BEST OF: This Past Weekend w/ Theo Von 2025

0:02 Uh, that's what this is called this past weekend.

0:04 Yeah.

0:06 How'd you come up with that?

0:08 Because I just started on a Monday [laughter] to be honest.

0:14 I didn't really That's good.

0:16 What about Bill Cosby?

0:17 Did you ever get to meet him or not before he had all the problems?

0:28 Is being a rapist one of the problem?

0:31 [laughter] Sorry.

0:35 You said it like before he got scurvy.

0:37 [laughter]

0:40 Hey Theo.

0:41 Uh my name is actually uh Theo as well.

0:45 Oh, hello Theo.

0:46 Good to meet the others.

0:47 Onward.

0:49 I got a situation here.

0:50 I've been talking to this girl for like two

0:52 years and it turns out I got her pregnant.

0:55 After that all happened,

0:57 the word got around and somehow it turns out that she's my first cousin.

1:02 Any advice would help.

1:03 And uh thank you so much.

1:08 Wow.

1:08 Dang, brother.

1:09 That's uh that's you going to be raising a dang lizard, homie.

1:16 You can't um Wow, brother.

1:18 Good golly.

1:20 That's like shooting fish in a family or whatever.

1:24 I don't know.

1:25 I mean, I haven't looked at a chart recently.

1:26 I don't know the um the genetic legalities of that, but dude.

1:35 Yeah.

1:35 I mean, they say, you know, don't pee where or don't eat where you

1:40 or don't piss where your family is or whatever.

1:44 Whatever.

1:44 Whatever that old saying is, dude.

1:46 You I feel like you've gone past that at this point.

1:48 And um God, that thing is going to have Oo,

1:54 [snorts] you're going to need um Yeah,

1:58 you're going to need a uh frier to come and put shoes on that thing.

2:02 I'm just chirping you.

2:03 I'm just chirping you, dude.

2:04 I look I feel you.

2:06 I look, it's having a child with a cousin.

2:10 I think at the very least it's going to need glasses.

2:16 They still have prostitutes that work the streets, do they?

2:21 Yeah.

2:21 Not even have to anymore, right?

2:22 There's some good Where are street walkers still in America?

2:25 Can you pull that up, please?

2:26 Cuz I've been looking.

2:27 I've told my friends before.

2:28 I don't get laid much.

2:30 I That's just a fact about me.

2:32 But um I told my friends, just surprise me with a hooker one day.

2:36 And don't tell me it's a hooker.

2:37 A male hooker.

2:38 A male hooker.

2:39 They exist.

2:39 I'm not sure.

2:40 I think that they Yeah, definitely.

2:42 I mean, there's like Italian guys if that's what you're talking about.

2:45 Who knows?

2:45 [laughter] Um, but yeah.

2:47 Yes.

2:48 You know, some women, they say, "Oh, it's so easy for a woman to get laid.

2:52 They can have whoever they want." No, it's not true.

2:54 There are some of us that have really hard time.

2:57 [laughter] Really?

2:58 I know a I feel like I could name at least five

3:00 or six guys that would definitely make love to you that I know firsthand.

3:03 Oh, wow.

3:04 And have seen in the past two weeks,

3:06 you know.

3:08 Wow.

3:08 And you've got some cool pals.

3:09 [laughter] I mean, or just, you know, like I I mean, cuz Yeah.

3:13 I don't even Yeah, but it's like what am I even talking about?

3:15 Is that a crazy thing to say?

3:17 No.

3:17 No.

3:17 No.

3:17 It's great to hear.

3:18 Actually, that just gave me a little bit of a boost,

3:20 dude.

3:20 Yeah.

3:20 Are you kidding me, man?

3:21 I know some people that would definitely

3:24 probably knock you up even.

3:26 Hell [laughter] yeah.

3:28 You have a lot of You have a decent amount of children.

3:30 Yeah, a lot.

3:30 85.

3:31 You have 85.

3:32 Is that your goal?

3:33 Yeah, boy.

3:34 You got to get That was my [laughter] goal.

3:36 But then also the people I've had kids with, we were all on one accord.

3:40 On one accord.

3:41 I only dated women that were athletic.

3:44 I'm not having kids just to just to have kids.

3:47 Oh, so do you have some strategy?

3:48 Yeah, there was strategy behind mine.

3:50 I don't care about you being a bad I don't care about

3:52 you being on IG with your ass outb I mean that's fine.

3:56 Whatever you need to do to to feel better about yourself.

3:59 I'm fine with that.

4:00 But I needed and only dated women that were athletic.

4:03 Wow.

4:04 So my kids had a head start on that foundation of athletic ability.

4:08 And I only date women that already have kids.

4:11 M you can get a you can take that kid off to the sides.

4:14 Hey man,

4:15 because I mean for me dating a woman with no kids, they never have food at home.

4:22 Yeah.

4:22 They always want to go out to eat.

4:25 Yeah.

4:25 Oh, yeah.

4:26 You know what it's like?

4:27 No, Theo, I don't know if you experienced

4:28 this, but you know what it's like to have sex

4:30 with someone that has kids and wake up

4:32 at 3 3:30 in the morning, get a Capri Sun.

4:36 That's good.

4:37 Ho ho, bro.

4:38 That's amazing,

4:39 bro.

4:39 I'll make with half a mouth full of Lunchable.

4:41 I'll make love all night.

4:42 Yes.

4:42 See, that's what I'm talking about.

4:44 That's who I am, boy.

4:45 I mean, it's like losing your virginity to Pamela Anderson.

4:49 Well, that's a bad That's a dated Who's the new hot lady?

4:53 Um, who is it now?

4:56 Oprah.

4:56 No, it's

4:57 Rihanna.

4:57 Who do the kids like?

4:59 Oh, a Sydney Sweeney.

5:01 That's a good one.

5:01 Look at the tits on Dicklas.

5:04 God.

5:05 Oh, wow.

5:06 Holy machi.

5:08 She seemed like a beautiful young lady, huh?

5:10 Very attractive.

5:10 She just got uh separated from her husband, I think.

5:13 Oh, hey, you're in.

5:14 That's slurped.

5:15 I thought about sending her a message, but I don't know what I would say.

5:18 Say nice yams, [laughter] That's true, dude.

5:22 I think she's she wants that.

5:23 She No one talks to her like that anymore, so probably turn her on.

5:26 You think?

5:27 Oh, I'll definitely say something about that vegetation.

5:30 [laughter] She's got some crop circles.

5:32 You want to hear some some wild data on homosexuality and hormones?

5:36 Okay.

5:37 So years ago when I was a graduate student at Berkeley, I was part of a study.

5:40 I wasn't the main author that looked at fingerlength ratios and homosexuality

5:45 in men and women and how much testosterone was in uterero.

5:49 Now I don't want anyone to freak out and just start staring at their fingers,

5:52 but because it has to be measured correctly.

5:55 All right?

5:56 So So if you hold if you hold up your right hand,

5:59 like I'm holding up my right hand,

6:00 my ring finger here is a little bit longer than my pointer finger.

6:05 Let me see.

6:06 Okay.

6:06 Which one's ringing finger?

6:07 Yeah.

6:07 So, uh, turn but turn it the other way around for me.

6:10 Yeah.

6:11 Okay.

6:11 So, your ring finger is a little bit longer than your pointer finger.

6:14 Yeah.

6:14 Okay.

6:15 That is the typical heterosexual male pattern.

6:18 Okay.

6:18 Now, people are going to be like, "This is bullshit." Listen,

6:20 this has been replicated more than five times in humans.

6:23 Okay.

6:23 If you look at gay men, men that identify as gay,

6:27 there there are very few men that identify as bisexual actually.

6:30 But if you look at gay gay men,

6:32 that difference is much more pronounced, much bigger.

6:36 They have a hyper male pattern.

6:38 Now, it can't be due to behavior, right?

6:42 You could say, "Well, they're having sex with a lot more people.

6:44 Sexy increases testosterone." No,

6:46 it's directly related to how much testosterone you were exposed

6:49 to in uterro when you were in your mommy's belly.

6:53 Now, can you get exposed to testosterone

6:55 in your mom's belly if someone ejaculates into the mom?

6:57 Uh, that hasn't been looked at, but um I don't think so.

7:01 There's a lot to talk about.

7:03 So, yeah, you can put that hand up.

7:05 So, ever since like how people call me a lesbian or whatever, like

7:09 because of your looks or whatever.

7:10 Yes, because of my me sometimes, too.

7:11 Some lady the other day said,

7:12 "Is that a wig on your head?" that but the doctor made

7:16 an assumption at birth because I had one kidney and the way

7:21 my face looked and assumed and told my parents that I

7:23 like there was a high percentage chance that I was down syndrome.

7:27 Yeah.

7:28 What do you mean?

7:29 Yeah.

7:29 Dude, I'll tell you this.

7:30 I heard that Frederick Douglas um I heard Frederick Douglas was gay.

7:37 And I'll tell you who who told you that?

7:40 I've heard it from almost probably almost 15 or not 15 people.

7:42 I've heard it from four people.

7:43 Where do you go to find uh the people

7:45 who tell you that Frederick Douglas is gay?

7:47 It must, you know, look, I'll tell you this.

7:48 You must hang out more interesting places than I do.

7:50 It wasn't white people that told me.

7:51 Really?

7:52 So, okay.

7:52 Out of the gate, I given a little bit more credibility.

7:54 And that's why he wanted to free all

7:56 those men because he was having trouble meeting anybody.

7:59 Is that right?

8:00 Because everybody was at work.

8:02 That's you know, I'm going to talk I'm going to talk to

8:05 JD Vance.

8:06 Congratulations, dude.

8:08 You stand there like this, but you still flex.

8:10 You keep the stomach in and you keep the the abs flexed and the calves flexed,

8:14 the biceps and the tricep flex.

8:16 So that was the idea and I was always having great joy with that.

8:19 But then you wait for the for the individual posing.

8:23 So then you come out one after the next you do your threeminut posing routine.

8:27 And what's the tricks there?

8:28 Is there any trick of the trade?

8:29 A last minute thing you used like pinch your pinch

8:33 your tits or just rub some just like molasses into your limb.

8:37 Like was there what what was like a last minute thing people would do?

8:39 put ice under your arms or something.

8:41 No, I I think the key thing is just that you

8:44 when you go there that you're so ready that you don't shake.

8:50 You get how many bodybuilders I'm sure you've seen it.

8:53 They hit a shot and then they after after a few seconds they start shaking.

8:58 Oh, so that's bad.

8:59 Well, for that level, I mean, it's natural when you have a Mr.

9:02 Venice Beach competition, Mr.

9:04 Muscle Beach,

9:04 Mr.

9:05 Montgomery, Alabama.

9:06 Yeah.

9:06 You know, so that's that's that's what it is.

9:08 So it's all about uh the seven Ps you know

9:13 the seven Ps proper prior planning prevents pissed poor performance

9:20 right in the Marines they have that

9:22 proper prior planning prevents

9:24 pissed poor performance exactly

9:26 so that's what it's about it's the same there you come prepared

9:30 you know that's always a war of temptation in your mind

9:33 there's always going to be that there's always going to be smelling zones.

9:39 Oh, I'll hit a I'll hit Oh my god, this is so

9:42 I can already Oh,

9:45 feel a little of that.

9:47 God, let me ride.

9:48 You know what the difference is, Jamie?

9:49 Let me ride that little You know what the difference is?

9:52 This one.

9:52 I kept this on it.

9:55 Oh, I didn't even realize I was doing it,

9:56 but I kept that on it and that it was sealed.

9:58 I'll

9:58 lay on my back in 69.

10:00 This thing, brother, it's already going to be strong, Joe.

10:03 Quiet.

10:03 Don't look at me when I do it.

10:04 Hit it.

10:05 Hit it.

10:05 [snorts] I didn't get enough.

10:09 You didn't get enough.

10:10 You just You didn't inhale.

10:11 You got scared.

10:12 You missed.

10:13 You're right.

10:14 OH MY GOD.

10:15 [laughter] OH MY GOD.

10:17 NO.

10:18 NO.

10:18 You don't do that.

10:19 You don't do that.

10:21 [snorts] What you just did scared everyone.

10:23 Take a break.

10:23 Take a break.

10:24 I'm sweating.

10:25 I'm sweating too because of that.

10:26 Sorry.

10:27 How are you?

10:27 Are you okay,

10:29 bro?

10:29 You just t changed timelines because of you.

10:33 Justin Trudeau resigned.

10:35 [laughter] First, I want to talk a little bit more about race and race baiting.

10:41 Okay.

10:40 Um, crossracial behaviors right here.

10:42 Uh, this is a clip that of a white male.

10:45 Let's see.

10:46 Um, that Drewski put together.

10:49 Okay.

10:54 [screaming]

10:55 Here's the love.

10:56 Here's the honor.

10:57 If you can't come in, come on.

11:02 [laughter] I think this is a Jason Kelsey impersonation also.

11:11 Look at this.

11:14 [laughter] Hey S.

11:19 Hey, come up.

11:20 You need to listen to your nana.

11:25 Cedar Point.

11:26 [laughter] Hey, you lost, boss.

11:31 No race.

11:32 What race?

11:33 NASCAR racing.

11:34 You going to NASCAR,

11:37 sir?

11:41 What is this dude?

11:43 Sure about that?

11:44 Do you think that kind of racism happens that much

11:46 really or this is more like in movies type

11:49 It's in I mean, look, dude, I live in New York,

11:51 so I don't know what it's like in the South, but I know racism exists.

11:56 I also know that it's kept alive by the media

11:59 and the internet and all that stuff because there's

12:02 so many people that make so much profit off it

12:04 that you're like but I mean I think that's fine.

12:06 I mean Drewie doing that is is just like a good

12:08 bit but I should be able to then fully dress black.

12:12 Now my question is there was said that there was a prize

12:14 where whoever won it got to say the N word one time.

12:17 Is that true or not?

12:18 I heard that.

12:19 Yes.

12:19 Okay.

12:19 Did you

12:20 cuz I feel like everybody in their life have said the the word.

12:23 You said it rapping a song.

12:24 It's a part of bro everyone said it and kids

12:27 even Tom Brady one time told me man my son was

12:29 asking me about it because it's the curious thing is like

12:32 you put power on the word like don't say that because

12:36 but words could mean whatever you want them to mean it's

12:38 it's all about how you take it interpret it within yourself.

12:42 Oh yeah.

12:42 If you say I'm your favorite it's like yeah I'm your favorite black guy.

12:47 You know what I'm saying?

12:47 If I say you my that mean like you're my guy.

12:50 Like you my brother.

