in defense of the office's most misunderstood characters | The Office US | Comedy Bites

0:00 Hey Jan.

0:00 Not too good.

0:04 Oh.

0:04 Okay.

0:07 [applause]

0:07 And to you.

0:09 Roy proposed on Valentine's Day.

0:12 Well, he didn't actually do it in person.

0:13 He did it through one of the little Valentine ads in the paper.

0:17 And um it said uh it must have cost money by the word

0:22 because uh it only said Roy love Pam marriage {question mark}.

0:28 Which I think is great because it's not every

0:31 day that you get something that's both romantic and thrifty.

0:35 Well, we should all be really excited about our very own pizza party.

0:41 Pizza party!

0:43 Pizza party.

0:44 Pizza party.

0:46 And Harry saw the white hand raise its

0:48 wand and felt Voldemort's surge of vicious anger,

0:52 saw the frail old man on the floor writhe in agony.

0:57 Harry?

0:56 It was over as quickly as it had come.

0:58 Harry stood shaking in the darkness,

1:00 clutching the gate into the garden, his heart racing.

1:03 What was that display?

1:07 I don't know.

1:07 I just thought if I could throw this great garden party

1:11 and show you how respected I am that you'd be proud of me.

1:19 Andrew.

1:18 I know.

1:18 I know that you're proud of me.

1:21 I'm not going to tell you how impressed I am that you're

1:24 a manager of some rinky-dink branch

1:27 of a paper company in Scranton, Pennsylvania.

1:30 How long are you going to go on needing my approval?

1:33 You're a grown man.

1:35 Don't act like a little boy who needs you.

1:38 Well, this brings us to Jan.

1:40 Truth or Dare?

1:41 Tell us about your divorce.

1:42 Oh, no, Michael.

1:43 Michael.

1:44 Michael.

1:45 Michael, please.

1:46 No.

1:46 Oh.

1:47 Really.

1:47 Hey, you so you're not going to play.

1:48 She's not playing.

1:49 She's not playing the game.

1:50 We've been fighting for a while.

1:51 He didn't want kids.

1:52 I knew that going into it, but he also knew that I did.

1:55 So, I guess I thought that he would change his mind.

1:57 He thought that I would change mine.

1:59 You didn't.

2:01 I was stupid.

2:03 No.

2:03 No, you were not stupid.

2:06 Gould was stupid.

2:09 Right?

2:08 That's right.

2:09 And you were really brave.

2:11 I mean, you you put your arms out there.

2:13 You slit your wrist.

2:14 That's true.

2:15 You said, "World, this is my blood.

2:17 It's red, just like yours.

2:19 So, love me."

2:21 Has anyone started calling you Gabe-wad yet?

2:23 Not here.

2:23 No.

2:26 Gabe-wad?

2:26 Okay, guys.

2:27 Fun is fun, but Dunder Mifflin, this is Pam.

2:29 Has Michael checked in?

2:30 Oh, hey Dwight.

2:31 I asked you a question.

2:33 No, he hasn't.

2:35 Goodbye.

2:35 No, wait.

2:35 Um hey, while you're out,

2:36 could you pick up some paper towels and chocolate syrup?

2:39 We have ice cream, so I thought we could

2:40 Pam, this isn't a shopping trip.

2:41 This is a manhunt {slash} rescue mission.

2:44 Okay, I just when you're done or anytime it's convenient,

2:46 I just thought since you're out

2:48 Pam, I'm obviously going to get that stuff for you, so just shut up.

2:50 Okay, well, it wasn't off

2:53 Oh, thank god.

2:53 I had a horrible nightmare that I was stuck in America with Gabe.

3:00 [laughter]

2:59 Sorry I annoyed you with my friendship.

3:02 I'm a candle maker, BUT YOU DON'T HEAR ME BRAGGING ABOUT IT.

3:05 DO YOU have any other place you could stay, maybe with one of your friends here?

3:11 Michael can come home with me.

3:19 Hi Dad.

3:21 Oh, boy.

3:21 I've never told you that I love you.

3:24 Do you want to hear

3:25 to Jim?

3:26 This contract says no.

3:29 What's up?

3:32 Hi.

3:32 Are you still mad at me?

3:35 Why?

3:35 Come on.

3:36 Cut it out.

3:36 Come on.

3:37 Are you mad at me?

3:37 Stop it.

3:38 Are you Are you still mad at me now?

3:39 Cut it out.

3:39 Are you mad at me now?

3:41 [laughter]

3:42 Huh?

3:42 Come on.

3:43 Come on, Pammy.

3:45 Stop it, Jim.

3:45 just kidding.

3:46 You know I didn't mean it.

3:49 [laughter] Jim's a great guy.

3:50 He's like a brother to me.

3:51 We're like best friends in the office and I really hope he finds someone.

3:57 Oh, you rich people.

3:57 You think you can do whatever you want to the servant class.

4:00 Don't turn this into a political thing.

4:01 I will poison your food.

4:03 I know this place.

4:04 I know how many hospitals we have, I know the schools we have.

4:09 It's home, you know?

4:11 I know the challenges this county's up against.

4:14 Here's the thing about those discount suppliers.

4:16 They don't care.

4:17 They come in, they undercut everything, and they run us out of business,

4:21 and then once we're all gone, they jack up the prices.

4:25 I know.

4:25 It's sad.

4:27 It's terrible.

4:26 It is.

4:27 You know what?

4:27 It really is.

4:29 Uh I don't know.

4:32 I guess I could give you guys our business,

4:34 but you have to meet me halfway, okay?

4:36 Because they're expecting me to make cuts.

4:41 Well, Corbin's going to go ballistic, but uh you think we could, Jan?

4:47 People underestimate Michael.

4:48 There are plenty of things that he is well above average at.

4:51 Like ice skating.

4:53 He is a very good ice skater.

4:57 Beauty.

4:57 Thank you, sir.

4:58 That's a lot of Thank you, all.

5:03 You're dressed exactly like the servants.

5:07 Okay, change shirts up.

5:10 Wait.

5:10 I don't think yours will fit me.

5:12 I don't care.

5:20 Oh, wow.

5:23 Yeah.

5:24 And don't wear my jacket on.

5:25 Don't give me that.

5:27 That would have been really embarrassing.

5:30 Yes.

5:30 Crisis averted.

5:33 Okay.

5:32 Math is for boys.

5:34 I need girl talk.

5:38 Did someone say girl talk?

5:41 Sometimes I wonder if I have ovaries

5:43 in my scrotum because I am great at girl talk.

5:47 Have you guys been watching any good Korean soap operas?

5:50 I'm pretty deep into He Jin's Cinderella Girl,

5:52 although I definitely fast forward through the Young Tae storylines.

5:56 Do you think I'd like that?

5:57 Or is it important to have an Asian fetish?

5:59 Uh I think you're going to need to have an Asian fetish.

6:02 Yeah.

6:04 [laughter]

6:03 It'll be upsetting if you don't.

6:05 If I could menstruate, I wouldn't have to deal with idiotic calendars anymore.

6:09 I'd just be able to count down from my previous cycle.

6:12 Plus I'd be more in tune with the moon and the tides.

6:14 How well I remember the look that was in his eyes.

6:20 Stealing kisses from me on the slide.

6:23 Taking time to make time.

6:25 Telling me that he's all mine.

6:28 Learning from each other's knowing.

