Henry VIII - OverSimplified
OverSimplified
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0:13 (medieval orchestra music)- (gags) Sigmund, I don't have much longer.
0:17 Tell me, was I a good King?
0:19 Ugh, you were okay.
0:21 Will I be remembered as the great warrior king who invaded France,
0:25 revolutionized English healthcare, and developed great park lands?
0:29 Um, probably not.
0:31 'Cause of the wife killings?
0:33 'Cause of the wife killings.
0:34 (gags) (takes bite) Sigmund, how did I get here?
0:39 I still remember the good old days when I was a boy
0:42 with a heart full of fire and Mummy would teach me.
0:45 (dreamy harp music) (whimsical clarinet music)- Okay, Henry, this is a horse.
0:49 Can you say horse?
0:51 Ho, ho, divorce!
0:53 What, no.
0:54 Okay, let's try this one.
0:56 Can you say loaf of bread?
0:59 Ll, off with her head!
1:01 No, Henry, that's wrong!
1:03 You know what, last one.
1:04 Okay, can you say soap?
1:07 Soap!
1:09 Sss, sss.
1:10 Yes.
1:11 That's it.
1:12 I'm the supreme head of the church!
1:13 Screw the Pope!
1:15 You know what?
1:16 You're my son and I love you, but you're freaking weird, man.
1:19 (light orchestra music) (upbeat music)- [Narrator] The year is 1491.
1:25 England has just come out of three decades
1:27 of civil war in which a bunch of Henrys,
1:29 Edwards, and one Richard had a little ding
1:31 dong over which Royal house should rule the round.
1:34 Finally, a Henry won, Henry VII, and he had a son.
1:37 (whimsical orchestra music)- What should we name him?
1:39 My Royal lineage is full of Henrys, a fine name,
1:42 a vigorous name, a tenacious name, a muscular name.
1:45 How about Arthur?
1:46 [Narrator] And so Arthur, Prince of Wales,
1:48 and next in line to the throne was born.
1:50 Five years later, Prince Henry was born, but nobody cares about him.
1:53 He's not the heir, just a spare.
1:55 the King wanted to make an Alliance with Spain.
1:57 So one day, he said to his son, Arthur, "Hey, baby, "you see that lady, baby?
2:02 "That's going to be your wife."- But father, I'm not even three years old yet.
2:05 Listen, there's something you have to understand.
2:07 You're my son, but more than that, you're a political bargaining tool.
2:13 But you love me, right?
2:14 I love you as a political bargaining tool.
2:17 Yay.
2:17 Hey, pop.
2:18 Who the heck are you?
2:19 I've written you a poem.
2:20 Listen here, tiny man, can't you see that I'm busy?
2:23 But I'm your son.
2:24 I have another son?
2:25 [Narrator] as Arthur was in another palace being prepped to become King,
2:28 (medieval orchestra music) Henry lived
2:29 with his mother and two sisters at Eltham,
2:31 where he was being trained for a church career,
2:33 and not just that, Henry learnt languages.
2:35 He played sports.
2:36 He learned the recorder.
2:38 What a nerd.
2:39 Am I right?
2:40 Wrong, Henry was the coolest kid around.
2:42 (mellow jazz music)- So I told my Latin teacher he could kissius my buttius.
2:47 (audience laughing) Anyway, here's Wonderwall.
2:50 (crowd cheering) (upbeat xylophone music)-
2:52 Great scholars and theologians from across
2:54 Europe came to meet and teach the young Prince Henry,
2:56 who by all accounts was a very enlightened, bright, and charming young boy.
3:00 (crowd cheering) Everybody loved Henry,
3:02 and out of everything Henry was taught more than anything,
3:05 he came to adore and respect theology and Catholicism.
3:09 One of Henry's tutors was English poet Laureate, John Skelton,
3:12 who wrote a textbook for Henry that we still have today.
3:15 In it, he wrote a number of important lessons for the young Prince,
3:18 such as, "Do not be mean," "loathe gluttony," and "Do
3:22 not violate widows," important lessons for any nine-year-old boy.
