Everybody Loves the Barones: Part 2 | Everybody Loves Raymond

0:00 Hi.

0:05 So.

0:08 You feel different, huh?

0:10 Why do you feel different?

0:12 Of course.

0:14 What?

0:14 Like doom?

0:16 Yes, exactly like that.

0:20 Listen, listen.

0:23 Last night, when my father asked me to marry me,

0:28 and and you said yes to my mother, I'm wondering if maybe

0:39 What?

0:40 Well, like maybe you felt pressured, like you were at a ballpark.

0:45 [laughter]

0:46 What?

0:47 All right.

0:48 Let me ask you again.

0:49 Okay, nobody's nobody's here.

0:51 You can You can say whatever you want.

0:54 Do you really want TO MARRY ME?

0:57 OH [screaming] MY GOD!

1:00 [laughter] BOTH KNEES.

1:04 WAIT A MINUTE.

1:05 THAT'S FOR ME FOR THE RING.

1:06 OH MY GOD, THIS IS SO BEAUTIFUL.

1:10 OKAY, but would you still WANT ME WITHOUT THE RING?

1:12 WHAT are you talking about?

1:14 I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.

1:15 Look at this.

1:16 I got to show everybody.

1:17 Wait, I got to look at this under the light.

1:20 [laughter] I'm never going to get a straight answer now.

1:26 Let me have the ring for a second, please.

1:28 No, no, no, just wait.

1:28 WAIT, WAIT, PLEASE, WAIT.

1:31 DO YOU REALLY WANT TO marry me?

1:32 What?

1:33 Yes.

1:33 TAKE YOUR TIME.

1:37 [laughter] THINK.

1:39 NOW, ONE MORE TIME.

1:43 [sighs] [laughter] [laughter]

1:56 Do you really want to marry me?

2:00 [laughter] Yes, Ray.

2:02 I really want to marry you.

2:11 [screaming and laughter] Oh, I love this [laughter] dress.

2:17 Come here.

2:18 Come here, I got to show you all my plans here.

2:20 Plans?

2:20 What What do you mean?

2:22 Yeah, for the wedding.

2:23 You're already planning the wedding?

2:25 I've been planning it since I was 12.

2:29 But boy, you didn't meet me till you were 22.

2:32 Well, you're the last piece of the puzzle.

2:38 [laughter] Yeah.

2:40 You sure that I fit?

2:41 You're not like cramming me in there, right?

2:44 [laughter] Okay, okay.

2:45 Look at this.

2:45 These bridesmaids dresses, do you like that color?

2:48 Yeah, I they're they're great if they're going

2:50 to jog to church at night, I guess.

2:54 Huh?

2:55 Ah, come on, this is important.

2:56 So, this is all about the wedding.

2:58 Of course it's about the wedding.

3:00 Wait a minute, wait a minute, wait a second.

3:02 What if I told you forget about all this?

3:04 Uh would you still want to marry me if we couldn't have a big wedding?

3:07 I don't need a big wedding.

3:08 It's fine.

3:09 Wait, wait.

3:09 What about what your sister had?

3:11 Oh god, that was way too much.

3:12 I wouldn't want that anyway.

3:15 So, you're not just excited now about a big wedding.

3:17 You'd marry me even if we had a small wedding.

3:18 Oh honey, listen.

3:19 If you want a small wedding, we'll have a small wedding, okay?

3:22 You're good with a small wedding?

3:26 [laughter]

3:26 Of course.

3:27 And I'm still honey?

3:29 Yes, you are.

3:35 Okay.

3:35 My parents.

3:37 Oh boy.

3:40 Hi.

3:40 Hi.

3:46 Hello there, son-in-law.

3:48 Hello there, you.

3:53 You know, um on the way down here,

3:55 I was busy reading my favorite sports columnist.

3:59 [laughter] You boy, is that Mike Lupica can really write.

4:05 [laughter]

4:05 Yeah.

4:05 Congratulations, Ray.

4:08 Okay.

4:07 I've never been a sports fan, but now, GO SPORTS.

4:15 OKAY.

4:15 LOOK, MOM.

4:16 Is that adorable?

4:20 [laughter]

4:20 Hey, we got to talk, Deb.

4:22 Oh, yes.

4:22 I checked and the country club is only available on June 3rd or the 17th.

4:27 It's the big room, dear.

4:29 Of course it's the big room.

4:31 Big room, big band, big shrimp.

4:36 [laughter] So, like 200, 250 tops.

4:41 250 people?

4:42 Yeah.

4:42 Why?

4:42 What did you have in mind?

4:44 A small wedding.

4:45 I don't LIKE 20 PEOPLE.

4:48 [laughter]

4:49 IF HE THINKS I'M GOING TO WARM THEM up for him, he's got another thing coming.

4:53 You tell him, you're not a slave girl.

4:56 You're damn right.

4:57 I'm here for you, Ma.

5:00 Good.

5:03 Hey.

5:02 Good morning, dear.

5:03 You hungry?

5:04 No, no, no, no.

5:05 But what's the matter?

5:06 What did you do to yourself?

5:08 back is a little stiff, that's all.

5:10 I I slept half off the bed last night cuz I didn't want to get kicked again.

5:16 Raymond, a married couple should never go to bed angry.

5:21 [laughter] Not a hard and fast rule in this house.

5:25 [laughter]

5:27 But, it's not about Deb and me, it's about Ally.

5:29 She keeps sleeping in our bed at night.

5:33 Monsters?

5:34 [laughter]

5:34 How do you know?

5:37 Oh.

5:36 I know.

5:39 [laughter] Aw.

5:43 Now you come down, huh?

5:45 You happy?

5:46 Those eggs have been sitting there for half

5:48 an hour and I am not warming them up.

5:55 How can you eat them?

5:56 They're stone cold.

5:58 They're fine.

6:02 Give me them.

6:02 I'M WARMING THEM UP.

6:07 [laughter]

6:09 WELL, LISTEN.

6:10 YOU STILL GOT THAT HEATING PAD?

6:12 Sure we do.

