148. How to Enter Your ~Discipline Era~ and Start Respecting Your Time to Change Your Life

0:00 So, I always get told,

0:02 whether it's through comments on Instagram or YouTube, or honestly,

0:06 there's a lot of people in my quote unquote real life who have said

0:09 this to me that I am the most disciplined and structured person that they know.

0:14 And how do I do it?

0:16 How do I stay organized with work?

0:19 How do I maintain a social life and have time

0:21 for hobbies and also stay sane all at the same time?

0:25 How did I stop being lazy and become so productive?

0:29 And honestly, I want to clear things up a little bit right on the get-go.

0:35 First, I am not productive all the time.

0:39 Obviously, nobody is.

0:41 But what I am is disciplined all the time.

0:44 And there's a big difference between productivity and discipline.

0:48 You probably aren't lazy.

0:50 I always get a little bit like not mad

0:53 but we'll say sad when people call themselves lazy because

0:58 a lot of times laziness isn't necessarily your fault

1:04 and you probably aren't lazy like I wasn't lazy either.

1:08 What you are if you feel lazy is burnt out and overstimulated.

1:14 Maybe you are understructured.

1:15 you are emotionally disregulated and you're trying to rely

1:19 on motivation to carry through on habits that actually require systems.

1:26 Okay?

1:26 And we talked about this in the episode last week,

1:29 so you can go back and listen to that, too.

1:31 I think that's a good precursor for this episode.

1:33 But generally speaking, when people call themselves lazy,

1:36 what they usually mean is like,

1:38 "I can't follow through on the promises that I keep to myself.

1:41 Even when I care about something, I procrastinate.

1:44 I know what to do, but then I just don't actually do it and execute on it.

1:50 And I waste time and then I feel guilty about it afterwards,

1:53 which I can relate to all of those things.

1:55 But what is so important to distinguish here is that that's not laziness.

2:01 It's a lack of discipline skills.

2:03 And discipline, in my opinion, has a little bit of a branding problem.

2:08 We have been taught that discipline means forcing yourself

2:11 to do things that you don't want to do

2:13 or white knuckling your way through life or becoming

2:16 like a very rigid and joyless version of yourself.

2:21 And this framing really turns people off to becoming

2:24 disciplined before they even try because they think that oh

2:27 if I become disciplined and structured then everything

2:30 in my life becomes rigid and so black and white.

2:33 But the reframe that changed everything for me when it came

2:36 to discipline is that discipline is a form of self-respect in action.

2:41 It's how you show yourself that your goals in your time

2:44 in your future matter more than your momentary discomfort.

2:48 So this episode is going to be all about how

2:51 to move from being what I'm calling lazy adjacent to being focused,

2:56 consistent, and effective in a way that's both sustainable and realistic.

3:01 It's not extreme.

3:03 It's not necessarily like the aesthetic product productivity that we see

3:07 online that I honestly feel like is a little bit empty.

3:10 It's just skills, practices, and habits that are going to give you real results,

3:15 especially if you really want 2026 to be

3:18 the year that you actually like quote unquote lock in.

3:22 Before we get into the rest of the episode,

3:25 a quick reminder that I do have a new Substack.

3:29 It's called Beyond Your Budget.

3:31 And on Thursdays, so my podcast episodes come out on Wednesdays.

3:34 On Thursdays, I release what is essentially

3:38 the written companion to this week's episode.

3:40 So, in those um Subscri Substack essays, oh my goodness.

3:45 I go through in more detail what we talk about on the podcast.

3:48 I'll link out different resources or, you know, show pictures and things.

3:52 So, if you are enjoying the show and you want a little bit more,

3:58 I recommend subscribing to my Substack.

4:00 It is currently free.

4:01 I mean, these articles will always be

4:04 free and it's always linked in the description.

4:07 So, I would love to see you there because this year

4:10 when I'm thinking about my own discipline in lock-in for 2026,

4:13 I'm very, very, very focused on long form content.

4:18 I'm having a lot of fun here with the long

4:20 form of it all just because I really think

4:23 that the future of content is long form and it's much

4:27 more fun for me to connect with you in this way.

4:31 Like I absolutely love reading your comments

4:33 and hearing from you and hearing that the things

4:35 that I'm sharing and the things that I'm

4:37 experiencing in my own life resonate with you too.

4:40 It makes me feel much less alone and hopefully it makes you feel the same.

4:44 So, with that in mind, let's get into the rest of today's episode.

4:53 [music] [music] So, before you can actually become disciplined,

5:04 you have to stop mislabeling the problem,

5:08 especially mislabeling it as laziness, which has a very negative connotation.

5:12 The issue with laziness explicitly is that it implies a character flaw.

5:19 Discipline problems are generally or almost

5:23 always structural and they're usually

5:25 related to life admin overwhelm which again we discussed last week.

5:29 So I recommend you go back and listen to that episode.

5:32 But there are a few common reasons why most people feel lazy.

