April & Andy: From Weird Coworkers to Perfect Couple | Parks and Recreation

0:00 Hey, check this out.

0:02 I am on hold with the State Parks Department.

0:06 I am on hold, so suck on my butt.

0:10 Nice.

0:12 Yeah.

0:15 They didn't answer, obviously.

0:17 Where is everyone?

0:18 Hunting trip?

0:19 Hunting trip?

0:21 Did Mark go?

0:22 Yeah.

0:22 Uh, that's cool.

0:23 At least he's not with Anne.

0:25 No, Anne's there.

0:26 God.

0:27 How come he gets to do all the things I want to do?

0:29 Go hunting and Maybe a deer will eat him.

0:35 [laughter]

0:38 That would be really awesome.

0:39 Marco.

0:41 Polo.

0:43 Marco.

0:44 Polo.

0:46 Marco.

0:48 Polo.

0:51 MARCO.

0:52 POLO.

0:56 THAT MAN WASN'T MY BROTHER.

0:59 He was my husband.

1:04 How was that?

1:04 That wasn't good.

1:05 Yeah, you can do better.

1:06 All right.

1:06 Give me another one.

1:09 Okay.

1:08 I'm pregnant with Josh Groban's baby.

1:15 That's good.

1:17 You do one.

1:18 Okay.

1:20 What do you mean the squirrel took [snorts] the nuts

1:25 out of the out of that kid's backpack and ate them?

1:31 Well, I don't want you to give me a reason to spit.

1:34 Oh.

1:35 Oh, YEAH.

1:36 OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

1:37 ask me a question.

1:37 I won't, okay.

1:38 Okay.

1:38 Not a question.

1:39 Okay, ready?

1:39 Yeah.

1:41 I've lived in Pawnee my whole life.

1:47 That is a fact.

1:49 A fact about me.

1:54 And hot.

1:58 I come in like 2 hours late because I had to finish watching

2:01 Swim Fan because it was on and everyone like jumped down my throat.

2:06 Oh, man.

2:08 I can't wait till my internship is over so I can get the hell out of here.

2:11 Well, you're all set.

2:14 Free of charge, of course.

2:16 Hey, why don't you um sell your band CDs here?

2:19 That is a brilliant idea.

2:21 I cannot believe I didn't think of that.

2:23 I have been writing a lot of songs about shining shoes lately.

2:27 I tend to write about what I'm doing.

2:30 Talking about, writing about what I'm doing.

2:35 Now I'm singing about, talking about, writing about what I'm doing.

2:42 I just want to get I just got a hold of her.

2:46 Don't get my shoes.

2:46 Hey, what's up, guys?

2:47 You come to help Tom move, too?

2:49 Too late.

2:50 We already almost got all of it.

2:51 No, we just thought it'd be funny to see April doing physical labor.

2:56 Uh, it's been an awesome moving day.

2:58 I got the little robot to play Dave Matthews.

3:01 I love you, baby.

3:02 What's he talking about?

3:04 DJ Roomba.

3:05 What?

3:06 All right, back to the grindstone.

3:09 Awesome seeing you, dudes.

3:10 See you.

3:11 Later, bro.

3:15 Hi.

3:16 Hi.

3:18 Hey, bro.

3:18 Want to go get our grub on?

3:20 Totes, bro.

3:20 Wings and brews.

3:22 Why are you guys talking like that?

3:23 Just chillaxing like your new bro, Andy.

3:26 Yeah, want to play some hacky sack later?

3:28 Maybe uh listen to Blues Traveler?

3:30 Okay, I'm leaving.

3:32 We're just kidding.

3:32 Let's go to dinner.

3:33 I'm not hungry and you guys aren't being funny.

3:36 Why are you being weird?

3:37 We make fun of people like that.

3:38 That's what we do.

3:41 You know, for a gay couple, you guys are being really gay.

3:46 April.

3:47 April.

3:50 You want to watch me rollerblade in the parking lot after work?

3:52 I'm pretty awesome.

3:53 I used to be really good.

3:54 That was like 70 lbs ago.

3:56 I can't.

3:58 I'm kind of busy.

3:59 Aw, that's lame.

4:01 Tomorrow?

4:03 Maybe.

4:04 I don't know.

4:07 Okay, bye.

4:12 Just kidding.

4:13 I DON'T FALL.

4:17 LUDGATE, CRACKING the whip.

4:19 Yeah, well, these old bags paid for some entertainment, so get No, you're right.

4:25 up there.

4:25 Pete, you should play that song The Way You Look Tonight.

4:28 Mm.

4:29 It's a good one.

4:30 Next one's going out to a special little lady named April Ludgate.

4:45 You guys [music] Never mind.

4:50 Why do you care?

4:51 I don't.

4:55 Yo, police.

4:58 I know you're not.

4:58 Coffee.

5:00 You always know what to bring me.

5:02 I only ever bring you coffee.

5:05 And it is my very favorite non-alcoholic hot drink, except for hot tea.

5:10 And hot orange juice, weirdly delicious.

5:12 Anyways, thank you so much.

5:13 I needed it.

5:14 I got a really bad case of shoe shine head today.

5:16 Andy recently diagnosed himself with what he calls shoe shine head.

5:22 It's when you shine too many shoes

5:24 and the fumes create a thunderstorm in your brain.

5:29 Cures include coffee, cheeseburgers, and napping on the floor.

5:37 [snorts] No.

5:38 Maybe I should write a song about a picnic.

5:39 Ooh, where'd you come up with that idea?

5:42 The picnic will happen.

5:44 I already have the perfect title.

5:46 Life is a picnic.

5:48 That's good.

5:48 How about Life is a picnic with you.

5:53 Aw, it could be about a girl.

5:55 Or Peyton Manning.

5:58 Hm, you want to help me write the lyrics?