3:26 (medieval orchestra music) Around this time,
3:27 Henry's older brother, Arthur, now 15-years-old,
3:29 was married to Catherine of Aragon sealing the union between England and Spain,
3:33 (crowd cheers) and then he died.
3:35 (crowd groans) (sad organ music)- Oh, my alliance with Spain.
3:38 My poor, poor alliance with Spain.
3:41 And your son, sire?
3:42 Oh yes, of course, my son, but mostly my alliance with Spain.
3:47 Hey, pop.
3:48 Who the heck are you?
3:49 Oh yeah!
3:50 (whimsical orchestra music)- And just like that, an unprepared
3:52 Prince Henry was now the new heir to the throne.
3:54 And how about that alliance with Spain?
3:56 Well, the solution was simple.
3:58 Hey, Boy, see that full grown woman over there?
4:01 That's gonna be your wife.
4:03 What, my brother's widow?
4:05 Yes.
4:05 You're a fricking weirdo, man.
4:07 [Narrator] Now, in the Bible,
4:08 there's a verse that says marrying your brother's widow, that's a big no-no.
4:11 So the King needed to convince the Pope and get his special permission.
4:16 Hey, can I please have my son marry his brother's widow?
4:19 Eh, sure, why not?
4:20 [Narrator] And so it was.
4:21 Henry's life was turned on its head as he was
4:23 moved to the Royal court next in line to the throne,
4:26 but tragedy struck when just a few months later,
4:29 his mother with whom he was very close, suddenly died in childbirth.
4:32 The loss of his mother almost certainly had a big effect on the young boy.
4:37 (inquisitive orchestra music) In his older years,
4:38 King Henry VII went on a bit of a paranoid trip.
4:41 As was normal for a King at the time,
4:42 Henry VII had had to quell a number of rebellions,
4:45 and as he aged, he became ever more suspicious of the nobility around him.
4:49 To keep them in check,
4:50 he began levying huge ruinous fines left, right, and center.
4:54 Dukes, Bishops, Barons, even his own mother, no one was safe from his tyranny,
4:59 and the nobility of England began to suffer.
5:02 So when Henry VII finally got sick and died just after Christmas,
5:05 1508, there was a lot of celebration,
5:07 (cheering) (upbeat orchestral music) not only because
5:09 the tyrannical Henry the seventh was gone,
5:11 but because his replacement was the ever popular,
5:13 charming, and handsome 18-year-old, King Henry VIII.
5:17 Henry married Catherine of Aragon in June, 1509.
5:20 You may be wondering,
5:21 if it's so weird to marry your brother's widow and since he's now King,
5:24 couldn't Henry just decide not to?
5:26 Well, yes he could, but by now, Henry wanted to.
5:30 The thing about Henry that was unlike many
5:32 kings of the time was he married for love,
5:35 and he'd grown quite fond of Catherine, very fond.
5:38 Historians say their marriage was unusually good,
5:41 and so he was coronated King and what a King.
5:43 (crowd cheers) Compared to his tyrannical father, he was an absolute joy.
5:46 Having the blood of two royal houses, he was widely supported.
5:50 He was really, really,
5:51 ridiculously good-looking and those famous calves could achieve world peace.
5:54 (cat calls)- Hey Henry, now that you're King, you know what that means?
5:58 (group cheering) COSTUME PARTY!
6:00 (whimsical orchestra music)- Henry pranced around
6:01 the palace playing dress up with his friends.
6:03 He wrote plays.
6:04 He sang songs.
6:05 He danced.
6:06 A true Renaissance man,
6:08 very different from the gluttonous wife killer we think of today.
6:11 In his early reign, people from near and far
6:13 would come to ask favors of the generous king.
6:15 Hey man, could I gain ownership of some land near Upton Snodsbury?
6:19 Sure thing, pal!
6:20 Hey, could I be an Earl or a Baron or a Viscount or something?
