One of the Most Unsettling Facts About Consciousness That Science Can't Solve
Pursuit of Wonder
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0:12 Cynthia had never experienced an emotion in her entire life.
0:16 At a young age, it was clear that she was very unusual,
0:19 that her life would be very different.
0:21 When she was around 4 years old,
0:23 Cynthia's parents began noticing weird behaviors.
0:25 She was often unfazed, non-reactive, and unpredictable.
0:29 She would cry or laugh in situations that seemed entirely misaligned
0:32 with what was happening around her, like she was giving a performance,
0:35 but on the wrong queue.
0:37 When other children might laugh, Cynthia might cry.
0:40 When they cried, she might smile.
0:42 Her parents assumed it was a developmental delay
0:44 or inongruity that would correct itself over time.
0:48 That's what teachers and doctors told them, at least.
0:50 As Cynthia got a bit older and she could communicate more comprehensively,
0:54 things only became more unclear.
0:56 When asked why she was doing something or not doing something,
0:59 her answers were almost always,
1:00 "I don't know." or "I thought that's what you were supposed
1:04 to do." She struggled to connect with her peers and classmates.
1:08 When her parents or teachers asked if she felt lonely or different,
1:11 Cynthia seemed to not even understand what they meant.
1:13 When they pushed a bit further and asked
1:15 why she wasn't engaging with her classmates,
1:17 she almost always responded with literal reasons.
1:20 She would say something like, "They're outside right now.
1:23 I'm inside." or when they asked why
1:25 she seemed upset or disinterested, she might say,
1:28 "My stomach hurts." Or, "My head feels weird." Everything
1:33 reached a turning point when in third grade art class,
1:36 Cynthia, along with all the other students were asked to paint
1:39 a portrait of themselves in a moment when they felt happiest.
1:42 All her classmates painted bright,
1:43 vibrant figures with big smiles and wide eyes placed in settings
1:47 like a beach or a baseball field or a fair.
1:50 Cynthia, however, painted a girl with no facial features at all.
1:54 It was merely an outline of a figure painted in seemingly arbitrary dark colors,
1:59 and the background was empty.
2:01 When the art teacher saw, at first,
2:03 they assumed it was an act of defiance against the instructions.
2:06 But when they asked Cynthia if she was going to add anything,
2:08 she responded with genuine confusion.
2:11 "No, why?" she said.
2:14 "Well, what makes you the happiest here?" the art teacher asked.
2:18 "Me?" Cynthia said in a tone that tried
2:20 to be a statement but came off as a question.
2:23 After the art teacher notified Cynthia's parents about the exchange,
2:26 her parents could no longer remain passive.
2:29 Later that year, after consultations with various psychologists and specialists,
2:33 Cynthia was diagnosed with alexathyia,
2:36 a condition in which an individual struggles to identify,
2:39 understand, and express emotions.
2:41 In Cynthia's case, it was so severe her neurologist recommended that she
2:45 undergo a brain scan to ensure
2:46 there weren't any other more serious complications.
2:49 When the MRI scans came back,
2:51 they showed that Cynthia's brain was structurally totally normal.
2:55 No signs of damage or underlying abnormalities at all.
2:59 Later fMRI scans, however,
3:01 revealed tangibly weak to almost no activity in various regions of her brain.
3:06 Regions generally associated with emotional activity and awareness.
3:10 The signals that typically painted experience with feeling were functional
3:13 but largely dormant or not interfacing with the rest of her brain.
3:17 It was as if the emotional regions of her brain were isolated and set apart.
3:21 A remote island that could be seen but not reached or communicated with.
3:26 Is there anything that could be done at all?
3:28 Cynthia's mother asked the neurologist.
3:30 Her voice strained and trembling.
3:32 Her eyes were glassy and her cheeks were wet.
3:34 We're willing to try anything.
3:36 Cynthia's father looked stoic, staring forward, just like Cynthia.
3:41 Unfortunately, there aren't any direct treatments for this condition.