6:01 Yeah, totally.

6:02 We should grab a drink after this at Tucker's.

6:06 Yeah, I would do that.

6:07 That sounds fun.

6:08 I I just have to um get my stuff from the office.

6:11 But that's That'd be cool.

6:14 ID?

6:14 I'm 24.

6:15 No, you're not.

6:20 Okay, I'm 25.

6:21 No old jokes, please.

6:24 ID.

6:31 It says right here you're 20.

6:34 You're not even going to show me a fake?

6:37 Sometimes the confidence confuses people.

6:41 You're good, bro.

6:42 You know what?

6:42 I think I'll just I'm going to Hey,

6:45 um I know another bar that always lets lets me in if you Just want to go there.

6:50 Uh, yeah, actually I should be going home.

6:54 I got a lot of stuff to do.

6:55 So, I should go home.

6:57 Clean and stuff.

6:59 But Yeah, okay, cool.

7:02 Yeah, I got to go home, too, so.

7:05 All right.

7:08 See you.

7:11 Later.

7:12 Hey, have you seen April around?

7:13 She usually comes by at the end of the day.

7:14 You might want to check her house.

7:16 She quit on me.

7:18 What?

7:19 Why?

7:19 She screwed up my entire life today.

7:22 That was one mistake.

7:24 She's perfect for you.

7:25 Come on, there's no one in the world who's

7:27 going to do a better job for you than April.

7:30 Either you hire her back or I quit.

7:32 You don't work for me.

7:34 And I never will, sir.

7:36 Good day.

7:40 I was talking to Andy about you and he

7:43 made me realize that I need you back at work.

7:46 What did he say?

7:48 Don't recall.

7:49 Fine, I'll come back.

7:50 Andy, I know I told you that you were going on at 3:00 a.m.

7:52 after the Debt Left Shrimp interview and career retrospective,

7:55 but you're going on now.

7:56 You're kicking things off.

7:57 Woah, sweet.

7:58 Headlining.

7:59 Yeah, at 2:00 a.m.

8:00 on cable access.

8:04 Yeah.

8:03 Let's go.

8:07 So, how are things going with you two?

8:09 They're going really well.

8:10 We're going to get married and I'm pregnant with his child.

8:13 Yeah.

8:15 Please be April.

8:17 April?

8:18 Yeah.

8:19 It's Joe from the phone.

8:20 I made you laugh.

8:21 You said come down.

8:23 Listen, my van's out back.

8:24 Let's roll.

8:26 no.

8:26 Please leave.

8:28 Where you going?

8:30 Hey.

8:29 What's up?

8:31 Is this guy bothering you?

8:32 No, I'm bothering you for bothering her.

8:35 Are you her bodyguard?

8:36 I mean, she's an adult.

8:37 I think she can decide on her own what train she wants to ride.

8:40 It's time to go.

8:41 Whatever, man.

8:42 I work for the sewage department.

8:44 I'm up to my waist in hot sness.

8:46 Take a walk.

8:48 All right.

8:51 It's great.

8:52 I'd love to hear all about your family vacation.

8:54 Hey.

8:54 Oh, thank god.

8:55 Get out, Kyle.

8:58 Hello, birthday girl.

9:01 Got you a birthday present.

9:02 Really?

9:03 Yeah.

9:03 I I wrote you a song.

9:05 Score.

9:06 What's it called?

9:07 Not telling, but I'll give you a clue.

9:08 It's named after a month out of the year.

9:10 So, April?

9:12 No.

9:15 That would have been way better.

9:16 Um oh, whatever.

9:17 I can rewrite the lyrics.

9:19 Um are you coming to my party?

9:21 Yeah, I wouldn't miss it for the world.

9:22 Are you kidding me?

9:23 Okay, cool.

9:24 Okay.

9:25 Um well, we'll hang out then.

9:27 Okay.

9:28 It's going to be fun.

9:33 Hey, April.

9:34 Oh my gosh.

9:36 You look amazing.

9:37 Let me see.

9:38 No.

9:38 twirl.

9:39 No.

9:39 This is beautiful.

9:40 Don't look at Don't look look at Happy birthday.

9:45 Thank you.

9:46 Uh, can I get you a drink?

9:50 Yeah, I can swing it.

9:52 Can I get you a drink?

9:53 Whiskey.

9:54 Neat.

9:55 Wow, you're not messing around.

9:57 No, I'm not.

10:04 April.

10:05 Andy Dwyer, it's so awesome to see you.

10:08 Hey, you too.

10:09 How are you?

10:10 Let me ask you a question.

10:11 Was I a good boyfriend?

10:13 And you were an awesome girlfriend.

10:15 Really?

10:16 Yeah.

10:17 Aw.

10:20 I mean, I was the screw up.

10:21 Yeah, you were.

10:23 We had a good relationship, right?

10:25 God, I think so.

10:27 I mean, we fought a lot.

10:28 I know.

10:29 I know.

10:30 I know that.

10:31 Can I ask you something, please?

10:32 Mhm.

10:33 I'm hot.

10:34 Is that a question?

10:35 Um when we were together, I can't see you that way.

10:39 When we were together Yes.

10:40 Were there times that you were like if I don't

10:43 see Anne in like 10 seconds, I'm going to die?

10:46 Yes, all the time.

10:49 I loved Andy.

10:50 Loved him.

10:51 Loved Andy.

10:53 He was a totally helpless baby when we met.

10:57 I dated him for 3 years.

10:59 Now he's an adult with a job.

11:02 And some other girl is going to reap the rewards of my hard work?

11:09 That's bull Here you go.

11:14 Sorry that took forever.

11:15 God.

11:18 Baby, you miss me?

11:19 I missed you.

11:20 Oh, look at this.

11:21 Jean-Ralphio.

11:22 Oh, hey.