12:50 Well, I if somebody says it to if a black fell says that to me,

12:53 I feel pretty good for the

12:54 like you, my Like, I with you.

12:56 Like, we genuinely have a bond that I care about you.

12:59 I feel like, okay, you know what I'm saying?

13:00 Let's do it.

13:01 Huh?

13:01 I want to buy some Jay's, you know?

13:03 I'm ready to do [laughter] this.

13:06 But now, was is there Why don't black people lease the n-word

13:09 out to be said like at a certain event or something?

13:12 I think there could be a lot of money in that.

13:14 Is that crazy to say that?

13:15 I feel like just how you use it, you know, sometimes.

13:18 Oh, I agree.

13:18 I don't mean use it in a derogatory way,

13:20 but say like tonight they had like Angelina Jolie was paying 50

13:24 bands to say it right on you on a on a live stream.

13:27 That' be cool.

13:27 And you sold cuz you would want to see how she said.

13:30 So that's the thing like she had slaves or she said

13:33 it [laughter] cuz I might be a white girl and be like,

13:35 "Yo, call me a nigga." Like damn, who are these people?

13:39 You don't like that?

13:40 Huh?

13:40 I have no idea if I like it or not.

13:42 But I just think like [laughter] it's like it's prerogative.

13:47 Okay.

13:47 You know what I mean?

13:47 It's like exciting.

13:48 It's just like I It's And will they do it sometimes?

13:52 Yeah.

13:52 No way.

13:53 Why wouldn't they?

13:54 I'll smack them on the ass.

13:55 Oh, [laughter] I don't know.

13:56 I don't know.

13:57 Giddy up.

13:57 Oh, I didn't know they're doing all that.

13:59 So, I guess if somebody's you, you can say it.

14:02 That's crazy.

14:03 You drink coffee, man.

14:03 Or no?

14:07 No.

14:09 Really?

14:10 Yeah.

14:10 I mean, you've you've had it.

14:12 I have.

14:12 Um, sometimes on vacation I'll drink it recreationally.

14:16 It's like every once in a while

14:19 just like a Yeah.

14:20 Just like a like a celebration.

14:21 [laughter]

14:23 Yeah.

14:24 Really?

14:24 Yeah.

14:24 No, I I just like hate anything that messes with like I

14:28 don't I don't like any kind of chemicals or anything like that.

14:30 People a lot of times like there's guys who are like kind of you

14:33 know Elon Musk is probably like a socially awkward guy and I would say that.

14:37 I mean I think

14:39 Yeah.

14:39 Yeah.

14:40 We all are,

14:41 right?

14:41 We all are, right?

14:42 I think we all are.

14:43 And it's interesting that there's like probably people have I

14:46 mean Have you ever felt socially awkward over your years?

14:49 No.

14:49 I'm I'm I'm really smooth.

14:51 Okay.

14:51 [laughter] No, no, no.

14:52 Obviously.

14:53 Yes.

14:53 Yeah.

14:54 I'm like the most awkward person.

14:55 People have been calling me a robot online for 20 years.

14:59 It does wonders for my confidence.

15:02 No, your confidence cannot be impaled.

15:04 I don't think that's one thing you have

15:05 that's probably a a sheer northstar inside of you.

15:08 It's got to be You might have become bulletproof.

15:11 I think there's times where Yeah.

15:12 You seem like a guy who probably like like watched a video

15:16 of how to be a guy on YouTube or something, you know.

15:18 But I think we all we all go

15:20 through like we're all like awkward in different ways.

15:23 You know, you put you in certain environments and you're not at all.

15:26 I But I think it's interesting that there's found those environments.

15:29 But maybe, you know, it's [laughter]

15:31 dude, even being here today, bro, is nice of you.

15:34 What's like one of your fears?

15:35 Like what's a fear you have of AI?

15:39 like if you have like a fearful space that it

15:41 could go like I know you mentioned it a little bit

15:44 this morning I I was testing our new model and I

15:47 got a question I got emailed a question that I didn't quite

15:49 understand uh and I put it in the model this GPT5

15:55 and it answered it perfectly and I really kind of sat back

15:59 in my chair and I was just like a oh man here

16:02 it is moment there's a lot of people that talk to chatbt

16:05 all day long there are these sort of new AI companions

16:08 that people talk do like they would a a girlfriend or a boyfriend.

16:11 Um, and we were talking earlier about how it's probably not been good

16:15 for kids to like grow up like on the dopamine hit of scrolling,

16:20 you know, or whatever.

16:21 Yeah.

16:21 Do you think that that how do you keep like um AI from having

16:25 that same effect like that negative effect that social media really has had?

16:29 I I'm I'm scared of that.

16:31 I don't I don't have an answer yet.

16:32 Uh I don't think we know quite the ways

16:34 in which it's going to have those negative impacts.

16:37 Uh, but I feel for sure it's going to have some

16:40 and we'll have to I hope we can learn to mitigate it quickly.

16:44 Um, can AIS can they pull up pornography and stuff like that too or No.

16:49 Sure.

16:48 Oh my god.

16:51 God, I didn't know that.

16:53 You know, I brought you a present today.

16:55 Did you really?

16:57 Yeah.

16:57 I always like to share new products that I find useful in my life.

17:00 And this is a dick laser.

17:03 Oh, damn.

17:04 What it is is it's like a laser pointer that uh is a dick that projects dicks.

17:11 Oh, really?

17:12 Yeah.

17:12 So, if anyone's running their mouth too much in here

17:16 Mhm.

17:15 Look at your shoe.

17:16 Look what I put on your shoe right there.

17:17 Whoa, that's cool.

17:18 [laughter] That's pure huh?

17:22 It's pure There's uh some variable settings on there, too, I think,

17:25 where you can kind of uh change what nasty stuff you put.

17:29 That's the That's the PG end right there.

17:31 That's just your light.

17:32 The other end is where you get the dick.

17:34 Right there.

17:35 Oh, [laughter] so this is where you find a suspect like that.

17:39 Yeah.

17:39 And then the other one's where you embarrass him.

17:41 Wow, dude.

17:42 Thank you, bro.

17:43 Yeah, you're welcome.

17:43 I think you could use that.

17:44 Anytime anyone's talking too much in here,

17:46 you just throw one of those across their forehead and it will shut them up fast.

17:49 Oh, you know who I saw yesterday?

17:50 Speaking of social media, the Rizzler.

17:51 You ever seen this kid?

17:52 Oh, I've seen the Rizzler.

17:53 Yeah,

17:54 dude.

17:54 I met him in person.

17:55 Yes.

17:56 [laughter] I'm having dinner, right?

17:58 I was having dinner.

17:59 I look over and and it's a kid and you don't want

18:02 to look for too long cuz it's like it's just not something you do.

18:06 And look at him.

18:07 Look at him, dude.

18:07 Oh, and you got a pick with him, too.

18:08 I love it, man.

18:09 Bro, I was so excited and I But it's kind of weird cuz

18:12 you don't want to be like I'm talking to a kid or whatever.

18:15 And then But definitely, Dude, I'll say this.

18:18 Wait, where were you guys at?

18:19 Is that Craig's?

18:20 I went to Craigslist.

18:21 The wristers just hanging out at Craig's, huh?

18:23 It blew my mind.

18:23 [laughter] There was like some guy in there who like had

18:26 like overdosed on age or something like some super old guy.

18:29 He's like I'm a producer you know.

18:32 He's like I produced uh the Mayflower or whatever.

18:34 I was like that was a boat.

18:36 That [laughter] was a boat in the 1800s.

18:37 But um but yeah.

18:38 Anyway, this was like this the coolest thing that ever happened.

18:41 So I was so excited.

18:42 And not to snitch on him or whatever.

18:44 First of all, he had two Pepsis or whatever past 8:00 p.m.

18:46 which I think is Yeah, that's late.

18:48 He's gonna The bedtime stories won't work anymore.

18:51 [laughter] They'll You'll be up all night.

18:52 Yep.

18:53 Yeah.

18:53 That's a little late.

18:54 And some people have some people say his grades have been suffering.

18:57 And I'm like, well,

18:59 I think he's evolved past grades, right?

19:01 He's never gonna have to learn anything.

19:02 He's just going to be able to do whatever he wants in this world, I think.

19:05 Yeah.

19:05 Yeah, that's true.

19:07 It's a lot.

19:08 Um, you got the fourth grade coming up, huh?

19:11 Mhm.

19:11 Is that true?

19:13 Yeah.

19:14 Okay.

19:14 How are you feeling about it?

19:18 Good.

19:18 I want to blow out that candle so bad.

19:21 You do?

19:22 Yeah.

19:23 All right.

19:23 How about this?

19:24 You answer answer this next question.

19:25 I'll let you blow it out.

19:28 Okay.

19:28 What's one of your biggest fears about the fourth grade coming up?

19:31 Something that you might that's, you know, got you maybe a little bit nervous.

19:34 I don't know.

19:35 I'm not very nervous about that

19:38 Really?

19:40 Yeah.

19:39 All right.

19:39 Deal.

19:42 Yes.

19:47 Yeah.

19:47 You got to get on top of that bad boy.

19:51 There we go.

19:52 Yeah.

19:53 Look at that smoke.

19:54 Yeah.

19:54 Oh yeah.

19:55 Tell me about it, brother.

19:57 Hit some over here.

19:58 I'm going to call my sponsor, brother.

20:00 Yeah, that's what [laughter] I'm talking about, brother.

20:04 God, I'll freaking light up a whole freaking couple pounds of that.

20:08 Um, now smells even better in here.

20:10 It does.

20:11 I love that.

20:12 Mhm.

20:12 It's like a birthday.

20:12 It's like when you get a birthday cake and get to blow it out.

20:17 Yeah.

20:15 That's the best, man.

20:17 What is in my p there's gloves in my pocket.

20:22 Are there really?

20:24 Let me see him.

20:25 Are you a crim?

20:26 What is these for crime or whatever?

20:27 I guess so.

20:30 You guess so.

20:31 [snorts]

20:31 I don't know.

20:34 Oh, yeah.

20:35 I guess I'm a detective.

20:38 Oh, yeah.

20:38 I'm a detective now, huh?

20:40 We check this for fingerprints.

20:42 E.

20:44 Yeah, I like that.

20:45 Huh?

20:47 BLM, homie.

20:48 This is dope.

20:51 I like that.

20:52 Yeah, dude.

20:54 What if you do the dark riz

20:58 fingerprint?

20:59 Nuh-uh.

20:59 Who's is that?

21:01 An elf?

21:02 I don't know.

21:03 Yeah, probably [laughter] elf.

21:05 Yeah, probably just some local scoundrel.

21:07 Dude, you ever do this in a glove?

21:08 What's that like?

21:13 That's really It's a black tie affair, huh?

21:18 They smell pretty good.

21:20 Yeah.

21:20 What's one of your favorite smells, you think?

21:23 Sharpies.

21:25 Brother, let's light that candle again.

21:27 Huh?

21:27 Uh, do you think the Bill Bich thing has

21:29 adjusted the dating the way that dating is looked?

21:32 Because it's kind of a big like he

21:34 kind of opened the portal like the portal's open for older men.

21:39 Yeah.

21:39 There's a My parents have a big difference, too.

21:41 Yeah, totally.

21:41 I mean, this is this is a huge difference.

21:43 I don't know how many years difference is it?

21:45 I also changed my probably 50 years, bro.

21:48 No.

21:48 Raleigh Mau, how many years?

21:49 24 and 74, I believe.

21:51 That's 50.

21:54 No,

21:53 bro.

21:53 That is 50, man.

21:54 I just crunch the numbers.

21:55 I don't know if those are the actual ages, but that [laughter] is 50.

21:58 What do you say to people who say that's 50, dude?

22:00 But I the only thing is I change my opinions a lot.

22:03 So, this could be outdated.

22:04 Like, I'll change my opinion on this tomorrow.

22:06 Dude, all I'm saying is the portal is open for old men and young women.

22:10 this is the I mean the portal's open now

22:14 and um it's probably easier than ever to meet them.

22:17 There's probably there's so many apps and stuff where you can and I

22:21 don't and girls seem to be really attracted to guys who have

22:25 money and guys who are successful and they don't seem to care

22:27 about looks and it doesn't seem like they care about age as much.

22:30 Is that true?

22:31 Is that crazy to say?

22:32 People look younger than ever kind of how what age difference are they?

22:35 Can you just tell me a number?

22:36 Sorry, Riley, but damn.

22:38 [laughter] You have a computer you're working with.

22:43 [snorts] Never mind.

22:46 No.

22:46 Jesus Christ.

22:47 [laughter] Just stick to coming, dude.

22:50 Stick to stick to [laughter] my on and off again.

22:56 She's only 25.

22:57 She's in Colombia.

22:59 January 7th of this year,

23:01 how um she hit me with a pot of fetuccini noodles that I was boiling.

23:06 I'm frying some chicken parmesan.

23:08 Mhm.

23:09 Um making the fetuccini noodles and making the uh vegetables and um and then

23:14 when um I was moving out of the kitchen,

23:17 she began looking at the stuff on the stove and I was hoping

23:21 that she did not grab the chicken parmesan with the vegetable oil in it.

23:25 And instead she grabbed the pot with my fetuccini

23:28 and I said to her, "Don't do it.

23:30 If you do it, you're going to go to jail." And then and then

23:33 she picked it up and as I turned to run, I felt it hit me.

23:36 Ooh.

23:37 And when it hit me, I ran out of my door and I was screaming, "Ah,

23:41 you really burnt me." And then my dog

23:43 Snowy Snowy started trying to um attack her then.

23:48 How did that feel when that first hit you, man?

23:50 When that cheny hit you, bro.

23:51 What it is?

23:52 What it stung?

23:54 It stung something fierce.

23:58 I screamed, "Ah, this stings." And I ran out

24:03 my door and I said to her, "You burnt me." Um, there you are right now.

24:08 And that's it.

24:09 Damn, look at this here.

24:10 You look like a model in one of those like fashion shows or something.

24:13 And what my friend said to me was, um,

24:15 this is like some BCB brg Maxaria, bro.

24:18 You look like a damn black astronaut, bro.

24:20 They got you looking like you're going to space right there.

24:24 I'll show my wife's penis if you wanted, but she wouldn't care.

24:26 [laughter] You're crazy.

24:28 Yeah, she wouldn't care.

24:29 Oh, dude.

24:29 Maybe just do a drawing of it for me.

24:31 Okay.

24:31 All right.

24:32 You think?

24:32 All right.

24:32 Just showing.

24:33 I'll kind of go like this a little.

24:34 All right.

24:35 Um, [snorts] I won't show it on camera just because

24:37 No, just show it to me.

24:37 I don't want to see all of it at once.

