1 Hour of 'The Big Bang Theory' Games to Watch While You Relax

0:00 Sheldon, if you were a robot, and I knew and you didn't,

0:08 [laughter]

0:07 would you want me to tell you?

0:11 That depends.

0:12 When I learn that I'm a robot, will I be able to handle it?

0:20 [laughter]

0:20 Maybe, although the history of science fiction is not on your side.

0:25 Uh let me ask you this.

0:26 When I learn that I'm a robot, would I be bound by Asimov's laws of robotics?

0:35 [laughter]

0:33 You might be bound by them right now.

0:40 [laughter]

0:40 That's true.

0:41 Have you ever harmed a human being,

0:42 or through inaction allowed a human being to come to harm?

0:44 Of course not.

0:45 Have you ever harmed yourself, or allowed yourself to be harmed,

0:47 except in cases where a human being would have been endangered?

0:51 Well, no.

0:52 I smell a robot.

0:57 [laughter]

0:57 Hey, what's going on?

0:58 Internet's been down for half an hour.

1:02 [cheering] [laughter]

1:03 Also, Sheldon may be a robot.

1:07 So, how'd it go with Leslie?

1:10 Oh, we tried kissing, but the Earth didn't move.

1:14 I mean, any more than the 383 miles that it was going to move anyway.

1:20 Oh, I've seen that look before.

1:22 This is just going to be 2 weeks of moping, and tedious emo songs,

1:26 and calling me to come down to pet stores to look at cats.

1:31 I don't know if I can take it.

1:34 You could power down.

1:40 [laughter] [laughter] All right, just a few more feeds,

1:48 and here we are, gentlemen, the gates of El Zebub.

1:54 Good lord.

1:55 Don't panic.

1:56 This is what the last 97 hours have been about.

1:59 Stay frosty.

1:59 There's a horde of armed goblins on the other

2:01 side of that gate guarding the sword of Azaroth.

2:04 Warriors, unsheathe your weapons.

2:06 Magic wielders, raise your wands.

2:08 Lock and load.

2:10 Raj.

2:10 Blow the gates.

2:12 Blowing the gates.

2:14 Control.

2:14 Shift.

2:16 DELETE.

2:21 [screaming]

2:19 OH MY GOD, SO MANY GOBLINS.

2:22 LEONARD, JUST STAND THERE.

2:23 SLASH THAT GOBLIN.

2:24 SLASH THAT THEY'RE IN FORMATION.

2:26 LEONARD, YOU GOT A GOBLIN

2:27 I'VE GOT ONE ON MY TAIL.

2:27 FREE HAND STYLE.

2:29 I'll swat HIM OFF.

2:30 I'VE GOT HIM, LEONARD.

2:31 TONIGHT, I spice MY MEAT WITH GOBLIN BLOOD.

2:35 LEONARD, IT'S A TRAP.

2:36 THEY'RE FIGHTING US.

2:37 OH, HE'S GOT ME.

2:39 SHELDON, HE'S GOT RAJ.

2:40 USE YOUR SLEEP SPELL.

2:42 SHELDON.

2:43 SHELDON.

2:43 I'VE GOT THE SWORD OF AZAROTH.

2:47 HE'S GOT THE SWORD.

2:48 SHELDON, HELP RAJ.

2:49 THERE IS NO MORE SHELDON.

2:51 I AM THE SWORD MASTER.

2:53 LEONARD, LOOK OUT.

2:54 SHELDON, I'M DYING HERE.

2:56 GOODBYE, PEASANTS.

2:59 [groaning] THE BASTARD TELEPORTED.

3:01 He's selling the sword of Azaroth on eBay.

3:05 You betrayed us for money?

3:07 Who are you?

3:08 I'm a rogue night elf.

3:09 Don't you people read character descriptions?

3:12 Wait.

3:12 Wait.

3:12 Wait.

3:13 Somebody just clicked BUY IT NOW.

3:15 I AM THE SWORD [screaming] MASTER.

3:21 WHAT CAN I DO FOR YOU, STUART?

3:23 OH, NO.

3:23 Doctor's appointment.

3:24 Is he okay?

3:26 Not since I've known him.

3:29 Which brings up an interesting question.

3:31 You and Stuart.

3:33 Why?

3:36 I don't know.

3:36 My parents owned a funeral home.

3:38 Read into that what you will.

3:41 What can I help you with?

3:43 I was hoping Stuart could show me how to play Fortnite.

3:45 Ooh, I can teach you.

3:46 Really?

3:47 You good?

3:47 Look at my skin.

3:48 I haven't been outside in 6 years.

3:51 So, you'll coach me?

3:53 Sure.

3:53 Now, let me ask you a question.

3:55 Howard, why?

3:59 You got eyes.

4:00 What do you think?

4:03 Okay, so walk up to that chest and push X.

4:05 X.

4:07 Push X.

4:08 Which one's X?

4:09 The one with the X on it.

4:12 Take it easy.

4:12 I'm new at this.

4:13 What, the alphabet?

4:16 [laughter]

4:16 Aren't you snarky?

4:18 Hey, do you want to play the game or do you want

4:19 to crawl back up your mommy's shirt and chow down like baby?

4:24 Damn, WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?

4:26 SORRY, I thought you wanted to beat your husband.

4:28 THEN SUCK IT UP.

4:35 HEY GUYS.

4:37 HEY.

4:38 HEY.

4:38 YOU ARE playing that whatchamacallit again?

4:40 Fortnite?

4:44 Fortnite.

4:44 Right.

4:44 I guess I forgot cuz I only played it that one time and I was so bad at it.

4:50 Don't beat yourself up.

4:51 It's a hard game.

4:53 Would you mind if I gave it another shot?

4:55 Maybe later, Bonnie.

5:00 Where are you, Howard?

5:01 Where are you?

5:03 Just build a little ramp, get some height.

5:06 You want to press B to go into build mode.

5:08 Oh, wow.

5:09 You already did it.

5:11 Did I?

5:11 I'm just hitting buttons.

5:13 Wee.

5:16 I see your ramp.

5:17 I'm coming for you.

5:18 You can try.

5:19 WAIT.

5:21 GOT YOU.

5:24 SON OF A

5:27 WANT TO PLAY AGAIN?

5:29 NO.

5:31 [laughter] HOWARD.

5:34 WHAT?

5:32 I MAKE MORE MONEY THAN YOU.

5:38 [laughter] YOU GOT YOURSELF A GOOD one there, buddy.

5:44 I see you.

5:45 I see you AND BOOM, GOT YOU.

5:49 HOW'S IT FEEL, PENNY?

5:51 Like I don't care at all.

5:54 Wrong.

5:55 You feel bad because you lost AND I WON.

5:57 WOO, WHAT A RUSH.

6:00 ALL RIGHT, CAN WE GO EAT NOW?

6:01 HELL YEAH.

6:02 HEY, HOW'S IT GOING?

6:05 BOOM.

6:08 OKAY, I'M I'M GOING TO DRIVE.

6:13 CHILDREN, YOU GOT HIM IN YOUR SIGHTS.

6:14 FIRE.

6:15 HE'S CHARGING HIS PLASMA

6:16 YOU CAN SHOOT NOW.

6:17 I'M CLOAKING.

6:18 Now Riker, shoot Sheldon.

6:19 I can't see him.

6:20 That's why they call it cloaking, dumb man.

6:23 Well, then start THROWING GRENADES.

6:24 I'M ALL OUT.

6:26 HEY GUYS, MY FRIENDS AND I GOT TIRED OF DANCING,

6:29 so we came over to have sex with you.

6:32 Download the rush UP IN THE TANK.

6:33 WE SAID NO TANK.

6:34 THERE ARE NO RULES IN HELL.

