Jim's been looking at me a lot - Cold Opens
The Office
0:00 Oscar, Toby said he left my Girl Scout cookies on my chair.
0:05 Have you seen them?
0:06 Wait, I'm sitting on them.
0:08 This is awesome.
0:09 Thank you.
0:10 It didn't even take that long.
0:11 What's the difference [laughter] between a chimichanga,
0:14 a chalupa, and a tostada?
0:17 Call me back ASAP.
0:21 It's urgent.
0:22 Wait, [laughter] this isn't funny.
0:24 I don't talk like that.
0:26 Oscar.
0:27 Say "Me eat cookie." No.
0:30 I won't say it.
0:31 Why is everyone clumped around accounting?
0:32 Break it up, you clique.
0:33 It's Kevin as Cookie Monster from Sesame Street.
0:36 Was that the program where all those puppets live in the barrio?
0:38 Mhm.
0:39 I love that show.
0:40 This is Kevin.
0:41 [laughter] This is Kevin.
0:43 Very.
0:43 Thank you.
0:44 That is an amusing link.
0:45 I'd like it sent to me, please.
0:46 Me, too, Oscar.
0:47 Please send it to Yeah, totally.
0:48 Yeah, me too.
0:50 Angela, this is inappropriate.
0:52 This is my favorite day.
0:55 Yeah, you wanted to see me?
0:56 Yes, Oscar.
0:57 Come on in.
0:58 Close the door, if you would.
1:00 Thank you.
1:01 Thanks so much for talking to me.
1:02 Yeah, sure.
1:04 I'm going in for a procedure today.
1:06 Is everything okay?
1:07 Yeah, it's it's routine.
1:09 I'm just a little bit scared.
1:10 I'm sure everything will be fine.
1:11 What What do you What What's the procedure, if you don't mind me asking?
1:15 It is a colonoscopy.
1:17 Okay.
1:20 In your experience, what should I be
1:21 expecting in terms of sensation or emotions?
1:35 Is there anything I can do to make it more pleasurable for me or for Dr.
1:40 Chaudry?
1:43 Oh my god.
1:45 concern is
1:45 Should I have a safe word?
1:46 Yeah.
1:52 [sighs] I'm Al Gray.
1:56 Movie Monday.
1:59 The only cure I know for the Monday blues is Varsity Blues.
2:06 Let's go.
2:07 Let's go.
2:07 Let's go.
2:07 Let's go.
2:08 Take a seat down there.
2:09 Second from the end.
2:13 All Popcorn anyone?
2:14 Yes, please.
2:16 Thank you.
2:17 Anyone else?
2:21 No.
2:23 Movie Monday started with training videos,
2:25 but we went through those pretty fast.
2:27 Then we watched a medical video.
2:31 Since then, it's been half hour installments of various
2:34 movies with the exception of an episode of Entourage,
2:37 which Michael made us watch six times.
2:39 Entourage.
2:47 What?
2:48 Oh, nothing.
2:51 Pam's on vacation, and she gets back tomorrow.
2:54 So, it'll be nice to see her.
2:56 It'll be nice.
2:57 And uh she set a date for the wedding with Roy.
3:00 Uh June.
3:01 Summer.
3:02 So, it'll be nice.
3:05 And that's that.
3:10 What?
3:12 Oh, nothing.
3:15 Jim has been looking at me kind of a lot all week.
3:20 I would be creeped out by it,
3:22 but it's nothing compared to the way Michael looks at me.
3:36 The most important thing is that no one
3:38 say anything about my pregnancy at the wedding.
3:41 Absolutely.
3:41 Hey, I got the room the night before you guys.
3:44 I'll break in the bed.
3:49 I don't like that.
3:50 I don't have a room.
3:50 No, you do not.
3:51 How did Meredith get put at the young people's table?
3:54 She probably switched cards with someone.
3:57 Like I did with Erin.
4:00 What?
4:00 I would like to propose a toast.
4:02 So, if you'd all raise your glasses, not Pam for obvious reasons,
4:06 but everyone else, if you would raise your glasses.
4:08 Why can't Pam drink?
4:10 Pam can't drink?
4:11 Who?
4:11 I didn't I shouldn't have said that.
