1:14 I don't know if I've ever told you this, but sometimes,

1:17 because you're on tour all the time, sometimes when we're texting,

1:20 I will go to your website just to figure out where you are Right.

1:25 texting.

1:25 zone I'm in.

1:26 Yeah, what time zone is primarily what I'm interested in.

1:28 Right, right.

1:28 And why I'm doing Why I'm still up

1:30 sending you David Lee Roth links at that hour.

1:32 Yes, yes, yes.

1:33 Yeah.

1:33 That is Yeah, puzzling.

1:34 Babcock, did you get those YouTubes I sent you of Bruce Hornsby?

1:38 Thank you.

1:38 Yes, I did.

1:38 Yeah, they're great.

1:39 Yeah.

1:39 I was telling Yeah.

1:40 Babcock about the Bruce Hornsby album,

1:42 which you tipped me off to on your Instagram.

1:45 Best album That Let me plug that first.

1:46 Bruce Hornsby has a new album out called Indigo Park.

1:49 Best album of the year.

1:50 It's really good.

1:51 It's really good.

1:51 And kind of weird.

1:53 Yeah.

1:55 [applause] That aside.

1:56 Also, June 16th, June 17th, live at the Troubadour, Bruce Hornsby.

1:59 I can't attend, BUT YOU SHOULD.

2:03 [laughter] [applause and cheering] WOW.

2:05 YOU'RE TOURING SO much you're plugging other people's shows [laughter] now.

2:08 plug other tours.

2:08 I'm touring so much.

2:10 You um We learned I know you were just in Ireland.

2:13 Yes.

2:14 And I I I was near our home area.

2:16 Our home area, County Mayo.

2:18 We learned from the people at Ancestry

2:20 that our great-great-grandfathers lived 7 km apart.

2:24 And not just 7 km apart.

2:26 My second great-grandfather, John Jennings,

2:29 like you your your people lived in Castlebar.

2:32 Right.

2:32 We lived in Ballyhaunis.

2:33 If you need anything, you have to go to Castlebar.

2:36 So, if my great second great-grandfather needed a nail or a stone,

2:40 I don't know what they did, you know?

2:42 But you can imagine something old-fashioned, right?

2:46 [laughter] He'd go to Castlebar,

2:47 and like the odds that he's met your second great-grandfather are decent.

2:51 They're decent.

2:51 They really And they used to text each other, too, which is interesting.

2:55 They used to send obscure YouTube links with only 500 views.

2:59 No.

3:00 I don't want this to get ugly, but

3:01 And I was down And this is It is fun to be Irish-American

3:04 and talk so specifically about where you're

3:07 from, cuz the Irish actually hate this.

3:09 They do?

3:10 Yeah, I was just in Dublin doing a show,

3:12 and like you walk around being like, "You know,

3:14 I'm from County Mayo." Like you're trying to tell them that you're Irish,

3:17 and they live in Ireland.

3:19 Like if you're walking around a maternity ward

3:20 and you went up to babies and you're like, "I'm not that old myself.

3:23 We're both All of us are young, when you think about it."

3:27 What year did your Do you know what

3:28 year your family emigrated to the United States?

3:32 my last one to emigrate, my great-grandmother,

3:35 Nora Jennings, I want to say 1910-ish.

3:39 I could be wrong, but she came She had a dream.

3:43 She was very unhappy in Ireland and had

3:44 a dream of being unhappy in another country.

3:47 And she came and she brought a a coldness and an unhappiness and said,

3:53 "I'm going to I'm going to plant this and let it grow into more people,

3:57 and we'll cook food at a low broil, and it won't be good food,

4:01 and we'll all sleep in rooms that are not heated well,

4:04 and that's been passed down generation to generation."

4:07 But they were very poor.

4:09 [applause] They were.

4:09 They were very poor.

4:12 Yeah.

4:12 How poor were they?

4:14 [laughter]

4:14 I'm I shouldn't have said it twice, cuz I don't They were very simple people.

4:17 They lived in County Mayo.

4:18 They owned a vape store that sold uh mobile phone cards,

4:22 which is a big thing in Ireland.