11:23 Andy.

11:23 Andy, that's not my right name.

11:24 That's not my right name.

11:26 Thank you.

11:26 Yeah.

11:28 Are you guys Are you guys hanging out together?

11:30 Yeah, maybe.

11:32 You know, he asked me out so many times that I see wore me down.

11:36 I'm very persistent.

11:37 Come over here.

11:38 Come over here.

11:38 hear you.

11:39 I can hear Come on.

11:39 One time, I waited outside a woman's house for 5 days just

11:43 to show her how serious I was about wanting to drill her.

11:45 Turns out, it was the wrong house.

11:47 She loved the story anyway.

11:48 We got to third base over the pants.

11:51 That's so cute.

11:52 Yeah, super cute.

11:53 Wow.

11:53 Right?

11:54 Do you want to rub my back?

11:55 Probably good.

11:56 Okay, I'll get you one.

11:57 Two Remy Martins.

11:58 Here we go.

12:02 You can have my Remy Martin for your birthday.

12:03 [music] I thought she liked me.

12:09 I guess I'm super bad at picking up signals.

12:14 That Ralph [music] Macchio guy is a total douche.

12:16 April, hey.

12:18 Excuse me.

12:19 I called YOU A GAZILLION TIMES.

12:20 WHY DIDN'T YOU CALL me back?

12:21 Oh, I'm so sorry.

12:22 I was too busy not wanting to talk to you.

12:25 Huh?

12:25 Jerry, what are you doing?

12:26 Leslie asked me to post these around the neighborhood.

12:28 I'll do it.

12:28 Really?

12:29 Wow.

12:29 Yes.

12:30 You want some help with that?

12:31 Will you just stop and listen to me?

12:32 No.

12:33 Fine, I don't want to talk to you anyways.

12:36 Reverse psychiatry.

12:40 Fine, what?

12:42 I like you.

12:44 In a you know romantical kind of way.

12:48 You do?

12:49 Yes.

12:51 Do you like me?

12:55 Yes.

13:01 [snorts] So then, perhaps shall we go out this evening?

13:09 No.

13:12 I don't think we should see each other.

13:16 [sighs] Damn it, because you're 21 and I'm 29?

13:18 No.

13:19 I don't care about that.

13:20 It's because whenever I see you talk to Anne or talk about Anne,

13:24 I feel like you still have feelings for her.

13:26 What?

13:26 No, I don't.

13:27 But I don't.

13:29 Really, I don't.

13:31 Well, I think you do, so that's a problem for me.

13:42 Hey.

13:43 April.

13:43 I just heard Are you okay?

13:47 [clears throat] Yeah.

13:47 Oh my god.

13:49 Listen, what I said this afternoon was stupid.

13:54 Okay, I totally want to go out with you.

13:57 Good.

13:58 I want to be with you.

14:14 That was nice.

14:15 That Yeah.

14:19 Here's just one thing real quick.

14:20 I want to be totally honest with you because I like you so much,

14:23 but like 2 minutes ago, me and Anne did kiss.

14:27 What?

14:28 But here's No, no, no.

14:29 It was crazy.

14:31 She kissed me.

14:33 I think Wait, where are you going?

14:34 Bye.

14:34 No, no, no, no, NO.

14:35 HEY, APRIL.

14:36 APRIL.

14:37 BYE.

14:41 DUDE, don't even think about kissing me.

14:44 April, hey.

14:46 It's me, Andy Dwyer.

14:49 This is like the 200th message I've left you without a response.

14:53 So, if you were trying to tell me something,

14:57 I do not know what it is because you won't call me back.

15:08 APRIL.

15:12 APRIL, where have you been?

15:14 Oh my god.

15:15 Hey, how are you?

15:16 I'm okay.

15:16 I'm dying to see you.

15:17 I called and texted you like a billion times.

15:21 Um I'm sorry.

15:23 I was in Venezuela.

15:24 Oh, really?

15:26 Wow.

15:28 Across the pond.

15:30 Wow.

15:31 I thought maybe I would have heard

15:32 from you at least once because of what happened.

15:36 And kissing me, I'm so sorry about that.

15:38 It was so stupid and it meant nothing.

15:40 I wouldn't worry about it.

15:41 It's totally fine.

15:43 Hey.

15:45 This is my boyfriend.

15:47 Eduardo.

15:47 No, it's not.

15:49 Let's split our lunches.

15:52 That means we're going to lunch.

15:53 How do you say have a great time?

15:55 Don't choke on anything.

15:56 Bye.

16:01 Hello, April.

16:03 Do you like the flowers?

16:04 What are you doing?

16:06 All due respect, Eduardo, you seem like a great guy,

16:09 but I like April and I'm coming after her with everything I've got.

16:12 So, do you want to go out with me?

16:16 No.

16:18 I thought you were going to say yes,

16:19 but that's okay because I'll be back tomorrow to ask

16:21 you again and again the next day and the next day.

16:25 Not Friday, I have to go visit my cousin,

16:28 but I will be back after that to ask you again.

16:41 You should do it.

16:43 Follow your dream.

16:45 Oh my god, really?

16:47 That's awesome.

16:49 I'll see you tomorrow.

16:52 [laughter] Hi, April.

16:55 It's me, Andy.

16:58 Just stay sleeping.

17:00 I am going to be here when you wake up.

17:03 I will not leave your side.

17:10 You could be asleep for hours.

17:11 Maybe I'll come back later.

17:14 Hope you feel better, okay.

17:17 Oh, and I know you think that I'm a jerk, but I hope you can forgive me.

17:25 Gross, your forehead is all sweaty.

17:27 That's gross.

17:31 I still like you.

17:32 Okay.

17:34 Oh, that's disgusting.

17:39 What was that meeting about?

17:41 Oh, it turns out Chris is my real dad.

