Presidential Fitness | Hegseth's Bubble | Trump's War Is Bad For Business | Met Gala's Wild Looks

0:00 Welcome one and all to the Late Show.

0:01 I'm your host Steven Colbear.

0:03 I just [cheering] want to start off.

0:06 First want to start off tonight by saying uh happy Cinco de Mayo everybody.

0:10 [cheering]

0:13 For those who don't know, Cinco de Mayo is the day a co-orker in a problematic

0:18 hat is going to invite you out for margaritas.

0:22 Larry, you seem nice, but I don't want to go for drinks.

0:26 We are not amigos.

0:27 We are at best acquaintances del work.

0:32 This Cinco de Mayo is extra special because it happens to fall on taco

0:35 Tuesday and [cheering and applause] really and there

0:41 is some festive deals to be had.

0:43 Taco Bell is offering free crunch wrap

0:45 supremes and 7-Eleven has a bogo on burritos.

0:51 And I'm guessing if you eat more than one 7-Eleven burrito,

0:54 you going to the hospital.

0:57 [applause and cheering] But of course, it's fun.

1:00 It's fun celebration.

1:01 Of course, the big story remains the war in Iran.

1:04 It's tragic and confusing, and I don't want to talk about it anymore.

1:08 So, stop it.

1:09 Stop it.

1:09 Stop it.

1:09 Stop it.

1:11 Off the war.

1:13 Cuz Thank you.

1:15 Nice hands.

1:16 Cuz we got other stuff to think about.

1:19 Okay, it's already May.

1:20 Are we getting a house on the shore this summer?

1:22 Or or or we going to really splurge and get a whole tank of gas?

1:26 So now against my expressed wishes,

1:29 it is time for another Hormuz [singing and music] news you can use.

1:34 [cheering] Would rather drink booze.

1:38 [applause] According to the latest reports, the straight is closed.

1:44 We think because only two ships were known to have passed through

1:48 the waterway on Monday and some 1600

1:50 ships and roughly 20,000 seafares remain stranded.

1:55 Stranded seafarers.

1:57 You know what that leads to?

1:58 Scurvy, cannibalism,

2:00 and lonely sailors fashioning Dutch wives out of rags and soap.

2:05 [laughter] You are so lovely, Greta, [laughter] and so quiet.

2:14 There are reports of the US and Iran exchanging fire.

2:18 And today, for the second day in a row,

2:20 Iran hit the UAE with drones and missiles.

2:23 That is dangerous.

2:24 Okay.

2:24 not just to M East peace but to my parent

2:27 corporation because Paramount's bid to buy Warner Brothers relies

2:31 on $24 billion in Gulf funds including the Limad Holding

2:36 Company which is run by the crown prince of the UAE.

2:40 So do you this war could endanger the future UAE approved version of HBO

2:47 with the hot Euphoria reboot Obey

2:49 Your Parents [applause and cheering] this morning.

2:53 Just this morning was just this morning in the Oval Office,

2:56 Trump announced the return of the presidential fitness test to a group of small

3:01 children and of course talked about the stakes of the war in Iran.

3:06 We can't let Iran have a nuclear weapon.

3:08 You might be too young for this.

3:10 I don't know if I want.

3:11 They probably know they they probably know better than most people.

3:14 But you can't let a bunch of lunatics have

3:17 a nuclear weapon or the world would be in trouble.

3:21 A very important thing.

3:22 So, we would have had a ran an Iran with a nuclear

3:27 weapon and maybe we wouldn't all be here right now.

3:31 All right, kids.

3:33 [laughter] Now, let's read Green Eggs and Ham.

3:36 The The eggs are green because

3:39 the chickens have mutated from radioactive fallout.

3:42 But don't worry, you won't have to eat it.

3:45 You'll all be dead [laughter] then.

3:51 And again, this is in front of a small crowd of very small children.

3:56 Trump told the kids what Iran would have to do for the war to end.

4:01 That's not the way we play.

4:02 No, we do it the oldfashioned way.

4:05 And they should wave.

4:07 They're very proud.

4:09 Maybe you won't see a white flag, but essentially that's already what they are.

4:14 They need they should wave the white the flag.