3:44 The neurologist said there was a brief silence that seemed to plead for hope.
3:49 That said, the neurologist continued,
3:51 "Science and technology are advancing rapidly in this area.
3:54 We can continue to reassess options as new understandings and approaches emerge.
3:59 And since Cynthia is so young,
4:00 it's also possible her brain will adapt more as she develops.
4:04 Though Cynthia didn't experience an emotional reaction to this information,
4:08 it troubled her in a literal, rational kind of way,
4:11 she now knew, as a matter of fact, that she was very different,
4:15 that she was missing out on something very important.
4:18 On the drive home from the neurologists,
4:20 Cynthia stared out her parents' car window,
4:22 watching as the trees rushed by against the backdrop
4:24 of a bright blue sky and vibrant sun.
4:27 She wondered if colors felt like anything.
4:29 She wondered if images and scenes felt like anything.
4:33 She felt sick to her stomach.
4:35 For the first time, she wondered if that sick,
4:37 weird sensation was supposed to be part of something else.
4:41 Cynthia turned toward the front of the car.
4:43 "What is emotion like for you guys?" She asked her parents softly and plainly.
4:48 Her mother looked at her father, her father glancing back away from the road.
4:52 "Um, they feel like like sensations in the brain,
4:56 in the in the mind," her mother answered clumsily.
5:00 "Like a headache?" Cynthia asked.
5:03 Sort of.
5:04 Sometimes they can, but they can they can feel like all sorts of things.
5:08 Often softer, more subtle, more like.
5:11 Cynthia's mother paused, realizing how hard it was to describe
5:14 emotions as anything other than themselves.
5:17 Almost like temperatures and textures.
5:20 Cynthia's father interjected.
5:22 Some can feel warm, others feel cold, hard or soft, sometimes bright or dark.
5:28 H.
5:29 Cynthia murmured as she turned back toward the window.
5:32 So your brain feels warm and hard and stuff.
5:35 Sort of.
5:36 Yeah, her mother responded hesitantly.
5:39 So, are you thinking it or feeling it?
5:41 I don't get it.
5:42 Kind of both.
5:43 Cynthia's father responded.
5:45 What do you feel right now?
5:47 Cynthia asked.
5:48 There was a brief silence.
5:50 Um, I feel sad, her mother answered.
5:55 Why?
5:56 Cynthia asked earnestly.
5:58 Because I I feel sad for you, honey.
6:00 You could feel emotions for other people, too, sometimes.
6:03 And I Why do you feel sad for me?
6:06 There was another brief silence.
6:07 Her mother turned all the way around towards Cynthia.
6:10 Because you can't, she said, quickly,
6:13 turning around so Cynthia wouldn't see the tears running down her cheek.
6:18 This moment changed everything for Cynthia.
6:20 The diagnosis, the conversation, the knowledge that something so important
6:24 was missing fractured her world completely.
6:27 She had jumped from one world to another,
6:29 a world that looked the same but contained
6:31 the knowledge that it was entirely incomplete.
6:35 Cynthia became obsessed with the concept of emotion.
6:38 She constantly asked her parents, her family members, her teachers,
6:42 and her classmates what they were feeling and what emotions were like for them.
6:45 Still, in early childhood, Cynthia's naive hope was that in hearing
6:49 and understanding enough about emotions, she might experience them.
6:53 Of course, most people happily obliged Cynthia's requests.
6:57 In fact, many found the exchanges to be deeply invigorating,
7:00 an opportunity to consciously recognize just how
7:03 miraculous and ethereal emotions and consciousness are.
7:06 The problem was, however,
7:08 everyone struggled to articulate what their emotional experiences were like.
7:12 They either needed to use other emotional terminology or analogies.
7:16 But of course, neither helped Cynthia.
7:18 Other emotional terms were just concepts she also didn't understand.
7:22 And saying an emotion felt warm, for example,
7:24 was like telling a blind person that orange feels warm.