17:44 I think you're lying.

17:45 I think I know what that meeting was about.

17:46 You can't go to Indianapolis.

17:48 There's got to be something that I could do

17:50 to convince you how much I care about you.

17:52 Huh.

17:54 Tell me your least favorite things you have to do

17:56 every day and I'll do them for a month.

17:57 Fine.

17:58 If you do everything I hate for a month, then I might begin to think about

18:02 the possibility of thinking about maybe staying.

18:07 That's all I have to hear.

18:10 You won't live to regret this.

18:12 Unless Andy can unkiss Anne, then I'm not going to change my mind.

18:19 But if he wants to take my dumb sister to her dumb dance class,

18:22 then I'm not going to dumb stop him.

18:26 This is for your gizmo.

18:28 I think you'll find it's pretty good.

18:30 Dear April's grandmother.

18:32 I said grandfather.

18:34 Oh, oops.

18:35 Okay.

18:36 You are a beautiful and amazing woman.

18:37 Man.

18:38 I hope someday I can become half the woman you are.

18:40 He's a man.

18:41 Thank you for the $500.

18:43 It was $5.

18:44 Enjoy the Mouse Rat CD.

18:46 He is deaf.

18:48 Okay.

18:48 Do you want me to make those changes or is it good?

18:53 Natalie.

18:54 Hey, it's me, Andy.

18:56 You're an hour and a half late.

18:58 I know, I know.

18:59 I had to massage a ton of feet.

19:01 Super sorry.

19:02 Come on, get in.

19:03 I need to do everything on April's list or she's not going to go out with me.

19:06 You're into April?

19:08 Uh come on, well, we'll talk about it in the car.

19:11 Hold on, I'll get my books.

19:12 Okay.

19:15 Are you trying to lure this young lady into your van?

19:17 Yeah.

19:19 She's being really difficult about it.

19:21 Uh and it's actually not my van.

19:23 Uh I stole it from a friend of mine.

19:25 I technically shouldn't be even driving because uh my license is crazy expired.

19:31 That's uh Dwyer.

19:33 D W Y E R.

19:36 Dude, come on.

19:37 I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

19:39 NATALIE, TELL this guy you know me.

19:52 Hello.

19:53 Hello.

19:54 How did it go today?

19:55 It was super fun.

19:56 It was?

19:57 Yeah.

19:58 Do you have a list for tomorrow?

20:02 You want to do this again tomorrow?

20:04 Yes, I do.

20:05 I mean, that's the deal, right?

20:05 I got to do it for a whole month

20:07 and then you're not going to move to Indianapolis.

20:17 Better be the only person you kissed today.

20:19 I'm I'm positive that you are.

20:22 So, my band's working on a new album.

20:24 Yeah, what's it called?

20:25 April Ludgate is the best ever volume one.

20:31 Shut up.

20:32 So, uh what do you want to do tonight?

20:33 We could watch TV at Bert Lisa's house or we could watch TV at your house.

20:37 Or I mean, we could watch TV at Best Buy.

20:39 Why don't we go to Tom's thing?

20:41 That weird cologne party thing at the Snake Hole.

20:45 I kind of forgot that you need money when you have a girlfriend.

20:49 Hm.

20:50 I want to treat April like a queen and queens deserve flowers and massages,

20:58 chocolate, booze, diamonds, rubies, emeralds,

21:02 and treasure chests full of scarves,

21:05 different kinds of lubes that warm up when you rub them on stuff.

21:08 I'm going to give her all that stuff and more.

21:11 Hm, that sounds pretty awesome.

21:12 Yeah, let's do it.

21:14 Okay.

21:14 Okay.

21:14 All right, bye.

21:15 Bye.

21:17 I don't know.

21:18 I guess we're dating.

21:20 It's new.

21:21 Whatever, I don't like labels.

21:26 Go away.

21:28 Is everything okay?

21:29 Um kind of sucks that I'm super broke and I want

21:34 to buy you stuff but it's embarrassing that I can't but

21:37 I'm broke, too and I don't want anything.

21:40 I just want to hang out with you.

21:42 Plus, I can get free drinks anytime I want.

21:44 How?

21:45 Uh I'm a girl in a sleazy club.

21:50 Hey.

21:51 Hey.

21:52 I hate drinking alone.

21:54 Can I get you a drink?

21:56 Sure.

21:56 Triple whiskey.

21:57 What's your name?

21:58 Oprah.

21:59 I'm Kevin.

22:00 Cool.

22:01 I kind of want to drink alone.

22:03 But I said I want to drink alone.

22:04 Thanks, bye.

22:06 Here, you take this one.

22:08 I will um get myself a martini from that idiot.

22:14 Oh.

22:15 I got this from a waiter.

22:16 I told him I had a pork deficiency.

22:18 Sweet.

22:18 Pigs in a blanket.

22:19 I always wondered why they call them that.

22:21 Look what I got.

22:22 Look what I got.

22:23 From the bathroom.

22:24 Mints.

22:26 Six of them.

22:27 Hey.

22:27 Yeah.

22:28 Okay.

22:29 [music] Whoever gets the most free stuff by the end of the night wins.

22:34 Deal.

22:35 Go.

22:41 Hey, uh six beers for a table 12?

22:45 Do you work here?

22:46 Yeah.

22:47 My dad owns this place.

22:48 I'm Janet.

22:49 Janet Snakehole.

22:50 Hey.

22:52 This round's ON THE HOUSE.

22:55 HOW about some tips?

22:57 Uh gum or mint, sir?

22:58 Uh gum.

22:59 All out, sir.

23:00 Then uh mints, I guess.

23:01 Don't have those either, sir.

23:03 Do you have anything?

23:03 Out of everything, sir.

23:05 [music] This is so awesome.