4:24 right.

4:24 Yeah, yeah.

4:26 [laughter] Yeah.

4:25 Yeah, and a vape store back then.

4:27 Back then, yeah.

4:28 Wow, that's something else.

4:29 Imagine my great-great-grandfather going in New York,

4:31 great-great-grandfather's vape store.

4:33 and being like, "The What do you sell?

4:34 Vapes and candy?" And this is an insane store.

4:37 Too many lights.

4:39 So, she then went back Nora.

4:42 Nora went back in 1948 to visit the town Ballyhaunis, right?

4:48 They had a party to welcome her back.

4:49 Here's how small the town is.

4:51 1998, we visited.

4:53 Everyone remembered the party.

4:57 [laughter]

4:57 They were like, "Oh, Nora Jennings, yeah, we just had a party for her.

4:59 That was really good."

5:02 [laughter]

5:01 50 years ago we had a party, and they were still talking about it.

5:05 You You know, our friend Stephen Colbert is He's only got a weeks to live.

5:09 You know that, right?

5:10 Yes.

5:11 And by live, I mean on television, and there any other better way to live?

5:15 I was looking at your Instagram,

5:17 and I'm now realizing I look at your Instagram too much,

5:20 but um Well, I I I approached you about this, actually.

5:24 This is a message that you wrote last time you were on the show.

5:26 I can barely read that, but it says um me,

5:29 Stephen Colbert, and David Byrne, the best.

5:31 My last time at the Ed Sullivan Theater with the kindest,

5:34 coolest man in late night.

5:37 Now, All right.

5:39 [cheering] Well, [applause]

5:40 Clap sad.

5:41 And I just say right now to the audience,

5:43 applause was not the reaction I was looking for.

5:47 Now, kindest I could have definitely dealt with, for sure.

5:52 Um even coolest on its own I for sure could have done.

5:55 The in Adding kindest, coolest in late night really narrows it down.

5:59 Yeah, yeah.

6:00 Really narrows it down to just a few guys.

6:02 Yeah.

6:03 Yeah.

6:03 And so then I sent this to you.

6:05 Yeah, with with a text that said, "I let you live in my house."

6:10 [laughter] [cheering]

6:13 Which Which during a wayward uh address-less period of my life,

6:16 I lived in your in your guest house

6:17 I'm I'm just wondering,

6:18 was there a period time where you lived in Stephen's house for longer?

6:23 The I I have to say the man's never invited me over, but [laughter]

6:27 I think obviously, like what a position you all put us in.

6:31 You're all getting suspended and fired [laughter] constantly.

6:34 That Conan retires.

6:36 We all have to talk so hyperbolically about all of you so often.

6:40 We're out of words.

6:41 Kindest, coolest, who gives a I mean, it's like he's he's off the air.

6:44 You got to say something nice.

6:46 If you had been full fired, not half fired, Yeah.

6:49 I would have said, "This is the kindest,

6:52 coolest guy in late night, and I broke his bathtub once." [applause]

6:58 I GOT TO CHECK that tub, buddy.

6:59 I don't Yeah, yeah, you can just fix that tub.

7:02 Um

7:04 [applause]

7:04 You Your wife is Olivia Munn, who's a lovely woman,

7:06 and Did you How does your mother feel

7:09 about how much time you spend with Olivia's mother?

7:11 Oh, that's interesting.

7:13 Uh [laughter]

7:15 I think they're okay with it, you know?

7:17 Have you asked?

7:19 Uh Let me picture that.

7:20 Mom, how do you feel about how much time I spend with Olivia's mom?

7:24 I am I am close to Olivia's mom in a way like I'm close to a very good friend.

7:31 Yeah.

7:30 We hang out all the time.

7:31 I've adopted most of her habits.

7:34 I kind of talk like her at home [laughter]

7:36 uh in a short, abrasive way.

7:38 Uh and I shop at H Mart now [snorts] because of her.

7:43 Some claps, some what?

7:47 [laughter]

7:47 H Mart.

7:47 I feel silly explaining it.