7:27 If you don't understand the reference and you touch an orange object,
7:31 you only discover the temperature of the room.
7:34 By her teens, Cynthia had begun delving
7:36 into the philosophy and science of emotion.
7:39 She read every book and article and watched every video she could find.
7:43 She soon discovered that a similar
7:44 issue that occurred when asking individuals what
7:46 emotion was like for them was occurring in science and philosophy more broadly.
7:51 The confusion and nebulousness of the topic
7:53 only further revealed itself in college
7:55 when Cynthia studied psychology and learned more about all the existing models,
7:59 frameworks, and theories around emotion.
8:01 How they were mostly all contradictory or incomplete.
8:04 She couldn't believe that humanity was apparently
8:06 an emotionally driven species that lived and died on feelings and yet it did not
8:10 even have a shared complete definition of emotion.
8:15 One college course in particular changed everything for her, philosophy of mind.
8:20 On one of the first weeks of class,
8:22 Cynthia sat in the front row of the lecture hall.
8:24 The professor stood at the front with a projector screen behind him.
8:27 On it was an illustrated profile of a figure staring at a monochrome apple.
8:31 A thought bubble extended above the figure's
8:33 head with the colored apple inside it.
8:36 Qualia, the professor said,
8:38 pointing at the colored apple inside the thought bubble.
8:40 Redness, softness, happiness.
8:44 It is what we call the subjective firsterson
8:46 experiences of raw physical processes in the brain.
8:49 The professor changed the slide on the screen
8:51 to an image of a brain in a neuron.
8:53 Cynthia watched and listened intently.
8:56 How on earth does that work, huh?
8:58 Raw physical events equating to subjective first person experiences.
9:02 Modern philosophers and neuroscientists are quite divided on the matter.
9:05 As you might imagine,
9:06 some believe that this divide between what is happening in the brain
9:08 and what is felt by the person is a permanent fault line,
9:12 an untraversible creasse between knowledge and experience.
9:16 The professor changed the slide again.
9:18 This time the screen showed an image of a man
9:20 and a bat along with a quote next to the image.
9:22 The professor read it.
9:24 If the subjective character of experience is
9:26 fully comprehensible only from one point of view,
9:29 then any shift to greater objectivity,
9:31 that is less attachment to a specific viewpoint,
9:34 does not take us nearer to the real nature of the phenomenon.
9:37 It takes us farther away from it.
9:39 That's a quote from philosopher Thomas Nagel.
9:41 He argues that knowing all the objective facts about the brain in the experience
9:44 of a perception would not and could not
9:47 equate to actually knowing what the perception is like.
9:50 It inherently leaves something out.
9:52 The professor changed the slide again, revealing an image of a different man.
9:56 Other philosophers, he continued, like Daniel Dennett,
9:59 believe we can or could know what
10:01 it's like to experience a particular perception.
10:04 If we had all the facts related to the perception,
10:07 we would know it fully enough,
10:09 including its subjective character, to predict or imagine the experience,
10:13 we could even recreate it.
10:15 The professor changed the slide again,
10:16 revealing a black and white illustration of a woman sitting in a room
10:19 with a computer in front of her and books surrounding her.
10:22 At the bottom of the image, text read,
10:25 "Mary's room." Cynthia stared up at the screen as the professor's
10:28 voice faded into a light garble behind her thoughts.
10:31 Watered by a storm of rumination, of new knowledge and new confusion.
10:35 Her obsession with emotion was blooming now more than ever.
10:39 This was what she was going to dedicate the rest of her life to.
10:42 Assisting science in acrewing enough knowledge on emotion,
10:44 on all the facts of the brain, so she could experience them for herself.
10:50 Cynthia would go on to obtain her PhD
10:52 in cognitive neuroscience from one of the world's leading programs.
10:55 During this time, she became increasingly
10:57 immersed in computational modeling and brain mapping.
11:00 Following her PhD in the year 2025, she began working for a large NGO
11:05 focused on developing full-scale highresolution brain mapping.