6:31 Looking to see how much we've got at the old

6:34 So let's just all laugh together and watch Lazy Scranton.

6:40 Fitting in hours with a PLATE OF GRILLED BACON.

6:42 CALLING ME AND FRANK JUST TO SEE WHAT WAS SHAKING.

6:44 YO, MY HOMETOWN IS DOPE AND PRETTY.

6:47 So check out how we live.

6:48 GIVE ME ELECTRIC CITY.

6:50 THEY CALL IT SCRANTON.

6:51 WHAT?

6:51 THE ELECTRIC CITY.

6:53 SCRANTON.

6:54 WHAT?

6:54 THE ELECTRIC CITY.

6:55 CALL POISON control if you're BIT BY A SPIDER.

6:58 BUT CHECK THAT IT'S COVERED BY YOUR HEALTH CARE

7:01 PROVIDER.

7:00 YOU GOT COAL MINES AND YOU WANT TO see them.

7:03 Well, check it out, yo.

7:04 The Anthracite Museum.

7:06 Plenty of space in the parking lot.

7:08 But the little cars GO IN THE COMPACT SPOT.

7:11 SPOT.

7:11 SPOT.

7:13 WHAT HAPPENED?

7:16 Accidentally ate some seahorses.

7:20 How much?

7:22 I don't know.

7:23 It's powdered, so like four or five.

7:26 I don't know.

7:28 I've got just the thing.

7:37 This one's called Earthrise on the Moon.

7:41 Oh.

7:42 [music] That's so beautiful.

7:48 Do you want to give Michael your urine?

7:52 I want him to have all the urine he needs.

7:55 All right, I stole your diary and gave it to my lawyer.

7:58 You emailed a topless photo of me to everyone in our company.

8:01 Let's call it even.

8:03 Fine.

8:03 I love you.

8:04 I love you, TOO.

8:06 THAT'S NOT APPROPRIATE.

8:09 UNCOOL.

8:10 UNCOOL, DWIGHT.

8:15 [screaming] OKAY.

8:15 OKAY, COME ON.

8:15 LET'S GO.

8:18 If you change your mind, I'll be first in line.

8:24 Honey, I'm still free.

8:26 Take a chance on [singing] me.

8:28 If you need me, let me know.

8:31 Going to be around.

8:33 If you got no place to go, if you're feeling down.

8:38 If you're all alone.

8:40 When the pretty birds have flown, honey, I'm still free.

8:45 Take a chance on me.

8:47 Going to do my very [singing] best, and that ain't no lie.

8:52 If you put me to the test, if you let me try.

8:56 Take a chance on me.

8:59 [singing] That's all I ask of you, Angela.

9:03 Take a chance.

9:06 Take a chance.

9:10 On me.

9:17 I can't believe my breath smells Are you trying to hurt my feelings?

9:23 Because if so, you are succeeding.

9:25 Fortunately, my feelings regenerate at twice the speed of a normal man's.

9:28 What's the upside?

9:29 I overcome my nausea, fall deeply in love,

9:31 babies normal, say no more self-loathing.

9:34 Downside?

9:36 I date Michael Scott publicly and collapse in on myself like a dying star.

9:41 You give me a gift, bam, thank you note.

9:43 You invite me somewhere, pow, RSVP.

9:46 You do me a favor, wham, favor returned.

9:51 Do not test my politeness.

9:53 Whether you're scared of dying or dying alone, Okay, so this is going to happen.

9:59 You're going to suck it up.

10:00 Here we go.

10:01 And we're going to go to dinner.

10:02 Okay.

10:02 And then we're going to go to the movies.

10:03 Sounds good.

10:04 Hey, help her.

10:08 Hey.

10:13 RIGHT.

10:13 RIGHT, GET

10:14 [screaming] [cough]

10:23 PAM, PLEASE CALL SECURITY.

10:26 EVERY day for eight years I have brought pepper spray

10:29 into this office to protect myself and my fellow employees.

10:33 And every day for eight years people have laughed at me.

10:37 Well, who's laughing now?

10:48 Jan, he went running that way.

10:55 Runaway train, never coming back.

11:00 Runaway and I'm never coming back.

11:05 Michael?

11:05 Hey, Jan.

11:08 What's going on?

11:11 Not much.

11:13 What's up with you?

11:14 Well, why are you sitting on a train?

11:16 Where are you going?

11:16 I'm out of answers, Jan.

11:19 What does that mean?

11:20 I told you, no more answers.

11:23 This is who I am now.

11:27 A guy on a train with no answers.

11:30 I hope that can be enough for you.

11:32 Michael, come on.

11:34 Running away from your problems won't solve anything.

11:37 You know that.

11:37 I don't know that.

11:38 Your creditors can follow you anywhere with ease.

11:41 Your debt follows you around the world electronically.

11:44 I'll stay off the grid.

11:45 Oh, Michael, come on.

11:47 Come on, you can deal with this.

11:48 It's not that bad.

11:52 Yeah, it is.

11:55 It is.

11:56 I really messed up.

12:01 Well, when when my life fell apart and they and they screwed me

12:07 in New York and I felt like my whole world was collapsing around me,

12:09 I didn't have anyone.

12:11 I mean, my whole family still won't even talk to me on the advice

12:14 of counsel and my friends were just waiting for this to happen.

12:18 That's really nice for you to say.

12:20 Michael, no.

12:21 What I want to say is you were there for me.

12:26 By my side.

12:29 Without even a thought.

12:32 That's just who you are.

12:38 I mean, no matter how badly I treat you or what I'm going through,

12:45 you just you are there for me.

12:48 And that is a guy worth staying beside.

12:55 So, where's this train taking us?

13:01 I think I think the engineer left.

13:07 Good morning.

13:07 Dwight Schrute.

13:08 Thank you all for your prayers and your remembrances.

13:12 Like Justin and his disfigurement, I too have had a horrible year.

13:16 They say that the middle class is disappearing and with it the soul of America.

13:23 So, as a gift to this beautiful congregation,

13:26 I would like to offer a 4% discount on all Dunder

13:29 Mifflin Sabre products if you buy a printer at full price.

13:34 This is where I used to keep my computer.

13:36 Oh, right.

13:37 I remember with the picture.

13:38 Yeah.

13:38 Yeah, yeah, but I I switched stuff around

13:41 because I actually needed like more room for organization.

13:45 Sure.

13:44 This is like um I think it is.

13:49 Hey.

13:49 Hey, handsome.

13:51 You look great.

13:51 Oh, thank you.

13:52 So, you ready for dinner?

13:55 Well, you know, actually I kind of need to stall a bit,

13:58 but it's okay because I am very used to killing time.

14:03 [laughter]

14:03 I'm going to go wait in the parking lot

14:05 and what kind of tunes you want for the ride?

14:07 Classical or oldies?

14:09 Oh, anything is fine.

14:11 All right.

14:11 We'll see you.

14:16 So, which one is Jim?

14:20 Just wanted to know.

14:22 All right.

14:22 Okay.

14:23 10 minutes.

14:24 Okay.

14:25 go to dinner.

14:25 I'll make myself busy.

14:26 You'd rather have somebody else's sperm in my sperm.

14:28 No, no, no.

14:29 It's not that just any sperm bank.

14:32 I mean, it's really This is a really, really great place.

14:35 It's amazing, actually.

14:37 I'm going to bring you the catalog.

14:38 You should look through it.