24:38 Oh, yeah.

24:39 Yeah.

24:39 Yeah.

24:39 She's I I can't show it all on camera because she's a lady.

24:42 She wouldn't care for that.

24:43 No lady wants their penis shown completely on camera.

24:45 Oh, for sure.

24:45 Dude, I don't even want to look at it if

24:47 I won't show it to you if you don't look I'm like um let me see here.

24:53 Hold on.

24:53 I'll you you can I won't just I won't just hit you with it.

24:56 Yeah.

24:56 This won't surprise you.

24:57 Don't be like

24:58 Let me find an acceptable photo that she would be uh that she would be proud of.

25:04 Okay.

25:04 Uh, no, that she wouldn't like that.

25:06 That's a video.

25:07 [snorts]

25:07 Um, I I'll find one for you.

25:09 Yeah, take your time.

25:10 I'm going to think about something else for just a minute.

25:12 All right.

25:12 You want to see?

25:13 Yeah.

25:13 Hold on.

25:15 Okay.

25:17 Yeah.

25:16 Whoa, brother.

25:17 What the [laughter] Oh my god, Jim.

25:22 Your wife has that?

25:24 That's my lady.

25:25 That's my best gal.

25:29 Wow.

25:31 That is a That is a tall bro.

25:35 She's a tall lady.

25:36 She's [laughter] a tall lady.

25:37 She's a tall lady.

25:38 Oh, that thing's in 4, huh?

25:41 Yeah.

25:41 Oh, you got to spray some round up on that

25:43 because back then in the UK, nobody was doing YouTube, you know.

25:47 It was It was just we a weird thing for someone to do for a standup to do.

25:52 People other stand-ups would be like, "Oh,

25:53 he's just a YouTuber." You know, that kind of slur, right?

25:57 Yeah.

25:58 YouTuber.

25:59 Yeah, YouTuber.

25:59 Gh.

26:00 But no hard R on it.

26:02 [laughter]

26:03 YouTuber.

26:03 Yeah, that's crazy, dude.

26:04 YouTuber, please.

26:08 Yeah, dude.

26:09 Oh, have you heard that song?

26:10 YouTubers can be gay, too.

26:14 Have you heard it?

26:14 No.

26:14 I watch it right now.

26:15 You got to hear this song.

26:16 It's great.

26:16 This just like a It's a summer bop that's really taken over.

26:20 And then we'll [music] get back to the

26:28 [music] Let me explain to you.

26:32 [laughter]

26:33 Hell yeah.

26:35 What a banger.

26:37 This is that banger, bro.

26:38 We got to remix your for the summer, dude.

26:42 Yeah.

26:42 Very hard to sing along.

26:44 That's in your car.

26:45 You can say this in your car.

26:48 Yeah.

26:47 Yeah.

26:47 You just say this to your friend.

26:50 [laughter]

26:52 He's not wrong though.

26:53 They can't be gay.

26:54 No, he's definitely I support this guy.

26:59 Yeah.

26:58 Hey, this guy has a vote for me, bro.

27:01 It needs to be said.

27:01 I think that's too much toxic masculinity in in that nword community sometimes.

27:07 Yeah.

27:07 You got to let the air out the tire a little, you know?

27:09 [laughter]

27:10 That's what I'm saying, boy.

27:12 Sometimes the best seasoning is a little bit of zest.

27:17 Yeah.

27:17 Yeah.

27:17 Ginger's traveling in packs is a dangerous dangerous thing, you know.

27:20 We don't really see each other like that, you know?

27:22 like we don't when I see another redeyed

27:24 there was a redheaded girl yesterday working this event

27:26 that we were at and she was like my brother and I said let's take it

27:30 easy cuz I don't know if you're an enemy or a friend yet you know a regular

27:33 person I meet on the street hey how

27:34 you doing another redhead I go [clears throat]

27:37 I'd like to see the resume first before I let you into my space

27:40 cuz I don't know what kind of ginger they are there's different levels

27:42 really is it really

27:43 oh big time

27:44 it's almost like black people and that albino guy or whatever [laughter]

27:47 you know that guy I'm talking about that undercover black guy bring that guy up

27:51 yeah that's got Got to be there's got to be a vetting process,

27:53 you know, like can the albino black eye does he say the n word?

27:57 Bring up a couple albigas.

27:58 [laughter] Is that a term or now?

28:01 It is now, dude.

28:02 Can we say that or not?

28:03 Look at that black albino guy with red hair.

28:05 Oh, that's what the is up.

28:07 [laughter] Bro, that is the future, dude.

28:11 Bro, take my money, bro.

28:13 Whatever he's selling.

28:14 And I don't know if that's more me or more if he's more red or more black.

28:18 I don't know what group he'd go with.

28:19 I mean, he's invited to the cookout and has to have ring sunscreen,

28:22 which is wild, [laughter] dude.

28:24 That's sunlight Jackson, homie.

28:27 Are you kidding me, dude?

28:29 Are we going to get in trouble for saying how big?

28:31 I feel like I don't know, bro.

28:32 I don't [laughter] know.

28:33 I'm going to have a little sip of Celsius cuz I need a pickme up.

28:35 Have you ever had this before?

28:37 No, not this.

28:37 No.

28:38 Is it Is it good?

28:41 Yeah.

28:40 Yeah, it's grape.

28:41 I saw Is it It's grape.

28:43 So, it's like really good.

28:44 I'm going to have to try this stuff.

28:45 Can you have a little bit?

28:48 Yeah.

28:47 No alcohol.

28:48 No.

28:48 Okay.

28:49 So, what does it have in it?

28:50 It's like water.

28:53 Oh, mine's cherry cola flavored.

28:54 It's like spicy stuff.

28:57 It's like a little bit of ADD kind of.

28:59 Oh, dude.

28:59 Th This stuff actually tastes like like the grapes that you squeeze

29:03 out of the like not the grapes that you eat from the store,

29:06 but like the Amish grapes that you can buy,

29:08 like the ones that you squeeze out of the h what do you call that?

29:12 The skin.

29:13 Have you ever had those grapes where you

29:14 just squeeze them out and you swallow them?

29:17 Uhuh.

29:16 Yeah.

29:16 That tastes just like this.

29:18 Really?

29:20 Yeah.

29:19 Let's get a look at those Amish purple grapes.

29:22 Yeah, they're they're uh they're Yeah, that's how they look.

29:26 And those you know how the stores like they have no

29:28 seeds in them like these have like a seed in them.

29:30 You just squeeze them out and then you swallow them cuz if you try to eat

29:34 them like chew on them like um like you just bite into the seat and stuff.

29:38 Oh, you just squeeze them out and swallow them.

29:40 This actually tastes exactly like that.

29:42 So, it must been very natural.

29:44 Yes, sir.

29:45 It's the best, man.

29:46 That'll definitely Oh,

29:49 that'll get you home, brother.

29:50 That'll get you home.

29:51 Yeah.

29:51 So, so if this I saw that this does have caffeine in it.

29:55 Yeah, it has a little bit of caffeine.

29:56 So, I'll be like moving around.

29:58 Yeah.

29:58 You'll be feeling something.

29:59 Yeah.

29:59 Um [snorts] dude, that was the best.

30:01 I don't know.

30:02 I [laughter] I don't know if you were recording,

30:03 but I mentioned before that that dude was awesome.

30:07 And you said you were in contact with him, and my question was how, [laughter]

30:14 dude?

30:14 We got to send you over there to see that guy.

30:16 I would I would love to hang with that dude.

30:18 Some things I take for granted.

30:20 Oh yeah.

30:20 When he was just like stoked to like get in a Corvette with like

30:24 two chicks and he's like that was like my whole life and I'm like a

30:29 goes pretty fast too.

30:31 Yeah.

30:31 Press the pedal.

30:32 Yeah.

30:33 [laughter] It made me super reflective like

30:35 and like one I thought he was adorable.

30:38 Yeah.

30:38 He's nice.

30:39 Yeah.

30:39 Nice and like very honest and earnest.

30:42 But I also was just like, man,

30:43 I gotta start stop like taking like that for granted.

30:47 I mean, I filmed episodes.

30:48 We did an episode about assassins that was just

30:51 a couple of miles from my home in LA.

30:53 And I interviewed an assassin, a guy who's paid to kill.

30:58 Nuhuh.

30:58 Just [clears throat] a couple of miles in in in LA and undisclosed location,

31:01 but in LA, not far from my house.

31:03 It's insane.

31:04 And so we met and so we get there.

31:06 He's on he's it's at night, undisclosed place, but very close to my home.

31:10 and he's waiting outside the car and the moment

31:13 I get there you could see he's like

31:15 jittery and nervous and not happy and he

31:17 was there because his friend asked for this favor

31:19 and um in his case sometimes it's easier for me to sort of have that human

31:24 connection and try to talk about how I want to understand what they do his case

31:27 he was just not he was like okay here are the ground rules and he said

31:30 immediately see this first thing he pulled out

31:32 his gun he said showed me his gun he's

31:33 like if this is a setup if the police shows up I'm going to point this I'm

31:37 going to shoot you all of you you and your team you're all dead it's like Okay.

31:40 Um, and so the rest of the interview was

31:42 me being super afraid that what if police shows up?

31:45 Not because I'm there,

31:46 but what if they just what if a car just drives by and what some chubby

31:50 cops hiding from his shift over here right

31:52 off the edge of this DSW shoes or something.

31:55 Exactly.

31:55 So, I was so scared.

31:58 I was so scared.

31:59 And I think it was the shortest interview we've ever done.

32:01 I think it lasts like 15 20 minutes.

32:03 But also because you know there's the question

32:05 the initial questions is what do you do?

32:07 How often have you done it?

32:08 Why do you do it?

32:09 How do you live with yourself doing this kind of thing?

32:11 I always the accountability questions I always ask them.

32:14 But the part that he didn't like, it wasn't actually like,

32:16 do you know that you're doing harm to people?

32:18 This is what you're doing is horrible.

32:20 Like, do you feel guilty about this?

32:21 The questions he didn't actually like was when I started asking him,

32:24 he says, I only kill men, no women, and children.

32:26 And I asked him, but do you have children?

32:28 And basically, obviously,

32:29 I was trying to get to the point that even if the child isn't killed,

32:34 their parent, the dad is killed.

32:35 That's horrible.

32:36 And he's already better than Netanyahu.

32:38 out.

32:38 He was like, "Don't ask me questions about my children.

32:40 Don't you're trying to get all all soft on me." He got

32:43 He was like his macho uh persona was getting um you know, he didn't like that.

32:50 Um he didn't like talking about his children.

32:53 No.

32:53 Cuz it probably made things very personal for him maybe.

32:55 Yeah.

32:55 Yeah.

32:55 I think I think part of his persona being a hitman is that he you know,

32:59 you can't show emotion,

33:01 right?

33:01 I that's what And so I was threatening to him in the sense that I

33:04 was trying to get emotion out of him and he was not okay with it.

33:06 and he said, "Is this over?" And and yeah, and then we left.

33:10 Uh Theo.

33:11 Mhm.

33:11 You're going to be the primary in this one.

33:12 Okay, you got it.

33:13 The subject's name is Michael Brady.

33:15 He goes by Mike.

33:17 Okay, sir.

33:20 Hello.

33:20 Hey, Mike.

33:22 Yeah.

33:22 Who's this?

33:23 Uh this is Theo, actually.

33:24 I'm the I'm working.

33:26 I'm here today, man.

33:27 Just um I really screwed up, didn't I?

33:30 Man,

33:31 I think it seems like you've had a tough day.

33:34 I have had a tough day,

33:34 but I mean I [sighs and gasps] I screwed up this time, didn't I?

33:39 I think you're probably going to have to answer some questions,

33:41 you know, but I think everything's going to be okay, man.

33:46 How is it going to be okay?

33:48 This girl, this girl's pregnant, man.

33:51 I mean, how am I going to face anyone after this?

33:53 Well, I think you're going to have to Her dad's going to be pissed.

33:57 Yeah.

33:57 I mean, yeah, people are going to be upset.

33:59 I'm not thinking about her dad.

34:00 I'm thinking about my family.

34:01 Okay.

34:02 People are going to Yeah, it's going to be Yeah, man.

34:04 It sucks.

34:05 Okay.

34:05 It does suck.

34:05 It sucks.

34:07 But here we are.

34:09 Yeah.

34:09 I mean, how am I going to face my son?

34:14 Your son's pretty upset right now.

34:16 Yeah, he is.

34:17 Of course he is.

34:17 I knocked up a 14-year-old girl.

34:19 I'm a youth pastor in a church.

34:21 I teach at a school.

34:22 My life is over.

34:24 Give me a good reason why I shouldn't just

34:26 put this thing to my head and my brains out.

34:28 cuz your son's life is still around [snorts]

34:31 and that's not what he needs right now.

34:37 You know, probably right about that.

34:39 But, you know, I I mean, how can I face him, man?

34:44 I think you call him first.

34:47 Call him and say what?

34:48 What would you say in that situation?

34:51 I don't know.

34:51 Uh, I don't know.

34:54 I would say I would tell him the truth.

34:57 I would say I messed up.

34:59 And you think that's the answer to tell him I messed up?

35:02 I know I messed up.

35:03 I think it's part of it.

35:04 I know you know you did, but he probably doesn't know what's going on.

35:08 He doesn't.

35:09 Is he out there right now?

35:11 Yeah.

35:11 You want me to put him on?

35:13 Would you?

35:16 Yeah.

35:16 Okay.

35:17 How do you feel?

35:17 How do you think you did?

35:18 [laughter] Was that intense or Huh?

35:20 It is intense.

35:21 It is intense.

35:22 It's intense.

35:23 [laughter] Cuz you're like, is now if even if you get to that part,

35:27 is he just going to tell the son goodbye?

35:29 Exactly.

35:29 See, you see Theo, you are super wise, brother.

35:32 That's exactly why we wouldn't put the son

35:34 on the phone cuz that's exactly what he would likely do.

35:37 He would try He would likely And so this is why we train.

35:40 This is why we train.

35:42 We had some guy cut off his own dick and threw it on the sidewalk.

35:46 Oh.

35:46 For what?

35:47 Cuz he was he was crazy.

35:49 He was mentally ill.

35:50 But we don't know any of this.

35:51 So the call came in in the morning.

35:53 I was on the way in.

35:53 And it was early in the morning and it was cold out.

35:55 I remember that.

35:56 Oh yeah.

35:57 I have the radio on and I hear

35:58 the dispatcher call a car and then start to laugh.

36:01 And then she says, "Disregard.

36:03 We don't know what's happening." So I'm driving to the station and then a call

36:05 comes in again sending a different car

36:07 cuz it was like the midnight shift ending.