11:08 Cynthia quickly moved through the organization and obtained
11:11 the role of director of computational neuroiming.
11:14 By the early 2030s, largely as a result of Cynthia's
11:18 leadership and her work on various algorithms and image processing frameworks,
11:22 the NGO developed the first brain scan technology with neural resolution
11:26 at the level of individual synapses with less than a millisecond of latency.
11:31 An unbelievable breakthrough.
11:33 In both human brains and digital simulations,
11:35 Cynthia could now see every detail,
11:37 component, and pattern of every known emotion.
11:40 she could build them up and break them down
11:42 from their total bodily form to their minute neural components.
11:47 In 2035, Cynthia published a book, The Grand Theory of Emotion.
11:52 It was the culmination of her entire life's work,
11:54 a unifying theory of emotion that melded biology and computation.
11:59 Almost overnight, she went from being a leading researcher
12:01 in a developing area of science to a major public figure.
12:05 She was asked to host events and lectures.
12:07 She appeared on massive mainstream podcasts and shows
12:10 and she sold millions of copies of her book.
12:13 Her story was unbelievable.
12:15 Without reportedly having ever experienced an emotion in her entire life,
12:19 she was the expert on emotion.
12:21 She knew everything there was to know.
12:23 the physics of it, the processes by which different events stimulate the brain,
12:27 how these triggers create different neural patterns,
12:29 the exact framework and nature of these patterns,
12:31 and how consciousness interprets and experiences the neural
12:34 activity in the form of concepts and feelings.
12:38 Of course, Cynthia and her work didn't go without criticism.
12:41 Many scientists and philosophers debated the completeness of her theory.
12:45 Some argued that if she truly knew all the facts about emotion,
12:47 then she must also know how her own brain would respond objectively.
12:51 In other words, she must have known what emotions were like,
12:55 or at least in principle,
12:56 she should have been able to imagine or simulate the experience of them.
13:00 But Cynthia claimed she couldn't.
13:02 She claimed that there was still something left for her to learn.
13:06 Not long after publishing her work,
13:08 Cynthia was recruited by one of the world's leading neuroch companies, Pelios.
13:12 It branded itself as engineering human feeling.
13:16 At the time, its primary focus was on developing, producing,
13:19 and commercializing emotion regulating brain computer
13:22 interfaces for the mainstream consumer market.
13:25 A device that could register, regulate, and produce emotions.
13:30 They were still missing crucial components for their system to work,
13:32 however, components that Cynthia's work provided.
13:37 Once on board as director of neural systems architecture,
13:40 Cynthia helped Helios fully integrate real-time
13:42 mapping of both the brain and body.
13:45 Thanks to her, soon the device worked.
13:49 It could produce precise, complete emotional experiences.
13:53 Cynthia was given the opportunity to be the first to try it.
13:57 She accepted.
13:59 On June 1st, 2042, she underwent the brief implant procedure.
14:03 Then she put on a set of small wearable sensors.
14:07 Sitting in the Pelleo's lab, she faced out at her colleagues.
14:10 They all understood what this moment meant.
14:12 A lifelong journey toward understanding every
14:14 facet of emotion about to be complete.
14:17 "Are you ready?" The Pelleo CEO asked Cynthia,
14:21 prepared to flip the toggle of the device
14:22 on and trigger the emotion Cynthia had selected.
14:25 Cynthia looked over at him.
14:27 Then she looked at everyone else.
14:29 "Yes," she replied, staring forward.
14:32 The CEO flipped the toggle on, then he pressed the button,
14:36 reading, "Run Joy." A moment passed.
14:40 Every eye in the room widened, every breath shallowed.
14:44 Cynthia stayed steady, her face and body unmoving.
14:48 Then she looked over at the CEO and said,
14:52 "It's running." "Yes." The CEO replied with a bit of unease.
14:58 For a moment, Cynthia looked confused.
15:00 The crowd began to as well.
15:03 Then Cynthia smiled.
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17:08 [Music]