6:13 Robbie, get Raymond the heating pad.

6:16 Look, I got a better idea.

6:17 I'll crack your back.

6:19 [laughter]

6:19 What?

6:19 No.

6:20 Come down.

6:21 No, get out of here.

6:22 I know what I'm doing.

6:23 Take a deep breath.

6:25 Let go of me.

6:25 YOU'RE TOO TENSE.

6:26 RELAX.

6:31 [screaming]

6:30 YOU SEPARATED MY SPINE, FRANK.

6:33 HELP ME.

6:34 [laughter] BETTER?

6:41 NO.

6:43 [laughter]

6:45 HM.

6:45 LOOK AT THE HEATING PAD.

6:49 [laughter]

6:51 RAY, you look awful.

6:53 Toast, Marie.

6:56 [laughter]

6:59 Well, I see you're still clipping your toenails at the table, huh, Dad?

7:03 [laughter] You know something, Raymond?

7:07 Maybe it's Deborah's cooking.

7:09 That's why Ally gets up in the middle

7:10 of the night because of the terrible indigestion.

7:14 Mom, Ally eats fine, okay?

7:15 It's just we have to get her back in her own bed, that's all.

7:18 We got all the books.

7:20 Books?

7:21 Ha!

7:23 I needed no books when I was raising you kids, Raymond.

7:26 And my parents didn't use them either.

7:29 Oh, good.

7:30 I come from a long line of illiterates.

7:35 Raymond, dear.

7:37 To raise children, all you need is love and common sense.

7:42 You know, when I had sleeping, Mom used to do something for me.

7:45 Remember that, Mom?

7:47 Huh?

7:47 One of my best memories growing up.

7:50 She'd give me a warm cup of that colored sugar water.

7:53 Put me right out.

7:56 That was booze.

7:59 [laughter]

8:06 BOOZE?

8:08 [laughter]

8:09 FRANK.

8:09 A STIFF shot of Sambuca in there, and it was lights out, Bobby.

8:18 You gave me liquor?

8:20 Not liquor, dear.

8:21 Liqueur.

8:26 [laughter]

8:26 I don't believe it.

8:27 All those special times, they were just

8:30 Happy hours.

8:36 [laughter]

8:35 Oh, you are sick.

8:38 Oh, we were good parents.

8:41 We didn't give you cashews cuz you could choke on them.

8:44 WHAT'S [laughter] THE BIG DEAL?

8:46 It's not like we let him drive that way.

8:49 Ray's been going through a rough patch,

8:51 so I brought him here to sweat that puss off his face.

8:55 [laughter]

8:55 Let me turn up the steam for you, Ray.

8:57 NO, DON'T GET UP.

8:57 DON'T get up.

8:58 No, please.

8:59 Nobody move.

9:01 [laughter] Okay?

9:01 Just pretend that I'm not here, okay?

9:04 Cuz that's what I'm doing.

9:07 [laughter]

9:07 He says there's no funny sports right here.

9:09 Sit down.

9:09 Ray, take a load off.

9:11 Hey, sit right here, Ray.

9:13 That's O'Neal's place, but you can sit there.

9:15 He's dead.

9:18 [laughter]

9:21 I love the lodge.

9:24 We play some cards.

9:25 We get something to eat.

9:27 We come in here and relax.

9:30 What more could you ask for?

9:32 Hair.

9:33 Hair.

9:33 I could ask for

9:36 [laughter]

9:40 Hair.

9:41 Oh, man.

9:42 How long can you guys stay in here?

9:45 [snorts]

9:44 Well, the record is 4 hours and 10 minutes.

9:47 Yeah, by who?

9:50 O'Neill.

9:52 [cheering] [laughter]

9:55 This is the life.

9:57 Yeah, like oil in the joints.

10:00 You still stiff?

10:02 My knee?

10:04 Yeah, I got that.

10:06 My back's still acting up.

10:08 What, a twinge?

10:09 On good days it's a twinge.

10:11 Yeah, I got that.

10:14 [laughter]

10:18 I got like a shoulder thing.

10:21 [laughter] Yeah?

10:23 Ah, it's nothing.

10:23 It's you know, sometimes when I lift things up, you know, hurts.

10:28 You mean up here between the neck and the shoulder blade?

10:30 Yeah, yeah, it's like a knot.

10:32 I know.

10:33 I got that.

10:35 What are you doing lifting things, Ray?

10:38 Ah, you know, Debra, she's got me doing this and doing that.

10:41 Oh, the wives.

10:43 That's a pain we can't get rid of.

10:48 [laughter]

10:47 Until you're O'Neill.

10:51 Put that in your column.

10:52 I should.

10:53 I SHOULD.

10:54 I SHOULD PUT IT IN.

10:57 [laughter] [laughter]

11:08 I GOT UP TWICE last night to pee.

11:17 [laughter]

11:17 At least you got up.

11:24 [laughter] [cheering]

11:29 Debra, I'm going to put Raymond's cannolis in your refrigerator.

11:33 Well, why can't they just grab one of those?

11:35 No, Robbie.

11:35 I made it especially for Raymond to cheer him up.

11:39 So, he gets 10 cannolis and I get none?

11:41 He's having a life crisis.

11:43 Life crisis.

11:45 When I got divorced, I had to beg you for a piece of raisin toast.

11:52 Oh, there he is.

11:53 How was it, dear?

11:54 Did you have a nice time?

11:55 You know, I did.

11:57 I really did.

11:58 Was I right or was I right?

12:00 The lodge is heaven on earth.

12:02 I got to tell you, that steam room, that's was exactly what I needed.

12:06 Aw, that's great, honey.

12:07 I'm glad you were able to relax.

12:09 Yes, the steam room must have been nice.

12:11 I've never been invited to the lodge.

12:13 But, [laughter] that's okay.

12:14 I can always work up a sweat by chasing a psychopath down the subway track.

12:19 [laughter]

12:24 You know, Ray, you fit right in.

12:26 I was worried you were going to say something stupid or liberal.

12:32 [laughter] I actually like talking to those guys.

12:33 Well, that's terrific.