14:39 It's In fact, it's right next to that little breakfast place

14:43 that you like in the city where you can draw on the tables.

14:47 IHOP.

14:50 IHOP.

14:49 If I was 22 and I had lots of time to have lots of children, then sure,

14:53 let's let Michael have a shot at one,

14:55 but honestly, I need to make this one count.

14:57 Noticed you've had a great year.

14:59 You're a good boy.

15:00 You turning that money into more money?

15:05 Are you referring to alchemy?

15:07 I just wish I had a special telephone so

15:09 I could find out exactly what the little soybean wants.

15:12 Right?

15:13 Hey, little soybean, what do you want?

15:16 Right?

15:17 How do I felt a kick.

15:21 Oh, that's great.

15:22 Oh my gosh, like a little magical foot just high five me.

15:26 Yeah, that'll happen.

15:27 Oh my gosh, it's like he's trying to say,

15:30 "I love you, too, Daddy." I love you, too.

15:33 Sometimes we're so excited, we forget where we are.

15:36 Like at a business meeting.

15:40 Message received, little soybean.

15:41 What is the most inspiring thing I've ever said to you?

15:44 Don't be an idiot.

15:46 Changed my life.

15:48 Whenever I'm about to do something, I think,

15:50 "Would an idiot do that?" And if they would, I do not do that thing.

15:57 Guys, what's going on?

15:58 Nothing.

15:58 What's up?

16:00 [laughter] I'm going to hang with you guys for a bit.

16:02 You guys are such jackasses sometimes.

16:04 Imagine there's a princess who falls for a guy beneath her station,

16:07 and the queen doesn't like this at all.

16:09 And the princess knows that the queen doesn't like it,

16:11 and so it makes her want to do it all the more just to get at the queen.

16:15 Am I the princess?

16:15 No, I'm the princess and the queen.

16:18 I begged Dwight and Jim to give me Erin for Secret Santa,

16:21 and I decided to give Erin the 12 Days of Christmas.

16:24 Is it my fault that the first eight days there was basically 30 birds?

16:32 Could we please pull over and pull down the top?

16:34 I do not feel good.

16:35 you I'm not putting the top down.

16:38 Oh, I'm going to puke.

16:39 I think I'm going to All right, fine.

16:40 Just a second.

16:40 Hold on.

16:46 Question, what's the most important appliance in your house?

16:49 Meat grinder.

16:50 Too slow?

16:51 It's the toilet.

16:54 Okay, Michael, I can offer you a 12% raise, but you have got to ask for 15.

17:02 Well, that's ridiculous.

17:03 I'm never going to be

17:03 No, just I just need you to ask for it, so I can record that you asked for it.

17:10 Okay?

17:13 Aw, so.

17:26 So I used all four parts recorded on my computer.

17:30 Wow, took me forever.

17:32 Nice job.

17:33 Thank you muchly.

17:41 You going to answer it?

17:45 I think I'll let myself.

17:46 Just thought you'd get a kick out of the new ring.

17:50 Yikes.

17:49 Welcome to my man cave.

17:52 I did my senior year abroad in Japan.

17:54 Best year of my life.

17:55 you play?

17:58 Uh.

17:57 I like to create soundscapes.

17:59 Imagine one instant of a song expanded to be the size of the universe.

18:04 I can't even do that.

18:05 These walls, they used to be like white, like an asylum.

18:08 So, I wanted it to be softer, so I had it painted in eggshell white.

18:11 Andy, don't go in there.

18:12 I'm going in there.

18:19 I know that every time I talk to you, things just seem to get worse.

18:24 But, you don't know these people and I do.

18:27 And if I let you work with faulty information,

18:30 well, then I'm not doing my job as regional manager.

18:33 So, please take this pen and change your list.

18:37 I'm not going to change my list, Andy, and I don't use ballpoint pens.

18:43 Well, then I will make a new list for you.

18:51 Stanley.

18:52 You may think he's a lazy grump,

18:54 but did you know that he has the most

18:55 consistently high sales numbers of anyone in this office?

18:59 And you may think he's hard to love,

19:00 but did you know that he's in not one, but two long-term romantic relationships?

19:05 I did not know about the sales figures.

19:07 Meredith Palmer, supplier relations.

19:10 The word no not even in her vocabulary.

19:13 And just to show you that I'm being fair, you had Gabe in the loser column.

19:16 I think that is astute.

19:19 Good call.

19:21 Pam.

19:23 Easily the most creative and kind person I have ever worked with.

19:28 Jim, shut the door.

19:29 This is just gross.

19:31 Shh.

19:31 Erin Hannon, the receptionist and my closest confidant.

19:35 A winner if there ever was one.

19:37 I like my new group.

19:41 I liked my old group.

19:43 Are we done?

19:45 Yes.

19:46 No.

19:46 The Friday before Columbus Day, we're going to take a half day so

19:50 that everyone can get a jump on the long weekend.

19:52 You want a three and a half day weekend for Columbus Day.

19:55 Yes, I do.

19:57 I hear them kissing all the time.

19:59 It's this horrible clipping sound.

20:00 No, it's like Chinese water torture.

20:02 It's just Like it's coming from my own head.

20:05 You guys, it's like we're in high school and we're at the cool table.

20:10 [laughter]

20:11 Right?

20:12 Yeah.

20:12 Pam, were you a cheerleader?

20:13 No, she was totally a Miss Artsy-Fartsy in high school.

20:17 She wore the turtleneck and everything.

20:19 That's hilarious.

20:21 [laughter]

20:21 That's hilarious.

20:22 Where'd you go to school?

20:24 Bishop O'Hara.

20:24 Hislop who cares a We played you.

20:28 You You really look familiar.

20:30 Did you You cheered for them, didn't you?

20:33 Mhm, no.

20:35 Yes, I did.

20:37 A W E A W E Awesome, awesome is what we are.

20:42 We're the football superstars.

20:44 A W E I remember that.

20:45 It was like crushing you like 42-10.

20:48 Hey, why don't we find like a quieter place to hang out?

20:51 I have no idea.

20:51 I just got to wait for Daryl to do a shot.

20:53 Just a minute.

20:54 COME ON.

20:54 DARYL!

20:55 DARYL!

20:56 I'd like to be engaged.

20:58 How did you manage [music] to pull that off?

21:01 Um Uh I've been engaged for 3 years and there's no end in sight.

21:07 So, you don't want to ask my advice.

21:10 Hey everybody, um can I have your attention for just a second?

21:14 You listen to me for a second.

21:15 We were up at the front and we were talking about this really important and Pam,

21:20 um I think enough is enough.

21:23 I think we should set a date for our wedding.

21:26 How about June 10th?

21:28 WOO!

21:27 COME ON, LET'S DO IT.

21:29 I don't know.

21:29 COME ON, BABY.

21:32 YEAH!

21:32 YEAH!

21:33 YEAH!

21:40 [cheering]

21:39 I LOVE YOU, BABY.

21:45 FREAK, I NEED A FAVOR.

21:46 WELL, then you have to call me by my name, Gabriel Susan Lewis.

21:50 to be gone for a few minutes.

21:51 You make sure that Packer does not sleep with Nellie.

21:54 What's in it for GSL?

21:55 You really want Packer as your boss?

21:57 Got it.

21:59 Hi Jan.

22:00 You look tan.

22:04 I was in Scottsdale visiting my sister.

22:09 Yeah?

22:09 How was it?

22:11 Very sunny.