6:38 I NEED A BACKPACK.

6:41 TOLD YOU.

6:43 Y'ALL KNOW THERE'S A SNIPER.

6:44 USE YOUR ROCKET LAUNCHER.

6:45 DUDE, ALL I GOT'S A NEEDLER AND I'M ALL OUT OF AMMO.

6:48 AND now you're OUT OF LIFE.

6:52 WHY DID YOU HIT PAUSE?

6:53 I THOUGHT I HEARD SOMETHING.

6:58 WHAT?

6:57 Uh never mind.

6:58 Sorry, go.

7:02 [laughter] [laughter]

7:09 Time.

7:10 All right, Klingons, pencils down.

7:13 [laughter]

7:14 Okay, I have pak.

7:17 Got it.

7:17 [laughter]

7:19 pak

7:18 Got it.

7:20 puk baq

7:21 Got it.

7:22 I have chor.

7:23 Got it.

7:24 nekh maq

7:24 Got it.

7:25 and kreplach [laughter]

7:27 Hold on a second.

7:28 kreplach?

7:29 Yeah.

7:29 Isn't Klingon it's Yiddish for meat-filled dumpling.

7:33 Well, as it turns out, it's also a Klingon word.

7:35 Really?

7:36 Define it.

7:37 kreplach, a hearty Klingon dumpling.

7:42 Judge's ruling?

7:46 Hey guys, I need to use your TV.

7:48 What's wrong with your TV?

7:49 I don't know, it just died.

7:51 I'm getting a bunch of static.

7:52 Did you pay your cable bill?

7:54 You sound just like the cable company.

7:57 All right, so [laughter] Tyra Banks is about

7:58 to kick someone off America's Next Top Model.

8:01 Excuse me, Penny, but we are playing Klingon Boggle.

8:06 What do you mean, aw?

8:07 Like she didn't know we were nerds?

8:10 All right, if you must watch, then muted with closed captions, please.

8:15 Fine.

8:18 All right, Boggle warriors.

8:26 [laughter]

8:29 Look at those women.

8:32 They're gorgeous.

8:34 Oh, Worf, nice.

8:35 Too bad that's a proper noun.

8:38 Oh, look, there's the future Mrs.

8:40 Wolowitz.

8:42 No, wait, [laughter]

8:42 that's the future Mrs.

8:43 Wolowitz.

8:44 With her head in the lap of What a coincidence, it's the future Mrs.

8:47 Wolowitz.

8:49 [laughter] Yeah, and they can all move in with you and your mother.

8:54 The current Mrs.

8:55 Wolowitz.

8:58 [laughter]

8:59 Is hot to be here, spelled with a or a k?

9:04 Why is that Mrs.

9:05 Wolowitz crying?

9:07 Oh, that's on Isis.

9:07 None of the other girls in the house like her.

9:10 House?

9:10 What house?

9:12 They all live in a house together.

9:14 A house where?

9:16 I don't know, somewhere in LA.

9:19 Wait a minute.

9:21 [laughter]

9:24 You're telling me that I'm within driving

9:26 distance of a house filled with aspiring supermodels?

9:31 Yeah, I guess.

9:33 And they live together, and shower together, and have naked pillow fight.

9:43 Hey, where where are you going?

9:44 To pay my cable bill.

9:49 [laughter]

9:48 All right, pencils down.

9:51 [clears throat]

9:51 I have Loch, Mach, and Churl.

9:54 [laughter] Anyone got those?

10:00 Um

10:02 [laughter] I have a question.

10:04 Warlord beats troll, troll beats elf,

10:07 elf beats water sprite, and basically everything beats enchanted bunny.

10:11 Unless you have a carrot of power.

10:15 Okay, I've got another question.

10:17 When does this get fun?

10:20 Are we going to talk or are we going to play Mystic Warlords of Ka'a?

10:24 Just uh play a potion card.

10:26 Which one?

10:27 It doesn't matter.

10:28 You can't possibly win.

10:31 Sheldon, don't ruin the game.

10:32 How could he ruin the game?

10:34 Given the cards that have already been played,

10:35 Penny can only be holding necromancer potions,

10:37 which are only effective against wraiths and day walkers,

10:40 and there are no more of either left to be drawn.

10:41 The cards remaining in the undrawn stack are four fire weapons,

10:44 a troll, two ogres, and the Jewel of Osiris.

10:47 [laughter] See, ruined.

10:51 [clears throat]

10:51 Sheldon, that is incredible.

10:53 From your vantage point, it certainly must seem so.

10:57 Sheldon has kind of a photographic memory.

11:00 Photographic is a misnomer.

11:01 I have an eidetic memory, as I've told you many times.

11:04 Most recently, last year during lunch on the afternoon of May 7th.

11:09 You had turkey and complained it was dry.

11:12 Well, I guess game's over.

11:14 Really?

11:14 Oh, great.

11:17 I mean, aw.

11:21 The entrance to the dungeon is a moss-covered door.

11:23 You manage to open it only to find yourself face to face with a hideous,

11:28 foul-smelling, moss-covered ogre.

11:31 What do you do?

11:33 I "Hey, Ma, WHAT'S FOR DINNER?"

11:40 17.

11:40 THE OGRE is amused by your joke and allows you to pass.

11:45 Goodbye, the bye.

11:46 I liked it, too.

11:48 [laughter] Hey, how are the wedding plans, Howard?

11:51 Great.

11:52 Spent 5 hours last night at Macy's registering for gifts.

11:55 It looks like I'm finally going to have

11:56 that darling little earthenware asparagus dish I've always wanted.

12:00 See, this is the good thing about having a girlfriend 9,000 miles away.

12:03 I can spend my nights doing whatever I want.

12:06 You mean like playing nerd games with us

12:08 and then taking a suspiciously long shower?

12:15 Maybe.

12:17 We enter the dungeon.

12:19 You see a dragon.

12:22 Really?

12:22 So, we're playing Dungeons and Dragons and we

12:24 walk into a dungeon and see a dragon?

12:28 Isn't that a little on the nose?

12:31 When you play Shoots and Ladders,

12:32 do you complain about all the shoots and all the ladders?

12:37 Bishop to queen four, level two.

12:43 Check.

12:46 Sheldon.

12:46 Knight takes bishop.

12:48 You all right?

12:50 I'm fine.

12:52 Are you?

12:54 You left your queen exposed from above, you trapped your knight in the corner,

12:57 and you keep sighing and saying, "Why me?"

13:03 Very well.

13:04 Can I ask you a question about women?

13:09 I got you that book last year.

13:10 Wasn't everything in there?

13:13 No.

13:13 I'm having a relationship problem with Amy.

13:17 And by the way, that book gave me nightmares.

13:21 Well, if it makes you feel any better,

13:22 I screwed things up pretty good with Penny.

13:26 Look at us, Leonard.

13:28 Engaging in the social convention of men bellyaching about their old ladies.

13:33 I guess we are.

13:35 So, what's going on?

13:38 Believe it or not, Amy has embarked on a campaign

13:42 to increase my feelings for her by making me happy.

13:49 I'm sorry, that must be very difficult for you.

13:52 It's awful.

13:53 This morning, she arranged for me to be an Amtrak Junior Conductor for the day.

13:59 It's usually only open to children.

14:01 She got them to make an exception.

14:04 SHAME ON HER.

14:08 [laughter] THEY LET ME BLOW THE WHISTLE, LEONARD.

14:10 She's good.

14:12 I know.

14:13 And it gets worse.

14:15 Her efforts are causing me to have

14:17 affectionate feelings for her at inappropriate times.

14:24 You mean like in bed or in the shower?

14:28 No.

14:28 Would you please stop referencing that infernal book?