23:08 We are like Robin Hood.

23:11 We steal from the club and we give to ourselves.

23:14 I've got a jar of olives,

23:17 a thing of toothpicks that look like swords and a year's supply of toilet paper.

23:24 I got Boom.

23:27 $38 in tips.

23:30 $180.

23:35 Should we give it back?

23:39 Follow me.

23:40 Okay.

23:43 Oh my god.

23:51 Wow.

23:52 Thank you.

23:55 God, it's almost like they don't want to win.

23:59 Well, you better practice.

24:01 You got to win me a teddy bear.

24:02 I'm going to win you a million teddy bears.

24:05 Well, I want a billion teddy bears.

24:07 Well, that's a little unrealistic.

24:09 This is a hard game.

24:11 2 million.

24:14 Deal.

24:14 All right.

24:24 Hey, I love you.

24:27 Dude, shut up.

24:29 THAT IS AWESOME SAUCE.

24:33 You know how Indians call corn maize?

24:37 This is why.

24:38 I never knew that.

24:39 Oh my god, I'm going to go look by myself.

24:42 Hey, are you all right?

24:43 You seem super not happy.

24:46 I'm fine.

24:47 Oh, I forgot to tell you I might be going to Evansville tomorrow forever.

24:53 You're not fine.

24:54 Ludgate, something is upsetting you.

24:56 Why don't you just go ahead and tell me what it is.

24:59 I'm not mad at Andy.

25:00 Andy's great.

25:02 I awesome sauce Andy.

25:05 APRIL, WHERE ARE YOU?

25:08 RON, WILL YOU PLEASE TELL ME why April is mad at me?

25:11 Ron, can you please tell Andy All of you, be quiet.

25:14 Andy, she's mad because you said awesome sauce instead of I love you, too.

25:18 April, he loves you.

25:19 Stop being a child.

25:21 I do love you.

25:24 You do?

25:26 Yeah.

25:27 That's what you know, makes the sauce so awesome.

25:34 My identity was stolen.

25:35 His identity was stolen.

25:39 [laughter] TELL HER ABOUT THE ACCOUNTS.

25:40 They were frozen.

25:42 [laughter] Bye, Kyle.

25:46 Where are you going?

25:47 Oh my god.

25:50 How's the coolest chick ever?

25:51 Not good.

25:52 What do you mean?

25:52 Leslie's making us go on a camping retreat.

25:55 That's awesome.

25:55 Camping's the best.

25:56 Camping sucks.

25:58 It's super boring and you can see the stars, which I hate.

26:02 They're creepy.

26:03 I love camping.

26:04 I bet you I can get you to love it, too.

26:06 Why don't I meet you out there?

26:07 If you hate it, we'll even go make out but if you love it,

26:10 we'll stay and make out.

26:11 Either way, a ton of making out.

26:13 You in?

26:16 What is that?

26:17 Jib.

26:21 Oh my god.

26:26 I found you.

26:28 Oh, I found you.

26:32 And I had to find a squirrel.

26:34 Where have you been?

26:36 I told you I was going to take you camping, didn't I?

26:37 Yeah.

26:38 Well, I'm taking you camping.

26:40 Look at this.

26:40 This is what I had set up at the other

26:41 campsite except for it was way nicer there.

26:44 But this will do.

26:45 I've got some uh champagne and I had to drink most of it to survive.

26:50 So, I'm kind of buzzed right now.

26:53 I'm just glad you're here.

26:55 Can we make out now?

26:59 Andy, I think you maybe should put some more food out.

27:01 Totally agree.

27:02 Just firing up the bagel bites now.

27:04 Hey.

27:06 Oh my god.

27:06 April, you're not supposed to let me see you.

27:08 No, come on.

27:09 You have to look.

27:10 This is important.

27:10 You have to tell me if I look good.

27:12 Hey guys, what's going on?

27:14 Uh it was supposed to be a big

27:16 surprise but tonight me and April are getting married.

27:21 Is April pregnant?

27:22 Are you pregnant?

27:23 Yes.

27:24 Yes?

27:24 No.

27:25 Are you sick?

27:26 Are you terminal?

27:26 Is it like that movie A Walk to Remember?

27:28 Yes.

27:29 What?

27:29 No, God.

27:30 Oh God, why are you doing this?

27:33 Why is this great thing happening?

27:35 Well, I mean, it's actually a

27:37 [laughter] really funny story.

27:37 We were hanging out and suddenly I was like, what if we got married tomorrow?

27:43 And she was like, Fine.

27:48 That is a great story.

27:51 [laughter]

27:50 But you guys haven't been together very long and you have no place to live.

27:54 We've been together long enough and we'll find a place to live.

27:57 Yeah.

27:57 Like a house or like a condo or something.

28:00 Probably a condo.

28:01 It's You can't just get a condo.

28:03 No, you're right.

28:05 House.

28:06 Hi guys, remember how I told you there was going to be a surprise later?

28:09 Well, the surprise is you are not actually at a dinner party.

28:15 You're at our wedding.

28:20 All right, LET'S DO THIS.

28:24 [applause] [music] [music] LADIES AND GENTLEMEN,

28:47 we are gathered here today to marry

28:49 [music] Andrew Maxwell Dwyer and April Roberta Ludgate.

28:55 I guess I kind of hate most things but I never [music] really seem to hate you.

29:02 So, I want to spend the rest of my life with you.

29:05 Is that cool?

29:06 Yes.

29:09 Is it my turn?

29:09 Yes.

29:11 April, you are the most awesome person [music]

29:13 I have ever known in my entire life.

29:15 I vow to protect you from danger.

29:19 I don't care if I have to fight an ultimate [music] fighter or a bear or him,

29:24 your mom, I would take them down.

29:27 Andy.

29:27 I'm getting mad right now even thinking about it.