4:13 Pam's pregnant.
4:15 Okay.
4:16 Okay.
4:16 Okay.
4:17 You can't expect them to be careful every time because,
4:23 frankly, it's just a different sensation.
4:26 Two waiting.
4:27 Two waiting.
4:28 Okay.
4:29 We are the search committee tasked to find this branch's new manager.
4:34 Not everyone we meet will be good, but someone's bound to be.
4:37 How many windows are there in New York City?
4:39 What?
4:39 Critical thinking.
4:40 Common on-the-spot question asked in an interview.
4:43 I WANTED TO GO BETTER.
4:45 SO, I THINK ALL WE NEED IS A RESUME.
4:47 I I just thought you knew me.
4:49 [clears throat] Yes, there used to be a paperclip that would pop up and say,
4:52 "Looks like you are writing a resume.
4:54 Would you like help?" I believe his name was Clippy.
5:00 I want an interview.
5:02 It's gorgeous, Angela.
5:03 It's a little flashy.
5:04 Angela's engaged to a gay man.
5:07 Well, it turns out that Erin was born in the basic
5:10 time and region that I gave away a child.
5:13 So, Phyllis might be my mom.
5:16 If you really want someone, go get them.
5:21 To me, the Sixers are a five seed tops.
5:25 I think they're going to conference finals.
5:27 By them.
5:28 Obvious monster.
5:30 I have three point shooting.
5:30 Don't even I bit my lip at lunch today.
5:36 [snorts] Sucks.
5:37 Anyway, I just don't see it.
5:38 The Knicks are tough.
5:40 The Nets are tough.
5:41 Oh, the Nets are super tough.
5:43 Now I have this big bump on my my That hurts.
5:47 I hate it.
5:49 The Hawks are terrible.
5:52 They're always terrible.
5:53 Okay, you need to think about it before you come with the Whatever.
6:01 It's not a big deal.
6:02 You know, I always tell my 3-year-old,
6:03 if this is the worst thing that's going TO HAPPEN YOU GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.
6:07 OKAY.
6:08 PAM, THAT'S IT.
6:10 I'm going home.
6:13 I'm leaving, so.
6:17 Hey, man.
6:17 Hey, guys.
6:18 This is my uh girlfriend, Amy.
6:21 Hi.
6:21 Hey, Amy, how you doing?
6:21 Nice to meet you.
6:22 Nice to meet you.
6:23 This is everybody else.
6:26 Okay.
6:28 It's the place, so thanks for the look.
6:30 Yeah, sure.
6:31 I'll um I'll see you tonight, right?
6:33 Absolutely.
6:33 Okay.
6:43 Easy, tiger.
6:45 I just really like you.
6:47 Okay.
6:47 Bye, guys.
6:48 Nice to meet you.
6:49 Have a great day.
6:52 Whoa, Toby.
6:54 Watch out, you're going to violate your own PDA memo.
6:56 I wouldn't want to do that now, would I?
7:04 Aw, she's absolutely adorable.
7:08 He.
7:10 Oh, sorry.
7:12 He's He's dressed all in pink.
7:13 That's his favorite color.
7:15 Oh, that's fun for him.
7:17 I'm dressed.
7:18 Oh, wow.
7:20 Look at that.
7:21 How cute.
7:23 Thank you.
7:24 Oh, may I?
7:25 Uh sure.
7:29 Hey, look at me.
7:31 I'm a baby.
7:32 I'm one of those babies from Look Who's Talking.
7:34 What am I thinking?
7:37 [laughter] Look at all those staplers.
7:38 What's a stapler?
7:39 I don't even know.
7:39 I'm I'm baby.
7:40 Hey, mom, I'm thirsty.
7:44 I'm thirsty mama.
7:45 I want some milk.
7:46 And you know where milk comes from?
7:49 Breasts.
7:54 Hello, hello.
7:56 Top of the morning to you.
7:59 Woohoo!
8:00 Green M&M's, nature's Viagra.
8:04 Two of my favorite joke areas combined.
8:07 Going to be a good day.
8:08 I don't want to bring my friends.
8:09 Why can't I just be the two of us?
8:10 Because it's St.
8:10 Patrick's Day.
8:11 People go out in groups.