7:49 H Mart is huge, but you may not know it.

7:52 It is a massive Korean supermarket chain.

7:56 I've been there.

7:56 You have been there.

7:57 Many times, yeah.

7:57 99 Ranch and H Mart would be where I do the majority of my shopping.

8:03 [applause] You're going in the 99 [cheering] Ranch, huh?

8:04 99 Ranch.

8:05 If you haven't been, um picture a supermarket.

8:09 Okay, now that you've done that, let's tweak every detail a lot.

8:14 H Mart is a supermarket, but also an aquarium.

8:18 There are so many tanks of the frowniest

8:22 Chinese fish you ever seen in your life.

8:25 Like low to the bottom of the ocean, lights on their head fish.

8:30 [laughter] When museums are closed in Chicago on Mondays and Tuesdays,

8:33 I take my kids to H Mart

8:37 [laughter]

8:36 to see the eels, and I tell them they're dinosaurs.

8:42 [laughter]

8:41 Every product in H You know how some products in the US have a mascot?

8:45 Every product in H Mart has [snorts] a mascot.

8:48 Like it can just be like pork rinds,

8:50 and it'll have like a an octopus with like a pirate

8:54 hat on, and then some slogan translated into English that's like,

8:59 "I won't be beat," you know?

9:01 And it has nothing to do with the product.

9:04 One last thing about H Mart, if you're you seem curious, I [laughter]

9:08 I went to H Mart once, there was a beauty contest in the middle of the store.

9:13 Store was not closed.

9:16 [laughter] Really?

9:16 Yeah.

9:16 Did you go there a lot?

9:17 I Yes, I've been there many times, yeah.

9:19 I find it nice for the anonymity of it.

9:22 Not that I'm Not that I can't walk down the street,

9:24 but at H Mart, everyone's just head down grabbing the ramen they want.

9:28 Can I tell you something?

9:29 There is no time in my life when I am more famous than when I go into H Mart.

9:33 What?

9:34 Yes, because a lot of people who go to H

9:36 Mart are still watching Channel 7 on ABC here in LA.

9:42 [applause and cheering] Yeah.

9:42 That's the beauty of it.

9:43 I'm like Justin Bieber in H Mart.

9:45 Oh, really?

9:45 Do you ever go there just for the ego boost?

9:48 That's the only reason I go.

9:51 [laughter] I DON'T BUY ANYTHING.

9:52 ALL RIGHT, WHEN WE COME BACK, we're going to talk John Mulaney.

9:54 He's got a lot going on.

9:55 He had a big show at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

9:58 Yeah.

9:58 We'll be right back with John Mulaney.

10:01 We're back with John Mulaney.

10:02 John is um here in Los Angeles for the Netflix is a joke festival.

10:08 That's right.

10:08 I'm doing the Hollywood Bowl May 8th.

10:10 You're doing the Hollywood Bowl on May 8th.

10:12 It's a big show.

10:14 [cheering]

10:16 Uh formal attire requested but not enforced.

10:18 First 5,000 people will get a rose.

10:20 First 5,000 people in formal attire or just the first 5,000 people?

10:25 First 5,000 people.

10:26 I have 5,000 roses.

10:27 Okay.

10:27 All right.

10:28 And uh how many seats are there in the Hollywood Bowl?

10:31 Uh it can seat upwards of 15 plus.

10:34 Oh wow.

10:34 That's a big show.

10:35 So um you have a bunch of things.

10:37 I'm going to go through them all.

10:38 You have a show tonight with David Letterman.

10:40 Yeah.

10:40 Yeah.

10:41 David Letterman's interviewing me.

10:42 Yeah.

10:43 [applause] At the Montalban Theater.

10:44 That's fun.

10:45 You know that's named after Ricardo Montalban.

10:47 Ricardo Montalban and he actually does the the cell phone announcement.

10:50 Before he died, I think they had him record

10:52 like please turn off your phones and they play it.

10:54 Did he know that they were um storing those for his impending death?

10:58 I wonder how that works when you're banking audio with a dying man.

11:02 [laughter] Yeah.