12:34 Have 10 cannolis.

12:37 [laughter] [cheering]

12:39 Oh, I forgot.

12:40 I made you a special treat, Raymond.

12:41 Sit down.

12:43 So, what do you say, Ray?

12:44 You going to join the brotherhood?

12:46 The guys say you'd be a shoo-in.

12:49 You know what?

12:51 Yeah.

12:52 I think I would like that.

12:54 Wait a minute.

12:55 You want to join the lodge?

12:59 [laughter]

12:59 It'll be great.

13:00 I'll be your father, but I'll also be your brother.

13:05 All right, that's it.

13:07 NO, ROBBIE.

13:08 ROBBIE.

13:13 [laughter] [laughter] RAY, COME ON.

13:23 I MEAN, I I KNOW YOU HAD A GOOD time there today, but you don't want to join.

13:27 Why wouldn't he?

13:28 BECAUSE HE'S NOT A HUNDRED PERCENT SURE HE WANTS TO JOIN.

13:38 [laughter]

13:37 Just get in there.

13:38 Come on, let's go.

13:40 Oh.

13:40 [snorts] You boys have done a beautiful job putting these together.

13:47 Thank you, Mom.

13:47 Thanks.

13:48 Do me a favor.

13:49 Don't sand them in here.

13:52 [laughter] Sand them?

13:53 Of course.

13:54 You can't paint them until you sand them.

13:58 [laughter]

13:57 Paint them?

14:00 I can't have unfinished wood in my house.

14:02 It doesn't go with the decor.

14:05 IT'S THE LAUNDRY ROOM.

14:09 [laughter] This color will go very nice with that orange box of Tide.

14:13 [laughter]

14:13 All right.

14:13 Look, Mom, I'm just going to put it back

14:15 here for now and we'll paint it on Sunday.

14:17 No.

14:18 I have people coming tomorrow.

14:20 Oh, you might as well just drag it out to the trash.

14:25 [laughter]

14:27 All right.

14:28 Just call the guys and tell them we'll meet them at the course.

14:31 Really?

14:31 I mean, it's unbelievable.

14:33 it is.

14:35 I'LL BE HONEST WITH YOU, MARIE.

14:36 Looking at those shelves, I think Lee's going to win this one.

14:39 What do you mean?

14:40 Win what?

14:41 Uh Lee's all full of herself cuz her son

14:43 built a special box for her spoon collection.

14:49 [laughter] That has nothing to do with anything.

14:50 Give me a break.

14:52 That's why your mother wants to drag Lee into the laundry room,

14:55 so she can show her what you two do for her.

14:58 Ow.

15:01 [laughter] THAT'S WHY WE'RE DOING THIS, MOM,

15:02 BECAUSE CUZ LEE'S SON HAS NOTHING better to do

15:04 all day than to kiss his mom's behind?

15:09 [laughter] Have you seen Lee's behind?

15:11 It does take all day.

15:14 [laughter]

15:15 And yet we still felt bad, like what we were doing wasn't good enough.

15:18 YEAH.

15:18 WHAT WE ALWAYS FEEL BAD.

15:20 WE FALL FOR it every time.

15:21 The guilt.

15:22 YOUR GUILT.

15:24 IF you feel guilty, it's not because of me.

15:27 Oh, yeah, right, Mom.

15:28 And by the way, where's the lint?

15:33 [applause and cheering]

15:37 I feel very sad.

15:42 ALL THIS anger against me.

15:47 [laughter]

15:46 Because of YOUR PRECIOUS GOLF.

15:48 NO.

15:49 NO, THAT'S JUST STRAW THAT BROKE THE CAMEL'S BACK.

15:51 YOU'VE BEEN MAKING US FEEL GUILTY ABOUT STUFF OUR WHOLE LIVES,

15:54 AND WE'RE SICK OF IT.

15:57 SICK?

15:57 [laughter] NOTHING IS EVER GOOD ENOUGH, AND IT'S ALWAYS OUR FAULT.

16:02 HEY, YOU CAN'T SPEAK TO YOUR MOTHER LIKE THAT.

16:04 YOU DO.

16:05 SHE'S NOT MY MOTHER.

16:07 [laughter]

16:09 I'M SORRY.

16:09 LOOK, THE GUILT TRIP, IT'S OVER.

16:11 COME ON, LET'S GET OUT OF HERE.

16:12 I WE'RE NOT moving there.

16:14 That's right.

16:14 Amen, brother.

16:15 Fine, go.

16:17 Leaving an old, CRIPPLED WOMAN WITH UNGRATEFUL and an uncaring husband.

16:26 [laughter]

16:31 Yesterday, that would have worked.

16:36 [laughter] [laughter]

16:46 Hey.

16:45 Hi.

16:45 I'm Chris's dad, George Buckner.

16:48 Oh.

16:48 Oh, hey, I'm Ray.

16:49 I'm Ray.

16:49 I HI.

16:50 HI.

16:53 [laughter]

16:53 MOM, this

16:54 I know I'm a little early, but I figured you probably had enough of him.

16:57 Oh, never.

16:58 He was a pleasure.

17:00 In fact, we'll keep him.

17:02 Okay, but no givesies-backsies.

17:05 [laughter] Hey, how was the game?

17:07 Oh, they had a blast.

17:08 Yeah.

17:09 Yeah, it was a real treat for Chris.

17:10 This was his first Knicks game.

17:12 Yeah.

17:12 All right, good.

17:13 Ray, why don't you go up and tell Chris's dad is here.

17:15 Can I get you something?

17:16 No, I'll get him something to drink.

17:17 You can go upstairs.

17:18 Yeah.

17:19 Yeah.

17:20 It's okay.

17:21 I can do things.

17:25 [laughter]

17:25 Yeah.

17:25 Come on.

17:25 Come on.

17:27 Hey, can I give you something for today?

17:28 Oh, no.

17:29 No.

17:29 No.

17:29 I get the tickets for free.

17:31 Oh, it's okay, but I've been to the movies

17:32 with him and he can eat 40 bucks worth of candy.