8:12 Well, why don't you invite your friends?
8:13 Why are you being so weird about this?
8:14 Stop fighting.
8:15 Just one St.
8:16 Patrick's Day, okay?
8:17 Just one perfect day a year.
8:20 No hassles, no problems, no kids.
8:24 Why no kids?
8:25 Yeah, where are your kids?
8:27 Nope.
8:27 Uh-uh.
8:28 Not today.
8:30 It is St.
8:31 Patrick's Day.
8:32 And here in Scranton, that is a huge deal.
8:36 It is the closest that the Irish will ever get to Christmas.
8:42 It is Friday morning, and it is another beautiful day in Scranton, Pennsylvania.
8:50 [sighs and gasps] Oh my god.
8:57 Pick up.
8:57 Pick up.
8:58 Pick up.
8:58 Pick up.
9:01 We have a serious problem here.
9:03 All right, everybody, lock the doors.
9:05 Turn off the lights.
9:06 Pretend you're not here.
9:07 Are we in danger?
9:10 There's no time to think about if this is real.
9:13 Just Shh.
9:14 Every body Michael, should I call the What?
9:25 The IT tech guy and me did not get off to a great start.
9:30 Here we go.
9:34 [snorts] Nice dress, Ryan.
9:40 It's not a dress.
9:40 It's a kurta.
9:42 Okay.
9:43 Tonight, one of our most ethnic co-workers, Kelly,
9:46 has invited us all to a Diwali celebration put on by her community.
9:51 What is Diwali, you may ask.
9:53 Well, to have Kelly explain it, It's blah blah blah.
10:00 It's so super fun and it's going to be great.
10:04 A lot of gods with unpronounceable names.
10:06 20 minutes later, you find out that it's essentially a Hindu Halloween.
10:10 You look so handsome.
10:11 You really do.
10:13 I love the material.
10:14 I know.
10:15 How come you didn't get me one?
10:18 I I'm an early bird and I'm a night owl.
10:21 So, I'm wise and I have worms.
10:25 Oh.
10:27 Oh, breakfast.
10:28 I got your sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
10:30 Yummy, yummy.
10:31 Thank you.
10:32 Ryan.
10:35 What was the thing uh you needed me to come in early for?
10:39 Um the sausage, egg, and cheese biscuit.
10:43 But, thank you and why don't you just take a couple hours off.
10:48 This is yours.
10:49 Home alone, Risky Business, take your pants off, run around.
10:56 Or you want to do.
10:57 I'm just going to take a nap in my car till work starts.
11:00 Okay.
11:03 I I'll be there.
11:05 I'll watch those carbs.
11:07 Today is the test launch day for the inaugural Sabre store.
11:12 And I, Dwight Schrute, am in charge of the entire operation.
11:17 If I can prove myself today and the store is a hit
11:19 with the media and Nellie sees this, the vice presidency is mine.
11:23 you holding this chair cuz I feel like I'm going to fall off.
11:26 Yes.
11:26 I'm not wearing the right shoes for this.
11:27 Okay, we went over this, okay?
11:29 Your tiny fingers make the best knots.
11:31 Hey, strangers.
11:32 So stoked for the Sabre store opening.
11:38 Hey, my name is Tabitha.
11:40 I'm camped out in front of the Sabre store so
11:41 I can be first in line for the new pyramid.
11:44 Oops.
11:45 It's me, Erin.
11:47 Dwight had me pretend to be a hipster to create hype and it's working.
11:50 There's already people camped out behind me.
11:56 Hey.
11:56 Hey.
11:58 Who are you faxing so early in the morning?
12:00 Oh, um kind of hard to explain.
12:05 I don't have a ton of contact with this Scranton branch,
12:08 but before I left I took a box of Dwight's stationery.
12:12 So, from time to time I send Dwight faxes from himself.
12:18 From the future.
12:21 Dwight, at 8:00 a.m.
12:22 today someone poisons the coffee.
12:24 Do not drink the coffee.
12:26 More instructions will follow.
12:28 Cordially, Future Dwight.
12:35 NO!
12:38 YOU'LL THANK ME LATER.
12:45 PAM, LINE THREE.
12:47 OKAY, THANKS.
12:48 New York, as it turns out, is very expensive and I ran out of money.