11:03 You're Last time you were here,

11:04 you told me that Dave Letterman gave your dad one of his Emmys.

11:07 Does Is that displayed now in his home?

11:10 Letterman won an Emmy for the uh My Next

11:12 Guest Needs No Introduction that my dad appeared on.

11:15 He gave it to my dad.

11:17 It is the centerpiece of their apartment.

11:20 Uh it is on a table that's between two couches back to back.

11:23 So like there's no missing it and you hit your head on it.

11:26 And And this isn't a house where I always

11:28 ask people when they've walked around my parents' apartment,

11:30 I go, "What What's not on the walls?" And it takes them a second.

11:33 There's no family pictures in it.

11:35 Really?

11:35 Yeah.

11:36 That's a big thing in our family is not recognizing each other in any [laughter]

11:39 way like that.

11:40 My dad at his office, my what you know,

11:43 50 40 years at his law firm, he never had a family picture in there.

11:48 Why?

11:48 one photo of a federal judge that he had clerked for.

11:52 That was signed to him like my best Ed Winfield.

11:55 And then I said, "How come you don't have pictures of us?" He goes,

11:57 "I don't want anyone who walks in here to know a thing about me.

12:00 It shows weakness."

12:03 [laughter] It shows weakness.

12:04 Yeah.

12:04 And he had chairs.

12:05 So if he was sitting there, the chairs facing his desk were uncomfortable.

12:09 He had them built so that it was really hard

12:11 to sit in them so that people would leave quickly.

12:13 What isn't he an attorney who bills every 12 minutes?

12:16 Yeah, but he's that good.

12:19 [laughter]

12:19 You're um uh on Thursday night, you've got the Night of Too Many Stars.

12:23 I'm a part of that.

12:24 that?

12:24 I am doing that.

12:25 Okay.

12:25 That's great.

12:26 John Stewart hosting [applause] that.

12:28 That is a charity event for Next for Autism.

12:30 That is a charity event.

12:31 John Stewart, Bill Burr, Conan, Steve Carell, Ron Funches, Nikki Glaser,

12:35 Tiffany Haddish, uh All of the kindest, coolest people in late night.

12:39 Silverman, and many, many more will be there.

12:41 And then That's too many people.

12:43 And then you sleep over at the Hollywood

12:45 Bowl for that big show, which is exciting.

12:47 And then we're all building,

12:49 I feel like all of this is building to the show at Wrigley Field in Chicago.

12:52 July 11th.

12:53 July 11th.

12:54 Wrigley Field.

12:54 Yeah, this is going to [cheering] be

12:56 I'm very [applause] unabashedly excited about I would

12:58 hope you would be excited about it

13:00 because a comedian has never done Wrigley Field.

13:02 No, comedians never played Wrigley Field.

13:04 And Wrigley Field is built in a way that sometimes

13:06 the sound of the game carries over into Wrigleyville,

13:09 like into the neighborhood.

13:10 So the show itself could depending on the wind float around the area.

13:14 That will be fun.

13:15 That's really cool.

13:15 Do you have um like will there be a seventh-inning stretch?

13:18 Will there be There's tons of bells and whistles.

13:20 There'll be no I have two incredible special guests.

13:23 Then I have uh some great like commendations giving back to the community.

13:27 I'm giving an award.

13:29 We've been collecting emails from the kid who smoked the most but quit.

13:35 Cigarettes.

13:36 So if you were a minor and you smoked cigarettes but quit

13:41 and your parents write in cuz you you has to be the parents.

13:43 You can't ask teens to email you.

13:46 Is that right?

13:46 I learned this uh when I fought three teenage boys.

13:49 You can't ask You can't ask teenagers to email you, right?

13:52 You can get in hot water anyway.

13:54 Long story.

13:56 teenagers.

13:56 ask You say parents,

13:57 "Let me know if your kid smoked the most cigarettes." Cuz I

14:00 think it's funny cuz I remember I was never told to not smoke.

14:04 My mom would ask me to quit smoking when I was a kid.

14:06 How old were you when you started smoking?

14:08 13.