36:10 Sending a different car.

36:11 Hey, can you go to this location?

36:12 Someone said there some mail in a piece of male anatomy on the sidewalk.

36:16 And we were all laughing.

36:17 We thought it was We just thought it was a dildo.

36:19 We thought it was a joke.

36:20 That's why the dispatcher was laughing.

36:21 Yeah.

36:21 He just thought it was like a WNBA game or whatever.

36:23 [laughter] Exactly.

36:24 It wasn't green.

36:25 Um, call comes in like 10 minutes later and my detective that I was working

36:29 with at the time looked it up on the computer to see the text of the call.

36:32 Like, what does this actually say?

36:34 And then we saw that the caller was from a nearby health center

36:38 and it said there's, you know, it look appears to be a penis on the ground.

36:41 There's blood everywhere.

36:42 We're like, oh that's that's not fake.

36:45 So, we would do what we call Johnston and we'd put ads online.

36:48 Back Page doesn't exist anymore, but we'd put them on that.

36:51 Um, so we'd all put our ads up and then,

36:54 you know, you put on 8 at 8:30 your phone's ringing.

36:56 It's crazy.

36:57 8:30 in the morning,

36:58 they're already starting to call and we'd set up our dates for the day.

37:01 Like, we'd have a hotel room and we'd be waiting in the hotel room and we'd

37:04 have dates set up every half an hour to show up.

37:06 And were y'all hide under the bed?

37:08 No, no, it's hiding under the bed.

37:09 I would have to open the door and and there'd be like guys like in the bathroom,

37:13 officers in the bathroom behind the wall.

37:15 So I my trick was and I was at like 45 46

37:18 when I was doing it and my ad I'm supposed to be 34.

37:20 I didn't look 34 but I open the door I'd have like my hair

37:24 you would be the girl.

37:25 Oh I was a prostitute.

37:26 Yeah.

37:27 What?

37:27 Yeah.

37:27 What were y'all?

37:28 So I have to talk to them on the phone.

37:29 What were we all underst staffed or something?

37:31 They just shouldn't have you the also the detective.

37:32 Well no you have to have you're

37:34 the one you're the one establishing probable cause.

37:36 So it it if if someone else is doing it

37:39 and then you have to like go testify in court.

37:41 Well you're not the one that had the interaction with them.

37:43 So, what we do, we put our ad on the online.

37:46 You put your photos and some stupid saying like,

37:49 you know, what you're offering and how much it cost.

37:51 So, it's and of course, it's acronyms for everything.

37:53 That's what I didn't know anything about this before I started about GF,

37:56 which is girlfriend experience, which means he'll kiss you.

37:59 Um, full service means like sex and a And then there's like Russian and Greek,

38:04 and there's all these stupid acronyms for everything else.

38:07 And they they thought they were being clever by saying,

38:10 "Oh, I want GF." So they're not asking for sex.

38:13 Oh, I see.

38:14 So by them saying, "I want GFE or I want

38:17 Russian or I want this," they think they're being clever.

38:20 Except you can say like, "Well, based on my training experience,

38:22 I know Russian means titty job like or whatever." And then so you talk,

38:26 they call you on the phone.

38:27 A titty job.

38:28 Yeah, that's a Russian, by the way.

38:29 I didn't know that.

38:30 I'll take it.

38:30 [laughter] I mean, whatever they're g, you know, I mean, it is.

38:32 I'm sorry.

38:33 Yeah, that's okay.

38:34 So you you'd basically talk to them on the phone.

38:37 They'd call you and some of them were real nervous.

38:39 Obviously, you could tell the longtime timers they got right to business

38:41 and some of them want to flirt with you on the phone or whatever.

38:44 Can you send pictures of your eyes or your feet?

38:45 The the foot fetish guys are out there big time.

38:48 But and then you're like the more you do it like

38:50 I don't have time for this Like do you want to come?

38:53 You were showing up or not.

38:54 So you'd basically make the arrangement.

38:55 So once they showed up, you already have probable cause.

38:57 They always already agreed to pay you for sex before they ever showed up.

39:01 So then by them showing up at the hotel,

39:03 they're like basically completing the entire um the elements of the crime.

39:08 They showed up.

39:09 They already agreed to pay you for such and such.

39:11 So then you can arrest them

39:12 right when they get there.

39:13 Really?

39:14 Yeah.

39:14 The amount of content that was being uploaded to Pornhub,

39:17 if you put those videos back to back,

39:18 just the amount of content they would upload in one year,

39:21 it would take 169 years to watch.

39:24 If you put those videos back to back,

39:26 that's how much content was being uploaded.

39:28 Uploaded or had been uploaded total, you mean?

39:30 No, per year.

39:33 Wow.

39:32 Yes.

39:33 That's not even counting the images.

39:36 Unbelievable.

39:35 So, I um tested the I found out,

39:38 like I said, what millions of people already knew,

39:40 and that was that all it took to upload was an email address.

39:44 So, in under 10 minutes,

39:45 anybody with an iPhone anywhere in the world can upload a video.

39:50 And they were not checking age.

39:52 They were not checking ID to make sure

39:54 that these are not children in the videos.

39:56 They're not verifying consent

39:58 to make sure that these are not rape or trafficking victims.

40:01 And because of that, I quickly understood that Pornhub was not a porn site.

40:05 It was a crime scene.

40:06 Like, it was infested with videos of real sexual crime.

40:10 And then, of course, because there's the algorithm, right?

40:12 They have set up the algorithm to make sure if you see

40:15 one video like that, they're going to assume that you like that content.

40:19 So, then they're going to take you on a crazy rabbit hole.

40:23 I call it like, you know, just hell hole of rape.

40:28 Like that's what it was.

40:29 And then you go and they'll show you more

40:31 and more of the same kind of thing, you know.

40:35 Um and so then the people would upload them and then

40:38 make money what off of advertising on them somehow or who?

40:42 Yes.

40:42 Yeah.

40:42 So the so the ones that were making money

40:45 off of this content because this is free porn, right?

40:47 Right.

40:48 Uh free porn is not free, right?

40:50 It is heavily monetized with ads.

40:53 So they were selling 4.6 billion ad impressions on Pornhub every single day.

40:59 But that's the whole point of America is that we have like standards of decency.

41:05 Fairness.

41:06 I love that you use that word cuz that is the core of it.

41:08 It's fairness.

41:09 Justice is overused.

41:10 Fairness is underused.

41:11 It's just a child knows what's fair.

41:13 If his brother's getting three Oreos and he's getting one, that's just unfair.

41:16 He doesn't have a degree in economics.

41:17 He just feels it.

41:18 He knows it.

41:19 The sense of fairness is innate.

41:20 Dogs have it because it's part of the natural fabric.

41:24 It's organic.

41:25 And we are a fair country.

41:28 And the rich man gets the same treatment in the justice system as the poor man.

41:32 It doesn't matter where you're from.

41:34 You're both citizens and you're both equal because you're both created by God.

41:38 That's our whole system in one sentence.

41:40 And that is being eroded because the people who run

41:43 our system agree with Smootrich and every other third world dictator.

41:48 These people are damned by their birth, whatever they are.

41:50 That's what affirmative action is.

41:52 It's like, no, I don't like the way your parents looked.

41:54 You don't get the job.

41:55 What?

41:56 That's what we hated about the Nazis.

41:57 What we hated about segregation, which I want to say was evil.

42:00 Segregation was evil.

42:01 Why?

42:01 Cuz it punished some people and rewarded others

42:03 on the basis of things they couldn't control, their skin color.

42:05 Yeah.

42:05 And we' had mixed babies a lot sooner,

42:07 too, which are pretty cute, a lot of them.

42:09 and the Epstein thing, you know,

42:13 I I've never understood what

42:15 the justification for keeping that information secret.

42:19 Epstein was murdered in prison.

42:21 Okay.

42:22 I I know a lot about it.

42:23 I'm not just throwing that out there.

42:25 Epstein was murdered in prisons.

42:26 Well, they put him with a cellmate that was

42:28 kind of a crazy like former police officer, right?

42:30 Yeah.

42:30 A former police officer killed a number of drug dealers.

42:33 I'm not saying that guy did it, but I'm saying, well,

42:35 I asked Bureau of Prisons because I learned all

42:37 the stuff about it because I know Epstein's brother,

42:39 Mark, well, and I never expected to go down this rabbit hole at all.

42:43 I had the guy called me like a week after his brother was killed.

42:46 Mark did?

42:47 Yeah.

42:47 And yeah, was literally sitting in my backyard in Maine and he called me and um

42:52 I don't know how he got my cell and we it ended up this yearslong thing.

42:56 It's not interesting and I won't bore you with it,

42:57 but the bottom line is Jeff Epste was murdered

43:01 in federal lockup in Manhattan in the secure unit.

43:04 I think there were only 16 men on the unit and I

43:09 think only 14 there that I may have that slightly wrong,

43:11 but it's very small and it's the most secure federal

43:13 lockup in the United States and he got murdered in it.

43:16 So that raises all kinds of obvious questions like who has the power to do that?

43:20 So that's a big deal.

43:20 And then the the attorney general at the time helped

43:24 cover it up and I know him and um Bill Bar.

43:29 So I and I say that and he's like I'm going to sue you.

43:32 And I said go ahead and sue me.

43:34 I hope you will.

43:35 Israel is actually the exception.

43:37 They are the only country that's allowed to lobby Americans.

43:40 Like everyone else has to register as you know a foreign agent under under Farra

43:46 like with Apac or whatever.

43:47 Yeah.

43:47 So Apac, the backstory, by the way, before JFK got shot, he was fighting Apac.

43:53 They were previously called, I'm blanking on this, it was, you can look it up.

43:57 Um, and he was literally saying,

43:58 "You have to register under the foreign act." And then

44:01 he Apac got lucky because he got shot and killed.

44:05 What also you could like and and then

44:07 of course we're not allowed to read the files, but leading up to his death,

44:09 he was having arguments with the prime minister, uh, Ben Garion.

44:12 And so it's like, yes,

44:13 are is Israel doing it legally because a president got shot?

44:16 Sure, but it's wrong.

44:18 There should you a country should not be able to lobby to get

44:21 what they want and control our congressmen and you get to see them

44:24 flex that muscle like Tik Tok and things of nature when they when

44:28 they are now interfering with our speech

44:30 and they'll get laws passed really quickly.

44:32 It allows a literally a foreign country to make decisions in our in our nation.

44:37 Lobbying should just not be allowed full stop.

44:39 So instead they go, "Oh, you're focusing on it because they're Jewish." No,

44:41 you're just the only country that's allowed to do it.

44:43 I would feel the same way if China if there was a Chinese lobby.

44:47 No, there's no other country that's allowed to this but Israel.

44:49 Only Apac.

44:50 There's no other country.

44:52 There's a conflict that's been happening in the Middle East.

44:55 People know about it um between Israel

44:59 and Palestine and some of the areas over there,

45:01 the Gaza area they talk about.

45:03 And uh and I just think it's it feels to me I don't know if I it just it feels

45:11 to me like it's a genocide that's happening while we're

45:14 alive here in front of our in front of our lives.

45:20 Um and I I I don't sometimes I feel like I should say something.

45:27 I'm not a geologist or geographer or anything like that, you know,

45:31 so I don't know a lot of the some of it I do know though,

45:36 like I know the basics of the issues over there,

45:39 but for me it's just like how I feel like

45:42 you see all these photos of uh people just children,

45:48 women, people body parts, just people like putting their kids back together.

45:55 Um, and I just can't believe that we're

45:59 watching that and that more isn't said about it.

46:02 Um, and so I'm not saying anyone else needs to say anything,

46:05 but I think I'm just that more isn't said about it by me.

46:09 So I just uh I want to be able to speak

46:12 up about that that I think we're watching probably like,

46:17 you know, one of the sickest things that's ever happened.

46:21 And uh and I'm sorry if I've kind of haven't said about it.

46:25 I've tried to talk about it and learn about it.

46:27 Um but I don't know,

46:29 maybe I just want to [gasps] I just wanted to say something.

46:33 I don't even know what to do, you know?

46:36 And it's crazy cuz our country is also complicit in in it, you know.

46:39 It's uh in in it and has been for a long time.

46:42 And um and it's just kind of interesting because then you just realize,

46:46 oh well, I'm just a yeah, I'm a member of this country,

46:48 but I'm just what we want sometimes doesn't matter, you know,

46:54 and you just have to be a member

46:56 of a place and your government is making other choices.

47:00 Um, so I don't know if I I don't know if I

47:05 said that correctly or I don't even know exactly what I said,

47:07 but I just I I just have it just like been making me really sick and I

47:11 feel like I just needed to say something

47:14 that I think you don't have to think that.

47:18 I'm not asking you to do anything.

47:21 Um, but I just have to say that so I'm not sitting by, you know,

47:28 there's that piece inside of you mean like

47:30 why why wouldn't you can't you say something?

47:33 You know, there's people that can't even speak and you can say something,

47:36 you know, and so that's how I I just had to just speak up.

47:40 Anyway, I think maybe it's starting to make it

47:42 about me there at the end, but um yeah,

47:45 so just praying for those people and just the grief that that is

47:49 all going to cause you notice like what are we doing?

47:59 What were situations like with children there and providing care to children?

48:02 Like what was the realities of that?

48:04 Like uh was were you able to like save any like keep them from the gore?

48:09 or like was there, you know, cuz usually, you know,

48:12 a lot of times with in there's like children's hospitals and, you know,

48:15 there's hospitals and then there's places for kids, right?

48:17 It's a little bit different and less severe.

48:19 Um, what was that like there?

48:21 So, there was a kids hospital, but it wasn't the trauma hospital.

48:24 So, all the kids trauma still came to Nazare Hospital.

48:26 They're right next to each other.

48:27 And so, we were seeing all the kid trauma as well.

48:30 And the kid trauma was was different, man.

48:33 Um, just so, you know, difficult to see and experience.

48:38 It it was difficult to process, difficult to treat,

48:42 um difficult to talk to the family members with these children.

48:46 I mean, you're seeing you're seeing kids as young as one, you know,

48:48 sometimes, you know, infants, but um majority of them are like, you know,

48:52 young boys, young girls, and it just why in the communist there's a tent city,

48:56 one-third of Gaza all live in in this place called Moasi Camp.

48:59 I'll show you a picture of this.

49:01 And it's just tense.

49:02 Like you literally just find a plot of land, you put your tent down,

49:05 and you have like 20 family members living in there.

49:07 Yeah.

49:07 So, like each one of those is a tent, right?

49:09 Pretty crazy looking.

49:10 Yeah.

49:10 It's not like just you and your wife.