6:23 Anything you want, man.
6:25 Could I get like, just like a really cool
6:27 pig that has like freaking metal wings and eight
6:30 legs and shoots flippin lasers and it can
6:32 grow more pigs out of it for extra pigs?
6:34 Say no more.
6:35 Hey guys, I was just checking up on the financial report and what the hell?
6:41 We can't afford this!
6:42 [Narrator] Henry's council that he inherited
6:43 from his father weren't happy with all the money
6:45 he was just throwing around and they worked hard to curb the king's spending.
6:48 Since they controlled the royal seals needed to get stuff done, at first,
6:52 they were largely able to control the young king, and for Henry,
6:55 the most infuriating things of all was they wouldn't let
6:58 him joust with his friends because it was too dangerous,
7:00 nor would they let him do the thing he wanted most, to go on a great, glorious,
7:05 and expensive conquest against England's historic enemy, France.
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8:07 Now, where were we?
8:08 Oh yeah.
8:09 Sexy calves, excessive spending, and war with France.
8:13 Henry wanted glory.
8:13 (whimsical orchestra music) He wanted to go down in history.
8:16 If you didn't go to war in France was he even the King of England?
8:19 Man, I want to go to war so bad, but the council won't let me.
8:22 Hey, maybe I can help with that.
8:24 Whoa, it's Cardinal Wolsey, one of my best friends,
8:26 despite being an old ass man.
8:28 [Narrator] Cardinal Wolsey knew that if he helped King Henry,
8:30 there'd likely be something in it for him.
8:32 So what was his great intricate plan to curb the council's power?
8:36 You're the king, dumb-dumb.
8:37 You can do whatever you want.
8:39 What?
8:40 [Narrator] Wolsey began writing bills that simply didn't require the seals,
8:43 and thus, Henry was back on top.
8:45 For his efforts, Wolsey began to climb the ranks,
8:48 and he became something of a yes-man for King Henry,
8:50 encouraging Henry to frolic and play while Wolsey took care of business.
8:54 (Henry humming)- Hey kid, you want to go on an adventure?
8:59 Do I ever?
9:01 [Narrator] The Pope was at war with France and he needed some help.
9:03 He offered the young impressionable King Henry 100 Parmesan cheeses, some wine,
9:07 and a golden rose if he came to the Pope's aid, and Henry was all in.
9:12 At this point in his life, he still respected the church and loved the Pope,
9:15 and here was a chance for war he had been waiting for.
9:18 He still didn't have an heir,
9:20 a fairly big problem for a Monarch at the time, but right now,
9:22 the only kind of smashing he was interested
9:24 in was smashing French guys in the face, (groaning) and so off he went.
9:28 (intense percussion music) The English already held the French city of Calais.
9:31 From there, Henry made a glorious victory at the Battle of The Spurs.
9:34 (armies yelling) He took the French cities of Therouanne and Tournai.
9:37 Word of his victories spread.
9:38 This was it.
9:39 Here was the glory he had been waiting for.
9:41 Back home, his beautiful wife also led armies to victory in Scotland,
9:45 and better yet, she was pregnant.
9:47 Soon, Henry would have an heir.
9:49 All of Henry's wildest dreams were coming true.
9:52 Oh, he ran out of money.
9:53 As the French prepared to invade Italy, all Henry could do was go home.
9:58 Well, at least now I have an heir to cheer me up.
10:00 (whimsical orchestra music) Bring me my son.
10:02 Henry, this is Mary.
10:03 Mary?
10:04 That's a funny name for a boy.
10:06 Henry, it's a girl.
10:08 (screaming)- [Narrator] This was Katherine's fifth pregnancy
10:12 that had not resulted in a male heir.
10:14 Happy Henry wasn't so happy anymore.
10:17 You still haven't given me a male heir.
10:19 Well, how do you know it's my problem?
10:20 Maybe it's your problem, Henry.
10:22 It couldn't be my problem because I've been boinking half your maid staff,
10:25 and one of them gave me a boy-uh.