14:33 For example, this morning,

14:35 I was calculating the random motion

14:37 of virtual particles in a vacuum when suddenly

14:40 the particles morphed into an image of Amy's

14:44 dandruff gently cascading down onto her pale,

14:51 slightly hunched shoulders.

14:55 What has that vixen done to me, Leonard?

14:58 And how do I make it stop?

15:01 Well, if you had a physical relationship, I'd say propose during sex.

15:04 Turns out that's a real mood killer.

15:08 I assume we're talking about you now.

15:11 Yeah.

15:10 So, that's how this works.

15:12 I complain and then you complain and no one offers any solutions?

15:18 Pretty much.

15:20 Well, no wonder the women are winning.

15:24 [snorts]

15:24 All right.

15:25 Round one.

15:26 Here.

15:27 Got it.

15:31 Okay.

15:30 Ready, set, go.

15:34 A box.

15:36 A THE WINDOW.

15:40 [laughter]

15:40 BATMAN.

15:42 BATMAN AND ROBIN.

15:47 [laughter]

15:46 A WONDER TWINS PLUS THE MONKEY.

15:50 WONDER TWINS PLUS THE MONKEY AND BATMAN.

15:54 A GIFT.

15:54 A PRESENT.

15:57 PRESENT!

15:56 YES!

15:58 YOU PLAYED A NERD.

15:59 NOW, HOW CAN YOU NOT GET THAT?

16:04 [laughter]

16:03 IN WHAT universe is that a present?

16:06 It's not a present, it's the present.

16:10 There's you and me.

16:11 There's Penny and Amy.

16:13 We're playing Pictionary in the present.

16:22 Oh my god, we're going to kill them.

16:27 It's a quark-gluon plasma.

16:32 No.

16:31 It's asymptotically free partons inside a quark-gluon plasma.

16:36 Nothing with quarks.

16:38 [laughter]

16:38 IT'S AN OBSERVATIONAL REBUTTAL OF the Lambda-CDM model of the universe.

16:45 NO.

16:44 IT'S A CHOCOLATE CHIP COOKIE.

16:51 HOW COULD YOU MISS THAT?

16:52 YEAH, HEY, if you want someone to guess chocolate chip cookie,

16:55 you draw a glass of milk next to it.

16:59 Penny got it.

17:00 Yeah, only after I eliminated all the obvious answers.

17:04 You're welcome.

17:06 [laughter] Thought it would be fun to make a quest with a holiday theme.

17:08 Fun?

17:09 Mixing Dungeons and Dragons with Christmas is

17:11 like making a sandwich of grape jelly,

17:13 the best tasting jelly, and petroleum jelly, the worst tasting jelly.

17:19 Okay, here we go.

17:21 You find yourselves in the smoking remains of Santa's village.

17:24 Clearly, a great battle has taken place.

17:27 Oh man, the first monster I see, I'm going to sneak up behind him,

17:30 whip out my wand, and shoot my magic all over his ass.

17:38 [laughter] Do you hear yourself when you say these things?

17:41 Okay, there are ogre tracks and a trail of broken candy canes in the snow.

17:45 Sheldon, what do you do?

17:46 I signal my contempt for your cruel plan to shove

17:49 Christmas joy down my throat by making a gesture that says,

17:52 "Get a load of this guy."

17:56 [laughter]

17:56 Fine.

17:56 Howard, what do you do?

17:57 I follow the ogre tracks checking for secret doors along the way.

18:03 And you discover a secret door leading to a dark corridor.

18:06 Okay guys, let's make a plan.

18:07 Spell casters in the back, warriors in the front.

18:09 What's that noise?

18:10 I'm going in.

18:11 HANG ON, SANTA, I'M COMING FOR YOU.

18:16 OKAY, YOU RUN into a room full of weapons, hit a trip wire.

18:22 A cannon blows your face off, you die, you're out of the game.

18:27 A A cannon?

18:28 Am I really out of the game?

18:31 Lucky.

18:33 Okay, come on, moving on.

18:34 Wait, doesn't anyone have a a rod of resurrection?

18:37 Because if you've got one, I need IT BAD.

18:42 GET IN HERE WITH YOUR ROD AND GIVE IT TO ME.

18:47 OKAY, YOU NEED TO SAY THESE THINGS in your head before you say them OUT LOUD.

18:53 HEY GUYS, I DON'T MEAN TO INTERRUPT YOUR LITTLE GAME,

18:55 but I thought you'd like to see what you're missing out on.

18:57 So,

18:59 [clears throat]

19:00 BERNADETTE [music] [cheering] BERNADETTE'S WEARING LEOPARD PRINT PUMPS

19:08 AND A racktastic red dress from FOREVER 21.

19:13 [laughter]

19:14 WOO!

19:14 WOO!

19:18 [cheering]

19:17 AND THERE IS AMY SHOWING ALL KINDS OF ANKLE.

19:22 In an outfit I'm assuming is from Forever 63.

19:27 AND I MYSELF

19:31 [cheering]

19:31 AM WEARING A LITTLE NUMBER THAT GOT me

19:33 out of two speeding tickets and jury duty.

19:37 [laughter]

19:37 I know they're making a rhetorical point.

19:39 I just don't know what it is.

19:41 See you boys, we are going drinking.

19:43 Wait, can I come with you?

19:44 MY CHARACTER DIED.

19:47 SORRY RAJ, IT'S girls night out.

19:49 Maybe another time.

19:56 Okay.

19:56 Come on.

19:58 GIRLS NIGHT, GIRLS NIGHT OUT.

20:05 [laughter]

20:05 HOW DOES HE NOT HEAR THAT?

20:07 WELL, I MUST SAY LEONARD,

20:09 when I first heard your idea for giant Jenga, I was skeptical.

20:17 [laughter] I can't blame you.

20:17 Tiny Twister was a complete bust.

20:20 Oh no, but I was wrong.

20:22 No, the looming threat of being crushed under

20:25 a pile of lumber does add a certain spice.

20:30 I've never felt so alive.

20:36 OH, HELLO ALEX.

20:38 LET ME go get you last night's recordings.

20:40 What recordings?

20:41 Well, you remember when you told me I talk in my sleep?

20:44 Well, it occurred to me that like most things I say, it's probably pure gold.

20:49 So, I started recording it all and now Alex gets to comb

20:53 through 8 hours of what I like to call Sheldon after dark.

20:58 Hey Leonard.

20:58 Hey, just playing a little giant Jenga here.

21:01 Oh, I know.

21:01 I'm the one who had to buy him the helmet.

21:05 So, do you have any plans this weekend?

21:06 Uh, most of Saturday is going to be figuring

21:08 out where to put this game when we're done.

21:11 [laughter]

21:11 How about you?

21:12 Oh, I'm going to go see Kip Thorne give a lecture on subatomic space-time.

21:16 Oh, that's his take on John Wheeler's quantum foam.

21:19 That should be great.

21:20 Well, if you want, you can come with me.

21:22 I'd love to, but I'm supposed to hang out with Penny.

21:24 Well, bring her.

21:25 Uh, she's not really into that kind of stuff.

21:28 Yeah, okay.

21:29 Well, if you want to hear about the lecture,

21:31 I can tell you all about it at work or you know, over dinner sometime.

21:39 [laughter] Rajesh, I GOT TO WIN.

21:44 YOU FIND YOURSELVES IN an overgrown old forest.

21:48 Before you is giant oak tree with a face

21:52 on it that looks a lot like Nicolas Cage.

21:58 He says, "Travel with caution.

22:03 These words are home to the bones of Penny, A FALLEN HERO."

22:14 [applause] UH, LET'S SEE.

22:14 Howard's just as good a dungeon master as I am.

22:18 As good?

22:18 Well, you just got pantsed in the school yard, four eyes.