49:11 It's like you and your wife and your family and and kids and in-laws.

49:16 Um, so this is kind of the new Gaza here.

49:18 Yeah, it's oneird of Gaza's right here.

49:20 Wow.

49:20 What's the vibes here, man?

49:21 I know that's a crazy thing to say like it's a damn nightclub or something,

49:24 but [laughter] uh I mean but it's like they got a bouncer up front.

49:29 [laughter] Um, you know, you see kids playing on trampolines.

49:33 Do you see kids being kids?

49:35 Yeah.

49:35 Uh, you see fathers kind of s, you know,

49:39 sulking, trying to figure out like what to do.

49:41 You see mothers kind of just hiding in their tents

49:44 trying to take care of their little ones.

49:46 You see grandpas kind of like hanging out with other grandpas.

49:50 You see what you would expect a normal life to be.

49:53 And that's what it is.

49:54 These people are normal civilians just living their life.

49:57 I I just I fear what's going to happen in the next generation.

50:00 like we're going to see some not only psychological diseases,

50:02 psychiatric diseases,

50:03 but also literally physical diseases that's going to come about

50:07 the more we learn about um history and the more

50:10 we learn about just like um the the like

50:15 well America did these things and some of it 911

50:18 could have been the result of some of that just

50:20 more as you start to learn that America hasn't always

50:22 been this perfect partner and this that it just starts

50:27 to test like okay well what does it mean

50:28 to be an American to But then at the same time,

50:32 you need to be an American because you live in a country

50:35 that's safe and you're able to operate here within the country.

50:38 So it's I don't know.

50:39 It just makes it kind of interesting.

50:40 Does that make sense?

50:41 Yeah.

50:41 No, I get it.

50:42 What you're what you're exhibiting is a is a very normal contradiction

50:46 that a lot of Americans uh when

50:49 faced with the reality of American foreign policy,

50:52 they they come to terms with this.

50:53 Like they try to they try to resolve

50:55 this contradiction where on the one hand you're saying, "Well, I'm an American.

50:58 I like the security blanket that I exist under, right?

51:02 But also simultaneously, but you're simultaneously you're like, "But damn,

51:05 we're doing a lot of up around the world." Um, I mean, look,

51:09 I'm a I'm a people always yell at me and say, "Oh, Hassan,

51:13 you only say America bad." Uh, but I don't just stop at that.

51:17 Like, I I want America to be good.

51:19 I think America has incredible potential.

51:22 It's the wealthiest nation on the planet.

51:23 It should be doing so much more uh to to help

51:28 its own citizens and so much more to lead the way,

51:31 pave the way for a new evolution of the way that we

51:34 look at international relations than the way that we uh engage with conflict.

51:39 Um but the reason why America is the way it is is because I see it as basically,

51:44 you know, 50 corporations in a trench suit.

51:47 like it's just uh it's it's a hold over

51:49 to to extract tax revenue from everyday Americans and then give it

51:54 directly back to corporations in the form of subsidies without

51:57 ever regulating them and and you know demanding anything in return.

52:02 Lincoln as a young lawyer not yet 29 years old 28

52:07 years old addresses the young men's liysum in Springfield Illinois and he

52:12 and they're discussing foreign policy and he says whence shall we

52:16 expect the approach of danger shall some transatlantic giant step the earth

52:21 and crush us at a blow and then he answers his own

52:24 question never all the armies of Europe Asia and Africa could not

52:28 by force take a drink in the Ohio River or make

52:31 a track in the Blue Ridge in a trial of a thousand years.

52:35 If destruction be our lot, we must ourselves be its author and finisher.

52:41 We are a nation of free men who will live forever or die by suicide.

52:46 Wow.

52:46 So there's our challenge, right?

52:48 You want to get self involved.

52:49 You want to make the your neighbor your enemy.

52:51 You want to make lots of them.

52:53 Then you are headed towards that self-destruction that Lincoln's talking about.

52:58 You want to figure out what we share in common.

53:00 this corny sort of civic virtue,

53:04 civic energy that is comes from the Declaration of Independence,

53:08 like how you can work together to do it.

53:10 And you know, a lot of people who are unbelievable citizens,

53:14 it's like they go to the schoolboard meeting.

53:16 They like they participate in, you know,

53:19 we I live in New England and we have a town meeting and and you know,

53:22 sometimes the biggest decision is whether to buy

53:24 a new pumper for the fire department.

53:26 That's a big deal.

53:27 That's civics.

53:28 That's dealing with the stuff.

53:29 And it's also saying I've got to vote and I and I have

53:33 a responsibility as a citizenship to do it and then we'll save our country.

53:37 Then then you know if if you like the abstraction

53:42 of of disagreement and violence and all that sort

53:44 of stuff or suddenly just because your your feed tells

53:47 you one thing that somebody's an enemy then you're lost.

53:51 But if you look across the room and you say, you know,

53:53 I don't share in common that much with somebody

53:56 who comes from Louisiana and lives in Tennessee.

53:59 I I was born in Brooklyn and grew up in Delaware

54:02 and Michigan and now lived in New England for the last, you know, uh, 54 years.

54:08 What would we have in common?

54:10 We share a love of those ideas.

54:12 We share a love of that process, the pursuit of happiness.

54:16 God.

54:17 See, the thing is, man, if Trump succeeds at the reshoring effort, the tariffs,

54:25 yeah, that's part of it.

54:26 But if in if in general he gets manufacturing reinvigorated in this country,

54:34 then there's going to be a challenge

54:35 that like a lot of people aren't talking about,

54:38 which which is labor,

54:39 right?

54:40 So there's in January there were 482,000

54:45 open positions in manufacturing in this country, right?

54:50 480,000 open positions.

54:52 If he gets his way and this all gets reinvigorated,

54:57 you're talking about 2 or 3 million new jobs,

55:00 but there's there's no workforce sitting there going,

55:04 "This is what I want to do." Or prepared to do it.

55:06 They're not prep.

55:07 So there's a skills gap for sure.

55:09 Okay.

55:09 But there's also a a will gap,

55:14 right?

55:13 Donald Trump is going down a road and if he succeeds,

55:18 he's going to create millions of manufacturing jobs

55:23 in a country that currently has nearly 500,000 manufacturing

55:28 jobs open because the people who run those factories

55:33 can't find people who want to do the work.

55:36 So, so it's not enough to create the jobs, right?

55:40 And look, a lot of you your listeners are probably thinking, well,

55:43 make the pay better,

55:44 make it more make it more interesting, make it more palatable.

55:48 And we can have that conversation for sure.

55:50 But the bigger issue still is there there's no enthusiasm for the work.

55:55 We took shop class out of high school.

55:57 We robbed kids of the opportunity even see

55:59 what that kind of work even looks like.

56:02 Meanwhile, we told a whole generation of kids they

56:05 were freaking screwed if they didn't get a 4-year degree.

56:09 Thomas Massie, thanks for coming in, man.

56:12 Absolutely.

56:12 Good to see you, dude.

56:13 Good to be here.

56:14 Just had to cross the state border to get here.

56:16 Yeah, that's what I see from Kentucky.

56:18 And you uh you drove like you just took

56:20 me into your home in your camper home vehicle.

56:25 It's a F250 with a truck camper and I lived for two solid years in it in DC.

56:31 still occasionally do.

56:33 And where would you park that thing at?

56:35 Well, I don't want to disclose where I park, but I did get in trouble.

56:38 Uh I parked the uh truck camper.

56:41 It's a Superduty.

56:42 It's got a Even though it fits in the back of a pickup.

56:45 It's got a shower, bathroom, stove, and a fridge.

56:47 Oh, it felt super when I was in there.

56:48 That living arrangement in there, I could have definitely cozied up.

56:52 It felt very cool.

56:53 The milk felt cold in there.

56:54 We had a little cup of milk, which is definitely raw [laughter] milk.

56:57 Yeah.

56:58 I'm sure.

56:59 Hopefully.

56:59 Don't tell anybody across state lines with that.

57:02 It's holiday time and that means sitting

57:04 down and eating and watching loved ones eat.

57:08 Sometimes it can get a little chaotic.

57:11 I remember my aunt, we went to her house one year and um

57:15 she'd made a cornbread dressing type of deal and had not uh cooked it.

57:22 Hadn't cooked it.

57:22 Forgot she hadn't cooked it and just put it

57:24 out with the other stuff and everybody ate it.

57:26 And it was just people thought it was just

57:28 like a weird soup or something and it was horrible.

57:31 But that's life.

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58:42 I want to put you up on some game when I need more Bitcoin.

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59:51 Contraception begins at erection now.

59:55 So they're this is a law that they're pushing.

59:57 Ohio Democratic lawmakers propose conception begins at erection act.

1:00:02 Okay.

1:00:02 So they're trying to put it on the men a little bit more.

1:00:04 So what exactly are they going to do about this now?

1:00:07 Well, a new bill in Ohio would make it a crime

1:00:09 for men to ejaculate without intending to have a baby.

1:00:12 Oh, wow.

1:00:13 That is that's definitely something that I could see

1:00:17 a lot of people probably would be guilty of for sure.

1:00:20 Hey, shoot or shoot, you know.

1:00:21 Yeah.

1:00:22 Yeah, I could see that being I mean,

1:00:23 I don't want to get into too much personal detail,

1:00:25 but I think I'd probably be locked up for a long time.

1:00:28 [laughter]

1:00:31 Hey.

1:00:31 Yeah.

1:00:32 Oh, we're going to visit Tom this weekend again.

1:00:33 [laughter]

1:00:35 Yeah.

1:00:35 My gosh.

1:00:36 I thought he was going to get parrolled.

1:00:37 Plenty of time to break the law in jail, though.

1:00:39 [laughter]

1:00:43 $10,000 per discharge.

1:00:46 That's who.

1:00:47 But here's the thing.

1:00:48 Some dude is just running around sking or whatever they call it.

1:00:51 And I don't know what they call it in different countries, but

1:00:54 they're not going to have an extra 10k on them.

1:00:56 You're gonna have the court system would be filled

1:00:59 with every every kid in the world, every 14y old kid.

1:01:04 Yeah.

1:01:04 I mean, I'm assuming Yeah.

1:01:06 Does this I don't I don't know how much

1:01:08 I want to talk about this in detail with you.

1:01:10 To be honest,

1:01:10 I was going to say, you don't get pregnant on your own.

1:01:12 I was so lucky because you used to do a little sniffy jiffy, I heard.

1:01:15 And uh it is um fun.

1:01:19 There are negatives.

1:01:22 Yeah.

1:01:21 But we always start with the positives, especially about that.

1:01:24 If I could afford more when I was parking cars and being a bus boy,

1:01:28 I would have uh definitely gone crazy.

1:01:31 I could not, thank God, I could do a quarter gram in a weekend.

1:01:34 Then I just I could only afford 25 bucks.

1:01:36 That was it.

1:01:37 And uh yeah,

1:01:38 even that wasn't money well spent.

1:01:39 But don't get all excited.

1:01:41 You're getting a boner.

1:01:42 It is exciting.

1:01:43 I mean, talking about it, doing it, it was fun.

1:01:45 It was hard to just quit it.

1:01:47 But it just I just watch and you go, no way to have a career.

1:01:51 There's no way to have anything good with all this pressure and you got to do.

1:01:54 And people like to rat you out.

1:01:55 And people like to say this guy, you know, he's all little dishe.

1:02:00 Yeah, little power flower now and then.

1:02:02 So, if they start getting that word out there, I luckily never got that word.

1:02:06 I didn't do any of the whole SNL.

1:02:08 And that's the funniest part is that I did dabbled

1:02:10 a little bit before that just cuz I was in show biz.

1:02:14 And you're from Arizona, from Scottdale.

1:02:16 Yeah, Scottdale.

1:02:17 Yeah.

1:02:18 Well, it doesn't mean it wasn't really

1:02:19 the cocaine capital of the world, but you know,

1:02:22 I was in the comedy biz and a couple guys had it

1:02:24 and I was like I would partake just for fun and uh

1:02:29 obviously and then

1:02:30 Oh yeah, brother.

1:02:31 But one time I did a lot and I was like,

1:02:34 "Yeah,

1:02:33 feel like I should go to the hospital." Yeah.

1:02:36 You know, [laughter] keep saying

1:02:38 and then you'll walk over there.

1:02:40 That's the craziest is sprinted.

1:02:43 [laughter] No, because the funny thing is you just

1:02:45 turn into John Benet one bump and I'm like I'm

1:02:47 a Yankee Doodle Dandy and I'm feeling great and then

1:02:51 I I I I made my friend drive me and I got there and he's like and it was

1:02:57 freezing and I was shaking and tight and and he goes,

1:03:00 "You got to go in there." And I and he goes,

1:03:02 "But they're going to ask." Because they did stand up for about a year, right?

1:03:05 And they go, "They're going to ask and they're going to Yeah.

1:03:08 They're going to have to call the police." I go, "No, no, no." Extra scared.

1:03:11 and he cranks the heater on in the car and I'm starting to sweat.

1:03:14 But this is a good friend because he was there with me for three hours.

1:03:17 He goes, "I'll let you you should go in there in a second,

1:03:20 but just tell me more." And I was like, I was calming down.

1:03:23 This was the trick.

1:03:23 I didn't know this.

1:03:24 And my heart was going from like 3,000 over

1:03:27 2,000 to like started to get back to normal.

1:03:30 And then it got light out

1:03:33 and then I go, "Let's go home." Oh, so gross.

1:03:37 And then I go, "I'll never do it again." 40 days later.

1:03:40 Hey dude,

1:03:42 I'm jinking.

1:03:47 What a great guy.

1:03:49 There's [laughter] me and they make me jump.

1:03:51 Oh yeah, that's that's why people gravitate

1:03:56 to you because there's nobody like you.

1:04:00 Well, thanks, man.

1:04:01 I feel the same uh about you.

1:04:03 I feel like everybody does.

1:04:05 Um, and you have a statue of me at your house, so you know.

1:04:09 So, yeah.

1:04:10 Thank you, man.

1:04:11 Yeah.

1:04:11 Thank you for letting them even do that statue.

1:04:13 What was that whole deal like with them?

1:04:14 With Michaels?

1:04:15 That's where I got mine at was at Michaels,

1:04:19 right?

1:04:20 Yeah.

1:04:20 Did you do a Was it a collab or what was it?

1:04:25 Nope.

1:04:25 No.

1:04:25 They just robbed my image and likeness

1:04:30 because they could pass it [laughter] off, man.

1:04:34 because they were doing it for religious purposes.

1:04:36 [laughter] I allowed it to be Well, thank you.

1:04:42 We wish you a black Christmas.

1:04:43 [laughter] Hey, man.