17:34 Oh, well, consider his stomach ache my gift.

17:40 [laughter] That's funny.

17:44 Yeah, funny.

17:45 Right?

17:46 Yeah.

17:48 [laughter]

17:48 You know WHAT ELSE IS FUNNY?

17:51 NO.

17:51 You know, at one point Chris started eating peanuts

17:55 and I looked down and he's not throwing the shells away.

17:58 He's got all of them on his lap.

17:59 So, I just say to him, "Hey Chris, you can throw those on the floor.

18:01 That's what they pay the janitor for." [laughter]

18:05 Yeah.

18:05 Yeah, and then he laughed.

18:06 Oh, he kind of laughed hard.

18:07 Yeah.

18:08 And then he took his shells,

18:09 took his shells and he put them on the floor real gently.

18:12 So, I guess you got him trained really good AT HOME.

18:18 [laughter]

18:17 AH, IT WAS JUST KIND OF A simple remark,

18:21 you know, a "Hey, throw your nuts on the floor.

18:22 Haha." remark.

18:24 Yeah.

18:26 [laughter]

18:25 Yeah, it was funny.

18:26 It was funny.

18:27 He's funny, Chris.

18:31 [laughter] You know, he's my favorite friend of the kids.

18:36 Okay.

18:37 Yeah.

18:37 [laughter] You know what else is funny?

18:38 I DIDN'T KNOW.

18:39 I DIDN'T KNOW THAT THAT WAS your that that that that's your craft.

18:46 [laughter]

18:48 HI DAD.

18:49 HEY BUDDY, LET'S GO.

18:51 WELL, listen Chris, it was great having you.

18:52 We'll have to do it again sometime.

18:54 Thank you.

18:55 You're welcome.

18:55 Ah, that's a polite kid.

18:56 Yeah.

18:57 Yeah, anytime Chris.

18:59 Take it easy.

19:00 Yeah, it was nice MEETING YOU.

19:03 MR.

19:06 I'LL SEE YOU, CHRIS.

19:07 YOU'RE MY NEW FAVORITE FRIEND OF THE KIDS.

19:12 [laughter] [laughter] NEXT TIME BEFORE I TAKE A KID TO A GAME,

19:22 WOULD IT kill you to tell me what his father does for a living?

19:24 What did you do?

19:27 [laughter] Either I'm not telling that Chris story

19:34 perfectly or or his father's a little sensitive.

19:41 [laughter]

19:40 You told him what you said?

19:42 Why the hell would YOU DO THAT?

19:46 [laughter]

19:45 TO SHOW YOU THAT IT'S JUST A FUNNY STORY AND THAT ANYBODY WOULD BE FINE with it.

19:49 And is he fine with it?

19:55 [laughter]

19:54 You're not always right.

19:56 OH GREAT, I WAS WORRIED that Chris would tell him.

19:59 I never thought that you would go and commit Harry Caray.

20:05 [laughter]

20:04 Well, I didn't mean anything by it.

20:06 He's sensitive.

20:07 You think a janitor would be tougher.

20:09 Stop.

20:09 Stop.

20:10 Stop.

20:11 Stop saying that.

20:13 Listen, you have to realize you said a horrible

20:15 thing and you are not A FUNNY PERSON.

20:19 [laughter]

20:22 I KNOW!

20:25 [laughter]

20:28 GOOD.

20:28 GOOD.

20:29 WHEN YOU take the kids to school tomorrow,

20:31 you'll go down to that furnace room and apologize to Chris's dad.

20:38 [laughter] All right.

20:45 Hi.

20:45 I think Chris left his retainer here.

20:47 Oh, you know, I'm sure it's upstairs.

20:49 Go on up, Chris.

20:51 Come on in.

20:51 Come.

20:52 Come in.

20:53 Can I Can I get you something?

20:55 Do you have uh some ginger ale or pretzels?

20:58 No, thanks.

21:03 [laughter]

21:06 Listen, I hope you didn't get upset or or or angry about

21:10 the thing I said before about the thing I said at the game.

21:15 [laughter] Yeah, let's just forget it.

21:16 Yeah.

21:16 Cuz he would never say anything to hurt yours or Chris's or anybody's feelings.

21:20 HEY, I'M DOING IT.

21:23 [laughter] SO, HERE'S WHAT I WAS THINKING.

21:28 DO YOU remember that time when Ally wanted to run away from home

21:34 and we let her pack her suitcase with all her toys and her clothes and Yeah.

21:39 Yeah.

21:40 Then she started talking about each thing and where

21:42 she got it or gave it to her.

21:44 And by the time she was done packing,

21:45 she'd forgotten that she wanted to run away from home.

21:48 Right.

21:48 Right.

21:49 Because of all the good memories in the stuff.

21:51 Yeah.

21:53 Yeah.

21:53 Yeah, I like that idea.

21:54 I really do.

21:55 Good.

21:56 [laughter]

21:56 Yeah, that's good.

21:58 Good.

21:58 Where are you going?

21:59 Bathroom.

21:59 We're just getting started.

22:00 I know.

22:01 I know.

22:01 But when a good idea hits, I have to go to the bathroom.

22:03 Oh, no.

22:03 Come on.

22:04 Come on.

22:05 Come on.

22:05 We're on a roll here.

22:06 Don't break the momentum, please.

22:08 All right.

22:10 You know, it's not good to hold it.

22:13 Yeah.

22:14 Okay.

22:16 So, I was thinking we make the main character a bunny.

22:21 This little Oh, bunny?

22:24 Why, what's wrong with a bunny?

22:26 Hasn't the bunny thing been done, really?

22:29 [laughter]

22:29 What did you have in mind?

22:32 Nothing.

22:32 I don't Go.

22:33 Go ahead.

22:34 Tell me if you got something better, I want to know.

22:39 Okay.

22:39 How about a dinosaur?

22:43 Ooh.

22:43 Dinosaur?

22:46 What?

22:46 I don't know.

22:47 I just think that's a little trendy.

22:51 A bunny's hack.

22:56 Hack?

22:56 You calling me a hack?

22:57 I'm not calling you a hack.