10:27 I mean, sure.
10:28 Yeah, you know what?
10:29 Maybe it's my problem.
10:31 I'll look into that.
10:32 [Narrator] Cardinal Wolsey, now Henry's Lord Chancellor,
10:34 knew his job depended on keeping Henry happy, and so he said,
10:37 "Well, if you can't be the great warrior,
10:39 "then how about the great peacemaker?"- Not as cool, but okay.
10:43 [Narrator] And so the Field of the Cloth of Gold,
10:45 a glamorous peace summit between England and France was held.
10:47 The king of France, Frances I, was essentially the French version of King Henry,
10:51 and the whole thing was basically one giant codpiece measuring contest.
10:55 The two sides did agree to a peace treaty.
10:57 However, it didn't last long.
10:59 You see, there was a third major player in European politics at the time,
11:02 an exquisite specimen of Royal inbreeding, an heir to a huge inheritance,
11:06 and a chin that could hit a home run, Holy Roman Emperor, Charles V.
11:10 he was Henry's wife's nephew.
11:12 Henry had helped him out in the past to put down a Spanish rebellion,
11:15 and now, the two wanted to make an alliance, and so a marriage was arranged.
11:19 Mary I'd like to introduce you to your 22-year-old,
11:21 fully grown, adult cousin, and now, your future husband.
11:25 Ew, he looks inbred.
11:27 Mary, we're all inbred!
11:29 (whimsical percussion music)- With their new alliance,
11:30 Charles and Henry agreed to team up and relaunch a campaign against France.
11:34 In 1522, the English landed and stormed as far South as Agincourt,
11:37 but Charles didn't commit significant forces.
11:40 Whoops, sorry, man.
11:41 Not sure what happened.
11:42 I'll join in next year.
11:43 [Narrator] The next year, England swept Northern France,
11:45 almost taking Paris, but once again, where was Charles?
11:49 Aw man, I'm so sorry.
11:50 I promise next year I'll be there.
11:52 [Narrator] The next year came and a fed up
11:53 Henry decided he was going to sit this one out,
11:55 and just as Charles ravaged the French
11:57 at the Battle of Pavia and captured the French King.
12:00 (whimsical orchestra music)- Holy crap, dude.
12:01 Yeah, I totally kicked France's butt.
12:04 That's great!
12:04 So can I have the French throne like we agreed?
12:07 Mmm, no.
12:09 What?
12:10 And also I don't want to marry your ugly daughter anymore.
12:12 (indistinct) Ugly?
12:13 Have you seen your chin?
12:15 Mummy says it's a strong chin for a strong boy!
12:18 [Narrator] As Henry's alliance with Charles fell apart,
12:20 Henry knew his days as a warrior were over.
12:23 This was a problem for Henry, but it was a bigger problem for his wife.
12:26 Catherine of Aragon had two jobs.
12:28 The first was to give Henry a male heir,
12:30 but the second was to maintain an alliance with her relatives in Spain,
12:34 including her nephew.
12:35 She had failed and Henry's sexy eyes began to wander.
12:39 Home from all his wars,
12:40 Henry ate up his daily 5,000 calories of meat as an infatuation
12:43 began to grow for one of his wife's ladies in waiting,
12:47 Anne Boleyn, beautiful, intelligent, cultured.
12:49 She was exactly Henry's type.
12:51 Now, Henry had had dozens of mistresses, including Anne's sister,
12:55 but Anne didn't want to just be Henry's side chick.
12:58 She wanted to be his queen.
13:00 Henry sent dozens of letters, thirsty love poems.
13:03 In one, he proclaimed that he would like to kiss her pretty duckies.
13:06 Henry's loins were on fire,
13:08 but Anne kept him at just the right distance to drive him crazy
13:12 and push him to find a way to get rid of his current wife.
13:15 (ominous cello music)- Wolsey I want a divorce
13:17 and as the representative of the Pope here in England,
13:19 I expect you to sort it out quickly and quietly.