22:13 Family's important.

22:14 You son of a[ __] Jan, this isn't the time I'm going to interview.

22:19 Where the hell do you get off?

22:22 Frankly, it's overdue.

22:24 Your behavior in the last 2 years has been completely erratic.

22:29 Erratic?

22:29 Recently, you don't even show an interest in your work.

22:31 You smoke constantly in your office.

22:33 You spend most of the day online shopping.

22:35 You disappear for hours at a time, sometimes days,

22:37 always saying you're visiting your sister in Scottsdale.

22:40 You go to Scranton far more often than you need

22:42 Is it because of these?

22:43 Woah, hey.

22:44 Woah, Jan.

22:45 to know.

22:45 I want TO KNOW BECAUSE IF IT IS, then then then I will see you in court.

22:49 It's not.

22:51 No.

22:50 It's not.

22:59 You know what?

22:59 I don't

23:10 [crying]

23:23 I love to draw.

23:25 And I I did a little in college and I'd still love to do

23:28 something where I could work with art or graphic design in some way.

23:31 She's real good.

23:32 You know, the company is offering a design training program in New York.

23:37 Well, I have a job right now, so I can't really take time off.

23:40 it's only on weekends and then a few weeks in New York,

23:42 but I'm sure that I could ask corporate to help you out.

23:46 Well, it's just that the weekends aren't good because um

23:48 there are always a million reasons not to do something.

23:55 RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!

23:58 IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE THE WORLD WAS TURNING.

24:01 RYAN STARTED THE FIRE!

24:04 IT WAS ALWAYS BURNING SINCE EVERYBODY WAS TURNING.

24:09 WALK AWAY,[ __]

24:16 What do you think?

24:17 Let me check.

24:20 Oh, nope.

24:21 Clearly a hunter.

24:22 Knows how to throw an outfit together.

24:24 Thank you.

24:25 Yes, I'm taking Andy hunting after work.

24:28 Not long ago, we were sexual competitors.

24:30 I used to hate him, hate him, hate him, hate him.

24:34 I studied him to figure out why I hated him so much.

24:37 But that blossomed into a very real friendship, as these things often do.

24:42 Why am I here, Michael?

24:45 In the last year, I've gone through a divorce,

24:48 an identity theft, a husband who would not communicate.

24:53 This is neither here nor there.

24:54 My psychiatrist thinks that I have some self-destructive

24:57 tendencies and that for once I should indulge them.

25:00 You following me?

25:03 Uh uh yes.

25:04 I think I owe it to myself to find some kind of happiness.

25:10 You know, I mean even even if it means

25:13 lowering my expectations or or redefining the word itself.

25:20 Okay.

25:18 This is the thing, you know, I am attracted to you.

25:24 I I got I got I don't know why.

25:25 I but I am and I need to follow my instincts.

25:32 At least that's what Dr.

25:33 Perry thinks.

25:34 Happy birthday to game.

25:35 Oh, get out, skeleton man.

25:41 One, two, three, up chickens.

25:43 Down chickens.

25:44 Yo, I think I heard the quarter over here.

25:46 Where?

25:46 On this side.

25:47 No, it is definitely under one of these hands.

25:49 of heard it on Rose's side, too.

25:51 No, it is here.

25:53 It's not here.

25:54 Not here.

25:55 Not here.

25:55 Not here.

25:57 Good thing you didn't listen to me.

25:59 Yeah, close one.

26:00 Not here.

26:02 Not here.

26:03 Hey, it's either here or here.

26:10 Not here.

26:12 [screaming] I can read you like a book.

26:16 Oh, yeah.

26:17 Yeah, you can't keep anything from me.

26:21 [laughter] Bottoms up.

26:22 Just so you know, I don't care where we get married.

26:25 I'll marry you right here in this building.

26:27 I'll marry you in the parking lot.

26:29 I'll marry you in the eye of a hurricane,

26:31 in the middle of a snowstorm, on top of a monsoon.

26:38 All I care about is that we're going to spend the rest of our lives together.

26:49 Ew.

26:51 I know I haven't made this easy on you.

27:07 And what do we have here?

27:10 From my secret admirer.

27:11 That's you.

27:14 Correct.

27:14 I dominate Valentine's Day.

27:15 I practically make romance into a science.

27:19 Roses are red, violets are blue, look in the vase to find your first clue.

27:22 Oh my gosh, it's a romantic scavenger hunt.

27:24 Um close.

27:25 It's a romantic treasure hunt.

27:26 A scavenger hunt is where you find items from a master list.

27:29 This is where you follow clues that lead to a prize.

27:31 Come on, miss you.

27:32 Good luck.

27:33 But there's no clue.

27:34 Well, get to work.

27:36 I can't cuz there's no clue.

27:37 The The puzzle is the clue.

27:41 So I talked to this scout.

27:43 Looks good.

27:45 Mhm.

27:44 I haven't signed anything.

27:45 Hey, baby.

27:48 Hey.

27:47 Good Larry Bird.

27:49 Larry legend.

27:50 Oh yeah.

27:51 Yeah, he's he's pretty good, huh?

27:56 Oh.

27:56 Yeah, let's get you into a tub.

27:58 Yeah, that's a good idea.

27:59 A tub.

28:03 [panting] Wait, why [snorts] are you limping?

28:05 I don't know.

28:06 Let's get some raw meat on that face.

28:08 I've got a chicken in the freezer upstairs.

28:10 Good.

28:10 Good.

28:10 Just keep it on there for another 5 minutes.

28:11 [clears throat] Let the swelling go down.

28:15 [gasps]

28:15 Oh, thank you.

28:16 Thanks.

28:17 I owe you one, Dwight.

28:21 Fire Jim.

28:24 No.

28:23 I'm cashing in the favor.

28:25 Fire him.

28:25 What are you talking Do it.

28:27 Promote me.

28:27 Try managers.

28:29 Forget that.

28:29 have an office?

28:31 No.

28:31 You know what?

28:31 You can keep your stupid favor.

28:32 It's worthless.

28:34 And this is my dinner on your face.

28:35 I'm keeping it.

28:36 My name is Andy Bernard and I'm a cuckold.

28:38 For those of you unfamiliar with William Shakespeare,

28:40 a cuckold is a man whose woman is cheating on him.

28:43 I've lived the part.

28:46 And let me tell you I would so much rather play the part on stage.

28:52 So, here's the thing about infidelity.

28:55 No, no.

28:56 When are you people going to stop casting the first stone?

28:59 I am not in the wrong here.

29:01 I am the good guy.

29:02 How's that work?

29:04 Do you think this husband is a super sweet, nice guy?

29:07 Do you think he's an angel?

29:09 I don't think so.

29:10 Why is his wife going off and having a little something something with me?

29:15 There has to be a problem with him.

29:19 In any cheating movie, the person getting cheated on is the hero.

29:23 You're Ali Larter, I'm Beyoncé.

29:25 I am Beyoncé, always.

29:26 Not in this time.

29:27 Yes, I am.

29:28 This guy's a high school baseball coach, right?

29:31 Let's go check him out.

29:32 See what a horrible person he is.

29:33 I would love that.

29:35 Yeah.

29:35 Those teams have games and practices every day.

29:36 Let's go check it out.

29:38 I have work to do.

29:39 Oh, really?

29:39 I thought you were the boss.

29:42 Let's go.

29:44 Let's go.

29:44 Stay fast.