5:36 First being they have too many decisions that they need to make.

5:39 And if everything in your life requires a decision,

5:42 your brain naturally is just going to opt out.

5:44 This is analysis paralysis.

5:46 It's why, you know, you can get really overwhelmed

5:48 if you have a lot of emails or you have to figure out what to eat for dinner

5:51 and like these very simple tasks just feel totally impossible.

5:56 You probably have decision fatigue and you don't even realize how

5:59 many times throughout the day you're making decisions that you may not

6:03 even really need to be making if you did a little

6:06 bit of like structural admin on the front end of every week.

6:10 The next reason is that you have no clear standards.

6:15 So if you don't have rules for yourself, you negotiate everything.

6:19 I talk about this a lot when it comes

6:20 to consumption rules and improving your SP in improving

6:24 your spending because if you are someone who doesn't

6:26 have like guidelines or rules around how you spend,

6:29 everything you buy is going to be a negotiation

6:31 with yourself and ultimately you'll justify your way into buying something.

6:35 Negotiation is exhausting and you will justify your way out of anything.

6:40 So this applies to shopping,

6:41 but it applies to pretty much everything in your life.

6:45 The next common reason people feel lazy is through emotional avoidance.

6:50 So procrastination is really what this is.

6:53 And more often than not, it's related to avoiding discomfort.

6:57 Like, have you ever had an experience where you

7:01 would probably do literally anything besides go in and answer

7:05 your emails and then you finally sit down

7:06 and answer your emails and you realize that, okay, that wasn't that hard.

7:10 That's emotional avoidance.

7:12 like you know that answering your emails

7:13 is something you don't particularly enjoy doing.

7:16 So you'll do anything to avoid actually doing it when doing

7:20 the emails is the only thing that's going to make you feel better.

7:23 The next reason is dopamine dysregulation.

7:26 So that's constant stimulation and constant stimulation

7:30 ultimately trains your brain to resist effort.

7:34 And this is obviously a huge rampant problem

7:37 in current today's society because of our phones

7:40 from scrolling to background noise to never giving

7:43 ourselves the space to just let our brains sit.

7:46 I also have a podcast episode about this about going a little bit more analog.

7:50 So I recommend you listen to that too.

7:53 And then lastly, goals that are more abstract instead of operational.

7:58 So, like let's say you go into 2026 and your New Year's resolution,

8:03 which I've mentioned before,

8:04 I don't really love resolutions was to get healthier.

8:08 Getting healthier is not necessarily like an actionable thing.

8:13 Walking for 30 minutes every morning would be a more actionable goal.

8:18 So, if you're super abstract with what you want to achieve,

8:21 like I want to save money, it's probably not going to happen because you

8:26 have no operation or system to actually do that.

8:30 Although, if you're following my break your budget stuff,

8:32 then you do have a system because talk about that all the time.

8:35 But once you understand this, discipline stops feeling like a personality trait.

8:41 like you being lazy is not an identity and it starts feeling like

8:47 a system that you can actually build and that's because it literally is.

8:53 So now I want to define discipline correctly

8:56 because I think that we really do need

8:59 to reframe discipline as a form of self-respect

9:02 and that does change how you look at it.

9:05 Discipline is literally doing what you said you would do

9:09 even when it's inconvenient because you respect yourself enough to keep

9:13 your word and you know that it will make your life

9:16 better or easier or whatever it is that's important to you.

9:19 That's it.

9:20 It's not a punishment.

9:21 It's not a grind culture and it's not becoming someone else.

9:26 Self-respect shows up as keeping promises to yourself.

9:30 You said you're going to do something so you need to go do it.

9:32 An example of this in my own life is I want

9:35 to stop scrolling and I want to create silent blocks in my day.

9:39 So to do that, I got a brick because I know myself well

9:42 enough that motivation isn't going to be enough to keep me from scrolling.

9:46 Maybe it'll work for the first couple of days,

9:48 but eventually I'm going to give in.

9:50 So, with the brick, I made a conscious decision to say,

9:54 I'm going to block myself from these apps,

9:56 and I'm going to quite literally train myself and develop

9:59 the skill to put my phone down and to refocus my attention.

10:04 That's how I keep the promise to myself because what

10:06 it does is it creates conditions where I will ultimately succeed,

10:12 which is really my next point.

10:15 Creating conditions where you succeed means that you're creating routines.

10:19 You're focusing on life, admin, and maintenance,

10:21 and you're creating an environment where you can thrive.

10:24 Another thing that I get asked about a lot is

10:26 like how I keep my space so clean and organized.

10:29 It's because I can't exist in a space that isn't this way.

10:33 So, I have the discipline to make sure I make my bed, I clean up after myself,

10:37 I keep my desk organized, I, you know,

10:39 organize my blankets and whatnot on my couch,

10:41 I fluff my pillows because that creates an environment that I spend a lot

10:45 of time in where I can succeed with building and growing my business.

10:50 I could not work from home if my space was a disaster.

