Trump Chickens Out After Threatening a Whole Civilization with Death & Even Crazies Think He’s Crazy

0:03 I appreciate that.

0:05 Welcome.

0:05 Thank you for coming.

0:06 Thanks for all the yelling and all that stuff.

0:09 It's um on another another crazy day here in the United States of America.

0:17 Probably the most dangerous episode of the celebrity apprentice yet.

0:20 Today it was D-Day.

0:22 In this case, the D stands for dementia, but it was D-Day today.

0:26 We're coming to you from Los Angeles where local time is just after 5:00 p.m.

0:30 which was Trump's deadline for Iran to quote open

0:33 the effing straight or you'll be living in hell.

0:36 He gave a hard cutoff time of now of right now.

0:41 And then this morning he wrote, "A whole civilization will die tonight,

0:46 never to be brought back again." 4 months ago I agree.

0:52 I'm against civilizations being annihilated as well.

0:57 Thank you for taking A STAND.

1:02 REALLY, THIS IS THE SAME MAN THAT WAS just

1:04 he was bitching about losing the Nobel Peace Prize.

1:06 Now he's threatening a civilization with death.

1:09 He went from Mahatma Gandhi to General Zod like that.

1:12 And then so all day today everyone,

1:15 most notably the people of Iran were wondering

1:18 if their civilization was going to die tonight.

1:21 Well, good news, it didn't.

1:22 It was the Taco Tuesday of all Taco Tuesdays as our president

1:26 decided not to drop the Cheeto nuke for at least another 2 weeks.

1:33 He announced that at the request of Pakistan,

1:35 which has been facilitating negotiations, he was giving Iran 2 weeks to live.

1:39 This is how it goes every single time.

1:41 Trump says something insane.

1:42 He says, "I'm going to kill everybody tomorrow at 5:00 p.m." We

1:46 all freak out and then he back he's like, "You know what?

1:48 Actually, I'll kill everyone in 2 weeks." Then we relax

1:52 and then he forgets he ever said it in the first place.

1:55 He has the memory and the skin color

1:58 of a goldfish and maybe the worst part I mean,

2:04 we know he's a bananas, but maybe the worst part of all this is

2:08 how relaxed the congressional Republicans are are about it.

2:10 Now, he threatens to annihilate a civilization,

2:13 they're like, "Well, you know how he is.

2:14 He's he's a He's a big talker.

2:17 He yaps.

2:18 And it's always 2 weeks.

2:20 He's uh like a conscientious employee.

2:22 He always gives 2 weeks notice." I'll be making a big

2:26 decision on the Paris Accord over the next 2 weeks.

2:31 We're signing a healthcare plan within 2 weeks.

2:34 We're calling it the gold card and we're

2:36 going to start selling hopefully in about 2 weeks.

2:38 So, we can just sit down and I'll do this at some point over the next 2 weeks.

2:43 They would have a nuclear weapon within 2 weeks.

2:47 something in 2 weeks.

2:48 You'll have your approval in 2 weeks.

2:50 I could answer that question better in 2 weeks.

2:52 you know in about 2 weeks.

2:53 You can ask that question in 2 weeks.

2:56 Uh 2 weeks.

2:57 I think in 2 weeks we'll know which way I'm going.

3:02 Well, add another 2 weeker to the reel because it's 2 weeks.

3:07 No one has any idea of what the plan is.

3:09 This afternoon in the White House press secretary said,

3:11 "Only the president knows where things stand and what he

3:14 will do." And I don't even believe he knows that.

3:17 Trump said he would decimate Iranian power plants in such a way

3:21 that they will be burning and exploding never to be used again,

3:25 just like the toilets at Mar-a-Lago.

3:28 Attacking civilian power plants is a war crime under the Geneva Accords.

3:33 I guess he figures he's done all the other crimes,

3:35 well, he might as well do the war ones, too.

3:38 You know it's a war crime having a nuclear weapon.

3:41 Allowing a sick country with demented leadership have a nuclear weapon.

3:46 That's a war crime.

3:47 Then lock yourself up because that's the boat we are floating right now.

3:53 And then today Today he sat for an interview

3:58 with I don't actually know who it was,

4:00 but the reporter made the mistake of bringing their kid.

4:11 Hold on.

4:12 No, that's I that's guys, that's I'm sorry.

4:16 That was video of a different orangutan.

4:18 That was Well, welcome to the world, kid.

4:23 The fact that this man has us on the verge

4:25 of World War III is it's really incredible.

4:28 You know what Donald Trump was doing on this date, April 7th, 2004?

4:32 He was on the Tonight Show with Jay

4:34 Leno shaking hands with the gang from American Choppers.

4:37 Now he has nuclear bombs.

4:40 The Pope today, Pope Leo,

4:42 called Trump's threats against Iran truly unacceptable.

4:46 So, get ready for a strike on the Vatican very soon.

4:49 And even some prominent members of the nutcase community are

4:52 calling for him to be removed via the 25th Amendment.