29:55 Chicken or fish?

29:59 [sighs] Chicken.

30:03 So, you uh having a good day?

30:05 Excellent.

30:06 Thanks.

30:08 Good.

30:08 I'm glad.

30:12 Okay.

30:18 Yeah, I didn't go through with the wedding.

30:19 I got cold feet a few days before, and I can't really explain it.

30:24 I just had to get out of that relationship.

30:27 We still had to pay for all the food, so we froze it.

30:31 But, I'm I'm doing well.

30:34 I have my own apartment, and I'm taking art classes,

30:38 and I have lunch for the next 5 weeks.

30:41 After Pam dumped me, um I kind of stopped taking care of myself for a while

30:46 there and uh I hit bottom when uh I drunk driving arrest.

30:54 I've been working out and um you know, I'm not going to take her for granted.

31:05 I got to win her back.

31:09 Hey.

31:12 Hi.

31:11 You you look nice.

31:16 Thanks.

31:15 Isn't that like your third soda today?

31:21 [music] They don't make these cords in boot cut anymore.

31:34 Mommy, you're a princess.

31:36 [singing] Mommy, you're a superstar.

31:42 Mommy, YOU'RE THE GREATEST.

31:45 [screaming]

31:46 HOW COULD I ever fill your shoes?

31:54 Wow.

31:54 Your voice is as lovely as ever.

31:58 Aw.

31:58 And it is so cute how she signs her name.

32:01 Well, that that was that was me, too.

32:03 Oh, okay.

32:04 It's just that's how Cece does it with the backwards E's.

32:07 Cece can't spell her name.

32:09 Oh, actually she can.

32:10 Well, it's not really much of a comparison, is it?

32:11 I mean, Cece is two letters and Astrid is I mean,

32:15 there's even some adults who who who can't spell it.

32:18 Of course.

32:19 Can you spell it?

32:21 Try to spell it, Pam.

32:24 Um A X I don't You got me.

32:30 Don't patronize me.

32:32 I'm so sorry.

32:32 I hate this.

32:33 You're better.

32:36 Have you guys seen her?

32:37 She hasn't popped yet.

32:39 What?

32:39 Ah, damn it.

32:41 She was supposed to come out yesterday.

32:43 I decided to give baby Halpert a newspaper from the day she was born.

32:47 This frame set me back 55 bones.

32:50 But she decided to take her sweet time,

32:52 so now I have to switch it with today's paper.

32:57 Chelsea, give Mr.

32:58 Lincoln your hat so I can take a picture.

33:01 Okay.

33:01 Quick.

33:03 Hey.

33:04 Lincoln's starting.

33:07 Oh, uh no.

33:08 No, no, no, no.

33:08 I'm a I'm actually with a tour group myself, so Hello.

33:14 Uh I'm Abraham Lincoln.

33:17 Some people call me the Great Emancipator,

33:19 but uh you might know me from the penny.

33:23 I just don't understand.

33:25 It's 1865.

33:27 Victory is ours.

33:28 I have saved the very soul of our nation, and yet happiness eludes me.

33:38 Perhaps a trip to the theater will enliven my spirits.

33:42 No!

33:42 Abe and Mary are seated watching the show.

33:47 Oh, Mary, this is wonderful.

33:51 Okay, Mary.

33:52 Stop your scolding.

33:53 I'll be quiet.

33:55 I need her like I need a hole in the head.

34:06 BANG!

34:11 [applause] [applause]

34:25 ATTEND THE TALE OF SWEENEY TODD.

34:28 His skin's pale and his eye was odd.

34:32 Yes.

34:32 shaved the faces of gentlemen who never thereafter were heard of again.

34:37 He trod that few have trod.

34:40 It's Sweeney Todd.

34:43 The demon barber of Fleet Street.

34:46 Did you write this?

34:48 No.

34:48 Who did?

34:48 Stephen Sondheim.

34:49 Who is he?

34:50 Swing your razor wide, Sweeney.

34:54 [music] Hold it to the skies.

34:58 [singing]

34:58 Sweeney,

35:00 [music] bold and bright, the blood of those who died.

35:04 [singing]

35:04 What the hell is happening?

35:06 We are the cast of Sweeney Todd, the demon barber of Fleet Street.

35:09 We open in a couple of weeks at the Loose Goose Playhouse here in Scranton,

35:11 and today just doing a WEE BIT OF VIRAL MARKETING.

35:18 [laughter]

35:16 A TALE, a tale of Sweeney Todd.

35:20 He served a dark and a vengeful god.

35:22 He served a dark and a vengeful god.

35:26 What happens then?

35:27 Well, that's the play, and he wouldn't want us to give it away.

35:32 THAT'S SWEENEY TODD.

35:35 THE DEMON BARBER OF FLEET STREET.

35:38 STREET.

35:41 YES, I have acted before.

35:43 I was in a production of Oklahoma in the seventh grade.

35:46 I played the part of Mutie the mailman.

35:50 They had too many kids, so they made up roles like that.

35:54 I was good.

35:56 So, these are your cheeses, your hams,

35:58 your sausages, your herbs, and your vegetables.

36:01 Here's what's been done.

36:02 Let's start creating.

36:03 Sometimes it helps to think of a part of the world Okay.

36:05 Okay.

36:06 Okay.

36:06 Okay.

36:07 Game like Santa Claus a lot.

36:10 And he cooks in an oven.

36:13 And all that jazz.

36:14 I just have a different lifestyle.

36:22 Hey.

36:23 [snorts]

36:23 Playing our song, huh?

36:26 Yeah, that's weird.

36:27 But, they only played the police.

36:29 I know.

36:32 I gave him 20 bucks.

36:37 You want to dance?

36:47 [music] [music] [singing]

36:58 Hey, you want to get out of here?

37:15 You would have done the same.

37:16 You just didn't think of it first.

37:17 Oh my my god, please.

37:18 I I really It's that's not my sense of humor.

37:37 [music] [music and singing] Hey.

38:00 You're welcome.

38:01 Thanks for the coffee.

38:02 So, tonight I was thinking I'm going to go to the cemetery.

38:04 I'm going to drink a little wine.

38:06 And uh I thought maybe you'd like to come with me.

38:08 Are you asking me on a date?

38:10 Yes, I am.

38:12 Because I don't date co-workers.

38:13 It's not personal.

38:15 It's a matter of policy.

38:16 I could quit.

38:17 Problem solved.

38:18 Don't quit.

38:24 [groaning] PARKOUR!

38:29 MICHAEL.

38:30 PARKOUR!

38:29 PARKOUR!

38:31 EXTREME!

38:32 PARKOUR!

38:34 PARKOUR!

38:33 This is parkour.

38:35 Internet sensation of 2004.

38:37 And it was in one of the Bond films.

38:39 It's pretty impressive.

38:40 The goal is to get from point A to point B as creatively as possible.

38:43 So, technically, they are doing parkour as long as point

38:46 A is delusion and point B IS THE HOSPITAL.

38:51 [groaning] [screaming]

38:53 PARKOUR!

38:58 YEAH!

38:58 [screaming]

38:59 PARKOUR!

38:59 YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

38:59 [cheering]

39:00 ANDY!

39:00 ANDY!

39:00 GO!

39:00 GO!

39:02 ANDY!

39:03 ANDY!

39:02 YEAH!

39:02 OKAY, YEAH!

39:04 PARKOUR!

39:05 [screaming] GET OFF!