22:59 Your bunny's a hack.

23:00 No.

23:00 No.

23:00 No.

23:00 Bunny is classic, right?

23:02 It's the dinosaur that has been done to death.

23:05 Look, look, it doesn't have to be the dinosaur.

23:07 I just hate the bunny.

23:09 Look, well, you got nothing, sweetie.

23:11 So, it's going to be a bunny, okay?

23:13 Well, take my name off it.

23:16 What the WE HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED YET.

23:18 WE SPENT THE WHOLE TIME GOING THROUGH YOUR SATANIC RITUALS.

23:21 HEY, that's how I work.

23:22 let me know when you're goofing off, okay?

23:25 Well, my goofing off supports this household.

23:28 Oh, and what I do doesn't support the household?

23:31 I'm just saying, I get paid for what I do.

23:33 And I'm just dead weight?

23:34 No, but you you asked me to help, and this is how I help.

23:37 know what, Ray?

23:38 I don't want your help.

23:39 Good.

23:39 Good, good, good, cuz I didn't want to help in the first place.

23:42 Okay, good.

23:42 SO, EVERYBODY'S HAPPY.

23:47 GOOD.

23:54 HI.

23:56 HI.

23:58 Sorry I'm late.

24:00 Yeah.

24:09 Oh, you're working on your thing?

24:12 Yes.

24:13 Yes.

24:13 Yes.

24:15 I was wondering, are we still fighting?

24:20 [laughter] What?

24:20 No, no, no.

24:23 Good.

24:23 Good.

24:25 I almost bought flowers.

24:35 [snorts] [sighs] [laughter]

25:00 Huh.

25:03 Well, how was your day?

25:06 [laughter]

25:08 I can't do this.

25:09 It was such a stupid idea me trying to write a book.

25:13 I

25:14 Well, it could just take time, that's all.

25:16 Come on.

25:17 Come on, look, there must be something good in here.

25:19 No, no, not one word.

25:22 Oh, I hate this freaking bunny.

25:26 Come on, you don't hate the bunny.

25:28 The bunny's good.

25:29 Hate him, Ray.

25:30 Hate him.

25:31 I would want to run away, too, if I was stuck in A PIECE OF CRAP LIKE THAT.

25:40 [laughter]

25:41 I don't know how you do it.

25:42 I don't know how you do it.

25:44 Every day writing Tell.

25:48 Tell.

25:51 Well, yeah.

25:56 Try not to bring it home.

25:59 [laughter] Guess you've gotten a little peek there.

26:01 I mean, it's not all hanging out at the games

26:04 with the guys and the hot dogs and the make your own sundaes.

26:09 [laughter]

26:12 Well, I suck.

26:14 Good night.

26:17 Hey, Deb, where's my toothbrush?

26:19 Oh, I threw the old ones out.

26:21 I got a bunch of new ones when I took the kids to the dentist today.

26:24 So, which one's mine?

26:25 The red.

26:28 I don't want TO BE RED.

26:31 [laughter]

26:32 TAKE THE BLUE ONE.

26:35 BLUE one is is wet.

26:39 [laughter]

26:39 I JUST USED IT.

26:42 EW!

26:44 [laughter]

26:43 You know, Ray, I used the soap in there, too.

26:46 Not my soap.

26:49 I HAVE NO TOILETRIES.

26:52 [laughter]

26:54 OH, WOULD YOU PLEASE?

26:55 ALL RIGHT, I ALREADY had to deal with three maniac kids at the dentist today.

26:58 By the end of it, I needed the Novocain.

27:02 [laughter] Believe Jeffrey.

27:03 Yeah, well, I had a bad day, too, okay?

27:05 I had to talk to Andy about his article.

27:07 Oh, well, that must have been awful.

27:11 Sitting and talking with an adult.

27:14 Jeez.

27:15 You should see Michael gets into the chair

27:17 awful, okay?

27:18 You know how Andy wants to be a writer?

27:20 So, I got to help him.

27:21 Hey, I'm trying to tell you something here.

27:23 Okay, but, you know, I read his stuff, and then I got to think about it,

27:28 and then I got to make notes on his stupid thing.

27:34 [laughter] Maybe it was your attitude.

27:36 What attitude?

27:38 His stupid thing?

27:41 Did you call his article a stupid thing?

27:44 Not to him.

27:44 To him, I said it was very good.

27:47 Oh, god.

27:51 [laughter] Very good, huh?

27:51 Yeah, I know what very good means.

27:53 What did you say about my stir-fry last night?

27:57 That was very good.

27:59 Mhm, [laughter] good.

28:02 Yeah.

28:02 Nice try.

28:04 I'm just saying it probably meant a lot to Andy to get your feedback,

28:07 and you know, maybe you could have been a little bit nicer.

28:10 Hey, you weren't there, okay?

28:11 I was very nice.

28:13 I tried to give him the key to the mint.

28:17 [laughter]

28:16 The key to the mint?

28:19 You didn't say that, did you?

28:21 That's It's an expression.

28:24 Oh, and you are the keeper of the key to the mint?

28:30 [laughter]

28:31 No, I I I happen to have one of the keys.

28:36 Listen, I was very nice.

28:38 the tone you used?

28:39 There was no tone.

28:40 That's tone right there.

28:42 Yes.

28:42 With you, I'm having tone right now.

28:46 Okay?

28:46 But, with Andy, I was very nice.

28:48 I was very understanding, very patient.

28:50 And then he embarrasses me by crying.

28:55 [laughter]

28:54 You made him cry?

28:56 Really?

28:57 It wasn't crying crying.

28:58 He was just kind of breathing hard and shuddering.

29:03 It was Everybody's looking at us.

29:06 Oh, I'm so sorry you had to sit next to your crying friend.

29:12 [laughter] Listen.

29:13 It's a lot harder to watch the person in pain

29:15 than it is to be the person in pain.

29:19 [laughter]

29:20 You said that to me when I was in labor.

29:24 [laughter] You were screaming.

29:31 [laughter]

29:31 I'm surprised you heard that.