10:53 And lastly here, self-respect shows up

10:56 as not constantly betraying your own intentions.

11:00 So, every time that you say, "I'll do it tomorrow," which is something I

11:04 do [snorts] more often than I'd like to admit.

11:07 And then ultimately, you don't actually do it tomorrow,

11:10 you're teaching yourself that your word doesn't actually matter.

11:14 This erodess your confidence and it makes it even harder to show

11:18 up after yourself because it's kind of like what's the point?

11:21 So, every time you follow through,

11:23 even if it's totally imperfect, you build trust with yourself.

11:27 It's a daily practice and something that requires constant work.

11:31 It can't be fixed in you know one overnight.

11:34 Disciplined people are not necessarily people who are exceptionally you

11:39 know fantastic or more motivated or anything but they do have

11:43 a lot of self-respect whether that self-respect is innate which

11:46 for some people it is or developed which I think for most

11:49 of us it takes time you know being an adult

11:52 to kind of learn enough about yourself and develop that sense

11:54 of self-respect and they know that when they show up for themselves

11:59 through habits routines boundaries whatever

12:03 their lives will get infinitely better.

12:06 A great example of this is actually a creator,

12:08 her name is Becca Himworth, and she often makes videos about her 5 a.m.

12:14 morning routine where she talks about how she gets

12:16 up so early because her most common question is like,

12:18 "How do you stay motivated to do this?" And her response is always the same.

12:24 Like, no matter what, no matter how good my night routine is the night before,

12:28 no matter how early I go to bed, it's always hard to get up,

12:32 but I always feel infinitely better when I do.

12:36 That is literally self-respect in action.

12:39 It's choosing to show up for herself every single day,

12:42 even though it feels hard in that moment or it

12:44 feels uncomfortable when the alarm goes off at 5:00 a.m.

12:48 and you have to get up to go to a workout.

12:50 She knows that when she goes through this routine,

12:52 she's gonna feel better afterwards and she's

12:54 gonna have a better day because of it.

12:56 That is literally the definition of discipline and self-respect.

13:02 This is why motivation isn't usually enough to become discipline.

13:07 Motivation is what gives you the momentum to get started,

13:12 but it's never going to carry you through

13:14 on the days that feel really hard or really tough.

13:17 Motivation is in my opinion unreliable.

13:20 Systems are not.

13:22 I mentioned this last week.

13:24 You don't rise to the level of your goals,

13:25 you fall to the level of your systems.

13:27 It's from the book Atomic Habits,

13:29 which you should absolutely read or listen to on audio if you haven't yet.

13:34 If you are waiting to feel motivated,

13:37 you are outsourcing your progress to your mood of the day.

13:42 And your mood is going to change all the time.

13:45 Like literally, I feel like I'm in a different mood every single day.

13:47 If you watch my Instagram stories, you probably figured that out.

13:50 Disciplined people do not ask, "Do I feel like it?" They ask,

13:54 "What is the plan?" And this is why structure matters so much.

13:58 It's why I feel like I always default to to-do list and checklist

14:02 and structure and why I try to create so much structure in my day,

14:06 even though technically I don't need to.

14:09 Because without that structure, you're kind of just floating in the abyss and it

14:13 becomes really hard to stay on track towards your goals,

14:17 especially when your motivation es and flows, which is totally normal.

14:21 Like I think having a few days of being motivated and then

14:24 feeling a little bit tired or burnt out is a normal experience.

14:29 But when you associate motivation as like a personality

14:33 trait and losing that motivation as being lazy,

14:37 it just completely warps your self-identity.

14:40 And I feel like it just makes everything so much harder.

14:42 So if you want to become more disciplined, your first job is not to try harder.

14:49 It's to start designing your life so discipline is easier.

14:53 So structure, what it does is it removes friction,

14:56 it reduces decision-m and it protects your energy.

14:59 So, let's talk about how you can actually start doing this.

15:04 This is the more practical part of the episode because, as I've said,

15:08 most people aren't really lazy,

15:10 but I do think they're lazy adjacent, which is different to me.

15:14 This is having pure intentions to become more disciplined,

15:19 but you struggle with the actual implementation of making

15:23 these changes over a long period of time.

15:25 So, I have a few tips here on how you can actually fix that.

15:28 The first tip is to lower what's called activation energy.

15:33 So, if something feels really hard to start, you're going to avoid it.

15:38 That's normal.

15:39 So, you need to make starting easier.

15:42 So, an example of this would be,

15:43 let's say you want to do morning workouts going forward.

15:47 Laying things out the night before would

15:49 be an example of reducing activation energy.

15:52 And so I used to do this actually when

15:54 I was working my 9-to-f5 many years ago precoid.

15:58 I lived in Boston.

15:59 This was when we were in the office 5 days a week.

16:02 I would go on a run every single morning at 6:00 a.m.

16:06 And then I would have about 45 minutes to shower and get ready for the day.

16:09 And I lived in an apartment with three other girls.