1:04:44 Look, I'd be honored to have one.

1:04:46 I'd be honored to have one.

1:04:48 Yeah, man.

1:04:48 I cuz Yeah, when I met that guy there, he said we got two left, man.

1:04:52 You know, and there was 200 and one of them

1:04:54 was marked down cuz it had a chip in it.

1:04:57 Uh but um it's still, man, it's an honor.

1:04:59 I keep it up in my house year round

1:05:01 [snorts] and people walk in and they're like, "No way.

1:05:04 That's Cat William right there."

1:05:06 It is.

1:05:07 And it's beautiful, man.

1:05:08 Thank you.

1:05:09 Yeah.

1:05:09 This was in Cington, Louisiana.

1:05:11 But um but yeah, they had about 13 miles from Slidel.

1:05:17 Yeah.

1:05:17 There you go.

1:05:23 Wow.

1:05:22 Map Williams in the building, baby.

1:05:25 Um

1:05:26 right.

1:05:26 But and that's when I realized don't make me go ge [laughter] everybody's dude.

1:05:33 What about being the first gay dude ever?

1:05:36 It must have been crazy because imagine everybody's straight, right?

1:05:40 And you wake up or something happens, you get hit by lightning or whatever

1:05:44 and suddenly you're gay and you're like,

1:05:46 "Oh my god." Like you're just talking to your buddy who you who who

1:05:49 you've talked to every day for years and and you're just like thinking like,

1:05:53 "I'm going to stuff his face with some wiener." And you're like,

1:05:56 "What?" And and then you like don't like imagine that cuz then you

1:06:00 have to take some other guy aside or somebody aside and be like,

1:06:03 "Hey, this is going to seem totally crazy to you guys."

1:06:07 But I keep thinking about coming on Jacob or whatever, you know?

1:06:12 And [laughter] people were like, "What?"

1:06:14 Yeah, that does sound crazy.

1:06:14 Don't tell anyone that.

1:06:15 Don't tell anyone that.

1:06:16 You're the only one that thinks that.

1:06:18 And a guy trying to jerk me off in the back of a bus in Vietnam.

1:06:21 You did?

1:06:21 Yeah.

1:06:22 And And the guy was gay.

1:06:23 I [laughter] I don't know what their I don't know some what their culture is.

1:06:33 That's a big sign usually.

1:06:35 [laughter] Dude, they're starving over there.

1:06:37 That guy could have been ordering soup.

1:06:42 [laughter] Dude, any joke it ends in soup.

1:06:45 Jewish people love it for some reason.

1:06:47 I'm listening.

1:06:48 It's a little cold.

1:06:48 I'll eat half and send it back.

1:06:49 But I like that joke.

1:06:51 I'll eat half that joke and send it back.

1:06:53 [laughter] Well, hold on.

1:06:56 I'm almost done.

1:06:58 Uh, there's a hair in here.

1:07:00 [laughter] It's the biggest problem with Jews going bald.

1:07:03 They can't send soup back and I was just calling to ask.

1:07:08 I uh, well, I'm secretly gay and I

1:07:14 Oh, secretly gay, the fella said.

1:07:16 Let's hear more.

1:07:17 I I haven't told a lot of people and I want to figure out how

1:07:21 I can tell my mom and I thought I could get some advice on here.

1:07:26 Okay, brother.

1:07:27 Yeah, thank you for calling, dude.

1:07:28 Um, and congratulations on your uh gay

1:07:33 ship or whatever it's called, Gatum or whatever.

1:07:35 Um, being gay.

1:07:37 Um, I mean, you there's different ways you could go about it.

1:07:41 You could do something, you know, kind of fun.

1:07:43 You could do just like a knockk knockock who's there.

1:07:47 I'm gay.

1:07:48 You know that old trick or whatever.

1:07:50 Or or or you could get a deck of cards, right?

1:07:53 You could write I'm a gay son on each one.

1:07:58 Put them like that.

1:08:00 Have her pick one out.

1:08:01 Say, "Pick one out and read it." And bam, you don't even say nothing.

1:08:05 She says it.

1:08:07 And then you could be like, "What the do you mean?" you know,

1:08:10 you could uh roll switch or whatever.

1:08:13 So that's, you know, that's reverse psychology, dude.

1:08:17 So that's some that's crazy.

1:08:19 Me and Big X, we almost did a song.

1:08:21 Um but I don't know.

1:08:22 I didn't I I actually sent him a song and he didn't finish it.

1:08:25 So I don't know.

1:08:26 That's on him.

1:08:28 Um I guess I don't know what he was doing.

1:08:31 He was in jail, did he?

1:08:33 I think so.

1:08:33 For what?

1:08:34 Not Not a long time.

1:08:35 Not long enough.

1:08:35 Not I went to jail, too, bro.

1:08:37 [laughter] Hey, if you behind bars, write a couple.

1:08:44 Yeah.

1:08:44 [laughter]

1:08:46 You're on a pretty famous like text chain with like other SEC coaches.

1:08:50 This is alleged.

1:08:51 And um Kirby Smart, uh Sarkeesian.

1:08:55 Who What are the vibes on the chain?

1:08:57 I feel like like what is it like on there?

1:08:59 I feel like I keep it together.

1:09:01 Like I keep the group together because like one will beat the other

1:09:03 or they'll say something and they kind of like get mad at each other and

1:09:07 then they won't like text for a week.

1:09:08 If like you beat him then he doesn't text for a week or if

1:09:11 they're playing each other that week they certainly are going to say anything.

1:09:14 And I'm like guys and by you beat him it means you

1:09:17 when you guys beat Georgia last year but go on I feel it.

1:09:19 But then I just say something that night you know like hey man like

1:09:23 you'll probably get us next year you know

1:09:24 like they didn't like they don't think that's funny

1:09:26 you know like then one of them side text

1:09:27 me like hey man you shouldn't have said that.

1:09:29 Kirby's pissed off, you know, and I'm like, dude, it's just a game.

1:09:32 Relax.

1:09:33 We're buddies.

1:09:34 Do you guys vote on how another coach gets into the text chain or what is the

1:09:38 Yeah, there's been conversations about that.

1:09:41 Really?

1:09:42 Um I just kind of I actually have They may not know this.

1:09:47 We're giving a lot of information out today.

1:09:49 Appreciate you coming so you kind of give you some special insight.

1:09:53 I have multiple ones.

1:09:55 So sometimes I'll say something, that guy's not in it,

1:09:59 and that guy's, you know, then this guy's in it.

1:10:01 And so like I kind of make sure I know who's in them,

1:10:04 you know, when I say certain things, and then, you know,

1:10:07 every once in a while got somebody does something

1:10:08 and then I like I move them out of the chat.

1:10:13 No.

1:10:12 Yeah.

1:10:12 Yeah.

1:10:13 Yep.

1:10:13 It's It's happened, you know.

1:10:15 Jimbo Fisher removed from chat.

1:10:19 RIP.

1:10:19 And then like then I like put them back in.

1:10:21 Yeah.

1:10:21 Yeah.

1:10:21 But and and they're like typical coaches.

1:10:24 They don't know how to remove somebody or add somebody.

1:10:26 So, it's like pretty cool that I can do it and they're like,

1:10:28 "How do you do that?" Yeah.

1:10:30 Yeah.

1:10:30 Lane's one of them tech wizards.

1:10:32 Yeah.

1:10:32 Yeah.

1:10:33 Yeah.

1:10:33 Yeah.

1:10:33 Yeah.

1:10:34 Coaches are a little behind time.

1:10:35 That's a big deal to be able to remove somebody from his head like,

1:10:37 "Whoa, he must really like have somebody teaching him this stuff." Yeah, dude.

1:10:41 The Scots, man.

1:10:42 They're fascinating.

1:10:43 They're just fascinating.

1:10:44 You'd almost like I wouldn't be surprised if you was in the US, you know,

1:10:49 and you're in a zoo and they had a couple in there somewhere [laughter]

1:10:52 like you know be they're taken care of and everything.

1:10:55 Yeah.

1:10:55 Drinking sort of like

1:10:56 they're healthy in there yelling at you.

1:10:58 Yeah.

1:10:58 Yeah.

1:10:59 Screaming at the fences and stuff like Yeah.

1:11:01 Yeah.

1:11:01 Exactly.

1:11:01 Yeah.

1:11:01 Yeah.

1:11:02 It sounds like us.

1:11:03 We're singing like a good um Do they have

1:11:05 like a lot of good like Scottish songs and stuff?

1:11:07 Oh flood of Scotland,

1:11:11 when will we see your lake again

1:11:16 that fought in [singing] for your weing that stood

1:11:23 against him against him proud Edward's army

1:11:28 and sent him home [sighs] to think again.

1:11:33 Come on.

1:11:35 Yeah.

1:11:35 Yeah.

1:11:35 That's that's us.

1:11:36 That's one.

1:11:36 That's a good one that we've got.

1:11:37 We've also got um what's your name?

1:11:40 Ali Bali.

1:11:42 Alib sitting on your mom's knee.

1:11:47 [laughter] That's a good one.

1:11:48 I don't know where when it goes after that.

1:11:49 Well, that one ends in the courts.

1:11:50 I think it sounds like, you know, exactly.

1:11:53 That sounds like a domestics dispute.

1:11:55 You know, you know, as soon as I tell people I grew up in South Carolina,

1:11:58 they're always like, "Oh, must have been so racist,

1:12:01 all this stuff." And of course there was

1:12:03 there's moments where it wasn't nice and and

1:12:05 like people calling you almost n word or something like that.

1:12:08 N word, not almost.

1:12:09 Oh, really?

1:12:10 Yeah.

1:12:10 Yeah.

1:12:10 All those people are nearsighted or whatever.

1:12:12 I don't

1:12:13 that's crazy.

1:12:15 But there was also I feel like, you know,

1:12:17 there was a time I was writing something and I asked my parents to just

1:12:20 tell me like I didn't want to write

1:12:23 stuff about people being racist to to people.

1:12:26 I wanted to write something positive.

1:12:28 I was like tell me things you remember

1:12:29 that were positive like experiences you had you know

1:12:31 being cuz someone cuz you know my parents are

1:12:33 there in the 80s it was different for sure

1:12:36 they don't people there didn't even know what Indian people were they

1:12:40 didn't see him in the culture they didn't see nothing they didn't understand

1:12:44 it looks like a black person that they

1:12:46 didn't finish the job on or whatever [laughter]

1:12:50 kind of you know no judgment

1:12:52 that let's just make sure that quote is attributed to you

1:12:55 you have a new show uh that definitely like sparked me up.

1:12:59 It's Animals on drugs.

1:13:01 That's right.

1:13:01 We were texting when I was in Columbia.

1:13:02 That's right.

1:13:03 Yeah.

1:13:04 Yeah.

1:13:04 It's on HBO Max as of like yesterday, I think.

1:13:06 Um Oh, yeah.

1:13:07 Dude, I was just [laughter] like, "Dude,

1:13:09 send me a gift from Columbia so I can snort it, brother."

1:13:13 But take me through the show.

1:13:14 Animals on drugs because, you know, they had like the cocaine bear.

1:13:18 Uhhuh.

1:13:18 Cocaine Bear, the movie.

1:13:19 Cocaine Bear.

1:13:20 And then they have I was trying to think of some uh Oh, Cracoons would be good.

1:13:25 Cracoons.

1:13:25 How did I not think of that as a title?

1:13:27 Come on, cracks.

1:13:28 Bro, what is Bro, what's in that?

1:13:30 That's a no-brainer.

1:13:32 [laughter]

1:13:32 What's that in your recycling bin?

1:13:35 Yeah.

1:13:34 You see a little bit of smoke coming up from the recycling bin?

1:13:37 Yeah, the bin's vibrating.

1:13:39 Yeah.

1:13:40 Uh, crackcoons.

1:13:41 He's like, [laughter] smiling.

1:13:43 Yeah, crack.

1:13:45 You went turkey hunting with Mike Wadell, I heard.

1:13:47 Oh, yeah, I did.

1:13:49 Yeah, I went down there and it was fun.

1:13:51 But it's like I don't know some of the tur

1:13:55 it's like they just seem like an unwell bird.

1:14:00 What do you mean turkeys?

1:14:02 Unwell in what way?

1:14:03 They just don't seem like they're like like a top like I don't

1:14:08 want to say like they un like I don't want to say uneducated.

1:14:12 They just seem like they like they got picked last for gym kind of.

1:14:18 Dude, that's the dumbest thing I've ever heard, man.

1:14:20 Really?

1:14:20 Oh yeah.

1:14:20 about a turkey.

1:14:21 Yeah, if you look at a turkey,

1:14:22 they seem like they like they can't do they just are Yeah,

1:14:27 they just I don't know.

1:14:27 They weren't doing a lot.

1:14:29 Dude, it's a big ass bird.

1:14:30 His head changes colors from red to white to blue.

1:14:34 He tastes good.

1:14:35 Yeah, he's basically the Toby.

1:14:36 He walk around the woods making insane noises.

1:14:40 Yeah.

1:14:40 Which But I mean like he It's an omnivore.

1:14:43 It can eat all kinds of It can eat all kinds of stuff.

1:14:48 Okay.

1:14:48 Well, now you're selling me on it.

1:14:50 Yeah.

1:14:50 What else?

1:14:51 I mean, like what like

1:14:52 what what name a better name a better bird.

1:14:55 It's like you could be Oh, a bald eagle.

1:14:57 He eats a bunch of rotten fish from the side like like a turkey.

1:15:01 That's America's bird.

1:15:02 Dude,

1:15:04 are you familiar with a gentleman named Ben Franklin?

1:15:07 Yeah.

1:15:08 Okay.

1:15:08 Do you know that Franklin didn't like the bald eagle

1:15:11 as a national bird because it was a scavenger and he

1:15:15 threw out some it's debated how honest you it's b it's

1:15:19 debated if he was trying to be a smartass or not.

1:15:21 Ben Franklin said America ought to go with the wild

1:15:25 turkey because at least it's a vain bird.

1:15:28 What does vain bird mean?

1:15:29 It's beautiful.

1:15:30 He puffs his feather the the male puffs his feathers all out.

1:15:36 Yeah.

1:15:35 He's got a snood.

1:15:37 He's got like a imagine like a pecker on your laid across your face.

1:15:43 Okay.

1:15:43 That changes all the time.

1:15:44 It gets erected.

1:15:45 It goes limp.

1:15:46 Turkey has that.

1:15:48 Yeah, dude.

1:15:50 It's like to just to like come in and like

1:15:52 start disparaging a turkey right off the top of the bat.

1:15:54 You don't know me.

1:15:56 I'm just Okay.