29:36 [laughter]

29:40 Or Andy.

29:42 Why do you think he gave you his article?

29:45 Because I'm a sucker.

29:47 Because he looks up to you and respects you

29:50 and whatever you say to him he's going to listen to.

29:53 Yeah, he didn't listen when I told him to stop crying.

29:56 Listen.

29:56 [laughter] You know,

29:57 you're very successful and he's just starting out and you really have to try

30:02 to go out of your way to be very encouraging to him and kind.

30:06 Listen, you got to understand that other people have feelings, too.

30:13 All right.

30:19 [laughter]

30:21 Now, now can I finish telling you what happened to me today?

30:24 What happened to you today?

30:25 At the dentist.

30:27 Oh, yeah.

30:28 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, go.

30:29 Michael gets in the chair and the other two want to get in first,

30:32 so that's when the fighting starts.

30:33 So Dr.

30:34 Gibbons gets up and tries to turn on the choo-choo train.

30:36 As with Jeffrey, he kicks him.

30:38 And they all start screaming, the kids and Dr.

30:40 Gibbons and the hygienist.

30:42 Oh, no.

30:43 That's right.

30:44 No, no, not that.

30:45 I got I have a dentist appointment next week.

30:49 [laughter] [laughter] What?

30:56 I listened.

30:57 I got all kinds of good eating food.

31:05 [laughter]

31:05 What are you doing?

31:06 We're just We're having a little snack.

31:09 Corn dog.

31:11 Corn dog?

31:14 [laughter]

31:15 I'm making dinner.

31:17 You should know not to eat it.

31:19 I

31:25 [laughter] [laughter and cheering] [laughter] [laughter]

31:50 Those are hot, aren't they?

31:57 [applause] What's the matter with you people?

31:58 I have lasagna in the oven.

32:01 Oh my god, I'm sorry, Marie.

32:03 Was that for dinner?

32:04 I I took it out to make the corn dogs.

32:12 [laughter]

32:11 You want a corn dog?

32:15 No, thank you, dear.

32:21 [laughter]

32:21 I still want mine.

32:35 [laughter] [cheering]

32:42 Holy crap AND CRAP.

32:45 WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?

32:47 I wanted to tell you I I tried to fix that.

32:49 It was too loose.

32:50 It was never this freaking loose.

32:54 Sorry, Dad.

32:54 I was just trying to help.

32:58 [laughter] You want to help me?

32:58 Find my remote.

33:00 I don't understand why you would use bleach on these towels.

33:04 they just seemed a little yellowy.

33:06 THEY'RE THE YELLOW TOWELS.

33:10 MY WHOLE BATHROOM IS YELLOW.

33:12 IT'S MY THEME.

33:16 [laughter]

33:16 OH.

33:19 WHAT DID YOU DO WITH THE DOOR?

33:22 [laughter]

33:22 Why is it always me?

33:24 Why don't you ask your son, Dad?

33:25 He's the fix-it.

33:26 Hey, I'm just trying to help.

33:31 [laughter]

33:30 Well, where are all the towels?

33:35 [laughter]

33:40 Oh, hi.

33:45 [laughter] You are a little too free with the body.

33:49 When are they leaving?

33:51 See?

33:51 Yellow.

33:52 My My towel, please.

33:54 Well, this doesn't go with the theme.

34:00 [laughter]

34:03 Thanks.

34:06 [laughter]

34:06 Look what you're doing to us.

34:08 What?

34:08 What are we doing?

34:08 We're we're just helping.

34:11 Yeah.

34:11 I mean, you seem to have so much to do.

34:13 We just wanted to pitch in.

34:15 Why?

34:15 Is this annoying to you?

34:16 Is it bothering you?

34:17 Are we intrusive?

34:19 Because we don't mean to be.

34:21 We're We're just trying to help you the way you helped us.

34:30 [laughter]

34:32 Ah.

34:32 I see what they're doing.

34:35 Are you trying to repay us for everything we do for you?

34:44 Well.

34:44 Well, but you see, dear, when we help you, we're actually helping.

34:52 [laughter] What?

35:00 [laughter] But you don't worry.

35:01 NO, NO, I'M NOT MAD.

35:03 I can't be mad at you if you don't know what you're doing.

35:07 You know what, Mom?

35:09 Maybe you haven't spent enough time showing them how to do things.

35:15 Robert.

35:14 No, no, I say when that tent comes down,

35:17 Miles over there showing you how to do the laundry.

35:20 Why don't you go complete the outfit and put on the toilet seat cover?

35:27 [laughter]

35:28 And maybe Dad could teach Ray how to fix stuff.

35:33 [laughter]

35:32 That's true.

35:33 You don't know a monkey wrench from a monkey's ass, do you, son?

35:38 [laughter] No.

35:39 Hey, they're taking the tent off.

35:42 We can start right now.

35:43 I'll go get my cleaning supplies and we'll make you a starter kit.

35:47 I'll get some tools, hammerhead.

35:52 I saw Arboronne in the phone book.

35:54 I just assumed

35:55 okay.

35:56 We'll make sure that he gets them.

35:58 Thank you.

35:58 Thank you.

35:59 It was nice meeting you.

36:01 You, too.

36:02 Well, hello.

36:07 Hello.

36:09 Frank.

36:09 Frank, this is Robbie's new friend, Natasha.

36:14 Natasha.

36:14 Well, any gorgeous friend of Robert's is a gorgeous friend of mine.

36:20 Where is Ray?

36:21 I want to see his dead toenail.

36:22 I think I got the same thing.

36:25 [laughter]

36:27 Ray's here?

36:29 Oh.

36:30 yes, he's upstairs putting the kids to bed.

36:34 Kids?

36:34 What kids?

36:37 How do you Wait, how do you know Ray?

36:41 We met at a bar.

36:46 What do you mean?

36:46 Through Robert?

36:48 No, no, no.

36:48 I met Robert through Ray cuz Ray and I are kind of dating.

36:54 [laughter]

37:01 HOLY CRAP.

37:04 [laughter]

37:08 WAIT A MINUTE.