13:22 I don't want this to turn into a Europe-wide scandal.
13:25 You got it your majesty.
13:26 Hey, big Papa, my boy, Henry, says he wants to divorce his wife.
13:31 Any chance?
13:34 (whimsical orchestra music)- To Henry's shock and horror,
13:36 Wolsey deferred the case back to the Pope in Rome.
13:38 To make matters worse, after all the Wars in Europe,
13:41 the Pope was currently under the thumb of Charles V.
13:43 Now, everybody knew what was going on, and Henry's
13:46 divorce trial had become a pawn of greater European politics.
13:50 For Wolsey, the decision was a disaster.
13:52 His job was to keep Henry happy, and Henry was very, very unhappy.
13:57 Nevertheless, the divorce trial began.
13:59 Henry's case rested upon the Bible verse in Leviticus
14:01 that claimed marrying your brother's widow would lead to childlessness,
14:04 and Henry was certainly having a hard time getting a male heir.
14:08 He argued that the Pope had got it wrong when he allowed Henry
14:10 to marry his brother's widow and that now divorce was the only solution.
14:14 However, the Pope and Charles V acquired
14:16 some interesting letters from an unknown source.
14:19 He wants to kiss her pretty duckies?
14:22 Man, this guys loins are on fire!
14:25 [Narrator] The Pope now knew the case for divorce
14:27 may not actually be found in Henry's Bible, but in Henry's pants.
14:30 After escaping Charles V,
14:31 the Pope did send out one Cardinal Campeggio to oversee the trial.
14:35 Campeggio is an old man racked with gout.
14:38 It took him six painful months to travel from Rome to England,
14:41 and when he finally got there,
14:43 this kept happening- Hey, I need you to take a look at this evidence.
14:46 I can't.
14:46 My gout is acting up.
14:47 Hey, are you ready to take my testimony?
14:49 I can't.
14:50 My gout is acting up.
14:51 Hey, can you please make a decision?
14:54 I can't.
14:54 Your gout is acting up?
14:55 My gout is acting up.
14:56 [Narrator] Anne Boleyn,
14:57 with her Protestant views and support of the reformation,
14:59 suspected the Pope was just delaying.
15:01 For two whole years, the trial dragged on and on, and in the end,
15:05 the Pope simply said, "No, no divorce for you." Henry,
15:09 the king that had previously defended the Pope militarily
15:11 from France and intellectually from the reformist ideas of Martin Luther,
15:15 who had once respected the Pope above all,
15:18 now found the Pope standing between him and fourth base.
15:21 Your majesty, what will you do?
15:23 I'm the King dumb-dumb.
15:24 I can do whatever I want.
15:26 What?
15:27 [Narrator] For his failure, Henry removed Wolsey from the court,
15:29 a decision that was likely influenced by Anne Boleyn, who disliked the Cardinal.
15:33 Having fallen from grace and with potential charges of treason over his head,
15:37 Wolsey died of illness a year later.
15:39 Then Henry set about removing England from the influence of the Pope.
15:43 Hey, if you do that, I'll excommunicate you.
15:46 Who cares, man?
15:47 Oh no, apathy, my weakness.
15:50 [Narrator] Henry gathered theologians and scholars together
15:52 to help him make his case against the Pope.
15:54 Together, they argued to the people of England
15:56 that the Pope's rule over the church was basically a takeover of what had
15:59 once been a self-governing national English church, and if that sounds familiar,
16:04 some historians do believe this moment may
16:06 have laid the foundations for English euroscepticism.
16:09 That's right, Brexit may have been influenced by Henry's explosive loins.
16:13 By and large, the people gave Henry their support
16:16 and those that didn't were gonna be in for a rough time,
16:18 but for now, Henry assumed the role of Supreme head of the English church,
16:22 and his next divorce trial was a foregone conclusion.
16:25 Catherine of Aragon was Ara-gone and Anne Boleyn was in.