12:53 I thought about selling a kidney,
12:55 but Michael offered to get me a part-time job at corporate.
13:00 Hey.
13:01 Hey, Mo la.
13:07 Of course.
13:08 Now Michael knows where to reach me 16 to 18 hours a week.
13:11 Hey Michael.
13:12 Hey, Mo la.
13:19 Miss you, kiddo.
13:21 Miss you so much.
13:26 Go.
13:26 Here we go.
13:27 PUSH.
13:28 PUSH.
13:28 OH GOD.
13:30 NO, NO, NO.
13:31 TURN IT AROUND.
13:31 TURN IT AROUND.
13:32 YOU BREAK IT.
13:32 SHOVE IT.
13:32 BREAK IT.
13:33 YOU SHOVE IT.
13:34 SHOVE IT BACK.
13:38 Here we go.
13:40 Don't break the branches, Dwight.
13:45 Ah, I got a splinter.
13:46 Well, suck it up.
13:47 We all have problems.
13:48 Hey, everybody.
13:49 Look what we have.
13:54 Nice.
13:56 I've got it leveraged.
13:57 Push.
13:57 Straight up.
13:58 One, ONE, TWO, THREE.
14:02 OH.
14:04 MERRY CHRISTMAS.
14:12 THINGS ARE A LITTLE SLOW HERE.
14:13 And there's only so much cold calling you can do in a day.
14:17 Turns out there's no limit to the number
14:18 of cheese puffs you can throw at someone's face.
14:24 We're getting pretty good at it.
14:51 Brain teaser.
14:52 I have two coins totaling 15 cents.
14:54 One of them is not a nickel.
14:56 What are they?
14:56 A dime and a nickel.
14:59 No, I said one of them is not a nickel.
15:01 But the other one is.
15:02 I've heard that before.
15:03 Okay.
15:05 A man and his son get into a car accident.
15:07 They are rushed to the hospital.
15:08 The doctor says, "There's no way I can operate on this boy Because he's my son.
15:12 The doctor is the boy's mother.
15:14 A man is found hanging from the ceiling.
15:16 He stepped on a block of ice, hung himself, and the ice melted.
15:20 Hunter.
15:21 It's a polar bear because you're at the North Pole.
15:31 What is this?
15:33 Happy holidays, Dwight.
15:34 But, do not open it till Christmas.
15:37 You are so pathetic.
15:37 How long did this take you?
15:38 3 hours?
15:39 5 minutes, actually.
15:41 I am a black belt in gift wrapping.
15:43 Yeah, no such thing.
15:44 They don't give out black belts for things that are stupid.
15:47 Well, I hope it was worth it cuz I'm going to take it apart in about 5 minutes.
15:51 I think it'll take a little bit longer than that.
15:53 Really?
15:54 If I can skin a mule deer in less than 10 minutes,
15:57 I ought to be able to cut my Dunder Mifflin is about to be sold.
16:05 The first investment banker has to drop by and sign off on our branch.
16:09 And I'm pretty nervous about it.
16:13 And I'm making some cosmetic tweaks to help create a more appealing environment.
16:23 Is that dishonest?
16:24 Well, think of it this way.
16:26 When you look in the mirror and you see your push-up
16:27 bra and your fake eyelashes and your makeup and your press-on
16:31 nails the principles that I'm applying to the office are
16:36 the same ones that have made Lady Gaga a star.
16:39 Or any number of drag queens.
16:41 This year I decided to really get into the SPIRIT OF HALLOWEEN.
16:47 [screaming] [laughter] IT MAY HAVE BEEN THE COSTLIEST decision I've ever made.
16:57 My greased-up head went into the pumpkin no problem, but it won't budge.
17:01 I can't get it out.
17:03 Try again.
17:04 I mean, I could try destroying the pumpkin.
17:07 NO, NO, NO, NO.
17:08 BUT AS JIM AND I discovered No.
17:12 any blow to the pumpkin itself could prove fatal to me.
17:16 At first I drove myself crazy thinking
17:18 about the things I should have done differently.
17:20 I never should have played that joke on Aaron.
17:23 Never should have hollowed out this damn pumpkin in the first place.
17:27 But then I realized I was being silly.