22:22 Hey, come on, guys.

22:23 Focus.

22:24 Um, almighty Nicolas Cage tree, we thank you for your warning,

22:30 but we are brave warriors and nothing short of death will keep us FROM OUR GOAL.

22:36 [laughter]

22:39 OH, LUCY'S FREE AFTER ALL.

22:40 SEE YOU.

22:43 [cheering]

22:43 HEY, HEY, YOU CAN'T LEAVE.

22:44 We just started.

22:46 You're right.

22:46 I should finish the game.

22:47 I take my plus one long sword, stab myself in the face with it.

22:51 I'm dead.

22:51 I've got a date with A GIRL.

22:52 BYE.

22:56 WE'LL BE FINE.

22:56 WATCH.

22:58 SUDDENLY, A spectral shape rises from Koothrappali's bloody corpse and says,

23:03 "Don't worry, buddies.

23:05 GHOST RAJ WILL HELP GUIDE you through the forest."

23:11 Uh I'm just a tree, but if I were you, I'D LISTEN TO YOUR GHOST FRIEND.

23:19 [cheering]

23:18 THE DRAGON FALLS FROM THE SKY CRASHING INTO THE VOLCANO.

23:24 [cheering]

23:24 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

23:24 [laughter]

23:26 HE'S NOT DEAD.

23:27 He crawls out, spreads his wings, and prepares to attack.

23:32 Yeah, wait, wait, wait.

23:35 Doesn't he say something first?

23:38 You know, maybe in the voice of a beloved celebrity?

23:43 [laughter] Fine.

23:44 You'd think, AFTER ALL THESE YEARS,

23:49 [laughter]

23:48 I'D know not to FLY OVER VOLCANOES.

23:54 [laughter] I'M A FREAKING IDIOT.

23:58 THE DRAGON'S CHRISTOPHER WALKEN.

24:02 ALL RIGHT, AMY, IT'S YOUR TURN.

24:03 We need one more hit.

24:04 Finish him off.

24:05 Here we go.

24:07 15?

24:08 It's a hit.

24:08 THE DRAGON COLLAPSES TO THE GROUND.

24:10 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

24:11 WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

24:13 AND SAYS,

24:17 [laughter]

24:19 "MOTHER, is that you?

24:22 YOUR LITTLE BOY IS COMING HOME."

24:27 JUST NEVER PLAYED DUNGEONS AND Dragons with girls before.

24:30 Oh, don't worry, sweetie.

24:31 NO ONE HAS.

24:37 [laughter] SO, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

24:40 I'LL LEAVE IT UP TO THE Dungeon Master.

24:44 A satanic fungus that looks suspiciously like Al

24:48 Pacino rises from the forest floor and says, "You're playing D&D.

24:55 You're playing D&D.

24:57 THIS WHOLE APARTMENT [laughter]

25:02 IS PLAYING D&D.

25:06 [cheering]

25:07 WHAT ARE YOU DOING in our dungeon?

25:11 YOU SHALL DIE.

25:16 OKAY, literal goosebumps, look.

25:20 [laughter]

25:19 What do you do?

25:20 I draw my broadsword.

25:22 I ready my quarterstaff.

25:24 I drink my potion.

25:28 I say we attack the big one.

25:30 You know what?

25:30 Give me the dice.

25:30 I want to roll.

25:31 Well, the dungeon master's supposed to roll.

25:33 Yeah, well, I'm supposed to be in Vegas throwing up on a shrimp buffet.

25:36 Now, give it.

25:39 All right, WHAT DO I NEED?

25:42 A 15 or higher.

25:43 15's the point.

25:44 The point is 15.

25:45 Give the little lady some room.

25:46 Here it is, COMING OUT.

25:49 16!

25:52 OH, PLEASE TELL ME WE'RE PLAYING FOR MONEY.

25:55 NO, even better than money.

25:56 You gained experience points.

26:01 More potion, please.

26:03 Yeah.

26:04 Take him down!

26:05 He's got you, Sheldon.

26:06 I've got this, Wolowitz.

26:08 Leonard's schooling you.

26:09 HEY, GUYS, GUYS, SOME of the other waitresses wanted me to ask you something.

26:12 Uh it's called Tressling.

26:13 It combines the physical strength of arm wrestling

26:15 with the mental agility of Tetris into the ultimate sport.

26:19 Yeah, that's terrific.

26:20 But what they wanted me to ask you is to cut it the hell out.

26:24 [laughter]

26:23 All right, come on, guys.

26:24 Come on.

26:25 Happy birthday to you.

26:29 We might as well stop.

26:30 It's a stalemate.

26:31 You're beating me in Tetris,

26:32 but you've got the upper body strength of a Keebler elf.

26:35 Keebler elf?

26:36 I got a Keebler ELF RIGHT HERE.

26:43 OKAY, IT'S A STALEMATE.

26:45 HEY, WHILE WE'RE ON THE SUBJECT, why did you guys break up, anyway?

26:48 I'd rather not say.

26:50 Howard, if you want my help, I've got to know what happened.

26:52 But, it's embarrassing.

26:53 Yeah, that's what I'm counting on.

26:54 Spill.

26:58 Okay, well, you know World of Warcraft?

27:01 The online game?

27:02 Sure.

27:03 Well, did you know that the characters in the game can have sex with each other?

27:09 Oh god, I think I see where this is going.

27:13 Her name was Glissinda the Troll.

27:18 Bernadette walked in on me while we were

27:20 doing the cyber nasty under the bridge of souls.

27:25 Oh, you're right, that is so embarrassing.

27:27 [laughter]

27:28 Would you talk to her?

27:30 Bernadette or the troll?

27:33 Bernadette.

27:34 She was so mad at me, she wouldn't even listen to my side of the story.

27:37 Well, what was your side?

27:38 Well, Penny, you know, Glissinda the Troll wasn't even a real woman.

27:41 I mean, she could have been a 50-year-old truck driver in New Jersey.

27:46 Really?

27:47 And that didn't make her feel better?

27:52 Nice shot.

27:54 [music] Thank you.

27:55 My father taught me archery as a child.

28:02 [laughter] It's odd how the activity brings back the smell of Kmart bourbon.

28:11 Perfect.

28:10 I know.

28:12 What an elf I would have made.

28:17 Ooh, what do you think you're doing?

28:19 Shooting at a target.

28:20 With what?

28:21 An arrow.

28:22 Yeah, really?

28:23 I didn't see you draw one from your quiver.

28:27 I'm not going to do that, Sheldon.

28:28 Leonard, the people at Nintendo can only go so

28:31 far in helping us recreate an actual athletic experience.

28:35 We have to do our part, too.

28:43 [laughter] That was uncalled for, but I'll play along.

28:49 Ow.

28:53 I had an unusual experience with Amy last night.

28:58 Really?

28:57 How could you tell?

29:01 She was attempting to engage me in gossip.

29:04 You don't say.

29:05 Yes.

29:05 I think prolonged exposure to Penny has turned her into a bit of a gabby girly.

29:11 So, what's the gossip?

29:12 Oh, please.

29:13 I was just pointing it out.

29:14 I've noticed her to engage in the activity.

29:17 Fine, don't tell me.

29:19 All right, get this.

29:23 Bernadette is thinking about breaking up with Howard.

29:27 Oh, that's too bad.

29:28 I wonder what happened.

29:29 It's hard to say.

29:30 I can only speculate based on the data

29:32 I collected watching my parents marriage implode.

29:35 In that case, the woman dives into religion,

29:38 while the man dives into a bottle blonde bartender

29:41 who tries to buy my love with action figures.

29:45 Oh, out of arrows.

29:59 Well, you sure get your money's worth out of these games.

30:02 Why has thou forsaken me, oh deity whose existence I doubt?