16:29 All right, I've upended the entire country to be with you,
16:32 so you'd better give me a son, Okay?
16:34 Now, did you get my letter about the duckies?
16:36 [Narrator] Having finally married the girl of his dreams,
16:38 it was party time for Henry and what a party.
16:41 Life in the Tudor court was nonstop.
16:43 Huge banquets with each person eating, on average,
16:45 5,000 calories a day and no vegetables.
16:49 Those are for poor people.
16:50 Rich people ate meat, and so you know what else is for rich people,
16:54 constipation, (man farts) but don't let that stop the party.
16:56 the toilets are communal, and Henry, himself, was the center of everything.
17:01 He ate the best food.
17:02 He had 1,200 pairs of shoes.
17:04 He didn't even have to wipe his own bum-bum.
17:06 Life was great.
17:07 (upbeat electronic music)- Everyone, I give you your majesty, King Henry VIII!
17:14 (recorder squealing) (crowd cheering)- [Narrator] But how
17:16 did they pay for it all?
17:17 Well, influenced by his fairly Protestant new wife,
17:20 since Henry had overturned the organization of the church,
17:23 this is how they paid for it.
17:24 (whimsical orchestra music)- Oh my goodness, how awful.
17:26 Selling fake fragments of the cross,
17:28 vials of Jesus' blood that you got from a duck, using religion in this way!
17:33 This is terrible!
17:34 I must confiscate all this money at once.
17:37 Yes, how awful.
17:39 I must take all of this away immediately.
17:43 Monasteries across the nation were dissolved
17:45 and their riches placed in the Royal coffers.
17:48 Obviously many weren't too happy about this, but Henry
17:51 had a plan for that as well.
17:53 Henry's descent into tyranny had begun.
17:55 As any who rejected his new claim as supreme head
17:57 of the English church found their heads on the chopping block,
18:00 and so Henry partied, he danced, he sang, he ate, he jousted.
18:05 (metal clangs) (audience gasps)- Be Mean!
18:12 Love Gluttony!
18:14 Violate Widows!
18:18 (dramatic horn blows) (inquisitive harp music)- In 1536,
18:20 Henry fell from his horse in a jousting accident,
18:23 not for the first time, but certainly the heaviest fall he had taken yet.
18:27 Some historians believe that brain damage caused by the incident
18:29 may have violently accelerated Henry's descent into tyranny.
18:33 Executions in England ramped up.
18:35 During his reign, it's estimated 57 to 72,000 people were put to death,
18:40 rich or poor, big or small.
18:42 No one was safe, and the most prominent
18:44 victim of all was to be Henry's own wife.
18:47 It had been three years since their marriage.
18:49 Anne had been pregnant four times,
18:51 yet she had only been able to produce one healthy child, a girl.
18:54 What's more, it's possible she had been going around insulting Henry's manhood.
18:58 Henry's eyes, once again, began to wander.
19:01 (intriguing jazz music) His new top man, Thomas Cromwell,
19:03 didn't want to end up like Cardinal Wolsey, and so he came up with a plan.
19:07 There was a court musician who had
19:09 been quite flirtatious in public with the queen.
19:11 Well, Thomas Cromwell and his boys got a forced confession out of him
19:14 saying that it didn't stop at innocent
19:16 flirtation and the charges came rolling in.
19:19 Listen, Anne, we need to talk.
19:21 Oh no, you're gonna divorce me, aren't you?
19:23 Just like your last wife.
19:25 Aww no, come here, shh.
19:27 No, I'm not gonna divorce you.
19:30 It's much worse than that.
19:31 (intense orchestra music)- Anne was charged with adultery, perversion,
19:34 even incest, and plotting to kill the king, himself.
19:37 The jury found her guilty, including her own uncle and ex-fiance,
19:40 both fearing the wrath of the King,
19:42 and on May 19th, 1536, Anne Boleyn was Anne bull out.
19:48 (inquisitive orchestra music) Literally the next day,
19:49 Henry married one of Anne's ladies in waiting, Jane Seymour, his third wife.