1:15:56 [laughter] I'm just saying.

1:15:57 It's like very It's like uh it's disrespectful.

1:15:59 That That is a That is a That is

1:16:01 the the best That's the best bird in our in our country.

1:16:04 It's so scary also to think about.

1:16:06 I always do this too many times.

1:16:07 Like do you think about truly how many animals there

1:16:10 are if all this food is being given to people?

1:16:14 It's so scary to think about like how many

1:16:15 like chickens are murder not murdered but killed a day.

1:16:18 Like

1:16:19 so many.

1:16:19 Like even I'm just trying to think about this reason like if I order

1:16:23 uh an order of wings at a bar and there's 10 wings in there.

1:16:26 Does that technically mean that I'm having five chickens?

1:16:28 Like two wings of chicken?

1:16:30 I think there are some chickens that have more than two 206 million a day.

1:16:35 Globally, approximately 206 million chickens are killed for food each day.

1:16:39 It's a wild stat.

1:16:40 It's a wild stat.

1:16:42 Holy dude.

1:16:42 It's like

1:16:43 since we started talking about this, 140,000 chickens just died.

1:16:47 Oh, that's wild.

1:16:48 That's the original Gaza right there, dude.

1:16:50 That's crazy.

1:16:51 I can't believe they're doing that.

1:16:52 What else we got?

1:16:53 Oh, in two separate um recent WNBA games have been plagued with a new problem.

1:16:58 Unruly spectators throwing sex toys onto the court.

1:17:01 Hm.

1:17:03 Oh god.

1:17:04 I saw a picture.

1:17:05 I mean, it is kind of wild, I guess,

1:17:07 to But first of all, I'd embrace it if I'm the WNBA, right?

1:17:11 I would shoot those things out

1:17:13 of a t-shirt candidate during Pride Month or whatever.

1:17:15 Yeah, that's what I'm saying.

1:17:17 I mean, if it if things get wild and people start tuning in, that's great.

1:17:21 It's good money.

1:17:22 You know, you don't want people to get hurt.

1:17:24 And I guess that's disrespectful, but it's like,

1:17:26 yeah, make it turn the negative around.

1:17:29 Yeah, let's put a positive spin on it.

1:17:30 I mean, that lady was excited.

1:17:32 You know what [laughter] I'm saying?

1:17:34 And I don't know if that's AI.

1:17:35 It could be AI.

1:17:36 I just saw a woman with they have a woman that has two cudas.

1:17:41 Actually, I saw she's on TikTok the other day.

1:17:44 There's a woman.

1:17:45 What now?

1:17:46 Are you No, I'm talking about the anatomy now.

1:17:48 I'm changing the You want to hear of Okay.

1:17:50 No.

1:17:50 Go.

1:17:50 Yeah.

1:17:51 Go.

1:17:51 There is a woman who has two vaginas that's on Tik Tok.

1:17:55 Yeah.

1:17:55 Yeah.

1:17:55 Yeah.

1:17:55 Uh she sent a DM the other day to me the other day.

1:17:58 How many DMs did she send?

1:17:59 One of each.

1:17:59 One for me, [laughter] dude.

1:18:04 Dude, she sent replica DMs.

1:18:06 That's insane.

1:18:08 So, can I tell you a story?

1:18:12 Yeah.

1:18:10 So, I'm uh I'm at my boy's wedding and we're he's from he's from Ohio.

1:18:16 We're at the, you know, reception now, the after reception.

1:18:18 We're all just hanging out in the hotel room and the one dude's like, "Yo,

1:18:21 do you remember uh remember that girl I went

1:18:23 to high school with with two vaginas?" And he's like,

1:18:25 "Dude, you're talking about Cheryl." And then his other buddy's like, "Yo,

1:18:28 double barrel Cheryl." And I just thought that was

1:18:30 the funniest nickname I've ever heard in my life.

1:18:35 Double barrel Cheryl.

1:18:36 I was like, "That's got to go in some American Pie type movie.

1:18:40 Just double barrel Cheryl." So as soon

1:18:42 as you started talking about that, I was like,

1:18:43 "Oh, I have one." put her in a museum.

1:18:48 But she used to apparently she used to say like, "This one's for my boyfriend.

1:18:50 I'm saving this one for my husband." Oh, yeah.

1:18:53 Yeah.

1:18:54 Kind of [laughter] beautiful.

1:18:56 Yeah.

1:18:56 Yeah.

1:18:56 Right.

1:18:58 Yeah.

1:18:57 Yeah.

1:18:58 Cuz I would just I would if I had both I Dude,

1:19:01 you'd blow them both in the first week.

1:19:02 Yeah.

1:19:02 Exactly.

1:19:02 [laughter] Exactly.

1:19:04 Dude, no.

1:19:05 I'd be like, I'm saving this one for after dinner or whatever.

1:19:08 But I would definitely, dude.

1:19:10 Bro, you telling me I would love a [snorts] hug from somebody's grandmother.

1:19:16 God, those hugs are just the way you land in them.

1:19:23 It's like being at a spa.

1:19:27 You get a young hug from one of these young

1:19:29 Some of them are strong and They got, you know, some chick hugged me that day.

1:19:34 She had a couple damn dumbbells in her hand, two barbells, 3 and 12 pounders.

1:19:39 Like, what the is this?

1:19:42 But you get a hug from a grandmother,

1:19:44 she got them damn catcher mitts full of love.

1:19:48 She got two of them baby.

1:19:51 And them arms go right into the tits.

1:19:54 They ain't even a difference, bro.

1:19:57 [snorts] That's just a big bicep.

1:20:00 Tit tit bicep tit that's just a damn

1:20:08 [clears throat and snorts] that's a love seat

1:20:11 and she got them two arms like a damn front end loader that will hug you.

1:20:16 God, it's hard to know if you it would seem like you seem

1:20:19 like a guy who likes being in Hollywood or doesn't like being in Hollywood.

1:20:24 I guess

1:20:24 there's things I really like about it and things I really don't like, right?

1:20:27 And I wish they didn't have to be together, but they are, right?

1:20:31 Like it's kind of life.

1:20:32 It's there's you got to take the good with the bad

1:20:34 because they always get pictures of you where you seem like you're like

1:20:36 the the the dwarf that like is kind of like the backup dwarf, you know?

1:20:40 Like you're on the side, you're smoking.

1:20:41 You're like, "What is that guy?

1:20:42 I didn't I don't know that character, but like you're like, is he pissed?"

1:20:47 I [laughter] think he's a little pissed.

1:20:48 Yeah, he's understudy.

1:20:49 He's the understudy dwarf.

1:20:50 Okay.

1:20:51 But and not dwarf like you're a regular heighted guy,

1:20:53 but it's like But I And I shouldn't have said dwarf.

1:20:55 I shouldn't say anything, but it was like um I don't know.

1:20:58 They all and it's like they only put this chronology out

1:21:00 of you that makes you seem like you're kind of bummed.

1:21:02 Well, here's the thing.

1:21:03 Um if the only time like when somebody's taking a picture of me,

1:21:08 I'm bummed because usually I'm with my kids.

1:21:10 I'm trying to go somewhere and then there's four guys who like and I'm like,

1:21:14 "Hey man, every time can you give me some time?

1:21:16 I'm trying to be with my kids.

1:21:17 I'm do you mind?

1:21:18 Can you you know what I mean?" So the look on your face

1:21:20 is kind of like and then they go away not taking the picture.

1:21:22 You go inside and you're having a good time.

1:21:24 It's this selective experience of like take

1:21:26 a picture of somebody every time they're feeling irritated,

1:21:29 they're going to look irritated.

1:21:31 Especially if you're the one irritating them.

1:21:33 Yeah.

1:21:33 It's like I'll come piss you off and then

1:21:35 take your picture and then put and then be like, "Look how pissed off."

1:21:38 That's [laughter] exactly right.

1:21:39 That's exactly what that's exactly what that whole system is really, right?

1:21:43 But and it's like useful because that's why like you know I'm sure you've seen

1:21:46 on all the stuff like the you know it's kind of the idea is like

1:21:49 follow somebody around antagonize them and then

1:21:51 hopefully they'll have like a nervous breakdown

1:21:53 and go crazy on you and then your video will be worth more money you know.

1:21:57 Yeah.

1:21:57 It's it's such a it's that whole thing gets really black mirrorish man.

1:22:00 I'm like you.

1:22:01 I'm super critical on myself.

1:22:03 [sighs] If I don't honor the commitments I made to myself I'm a [clears throat]

1:22:08 Yeah.

1:22:08 You know.

1:22:08 Yeah.

1:22:08 [laughter] Definitely.

1:22:09 And here's the crazy thing I would do, Kevin.

1:22:11 I would go I would go for a run one day

1:22:13 or do something and then I'd be like we grinding every day.

1:22:16 I'm gonna go I'm gonna go run a million mile.

1:22:19 Next week I'm running seven miles.

1:22:21 And then the next day I wouldn't even go for a run.

1:22:23 But I'd have built up all of this steam in my head like I was in the Olympics.

1:22:27 And so then I'd let myself aspirations

1:22:30 were so diabolical and ridiculous that but when

1:22:35 I did let myself down I would let

1:22:37 myself fall from the heights of my aspirations.

1:22:39 Not even from You just run.

1:22:42 Yes.

1:22:42 You just took one run and you just one neighborhood

1:22:44 over and you got yourself at the Olympic trials in Atlanta.

1:22:47 Like but the the shame I would feel would be the fall

1:22:50 from the Olympic trials and I only went damn probably 1100 ft.

1:22:55 That's why everybody that tell me they want to get into fitness.

1:22:59 They be like what you think I should do first?

1:23:01 I say baby steps.

1:23:03 Baby steps.

1:23:04 [laughter] Take baby steps.

1:23:06 If you walk in the gym and walk out, you still showed up.

1:23:09 You did something that you wouldn't have done yesterday.

1:23:11 Maybe this time you might get on a trail

1:23:13 man walk for maybe two or three minutes.

1:23:15 I don't know.

1:23:16 Who knows?

1:23:16 Start drinking more water.

1:23:18 Baby steps.

1:23:19 Like every like everything is baby steps.

1:23:23 Yeah.

1:23:22 Yeah.

1:23:22 I would never even give myself the grace of like,

1:23:24 let me have those baby, you know?

1:23:26 Then you know something else I used to do?

1:23:28 I used to compare myself to people that was taking steroids and all

1:23:32 of that and I'm like I want my body to look like this.

1:23:35 And I'm like, yeah.

1:23:37 And I used to I used to watch them dudes say stuff like,

1:23:39 "If if you ain't got no six-pack, you fat,

1:23:42 homie." And I was like, "Damn, I'm fat." So, I had unrealistic expectations.

1:23:48 I'm just like you.

1:23:49 And then I start giving myself grace and I'm like, "Yeah,

1:23:53 I didn't even come in it to look like that.

1:23:55 I just wanted my clothes to be able to fit good." Yeah.

1:23:58 I just I just didn't want to be titty man anymore.

1:24:01 Yeah.

1:24:01 Yeah.

1:24:01 He didn't want to have them nice titties on it, boy.

1:24:04 Breastes.

1:24:05 I just I just didn't want to be titty man anymore.

1:24:07 And then you start comparing yourself to other people

1:24:10 and you lose we lose ourselves in what we really wanted.

1:24:14 What was our goal?

1:24:15 I just wanted I wanted a bedroom body.

1:24:17 That's it.

1:24:17 That's it.

1:24:17 [laughter] That's it.

1:24:18 That's all.

1:24:19 When you get up really really crazy high in life, you're too high.

1:24:23 You're Madison Square Garden and all this kind of crazy that I was doing.

1:24:26 It's like the fall will kill you.

1:24:30 And uh cuz it's not a human height.

1:24:32 It's not human and there's no oxygen up there and there's no drag on your wings

1:24:37 and it's lonely and it doesn't have

1:24:39 it it's not affected by your feelings anymore.

1:24:42 It's just this other thing.

1:24:44 But when I went back to work and I was like I'm doing clubs again.

1:24:48 How's that going to feel?

1:24:50 And I'm sitting in the funny bone in St.

1:24:52 Louis and the Coke the machine that sends Coke to the bar

1:24:56 is is next to my head and I'm sitting there

1:25:00 and there's the smell of chicken wings and pizza

1:25:03 and I'm doing retail comedy one, you know, I was happy as I was so happy to be

1:25:10 telling the jokes to people whose faces I could see

1:25:13 and whose admission price is is they're giving that to me

1:25:17 as a as a gift and they're going home happy.

1:25:21 And I got back to that level of comedy and it was really beautiful.

1:25:25 That's where I live now.

1:25:26 I mean I I do the theaters cuz I'm still a pig.

1:25:28 I still want I still like it.

1:25:30 But well, and some of them are nice too.

1:25:31 Some of them are nice with the Ryman in Oh yeah, Nashville.

1:25:34 Beautiful.

1:25:35 I'm excited to come over there.

1:25:36 I think even this year's been tough for me.

1:25:38 It's just like um yeah, I just feel like work's gotten busy and it just

1:25:44 makes me scared kind of a little bit and it's like,

1:25:47 you know, and then popularity makes you scared

1:25:48 and that's kind of scary and then you're just like

1:25:51 looking at you're just like what am I even

1:25:55 you you're like I can't even feel like I

1:25:57 can't even the controls feel far from my hand sometimes.

1:26:00 Not not like I'm doing crazy stuff or anything, but just like

1:26:05 you know I just I don't know.

1:26:07 No, it's it's it is scary and it should be.

1:26:09 That's the thing is it's like another electricity.

1:26:11 You got to respect it.

1:26:12 It's not it's not small a small thing being famous and it

1:26:16 can go bad and it's it's your fault cuz you got into it.

1:26:21 Yeah.

1:26:21 But that's I don't know.

1:26:22 It's also a human thing to want to share your work and want to be out there,

1:26:25 you know, but once when when it goes bad,

1:26:28 you get in this predicament of like I want to go to each

1:26:30 person's house and tell them what really happened and what you know,

1:26:32 the little things that are that aren't in the way this, you know,

1:26:35 and that's just never going to happen.

1:26:37 Yeah.

1:26:37 And at this point with all to me, I just want to get I just I just want to live.

1:26:42 if you had to share something with somebody who had

1:26:44 lost a sibling or who had dealt with, you know,

1:26:47 some grief from loss, something that you've learned because I mean,

1:26:51 you're like almost the the Neil Armstrong of loss.

1:26:56 I mean, you've you've had you've endured a lot in your life,

1:26:59 you know, and watched and watched other loved ones endure a lot, you know.

1:27:03 Um, what what have you kind of learned

1:27:06 that you feel like you could share, if anything?