30:08 Here, breathe into this bag.

30:12 What's going on?

30:13 They stole everything, Leonard.

30:16 Everything.

30:18 Are you the roommate?

30:19 Yeah, Leonard Hofstadter.

30:20 What happened?

30:21 Your friend here called 911 to report a robbery.

30:24 Oh my god, what did they get?

30:25 What didn't they get?

30:26 I got my enchanted weapons, my vicious gladiator armor,

30:30 my wand of untainted power, and all my gold.

30:36 You called the police because someone hacked your World of Warcraft account?

30:41 What choice did I have?

30:43 The mighty Sheldor, level 85 blood elf, hero of the Eastern Kingdoms,

30:48 has [laughter] been picked clean like a carcass IN THE DESERT SUN.

30:53 PLUS, THE FBI HUNG UP ON ME.

30:57 INTO THE BAG.

31:00 THEY TOOK MY BATTLE OSTRICH.

31:03 OH, NO, not Glenn.

31:05 Yes, Glenn.

31:06 Only bird I ever loved.

31:09 [laughter] Good luck, fellas.

31:13 Thank you, officer.

31:14 Wait a minute.

31:15 You're not going to do anything?

31:17 Mr.

31:17 Cooper, there's nothing

31:18 Dr.

31:18 Cooper.

31:21 [laughter]

31:24 Seriously?

31:23 Not the kind with access to drugs.

31:27 Fine.

31:27 Dr.

31:28 Cooper, I'm sorry for your loss,

31:30 but the Pasadena Police Department doesn't have jurisdiction in Pandora.

31:36 That's from Avatar.

31:40 [laughter] World of Warcraft takes place in Azeroth.

31:42 Goodness gracious, how are you allowed to carry a gun?

31:46 Can you at least refer me to a rogue ex-cop?

31:51 What?

31:51 What?

31:52 You know, one who was drummed off the force because he refused to play

31:55 by the rules and now he hires himself

31:57 out to impose his own brand of rough justice?

32:03 [laughter]

32:04 No.

32:05 Thank you, officer.

32:07 It's all gone.

32:08 All gone.

32:10 I'm really sorry, Sheldon.

32:12 What kind of world do we live in where

32:13 a man would take another man's battle ostrich?

32:18 I don't know.

32:20 This act of aggression must be met with swift and cruel ferocity.

32:24 It is time to cry havoc and let slip the dogs of war.

32:30 [laughter] I'm on it.

32:34 Hi, Mrs.

32:35 Wolowitz, is is Howard there?

32:39 Okay, thanks.

32:40 That particular dog of war will have to call you back after his bath.

32:47 See if Raj is done with Pilates.

32:51 First there was PlayStation, aka PS1.

32:54 Then there's PS2, PS3, and now PS4.

32:57 And that makes sense.

32:58 You'd think after Xbox there'd be Xbox 2.

33:01 But no.

33:02 Next came Xbox 360.

33:04 Hmm?

33:05 And now, after 360, comes Xbox One.

33:09 Why one?

33:11 Maybe that's how many seconds of thought they put in the naming it.

33:15 [laughter] Can you get the butter, please?

33:16 Yeah.

33:16 However, with the Xbox One,

33:19 I can control my entire entertainment system using voice commands.

33:23 Up until now, I've had to use Leonard.

33:27 Then get the other one.

33:28 Pass the butter.

33:29 Get Hang on.

33:31 I don't feel like you're taking this dilemma seriously.

33:35 Fine, Sheldon.

33:37 You have my undivided attention.

33:39 Okay.

33:39 Now, the PS4 is more angular and sleek-looking.

33:44 No way.

33:46 You It's true.

33:46 But the larger size of the Xbox One may keep it from overheating.

33:50 Well, you wouldn't want your gaming system to overheat.

33:52 No, see, well, you absolutely would not.

33:54 And then furthermore, the Xbox One now comes with a Kinect included.

33:59 Included?

34:00 Yes.

34:03 [laughter]

34:02 Not sold separately.

34:03 Although, the PS4 uses cool new GDDR5 RAM,

34:07 while the Xbox One is still using the conventional DDR3 memory.

34:11 Why would they still be using DDR3?

34:13 ARE THEY NUTS?

34:16 SEE, THAT'S WHAT I THOUGHT.

34:17 BUT THEN, THEY GO AND THROW IN AN ES RAM BUFFER.

34:21 WHOA, WAIT A SECOND.

34:22 WHO'S THEY?

34:23 THE XBOX.

34:23 YOU'RE KIDDING.

34:25 NO, I AM NOT.

34:26 AND THIS ES RAM BUFFER SHOULD TOTALLY bridge the 100

34:29 gigabit per second bandwidth gap between the TWO RAM TYPES.

34:32 THIS IS A NIGHTMARE.

34:33 HOW WILL YOU EVER MAKE A DECISION?

34:34 SEE, I DON'T KNOW.

34:36 WHAT SHOULD I DO?

34:37 PLEASE PASS THE BUTTER.

34:44 [laughter]

34:44 I'M PROUD OF YOU, SHELDON.

34:45 YOU KNOW, I'M proud of me, too.

34:47 I've done all my research, I conducted an informal poll,

34:50 and I've arrived at the rock solid certainty I've made the right choice.

34:54 Well, that's got to be a good feeling.

34:55 Oh, it is.

34:57 ALTHOUGH OH, CRAP.

35:01 [laughter]

35:00 YOU KNOW, I HAD THE same feeling when I

35:02 made my dad buy a Betamax instead of a VHS.

35:06 You were just a little kid.

35:07 Yeah, a little kid who picked

35:08 the wrong format to record the McNeil/Lehrer Report.

35:14 [laughter]

35:13 Now, I also was certain that HD DVD would win out over Blu-ray.

35:17 How old were you then?

35:19 Old enough to know better.

35:21 You know, and now that I think about it,

35:23 I stood in front of a case of iPods and I bought a Zune.

35:28 [laughter] What's a Zune?

35:32 Yeah, exactly.

35:35 It's an MP3 player brought to us by the makers of Xbox.

35:39 No, what are you doing?

35:40 No, PICK THAT BACK UP.

35:42 YOU KNOW IT'S GOOD.

35:43 You did the research.

35:44 But, what if I'm wrong?

35:46 You know what?

35:47 How about I buy it for you?

35:49 How about I buy you both?

35:52 You know I only have one slot available on my entertainment center.

35:55 Then I'll buy you a new entertainment center.

35:58 Yeah, okay, sure.

35:59 But, which one?

36:03 [laughter]

36:03 How about this?

36:04 I've heard that if you flip a coin,

36:06 it will tell you how you actually feel because

36:08 you'll either be disappointed or excited by the outcome.

36:14 Interesting.

36:13 So, heads it's PS4, tails it's Xbox One.

36:17 All right, I'll try.

36:23 What is it?

36:25 A quarter.

36:28 [laughter]

36:30 Could have given it back to me.

36:31 That was a choice.

36:33 [laughter] [laughter]

36:40 On the one hand, the Xbox One has a better camera.

36:44 But the PS4 has a removable hard drive.

36:48 Thoughts?

36:50 I can't feel my legs.

36:55 [laughter]

36:56 Oh.

36:56 I'm sorry, guys, but the store closed 5 minutes ago.

36:59 But I haven't decided yet.

37:01 You have to come back tomorrow.

37:02 The registers are closed.

37:08 [laughter]

37:08 Let's get you some food.

37:09 You'll feel better after you eat.

37:11 Okay.

37:12 [laughter] What What do you want?

37:14 Like Thai food, A BURGER?

37:17 I DON'T KNOW.

37:21 [laughter] [laughter]

37:30 HEY, LOOK, A QUARTER.