29:29 I'm telling you.

29:30 It's okay.

29:32 I want to spend the rest [music]

29:34 of my life, every minute with you and I'm the luckiest man in the galaxy.

29:40 And now, the rings.

29:46 By the power vested in me by the state of Indiana,

29:50 I now pronounce you husband and [music] wife.

29:55 [applause] Don't fly away.

30:02 [applause] Bring the love.

30:03 Okay.

30:04 All right, so that one is dead.

30:06 Mighty putty.

30:12 What are we doing?

30:13 We didn't get a single thing that Ben bought us, too.

30:15 Sure we did.

30:16 We got the marshmallow shooter.

30:19 That's I don't think that's on the list.

30:20 But I want it.

30:21 I want it, too.

30:23 But I also kind of want my own fork.

30:26 Just cuz you eat really slow, which is cute, but also super annoying.

30:31 Fine.

30:33 What?

30:33 What's wrong?

30:34 Nothing.

30:34 It's just adults are boring.

30:37 And I hate them, and I don't want to buy

30:38 all this stupid boring adult stuff and become boring adults.

30:41 Hey.

30:42 Listen to me.

30:43 Yes, we're going to get a dish rack and shower curtains and a cutting board.

30:47 But if you think for 1 second I'm not also going to get that marshmallow

30:50 shooter so that I can shoot you

30:52 in the face with marshmallows when you're asleep,

30:54 then you're the dumbest woman I know.

31:00 You're going to make me cry.

31:01 Which rock star would you like to get with?

31:03 Um this is almost too easy.

31:06 Me.

31:06 Let's check in with your boo.

31:09 Yay!

31:11 Sorry.

31:12 Who is Jeff Mangum?

31:14 The guy from Neutral Hotel.

31:17 Oh.

31:18 Neutral Milk Hotel.

31:20 What is that?

31:20 That's my favorite band.

31:21 I've told you that like a thousand times.

31:23 I don't remember.

31:24 Why wouldn't you pick me?

31:26 I don't know.

31:26 You're not technically a rock star.

31:30 Where is your favorite place to smoosh your boo?

31:33 This question is gross.

31:34 That's kind of the point.

31:35 What's your answer?

31:37 In our bed.

31:38 I guess.

31:39 Andy?

31:40 Where's your boo's favorite place to smoosh?

31:42 At the Neutral Milk Hotel.

31:44 Get over it.

31:45 No, you get over it.

31:46 You like some of that dude's band more than me.

31:48 Do you even think that Mouse Rat is the greatest band

31:49 in the world cuz it's starting to not feel that way?

31:51 That band is really important to me,

31:52 and honestly I've asked you to listen to them

31:54 like a million times and you never have, so

31:56 Cuz their music is sad and depressing and weird

31:58 and art is supposed to be happy and fun, and everyone knows that.

32:03 You know what?

32:04 Whatever.

32:05 Forget it.

32:07 Fine.

32:07 Forget it.

32:09 Damn!

32:10 This game's got juice.

32:15 You know this is my house, right?

32:17 Yeah, hi.

32:18 Do you want to come in?

32:21 You okay?

32:22 No.

32:23 Andy is totally mad at me right now,

32:24 and I don't know how to deal with him, so I thought I would ask you.

32:27 You know, Andy and I broke up so long ago.

32:30 I I don't think that I'd be the best source to Please.

32:34 What happened?

32:35 He doesn't think I like Mouse Rat.

32:37 All I said to him was that this other band was better,

32:39 but I don't know why he got all mad

32:40 because it's like an indisputable fact that they're better.

32:42 They're a real band.

32:43 Oh boy.

32:44 Okay.

32:45 Well, Andy just wants you to be proud of him and his music.

32:48 So, this isn't really about being right.

32:51 It's more about being supportive.

32:54 Oh wow, I didn't realize you were a marriage counselor, Ann.

32:58 Sorry.

33:00 My instinct is to be mean to you.

33:02 I understand.

33:08 [music] [music] [music] [singing] [music] What is this?

33:29 Living out my dream, playing a show with the greatest band ever.

33:32 [music] That's my guitar.

33:34 You bought it back from Sewage Joe?

33:36 I actually stole it from his office.

33:40 But whatever.

33:41 He's a weirdo.

33:44 Maybe April doesn't think that we're the greatest band in the world,

33:46 but [music] man, she loves me, and I love her, so you know, who cares?

33:53 I got the greatest wife in the world!

33:57 We're married!

34:00 [music] We're totally going to do it later!

34:02 Oh my god.

34:04 Copy of our new hit single 5,000 Candles

34:06 in the Wind and the new full-length CD, The Awesome Album.

34:11 18 bucks each, 40 for the set.

34:13 I don't know.

34:13 That's That's a lot of money.

34:14 No, it isn't.

34:17 Okay.

34:20 Honey, you are awesome at this.

34:22 Thanks.

34:25 April, I need to ask you something,

34:27 and it's the biggest thing I've ever asked anybody in my entire life.

34:30 Honey, we're already married.

34:32 No, this is way more important than that.

34:35 April Ludgate, would you be my manager?

34:39 Seriously?

34:41 Okay.

34:42 Yeah.

34:45 What is your dream?

34:46 It's to be the biggest rock star in the planet,

34:48 obviously, but that could take another 3 to 5 years.

34:51 Don't get me wrong, shoe shining has been a been a pretty wild ride,

34:55 but is it possible there's something more out there for me?

34:58 Andy, there's tons of stuff you can do.

35:02 I'll help you figure it out.

35:03 Huh?

35:04 Yes.

35:05 One year from now, you, Andy Dwyer, will no longer be a shoe shinist.

35:12 Kyle, beat it.

35:14 I'm going to make out with my wife now.

35:16 But you've only done half of one of my shoes.