4:17 The white flag of surrender.

4:20 In hockey they say uh uncle, right?

4:28 Yes.

4:27 Yes.

4:27 In hockey they say uncle.

4:30 We all remember the miracle on ice.

4:33 5 seconds are left in the game.

4:34 Do you believe in uncle?

4:37 Yes.

4:37 [screaming] Speaking speaking of confused children.

4:42 Pete Hegath today the SEC deaf explained

4:46 the operation to guide ships through the straight

4:48 of Hormuz and how it's different from the war which is currently in a ceasefire.

4:54 This is a separate and distinct effort temporary

4:56 in nature that we plan to hand over the world.

4:58 So the president was willing to undertake this send commercial ships through

5:02 send destroyers in provide this red white and blue bubble of protection.

5:06 Ah, yes, that timehonored metaphor for something impenetrable and long lasting.

5:12 The bubble.

5:13 [laughter] Hegath.

5:15 Sorry, Hegathth also got a question about

5:18 some surprising reports about a secret weapon.

5:22 Can you kind of clarify these reports

5:24 of kamicazi dolphins that we've heard about?

5:27 I can't confirm or deny whether we have kamicazi dolphins.

5:30 Uh, but I can confirm they don't.

5:32 Well, then clearly we have kamicazi dolphins.

5:38 He just we strapped porpuses with high

5:41 explosives and then depressed them sufficiently

5:45 that they're willing to ram ships in exchange for the promise of herring.

5:51 What do you think about that, flipper?

5:57 I agree.

5:58 [cheering and applause] [music] We got suicidal dolphins.

6:04 [applause] As Trump's war in Iran drags on, the world economy

6:07 is not happy and consumers are feeling the pinch all over.

6:11 In fact, thanks to the higher gas prices,

6:14 Domino's reported lower than projected sales.

6:17 They've even had to update the tracker steps to order,

6:21 prep, check status of Car Island.

6:24 Thanks to high jet fuel prices, airlines are also in trouble.

6:28 And now Delta is eliminating all food and beverage service on 450 daily flights.

6:34 Losing food and beverage service is going to be a huge adjustments.

6:39 It means no more returning from the bathroom like this.

6:50 [laughter]

6:56 [applause] [applause] [applause] So, airlines are pinching pennies on snacks

7:13 and everyday Americans are struggling to make ends meet,

7:16 which means it's the perfect time for the Met Gala,

7:19 the annual event when Americans come together to watch the richest

7:23 people wear the most expensive clothes that make you say, "What?

7:28 That's crazy." And you go, Coleman Domingo.

7:35 [applause] Fantastic.

7:37 The dress code this year was fashion is art,

7:40 which is nice, but a little predictable.

7:43 It's always fashion this and fashion that.

7:45 Maybe just one year it could be something cool like big rigged trucks.

7:49 You know, something fun.

7:50 Hot glue guns or those big stump grinders they bring in to get out your stump.

7:56 Those are fun.

7:58 As always, there were some wild looks.

8:00 Katy Perry uh stunned as the big boy.

8:06 Some celebs.

8:07 You like that one, Mr.

8:09 Lampley?

8:09 You enjoyed that one?

8:10 I'm glad.

8:11 11 years in.

8:12 Got a laugh out of you.

8:12 I'm so glad.

8:14 He's a hard nut to crack at Lampley.

8:17 Some celebs had fun with makeup.

8:19 Bad Bunny transformed into a sexy Dosekis guy.

8:24 [cheering] Cardi B.

8:26 Cardi B showed up as that thing

8:27 on your neck you've been meaning to get checked out.

8:31 Miss B was asked about her postgala plans and her response was not reassuring.

8:37 What after parties are you hitting tonight?

8:39 Uh, I don't know.

8:41 You know, you you got want to know a secret?

8:43 I'm actually sick and I have a fever.

8:45 [cheering] Yep.

8:47 And based on the expression of the guy behind

8:49 her, he is learning that information in real time.

8:53 We got a great show for you tonight.

8:56 I sit down with President Barack Obama.

8:59 Join us, won't you?

9:01 [music] [applause] [music] [music] [cheering]