1:27:09 Well, thank you for giving that opportunity because that's what I want

1:27:13 to do is to try to make it positive for somebody, buddy.

1:27:16 But, um, [snorts] you know,

1:27:18 it's tough cuz I want to tell people like when somebody dies,

1:27:22 it's going to get better, but it doesn't get better, man.

1:27:26 You don't even get used to it.

1:27:27 It just keep tolerating it and you just somehow it gets a little better someday.

1:27:34 But there's no good word to say to them.

1:27:36 But when somebody's really busted up, you know,

1:27:39 and I if when you overcome that and are

1:27:44 able to um um maintain through that, well,

1:27:50 then it's it's now you now you've uh you've achieved through a struggle.

1:27:56 You've achieved over an an obstruction.

1:27:59 you've gone over a a hurdle, you know, and it's like now you can say you won.

1:28:06 Now you can say you won something because

1:28:08 without a fight there can't be a winner.

1:28:10 There can't be a champion.

1:28:10 There can't be a success unless there's that adversity, you know.

1:28:15 And so [snorts] God wouldn't put you

1:28:17 through that unless you're going to benefit.

1:28:21 And Theo, you got a great mind.

1:28:23 You're an intelligent guy.

1:28:24 I can tell.

1:28:25 Oh, thanks, man.

1:28:26 Life is He's knocking on your door, too, my friend.

1:28:30 You, too.

1:28:31 I feel like you and me are probably pretty similar in some ways.

1:28:33 You feel that?

1:28:34 I sure do.

1:28:35 I do, too.

1:28:36 So, um, this kind that No, David,

1:28:38 that leads exactly to um kind of what I was thinking about.

1:28:40 My next question is how does our quality of life

1:28:44 affect our beliefs about the about death or the afterlife?

1:28:47 [gasps] Well, you know, I think this is

1:28:50 something where neuroscience actually has something to offer.

1:28:54 Okay.

1:28:54 Right.

1:28:55 So when I first started studying the brain,

1:28:59 you know, 40 plus years ago, I was taught,

1:29:02 well, the brain just kind of sits there and it waits to react to something.

1:29:06 Something comes in your senses.

1:29:07 You hear something, you see something, your brain does something,

1:29:09 and then you move your muscles and you respond to it.

1:29:12 And that's what it is.

1:29:12 The brain's kind of sitting there waiting for something to happen.

1:29:14 It's a reactive organ.

1:29:15 Like a two-stroke motor or something, right?

1:29:17 And and and and well,

1:29:19 even not like a two-stroke motor that isn't even started yet.

1:29:22 it's waiting for someone to pull the rip cord, right, for it to start up.

1:29:26 Um, and what we now know, the modern conception of the brain is

1:29:31 that when you're just sitting there spacing out,

1:29:33 your brain is really busy and it is a prediction machine.

1:29:38 Your brain is trying to figure out what's going to happen next in the near term.

1:29:44 What does that mean?

1:29:44 It means that our brain is wired to presume that there

1:29:48 will always be a near term that there will be a future

1:29:55 right and so you know uh I got diagnosed with terminal cancer.

1:30:01 Uh I was told four years ago that I had 6 to 18 months to live and you

1:30:07 know while I mean of course that was really

1:30:09 upsetting and I was freaking the out about it.

1:30:12 Uh, in addition, you know, I could do practical stuff.

1:30:16 Oh, I better write my will.

1:30:18 I better have this conversation with my kids.

1:30:20 I better uh, you know, make sure this is done in the house

1:30:23 and like these letters are written for my students,

1:30:26 you know, so then to go on the next part of their career,

1:30:28 like all that practical stuff.

1:30:30 Right.

1:30:30 Exactly.

1:30:32 And uh but in terms of actually

1:30:34 deeply engaging with myself not being there anymore,

1:30:39 with my own demise, I felt like, you know, I was skittering across the ice.

1:30:45 You know, I couldn't really dig in and grab it.

1:30:49 I couldn't really think about what it's like for me not to be there anymore.

1:30:56 And I thought, well, is this a personal failing?

1:30:58 Do I just suck?

1:31:00 And I I thought well maybe but [laughter] I mean I do but we all do

1:31:06 but uh you know what I'm thinking fundamentally is that this is

1:31:10 not something that we as humans are designed to do.

1:31:13 Our brains are hardwired to predict their near future

1:31:17 which presumes that there will be a near future.

1:31:21 Right?

1:31:22 And so if you extrapolate this a little bit

1:31:29 and what does extrapolate mean just so people know except

1:31:31 I'm sorry if you kind of move on to the next step okay

1:31:34 right of what this means for faith right if you go around

1:31:38 the world nearly every not absolutely every

1:31:41 but nearly every religion in the world

1:31:44 has an afterlife or reincarnation story very few religions Judaism is is one

1:31:52 you're dead and there isn't actually

1:31:54 a story about what happens after you're dead, but almost every other one does.

1:31:59 Uh the big voice you go to heaven, you meld with the divine,

1:32:03 you're reincarnated, but there's something that happens.

1:32:06 These stories are exceedingly popular all over the world in all cultures.

1:32:10 Well, I think that the reason they are is because of this brain bug we have.

1:32:16 We can't imagine ourselves dead because

1:32:20 our brains are hardwired to predict the future.

1:32:23 And that's why we have these afterlife

1:32:25 and reincarnation stories in faiths all over the world.

1:32:29 And so I have total sympathy for these, not

1:32:31 just because I'm diagnosed with terminal cancer

1:32:35 because I see them as something deep and fundamental to what it is to be human

1:32:42 and something that binds us all.

1:32:44 Have you ever met someone and you were like I could play that person?

1:32:47 Like is that because that would be like kind of like I

1:32:50 feel like if I were an actor that would be like my power

1:32:52 like you would corner somebody in a in a room of a party

1:32:56 and you be like I could play you in a heartbeat.

1:32:59 Huh?

1:32:59 You know does that happen with the good actors?

1:33:01 I [laughter] I don't know.

1:33:02 You have to ask good actors.

1:33:04 I think I remember when I was young I remember doing this movie and the one

1:33:08 of the other actor was talking to the director

1:33:10 and he was like wouldn't it be cool if

1:33:12 you know Walking did you know this kind of movie you know kind of like so and so

1:33:18 and he mentioned this other actor that was

1:33:19 like my peer was like like the actor right

1:33:23 and the director was like yeah but I mean Keen is no so and so like

1:33:28 and and he was like and and the other actor was like

1:33:31 dude that's so up to say the director was like No, no, no.

1:33:34 I just I mean that in the best way.

1:33:35 Like you're a character actor.

1:33:37 Um character Fred Arway always Yeah.

1:33:41 character actor Yeah.

1:33:41 Like it's is like kind of code for like you can't

1:33:44 really like you're never going to really get there, but you'll work.

1:33:49 And um and that pissed me off.

1:33:54 But but here's the thing.

1:33:55 But it pissed me off cuz I was like, "No,

1:33:58 I I have more like that's not um there's more

1:34:04 that will come out that will come out of me." And I

1:34:06 just um but I think I ultimately appreciate it because

1:34:10 it it made me go like, well, how do I find that way?

1:34:16 Like how do I find more?

1:34:17 Yeah.

1:34:17 There was just something like there was something special about that time where

1:34:21 it was like uh I don't know the moment meant so much more you

1:34:27 know there was something there used to be something about the past

1:34:29 that the moment you couldn't copy you couldn't record it like I think that's why

1:34:33 those times [clears throat] you talk about some of this in your book man

1:34:35 and uh it's like about time and like god like the moments of when

1:34:38 I was a kid or sitting there laughing with my friends like the moment

1:34:42 was so much more real because you were never going to get it again

1:34:45 right and you didn't you couldn't necess necessarily record

1:34:48 it and you sure as hell they couldn't share it.

1:34:50 There's a study on this, man.

1:34:51 I don't know.

1:34:51 I'm going to say it's like 20 years ago or 25.

1:34:55 The moment was the biggest dopamine rush, the jump,

1:34:59 the cresting of the mountain, the pulling off whatever you tried to pull off.

1:35:03 Yeah.

1:35:03 Scientifically measured, the biggest dopamine hit.

1:35:07 Cameras and, you know, mobile devices and stuff come out.

1:35:11 It slowly turned to the recording of the moment.

1:35:16 the snapshot.

1:35:19 Okay, not the cresting of the hill, but we just recorded it now.

1:35:24 Ownership of the moment.

1:35:25 Ownership of the moment, right?

1:35:27 And then what has happened now and has been around for 25 years.

1:35:30 The biggest scientific dopamine hit that we get

1:35:33 as humans is not the doing of the deed, is not the recording of the deed.

1:35:39 It is when we press share.

1:35:45 Really?

1:35:45 Now, that's a little bit like living in third person.

1:35:48 Like, we're all running around going,

1:35:50 "My rush is not when I run for a touchdown.

1:35:53 My rush is when I see myself on the jumbotron running

1:35:57 for the touchdown." And that's a that's a slippery slope, man.

1:36:02 You know what I mean?

1:36:03 Well, it's slippery,

1:36:03 but it also seems hard to even conceptualize who I am then, you know?

1:36:09 Yeah.

1:36:08 Am I myself?

1:36:09 Am I just a viewer of myself now?

1:36:12 That's it.

1:36:12 We're much more much more voyers now, right?

1:36:15 And our identity comes from being objective,

1:36:17 trying to look at ourself from outside and now comes from well,

1:36:21 what did you think of what I did and how Yeah.

1:36:25 And that's the worst.

1:36:26 What do you think of what I did?

1:36:27 Because that will be who that will be my definition of who I am.

1:36:30 Who I am.

1:36:32 Yeah.

1:36:31 Yeah.

1:36:31 That we got to watch that.

1:36:33 Riley Mau.

1:36:36 Yes, sir.

1:36:38 What is something that you are kind of grateful for this year?

1:36:41 little thing in the world that like is there a moment

1:36:44 or something in the world that makes you feel some gratitude?

1:36:47 Yeah.

1:36:47 Yeah.

1:36:48 I've got a uh got a little baby coming along the way.

1:36:58 God dang.

1:37:01 You have a hu you have a baby coming.

1:37:04 I do.

1:37:04 Oh my gosh, bro.

1:37:10 Unreal, dude.

1:37:11 Congratulations, man.

1:37:13 Thank you.

1:37:14 Oh my gosh, bro.

1:37:16 Dude, I remember when you hadn't even um come out of your own nuts or whatever.

1:37:21 Remember that?

1:37:24 Yeah.

1:37:27 Wow.

1:37:26 And now you're like, I'll show them.

1:37:29 Wow, dude.

1:37:31 I'm going to make this ski grow up.

1:37:35 That's a That's crazy, dude.

1:37:37 Um, and is it a male or female?

1:37:40 Do you know?

1:37:40 Have y'all looked at it?

1:37:42 It's a male.

1:37:46 Amen.

1:37:46 Brother God has got you, man.

1:37:52 I want We can even pray about it right now.

1:37:54 You care if we pray about it for a second?

1:37:55 Yeah, let's do it.

1:37:56 Let's do it, man.

1:38:00 God, we just want to thank you today.

1:38:02 Um, you know, in times where we're uncertain about things

1:38:05 and where we it feels like it's tough to get a foothold,

1:38:10 that sometimes our sense of purpose waines uh based on our society that uh

1:38:15 that you can remind us that there are important things in the world.

1:38:21 Um, God, we want to thank you so much

1:38:24 for giving Riley um a chance to be a father.

1:38:30 You know, when I met Riley,

1:38:31 he was barely he hadn't even had any uh se I'm going to say it fast,

1:38:39 so it's not cuz we're we are in a prayer.

1:38:41 He hadn't even had any semen come out of his body.

1:38:45 And here he is just serving blast sauce

1:38:49 and just having it grow up into something beautiful.

1:38:52 And we want to lift this child up to you, God, before it's even here.

1:38:55 Uh, and what's the name of the child, Riley?

1:38:59 Uh, we've haven't announced it yet.

1:39:03 Okay.

1:39:03 God, we want to lift up this unannounced child to you

1:39:05 that at this point is still just a batch of seaman and egg.

1:39:10 um that uh that you may that you are helping uh cultivate and moisturize.

1:39:19 Um and so we just want to lift that up to you God and say

1:39:22 thank you for reminding us what is purposeful

1:39:24 and that we can find purpose in family.

1:39:26 Rod uh amen ladies and gentlemen Steven Wilson Jr.

1:39:32 Thank you sir.

1:39:35 [music] 1 2 3 4 Gary these days [music and singing]

1:39:45 been lying in his bed man working on the same car

1:39:51 going on a decade [music] scribbles on drum mail don't draw

1:39:58 attention [music] I never really noticed but now that I mention [music]

1:40:08 Ain't a lot of boys named Gary [singing] these days.

1:40:11 Born with a cigarette glued to their face.

1:40:14 Fixing about [music] anything a hammer can't handle.

1:40:17 Saving on money cuz a Gary don't gamble.

1:40:19 Ain't a lot of girls going by Debbie anymore.

1:40:22 But they got the same nicotine [music] pouring out the pores.

1:40:26 Time leaves town but the minute hand stays.

1:40:31 There ain't a lot of boys named Gary [music] these days.

1:40:40 [music] A Gary these days been worried about the bad news.

1:40:45 [music] There ain't a lot of teenagers filling up [music] the church pews.

1:40:52 No burning bush likes don't talk to his brother.

1:41:00 [music] The people even still say grace before slippery.

1:41:03 There ain't a lot of boys [music] named Gary these days.

1:41:06 Born with a cigarette glued to their face.

1:41:09 Fixing about anything a hammer can't handle.

1:41:12 Saving all the money cuz a Gary don't gamble.

1:41:15 [music] Ain't a lot of girls going by Deb anymore.

1:41:18 But they got the same nicotine pouring out the course.

1:41:21 [music] Time leaves town but the minute hand stays.

1:41:26 [music] on boys named Gary these days

1:41:33 [music] [music] a damn thing for [music] me.

1:41:53 [music] The amazing God that lives in little black peace on the stor.

1:42:05 [music] [music] I had a weird suspicion with the light out on the front porch.

1:42:22 [music] Hard medication poured down where the [singing] drain pours.

1:42:28 He holds his left arm while his parakeet prays.

1:42:37 Has anybody seen much of Gary these days?

1:42:40 [music] Has anybody seen much of [music] Gary these days?

1:42:54 [music] There ain't a lot of ain't a lot of boys.

1:43:03 Hey, [music] hey, [music] hey.

1:43:12 [singing] [music] Heat.

1:43:18 Heat.

1:43:24 [music] [music] [music] [music]