17:30 I mean, the pumpkin should rot off of my head in a month or two.
17:34 Right?
17:35 Hey, did they leave for the big meeting yet?
17:37 I got Michael's lucky tie.
17:40 No, they're in the conference room.
17:42 Okay.
17:42 Wait, are those Michael's Levi's?
17:44 Yeah.
17:45 Who dry cleans jeans?
17:47 Michael and his jeans.
17:49 He gets in them and I'm not exactly sure what happens,
17:52 but I can tell you he loves the way he looks in those jeans.
17:57 I know that's why he started casual Fridays.
18:00 I'll take those.
18:01 Thanks.
18:09 Michael Scott's Dunder Mifflin Scranton Meredith Palmer Memorial
18:12 Celebrity Rabies Awareness Fun Run Race for the Cure.
18:15 This is Pam.
18:17 Pro-Am Race for the They hung up.
18:21 A woman shouldn't have to be hit by a car to learn that she may have rabies.
18:25 But that is where we are in America.
18:28 And that does not sit right with me.
18:31 And that is why I am hosting a fun run race for the cure
18:36 for rabies to raise awareness of the fact that there is a cure for rabies,
18:42 a disease that has been largely eradicated in the US.
18:46 But not very many people know that.
18:49 No, rabies.
18:51 Babies would be a good idea.
18:53 Can I put you down for a dime?
18:57 Hi, Stanley.
18:58 How many sponsors so far?
18:59 Zero.
19:01 Come on, man.
19:02 You got to step it up.
19:03 It's for a good cause.
19:05 Jan called this morning and pledged $500.
19:08 Isn't that your money?
19:10 That this for a good cause.
19:14 Phyllis, how's the rabies quill coming?
19:16 Oh, it's coming.
19:17 Oh, look at that.
19:18 Three.
19:19 Way to honor Meredith, Phyllis.
19:21 Michael?
19:21 Yes.
19:21 You cannot make me run.
19:24 Okay.
19:23 It is not a real charity.
19:25 It's stupid, Michael, and I'm not going to do it.
19:27 All right.
19:27 You didn't run for me when I thought I had skin cancer.
19:30 I know that you're probably scared of people saying you're fat legs in shorts.
19:35 No.
19:36 Okay.
19:38 Well, back in olden times, a large, fat person like this was a person of power.
19:44 A person who had money, could buy food,
19:47 person of respect, like the regional manager of the day.
19:51 Whereas, someone athletic and trim like myself
19:54 was someone who worked in the fields, and I was a peasant.
19:57 I just don't want to run.
19:59 I didn't bring my sneakers or my clothes.
20:01 going to have to run or you're going to be in a lot of trouble.
20:07 It is not olden times anymore.
20:11 I have left Dunder Mifflin after many record-breaking years,
20:16 and I am officially on the job market, and it's very exciting.
20:19 For your convenience, I've broken it down into three parts.
20:22 Professional resume, athletic and special skills resume,
20:26 and Dwight Schrute trivia.
20:28 I am ready to face any challenges that might be foolish enough to face me.
20:32 How would I describe myself?
20:34 Three words.
20:35 Hard-working, alpha male, jackhammer.
20:40 Merciless, insatiable.
20:43 There's nothing on my horizon except everything.
20:46 Everything is on my horizon.
20:48 I got this job to make some money while I continue my employment search.
20:52 And uh it's fine for the time being.
20:55 Oops.
20:57 Break's over.
21:06 Big turkey.
21:09 Hey.
21:20 So you're singing all four parts recorded on my computer.
21:24 Wow.
21:24 Took me forever.
21:26 Nice job.
21:27 Thank you muchly.
21:35 You going to answer it?
21:39 I call that myself.
21:41 Just let you get a kick out of the new ring.
21:42 Yikes.
21:43 Side note, just like to say I'm thrilled to be working directly beneath you.
21:47 Mhm.
21:47 I feel I have a lot to learn
21:48 from you even though you're younger and have less experience.
21:53 So, here's to the future.
21:56 Andy and the Tuna.
21:59 Andy and the Tuna.
22:03 Oh, butter tuna and a magical Andy and the Tuna.
22:10 I'm Mr.
22:11 White.