35:19 Here.

35:21 No, I haven't done anything.

35:23 Scram, kid.

35:26 Ready?

35:27 I don't know.

35:28 It seems a little crazy.

35:31 Just crazy enough to work.

35:41 My face!

35:42 MY FACE IS FINE.

35:44 MACKLIN PETRY.

35:46 FORGET IT, MACKLIN.

35:47 You're too late.

35:48 I'm sorry, guys.

35:49 I I I need my shaders.

35:51 I cannot see anything.

35:52 You're doing really good.

35:52 You're doing really good.

35:53 Really?

35:53 Yeah.

35:54 Help me, Agent Macklin.

35:55 Help me.

35:56 He's stolen my jewels, and now he's going to ravish my body, and he stinks.

35:59 He really stinks.

36:01 Okay, Janet, Snake Hole belongs to Mother Russia now.

36:04 Oh, that's what you think.

36:05 NOW I HOPE YOU LIKE PAIN.

36:09 GAIL, RUN.

36:10 LOOKS LIKE THIS SIBERIAN husky is going to be rushing off to jail.

36:17 Hey, you know what?

36:18 Can I go?

36:18 Gail is making a roast.

36:20 E H 4 M potato shape coffee mug shape

36:27 smudge smudge middle finger smudge the rest are all smudges.

36:32 god, you drove us here.

36:34 We made like a hundred million doctor's appointments for ourselves in 1 week.

36:38 After this, we won't have to go to the doctor for like 10 years.

36:41 Because we're smart.

36:44 Well, you definitely need glasses.

36:46 No, he's not getting glasses.

36:47 I like his face the way it is.

36:48 If he gets glasses, I'll divorce you.

36:50 Well, you heard her, doc.

36:51 Too handsome for glasses.

36:53 No offense.

36:54 Okay, if you're allergic to any food, we'll know in a few days.

36:57 I think based on the redness, I might be allergic to getting stabbed by needles.

37:01 We have already been to like five different doctors.

37:03 Uh I got my ankles microwaved.

37:06 X-rayed.

37:06 They took my blood away to use for science.

37:08 Cholesterol test.

37:08 April had her sinuses removed.

37:11 Looked at.

37:12 Some guy looked at my weiner, touched it.

37:14 That was weird.

37:15 And that guy wasn't even a doctor.

37:16 That What?

37:20 Yikes.

37:23 Okay, uh guys, let's motor.

37:25 Guys.

37:26 Guys, let's go get some astronaut ice cream or something.

37:29 We were thinking about maybe just uh we were maybe we were going to go back to

37:33 to have sex.

37:34 Okay.

37:35 You look great, April.

37:36 All right.

37:38 So, does this look familiar?

37:41 No, not at all.

37:42 I was talking to Joey.

37:43 Joey!

37:44 There you are.

37:46 Oh god, I was so worried.

37:48 Thank you so much.

37:50 You'll never know how much I appreciate it.

37:52 Just doing my job, ma'am.

37:54 Thank you for saving me, Andy.

37:56 Thank you, too, Miss Hitler.

37:58 What?

37:58 Don't worry about it.

38:00 Wow, you made those losers very happy.

38:03 Oh no, I didn't.

38:04 Burt Macklin did.

38:05 No.

38:07 FBI.

38:07 Actually, Burt Macklin kind of made that little boy cry.

38:10 Well, he's a rogue agent who refuses to play by the rules.

38:12 Seriously, I think Andy Dwyer makes a better real cop than Burt Macklin.

38:16 Maybe it's time for Burt Macklin to hang up his shades.

38:22 MY WIFE IS PREGNANT!

38:25 OKAY, PUT ME DOWN.

38:26 HEY, YOU CAN'T keep it from me.

38:27 I found the pregnancy test, honey.

38:28 Honey, I'm not pregnant, okay?

38:29 And if I were, you shouldn't lift me up.

38:31 Wait, are you sure you're not?

38:33 Yeah, we've talked about this.

38:35 Remember?

38:36 I want to wait until we're 50 and then

38:37 adopt a set of creepy adult twins from Romania.

38:40 of course.

38:41 Actually, there is something I need to tell you.

38:43 You're [gasps] pregnant!

38:45 No.

38:46 No, we just ruled that out.

38:48 Dang it.

38:49 Okay, a while ago I applied to veterinary school in Bloomington,

38:52 and I just found out that I got in.

38:56 You did?

38:57 That's amazing!

38:58 Wait, why did you wait to tell me?

39:00 Because I don't even know if I want to go, okay?

39:03 I mean, yes, it's been my dream to work

39:04 with animals since I was a kid and everything,

39:07 but it would mean I'd be spending a lot of time apart from you and

39:10 Oh, we could get through that.

39:12 I mean, look, it it would suck for a while,

39:14 and I would miss you when you're gone,

39:16 but as I've known about you for the past 20 seconds, this is your dream.

39:25 I'm really glad I married you.

39:26 Yeah, we made a good call on that one.

39:30 Do you like the Lord Fancy Face guy?

39:31 Oh, he's awesome.

39:32 He's everything you would want in a boss.

39:34 I mean, remote control helicopters, talks funny, total package.

39:38 I think you should do it.

39:40 When are you going to have another opportunity like this?

39:42 Plus, we can deal with the distance, okay?

39:44 Remember I was in Washington last year?

39:48 You said you wanted me to head up the company.

39:49 I have no idea how to run a nonprofit.

39:52 Hey.

39:53 You shined shoes for over 2 years and never made a profit.

39:59 Come on, you can hack this.

40:01 I believe in you.

40:04 But to replace you, I am going to have to build

40:06 a scarecrow replica of you and take it to the movies.

40:09 Seems like the only logical solution.

40:17 What the hell?

40:19 Someone's back from London, though it's not the queen.