37:34 WE'RE PINNED DOWN.

37:36 SHELDON, GET OVER HERE AND HELP.

37:38 OKAY, 1 SECOND.

37:42 SHELDON, WHY ARE YOU JUMPING UP AND DOWN?

37:44 I'M TRYING TO SHOOT.

37:45 THEN USE THE SHOOT BUTTON, NOT THE WONDERFUL THING ABOUT TIGGER'S BUTTON.

37:52 AW.

37:52 THAT'S IT.

37:53 WE'RE DEAD.

37:54 Challenge them again.

37:55 Doing it right now.

37:57 They can't.

37:58 There's an important Little League game tomorrow.

38:04 [laughter]

38:03 No wonder they beat us.

38:04 They're jocks.

38:06 What happened to me?

38:07 I used to excel at these things.

38:09 Kids are always better at video games.

38:11 Well, I don't like it.

38:13 Well, if it makes you feel better, you still dress like a child.

38:17 No, wait, it's not just video games.

38:18 I downloaded the new OS for my phone.

38:21 Took me a week to stop accidentally texting kissy faces to everyone.

38:25 Oh, so our love is not real?

38:28 But I know how you feel.

38:30 I tried one of those electronic Japanese toilets,

38:33 practically shot myself ACROSS THE ROOM.

38:37 I GUESS I JUST NEED TO FACE IT.

38:39 I'm no longer a wonder kid.

38:40 And now I just wonder what's for lunch.

38:43 [laughter]

38:43 Hot dogs.

38:45 Yay.

38:47 Trailing badly, Wolowitz needs a strike if he has any hopes of catching up

38:51 with Sheldon Cooper who is dominating in the ninth frame with a career best 68.

39:00 [laughter]

39:05 Hey guys.

39:08 THAT DOESN'T COUNT.

39:09 DO OVER, DO OVER.

39:10 THERE ARE no do overs in Wii bowling.

39:13 I invented a game.

39:14 Want to play?

39:17 Sure.

39:16 It's called Emily or Cinnamon.

39:18 I give you actual quotes I've heard Raj say and you

39:22 guess if he was talking to his girlfriend or his dog.

39:27 [laughter]

39:30 Go ahead, make fun.

39:31 You can't embarrass me.

39:32 I've got a beautiful girlfriend and a dog who

39:34 loves me so much she drinks my bath water.

39:39 OKAY, WHO WAS HE talking to?

39:40 Emily or Cinnamon?

39:42 I want you to know the bed feels so lonely when you're not in it.

39:51 [laughter]

39:55 Okay, so it's one vote Emily, one vote Cinnamon.

39:57 Penny, you're the tie breaker.

40:02 Say the quote again.

40:05 It's just so perfect that we're both Libras.

40:13 Wow, this is hard.

40:15 I'm going TO SAY CINNAMON.

40:17 YES, YES, COME ON.

40:20 THAT WAS THE LAST ONE.

40:21 I PROMISE WE WON'T PLAY ANYMORE.

40:23 Thank you.

40:24 Cuz if she had found out, he would have hurt her feelings.

40:27 Emily's feelings?

40:30 YES, EMILY.

40:35 SO, I THINK IF WE WANT TO predict the height of the wave,

40:38 we need to use elasticity theory and model

40:41 the lattice as one continuous flexible piece.

40:44 This is fun.

40:45 Playing with popsicle sticks, exploring ways to store kinetic energy.

40:49 It's like preschool all over again.

40:53 Except now if I eat paste,

40:54 it's because I want to, not because Craig Shultz is making me.

40:59 Hey, can I ask you a question?

41:00 Is it where was the teacher?

41:01 She was in the bathroom smoking, that's where.

41:05 It wasn't, but I'm glad to see you've moved on.

41:09 [laughter]

41:09 I was going to ask if being married felt any different.

41:13 Oh.

41:13 Oh.

41:15 Not really.

41:16 Sorry, that probably wasn't the answer you were looking for.

41:19 No, actually it is.

41:21 I mean, Sheldon and I are in really great place right

41:23 now and I just I don't want anything to mess that up.

41:26 Mhm.

41:26 You do remember you're here because he kicked you out of your apartment.

41:33 Yes.

41:32 His work is important to him.

41:35 It's one of the things I find the sexiest about him.

41:38 WELL, THAT AND HIS BUTT.

41:50 [laughter] GUYS, GUYS, WILL Wheaton hosted a secret celebrity D&D game.

41:53 How do you know?

41:54 Who was there?

41:55 WHY ARE YOU DAMP?

41:57 [laughter]

41:57 I WAS TRYING TO PEEK IN Will's window when he turned the sprinklers on.

42:01 Ooh, that means he must be really famous.

42:04 I'm almost positive I heard William Shatner.

42:06 I wonder who else is playing.

42:08 I bet we can use graph theory to determine

42:11 who Will knows and who's likely to play D&D.

42:14 Yes.

42:16 Okay.

42:15 Obviously, he's connected to the whole Next Gen cast.

42:20 Is this the rest of our night, huh?

42:23 Oh, no.

42:25 This is the rest of our lives.

42:29 And Josh Brolin gets you to every Avenger.

42:34 Kevin Smith is in this article about celebrities who play D&D.

42:37 Oh, and he was on Will's podcast, so they know each other.

42:40 Go on his Instagram.

42:41 See if you can find anything.

42:42 Yeah, people He posted something an hour ago.

42:44 #gamenight.

42:46 That looks like Will's house.

42:49 William Shatner?

42:50 Kevin Smith?

42:51 Who else could be there?

42:52 Do you see what I see over his shoulder?

42:56 Is that a ghost?

42:59 I think it's Stewart.

43:04 THAT IS STEWART.

43:04 What what's he doing there?

43:07 Maybe he died in Will's house and he can't leave until he solves his own murder.

43:13 [cheering] Why would Will invite Stewart and not us?

43:16 I know the answer.

43:18 Uh, we all know the answer.

43:36 [laughter]

43:35 Hey guys.

43:36 You're home late.

43:40 Uh, yeah.

43:40 I had a crazy night.

43:41 I went to the pharmacy.

43:44 I like to be there when the new decongestants drop.

43:48 Cut the crap.

43:49 We know where you were.

43:50 We know what you were doing.

43:51 Yeah, I just told you I was at CVS breathing my ass off.

43:55 No, you were breathing all right.

43:56 You were breathing the rarefied air of celebrities.

43:59 I don't know what you're talking about.

44:00 Then why are you trembling?

44:01 I'm always trembling.

44:03 We know you were at Will's D&D game.

44:04 We saw you on Instagram.

44:06 We just want to know how you got invited.

44:09 I can't talk about it or they won't invite me back next week.

44:12 So, THERE'S ANOTHER GAME NEXT WEEK?

44:13 YEAH, I DIDN'T MEAN TO SAY THAT.

44:15 WHO'S IN IT?

44:16 I CAN'T TELL YOU.

44:17 How do WE GET INVITED?

44:18 I DON'T KNOW.

44:19 HOW MANY HIT DICE ARE THEY PLAYING THE werewolves having?

44:23 12 D 8+ 24.

44:24 BYE.

44:25 I MEAN, I DON'T KNOW.

44:28 HEY, YOU GUYS WANT TO PLAY A DRINKING GAME?

44:30 NO, we now we now will never win.

44:31 But you always play the drinking game.

44:35 Not the drinking game, a drinking game.

44:38 To be fair, good at both.

44:41 What's the game?

44:42 it's called never have I ever.

44:43 The rules are simple.

44:44 Someone says something they've never done,

44:45 but if you have done it, you take a drink.

44:47 I've never played that before.

44:49 Well, okay, now wait.

44:49 Have we started?

44:50 Do I drink?