16:12 We had one bathroom.

16:12 So like our bathroom time was scheduled.

16:15 So I had to be rigid with my schedule and execute things on time.

16:19 So, what I did was every night before I went to bed, I laid everything out.

16:25 I laid out my workout clothes on my bureau.

16:28 I picked out my work outfit so that I knew exactly

16:30 what I was going to have to wear and I didn't have

16:32 to waste time in my precious getting ready time that was

16:35 already pretty slim throwing clothes around and figuring out what to wear.

16:40 I would prep and pack my lunch, put it all together, and stick it in the fridge.

16:43 So, when I was done getting ready and heading out the door,

16:45 I could just grab it and leave.

16:46 I didn't have to think about anything.

16:48 And then I would prep my coffee.

16:50 So when I got out of the shower, I could hit go, my coffee would brew.

16:55 I used a percolator at the time.

16:57 And within five minutes, my coffee was ready.

16:59 I wasn't wasting any time.

17:01 It was all taken care of the night before.

17:04 And as a result, the next morning was seamless.

17:07 It was like a dance.

17:08 I didn't have to think about anything

17:10 besides going through the steps of my routine.

17:14 So, if having a more structured routine or integrating

17:18 working out into your morning is a goal,

17:20 you have to start the night before by not even just going to bed earlier,

17:25 but removing the friction of the steps

17:27 in order to actually make getting to that workout

17:30 and still getting where you need to go for the day done in on time.

17:35 Another tip here would be to break your tasks

17:37 that you need to do down into embarrassingly small steps.

17:42 So, an example of this that I, you know,

17:45 practice and implement a lot is just brain dumping, which is pretty simple.

17:48 I do this on Sundays when I'm mapping

17:50 out my week or anytime I'm feeling really overwhelmed.

17:54 I'll literally pull out my notebook.

17:55 I have it right here, actually,

17:57 and I will just write down all of the like jumbled up tasks in my head that have

18:01 been hanging over me that are clouding my ability

18:04 to start getting things done or take action.

18:08 I list out everything I'm going to do and everything

18:11 that I need to do in order to actually check things off.

18:14 So, like let's say, okay, I need to record to a YouTube video.

18:18 So, what needs to actually happen for me to do those things?

18:21 I need to script the video.

18:22 I need to take a shower.

18:24 I need to put some makeup on.

18:25 I need to brush my hair.

18:27 I need to pull out and charge my mic.

18:28 I need to make sure that I'm doing it during

18:30 a day during the time of day where there's good enough lighting.

18:33 like there's so many little minute decisions that go into one broader

18:37 decision and it feels really hard sometimes to get the ball rolling.

18:42 So listing out those individual teeny little tasks makes such a difference

18:48 when it comes to organizing your brain and actually kicking things off.

18:53 Sometimes when you're overwhelmed,

18:54 the act of getting everything out is all it takes to take the first step.

19:00 You don't need more willpower to do this.

19:02 You just need to reduce again the decision fatigue which I think

19:06 is just the broader theme of a lot of my episodes lately.

19:11 Next here when we're thinking about how to stop being

19:14 lazy adjacent is to start setting non-negotiable minimums for your day.

19:21 So discipline is something that really thrives on setting standards.

19:26 This means that on the daily,

19:28 you need to have a few minimum non-negotiables that you must do.

19:33 For me, this is an hour of deep

19:35 work where I'm completely unplugged from my phone.

19:37 I like to do this in the mornings, but depending on my schedule,

19:40 sometimes it happens a little bit later in the day.

19:43 Also, sometimes in the mornings I'm feeling a little

19:45 bit like jumbled up or tired or whatever.

19:49 So, I'll save my like completely uninterrupted time for a little

19:52 bit later when I'm a little bit more in the groove.

19:54 But I do do at least one hour of deep work every day.

19:58 Next, my next minimum is 10,000 steps.

20:01 Without fail, I will always 110% get my 10,000 steps in.

20:05 And then my skincare routine and making my bed.

20:08 Those are the baselines of my entire day.

20:13 And I always try to obviously aim higher,

20:16 but I minimally stick to this because I know

20:18 that I'll feel my best when I do these four things.

20:21 If I hit these things, my day is a success no matter what.

20:24 So, I want you to think about what your minimum things are every day.

20:29 I'd actually love to hear them.

20:30 If you want to share them, leave a comment.

20:33 Because when you're aiming to have a perfect day every day,

20:37 like you're not setting yourself up for success.

20:40 So, it could be a simple routine,

20:43 like maybe your daily minimum is just executing on your morning routine,

20:46 or it could be a menu of things throughout the day, similar to me.

20:50 Like mine kind of span the full day.

20:52 they're not just concentrated on my morning.

20:54 It totally though can be different depending on who you are,

20:58 how you live your life, what's important to you, what your goals are, etc.

21:01 But really, at the end of the day, consistency beats intensity.