22:14 Congratulations, universe.
22:16 You win.
22:18 Hold it.
22:23 New glasses.
22:30 Dwight, what a ridiculous fancy clown you are.
22:33 I am dressed according to the Schrute codes of mourning.
22:37 My aunt Shirley has died.
22:39 Oh, Dwight, I'm so sorry.
22:41 Were you guys close?
22:43 I would say that she raised me, but let's not kid each other.
22:45 I raised myself.
22:46 She was, however, the closest thing I had to a mother.
22:49 My actual mother was very cold and distant.
22:52 I'd say she was the closest thing I had to an aunt.
22:55 My condolences.
22:56 Keep them.
22:56 Okay.
22:57 Now, what do we got in these two pails?
22:58 In keeping with Schrute custom,
23:00 I will either invite you to Saturday's funeral by sprinkling
23:04 red fertile dirt in your face or I will
23:07 ask you to keep a respectful distance during my time
23:09 of grief with a dusting of black slightly acidic soil.
23:18 What color is it?
23:20 It looks pretty black.
23:30 Yep, acidic all right.
23:35 Oh, thank god.
23:36 Excuse me?
23:37 I'm so sorry Dwight and if you want me to be there
23:41 of course I will go and it's just I have a personal training session.
23:45 Okay.
23:45 Just a second.
23:46 Just a second.
23:49 I get red dirt.
23:50 Nobody is getting red dirt.
23:52 I should have kept my mouth shut.
23:54 We're not even that close.
23:55 I've only known Dwight 12 years.
23:58 12 years.
24:00 Time is a son of a I'm sure I'm sure she's in a better place.
24:09 I really hope so.
24:15 Okay.
24:16 Now this is crazy.
24:17 You can't make a dirt ball.
24:19 I miss her so much.
24:21 Okay.
24:22 You know Could you please sign my expense report?
24:29 No way, no how.
24:30 Now expense reports are a day-to-day item that is Jim's now.
24:33 I am exclusively big picture, epic Sign this.
24:46 Where's the please?
24:47 We're not animals.
24:48 Sign it.
24:50 No, not without a please.
24:53 Idiot.
24:58 I have a complaint Jim.
24:59 That is not big picture.
25:02 I would like to file a huge, enormous,
25:05 massive complaint about the tallest guy in our office.
25:17 Jim won't sign my expense report.
25:19 That is not okay.
25:20 Day-to-day.
25:21 That is day-to-day.
25:22 that is huge.
25:23 to trick me.
25:24 has to do with Get out.
25:24 Get out.
25:24 Get out.
25:25 Get out.
25:25 Get out.
25:25 Get out.
25:29 I'd like to lodge a complaint.
25:31 I'm sorry to hear about that.
25:33 Who is this about?
25:34 You.
25:34 Okay.
25:35 Just want to let you know I take complaints very seriously.
25:37 So, when did this happen?
25:40 1 minute ago.
25:41 Okay.
25:42 And how do you feel?
25:44 Angry.
25:44 All right.
25:45 Did he hit you?
25:46 No.
25:46 Did you cry?
25:48 No.
25:48 Did you feel like crying?
25:49 No.
25:49 I'm just going to write held back tears.
25:52 Wait.
25:53 Stop writing that.
25:53 That is not true.
25:55 If you stop crying, I'll stop writing it.
25:56 I'm not I deserve that promotion, not Jim.
26:01 Oh, man.
26:03 Makes me want to put him in a triangle
26:05 chokehold and force him down on the ground and just
26:08 keep pressing and pressing and then flip him over
26:12 and then put him in a hammerlock and he's gasping.
26:14 He's panting for every last breath.
26:17 And the crowd is going crazy.
26:18 And boom!
26:20 I EMERGE VICTORIOUS.
26:21 AHA!
26:22 $18,000 AND A CHANCE AT THE TITLE.
26:27 HEY, DWIGHT.
26:27 JIM WANTS YOU TO KEEP IT DOWN.
26:35 OKAY.
26:35 BREATHE.
26:37 Work your core.
26:40 [laughter]
26:39 Come on.
26:41 How many is that?
26:42 Not counting the last one.
26:43 25.
26:44 Count the last one.
26:45 Okay.