39:05 PARKOUR!

39:06 GET OFF!

39:08 OKAY.

39:08 PARKOUR!

39:11 PARKOUR!

39:11 JUMP OVER THE CAMERA.

39:12 JUMP OVER THE CAMERA.

39:15 OKAY, we all go together or we go one at a time.

39:18 is.

39:18 Here it is.

39:18 Uh truck, two refrigerators, two dumpster,

39:22 360 spin onto the pallets, backflip gainer into the trash can.

39:26 YES!

39:26 GAINER!

39:28 PARKOUR!

39:28 PARKOUR!

39:29 PARKOUR!

39:29 PARKOUR!

39:29 [screaming]

39:30 I'M RIGHT BEHIND YOU, ANDY.

39:31 COME ON!

39:34 YEAH!

39:39 PARKOUR!

39:38 WHAT'S THIS OVER THE EYE?

39:40 It's a heart.

39:44 Why is this so hard?

39:48 That's what she said.

39:50 Oh my god.

39:51 What am I saying?

39:52 Corporate says to me, "Gabe, we need you in Scranton." Scranton says,

39:56 "Gabe, go back down to Florida.

39:58 You're needed there." So, Tuesdays and Thursdays, I'm up there.

40:02 Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays, I'm down here.

40:06 I can think of no better way to confront my deathly fear of flying.

40:10 Your art was the prettiest art of all the art.

40:15 Thank you.

40:17 It's Secretary's Day.

40:20 And it is Aaron's and my 3-week anniversary.

40:23 So, perfect storm for a romantic gesture.

40:27 Want to make sure the whole office remembers it's Secretary's Day.

40:30 I sent an email blast, a text blast, a good old-fashioned talk blast.

40:34 I sent a snail mail blast a week ago,

40:36 and a stern reminder via fax at 7:00 this morning.

40:39 So, people better step up and appreciate the crap out of Aaron.

40:44 Oh, thank you.

40:44 I do.

40:48 Uh man, my delts are blasted.

40:53 I wish I had a chart for how much protein

40:55 powder to scoop for a 180-lb man with no fat.

40:59 Protein powder, huh?

41:01 Cut it with water?

41:02 Why don't you just take estrogen?

41:12 [cough]

41:12 There you go, boys.

41:13 See how Papa takes care of you?

41:17 [laughter]

41:17 I [snorts] remember when people thought biceps were all that.

41:20 They'd flex them all night at the discotheque.

41:22 Oh, I bet you think it's all about core, huh?

41:26 Yeah.

41:25 Core is critical.

41:26 There are four tenets of Pilates that I live my life by.

41:29 One, lengthen.

41:31 Two, elongate.

41:33 Listen, guys.

41:33 I think we all want to know the same thing, right?

41:35 Who's the strongest?

41:37 There's only one way to solve that.

41:40 Thigh curl contest.

41:42 All right, here we go, everybody.

41:44 May the manliest man win.

41:46 Go.

41:46 [applause]

41:50 FEAST ON THIS, LOUIS.

41:53 I LOVE THE BURN.

41:54 THE BURN IS WHERE I live.

41:56 Come on, Gabe.

41:56 You can't handle his hamstrings.

41:57 You're getting hypnotized.

41:59 SPITZ, EIGHT.

42:02 ONE.

42:02 TWO.

42:03 HERE, USE YOUR ELBOWS.

42:04 Use your elbows.

42:05 You're welcome.

42:08 [clears throat]

42:09 Six.

42:09 Quick phone call from you guys.

42:10 Keep going.

42:11 Eight.

42:12 Nine.

42:14 Hello.

42:14 10.

42:15 We got it.

42:17 [laughter] Very funny, Jim.

42:20 Yeah, Jim.

42:21 We thank Marcos for perfecting our bodies.

42:39 Hey man, uh I'm sorry.

42:56 Thanks.

43:09 Can I like see if the work for coffee or something?

43:13 I don't know.

43:17 Please.

43:18 I just got some stuff I got to say to you.

43:29 Jim.

43:29 It Roy, look out.

43:33 Thanks, Gabe.

43:33 Um good though.

43:35 Gabe, did Aaron ever tell you that she loves you?

43:38 No, [laughter] no, no, no, no, no.

43:39 No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.

43:42 She wouldn't even let me say it.

43:43 It was adorable.

43:44 She plug her ears and scream her heart out.

43:46 Can you stop talking because every word out

43:48 of your mouth is like the squawk of an ugly pelican.

43:52 I got a tattoo for you.

43:54 I didn't ask you to get that Nike swoosh.

43:56 Nobody did.

43:56 You did that for you.

43:57 Just do it.

43:59 You were the it that I was just doing.

44:02 So you're dating a secretary now?

44:04 Moving up in the world, Pete.

44:06 She's nice to me.

44:08 How's that PE degree coming?

44:10 That's what he wanted to be.

44:10 His dream in college was to be a gym teacher.

44:12 Well, guess what?

44:13 He could still be a gym teacher.

44:14 In fact, we could all still be gym teachers.

44:16 So, let's

44:17 technically cannot.

44:18 I don't have the lung capacity to blow a whistle.

44:20 Oh my god.

44:24 What kind of music are you into, Peter?

44:27 Uh I like all kinds of music, Gabe.

44:29 Really?

44:30 All kinds?

44:31 So, you like songs of hate written by the White Knights of the Ku Klux Klan?

44:35 No.

44:35 Are you even hearing this?

44:36 He didn't even say that.

44:37 He's not a very sophisticated man.

44:38 I mean, he can't use chopsticks, so you don't need to say anything else.

44:44 Aaron, I've been to Japan.

44:45 I know how to use chopsticks so well.

44:48 Come back.

44:49 One night.

44:50 Gabe, I don't want you to What is that supposed to be?

44:52 Is that supposed to be everything?

44:53 I don't want you to share everything with me.

44:54 I spent two years of my life on you.

44:56 You realize that, right?

44:56 I just want to be real clear that chopsticks is not the measure of a man.

45:00 I am as smooth as a porpoise in water.

45:02 Where are we?

45:04 This ain't my street.

45:07 This is the posh part of town, huh?

45:12 Oh my god.

45:16 I wonder what a studio condo would cost in this neighborhood.

45:18 Meredith, shut your drunk hole right now.

45:24 Aaron, it was great fun tonight.

45:26 Take a few aspirin, drink a whole lot of water, sleep on it in the morning.

45:32 Thank you.

45:34 Good night.

45:40 What is Molly in for?

45:42 Are you thinking what I'm thinking?

45:46 I'm sure I am not.

45:49 Let's get you home.

45:55 Easy.

45:58 I'm so sorry, Pammie.

46:01 I wasn't going to do anything but then I kept thinking about you two together

46:06 and I just thought you guys were really

46:10 good friends or maybe he was gay or something.

46:15 I thought that's wrong.

46:20 I'm sorry, too.

46:24 I just I think that we both made some bad choices.

46:36 So, you going to start dating Halpert then?

46:40 Um, no.

46:42 No, he has a girlfriend.

46:45 Oh, yeah.

46:48 Wait a minute, you broke up our wedding for the guy.

46:55 No.

46:53 There were a lot of reasons.

46:58 You weren't even going to try to go out with him?

47:05 I don't get you, Pam.

47:08 I know.

47:13 Michael, this shouldn't take more than an hour.