21:04 So being consistent with just a minimum for two weeks is enough to really

21:08 start getting the ball rolling and show yourself that you can be disciplined.

21:12 And then you just build on that over time.

21:15 Next, when it comes to becoming lazy adjacent or no longer being lazy adjacent,

21:20 you need to start thinking about creating rules, not moods.

21:24 So, rules eliminate the mental negotiation.

21:28 And your brain will always default to comfort,

21:31 which is generally not a disciplined state.

21:33 And again, that's normal.

21:35 That's why I always say if you are someone who is

21:39 trying to reach financial goals and you're not tracking your expenses,

21:42 you are spending more money than you think.

21:44 And it's because your brain defaults to comfort.

21:48 So you will subconsciously, whether you're aware of it or not,

21:53 ignore money that you're actually spending because you

21:55 don't want to admit to yourself what you're buying, what you're spending on.

21:58 Like it's a very normal, habitual, human thing to do.

22:04 There's nothing wrong with it.

22:05 It's not a character flaw,

22:07 but it is something you have to acknowledge if you want to change the behavior.

22:12 So rules really help with setting like a minimum standard that you stick to.

22:17 Examples would be I work out before I check my phone.

22:21 This is one for me like I get up I don't

22:23 work out before I check my phone but I get up

22:25 and I go through a little morning routine before I check

22:27 my phone and I stick to this because my phone is bricked.

22:31 That's like you know the activation energy of it

22:35 all and I've removed the friction and the motivation.

22:38 Another example would be I plan my week every Sunday.

22:41 This is another thing that I do.

22:42 Um, I have a vlog about this on my YouTube channel.

22:46 Next is I don't decide what to eat when I'm already hungry.

22:49 Another thing I don't do because I plan out my meals at the top of the week.

22:54 A few of my other personal rules are I

22:57 don't check my phone first thing in the morning.

23:00 I walk 10,000 steps every day no matter what.

23:03 And I don't go to bed until my kitchen is clean.

23:06 Rules help conserve your energy.

23:09 They turn discipline into your default behavior.

23:13 And default behaviors ultimately just become part of your lifestyle.

23:17 So think about it like you probably wake up every morning

23:20 and you brush your teeth and you're not even thinking about it.

23:22 You want your habits and rituals to be

23:26 at the same caliber of brushing your teeth.

23:29 Like you're not going to skip a day of brushing your teeth.

23:31 Why?

23:32 Because that's gross.

23:32 Like why would you do that?

23:34 Same as like you're not going to skip a day of getting your steps in.

23:36 you're not going to skip a day of making your bed and picking up your kitchen.

23:39 Like those are minimums that you have to set again based off

23:43 of your own life and preferences and they just become your default.

23:48 I can't remember the last time I didn't make my bed.

23:51 Like I make my bed every my day doesn't

23:52 start until my day is until my bed is made.

23:56 Moving on.

23:57 And this is the last thing to do to stop

23:58 being lazy adjacent is to respect your nervous system.

24:02 If you are someone who is constantly overstimulated, discipline is going to feel

24:08 absolutely impossible because focus requires regulation.

24:12 And regulation comes from having moments of silence

24:16 where you can like fully center yourself.

24:18 So if you're anything like me, you have probably spent many days and potentially

24:23 weeks of your life over the last couple

24:25 of years glued to your phone or constantly stimulated

24:29 with podcasts or music in the background of everything.

24:31 And this makes it infinitely harder to focus and get anything done.

24:36 So, how do you reduce over stimulation?

24:39 First is by less multitasking.

24:41 So, I mitigate this with a clear to-do list.

24:44 That's like my number number one.

24:46 And I also have themed days for work.

24:48 Again, I talked about this last week in the life admin episode.

24:51 I also aim to focus on just one thing at a time.

24:54 So, like if I'm doing my skincare, I'm doing my skincare.

24:57 I'm not scrolling.

24:58 I'm not listening to anything.

25:00 I'm just going through the steps and getting it done.

25:02 I don't need background noise.

25:04 If I'm scripting a podcast or a YouTube video,

25:06 I don't need a video playing in the background.

25:08 I don't need to be on my phone simultaneously.

25:11 Like all of this background noise slows you down

25:15 and it makes it feel like you can't focus on anything.

25:18 So like when I'm trying to get in the zone for work,

25:21 my phone is bricked and it's out of sight.

25:24 It's in a drawer.

25:24 It's in my bedroom.

25:25 just not anywhere near me where I'm even tempted to pick

25:28 it up because I know the second that I pick it up,

25:31 I'm now going to get into multitasking mode and that is not it's just

25:35 not efficient and it's not a good use of my time or my brain energy.

25:39 Next here would be having less dopamine hits throughout the day.

25:42 So, this means less scrolling in general,

25:44 which I think we can all collectively agree is kind of a goal,

25:48 but specifically when bookending your days, I think this is really important.

25:52 So, I don't touch my phone anymore until usually 10:00 a.m.