19:53 After Anne had smack talked his manhood and since he still had no male heir,
19:57 Henry went on a campaign to ensure the public knew he was virile as it gets.
20:01 He had this famous portrait painted of the manliest man I've ever seen,
20:05 and later, he would even have his physician make a declaration about his health.
20:09 King Henry is a fine specimen of a man, and, please don't make me say this.
20:14 Say it.
20:16 (sighs) And every time I look at him, I wish I was a woman.
20:19 (whimsical orchestra music)- The truth is after his jousting accident,
20:21 the King had badly injured his leg and was no longer very active.
20:24 Yet, he was still eating his daily 5,000 calories.
20:27 So by now, Henry was extremely unhealthy for the remainder of his life.
20:31 He would incur a number of illnesses
20:33 and his injured leg ulcers would ooze stinking puss,
20:36 a fine specimen of a man indeed.
20:39 On the church front, Henry's new and now pregnant wife was a devout Catholic
20:43 and she pleaded with the King to reinstate the monasteries.
20:46 Henry was sick wives meddling in his business,
20:48 and he bluntly warned her to remember what happened to Anne Boleyn.
20:52 (whimsical Jazz music) Since splitting with the Pope,
20:53 Henry had been hard at work determining
20:55 the theology of his new church of England.
20:57 It kept many Catholic traditions, while on the other hand,
21:00 embracing some reformist ideas such as requiring the use of a new Bible,
21:04 not in Latin, but in English.
21:06 The cover of Henry's new Bible depicted
21:08 the people appearing to worship a giant King Henry,
21:11 and in the corner, there's some people being put to death just for good measure.
21:14 For any who opposed Henry's ideas, whether Catholic or Protestant,
21:18 for any who rebelled against him, it would be off with their heads.
21:21 In October, 1537, Henry finally got what he had been waiting for.
21:26 His wife, Jane, gave birth to a healthy boy.
21:29 However, the triumph soon turned to tragedy as Jane
21:32 Seymour died days later from complications during the birth.
21:36 Henry mourned, Jane, the woman who had given him a son, for two years.
21:40 (sad cello music) (Henry slurps)- Your majesty,
21:43 it's time to choose your next wife.
21:45 Thomas, not now!
21:47 Can't you see I'm in mourning?
21:50 That one.
21:51 [Narrator] The woman Thomas Cromwell had lined up for Henry's
21:53 next marriage was the sister of a powerful German Duke,
21:57 but all Henry cared about was that she was pretty as pie,
21:59 and Thomas Cromwell promised that indeed she was.
22:02 However, when she arrived in England, Henry was less than pleased.
22:06 Your majesty let me introduce you to your fourth wife, Anne of Cleves.
22:11 What's that smell?
22:12 I think it's your leg, sire.
22:14 No, It's Anne of Cleves.
22:16 She's ugly!
22:17 This is treason!
22:19 What?
22:20 Off with his head!
22:21 [Narrator] Henry found his new wife so repulsive that he
22:24 never consummated the marriage and divorced her just six months later,
22:27 and for bringing Henry an ugly stinking
22:29 woman along with additional charges of plotting treason,
22:31 Thomas Cromwell lost his head.
22:33 The very same day of Cromwell's execution,
22:35 Henry married his fifth wife, the famed beauty, Catherine Howard.
22:39 She's believed to have only been seventeen at the time.
22:42 Henry was forty-nine and like Anne of Cleves, Catherine Howard didn't last long.
22:46 You see for some reason she may not have been
22:49 entirely satisfied with her 49-year-old fine specimen of a man,
22:52 and it's possible she engaged in a number of extra marital affairs,
22:55 including one with her cousin, Thomas Culpeper.
22:57 When Henry found out, he was devastated.
23:00 How could she do this to me?
23:02 But sire, don't you have hundreds of mistresses?
23:04 Shut up, Barry!
23:05 That's not the point.