44:51 What's happening?

44:54 [laughter]

44:53 Calm down, I'll go first.

44:55 Okay, let's see.

44:56 Never have I ever

45:00 She's trying to think of something she's never done before.

45:02 This could take a while.

45:05 Very funny.

45:06 Okay, never have I ever Yeah, you know what?

45:10 Let's just circle back.

45:13 [laughter] Okay, I'll go.

45:13 Never have I ever been arrested.

45:16 So, I drink.

45:17 No, it's only if you've done it.

45:19 Got it.

45:24 I can't believe you've been arrested.

45:26 I can't BELIEVE PENNY HASN'T.

45:30 THIS GAME'S DANGEROUS.

45:31 I COULD get you in trouble.

45:34 How?

45:34 Well, never have I ever used Sheldon's toothbrush to clean the sink.

45:45 [laughter]

45:45 Fine, is that how you want to play this?

45:46 All right.

45:47 Never have I ever come up with a nickname for my own genitals.

45:53 [cheering]

45:53 Now, we should have told you about Alvin and the Chipmunks.

45:58 Okay, my turn.

46:00 Um Never have I ever completely rocked my girlfriend's world in bed.

46:09 Amy, you

46:12 [laughter] You know the rules.

46:11 Drink.

46:14 [cough] [clears throat]

46:15 Yeah, go ahead.

46:19 That's right.

46:22 [laughter]

46:22 All right, my turn.

46:24 Um Oh, I know.

46:26 Never have I ever kept a secret bank

46:29 account because I think my wife can't handle money.

46:37 Did I win?

46:37 I feel like I won.

46:41 I can't believe this.

46:42 You realize I make more money than you.

46:44 I know, I know, but this isn't a big deal.

46:46 It's just a little savings I put aside.

46:48 We're married.

46:49 We're supposed to share everything.

46:51 You mean like your massive credit card debt?

47:00 I'm calling it.

47:00 I won.

47:03 All righty, it's time for Dungeons and Dragons.

47:07 Dungeons and Dragons.

47:08 That sounds about right.

47:11 You're going to enjoy this.

47:12 I designed it especially for you.

47:15 Okay, but just for a little bit.

47:16 Oh, I have a feeling that once you start,

47:18 you're not going to want to or be allowed to stop.

47:24 Ready?

47:25 You bet.

47:27 Your name is Bernatrix.

47:29 You are a warrior queen.

47:31 You're strong, beautiful, and tall.

47:35 Ooh, I like the idea of being tall.

47:37 I think you're going to like a lot of things I have in store.

47:39 And for example, in this world, only the men get pregnant.

47:42 So, your husband is home trying not to pee when he laughs.

47:47 This is getting fun.

47:48 What's next?

47:49 You're parched and weary from battle.

47:51 You stand in front of a tavern that serves the coldest,

47:55 most delicious ale in all the realm.

47:58 Well, I haven't had a drink in months.

48:00 What do you do?

48:02 I storm in, slam my sword down, and say, "Barkeeper,

48:05 bring me the strongest ale you have, and serve it in the skull OF A GOBLIN."

48:10 [laughter]

48:12 HE WANTS TO SEE ID.

48:17 [laughter]

48:17 THE HELL prawn lunges out of the hot spring.

48:21 You block it with your shield.

48:23 Do you attack?

48:24 Does it have eyes?

48:25 It has three giant red ones, and they never blink.

48:28 It's unsettling.

48:31 I STAB IT IN THE MIDDLE EYE.

48:33 GOOD CHOICE.

48:34 Critical hit.

48:35 Your sword goes through its eye into its tiny brain.

48:38 With its final dying gasp, it says, "You have reduced me to A PILE OF SUSHI.

48:44 ENJOY me with this packet OF SOY SAUCE.

48:48 IT'S LOW SODIUM.

48:50 AHH."

48:53 OKAY, I GUESS I SHOULD EAT THE HELL PRAWN.

48:55 USING YOUR SWORD, you prepare a beautiful sushi dinner.

48:58 You slip into the hot spring and enjoy the warm water on your aching joints.

49:02 As you happily close your eyes, you recall the incredible evening you've had,

49:07 and notice that your feet and ankles are smaller than they've ever been.

49:14 The end.

49:15 Aw, this night turned out to be so much more fun than I thought.

49:19 Well, the fun doesn't stop.

49:20 You're still going home with a goody bag FULL OF TOAST.

49:26 GO.

49:27 COME ON, RAJ.

49:28 YOU CAN DO THIS.

49:29 THERE'S NO WAY.

49:30 What is happening?

49:31 Okay, this is an Euler's disk.

49:32 It's a physics toy that demonstrates angular momentum,

49:34 potential energy, and kinetic energy.

49:37 Aw, look at you watching sports.

49:40 We're betting to see if Koothrappali can hold

49:41 his breath longer than the disk can spin.

49:43 Its weight and smoothness, along with the slight concavity of the mirror,

49:46 means it can spin for a long time.

49:48 But, Raj is from India, well, which means he's no slouch at holding his breath.

49:54 Okay, I want in.

49:54 10 bucks says I'll lose interest before that thing stops spinning.

49:59 Hey Sheldon, I found a great restaurant for date night.

50:01 I'm very kind of busy right now.

50:03 Oh, an Oilers disc.

50:05 Fun.

50:05 No, we're seeing if Raj can hold his breath longer than it.

50:09 [snorts]

50:08 Oh, immature.

50:11 How you doing?

50:13 He's not going to make it.

50:14 Yes, he is.

50:15 You know, deep sea divers holding their breath for several minutes

50:18 have shown elevated markers of a protein that can signal brain damage.

50:22 Yeah, see what's happening here?

50:23 Signals brain damage.

50:27 Oh my god, how long does this thing spin for?

50:29 Ha, you're interested.

50:29 You're at 10 bucks.

50:32 IT'S SLOWING DOWN.

50:33 DIG DEEP, like when we bet you couldn't fit in THE HOWARD'S PANTS.

50:39 HE'S NOT GOING TO MAKE IT.

50:40 YES, HE IS.

50:41 COME ON, RAJ.

50:42 IT'S LIKE YOUR FAVORITE MOVIE.

50:43 YOU'RE JUST WAITING TO EXHALE.

50:54 IS IT I JUST SO YOU KNOW, my favorite movie IS PRINCESS BRIDE.

51:01 KNIGHT TO Queen's Bishop five.

51:04 Oh, very nice.

51:05 What's Leonard going to do?

51:06 Does he give up the pawn or does he give up the position?

51:09 Let's find out.

51:10 Leonard, ready?

51:15 Ready.

51:16 Cool.

51:22 [laughter]

51:28 WOW.

51:29 [laughter] [laughter]

51:37 WOW.

51:37 WOW.

51:40 DAMN IT, I SLIPPED.

51:41 TOO BAD.

51:42 You know the rules of Secret Agent Laser Obstacle Chess.

51:46 The Leonard died again, Sheldon.

51:47 You're up.

51:48 Despite my deep love of chess, lasers, and aerosol disinfectant, I must forfeit.

51:54 Why?

51:54 [laughter] Because it's almost 11:00.

51:58 So?

51:58 So, Penny has a don't knock on my door

51:59 before 11:00 or I punch you in the throat rule.

52:06 [laughter] You know what would be a great idea?

52:09 We get some girls over here and play laser obstacle strip chess.

52:15 [laughter]

52:14 Believe me, Howard, any girl who would be willing

52:16 to play that, you don't want to see naked.

52:20 You underestimate me.

52:24 [laughter] [laughter] Yes!

52:45 [laughter] Sorry, guys, but secret agent laser obstacle launch is just stupid.

52:51 Let's play physics fiesta.

52:56 Oh, come on.