14:09 13 years old.

14:10 And you knew it was happening.

14:11 And she'd find them but she'd say,

14:12 "Will you please quit?" Which I found as a certain

14:14 level of respect to it as opposed to like,

14:16 "Hey, don't smoke." It's like, "I am a smoker.

14:18 It's happening."

14:21 [laughter]

14:20 Come to me correct, you know?

14:22 And but you did not quit at her request.

14:24 at 39 years old.

14:25 [laughter] Right.

14:27 So you got around to it eventually.

14:29 Yeah.

14:29 No, I only have banked a 26 nice years of it.

14:31 Really

14:31 Have you identified the kid yet or are you still auditioning?

14:34 through emails.

14:34 A lot of I vape.

14:36 Is that No, it doesn't count.

14:37 You have to be a cigarette smoker.

14:39 Okay?

14:39 That's important to me.

14:41 Now we also

14:45 [laughter] Anyone can vape and stop, right?

14:48 [laughter] Uh the We're also giving awards.

14:49 So I announced the show in last September and then the show's in July.

14:53 So any has been a long time.

14:55 It's been a while, yeah.

14:56 Any baby conceived and then born within the time

15:00 from the announcement to the show itself gets in free.

15:03 The baby gets in free.

15:04 But that it interesting you point that out.

15:06 Yes.

15:07 Just the baby.

15:08 Yes.

15:08 And the parents can buy tickets.

15:09 And we give a link and we give a link to the parents.

15:12 Oh, but there is a link for the parents to buy the tickets.

15:14 Okay.

15:15 Yeah.

15:15 I mean you can't you can't directly solicit the babies.

15:18 They You have to solicit Also true.

15:19 You can't And this again, you find these things out in entertainment.

15:22 You can't ask babies to email you.

15:24 You can't ask babies Wow, we learned a lot of things.

15:26 I didn't even realize that.

15:27 really It's always good to go to the parents first.

15:30 I'm going to come to that show.

15:31 I want to see you at Wrigley Field.

15:33 you on the list.

15:33 On the field.

15:34 Put me on the list, will you?

15:37 Yeah.

15:36 Yeah.

15:36 It'll be you and babies and uh a bunch of kids smoking.

15:40 Who's your all-time Who's your all-time favorite Chicago Cubs player?

15:43 Mark Grace.

15:44 That's a good one.

15:45 That's a solid one.

15:46 Yeah.

15:47 Mark Grace [cheering] was uh that's a very funny amount of clapping.

15:50 Mark [laughter] Mark Grace also a cigarette smoker.

15:56 And he'd smoke during games and I always thought that was so funny.

16:00 His love of smoking never stopped, you know?

16:02 And Ryne Sandberg was the star, you know, but Mark Grace was was was my guy.

16:07 He's a great player.

16:07 And he was a Chicago legend.

16:09 I was just down at uh Cubs training camp and I didn't get to meet him.

16:13 He wasn't there.

16:13 You never met him?

16:14 No, I keep trying.

16:16 Is it possible that you saw him smoking

16:18 and that's what started you at 13 years old?

16:22 100%.

16:24 [laughter] I want to tell him that to his face.

16:26 I hope he's there.

16:27 I hope he's there.

16:28 I have I Hey, if you're watching, uh Mark Grace.

16:32 can't solicit him directly.

16:34 You [laughter] have You have to go to his parents.

16:35 to go to his parents.

16:36 Okay.

16:36 If Mr.

16:37 and Mrs.

16:37 Grace are watching, please tell your son Mark I'd love to meet him.

16:41 And Mark Grace, if you're interested, June 16th, 17th at the Troubadour.

16:45 Bruce Hornsby.

16:45 There you go.

16:47 [cheering] Come on, ladies.

16:48 SEE JOHN AT THE HOLLYWOOD BOWL THURSDAY NIGHT FOR THE Night

16:51 of Too Many Stars and Friday night John Mulaney and Mr.

16:54 Whatever.

16:55 Tickets at netflixisajokefest.com.

16:58 We'll be back [cheering] with Eiza González.

17:08 [music]