37:08 WHAT?

37:09 Is there a problem?

37:12 Um, no, there's no problem.

37:14 I'm just surprised that my husband has time to date.

37:20 [laughter]

37:20 What?

37:20 You're his wife?

37:22 Ray said you were dead.

37:26 [cheering] [laughter] [laughter] HOLY CRAP.

37:42 BEACH BABY, BEACH BABY DOWN ON THE SAND.

37:47 [cheering] [laughter]

37:50 SHAME ON YOU, YOUNG MAN.

37:51 Wait a minute.

37:52 Wait a minute.

37:53 Didn't I teach you anything?

37:55 You got a problem with your woman, you don't go out and get another woman.

38:00 [laughter] Now all YOU GOT IS TWO PROBLEMS.

38:03 JUST WAIT A MINUTE.

38:06 OKAY, just just back it up, everybody.

38:10 Robert, what is going on?

38:11 That's not Robert, that's Raymond.

38:14 You're not Robert?

38:15 Okay, look, if you just let me talk, I can explain everything.

38:22 [laughter] [laughter] I am Robert.

38:35 [laughter]

38:33 Wow, that is one bad alibi.

38:45 [laughter] [laughter] I COME TO FIX SPRINKLER.

39:07 [laughter] WHAT'S your name?

39:20 [laughter]

39:20 What's your name?

39:22 Man, let me show you what a water valve looks like.

39:25 Ray.

39:25 [laughter]

39:27 Sorry, man.

39:30 It's all right.

39:31 Forget it.

39:35 I am Robert Barone, Lieutenant NYPD.

39:40 And this is my brother, Raymond, sports writer, Newsday.

39:46 How could you do this to me?

39:50 When you first mistook me for Raymond, I didn't want to let you down.

39:54 So, you lied to me.

39:57 I have to get out of here.

39:59 No.

39:59 No, wait, Natasha.

40:01 Listen, I was going to tell you so many times.

40:04 It's just that I really liked you, and and I I didn't want you You see,

40:09 people seem to respond differently to Raymond.

40:13 He's always been the funny one, the smart one, the favored one.

40:18 We've never shown any favoritism.

40:22 [laughter] See, you got to understand it.

40:32 I've always wondered what it would be like to be Raymond.

40:36 And it was even better than I thought it would be.

40:39 Because I met you.

40:42 I can't believe this.

40:44 You didn't have to do that.

40:47 [laughter]

40:47 And you?

40:47 Yeah, okay.

40:48 Water.

40:48 I'll just start with a glass, though.

40:52 And then what?

40:52 We're going to have the usual?

40:54 I just started on Saturday.

40:55 Nobody has a usual yet.

41:00 [laughter]

40:59 It's our four slices, everything on it.

41:02 That should be AN OCCASIONAL.

41:06 [laughter]

41:08 HOW ABOUT THAT?

41:09 THAT'S NEMO'S NIECE, ANGELINA.

41:12 I think she was standing a little close.

41:15 Oh, man, look at her.

41:16 If I wasn't married, you know what I'd do?

41:18 You'd wear the same underwear every day.

41:23 Come on, Ray.

41:25 You don't think she's hot?

41:26 Yeah, all right.

41:26 She's all right.

41:27 Relax.

41:27 You're going to pull a muscle.

41:30 She's all right.

41:31 She's built like the lady from the mud flaps.

41:35 Mud flaps?

41:35 You know, the lady you see on the trucks.

41:37 You know, like this.

41:38 DON'T YOU DO IT.

41:41 [laughter] YOUR ORDER WILL BE UP in just 1 minute.

41:47 Did you smell her?

41:49 No, I I read the sign, Bernie.

41:51 Thank you for not smelling the help.

41:55 Here you go.

41:56 Thank you.

41:57 Thanks, Angelina.

41:58 Thank you.

41:58 Thanks.

41:59 Ask for Parmesan.

42:01 No.

42:01 Just go ahead.

42:02 I don't want Parmesan.

42:04 Angelina?

42:05 Yeah.

42:04 Right here, we'd like just a smidgen of grated Parmesan, please.

42:07 Okay.

42:09 What?

42:08 A smidgen?

42:09 Oh, you you can't control yourself, can't you?

42:12 I cannot.

42:14 Say when.

42:19 [laughter] [laughter] When.

42:36 [laughter]

42:38 Give me your water.

42:51 Hello.

42:50 Yes, he is.

42:51 May I ask who's calling?

42:53 Okay, just a minute.

42:54 Angelina.

42:56 Angelina?

42:59 [laughter]

42:58 Don't know anyone by that name.

43:01 Uh does he know what this is regarding?

43:04 Okay.

43:05 Yeah, thanks for calling.

43:06 Bye-bye.

43:08 Just got your wallet.

43:09 What?

43:09 What do you mean my wallet?

43:11 Yeah, it's at Nemo's.

43:12 I didn't go to Nemo's.

43:17 [laughter] Well, your wallet made it there somehow.

43:21 Do you [laughter] Do you have your wallet?

43:26 Ray, she said she just waited on you.

43:29 Oh, Nemo's.

43:31 Nemo's.

43:31 Yeah.

43:32 Yeah, might have been a waitress over there.

43:34 Yeah.

43:35 Even though we usually go to the counter.

43:36 But today Nemo he forced us into this table where the waitresses go.

43:42 So we had to have a waitress.

43:43 Not have a waitress.

43:46 We uh we had waitress service.

43:49 So how pretty is she?

43:51 She I didn't say she was pretty.

43:53 Well, you didn't have to.

43:55 Being so defensive about it.

43:56 My gosh, you'd think something was going on.

44:02 [laughter] [laughter]

44:08 No, no, no.

44:11 Oh, no.

44:13 You're a freak.

44:16 What?

44:16 What did I do?

44:16 What did I do?

44:17 can't you be honest?

44:18 And look, Ray, if you saw someone pretty today, you could tell me.

44:22 I saw nothing.

44:23 Oh, wow.

44:24 She must be beautiful.

44:26 She Look, she's Nemo's niece.