4:55 Former Congresswoman Marjorie Taylor Greene, Candace Owens,

4:58 and his former communications director Anthony Scaramucci,

5:02 they're calling on the cabinet to implement the 25th Amendment.

5:05 Those people who are in direct contact with the president need to say, "No.

5:12 I'll resign.

5:14 I'll do whatever I can do legally to stop this because

5:17 this is insane." How do we 21st Amendment his ass?

5:21 The problem is to get the 25th Amendment is harder than impeachment.

5:23 You have to get 2/3 of the house and 2/3 of the Senate to permit do?

5:27 Uh tackle Trump and and pretend let him pretend he's president and publicly

5:32 report that he's going through a health issue and Pence take over.

5:36 It literally needs to be something like that.

5:38 It's that bad.

5:40 You know things are bad when the crazy

5:42 people think you're too crazy to be president.

5:46 I mean, what a plot twist.

5:49 It's like the Minions are suing Gru or something.

5:53 Many Trump voters are upset about this war he started.

5:56 They're saying, "We didn't vote for this." And the correct

5:58 response to that is, yes, you did.

6:00 It may not be what you voted for, but it is who you voted for.

6:03 And now it it's time to do something about it.

6:06 IT'S CUZ THE PRESIDENT STILL HAS MANY very passionate GOP aunts,

6:13 a swarm of sycophants competing to suckle his teeth,

6:16 including Senator and Disney adult Lindsey Graham,

6:19 who stopped by Hannity last night to give the war his full support, bro.

6:24 This time tomorrow night, they're either going to do a deal that makes sense

6:27 for the world and the region and for Iran itself,

6:31 or we're going to blow them um up.

6:35 Good The thing he added that up, you know, is You hear that, Iran?

6:40 Make a deal or you're going to blown by Lindsey Graham.

6:44 Oh.

6:46 Tough talk from a man who bought a Little Mermaid bubble wand last week.

6:50 And then you have this from yesterday.

6:51 This is a clip I shared last night.

6:53 I had to be I was just I was laughing this morning thinking about this clip.

6:57 Trump got some Hold on.

6:58 Some kids at the White House Easter egg roll.

7:01 And he saw a pen and went into a whole routine about Joe Biden.

7:07 You know, Biden would use the auto pen.

7:10 You'd have an auto pen follow him.

7:11 You know, Joe Biden he didn't sign.

7:13 He was incapable of signing his name.

7:15 So, they'd follow him around with this big machine.

7:17 You know what that's called?

7:19 An auto pen.

7:20 He's so good with kids.

7:22 He really knows how to talk to them.

7:24 He's like he reminds me of Miss Rachel in a lot of ways, you know?

7:27 So, that's the sort of thing you can't defend, right?

7:30 Objectively, it's a crazy thing to say to children.

7:33 Even his assiest kissers would roll their eyes at that moment, right?

7:37 You'd think, but if you did, you would be incorrect.

7:40 There are so many people saying,

7:41 "Why would Donald Trump speak to these young children about the laptop?

7:44 They don't care." Donald Trump is doing

7:47 what Republicans and Democrats refuse to do,

7:49 and that is to remind the American people about the deception and fraud

7:53 that Democrats perpetuated for 4 years when

7:56 they were covering up Joe Biden's cognitive decline.

7:58 She's so right.

7:59 You know, I was just dropping my son off at school the other day,

8:02 and not one of the second graders

8:04 knew anything about Joe Biden's cognitive decline.

8:07 They didn't know laptop.

8:08 They didn't even know about Ben Ghazi these kids.

8:11 I think there might be lead in Brianna's mascara.

8:14 And if the president thinks that any of this is going to distract us

8:18 from the fact that his name appears hundreds

8:20 of thousands of times in the Trump Epstein files, he's got another thing coming.

8:25 So, we learned today that Bill Gates and Secretary of Commerce

8:31 Howard Lutnick have been asked to testify before the House Oversight Committee.

8:35 Lutnick in May and Gates in June.

8:37 That goes against the wishes of Trump's

8:40 redacting acting Attorney General Todd Blanche,

8:42 who said the Trump Epstein files should not be a part of anything going forward,

8:49 but they will, whether he likes it or not.

8:51 You know, Todd Blanche, after Pam Bondi got fired,

8:54 um he got her job, uh Attorney General, on a temporary basis.

8:57 Today, a reporter asked if he wants that job for good,

9:00 and he had a lot of answers.

9:01 As to whether or not I want this job, I did not ask for this job.

9:05 I I love working for President Trump.

9:07 It's the greatest honor of a lifetime.

9:09 And if President Trump chooses to um keep me as acting, that's an honor.

9:14 If he chooses to nominate me, that's an honor.

9:17 If he chooses to nominate somebody else and I

9:19 go back to being the DAG, that's an honor.

9:21 If he chooses to nominate somebody else and asks me to go do something else,

9:25 I will say, "Thank you very much.

9:26 I love you, sir." Seems like he might be better off asking for Melania's job.