25:55 And around 8:00 every night,

25:57 I'm also bricking it so that it's completely out of my ether

26:01 and I'm just like focused on whatever it is I'm doing at that time.

26:04 And then lastly, here we have more silence in space.

26:08 I don't fear boredom anymore.

26:11 I feel like I went through periods of time where it was like, oh,

26:14 if I don't have any plans or anything to do, like that's a bad thing.

26:18 Now, I kind of embrace being bored.

26:20 I actually enjoy it.

26:21 Maybe that's just a factor of getting older,

26:24 but I'm totally fine to just let my brain sit.

26:26 Even throughout the day,

26:27 like if I hit a lull in my day or I'm feeling like I'm not able to focus,

26:32 I'm probably overstimulated and I need to default

26:35 back to being a little bit bored.

26:37 So, I'll literally just sit there.

26:38 Like, I'll put my phone away.

26:40 I'll turn my computer down.

26:42 I'll sit in silence.

26:43 I'll close my eyes.

26:44 I'll do some box breathing, which is what my therapist has taught me to do.

26:47 And I will literally try to just reactivate.

26:51 by allowing the volume and the temperature in my head to come down.

26:56 This is a very difficult thing to do.

26:58 I still struggle with it,

27:00 but I'm actively and consciously making the decision to work

27:03 on it because it does get easier over time.

27:05 I can confirm.

27:07 And it's something that helps you incorporate

27:10 and build more discipline into your day because again,

27:13 if you're overstimulated, everything feels so much harder.

27:17 One of the biggest myths about discipline, I think,

27:20 is that some people are just naturally focused,

27:24 which for most of us is not true.

27:27 At least we've maybe we were born with an attention span and life

27:32 degrades that just through how we exist as people in current day.

27:38 Focus though is really something.

27:41 It's not something that you either have or don't have.

27:43 It's not something that like, oh, I have it and you don't.

27:48 It's a skill that in the same way it's degraded by how we live.

27:52 It's also shaped by how we live.

27:55 How we structure our time and what you allow to access your attention.

28:00 I think another layer of how to think about discipline beyond just

28:03 self-respect is like what access are you giving other external things to you?

28:11 And that sort of changes the way you look at it.

28:14 If you feel like you can't concentrate or you

28:17 can't sit still or you can't stay on task,

28:19 it doesn't mean that you are broken or again lazy in any way.

28:24 It usually means your attention has been fragmented

28:28 for a long time because again our phones are quite literally

28:33 ruining our attention span and our ability to pay

28:36 attention because we live in an environment that rewards distraction.

28:41 It's so funny because I feel like and if

28:45 you are I'll say like over the age of 29.

28:48 So you know you existed in the working world for or maybe 28.

28:53 you existed in the working world where you

28:55 were in the office five days a week before

28:56 co I feel like we can all collectively agree

29:00 that like it didn't used to be this way.

29:03 I genuinely believe that co and the assimilation of Tik Tok

29:08 into our culture has made it absolutely impossible to pay attention.

29:15 Like I used to go to work and be able to focus all day long.

29:19 like and I was ne I was never on TikTok until the middle of COVID.

29:24 Like it was not something that I struggled with.

29:28 And now it's almost like I'm completely

29:31 unable to focus for long periods of time.

29:34 And I really don't like that cuz when you think about it,

29:37 like we're constantly inundated with notifications.

29:40 Like now I'm someone my phone is on do not disturb 24/7.

29:43 I don't allow any notifications to pop up on my phone ever.

29:47 like ever, ever, ever because I'm not allowing something to draw my attention.

29:52 I need to choose to go into my phone.

29:54 Background noise.

29:55 This is another thing I'm eliminating from my life.

29:58 Constant input.

29:59 Over time, what happens is our brains adapt

30:02 to that super high pace and expectation of dopamine.

30:07 It starts expecting novelty every couple of seconds.

30:10 And so when you sit down to do something that requires sustained effort,

30:15 it feels really difficult and really uncomfortable immediately.

30:19 And that discomfort is not a sign that you should stop.

30:22 It's a sign that your brain is out of practice.

30:25 And I say this because I really want to emphasize that it

30:28 is something you can train and retrain just like a muscle.

30:32 Focus comes from containment and from giving your time edges.

30:36 It's why I also like to really time block

30:39 a lot of my tasks or my work blocks in general.

30:42 Like for example, last year in April,

30:44 I went on a business retreat with a couple of my friends down in Austin, Texas,

30:50 and we had I want to say two or three

30:54 2hour focus work blocks where we all co-worked together,

30:57 but we were working on different things, but it was like a two-hour sprint.

31:01 the amount of time I felt like I had

31:03 in my day because I was able to contain my work blocks.

31:07 It completely reshaped now I literally structure my day by work blocks.

31:11 It totally reshaped the way that I view getting things done because you

31:16 will expand in the same way you expand to the space that you have.

31:19 That's why I like a small space.

31:20 You will your tasks will expand to the time you give them.