47:15 Well,

47:15 do you always shut down the entire office when you leave for an hour?

47:19 No.

47:19 No, that would not be efficient.

47:22 Gabe,

47:23 Sweet errand.

47:23 I'm throwing the Halloween party and I just want to amp it up a little.

47:26 I think it could use some extra pizzazz.

47:30 Okay, where does Gabe factor in?

47:31 Remember that Halloween party you took me to once?

47:34 The one where I I started crying as soon

47:36 as I walked in and I didn't stop crying.

47:39 Yes, Lars and the Cocos.

47:40 Okay, well, let's say that I wanted this party

47:42 to be a tiny tiny bit like that one.

47:47 Just more adult, more more scary and sexy.

47:52 make this sexier than you could ever imagine.

47:54 No, just scary.

47:55 If we wanted ideas for scary stuff.

48:03 [laughter]

48:04 No, that would be scary.

48:06 What are you thinking [laughter] about?

48:07 All right, let me go get it.

48:12 Okay, everybody.

48:14 Be prepared to be scared.

48:18 Okay.

48:19 Okay.

48:38 The cinema of the unsettling is a growing film movement.

48:41 The most well-known film in the genre is

48:43 an hour-long shot of a squirrel with diarrhea.

48:49 Oh, okay.

48:52 Okay.

48:57 Is that my grandmother?

48:58 What's the story?

49:00 There is no story.

49:01 Yeah, seems like there isn't a narrative.

49:03 Maybe the filmmaker realized that even narrative is comforting.

49:08 What the hell is going on here?

49:10 Okay, I think we've seen enough.

49:11 You you can turn it off now.

49:14 Yeah.

49:14 Yeah, kill it.

49:15 Go ahead and turn it off.

49:16 Thank you.

49:17 How'd you get in my car?

49:18 Where is this from?

49:19 That is so upsetting.

49:20 That was awful.

49:22 Robert, I apologize.

49:23 I'm sorry.

49:24 I got confused.

49:30 [snorts]

49:36 Who did this to you?

49:37 Where is he?

49:41 What?

49:41 No, it's not it's nothing.

49:55 It's hot in here.

49:59 Yeah.

49:59 Yeah.

50:10 Thanks.

50:14 You don't need to stay here.

50:15 I know.

50:27 [snorts] It's your PMSing pretty bad, huh?

50:38 [gasps]

50:44 Hopper?

50:44 What's up, Roy?

50:45 Hey, man.

50:51 Relax, man.

50:51 I'm not going to hit you.

50:53 Oh, I wouldn't it.

50:56 You good?

50:57 I'm good.

50:57 How you doing?

50:58 I'm good.

50:59 Okay.

50:59 Hey, Daryl.

51:00 What's happening?

51:01 Oh, what's up?

51:01 What's up, man?

51:03 You bet.

51:06 Maxie, oh, how was school?

51:08 It was good.

51:10 What did you learn?

51:12 What did I learn?

51:14 You might have [singing] learned shapes or blocks or clocks or colors

51:21 or you might have learned that we're all sisters and brothers.

51:26 I have herpes.

51:28 What?

51:28 You I think it's really cool, Michael.

51:31 I wish I had a job that I could just leave.

51:34 Thank you.

51:38 SAVE IT, I'LL SEE IT, MICHAEL.

51:39 I'M COMING.

51:40 I WILL NOT stand idly by while these Mexican villagers are sick.

51:44 We're actually building them a school.

51:47 Whatever.

51:47 I need to

51:47 I won't I I won't stand for it.

51:49 What's going on with Pam?

51:51 Oh, she's good, actually.

51:53 Yeah?

51:52 She's uh She's in New York.

51:55 She's at art school.

51:58 Really?

51:57 Yeah, she's doing really well.

52:01 Huh.

52:01 She's engaged.

52:03 Um to me.

52:08 [clears throat] Congrats, man.

52:11 Oh, thanks, man.

52:14 Appreciate that.

52:15 What's wrong, Michael?

52:16 I got gum in my hair.

52:18 You do.

52:19 This just stinks.

52:21 Don't touch it.

52:22 Please, don't touch it.

52:23 You got a ton of dandruff.

52:24 Okay, let me be.

52:27 Smells good.

52:30 Taste good, too.

52:31 Oh, Donald, that's disgusting.

52:33 Wow, a lot of calories.

52:35 Well, just don't leave it on too long.

52:37 Keep massaging, please.

52:40 Oh, yeah, that's nice.

52:42 So, you have an office and a workspace?

52:44 I do.

52:45 You know, I just I cannot create in the same space that I conduct business.

52:49 I'm sure that you're the same with your noodles.

52:51 Smell.

52:53 It's fire.

52:54 Uh-huh, bonfire.

52:56 Bon.

52:56 Then love this one.

52:57 James Bonfire.

52:58 Fire Bonfire.

53:00 James Bonfire.

53:01 Megastar.

53:04 When I get frustrated or irritated or angry,

53:08 I come up here and I just smell all my candles.

53:11 And it just poof, goes away.

53:13 Just like that?

53:13 Just like that.

53:16 Wait.

53:16 I will be leaving tomorrow.

53:19 Yes.

53:18 So, I wanted to give you that.

53:21 It's a letter of recommendation.

53:30 This is going to be good.

53:34 To whom it may concern.

53:35 Good, real personal.

53:36 Thanks, Michael.

53:37 The dictionary defines superlative as of the highest kind,

53:41 quality, or order, surpassing all else or others, supreme.

53:46 That's great.

53:46 If I wanted the dictionary definition, I'd buy a dictionary.

53:50 I define it as Dwight Schrute.

53:53 As a sales executive, as a leader, as a man,

53:58 and as a friend, he is of the highest kind, quality, and order, supreme.

54:11 Lots more like that, really repetitive.

54:41 [screaming] [screaming]

54:57 I picked out a movie.

54:58 It's called Suspiria.

54:59 It pushes all the boundaries.

55:01 All your preconceived notions about what horror can be come crashing down.

55:04 When I win, Ooh.

55:06 we're going to watch Wall-E, where all the boundaries of color are pushed.

55:11 It is hard to explain why Erin is doing so well today.

55:14 The only thing I can think is Erin is living out some Slumdog

55:18 Millionaire scenario where every word she's playing

55:22 has a connection to her orphan past.

55:27 It's possible.

55:31 [singing] [music] Sorry.

55:39 Sorry.

55:40 I like that song.

55:41 You're good.

55:42 You're good.

55:43 Thank you.

55:44 That was great, but it's just sort of it's still a little choppy like it.

55:48 But don't worry, it's hard.

55:49 I mean, it took me a while, too.

55:50 It's like [music]

55:59 Wow.

56:01 What?

56:01 Oh my god, you heard that?

56:01 I'm so embarrassed.

56:03 I'm so like rusty.

56:04 You're really coming along.

56:05 It's really technically proficient, but you know,

56:07 there's really no heart or soul in it.

56:10 Really?

56:20 [music] Hey, do you want to sing it with me?

56:26 Almost heaven,

56:28 [music] West Virginia,

56:31 [singing] blue ridge mountains, Shenandoah river.

56:33 In German.

56:34 Das Leben ist alt, [music and singing] älter als die Bäume,

56:39 jünger als die Berge, wehen wie der Wind.

56:43 Take me home, country road, to the place I belong.

56:50 [singing]

56:52 West Virginia, mountain mama, take me home, country road.

