CORRECTIONS Episode 173: Week of Monday, May 4

0:03 -I don't want to be the bearer of bad news,

0:05 but we might be just getting to the end of this.

0:08 Like we're just— Sometimes I just feel like we're running in circles.

0:12 Like somebody writes in, "All whiskey is bourbon,

0:14 but not all bourbon is whiskey." And all I want

0:17 to say is anybody who cares is an [bleep] Frankenstein's monster.

0:21 We're doing that again because we had a Frankenstein thing.

0:23 Like, I don't care.

0:28 You know, maybe we're just reaching the end game.

0:30 I don't know what we're getting out of it.

0:32 I mean, people still send cool [bleep] Like Darryl

0:36 sent me this, you know, May the 4th week.

0:40 Somebody sent this.

0:41 Is this anything?

0:42 Is this worth...

0:45 Like, is this a reason to still do it?

0:52 We'll just get into it.

0:58 Tankers don't sail because they don't have sails.

1:04 RFK wouldn't get X-Men powers from eating raccoon testicles.

1:10 X-Men are born with the gene.

1:13 That doesn't mean he didn't enjoy eating them.

1:17 Laughter] I called the drink a sex at the beach.

1:24 The drink is called sex on the beach.

1:27 On the beach?

1:27 That's where the sand is.

1:28 I'll take a sex on the towel, bartender.

1:32 Laughter] This is my first date in a while.

1:40 Thanks for swiping right.

1:41 Sorry I don't look like my picture.

1:47 We were talking about how Sherlock Holmes figured out what kind of drink it was,

1:51 and based on the fact that it was sex on the beach, somebody,

1:54 a jackal did point out I missed saying "It's sedimentary,

1:58 dear Watson." Fair enough.

2:02 I also figured out, did you know Sherlock Holmes called his penis "the game"?

2:08 That's just a fun fact.

2:10 Just something to take with you as you go on about your life.

2:14 Um, we did a thing about Kentucky Derby horses that were less likely to win,

2:21 and somebody pointed out a lot of those names would not be allowed.

2:23 Here's another fun fact.

2:25 Kentucky Derby horse names— 18 characters, including spaces, max.

2:31 So obviously a lot of our comedy names would not have qualified.

2:34 Somebody pointed out, because we had a horse called The Godfather

2:37 and somebody said this was an act of mercy.

2:41 This horse probably never was going to win

2:43 based on the fact that there's no spinal column.

2:51 The game is afoot.

3:01 Oh, we said, um, we had to think about how

3:04 Kid Rock could be a redcoat because his pants were red.

3:08 In England, you should say trousers.

3:10 Pants in England mean underpants and Kid Rock's pants are probably not...on.

3:18 If anybody presents like a guy who's freeballing it,

3:21 I would say Kid Rock, exhibit number one.

3:26 It's bloomin' onion at Outback, not blooming.

3:29 But I'm sorry that I speak the Queen's.

3:33 Laughter] We had a picture of two bats flying away with Ted Cruz.

3:39 Somebody wrote, "Assuming Ted Cruz weighs approximately 236 pounds based

3:43 on his self-reported weight in early 2026"— I don't know who's

3:47 getting Ted Cruz's self-reported weight e-mailed to them— "it would take

3:54 roughly 12,410 Mexican free-tailed bats to carry him away." All right.

3:59 That's a lot of bats.

4:01 What do you call a group of bats?

4:03 Right.

4:03 Flock— It's a flock of seagulls.

4:06 Gaggle of geese.

4:08 A murder of crows.

4:11 A group of bats is called a baseball lineup.

4:14 -You're out!

4:18 Laughter] We used Siri's voice, not Alexa.

4:25 Um, I did— when we were doing a Patton, a General Patton impression.

4:33 And multiple people said, "Your Patton voice, you were doing George C.

4:39 Scott doing Patton." And then people said, in real life,

4:43 Patton had a sort of a high-pitched nasal voice.

4:47 So it turned out that right up until I did the Patton impression,

4:52 and then everything I said after was Patton.

4:59 I've been doing Patton every night.

5:02 Um, I said I was talking about shows two weeks ago,

5:06 and I said Charlize Theron was on and somebody said,

5:08 "I can't believe you remembered Charlize Theron

5:11 and not the guest on right after,

5:13 which was Jorma Taccone, who you have a podcast with." And I'm wondering, like,

5:18 what could possibly be the difference between remembering talking

5:24 to Charlize Theron up close or talking to Jorma?

5:32 Somebody wrote, "I can't decide whether Seth

5:34 is bombing more in 'Corrections' or Buck

5:36 was covering up a lot of silence."[ Laughter] A question I've asked myself.

5:45 Um, people enjoyed me trying to name the guest last week and they said,

5:50 "Oh, my God, you should do that every week." But the problem is,

5:52 if I know I'm going to do it every week, like even without trying, right,

5:55 I'm going to remember the guests who were on this week because back of my head,

6:00 I know the moment's coming up.

6:00 Right?

6:01 And so this week it was Nathan Lane, Noah Kahan,

6:05 Chris Hayes, Meg Stalter, um, Caro Claire Burke was the author.

6:11 Maya Rudolph.

6:13 Michael Gandolfini.

6:16 Nicholas Braun, Lisa Kudrow.

6:21 That's the problem is that I can do it.

6:23 Can I still do two weeks ago?

6:26 Uh, George Hamilton, George Chakiris, Prince Andrew.

6:34 But here's the thing.

6:36 I do think remembering the guest names is fun.

6:38 But like, again, I've explained the problem.

6:40 So what we're going to do moving forward is,

6:44 um, Shoemaker will have one of those little buttons,

6:46 you know, that he can press anytime

6:50 in the "Corrections." Don't do it every week.

6:52 Wait until you think I forgot and then you'll press it and we'll record—

6:56 we'll get one of the people on the show who's got a good voice.

6:59 We won't use your voice.

7:02 Laughter] So you'll press and it'll be like,

7:07 "Say the names," or something like that.

7:09 And then I on the spot have to do it because again, otherwise the game is afoot.

7:18 Had a lot more faith in that joke.

7:22 But you know, again, at this point,

7:26 it's just merch that we don't have the license to.

7:31 Laughter] For real, let's see if I can do two weeks ago.

7:40 Ebon Moss-Bachrach.

7:42 Matthew Rhys.

7:44 Ayo.

7:49 Sabrina Rudin.

7:54 Lena Dunham.

7:56 Rose Byrne.

7:58 That's all of them.

8:04 Laughter] We did it.

8:12 See you next week.