31:24 So if you give yourself 10 minutes, you'll get it done.

31:26 If you give yourself two hours, it'll take you two hours to do it.

31:29 Like having those edges is essential.

31:33 When everything is open-ended, your mind has too much space to wander

31:38 and there's too much room to get distracted.

31:41 When your work has a clear beginning and a clear end or a clear timeline,

31:46 your brain can settle into a better

31:49 flow and you ultimately get significantly more done.

31:53 I think this too is why disciplined people don't try to focus all day long.

31:58 And it's because it's really not possible.

32:02 They work in defined blocks.

32:03 This is why I now work in defined blocks.

32:06 They decide in advance when they're working and when they're not.

32:09 And in those on periods, they're on.

32:11 And in the off periods, they're off.

32:13 I know with a traditional like 9 toive day job, that can be challenging.

32:19 But even if you can fragment your days

32:21 or cluster your meetings or something or you

32:24 know dedicate one hour in the morning

32:26 and one hour in the evening for focus work,

32:28 it can completely change the way and the time it takes to get things done.

32:35 Another important layer of improving your focus here too is

32:39 removing obvious distractions instead of trying to test your willpower.

32:44 So if your phone is next to you, you're not weak for wanting to check it.

32:48 Discipline is not about constantly resisting temptation.

32:53 It's about designing your environment so temptation has less access to you.

32:58 So that's why I put my phone in a drawer or I

33:00 put my phone in a different room or I brick my phone.

33:02 Like I want to even remove the temptation in the habit of grabbing

33:07 it because half the time you grab and reach for your phone,

33:10 you don't even want it.

33:10 It's just literally a habitual thing that we've now trained ourselves to do.

33:16 If you want to rebuild your focus,

33:18 you have to start smaller than you think you need to.

33:21 So that could be like 10 or 20 minutes

33:23 of real uninterrupted work or five minutes of silence.

33:28 I bet you like if I challenged you to just

33:30 sit in set a timer on your phone and sit down

33:34 in silence without touching your phone without listening to anything

33:38 for 5 minutes it would likely feel like a literal eternity.

33:42 Um, so you need to start small because

33:46 ultimately focus compounds and even a few minutes

33:50 of uninterrupted work or uninterrupted silence is

33:54 a lot more powerful than hours of scattered effort.

33:58 And the more you practice it,

33:59 the easier it becomes not only to do it, but also to return to it.

34:03 Like you will crave those focused blocks in the same

34:06 way that you train yourself to crave scrolling on your phone.

34:11 The last layer of this that I want to really touch on is productivity that will

34:17 actually move your life forward because I think

34:19 this is where a lot of people get stuck.

34:22 And it's because productivity is often confused with just activity.

34:27 Being busy, constantly having a full calendar,

34:30 checking boxes off does not necessarily equate to being productive.

34:34 And I don't understand why we glorify being busy.

34:38 I personally hate being busy.

34:39 My life goal is to have more time, free time.

34:43 I don't want to be busy.

34:43 I want to have the least amount of commitments on my calendar so I

34:47 can enrich my life in the ways that I personally choose and want to.

34:52 Being productive is not synonymous with doing more.

34:57 It means you're doing the right things consistently.

35:00 So if you look at some of the most productive people in the world,

35:03 at least for example, to me, one of them is Justin Welsh.

35:07 He has optimized his business in his day in a way where he earns,

35:11 but he's not scaling to a point of being burnt out, 110% booked.

35:17 He's found his sweet spot in his work

35:19 life balance or what he calls life work balance,

35:22 what he needs to do, and then he otherwise enjoys his life.

35:25 And to me, that's the ultimate goal

35:28 when I think about discipline and productivity.

35:30 I don't want to have an overoptimized life.

35:33 I don't want to be booked and busy.

35:35 I don't need to be the most successful person ever.

35:39 I want to strike the balance between I'm working and doing something that's

35:43 meaningful to me that allows me to make a living and in the rest

35:46 of my time I'm actually like doing things that I truly care

35:52 about that enrich me that don't have anything to do with making money.

35:55 Like that's the dream.

35:57 Do I need to be flying a private jet to Europe?

36:00 No, I don't want to do that.

36:01 like I just want to be regulated and chill,

36:05 you know, and not over stimulated 100% of the time.

36:08 Lazy adjacent behavior often shows up as avoidance disguised as productivity.

36:15 So, for example, you need to again clear

36:18 out your email inbox or make an appointment

36:21 or do something like the one activity or the one

36:23 task that's actually going to move the needle.

36:26 But instead of doing that, you end up deep cleaning your whole apartment,

36:29 reorganizing your closet, researching, planning, and booking a new vacation,

36:33 doing everything you could possibly do besides

36:37 the one thing you actually need to do.

36:40 This is lazy adjacent behavior.

36:42 You're not necessarily lazy, but you're not doing the thing that's actually

36:45 going to improve your life or move the needle.

36:48 True discipline requires honesty about what actually matters.