26:45 25 and ONE GIRL PUSH-UP.
26:47 OH, NEW RECORD.
26:49 OKAY.
26:49 OH, what did you do today?
26:51 I made a sale.
26:52 Oh, yeah.
26:53 Sitting on your big fat butt.
26:55 All right.
26:56 That is the number to beat.
26:58 What do we get if we do them?
26:59 My respect.
27:04 Okay, I'll make it a little more interesting.
27:05 Anyone who does more than 25 push-ups And one girl push-up?
27:08 gets to GO HOME.
27:11 OH.
27:14 WHEN I SAY DANCE, THEY SAY HOW HIGH.
27:18 Here we go.
27:19 Oh, no, no, no, no.
27:20 Butt too high.
27:21 Disqualified.
27:22 WHAT DO WE GOT?
27:23 CREED, DISQUALIFIED.
27:26 ON.
27:25 19 I had a really hard workout THIS MORNING.
27:35 [groaning] OH, WOW.
27:35 THAT is adorable.
27:38 10 Yeah.
27:40 I'm betting one more.
27:47 11 Wow.
27:47 Good.
27:53 All right.
27:53 All right.
27:57 [applause] Essentially, what we have here is one of those stories
27:59 where a mother lifts a car to save her baby.
28:02 Well, it's not exactly fair.
28:04 He's got all of his weight that's helping him go down.
28:07 25 YEAH.
28:10 COME ON, YOU CAN DO IT.
28:11 COME ON, STANLEY.
28:12 LET'S DO IT.
28:12 COME ON.
28:15 [screaming] GO.
28:22 [cheering] WOW.
28:22 ARE YOU OKAY?
28:24 YOU OKAY, STANLEY?
28:24 [applause] Excuse me.
28:31 [laughter] Wow.
28:36 [applause] The Stamford branch is closing.
28:43 And everybody's just packing up their stuff.
28:46 Andy Bernard made these tasteful hats.
28:51 That's the other thing you have to watch out Yo, Tuna.
28:54 I want to talk to you about this new boss, Michael Scott.
28:56 Yeah?
28:58 So, what's he like?
28:59 Likes, dislikes, favorite sports, favorite movies, favorite men's magazines.
29:04 You know what?
29:05 I think you just need to meet him.
29:07 Playing your cards close to the vest.
29:08 I get it.
29:10 Good luck over there, Tuna.
29:11 Cross me and I will destroy you.
29:15 Sound good, Andy?
29:18 It's going to be an adventure.
29:19 Yes, this is going to be very interesting.
29:22 All right.
29:23 I'm out of here.
29:24 See you later.
29:26 Right on.
29:32 Hey, is that Josh's computer?
29:35 What?
29:40 Hey.
29:40 Hey.
29:41 How'd the run go?
29:42 Uh pretty good.
29:43 I finished.
29:44 That's great.
29:45 Psh.
29:46 Why is that great?
29:47 Because he accomplished something.
29:49 What was your mile time?
29:51 About 7.
29:53 I could beat that on a skateboard.
29:54 Well, that has wheels.
29:56 Yeah, well, my feet don't and I can still crush that time.
29:58 Really, Dwight?
30:00 How fast are you?
30:00 Let's just put it this way.
30:02 Last weekend, I outran a black pepper snake.
30:05 Really?
30:06 I am fast.
30:07 To give you a reference point, I'm somewhere between a snake and a mongoose.
30:11 And a panther.
30:13 Man, what is taking Toby so long?
30:15 Oh, I'll just time him later.
30:17 And you'll compare the times?
30:20 Yeah.
30:21 Are you ready?
30:21 No, my clothes are really tight.
30:23 I can't Am I being mean to Dwight?
30:32 I don't know.
30:32 I did just make him run around the building
30:34 and I have no intention of timing him.
30:36 This isn't even a stopwatch.
30:37 It's a digital thermometer.
30:41 He does make my life harder sometimes, and on purpose.
30:44 Like he tried to put meters on the bathroom stalls
30:46 as a way of bringing in more money for the company.
30:50 Hey, three more laps to go.
30:52 You got to pick it up if you're going TO BEAT TOBY.
30:57 I SHOULD PROBABLY GET BACK to work.