40:24 Someone's back from London, it's not Mr.

40:27 Bean.

40:28 Oh my It's not the royal baby.

40:30 [music] I think his name is Jerry.

40:32 Stop singing and kiss me.

40:34 Oh my god, what are you doing here?

40:37 missed you so bad, honey.

40:38 I bought myself a ticket home.

40:40 You're never going to need that computer again.

40:44 Cuz I'm home for like 19 hours.

40:46 This is so sweet, just like the old days.

40:49 Take a hike, Jerry.

40:51 It's Larry now.

40:52 Okay, take a hike, Larry.

40:54 I don't want you to go back to London.

40:55 Just remember, every time you look up at the moon,

40:58 I too will be looking at a moon.

41:01 Not the same moon, obviously, that's impossible.

41:03 See you on stupid Skype.

41:09 I'm proud of Andy.

41:10 This is the first time he's really gone out on a limb.

41:13 I knew if he found something that he actually liked doing, he'd be happy.

41:17 So, I'm What the hell?

41:23 Andy, I know you're in there.

41:25 Andy, come on.

41:30 Oh, hey.

41:32 I was just just here in this dumpster cuz uh I jumped in.

41:37 Get out.

41:37 We need to talk.

41:39 About what?

41:41 I can't go back to London.

41:43 I'm totally in over my head on this project.

41:45 Every day someone comes up to me and says, "I need your approval on this, Mr.

41:49 Dwyer.

41:49 I need your signature, Mr.

41:50 Dwyer.

41:51 That's not a toilet, Mr.

41:52 Dwyer." But you said everything was going awesome.

41:54 You said you were like Chuck Norris.

41:56 I am, but I'm like Chuck Norris now.

41:58 Some old guy with a beard who used to be good at karate,

42:00 but became a dumb has-been and is scared and confused about his big London job.

42:06 Okay.

42:07 The parallels between he and I are very eerie.

42:10 I'm going to tell you a secret about everyone else's job.

42:12 Okay.

42:13 No one knows what they're doing.

42:15 I don't know how to run an animal control department.

42:18 Half the documents I get,

42:19 I put right into the shredder because they're so boring.

42:21 But you seem like you do know what you're doing.

42:24 Yeah, I seem like it.

42:25 Deep down, everyone is just faking it until they figure it out.

42:30 And you will, too, because you're awesome and everyone else sucks.

42:34 Attention, please.

42:35 Well, the votes are in.

42:37 And your Pawnee High Prom King and Queen are Lucy Taylor and Andy Dwyer.

42:46 What?

42:47 I bought the box and I threw away all

42:48 the votes and I voted for you a thousand times.

42:50 You should get on up there, King Dwyer.

42:54 Not without my queen.

42:57 [applause] Hi, Pawnee High.

43:00 As your prom king, I AM YOUR RULER.

43:04 SILENCE!

43:06 MY FIRST DECREE OF POWER IS TO DECLARE

43:09 THAT THE PROM QUEEN SHALL BE MY WIFE, APRIL LUDGATE,

43:13 WHO IS THE BEST thing that's ever happened to me,

43:15 who came to prom even though she hates it.

43:17 Give me this.

43:18 You always next year.

43:20 No, there isn't.

43:20 I'm a senior.

43:21 This is your wife?

43:22 How old are you?

43:23 He's 33 and I'm 47 {slash} immortal.

43:26 GET OUT.

43:27 HIGH SCHOOL FOREVER!

43:30 I'VE BEEN THINKING A LOT ABOUT WHAT [music] YOU SAID.

43:32 I MADE A list of everything that I know you like.

43:35 Playing with our dog, staring contests, sex with me, etc.

43:40 And then I lost the list.

43:42 So, I had to make a new list.

43:43 I didn't have any paper, so I wrote it on my leg.

43:45 And that's when my leg fell asleep.

43:48 Okay, can you just skip ahead a little?

43:50 What do all the things on that list have in common?

43:52 They're one-on-one.

43:54 You like dealing with people or dogs one-on-one.

43:59 See, we don't make a list of the things that you love.

44:02 We make a list of the reasons why you love them.

44:05 And then we find something that fits that list.

44:08 You're the best husband ever.

44:13 Gabe, we're getting close.

44:15 Babe, you look more beautiful right now than I've ever seen you.

44:19 Wow.

44:20 Just your luck that you're going into labor on Halloween.

44:23 Can I get a warm towel to get that makeup off?

44:25 NO, I WANT IT ON.

44:27 That's the whole point.

44:28 I put the makeup on after I went into labor.

44:30 Whatever blows your skirt up.

44:32 Okay, you ready to push?

44:34 Wait, no, babe.

44:35 My Burt Macklin.

44:39 Here comes a contraction.

44:40 Are you ready?

44:41 Okay, I'm ready.

44:42 Let's do this.

44:48 [music] Burt Macklin Jr.?

44:56 Mm, we need a Halloween angle.

44:58 How about demon spawn baby Satan Dwyer?

45:03 Oh, I like that.

45:04 Yeah, or uh maybe Burt snake hole Ludgate.

45:09 Karate Dracula Macklin demon jack-o'-lantern Dwyer.

45:13 Can we call him Jack for short?

45:15 Hey, hi.

45:16 Oh, I want to scream, but I don't want to wake up my godchild.

45:19 I'm assuming it's my godchild, right?

45:20 We can talk about it later.

45:21 Congrats, guys.

45:22 I know it came unexpectedly early, but pretty cool he was born in Pawnee.

45:26 Where do I put these?

45:27 I have so many presents.

45:28 It's weird.

45:29 Yes.

45:30 All for the baby?

45:32 Just put them over there.

45:35 What's his name?

45:36 Jack.

45:37 Aw, [sighs] that's good.

45:40 Welcome to the team, little guy.