52:57 What is that?

52:58 It's a game that I just invented in which

53:01 the participants answer physics questions in remedial Spanish.

53:05 Um Donde esta el boson de Higgs?

53:10 En el acelerador de partículas.

53:14 Bueno mi amigo.

53:19 No.

53:19 No, we're not playing some dumb made up game.

53:21 Well, all games are made up.

53:23 They're not found in nature.

53:25 You know, it's dig in the ground,

53:27 come across a rich vein of Rock'em Sock'em Robots.

53:31 All right, I'm ready for my next question.

53:34 In a world where rhinoceroses are domesticated pets,

53:37 who wins the Second World War?

53:43 [laughter]

53:44 Uganda.

53:45 Defend.

53:45 Kenya rises to power on the export of rhinoceroses.

53:48 A Central African power block is formed colonizing North Africa and Europe.

53:52 When war breaks out, no one can afford the luxury of a rhino.

53:55 Kenya withers, Uganda triumphs.

54:01 Correct.

54:01 My turn.

54:04 In a world where a piano is a weapon,

54:07 not a musical instrument, on what did Scott Joplin play Leaf Rag?

54:13 Tuned bayonets.

54:17 Defend.

54:16 Isn't it obvious?

54:18 You're right.

54:18 My apologies.

54:20 [laughter] What the hell are you guys playing?

54:25 It's a game we invented.

54:26 It's called counterfactuals.

54:28 We postulate an alternate world that differs from ours in one key aspect,

54:32 and then post questions to each other.

54:33 It's fun for ages 8 to 80.

54:35 Join us.

54:38 [laughter]

54:38 All right.

54:38 I like a good brain teaser.

54:40 Give me a world.

54:41 You're in luck.

54:41 This is an easy one.

54:43 In a world where mankind is ruled by a giant intelligent beaver,

54:48 what food is no longer consumed?

54:55 Uh a BLT where the B stands for beaver?

54:58 Leonard, be serious.

54:59 We're playing a game here.

55:02 I can figure this out.

55:03 Let's see.

55:04 Um well, beavers eat tree bark.

55:07 The only tree bark I know that humans consume is cinnamon, so I'll say cinnamon.

55:12 Incorrect.

55:12 Obviously, the answer is cheese Danish.

55:19 What?

55:18 In a world ruled by a giant beaver,

55:20 mankind builds many dams to please the beaver overlord.

55:23 The low-lying city of Copenhagen is flooded.

55:26 Thousands die.

55:27 Devastated, the Danes never invent their namesake pastry.

55:32 [laughter] How does one miss that?

55:38 This is ridiculous.

55:39 You're just making stuff up.

55:41 Is he always like this when he loses?

55:43 Oh, yes.

55:43 You should have been here for the great Jenga tantrum of 2008.

55:48 [laughter] You bumped the table and you know it.

55:55 [cheering] Wow, Sheldon.

55:56 I cannot believe you made up your own game.

56:00 Oh, Research Lab is more than a game.

56:02 Like the slogan says, the physics is theoretical, but the fun is real.

56:09 We must not be playing it right.

56:12 All right, five.

56:13 1 2 3 4 5.

56:16 Oh, wow.

56:17 Look at that.

56:17 An apartment of Defense research grant is renewed.

56:22 Oh, great roll.

56:22 Now you can demolish your Soviet-style

56:24 cyclotron and build the large hadron collider.

56:30 Yay!

56:31 You're a natural at this, Penny.

56:32 And as the first beta testers, you two have quite the edge when

56:35 we play with Walowitz and Koothrappali on Sunday.

56:38 Oh, jeez, Sheldon.

56:40 I don't think we can play on Sunday.

56:42 Why not?

56:44 Because of the reasons that Penny will now tell you, Penny.

56:48 Actually, I have to pick up my friend Justin from the airport.

56:50 There you go.

56:51 She has to pick up her friend Justin at the airport

56:53 and I can't play cuz I'm going with her, right?

56:55 Um, yeah, if you want.

56:56 I mean, there may not be room.

56:57 He's got a lot of stuff, like guitars and amplifiers.

57:01 Wait.

57:02 What are you talking about?

57:04 My friend Justin.

57:05 Pay attention, Leonard.

57:05 That's why she can't play on Sunday.

57:08 Who is this Justin?

57:09 Your turn, Leonard.

57:09 I told you about him.

57:10 No, you didn't.

57:11 Roll the dice, Leonard.

57:12 Yeah.

57:12 My friend [laughter] from Omaha plays the guitar.

57:14 Anyways, he's coming to LA looking for some session work,

57:16 so I told him he could just crash on my couch for a few weeks.

57:18 Come on, Leonard.

57:19 If you roll a six, Penny dies horribly in a nuclear meltdown.

57:24 See what I mean?

57:24 You want to say the fun is real?

57:27 Hang on.

57:28 Some guy is going to be sleeping on your couch?

57:30 He's not some guy.

57:31 He's my friend.

57:33 So, by friend do you mean friend friend, gay friend,

57:37 or ex-boyfriend who you're not platonic with but still

57:39 might have a thing for you friend?

57:43 [laughter] Well, he's definitely not gay.

57:45 Definitely not gay musician sleeping on my girlfriend's couch.

57:49 Yippee.

57:51 Okay, we went out a little bit a long time ago,

57:53 but we were never like going out.

57:56 Okay, not to be pedantic,

57:57 but the last I checked went out was in fact the past tense of going out,

58:00 which I think we all know is a popular euphemism for saw each other naked.

58:06 I'll just roll for you.

58:09 You have a problem with Justin staying with me?

58:12 What was your first clue?

58:13 Uh-oh, industrial accident.

58:17 YOU KNOW WHAT?

58:17 DON'T TALK to me like I'm an idiot.

58:19 I'm not talking to you like you're an idiot.

58:20 I'm saying the whole idea is idiotic.

58:22 You accidentally stare at a helium-argon laser, lose one turn and a retina.

58:28 How is that not talking to me like I'm an idiot?

58:30 It's my friend, it's my couch, and it's my freaking life.

58:32 It's also your role.

58:35 [laughter] You know what?

58:35 It is your life.

58:36 If you want to have some stupid guitarist stay on your couch, then fine.

58:39 YOU KNOW, WHY DON'T YOU JUST rent some bunk beds and invite the Black EYED PEAS?

58:44 HEY, IF I WANT TO INVITE THE ENTIRE

58:45 LINEUP OF LOLLAPALOOZA to sleep in my apartment,

58:47 I will, and it's none of your business.

58:49 Are you listening to yourself?

58:50 Do you know how childish you sound right now?

58:52 Oh, now I'm a child.

58:53 Well, at least I'M NOT AN IDIOT ANYMORE.

58:54 THE TWO AREN'T MUTUALLY EXCLUSIVE.

58:56 OH, YOU ARE SUCH A WHAT THE HELL IS HE DOING?

59:00 HE'S DROWNING US OUT.

59:01 HE DOESN'T like fighting.

59:02 SHELDON, JUST STOP.

59:03 THE FIGHT IS OVER.

59:05 OH, AND FYI, YOU NEVER EVEN HEARD OF THE BLACK EYED PEAS UNTIL YOU MET ME.

59:09 I HEARD OF THEM.

59:12 DIDN'T KNOW THEY WERE A BAND.

59:16 SHELDON, SHE'S GONE.

59:17 YOU CAN TURN OFF THE BLENDER.

59:24 HAS YOUR relationship reached its inevitable ugly end?

59:30 No, we just had a little spat.

59:33 Look on the bright side.

59:34 As a result of Penny's forfeit,

59:36 you have become the world's first winner of research lab.

59:40 Would you like a commemorative snow cone?

59:43 [laughter] [music] [music]