57:00 [singing] Pick it in, Danny.

57:03 [music]

57:03 Take me home, country road.

57:11 You you have to stop.

57:13 They call me Jasmine Winslow.

57:18 [singing] [music]

57:22 Bingo.

57:22 Finish his movie.

57:23 No kidding.

57:25 Wow, that's great.

57:26 Yeah, good for him.

57:29 Mir zu nah siehst du Schatten

57:34 [singing] mir it's too late.

57:36 See who's hotter than you.

57:38 [singing] The hostages are under the stadium.

57:44 [singing]

57:52 Check, please.

57:52 Did I ever tell you why I left Scranton?

57:58 Yeah, I didn't think I had.

58:01 Well, it was all about Pam.

58:07 Yeah, I mean, she was with Roy and uh I just couldn't take it.

58:16 I mean, I lost it, Dwight.

58:20 I couldn't sleep.

58:22 I couldn't concentrate on anything.

58:27 And weird stuff like food had no taste.

58:34 So, my solution was to move away.

58:39 It was awful.

58:42 And it is something that I wouldn't wish on my worst enemy.

58:49 And that includes you.

59:13 Corporate, still nothing.

59:14 Okay, Daryl brought this idea to me, and then I told them,

59:17 giving Daryl full credit, so I need to screw corporate.

59:20 Everyone, let's give Daryl a round of applause, AS PLANNED.

59:25 [applause]

59:28 THERE HE IS.

59:30 IS IT ALMOST TIME TO CUT THE PANCAKE OR WHAT?

59:32 UH, YEAH.

59:33 We appreciate everyone coming so early.

59:35 It's everyone's been so nice.

59:38 Thanks for inviting us, by the way.

59:39 That was That was a surprise.

59:40 Come on, if it wasn't for you, I'd never have met Laura.

59:44 I seriously got to dodge a bullet on that one.

59:46 Just kidding.

59:46 You're welcome.

59:49 Thanks.

59:49 Oh.

59:50 By the way, man, this place is beautiful.

59:53 Started a gravel company.

59:54 I mean, who would have thought it would take off?

59:56 Gravel company?

59:57 Yeah.

59:58 What about you?

59:58 What are you doing?

59:59 Not gravel.

1:00:02 [laughter] No, things are good.

1:00:02 Things are good.

1:00:03 Got some stuff in the works.

1:00:04 So

1:00:04 Oh, cool.

1:00:05 Yeah, you never know.

1:00:06 Hey, bro.

1:00:07 Stop wasting time with this haircut.

1:00:09 He's got a $50,000 sports car.

1:00:12 Cheers.

1:00:13 Yeah, okay, Ken.

1:00:14 Now, I think it's time for you to go.

1:00:17 What?

1:00:17 Oh, Jim.

1:00:18 I thought we talked about this.

1:00:19 You're cool, right?

1:00:22 Cathy, go.

1:00:23 Where's the boat?

1:00:25 AWESOME.

1:00:25 STAND BACK.

1:00:26 JIM, WE GOT THE BURNS.

1:00:28 WHO IS THAT?

1:00:28 IT'S A COMPOUND OF CHEMICALS I PULLED OFF OF THE MAID'S CART.

1:00:31 OH MY GOD.

1:00:32 RIGHT THERE.

1:00:34 OH GOD, STOP IT.

1:00:35 STOP IT.

1:00:36 OH, BIG ONE.

1:00:36 BIG ONE.

1:00:37 DO I

1:00:37 I THINK I SAW IT.

1:00:38 I THINK I SAW IT.

1:00:39 STOP IT.

1:00:41 NICE JOB.

1:00:42 I THINK YOU GOT HIM.

1:00:43 YOU CAN'T stay here.

1:00:44 This place is a biohazard.

1:00:46 All right, I'll just bunk with Cathy.

1:00:56 Second best bananas foster I've ever had.

1:00:59 Well, what's the first best?

1:01:01 Twice a year.

1:01:03 Twice?

1:01:05 Hello?

1:01:06 Twice?

1:01:07 Is that Nellie?

1:01:10 [laughter] Are you [snorts] in there?

1:01:11 I can see the lights on under your door.

1:01:15 Hello?

1:01:17 Oh, look at that.

1:01:19 The light went off just as I said the light went off.

1:01:23 Hello?

1:01:25 Dwight.

1:01:27 Oh.

1:01:31 Dwight.

1:01:33 So, I won.

1:01:34 I know.

1:01:34 You get to pick.

1:01:36 Well, that's actually what I came to talk to you about.

1:01:38 I know how much you want to watch Wall-E.

1:01:41 Yes.

1:01:42 So, I got us a compromise.

1:01:43 This movie's called Hardware.

1:01:45 It tells the story of a killer combat robot,

1:01:47 just like Wall-E, that the government invented to destroy humans.

1:01:51 It's some of what you like and some of what I like, and married.

1:01:55 I heard you talking about movies before and anyway,

1:01:59 I just watched this over the weekend.

1:02:00 I thought you'd really like it.

1:02:02 There's a Shrek 2?

1:02:03 Oh, yeah.

1:02:05 See you tomorrow.

1:02:07 Nice guy.

1:02:11 You are not leaving without giving me a hug.

1:02:16 Okay, you know what?

1:02:16 You don't need to make that sound.

1:02:18 I'm sorry.

1:02:18 You were just a lot bonier than I thought you were going to be.

1:02:20 There are plenty of people who love touching me.

1:02:22 I'm a terrific hugger.

1:02:24 I've been with a bunch of girls where that's basically all they want to do.

1:02:29 [music] I finally feel ready.

1:02:46 Athleap is growing.

1:02:48 Athleap.

1:02:47 And Jim can jump back in without skipping a beat.

1:02:50 We'll come back to visit, but I think it's time for us to officially

1:02:54 No, don't say it.

1:02:54 You're fired.

1:02:55 You're both fired.

1:02:56 Dwight, come on.

1:02:57 Don't end on a bad note.

1:02:58 Don't be an idiot.

1:02:59 It's for the severance.

1:03:01 The best that I can do is 1 month for every year you've been here.

1:03:03 That's the max.

1:03:07 Thanks, Dwight.

1:03:08 So, uh it was a year ago today that I met Laura.

1:03:12 I thought she was my waitress and uh took her 3

1:03:15 weeks to tell me that she actually owned the place.

1:03:17 You are full of surprises.

1:03:19 You are my beautiful mystery girl.

1:03:22 And today I have a surprise for you.

1:03:27 You play the piano?

1:03:30 No.

1:03:30 Roy?

1:03:31 No.

1:03:32 You know how I said I was taking boxing lessons?

1:03:34 Actually, I was doing this.

1:03:36 Um so, I hope that you like it.

1:03:41 You got this, Roy.

1:03:48 [music] She's got a way about her.

1:03:51 [singing] Don't know [music] what it is,

1:03:55 but I know that I [singing] can't live without her.

1:04:00 She's got a way I spent so much of my time

1:04:03 here at Dunder Mifflin thinking about my old pals, my college a cappella group.

1:04:09 The weird thing is now I'm exactly where I want to be.

1:04:13 I got my dream job at Cornell.

1:04:16 And I'm still just thinking about my old pals.

1:04:21 Only now they're the ones I made here.

1:04:24 I wish there was a way to know you're

1:04:26 in the good old days before you've actually left them.

1:04:34 Someone should write a song about that.