23:06 (Henry cries)- Your majesty you're crying.
23:10 I'm not crying.
23:11 It's just that sometimes when I get sad, water comes out of my eyes!
23:16 (whimsical orchestra music)- For her treason,
23:17 Catherine Howard met the same fate as Anne Boleyn in 1542.
23:21 So, we've had divorced, beheaded, died, divorced, beheaded.
23:24 Look out here comes, survived.
23:26 Henry married the daughter of a Royal official, Catherine Parr, in 1543,
23:30 and she appears to have been a good companion to Henry.
23:32 She cared for the aging King, who by now was so heavy,
23:35 it took several men to wench him onto his horse.
23:37 She acted as a mediator within the family and convinced
23:40 the King to restore his two daughters to the line of succession.
23:43 Their marriage did have one hiccup, however,
23:45 when Katherine dare disagree with the King over the subject of theology,-
23:48 It's a miracle because when the priest says the words of institution,
23:52 the bread turns into the body of Christ.
23:54 Well, if you put the bread in a box for three months,
23:56 is it a miracle that it turns moldy?
23:59 (gasps) Treason!
24:00 (sighs) You can't just call everything treason, Henry.
24:02 [Narrator] The King called for her arrest
24:03 as serious charges were placed over her head.
24:06 However, in the end, she told Henry that she had not been
24:09 disagreeing with him but simply learning from him,
24:11 and so when the guards came to arrest her, the King
24:13 told them to make like an Anne and Cleve.
24:16 Catherine Parr stayed with Henry right until the end.
24:18 As he aged into his later years in increasing pain and ill health,
24:22 he grew ever more suspicious and moody.
24:24 The once generous, promising young King, was now feared by all around him.
24:28 (sad violin music)- (groans) Sigmund, I don't have much longer.
24:32 Hold me.
24:33 Of course, sire, do you have any final wishes?
24:40 How about one last conquest in France?
24:42 (intense orchestra music)- And so in 1544, Henry made for Calais.
24:44 The pesky French had been supporting
24:46 the Scottish in their ongoing wars with England,
24:48 and they also owed Henry some money.
24:49 So the extremely unhealthy King personally led
24:51 a siege against the French city of Boulogne.
24:54 The English dug tunnels under the castle, and on the 13th of September,
24:57 the French surrendered, a glorious victory for Henry.
25:00 (army cheers) In actuality,
25:01 the whole misadventure nearly bankrupt England and they ended up
25:04 giving Boulogne back to the French a few years later, but Shh, don't tell Henry.
25:07 He's having his moment.
25:09 Finally, in 1547, a 55-year-old Henry lapsing
25:12 in and out of consciousness passed away.
25:16 His son, Edward, succeeded him, but died just five years later.
25:19 His daughter, Mary, briefly took the reigns
25:21 and steered the country back towards the Pope,
25:23 but then, his second daughter embraced reformist ideas
25:26 and gradually transformed England into a Protestant country.
25:29 Henry's desperation to marry Anne Boleyn and his resulting feud
25:32 with the Pope had changed the course of English history and religion forever.
25:36 Unfortunately, none of Henry's children had heirs, and when Elizabeth I died,
25:40 Henry's lineage ended with the house of Stewart replacing the house of Tudor.
25:44 So then you might think all that effort, a life filled with so much frustration,
25:49 yet he never conquered France,
25:50 he barely had a male heir, and his lineage died out.
25:53 The egotistical man, Henry, grew sick and cruel and then died.
25:57 So why are we all so fascinated with King Henry VIII?
26:00 Why not Henry the second or fourth?
26:03 Well, without mentioning the many important things his reign did achieve,
26:06 one of his biggest goals was to go down in history,
26:09 and you can put a big green check beside that one
26:11 because everything he did and how he asserted his control and authority
26:15 over everyone around him has come to be viewed as the epitome
26:19 of the word King,- and also because of the wife killings?
26:23 Yeah, definitely the wife killings.
26:24 (upbeat music)