36:54 So if you look at your goals and then you look at your days, they should match.

36:57 This is something that requires again constant attention.

37:00 It's something that I'm constantly looking

37:02 at, particularly given that I have a business.

37:06 If they don't, something is off.

37:09 Either the goal isn't real or your actions aren't aligned.

37:12 I definitely struggle with this.

37:15 Like I said, it's something that I'm working on.

37:17 I have so many goals and so many things I want to accomplish both

37:20 in my business but also in my personal life and a lot of times I get

37:25 lost in the busy work that I don't end up actually giving myself the time

37:30 to move the needle forward on new projects or new things that I want to do.

37:35 And it is a big goal of mine this year to really start honing

37:39 down my focus so I can start

37:42 introducing improvements and new pillars to my business.

37:45 And I know that this is going to be an iterative process.

37:48 So an example of this is I have made

37:50 it a big focus of mine to improve the podcast.

37:53 But there are elements of that that I wanted to change.

37:55 I wanted to reshape the structure.

37:57 I wanted to get a bit a little bit more clear and defined on the topics.

38:00 I wanted to redo my intro.

38:03 I wanted to make them more valuable, if that makes sense.

38:08 And so I'm iteratively making those changes, right?

38:12 Like I updated my cover art.

38:13 I updated my um little intro.

38:16 I'm working on refining my scripts and refining my planning

38:20 and thinking about how to bucket my topic so that they're

38:24 things you want to learn about but also things I

38:26 want to talk about and they're valuable things that help people.

38:30 Like that would just be an example of focusing on needle

38:35 needle moving tasks instead of like the minutia of busy work.

38:40 Something that highly disciplined people do is they also simplify aggressively.

38:46 So they think about the few things that actually matter

38:48 and do those things first and everything else becomes secondary.

38:53 The goal isn't to optimize everything at once.

38:56 It's to focus on small progress, not perfection.

38:59 Again, that's why I bring up the iteration with the podcast.

39:02 Like small changes over time are much more meaningful than doing nothing,

39:08 not making the changes because you are

39:10 emotionally disregulated and over stimulated and can't think

39:13 for a long enough period of time to actually lay out what you need to do.

39:18 Another key shift is separating effort from outcome.

39:21 So you can't control results in the short term,

39:25 but you can control your behaviors.

39:28 And discipline really does live in behavior.

39:30 showing up, practicing, executing, repeating.

39:33 So when you focus on behaviors first instead of outcomes,

39:37 that's systems instead of goals,

39:40 productivity becomes less emotional and you stop asking, is this working yet?

39:46 And then you start asking, did I do what I said I would do today?

39:51 Big difference.

39:52 Okay, that shift alone removes the pressure in your life.

39:57 Productivity that moves your life forward doesn't feel like a whole big thing.

40:02 It actually feels pretty boring.

40:04 It's less frantic.

40:04 It's less reactive.

40:06 It's not about squeezing more into your day.

40:08 It's about removing the things that don't matter

40:11 so your energy can go where it counts.

40:13 I feel like this is such a transferable lesson to everything.

40:16 I talk about spending values, your financials, everything.

40:20 It's stop doing the that doesn't matter

40:22 and start focusing all of your attention, all of your energy, all of your money

40:25 on the things that are most important to you.

40:27 When discipline is rooted in self-respect,

40:30 productivity stops being about proving something

40:33 or like showing people how much you

40:35 do or how busy you are and it starts being about building something like

40:39 building a life that you actually enjoy in your quiet moments instead

40:44 of a life that looks really great and flashy from the outside that you hate.

40:47 And that I feel like is when progress really starts to get moving.

40:52 So, I'm going to wrap this up and I want to end with this and it's

40:56 that the goal is not to become hyperproductive or obsessed with diligent output.

41:04 It's to become somebody that you trust.

41:06 This is something that I've been really working on too in therapy with my OCD.

41:11 Like a lot of OCD is rooted in reassurance.

41:16 And in order to overcome that, you have

41:19 to learn how to trust yourself in your actions,

41:21 in your thoughts, instead of constantly seeking reassurance.

41:25 So there's a layer of discipline involved in that.

41:28 It really boils down to becoming and proving

41:31 to yourself that you are someone who follows through.

41:34 You respect your time, you honor your goals,

41:37 and you don't abandon yourself and abandon

41:40 what you need when things are uncomfortable.

41:43 It's not about becoming harsh, but it's more about becoming reliable.

41:49 So ultimately, I hope you are feeling

41:52 inspired to not only become more disciplined,

41:56 but just approach it in a different way.

41:58 Again, it shouldn't really be about rigidity.

42:01 It really boils down to respecting yourself and keeping

42:04 the promises to yourself that you said you're going to do.

42:07 As always, if you enjoyed this episode, I would love to hear from you.

42:11 Make sure you subscribe to my Substack if you want

42:14 more and I will catch you in the next one.

42:17 Thanks so much for listening.

42:24 [music]