44:27 How beautiful can she be, huh?

44:30 You've seen Nemo.

44:33 All right, look, some men might find her attractive.

44:36 Nothing like you, though.

44:39 That Which means that you are the more attractive one.

44:44 I I have the right to an attorney.

44:51 [laughter]

44:54 Okay, so she's beautiful.

44:55 That's all I wanted to know.

44:57 No big deal.

44:58 Good.

44:59 So, it's over, done.

45:01 All right, what's for dinner?

45:05 Lasagna.

45:06 Aha.

45:07 So, would you sleep with her if we weren't married?

45:09 Oh, what?

45:10 No, no, no, no.

45:12 Let's just pretend I didn't exist.

45:15 I don't like this ride.

45:16 It's scary.

45:20 What are you afraid of?

45:34 [laughter]

45:36 Look, if you didn't exist, I'd never meet another woman because I'd be a sailor.

45:41 Oh, okay, you ready?

45:43 You mean this is where we're doing it, in the basement?

45:47 It's supposed to look like a $2,000 picture.

45:49 Well, just stand up against the backdrop.

45:51 It's very nice.

45:52 You mean your bedspread?

45:57 [laughter] It's like a porn shoot.

45:59 Shut up and stand up, all right?

46:00 We still got to take the pictures and get

46:01 to the one hour place before people get home.

46:04 Yeah, I I I I I okay, but don't you think I need a little powder first?

46:07 You don't need any powder.

46:09 Okay, look, you know what?

46:12 Just wait a minute.

46:12 What I Don't take the picture when I'm talking.

46:15 Raymond What?

46:16 [laughter] But you know what?

46:17 Just put the camera down.

46:18 PUT IT DOWN.

46:21 WHY?

46:21 COME ON.

46:21 THOSE ARE GREAT ACTION SHOTS.

46:23 I need you to wait until I pose first.

46:28 [laughter] Then pose, all right.

46:30 How we doing?

46:33 [laughter] I will be starting with headache guy.

46:38 [laughter] Are you kidding me?

46:43 This is what we do.

46:44 Just take it.

46:46 Looks more like Jackitch guy.

46:51 [laughter] I need that one, too.

46:55 All right, this is not working.

46:57 Why not?

46:58 You're not believable as a person.

47:01 [laughter]

47:01 Oh, yeah, Evan Don.

47:02 Well, you know what?

47:03 It just so happens that Herbert said I was enjoyed to photograph.

47:08 HERBERT DIDN'T HAVE ANY FILM IN THE CAMERA.

47:12 [laughter]

47:16 YOU'RE RIGHT.

47:18 I'M SUCH A DOPE.

47:19 HEY, HOLD IT.

47:20 THAT'S good right there.

47:21 Yes, that's that's the perfect antidepressant medication guy.

47:24 Hey, [laughter] Raymond, don't, okay?

47:26 Just just forget

47:27 No, no, no, it's good.

47:27 YOU GOT A very expressive face.

47:29 You can always tell what's in your head.

47:32 Yeah?

47:31 No, not not that.

47:32 That's too happy.

47:34 No, well, now you're forcing it.

47:35 Just be yourself.

47:36 That's it right there.

47:37 Right there.

47:39 Perfect.

47:41 Perfect.

47:41 Okay.

47:42 All right, give me a little over the shoulder.

47:44 Little over the shoulder.

47:45 Yes.

47:48 [laughter] Another one.

47:50 Come on.

47:51 Perfect.

47:53 [laughter] Okay, great.

47:53 Now now we try a happy one.

47:55 Go ahead, think happy thoughts.

47:57 I got nothing.

47:59 Remember when Dad got his arm stuck in the vending machine?

48:02 That was funny.

48:04 Yeah.

48:04 How about when Mom was talking and the moth flew in?

48:08 Keep going.

48:10 Uh remember when I almost got fired?

48:12 You almost got fired?

48:13 There you go.

48:13 There you go.

48:14 Hold [laughter] When did you almost get fired?

48:16 I don't know, but Deborah almost left me.

48:20 Oh, you are good at this.

48:22 [laughter] Perfect.

48:23 Perfect.

48:25 Perfect.

48:26 Hey, hold up.

48:27 Hold up.

48:29 Okay.

48:28 Here we go.

48:31 Feel that.

48:32 Feel that.

48:33 Feel it.

48:35 YEAH, FEEL THAT FEELING.

48:37 FEEL IT.

48:38 YEAH.

48:39 FEEL IT.

48:40 TURN INTO ME.

48:41 YEAH, one more.

48:43 One more.

48:43 Turn into me.

48:45 Yeah.

48:46 Okay, now you hold it.

48:47 You hold it right there.

48:48 AND I'LL YEAH.

48:51 ALL RIGHT.

48:51 ALL RIGHT.

48:52 WHAT ABOUT THIS?

48:52 WHAT ABOUT THIS?

48:53 OH, YEAH, now we're talking.

48:55 Now we're talking.

48:55 Wait, I got an idea.

48:58 Here we go.

48:59 I've seen him.

49:00 I've seen him do this.

49:04 Yeah.

49:05 Feel it.

49:07 [laughter] Feel it.

49:08 Feel it.

49:10 [cheering] I'M THE MAN.

49:11 WHO IS THE MAN?

49:13 I'M THE MAN.

49:13 I'M THE MAN.

49:16 Here we go.

49:17 We're driving Mr.

49:18 Cool.

49:19 Driving Mr.

49:19 Cool.

49:21 Driving Mr.

49:21 Cool.

49:23 Oh, yeah.

49:25 Feel it.

49:25 I'm driving Mr.

49:29 WHERE ARE YOU?

49:30 COME OVER HERE.

49:30 LOOK OVER HERE.

49:31 LOOK OVER HERE.

49:31 NOW, LOOK OVER ALL RIGHT.

49:34 ALL RIGHT.

49:35 ALL RIGHT.

49:35 HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT NUDITY?

49:36 I'm fine with it.

49:38 I'm talking about me.

49:41 [laughter] Yeah.

49:41 Yeah.

49:46 [music]