9:34 It's I feel like she would give it up gladly for Todd.

9:41 I have a dog named Todd.

9:42 He shouldn't be Attorney General, either.

9:45 Anyway, rest assured that the impartiality

9:47 and independence of the Justice Department is secure.

9:50 Meanwhile, in outer space, the crew of the Artemis 2 mission set a record

9:54 for traveling farther from Earth than any human ever has.

9:58 They went to the far side of the moon.

10:02 The bad news is they have to come back to Earth.

10:04 NASA think it's stay, but NASA said, "No, it's too expensive." Now,

10:08 one of the astronauts is a Canadian, Colonel Jeremy Hansen,

10:12 which was an opportunity for our fearless leader.

10:15 You know, whenever he hears the word Canadian,

10:18 he drops the name of his favorite MAGA hockey star.

10:21 Well, I have to say I spoke to a very special person,

10:24 Wayne Gretzky, who I think you know, the Great One.

10:27 And I spoke to your Prime Minister and many other friends I have in Canada.

10:32 They are so proud of you.

10:34 But they're very very proud of you.

10:58 Administrator Isaacman, just get a quick com check.

11:00 Make sure you guys are still on the line and we didn't have a handover.

11:03 I am.

11:04 Yeah, I am.

11:08 Please continue to hold.

11:10 An astronaut will be with you shortly.

11:11 I guess he had a Grubhub order.

11:13 He had to go to the door.

11:14 Meanwhile, as the president has been foaming at the mouth about Iran, J.D.

11:17 Vance went almost as far away as the astronauts.

11:20 He skedaddled off to Budapest to make a campaign

11:24 stop in support of Hungarian Prime Minister Viktor Orbán.

11:27 Orbán is running for re-election.

11:29 He is also an anti-immigrant, anti-free speech, anti-you name it guy.

11:34 But, Trump had better be careful cuz looks like J.D.

11:37 might have his Maybelline's on a younger and sexier strongman.

11:40 The relationship and friendship between Hungary

11:42 and the United States is very important to us in part because we love

11:46 the Hungarian people and this amazing nation culture,

11:49 but in part because the president loves you and and so do I.

11:55 All right.

11:56 Is everyone sufficiently uncomfortable?

11:59 J.D.

12:00 is about to move on Hungary like a futon with a hole in the seat.

12:04 So, then the Vice President spoke

12:07 at a rally in honor of Hungarian-American Friendship Day,

12:12 which to me is every day.

12:13 But, to J.D.

12:14 it was a chance to phone a friend,

12:16 his boss, the Hungary Hungary Hippo, Donald Trump.

12:19 So, before I started my remarks,

12:23 I actually had a special guest that asked that I give him a phone call.

12:28 And we'll see Let's hope he actually answers.

12:32 This is going to be very embarrassing.

12:36 All right.

12:37 I'm sorry, the person you were trying to reach has

12:39 a voicemail box that has not been set up yet.

12:42 Okay.

12:43 Try one more time.

12:45 Trump has him listed in his phone as do not pick up, so.

12:49 You know, J.D.

12:49 Vance, when you first got to know him, he seemed like a bit of a weirdo.

12:52 But, lately not only is he sharpening his ability to speak to other humans,

12:56 he's got a few jokes in the routine now.

12:58 And if you think the president has been killing,

13:00 well, wait till you get a load of J.D.

13:02 No one brings the funny like Vice President J.D.

13:06 Vance.

13:07 If we give Kamala Harris a promotion

13:09 and make her the president of the United States,

13:12 the southern border is going to look like Walmart on Black Friday,

13:15 ladies and gentlemen.

13:15 It's going to be no good.

13:17 Look out, snowflakes.

13:18 When J.D.'s on stage, no topic is off limits, not even soda.

13:23 Democrats say that it is racist to believe Well,

13:27 they say it's racist to do anything.

13:30 I had a diet Mountain Dew yesterday and wanted

13:32 to I'm sure they're going to call that racist too,

13:34 but This guy isn't just funny, he's also cool,

13:38 raves the weirdest guy in your office.

13:40 So, buckle in because his jokes are long as hell.

13:44 I knew exactly what I wanted to say,

13:46 but then after the president said that I was so smart and that I

13:49 didn't want to repeat our congresswoman who froze for 20 seconds over in Munich.

13:53 Now, I'm tempted, sir,

13:54 just to freeze for 20 seconds and just stare at the cameras

13:58 and maybe they'll say nice things about

14:00 me like they do about congresswoman Cortez.

14:05 But, live from the partially constructed East Wing of the White House, it's J.D.

14:10 Vance.

14:11 They don't call it a love seat for nothing.

14:13 Streaming now on Hobby Lobby Plus.

14:15 I'm not going to watch him anymore.

14:19 We got a good show tonight.

14:20 Scott Speedman is here and the new national

14:22 champion UCLA WOMEN'S BASKETBALL TEAM IS WITH US.

14:27 AND WE WILL BE RIGHT BACK WITH Oscar Isaac, so stick around.